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#even when i change pressure setting
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#the rational part of me knows that everything will be okay but it's getting there thats always the hardest. so many big changes have been#happening recently and. fuck. i dont like what my life is becoming. i try my best to keep it together but god it's hard sometimes#i feel so. stupid. am i even worth anything? I'm just tired. i havent been doing anything to deserve to be tired but i am#i wish i could be better. i wont get into the details and i know this sounds like I'm losing my shit but god theres just so much happening#and I'm being crushed by this pressure and the scariest part is that maybe theres nothing even to be scared about. maybe this is just me#being fucked up and a scared little kid that was never quite good enough just like always. i was gonna get back to playing my game but ive#just been here for the past hour staring into space and crying. i tried to read a book but even that made me cry too-#what a fucking life huh? i dont know anything anymore. everything i know is changing and idk how to deal with it all#ive never felt so.. worthless. i just want a break. this is mostly just about academic pressure since thats what really set me off tonight#but everything else too.. god i'm so.. fucked. i put on this brave face because I'm in a position where ive been so isolated for so long#that i dont even have people to talk to about my problems anymore. when did it get to the point where i have all these friends in name but#thats all? when did i get so far from everuthing#when did it all fall apart? when did i become this stupid?#and ofc all this fucking jazz leads to the eventual 'my f/o wouldnt love a girl like me theyd go find someone else + leave' bullshit. sigh.#I'm fucking tired man. no one has to comfort me or message me or anything. I'll be fine and honestly I'm glad i was just able to get it out#(even if i can't share details obviously) I'm just.. at a point in my life where I'm confused. adulthood is hard man..#anyways i think I'll get my shit together and play more y.akuza now! the crying has sorta stopped lmaoo i think I'm on chapter 12 of 0 now?#very fun! I'm having fun.#negative#vent#ash rambles 💚#technically-#ahem. yeah. getting it all out felt good. maybe this hellsite is worth smth after all LMAAAOOO
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milo-is-rambling · 2 months
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I think I’m always going to be running and trying to find the next thing that will make me happy and it will always be something I have to find within myself. So that’s cool.
#escape tag on the mind. thinking about getting up north and the joys of the road and then realizing I would have to start my life there. I#would still have to settle down somewhere and have a home#guy who wants to leave constantly and not be found but cant shut up and loves to leave evidence of themselves everywhere#love covering things in stickers love writing my name on park benches love leaving my mark on the world#but also. get me out of here and I need to get somewhere where the world feels bigger than my bedroom#cause Florida feels so suffocating rn like I have no where to go no where to be me to be happy to have friends to have fun#I feel so trapped in my room and my room feels so monotonous#idk what to do to change it cause im avoiding being miserable and the fear of failure is eating me alive so im not taking any hard chances#to move forward and it makes me want to throw up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#my mom randomly brought up sending me up north with like a six month budget plan or whatever and now idk if I should be looking for a job#that hard or not and idk what I’m doing and it’s freaking me out and I want to run away from everything#but I also would do fucking anything to be near my friends rn to feel like I can breathe when I go outside to be up north would fix so much#of my shit going on rn and even if it didn’t magically make me happy it would be so much easier for me to set roots (even temporarily) andi#can live month to month up there my mom pressures me so hard to have long term plans and it’s not what I need rn at all I need to focus on#short term shit and not get anxious about the big picture but my mom cannot shut up about the big picture and future steps and all this shit#and idk what’s real and what’s hypothetical plans and it’s so annoying and frustrating and I want to get my shit together but I also don’t#bc the world seems miserable but god I would so much rather be miserable up north with Millie near me than be miserable in the heat w my mom
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katkitpaddywick · 4 months
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(trying out a tumblr vent, don't mind me)
#when will i stop getting fucking COLD FLUSHES of anxiety in flirty interactions#i know it's related to anxiety about having to set boundaries that i don't fully know myself#and the fear of having to communicate when they've changed in ways i don't think the other person will “like”#the stresses of being asexual in the dating scene#i'm talking to a guy at the moment and i'm attracted to him#but he just made a jokey comment about making out which is a totally normal flirty thing to say#but immediately my body has flooded the adrenaline (not in the good way) like i'm being hunted for sport#and i KNOW if i communicate to him that i don't know if i want that he'll probably understand#and i KNOW that most people won't push deliberately when you say you want to take things slow#but there's just such a strong perceived pressure that it takes almost nothing from the other person for that fear to bubble up#i hate hard conversations and i hate not being able to go with the flow on things#and being “difficult”#and i don't know anyone else i can talk to who feels this way for ideas on how to work around it#i genuinely think this is the biggest thing holding me back#after my first kiss i got so anxious and wrapped up in my head because i didn't like it that much; that ALL of my feelings towards that#person went sour and i lost all attraction to them#literally how do you work around THAT#it feels like everyone around me has the physical/sexual attraction to fall back on when they're unsure#but i don't have that#literally what do you even DOOOO with this hhHGHGHGHGUHURGHUGUGHGH
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explanationpoint · 1 year
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dbssh · 1 year
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my take on starscream and windblade is i genuinely think their dynamic by the end of the series rocks. when starscream is incredibly fond of her and respexts her and sees her as not only an incredibly capable leader but a fundementally good and better person. and windblade is like 😬 starscream? well shes dead now so we never ever have to unpack all that. so uh. lets move on.
#SHE DOESNT FUCKING LIKE HER.#like i think if stsc had lived windblades general opinion wouldve been girl im proud of you and your#growth or whatever but like can you retire or something. stay away from me.#like i think wb meant it when she said she wanted stsc to get better and believed she could. but i dont think theyre ever going to be#friends. im of the opinion that death + the haunting is the best ending for starscream#and that its really the only environment for her that is conducive to fully truly healing and being at peace#like idk i think she was miserable and there would be no future in which people let her 'escape punishment' nor one where shes interested#in doing that even with bee and windblade in her corner. and i just idk#i think she needs space to be alone out from the public eye#and away from all the pressures that kept her spiraling over and over her whole life#and i just. the way exrid was set up i just dont think there was room for her to do that on cybertron#but i dont think shes healthy enough to realize that and leave#and i think 'noble sacrifice that returns her dignity and gives her comfort'#and 'true freedom to be herself no more and no less with the company of someone who actually likes and cares about her with no#responsibility or risk to her physical or mental health'#is like. really the best of both worlds i think it was good for her.#fix its where she gets brought back are cute and all but honestly i dont know. would she even want that. it would change everything#when shes finally for once comfortable and at peace#yk sometimes death is a GOOD THING IN NARRATIVES and she DIDNT EVEN REALLY ALL THE WAY DIE so like i thibk its fine.#i miss her tho. god i miss idw.
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trying to figure out how to change the size, you know, Diameter, of a brush with pen pressure in krita and every fucking tutorial is just like
"just check the size settings in the brushes and adjust it how you want! 💜💜"
and like. that literally isn't doing anything.
the fucking krita manual is not making fucking sense about this either and I just don't know how to make it work.
I just want to use pen pressure man.
