#everyone assumes it’s a dead dad scenario

[the-martyrfication-of-the-matron]

Aphverse as a workplace comedy but the first time Aaron ever has anything other than a neutral expression (which is a running skit) is when someone implies he’s gonna turn out like his dad

[imagopirateversion]

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales; Why It Shouldn’t Exist

Or how I invested time and energy into an analysis of a relatively dead franchise instead of doing it for my actual media analysis university course.

An essay by: a bitter and obsessed PotC fan since they were 7, with a lot of free time.

Lads, this is going to be long. You have been warned.

The Beginning

At the very beginning of the movie, we see a young Henry Turner looking for his dad.

Now, we're not talking about characterization problems or how likely it is that a ten-year-old child would risk his life to look for a man he technically only saw once; we're talking about plot problems, actual logical fallacies. My questions are:

How? The Flying Dutchman is a legendary ship, impossible to be found unless She wants to be found. The only reason we see Her in Dead Man's Chest is because Davy Jones himself is looking for Jack to collect his debt, and in that occasion the Dutchman's captain wasn't even doing what he was supposed to do, so he was most definitely in the living world. Will otherwise, he's doing the job Calypso gave him, so he's constantly in between. Is the movie trying to convince me that a kid was able to do something no one in the history of piracy was ever able to do? And even if he did, why hasn't anyone explained me how? He simply looks at a map and throws himself on the bottom of the ocean. How did he know The Dutchman was there? How did he know it would've come to surface?

Where is his mom? We got to know Elizabeth in the first three movies; we know she's a smart woman and we can assume she's an attentive mother. She didn't notice her son preparing himself for a trip in the middle of the ocean to go look for his dad? Was she distracted? Was she outsmarted by a 10ish-year-old? Or is she just not contemplated in this scenario?

Why does Will look like that? Will is doing his job, so... why does he look like he's slowly corrupting? That kind of corruption is the punishment Calypso reserves to The Dutchman's crew when the captain fails her, which isn't the case. Did they forget about it? Was the idea of putting algae on Orlando Bloom's face just impossible to resist to?

Alright, this isn't actually from this movie but it's bothering me, so I have to write it; also, it would make this whole movie unnecessary, so it's somehow related to it. Why (and I can't stress this enough) can't Elizabeth be on the Dutchman? Why can't they do the job together? Is it because she's not a pirate? I'm pretty sure se actually is. Is it because she's a woman? Last time I checked she was the KING. She wants to stay with Will forever, Will wants to stay with her forever, they can literally live forever on the same ship. Why aren't they?

Whatever the Hell Happened to Jack Sparrow

Imagine creating a character that is so iconic whenever you ask a person who was a kid in the early 2000 to imagine a pirate, they imagine said character.

Now imagine fourteen years pass and you decide to ruin that character by making him the most hideous, annoying, idiotic person in the whole saga, and we're talking about a saga that has Philip the Missionary in it. Why? Jack Sparrow is THE anti-hero. Never on the right side, but never on the wrong one. You can tell he's doing something morally questionable, but you still find yourself rooting for him. He's stupid enough to make you laugh, but he's secretly clever enough to always get away with it. Now he's just... drunk. And that's not even an excuse for this horrendous new characterization, because he was always drunk. The guy FORGOT HE WAS ROBBING A BANK, the same guy just one movie earlier was able to escape from the King of England's palace and steal a lady's earring (by pretending to be a literal slut) in the process. He just switched from the iconic drunk bi bestie everyone loves to my cringe uncle that drinks too much at Christmas parties and makes everyone uncomfortable. Please, if the risk is ruining an entire generation's beloved character, either don't make the movie or find a better explanation than "Bad luck dogs you day and night".

The Pearl in The Bottle

So... what you're telling me is that Jack Sparrow, the guy who was able to defeat Hector Barbossa, Davy Jones and Blackbeard thanks to his slyness, and who loves his Black Pearl more than anything else in the world, had said ship in a bottle in his pockets for FIVE YEARS... and he never thought about breaking the bottle to free Her. That's what you're telling me. This is the pivotal point upon which the entire Jack's plot hinges. I... I don't even know what to say. Was this supposed to be funny?

What an Incredibly Lucky Coincidence

A guy needs a treasure to save his father. To find it, he needs the help of a notorious and legendary pirate. He looks for him everywhere, sailing on dozens of ships just so he has the remote chance to stumble across the pirate. The last ship he's been on has sinked, he's the only survivor. He's been found in the middle of the ocean and someone brought him to the nearest city. Which city? I mean, the one that has both the pirate he was looking for and a lady who's the only person in the whole planet who's able to find the treasure he was looking for! And, oh my... he finds the both of them! In that same city! Without even LOOKING FOR THEM! A hell of a coincidence, if you ask me. Also known as lazy writing.

What's Wrong With the Guards?

Now, I know Pirates of the Caribbean isn't exactly known for its accurate historical reconstructions, but why are the guards in this movie acting like they're some sort of hellhounds ready to kill anyone in sight? Even pirates and traitors as Jack and Henry were supposed to stand trial before being sentenced to death. It would've probably been an unjust and barbaric trial, but there should've been one. We literally saw it, in the previous movie. Why's Jack been sentenced to death for simply existing here? He gave pirate vibes and they decided that was enough?

Paul McCartney

This is not an actual point of the analysis, I just wanted to remind people that Paul McCartney is in this movie and that's the only valid reason to watch it.

Salazar

I am confused. Once again, I have questions.

El Matador Del Mar was so good at his job he had almost defeated piracy. "The last ones joined together to try and defeat me". The last what? Pirates? There were no pirates left? This happened when Jack was young, so a lot of time before the first movie, right? Where were, I don't know... Blackbeard? Davy Jones? Barbossa? All the other Pirate Lords? I might be wrong, but I guess Salazar didn't kill them, did he? Why weren't they there during that "last battle" in which "the last ones joined together"?

The Devil's Triangle. I just don't understand what's the logic behind it. So, this is a cursed place. Whoever enters there, can't get out. One would think it means that if you get there, you die; and Salazar does die, but he somehow also becomes a ghost whose only purpose is to find Jack Sparrow and have his revenge. So, do people become ghosts when they get in The Devil's Triangle? We have to assume people have gotten stuck in there before; otherwise, there wouldn't be legends around the place. So why isn't it like full of spirits ready to haunt people? Why are Salazar and his crew the only ones?

Poseidon or Calypso?

What's the Trident of Poseidon? Does Poseidon exist? Isn't Calypso the Goddess of the sea? Breaking the Trident, you break all the curses of the sea, so the Trident must be more powerful than Calypso, which leads to a question. Where is she? She IS the sea, right? So she must have known someone was about to find the Trident and brake all curses, including her one. She just decided it was okay? It really feels like someone decided to suddenly change the world's mythology without giving explanations.

The Compass

This is possibly the most blatant plot hole in the whole saga. Probably the most blatant plot hole I've ever witnessed, and man, I watched all the Harry Potter movies. In Dead Man's Chest, Jack meets Tia Dalma in her "shop" and he tells her he's looking for the Davy Jones' key. She asks him "The compass you bartered from me, it cannot lead you to this?", making another pivotal point of Dead Men Tell No Tales factually senseless.

That man couldn't have given his compass to Jack, because that wasn't his compass.

So either Salazar is lying while telling his tale or they forgot about that line in the second movie. Anyway, let's pretend that line doesn't exist; even if that captain gave Jack his compass in that exact moment, why would it be the key to free Salazar, exactly? How is the compass in any way related to The Devil's Triangle or to Salazar? In the movie, they try to explain it with a sentence: “if you betray it, your greatest fear comes true”. So, is Salazar Jack's greatest fear? I really doesn't seem right, Jack almost didn't remember Salazar when Henry mentioned him. To Jack, he's only a guy he outsmarted decades earlier. Also, Jack technically already gave the compass away, twice: to Elizabeth in Dead Man's Chest, to make her find the chest, and to Beckett in At World's End, when they're negotiating.

That's... That's Just Body Shaming, Mate

Let's talk about her. So, the woman's ugly. It can happen that a woman is ugly. Was it necessary to build an entire scene around some blatant body shaming? This scene wants to mimic the similar scene in Dead Man's Chest: Jack's on an island, running from the main villain, and he's forced to do things he doesn't want to do until someone saves him, then it was Will, now it's Hector.

Except in Dead Man's Chest it was LITERAL CANNIBALISM he was facing, and yet he looked LESS TERRIFIED and DISGUSTED. What's exactly the message here? Lads, is marrying an ugly woman worse than cannibalism? I don't know... that was just bad.

