#everyone be getting hurt on this specific day
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One hyper-specific version of Hinny, my beloved:
Sorry for this... odd outline for a ship concept? Just sorta spilled out, but I wanted to write it somewhere before it left my brain:
Harry loved Ginny because she seemed so normal. Ginny loved Harry because he seemed anything but.
Both of those were true and were beautiful. They kept each other afloat during the war, even when apart. Something to dream of. But they are still childish dreams. They're not built to last.
They get together after the war, mourn together, lean on each other - and it is wonderful. It is over, finally over... ...Harry doesn't know what to do. Being idle feels... odd. Ginny suggests, since he is so amazing at it, being an Auror. It will keep him busy - he can help people while he calms down.
Good idea, Ginny. That feels... right. Yes. That sounds normal... He wanted to do that before everything ended... it makes sense. Ginny goes back to Hogwarts for her final year, overachieving. Harry... focuses on putting one foot in-front of the other. Breathing.
Being an Auror DID feel right. Constantly preparing for the next crisis, taking orders, staying in motion, ignoring how everyone watches him... stepping into a dance he already knows.
When he came home to Ginny she was still so Normal. Enthusiastic about his day. Always matching his mood with whatever balanced it... as always. Just like always. It was Happy... right? ...No... wait... didn't he want things to be different? Didn't he want things to feel 'Normal'? Was this normal...? Was he even capable of-
No time to think: He's going to be a dad!!! :D :D :D Ginny's upset... but that's just pregnancy, everyone tells him. She seems distant. But he isn't sure how. Did she ever feel close...? Or did she just GET close to him before - where now they don't?
She says she is upset he works so much. He's in hospital too much. He comes home too late and gets up too early... She thought, when she was pregnant, he would be home more.
He tries, he really does - but being idle at home... he feels broken. A job he is good at, a wife he loves, a child on the way... But it's a job that feels the same as fighting. A wife he barely knows. A child he is terrified of failing.
Oh shit. Is this how Remus felt...? Years of being trained to survive till adulthood yet not a single lesson on how to be an adult. He just had to keep going. Like he told Remus to. Like his own father did. Be there for his Wife, be there for his Son... ...even though that trapped both of them. Killed both of them.
Ginny thinks Harry was capable of pretty much anything, that if she just kept propping him up a little he would come good. But the weight of his trauma just gets heavier ontop of her the longer it doesn't actually get understanding and support. And she isn't capable of giving it. She doesn't understand him.
Harry breaks - and he feels pathetic. He feels trapped. He feels broken. He wanted a normal life and now he has it but it hurts. His job as an Auror hurts, but not doing it hurts more. He's never been a civilian before - he's been fighting something since infancy.
He has some serious PTSD and cPTSD shit going on. Symptoms he is only noticing now that his life is quiet. As is common for PTSD. Why does he want to run back to the dark times all the time? To the pain that's familiar, that he at least knows how to deal with...
So Harry goes and fucks Draco, probably B^)
Put this in a chat originally, but I'm still thinking about it so it's going here too. I really think Ginny got done so dirty by how Hinny ended up turning out in the books. She really truly does deserve better imho. It's so tragic because Ginny gets kind of overlooked a lot and diary!Tom seems to be the only person to really listen to her...ever. And he doesn't even actually care about her. And once he's gone she never gets that again. He gloats in the end of book 2 that she once told him "no one's ever understood my like you, Tom" and that's still true.
Harry never tells her anything nor does he seem to bother to learn anything about her. Never mind the Horcrux stuff that he only shares with Ron & Hermione and never even considers telling her about. He doesn't even tell her about the prophecy after book 5. And in book 7 he goes into her room briefly and mentions that he's never been there before. All that time he lived with her and he never looked in.
And he shows no sign of recognition when he sees what posters she has up there. He doesn't think "oh of course she'd have that" because he never even found out basic things like what teams or music groups she likes. The one person who ever bothered to care to actually find out these sorts of things and show interest in her was Tom...who turned out to be using her. It's really sad.
I do actually like hinny happening in the books and find it realistic given both their characterizations - given the way Ginny idolizes Harry and probably feels pressured to change to become his "perfect girl" and to not "bother" him with her problems and the way Harry thinks he might be dead soon and Ginny symbolizes to him all the normalcy he thinks he might never get to have, more an idea that a person, and also seems to be physically attractive to him. I just don't like it as an endgame relationship. I think it's realistic they would get together under the circumstances they did. And i think they would break up after the war when Harry realizes he's not comfortable talking to Ginny and Ginny realizes Harry doesn't respect her and they both realize they don't really know or understand one another.
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"I'm me again"
Yes well this is me getting a little sappy - again - about the spirits/demon thing as a metaphor for the human experience, must be Friday.
(Yes, this is about Solas.)
Last night my Ingellvar was tending to the graves with Emmrich and she said “demons” and immediately corrected herself, because of course she meant spirits but people outside Nevarra so easily call them demons and Emmrich, one of the kindest and most insightful people in the entire DA verse, would of course never do that. Because he sees them all as spirits. Some of them may be twisted, embittered, furious and cruel but to him they are still, at heart, the same being as their more positive virtues. You are always you, as Solas tells Cole.
Which is also what Solas argues for all of DAI.