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truthundressing · 2 years
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girls(gn) when their new glasses are ugly:
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beeapocalypse · 17 days
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haunted once more by a dumb character idea
#tma guy. anatomy student turned archives assistant (sent as the most unsubtle spy possible on nikolas orders. elias finds it all very--#--funny adn their constant misery in the eyes sanctum is a sweet boon) who slowly tears themself apart under such a restrictive existence#the best they can get while still having to have a Singular Identity for the time is subtle appearance changes (eyes colors--#--changing. minute tweaks to features. a new nail length / polish each day. the most drastic they can get Appearance wise is--#--hair bc wigs exist as an explanation for why theyre walking in the building w a buzzcut one day and braids the next) and lying constantly#--abt their life outside of the job (a constantly rotating cast of characters who Never have the same characteristics as the last time--#--they mentioned them. a husband a boyfriend two daughters a mother a cousin from out of town a brother who moved to america etc etc). at--#--one point (after sasha gets Not Them-ed ? lot of tension between the two strangers bc of the assistants non-interference stance--#--that had the not them stuck in the table just a bit longer) they have a complete breakdown in front of martin bc of the stress and--#--babble abt how every single member of their family expects too much and has left them for dead and how they want to go HOME#tim runs into them at the club one night while theyre playing the part of a COMPLETELY different person and it is a very strange--#--time. a stranger wearing a party city mask of your coworker#the tma timeline has faded a bit from my head but i like the idea of them somehow weaseling their way into survival even after the--#--not them is entombed by leitner. they signed the contract so they cannot abandon ship the circus has stopped responding to their--#--messages and elias makes a point to swing by and just Watch them regularly while the archives fights to not collapse in on itself#like the name jane for them. jane doe and Also a cute bit of name sharing w jane pretniss lol#a little less certain abt this but also like the idea that when the pressure is REALLY bad but b4 the not them disaster the assistant--#--would ask the rest of the archives staff to call them by a different name w no explanation just to be able to shake off the fetter of--#--a Set Name for a day. its a different name every time and the running theory w everyone is that it is either a trans thing or a very--#--convoluted joke. the second time they do this sasha ends up getting them a label maker + two of those 'HELLO MY NAME IS' name--#--tags. one for 'jane' and one for any different name they choose that day. a genuine + caring gesture that absolutely devastates the--#--assistant because now they are BRANDED with a name
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crowvainn · 2 months
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this brush is my lord and savior
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arolesbianism · 6 months
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Sorry for failing to post more than once every 3 am anyways more stalien icons 👍
#keese draws#eternal gales#oc art#oc#ocs#now sprinkles is the only one left icon wise and ref wise Ive finished aris mase and the snake triplets#oh and then icons for the human kids all need to be made but thats a future me problem#Im probably gonna go for dodie or sier next for new ref#although idk when thatll be since Ive been once again burnt out as hell#but yeah I've been thinking abt the eg cast again I love them all sm#idk maybe I should make them lil summary pages so I can better introduce them all#I dont want to go too deep into actual plot stuff tho as while I dont have issues with spoiling things pre actually making the comic just#due to the fact that things are still prone to change I also would rather not basically live script out the story to summarize one scene#its the eternal problem with talking abt eternal gales its the kind of story where you really arent meant to know more than the characters#and as such while the worldbuilding is important to understanding the plot from an overarching perspective thats not rly how the story is#meant to be told as quite frankly I dont think that is or should be the appeal of this story#eternal gales is pretty much set to be an aquired taste of a story since the core of it is less abt watching characters in a plot and more#abt watching said characters having a plot happen at them while they try to navigate the situation and their relationships with eachother#basically it's hard to summarize cause while there is a plot thats not really how Id advertise it as a story#theres a reason Im not jumping straight into this project rn even tho I do wanna make it real some day and its how damn ambitious it is#Ill get there some day but itll likely still be several years at least until I go for it#mostly because Im gonna need to learn some programming skills or get someone who has them already to help#I also ideally wanna finish spiraling upwards first which will also likely be a several year project#tbf thats mostly because Im just being slow as hell to work on that one#but it's a warriors fan comic so Im trying not to put too much pressure on myself
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momenalostaz444 · 9 days
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Urgent Appeal to Support My Family in Gaza: Critical Need as Winter Approaches
I invite you to join this humanitarian campaign to support my family in Gaza, who are facing extremely harsh conditions following the recent war. The situation has worsened with the arrival of winter. It is a dire time, and families like mine in Gaza cannot survive without your support.
link GFM
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Our Story: From Stability to Tragedy
My family of ten lived a simple, stable life before the war took everything from us. After the bombing, our home was completely destroyed, and we were forced to live in a tent in Deir al-Balah, facing unbearable conditions.
- **My father** suffers from diabetes and high blood pressure, struggling to receive regular treatment.
- **My mother** also suffers from hypertension, enduring pain in these harsh conditions.
In addition to our material losses, five members of my family were seriously injured, and we lost our sole source of income after the destruction of the stores that sustained us.
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My Brother Ahmed and His Children: A Growing Struggle
My brother Ahmed lives in northern Gaza, where he is facing extreme difficulties in providing food and medical care for his three children:
- **Amir** suffers from a skin condition caused by the severe living conditions in the tent and the extreme heat. He needs specialized medical care.
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- **Muhammad**, who has polio, is seeing his condition worsen due to the lack of proper medical treatment.
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Winter Makes Things Worse
With winter setting in, the hardships have only intensified. The tent we live in does not provide enough protection from the freezing cold and rain, and we lack the essential winter clothing. We urgently need:
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- **Winter clothes** for all family members to keep warm.
- **A new, sturdier tent** to protect us from the cold and harsh weather.
- Along with **medicines, food, and medical care**, which remain crucial for survival.
How You Can Make a Difference
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Families like mine in Gaza depend on your generosity and support. Every donation, no matter how small, can make a significant difference in providing:
- Warm winter clothes and blankets to keep us warm.
- A new tent to shelter us from the cold and rain.
- Urgently needed medicines and medical care.
- Food and safe shelter.
- Hope for relocation to a safer place where we can receive proper medical care when the border opens.
Our Story in Pictures: From Life to Destruction
The attached photos tell the story of my family before and after the war. The first photo shows our peaceful life at home before the bombing. The second photo reveals the destruction that left us homeless and struggling to survive. With winter here, life has become even more challenging.
Your Support Can Make a Real Difference
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In this critical time, we need your help. Your support can change our lives and help us endure. Your donations won’t only provide basic needs for my family, but they will also help other families in Gaza facing the same suffering. Thank you for your generosity and compassion.
@neptunerings @claudiasescapesubmarine @northgazaupdates2 @gaza-evacuation-funds @rhubarbspring @flower-tea-fairies @postanagramgenerator@chronicschmonic
@blackgoliath @claudiasescapesubmarine@neptunerings @malcriada@timetravellingkitty @magnus-rhymes-with-swagness @northgazaupdates2 @rhubarbspring @watermotif @kyra45-helping-others @gaza-evacuation-funds @appsa @emathystg @transmutationisms @lonniemachin @retvolution @rairikka @a1m3v @bookn3rd-cartoons
@chronicschmonic @feluka @halalchampagnesocialist @ihavenoideashelp @irhabiya @jezior @kordeliiius
@komsomolka @kit-today @laurapalmerss @mushroomjar@mahoushojoe@mothblossoms
@orchidvioletindigo @pcktknife @planetgraves @vetted-gaza-funds @turtletoria @the-bastard-king @three-croissants @tortiefrancis @sleevesareforlosers @grapejuicedragoon @girlinafairytale @lovewontfindherwayhome @rooh-afza @timetravellingkitty @meaganfoster @briarhips @mahoushojoe @mazzikah
@rhubarbspring. aschoolhater @pcktknite
@transmutationisms @sawasawako
@fiqrr @irhabiya @commissions4aid-international @wellwaterhysteria
@deepspaceboytoy @post-brahminism @junglejim4322 @kibumkim
@neechees
@mangocheesecakes
@kyra45-helping-others
@marnota @7bitter @tortiefrancis
@toiletpotato @fromjannah @omegaversereloaded @vague-humanoid
@heritageposts
@aristotels @komsomolka
@neptunerings @riding=
with-the-wild-hunt @ot3
@amygdalae @ankle-beez @communistchilchuck @dykesbat @watermotif
@stuckinapril @violentrevolution @mavigator @lacecap
@socalgal
@chilewithcarnage Qghelgheli @sayrug
@northgazaupdates @revindicatedbyhistory_ @appsa.
