#every time i lose balance or trip over or forget what i'm doing or mess up i call it a malfunction or a glitch

[steakout-05]

fellas is it alterhuman to feel kinda sad that you were born with flesh and bones instead of built with steel and synthetic material and that your eyes don't glow an unnatural yellow in the dark. to yearn that one day the cracking of your bones will be replaced with the whirring of circuits. to imagine a future where you can easily mend and repair and swap out your parts on a whim. cause like. i feel that

honestly i think i feel less like a human and more like a positronic brain that was spawned into a human body in some fucked up mishap and now i'm just here.... wait would that technically make me a cyborg-

[joy1579]

Can you expand more on the clumsy MC with Jumin? Because Hi! Guilty here! 😅 I have the coordination of a shoe .One time I almost lost an eye because I was packing groceries on my backpack and I took the sharp package quickly to close to my eye (got a cut on the eyelid instead, luckily), I felt 2 times on the shower, slip on the street and felt in various occasions (and from tall places in 2, one time chasing a cat) I even choke on my own saliva, if I'm still living is just luck I swear!

sure and no worries Hun same i legit managed to crack my glasses while they were on my face. if not for them i swear i’d only have one eye. as i was writing this i asked my friends about things i could add and all i got were “do you remember when you....” so yeah all of this might be based on things I've done.

clumsy MC part 2

jumin

-        when you broke your ankle stepping off a curb in heels he got rid of all your heels and made sure he had his arm around your waist ANYTIME there was a curb from then on (his grip makes it legitimately impossible for you to fall)

-        when you accidentally maced yourself the one time you went out with your sister, san’s body guards, he decided body guards where non-negotiable that way you didn’t need to carry personal protection

-        when you fell in the shower there was a 3-week period of showering together (he made it seem like it was something sweet and cute but you knew it was worry)

-        he legit does EVERYTHING he can to prevent you from getting hurt

-        he encourages yoga because it helps balance and flexibility both of which are supposed to help with clumsiness

-        he also read an article about how poor memory and slow response time can affect coordination so he asks if you want to do brain games and memory puzzles together (their actually really fun and it means a consistent date night with jumin so how could you say no)

Yoosung

-        when you fell off the weird scooter thing the doctor gave you for your broken ankle he was torn between angry that you where pushing yourself and sad that you where hurt and didn’t ask him for help (he gently scolds you before setting you up in the living room with everything you need and under his watchful eyes)

-        when you two are enjoying a vacation and you accidentally tumble into the hotel pool you grab for him on the way down and suddenly both of you are soaked laughing at each other’s soaked and surprised faces until the horror of the situation dawns on you. you dropped your phones (and his glasses) as you fell and now they reside at the bottom of the pool

-        when you trip, accidentally spilling the entirety of dinner across the floor and burning yourself in the process he’s rushing too your side only to slip himself and fall as well thankfully NOT burning himself in the process. you two spend the better part of an hour helping each other recover before you return to the kitchen and remember the mess that still needs cleaning

-        he doesn’t know how to become less clumsy so mostly he just tries to disaster prove the important stuff protective cases for his lolol figures, computer and phone. shatter proof or plastic dishes things like that

-        but most importantly he starts getting fluffy rugs and pillows so if you fall (at home at least) you’ll have a softer landing

-        he also gets really REALLY good at first aide he knows all the home remedies (partly thanks to him asking his mom) and starts slowly but surely creating a first aid kit for the both of you

-        you start calling him dr. yoosung because he tends to all your bumps and bruises and that makes the poor boi nearly implode the first few times

saeyoung

-        when he see’s you slam your hand in his car door by accident you swear you’ve never seen him move so fast. he’s got ice on your hand before you can even feel the pain. you joke saying you thought he’d be more concerned about his car than you but he’s definitely not in a joking mood and he scolds you for even thinking like that he’d give every last one of his cars away for free if it kept you safe

-        when rip over one of the cords for his many gadgets consequently almost giving yourself a concussion he saeran and vanderwood spend the rest of the night dedicating themselves to wire management and though saeyoung may never admit it without joking around it does make his tinkering and work much easier

-         when you two where having a tickle fight on the bed and you fell off the bed hitting your head on the counter of the bedside table he got you too the hospital in 10 minutes even through the drive normally took 35 minutes he fidgets the entire time you get stitches and it takes a while for you to convince him that 1: he didn’t hurt you it was an accident and 2: you aren’t mad or even hurt that bad you’ve had stitches plenty of times it’s not a big deal

-        he may be all fun and jokes sometimes but anytime you get close to ACTUALLY hurting yourself he gets right down to business

-        he knows it’s impossible to protect you from everything but if he CAN fix it he will

-        if he is even tangentially the cause he has a tendency to fall back into his old habits of pushing you away for your own good so you have to remind him that he’s the only one for you and explain that it probably wasn’t his fault anyway

zen

-        when you tumbled off the stage at one of his rehearsals and actually had a concussion he started purposefully positioning himself between you and ledges wether it’s the edge of the stage, sidewalk, or even the bed. thankfully his history with acting and stage performance means he has experience in blocking and being aware of where exactly you are compared to other people so it’s not too hard for him

-        when you crack your glasses (while they are in your face) he swears he saw his life flash before his eyes. you point out he wasn’t in danger and he says “i saw YOUR life flash before my eyes jagi!” he thanks the lord for your glasses where their to prevent what would have happened if you had hit your eye! of course he would have loved you anyway and called you his pirate princess. but there’s no way you could fully appreciate his beauty with one eye!