Which is also what Solas personal quest actively shows us in DAI.
His friend, broken and twisted by the mages' bindings, dies a spirit of Wisdom, thanking him and telling him not to be sad. “I’m me again.”
Which is also a very strong theme in Solas entire arc.
But it’s really not just Solas, or the elves. The eternal struggle of spirits is a reflection of the human soul and what it means to be human. What parts of you does the world let you cultivate, what parts are hidden and twisted in the dark, what virtues would you be remembered for if you died tomorrow? What sort of person have you become? What person could you be? DA is crammed with these themes.
Since the spirit reveal/confirmation, I’ve seen a lot of very detailed and very cool discussions about the specifics of spirit virtues and demon characteristics and that’s some good shit right there, but you can also be lazy like me and very much just read it as various aspects of human nature interacting with each other. We’re all so many things over our lifetime, to different people, in different contexts. We all carry such endless capacity for goodness and gentleness and we’re all so very capable of hurting each other.
In the codex entries we see Solas try over and over and over again to appeal to the better nature of the Evanuris. He is described as brilliant and wise, he is pulled out of the Fade specifically for his wisdom and he tries to get them to reflect that, to listen to his concerns, to use their powers differently. Why don’t you make creatures that can protect the People, he asks Ghilan’nain. Why do you need to push your power further, he asks Elgar’nan, the people are already submitting to your rule, why must you shackle them? War may have twisted him up already but there’s nothing he says that isn’t extremely valid and wise about the Evanuris’ approach to ruling.
But as we learn from the Spirit of Command in Crestwood in DAI, wisdom is considered a soft virtue in a world of war and hierarchy and his reasoning falls flat or gets interpreted as fear or insubordination. Unheard and undervalued, his wisdom grows sour and prideful. He isn’t wrong, he knows he isn't, and he will show them. You are not gods, I will make you see that you are not gods. I will humble you until you understand that I am right.
This is a profoundly human experience.
The ancient elven empire ultimately falls to its own greed and hierarchies and lack of boundaries - all of which Solas pointed out, all of which he and his rebels opposed. But the Evanuris didn’t listen, they were caught in a power scheme where only individual power matters and everyone else becomes pawns. How ironic then that their empire falls to its own foolish pride and boundless cruelty against the Titans, the first children of the earth. They hurt themselves by hurting them. They wound the fabric that binds them all together.
Solas as a character is an open, ongoing conflict between "spirit" and "demon" aspects, between light and dark, between identifying as a solitary creature or part of the whole. It’s never more visible than during the final act of DAV where he is at once Solas, standing with the Shadow Dragons against the blight. And also Fen’Harel, scheming to get there in the first place, treating people in his way like dehumanized pawns to reach his final destination, a goal that can be argued to be entirely tainted with pride at this point, a way to soothe his conscience and need to be right more than it’s a way to save the world. And he’s the Dread Wolf, physically embodying the struggle against the corrupt powers since he, unlike the Evanuris, doesn’t believe in binding creatures to fight his battles. It’s significant that while he fights alone, he cannot do it without help from Rook. Elgar’nan directs all of the blight at the Dread Wolf and it takes a sacrifice from the team to free him from its grasp. It’s a battle orchestrated by a god.
And Solas, powerful as he may be, is not a god.
That is why it’s so lovely to me that the ending isn’t just a matter between Solas and his conscience or between Solas and Rook or Solas and Lavellan. Because we are not single entities. We are not islands. That’s why we need each other, because we respond to each other, we affect each other, we abuse and love each other and we cannot really understand in which ways until we connect. We use each other to remind us of who we are, or who we could be. Every Benevolence needs a Wisdom, every Command needs a Compassion, every one of us needs someone else in some way, shape or form. We are not meant to be solitary. We all share Solas' deepest fear of dying alone. We all share Solas’ ongoing conflict with the better and worse parts of our nature. We all reflect each other. The ending brings in the past, the present and the person that knows Solas not as a god but as a person.
We are shattered fragments of a greater whole and it was, as Morrigan points out, Solas’s love for and loyalty to his people that set him on this course long ago. And he broke the world. He broke his people. He couldn’t save them, all the horrible things that he has done and he still couldn’t save them. Ultimately and emotionally to him, this isn’t about wisdom or pride or good or evil or any such dichotomy, this is about grief and regret and broken humanity.
That is why it’s so powerful to me that a romanced or friendly Lavellan is so kind to him in DAV. They approach him carefully, they kneel down beside him to make a connection, they are understanding and compassionate and it may not be what he deserves on some grand justice scale of things, but it is without question what he needs. Pride and regret and grief need compassion, hope and benevolence much more than it needs to be proven wrong or challenged, kindness breaks the cycle.
They reach out to him not the way one would reach out to a god, but to a person. Because that’s what Solas needs to be reminded of - his humanity. That’s what their love and friendship has always reminded him of, that's what the Inquisition taught him - that the world is worth caring about because broken as it may be, it is also full of people.
And people matter. They might not matter to the Dread Wolf, but they have always mattered to Solas.
That's what the good ending represents.
"I'm me again."
