#even though the people in question never really give that any deeper analysis (warranted or otherwise)

[hylialeia]

anyone else notice the trend of people on this website just ruthlessly hating and making fun of A Thing and everyone laughs and for a while The Thing is seen as an immediate source of justified mockery/borderline bullying only for years later people to stop and be like hey. that was really weird and fucked up actually. and then the New Thing to mock comes up and they rinse and repeat. or am I insane

[sunniedesi]

In Defense of Future Diary...

TW: lots of yapping.

Making a small essay for Future Diary is something I’ve been meaning to do for a while. Since my entire blog is dedicated to the series, it only feels right to put something like this out into the ether. However, I’m never sure of the topics that I want to discuss the most. Do I write a defense for the show? My reasons for loving it so much? Its relevance and importance for anime culture? An analysis of Yuno’s character? There’s so much I feel you could say, but I never find the right words to express my feelings coherently. Today, I’ll make the attempt, though. I’ll go over all of the aforementioned questions here, mostly focusing on my personal opinions and feelings regarding the show. I don’t have much experience writing essays or analyses of media, so sorry in advance if my yapping is all over the place.

To begin, I should probably address the elephant in the room: Future Diary, despite its popularity and almost cult-classic status, has turned into a show people love to hate. You see it everywhere, when it comes to reviews, comments, opinion pieces, you name it, if it has Future Diary on the title, people will let you know all the gripes they have with the show. And while I tend to feel defensive or even saddened when I see so much hatred directed at my favorite show… I don’t necessarily blame anyone for feeling that way. I don’t want to be one of those people who pretends to hold the intellectual high-ground, acting as if everyone else is media-illiterate and I’m the one who truly gets the meaning of the series. At the end of the day, it’s just an anime, it’s not that deep. Everyone’s gonna like what they like; we all have different tastes and interests, so it’s only natural we all hold such different opinions about the show, especially given its campy, gory and almost edgy nature. Future Diary is definitely a product of early 2000’s trends, which some people (me lol) appreciate, and others certainly don’t.

That being said, while I respect people disliking the show for personal reasons, there are certain criticisms I see thrown its way that are not necessarily warranted. These issues can be boiled down to the following categories: “plot-holes,” a weak protagonist and toxic pairings. I’ll delve into all of these in a second, but I must say, the amount of times I’ve seen these specific points parroted over and over again makes me believe that many of the people making these arguments are piggybacking off of one another. It’s almost like they’re following a trend, repeating how the protagonist “sucks ass” and that the plot makes zero sense, without showing any examples as to how. 

It’s really common to find shallow arguments like those in comments sections and forums, but since I don’t want to feel like I’m barking up a tree in writing this essay, I decided to look for a source that encapsulated all of the common criticisms, while also backing them up with examples. Now, there are many good video essays out there on Future Diary, my personal favorite is by The Hot Box. But as far as critical pieces go, the one I found that goes the most in-depth is by the creator NezumiVA, titled: Mirai Nikki is Garbage, and Here’s Why. I’ll be referencing the video as I go along, but please note that while I disagree with many of this creator’s arguments, I don’t intend this to be a personal attack. As I said earlier, we’re all entitled to our different tastes and opinions, I can respect them disliking the series while having my own criticisms to give regarding the video. Just a little disclaimer so my intentions aren’t misconstrued here. 

With that out of the way, let’s take a deeper look into the main three arguments I mentioned before:

“The plot-holes eat up the show”

If you’ve been in the fandom for a while, you know that this is probably one of the most common criticisms levied towards Future Diary, and perhaps the one that holds the most weight. Or at least it would be, if it weren’t for the fact that “plot-holes” aren’t exactly the issue people are pointing at here. To explain, I believe people who dish out this claim all have different understandings of the definition of “plot-hole,” so to clarify: a plot-hole is an inconsistency, a contradiction in the narrative. For example, Yuno’s diary is all about Yukki, if she were to have diary entries not about him, that could be considered a plot-hole, as it contradicts the original narrative. A smaller detail being unexplained or overlooked for the sake of pacing is not a plot-hole. A flaw, yes, but as long as it doesn’t contradict what’s already been established in the story, it’s not a plot-hole. 