-        when he absentmindedly tosses you a water bottle for the first time and you fumble it accidentally soaking your outfit he gives you his signature jacket and apologizes so much you eventually decide to shut him up and the resulting flustered red faced zen truly is a beautiful sight

-        he wants to protect you as much as possible but he’s so used to his own grace and athleticism that he forgets you may struggle a bit more

-        - still he thinks you’re the cutest person in the whole world and may even think your clumsiness makes you even cuter!

Jaehee

-        when you barely managed to catch yourself but not the tray of dirty dishes you were carrying she rushed to make sure you weren’t hurt looking over your hands for cuts from the glass you were scrambling to clean she scolded you for not waiting for her to bring the broom

-        when you give yourself a pretty nasty burn while frosting a cake she physically pulled you to the sink to run your burn under cool water. after about a week patching you up she sneaks off to take a legitimate first aide course she wants to do everything by the book perfect when she’s taking care of you.

-        the valentine’s day dlc where y’all get locked in the storage room. yeah you accidentally broke that lock several times simply because of how often you tumble into it while trying to juggle boxes.

-        she adores how hard you work to make sure you don’t spill drinks or mess up cake decorations

-        she’s so confused by how you can have such a steady decorating hand and such shaky balance

-        whenever you’re feeling down about messing up something at the cafe because of your clumsiness she kisses your cheek and reminds you that you’re an amazing cook and the only one that can make those cookies that sell out within minutes (it’s a family recipe that you plan to teach her next valentine’s day)

Saeran

-        when you fell down the hill in the park he dropped the picnic basket to try and save you thankfully the food was only a little jostled and you were only a little scraped up. he still insisted and cleaning and bandaging your scrapes with the little kit he keeps with him (you’d be insulted but it’s come in handy more times than you’d like to admit)

-        when you fall into the rose bush in his garden he completely panics he’s afraid you’ll blame him for how hurt you got because OUCH! you assure him you aren’t angry but you would like some help with all the cuts pricks and thorns. after that he looks into roses without thorns and starts replanting you feel a little guilty until you see how excited he is to plant all the different type of thornless roses he’s found

-        when a stranger bumps you accidentally and you lose your balance tumbling down the stairs Saeyoung has to physically restrain him until he hears you sobbing and comes to his senses he rushes you to the doctor and waits anxiously while you get a cast. he swears he’s not crying but there’s a definite wetness to his eyes when he hugs you gently and promises he won’t ever let something that awful happen ever again

-        he’s pretty hyper vigilant simply because of his past but the longer you and he are together the more he turns the focus of his hyper vigilance from “don’t upset anyone because abuse” towards “potential trip hazard protect MC”

-        there’s not a soul out there that’s as gentle as he is when he’s trying to treat you. he’s mostly self-taught and it’s a lot of home remedies but the actually help a lot

[silenthillmutual]

I don't know if you're the right person to tell this to but I think my mom's emotionally abusive. She gets mad whenever I get upset at her and gaslights me(probably??) whenever I call her out. I tried to tell her that she never apologized for hurting my feelings and she responded with, "I don't have to apologize to you" and it just made me feel worse. My family's Christian and all but I'm scared to tell the pastor(or anyone) because I don't want her to get mad at me. Do you have any advice?

I guess I’m a decent source for that, and I’ve got enough spoons today to answer this! 

I’ll be honest with you, a parent reacting with anger whenever you get upset with them is never a good sign. The “I don’t have to apologize to you” response is definitely emotionally abusive, especially if it’s not a reaction in a vacuum; anything as an isolated incident is understandable since we all make mistakes, but this doesn’t sound like a one-off thing. 

I had a couple of friends help me through being gaslit myself; here are a few articles on the topic, all of which are pretty brief:

Were You Born Under the Gaslight?