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A/N: I've read a lot of other fics, but I wanted to write my own; Keep in mind this is my first time posting/writing a fic to be posted publicly (lmk if there's anything I can do to improve)
Summary:
You've been with Chris for a year or two now, but you never knew exactly what he did and how he made his money, curious you decide to follow him after he leaves your apartment...
Content warnings (MDNI): Fluff, use of pet names, use of y/n, drugs, etc.
dealer!Chris x f!Reader
You and Chris have been together for about a year and a half, he's always been so secretive about what he does when he leaves after you guys have been together for a few hours (or days), you knew he had 2 triplet brother's that he lived with and everything they did on the regular.
Chris never told anyone publicly about your relationship afraid of how the internet and how they would react, he didn't want you getting death threats or anything crazy so you both mutually decided not to be public about your relationship on the internet.
You knew about Chris's job as a YouTuber but what could he possibly be doing at 12am for hours before he talks to you again? One night you decide to follow him when he leaves your apartment, trying to be very sneaky about your every move. Eventually all of his driving around lead you to a warehouse. You knew about the warehouse him and his brother's had but this was not it. You carefully stepped out of your car making sure you didn't alert anyone in the area around you. You watched quietly as Chris walked up into the warehouse and quickly followed behind him, making sure no one saw you.
As you tip toed past the other people in the warehouse the overpowering stench of weed hit your nostrils.
“Jesus Christ...”
You say softly under your breath; You've never been around this much in your life, what in the world was this place? Suddenly you see Chris emerge from behind some door.
“What the fuck do you mean we don't have enough to fulfill this order? I specifically told you-”
You hear him raising his voice to another guy in the warehouse, you've never seen Chris yell at anyone besides his brother's. You felt a bit turned on by him, the way he put other people in there place. You've never seen this side of Chris before...
Suddenly a hand reaches from behind you and grabs your shoulder, making it so you can't move.
“Yo Chris! Who's this chick? Do you know her?”
You've never heard this voice before, you had no idea who this was. Chris immediately looks over and sees you standing there, all you can do is stare at him. You're frozen, it's like someone paused you, you had no idea what to do.
“Y/n? What the- How the fuck... How did you get here?”
Chris says to you in a calm but stern voice, nobody knew of this place but him and the people who worked for him.
“I-I.. I-”
Your words were frozen, you couldn't mutter a word.
“Let her go. I'll take it from here...”
You hear him command the man behind you and he grabs your hand and leads you out of the warehouse.
“How did you get here? Are you hurt?”
He asks you lovingly. You just shake your head, you've never seen this side of Chris. Where did all of this come from? How did he keep this a secret from everyone for so long?
“You could've gotten seriously hurt... Why the fuck did you even think to follow me?”
He sounded stern and aggravated, he still sounded caring though, it was like he was mad but relieved you were okay.
“I-.. I really just wanted to know where you keep going when we part... I didn't ever think it would be... This?!”
You tried your best to keep your composure, you didn't want Chris getting upset at you, or anyone for that matter.
“Look, I'm sorry I never told you ma... It's just no one could or can ever know about this, not even Nick or Matt know.”
He paused and looked at you, trying to find understanding in your eyes.
“I can see why you don't want anyone to know... I'm sorry...”
He looked at you softly and leaned in to kiss you. He kissed you softly and bit your lip lightly as he pulled away.
“Do you want a ride home ma?”
You thought about it for a while and finally accepted, you didn't know what would happen if you went home with him right now but you knew he wouldn't do anything you wouldn't want him to.
He drives you to your appartment and let's you out of the car. He walks you up to your door and stops you before you go inside.
“I didn't know if you'd exactly want me to come in with you but uh... If it's okay with you... I'd like to.”
Chris doesn't normally ask to stay, he usually just stays without question. This worried you a bit.
“Of course you can stay... Why wouldn't you be able to?”
A wave of relief washes over him as he steps inside right after you, he leisurely walks over to your couch and crashes down on it, causing it to bounce with him.
“I'll be over there in a second, let me change real quick my clothes reek...”
You finished changing and walked into your living room, Chris was spread out on your couch watching his phone. You walked over and sat next to him, he placed one of his arms around you and pulled you close to him.
“So...”
He said slowly, trying to start conversation, you could tell he was a bit nervous considering everything you've seen tonight.
“So?”
He looked at you, his eyebrows were a bit furrowed and his eyes were wide.
“You're not... Mad?”
You just stopped and looked at him lovingly. You pressed a soft kiss to his lips and played with his hair.
“No, Chris. I'm not mad.”
He looked at you relieved and kissed you softly. You kissed him back, you started thinking of earlier when he told off one of the other people at the warehouse and your thighs lightly squeezed together. You pressed your lips onto his more passionately and cradled his face in your left hand.
“Y/n?”
He broke the kiss and looked at you but you ignored it and kept kissing him. After a few minutes of making out with him, you guided him to your breast's, your nipples were already hard from thinking about that time in the warehouse and kissing him. You felt him squeeze your breast's and pinch your nipples from above your tank top. Eventually you get on top of him and straddle his lap, slowly rubbing yourself against his length, it didn't take long for him to get hard. You kissed him and dry humped him for a few minutes until you heard his phone ring.
“Fuck!”
He whispered, he looked at you to make sure it was okay if he answered it, you nodded, he composed himself and answered his phone.
