#every scene he's in is hilarious

[helenvader]

This whole conversation is such a gem. :-) And yes, I am listening to Going Postal again.

‘You don’t come to my parties, my lord,’ said Gilt.

‘Do excuse me. Affairs of state take up so much of my time,’ said Lord Vetinari brusquely.

‘We should all make time to unwind, my lord. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy, as they say.’

Several of the assembly paused in their breathing when they heard this, but Vetinari merely looked blank.

‘Interesting,’ he said.

He riffled through the files and opened one of them. ‘Now, my staff have prepared some notes for me, from information publicly available down at the Barbican,’ he said to the lawyer. ‘Directorships, for example. Of course, the mysterious world of finance is a closed, aha, ledger to me, but it seems to me that some of your clients work, as it were, for each other?’

‘Yes, my lord?’ said Slant.

‘Is that normal?’

‘Oh, it is quite common for people with particular expertise to be on the board of several companies, my lord.’

‘Even if the companies are rivals?’ said Vetinari.

There were smiles from around the table. Most of the financiers settled a little more easily in their chairs. The man was clearly a fool about business matters. What did he know about compound interest, eh? He’d been classically educated. And then they remembered his education had been at the Assassins’ Guild School, and stopped smiling. But Mr Gilt stared intently at Vetinari.

---

‘We have a Code of Conduct, you know!’ said a voice.

All eyes except those belonging to Mr Slant turned to the speaker, who had been fidgeting in his chair. Mr Slant was a long-time student of the Patrician, and when his subject appeared to be a confused civil servant asking innocent questions it was time to watch him closely.

For a moment it seemed that even the chairs themselves edged away from him. Mr Horsefry was a youngish man, not simply running to fat but vaulting, leaping and diving towards obesity. He had acquired at thirty an impressive selection of chins, and now they wobbled with angry pride.

‘I’m very glad to hear it, Mr …?’ Vetinari began.

‘Crispin Horsefry, my lord, and I don’t like the tone of your questioning!’

‘I do have a number of other tones,’ said Lord Vetinari calmly.

Mr Horsefry looked around at his colleagues, who were somehow, suddenly, on the distant horizon.

[anna-scribbles]

regained my 12 year old swag(read an entire new percy jackson book in one sitting)

[stagefoureddiediaz]

So do we think maybe Buck golfing with Gerrard is something along the lines of Tommy giving advice to Buck to get to know him and play nice to make his life easier (or some such - because Tommy never actually had any hated directed at him from Gerrard so never actually experienced first hand what he was like in the same way Chim and Hen did).

Which Buck will do and find out a few things about his situationships (it’s technically unlabelled as a relationship so I’m not calling them boyfriends!) past behaviours and dots will start connecting all those red flags that Tommy is waving?!!

[itwoodbeprefect]

stoic illiterate unwilling assassin deeply in love with unfailingly kind rich sad gay man almost stabs his crush's brother because the brother cares so much and so genuinely for the gay man that he searched assassin's room out of worry and found knives and a mysterious letter before being interrupted by the assassin who then does not want to show him the letter which seems incredibly suspicious, only for a later scene (after the gay man interrupts them and thus stops any escalation from happening) to quietly reveal that the very sus letter in possession of this illiterate assassin is not in fact a sign he's lying about being illiterate.... it's just two pages of him practicing the gay man's name over and over in neatly spaced lines...... a reveal which he was going to STAB a man over because he doesn't know that the gay man's brother knows the man is gay and loves him with his whole heart and would never ever do anything to hurt him........ i will never get over this, how could i ever get over this, everything else ever is going to be downhill from here

[hecksupremechips]

Fuckin. The reason Owen has asthma is literally because his real self is buried alive suffocating and his mom is the one who reminds him to bring his inhaler when he’s a kid and next time we see her she’s sick and then she’s dead and when Owen watches the finale he’s wheezing and projectile vomiting and his dad springs into action to drown him further and when it’s the final act his lips are severely chapped from overuse of the inhaler and he keeps trying to inhale from it but it’s not working and he just keeps wheezing loudly keeps trying to make this all work he knows why it isn’t he’s dying she’s DYING he ends the movie apologizing to everyone and still wheezing

[aphelea]

first time we see alvar he chugs a glass of wine in a sip, talks about his 3 girlfriends and proceeds to call known facts a hoax. truly what a guy

[lilfriezatyrant]

Either he is pleased too or thinking:

"Only you may grab me like this."