11 Warning Signs of Gaslighting

a resource post from r/RaisedByNarcissists

I’m not a psychologist in any capacity, but having been through it myself and having sat down and watched a film adaptation from where the term hails, here’s a sort of brief rundown of some things gaslighters will do to their victims:

making attempts to isolate you (from friends, from family members, etc; ex, excessive monitoring of your communications with friends to the point of taking your phone or computer so you can’t contact them, although this may be done subtly)

telling you that you have traits or attributes that do not feel or sound like things you do (ex, telling you that you are “forgetful” or “tend to lose things” even when you are not a forgetful person)

accusing you of lying, whether directly or indirectly (ex. asking, “what did you do with x thing?”, not believing you when you say you haven’t seen it; then when you find it, saying something to the effect of, “so you did know where it was”)

saying things with emotion and then denying there is any emotion behind their words (ex. if they say something to you in an angry way and when you say, “don’t be angry,” they say, “i’m not angry” and look at you like you’re crazy)

making you look bad in front of others (this can be making you look like a jerk, making you look inconsiderate, making you look foolish, like a buzzkill, etc.)

taking on a tone to imply that you are scaring them, even when you have not done or said anything out of the ordinary (if you’re thinking to yourself, “i didn’t even have any emotion behind this, i didn’t even sound angry” and they’re reacting like they’re afraid you’re going to hit you? that’s gaslighting)

whiplash mood swings and honeymooning - quickly going from being angry at you to putting on a convincing happy act in front of others; “honeymooning” is when, after a period of abuse, they start to act really nice and considerate towards you, making you think that they’ve changed, or maybe they do one really nice thing for you as a way to “make up” for their behavior (this never lasts, don’t buy it.)

turning themselves into the victim of every situation (guilt tripping you, especially in situations where you are telling them that they have hurt you. parents really love this one; it’s the “oh so i’m a horrible parent” comeback to any time you’ve ever said “this really hurt my feelings”)

infantalizing you (another parental favorite)

upsetting you in public, covertly, so that only you are aware of what they have said/done

threatening you with institutionalization

Another big one that I don’t think I mentioned here because it’s not one that came up in the film is outright denying that something ever happened. We tend to assume that’s something we’d be able to catch outright, but the truth of the matter is that their lies start out small and they do all of these things above & more for the sake of putting you off balance and confusing you so that by the time their lies get to the level of things you should be able to look at and say plainly, “that’s not true,” you’ve gotten to the point where you feel like you can’t trust your own memory or judgement of things. 

I’ll give a couple examples because the list of potential things they could lie about goes between fairly small stuff to extreme stuff:

my mother claimed once that she was never on her phone during dinner

my mother claiming she’d never seen movies that not only did i remember her commentary on, but i’m pretty sure one of them we actually saw in theatres

her claiming i’d never told her things that i most definitely had told her before

combined with that one: lying about the last time we’d had contact; right before i cut off all contact with her i was able to actually screenshot the dates and times of the last time we’d spoken and send them to her

lying about actual historical facts; in my mother’s case: refusing to acknowledge that ABA had, since its inception, used aversives and was abusive in practices, was the foundation of the conversion therapy movement. i sent her screenshot and link proofs of this as well and she did not appreciate it

she also claimed that she never threatened to kick me out of the house and claimed that i promised her i would start therapy before starting HRT - neither of which are accurate or even remotely believable (you really think i’d up and move w two weeks notice halfway across the country if i hadn’t been kicked out? i have to laugh.)

Another one that did not really get shown well in the film but that I believe i’ve read somewhere and have personal experience with, is that they like to keep you traumatized. It keeps you in a state of like... uncertainty, I guess you could say. It keeps you from feeling completely lucid or in control of things, and more likely to need help and depend on them for continued support. They may also be likely to mess with your head in other ways, like with the use of drugs - and I don’t just mean illegal ones; parents who have control over your medication and make sure you take it do have to potential to keep you up on medications you don’t actually need as a method of control. (Both of these can actually be seen in use in the film Midsommar w/ the suicide ritual being a method of continued trauma and the constant drug use being...obvious. I’m sure it gets used in other places too but that was the first one to come to mind, and Aster does a really good job of showing how effective that shit is.)

I don’t really know what other religions rules are like when it comes to confidentiality. I was raised Catholic, and there was a certain understanding about priests and ethics that pretty much went that unless you had a warrant (and on top of that, a damn good reason; iirc there have been plenty who don’t even testify under oath) they weren’t to tell anyone what you told them in confidence. If you know anything about their ethics regarding that or even feel that you can ask them safely about it, it could be a good place to start if you feel that church community is one where you feel safe. 

The biggest roadblock tbh is age and...idk how else to put this other than status? If you’re a minor there is, unfortunately, not a lot you can do to get away from her or get her to stop - especially if you’re in a situation where she’s really your only parent. Which is sort of what I meant by status; do you have another parent or step-parent, sibling, uncle, aunt, cousin, etc  you feel you could talk to about it? 

I really wish I could recommend school guidance counselors, but I’m not altogether sure they’re equipped with the right materials to help you out there. That being said, if you have a family member that you can trust to help you find a therapist outside of school, that would also be a really good resource; whether you’re an adult still living within that contact or a minor who can’t get away at the moment, a therapist can help you come up with some coping techniques to deal with it until you can safely get away. I’d suggest looking for one who specializes in trauma or in PTSD, esp if they have c-PTSD listed (the ‘c’ is for complex, which is a proposed addition(??) to PTSD that would separate a singular traumatic event from an ongoing traumatic situation like living in war zones, being a POW, domestic violence, etc). PsychologyToday has a search function for finding accredited therapists in your area that should list their specialties, credentials, and insurance plans they take. (And if you’re asked why you need one, honestly, extrapolate on a minor issue. Like tbh you could just say body image issues.) Therapists are bound by license-revoking ethics not to tell anyone what you discuss in therapy unless you are going to hurt yourself or someone else.

