#every saturday morning 9am PT

[whiskey-tango-matcha]

Downfall (pt 2/2)

See? I didn’t lie, part 2 is here and it’s only...11:00PM Sunday night lol. Wow guys, this part got long (like 3.5k words long. Oops.) and *sappy*. But, you know what I love about snz fic? We always give the people what they want. You see a smoking gun in act 1 you best believe it’s going off in act 3. Lmao. Also, I’m sorry if there’s continuity/grammar/spelling errors, I’ll read it through again in the morning and fix them I just can’t do it tonight haha.

Anyway! Hope you guys like the second part.

cw: Male, colds, contagion, mess, there is a passing-out moment in here as well. Shit gets wild lol. This part is heavily inspired by 3 prompts in my inbox, so if you sent a prompt it’s probably featured here!

Downfall - Pt 2

When Elijah opened his eyes Friday morning, he nearly cried in relief; after three full days of feeling like death, he finally, finally felt like he was on the other side of this shit.

The past two days had been a nightmare. After Greyson had called him Tuesday night and told him that not one but two other managers had gone down, Elijah had to mentally prepare himself for a full week of work with one of the worst colds he’d ever endured. He’d walked into the kitchen Wednesday morning stuffed to the gills with dayquil, cough syrup, and ibuprofen; a combination he was sure was actively taking years off of his life. Greyson was already hard at work, despite the fact that Elijah knew he’d been at the restaurant until well after midnight the night before.

“He lives!” Greyson said, throwing his arms up as though Elijah had just scored the winning goal for their nonexistent soccer team. “You look god-awful, and I’m so glad you’re here!”

Elijah coughed out a laugh, and Greyson lead them both into the office. “So, here’s the deal,” Greyson said as they both sat. “I told both Matt and Mark to stay home til Saturday – just to make sure they don’t infect anyone else. I closed the books at 50 covers tonight and tomorrow – and I know, it’s barely enough to cover labor, but we’re in survival mode here, so don’t give me that look. I got in at six, most of my prep for the evening is done, so I figured when we open I can throw on a button down and help on the floor while you expo back here during the rush. Does that all work for you?”

The GM blinked, blindsided. He knew Greyson was good in a shit situation, but damn; the kid should’ve been a fighter pilot or an ER doctor. “Yeah,” Elijah said, “sounds great, Grey.”

So that’s what they’d done. Both Wednesday and Thursday. Elijah had holed up in the office until the servers needed him for preshift, and Greyson had prepared his cooks for two weird nights of Elijah expoing. Service had been moderately slow both evenings, which would’ve been great, if it hadn’t allowed Elijah to hyper-focus on his lingering symptoms and Greyson to flit and fret over him every time he stepped into the kitchen.

“Do you need anything, Lij? Water? Tea? Meds?” The constant stream of mother-henning had eventually worn on everyone, and even Greyson’s cooks had finally said, “Chef, he’s fine.”

But they had gotten through it. Elijah had sneezed and coughed and cursed his way through garnishing dishes, and Greyson had awkwardly talked to tables until finally the week was nearly over. And now it was Friday, one day til the big wedding, and Elijah was finally, finally feeling better.

Elijah walked in at 9AM to a thankfully-empty kitchen; he’d told Greyson the night before to sleep in, prepare himself for the weekend, take some Emergen-C and be absolutely sure he wasn’t going to succumb to the rot Elijah had brought in, but he was surprised that the chef had actually listened to him. The GM placed his things down in their empty office and took a breath; it was going to be okay. Mark and Matt would be back for the wedding, they would be relatively slow tonight, and Saturday would be perfect. Manifest it, Lij, he said to himself, sitting at the desk and turning the computer on. Manifest it.

After an hour or so of paperwork, Elijah heard the back doors open as Greyson let himself in. The GM pushed away from the computer and cracked his neck, anticipating the usual barrage of word vomit Greyson was wont to spew out the moment he walked into the restaurant. “Morning, Chef,” he called out before even seeing Greyson, marveling at how much clearer his voice was today. Fuck that fucking cold.

Greyson stepped into the office and silently saluted his boss, a Starbucks cup adorning each of his hands. “Hey, boss,” he said, placing one in front of Elijah and one next to his own computer. The chef didn’t sit down; instead, he took off his hoodie, grabbed a clean coat from the back of his chair, and buttoned it up before snagging his drink and heading into the kitchen. Elijah swung himself around in his chair, dumbstruck.

“That’s it?” he asked, watching Greyson unpack his knives a few feet away. “‘Hey, boss’? No big gameplan? No huddle to discuss the week’s insanity? No bombardment of questions regarding my health?” Greyson huffed out a laugh, but Elijah wasn’t having it. “You didn’t even tell me what you got me to drink,” he said, holding up the mystery cup.

Greyson raised an eyebrow at his boss and bit back a smile. “It’s a chai,” he said, bemused. Elijah threw his hands up, flustered.

“The amount that that doesn’t address 90% of my questions is truly amazing,” he said, taking a long sip of his drink, which – certainly wasn’t a chai. The hell was that?

“I don’t know what second-rate Starbucks you stopped at, Chef, but this is definitely not a chai,” Elijah said, pushing the cup towards the door. “What is that? It’s like...something lemon.”

Greyson colored a bit and picked up his own cup to look at the sticker. “Ah, fuck,” he mumbled, striding back into the office and switching their cups. “Sorry ’bout that. I switched the cups.”

“What is it?” Elijah asked, his face seemingly stuck in a mask of disgust. “So that I can remember to never order it.”

Greyson rolled his eyes. “Have you ever ordered something from Starbucks that wasn’t a chai?” he asked, sipping his drink. Elijah shrugged and turned towards that computer again.

“Fair enough,” he said, waking the screen by shaking the mouse. He turned to Greyson again when the floorplan popped up on his screen. “Can we take a quick look at tonight together? Since Matt and Mark are still out? Do you think we should cut the covers off now, or go to 75?” Elijah squinted, his face nearly touching the screen in concentration. After a few moments of silence, he peeled himself away from the monitor to glance at the chef, who was – the fuck was he doing?

“The fuck are you doing?” Elijah asked, snapping Greyson out of his trance. The chef had been turned almost all the way around, facing the kitchen. Clearly he hadn’t heard a word Elijah said.

“Huh? Shit, sorry boss. Lost in thought,” Greyson said, turning back toward the GM. “Uhh… 75. Yeah, that looks good,” he finished, lamely. Elijah raised his eyebrows.

“What’s your problem today?” he asked, though not with malice. Greyson chuckled.

“Just got a lot on my mind, boss,” he said. “Big weekend. Week’s been long. I need to get back to prep, if that’s okay.” Elijah gave Greyson another look, but nodded after a moment and shooed him out. Greyson smiled at his boss, held his cup out in a false ‘cheers’. “I’ll be prepping in the back kitchen if you need me,” he said, and disappeared past the line into the back.

It wasn’t Elijah’s fault, he reasoned with himself later, that he hadn’t seen through the ruse. He’d just barely gotten over a monster of a cold; he was himself busy and stressed; it was early and he hadn’t had enough caffeine. He couldn’t be expected to decode what was wrong with Greyson every time the kid acted weird. However, he couldn’t help but kick himself when he finally realized – thirty minutes before service – what the weird-tasting drink the chef had gotten himself was. Aptly named, of course, and something Elijah himself had only had once before, courtesy of Greyson himself.

A medicine ball. Greyson had gotten himself a medicine ball.

***

He wasn’t sure how long he’d be able to keep this up, but it certainly wasn’t going to be through tomorrow’s wedding.

Greyson sat down, fully clothed, on the toilet and put his head in his hands for the third time that day. The fact that Elijah hadn’t noticed at this point was a mix of pure dumb luck and more sudafed than a human person should ever in their life consume. He assumed the former would begin to run out soon, as the latter had hours ago.

“Huhh...HNGSTH! NTSH! ITZSH! Fuck – HNGTSZHUE! Goddamn it.”

Greyson pulled a length of toilet paper from the roll and blew his nose until it made him cough. He checked his watch as he threw the toilet paper into the trashcan next to him – 9:15PM. When he’d stepped into this bathroom, dodging Elijah as he locked the door, all but one of the tables had left. He’d go back to the line, he’d tell Leo, his grill cook who’d been there nearly as long as he had, to check that everyone had cleaned thoroughly, and he’d sneak out the back before Elijah could question him.

And then what? Greyson asked himself as he stood and washed his hands. You somehow make a miraculous recovery between now and tomorrow morning? Have you seen how this shit took down Elijah, Mark, and Matt?

Greyson ignored the voice in his head and dried his hands. He assumed Elijah hadn’t noticed because they were both wildly busy before service, and once service had started, they were both worn thin being the only managers in their departments for the third day in a row. Greyson had managed to keep the congestion out of his voice with the aforementioned sudafed, and he had taken his happy ass to the bathroom or out back to ‘smoke’ when he really needed to sneeze or cough all night. Elijah had definitely given him some looks through the evening, but nothing Greyson couldn’t brush off by pulling a ticket distractedly and not making eye contact.

Tomorrow, though? When Matt and Mark were both going to be back, and they were all going to be prepping their asses off for the wedding? He genuinely had no idea what he was going to do to keep them from noticing.

Greyson exited the bathroom, stealthily managing to avoid his boss as he slipped into the kitchen. He gathered his things, put Leo in charge, and was nearly out the door, nearly safe, when -

“Chef!” Elijah called behind him, making him freeze in his tracks just outside the back door. Fuck.

“Yeah, boss?” Greyson asked, turning to face Elijah and hoping he didn’t look like the garbage fire he felt. Elijah crossed his arms over his chest in the cold of the alleyway and motioned to Greyson’s entire being.

“You leaving?” he asked tapping his foot. Greyson managed a smile and lifted his backpack and knife bag a little for inspection.

“Is it obvious?” he asked, quietly clearing his throat to mask the gravel of his voice. Elijah didn’t say anything for a few moments.

“Leo shutting down the line?” he asked. Greyson nodded, swallowing around a throat on fire.

“Yeah,” he said. “Did you uh…ndeed something from mbe?” Fuck.

Elijah gave Greyson a pointed look. “Grey,” he said, voice low. “If you’re sick, you need to tell me. Now.”

Greyson felt his cheeks redden, but he immediately shook his head. “I’mb good,” he said, cursing once again the congestion that had sneaked into his voice. “Promise. I gotta go, I’mb gonna mbiss mby train.” Without missing a beat, the chef turned around and headed towards the street, hoping his boss couldn’t see him stifle nearly ten sneezes into his fist as he walked.

This was not going to end well.

***

It was worse than Elijah could have even imagined.

When Elijah walked into the restaurant that morning, the first thing he did was text Greyson.

9:01AM

Hey. I’m here, is there anything you want me to pull out/start on before you get in?

9:01AM

Also, how are you feeling?

Normally, he’d get a response in moments; when Greyson wasn’t at work, the man was glued to his phone, playing some stupid game or messaging one of his fifty Bumble suitors he kept on the line at all times. I get bored, he often said to Elijah. One starts annoying me, BOOM! Onto the next.

Today, though, nearly twenty minutes passed before Elijah’s phone buzzed in his pocket. He pulled it out immediately and couldn’t help but wince at the text the chef sent.

9:18AM

great. no. ill be there in 20.

Anyone who texted with Greyson more than once in their life knew that if he wasn’t being his multi-exclamation-point, constant-joke-and-lol self over text, he was probably close to death. Elijah typed out an ‘ok’ to the chef, before making a thread with Matt and Mark.

9:31AM

Elijah

Hey, guys. Just making sure you’re both on your way in. Greyson’s gonna be down bad. Need all hands on deck asap.

9:32AM

Mark

???? is he ok??? down bad in what way?

9:33AM

Matt

ya, coming now. figured chef would’ve gone down by now. should I bring anything?

9:34AM

Elijah

Just your stamina. Gonna be a long day. Thx.

9:34AM

Mark

no one answered my ?

im so confused

oh

OH

shit, I knew I got greyson sick. fuuuuuuuuck. sorry, boss :(

9:35AM

Elijah

All good. Inevitable. Let’s just get this day done.

Elijah clicked his phone off and sighed. He could go for a whiskey, or even just a long, drawn out scream about now, but a cigarette and a prayer would have to do him. Twelve hours until the wedding was over.

***

How Greyson managed to make it to work was anyone’s guess, him included.

The chef pushed through the back doors and before he could even get past the prep kitchen he was doubled over, sneezing into the sleeve of his hoodie.

“HhhIGSTZH-ue! HuhESHHH-ue! HRRTSCHZUE! NGTSHZUE! Christ, fuck,” Greyson muttered, wiping his nose on his sleeve for what he could only wish he could say was the first time that morning. He cleared his throat, which was for naught since he could barely speak, and continued his trudge into the main kitchen.

When Greyson had made it home last night, he told himself he’d be able to continue to hide his burgeoning illness. He thought maybe more medicine, some Vick’s, and a good night’s sleep would give him the upper hand against it. He’d told himself he was stronger than his coworkers, that his immune system wouldn’t fail him on one of the most important days of his career.

Oh, how the mighty will fall.

“HhNGTSHHZUE! ITSZH-uhh! Fuuuuck,” Greyson moaned, stumbling into the thankfully-empty office and yanking a handful of tissues from the box on the desk. He wiped his nose, unwilling to unleash the volley of sneezes he knew would be behind a nose blow, and pressed his palms into his eyes to try and relieve some of the pressure. Who the fuck gets a cold this fucking bad, Elijah, he wondered silently.

As if conjured, Greyson felt his phone buzz with a text from his boss.

10:07AM

Bless. That sounds fucking awful.

Could a guy not get a moment’s peace in this fucking place?

10:08AM

i should call the cdc’s biohazard unit on u for unleashing this shit onto us.

An admission, but what else was he supposed to do? Elijah could hear him in the dining room. The game was over. Greyson put his head back into his hands until he heard his boss’s footsteps click into the kitchen.

“...chef?” Elijah asked, and Greyson wearily lifted his head.

“Mornding,” Greyson croaked, before turning to the side to cough, crackly and painful-sounding, into his sleeve. He felt something get placed on the desk next to him, and when he finally was able to compose himself he saw it was a Starbucks cup. Greyson smiled, weary.

“Chai?” he asked, picking up the cup. Elijah huffed out a laugh.

“Something like that,” he said, moving to sit next to Greyson. “Now, hear me out. I think I have a gameplan.”

***

At five o’clock, Elijah finally went to rouse the man of the hour with a knock on the office door.

“Chef,” he said, trying to wake Greyson as gently as possible. “Grey. We need you for plate-up.” Greyson nodded blearily and, with the help of both Matt and Elijah, managed to get to his feet.

It had been an interesting day for sure. Elijah’s plan had been for Greyson to try and help with some of the more intricate parts of prep in the morning, and then lay down from noon until it was go time, but that had proved nearly impossible.

Greyson had managed to prep for about three minutes at a time before dissolving into nasty coughing fits that lasted minutes at a time, or absolutely relentless bouts of -

“HTSHH-ue! HRSHH-ue! Hhuhh…NGTSHZUE! ITSZHUE! Huhh-ETSHZCH-oo!”

“Christ, boss,” Matt said, attempting a laugh after a particularly intense fit of sneezes, “When you go down you really go – oh, fuck.” In teasing his boss, Matt nearly missed Greyson’s eyes rolling back into his head and his knees buckling as he lost consciousness for a moment. “ELIJAH!” Matt called, catching his boss and lowering him to the ground as gracefully as possible.

Once they’d managed to get Greyson back to a standing position, Elijah had decided it was too risky to let him continue to be...vertical. Greyson had laid out for Matt exactly what he needed him to do to finish preparing the food, and retreated to the blanket fort they had all heavily utilized this week for a sleep that more closely resembled a coma than anything restorative.

Matt, Elijah, and even Mark had managed to finish the prep Greyson had worked so hard on that week by four PM. Once they felt ready, the three of them gathered in front of the office to stare at the racked-out chef.

“Should we… ask him if everything looks okay?” Mark had asked, ringing his hands. Matt and Elijah exchanged a look before Elijah shook his head.

“I think… I think he’ll be okay with just about anything at this point,” Elijah said. The other two nodded, unwilling to take this precious moment of sleep away from the chef.

When the guests were all seated and ready for first courses, it was, of course, Elijah’s job to wake the sleeping bear. Greyson, ever the trooper, took his place at the pass and regarded the three of them with all the pride he could muster.

“Thangk you guys. Really,” he said, his voice barely a whisper. “Ndow. Let’s get this shit over w – HGSTHH-ue! Snrf. Guhh,” Greyson held tight to the granite counter top and pulled himself back to his full height.

“Let’s get this done,” he said, pulling out his tweezers. “And whend it’s over, I’mb ndot answering mby phone for a fuckigg week.”

They all managed a laugh. They all assumed their positions for plating and running food. This certainly wasn’t the glamorous job it was portrayed in the movies, but they did have something all that media never seemed to truly capture; they had each other, and this place that all of them thought of as not a second, but a true home.

Greyson cleared his throat as the first of the servers came through the doors, bearing labeled sheets with seat numbers. “Order in!” he called, and they all put their heads down and began their work.

[madeleinejubileesaito]

from the beginning | "arm in arm" from this essay by Britt Wray

[imaginesandinserts]

Irreverent Pt. 45 - Je t'aime

Title: Irreverent Pt. 45 - Je t'aime Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x Reader Rating: M Words: ~8K

Irreverent Series Masterlist

Aaron was seated in his office on the last day before the mandatory BAU Christmas holidays. Come rain, shine, or serial killers, he was determined to get the entire team a well deserved break. There was an excited buzz in the bullpen that had settled in over the past couple of days. Morgan and Garcia were headed back to Chicago, Rossi was set to spend time with Strauss and her family, JJ and Will were hosting his brood from New Orleans, and Prentiss was making an obligatory visit to her mother. The entire team was set to reunite on New Year's Eve before heading back to work bright and early January 2nd.

He'd already worked out a straggler group of back up agents in the event something really did come up, but otherwise everyone was under strict orders to relax. Aaron, especially, was determined not to take a single work related call the entire week and a half. You'd been away - God only knew where anymore, he'd lost track a while back - but you'd worked it out with Clyde so that you'd be free for Christmas in Paris with him and Jack. Aaron would be lying if he said he was anything less than absolutely thrilled to have the chance to get away with you and Jack. Jack had been bouncing off the walls since the week prior when his vacation had started, and was looking forward to your return and the trip just as much as Aaron was. It wasn't lost on him that this was the first trip the two of you were actually managing to take, despite numerous conversations with that intent.

Both him and Dave were going through the year end reviews and finalizing everyone's bonuses in his office, when there is a knock at his door, prompting both of them to look up.

"Hey," you smile at the threshold, causing his heart to leap just slightly at the sight of you. You stood there, leaning against his doorway, wearing a thick coat and looking like you'd just gotten off the longest flight of your life. He hadn't seen you in over three weeks - right around Thanksgiving, which he'd had to leave halfway through due to a case. Leaving you and Jack behind during a holiday had made him even more determined to make sure that your Christmas plans went off without a hitch.

"Hi!" His smile could be heard in his voice as he eagerly gestures you in, resisting the urge to get up and grab you in front of Dave. Not that Dave would mind really, but there had already been one too many sexual harassment seminars the past few months and everyone was keen on avoiding a repeat. He'd had to have a rather uncomfortable conversation with both Morgan and Garcia, which he knew had fallen on deaf ears. When he'd told you this over the phone, you'd laughed at his misfortune and proceeded to suggest things the two of you could do around the office to garner a special seminar for yourselves.