@anneemay @dailyjermasparkle
@unfortunatelyuncreative @vakarians-babe @wellwaterhysteria @xinakwans @hametsukaishi@sharingresourcestorpalestine @60309 @malcriada @jeziorO @retvolution @raydiantgarden @emathyst9 @mothblossoms @pile-of-anxiety @brutaliakhoa @alm3v@magnus-rhymes-with-swagness @schoolhater @lesbiandardevil @devilofthepit @lizlives @transmutationisms @kit-today @appsa @hametsukaishi @vetted-gaza-funds @gazagmboost @heritageposts @timetravellingkitty @a-shade-of-blue @lovewontfindherwayhome @neptunerings @claudiasescapesubmarine @northgazaupdates2 @gaza-evacuation-funds @rhubarbspring @flower-tea-fairies @postanagramgenerator@chronicschmonic
@blackgoliath @sharingresourcestorpalestine @60309 @malcriada @jeziorO @retvolution @raydiantgarden @emathyst9 @mothblossoms @pile-of-anxiety @brutaliakhoa @alm3v@magnus-rhymes-with-swagness @schoolhater @lesbiandardevil @devilofthepit @lizlives @transmutationisms @kit-today @appsa @hametsukaishi @vetted-gaza-funds @gazagmboost @heritageposts @timetravellingkitty @a-shade-of-blue @lovewontfindherwayhome @ohwarnette @nightowlssleep
@pretendingtobeaperson @laurapalmerss @im-living-under-your-basement @komsomolka @dvanaestmrva @letyourselfliveagain onniemachin @heartofsilva liopixels @zigcarnivorous @turtletoria @ophiocordyceps encommunion mmunion @wellwaterhysteria teria ysteria @queerstudiesnatural l ral @grapejuicedragoon @ohwandamaximoff rnette @nightowlssleep
@pretendingtobeaperson @laurapalmerss @im-living-under-your-basement @komsomolka @dvanaestmrva @lonniemachin @heliopixels @zigcarnivorous @turtletoria @opencommunion @wellwaterhysteria @queerstudiesnatural @grapejuicedragoon
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evilminji · 6 months
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Okay, you know how bird don't ACTUALLY look the way we think they do?
They are far more colorful? But only to the eyes of other birds?
And it has to do with how light reflects off them and how their eyes are shaped etc etc.?
Well..... humans can see the most shades of green, right? But! We sure as shit can't see UltaViolet and InfraRed? Or shades BEYOND those. Ectoplasmic colors. Magical ones. Third eye, need to see with your SOUL type ones.
Danny? Could very well still have lil baby "kitten's eyes who haven't open yet" syndrome.
He thinks the Zone is Green and his hair is white.
But it's not.
His hair is Starlight colored. Frost. His suit is specifically "the void between stars" colored. Which looks... different? Then black? No, no, guys. How can you guys not see it? It looks REALLY different! How did he not NOTICE before?! They're not ever CLOSE to the same shade! It's like calling salmon and hot pink the same. You know... if you were to compare an actual fish and some irradiated, violently glowing version of "hot pink".
......guys?
His gloves are.... guys, these ares stars. Pressed so close together there's no gap. His body is the night sky, all rearranged. He's wearing SPACE, guys.
*continues to stare at his gloves for the next five hours*
Now... why is this relevant? Because! Danny slowly, as all humans do, adjusts! It's like finally having glasses after years of blurry vision. He... forgets, what it was like, not NOT See Zone Colors. Not completely, mind you, but enough he has to be reminded.
And the Zone? A Realm of the Dead. Specifically, the great catch-all and highway of the Dead. They get EVERYBODY. Misfits and vagabonds. Those who don't quite fit. Funky lil dudes. And of course, assholes, but everybody has those! See, Zone colors?
Are DIFFERENT.
They're all of um!
It's like looking at the technicolor, stobe light, multi galaxies in one, Sun. Tingly(tm)!!! You get used to it. What helps? Is that as garish as the Zone is? The painting and grand tapestry of it all? Keeps changing. Like weather. If it's too much for you, you can stay inside your Lair until the current Color changes. Until the designs shift. Vibe changes.
There are even glasses for that! "Temperate" areas for people to set up, that get headaches or are just... kinda killjoys. Too each their own. Though the stormy areas? Those guys are freaks. Watch out for those guys. They're the kind who stare directly are stars until their eyes burn out.
Where was I? Oh yeah! Danny!
No longer a wee baby, smol baby, twig-o!
Sad. We miss it.
But he did get used to Seeing The Colors. Got a handle on his powers. And! Finally worked with his parents on how to safely turn the portal OFF. There was much booing. Cries of "kill joy" and "booo! You suck!". But? Like? Dude DID have the right to protect his home. Go to college. What can you do?
Problem with THAT is? Baby grew into his "built like a brick shit house of constantly running off to literally tackle the Supernatural excellence" Fenton genetics. He Tall. Muscles! And he PUMPING out "somethings fucked up with me" Vibes!
Add in his DEEPLY Sus off hand comments. Weird ability to tell when someone has or is about to die. Basic immunity to the cold. Fuckin EYE GLOW?
Ha ha... *Horror movie screams from his college dorm mates*
Clearly a demon!
He gets kicked out. Well... not kicked out. He's a model student and broken no rules. They'd never survive the lawsuit. But... he's? STRONGLY INCOURAGED to finish his education elsewhere. Repeatedly. By like... 15 colleges.
Sam is not just livid, she's actively foaming at the mouth.
Breathe, Sam! Remember what your doctor said! Your mortal body can't handle that kinda Vengance spiral! Think of your blood pressure! Breathe!!! (Were not for the laws of this land... and the weak, fleshy constraints of her mortal form!)
Thankfully? Tucker's been interning, remotely of course, with Wayne Industries. He asked his manager where he could find some of those scholarship forms. (Since Gotham University is just a touch out of Danny's price range.) Manager wanted to know why. And oh! Oh holy shit. Apparently? Danny is the hot new office gossip.
People in the main office are OUTRAGED. Danny's "too spooky"?! Too FUCKIN SPOOKY!? Are you KIDDING THEM? Even juicier, a Meta kid from some wacky ghost hunters turned scientists. From a line of Supernatural hunters. Wants to be a aeronautics engineer.
Ooooooh how SPOOKY! Better watch out! He'll design an ENGINE at yooooou!
Fuckin casuals. Non-Gothamites are WEAK. "Too scary" their collective asses. Yeah, maybe the kid SHOULD come too Gotham. He can be the weird kid. Mildly unsettling or something. His powers won't be SHIT in Gotham. Just remind him to buy a gas mask.
So! Danny gets his Scholarship! Merrily packs his bags for darker, Gothic hellscape hills. Unaware... that Constantine has been following reports of a "demon" that he's? 80% sure is a Banshee but MIGHT be a winter spirt with a shtick? For the past 13 colleges. He's getting closer. And this sucker is a strong one.
Not "this is going to cause me serious, life imperilling danger" strong. But more? "Man, that cat is HUUUUUGE". Could he still get mauled a lil? Yeah. Scratched to all hell and back? Probably! But DIE? Unlikely.
He just needs to know why the FUCK this spirit his hanging around colleges.
Which is made harder... by the fact that what HE sees? And what OTHER people see? When they look at this guy? Separate things. Yeah, he'd LOVE to give you guys a description! IF HE HAD ONE.
@the-witchhunter @hdgnj @hdgnj @spidori @babbling-babull @nerdpoe @lolottes
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secretsandwriting · 5 months
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heyyyy ryyyyy <333
since ur requests are open i thought id go ahead and ask if you're mayhaps open to anything for batmom? i don't have a completely solid idea but maybe smn like batmom has been getting threats or maybe hate or smn from somebody and everyone's reactions and how they get hella protective?
obv no pressure and you definitely do not have to write this
hope you have a great day bb
Heyyyyy, so this grew hands and wrote itself, I hope you enjoy it. It did end up with a lot of backstory.
Earned Position
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You knew this would happen. Once your relationship with Bruce got out there would be an influx of love and hate. You also knew that everyone else knew that as well. It was common knowledge than anyone around a celebrity of sorts would experience that. 
Of course you did the normal things, turned off most notifications and only looked through areas online you knew would mostly be safe. You blocked tags and and only followed people you knew or ones who didn’t post about drama. 
When you did stumble onto hate, you moved on. If someone kept sending you nasty messages you blocked them, when they made other accounts to keep sending the same things, you changed your settings so only those you followed could message you. 
It wasn��t something you wanted to deal with but it was something you could handle. Something you started mentally preparing yourself for when Bruce’s attention on you lasted more than 4 dates, even more so when you caught yourself daydreaming about him.