[If you feel you’re being monitored too closely at home and don’t have a way to get this information at school, I suggest asking a reference librarian to help you out. A lot of public libraries will have community resource information, and if they don’t have flyers or brochures out, reference librarians’ entire jobs are to help you access information whether that’s in the library or in the community! That’s why I work in LIS, lol.]

Other than that the two big pieces of advice I have are:

Build up a support network outside your family. If you feel you can’t trust them with this, or even if you’re worried about putting them in the middle of a difficult situation - and even if those aren’t concerns for you - it’s always good to have a support network that isn’t connected to the situation in some way. Most of my support network came from friends, a bulk of whom I knew from online, and from coworkers. The first person to tell me I was being gaslit was actually a coworker, who I talked to when I got kicked out and was shaken up about it. I had a p good relationship w my boss and all my coworkers there, so when I had to put in my two weeks’ notice I actually got an offer to stay with my boss in the event that the situation escalated, and also knew I could go and stay with my one of my best friends with their grandad, or their sister. In fact, right when that happened, my friends already had a kind of escape plan half-formed because things had just kind of been getting worse, and for almost a year now I’ve been living with my other best friend. Even if things never get to the point of you having to leave the house, just having people that you can rely on who will be on your side entirely is crucial to dealing with that kind of stress.

If you think or feel you may be getting gaslit - even if you’re thinking to yourself that you’re just blowing things out of proportion or that it’s “not that bad” (a lot of us go through that) - start keeping a journal of things your mother says to you. You don’t have to show anyone. Just keep it for yourself. It doesn’t even have to be anything important; like I said earlier, it can be as simple as off-handed comments about movies you’ve watched or appointments you’ve made or what have you. Write them down when they happen, date them, and then when she says something that you feel contradicts what you’ve already heard - you can fact-check it. You can also do this with screenshots if it’s over text or something, and if you think you can get away with secretly recording her on your phone that might help too. I don’t recommend telling her you’re doing this or pointing out when she’s been lying; in the event she doesn’t outright deny it she could flip it around to make herself the victim or spiral out of control and get worse - this is just for your peace of mind. The goal of gaslighting, to quote the movie, is to “systematically [drive] you out of your mind”. This would just be a way to reassure yourself that you’re not making it up, you didn’t forget, you’re not blowing things out of proportion. 

If you need anything more specific, feel free to let me know! I’m so sorry you’re going through this, it really just fucking sucks. But I believe you can make it! And there is an it - there’s an out, even if it’s hard to get to or takes long. 

[gg-astrology]

Hi there❤ Could I get some positivity for venus in virgo please? I've been feeling kinda down cause I feel like I don't express love and affection the way I'm supposed to

Hey there!! 💜💜💜 Ofcourse!! 💜 I’m here to show you some love 💜💜 And remind/reaffirm some things we have on our schedule today as well! 💜💜

🚫long-post🚫

Virgo Venus 💜⬇️

Note: May defer from person to person depending on what it’s aspected to/house that it’s in

Edited Note: SO I wrote the bullet points first and then the ending part (paragraphs)… I’m going to add the paragraphs first instead (positive reaffirmation) before the bullet points (what to do/things to think about) – to answer your question ok?💜

Virgo Venus: Positive Reaffirmations 💜

Alrighty 💜💜 I hope this helps!! 💜💜 This wasn’t exactly what I started out to do…. but it turned out this way skdjnk

A healthy reminder that: although you don’t express love/affection the way that you see on screen, or what you’ve consider to be ‘romantic’ (alt. what other people have told you to do for them)— you have the potential to BE romantic. Every romantic protagonist probably has a Venus sign of their own– whether it’s Sagittarius, Gemini, Pisces or Aries (character studies!) 

If they all had the same damn Libra Venus– then love stories would be boring because they’d be the same kind of protagonist/story-line right? Those venus sign isn’t always stated– yours too (Virgo Venus) could be highly romantic– if you learn how to use it well (it’s work, knowing urself, knowing editing, knowing how to finalize/finish something–but it’s worth it).

Imagine if the Notebook ryan gosling character was actually a Virgo Venus. The devotion and dedication you have for someone else– the sheer effort and the amount of work you put in to make something that’s practical (a dream house- sorry for the example, it’s the only romantic movie I know ;;) 

Virgo Venus affections might not always be ‘showering on their lovers’ (sometimes) – but the time, effort and devotion you have doesn’t undermine your feelings/truthful honesty and genuine love at all. Your feelings matter to those you love. And the devotion– said or unsaid– is shown.

That’s something to consider– you express in the way that you demonstrate, that you show. That you create and craft and work on. Rather than just always sweetly flirting your way through. This is affection too, and it’s expression of affection as well— words holds little meaning if you can’t back it up, and your meaning is larger than a thousand words sometimes.