You shake your head smiling wider at his reaction and nodding a greeting towards Dave, but otherwise not wanting to interrupt. "I just wanted to see if I could get a ride home." You'd obviously taken a cab straight to Quantico from the airport, likely wanting to get your report to McKinney before the three of you flew out the next day. You were already cutting it close to the wire - originally he'd expected you back a couple of days ago.  

"Yeah, of course. We'll be wrapping up soon," he says, gesturing towards the pile of paperwork sitting between him and Dave.

"Take your time. I'm going to go say hello to everyone. Just wanted to make sure I caught you before you left me stranded here," you joke with a slight laugh. God he'd missed that laugh. The phone was a poor substitute for the real thing. "Rossi, let me know if you need anything for the party."

"Just you, kid. It's been a while," Dave responds and Aaron can tell he's quite happy to see you as well. If it had been three weeks for Aaron, it had been quite a bit longer for everyone else since they'd last set eyes on you.

You depart with a nod and another sweet smile that really tests his self control, closing the door behind you as you go. Dave turns to him, eyebrows slightly raised in a manner Aaron is far too familiar at being on the receiving end of. "This is what, three weeks now?" he asks. Aaron is fully aware he's being scrutinized for some sort of reaction.

"She likes it. She's good at it. I won't discourage her from doing what she wants to do," Aaron responds in a practiced manner. Dave had been on him ever since New York. He'd been the only one to really pick up on the fact that something had been off with the two of you that final night, or at least the only one brave enough to bring it up with him directly. If Morgan or Prentiss had said anything to you, he hadn't heard about it. Dave had cautioned him - reminded him of his own second marriage to Hayden which had fallen apart because their career aspirations hadn't lined up. Aaron hardly thought that was the case with the two of you, and had been quick to brush it off. There was no conflict between you and him when it came to your jobs. He missed you, sure. Of course he did. But it wasn't going to be this way forever. You hated the separation and grueling schedule just as much as he did. You were merely determined to see this through. The real reason for the conflict in New York was not something he was about to share with Dave. That was between you and him.

Which was not to say that the job wasn't taking a toll of its own. He had of course noticed how overworked and stressed out you had seemed leading into the holidays - even with the scant few times he got to actually be around you. You were really trying to hold it all together but the demands of the job were starting to take over and he realized that your role was a lot more like what Prentiss's must've been when she was playing the role of Lauren Reynolds. You would come back every couple weeks and try to make up for your absence - being his comfort when the two of you happened to be home at the same time, catching up with the team, cheering for Jack at his soccer games and being the loudest spectator possible. You'd even wrangled Prentiss into waking up early one Saturday, and the two of you had sat at the sidelines with coffee cups that he was certain weren't coffee at all. He'd given Prentiss a disapproving look, knowing that was entirely her doing and she'd retorted by telling him that if she was going to be cheering on his child at a 9AM soccer game on her one day off, then he had to be alright with her bringing along incentives. You'd thrown him an apologetic look when Emily was distracted, sitting in your chair, waving around a sign for Jack's team. His expression had softened considerably at the sight of you fully bundled up, as you tried to get in time with both Emily and Jack. You were trying.

When asked how the assignment with Interpol was going, your response hadn't been what he had hoped for. You'd told him that you were starting to have an odd feeling about the case - nothing identifiable or obvious, but something was off. You couldn't tell him the details, and when he'd mentioned speaking with McKinney, you'd gotten an odd look on your face that gave him pause. You'd explained it away as you not wanting to appear incompetent in front of the Director, but he can tell there's something more to it - something even you weren't able to pinpoint quite yet, he thought.

In the aftermath of New York, you'd kept up your side of the bargain remarkably well. The two of you had discussed quite a lot more about you and John and your collective history. Learning more about the dynamic there definitely helped him make sense of John's overall interaction with him at the bar that night. While he still wasn't thrilled to learn about this older boy that had been around your whole life, planning a relationship with you, he could see how it wasn't exactly as inappropriate as it appeared on paper. There had been an endearing quality to John and he didn't have to be a profiler to know that there was a great amount of love and respect there, on both of your parts. Finding out that John's father - your godfather, Uncle Robert - had been the one to tell you the truth about Julian's death and then subsequently been there to help you in the aftermath - it was no wonder you had been as close to John and his family as you had.

Even the one thing that should've given him pause - learning that your motivation for joining the Bureau was rooted in revenge against your father - hadn't been quite the shock it should've been. Surprisingly, that part he was easily able to wrap his brain around, especially when he reconsidered your interview. There had been a near desperation to it beneath the veneer of preparedness and confidence that you'd exuded that day - which explained why you'd gone so far and beyond expectations to secure your spot. Aaron was easily able to overlook that when he learned how quickly you'd set it all aside in the hope of having a true fresh start.

He wouldn't kid himself and think he knows everything there was to know about you - that would be unreasonable. Even he had things in his life that you didn't know about yet. However, he feels like the two of you are in a much better place, and the ease with which you had actually opened up to him gave him hope that it could only get better.

*------------*

You woke up early the following morning, despite having felt dead on your feet the day prior. You'd spent the past three weeks going from Bulgaria to Hungary to Romania, chasing down leads with Clyde. You're pretty certain you're closing in on your target. You only hope that things will go smoothly, despite that pit in your stomach telling you to look deeper, further - there was something not quite right about the case. Something tingling at the edges of your mind with a foreboding familiarity. Aaron had asked last time how the case was going and you'd been in much the same place, unable to put a finger on what was wrong - just that something was.

However, that morning, with the early sunshine sweeping into your bedroom and Aaron still warm and asleep behind you, the case was definitely on the back burner. You're determined to enjoy your vacation. It had been three weeks since you'd really been around Jack and Aaron, and you've started feeling like a negligent partner and parent to them both. They don't complain - they never do - but you've started missing stuff. Soccer games and holiday recitals have fallen through and while Jack doesn't say anything you know he's disappointed. You hated missing out on these milestones with him.

The last time you'd been home, you'd done your best to get the entire house ready for Christmas. Aaron had had to leave the  Friday after Thanksgiving for a case, so that had given you and Jack two days to transform the entire house into a winter wonderland. You'd had to figure out how to get a tree - something you'd never bothered with for yourself - however, once you did, both you and Jack had had a ball decorating it entirely. He'd been able to put up the star on top using a step ladder and you'd sent a photo to Aaron as you'd be gone by the time he returned. Aaron had come home to string lights around the entire exterior of the house, all the décor changed to fit a seasonal theme, and one of the largest Christmas trees he'd ever seen, decked out entirely - Jack's handmade ornaments from every year on prime display.

Those two days with just you and Jack felt like an eternity ago now as you laid in bed, head facing the windows as Aaron is wrapped behind you, his breath warm at the back of your neck, his arm weighing you down pleasantly. You'd missed him quite a bit. It made you feel like some sort of clingy, needy girlfriend with how entirely you'd pined for him the entire time you'd been apart. You'd never really been like this around anyone else, but Aaron made it so that around him you can't help but be the softer and more delicate version of yourself. Last night, being reunited with him, being cradled in his strong arms, having his lips brush and press and move against your own, the scent of Irish spring and the woodsy balm overtaking your senses, being with him once again wholly - it had been so entirely long that the gravity of the complete experience had been profusely overwhelming in an entirely unexpected manner. Through the rush of endorphins and the haze of the moment and the sheer ecstasy coursing through you, you hadn't realized you were crying in the aftermath until Aaron had looked at you with quite a bit of concern. You couldn't explain it. So Aaron held you, pressing warm kisses to your face as he let himself settle on top, crushing you in the best of ways and leaving the two of you blissfully connected.

You must've fallen asleep soon afterwards, because you're on your side and you can tell someone had cleaned you up. You're dressed in one of his T-shirts, that is far too big on you, to protect from the chill, and you know that must've been his doing. He knows how you despise feeling cold. Even now, he's entirely wrapped around you, one arm under your pillow, the other draped across your middle, one leg jutted between both of yours. He wouldn't let you feel cold - not when he could be your personal heater.

Aaron had packed for the both of you before you got back, having received a list from you on everything you'd need for the trip. You wouldn't trust most people, but Aaron was good at sticking to lists and anticipating anything additional. That made the morning before your departure much simpler as the three of you got ready and ate breakfast at a leisurely pace, leaving plenty of time to arrive early at the airport despite the snow covering the roads. You're certain to run into the holiday crush of travelers, so you give yourselves plenty of time prior to the flight.

Jack had breezed through security and you place your coat and shoes on the beltway, before walking through and being reprimanded by a loud beeping noise. Groaning, you go back and check your pockets for anything left. Aaron is still waiting, keeping an eye on Jack who was already through. You're about to admit defeat when you realize it might be the jewelry you have on still.

"Help me out?" you ask, turning to Aaron and moving your hair out of the way for him.

He's quick to move his fingers to your neck, feeling around for the clasp and undoing the necklace you haven't taken off since he gave it to you for your birthday. You turn around to face him with a smile of gratitude, "Hang on to that, will you? I'll come back for it," you tease, eager to keep up the fun and flirty mood that the two of you had embraced fully.

Aaron smiles and nods, gesturing you forward, as he watches you walk through the metal detectors once more, successfully this time. He walks through, holding on to your necklace, and the TSA guys give it the once over with their wand, before allowing the three of you to pass. Aaron is quick to help you get your necklace back on as you all get your coats and shoes past security. He loved that you wore it all the time - a very visible sign of him with you always.

The three of you had arrived at the gate with about an hour to spare prior to boarding, and Jack had located a spot for you to sit. Aaron mans the carry on bags while you and Jack wander around the terminal and into the stores to keep entertained. When you come back, Aaron can see a plaid scarf around Jack that hadn't been there before. He looks up at you, eyebrow raised in some amusement that you'd managed to shop before you even departed.

"Got you a matching one," you tell him, taking a second scarf out of your bag and wrapping it around Aaron's neck as Jack laughs at his father's exaggerated disgruntlement. "There," you tell him, adjusting the scarf properly and smiling down at him, "You look great - very continental."

"I'm sure the French will appreciate my continental attire," he snarks gently, grabbing onto your hand that's still fussing with the scarf and dragging you towards the seats.

"Europe is cold," you defended yourself as you sit down beside him, Jack happily engaged with his book that he'd grabbed out of your purse, while Aaron shakes his head at you, a small smile on his face as you leaned into him when he wrapped an arm around your shoulders. The only shops open were high end designer ones and he could only guess how much you'd just paid for two scarves.

Once the three of you board and are settled into the family pod area that you'd booked, with Jack settled into the window seat and already reading again, Aaron has the chance to voice a question he's been thinking ever since both you and Jack had looked at him oddly when he'd started to make his way to the back of the line for boarding. He hadn't realized you'd booked First Class tickets for the trip and to be fair, it was probably for the best that he hadn't because he's certain he would've protested against it. However now, seated quite comfortably for the next eight hours, he's having a hard time finding anything wrong with it.

"Have you ever even flown Coach?" he asks, a slightly bemused look on his face as he takes in his surroundings. He has the realization that there is a high chance Jack will never be flying Coach - not if you have anything to say about it.

You're seated between the two of them, legs folded underneath you. "Do I detect some judgement there?" you ask, making sure that Jack is well situated and knows where all the controls are.

"Not judgement," he hedges, "Curiosity."

"Mmhm, sure," you say, having ensured that Jack was alright, and moving once again to lean against Aaron. You'd been incredibly touchy the last day or so and took every opportunity to be near him. He wasn't exactly complaining. "For the record, yes. Once," you tell him, as his arm comes to wrap around your waist, squeezing firmly and dragging you closer. "Back in high school, when I was attending Le Rosey in Switzerland my junior year, John and I surprised Julian for his birthday and met up in Ibiza. My father would've noticed a First Class ticket on my card but an Economy one could slip through the cracks," you reveal, remembering all the lies and maneuvering you'd had to do to ensure you wouldn't be caught sneaking out of school.

Aaron chuckles at the thought of an Economy airplane ticket going unnoticed on a teenager's credit card. He appreciated that you could tell him a story involving John so casually now, as he listened to you telling him all about how they'd snuck you into all of the clubs and how you'd spent an evening dancing with the Hilton sisters. It was nice to have come as far as the two of you had since New York. Dave wasn't correct in his assessment of the tension between you and Aaron. There really wasn't tension as much as there was agony at how much the two of you had been apart lately. Last night had been proof of that for him, the entire experience having been torturously, wonderfully, shattering for you both. Being able to just hold you in his arms once again, having you solid and real next to him, that's what he'd been wretchedly craving in your time apart. Mindful of his son seated just a foot away, he places a quick kiss to the side of your neck as the two of you continue chatting. This. He'd really missed this.

*------------*

Christmas Eve marked the third day of your stay in Paris. The first day, you'd landed and hit the Notre Dame, walked along the Siene eating croissants, and ended the evening back at your hotel, where the in house restaurant boasted a remarkable night time view of the Eiffel tower. Both you and Aaron considered yourselves lucky that Jack was old enough and interested enough in everything to really enjoy all of the food and sights. He was also taking his job as photographer very seriously, as you'd gotten him a little camera for the trip, and would make you and Aaron pose multiple times just to get the right shot. The second day, the jet lag caught up with the three of you as you went from museum to museum, braving the crowds, finally collapsing at a Creperie for a late lunch. You'd finished off the night with ice skating over looking the Eiffel tower and a traditional French dinner, during which Jack had been brave enough to try escargot. He might not have enjoyed it, but at least he hadn't spit it out.

That morning, Aaron awoke first, feeling like he'd woken up from the best night's sleep he'd had in quite some time. You were still asleep next to him, your chest rising and falling slowly with every deep breath. He hadn't woken before you the last couple of mornings, which had alerted him to the fact that you hadn't been sleeping too well. You only woke up first on the nights when sleep was hard to come by for you. However, right then, with your face peaceful and your body warm and soft against his, tucked securely beneath the large blanket, it appeared that you'd finally managed to get past whatever had been keeping you from getting the rest you truly needed. He adjusts so he can hold you easier, careful not to move too much so as to disrupt you.

Through the grogginess of the early morning, he can make out the sun peaking through the curtains, the snow fall promised nowhere in sight, and the clock on the wall indicates that it is still relatively early. He finds himself just watching you, taking in the way your eyes flutter ever so slightly, your dark lashes kissing your cheeks, the way your lips are still delicately swollen from his ardent attentions the night prior, and the darkening marks smattering your skin, speaking to his claim on you. He's well aware that there are near mirror image bruises coloring his own body - proof that he's just as much yours as you are his. It's that possessive streak that he has never quite been able to shake when it came to you. That first time with you, it had merely slipped out - a manifestation of the more primal side of him that sought to own you fully - keep you for himself. He'd thought it would wane - dwindle more and more after each time and yet it persisted - persevered and thrived at your permission - equal possession over him, the only levy imposed.

He's broken out of his covetous examination of you by a quiet knock at the door and Jack's voice coming through. Quickly, he gets out of bed, tying a robe around himself and making sure you're fully covered, before he answers the door to his son.

"Good morning, buddy," he greets, stepping outside so as to not rouse you. "You sleep okay?"

"Yeah. I'm hungry," Jack answers, following him to the couch in the common area, where it was evident from the book and video games that Jack had been up for some time already.

Aaron looks at the time again, and decides it would be an appropriate time to grab some breakfast. Instructing Jack to get showered and dressed, he heads back to your room. He's reluctant to wake you - not when you're finally getting some sleep. So, making a quick decision, he goes to shower and texts your phone to inform you that the two of them stepped out to grab some food and would bring some back for you. As he leaves the bathroom, you're still asleep, your breath fluttering the hair that had fallen into your face. He leans down and moves it away, pressing a soft kiss to your forehead, before wrapping the blankets closer around you. As he moves towards the door, he pauses as you finally shift, grabbing his pillow in your sleep and pulling it closer, wrapping your arms around it in lieu of him, your eyes still shut tight.

Aaron and Jack, bundled up in knit hats and the scarves from the airport, trudge through some snow on the pavement, walking down a few blocks from the hotel, towards a café you'd pointed out the day prior as having good coffee and pastries. Figuring Jack wouldn't be averse to pastries, the two of them headed down, talking about the day's plans. There was a holiday cruise down the river planned for lunch, with shopping afterwards. Interestingly for Aaron, Jack was actually looking forward to the shopping. You'd shown him some of the children's clothing magazine catalogs and he had his eye on some items apparently. Aaron can't help but laugh a bit at the pieces of Jack's personality you've ended up impacting - giving him a taste for all the finer things in life. Which was not to say that Jack was entirely spoilt, but the kid had an eye for color and style that was definitely not a product of him nor Haley.

The two of them settled into a table inside, grateful to be out of the chill, and ordered what was likely Jack's fifth croissant since you'd all landed a couple of days ago. Aaron looks around the café that is decorated for Christmas with wreaths at the register and at each booth and a large tree in the corner, and he can quite easily picture you here back in college, dressed primly, seated at one of the tables outside in the summertime with a glass of wine as you watched people walk by the bustling side street.

"What was your favorite piece in the museums yesterday?" he asks Jack as the waiter drops off a coffee for him and a hot chocolate for Jack. Jack was firmly of the opinion that French hot chocolate was superior. Aaron was of the opinion that it was nothing but pure melted chocolate that would rot his teeth, but the two of you had ganged up against him and Jack was allowed to have it as long as they were in Paris, under the agreement that he would never ask for it back home. This was to be a purely vacation only indulgence.

Jack considers the question, appearing deep in thought as he dips a piece of croissant into the chocolate and pops it into his mouth. "The Hercules one - the one Y/N got a picture of me with," Jack responds finally, thinking back to how you'd told him the entire story of the sculpture artist at the Museo d'Orsay - really putting your Art History degree to use. "It looked like Hercules from the movie. They should've had one of Meg too, though."

Aaron chuckles and decides to get that photo framed for his office.

The two of them chat a bit more about the different sculptures and paintings from the day prior, and Aaron was proud to note that Jack could pick out how a lot of Monet's work looked like the watercolors that spanned the walls back home. Between the piano and his interest in art, there was a good chance that Jack was going to turn out far more creative than either one of you.

"I think Y/N has it planned so we can go picnic in front of the Eiffel tower tomorrow," Aaron says while they wait for the waiter. You'd found a company that set up picnics with heated lamps in the grass lawn overlooking the tower and had been quick to schedule one for the three of you following a morning of apartment hunting. You all were set to meet with your realtor who had picked out three places that suited all of your needs. He knew that Jack was very intrigued by the idea of picking out an apartment in Paris that they could come back to anytime. Aaron himself had been a little reluctant when you'd told him about it - not so much because you were buying an apartment, but because you truly seemed to want his input on the matter. It had taken some convincing for him to realize that you genuinely meant it and the thought had filled him up with a glow - the realization that you were just as much thinking of the two of you together for the future as much as he was.

Jack nods most likely seeing another opportunity to talk you into buying him more pastries. However, Aaron can tell his son has something more he wants to say, so he pauses and waits, making no move to get up as the waiter drops his card back at the table.

"That man last night," Jack begins, fidgeting a bit in his seat, "when he proposed to his girlfriend - that means they're gonna get married, right?" he asks, looking up at Aaron with a peculiar expression on his face.