“Yeah, I'll be back in a minute.”
He said to someone over the phone and hung up.
“I'm so sorry baby but I have to get back to the warehouse.”
“It's okay Chris, don't worry about it.”
You watched him leave, knowing it wouldn't be the end of this interaction...
#sturniolo fandom#sturniolo fluff#sturniolo fanfic#sturniolo smut#christopher sturniolo#chris sturniolo#sturniolo x reader#smut#dealer#nick sturniolo#sturniolo imagine#nicolas sturniolo#matt sturniolo#sturniolo edit#fanfic#x reader
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Dandy's World Roleplay servers are so wild and unhinged that it makes me come up with AUs. And yes, it's shinyshrimp. I'm so cringe <333
So, while in the roleplay server, I got into an argument with a Shrimpo as Glisten about not being able to see proper reflections though Glisten's face. Then a Goob showed up (my sibling) and asked if Shrimpo was a vampire. Then they asked if Glisten (me) was a vampire. Then we asked the Goob if he was a vampire, and he turned emo. And then I shared this experience with my friends, and they egged me on to make an AU about it lol.
Glisten: So. Is this the part where we make out, orrr-?? Shrimpo: WHAT??!
Dandy: No cuz it's genius! If they hate each other, that's two less annoying people to deal with! (He underestimated the power of enemies to lovers)
The general plot is Glisten is a monster hunter and Shrimpo is a human turned vampire-werewolf (he has no memory of how that happened btw). Glisten is specifically hired by Dandicus to hunt down and kill Shrimpo. Glisten manages to hunt Shrimpo down, but since Shimpo hasn't been non-human for that long, he puts up a kinda pathetic fight. Glisten puts Shimpo's arrogant ass in place and refuses to kill him so they can fight honorably. Shrimpo takes this personally lol and strives to get better at fighting so he can show up Glisten.
Badabing badaboom, enemies to lovers setup.
Dandy did not see that coming and it pisses him off lol.
Shrimpo: I HATE YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO- Astro (to himself): WTF is up with this guy?
This was a doodle recommended by an awesome artist in a server I'm in (dunno if they wanna be tagged lol). Astro being a moon moth thing causes Shrimpo to howl at him lol. Also part of the reason Dandy dislikes Shrimpo lol. Also also, Astro is a witch.
Also also also, here's the emo Goob my sibling became when discussing vampires. He unemos when he becomes a weredog lol.
Below is a buncha doodles all about Glisten (and his failing mental health).
TW FOR UNINTENTIONAL S.H. PROCCED WITH CAUTION:
You guys know Wiggle from Bugsnax? You guys know Millie from Helluva Boss? Yeah. They were the main inspos for this design hc lol (the buck teeth part not the insecurity part).
I have this goofy hc that Glisten's og design never intended to give him buck teeth. When being made, the ichor messed up and gave it to him. Learning about this is his first instance of feeling insecure about himself, and he develops the mannerism of covering his mouth when laughing (bc it makes his teeth really obvious lol)
And since Glisten now has buck teeth, that means Shimmer also gets buck teeth! However, her reaction to them was completely different to how her dad reacted to his.
I have this hc that Glisten can't handle backlash that well. With the machine messing up with his face (his teeth), and his general vibe being disliked by many people of the time of Gardenview (prob bc the 90s and very queer-coded kids' character didn't exactly mix well), he feels this crippling pressure to be the "perfect" version of himself.
If he deems you lower than him, your words don't matter. He doesn't care what you think about him
However, if he views you as an equal or higher, any kind of negative opinion said to him will be taken personally, and will either be repressed into self-hatred, or actively worked upon in order to be "better" (which ends up hurting him more depending on the situation.) His need for perfecting also makes him a workaholic when in a spiral, leading him to self-isolate and just kinda hide away from everyone for a couple days, and sometimes injure himself trying to get better on his own (he has a tendency to scratch his arms and face too, only fueling his need for isolation).
He refuses to open the door and get food outside, so ppl will slide him snacks and things under the door. People still care about him, but he'll never them see him cry.
Glisten has such horrid insecurity that he will never let anyone see. However, not everything is bleak for the guy.
Shimmer: Hey Dad! Guess what!? My teeth grew in! Now I look like you! Isn't that cool?!
She was not born with them unlike Glisten. Instead, they grew in near her "10th" birthday. She was very happy to have them. I like to think that seeing Shimmer be so happy to have a very sensitive trait of Glisten and loving every second of it helps him heal a bit of his insecurity.
After all, how can he hate a part of himself that his kid adores?
Kids don't fix everything, but they can aid in healing lol
Have a good one dudes^^
#the monsters and hunters au is still a heavy wip lol#i am open to ideas and questions about it#also i love putting my favs though horrible stuff it's so freeing in a therapeutic way#overworking glisten i love how relatable you are#also i think when glisten is stressed he gets work paralysis which only stresses him out more#i hope i ended this on a light enough note#tooooooooooootally not projecting#not at all#dark topics#tw self destructive behavior#tw unintentional selfh4rm#tw scratching#tw self isolation#dandy's world#dandys world#dandy's world fanart#dandy's world oc#roblox dandys world#dandy's world glisten#dandy's world shrimpo#dandy's world dandy#dandy's world astro#dandy's world goob#dandy's world ships#glisten x shrimpo#shrimpo x glisten#glisten the mirror#shrimpo the shrimp#dandicus dancifer#astro the moon
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Fandom Friday, 11/29: Fanfiction
Hello again, everyone…and welcome to another installment of Fandom Friday, the two-post series where I go off to find new and interesting fanworks that might need a bit more visibility.