You were not going to let random bitter people on the internet destroy your happiness like they did their own. Your family however, wanted to destroy what was left of your haters' happiness. Something you were trying to curb, but trying to tell a family of vigilantes who considered you the best mom in existence not to destroy your haters was like talking to a brick wall. Over the years, you had gotten used to it. It barely even registered anymore. But there had been a recent influx of the hate and while it didn’t bother you, it bothered the rest of your family. None of them could stand people talking bad about their mom.
While you hadn’t been there while the older ones were young, the second you had introduced yourself to them, you had taken a very important role in their lives. None of them realizing it at first. All of them had gotten used to the random women Bruce brought home that it took a little while for them to realize how important you were. 
Dick wasn’t sure at first. Thinking you were just another girlfriend that wouldn’t last long. So he didn’t really interact with you much. Ignoring your existence when it wasn’t too rude, or at least obviously rude. Until one night when he was staying at the manor and had a nightmare about his parents death. 
Bruce had an open bed policy. As long as there was still room for him, his bed was open. A policy he had started when Dick had gotten old enough he was worried he wouldn’t be allowed to go when he had a nightmare. Bruce had always reminded all his kids, that nightmares don’t go away just because you’re older and that needing comfort wasn’t something they would outgrow. 
The thing was, you were there. Girlfriends didn’t mind when children did it but they never liked it when his adult kids did it. The shaking in his hands and the way he saw them fall in the darkness of every blink told him the only way he was getting any sleep was with someone. 
Hopefully he could just slip into Bruce’s side and leave before you woke up. That was the plan until he found Damian on Bruce’s side and you had been pulled closer to Bruce taking up what was left. You moved a little and Dick took that as his sign to deal with it himself until he heard you whisper his name. He hummed so you knew it was him and not some random stranger standing over Bruce’s side of the bed. 
“Nightmare?”
“Yeah.”
“Come on.” You lifted the blanket next to you, “Bruce told me you guys come here when you have nightmares. There's plenty of room over here for you.” Dick hesitated for a second before giving in. He needed sleep anyway. You weren’t when you said there was plenty of room, Dick had most of your half of the bed. Once he had settled on his side, facing away from you, he felt you pull the blanket over his shoulders. 
“Night Dick, sleep well.” For some reason, that was what did it. Once the tears started they didn’t stop. Silent sobs made him shudder and he felt one of your hands gently rubbing his back. “Oh Dick.” There was no pity in your tone and he found himself rolling over and curling into you. Your chin resting on his head while you rubbed his back. 
The next day, he followed you around like a puppy. Your side of the bed became his favorite when he had nightmares and it wasn’t long before he turned to you for general comfort over anything.
Jason met you at his grave. Neither of you exchanged words, but he caught something in your gaze he didn’t quite understand. He also wasn’t sure why you were at his grave either, he didn’t know you when he was younger. 
When he saw the Gotham News post about Bruce and Your 2nd anniversary, it brought more questions than answers. Why were you at his grave alone? Let alone longer than a few seconds. It was an odd way to gain more of Bruce’s affections. 
Every Tuesday you would be there, leaving flowers and talking softly to the stone. Every time you left, you would smile and nod, the look in your eyes he couldn’t figure out was still there. Every time he would strain to heat what you were saying and only be able yo a few words here and there. 
6 months into it, the routine changed. You brought a blanket and Basket with your usual flowers. You did what you normally did with the flowers but instead of talking to the stone you waved him over. When he didn’t move, you stopped what you were doing and looked at him. 
“Jason Todd, I have been keeping your secret for 6 months. Helping me spread this blanket and having lunch won’t change it.” He stared at you while you waited expectantly. Eventually when he could get himself to move, he came over and helped. He sat down where you motioned for him too, all while trying to figure out how you knew.
“Bruce mentioned this used to be your favorite when you were younger so I asked Alfred to teach me how to make it. I hope it's up to your standards.” He looked at the plate of food you handed him. It was almost overflowing with food, all of which reminded him of the good times back at the manor before he died. “Alfred also sent your favorite cookies when he heard I would be eating at your grave.” The bag of cookies was placed next to the basket, within easy reach.
“Why?” Was all Jason managed to choke out around the lump in his throat.
“I decided early on in life, no matter who I was with, I would love their family as my own. My grandfather hated my grandmothers side and it caused a lot of pain in all the generations. I decided I would never do that to another family.” Jason found himself back in control enough to start eating. 
“So when I started dating Bruce and he told me about you, I decided to treat you like you were my own. Even though I had never met you and you were dead. Most of what that meant was keeping your grave clean and always making sure there were fresh flowers. While I did that, I would tell you everything that was going on.”
“How did you know it was me?”
“Your eyes, they may be a different color but they looked too similar. So I did a little digging and found pictures of your biological pictures to place the face shape it matched. I think however you look more like Bruce then either of them.”
“Are you going to tell them?”
“As much as I would love to. It’s your choice. You’ve been keeping this to yourself for a reason. If I can help you get to a place to tell them, I would love to. But I won’t say a word until you're ready. However, I would like to keep having lunch with you.” 
A year later, Jason reintroduced himself to the rest of the family a lot calmer than originally planned and was glued to your side anytime he felt overwhelmed that night. Every Tuesday after that, lunch was scheduled.
Tim was nervous when it came to you. He was still living in the manor so he saw you more than the older two. You always seemed nice and respected his privacy but Bruce was always with you so you obviously would. 
It was when he wasn’t around that worried Tim. Bruce attracted golddiggers and they were always mean when Bruce wasn’t there. When you were given a copy of the key, Time braced himself. 
Of course he knew that if he told Bruce anything that happened like that, Bruce would break it off. He had always told them that they came first. But he also knew that Bruce liked you a lot. All the other ones Bruce liked a lot that turned out to be horrible, he broked it off. Tim had seen how it had made him upset and he really hated doing that to him. Maybe he could deal with it for once. 
So when Bruce left for a business trip, Tim was Expecting the worst. What he didn’t expect was for you to knock on his door and ask if you could join him. When he agreed and stepped back so you could come in. He expected you to go to his bed or his desk chair not, the oversized bean bag on the floor.
“I have a question for you but you can’t tell Bruce yet.” Here it comes. “What would a funny way to tell him I know he’s Batman?” Tim wasn’t expecting that one. “I was thinking a lot of batpuns but his paranoia is too bad for that.”
“How did you figure it out?” You walked him through your process and didn’t say anything as he wrote parts of it down. Once you finished explaining the process for Bruce, you explained any way it was modified in figuring out their identities.
“Who do you think I am?”
“Red Robin.” Tim found himself getting excited. 
“You know those notes you leave him in his office?” You nodded. “You should leave those in the Batcave.” You considered it but your thinking was interrupted but Tim shouting. 
“No! One night when we’re all in the cave, you could bring some snacks!” 
“You just want snacks when he’s lecturing you don’t you?”
“Maybe..”
“Alright, but you have to tell the others so they can tell me what snack they want.”
So Tim slowly and carefully went through all his siblings, letting them know you figured it out, Bruce didn’t know, and what the plan is. Every time he relayed a snack to you he’d watch how carefully you’d write it out to make sure you had it correct or look up recipes if you couldn’t find it in stores. 
Two weeks later, Tim was the one who sent the signal in the middle of a lecture everyone was receiving and he got a front row seat to see Bruce’s face when you walked in and handed out snacks before giving him a kiss and telling him to be nice and leaving. 
Any other worries were left in the dust when you helped him win the nerf war for the best seat in the home theater. He thoroughly enjoyed his spot next to you while Bruce swore revenge from the other side of the room.
Damian treated you politely but that was it. His mother was still alive and he didn’t want another one, one was more than enough. Not only that, but you were weird. 
One time when you were over, you found one of his report cards. Immediately you were praising him. He didn’t understand why, he had basically failed one of his classes with an A-. You should be disappointed like his mother would be, not hanging it up on the fridge and telling people not to touch it. Definitely not taking him out for ice cream and calling him so smart. He definitely shouldn’t be feeling any pride when he walked past it, but he still was. 