No matter how much you think you’re bad at expressing love the way ‘it should be’ –  you’re generous with your love once you give it. You’re generous with your effort, with your time, with your feelings. That you care, and that caring nature of yours shouldn’t be dismissed (you’re valid– and validating yourself here is good for you as practice/self-affirmation as well!).  

It doesn’t always have to be conveyed so openly, just in the way you look at them that you’re there for them. That you know the little things about someone else. You pick up and notices others– things that others don’t even notice themselves. You’re sensitive, and this is how people know you love them is when they love you back as well.

You pay attention to others, just the fact that you’re there– that you listen, and that you’re caring/want to work on something together is amazing. You don’t need a million words or stars to prove to someone you love them, all you need is a heart. And that’s what you have/can show best.

You are so valued and loved, you are so appreciated and cared. Even if it’s tiny– if you ask someone why they love Virgo so much– try to give back an explanation. Just the fact that others try for you, that they give you thoughts and that they actually have an explanation for this (backed up, listed evidence, cited and analyzed) – just the fact that someone tries and thought about you. And your feelings/way of love– and the result is that they love you and here’s why. That’s enough to feel appreciated about.

And perhaps— you may be good at demonstrating love, but what your lover do is explaining things back at you. It’s the way that things tumble sometimes, and I hope this gives you a little more loving 💜  

Virgo Venus: What Do To Help/Understanding Them More 💜 

 you are SO romantic and so truthful with the way you love

In a way, even if you ARE practical and controlled (sometimes self-controlled) you may desire for something to come up– something that fucks you up, messes the entire regime, and draws you deeper and higher from yourself– relieving you from your mortal pains and into the realms of impossibility you chain yourself to. 

You think this is a miracle, an impractical and absolutely boinkers. But with the way you hold yourself back, hold yourself down. By the way you love strongly, persistently and quietly– mayhaps what you desire is a counterpart to your own mind, so you can have someone who sees You and understand You without explanation (free from your chains/understanding). And you can see Them, observe Them and Explain Them on a deeper level as well (care/nurture them in the way you think you’re supposed to)

That’s a kind of wanting power– y know? Power to get to know someone instead of yourself, power to direct, guide and talk about someone besides your own self. Power to focus less on you– and your ‘short-comings’ (so you’d think) in order to talk more about them and their valiance, their brightness, their efforts. Power to hope for a miracle, and gets it– and see them as that miracle for you. In your context/perspective. 

You love quietly, and strongly. You love persistently, but also try to balance out against that. You pick up the slacks, because you think they might need you to. But really– all you need to do is be you and learn to accept that. It’s hard– but that’s all you have to do. 

You try so hard, again, and again and again and there’s always a price at the end of the line– this you keep forgetting, but the price is that honesty and sincerity you keep inside your love, being truly seen and rewarded in the way it’s supposed to– simply, by being you. 

Wholly, fully and appreciatively by others who’ll see you, and by yourself who trusted in this ever since the beginning. 

You yourself– and your own demons aren’t the only people who sees your suffering/struggles, you trip yourself up with momentary pitfalls and pains about your expression/experience with love (self-love as well), but your dedication and your whole-heartedness will push you through (remember, reward at the end of the line)

You micro-manage sometimes, with your feelings/the love that you keep inside of yourself. When you’re down– think of it as being visited by a friend– the stars coming down to greet you and remind you that you Do have feelings/things to figure out– repressed thoughts/emotions, friends, old pals/demons that you need to visit. These are temporary, but it’s there for a reason. Let it pass you, but work efficiently during that period. Because when the sun comes up– you’ll be ready to face the light refreshened in your resolve again.

In order to refresh your resolve (without letting these dark moments go to waste) you’ll have to use your obsession for the productive/better. Usually you use it for your detriment, hitting down on your thoughts, feelings, pushing out effort on things you KNOW by experience is something you should do. Here is an unknown anomaly you don’t know how to proceed – but you can. And you will, work through it better.

See– these moments where you’re visited by the stars, the darkness of the night disguised to greet you. These are moments where you can grab your obsessive (excessive) brainiac ass by the horn and make it WORK for You. Make it Your Bitch. Not the other way round.

What is it saying? What’s your doubt? Does it make sense? Are you being an irrational dick to yourself? This isn’t personal– this is Work. 

You’re your own lawyer, and the client (your inner parts) needs you to bring your A-game and work through this because they’re trying to not get jailed (you-jailed) by the end of it, alright? 

Otherwise, the irrational, depressing, offensive part wins out. And you might lose the case. But you don’t want that do you? Try to win it– for your client (yourself) and think of it this way.

Yes the enemy is overwhelming, the enemy is yourself. You’re your own worst enemy– not the others, not people, not partners. But the client– the ones who needs protection (yourself too) is vulnerable. And you need to protect and defend the client. This is you– fighting for you, in the least personal/obsessive way possible.