Aaron thinks back to last night when the three of you had gone ice skating, which was what Jack was referring to. You'd all gotten there in the evening and rented skates, Jack zooming off ahead, his time practicing with Jess and his cousins having paid off. Aaron himself hadn't skated in years and you had to hold his hand as he struggled around the perimeter of the rink. You were of course an excellent skater - you'd reminded him that your Swiss boarding school had a winter campus and ice skating and skiing were practically mandatory activities. The two of you skated around slowly, one eye on Jack, with your hands clasped tightly together to avoid being separated in the throng of skaters. It had been a cold evening and a light snowfall had begun. He watched other couples move by hand in hand, everyone enamored with the lit up tower behind the rink - the everlasting symbol of love and romance. He'd encouraged you to go on ahead and skate with Jack after a while - leaving him to cling to the edge and snap photos of the two of you. You'd been reluctant, but he'd insisted, so you'd carefully left him, ensuring he had a tight grip and was firmly leaned against the boundary. Aaron had watched as you quickly weaved through the other skaters, getting to Jack just as the snowfall began in earnest. You reached Jack and grabbed him, helping him accomplish the leap he'd been attempting for the past ten minutes. He watched as you helped his son up when he fell down and brushed him off, making sure he wasn't hurt. The two of you skated past him a few times, hand in hand as the wisps of snow settled in your hair, your eyes twinkling with joy as you and Jack dashed around the rink - the string lights around the arena serving as your halo.

The man Jack was referring to had indeed proposed to his girlfriend on the ice, drawing the attention of the entire crowd. You and Jack had found yourselves next to Aaron as the man knelt down on one knee and asked his girlfriend to be his wife. Aaron hadn't been able to look at anything but you while you watched the proposal, your arms wrapped around Jack as he stood in front of you, a large grin on your face. He'd looked beside him at the two of you - you and Jack - and he'd known that everything he needed in the world was right next to him.

The crowd had cheered for the new to-be-wed couple, clapping and congratulating them. Jack had clapped, as had you, turning to look at Aaron who bore a curious expression on his face. However, when your eyes met his, his heartbeat sped up as he took you in entirely - your reddened nose and flushed cheeks, the childlike excitement for the couple, how you had one hand gripped around Jack at all times to make sure he was alright, your eyes gleaming as though starlight - it had been enough to give him heart palpitations.

"Yes, they're going to get married," he confirms, nodding at Jack, and wondering where exactly this train of thought was leading.

It's quiet for a few seconds as Jack seems to think through his next words. "Jeffrey's dad proposed to his girlfriend, and they got married, and now he calls her his mom."

Aaron vaguely recalls a boy named Jeffrey from Jack's class, however he hadn't known quite so much about his family life. "When parents get married, that can happen," he acknowledged, having an idea of what Jack was getting at now.

"Are you going to propose to Y/N?"

Well, he hadn't quite thought his son would be that blunt about it, and it gives Aaron pause, wondering what exactly was the right thing to say to a six year old on the matter. "Jack, do you want to call Y/N your mom?" he asks, countering with his own question, before he decides how he wants to answer Jack's.

Jack contemplates the question, his fingers fidgeting again with his jacket, and Aaron is struck once again by how much of you is in him. "Jeffrey said his new mom packs his lunches and picks him up and helps with his homework. Y/N does all of that too, even if she isn't here, she helps with homework when we talk."

His son was smarter than he gave him credit for, that much was quite evident to Aaron in that moment.

"Jack, if you would like to call Y/N mom, then that's something you can definitely do. You just need to ask her if it's alright first." The two of you hadn't quite discussed it, but he was pretty confident you'd be nothing short of thrilled if Jack approached you for this.

"But I can't," Jack insists with a huff as if Aaron wasn't quite understanding what he was trying to say. "Not until you marry her. That's the rule."

Aaron sighs, running a hand through his hair as he looks at his son, lower lip jutted out the slightest bit in his annoyance with his father in that moment. "Jack, if I tell you a secret, can you promise that you won't tell Y/N?"

Jack loved secrets. He'd been more than happy to help keep the two of you being together a secret on the occasions he happened to be around the team prior to the two of you being exposed. Jack nods eagerly and leans in, the very picture of interest.

"Now, I need you to be very very sure that you can keep this secret, because it's really important," Aaron cautions, still a little unsure of himself. Jack nods fervently face scrunched up in utmost concentration. "I am going to propose to Y/N - very soon."

Jack's eyes widen and the grin that splits out on his face tells Aaron everything he needs to know about how his son feels about this news. "You guys are gonna get married? Really?"

"If she says yes, then yes we will get married. But, Jack, you have to be careful. Y/N doesn't know yet and it'll be a lot more special if it's a surprise. So, you can't tell her or anyone else - your teacher, your friends, no one. Not even Uncle Rossi. Do you think you can do that?"

"I promise Daddy. I won't tell Y/N or anyone," his son states, a determined note in his voice as he does.

"Thank you Jack," Aaron says, as the two of them stand to leave, a box of pastries and a cup of coffee in hand for you, to take back to the hotel.

By the time the two of them get back, you'd already awoken and gotten dressed for the day and you greet Jack with a smile and a hug, sweeping him into your arms. In that moment, Aaron knows without a doubt that he's about to make the absolute best decision of his life in asking you to marry him.

*------------*

Jack was too excited and had woken the two of you up bright and early to congregate by the tree in the common room, under which you'd all placed your presents when you first arrived. Christmas Eve night, Jack had paraded out after dinner in a red and green flannel pajama set to set the mood for Christmas. It turned out, the two of you had planned this and there were matching pants waiting for him as well when he exited the shower. He exited to the common room in his towel, holding the pants in his hand, only to find the two of you cuddled on the couch reading together, with you dressed in the exact same set. Aaron had grumbled light heartedly about the matching outfits, but that morning, with the snow falling outside the window and your Christmas playlist on in the background, it really did feel quite perfect.

Jack went first, opening up the presents from both you and Aaron - a new video game for his handheld console that he'd brought along and a beginner's book of sheet music for the two of you to tackle next.

You go next, opening Jack's present first, revealing artwork for you to keep at your desk, along with a note instructing you to ask Aaron for the next piece of the present.

Raising your eyebrow at the two of them, you turn to Aaron and hand him the note.

"So, you know how Rossi messed up recording the Holiday Recital?" he asks, a grin on his face as you catch him winking at Jack.

You nod. You'd given him some grief about it as he'd been in charge of making sure a recording made its way to you, since you couldn't be there in person. Last time any of you trusted Rossi with any technology.

"Well, Jack had the idea to put on a special concert, just for you." With that, Aaron brings out his phone and holds it up for you, pressing play on the screen. There, on the screen are Jack and Aaron, wearing the costumes from Jack's holiday recital, recreating the entire thing in your living room at home, with Jack singing lead and Aaron doing every backup role he can manage jumping from one side of their makeshift stage to the other.

You could hardly believe it, as you looked from the screen to the two of them. Jack was watching you nervously and Aaron couldn't look prouder and just a little bit embarrassed. You feel entirely overcome by emotion as you continue to watch their performance to its end - taking in their off key rendition of Jingle Bell Rock and the amount of work and passion that had so obviously gone into the endeavor.

"Thank you both, so much. Oh my goodness," you say, dragging Jack into a hug and kissing all over his face. "Thank you baby, that was really special and you sounded amazing!"

"Yeah, you liked it?" he asks, grinning up at you.

You nod, laughing as you turn to Aaron. "You know, I now have video evidence of you singing, right?"

"There's a reason I'm keeping this on my phone and haven't sent it to you," he retorts, laughing at the insulted expression on your face.

"Alright, here you go," he says, handing you his present.

You rip open the wrapping paper to reveal a leatherbound book without anything on the outside. Curiously, you open it and turn the pages to reveal recipes - very familiar recipes. You look up at Aaron, surprise painted on your face. "These are mine."

He nods. "I took notes whenever you taught me any. I've added a couple of mine as well. There's some empty pages towards the back for us to add on to."

You can feel your eyes welling up at the thought and care that he put into the present, and you move closer to him, pressing a quick kiss to his cheek. "Thank you, Aaron."

He smiles, wrapping an arm around your shoulder and squeezing tight. The warmth from his touch rushes through you.

You take a deep breath and smile. "Alright, it's Daddy's turn," you say, turning to Jack and prompting him to hand over his present to Aaron.

Jack had created another piece of art for Aaron's office and also picked out a tie with you during one of your video chats together. The kid really did have good taste. He'd outshopped you when the three of you had gone to the Champs-Élysées yesterday, before Aaron had whispered to you that maybe there should be a budget for a six year old's wardrobe. He hadn't been wrong, so you'd guided Jack into picking items that he wouldn't grow out of too quickly and could use for a few years - scarves and hats, along with some shoes and a coat that was a size too big.

Aaron thanks Jack for his presents, before turning expectantly to you, an excited grin gracing his face. You'd always gone above and beyond for presents - even back before when the two of you had just been friends. While he insisted it was all too much, he couldn't help himself from secretly really enjoying the process - everything you'd ever gotten him was well cherished, so he's gotten better at stifling the guilt that came along with accepting your presents.

You hand him a wrapped square box that has some weight to it, and as he unwraps it, he can feel the nervousness  pouring off of you. That was definitely a little unusual. Usually it's more just excitement to see his reaction.

He opens it to reveal a watch box - for a designer that he knows is anything but cheap - and as he opens it, inside is a watch with an intricate face. Gold accents all around and the dark brown leather band all paint a picture as if they're from a different time. He can tell it's vintage and he looks up at you, eyebrow quirked in question.

"When Uncle Robert accepted his role as my godfather, my grandmother gave him this watch," you tell him slowly, as though gauging his reaction.

Aaron is well aware that your Uncle Robert is also John's father, so he understands where that nervousness was stemming from now.

"After he passed, we went through some of his effects, and this watch made its way back to me. I wanted you to have it, because without him, I would've never met you."

Aaron can understand and read between the lines of what you're saying. Without knowing everything that Robert Hawthorne had told you, the two of you would have never met, you wouldn't be sitting there now, both of your lives would look entirely different. So, despite how awful and heartbreaking and life ruining his news had been, you're grateful. You're so very grateful. Because it all led you to him.

"I love it, thank you sweetheart," Aaron whispers, and with a quick glance at Jack who seems otherwise occupied with his video game now, he presses a soft kiss to your lips, reassuring you that it was indeed the perfect present.

He picks it up and looks it over, noticing an engraving on the back.

"I had that added," you tell him, having noticed what had caught his eye.

There on the back of the watch were words that caused his heart to falter and his breath to stutter as his eyes took them in and his brain made sense of them in the context of you and him and the two of you. He looks up from it, to you - how far the two of you had come in just about a year of being together. Jack settled onto the couch, munching absent mindedly from the tray of room service that had been delivered. You settled in next to him, trying to steal as much warmth from his as possible, with your toes scrunched up under his thighs. The three of you, there, together in a way he'd longed for and prayed that Jack would get to have one day. You'd made it all possible for him - for them. In that moment, he can't help but feel his chest expand with happiness and gratefulness - for the three of you to have one another.

Love is space and time measured by the heart.

[meowdymista]

Van der Driscoll Pt 2

Arthur Morgan x Fem!Reader

You guys asked for more. Again, it is not perfect, BUT I accidentally wrote so much with so many perfect cut off points... Instead of smashing it in one post, I’m going to hit you up with Part 3 Saturday 9am GMT just coz

Word count: 1540

Warnings: Violence, abuse

Part One & Masterlist

Part Three

He stiffens at that, his eyes darkening introspectively. "Heidi?"

Hysteria bubbles in your chest. "You don't know her name? You don’t even-!” A laugh erupts from your throat. “How do you act so high and mighty when you don’t even know her name?"

"Y/N-"

"She wouldn’t have been there if it weren't for me! And then I went ahead and slept with her killer!"

"I weren't on that ferry-"

"But you stayed knowing what he had done!" You choke as the sobs finally overcome you. "You stayed with him and I stayed with Colm and… I thought you made it better, but this is so so much worse."

Arthur swears, reaching for you before retracting his hand hesitantly. "I'm sorry- if I'd have known…"

"You'd what? Leave them?" You try to scoff but the corners of your mouth are dragging too far towards your chin. “You have that luxury?”

He sighs, defeated. “You ain’t been in the game as long as I have. Sometimes things get messy.”

“Messy is a pile of lawmen. Messy is a couple of horses being lost.”

“I wasn’t there - things go wrong-”

“A job gone wrong is loss without a payday - it was a fucking massacre, Arthur! It was indiscriminate slaughter!”

“I’m sorry, ok? We’re all sorry about what happened!” He flicks the reins as if determined to leave the gang behind. “Nobody knows why, but everything blew up and bodies started hitting the deck. You ain’t the only one that lost family on that damn ferry - we lost more people than we have done in years. We tried to tell him it didn’t feel right- but no one ever imagined that...”

He trails off, his chin low, eyes only seeing the road ahead.  You shake your head, wanting nothing more than to curl up and cry, but the bonds are unforgiving so you stay as you are, looking anywhere but at the driver besides you.

Hours pass in silence. You catch him worrying in your peripherals occasionally, but it does nothing to help the ache in your chest nor the overwhelming exhaustion that has burrowed its way into your bone marrow.

Balancing a cigarette between his lips, he strikes a match on the bottom of his boot. When it’s lit, he offers it to you but you turn your head further away. 

“I’ve been smoking a lot lately,” he mutters, smoke curling from his lips. “I’m starting to doubt whether I’m breathing you in or smoking you out.” He throws you another glance, his eyes sad under the rim of his hat as he takes another deep drag. You close your eyes, trying to ignore the pain that ripples in his words.

“Didn’t expect to see you out here!”

Your stomach flutters as the familiar face grunts its way into view. He stretches his legs out, leaning back on his arms that have crossed over your own. Officially seated, he gives you a dazzling smile that makes you melt.

“Can a lady not enjoy some peace and quiet in this town?”

He chuckles, setting the worn gambler’s hat aside as he lights a smoke. “Surprised you’d want to.”

You nudge him playfully, accepting the proffered tobacco with fixed eye contact. You inhale the same air he’s blowing into the misty morning, trying not to let the blush creep up your neck. “What brings you back to Valentine? Outta supplies already?”

He rolls his eyes. “I wish.” You cock a flirtatious eyebrow, but he shakes his head, suddenly serious. “Where were you last week? I made the trip especially.”

“I was… visiting friends,” you lie.

“D’your friends know about me?”

“Do yours?”

His fingers caress your hand as he takes back the cigarette. “Touché.”

“What would you have done if it had been the other way round?” he asks eventually. “If you and Colm’s boys came into our camp… What would you have done?”

“I kill men - not women.” You open your eyes to meet his brooding gaze. “I… can’t imagine I’d have done well when I learned about the boy neither.”

“If they weren’t there?”

You swallow the lump in your throat as he looks away. “I wouldn’t have had a choice.”

“There’s always a choice,” he says lowly. “Is that what you tell yourself?” Your laugh is damp.

“This life…”

“Is shit.” You scoff as his lips thin. “We don’t go into it because we want to. The only reason we stick with it is because we’ve made too many enemies to go clean.”

“C’mon, it ain’t all bad-”

“Everything about us is fucked because we got caught in the crosshairs.” His mouth twists, your own disappointment reflected in his slouched shoulders. “You made me feel like… like all this mess was happening for a reason, but now…” Your voice breaks. “Even if I got away from Colm, you won’t leave Dutch. You wouldn’t have taken me back there if you could’ve. Everything is just… fucked.”

"How's your side?” he enquires gently.

"Least of my worries,” you mutter. You haven’t been able to sleep properly for weeks now, and when you do, your dreams are borderline hallucinogenic. The exhaustion has long since soaked into your bones, and now with your limbs bound for yet another unending hour, it wasn’t like the wound (or your broken tooth) were worthy of your concern.

Your giggles peeter out as you realise what he’s seeing. His eyes are soft and sad as his fingertips drink in the irregularities of your skin as gently as they can.

“Every one of them is a story,” you murmur, pulling his chin up and away from your body. “A story for another time.”

The corner of his lips tucks into his cheek. “Well, if we ain’t sharing secrets-” He leans back and pulls his shirt over his head in one swift tug. Your hands are small, pale and delicate against the muscles of his stomach. You comb them through the golden hair, trying not to linger on the silver scars that litter his body.

You wrap a hand around the back of his neck and pull him in, wordlessly thanking him. He responds firmly, his tongue tracing your lips as your bodies mould to one another. Despite your efforts, you realise with a sinking stomach that you have gone and fallen in love with him.

Graceful in defeat, you gorge yourself in this new emotion, allowing yourself to bask in the temporary bliss that is his company.

Dirt builds up behind your nails as you hiss back into the present moment.

“Done,” breathes Arthur, his fingers grazing the soft flesh of your hip as he cuts the thread. “I guess I should have guessed where all your stories came from. I didn’t mean to become one of them.”

You try to inspect the stitches yourself but they’re just out of your line of sight. Pulling down your shirt, you look around for the bedroll. Every string of every muscle is screaming for rest, no matter how temporary. As though reading your mind, Arthur tuts.

“You need to eat somethin’.”

“I’m not hungry.”

“You should be. When was the last time you ate?”

“I don’t know. I don’t care either."

He lights another cigarette as you crawl across the grass of your small camp and collapse just inside the tent. You barely close your eyes before the smell of tobacco wakes you again.

“Eat.”

You groan loudly. “What about you?”

“Forget about me.” A cigarette is pinched between his incisors as he begins to pack away the camp. “If you don’t start eatin’, I’m gonna have to do something we’ll both regret.”

The weight of your arms with the small spoon of soup is laughable. You force your mouth to meet it, your entire focus taken up by the menial task. You manage half a bowl before surrendering. Arthur is watching you over the back of his horse, the lines between his brows digging six feet into his head. He looks away quickly, his mouth still a thin line despite his efforts.

“We got another while to go yet.”

“Where are we going?” You watch him unpin the tent and fold it up.

“East.”

“East?” you repeat, laughing at how your ears have warped the sound. Your stomach sinks as you watch him purposely avoid you. “You handing me over?”

“What? No! O’course not, Y/N, I ain’t stupid.”

“Then… why east?” You watch him closely and notice his knee jittering despite his weight. “Where are you taking me?”

“You can’t stay here.”

“And you can’t let me go. If Colm catches me-”

“I won’t let him.”

“Then… what?” You swallow the lump in your throat. “I know you ain’t going to let me stay with you after what I said about Dutch.” Your weak laugh comes out breathless. “Arthur?”

“I’ll make sure you get out of here alright. I owe you that at least.”

“You don’t owe me anything,” you state as calmly as you can. “I’ll be fine.”

The shadows under his eyes are darker today. You can’t help but wonder how much longer he stayed awake after you passed out. “I won’t be able to forgive myself if something happens to you, Y/N. Let me have this.”

[bmc-gift-exchange]

2020 Be More Quarantine Challenge

Stupid challenge names aside, the coronavirus pandemic has shut down schools and workplaces, activities have been cancelled, and almost everyone’s stuck at home. This is a fun little challenge to try and beat the boredom and spread good vibes in this scary and depressing time, but also because we don’t have anything better to do. 