When he was practicing his violin and Messed up, you were supposed to tell him to stop failing, that he should be better. Not smiling at him and telling him he’s making good progress. You should be telling him that he should have memorized that piece in a day. He shouldn’t be feeling any pride when he finally does memorize it, it took him 4 days to learn it.
When he was struggling to learn a language, you were supposed to tell him to work harder. He could do better, after all, he already knew so many. Instead you just smiled and recommended a break to refresh his mind. 
When he snapped at you in Arabic, he expected you to be upset since you didn’t know what he said and it was obviously not something nice. Instead you set the rule that if he was going to use Arabic to speak to you when upset, that he had to teach it to you and if what he said wasn’t something you had learned yet, he had to tell you in english. When he told you what it meant, you didn’t even get upset. He definitely shouldn’t be as excited as he was when you actually started learning. 
So many more little things piled up, leaving Damian confused. The differences between how you and his mother treated him was so big he didn’t know how to process it, he liked you and all the little things made him happy in a way he hadn’t really felt. But he still loved his mom, When he had enough of it, he asked you to stop. He still wanted to love his mom. Once again, you did something you weren’t supposed to.
“Oh Damian, I’m not trying to replace your mom nor am I trying to make you feel like you can’t love her or she doesn’t love you. Your mom and I show our love in different ways and its ok for you to love or like both of us. You mother loves you and she will always be allowed in your life if thats what you want.” You weren’t supposed to do that, but Damian was really glad you did.
Barbara wasn’t sure how you would react to her. She wasn’t just Bruce’s kid. She had a loving family she went back to every night. Most people weren’t really a fan of that, one of Bruce’s past girlfriends had some strong and hurtful things to say about it. 
When you took her for a day out, she found herself warming up to you but still waiting for the other shoe to drop. One of the new places you had planned to go, didn’t have wheelchair access. Like all the other girlfriends who had done this, she expected you to be annoyed that your plans had to change or you would just leave her outside while you shopped. 
You didn’t seem to notice her hesitation, just looking at what was next on your list and starting the trip there. When Barbara stared a little longer at a new movie that was in theaters, tickets and snacks were bought and you listed to all the lore she told you about before it started.
While it had been a nice day, Barbara wasn’t convinced. One day was easy to fake. Sure she had lots of fun, but Barbara was used to fakes when it came to Bruce’s girlfriends. Of course she wasn’t complaining about you being nice, she just wasn’t sure how long it would last. 
“Did you hear about that boutique?” She looked up from her food to look at her dad. “That new one that you tried to go to with Bruce’s girlfriend? Well there was a report that it didn’t meet the Americans with Disabilities act and the boutique is in trouble. People are speculating they’ll have to close down.”
Later that night, Barbara looked into it. They were in trouble, pretty big trouble from the looks of it. Towards the end of the article she found the name of the person who reported it, she wasn’t sure who she was expecting. Not you for sure but the Name Y/n L/n took her by surprise and filled her chest with feelings she couldn’t describe. 
The boutique ended up closing but a new one opened. Once it was open, you were the first to ask her to go. That weird feeling came back when she wheeled herself up the ramp and through the door you held open for her. Later that night, in the privacy of her room. She decided she liked you. 
Steph seemed like she liked you, she acted like she liked you, she didn’t really like you. Sure you were nice, Bruce loved you, the others were warming up to you, but she wasn’t sure how to feel about you. So she stuck with not actually liking you but pretending to. 
So when she was around you, it was all smiles and jokes. She wasn’t a big fan of it all but she did it because she knew you were important to Bruce and that was enough of a reason for her. She knew Bruce and the others could see through the act but as long as you couldn’t, that was enough. 
When Bruce announced he had to leave for a business trip right before she could hand him the parents visit for one of her AP classes, something the new teacher liked doing. She tucked the paper away. When Tim gave her a questioning look, she shook her head and later swore him to silence. 
Every time she heard someone mention their parents were going, she felt a pang of jealousy in her chest. Every time Tim mentioned bringing it up to you, she swore him into silence again. It wouldn’t be the first time no one showed up for her. She was however thankful you wouldn’t be at the manor as much so she didn’t have to pretend to like you.
When the day arrived, Steph was not having a good day. School dragged on slowly. Slower than normal. When school finally ended, she had to sit in the classroom and watch everyone else that was in her class leave and the parents of her classmates show up while no one was there or coming for her.
Someone sat in the seat next to her, she expected another family member of one of her classmates. Definitely not you. She couldn’t return your smile, too unsure of how you found out, the fact you actually showed up, and how she felt about you being there. You leaned a little closer so that the others in the room wouldn’t easily overhear. 
“I know I’m not your parent and someone you just pretend to like so if you want me to leave I will. But I figured someone was better then no one. Oh, and Tim wanted me to tell you he didn’t spill. Your teacher called the manor because no one had RSVPed for you and I answered it.”
That night, as Steph showed off all her hard work to you, the charade fell. She actually enjoyed her time with you and the boost of pride as you oohed and ahhed over all her projects and listened to her explain all the little details. That night, Steph realized, she didn’t need to keep pretending. She liked you, until she found out you didn’t like her favorite show but a nerf war solved that. 
Cass could tell you were different then the other girlfriends, your body language as you interacted with all of them showed it. However that didn’t mean she knew how to interact with you.
She had learned that she was fairly hard for new people to interact with. She also knew she had trouble interacting with people she wasn’t fighting. So it wasn’t a surprise when it started rocky. 
What was a surprise, was when you found out she was still having trouble reading and writing, you stepped in to help. Well, that wasn’t the surprising part, a lot of girlfriends did that. The surprising part was the amount of patience you had when it was only the two of you. 
When one method didn’t help, you tried another. Never once did you snap at her or call her a name. Everytime you got frustrated you would stop and look at her, say something along the lines of “If I had as much trouble with this as you do, I wouldn’t want to keep trying. You're doing absolutely amazing! I’ll keep looking for other ideas, but for now, lets take a break and get a treat.” 
Cass wasn’t sure why that always made her feel better, but it did. Every treat you brought was something you made just for the tutoring sessions and it always reminded her of what Alfred had told her once. “Something made with love for you will always taste better.”
And when a method that made it a little easier to learn was found, Cass found herself smiling along with your cheers. Bad days where she couldn’t seem to make any progress were always met with the same excitement, cheers, patience, and treats that all the others were. 
Cass still wasn’t sure of what to think of you exactly, but she knew she liked you and that you cared about her.
So when Tim saw the new rise in hate, a sibling meeting was called. They all went through each site, blood boiling as they saw what people were saying about their new parent. Plans were made, declarations of war were ready, and anger fueled all of them. Bruce could tell something was going on, but he wasn’t sure what it was and as long as it didn’t get out of had, he wasn’t sure if he had the energy to deal with it. 
War was declared in an interview by Steph. The lady was asking questions when the topic switched to Bruce, then you. The reporter was clearly trying to subtly find some dirt on you and Steph was not going to stand for it.
“Oh yeah! Y/n! She’s the best!” She put on her best press face. Trying to hide her anger over the hidden intent. She didn’t have to lie or act when talking about you but the change in the lady’s face going to disappointment when she didn’t get anything she wanted was making her look very punchable. 
“She’s always showing up for us and making sure we’re doing ok. If Y/n and Bruce were to break up, I think most of us would go with Y/n.” The way the lady kept trying to get anything really got on her nerves and Steph decided she needed to get out of there before she started using the lady’s face for target practice. You wouldn’t like that.
Cass was the first one to resort to violence. They had asked a thinly veiled question, basically asking if you were a golddigger. So she punched him in the nose and leaned down to flip the camera off. She hated interviews already but that made it so much worse. She hoped you wouldn’t be too upset with her punching the guy though.
Jason, surprisingly enough. Did not get violent… physically. He did however curse one out and threaten him when the reporter implied you were forcing them to say nice things. When the reporter kept pressing Jason broke his mic and told him if he ever heard him talking bad about you again, a broken mic would be the last of his worries. Jason knew you would be disappointed but he had held back, he didn’t shoot the guy like he wanted.