It’s hard to be appreciative of yourself, or accept yourself so I’m not asking for that. I’m asking you to use your strength to your benefit. To gain strength/power through it and use that Mercury-ruling Venus to it’s benefit. Change a perspective, tweak your thinking. Make it your bitch, this is Work. If you’re feeling like a slave to something, then you don’t have power over it. 

And in this case, we want the power in YOUR hands so you can do something about it. We want you to get to know this Virgo venus better– so that we can organize, clean up the messes and efficiently work on it better (later) as well. So you don’t hamper down on society, on people, on things that doesn’t matter to you. On emotions you’ve been suppressing, on your own wants/needs you’ve been internalizing. This is for You. Your Moment. Fight for yourself, this is your Work. 

It’s not the same as you suppressing your feelings– this is you confronting something integral/deep inside you but with the power in your own hands. This is your self-empowerment through utilizing your strength to your own benefit. Not to your detriment, and being able to see things clearly– once a blood moon– when you’re being a shit to yourself as well.

That ‘oh shit’ moment when you figure it out is to die for, because that’s the moment where you simplify and blink at it for a while going – ‘was I.. was I really??’ is that moment of balance and clarity that you needed.

Libra/Pisces as their own power, their own pains. Yours is more internalized, self-introspective. Address this, use it to your benefit. Utilize your strength against it– like scraping off scum from the sole of your shoes, you have your own strengths– but your pain over-burdens it. Those pains are scum on your shoes sometimes, so learn how to distinct between the good parts and the bad (see above: the stars visiting you) 

You don’t need to love as showy or as publicly as others– and you dont have to profess your love at every opportunity (you know this already). What you just need to do is show love in your own way– write down what you think/feel and your thoughts/journey. Do a moodboard, do a poetry writing session. 

Communicate– in your own style, the expressions of love you have for others. Keep at it like a hobby, something for yourself to get those feelings out– good or bad, it’s all worth it because you’re truthful and going after what you want (even if it’s passively).

Your sensitivity is a blessing, use it to your benefit. Use it to empower yourself, and empower those around you as well. But learn– how to distinguish between empowering yourself by empowering those around you (or what you think you should do) and empowering yourself and those around you – what they truly need, may not always be what you give them. And what you truly need may not always be what you want to hear/think about. 

You can’t empower yourself by others – and as such, we can’t always ‘stay safe’ and have to experience things that expands our vision of ourselves. Because you are– sensual and loving – you’ll need to empower those in yourself, in order to feel confidence in the ground you stand on and the way it manifests in your life experiences– so you can look at it as a fixed-point, and realize (whenever self-doubt comes along) that you are capable of being loving in the way that you didn’t trust yourself to be (see progress/development and work towards it– self-improvement this way and self-appreciation this way as well) 

You unravel through experience, through time and participation put in through you and them together. You love affectionately, and you love honestly. You’re thoughtful as a person– and what you’ll need to practice focusing on, is that you can’t think you = others all the time.

Empowering yourself by others– is like seeing your good traits because you compare it to others. Your annoyance starts when they don’t do the same, because you’re comparing them to you. At the same time, you also compare yourself to others (people, sometimes not even people but socially/responsibly what you should do) so empowering yourself by others– try to twist that into empowering yourself and others instead.

Again– this is a ‘work bitch’ situation. You gotta work it. You know damn well nothing comes easy or for free– so expecting you to be fair (to yourself/others) is a situation where you’ll have to gain experience and a bigger perspective on, 

Make it your work to empower yourself by critically evaluating how you work, treat yourself, and who you are. Make it your Business to scrape scum of your own self away from your feet. Freeing your shackles, starts here.

Alrighty 💜  💜  💜   So FINALLY I’m done with it!! 💜  💜   Let me know.. what you think? And if it’s helpful?? 💜  💜   I hope this cheers you up, and also gives you something else to think about as well 💜  💜  💜   Anyways it was really fun for me as well!! 💜  💜  💜   

[nightowlfandom]

Requested: Jungkook-Office Rivals.

HIYA! My request list is RIGHT HERE! (ALSO DO YOU LOVE SLASHER FAN FICS?! MY GOOD FRIEND MADE A TUMBLR FOR IT AND TELL HER THAT ASH FROM NIGHTOWLFANDOM SENT YOU! @slasher-fanatic LOVE YOU BOO!)

3-"Damnit, do you have any idea how amazing you are? Stop being so damn insecure!"

29-"Where the hell did you learn that?!"

34-"Don't pretend that wasn't on purpose, come here."

45-Go to sleep, I promise I'll wake you up"

54- .How stupid so you think I am?!"

(I HAD TO TYPE THIS STUPID POST FIVE TIMES OVER. I'm sorry if this is the complete opposite of what you wanted but I couldn't write this a sixth time without going into panic. Pleaseee forgive me for that.)

...

"Did you really think a trick like that would work?!" you stormed onto Jungkook's office, seething with rage. "You stole my client!"