Justice for Hector Barbossa

If you know me (you probably don't, but if you do) then you know about my obsession with Hector Barbossa. I truly believe he's the best written character in the saga, and he's in my top five of the characters I love the most in all media. I watched The Curse of the Black Pearl when I was seven and I am autistic, so I had all the time to develop a literal relationship with these characters in my head. As much as Geoffrey Rush's interpretation was impeccable, as always, it really hurt to watch Hector in this movie. He just doesn't sound like him. First of all, why isn't he on the Queen Anne's Revenge? Why's he letting someone else sail around on his ships? He would've never. Why's he just sitting on a throne and shooting musicians instead of, I don't know... being a pirate? Being a pirate is the only thing that matters to him. He says it at the end of On Stranger Tides, and he even says it in this movie, to the witch. "I'm a pirate. Always will be".

So, why isn't he pirating? What happened to him? And what about the pact with the witch? He made her curse all his enemies; that's honestly the most out-of-character thing he could've done.

Seriously, watch this movie, and then The Curse of the Black Pearl and tell me he sounds like he's the same character. Then there’s his death... was it necessary? And I don't mean if it was necessary to the plot (it wasn't), but the way he died, did it make sense? He takes the sword and sacrifices himself to kill Salazar, but WHY? Salazar was back a mortal. They could've brought him to surface and then shoot him. What was the point of his death, Disney? I will never forgive you.

I would've preferred if they never showed him again. He's alive and living his best life in Tortuga, if you ask me.

How does Carina Smyth exist?

Let's do the maths. Carina Smyth has approximately the same age as Henry Turner, who was born around nine moths after the end of At World's End. At the end of that movie, Barbossa once again stole the Black Pearl (he's iconic we stan a legend), so we have to assume it is during that time (between the At World's End and On Stranger Tides) that he conceives Carina. He stays with this woman during the whole pregnancy, bacause he says he was there when she died. So nine months, at least, right? Except; Jack makes it clear that he and Barbossa met Carina's mom, Margaret, together.

When, exactly, did this happen? It can't be between On Stranger Tides and Dead Men Tell No Tales, because Hector himself says only five years passed between the two, and Carina doesn't look like a five-year-old;

it can't be between At World's End and On Stranger Tides, because we know Jack and Barbossa weren't together, and Hector was too busy losing a leg and planning his revenge by working for the King of England; it can't be during At World's End, because Barbossa was too busy rescuing Jack and then slaying (literally and metaphorically) Beckett's men to save piracy; it can't be during Dead Man's Chest, because he was dead; it can't be during The Curse of the Black Pearl, nor during the ten years before it, because he was... he was a skeleton, I hardly believe he could reproduce, despite what’s written in some fanficions; it can't be before, of course, because Carina would be too old. The only chance, but it's a stretch, is that Hector and Jack met this Margaret Smyth years and years before, and that at a certain point (while he was still busy slaying, losing a leg or planning his revenge), for some reason he decided to come back to her and accidentally had a daughter. That would mean that Jack remembered Margaret Smyth's name DECADES after he met her.

The Post-Credit Scene: What?

WHY'S DAVY JONES BACK? The Trident technically broke all the curses of the sea. He is THE cursed man of the sea. AND HE'S DEAD. The only answer I was able to give me, is that the moment the Trident broke the curses, the curse that said if you stab his heart he dies was also broken, so he technically didn't die, but it makes even less sense, because if the curses just aren't real anymore, then a man shouldn't be able to... carve out his heart and put it in a chest, right? (Which by the way, makes Will Turner being alive senseless as well). Even if so, Davy should've come back as a human.

My conclusion is that this movie should not exist, and we, as a community, should pretend it was never made. Hector is alive. Bye.

Imago

[farshootergotme]

Thinking about the Bruce-Dies scenario...

You know, that is going to be a definite whole mess for Damian.

The way we've imagined the timeline in the comments, Talia dumps Bruce in the Pit, amnesiac Bruce stays a while with the League, meets Damian, is told this is his kid...the whole heartwarming stuff...

And then Bruce - somehow, maybe something triggered the memories - finds out what Talia did. Finds out his sons and Alfred (dad) have been mourning him these two years, his sons have been fighting for Gotham alone, they almost died way too many times and she kept him from them...

I think it's 100% that Bruce bolts. And about 80% that he'd take Damian with him. No way he'll trust Talia with his kid, not after what she did (she might have reasons, but no reason is going to suffice for Bruce, given what happened)

Well, there's the return, everyone is overjoyed...except for Damian. The kid has had his entire life upended. His father now hates his mother, he has two brothers - three, assuming Tim is tagging along - to compete with for father's attention, he's in a completely different world with different rules...

That's true. It'd be a big change for Damian plus the culture shock. And that's not considering how young he'd be since he's around 7 years younger than Tim(?) and Tim would be about 15 years old, so that'd make Damian 8 yo (ironically the same age as Dick when he lost his parents, which makes me think he'd be, again, perfect to help him adapt to this new environment as he did at his age. He can relate to suddenly being taken away from the place and people he's known his whole life to out of nowhere be part of a completely different dynamic that's nothing like his old family.)

At first I think it'd be specially a mess because of the shock it must be for the others to see their presumed dead father suddenly walking up to them, carrying a child and telling them he's been alive for the past two years without his memories.

So, at least for two months, Damian wouldn't be able to properly get used to this new life. He'd probably even try to escape and go back to the LOA (possibly as he also tries to convince Bruce to come back with him). But, in the end, he'd be stopped everytime.

From then on it'd be a matter of how long it takes for him to warm up to the others and how much effort they put into trying to get Damian to like them.

And since Damian would've been raised by both his parents in this alternative, I think he'd be much less... Deadly? What I mean is that he'd be less likely to attempt to kill his brothers since, unlike in the original universe, he doesn't have to prove himself for Bruce to see him as his son as Bruce would've already accepted him by then. However, he would be hostile due to what you mentioned about having to share Bruce's attention with the others.

I'm honestly not sure how this would unfold, so I'm taking any suggestions.

[arsenicalikat]

Coma buck where Maddie says something to him about how he’s got a bf who’s also a firefighter and he’s trynna sus out who based on interactions and assumes it’s Eddie

Yes, that is such a crazy scenario because the first thing I think of is Buck back in his coma dream, unsure of where he is and why he has a sick feeling of Deja Vu. I imagine that he hears everyone sitting vigil for him, and he is confused. He doesn't know how he got there, but he knows his family is waiting for him to come home. He's running the hall of the hospital, and he can hear their voices, and he's trying to get to them.

I have no idea what you expected when you sent this, but this is what came to me.

Buck could feel it in his soul he needed to get home. He needed to get to his family. He could hear them talking to him, begging him to just wake up.

"That firefighter boyfriend of yours needs to get used to you in the hospital. But," Maddie sighes, and Buck hates making her sad. "I'm not used to it either, baby brother. I need you to wake up."

Buck was fighting to come home to her and the boyfriend that he apparently had. Something had definitely changed since the last time he was in a coma, but Buck had no real sense of time or change. He was running through fog. It was Chim's voice that cut through next.

"That boyfriend of yours is sitting like a rock. I don't know if he is waiting for us to be gone before he shows any emotion or what, but Buck I need you to wake up, even just to save me from having to decide-" Chim huffed. "No, that's not on you. I need you to come back because your my brother and I can't lose another one."

Buck knew he had a brother, a dead one, Daniel. He didn't know that Chim thought of him as a brother, and he really didn't want to do that to him, not again. He also thought about his "boyfriend" sitting like a rock. Was he being a pillar of support? Buck couldn't help but think of Eddie, a strong man in a storm- strong and true. If he was the boyfriend that Buck had landed, he had to get home. He had to get to Eddie and Chris. Then Maddie's voice boomed in again.

"Chris is coming home, brother. Don't you want to be awake for your favorite Diaz? Don't leave him waiting."

Buck had to get home; he had to get to his family. He had to get to Chris and Eddie. Eddie, his pillar of support, warm smiles, and strong hands. Chris, his favorite boy, his favorite Diaz, was coming home to see him. He didn't want Chris to see him for the first time in months in a hospital bed. He didn't want to remind them of her, of Shannon. He wasn't going to die on his Diazes.

Then he heard his voice. He heard Eddie's voice. "You have to wake up, Buck. We are waiting on you."

Buck refused to let Eddie down. He fought, tearing the walls down around him. He had to go home.

Buck's eyes fluttered open. "Evan, are you awake?"

Buck couldn't help but wonder who the hell that was. "Eddie?" He asked, and the voice sighed. His vision finally cleared and settled on the voice. Tommy- it was Tommy, not Eddie. Something dark and twisted settled in his gut, but blame it on the coma brain. "Where's Eddie?"

"Right here." Eddie called from the door. Something warm blossomed in his chest as he saw Eddie. He could hear Chris's crutches flying down the hall. His two favorite boys were there when he woke up. He was home.