Before we get started, however, I would like to say something kind of important here--I almost considered asking how everyone's Thanksgiving was, but just in time, I remembered that this was mostly a North American invention, so! Instead, I would like to ask you all if your fall/autumn-specific holiday was a good one this year; and if you're comfortable with saying so, which one(s) do you celebrate around this season? Feel free to leave a blurb or two in the comments/reblogs if you're willing, because I'd love to hear from you.
And now, before I go off on too much of a tangent...here are my picks of the week.
THE CLONE WARS
The Clone Wars Fanfiction--By @orangez3st:
The Clone Wars Fanfiction--By @ireadwithmyears:
THE BAD BATCH
The Bad Batch Fanfiction--By @jswahaarts:
The Bad Batch Fanfiction--By @artist-kreating-stuff:
ROGUE ONE
Rogue One Fanfiction--By @nooowestayandgetcaught:
THE MANDALORIAN
The Mandalorian Fanfiction--By @javier-pena:
The Mandalorian Fanfiction--By @kayedium-writes:
In conclusion, as part of my mission to poke around the Star Wars fandom and, on Friday every two weeks, highlight those writers who might otherwise go unnoticed…I hope you will check out the links I have included for yourselves and like, comment on, and reblog them, as well as also giving the writers a few more followers to their Tumblr pages.
Please also like and reblog this latest installment so that these links can be spread around to as many other fans as possible, just in case not all of them can tune in at the same time.
An additional thank you goes to @djarrex for making the divider I used earlier in this post, but still want to give credit for.
And finally, so that I do not forget…thank you to my friends, thank you to this fandom, and above all else, please stay safe out there.
No Pressure Tags: @melymigo @algo-o-nada @the-osborn-way @everybirdfellsilent @skellymom
@leos-multifandom-corner @maggie-dylan @leenathegreengirl @gun-roswell @tazmbc1
@bluedeedeedoop @its-time-to-rise-above @tlmtwelve @snoowply and anybody else who might be on the lookout for new SW fanfiction.
#star wars#starwarsblr#star wars fanfiction#fandom friday#the clone wars#the bad batch#rogue one#the mandalorian#the clone wars fanfiction#the bad batch fanfiction#rogue one fanfiction#the mandalorian fanfiction#captain rex#commander fox#tbb gungi#tbb hunter#cassian andor#jyn erso#bodhi rook#k 2so#din djarin#luke skywalker#be excellent to each other#party on dudes
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DEJA VU ⏖ ꒪ 이희승
CHAPTER NINETEEN — ominous ass
warnings death threats !! WC ⎯ O.4K
You seem nervous. It had been the first time you were going to see Heeseung after you both briefly broke up over the phone. It wasn’t long enough to let the sting settle but still made you feel like you were seconds away from throwing up.
“Yn?” Heeseung called out to you, seeing you at the car park of HYBE where he specifically asked you to meet him at.
“Hi.” You let out a breath.
“I just.. need to talk to you.” He said, looking at all the different cars, and not sparing one look at your face.
“It was about time.” You said, crossing your arms.
“Yn listen, I’ve been thinking about us alot and alot of other things leading to our…break up and I realized how much I neglected you alot.” Heeseung looked undoubtedly worried, “ At the time, with the comeback and everything I got so frustrated I didn’t even know how to treat you right. You’re truly a great girl, Yn. And I think you deserve someone who doesn’t chicken out whenever the stress gets to him.”
You look at him for a moment. A part of your wanted to smack him for blaming all of this on his stress with the comeback and not even mentioning Julia. It was ridiculous. But that little wound which stung the moment you saw the face you used to adore so much had opened into a bigger one and the only thing running in your mind was to run to him and kiss him silly.
But you couldn’t.
He wasn’t yours anymore.
So then you asked him what was eating you for days.
“Did you really meet Julia that day?”
Heeseung finally met your hurt eyes, filled with tears. “Yes.”
“And..did you kiss her?”
Now he realized how much it hurt when he asked you that. The own girl that he called his, asking him the question he avoided from practically everyone else. And that look on his face alone gave you all the answers you needed.
You couldn’t say anything else. You just looked at him with a bittersweet smile and left the car park leaving his confused feelings stranded. But he knew one thing; he was sure he just lost his most adored girl forever.
ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 chapter eighteen ・ chapter twenty | m.list ★ !
YE0KII'S N0TE ?! I love this part
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and to think hinata crashed into kageyama's side twice in the same day
#hinata why are you trying to kill your teammates#technically three if you count him and nishinoya running into the whole team#it's really funny cause the first time he was like lol this pisshead? i didn't even feel it#and the second time karasuno's cheering over hinata's block and kageyama's just like owowowowow ow#everyone be getting hurt on this specific day#kageyama tobio#hinata shouyou#haikyuu#haikyuu!!#hq#hq!!