"I wouldn't say stole, Y/N. More like convinced him that I was the better candidate. As I always am." he smirked. Jeon Jungkook was the type of man that thought just because the name CEO was attached to his title, that he could walk over who he pleased and it really made you mad. You were just as important as he was.

"Did you bribe him or something?" you crossed your arms. "You seem like the type!"

"That would be your department Ms. L/N (last name). Lucky for me I don't need high heels and a low cut blouse to be convincing." he shrugged. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have a deal to settle." he sad down and began typing at his phone. "Good day Ms. L/N."

You whipped around, shutting his door behind you. The nerve of him! He stole your client and then commented on your attire?!

"Hey, how'd it go?" you were joined by Rose. (Okay if it wasn't obvious from my last post, I love Blackpink) "Did he admit it?"

"Yes! He stole my client because he thought he was 'the better candidate' " you rolled your eyes, crossing your arms. "Who does he think he is?!" you snapped. "I'm just as important as he is."

"Of course you are. You know how Mr. Jeon is." she shook her head. "What can you do other than- don't even think about murder." she cut you off just as you opened your mouth.

"I gotta go, I have a report to type." you walked ahead of your friend who shook her head.

"I know that face." Taehyung, another worker had appeared. "You have a plan don't you?"

Rose smirked, nodding her head. "Yes, but I'm gonna need your friends' help. Can you do that?"

"Anything to get those two together." Taehyung laughed. "What do I need to do?"

...

"What do you mean the reports need to be typed again!?!" you and Jungkook yelled at a eerily calm Yoongi. Six reports within the week, gone like that!

"They just disappeared out of nowhere." he shrugged. He looked like he was trying to hide something. What about this was so amusing!? "Taehyung said he couldn't find them, Rose said the same thing. Even Changmin."

" I spent days on those reports, where the hell could they have gone?!" you began pacing.

"Forget it, we'll have to type them again." he waved your rant off.

"That'll take all night." you sighed. "The amount of detail put into them, even if I start now I won't be done until, I don't even know. 4:00 AM."

"I never said you'd be on your own Ms. L/N." Jungkook made you stare at him in confusion. He wasn't really going to try and help you was he?

"What?" you asked stupidly.

"If I help you, then you won't be stuck typing until four." he looked at you like you had a sign that said ' I'm a Dumbass' around your neck. "How stupid do you think I am to the point where I can't type a simple staus report?"

"Don't ever recall insulting your intelligence but okay." you sighed.

....

Damn Jungkook and damn his nice house. Damn the fact that you agreed to come over instead of staying behind by yourself. You seethed as your furiously typed on your laptop you tried to wrap your mind around your current situation as you glanced over at your notes.

Jungkook was in his stupidly nice kitchen. Don't get it wrong, you had a very nice place too, you just hated the fact that today of all days was when your car was in the shop, meaning Jungkook had to drive you to his place so you could both work.

"Here you are." a glass was set down in front of you. You didn't look at it right away but you mumbled a quick "thanks".

"Listen, I know you're less than thrilled about working with me, but you could we try to be cordial. Ot at least a bit chill?"

"I am chill." you clenched your teeth as you typed. You noticed Jungkook staring at your notes, trying to type what he saw on his own laptop.

"Can I ask you a question?" Jungkook asked as he looked up from his computer.

"Sure."you were too focused to make a snide comment like along the lines of 'I don't know, can you?'

"Why do you hate me so much?" he asked. You stopped everything you were doing and turned to face him. He did not jus-. Did he just ask why you hated him?

"You don't remember the day we met? You spilled coffee on me, then mistaked me for a delivery girl. Then when your ex-assistant told you that I was your second in command you laughed, looked me up and down then said AND I QUOTE ,'Her? No way in hell. She probably can't even use a stapler correctly.' " you snapped, shutting your laptop for dramatic effect (good thing your laptop autosaves after long pauses). "You basically embarassed me at the staff introductory meeting telling everyone not to be surpised if I stand at the copy machine for too long because all the colorful buttons would confuse me." you stood up. You were now ranting. "The very next day when I talked to a client from Hungary, you told him that I wasn't anyone important! Thus embarrassing me again!"

"Y/N!" Jungkook slowly stood up.

"Don't Y/N me, because I'm not done! You'd ridicule my work every chance you got, how dare you call me reports 'simple'! Insinuating that I use my body to convince clients. My shirts are NOT low cut for the record!"

"Y/N." Jungkook sighed. You began pointing a finger at his chest.

"What?!" you crossed your arms. "There's loads more I have to say about what you've said to me."

"Well, don't. Because they aren't true. I didn't mean any of it." he sighed.

"What?!" you raised a brow. "Hold on, did you just say that-"

"I didn't mean any of it." he shook his head. "Everyone instantly liked you and I saw your resume and I felt challenged."

"Challenged, with the way you treat me, you might as well win every battle. Did you really expect me to think that was really going through your mind was 'Damnit do you have any idea how amazing you are, stop being so insecure.' " you faked (and failed) a deep voice. "Since day one you've been treating me like I'm some kind of dumb broad! I tried being nice to you and you blatantly disregard my work ethic or my skill in general. So don't you sit there and ask me wh- woah!"