[therulerofallpotatos]

Xavier gets so fucking smug for no reason in episode 4 as if Wednesday was only ever even remotely curious about him when she thought he was Tyler and she still had to choke out the invitation.

good for you, man, because it is the only shred of joy you are ever going to get

[jazzy-a]

(Sorry, as a crack alternative follow up to my last Destiny post)

Any of the Endless siblings: Destiny, can't you check your book about this?

Destiny: No, I can't.

Endless Siblings: Please!

Destiny, sighing: Fine.

Destiny, stands there with the book clearly closed and then looks back at them: Yep, nothing there.

Siblings: ...But, you didn't even open it.

Destiny: I'm sorry, are you the embodiment of destiny? Is this your garden? Do I come into your realm and tell you how your tools work???

Destiny, in a The Office style sidebar: There's literally nothing written in this book, and I have no idea how to work it. Honestly, I'm not even involved in the destiny of the universe. I just show up after things happen and say I knew they would happen. So far, no one's called me on it except for Delirium.

[immamapletreekid]

ok movie thoughts time

[tiedsh0es]

Test-Tube and Fan were too normal in season 3. In this 60 page essay I will be explaining why season 2 fan and tube are both insane and why it should have stayed this way. Reason number one it was funnier when

[andi-o-geyser]

I come bearing top-notch memes after watching episode 5+6

[weregonnabecoolbeans]

I watched Ani BEFORE I was a star wars fan and loved it because I love starkid

Now that star wars has consumed my brain I’m scared for what this musical will do to me the next time I watch it

[catt-crossing]

just watched the cat returns with my dad and we both loved it hehe :]

[incorrect-fairytail]

Gray: How’s Lucy?

Natsu: Wendy healed her, but she’s pretty hopped up on pain meds.

Lucy: Oh! When did you start speaking French, Monsieur L’Baguette?

Natsu, in a bad French accent: Oh, as a bébé, mademoiselle!

Lucy: Oh, Oui Oui! Très bon! Oui oui oui!

Natsu: I’ve figured out it’s easier to play along. So did you get the guy?

Gray: No, he managed to escape, but Erza thinks she found his hideout.

Lucy: that’s it! His hideout is in the Forest of Enchanted Secrets! Let’s go!

Natsu: No, we can’t! We have to stay here and guard the Amulet of Destiny.

Lucy: Excellent point, your Highness.

Gray: Oh my gods what did Wendy give her? Anyways we gotta go meet Erza, Cmon.

Lucy: Natsu Natsu wait! I can’t wait for Wendy you gotta get this knife out of my back!

Natsu: Luce, Wendy took it out an hour ago.

Lucy: WHAT

[themidnightcircusshow]

@heartofstanding tagged me in this meme months ago and unfortunately it took me this long to get to it because I had a mild crisis over how long it's been since I've read a novel, let alone one that I loved 😅 so this is nine of my favourite novels (not books, because if I included manga/short stories/comics/etc this would be giant)

0The Picture of Dorian Gray -- Oscar Wilde// Pyrrhus-- Mark Merlis//The Scarecrow--Ronald Hugh Morrieson//Unnatural History--Kate Osman//Tunnels of Blood--Darren Shan//The Coffin Dancer--Jeffery Deaver//Hero--Perry Moore//Frankenstein--Mary Shelley//One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest-- Ken Kasey