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started reading the lymond chronicles and I truly have no idea what’s going on but I do like the funny words this guy is speaking to me
#me#the lymond chronicles#game of kings#this is very sincerely not a bit: I have no idea what’s happening plot-wise#all I have are names and the vibes#Jonathan crouch. is important. for some reason#and also Francis came to attack richard w his mercenaries but then richards buddy/ally Tom pulled up to help him#and somehow the outcome of that was Francis? getting bonked on the head and going temporary amnesia#meanwhile Will has disappeared from the story atm but Tom reported on his being with Francis to will’s dad#but he didn’t report on whether or not they like. actually fought a battle? did Will get hurt in the battle? was there a battle?#maybe Francis just got whacked with a brick and everyone else was like ‘whelp’ and called it a day#the actual historical stuff I’m totally on top of bc of my childhood Tudor-era British history obsession#but the characters specific to the books are befuddling me
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compilation of my other fav palette challenges from the years past... i should do them again sometime......
chara #9 belongs to @askbookwormflareon
#granted theres a glaring issue in one of them#i am not pointing it out lest you end up noticing it when you wouldnt normally~#my art#art q#digital painting#oc#mew#pokemon#purrloin#also i put in my request for availability change#apparently they can reject it...#i just cited second job as reason as to why i need mondays off now#my manager is gonna be super pissed tho cuz they always get mad at everyone who changes their availability#but like i mentally cant keep up with the randomised schedule#esp when i could find out the day before my day off that its my only day i can do comms#i dont have enough time to work my schedule for that w chores and having to go buy food or cat food etc etc#it will come into effect start of next month if they accept it#if they dont then ill just keep resubmitting until they write me upfor it lol idk#i was even nice and specifically asked other higher up staff what the best day to ask off was so it didnt hurt them too bad#but i ranted in stream the other day how like im not responsible for if the store gets fucked just cuz i took one day off my schedule yanno#its not my job to keep that from happening#also im part time and if i was full time id still have 2 guaranteed days off so like ??? idk#scared abt getting the cold shoulder and whatnot the next few weeks from the manager tho#also i stayed up till 4am by accident#and got up at 8am anyways#wish my ass luck
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Special Counseling (Patreon)
#Doodles#SCII#Damned#ZEX#DAX#These are especially funny to me because I remember when I first looked through the gallery and was Deeply Distressed at ZEX like this#I didn't know the context yet so the betrayal was uncomfortable! As intended but unexpected haha ♪#I love ZEX! Why would he do such a thing! Now I know <3 <3 And now I'm doing the same thing! Lol#The thought of ZEX never getting his own body again even for just a night even on the Institute's side ah it hurts#At least he'd finally have visual proof that it's Possible he never even saw Tanaka so for all he knows it was just another ''vision''#But of DAX <3 Of him getting his body back but turning on ZEX about it ough ♥ And the fallout!! Agh!!!#The setups the payoffs <3 <3 <3#I wrote a bit more for both scenarios actually - of DAX actually pointing a laser pistol at ZEX and threatening to kill him#Thus why ZEX is questioning him the next day - was that brainwashing or would you really do that??#ZEX of course wouldn't have flinched at the time - and DAX's motivation either way that this is a fate unbefitting of his Admiral#''He lowered his head feelers in a sympathetic way. 'I can hardly stand to watch you waste away in that form. If you would ask it of me...''#Weh ;;#Can you tell it's a bit inspired by We Do What is Necessary hehe <3#Which btw you've read right it's so good everyone needs to read it <3#Remind me to make a separate post about that one actually I had the oddest reread experience :3c Fascinating ✨#Anyhow lol#I actually like how I've written their next-day meetup after DAX returns to his senses more than I've drawn it hm :P#I think it's a specific line that sticks out to me - VUX communication through human bodies my beloved ;;♥#''He ran a hand down DAX's arm - a poor approximation of the gesture he was trying to emulate but he was sure DAX would understand.#They'd exchanged it enough times before.'' Hhhhhh ❤️💕💖💞💗 ;;/♥ I love them <3 <3#Also forehead touches and holding face and hands and jfdsalkfd the tenderness and loyalty aghhahgah <3#I really like the idea of VUX lacing fingers with each other as a kind of twining/head tendrils holding replacement ♥#The most intense one-eyed eye contact hehe <3
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i finally made a folder of my google docs re: twst fics/plannings and looking at the names are so fun bc a lot of them i didnt use the final fic name [if it got published] so sometimes it's just a placeholder [especially if it's just notes/ideas and not a fic] and some dont have a title at all and just auto used the first few words of the doc so i have like
i think only like 5ish of these have their ao3 titles on them / on two separate occasions i named an apple juice fic prompt doc the same thing except for literally just one has an extra ! and they were like 2 months apart......... i even checked bc i thought for some reason the doc duplicated themselves but no, those are just two completely different fics, they just both happened to be Apple Juice Kiss Prompts jvdjfdsljg i didnt do that w/any of the other kiss prompt docs but. whatever i guess!!
it's a fun guessing game on looking at the titles and trying to remember which ones they are. they date back to like 2021 when i moved from word docs to google so i could more easily share them with my friend since i wasnt really publishing anything at first lol.