On one hand, it is true that there are certain Deus Ex Machina moments that aren’t properly explained in the show (heck, the god of this universe is called that for a reason), such as: how does 5th acquire all of his booby traps? Or where did 9th pull that motorcycle from? Why are characters so quick to forgive/forget certain events? These are smaller details that aren’t properly justified on-screen for the sake of pacing and making the show more interesting. You could possibly count this more as a case of poor characterization, particularly with 5th’s character having a lot of knowledge despite his age or Hinata quickly accepting the coin toss challenge despite having an advantage. Given the show only has 26 episodes, it’s only natural that detailed explanations for smaller details are omitted to make the show flow quicker and be more entertaining. While this may bother some people, I don’t find it to be such a big deal, or at least not a reason to dogpile on the show, when many other animes with shorter runtime fall victim to poor characterization as well. 

Many deem the plot nonsensical for missing these smaller explanations, but again, I find that exaggerated as they’re much, much trivial details that the majority of people don’t think of or focus on when watching the show. The video I referenced touches on the plot being illogical several times, not necessarily mentioning plot-holes per se, but complaining that many of the justifications behind certain plot points are unrealistic or contrived, though let’s be real here… since when is anime realistic? Future Diary, I would argue, does a good job of balancing very unrealistic scenarios with some realistic characters (like Yukki, but we’ll get into that later), which is what makes it interesting to watch. After all, what’s the fun in watching a fantasy show if it’s completely grounded in reality? Not to mention that many of the points brought up in the video aren’t contrived, especially if you were paying attention to the show. For example, the scene of Yuno meditating to figure out Reisuke’s plan. This wasn’t a Deus Ex Machina moment, it was foreshadowing of the fact she has her first-world memories locked away, and the meditation was her trying to access those memories. Same thing with Bacchus having an overpowered diary, it isn’t for the sake of it, he literally designed it to be that way, because he was the one who presented the idea of the diaries to Deus in the first place.

I’m getting a little side-tracked here, but you get the point. Ultimately, the worst sin a show can commit is being boring, and while Future Diary has its flaws in pacing and characterization, it contributes in keeping the viewers hooked to the action, packing its small run of 26 episodes with quite a bit of entertainment. Moreover, a lot of people overreact to these so-called “plot-holes”, yet they also fail to pay attention as to why things happen as they do in the show. Many of these criticisms can be summed up as either: trivial details that are omitted since they have little relevance to the plot and/or people not paying attention to what’s going on. 

Moving on, let’s tackle another very, very popular argument:

“Yukiteru is a total pushover (to put it nicely).” 

This is, without a doubt, the most common criticism I’ve seen people have of the show. I’m not sure if this is because people are used to the upbeat, overpowered protagonist trope in anime, but people don’t realize that Yukki being frustrating, awkward and terrified is an important part of the show’s storytelling, not to mention relatively unique. Very rarely do we see a realistic portrayal of a teenage protagonist in anime, and it is important for the show since it serves as a contrast to the other characters, all dark, callous and obsessed with the goal of becoming a God. Yukki is the only character not interested in any of this at the beginning. All he wanted was to escape reality with his phone and imaginary friends, and he's now thrusted into this terrible and hopeless situation. How exactly is a young boy expected to react under these circumstances? 

Teenagers are naive, dumb, selfish, all characteristics portrayed in Yukiteru, and these characteristics are put under scrutiny by every one of the diary owners, constantly telling him to grow a pair and stop using Yuno. This is easier said than done when you’re used to avoiding every little bit of responsibility in your life, and a girl who’s self-reportedly “crazy good at killing people” suddenly thrusts into your life ready to do all the work for you. Yukki is indeed a very flawed character, but that isn’t an accident, it is an intentional addition. It’s what makes him interesting; it pushes conflict into the show, and most importantly, drives home one of the main lessons of the show with Yukki’s development: fear doesn’t mean you’re not brave, it’s having that fear and pushing forward that makes you brave. A little corny, I know, but a valuable lesson for the Survival Game. 

Every character has an incentive for becoming God, and they’re utterly consumed by it to the point of insanity. Even a character like 4th, who was originally concerned with the goal of bringing order and justice rather than more carnage to the game gets carried away when a proper incentive for God’s seat comes into play: saving his son. In a Survival Game where we're surrounded by the most cunning and twisted of characters, killers, terrorists, people in corrupt positions of power, Yukki stands out like a sore thumb for retaining his humanity throughout it all, unwilling to get his hands dirty, rather willing to see hope in everyone else. It comes across as naive and all-too trusting. This is especially true for his father, but considering how little people he has to rely on, plus his childish hopes of seeing his family back together, his forgiveness towards him makes sense. And the same can be said for Yuno, the one constant he’s got all throughout the game. Despite the abuse and manipulation, she’s ultimately got his best interests at heart, but I’m getting ahead of myself with this point.