Basically, every few days, there is a new round with a new set of three prompts. From the prompts, you must write at least 500 words based on them, and you can’t just mention them in one line. 

In addition, there will be 4 teams. Team Jeremy, Team Christine, Team Brooke, and Team Michael. You must mention your team’s character  in every story, whether they are the main character or it’s simply a throwaway line about Brooke walking by.

Every weekend there is the Wordy Weekend round where you get six prompts and Friday, Saturday and Sunday to complete them. This must be 1,000 words long, but if you go higher there will be more points

The challenge will last 4 weeks, starting on Monday the 23rd of March and ending on Monday, the 20th of April. If the coronavirus pandemic is still continuing and schools and such are still closed, the challenge may be extended, either extended as-is or points reset for a new game. 

Even if you don’t sign up, please reblog and tell your friends, this is a fun boredom buster competition and we could all use some fun in our lives right about now.

Click the read more to find out the rest of the rules and specifics.

Basic Rules

No Squipjer/Incest/RPF

No Smut

You need to read this entire post

How To Sign Up

Signups are here. When you sign up, the last question will ask you to put in the secret code. It’s not very secret, it’s at the end of this post. Putting in the code is to prove you read this whole thing (unless you just scroll down and find the code, in which case, shame on you.)

After you sign up, you’ll get a tumblr message with the discord link in it. It’s very very very highly recommended that you join.

Signups are open until 5AM EST on Monday the 23rd. Teams and the first round will be revealed at 8AM sharp that day.

Posting As soon as you’re done with your fic for this round, post it on your tumblr and mention @bmc-gift-exchange, and list the prompts you used, your team, and your wordcount. You can also post on ao3, just make sure to post the link to it on ao3 on tumblr and still list the prompts you used, your team, and your wordcount.

The Scoring System

Base Points

Base points are your four base points for your fic if your story meets all four of the basic criteria:

3 points (1 for each prompt) is given if you used all 3 prompts *correctly* in your fic. If you didn’t use one or two prompts, two points will be subtracted from your base for each prompt.

1 point is given if you wrote at least 500 words. If you didn’t hit 500 words this point is simply not awarded, nothing subtracted.

Example scenario: Player 2 used 2 prompts and wrote 537 words. Because they only used 2 prompts, 2 points are subtracted from the base points. They get 2 points for the 2 prompts they did use, and 1 point for hitting 500 words, bringing their total base points to 3.

Extra Points

Extra points are added for extra work that you did, called the Wordcount Levels.

Over 700 (Bronze Level) - If you hit at least 700 words, you will get 2 points in *addition* to the 1 point you earned for hitting 500. 

1k (Silver Level) - If you hit 1,000 words, you will get 3 points *in addition* to the 1 point you earned for hitting 500. You do not get the Over 700 points.

2k (Gold Level)- If you hit at least 2,000 words, you will get 4 points *in addition* to the 1 point you earned for hitting 500. You do *not* get the Over 700 or 1k points.

3k-5k (Titanium Level)- If you hit anywhere from 3,000 to 5,000 words, you will get 5 points *in addition* to the 1 point you earned for hitting 500. You do *not* get the Over 700, 1k, or 2k points.

Ultra 5k (Diamond Level) - If you hit at least 5,001 words, you will get 10 points *in addition* to the 1 point you earned for hitting 500. You do *not* get the Over 700, 1k, 2k, or 3k-5k points.

Extra Prompt Points: If you use previous prompts in your fic, you will get 2 points for every previous prompt you use.

Example scenario: Player 4 wrote a fic of 2,451 words. They used this round’s 3 prompts as well as one prompt from the previous round. Since they used all 3 prompts and hit 500 words, they get all 4 base prompts. Because they hit 2,000 words and the Gold Level, they get 4 extra points, and because they used a prompt from a previous round they get 2 extra points, bringing their round total to 10. 

If everyone on the team submits their fics on time, regardless of their individual point totals, they will be awarded 5 extra points, in the Participation Award.

If your team is in first place, you get an additional 10 points. For second place, an extra 5 points. No place points are awarded for 3rd and 4th place.

If someone drops out, the team receives their 4 base points for the next challenge. If possible, someone may be drafted from a different team to take their place, or a new player may be brought in.

Wordy Weekend

On Wordy Weekend, things change! There will be a new twist for every single Wordy Weekend challenge, giving opportunity for more points, and regular points work slightly different.

Instead of the normal 3 prompts, you will get 6, and you must hit 1k words.

For every prompt out of the 6 Wordy Weekend prompts you use, you will get 2 base points instead of one. For previous prompts used, you get 3 extra points apiece.

For Wordy Weekend you must hit 1,000 words over the course of Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, and if you hit 1k you get 2 points in lieu of the one point you normally get for hitting 500. 

The Wordcount Levels are changed as follows: 

1.5k (Bronze Level) - 2 extra points

2k (Silver Level) - 3 extra points

3k - 4k (Titanium Level) - 4 extra points.

5k (Diamond Level) - 8 extra points

Ultra 5k (Sapphire Level) - 20 Extra Points.

During Wordy Weekend, the Ultra 5k is changed from at least 5,001 words to at least 5,500 words.

In addition to all that, during Wordy Weekend you get points for *every* level you hit, not just the level you land on on weekdays.

Example Scenario: Player 5 wrote 5,679 words and used all 6 prompts, and 4 previous prompts. For their use of the 6 prompts and hitting 1k, they get 14 base points. From their 4 previous prompts, they earn 12 extra points. Because they hit the Ultra 5k, they get the points from every level they hit, which gives them 37 level points, which is 49 total extra points, making their grand total 61.

If in this scenario the Player was Player 1, they would get the standard 2 extra points, bringing their total to 63 points.

Teams

Teams will be assigned on a first come, first serve basis. The sooner you sign up, the better your chance of getting onto your desired team. If there are fewer requests for Team Michael than there are Team Christine, then some of the Team Christine people will be put on Team Michael. The goal is to have an even number of players on every team.

When teams are assigned, every player will get a number. Player 1 is selected randomly every round for every team, and every other player is simply numbered randomly and they keep their numbers the entire challenge unless they are selected as Player 1.

Player 1 of a team is the team captain, and as team captain they are responsible for psyching their team up for the next challenge and all throughout. Player 1 will get an extra 2 points just for being Player 1. 

The Player 1 is randomly selected, and once you have been selected, you cannot be selected again except on Wordy Weekend, or if all the players get a chance to be Player 1 and there are still challenges left, in which case all players will be put back into the hat.

After your run as Player 1, you will receive your previous number and a new Player 1 is selected.

Round Specifics

There are 3 rounds a week, the first round of the week is from Monday to Tuesday, with results posted on Wednesday morning.

The second weekly round is Wednesday to Thursday, with points posted Friday morning. The third weekly round is Friday to Sunday, with results posted on Monday, and then the whole cycle begins again. This challenge will begin on a Monday and end after one last Wordy Weekend.

The total number of rounds will be 12. 

On 4 of the rounds that are *not* Wordy Weekend rounds, there will be a twist to the regular round, and these rounds will be called Special Rounds.

Whether it’s a different number of prompts, or an extra way to earn points, or a extra bit aimed to let the teams behind catch up, or anything else your mind can conjure up. You will not be warned in advance of the Special Rounds.

Rankings

Rounds end on midnight EST on the last day. (For instance, if it’s the first round of the week, it ends on midnight on Tuesday.) You will have until 8AM the next day (Wednesday if it’s the first round of the week) to submit your fic if you haven’t already. Results will go up at 9AM sharp unless I’m suddenly not available, which would surprise me since the whole point is that we have nothing better to do than this right now ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.

The team in first place will be shown first, with their players listed by number and their point totals and wordcount Level shown, and at the bottom of the team listing, the team total. If a member did not submit their fic in time, they will not earn or detract points from the team. Then, the second place Team is shown, and then the third and forth. After that, the new prompts for the next round will be revealed in the same post.

Here is an example of the end of round results for a hypothetical First Place Team.

First Place - Team Christine

Player 1- 12 pts, 2,569 words, Gold

Player 2- 6 pts, 756 words, Bronze

Player 3- 10 pts, 2,111 words, Gold

Player 4- 10 pts, 2,451 words, Gold

Player 5- 14 pts, 5,321 words, Diamond

Participation Award - +5 points

First Place - +10 points

Team Total: 57 points

Lastly, the secret code you need to enter in the signup form is MOUNTAINDEWBAJA. Signups are open until 5AM EST on Monday.

Again, please tell your friends so there will be more players, and reblog the heck out of this! We want as many players as possible for the biggest teams and most fun possible right now. 

That seems to be about it! If you have any questions, feel free to shoot me an ask. 

[if-found-return-to-gusu]

Saturdate With Lan Zhan Pt. 1

So in order to get things off on the right foot, I got up EXTRA early on Saturday. On purpose. Of my own free will. 

I wanted to get a full day of this. SO I told Lan Zhan to meet me at that hobby shop we met at before for that walk we took at 9 in the morning. Oh that seems so long ago now but it wasn’t. 

So much has been happening in my life lately it feels unreal. 

Anyway, 9AM. That meant I had to get up early enough to get ready and walk there (Hell if I was lettin’ my skateboard ruin my hair that day).

I had wanted this day to help Lan Zhan unwind from last weekend. I know how tough that was for him. I wanted this to be a GOOD day. I think I succeeded.

Well… I wanted that… but also… I kinda just wanted to go on a date. Which really… I mean… it wasn’t a date. And I shouldn’t have treated it like one. Especially since…. 

Well at the very least if I wanted it to be a date I probably should have TOLD him that. But I was being selfish. I doubt he would have said yes if I asked him out as a romantic thing. But as friends… then I could just pretend for a while. And I did. Hardcore. I’m… a bit ashamed of how I acted. But what’s done is done. (Despite the common opinion I do actually feel shame sometimes. A lot of times actually….)

The point of all that is that I decided to dress up some even. I put on my nicest jeans (the ones that make my ass look fucking amazing), and this nice like jacket/scarf combo. The scarf was a gift from Shijie way back when. She knitted it herself for me with this SUPER soft yarn. Its’ this nice deep red and nice and big. I love it so much. I’d wear it all the time if it weren’t sure to give me heatstroke in the summer. Well that and I want it to last as long as possible. 

(I think I actually stole the jacket from Jiang Cheng way back when but eh details details). 

So I got up early to get dressed and like actually BRUSH my hair n shit. Again, though many would ne’er believe me, I do, in fact, own a hairbrush thankyouverymuch. My hair’s just still short enough that I don’t normally need it. Besides the messy out of bed look is sexy right? Right??

AAAAAnywaaaay

I managed to wake up on time and got out the door after all my primping with enough spare time to get a coffee! I actually timed it perfectly. It’s easy when Lan Zhan is always perfectly punctual. (It’s impressive really. Neither late nor early. Just perfectly on time). I got a coffee with like ALL the caffeine for me so that I didn’t hate life when Lan Zhan showed up, and I got a tea for him. And I timed it so it’d be the perfect drinking temp by the time he showed up!

Sometimes the best laid plans actually work ha!

Admittedly I probably should have started drinking my coffee sooner, heat be damned because I was probably a little more than half asleep by the time Lan Zhan showed up to pick me up. Heh. But nothing better than waking up to see Lan Zhan’s face no matter what the circumstance!

Didn’t spill our drinks so still counting it as a win. 

I was about to get up and just jump in the car but this perfect human being got OUT to greet me and gave me a nice warm hug! (It was only a bit chilly but I was tempted to complain about how cold it was so he’d hold me tighter. Resisted. Barely.)

I will never get enough of the feeling of being in his arms. Never. 

Anyway we climbed back into the (nice and toasty) car and got ourselves all buckled in (safety first folks!). And then idiot that I am I realized that my map was still in my pocket, unbuckled my seatbelt to get it out and buckled up again before I smoothed it out. 

Lan Zhan raised a perfect eyebrow at me and tried to sneak a peek at my paper but I snatched it away before he could ruin the surprise. 

Told him no peeking allowed!

He pointed out he could punch in the address into his fancy car GPS like a normal human but that would spoil it!!!

I told him he was just gonna have to trust me. He looked a bit dubious (fair) but consented. 

Okay so… turns out I actually DO need to be more careful when I’m writing. There were a few instructions that even I had trouble reading what with the paper being so crumpled and having written in a rush because I almost forgot this morning. Smudged the ink a few places too. 

Lan Zhan probably lost a bit of confidence in me after we nearly missed our turn offs the second… and third…… and…  well either way! No peeking means no peeking! 

And I got us there JUST fine in the end!

I think for a moment Lan Zhan lost ALL confidence in me when I made him pull into this parking lot that was really just a large field. There were other cars parked there but other than that all you could see was corn and hay bales. 

And a giant sign of WELCOME. It was cute! We got out of the car and I took a deeeeeeep breath. It smelled like leaves and pumpkin and apple cider and mini donuts and just oooof. The best of all the Autumn aromas. 

Lan Zhan asked where we were, but I just grinned at him and told him to trust me again. We got in the fortunately very fast moving line to get in. There was an entrance fee but I was prepared! I already had my money in my hand so Lan Zhan couldn’t be sneaky and pay for it instead. He likes to do that but I was adamant that today was going to be my treat! This was for him after all and I wanted to treat him.  

He looked a little put out but I grinned at him and told him “Everything is on me today. Anything you want, you tell me!” and then I STARED HIM DOWN basically DARING him to disagree.

He stared back for a long moment but eventually signed softly and agreed. 

VICTORY!!!

Before he could change his mind and start fussing, I grabbed his arm and pulled him inside. My heart was going a million miles an hour because now was the moment of truth. 

I stepped away from him and spread my arms wide like I was some weird person showing prizes on a game show. 

“Ta-Daaaaaa! It’s a Corn Maze!!!” 

And it was.

Lol

Have y’all ever been to a corn maze? I only went once with the Jiangs shortly after I was taken in by them. I think Uncle Jaing wanted to make a good impression. We all went as a family. Even Madam Yu.  (She pretended to hate it but I know she enjoyed being able to spend time with her kids without anything else going on. Even if she had to deal with me being there too.)

I’d been looking for a place for a while when I stumbled across this one. It isn’t the same one I went to as a kid. Actually I think this one’s even bigger. It had everything!! Music, food, a petting zoo, crafts and games and just everything! And an apple orchard out back! 

I kinda stayed there with my arms up, probably looking like the world’s stupidest scare crow. I was trying not to be disappointed because he looked… well more confused than anything. 

“It’s a pun. Get it? A Maize Maze. Corn Maze. Maize…. Pun…” 

He nodded at me (i finally put my arms down) and asked me what we were supposed to do. 

I’d thought it was a bit self-explanatory but then the poor man hadn’t even been to the movies before a couple of weeks ago. (We went together on one of our saturdates and it was wonderful)

So I started pointing out all the things we could do. There was the maze, of course, but also live music and the petting/feeding zoo. I pointed to the crafting section and the orchard and there was even a corn bath! 

I think.. He kinda broke at that. XD The look of a man who was completely lost. 

“A corn… bath?”

“Yeah it’s literally just a pit filled with corn.”

He gave me this LOOk then. Oh dear god I just wanted to kiss him. He looked so adorably perplexed. But he just nodded like he was accepting it. 

I started to lose confidence as I was talking about the apple orchard and the hay ride. 

I started to give him an out because clearly this was a horrible idea and of course he wouldn’t be interested in such a childish bunch of activities. I said we could leave if he wanted. 

He assured me that no it was fine and that he wanted to do all the activities with me. Told me he’d just never done anything like this before. I kinda knew that already but every time I realize how limited his childhood was it just breaks my heart.

TBC.

[uniqueimagines]

Guessing Game pt.1

Paring: Fangs x Reader

Requested: No

Description: Family troubles leads you to staying over with Fangs. You two finally decide to make it official and none of your friends have a clue that the two of you are together. When Fangs posts a photo of you under the covers in his bed everyone decided to try and guess and make bets on who it is.

Warnings: Mentions of parents fighting and anxiety.

Word count: 1,197

Series Part Links: Part 2, Part 3, Part 4

______________________________________________________________

*Can I come over? They are fighting again… -Y/N* *Of course. Key is under the mat. -Fangs* You pull a sweater on over your tank top and it falls below your spandex shorts. You pull on your sneakers before quietly sneaking out of your room. You slowly creep past your parents room as they continue to scream and fight. Creeping out the trailer you quietly jog over to Fangs trailer and head inside. Fangs is laying on his back with no covers on in just his boxers. When you open the bedroom door his eyes flutter open and he gives you a small smile as you kick off your shoes and sweater throwing your phone on the bedside table beside his. You crawl over the bed and lay over his body as he wraps his arms around you and pulling the cover over the both of you.

Fangs wakes up around 9am the next morning and takes a quick shower. It was Saturday and neither of you had plans until later that evening so when he walked back into the room and you were still asleep be didn’t bother to wake you. Fangs grabs his phone and chuckles quietly to himself snapping a quick photo. He can’t stop smiling as he looks down at you in the bed, you had buried yourself in the blankets with only your feet sticking out. You and Fangs have not yet became official but you had been sneaking over to his trailer nearly every night for two weeks. You haven't had sex but you have made out and it is clear to both of you that it is more than him helping you escape the fighting.

You wake up shortly after Fangs leaves the room when your trailer two doors down has its door slammed. You groan and shuffle to the living room curling up on the couch and laying your head on Fangs lap. Fangs had heard the door as well and both of it knew it was likely your dad storming off. “Y/N… Do you care if I post this on Instagram?” Fangs shows you his drafted post of you curled up with your feet sticking out and the caption *How she sleeps when I leave the bed* You can’t help but smile and blush a little, “That’s fine just don’t tag me please. Just not until we have a chance to tell Toni, Jug and Sweet Pea together, okay?” Fangs nods and publishes the post before turning on the tv.

The photo showed so little of you there was no way that anyone would be able to easily tell it was you. Fangs turned his phone on silent shortly after posting the photo as you fell asleep after taking some advil for a headache. Your parents fighting had escalated so much in the last few nights that between that and working overtime at the bar you hadn’t been sleeping much and the little sleep you got wasn’t great. Fangs watched some quiet tv as you took a couple hour nap. You wake up and Fangs makes the two of you some spaghetti for lunch. When it is finished he puts the plates on the table and sits across from you. “Can I ask you something? Well really two somethings…” Fangs looks across the table at you as you push your noodles around to cover them in sauce. “Of course you can. Whats up?” You look up at him putting the fork down which causes Fangs to give you a worried look. He had seen you in your most anxious times and you always struggle to eat, if not prompted can go a few days without a single real meal. You give him a small smile and pick up your fork taking a bite to please him.

Fans smiles happily before asking, “Well first, you talked about telling Toni and Sweets and Jug… Does that mean we are officially together?” You look up at Fangs seeing his hopeful look and can’t hold back a small giggle, “Don’t be silly, Fangs. Of course we are.” You take another small bite of spaghetti as Fangs bites his lip before asking, “Would you like to move in with me… I know that it’s really early and everything but you spend most nights here anyways and… and I know it’s hard with your parents and…” “Fangs.” You interrupt him and he looks up as you have a gleaming smile on your face, “I would love to move in with you.”