#like i said a good handful of these are planning/notes docs and not fics but#a few are fics that i didnt finish and will NEVER!!! see the light of day!!!#like it's just business little caycay was i think a jade/cater but one of my older fics#based on a convo the friend and i had but#it wasnt very good and i didnt get far/ it wouldve had to be a longer story and i decided i didnt like that one so i never revisited it#i.... dont THINK i ever published 'the boys are at prom i guess'#i think ive mentioned parts of it once or twice but i thhhhink i didnt post it#that's also one of the older ones from my era of just writing the stories for just myself and my friend lol#i think that one's funny but im p sure i specifically havent shared it bc like i said since it was from back when i wasnt posting them#it's much more indulgent in terms of inside jokes and stuff my friend and i had lol#so it's one i just feel like wouldnt land as well with other people bc it might be confusing#prince eppa stuff isnt on ao3 but i did end up posting those here in a tumblr only post#so are some of the caterella notes i think#and maybe the cater/leona things LOL some of those are fics but i think one or two are just notes#that i found one day and i was like wadda hell why did i keep writing about them together#bc i cant be in denial man i just like writing caycay with everyone it's fun lol#i do like opposites 😑#i think only 2 of these are wips. or like 2 are wips and then i think they both have notes docs?#KATGRR def is spliit like that but the treycay hurt comfort might have its notes in the same doc idr#either way. it is there. i havent forgotten my boys im just hfhwhfehwf#im in a state. going through it as they say.#i also got JUMPSCARED by a solomon/asmodeus obey me fic i started and never touched again bc i got embarrassed or something#sometimes the shame wins. fsdjkfljsdklghlkj#the thing is i didnt even read it i just went AHHH and backed out. so i dont remember WHY i got embarrassed the first time but#i remember the feeling. i dont even thing the content was like particularly wild i just have issues sometimes :p#i think i was just stressed trying to write for characters id never done before#looks anxiously at my kaveh/alhaitham fic notes that im scared to try to start............................#twst i at least eased into by doing it just with my friend at first. but even then ive felt embarrassed lol#and some ive even published i look back like hhnnnnmm maybe that one wasnt so good LOL BUT I WONT TAKE THEM DOWN#theres nothing specifically bad about them just. yknow they cant all be winners lol
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had a bad bout with mother ✌️
#which. hurts.#because she's not a bad person. but she is undeniably someone who has continuously hurt me for the past decade of my life#and doesn't even realize it#and it's only now that i'm starting to realize that a lot of my Quirks™ as a person that i just surrendered myself to are just#responses to my environment and the people around me and how i feel about it.#so it's just now that i'm starting to feel like i can confront them a little bit because#hey maybe i wouldn't be as much of a shut-in if i didn't feel attacked every time i talk to any of you#which perpetuates the issues BY THE WAY#what do you think are the psychological long-term results of having like a 60% negative comment rate on a person every time you talk to the#no wonder i don't feel comfortable talking to you anymore so i don't do it!! we're down to like 0-2 times a day and some days it's all bad!#and why i feel like i can only have a life when everyone leaves me alone !!#i have to slot in food cleaning showering working etc all within the confines of the very specific hours i am left home alone#which gets really difficult when i try to spend as much of my day alone which means i am up enjoying the quietness of the night#which messes up everything else!!#because i just Don't Feel Comfortable whenever I'm not!! and it's genuinely paralyzing!!!!!#and I WISH IT WASN'T. but that's not up to me. and i am just starting to realize that.#because as long as i am afraid of opening my door in fear of getting punched in the face with rejection.#i am not going to be able to move on.#and probably the starting line would be to Not Be In That Situation.#which means i have to put my foot down and try to stop some of this.#but. it's hard. and i am afraid no one will listen to me.#as that is the role that i seem to play nowadays.
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if daisuke ever says that he doesn't want dark he's lying and hurting himself. btw.
#*・゚⊰ 𝐎𝐔𝐓 𝐎𝐅 𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐃𝐒. ⊱ ✦ › OUT.#there are times where he wonders how his life would be without dark if he had more freedom#or if he were born and raised with some other talent or in some other way#and sometimes the stress and loneliness Does get to him#but these are the boyking symptoms(tm)#it's him having lowkey a tantrum#he can't escape being a phantom thief he can't escape dark which is WHY him lying and hurting himself is bad for daisuke specifically too#what he can't separate from himself he has to accept n any disconnect any self-rejection hurts him x2 not just as daisuke but as dark too!#he cries it always visibly hurts him but he'll still say it that he wishes he was actually really 'normal'#that he wants friends that he doesn't want to keep having to lie to anyone and everyone or running away bc of the curse#the other solution to this too is to solve the external and not internal disconnect; aka if everyone around him#already knows and accepts dark too then daisuke's calm and content#but the point is if dai ever says he wishes he wasn't dark or tht he was just normal(tm) or tht he didn't know/have dark he Is Lying#he's more possessive than he even knows and dark is his actually.#he wants to be dark he wants to find confidence he just doesn't have any and that leads to him giving up running away and hurting himself#and dark too occasionally!!!!
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The worst thing about suffering is that it still hurts when the danger is over but no one cares about it anymore because it shouldn't hurt. No one will ever say "I'm sorry that happened to you" especially when they barely say "I'm sorry that's happening."