Tim threw his coffee at one reporter because he heard them say you were nothing but a regular person who didn’t deserve any attention. He then took over her segment, threatening the company to air it or he would make sure they went bankrupt. Once he finished his threats, anything he said was praising you name. Telling everyone how amazing you were and how much they all loved you.
Barbara made it a point to bring up everything you did for the community when they tried to throw some shade at you in an interview. She had documents to prove it and hacked their systems to add them into the interview so they couldn’t claim it was fake. She also made sure to run over his foot when she left. 
Dick punched a reporter when they tried to ask him what you were really like behind closed doors. He told them the truth, that you were just as good, kind, patient, and loving behind closed doors as you were out in public. He didn’t throw a punch until the reporter disregarded that as asked again because she couldn’t be that good. Dick knew a lecture would be coming once you saw, but he would rather sit through a lecture then let anyone tarnish your name.
Damian spent 10 minutes cursing and threatening a reporter in Arabic when they asked him if you had ever hurt him. When he was done, he told them in english, that if he ever got asked that question again, he would impale them. He knew you were going to make him sit down and translate everything and the general response you would give but he didn’t care, no one speaks bad about either of his mothers.
Bruce figured out what was going on after Steph’s interview. He saw the ones where they assaulted or threatened the reporters and made sure his lawyers were on standby to keep the kids out of trouble. After all, he had seen more than they had. 
He had watched as you tried to connect with Dick early on, how you worked hard to try and get somewhere. He had woken up before you when Dick had come in that night and heard how you handled it. He had woken up the next morning to find you holding Dick close, like you were trying to protect him from the nightmares. He had seen how you never turned Dick down when he wanted comfort, no matter how serious or silly the matter, and he had heard your excitement when you told him Dick liked you.
Bruce had seen the way you never missed a visit to Jason’s grave, on a visit of his own, he saw how much care you showed the stone marking it as his lost son. While he hadn’t been sure why it was alway the same time on Tuesday, he didn;t mention it. He felt the way you would sob in his arms after each visit, a year after the tradition started, you always said you had promised not to tell and he watched as you kept that promise even if it tore you to pieces. Once the shock and tears wore off for a little bit, he could see the trust that Jason had in you.
He heard the way you questioned if you should have a key to the manor, you didn’t want to make Tim uncomfortable in his own home, or how you questioned if you should visit while he was gone. Not wanting to stress Tim out when there was no reason too. He saw the way you and Tim grinned at each other when you brought snacks down for all the kids he was currently lecturing. He head the excitement in your voice as you told him about the tour Tim had given you of the Batcave and the shared laughter as you and Tim worked together to win the nerf war.
Bruce saw how you worked to give Damian the affection he didn’t think he needed. He felt you crying in his arms upset over the fact Damian thought you would be angry because he made a mistake or struggled in a class. He heard you practicing your Arabic as you got ready for bed and he watched as you stress paced over whether or not you said the right thing to him about his mother. 
He saw how angry you had been when you came back from your day out with Barbara. He had heard your call with your lawyer as you tried to figure out what to do. He saw you going through the laws and making a list to make sure your lawyer didn’t miss any. He heard about the movie you didn’t particularly care about and the lore you remembered in case of another because you wanted Barbara to have someone she could tell all of her favorite things too. 
Bruce saw the pictures you had taken from the school night. He heard all the details from you as you praised Steph’s work. He saw the way Steph stopped acting around you and the silly arguments the two of you would get into for fun. He heard the way you would listen to her as she verbally worked out her problems. He saw the way Steph looked for you in a crowd, the way she knew you were there but not where you stood exactly, the thought of you not being there never crossed her. 
He saw the way you stayed up late, researching different ways to teach reading and writing. He heard the patience and kindness and you worked with Cass. He saw the way you always made a treat just for Cass to have after each lesson because you wanted to reward her hard work. He heard the way you cried for Cass when she had a bad day and got frustrated with herself because you knew she was smart and you wanted her to see it too. He heard your celebrations when Cass made any progress, no matter the size. 
Bruce heard, saw, and felt the way you worked hard to have a relationship with his kids. How you had mourned for their losses, celebrated their wins, and felt their pain. He saw the way his kids blossomed under your care, growing to be better and more confident in themselves. The way you cared for them as if they were your own flesh and blood. So when he was asked about his kids behavior, he said as much. 
“Y/n has worked hard to be accepted by them. She’s given so much of her time, effort, patience, and love and never wanted anything in return. She always shows up for them, no matter what the occasion is, big or small, it doesn’t matter. If they want her there, she’ll be there. Everytime they need or want her, she’s there. She never judges them and treats them as if they were her own blood. Of course their upset and lashing out, people are insulting the woman who has cared for them more then most of their biological mothers.”
Later, a clip of you scolding Bruce and all the kids went viral. While you were scolding them over their behavior and making the kids who had reacted with violence or threats write apology letters because asking mean questions does not make it right to respond badly especially when its someone just trying to start drama. Everyone one noticed that there was no actual bite to your tone and no anger when they all refused to stop acting like that. In fact, there was a small soft smile on your face as you shook your head at your family.
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tbaluver · 2 months
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AfterCare With Them- The Love And DeepSpace Men
parings in order: Xavier x Reader, Zayne x Reader, Rafayel x Reader, Sylus x Reader
genre: overall fluff but contains nsfw and unprotected sex, MDNI
a/n: writing this only bc misty invasion is tomorrow and i cant wait dfkahdfkshfaskh did you guys noticed i changed the banners bc this one a diff genre hehe
any likes and reblogs are always appreciated! enjoy!
⋆。‧˚ʚ♡ɞ˚‧。⋆
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Xavier:
He doesn't stop giving you kisses when he cums inside you and would help you though the overstimulation by holding you tight until the feeling stops. He would ask if you we're okay and would listen if anything we're wrong.
He would fall on top of you and you both would be recollecting your breaths. He would be hiding against your chest and place little kisses all over them as you'll gently play with his hair. Once he pulls himself away from you, he'll grab you a cup of water so you're refreshed.
He would carry you to the bathroom and takes a bath with you because you probably can't stand after your activities. He would sit behind you and wash you softly and slowly while peppering your back and neck with soft kisses.
He'll put you first and make sure you're one hundred percent satisfied and content. He'll help dry you off and carry you back to bed and would dry himself off after before joining you.
Once your back together in bed, he would fall asleep so quickly with you nestled in his arms. You would hear his breathing go soft and quiet and you would soon fall asleep peacefully after.
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Zayne:
He would immediately clean you up if he didn't cum inside of you. He wouldn't even ask and would get a refreshing cold drink of water and will ask after if you would like anything else.
While you drink your water, he'll prepare a bath for you both with the perfect temperature. Towels and nearby hygiene products would already be set on the counter. He would come back and ask how you would feel and he would listen intently to everything you had to say. He would carry you to the bathroom and let you soak up first before changing the sheets quickly.
Once he joins you, he'll wash your body and scrub the roots of your hair. Sometimes he'll apologize about the marks left on your skin, worried they might've hurt you. Once you're ready to get out of the bath, he'll pick you up and dry you himself and wrap you in a towel
He'll carry you back to the now clean and comfy bed and makes sure you're comfortable. He'll help you dress you up with whatever clothes you want that are comfortable.
Once your dressed all comfy, the two of you settled into the soft sheets and within minutes, you were already asleep in his arms. He watches you drift off to sleep as he ran his fingers through your hair softly. The comforting pressure of your body would soon make him fall asleep.
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Rafayel:
You both were sprawled across the bed, limbs crossing over each other. You both turned to look at each other, looking over to see his contagious smile and you would feel one spreading over your own lips. Your hands would find each other and you both would wrap into a more comfortable embrace as you both tried to regain your breaths.
He'll crack a joke while he cradles you into his arms about how YOU should be the one to clean HIM up because he's the one that did most of the work. Obviously reassures you that he's joking.
He'll praise you, worship your body, comforting your sore legs and any body parts that felt sore or aching. He'd take special care of you to let you know how much you mean to him and thankful that he finally has you again.