You pick at your plate eating most of it before pushing the last couple bites around. Fangs eats and can’t wipe the giddy grin off his face the whole time. As he finishes eating you are still pushing the last bit of your food around your plate. Fangs takes the plate happy you had ate anything, “I have to leave for work in just over an hour okay?” You nod and follow Fangs to the bedroom so he can get dressed. You sit on the bed as Fangs pulls off the shirt he was wearing and pushes his pj pants to the floor. You stand and run in front of Fangs stopping him before he can grab clothes to put on. You press your hands to Fangs bare chest and look up as he smiles and holds your hips.

You push Fangs back so he sits on the bed looking up at you. You climb onto his lap straddling him as you press your lips to his. Fangs kisses you back gripping your hips firmly. You groan and pull away as your phone buzzes several times on the bed beside you. You roll off Fangs and he begins getting dressed. You look at your phone seeing Toni had texted you multiple messages asking about who Fangs was seeing. “Can I see your phone? I wanna check if anyone commented on the post from earlier.” Fangs reaches into his pj pants pockets and hands you his phone. You had your fingerprint saved so you unlock his phone and go to the post.

When you get to the post it is a huge spam off comments. Sweet Pea committed asking, “Show a little more leg and I’m sure I could guess who she is.” Toni asked, “Since when? I better not be the last to know or I am kicking your ass.” Betty asked, “Is it that  girl you had chem with senior year?” Jughead commented, “Congrats to you and your girl.” Archie tagged Sweet Pea and Toni saying, “I bet I can guess it before you both. 20 bucks?” You roll your eyes, “So they nearly all our close friends are trying to bet on who’s in the photo and some people are betting on who can guess first if you show them more of me.” Fangs turns to you asking, “Wanna play into it or just tell them?” You giggle and stand giving him a quick kiss, “I could use a little fun and entertainment. Juggie was nice so I wanna tell him but other than that...A new post each day until someone gets it?” Fangs kisses your forehead, “Love it.”

Masterlist

[flamestoflight]

oh my goodness these past few days....

I’ve honestly been feeling so so good, and I think 50% of the credit goes to the warmer weather, and 50% of the credit goes to what I’ve done with it, and how I’ve let my mood soar.

Every day the past week I’ve been driving with my windows and sunroof down, feeling the sun on my face as much as I can. Doing that feels so free and lovely. I also studied with my friend on her porch with her dog in the 65 degree sunny weather, which put me in a great mood. Plus I’ve been keeping my bedroom window open

I’ve taken both of my final written exams and my final practical, and I feel like I did really well on the exam - already found out that I got a perfect score on my practical

I ordered a new skincare product online because for some reason my skin has been freaking out on me, and I’ve been struggling a lot with self-image and stuff because of it. I’m feeling really hopeful for this, I’m really just hoping to be able to feel better about myself

But in all other regards, I feel pretty good! I’ve been going to the gym, going to PT, getting back into running on the Alter-G in PT, and just got permission from the clinic director to come in on the weekends and evenings to use the Alter-G and the other PT equipment so I can build up more running volume at reduced bodyweight :) I’m so thankful to be at a school that has top of the line equipment and gives me free access to use it. They also sent me home with a stim unit (which we usually loan out to patients for a week at a time, but I’m able to keep mine indefinitely) and my PT told me I could use the higher quality clinic electrodes instead of the shittier ones that they sell lol, and he’s been giving me rolls of tape so I can tape my foot myself when I’m home.

I also this morning just nailed in my spring semester in terms of classes/clinic/PT for myself/gym time. Here’s how it looks:

M/W/F: I’ll be waking up around 6am, getting to the gym, coming home to shower/eat, then heading to the clinic to treat from 9:30 to 12:15, followed by classes from 1-5. I’ll use those 45 minute breaks to change/eat and hopefully finish most of my patient notes (except Friday, when we have rounds starting at 12:15). I’ll stay after on one of those days and use the Alter-G (probably Monday)

T/Th: I have PT from 7:30-9am, and then class from 9-12. After that I’ll go straight to the gym to get my own workout in, make it home around 1:30 probably, and then have the afternoons to plan for my patients the next day.

And then Saturdays I’ll head into the clinic to use the Alter-G and do my other PT treatment stuff, and maybe Sunday will be a day off from exercise, maybe it’ll be a day for stretching and yoga, or maybe it’ll be a day where I wanna go to the gym and mess around with some stuff. Who knows, but I’m keeping it open.

I am really vibing with this schedule, with how I feel about it, and with my mindset going into this last semester of classes!! I’ve been checking my clinic schedule and have some really interesting diagnoses already on my caseload (stroke, spinal cord injury, progressive supranuclear palsy, cerebellar ataxia, and s/p radical mastectomy w/ breast reconstruction, to name some).

I’m off to shower, eat, and then head over to the boy’s for the rest of the day (with whom things are going very well - we’ve been seeing each other most days of the week and I’m a fan of it). I honestly feel like I’m glowing: I’m feeling so happy to be living my life right now and so excited for what’s to come. And Jackson is going through this phase where he runs over and curls up in my lap the second I sit down on my bed to use my laptop, and just purrs and eventually falls asleep in my lap. And Nelson has started moving to my bed in the middle of the night, so I wake up with him laying across my legs most mornings. It just makes my heart melt. Things are good right now :)

[hmss113ovenson]

MARCH

Wednesday, 03/02/2022 

 Happy Ash Wednesday! I attended the mass at lunch time.

Thursday, 03/07/2022 

Crazy! It’s March 7 already?! Days getting, even more, faster how is this? I woke up minutes late in the morning because I wasn't able to sleep properly, I literally slept at 4 in the morning already because my teeth just hurt so much because I had my braces adjusted last Saturday. good thing I was still able to attend my class but unfortunately I fell asleep when it was literally almost dismissal of the first class, it's so embarrassing I was left alone in the meet called. The next class was work immersion it was asynchronous but me and my groupmates from another subject utilized the time to talk about our exam on MIL; next synch class was filipino, good thing im awake already. In the afternoon, my mother and I with my dog went out a bit to buy buko, yum.

Wednesday, 03/09/2022 - Busy 

Today we didn't have any class for the reason that it is for our PT week and for the upcoming exams. My groupmates and I on our DRRR subject took advantage of the day of having no synchronous class; we went to the barangay triangulo hall to interview any of the official members. It took us so long before we were able to go home because after we went to the barangay hallo, we immediately went to the city hall as we were told we would find the one that we needed– which we didn't… what a tiring day but also fun because after being in Ateneo for almost 2 years, this is the very first time that I was able to meet up with some o my classmates.

Friday, 03/11/2022 - Near 

 I'm so exhausteddddd, I've been editing all day long and doing other tasks. I'm still not done, and tomorrow I need to edit another one like a different one for our other subject this is crazy! And we need to interview for another subject. But this is it after this midterm and pts of midterm, I will be so near to my finish line.

Monday, 03/14/2022 - The week! 

 I woke up at around 9am today that's why i was late  on answering the formative test on our first subject in the morning. After the first subject 2 of my classmates and I discussed something for our parts in this one subject. tor the afternoon class, we just had meeting with ma'am rf regarding the culminating activity on next next week. I'm to finish everything today until early tomorrow. i want to finish al my backlogs, missing, output exams to just focus on the upcoming objective tests on Wednesday and Friday

Tuesday, 03/15/2022 - Now 

 Today i woke up at 9am and then finished my pt on our nonfiction subject. I started answering our midterm exam on my other subject however i wasn't able to finish it yet since we went out to eat halo-halo. I rested for a bit and after i once again finished some of my backlogs.

Wednesday, 03/23/2022 

 The midterm objective exams are finally done and some of the performance task, but on our other 2 subjects were not done yet since it is a culminating activity. Today i did my overflowing laundry every after my subject to maximize my day. We didn't have any synchronous class today since this week is allotted for our missing requirements and unfinished performance tasks.

Friday, 04/01/2022 - Transitions 

 March was hard on me and just so much work to do, with all the examination, the performance tasks, group works, outside the school works– just so much! Anyway, today is Friday, another week to end– well it's really not the end of a week yet but for me it is. Today I didn't really do much in terms of my personal life or outside academics, but I've been busy since today is the second to the last day of our posting on one of our subjects, I'm the head of one committee which is why I'm hands-on with whatever is happening with the culminating. And also I'm freaking out a little since tomorrow– there's so much on my schedule like acad and non-acad, how will i divide myself! Anyway, I need to prepare.

[yutark]

time management tips

in connection to this post on how to manage two or more trainee muses, i thought i would just post up some of the things i do for joshua and yuta. i will try to keep this short and to the point, and remind everyone this is my own personal way of doing this -- and it will not work for everyone. its just some things that help me.

prioritising: my system for my trainees is, 

event, replies: because someone else is waiting for me on this event, they are prioritised, and if anyone follows me enough, they will notice i will usually do them asap. if i have 20 mins right before sleep, i will reply to the event post. since most events are four post threads, once my two are done, i treat it like a normal reply from then on.

trainee, replies: because these are how my muse progresses. they gather debut pts, trainee pts and the sooner my muse is debut ready, then i know i have done everything in my power and now it’s just helping others get debut ready and waiting for the chances. to help during the last few weeks with uni exams and assignments all being due, it was hard to keep track of everything, and i made this, on sheets, to help keep tracked and focused.

( when it comes to two trainees, i prioritise joshua over yuta at the moment. because yuta is debut ready, he has his mandatory achievements and his 50 pts. joshua is not yet, and its my goal on him to get him there. decide a goal for a muse, and it’ll help you. it lets you work out what matters more and put your energy to it. )

other, replies: this is usually done on a system of, ‘i want to get # of replies done today, so i will do the longest owing first, and then one i really want to do as my motivation.’ sometimes if i don’t have time, it will be done by muse. during the last two months, i have been busy with classes, so it was by muse more than what was longest owing.

event, solos: because these are point related, they take a little more time than a reply, but once they are done. it’s a one off thing, these are done by muse level. if i have muse for a solo, i will do it. i generally try to do them as soon as possible. my muse is highest right after an event is mentioned, because i’m excited to get it done.

like always, there is shifting and changing. i tell trainees if they need a reply, to just come tell me and i will move it right up the top and do it first -- even if ive done my two for the week, i will do it. if someone is doing an event with me, and they will be busy for the last two weeks before it ends, them telling me that means i will prioritise it to help them get it done quickly. communication is very useful if you ever need someones help with something.

time management:

during this semester, most of my other roleplays do their activity checks on sunday/saturday. rookies does theirs wednesday. my classes were wednesday/thursday during the week. i had to study for classes every week, i’m taking japanese which was hours of study. for weekly management:

i decided early on that friday would be the day i spent focusing on making sure my activity for the other roleplays would be done. it was my deadline for it every week. if i had not done it, it would be done.

saturday/sunday would be getting rookies activity done, it gave me two days to get trainee replies done, and activity for seungjun. that’s five replies. that was my goal over the weekend.

there were sometimes things that popped up. an assignment due on friday night, so my activity would get pushed back a day. it’s okay to give leeway, it’s okay to not make it to the goal. the best thing to do is not to procrastinate. procrastinating would mean if i left them until wednesday and something came up, i would be x5 more stressed. my goal was sunday evening, so i had still monday and tuesday if i did not make it.

if i did make my goal? i had monday and tuesday, or sometimes even sunday to do any other replies i wanted.

everyone has different schedules, it takes time to figure out what works and what day is best for you. some people are busier on the weekends, some are busier mid week, but making a schedule helps a lot. just don’t beat yourself up if you do not make it! scheduling early means you have time if you do not meet your goal. for daily management:

lists. i love lists. every morning i usually make a list of what i’m doing, for example, today’s list: washing the towels yuta + joshs trainee reply to jongin event seungjun reply reply to rk ims ssu replies + ims every time i cross something off, it means ive accomplished something. i can pat myself on the back and when i get to end of the list, i can decide, do i have energy to do more replies or do i want to lay in bed because my weekend has been busy -- which is why im doing these replies on monday for me. either way, what i needed to do is done.

when i was studying, i always put study first. i would wake up at 8-9am, study until i had everything done. i would focus my study during the weeks. real life was always more important than roleplay. school is my future, roleplay is my hobby.

also taking time for yourself is. i would schedule tuesdays or fridays as my days to relax. a day where i was not obligated to do anything. i had no list besides, ‘wake up’. if i felt like doing something, i would. take care of yourself, thats important too!

being busy:

sometimes you’re busy -- too busy. you don’t have time to do the two trainee replies. it’s okay to do the minimum. in the last 2-3 weeks, i’ve had 2 major assignments due, 2 tests and an exam, my grandmother was sick and she happened to pass. i had family obligations. 

i would do the minimum. i did one reply i had muse for on seungjun, i did trainee on yuta and josh. i picked short replies, i picked the ones i wanted to over time owing. if i found myself lacking in time + energy, i would decide, ‘i will only do ac on seungjun and yuta, and trainee on josh.’ if i had less, ‘i will do only one reply one all of them.’ and my final resort would be, ‘ill do text messages to people or sns’. because rookies has this neat rule ‘solos, replies, texts and SNS posts all count as an IC post, however, if texts or SNS posts are your only IC posts for two weeks in a row, you’ll still be cleared.‘

for one week, if i didnt have time, i could post texts or sns.

but there is always a chance to hiatus if you need to. it’s my personal preference, but i do not. it messes with my muse. but it was and is always an option for anyone.

updating points + welcoming newbies:

this is something you need to schedule time for. 

for me, i had classes on the day of acceptances and due to timezones, i would not be home until after. i never scheduled to do replies or anything on the days i had classes. but i would do points and welcomes

i plan my trainees points in a spreadsheet, i plan them eval to eval. right now i have yutas and joshs weekly and trainee points decided up until when i have to submit the evals. on my rookies, i plan a week ahead. so when i come home after a long day, i don’t have to sit thinking about it. it’s been decided. i just need to add them.

with trainee, i have a draft in joshs and yutas blogs where i copy and link up the trainee replies as i do them, so i dont have to chase them up later. (this is yutas)

i update and do points systematically -- i start on seungjun, follow and add his points. then i move to josh, follow newbies, submit his points and add his activity. and then i go to yuta. i scroll down the dash, follow and welcome at the same time and then get to the activity post where i unfollow + add ac points and submit yutas trainee.

it can take me a half hour to do all this. then if i have energy, i will decide points for seungjun for the next week or make sure i have trainee for the week. so if i need to contact someone, i will contact them. this means when i plan on saturday, i already know where i am and can work on writing.

using the queue/schedule:

the queue is a neat thing. 

if you know you’ll be busy, schedule things. you can actually schedule something to be posted on a day at a time. if you know the next week you’ll be busy, worried about whether you’ll have time, schedule a post for sunday 12pm the weekend before. thats your ac post, its done. 

at the moment, i owe maybe 30 replies over all my rk accounts. i will be using the queue to space out everything. i’ll queue the other replies i owe, ones to friends, ones that are not trainees. i’ll do 1-2 a day. it will give me time to catch up.

i have friends who queue their trainee replies as well, the queue tells you what day it will be posted and rookies runs on est. so you could write 7 replies, queue them today, put the other replies first and trainees will be posted in a weeks time and theres your trainee done for the week. do this every sunday, and you’re a week ahead every week, and if something happens, you’re good and have time to sort it out.

[k8eatsphl]

k8eatsla pt 2 & 3: namhau & luu’s, tito’s tacos, wedding food, james beach

damn the second and third day of my l.a. stay was such a blur! also sorry i took like NOOOO PIX lol so this is a boring post for pure documentation. but here’s a map (thx u for inspiration patrick): 

day 2

saturday morning i woke up at 4am cuz was still on east coast time. chilled in bed til 6 then headed out for a run/hike around the baldwin hills park and the ballona creek bike path.

the bed and breakfast i stayed at serves breakfast from 7-9am, so got back to my room at around 8:30 to shower.

breakfast was served in the kitchen on the island. namhau, the wife of the couple that runs the b&b, served fruit salad with strawberries, blueberries, fuji apples, plums, and apricot. to go with the fruit there was yogurt and some granola she made (pumpkin seeds, dried fruit, coconut). also she made all of the dishes that she served in--rly nice little cups and tiny little bowls, and these plates that looked like lily pads. she also gave me some rly dark coffee she made in an aeropress.  really nice!

while i was eating my fruit and yogurt namhau toasted a poppyseed bagel and used one half to make me an avocado toast with pesto, avocado, feta, and walnuts in honey. it was sooo fuckin good! i told her i’d pay like $15 for it in a restaurant lol. the other half of the bagel i got plain and tried each of her three homemade jams: orange marmalade, blackberry jam, and raspberry jam. def the orange marmalade was my favorite.

i stayed at bfast way too long talking to namhau, luu (the husband), and another guest james (production engineer at CAVA GRILL going through a divorce living in arlington va...learned a lot about him). headed out at 11am to walk to my noon massage appointment in west culver city.

after my massage i grabbed tito’s tacos, which is a popular but contentious taco place in culver city. contentious cuz the tacos are like school cafeteria tacos: yellow hard shelled tacos with beef and yellow cheddar and iceberg lettuce. 

i got one beef taco and one beef and bean burrito. every order also comes with a side of chips and salsa. got my box of taco/burrito/chips and a mountain dew (lol dk why i got that, it just slipped out when she asked what i wanted to drink) and sat at a picnic table in the sun. i thought i took a covert pic of my food but turns out i just took a pic of my lap! it’s okay though, the box was not photogenic...just a pile of tortilla chips.

the beef in the taco and the burrito was way diff than i expected it. i did actually like the taco. the beef in the taco was more like the beef in a tamale...like pulled, seasoned beef. almost fluffy. there was a lil too much cheese tho and it kept falling out, but i just let it fall on top of my chips and melt in the sun so i got fake nachos.

bean burrito was insane! it was like...a volcano of hot beans and beef chili. so dangerous and messy to eat! it was not my favorite burrito...i thought i would love it, cuz i love refried beans. but it was just too much.

the chips were a’ight, a bit stale. the salsa was more like gazpacho...felt like the tomatoes they used weren’t ripe so it was kind of a grainy, light, but refreshing, dip.

after titos walked back to the b&b to get ready for the wedding. stopped at copenhagen bakery on the way to pick up some apple strudel because namhau talked about liking it. they didn’t have strudel tho! so just got a couple of danishes.

i got to the wedding too early to be seated (!) so went to the mandrake bar across the street from the venue (smogshoppe) and had an aperol spritz, which was nice.

at the wedding i was still full from tacos! they were handing out hors d’oeuvres from gina’s dad’s restaurant/catering company? looked mostly like flatbreads. i tried one speck one and it was good. u kno, a flatbread. for my dinner i chose the branzino with salsa verde. at the table they also served family-style sides: white asparagus, israeli couscous salad, roasted potatoes, and spaetzle. everything was good! i really enjoyed the fish. 

for dessert they had a dessert buffet with tiny little cannelles, almond tortes, crostatas...very german lookin desserts.

day 3

slept in a bit (til 6!) and showered and packed up my stuff, cuz was gonna be checking out of the b&b at 11. was first to arrive at breakfast and all the food was much the same as the day before. the main diff was instead of avocado toast namhau made sourdough toast with tahini, cucumber, and mint. we also had the pastries i bought from copenhagen bakery.

alex and gina threw a brunch buffet from 11-1:30 so i headed out after breakfast. decided to WALK to santa monica from culver city (mistake) and james (the divorcee) wanted to walk with me cuz he wanted exercise and company. didn’t have the heart to tell him i’m a lone ranger, so was like ‘sure but u kno this is a 7 mile walk’ n he was like ‘sounds good’. we walked and talked for 2 hrs. mostly we talked about how he’s excited to live by himself for the first time, how he picked out his new mattress and furniture, and how he wishes his son (19) wanted to travel around the world. i told him about wwoof and workaway.

at 12:30 we were still walkin and i was like ‘shit if i want to get to alex’s buffet i better call an uber’. so we got a car that dropped james off at venice beach and me off at the restaurant. by the time i got to the restaurant (lunetta all day) most of the food was picked through, but i still got a plate of bacon, potatoes, and some lemon ricotta pancakes.

after brunch we went to alex and gina’s house and hung out and drank sparkling water lol. and a bunch of ppl like chain smoked weed in the backyard. i’ve never seen so much pot consumption. it all felt very l.a. 

at 6 folks were starting to disband to find dinner and i really wanted to see santa monica/venice beach still. so peaced out and took an uber to the boardwalk at venice. at this point was hungry, but none of the restaurants looked good.  i walked back and forth for like an hour or so and was starting to get really hangry. after sunset decided i’d just go to the airport and find something to eat there (which in a none hanger state i know is not a good idea).

at the airport went to james beach, which funnily enough, is a restaurant in venice beach i decided not to go to. i’m sure the food at the venice restaurant would have been better. i got a $21 salmon club sandwich and they were fuckin out of fries!!! so got a side salad and also a ballast point ipa. rly liked the ipa.

when the sandwich came out i was severely disappointed cuz it looked tiny and wimpy. but actually it was really good. the bread was toasted rye and it was super buttery. the salmon was overcooked (hey ho) but the bacon and avocado was rly nice. and the salad was surprisingly good...with grape tomatoes, bleu cheese, and a balsamic vinaigrette. tab was $45 :< :< :< 

at midnight my plane boarded and i landed in philly at 8am this morning. very exhausted from talking to so many ppl and walking ~12 miles a day! glad to be back in philly.