Tommy looked at him resigned, as if he could read the writing on the wall. Buck felt bad; he really did. In the seconds before Chris pushed his dad out of the way, he wondered if he should give Tommy Ana's number. They seem to have a lot in common.

[roseshewrites]

A Golden Piece Of You (Slowburn Radio Apple)

Chapter 6: Roaches And Empathy

"Empathy!!!"

Charlie created a rainbow over her head with her raised arms, striking a pose.

"I am starting," she began pacing on the raised podium, assuming a cheerfully bossy persona, "An in-depth, months long empathy excercise, designed to heighten awareness of your partner's emotions via *buddy journaling.*"

Everyone in the room raised their eyebrows, blinking, minus Alastor who, Lucifer noticed, seemed cool and collected as always.

He brought his attention back to his daughter, who was grinning madly, her fists to her mouth, "Well?!?! What do you guys think?!"

Niffty, who was sitting on the floor in front of Angel, raised a small hand.

"Yes, Nifty!" Charlie pointed.

"May I partner with him?" She held aloft a twitching, half dead looking roach.

"Eauuuhh,-umm, I was going more for a humanoid, fellow demon partner approach, but...Um- why...why not?" She shivered a little, "In fact ~", and here she seemed to resolve herself, "Why not? What better partner than a creature that *might* end up being a bit misunderstood? Way to go, Nifty! Round of applause!!"

Lucifer applauded with Angel, who made an effort and nudged Husk beside him, who grunted. Alastor politely clapped with a gentle, doting look on his face. "Well done, Nifty dear."

"The point is to do a daily entry. One buddy will journal that night, the other in the morning," Charlie was passing out notebooks, "Nifty, I suppose you can..um..journal on behalf of Mister Roach!"

"Yay," Nifty grasped her new notebook and immediately smacked her 'buddy' into the center of it, violently slapping the book shut. "Heheh."

Charlie shuddered and handed a notebook to Lucifer.

"Hang on, uhh Charlie?"

"Yeah dad?"

"I see here you've put *my name* on here next to Alastor's."

"Well, yeah! You two are buddies!"

"Better you than me," Husker grumbled.

"You've gotta be kiddin' me...Charlie! No. Absolutely not."

"Dadddd!" She leaned in whispering, "It'll be an opportunity for you to get to know each other better! Think of it as a way you can help improve the hotel staff's teamwork! Please? For me?" She begged him.

"Well , I uh-" he glanced at Alastor out of the corner of his eye who was quite rabidly staring at nothing, polishing his claws on his jacket lapel.

"Fine," he said finally. "Okay. For you, Char."

Great. Okay.

For his daughter, and her *only*, would he attempt to get along with the radio demon. Whom he was slowly forgetting seemed so attractive to him last week, as he'd had time to settle his drive down and rethink - *seriously, honestly rethink* that absolutely disgusting scenario.

"Should be fun," he forced a toothy grin.

"Amazing!!! You can do the first one!!"

She handed him and Alastor a small box of crayons.

Lucifer bit his lip and didn't say a single word about how he'd much rather use pencil, or his favorite quill pen, maybe; she looked so happy going on about her newest project, and he was determined not to ruin that for her. Across the room, he spied Vaggie watching her with her one good eye sparkling with deep fondness, and he smiled knowing Charlie was in good hands.

Goodness knows he owed his child support. Any support he could offer. It was the least he could do to at least *begin* to make up for the many years he had spent lost in his own depressive little world.

So, hunching over, he opened up the first page and began scrawling his first entry with a deep mustard yellow crayon. 

[lionydoorin]

hey. hey. do you think vanessa bragged to her friends about how her dad was the one in the suit and that's why he was so cool. do you think that's why the kids trusted him. because they trusted her. do you think vanessa thinks about that a lot

hey! i totally do, that would be devastating and also make all of her (apparent) guilt and debt to the missing kids make so much sense! :D

i mean. even if she didn't have anything to do with it in particular and even if she didn't like witness the murders (which we can assume she did by the scene where she's staring at the drawings, since the laughters turn to screams in her head, and the rumours that there are deleted scenes of her witnessing the murders or its aftermath), you can totally see why she would feel "obligated" to make sure they are okay and visit the animatronics from time to time. it's bigger than her father's influence on her, the affectionate way she talks about them and how comfortable she is inside freddy's shows that she truly cares about them. and about everyone else, in fact.

but she loves her dad. no matter how dark and twisted he is, no matter how abusive their father-daughter relationship is. we don't know if he was always like this, what made movie william do what he did, if vanessa clutches the good memories close to her chest or if he was always two-faced, caring and violent at the same time.

but in the scenario where baby vanessa has just so much love for her daddy, who loves to be around the pizzeria and dance to fredbear's singing and twirl around with her dad (who's wearing the spring bonnie suit, he always did, he always walked around and talked to kids in them), in the idea that baby vanessa was just so innocent and wanted to share the same enthusiasm and passion for her dad's creations as she did have, she would absolutely brag about william's awesomeness to other children.

daddy's made all of them, she would say, pointing to the animatronics on stage, then to spring bonnie, who is dancing along with a few children around him. he's the smartest and coolest and nicest dad ever, and the best bonnie, too!

the idea that the missing children are childhood friends of her, that maybe they knew william personally and not only spring bonnie and that's why they trusted it would be fine to take his hand and walk away from other people, and the idea that this could justify why there were no parents watching over them while he did so makes her guilt for everything even more painful.

what if the night they died was her birthday party? william could've told them he needs help in the back to organize a very special and secret surprise for vanny that fredbear and him were organizing, and only her closest friends could be there, so they needed to leave without anyone noticing!

vanessa missing her father, confused by why none of the animatronics were around, and seeing cassidy walking to the back doors clutching her dad's hand? of course she would be curious! what are they doing without her? daddy never left her out when they played!

so she follows them on her tip-toes, peeks the corner to see her dad and cassidy, hand in hand, walking inside one of the rooms. the music inside the pizzeria is loud, so she can't spy on them without getting closer, so she approaches the door and leans forward to try and listen.

she hears cassidy's laugh, and then a scream. the door opens.

it was her birthday, she was just a child, and her friends were all dead in front of her.

[sharkneto]

God, one day I'm going to finish my Five And Allison Talk Post-S3 fic. I go back and just look at it every few weeks. Wish someone would finish it (me, I'm the someone).

Snip because maybe getting more of it out in the world will kickstart something for me. A continuation of the snip shared HERE --

-

Softer, Allison says, “I still don’t understand why you voted against it. It doesn’t make any sense. You spend your whole life fighting the apocalypse to just give up?”

Five knocks back the rest of his drink and considers the empty glass. He then stands to cross the room to pour himself another. She watches him. It’s not until he’s finishing the pour that he says, “It seemed like the better option.”

“In what world, Five?”

“In the one where, when we do follow Dad’s special little plan, it ends with me dying alone in the basement of the Commission as a one-armed centenarian.”

She swallows. In the harried few days before the end in Oblivion, a few details about Five meeting himself yet again and then watching him die had made it to her. She hadn’t given them much stock around everything else going on.

“He told me to not save the world,” Five continues. “And the only scenario I can think of that ends with me in a box in the basement of the Commission for a hundred years is one where you’re all dead. Again. And if that’s the situation, I’d rather be dead with you. I’m not doing that again, not if it was never going to work.” He swallows thickly before continuing, “Assuming that version of me thought like me, I figured that’s what his warning was. Add in that it was Dad’s plan and into a fucked alternate dimension… The math seemed bad.” He splays his hands, the dark alcohol sloshing in his glass.

Allison stares at him.

She should have paid more attention to those passing comments about Five meeting himself.

She blinks before shaking her head. “I don’t know what to say to that.”

He shrugs. “You asked.”

Slowly, she says, “So… your math wasn’t actually about saving the world or stopping anything. It was just… how you’d rather die?”

“That’s a rather inelegant way to put it but… yes.”

Allison studies her brother’s young face, working to slot this into her understanding of how everything went down at the Hotel. This whole time, she’d been assuming—what? That Five gave up? That he’d hated their dad more than he loved them? That he cared about her less than the others to have thrown away her life and happiness for a few good hours with the rest of them?

Instead, he was facing what he assumed was a no-win scenario that only he made it out of. The world already gone, and whatever they chose the rest of them would go too. The only difference was whether or not he was still standing on the other side of it.

And he voted to not be. He voted to be done.

It brings her to a single conclusion: “That’s so selfish.”

His expression twists, incredulous and hurt as her words sink in. “Excuse me?”

“It worked, Five. We’re here, right now, with everyone. It worked. And it almost didn’t because you voted to stay. Because you wanted to give up.”