Eventually, the circumstances that Yukki goes through (namely his parents’ death) put that humanity, kindness and mercy, the staples of his personality, to test. It’s a testament to how desperate situations can corrupt even the most innocent of individuals. Yukiteru goes from a hopeful individual to a callous killer, no different from Yuno and equally as selfish. Similarly enough, we know thanks to her third-world-self that Yuno was originally a normal, happy girl with the hopes of finally having a loving family taking care of her. All of this, to then be tortured by the people who were supposed to bring that peaceful family life to her. 

Yukki being a weakling may be frustrating to some, it is certainly brought up many times during the video essay, but it’s an important factor that drives the plot and many of Future Diary’s lessons about growth and accountability. Besides, the anime certainly wouldn’t be as interesting to watch if every character was just an OP know-it-all like Akise. Which no hate to him, but the show wouldn’t be the same if every character were like him.

And speaking of Akise, I’ll take the opportunity to mention a point in the video essay that bothered me a bit. The creator says the show is “queerbaiting” with his character, because Akise’s attraction towards Yukki is forced, but I don’t see exactly how this is queerbaiting. Correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t queerbaiting when a character is insinuated to be gay, yet it’s kept ambiguous enough to never address it? The show straight-up explains the reason behind Akise’s attraction to Yukki. His love is forced because it was created by Deus to further his investigation about Yukki and Yuno. Akise himself is a fabrication of Deus. It is literally explained in episode 23. You can’t bait the audience into believing a character is gay if you explicitly tell the audience the character is gay lol.

But that’s one of the smaller issues I had with the video’s criticisms. My biggest gripes were actually the following: at the beginning of the essay, this creator talks about how many of the plot points in the show are contrived and illogical, but at the same time, they dislike the characters having tragic backstories that explain how they went on to become twisted individuals. Isn’t it a little contradictory that you complain about a character acting unnatural, yet when the explanation for their behavior comes up, you completely disregard it? They go as far as to say Esuno hates women and is misogynistic for his portrayal of female psychosis, and the use of SA as a tragic backstory being distasteful. Because, according to this creator, people who have been victimized never go on to become terrible people themselves, and that this is a “problematic stereotype.” 

To say that this worldview is incredibly simplistic and naive is putting it mildly. Being a victim doesn’t exempt you from the capability of hurting others, and in fact, the opposite is often true. Hurt people hurt people, that is another main theme in Future Diary, and one of the things I love about it so much. It doesn’t make its characters victims of terrible situations for the sake of pitying them, but to portray their natural descent into madness from being corrupted by a cruel and unrelenting world. Yuno, Yukki, Minene, Tsubaki, these characters all started out as normal until life turned them into the nihilistic monsters they became. They’re morally gray, an example of what you can become when your ethics and moral worldview is tested by society so many times, it ultimately turns you into a societal outcast. Which only makes it funnier that one of the questions asked in the video is “are we supposed to like these characters?” Yes and no, that’s the fun of writing morally gray characters.

I often see these takes with people who fail to understand that the portrayal of something in media ≠ endorsement. It’s the crux of people who lack media literacy, the failure to understand morally gray or just straight up evil characters as protagonists. The media itself isn’t telling you to repeat their actions, it is an exploration of how these actions manifest in the first place, a cautionary tale, if you will. I know that having evil or twisted protagonists isn’t everyone’s cup of tea, but to accuse the story or the author of malicious intent would be completely missing the point of the story’s purpose. Not to mention, that it is important for stories like this to exist, to put us in the shoes of those who enact harm, to understand why they do it and keep us from becoming like them.

The show doesn’t justify any of their actions, in fact, it often shows them for what they are: twisted and morally corrupt; it is on the characters themselves to bear the burdens of these actions. A clear example of this is the confrontation that Yukki has with his friends nearing the end of episode 22. It is probably one of my favorite scenes in the entire show: Yukki being forced to face all of his demons at once, realizing just how much damage he has caused, damage that he later has to mend in his final confrontation with Yuno to finally put an end to everyone’s suffering. It is dense, crude, and it is certainly necessary for both him and Yuno. 