[cdrforea]

How to watch WrestleMania 36 for free: live steam 2020's biggest WWE PPV anywhere

New Post has been published on https://bestedevices.com/how-to-watch-wrestlemania-36-for-free-live-steam-2020s-biggest-wwe-ppv-anywhere.html

How to watch WrestleMania 36 for free: live steam 2020's biggest WWE PPV anywhere

Live sports may be on a longer vacation due to the Covid 19 pandemic, but the unmissable drama WWE WrestleMania will continue this weekend despite the corona virus – and the action is already in full swing. There are a few differences from previous years as expected, but we're here to fill in the blanks and explain how to watch a free WrestleMania 36 live stream in 2020 – from anywhere in the world, not less !

WWE WrestleMania 36 cheat sheet

WrestleMania 36 takes place on two evenings this weekend – Saturday April 4th and Sunday April 5th – For the first time in WWE history. The promotion begins at 7 p.m. ET on both days, i.e. at 4 p.m. PT, Midnight (12pm) BST and 9am AEST the next morning. Typically, WrestleMania shows last around five hours, but we would expect the action to be split around 2-3 hours Wrasslin a day this year.

Whether you consider it a show of shows, a showcase of the immortals, or just another excuse to throw some brauski back at the weekend, WrestleMania is undoubtedly the most prestigious event on the WWE calendar. This is no different in 2020, even if WrestleMania 36 looks a little different than in previous installments.

The most important thing is that WrestleMania 36 will take place behind closed doors for the first time in its illustrious history – and that it will take place over two nights this year. The WWE Performance Center in Orlando, Florida is the main venue after the event was moved from Raymond James Stadium, Tampa due to restrictions on mass gatherings during the coronavirus pandemic. However, other venues are also scheduled to take place this weekend on Saturday, April 4 and Sunday, April 5.

The WrestleMania 36 card was also changed fundamentally after Roman Reigns was eliminated from his Universal Championship showdown against Goldberg due to coronavirus concerns. Braun Strowman is now confirmed as a replacement for the collision. Dana Brooke and Rey Mysterio are also in quarantine and will miss the event.

The silver lining for WWE fans is that WrestleMania 36 is moderated by none other than Rob Gronkowski, the NFL legend and former New England Patriots star. Gronk won three Super Bowl rings and earned five Pro Bowl appearances over the course of his injury-shortened career. In the eyes of many, he retired from the game.

Early results from WrestleMania 36 earlier this Saturday led Alexa Bliss and Nikki Cross to defeat the Kabuki Warriors to win back the belts of the WWE Women & # 39; s Tag Team in an exciting fight – but purists could be forgiven if they were during Elias & # 39; dreary victory over King Corbin fell asleep.

Other highlights of the WrestleMania 36 card include The Undertaker versus AJ Styles in a boneyard fight and an old-school grudge game between Edge and Randy Orton. However, the main battle of the night is the showdown of the WWE championship between current defending champion Brock Lesnar and Drew McIntyre.

Ready to get into the action? Here's how to best stream WrestleMania 36 live – FREE, no less! Read on for everything you need to know about the big WWE pay-per-view this weekend.

This is how you can stream WWE WrestleMania live from outside your country

If you are reading this in the US, Canada, the UK, or Australia, you can scroll down since we have listed all of your WrestleMania 36 live stream options below. If you are from Japan and want to see how the Kabuki Warriors defend their WWE Women & # 39; s Tag Team belts against Alexa Bliss and Nikki Cross, then go directly to the WWE network – where a free trial is waiting for you (more see below).

But if you're unlucky enough to be in a country where the only way to catch wrestling is through expensive PPV or through a sketchy, illegal stream that you found in the back alleys of the Internet, you may notice that your local coverage is geoblocked where you are. In this case, you should use a clever software called VPN to watch a more reliable and secure WWE live stream like at home.

There are literally hundreds of VPNs to choose from, but based on our extensive testing, we always recommend ExpressVPN. Not only is it quick, easy and straightforward to install, it is also compatible with a wide range of devices – Amazon Fire TV Stick, Apple TV, Xbox, PlayStation, iOS and Android, to name but a few.

In addition, ExpressVPN's flexible 30-day money back guarantee is difficult to discuss. Even better is that you can purchase an annual plan for 49% off and 3 months extra for FREE – a brilliant deal for an essential piece of software.

After the installation, select the location of your home country and simply click on Connect. You can then easily access a WWE 36 live stream from almost anywhere in the world – also free of charge.

Free WrestleMania 36 Live Stream: How To Watch The WWE Network

We'll get straight to the point and say that the WWE network should be the first stop for everyone to get the most comprehensive wrestling coverage in the world. It's a paid subscription service (think Netflix, but only for the WWE) that is available practically anywhere in the world, from Afghanistan to Zimbabwe and including the United States, United Kingdom, Australia, and Canada.

The list of devices you can see on is almost as long. Apps for iOS and Android, PlayStation, Xbox, Apple TV, Roku and Smart TV are included.

The cost of course varies depending on the country you are in. However, the monthly bills of $ 9.99 or £ 9.99 in the US and UK should give you a rough idea. This includes the WrestleMania 36 live stream as well as the opportunity to view each PPV that was not only created by the WWE, but also by the WCW and ECW.

You just want to see the action of the main event this weekend and don't want the WWE network after tonight? You're lucky because there is one Free trial period of the available service. Simply visit the WWE network to sign up and new subscribers can see for themselves whether it's right for them.

How to stream WrestleMania 36 live: watch in the USA for free

If you're watching from the U.S., subscribing to the WWE network is your best bet, as it's the cheapest way to watch it, as you can use the one-month free trial to follow all of today's promotions without losing a penny.

Pay-per-view providers like Dish and Xfinity also show WrestleMania 36 on TV, but prices range from $ 59.99 to $ 69.99 – a big part of your toilet paper supply budget. And if you're looking for more than just ridiculous costumes and trash talk, don't forget that Disney Plus is currently offering a FREE 7-day trial and lots of great content – from The Simpsons to Star Wars, Marvel and Pixar.

Also keep in mind that if the free trial version of the WWE network is not available, you can always use a VPN to access the service from home.

How to stream WrestleMania live in Canada for free

As in the home country of the WWE, the WWE network is the cheapest and most convenient place to see WrestleMania 36 in Canada. You can choose SaskTel, Shaw, or BellMTS, however – expect similar prices for PPV providers in the United States.

And anyone outside of Canada who wants to stream WrestleMania 36 live like from the Great White North should consider using a VPN to access the services and coverage that they would normally have with a 6-pack Moosehead.

WWE WrestleMania 36 Live Stream: Free UK live stream details

BT Sport is licking wounds all over the world after the decline of live sports and is currently playing Scrooge. He refuses to stream WrestleMania 36 online. You can pay £ 19.95 to see it through the BT Sport Box Office, which is available to subscribers to BT, Sky and Virgin Media.

Though one of the more affordable global PPV options, GBP 20 of your hand sanitizer fund will still be thrown into the drain if you can watch WrestleMania 36 online for free on the WWE network thanks to the FREE one-month trial.

As always, use a VPN to see the WWE as you would normally do in the UK if you are abroad for WrestleMania 36.

How to watch WrestleMania 2020: free live stream in Australia

If you're in Australia, WrestleMania will be shown live on the Foxtel Main Event's PPV channel on Sunday and Monday morning at 9 a.m.CET, where it costs $ 30.

Fortunately, the WWE network is also available in Australia. So this is also a good choice if you prefer to save money and even want to track all WWE PPV events again.

How to stream WrestleMania 36 live for free in Japan

The Kabuki Warriors are the reigning WWE Women & # 39; s Tag Team Champions and will defend their belts against wrestlers Alexa Bliss and Nikki Cross at WrestleMania 36. That means wrestling fans in Japan have every reason to get up early on Sunday and Monday mornings. WrestleMania action begins at 8:00 a.m. Japanese Standard Time on both days.

The WWE network has been available in Japan for several years and, thanks to its free trial offer, is the cheapest way to get a WrestleMania live stream in Japan. There are certainly local PPV options – check with your provider, but DMM.com, J: Com, and Sukachan will probably all offer the event – but may not be the best value.

WrestleMania 36: full card for the biggest WWE 2020 event

• Brock Lesnar (c) against Drew McIntyre – WWE championship

• Goldberg (c) against TBC – Firefly funhouse match

• Edge against Randy Orton – Last Man Standing Match

• The Undertaker against AJ Styles – Boneyard match

• Sami Zayn (c) against Daniel Bryan – Intercontinental championship

• Kevin Owens against Seth Rollins

• Bayley (c) against Sasha Banks against Lacey Evans against Tamina against Naomi – Deadly 5-way for the SmackDown Women's Championship

• Aleister Black vs. Bobby Lashley

• The street wins (c) against Austin Theory & Angel Garza – Raw Tag Team Championships

• Elias against Baron Corbin

• The Miz & John Morrison (c) against The New Day against The Usos – Triple threat ladder match for the SmackDown Tag Team Championships

• Otis against Dolph Ziggler

• The Kabuki Warriors (c) against Alexa Bliss & Nikki Cross – Women's day team championships

Everything – the best VPN No. 1

Everything – the best VPN No. 1

[imaginesandinserts]

Irreverent Pt. 46 - Salve

Title: Irreverent Pt. 46 - Salve Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x Reader Rating: M Words: ~10K

A/N: Flashback Chapter set between Chapter 14: Superheroes and Chapter 15: Foyet. 

Irreverent Series Masterlist

The bar was thrumming with activity and the energy that accompanies people who've all had a long, hard day at work and would like to do nothing besides forget. The team had gotten back from a case in the evening, and with only Friday separating them and the weekend, had all decided to head out for a night of drinking.

You look around, your hands wrapped around a glass of scotch - Derek, Penelope, and Emily were dancing in the makeshift dancing area, JJ was playing darts with some guys, Spencer was cheating people out of their money at a game of pool, and Rossi had long ago excused himself to go sit by some woman at the bar. You'd be dancing too, but the unsub had gotten the jump on you during the takedown and you'd been nursing a sprained ankle ever since. Hotch had stayed with you - whether it was simply to keep you company or because none of the other activities appealed to him, you're unsure. Likely the former - he was pretty good at darts too.

He's sitting across from you in the booth, a glass of scotch in his hand as well. He doesn't make a face when he drinks it, which you have to admire - it was such a man thing. You only drank liquor to get drunk and had been surprised with the drink by Rossi, who had insisted that you needed to drink something stronger than a glass of wine after the day you'd had. You take another hesitant sip from your glass, trying hard not to give away how little you like it. He could've ordered you a mixed drink - something sweet so you didn't taste just pure alcohol.

"What've you got going on this weekend?" you ask Hotch. The case had been miserable all around and you wanted to talk about anything but that.

He looks up at you, the faint hint of a smile on his face. "Haley and I worked it out so that I can have Jack the entire weekend. I'll have to think of something to keep him occupied."

You knew that Hotch would be content to do nothing as long as it was with Jack, but he liked to make the most of their time together and did his best to plan things out that Jack would like. "I saw a poster that said the Air and Space Museum has some special exhibit on this month. It looked interesting." You knew Jack would enjoy that - his latest toy was a rocketship that went everywhere with him.

"Saturday?" he asks, eyebrow quirked up in question.

"Make it 11, and you've got a deal," you tell him, with a small smile. "I am no longer entertaining plans at 9am."

He lets out a slight huff. "If you just went to bed at a normal hour it wouldn't be that hard to wake up in the morning."

This was an old argument with the two of you. Hotch insisted on always being the first in line to any ticketed event. He hated waiting - he'd start to fidget and get annoyed and keep leaving the line to walk to the front and see what was taking so long.

"Take it or leave it." You were sticking your ground. He could use the lie in too, he'd just never admit it.

"We'll pick you up," he says, bringing his glass to his mouth and taking another sip, eyes meeting yours from above the rim.

It was interesting how you and Hotch had settled into this routine of constantly doing things with Jack. You reckon he likes having another adult around when he's out with Jack - it definitely made things easier to keep a little kid entertained. You'd once mentioned to Emily that you were having dinner with him and Jack and she'd looked at you a little oddly, saying that she'd been on the team forever and had never once had dinner with her boss and his kid. You'd responded by telling her that she probably wouldn't enjoy it all too much - Emily liked kids just fine, but her and Hotch tend to get on one another's nerves a bit after a while. They were far too different even if they did work well together. Hotch would try and fail at limiting her to two glasses of wine with dinner and she'd annoy him by just putting the dishes straight into the dishwasher without caring how she did it.

"Someone sent this over for you." You turn to see the waitress place a drink at your table, and indicate towards a man in a wrinkled suit, seated at the bar, who waves at you.

You can feel your face turn into a grimace as the waitress looks at you expectantly. You avoid looking at Hotch across the way. You didn't need to see his reaction. "Would you mind telling him thanks, but, no thanks for me?" you ask her apologetically.

She nods understandingly, taking the drink back and walking towards the bar.

You turn to look at Hotch, completely exasperated. It was nice. It was a nice gesture - sending a girl a drink. Friendly. Yet, you're just a little at your wit's end lately when it comes to men. It all just feels superficial.

Hotch can read you pretty well by now, so he asks if you're alright.

You look at his concerned face. You know why - usually you don't mind this sort of thing. Hell, you pretty much encourage it with the way you act, flirting with nearly everyone simply because you can. It's like a sport to you.

"Are you asking as my boss or as my friend?" you ask him, eyes cast down towards your drink, following patterns in the wood of the table.

"Friend," he says, adjusting to lean in a bit more towards you.

Sighing, you shift a bit, dropping your leg from where you'd been keeping it elevated next to him. "Lately, I just feel like I can't get guys to see me. Like every guy I meet, they either want to date me or kill me," you tell him, referring to your job. "But beyond that, it's like I don't even matter."

Hotch nods understandingly at your frustration, his face a grimace at your explanation. He's unable to deny that that is very much the case when it comes to women quite often - especially in your line of work. You're all far too aware of the horrors of dating, being called in on numerous cases on dating gone wrong. "Aren't you still seeing that guy - Kensington?" he asks with a slight uptick of his jaw.

"Well, if you can call seeing someone six times over the course of about an equal number of months, then yes I suppose so," you scoff lightly. "Twice we got called in on cases halfway, once he got interrupted by a work emergency, and then most recently I accompanied him to an event at which most of the other dates were the kind that demand a retainer in exchange for services rendered," you say, alluding to the super model types you'd kept company at Cedric's business event a couple of weeks back. You could fit into his world quite easily, but you didn't want to. You'd left that behind for a reason.

Hotch chuckles slightly at that, amused at your tone and manner in which you referred to women who were essentially either escorts or sugar babies. You didn't really fit that mold - of that he was quite certain. For one, you definitely didn't need the money.

"Don't get me wrong, I actually do like him. We get one another and our background and upbringing is similar enough. He makes me laugh. However our schedules - both of ours - are highly unconducive to dating and in his line of business he needs a girlfriend who can leave everything at the drop of a hat to stand by his side."

"So unless you leave your job or he leaves his, it won't work out," Hotch finishes your thought for you, a resigned expression on his face in commiseration.

"Exactly. Which is a shame because he's actually one of the good ones. He's rich but not pompous, educated and intelligent without being condescending about it, and actually shows genuine interest in me and my job. Believe it or not, as basic as those things might seem, they are actually difficult to find all in one man."

He hums. "I can imagine," he says, taking another sip of his drink, a slightly amused expression on his face. You rarely talked to him about your dating life so he was actually very interested in this insight. He wonders briefly if there's any significance to you having listed the fact that Kensington was wealthy before any of his other qualities. From what he knows of you, he doubts you'd truly care if your partner had money or not. More than likely it merely helped establish a commonality, nothing more. However, from what he does know of the men you've dated recently, they all appear to be quite well off nonetheless.

"Anyways, all that is to say that I'm not exactly looking to entertain complete strangers in bars at the moment. I don't trust my luck."

"Probably for the best, anyways," Hotch comments, appraising the crowd at the bar. There really didn't appear to be anyone worth talking to - especially none of your caliber, per his judgement.

"What about you? How's the post divorce dating scene?" you question, feeling a little bolder than you usually might, since the two of you are already discussing the matter. Turnabout was fair play.

He's a little surprised at your forwardness. You tend to do your best to not meddle in his personal business, despite the amount of time you two spend together. He believes it's your way of maintaining some modicum of professionalism to your outings. Your conversations tend to revolve around cases, your classes from college, an article in the newspaper, or the ever present game the two of you like to play of profiling complete strangers walking by. He says its to hone your skills, but really he just enjoys how invested you get - how competitive and passionate, color rising in your cheeks as you defend your assessment, annoyance tinging your tone as you disagree with him, admiration when he notes something you hadn't, and pride when he praises your observations, your cheeks flushed a prettier pink and your eyes sparkling with satisfaction.

"I wouldn't know," he discloses, a slight flush in his cheeks. He hadn't dated at all since the divorce. He hadn't had the time and he hadn't really had interest in anyone. Not when you exist, so overtly present in his day to day life. He knows he's - in some capacity - using the outings with you and Jack as the closest thing he's got to dating again. Not to say that it was that - dating. However the fact that his weekends were typically filled by you and his son made it so he wasn't exactly left wanting.

Your eyes widen a little in surprise. Their divorce had been a while back now - you knew for a fact that Haley was dating, having ran into her with some man when you'd offered to drop Jack off for Hotch when you all got called in on a case last minute. You hadn't mentioned it to him, but you're sure he knew as well. "You're joking. Really? No one?"