He'll grab you a cup of water before preparing a nice relaxing bath for you both. He'll carry you to the bath and gently put you in before joining you. He'll help you wash you and you both might play a little bit in the water, splashing each other or playing with the bubbles before you both get out of the tub. He'll help dry you off and carry you back to bed.
As you the two of you settle into bed, he would make sure his arms are wrapped around you before you drift off to sleep. Will admire you for a bit before his eyes shut close.
After bath time was over and he carries you to bed, you would have to prepare for a second round. Obviously he's not done with you. He wants to paint your face white after he finished painting your pussy white a couple minutes ago.
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Sylus:
He would intertwine his fingers with your own and slowly guides you over his chest so you're resting on top of him. He'll clean you off with a washcloth if he didn't already lick you clean and after he's done he'll grab you a cup of cold water.
If there were times where he was rough with you, he'll gently apply some oil and cooling gel onto any marks or any parts of your body that ached.
Draws you a bath with nice smelling soap or whatever you prefer. If you wanted some bubbles added to the bath, he'll add some even if he thought it was silly. He'll carry you to the bathroom and he'll sit behind you and hold you close to his chest. He'll rub the outside of your thigh because he knows they're most likely sore.
After you finish bathing, he'll help you get out of the tub and dry you off himself before he dries himself off. Would help brush your hair and give you of his shirts that are way too oversized on you before carrying you back to bed.
Would ask if you would like anything and if you did, he'll let you rest on the bed while he gets anything you need or wanted. And when you're falling asleep, you'll rest on his chest while he hums so softly.
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gemstone-roses · 10 months
Text
Keep me warm
Summary: reader is terrified of storms, soaking wet, she shows up at hannibals door, terrified and needing comfort. Size kink. Cock warming.
Warnings: 18 plus only. NSFW, descriptions of a panic attack, cock warming, size kink, smut, hurt/comfort. You know the drill.
A:N- thankyou for requesting this I have been thinking about this scenario ever since! Hope your okay! Much love ❤️. I know you said you'd be fine with hc but you get a whole fic instead🥰 also I got rained on so much last week and now I'm full of cold I HATE this time of year ugh. I hope you like this I really do 🥰🥰
This might be one of my favourite things I've written.
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You regret every decision you've made leading up to this point.
Grey clouds gather above you, you look up, wincing.
You thought you could make it home before the rain. Only wearing a light jacket, definitely not equipped for the kind of weather about to unleash on your head.
Fuck you whisper, hands clenching as thunder rolls in.
You shove your jacket off and hold it above your head in a pathetic attempt to retain at least a bit of dignity. You know you can't make it home with the storm, your anxiety already heightening with every crack you hear.
But you can make it to hannibal.
He's the only one who knew of your fear. Having to reveal it one day when you were both on the way to a crime scene.
The rain falls hard on the front of the car, wipers working overtime to clear it, your amazed hannibal can even see through the haze of rain. Your breath hitches as you hear the beginnings of a storm. You hoped he didn't notice. But this is hannibal. Of course he did. He glances over at you, sees your chest heaving and pulls over.
"Y/N" he says softly, shifting in his seat to face you.
But the rain is coming down so fast and hard and it's like you can feel it, in your soul. Your head spins as you try and take a deep breath. Hannibal places his hand on your thigh and squeezes, once again calling your name. When you don't look at him, he reaches out and grips your chin gently.
His face is flooded with concern
"I- can't
You push your hand into your chest, trying to ease the weight that's settled there.
"I know, I know, y/n, keep your eyes on me, okay?" Hannibal soothes.
You force yourself to keep looking at him, his big hand still rests cupping your chin, applying a slight pressure.
"Good" he smiles, hannibal weighs up the options in his head. Getting out of the car is out of the question, and he asks "do you trust me?" And you nod, so hannibal unclips your belt and says "Come here" before pulling you onto his lap. He immediately holds you tight, pushing you into his chest. "It'll be over soon my love" he soothes as he holds you against him. You can hear his heart beat as you lay on him, and eventually it calms you.
By the time you knock frantically at his door, your positively soaking wet, teeth chattering, tears blending in with the rain running down your face.
Hannibal opens the door and your hit instantly with a wall of warm. His brow furrows in concern as he takes in your state.
"S-storm" you mutter, looking down at the floor before you feel two hands wrap around your waist and pull you into the house.
Hannibal immediately pulls you into his embrace, placing a gentle kiss to your forehead. You shrink into his embrace, his presence beginning to melt away the fear you felt.
Shivers rack your body, cold setting in, hannibal holds you tighter.
'I've got you' he says.
"Come on, let's get you warmed up hm?" His hand comes to cup your face as he speaks.
He leads you to the lounge, where the fire is roaring.
"Let's get out of those wet clothes my love" he says, his hands rest lightly on your waist. Waiting.
You look at him, his eyes blown wide, hannibal swallows visibly.
"Would you like me to leave while you change?" He asks.
"No" you whisper.
Hannibal lifts your soaking shirt over your head. His breath catches in his throat as he does, lips parted slightly as he takes you in.
You slip out of your pants just as hannibal places the dry shirt over your head. It falls just below your knees.
Hannibal runs his fingers over your neck "you, are exquisite" he says, slightly breathless.
Heat rises to your face, warming you. Your still shivering slightly though, and hannibal of course, notices.
"Come here" he whispers, sitting down on the sofa and pulling you on top of him.
You let out a moan as you feel his cock against you, sitting deliciously against your core.
Hannibals cock hardens even more at the noise you made.
"Your still colder than I'd like darling" he says seriously, running his hands up and down your exposed thigh.
"Mm" is all you manage to say.
"I was working on my memory palace, when you knocked"
"M sorry" you mutter, ducking your head.
Hannibal tuts, lifting your chin to look at him.
"No, do not apologise, but, I do need to finish my thoughts" he says as his cock twitches.
"How about we stay like this until I'm done hm? And then I'll cook and you can spend the night?" He asks.
You nod.
"Words, darling" hannibal says sternly.
"Yes" you breathe out.
You shift slightly, his clothed cock pushing against you making you drip with need.
Hannibal grips your hips and stills you.
"Not until I'm finished" he grins. Before pushing you back slightly so he can free his cock from his pants.
You watch in awe as his thick cock springs up against his stomach.
Hannibal places his hands back on your hips before guiding you to sit on his cock.
You close your eyes, pleasure overtaking you as he sinks inside.
"No my love, you keep your eyes on me" he says, his voice gravelly.
"Hanni, please" you whisper, his cock filling you stretching you so good.
He ignores you. Continuing his thoughts as he twitches his cock every now and then inside you.
He keeps one hand gripping your chin, looking at him as you warm his cock.
"You feel so good, sitting on my cock like this, so perfect" he says.
Your chest heaves at his words.
"M so full, please, I need you" you choke out, feeling every ridge of his cock inside you, he pushed himself up on the couch slightly, causing him to hit another spot inside you.
"Fuck" you cry out.
Hannibal smirks, before wrapping his arms around you and pulling you into him. He begins to trace small patterns on your back.
"Hanni, it feels so good" you whisper into his chest, clenching around him.
"I know my love, just a bit longer I promise, your doing so well for me".
You whine at his words, and hannibal keeps talking to you like that, you relax into him, his cock still snug inside you as he holds you, warming you up, as you warm his cock.
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g0dlyunsub · 5 days
Text
under pressure.
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getting strapped up to a lie detector as part of a bet wasn’t exactly in your plans, nor was exposing your deepest secret to spencer reid.
pairing :: spencer x fem bau!reader
warnings :: fluff! confessions, coworkers to lovers, cheesiness overload 
word count :: 1.6k
author’s note :: three weeks since i last posted a fic?? absolutely unacceptable *presses post button*
accompanying song :: more than friends by aidan bissett
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“there’s a reason why that thing’s admissible in court,” you murmur to derek, watching as the officer packs the polygraph back into a cabinet.
derek chuckles.
“you think you can beat it?”
“i know i can beat it.”
you cross your arms and look up with a challenging smirk.