“That’s not how time works, Allison.”

“We ended up in Oblivion anyway! And that worked, in a messy way, but it worked. If you’d just agreed to go to begin with, we wouldn’t have lost Luther. Or Klaus!”

“As I seem to recall, I wasn’t the only one who voted no! I was just lucky enough to be the deciding vote. And it’s probably because I voted no that it worked!"

Allison lets out a noisy sigh. “Explain that to me, how that makes any sense.”

“Because if I hadn’t talked to my future self and watched him die pathetic and alone, I would have voted yes. A chance to fix everything? Hit the undo, reset it all? Of course I want that! But easy fixes—”

“Easy!?”

“—easy fixes like that always have a catch! And if I hadn’t known what this one’s catch was, that it outweighed its solution, I would have gone for it.”

“So you voting no and then still doing it anyway changed that how?”

“Ripples, Allison.” He sighs. “Me voting yes would have meant we all marched in right then and probably were either killed by the guardians or got used up by the machine, even more than we were anyway. Think about it. We didn’t march straight in, so what happened instead? The kugelblitz advanced to our toes. Dad killed Luther. Dad left Klaus behind and he died, too, or, at least went to his Void or whatever he calls it. Which meant we had eyes on Dad when Klaus popped back. We had a ghost form of Luther to stop the last guardian, all his strength with none of his vulnerabilities of having a physical form.”

“Are you saying it’s a good thing now that Luther and Klaus died?”

“Obviously not! That’s no one’s ideal way for that to have worked! But it’s those differences that are what’s important, what skewed things to make us end up here instead of me back there.”

[cicadaknight]

15 questions for 15(?) friends

Thanks for the tag @salamanders-please :)

Were you named after anyone? My family has a seemingly short tradition of adding more letters to Ann with each generation. Gonna have to name a future kid Hannibal or something.

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? I'm rewatching The Walking Dead rn. Absolute cry fest for weeks. Most recently the episode filling in what Michonne and Daryl went through when the Alexandrian kids got kidnapped. Supremely fucked up.

DO YOU HAVE KIDS? Nah. A puppy and 3 cats are my only dependents.

WHAT SPORTS HAVE YOU PLAYED/DO YOU PLAY? I used to fence and rock climb. Unfortunately, my knees are about as stable as slinkies these days.

DO YOU USE SARCASM? Badly. In the way where I say everything like I'm joking around and I assume everyone else is as well. Just in case. I was a pleasure to have in class.

FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE? Besides hair and face and stuff, probably how comfortable or on edge they seem?

WHAT IS YOUR EYE COLOR? Blue. And bloodshot red because I forget to blink.

SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS? Generally would take horror over comedy any day. But I think the best horror scenarios are punctuated by humanity, humor, and comfort, ya know, regardless of the ending?

ANY TALENTS? I can make a mean soup out of just about anything. Best one I made recently was from leftover dolma filling cuz I didn't pick enough leaves from our garden. Basically just an herby lemon rice stew and it was heaven.

WHERE WERE YOU BORN? Colorado.

WHAT ARE YOUR HOBBIES? Lately? Embodying the spirit of an old man by sitting on the beach eating sandwiches. I read my silly little stories, I dig my toes in the sand, I collect pretty rocks, I people watch. Quite literally nothing else satisfies me these days.

DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS? A labradoodle demon I rescued from my coworker's dad. A fat tomcat the size of a medium dog who wakes me up by licking my nostrils. A tuxedo cat who runs the house. A gray cat with a youngest sibling complex.

HOW TALL ARE YOU? 5'10"

FAVORITE SUBJECT IN SCHOOL? Hmmmm... English/Literature solely because I had incredible teachers. I love learning about astronomy and physics concepts now, even though math fills me with dread.

DREAM JOB? I used to dream of labor. Then I labored. Honestly, something monotonous where I can zone out, listen to music, and not talk to anyone. As long as it pays enough to live and leaves me with enough energy at the end of the day to live my life.

Tagging @minniestronni @rowanisawriter @izabella @alysvolatile @ayaitch @phurpurr @elveny @littleworks

[skullsnbruises]

hi!,,, helloo i am here trying to expand my relationships w people in the fandom. .....so far i have been very lazy about it. BUT!,,, i like your nah au :3

so i have some questions. like. assuming you're still into the mcyt stuffs ✨

also my question mark is completely broken for some reason atm so don't mind me eueueu (the '/'s are the question marks now. rip.)

roughly how tall are the sbi in this/

does anyone blame wilbur for what he did to sally/ like how did her family react (if he even told them) and in turn how did phil (or even techno or tommy) guide him through that guilt (if that's a plausible scenario in this)

what's tubbo's stance on noms/ does he have any bad history, or perhaps he's just wary of tommy in general/ (cause i remember you mentioned tubbo was skeptic on how tommy had found out about that cult)

also,,,,, on the topic of the cult, who was all in it/ does it matter to the story in any way/

and then back to benchtrio. what is ranboo's stance on noms/ does he have any kind of history with them/

on the human side of things, is there anything like that one cult/ like a group of humans thinking that they're better than giants/

that's it for now! hope that you're still okay with au asks n such (no pressure to answer this/all of these!,,,, have a good day :DD

— brick

Hello Brick !! Sorry this is late, and I feel like we’ve kind of talked a little bit since you’ve sent this ask, but I’m answering anyway ofospdodj (you can add me on discord if you want ,,,)

For the NAW questions though!

How tall are SBI/giants?

For the sake on answering this question, Tommy as a human (these are based on hc) is 6’1. In NAW, he is a giant, so he is 61’. Basically, take the number and times by 10 (let me know if my math doesn’t check out lol)

Tommy is 61’, Phil is 58’, Wilbur is 66’5”, Techno is 63’5”. Besides that, specific heights aren’t too important, just the scale.

How did Wilbur handle the guilt with Sally? How did people react (if even told)?

Here’s the fun thing, Wilbur didn’t tell a single person what happened with Sally. That day, when he realized she was gone, he went through such a powerful wave of grief, and rationalized that he shouldn’t tell anyone. With this, he became extremely against noms and started playing into beliefs of “Humans and Giants should stay apart”

Sally’s parents assumed Wilbur had something to do with their daughters disappearance (being the only giant that went to her school, and because they have anti-giant views) but had no proof or logic to connect him to it. Since Sally’s body was never found, she’s still a missing persons, though the police are sure she’s dead with how much time has passed.

With Wilbur handling his guilt and feelings after, he kind of didn’t. He fell into a deep depression that he still struggles with when the main story is taking place, he developed a deep hatred for giantkind being among humans, he took up smoking, and overall wasn’t coping. Techno noticed and being the more emotionally mature one, he offered out his support to Wilbur, who never seemed receptive of it.

Tubbo’s views?

Oh boy, I love this ask specifically. Because, I have thought about this more than other aspects of the au. Tubbo is very suspicious of Tommy. They get along sure! But he’s always looking for Tommy to say the wrong thing, to slip up, to get too close. He’s very protective of Ranboo, as they’ve been best friends longer, and the way Ranboo and Tommy so easily click and get right along together makes Tubbo nauseous. His dad wasn’t good. But he went missing. The cops assured Tubbo that giants had some part in the matter, and Tubbo is very untrusting of them for that reason. And especially because Tommy has insider knowledge of the cult. While everyone celebrates Tommy and, honestly, treats him like he’s worth so much more than he is, Tubbo is wary and not to keen on him. Like exactly, how did Tommy know about this…?

The Devourer Cult

At this point in time, between all the characters I’m using up, I don’t exactly have a full list of who’s in the cult. It will be a part of the story at some point, hopefully, but right now not too much thought into this aspect lol,

Punz was the leader though

Ranboo’s Views!

another fun one to answer, Ranboo is very interested in noms. He didn’t previously know the concept of them with terms and everything, but he feels- what we can just call a human equivalent to giant instincts. Basically he clingy.

Ranboo wants to be nommed, and so when Tommy treats him like another person, and not lesser and smaller, and with how funny he is and great to talk to- he develops a vore crush realll fast. It’s all platonic feelings, tho

This goes heavily into the story and main plotline, so I won’t really discuss any further LOL

Is there a human version of the Devourers?

The general feeling in giantkind is that they want to be among humans. Since so many of them possess storages, many giants feel naturally positive towards humans! That’s why the Devourer Cults are a thing: “weird outcast giants who want to kill humans through cruel and unusual means” kinda weird

On the flip side, humans! The general feeling of humans towards giants is very negative. Most humans don’t like giants and don’t want a mixed society. Typical is all I’m saying.

So no there’s no cults of anti-giant and anti-integration on the human side, because it’s so common and normalized of a belief that it’s just assumed the average human agrees.