"You might recall, I got divorced because I didn't have the time for my existing relationship. A new one requires quite a bit more attention than that," he says dryly, self deprecation dripping from every word.

You hum, narrowing your eyes at him as you stir your drink with the toothpick it came with, spearing the cherry inside and popping it into your mouth.

"You should just go for it next time we're in some whatever town. Every female detective we've encountered constantly gets all moony eyed around you," you inform him matter-of-factly. They're all so obvious too, eyes always drawn to his ring finger in search of a wedding band, and upon finding it empty, hanging onto his every word. Flicking their hair and fluttering their lashes at him, keen on proving themselves to be competent by sticking their noses into the profile.

"That's hardly true," he contradicts, shaking his head, the color in his cheeks having creeped down his neck.

You chuckle at that. "Maybe you're not as good of a profiler as you think you are."

He glares at you, however the lightheartedness remains in his eyes so you know you're in the clear for your jab.

"Anyways, all I'm saying is, whenever you decide to get back on that proverbial horse, I think you won't find a shortage of options," you tell him kindly. After all, Hotch worked harder than any of you. He deserved to find happiness again.

He rolls his eyes at your statement ever so slightly. His right hand was a much less complicated and demanding lover for the time being - he was making do just fine.

"So, on to the next for you then?" he asks, attempting to divert attention back to you and your existent dating life rather than him and his non-existent one.

You shake your head, a humorless smile appearing on your face as you start to feel just slightly light headed from the alcohol. Maybe accepting random pain killers from Emily hadn't been quite the right move. "Nah," you mumble into your drink. "Cedric can stay, if only because I don't have an actual good reason to end it yet. Besides him, the other two on the back burner are quickly losing what little appeal they held to begin with. I might actually take a break."

Hotch smiles as if he doesn't quite believe you're capable of actually taking a break. Your reputation for never being without a date far preceded you.

Truth be told, at first it was simply easier to always be dating someone in the aftermath of the John wreckage. If you could constantly keep yourself occupied and distracted in that area, while you actually gave turning straight a fair shot, then maybe you'd make it through instead of going crawling back to his bed. Maybe you'd stop seeing his broken face when you told him you couldn't be with him. Maybe the memory of leaving him standing alone in front of that tattoo parlor in the Village wouldn't cause your heart to ache and rebel against your own actions. Maybe. Just maybe.

Now, the pain of Julian's death and the subsequent fallout with your family was merely hurtful when you chose to think of it or were reminded of it inadvertently It was no longer ever present. That seemed like progress. Like somehow despite everything - the pain and torture you'd inflicted upon both you and John had somehow been worth it if it meant you could go to sleep without thinking of Julian. Wake up without your father's face looming ever present in your mind.

You and Hotch look up when you see the rest of the team approaching the table one by one as the night drew to a close. It was last call and about time to head home so you could all have a hope of making an appearance at the office the next day.

"You want a ride home?" Hotch asks you, noticing your slight struggle to get out of the booth.

"It's totally out of your way," you protest, yanking your coat on and fishing for your keys in your pocket.

"I insist, come on. You can't drive properly with that sprain right now. He walks towards you and placing his hand at your lower back, guides you out of the bar behind the rest of the team. "Your car should be fine and we can grab it in the morning."

You know he's right, so you allow yourself to lean against him ever so much more, letting him help you out to his car. Hotch helps you in and closes the door behind you, before walking around to the driver's side. You take control of the music, plugging in your phone, intent on introducing him to more modern music. The two of you made it through seven Top 50 songs on the drive to your place, Hotch complaining throughout and not finding anything redeemable in any of the songs you'd chosen.

Aaron looked over at you as he neared your house, your head moving along to the music and your fingers dancing across your thighs to the tune, a large grin plastered on your voice as you tried to convince him that this this one he surely had to enjoy. He actually didn't mind most of the music you picked out to introduce him to - you didn't just pick anything, you always did your best to pick something you thought he'd truly enjoy. However, he worried that if he started to openly like any of them, you might stop trying so hard.

He pulled into your driveway and walked around to help you out of the car, lending you a hand along the path and up the steps to your door. He stands on the lower step as you unlock the door, before you turn around to tell him goodbye. When you turn, you're almost at his height due to the different steps you two are stood upon and you're not quite sure what compels you, but you reach for him and lean in to a hug, tucking your head onto his shoulder. If he's surprised he doesn't react as such, wrapping his arms around you as well briefly.

"Thanks Hotch."

"I'll pick you up at 8:30AM tomorrow. Is that alright?"

"Sounds good. I'll be the one standing right here, holding the cups of coffee."

He smiles, rolling his eyes just slightly, before turning around and walking away.

*------------*

He first becomes aware of only pain. A piercing, stabbing pain that he can feel everywhere, centered around the abdominal area. He can't move, everything feels heavy. Opening his eyes is a struggle and he manages to only open his eyes a fraction, before being forced to close them tight again. It was bright. White and too bright for his sensitive eyes.

He's slowly starting to realize where he is - becoming increasingly aware of the pain and the bandages, the needle connecting an I.V. to his arm - he's in a hospital. He tries to remember what happened - he'd dropped you off, waited until you made it inside and waved him off, before leaving. He'd gotten back to his apartment. It had been quiet. Eerily quiet. Then Foyet was there. After that all he recalls is pain and Foyet's voice - over and over and over.

Do I seem impotent now?

You should've made the deal.

This will never be over.

Aaron finds it too difficult to keep his eyes open and closes them once again, slipping under.

The next time he wakes, a technician was present and the girl quickly hurried out when she noticed him move.

Once the nurses became aware that he was conscious, it had been a flurry of activity - doctors and technicians in and out to ensure he was alright and to up the pain medication. Some talk about internal bleeding and nine stab wounds to which he'd simply nodded along. He tried to ask for Dave - someone who could make sense of all of this. They told him no visitors yet, but that family had been informed.

Once Dave enters, that's when he finds out everything. Foyet had dumped him outside the hospital. After he hadn't shown up to pick you up that morning, you'd raised the alarm and Garcia had tracked him down. Nothing was missing from his apartment from what they could tell, despite the mess. The only thing left out was his address book. Dave had it with him and Aaron looks through it, going immediately to the one page that mattered. It wasn't there.

Haley Brooks.

Rossi had sent you to go get Haley since the Marshalls were getting ready for her. You'd left Jack with JJ, assuring him that you'd be right back. He'd already seen his father and you'd watched from a distance as Hotch had adjusted to sit up, insistent on not letting his son see him as anything but alright, even in the context of a hospital bed. Haley had been with them and you watched as her eyes flitted from Hotch to Jack - fear for her son and what he might have to go through, due to his father's job, her main concern. She was worried for Hotch too, of course. She must be. However, their initial interaction that you'd witnessed hadn't been quite how you'd expect a wife to react to her husband being in a hospital. Though, you suppose, she wasn't really his wife anymore. Not that it mattered to him - you're pretty sure in his eyes, she might as well still be.

You approach, and you can hear Hotch and Haley in conversation about what's going to happen next. Foyet had taken only the page in his address book with her name on it, so his intentions were perfectly clear. Haley and Jack were being targeted by a serial killer. That meant they needed to be protected, and you knew that Hotch would have to break it to her.

"Do you know where they're taking us?" Haley asks. You can hear the uncertainty in her voice. You wait outside, trying not to eavesdrop but it was impossible not to overhear.

"No I don't. And that's the point. I can't know where you're going. If you have any contact with anyone, then he could track you."

"Jack has school, Aaron. He has friends. I have a job now." Her voice is accusing and you want to tell her that none of that matters right now. The only thing that matters is the two of them being safe.

"I know. And I'm sorry. We will catch him. And you'll come back, and I promise that I will spend the rest of my life making this up to you." Hotch's voice comes out low and you can hear the anguish caught in his throat as he speaks to the mother of his child - telling her to take their son and go. Breaking his own heart in the process by keeping Jack away from him. Knowing that that is exactly what Foyet wants. Wants him to suffer.

"Are you sure that we're in danger?" she asks, her voice suggesting that maybe he was overreacting. You feel a surge of anger course through you at that. For her to even suggest that he was overreacting when he was laid up in a hospital bed with multiple stab wounds was simply…you didn't have the words. He wouldn't make her go through this over nothing!

"Yes."

You decide to intervene then. Before she can question it further and agitate him more. He needed to rest. You knock quickly, alerting them both to your presence. "Haley, the Marshalls are ready for you."

She nods and grabs Hotch's hand. You avert your eyes to give them their privacy as Hotch tells her to be brave and strong. He'll see her and Jack after she's met with them.

Haley walks towards you and you point her to the tall female agent standing at the end of the ICU doors, wearing non-descript clothing in order to not garner too much attention. She nods and looks at you, and you see a hint of something pass through her eyes, like she wants to speak, but then seems to think better of it and walks towards the direction you'd pointed her in.  

You watch her go, before turning to Hotch. His eyes followed her until she disappeared around the corner, and then he tilts his head back and closes his eyes. You hesitate for a second, before walking in. Your presence wouldn't be missed for a few minutes, you hope, so you walk towards the bed and take a seat in the chair to his left, waiting until he decides to look at you.

"How're you feeling?" His face is turned towards you as though he's partially surprised you're even there at all. You wonder if he would've preferred you have left him alone instead.

"They're got me some pretty strong meds," he tells you, indicating towards the I.V. drip connected to his arm.

You lean over and read the chart hanging from the side of the bed, eyes glancing over it. "They got you on all of the good stuff - Hydromorphone will get the job done for sure." You try to smile but you know it won't reach your eyes right now.

"How long did it take you to sound the alarm?"

You shift, tilting the chair to look at him better, your teeth worrying your bottom lip and eyes narrowed, trying to work out why he'd ask that. The smell of a hospital was starting to get to you a bit - that odd smell that feels like despair and cleaning supplies. "Ten minutes. At 8:35, I called your cell and you didn't pick up. I called again at 8:36 and 8:37 and 8:38. At 8:39 I told myself I was acting crazy and that the weird feeling I had wasn't anything really. I just needed some breakfast. At 8:40, I called Penelope and had her track you down." You remembered the ten minutes of pure panic you'd gone through when he hadn't been outside at exactly 8:30AM. With anyone else, it wouldn't be a cause for concern. With Hotch, you'd expected him to be there at 8:25AM and so you'd been ready to go by 8:15AM with a travel mug of coffee for the both of you in each hand. He also always texted you when he left his place to come to yours and you hadn't gotten an ETA text that morning. Maybe that's what had originally put you on edge.

He looks at you, an odd look on his face at your explanation as if he's trying to decide what to make of it - the entirely detailed and rambling explanation he got from you, likely catching him off guard a bit. Great, he thinks I'm insane.

A small smile makes its way to his face however, and you're glad he's still capable of that, despite everything. You haven't yet looked down at his bandages. Foyet had stabbed him nine times. You'd seen the notes that Rossi had taken - what Foyet had said to Hotch as he stabbed him. Talking about how Hotch has profiled him as being impotent. The mere act of stabbing Hotch while taunting him with that particular piece of the profile -it filled your stomach with churning acid. It was the closest to sexual assault that Foyet could inflict upon Hotch and you're trying hard not to think about the emotional and mental ramifications of it all for him. The physical was one thing - that's something that people can move past with time. The violation of one's home and one's body however - the toll that takes on ones being and sense of self - that's much more difficult to bury.

Just to even think that he was exaggerating - you're mad all over again at Haley. You shouldn't be. You know that isn't fair at all. She was having her whole life upended. And yet…he was the one in a hospital bed and you're having a hard time recalling her seeming at all concerned for him. She must've been, of course. But…he didn't deserve to be made to feel like shit because of it. It wasn't his fault. Knowing him, he really would spend the rest of his life making it up to her.

You avert your eyes to stare at the wheels at the bottom of the bed. They'd wheeled him, unconscious, past you when you'd first arrived at the hospital, not bothering to go into the office and instead arriving straight from your place via a cab. You'd been the first one there, having Garcia call the rest of the team. You'd called Rossi so that he could be the one to call Haley. He'd known her longer. You'd limped your way into the ICU, bypassing every single security check with a flash of your badge.

Pointless really. They wouldn't let you see him. Family first. You had to wait for Haley and Rossi to arrive - they were his emergency contacts. You briefly wondered if that was because he'd never bothered to update it after the divorce or if that was truly still the case - if she would be the person he'd want to have during an emergency.

"Can I say something?" Your voice comes out small and hesitant. He hadn't said anything in the wake of your explanation earlier.

He nods, looking at you curiously.

You wet your lips, clearing your throat a bit and sitting up straighter. It's not your place, and yet.. someone should say it. Someone should tell him.

"Sometimes, when we love people, we allow them to hurt us. We allow them to ignore our pain in favor of elevating their own. We allow them to bypass our feelings and our needs because we believe we aren't as worthy of having what we need acknowledged. I get why, of course. Especially right now, but.." You trail off, not knowing how to finish what you'd started in a way that didn't complete overstep the boundaries that you'd already crossed. He'd know you had heard. He didn't need to know that right now, you didn't exactly love his ex wife. You liked her just fine. But right then, you didn't appreciate how she'd treated him.

Hotch looks at you, breath caught by your words. He hadn't realized you'd overheard the conversation between him and Haley. There could be no other reason for you to be saying all of that. You'd said it all softly, hesitantly, knowing you were crossing some sort of line and yet you'd still said it because you felt he needed to hear it. We love.. We allow… We believe… You were speaking from some amount of personal experience. Your first question to him had been about how he was doing - unlike both Rossi and Prentiss who had asked him what happened. He's not sure why the distinction matters, yet it does.

Haley was right too, however. He can't be upset with her. This was all his fault. He hadn't made a deal with Foyet and now his family - his son - their lives were being upended. Haley had already put up with a lot during their marriage. The divorce should've meant that she no longer had to bear the consequences of his job. He can't help but feel guilty for that - for putting her in this situation. Especially when he's so overtly aware that he could've kept it from happening.

He watches as you sit in that chair, eyeing him apprehensively, chewing on your bottom lip. You care. He can tell you care. You care so overwhelmingly that it's hard to deny it. Sometimes he wishes you didn't. It would make things a lot easier on him if he could think that he felt something for someone that didn't even think about him - that he never crossed your mind even. However, there's far too much proof to the contrary. So instead he has to live with knowing that you care about him, that you think of him, that you likely - in some capacity - love him. The way one might love a friend or a mentor. Somehow that's worse because he has to then deal with you saying stuff like this. Things that make it seem like only you care.

He doesn't know what to say and he can feel tears forming that he's quick to blink away, hoping you hadn't noticed. He swallows and just nods, not trusting himself to say much of anything that didn't involve asking you to stay - possibly forever, because for the first time since he'd woken up in the hospital, he feels seen.

You try to smile and change the subject, fill him in on the Marshalls' plan with Haley and Jack. Offer to get him ice chips or some food that wasn't from the hospital cafeteria. He notices how at ease you seem in the hospital, and comes to the conclusion that maybe a family member had spent some time in one. You seem to know which nurses to talk to in order to get whatever you needed. You watch like a hawk when they come to do anything with his medications. He's pretty certain you would've slept there overnight had Rossi not asked you to help Morgan with something on the ongoing case.

He misses you as soon as you leave.

*------------*

You catch Jack and Haley on your way out. You know you won't be seeing Jack for a while. The Marshalls would be taking them today. Everything was going to change for them.

You nod at Agent Montgomery - the U.S. Marshall that's going to be on their case for the time being. She shifts, moving to the doorway to give you guys a moment.

Haley is seated at the table, her hands holding onto some paperwork. She meets your eyes briefly and nods before returning to the documents. There's a pen in her hands and you can't help but note that her fingers shake around it a bit.

Jack is seated at another table nearby, Agent Montgomery having cleared the breakroom for their meeting.

"Hey buddy." You kneel down to where Jack has been sitting, coloring a printout that one of the nurses must've provided. Jack turns to you, showing off his work. "That looks amazing, Jack!"

He beams with pride at your praise. "Thanks, Y/N."

"I have to head out, okay. I just wanted to say goodbye before I left."

Jack gets up and hugs you, wrapping his little pudgy arms tightly around your neck, allowing you to sweep him up entirely. You know this is the last time you'll get to hold him for quite a while, so you allow it to linger, hugging him back tight. "I love you, Jack." Whispered into his ear while you blink back tears.

You release him and stand, making sure he's settled back into his activity and occupied, before turning to Haley. She stands, walks with you a small distance away from Jack. It isn't fair, what's happening to her. You don't really hold anything against her. It's awful, entirely awful what's happening - her whole life was about to be uprooted because of your jobs. Because of all of your collective failure to catch Foyet the first time. It was your mistake and her and Jack were going to pay for it.

You look up at her and you can see how entirely scared she is of what's about to happen. To have to do this on your own was one thing. Doing it with a partner, another. To have to do it all alone while supporting a child - she wouldn't have anyone she knew to rely upon. All by herself and unable to trust anyone.

"We're going to find him. We're gonna catch him. I promise." You know words were of little solace but that's all you have to give right then.

She smiles, a watery smile to match the unshed tears in her eyes. There's a shaky nod before she moves forward, hugging you in much the same manner Jack had. She's a bit taller than you, so you try to stand straight, allowing her to lean against you. "Take care of him." Her voice is a whisper against your ear, as though she's entrusting you with something extremely precious. Which she is, you suppose. She's counting on you to make sure that Hotch would be alright. That Jack's father would be fine, awaiting his son's return.

"I will."

*------------*

It had been a week since Foyet had left Hotch outside the hospital. A week since Haley and Jack had been taken into WITSEC protective custody and given new identities in an unknown location. A week since Morgan had become the new acting Unit Chief of the BAU, taking over in Hotch's stead. To the public - to the outside world - and especially to Foyet, it had to seem like his attack on Hotch had left him completely alone and broken - no wife, no kid, no team to lead.

You hated it.

The team had been assigned a new case late Sunday evening after you'd all pretty much spent the past couple of days in the hospital. Hotch was discharged earlier in the day and was under strict orders to stay on bedrest for the time being. You'd all flown out early Monday morning and it was now Saturday evening, the case having stretched out the entire week due to the Unsub's kill schedule.

You got back home after submitting your report, grabbing a water and a pack of the little bunny crackers you keep on hand for Jack. You're pretty sure you won't be seeing Jack before those expire and someone should eat them. You shower and get dressed for bed, thinking about Hotch. You knew he was home and would be coming back to work next week, doing the absolute bare minimum bed rest that the doctor had mandated. You're fairly certain the doctor had been intimidated into it by Hotch's severe face, daring him to say anything longer than a week.

It's fairly late by the time you actually crawl into bed, plugging your phone into the charger by the nightstand and flickering off the lights, plunging the room into darkness save for the red glow of the alarm clock stating that it was now eleven o'clock. You wonder if anyone has checked in on him while the team has been away. Perhaps Jess, but she must also be out of her mind with worry about Haley and Jack.

Before you can talk yourself out of it, you've grabbed your phone and scrolled to his name in your Favorites, pressing on it. You hold the phone up to your ear and listen as it rings, once, twice, thrice, until you hear the sound of it being picked up.

"Hotchner." His voice is low but doesn't sound sleepy, so you're at least confident that you hadn't woken him up. Having nothing to do but lay around must be messing with his carefully regulated sleep schedule.