“there’s actually a lot of skepticism surrounding the validity and accuracy of polygraph testing, especially since it’s only an instrument that measures physiological changes like heart activity and perspiration. people often mistakenly assume they’re trying to deceive a machine, when really it’s all about the polygrapher, who oversees and administers the examination.”
you don’t even have to turn your head to know it’s spencer who’s just made his way into the room, derek’s lifted brow a confirmation of his presence.
“ah, look who’s finally found us. i was starting to miss you a little, kid.” 
“what are you guys up to?” spencer asks in return, his gaze shifting from you to derek, before slowly making way back to you. 
“l/n thinks she’ll pass the test with flying colors.” derek points at the cabinet and looks at you with a winsome grin.
“i won’t even have to try.” you shrug, placing your hands on your hips confidently.
“wanna bet on it?”
“loser pays for dinner. reid, you in?”
“i uh, i think i’ll just watch,” spencer politely declines, his hands nervously burrowing deep into his pockets.
derek bursts into laughter. “oh come on, kid, it’s free dinner for the both of us.” 
spencer chuckles quietly. “we’ll see.”
you make your way over to the cabinet, kneeling to retrieve the bulky device, and set it down on the table behind you. 
taking a seat, you lift your arms to secure the straps above and below your chest, and attach the blood pressure cuffs to your right arm. 
“nuh-uh.” 
you hear derek tut a sequence of disapproving clicks.
“hey kid, check to see if it’s around her securely.” derek tilts his head at spencer before nodding in your direction, adding, “don’t want you deceiving us in other ways.”
you roll your eyes before raising your arms in surrender. “go ahead, i’ve got nothing to hide.”
spencer slowly approaches you, hesitant steps overtaking his stride as he moves to stand in front of you. positioning a hand on your back for support, spencer sticks a finger between the gaps of the sides of your chest and the straps.
the straps tighten ever so slightly, causing your breath to hitch in the back of your throat. almost like an unconscious reflex, you release a breathy exhale.
“is that too tight?”
it’s barely a whisper, and he’s close, so close — his lips hover practically right beside your ear that you can feel his breath tickle the hairs on your neck.
“no,” you let out, “it’s good.”
your heart’s pounding now, and you’re thankful that you’re not hooked up to the monitor rate, at least not yet. 
“just slide your finger into the clamp,” spencer instructs, his hand guiding yours into the plate where the electrodes lightly pinch your fingertips.
“is that comfortable?” spencer asks once again, his furrowed brows an indicator of marked concern as he searches for any signs of discomfort.
“yup.”
you bite your bottom lip as spencer hooks the cords to the monitor. his attentive eyes gloss over your strapped arm and flick downwards, stopping once they take note of your bouncing legs. you still your legs almost immediately.
“alright l/n, here’s a tester.” derek approaches you and lays his hands on the table, leaning forward. “have you ever lied to get out of trouble?”
you don’t even need to think twice. with a daring grin, you respond, “yes.”
“it’s stable,” spencer nods.
a mischievous smirk plays on derek’s lips. 
“have you ever lied to hotch before?”
you huff an amused chuckle, one laced with throaty disbelief. “no.”
derek rolls his eyes, but spencer nods in your direction. “steady.” 
“oh come on, not even once?”
you raise an eyebrow as if to challenge him. “why… have you?”
“this is about you, remember?” derek wiggles a finger disapprovingly. “next one… have you ever had any romantic feelings for anyone on our team?”
it's a question you were most definitely not expecting.
it’s only a brief pause, but it’s long enough to have you doubting – are your eyes widening? are your parting lips betraying you? is it actual sweat that’s starting to coat the tips of your fingers or are you imagining it?
“no, i have not.”
you feel heat start to creep into your cheeks, but try your best to remain unfazed as you await spencer’s judgment.
“give me… one second.”
the air suddenly feels ten times heavier.
a nervous chuckle escapes from your lips as you glance around. 
“try not to bounce your leg up and down,” spencer finally calls back, and you have to physically restrain yourself from sighing in relief. 
“alright, let’s try again,” derek announces as he finally takes a seat across from you. “have you ever had feelings for… doctor spencer reid?”
your instantaneous scoff overlaps with spencer’s. before you can respond, however, spencer chirps up first.
“y/n, don’t – don’t answer that.”
you, too, try to dodge the question with a dismissive wave. “come on, derek.”
thankfully, he rests the question aside. “fine. have you ever passed your files to someone else without them knowing?”
“yes.”
“to who?”
“to you, actually,” you boldly assert, leaning back into your chair.
“oh, she’s a rebel,” derek slyly retorts back, his gaze unflinching as spencer affirms your claim.
“did you, at any point, lie during this test?”
“no.”
“alright,” derek continues, “last question.”
“bring it.”
“do you currently have any romantic feelings for spencer reid?”
“seriously?” you swivel your head back and forth between derek and spencer, your eyes widening in disbelief at the fact that he’s repeating a previous question, merely adjusting a couple words.
it’s a question that you can’t answer. no, that you shouldn’t answer.
but this time, spencer’s quiet.
“you’re kidding me,” you laugh, “we are not being for real right now.”
“oh i’m being very real right now.” 
your heart thumps like a wild drumbeat, your pulse echoing through the veins marking the side of your neck. 
you start to lace your fingers together nervously as a thin layer of sweat covers your palms. the more you think about your moist hands, though, the more you start to sweat. it’s a constant feedback loop, feeding off of your deeply-buried secret.
slowly, you take off the straps and set the electrode in front of you, on the table. 
radio silence falls over the air disturbingly, like the entire room’s tuned to the wrong frequency. 
then, “reid, did you get that?”
it takes another five seconds for sound to fill the room once again, but the gravity of the silence is almost too heavy for you to register – your wordless confession strikes the back of your mind like an unpleasant storm, raining down on your thoughts with regret and humiliation.
“y/n, um, there’s a lot of environmental factors that can impact physiological response-”
there’s no going back anymore. 
if you don't say it now, it'll linger in the depths of your mind forever.
“i do like you.”
when there’s no response, you decide to fully commit to your confession. “you said so yourself, this isn’t about fooling the device, it’s all about the polygrapher. so, spencer, what’s your judgment?”
you swear you can hear your own pulse drumming against you and shaking your body. with the faintest whisper, spencer utters, “i think you’re telling the truth.”
after hearing his response, you shove your hands into your pockets and prepare to leave, but not without throwing a glance at derek, who’s guiltily tracing the edges of his beard.
as you approach the door, however, a hand hooks around your elbow, stopping you dead in your tracks.
spencer’s hand.
“that’s it? you’re not going to hear my response?”
you don’t look up. “no, i… fine, tell me.”
if only you knew about the collective swarm of thoughts swimming in his brain, the thoughts that are denaturing all his senses of rationality and self-control. he has so much to tell you, words that he’d spill almost instantly if he’d been better prepared.
his hand moves down to envelop your own. 
you do nothing to stop him. 
slowly, he drags your hand upwards, until it rests against his chest.
against his speeding heart.
“spencer?”
the glow in his eyes is unmistakable – his dewy orbs gaze into yours lovingly, the exchange almost a confession in itself.
“i don’t think that either of us can beat the test,” spencer softly murmurs, his breathy chuckle sounding like music to your ears.
you don’t know how to describe it – it’s a bittersweet concoction of emotions that continues to spread throughout your body the more spencer nuzzles up against you.
“no,” you voice after a pause, “i don’t think we can.”
“very cute guys, but i’m waiting on my victory dinner, so if you two can-”
“oh shush, derek, you’re ruining the moment,” you say as you break into laughter, and bury your head against spencer’s chest when you fail to recover your composure.
“and you’re gonna have to pay me extra if you want me to keep my mouth shut in front of all the others,” derek retaliates, his smug grin causing you to roll your eyes. 
“i think i can wrap the straps around his mouth if you hold him against the door,” you start while looking up into spencer’s eyes, speaking loud enough to draw derek’s attention.
spencer returns with a wide smile, one that tugs at your throat to release another hearty laugh.
“yeah, i’ll grab his arms first.”
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