AAGH that was so much typing but I enjoyed it, thank you for the ask brick!!!! Take a cookie if u read all the way hehe

🍪

[anti-katsuki-lounge]

If Izuku hadn't gone to study at UA, what could have happened to Class 1A? Since Izuku, unlike Bakugou, he has a huge influence on the events of the arcs.

For this scenario, I’m going to assume that Izuku still has OFA and that he’s aiming to be a hero:

All Might might’ve not taught at U.A since he would most likely want to be with his mentee.

Ochako wouldn’t have gotten into U.A as the reason she scored so high was because she earned rescue points for wanting to give some of her points to Izuku.

Knowing Hori, he’d probably have Hitoshi be the student who replaces Izuku or Ochako.

Yuuga wouldn’t be involved much, or wouldn’t even be at U.A. As the traitor he was tasked with keeping an eye on Izuku, but if Izuku doesn’t go to U.A then AFO wouldn’t charge him with this task.

Tsuyu and Minoru would probably be dead. Izuku bought some time for All Might to arrive and was the one who defeated the villains surrounding the boat. In addition, if Minoru survived, he wouldn’t have any character growth.

Shoto would never use his fire. It’s Izuku’s empathy for the boy that taught him that he was his own person, not an extension of his father. I’m addition, Shoto would be far less tolerant of his dad. Might even go on the deep end and maybe become obsessed with vengeance like Dabi.

Tenya would be dead from Stain. Same goes for Native (though if I remember correctly he’s killed in the War Arc anyways). Stain would go on to kill/injure more pros (or would’ve been stopped by Endeavor or Gran Torino, but not without killing/permanently crippling Tenya and Native).

Kota would be dead since Izuku was the only person who both knew where Kota was and was fast enough to reach him. Muscular would probably still be roaming around with the LoV since Izuku was the one who defeated him.

Himiko wouldn’t take an interest in Ochako because it was her crush on Izuku that drew Himiko towards her. Incidentally she also wouldn’t have had her quirk awakening because it was her affection of Ochako that awoke it.

Katsuki would probably remain captured. Momo and Tenya wouldn’t go after him (Momo due to he lack of confidence and Tenya seeing as he’s dead). There’s a good chance he’d be dead too. If that happens, then no Jeart and Edgeshot would live to see another day. Otherwise, nothing changes except that U.A failed to protect a student and that would be a huge blow to their reputation.

The “Crushing Of U.A” during the License Exam Arc probably wouldn’t go so well for 1-A as Izuku was the one who bought everyone together (except for Katsuki, Ejiro, and Denki where Katsuki decided to be an idiot and Hori made the other two into his simps) and devised a plan.

Overhaul would probably still have his arms and Eri wouldn’t have been rescued as it was Izuku who defeated the man.

Mirio most likely would’ve been dead since Izuku’s arrival stopped the from man from killing him. Everyone else there also had a higher chance of dying too.

Gentle and La Brava wouldn’t be stoped and most likely wouldn’t have their redemption story. The Culture Festival might’ve been interrupted too since apparently U.A’s security is absolute ass.

Either the War Arc wouldn’t happen or it would happen and more people would’ve died.

Izuku Solo Arc is also a coin toss. If it doesn’t happen, then the fox lady might not have been saved.

Yuuga would probably still be with the villains, though due to fear, as it was Izuku who inspired him to face AFO.

Are we including movies too? Cause all three would have worse endings.

That’s all I could think of atm

[lazodiac]

So, let’s say you’re an RPG protagonist in a middle-tier PS2 era game, and you’ve been given a choice. You can either sit and be happy with your false happy ending, or you can risk it all and decide to Do Something About This.

This is the scenario Lyner Barsett finds himself in, at the end of Act 2 of Ar Tonelico.

It’s a weird thing for him. He’s spent the entirety of the game going around the world trying to solve the one(1) task his dad asked him to do at the start of the game, and one thing led to another and now he’s helped a cyborg magical girl pop idol put an ancient super virus being (who is also definitely a cyborg magical girl pop idol) to sleep. However, the consequence of this is… a third, only somewhat related cyborg magical girl pop idol was put to permanent sleep (believed to be death) to do so.

This is interesting for a couple reasons.

First and foremost is that hey; this is the first time Lyner actually makes a choice in his entire adventure! He’s given a happy ending and an implied idyllic life and all he has to do is let a character who is sort of important to him (she was his boss, much like his dad, but nice instead of a jerk) stay dead. And if that doesn’t sit right with him… well, it’s time to get up and Do Something About It. There’s something really interesting about that to me, that our hero is finally given some agency and the choice is to… potentially make things worse, because he just doesn’t want someone he knows to die.

It’s got that classic RPG vibe that I do like, and the implicit fact that there IS a choice to have that false happy ending really helps build on that false feeling. As you may have seen in another post, the “false” happy ending is actually pretty solid. Everything is solved and the only sacrifice is one(1) magical singing robot girl, and also all of the actual singing magic is turned off. Feels like a decent trade to save the day; hell FF6 did that and everyone loves that one! But by having it be a Choice, by telling the player “you can choose this, or not”, makes the false happy ending feel that much more unsatisfying, because you know it's not the true ending.

So Lyner chooses that no, this isn’t the way things should go. Aurica, the love interest (in the route we took anyway) is willing to help. Lyner’s her man and damn if she’s not going to help him do whatever. She taught him how to have agency in her life, so she’ll follow him to the ends of the earth. Dear ol’ Dad reveals there is a way to do it, we just gotta find a specific hymn crystal that’ll do it- with the implication that it’ll wake up the ancient virus lady as well but hey that’s a bridge we’ll cross when we get to it.

So, we go to pick up our friends to help us out. Sure it’s been a couple months, but they are our buddies and helped us save the world and junk, so why not right?

Radolf is busy being bishop. He’d love to, but… church, man.

Krusche is busy building an airship for her new employer. She’d love to, but… job, man.

It’s fascinating looking at this. Two of the three non-magical girl characters DO want to help, but not enough to upend their own happy endings. That’s interesting! They also assume Lyner’s “news” is that he and Aurica are getting married, implying they’re busy thinking about the future. And why wouldn’t they right, the world is at peace. They’re in their happy ending. And they don’t even really KNOW Lady Shurelia, the one who sacrificed herself to save the world.

This is… disappointing, for Lyner, so we go and find the final of our party members, Jack, who has been touring the world with Misha, the alternative love interest and second magical girl of the party. Jack is the one most likely to join us; after all, he’s an adventurerer. A wandering gunslinger. He’d absolutely be game for this sort of thing.

The conversation starts similar, Jack having presumptions about the news, and Aurica interrupting his interruption to cutely scream “NOOOO!” to the expected “are you getting married” thing.

Except Jack is confused. He was gonna ask if we had a new ruin to explore.

Then, when we tell Jack our plan, he tells us straight up that he “does not want to bring Shurelia back” and then fucking books it before we can get a word in edgewise.

Huh. That’s unexpected isn’t it. The one most likely to assist with this has literally less than zero desire to help, while the ones who have less reason to help DO want to help… but can’t.

There is something genuinely interesting about all this to me. This feels pretty counter to what I expected of a “let get the gang back together to get a proper golden ending” sort of scenario. Jack’s cageyness as well is pretty compelling- of the party he’s only non-magical girl who’d realistically have a chance to MEET Shurelia, it wouldn’t be impossible for him to WANT to save her, and as a wandering gunslinger type it feels like his kinda jam… and yet he doesn’t. Not only does he doesn’t, he explicitly is AGAINST it.

My read is that he’s made the realization I did above; waking up Shurelia puts us right back where we were at the end of Phase 2. Mir, the virus, very alive and very trying to kill us and not able to be stopped. There’s some, problems if that’s the case, so it could be something else but… who knows.

Either way, this is pretty interesting! I’m curious where this’ll go next! RANDOM SIDE TIDBIT: During this sequence if you revisit the old man who teaches you how to do the game’s crafting mechanic, he just screams “GRATHMELD” at you and nothing else. It’s really funny to me (see below).

[felixravinstills]

Please give us more Diana and Felix headcanons!

I'm going to assume we're talking about my OC, Diana Ravinstill (Close Your Eyes and related fics), and not Diana Ring, because that makes the most sense. If you're interested in the Diana Ravinstill-Alma Coin situationship, I recommend reading this other ask I've answered in the past if you haven't already. (New HCs under the cut. Festus and Artemisia kind of ended up cameoing by necessity)

Felix and Artemisia generally play the strict parents while Festus likes to goof off with Diana, but he does occasionally have to step up when his partners can't.

I specifically think that Felix struggles with not spoiling Diana rotten. He can't say no to her when it comes to spending money or time to get her what she wants. It's probably a reaction to Pres. Ravinstill being so distant from Felix as a child, and Felix wanting to make sure that his kid never thinks he's distant or withholding his love. Festus or Artemisia have to be the reasonable ones in these scenarios.