You suppress a laugh at his formal no-nonsense greeting, even though he undoubtedly knows it's you. "Hey." Your voice comes out breathier than intended.

"Is everything alright?" There's a slight edge evident in his voice and you realize that maybe calling him at eleven at night when his wife - ex-wife - and kid are being kept away safe wasn't exactly the right move.

"Yeah, yeah. Everything's alright. I'm sorry. I just called to check in. How are you?"

There's a pause where you can hear the ambient sounds of your house settling in along with him shifting - the rustling of a bedsheet and the groan of the frame as he moves to adjust himself. So he had been in bed when you called.

Finally, you hear, "I'm alright. Thank you for dropping off the food."

"Yeah, yeah of course," you respond, your heartbeat picking up a bit for some reason. You figure it's because you're unsure of the call itself still and knowing that Hotch was in bed and you'd likely disturbed him in some sense at least, makes you feel a little uneasy.

For his part, Aaron had been going stircrazy, sitting at home with nothing whatsoever to do. The Marshalls had taken Haley and Jack the very same day. Dave had taken him from the hospital and back to his apartment and Garcia and JJ had dropped by the same day with some groceries and a couple of ready to eat meals for him.

He spent most of Sunday sleeping, the strong painkillers making him drowsy. Monday morning, he awoke to his doorbell and his nurse, Eric, from the hospital was there to help him with the dressage. He didn't think that was covered by his insurance - he could only imagine how much home visits from a medical professional cost - and had told Eric there was some sort of mistake. However, Eric had insisted that someone at the hospital had already worked it out and insurance wasn't an issue - this was a covered service apparently. Since Aaron already knew him, and he really could use the help, he'd let him in. Eric had entered holding a large box of food as well, that he said had been left at the door along with a note. After Eric left, Aaron had opened the box to reveal pre-portioned meals - all homemade, all different, all things he could throw in a microwave easily. The note was just signed with your name, telling him to call if he needed anything else.

He'd slept through most of the days, awakening only to let Eric in daily. He ate only because he had to in order to take his medications. Otherwise his mind was a haze of thoughts and worries - worrying about Jack and Haley, about Foyet being around the next corner, about the team managing without him, and somewhere at the farthest reaches of his mind your face danced around - worried and concerned for him, despite doing your very best to appear otherwise.

When your name flashed across his phone late at night, at first he felt the thrust of panic - that something had happened. And then there's your voice, calm and even, asking him how he's doing. No one else had called him. Dave and Prentiss had texted once or twice over the week, but with a case going on, everyone had been busy.

There's a brush of silence after he thanks you for the food and he can hear you take a breath and shift ever so much. He realizes that you're calling him while most likely lying in bed. It causes his heart to speed up and a tight coil to begin tightening in his stomach. It's utterly benign - he has no reason to feel that way, and yet, yet he does.

"How was the case?" he asks, desperate for someone to speak with, not wanting the phone call to end.

You're slightly surprised but you easily talk him through the details of the case, the profiling process and how the team had approached it. You find yourself babbling on for a while as he asks you questions about the evidence, how the local detectives had been, how the team was doing.

Aaron listens to you, taking it all in. You're good at this, providing all the details you know he'd want. You notice everything, all the little things. How the local detectives had responded to Morgan being in charge - how it had been easier for JJ to liaise with them more closely instead. How Reid was getting much more comfortable with having a weapon in the field. There's a soft, sleepy quality to you despite your obvious willingness to tell him everything. Your voice like a salve, doing more for him than any of the medications the doctors had prescribed.

He's not sure when or how, but the conversation has meandered from the case to something Prentiss had told you once, to a story he had of Dave and Gideon back when he first joined the team, and then to a professor of yours from college who had been particularly invested in the Bundy trials in a near obsessive manner. He finds himself laughing for the first time since that night at the bar with you.

When his eyes next catch the time, it is past 2AM. You'd been on the phone for the past three hours. Before this, the longest phone call he's ever had was fifteen minutes.

"It's late," he whispers, almost as though he doesn't want you hear him. "You should get some sleep."

You glance at your clock and find yourself shocked at how long the two of you had been on the phone together. Who knew Hotch was even capable. Though, you figure, you'd been doing the bulk of the talking, rambling on about something or the other. He must be utterly exhausted of listening to your voice.

"You should too," you murmur through a yawn, your eyes flickering under the weight of your lashes.

"Good night, Y/N." You can hear a smile in his voice and it's almost as though you can feel him - the way he feels when he hugs you, warm and strong, firm against you, surrounding you completely with his being.

"Night Hotch."

*------------*

Hotch had been back a couple of weeks and the team was adjusting. While Morgan was indeed the public face of the team, Hotch was very still involved and working far too much behind the scenes. You've kept an eye on him, looking for signs of him overexerting himself. He is, of course. He's burying himself in work, diving in head first because that's likely easier than focusing on everything else. So far, all you've done is give him looks that say Shouldn't you be going home? and Is this really what you want to spend a Wednesday at 9PM doing? He doesn't acknowledge them openly but you know that he knows that you see exactly what he's trying to do. He'll leave once he realizes that you're staying if he is.  

You're not quite sure how to check on him during the weekends. Before, you used to have Jack as the reason why you saw him. Now, without Jack, you're not quite sure how to go about seeing Hotch and making sure he's alright, without it somehow being seen as overstepping. You nudge Rossi to go check on him one of the days and then another, you invited the entire team over for dinner so that you know he ate. You know he won't let you cook for him if he's no longer on bedrest, even though the way he holds his gun and the sharp inhale he takes anytime he has to put the Kevlar on is extremely telling.

JJ wants everyone in the conference room on the other side of the floor since your regular one is taken and she calls you to inform everyone of the change in venue for the scheduled meeting. You glance up from your desk after having told Derek and Emily of the location change, trusting them to tell Spencer when he returns. JJ isn't expecting everyone for another half hour, and Emily had caught Rossi as he was heading out to lunch, so he's also aware. Emily and Derek follow in his steps, asking if you're going to join them, but you wave them on ahead.

You take the steps up to Hotch's office swiftly, knocking and turning the knob in one motion, only to find him standing behind his desk, no jacket or tie, shirt unbuttoned, a patch of red visible on his skin from one of the stab wounds inflicted by Foyet. He looks up at you and you can feel the surprise in his eyes. It was your fault, you should've waited. That was stupid. Your eyes can't seem to look away from the blood spotting the otherwise white wrappings that sit in a pile on the desk.

"I - I'm sorry," you stutter out, blinking and trying to make sense of the sight in front of you. You notice that his shirt was also equally marred, the blood having seeped through. You'd obviously interrupted him.

He draws a breath, and you can see him try to put on a mask of being unbothered by your sudden appearance. "Did you need something?"

'Um, JJ had to move the briefing to the other conference room," you inform him, still unable to look away. You're staring. You know are. It's dawning upon you how entirely you'd fucked up. Hotch was such a private person. He'd hate having someone see him in such a state of vulnerability.

He nods. "Thank you. Could you close the door, please?"

You don't move from your spot in the doorway.

"Y/N?"

You're not sure what exactly has overcome you, except this overwhelming need to take care of him. Especially now, right then when he's hurting. Bleeding quite literally. Hotch takes care of everyone. Every single one of you. But no one takes care of him. Not the way he needs to be cared for.

You cross the threshold, shutting and locking the door behind you. He seems entirely taken aback as you approach him silently. There's a voice in your head telling you that this, right here, this was the definition of overstepping. Yet, there is a more insistent compulsion residing within you, urging you forward until you've reached him. He looks at you, confusion in his features.

"Let me." You reach for the alcohol wipes on the table, meant to disinfect the affected region.

He doesn't say anything, but he also doesn't move, making it difficult for you to actually reach him as he's standing flush to his desk. He only looks at you, brows scrunched together, the pronounced cleft of his lower lip set tightly.

"Let me." You repeat yourself, moving forward and forcing him to back up a little and make room for you. You deftly move to sit on his desk, facing him, and beckon him towards you without looking up. If you looked up, you might lose your nerve.

You part your legs and much to your surprise, he actually moves forward, coming to settle between them. You can feel the heat of his body radiating off of him. You're suddenly very aware of the friction between his dress pants and the material of your own fitted ones.

You take the alcohol wipe and tear open the packaging, unraveling the cloth before cautiously moving towards him and dabbing at the area that seemed to have opened up slightly. He releases a sharp hiss and suddenly, his hand is at your waist, gripping tightly. You pause, looking up at his face. His eyes are shut, lips pressed tightly together. After a second, he nods, indicating at you to continue. He doesn't make a sound again as you clean up the area, though he does tighten his grip ever so slightly a couple more times.

You look at the items on his desk and pick up the jar of salve that he must put on prior to the dressings. Carefully, you unscrew the lid, looking up at him with a question in your eyes. He nods again, barely looking at you.

You try to do it quickly. Fingers picking up some of the salve and gingerly spreading it over the region, brushing past raised skin, puckered up as it heals. Slowly. Not fast enough for him.

Aaron watches as your head is bent, teeth biting down on your lower lip in concentration as you gently span the entirely of his chest and stomach. Soft, dainty fingers quickly working so as to put him out of his misery faster.

Of all people, he didn't want you to see him this way. So vulnerable, so exposed, so scarred. You'd thrown him off balance when you hadn't quickly scampered away after you realized your error in barging in. Approached him with such purpose that he hadn't known how to turn you away.

You reach for the fresh roll of gauze next, swallowing as you look up at him once again. "This would be easier if you take the shirt off."

He shrugs it off at your words, placing it on the back of his chair. There's a fresh shirt on the seat of his chair. He'd been prepared, it would seem.

"This might put a dent in the line of women waiting to pounce." He indicates towards his chest, self deprecation dripping from his weak attempt at humor, in an effort to cut whatever imaginary tension he had made up in his head.

You look at his face, seeing the vulnerability and insecurity as plain as can be. He doesn't need to verbalize his thoughts in order for you to know exactly what he's thinking. What he's been thinking.

Who would want someone this grotesque?

Who would want a man as broken as this?

Who could possibly bear the sight of him - marred forever? His very flesh a perpetual reminder of the terror he wades through, the monsters he encounters, the horror that is his life.

"No."

Your answer is simple, straightforward. Yet nothing has ever confused him more as he watches you hold one end of the gauze to the front of his chest near the top of the scarring, and then bring the roll around his back, over it to hold it in place, your small hands ghosting over his skin with the utmost propriety, intent in making this as painless, as easy, as comfortable for him as possible.

"I'm not going to tell you some patronizing bullshit about scars being beautiful."

You control your breath in easy measured paces, forcing him to follow along. One breath in. Pause. Breath out. Repeat. You continue to wrap the dressing around his chest slowly, your eyes fixed on the task at hand to ensure that it was all straight and even, tight but not too tight.

"They do, however, speak to all that you've endured. All that you've conquered. Overcome. Anyone who loves you will see you just as you are. They would think you absolutely incredible. Regardless of anything. Because of it all."

Aaron focuses on your voice, soft and melodic and yet sure. So very sure. How could you possibly be so sure?

"Someone who loves you will see the scars," your fingers press ever so slightly against his chest, "and they will know. They will know all that you've undergone to become who are - how you survived despite the odds."

You take a sudden shuddered breath as you recall the sight of him unconscious in the hospital bed, being wheeled past you. You're quick to shake it away.

"They will be grateful. To have you, scars and all."

You finish, tucking in the end of the gauze firmly and ensuring it wouldn't come loose with just the slightest of motions.

You look up at him then, finally meeting his eyes properly. Beautiful, deep brown eyes with flecks of gold brought on by the late afternoon sunlight that was filtering through the windows.

Aaron can't help but look at you. He rarely gets to see you this up close. So very close. If he were to just bend down the smallest amount, there'd be no space at all. Your hair bundled back into a professional low bun, soft wisps framing your face. The cupid's bow lips - pouty, pink, perfect lips. The upturned nose and the slight babyface cheeks that accompanied it. He realizes his hand is still gripped onto your waist and he's reluctant to remove it. Not yet. In a bit. Not yet.

"Thank you." His eyes are closed as he says it so he misses it when you nod your acknowledgement.

You lean past him, one hand grabbing his forearm for balance while the other reaches for the shirt on the chair. You'd started the job. Might as well finish it. You unbutton the collar and he takes it from you, quickly slipping it on, and yet not moving away. His hand returns to your waist. Staying where you could easily reach up and start buttoning it for him. So you do.

Aaron knows you don't need a response to everything you'd said. He also is quite certain that you believe it. No matter the entirely shallow world you'd been a part of, he knows that you aren't like that. You might be a little vain - the nice clothes and makeup, the care you put into your own appearance. However, you're not vain like this.

Aaron breathes out a deep sigh that he'd been holding for some time as you dexterously work each button into its proper hole. He really could get used to this. To you.

"Why do you always sit on stuff?" His voice is soft and low, calmer.

You glance up, noting the slight humor dancing behind his eyes while he waits for your answer.

You can't help but smile, a breath of laughter escaping you just barely. "I suppose…because I'm short," you admit, shaking your head as you continue down the trail of buttons. "Makes it easier for me to be at eye level if I sit on higher surfaces."

He laughs. A near boisterous laugh. His chest rumbles underneath your hands, causing your fingers to tremble.

You can't help but laugh along with him, releasing a deep held breath as you do.

He would be alright. He would.

[naturallynelsons-blog]

The Travail of Birth

I am not a particularly maternal person. I like children – other people’s.

For short periods of time.

When I’m not responsible for them in any way.

I proved that this week, when I had to watch someone’s kids for probably no more than 20 minutes. They were small: two and four, I’m guessing. I knew we were all in trouble when the parents left, and I turned to the children and said: “Hi. My name is Sarah. Let me know if I can help you with anything.” By the time another responsible adult showed up, I was ready to chew off my own arm to get out of there.

I’m at an age where most of my friends have reproduced. They wanted me to join their parenting club, but after one too many stories about the horrors of childbirth – emergency C sections, episiotomies, “I couldn’t feel my legs”, morphine (“Seriously?!?! Morphine?!?!? You volunteered to do something that ended in MORPHINE?”) – I was not eager to sign up.

Miracle of birth, my sweet patootie. The only thing NOT making your story sound like a nightmare to your own ears are those “I just gave birth” hormones, ladies. You are freaking everyone out. Okay, maybe not everyone. You are freaking me out though.

Given my apprehensions to this life-changing event, in my role as a farmer, I’ve been pretty particular about what animals I bring home. The thought of slipping on a plastic glove up to my armpit and diving into the nether regions of a cow to assist her birth is not high on my list of things to do, and given the location of my residence, trust me the vet will NOT get here on time. If you aren’t prepared for such things, do not buy the cow – even if the milk isn’t free.

Yet, here I am witnessing a birth.

My friend sold me an incubator last year. She swore, and I wholeheartedly agreed, that it would be better for me to be able to hatch chicks when I wanted them instead of waiting on those aforementioned hormones of my hens to kick in. So I loaded up the incubator a few weeks ago and waited.

The chicks were due to hatch on the fifth. The morning of February 4th, I was in my office typing away when I heard a faint squeak. I ignored it, but it happened a second time. I thought to myself: “Mouse!” As I was plotting the end of vermin, the squeak sounded again, but it sounded more like a tiny “peep” this time.

I swiveled in wonder towards the incubator. I shone my LED flashlight inside. (I couldn’t open it because I had added the post-it note to the top of it myself that said “Do not open this! No matter what! Even if you see a chick!”)

I saw no chick. I heard no peep. I sat down. Peep. I jumped up and looked again. No chick, but an egg took a teeny, tiny roll. Peep!

I was pretty excited. I called Ron. We watched the egg roll for a while and listened to the peep. He got bored and went away, and I called my incubation jedi master. She told me that even after I heard the first peep, it could be another 24 hours until I saw a chick. So I went about my day but periodically, I checked the incubator. No chicks; just eggs. I checked before bed. No chicks; just eggs. I went to sleep.

And then, just as the minute hand scooted past midnight, we were awoken by a bevy of loud, distressed peeping. It sounded like a tiny, chicken army had landed.

We Nelson’s are not our best when experiencing: a) not enough sleep, b) being awoken in a surprising manner, or c) being woken up any time before 9am. (Yes, this happens every day. It is always unpleasant and surprising.) I, being the responsible farmer, ran upstairs to see what was the matter. Ron rolled back over.

I walked out to the great room and was promptly met by the farm guardian: our border collie, CC. Something was amiss. She knew it, and she was going to make sure I took care of it. She escorted me upstairs. On the way, we passed one of our other dogs, Sam. Sam is a giant something or other weighing in at 99 pounds. He spends part of his day making sure no vermin even consider stepping foot on our property. He has brought me many gifts of creatures both small and disturbingly large. If I had grown up here, some of them probably would have been considered pretty good for stewing up for dinner, but alas, I did not. He spends the other 20 hours a day sleeping in my office, but even he, brave and noble beast, was not going to stay and listen to that racket. He spent the rest of the night on the deck.

I shone my light into the incubator expecting a plethora of small, feathered beings. Do you know what I saw? One chick. One stinking, screaming chick. One teeny, tiny – doesn’t even weigh one ounce –  bird was peeping to wake the dead. It was doing all the things it was supposed to do, and I had to NOT do the one thing I wanted to do: open the lid.

Chicks are fine for about 48 hours after hatching with no intervention on our part. Actually, trying to “help” a chick along could actually physically harm it in a permanent way – or even kill it. So as tough as it was to listen to its pathetic – and LOUD – cries of distress, I had to leave it alone. When I walked away, CC whined her displeasure that I failed to fix this situation and spent the rest of the night staring at me in consternation. I slept through it thankfully.

I was quite happy not to be home for the peepfest the next day, and by the time, Monday’s lovely morning rolled around, I had taken the peeping choir – which had grown to include six members – outside to their brooder box to introduce them to some of life’s great pleasures: food and drink.

After doing the rest of my chores, I went upstairs with my breakfast to begin work. Peep. Round two was just beginning. I took several breaks throughout the day to watch the actual hatch, and here is what I discovered.

Birth is not easy. It is incredibly difficult. There would be great struggles, and then the egg/chick combo would stop moving for a really long time. I’d give a little pep talk and a prayer, and after a while, the struggle would continue. All I could do was watch and pray and encourage. By the time the chick was fully free of its shell, it was exhausted. It just lay there in a damp, gasping little heap, and all I could do was watch.

The loud peeping from Saturday night was explained when I could watch the process in full on Monday. The loudest peeping happens after the chick has hatched, rested, regained its energy, looked around and discovered that it is most definitely not in Kansas anymore and also quite alone. The desperate, pitiful, LOUD peeping doesn’t stop until its loud peep is answered by another, quieter peep from another egg. Then the chick will huddle close to the egg, and they peep together. The first chick watches as the second struggles to break free into this exciting new world, and then, well, it’s pretty quiet. Just realizing they aren’t alone is enough to comfort them. That’s the second thing I learned. When your whole life is turned around, when everything you ever knew is gone and nothing makes sense, it is a lot easier to face when you aren’t facing it alone.

So there you have it: the miracle and struggle of birth as told by a non-maternal farmer. It’s mind blowing. To all of you who have lived it, I salute you.

The farm delivers one life lesson after another. I hope your day involves some unexpected, ordinary miracles and that if you face hard times, you have a buddy!

Keep on peeping,

Sarah – Naturally Nelson’s Farm

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