You suddenly tripped over your own shoe, crashing into Jungkook's broad chest. Just like that you two were sent crashing to the floor. Good thing there was a nice carpet. You landed on Jungkook who landed on his back, causing the both of you to groan in pain.

"Oh my gosh, I am so sorry." you tried to scramble up, only to lose balance and land in a straddling position on Jungkook.

"Geez, could you be any more clumsy." he sighed. Propping himself up on his elbows, you finally got a good look of his face. Without his hair slicked and styled like the guys in those dramas you and your mom loved to make fun of. His face was actually relaxed.

Jungkook studied your face, your hair was a little bit of a mess, without that seemingly angry look you wore around him, he could see why everyone you met said you seemed friendly. You rushed to your feet, fixing your clothes.

You sat back down, opened your laptop and began working again, obviously bent of just finishing and going home to enjoy what little sleep you'd get until the next day.

"Y/N." Jungkook asked. Just as you turned your head, Jungkook wasted no time in kissing you. You nearly lost balance so to stay afloat you clung to his arm.

"Don't pretend that wasn't on purpose." Jungkook said in a low voice. "Come here." his words confused you to no end. In all actuality you could blame this incident on faulty high heels you were getting ready take off to throw at him. Unless he was talking about you clinging to his arm, then that was all you. In an instant you were pulled into Jungkook's lap, your hands making an eyen bigger mess of his hair. His hands traveled up your skirt allowing gusts of cold air to brush up against your skin.

Whatever was building up inside you needed to get out, so to relieve the tension coiling up inside you, you slowly moved your clothed core against, Jungkook's thigh, just to relieve yourself, even a little. Your legs shook as he guided you against his leg.

Jungkook held the back of your head, his hands tangled in strands of your hair. You weren't sure how to make out the feelings that coursed through your brain. Yes you hated Jungkook, but did you? Or were you just working off of what he showed you of himself and not what your other coworkers said about him apparently bragging that you were the best. You couldn't really hear yourself think over the harsh breathing leaving your body as your tongues crashed and prodded one another.

Whether you magically landed on the bed out of nowhere or whether Jungkook put your there wasn't important what was important was that he needed you. Since that day you walked in he couldn't fathom the threat of someone who worked harder than him. And beautiful too?! Might as well make him your assistant and call you the CEO. Not to mention him just plain out being a jerk for no reason, he kept it up because you'd think he was a dirty liar if he actually tried to apologize and makeup for his actions.

Jungkook furiously unbuttoned his shirt. Thoughts of you with your legs wrapped around his torso that have been haunting him since you told him off your third month at the company were too strong. They blinded his work ethic. Yes, reports needed to be done, but feeling you against him was twice as important. No, way more important.

He'd have time to enjoy your body, kiss every part of you later, now he needed you.

You had no time to worry about reports. Damn your sexual frustration and your messy hair. Your clothes discarded who knew where, you were too ready for him to care. (I hate myself but I'm not changing the scentence.)

Even thought he couldn't wait, he still wanted to care for you, he gently pinned your arms above your head as he slowly lowered himself into you. The sound of water sounded strange in your ears as the noises got faster and louder, gradually of course. Almost gracefully, your name escaped his lips, followed by a grunt of appreciation.

"Fuck!" Jungkook grunted. "Fuck I'm gonna-" he groaned. His thrusts grew slower and less calculated. His jaw went slack as more unintelligible sounds spilled from his mouth.

You nearly screamed his name but was muffled by Jungkook's mouth colliding with yours. An effective, yet seemingly messy way of shutting you up. You shook furiously under him, tightening around his length. Screams echoed through the room, yours and his.

You yawned tiredly collapsing onto the plush surface, your eyes grew very heavy as Jungkook laid next to you.

"I'm sorry. If I wasn't such an asshole to you when we first met." he sighed. "We would have gotten to this place a lot quicker." he laughed dryly.

"That's not funny." you whined, burying your head into the pillow next to your head. "Watch the hair next time, you probably made a tangle I won't be able to get out." you sighed, trying to fix your hair.

"Go to sleep, I promise I'll wake you up. We can ride to work tomorrow." Jungkook chuckled traced soothing lines on your hip, making you smile. "After we have breakfast together."

"Okay." you yawned, drafting off. "I like (insert favorite breakfast food.)" you hinted. You suddenly realized something "Jungkook?"

"Yes beautiful?"

" I always send copies or reports to everyone else in the office, including your personal email. There would be no way those reports were lost unless someone moved them to a different folder...."

"Wait a minute." Jungkook mumbled. "You don't think anyone at the office had anything to do with this, do you?"

"Too sleepy to care, but most definitely." you yawned. "We'll deal with it later." you yawned. "Sleeeepp" you whined, poking Jungkook's nose. You didn't have time to hear him chuckle at your mannerisms as you drifted off.