Both Festus and Felix have to step up into the parenting shoes when Diana starts crying. After Diana grows into a toddler to a child, if she starts crying (from a small scrape or for not getting her way), if possible, Artemisia often times has to get one of the other two to handle whatever the issue is and step out into the hall. Crying was Artemisia's defense mechanism for physical abuse, and so she has to step out and remind herself that she's trying to be a good mother and she's not hurting her kid. If one of the other two aren't available, it's possible that Artemisia ends up treating Diana's injury or scolding her while crying herself.

Before Coriolanus fully isolates Livia from society, I think he tries to float the idea of his son and Diana as a potential marriage match. This is a preemptive move to solidify political alliances. Diana's parents, of course, just state that they'll wait for her to grow up and find a love match. (Telltale Game Popup Notification: Snow will remember this rejection later)

Crassus Snow (II) probably tries to court Diana later in life because of the prestige and wealth that would come with combining the Ravinstills and the Snows. She responds coolly (mostly because his father is responsible for destroying her family but also because she's only interested in women).

Felix would probably be one of those parents who thinks no one is good enough for his kid. In an AU where everyone deus ex machina isn't dead and/or a husk of their former selves, Diana probably has to recruit her mom or other dad to make sure Felix behaves and doesn't run off any potential girlfriends. (The only reason he's not doing that in It's Still You is because he's too busy losing himself to revenge.)

...

Always happy to answer questions about them! These are what I have off the top-of-my-head. Thanks for the ask, anon!

[squidkid15]

oh snapped au sounds funky i would love to know more

okay so. snapped is basically we looked the characters and said "what is their 'just one bad day' scenario and what would it do." What pushes them over the limit. And we did that.

Wukong snapped at some point along the jttw. He got tired or being used and abused and hurt. The monk used the circlet one too many times, Wukong had had enough. You can guess what happened. He goes on to heaven to ask them for help removing circlet, and they refuse. He eliminates everyone who knows about the circlet, what it does, and most importantly how to use it. He takes it a step further and ends up taking over his world so no one can hurt him again. He eliminates any threats in his way. (Like DBK, for example.) He's free.

Macaque snaps not long after/during Wukong's rampage through heaven. He tries to step in at some point and gets caught in the crossfire. He's not killed, but he's badly wounded, and thats his final straw. His shadows were hard enough to control already, he just...succumbed to them. Let himself get taken over. Macaque was left behind when Wukong left to fight heaven (the first time/the furnace incident), and then lived through Erland burning the mountain down, and the hunters poaching, and other demons taking the mountain over, and 500 years away from his best friend, and to top it all off his best friend tried to kill him. Accidentally/unknowingly, but still. (This event also contributes to Wukong snapping, he sees evidence of having fought Macaque and assumes him dead, hence part of his issues too.)

MK is not pushed over the limit, but...he's getting there. He's still Wukong's protege, but...its not healthy. Wukong doesn't really care about him. After a few hundred years ruling, Wukong got bored. So he's training MK up as something to do. MK is entertainment in his eyes, nothing more. But he's still trying his best to impress his mentor, and that's taking a toll.

Him and Red Son (orphaned after DBK tried to stand up to Wukong) are pretty close (Mei too, but we haven't quiiiiite figured her out yet.). Red Son is quietly working out ways to deal with...all of this. Not very publically. He saw what happened to his dad.

We...really haven't delved too crazy much into the plot of it outside of how we threw it into the core multiverse, but. Yeah.

[multific]

Solve a Murder

Sherlock Holmes x Reader

Summary: You were desperate. You needed help and so, you turned to the one man in London who would be able to help.

“Mr. Holmes, I’m here to hire you to solve a murder.”

“And who’s murder would that be?”

“Mine.”

“Pardon?” asked Dr. Watson.

“It’s my step-sister. I suspect she and her husband want me dead. You see, I inherited my father’s land when she thought she would be the one to get it. And now, just the way she looks at me. She offers me drinks, way too often, I suspect she is trying to poison me. I fear for my life, and lately I haven’t been feeling well. You need to help me. Find evidence that she is plotting my death so I can go to the police.”

The two men looked at each other. 

“I knew I shouldn’t have come.” you said as you stood up, they made you feel like you were a fool, but then the Doctor spoke up making you look back at him.

“How long have you been suspecting that she is trying to poison you?”

“About a month. My dad died five months ago, I lost my mum when I was little, so he married another woman who gave him my step sister. My step mum died two years ago, or rather disappeared. Dad left everything to me in his will. And my sister was fuming, saying that she was the one to deserve it. Back that I was so sad, I didn’t even realize she said that. During the four months I was grieving, but then I started to notice things.”

“Things like?”

“Her servants bringing me food and tea, which is a nice gesture but...it’s usually after I already ate. And then I started to get sick a lot more often. I’m not one to fall sick easily. The doctor said it was just a cold, but...I know she did something. The look on her face said it all. She looked happy when I was in bed for a week. I tried asking for help, but everyone thinks I’m paranoid.”

“I believe you.” said Watson as he looked back at Sherlock who only rolled his eyes.

“Don’t be ridiculous. It’s clearly only the mind of a woman, making up scenarios. Why are you really here? You are wasting my time.” his words were harsh. And they hurt. Just as the nice Doctor turned to scold his friend, you spoke up, tear running down your face.

“I hope Mr. Holmes, that you will visit my grave one day. I just wish to see your face when you realize that you were wrong.” you said as you stormed out of the house.

You felt so silly. And to think that you were extremely nervous when you decided to seek for his help. You didn’t even realize that you left your scarf at the house. 

***

You were truly helpless, you didn’t have any friends to talk to, your maids were fired by her, leaving only her trusted ones behind. You were trapped in your own house.

And you didn’t have evidence to go to the police either. Although you looked everywhere in the house for signs. But you were unable to find anything, no bottles, no poison, nothing.

The worst however was that you were gradually falling more ill, day after day.

It felt like you were dying from the inside. So, you called the doctor over.

The doctor said that your illness was due to the loss of your father. The doctor blamed depression, but you knew it wasn’t that. Not with the way your sister was smirking and smiling when she thought you weren’t watching.

One day, you felt so terrible, you couldn’t even get out of the bed. 

And from that day on, you didn’t.

You were so ill, the sun hurt your eyes and you felt useless. You just laid in bed, you weren’t even sure for how long.

You had barely any appetite. And you wondered how many days have passed.

***

“Miss Y/L/N, two gentlemen are here to talk to you. They said they brought your scarf back.” one of the maid’s said before they left, leaving the door open to let the two men in. You tried to sit up, look at least presentable, but you were too weak.

“Miss Y/L/N,” you recognized that voice, that calm and kind voice.

“Dr. Watson,” you said smiling at the man, not noticing that Sherlock was also in the room.

“You left your scarf. Don’t get me wrong, My Lady, but you look very ill.” said the doctor as he placed the cloth by your hand. You grabbed it and thanked him.

“The doctor was just here, yesterday I think. Said it’s only depression.” you said letting out a long sigh. 

“That’s ridiculous. I saw people looking more heathy on their death bed. May I examine you?” you gave him a weak nod, then you turned to Sherlock who was standing on the other side of your bed.

“Will you take my case now, or in a few days when I’m gone?” you asked looking at Sherlock. His eyes met yours.

***

Dr. Watson determined that you needed immediate care in a hospital. Although your sister argued with him, telling him that you already are in the care of a doctor. 

That day, Sherlock took your case. He clearly noticed something which he didn’t’t share at the time.

You were in the hospital for three days, and you already felt better. Every day Dr Watson would come over to talk about the case or ask questions. Although you were sure Sherlock was already close to finding evidence.

***

One day, you were finally better, so you could walk around a little. You were sitting outside, reading a book under a tree when you noticed Mr Holmes making his way over to you. 

“It was the food and the water and the tea and the cookies and everything.” said Sherlock as he sat down beside you. “You were poisoned gradually, small portions on everything you ate, and drank. The maid did it, because your sister ordered her to. Both are in custody as we speak for attempted murder.” he said, but even with your suspicions being right, you didn’t feel better.

“Thank you Mr. Holmes. I will pay you as soon as I get out of here.” you said before turning to look up the tree, watching a little bird hop from one branch to the other.

“Hmm.” you didn’t notice the look Sherlock gave you. But he noticed just how much livelier you looked. Your eyes shined, your skin shimmered in the light. You looked a lot better. “So, as I observed, you are not married. Neither am I.” he said.

You had to admit this was the worst possible way someone tried to court you. You looked at him, eyes wide.

“Pardon?”