#Okay to tb btw all the personal stuff is in the tags#Like. Not eating for a week because you couldn't get groceries hurts#and people will say 'oof sorry that's happening' but then#after you're able to get food no one will ever say 'I'm sorry that happened' even though you think about it and hurt from it constantly.#No one will ever say ':( that must have been so hard' because you're fine now right???? No psychological damage there?????#This example is stupid but I do think about it every time I feel hungry. I told people I wasn't able to get groceries#and there was no food in my house. And they said. Oof.#Instead of idk Oh God Are You Okay ??#No one cares when you've been abused your entire life and behave the way you do out of genuine terror because your brain is fucked forever#They don't say 'I'm sorry that happened it must have been really scary to turn you into Such An Asshole. I pity you like a dog :('#Speaking of man everyone loves fucked up abused terrified dogs and wants to be the one who makes them open up#And shows them that people can be good and kind and that touch doesn't have to hurt#But everyone is scared of fucked up abused terrified people#Humans are capable of harm even more than dogs and fear is understandable but.#Can you please call me good boy and shush me and tell me nothing's going to hurt me and let me curl up on your lap#And not hit me if I get scared and start to growl and feed me good and take me on walks and play with me#Even though I'm not very fun to play with and I'm still learning what's fun and what's mean and what's a toy and what's a hand#Plleeeaaase don't be jealous of a dog that doesn't eat good don't say 'tch he's so thin what am I doing wrong'#I want to eat good and grow and gain fat and be warm and be comfortable I don't want this#Don't say 'if abused dogs don't eat good then I don't deserve to either' no no no no eat good so you can take care of us both#Please please please I learned so many tricks to make people happy and call me smart but I don't actually know how to do anything I'm#Literally like such a stupid dog it takes me like one day of no one paying attention to me for me to become un-housebroken#I make a lot of mistakes even though I know better or I really should know better#And sometimes do things wrong on purpose to get attention either yelling or showing me how to do it right#But most of the time I genuinely don't know how to do stuff because I was never taught or I was taught and#My previous owners said 'this is how it is. It is this way because it is and it is forever. The answer is Because.'#'now quit asking repetitive questions before I pop you'#If I do something Because and not know the reason why I'm doing it that's not learning that's acting#Especially habits taught specifically to hurt me and not being allowed to question it or know why I'm being hurt#Oh my god I acted out so much when I was younger and all my friends were so disgusted and hurt by me and yelled at me every day
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i just gotta say peoples' obsessions with writing toxic relationships just concerns the shit outta me on this hellsite.
#ooc. your local bodega kat.#[everyone: i love complex relationships! what everyone means: couples fighting is normal! so if they're horrendous to each other#sometimes it's normal!!#couples fight like... of course. it's unhealthy NOT to fight. but there's a level where it's....uhhhHHHHHHHHHHHHH and some of what's said#or done that people condone on here is wild. if i had a nickel for every time i saw someone say their character was a wonderful spouse and#then display like 10 reasons why they're covertly emotionally or verbally abusive. the rpc has such a tendency to refer to dv in one#specific term when it comes to ic ships and it's always physical but everything else is 'complex' and man that's worrying. see also: why#i was taught in grad school never to teach streetcar with marlon brando because students excuse him immediately due to his looks and his#bullshit angst. it's alarming as fuck. coming from parents who were sometimes physically abusive (to me and each other) like... this also#needs to be recognized in self-critical media. there's so much shit that needs evaluating. and it's not like i've never written a toxic#ship. i wrote the fucking WORST on at one point because i was too chickenshit to get alana out of it. and it ended in her being DESTROYED.#you know. like those kind of relationships tend to end in. like. my ex-father beat the fuck out of a dude in a bar who hit on my mom and#then when he found out the guy died a day later it was military or jail and he went military. and then my mom took him BACK. this is REAL#LIFE SHIT. writing it is virtually incredibly depressing and writing it without making clear it's fucked up is worse. whether you've been#through it or not. in that case: why even. shit hurts enough when you go through it. why would you want to vicariously go through it#being a fake person if there was no way to turn the outcome through healing and positive growth. sorry for being an optimist basically.]#domestic violence mention /#domestic abuse mention /#abuse mention /#murder mention /#[i'm just thinking back on the most toxic fucking verse i ever had and how glad i am said person and i no longer speak.]
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#sometimes people should just say they hate men and get on with their day#good lord#I’m so tired of double standards that only end up hurting EVERYONE rather than protecting anyone#I get where this shit comes from but god damn y’all really need to take a step back and look at the nuance around certain shit#and also analyze and acknowledge your own biases#(and yes I’m including myself in that cuz I’m most certainly not perfect)#this shit is vague on purpose cuz I really don’t wanna argue with anyone#I’m just very frustrated#specifically I’m tired of being in a friend group of lesbian and nb folks who love to talk about how much they hate men#I’m the only person who likes men because I’m bisexual#and I get it. I get where it comes from.#but it doesn’t help anyone.#and folks love to say that certain behaviors are inappropriate across the board#but will ONLY call out men for it#never women or nb folk#a woman could exhibit literally the same behavior right in front of their face and suddenly they can’t see#and I hate it
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