“I’m saying that I find you quite beautiful and I would like to know you better.”

“Oh.” 

“Oh? That’s it?”

“Don’t get me wrong Mr. Holmes, I appreciate the compliment, it’s just... Your timing, Sir. I am still in hospital because my sister tried to poison me, my brother-in-law is still out there, possibly stealing everything that he can move from my home. And you are...handsome.” 

“Then, I will be back with the same proposition in a few weeks. Ms Y/L/N.” he said as he stood up and left.

You laughed a little, thinking that he was joking.

After all, what could a man like him possibly want from you?

***

It had been almost a month since you left the hospital.

You were half right about your brother-in-law. He did steal a couple of items when he left, but luckily they didn’t mean anything to you, so you were just happy that he was gone. 

You hired new staff and fired everyone. You were not sure who you could trust.

You also made sure that every food and drink was thrown out or went down the sink. You were not taking any chances. 

The fact that you only had 2 members of staff made you do some work you were not used to. You were no brat and you didn’t mind getting your hands dirty, so you helped with the cleaning where you could. 

You were working in the kitchen, cleaning the cupboards when a voice behind you made you startled. You nearly fell off the furniture as you were cleaning the very top shelves.

“Miss, Mr. Holmes is here.” 

“Thank you, Tina! Let him in, please.”

“He is here, Miss.”

This is when you finally turned around and noticed the man smiling up at you. Tina already left to get back to her duties.

“Nice to see you again, Miss Y/L/N. I must admit, every time we meet I can see a different side of yours. I have never seen a lady on the sink, cleaning the shelves.”

“Well, someone has to do it.” you said slowly climbing down. Sherlock helped you, making sure you won’t fall. “I assume you came for your payment. Give me a moment. I put it in an envelope in the library.”

You said washing your hands before heading into the library. You pulled the drawer of your father’s desk out and pulled the envelope out.

“For your speedy resolution, and for Dr. Watson’s help regarding my health, I added a bit extra. Thank you very much.” you said handing him the payment.

“I actually didn’t come for the payment, Ms. Y/L/N.” he said but you watched as he reached out to take the payment from you and slipped in into his pocket. “I’m here to keep my word. What I said in the hospital, I wish to get to know you better. You seem like a very interesting and smart woman. You realized that your sister was bad, even when everyone, including me, thought that you were delusional. I apologize for that.” you honestly didn’t know what to say. You thought he was a man who wouldn’t see you in a romantic matter. But then again, he just mentioned getting to know you.

“Maybe, you can stay over for lunch? I will cook up something nice.”

“You?”

“Yes, I am yet to hire a new cook, and in the meantime I do the cooking, my old nanny taught me a few recipes.”

“Sounds nice.”

And so, he stayed for lunch, dinner and the next day he came over again and every single day after.

He was charming, and the two of you could speak for hours about everything and anything.

Before you knew it, months, and years passed.

You certainly didn’t think that when you decided to go to Baker Street 221B to ask for help, you would find your future husband.

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[spenciegoob]

Swing to the Stars

this fic swap is for @reidgraygubler​ ... I really hope you like it, shadow :)

A/N: AAAAH! this is my first fic swap and I’M SO EXCITED!!!!

Summary: Spencer meets someone in his little hiding spot, and desperately hopes to see them again.

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Gender Neutral!Reader

Category: fluff with a dash of angst

Content Warnings: mentions of Maeve & William Reid, talk of a case involving teens, mentions of bullying, mentions of guns and pepper spray (not used)

Masterlist

Word Count: 2.4K

___

The first time I climbed that treacherous hill, dirtying my converse for all to see what my night activities truly consisted of, I was alone. I enjoyed it like that, I came here by myself, and I intended to keep it that way. When I sat on the swing dangling by two dangerously flimsy ropes, I thought how ridiculously large the slap of wood used to make it was. My elbows were bent a little over a 90 degree angle just to reach both sides, but I never thought past it. I had other things on my mind that night.

I thought about my mom. I knew she would have loved a secluded, little space like this. She would’ve probably read to me here, using different voices that held deep emotion to convey each story with a precise amount of dedication and love. Each story to her was special, and I silently thank her every day for passing that trait down to me. 

Unfortunately, if I thought about my mom, I thought about my dad. William was never a kind man, and I could pride myself on one thing; I would never be like him. He didn’t deserve to know a place like this. It was too serene, too beautiful to house a man so willing to abandon the two people who should’ve been the most important to him. I was glad he would never get the chance to sit on this swing.

I thought about my family. How Garcia would jump with excitement at the prospect of having a picnic overlooking the city, yet quiet and missing the sounds of cars zooming by or overlapping chatter. I thought about JJ, and how Henry would beg her to push him in the swing, because to a little kid, it was perfect. He didn’t look at the frayed rope and fear that it would snap. I hope he never starts to fear the world like that.

The second time I found myself back at the bottom of the hill, I made it halfway to the top before seeing a couple getting up from the swing they were sitting together on. I realized then why it was so comically large; it was meant for two people. Thankfully when I reached the top only half out of breath, the two were starting their descent to where I came from.

This time when I sat down, I thought about Maeve. I would’ve brought her here, shared the little secret corner of the world I built for myself. She would’ve loved something like this, and I know if life wasn’t so cruel, and I was given the chance to show her, we would’ve talked for hours. So that’s what I did that time; I talked to Maeve. To anyone else, I probably looked like a crazy person talking to himself, but much to my delight, not many people made the trip up the hill to find this place.

Now I go whenever I need a break from my mind, which unfortunately is more times than my schedule allows me to take that leisurely walk. I spend my nights sometimes after a particularly hard case there no matter the time, using the ropes that scratch my hands as my lifeline down to Earth. I watch the stars, screaming and cursing at the world in my head and waiting for the sky to respond. It never did, and the next case always came in the following morning.

This particular time that I found myself at the bottom of the grassy hill waiting to be climbed, the case I just returned from involved kids across the board. A teenage unsub was killing his fellow classmates that have wronged him. Unfortunately, the BAU had to witness his stressor recorded for the whole school to see. It involved vile insults being thrown at the young, defenseless boy only for the bullying to escalate to violence.

It was awful.

As I trudged up the hill with less excitement to look into the vast unknown than usual, I couldn’t stop thinking about the unsub. All he wanted in life was a friend, someone to talk to, laugh with, share memories together. No matter how wrong it was, I saw myself in him. Our souls held the same scars given to us by people who had no right to go digging for such a deep part of ourselves. If I didn’t make it, would I have turned out like him?

When I reached the top, completing my journey once again, I saw them. Sitting there, staring out into the sky, mimicking my thoughts to do the same on the jet ride home. I could only make out half their face lit up by the light casting down from the full moon, but I didn’t need to see more to know they were breathtaking.

I would have turned around to return home to nothing more than books reread thousands of times and stale coffee, but I already made the mistake of stepping on a rather large branch that broke in half. The crunch coming from their right immediately had them on edge, and reaching for their bag that I could only assume had some sort of weapon inside. I hope it was legal.

I felt terrible for breaking them from the trance they were in. They were deep in thought about something that was probably going to become a solution if I hadn't interrupted their musing. 

“H-hi, I’m sorry to scare you. I didn’t expect anyone here this late. Not that you being here is a problem! I didn’t mean to disturb you,” I frantically shouted, although there was less distance between us than I originally thought, and probably seemed crazed by my volume level.

They just giggled at first, but upon seeing my distraught expression, their face turned more kind than humorous.

“That’s okay. I’m just glad I didn’t jump so fast to pepper spray you. That would definitely be the worst case scenario.” I let out a breath of relief for some reason. Here I was, in front of a total stranger thankful that their weapon of choice wasn’t a gun. I’ve been on the wrong end of too many during my years.

“Did you know Chemical Mace, more commonly known as pepper spray, was invented in the 1960s by a man named Alan Lee Litman and his wife Doris Litman at the time. Their reason was actually because one of Doris’s female coworkers was attacked and robbed, so they thought to create a nonlethal weapon with easy accessibility and use, considering not everyone is able to use a gun. It wasn’t until 1987 however that the Litman’s sold their creation to Smith and Wesson where it was mass produced and later sold to law enforcement.”

“Wow, I don’t think I did.” They laughed again, but something in my heart told me it wasn’t meant to come with malicious intent. “Do you do that a lot?”

“Do what?” I asked, even though I had some inclination of what they were referencing.

“Spout random facts. I’m not complaining, that was very cool, but I am fully intrigued.” They smiled again at me fondly, the kind of smile that left me a little breathless, even more so than the 45 degree incline I had to climb to find myself in front of them. There was nothing to convince me they weren’t authentic in every word they stated.

“I do it quite often, yes. It gets annoying after a while though.” It was true, I was told on many occasions that my rambling got old very fast. I suppose that’s what happens when you’re close to me for too long. I tend to stop being the awe-striking genius, and become the nagging, walking encyclopedia.

“I don’t see how that could become annoying.” It sounded sad coming from them, like I had insulted their oddity. I would never, and I was really hoping to find out what it was.

I had nothing further to say that would express my shock, and slight fondness over their praise, wary of its honesty even if it did come from them. I hadn’t known them for more than 4 minutes and 36 seconds, but it was enough to figure out that they weren’t a liar. It wasn’t from profiling either.

“You know, there is room for two people here if you wanted to join me. I’m sure you didn’t climb that hill for nothing.” They continued for me. If they noticed my surprise, they said nothing about it. 

Usually, I would be skeptical of being in a close proximity with a stranger, but as I approached them carefully, even if their hand was no longer reaching for mace, I felt the passing between our eyes. It was as if we had shared every part of ourselves with eye contact, and as crazy as it sounds, I felt the somber thoughts that lingered from their previous reflections.

So I sat down, grabbing onto only one of the scratchy ropes, and enjoying the way I could rest my elbow against my side now that I was using the swing to its fullest potential. I stopped caring about the probability of the ropes snapping under our combined body weight. The worst that could possibly happen was I bruised my tailbone a little bit, but I wouldn’t care past the initial embarrassment. At least I had someone to show that with.

“Do you ever think about what’s out there?” They asked once I was settled on the wood slab as comfortably as I could muster. Being boney didn’t necessarily help. Before I could answer, they continued. “I can tell you’re a man of science, if the fact dump wasn’t any indicator, but I mean beyond the facts, and the known.”

“No, I don’t think about it.” It was a lie, I think about it every time I’m here, but I wanted nothing more in this moment than to know how they saw the stars.

“I do. Quite frequently, actually. I mean, I’ve read every book there ever was about the stars and space, but there is still no answer to my question.”

“What question?” I had to know.

“What’s exactly written in the stars,” they replied, using their hands to showcase the sky above us. I sat back and thought for a while. Like the books they’ve read, I too didn’t have the response to their question. God, how I wish I did.

I don’t know how long we sat there quietly. One of the perks of total darkness in the dead of night is that the moon couldn’t tell time the way the sun did. We got lost in the cosmos together, contemplating sharing our own troubled thoughts with each other. It would have felt right if we did, but alas, the ringing of my cell phone dropped a pin in our reflections.

“I- I’m sorry, I have to take this,” I rushed out before standing up and accepting the incoming call from Penelope. I knew it was a case before her bubbly voice rang through my celular. I allowed the disappointment to bleed through my tone when I told her I would be back at the BAU shortly, hoping that the small release of the emotion would be enough to ward it off in time to turn back around. 

It didn’t.

They were already looking at me expectantly when I made my way back to the swing, bending down to retrieve my satchel I had abandoned on the ground. The amount of guilt on my face must have been enough to tell them I had to leave abruptly, despite the fact that the only thing I wanted to do was stay for even just a second.

“That’s okay,” they spoke softly, giving me a tight lipped smile. “We’ll see each other again.”

“How do you know?” I couldn’t help but be skeptical. Life never did work out in my favor. They looked up at the sky once more before answering.

“Just a feeling.” I let a full grin break out at their response, the first one I’ve had when visiting this place. I turned around to start my journey back to the office where dark, and twisted things lurked behind manilla folders. Before starting my descent however, I spun around quickly, almost losing my footing and taking a tumble.

“Woah there tiger, don’t hurt yourself,” they giggled at me, one that I returned with my own breathy laugh.

“I just don’t know your name.” It baffled me a little bit that I hadn’t thought to ask before this, but they just gave me one last smile, tilting their head in faux contemplation.

“Ask me next time.” I will.

***

It’s been a year since I met them, and I haven’t seen them since. Not for a lack of trying however. After that case, I went there every night until a new one arose, this time taking me to Oregon. They hadn’t been back, and part of me wondered if it was because of me. Did I not try hard enough the first time? Should I have ignored my ringer until my phone had 5 missed calls from Penelope?

But then my eidetic memory swooped in to save me from going down that road, one of the only times it wasn’t the cause of my self destructive thoughts. Because while I replayed the conversation over in my head wondering where it went wrong, I remembered their eyes, and their smile.

I remembered what it felt like to sit with them, and thankfully that was enough to convince myself our meeting wasn’t in vain.

I never was the kind of man to believe in the universe. The whole notion that “everything happens for a reason,” felt like a lie created to somehow blame an external force on the chaos in one’s life. There were so many things in my life that had no reason for happening, and to blame that on anything or anyone but myself would be a cheap excuse of a way out.

But for some odd reason, the universe aside, I believed in them, and strangely enough, I don’t think they would have blamed me for the life I had to live. So, as I sit down tonight on this familiar piece of wood, I choose to stare at the stars instead of the ground, and believe that if I spoke aloud, maybe they would hear me.

And they did, because my efforts to sit on one side of the swing in case they returned to me were not in vain. I didn’t look over, I didn’t have to to know it was them. I had already relaxed once their presence was known in my peripherals.

“Y/N,” they spoke, causing me to change my view on the stars to their side profile. It wasn’t all that different than staring at the constellations spread around us. “My name’s Y/N.”

___

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[evilminji]

Because I can't help my self [I see the Angst, I FIX with hammer (◇.◇ ) is reflex. Hurt comfort and potential for Family and Growth! *twitchy hammer hand*]

In this Custody Battle, they all over look Damian. Because OBVIOUSLY, he can't be a Father. It doesn't even occur to them. Damian can't possibly take responsibility for a child when he IS one. Anyone with even a vaguely normal upbringing would GET that. Anyone with a grasp of NORMAL childhood development and what is required to successfully raise a well adjusted adult. Or at least what that would look like.

But see... there in lies the rub. Damian doesnt have that. And that clone child is his flesh and bone. Family is EVERYTHING to Damian. That is his BLOOD. You would have to pry Danny from his actual LITERAL cold dead hands. Danyal is his heir, his son. This is almost EXACTLY how he himself was born. Only in this scenario? HE is "Batman".

HE has the chance to be and do better then his father did with him.

The situation is obviously absurd. Even Damian is acutely aware he does not have the physical or even, perhaps, emotional development one traditionally needs to raise a child. But? He is all Danyal HAS. His family is acting absurd. As though their shared son, their HEIR (ugh, he's related to Drake now. This poor, poor child. Please gods let him take after Damians side of the family.) is some puppy dropped on the doorstep!

Unacceptable.

He will simply do what his parents have trained him to do then. Plan. Delegate. Pennyworth successfully raised one of the world's finest, his wisdom would be first. Cain and Brown are both larger then himself and better with emotional developmental matters. And Jonathan can gather the required information for raising a super-powered child from HIS grandparents. Ttch. *gathers up Danyal who is only slightly smaller them him* *He is Father Now*

Come, we will be traveling to the Kent's once we are done speaking to Pennyworth. The Clone will have needed information about your health and future developmental milestones. While there, I will allow you to pet the cows if you are good. We will take the plane. *Damian proceeds to abscond with both the clone child AND HIMSELF in a Stolen Plane having told NO ONE because common sense WHOMS'T?*

Leaving the remaining Robin's to have their "oh god, my kid is GONE and probably gonna DIE and it's all my fault! Nooooo, my BABY!" Moments. Nothin' like turning around to finding your Small Child KIDNAPPED to get your priorities in order! Violently! Nightwing even gets a two for one special cause BOTH his kids are gone!

The Kent's assume, because OF COURSE he HAD to have told his family, that everyone knows where the kids are... and don't tell anybody.

It ends with Danny having multiple Dads. Damian of course declaring himself the penultimate SUPERIOR Dad, as he was the only one who never questioned his role or commitment. Which... fair.

THEN! They remember! The maternal genes! Who's THE MOM?!

@ailithnight @stealingyourbones @cyrwrites

Mm. Pain.

Project R au where Dick Grayson, Jason Todd, and Tim Drake have a kinda sorta custody battle (more like argument) about who should take in Danny.

The twist? None of them want to take Danny in and are trying to force him onto the others. Each has valid reasons not to take Danny in, Jason is a crime lord, Dick has had paparazzi trailing him around lately, Tim is still a minor and can't take in anyone, ect. Theres a million reasons for each of them. Unfortunately no one realized Danny was overhearing all of this from another room.

Danny had spent so much time building his dads up in his mind, thinking that when he finally found them everything would be great. He never even considered his dads wouldn't want him. Heck, how was he supposed to know his dads were adopted brothers? He kinda understands how this was weird but...what about him? He didn't really have anywhere to go but...should he just leave?

Maybe that would be for the best...