Funnily enough, this youtuber goes on to say the following about Yuno’s background: “I really don’t care what her (back)story pans out to look like… her actions are still not excusable.” Which is true, just because someone was abused doesn’t justify them perpetuating the same abuse later. However, they then crush their own point by claiming that Yuno’s obsessions started all because of “a passing conversation.” I guess they weren’t lying when they said that they didn’t care about Yuno’s backstory… because chalking up her obsession as solely a result of that scene is completely disregarding her background. That conversation in the classroom did start Yuno’s fixation towards Yukki, but it is not the root of her obsessive tendencies. Yuno herself believes it to be, but this is an idea that is squandered by Yukki in his final confrontations with her. Moreover, if you paid attention to her backstory, you would understand it is all due to her childhood neglect. And similarly, Yukki’s attraction towards Yuno stems from this as well.

This brings me to the final criticism:

“Yuno and Yukki’s relationship is problematic, toxic and makes no sense.”

There is no denying that Yuno and Yukki start out as an incredibly toxic and troublesome pairing, using each other for their own selfish wants instead of working with each other. This is the Achilles heel in their dynamic, and it is often the cause of their troubles. Yuno acts impulsive, unstable and manipulative towards Yukki due to her insecurities and debilitating obsession, while Yukki pushes all responsibility to Yuno due to his own lack of a spine. They hurt each time and time again, yet they can’t help but be with each other. And this is because, in a twisted way, they compliment each other. 

On one hand, we have a social outcast, ignored by everyone including his family, visibly alone and afraid of being hurt by others, but still seeing the best in people. Then on the other hand, we have a popular girl from a prominent family, visibly perfect, but in reality just as alone due to abuse she experiences at home, making her view people as fundamentally cruel. On the outside they’re opposites, but deep down, they’re both lonely, and terrified of said loneliness. It is only when they meet, when Yukki shows her the kindness she was missing for years and when Yuno gives him the support he had always craved, that they fulfill each other’s needs. By becoming acquainted with Yuno and the Survival Game, Yukki becomes increasingly darker, eventually maturing at the end of the show, while Yukki awakens Yuno’s empathy and pulls her back from the darkness, as we see when she falters to hurt third-world Yuno and her parents. 

Their complementary personalities are even referenced by their diaries, which only work seamlessly if paired. They balance each other out perfectly, bringing out the best of each other, but only after learning to push back on their worst characteristics, which is also true for real-life relationships. In truth, just like these two, people are flawed, traumatized and generally toxic to one another. There’s no such thing as people or relationships that start out perfect from the get-go, they need to learn to grow together. 

In that sense, this is what makes the ending of the show so powerful to me. Yukki isn’t set on killing Yuno or becoming God anymore. He’s finally taking responsibility, coming to terms with the awful deeds he’s done, and the fact that he can’t undo them. Instead, he wants to help Yuno come to terms with her own demons, finally giving back to her what she needs and not something for his own benefit. Similarly, Yuno realizes just how off the deep-end she’s gone when she meets her past self, acknowledging that she’s lost her original goal, and that repeating the cycle of hurt won’t fix her already broken spirit. That world isn’t for her, and so she finally ends the hurt, giving her and Yukki the peace they need. 

Many people don’t like Redial because they see it as an undeserved Happy Ending for two awful individuals, but the way I like to see it is as a form of redemption. Both characters, in the end, do what they have to do to restore order in the world. Yukki pays for his sins in the void, finally a God but at the cost of mourning what could’ve been. First-World Yuno ends the suffering she’s putting herself through so her new self can thrive, almost akin to breaking free from her past traumas to finally heal. The new self regains those memories, not to sulk, but to build from them, going back with Yukki to start a new world that isn’t characterized by their original hurt. In a way, it's a story about how the most downtrodden of individuals can find solace in love, break from their past and learn to heal together. For me, it’s cathartic and fulfilling to watch.

To finish this lengthy post, I feel it’s appropriate to mention the importance of Future Diary’s characters, and more specifically, Yuno. The video describes her writing as shallow and contrived, but I’ve already addressed that in the previous paragraphs. Many people love chalking her up to “cRaZy YaNdErE gUrL™ 🤪​,” but she’s so, so much more than that. Her character actually has a lot of depth if you pay attention to her story: she’s a girl, an orphan who went on to be neglected by her foster father and abused by her foster mother, resulting in complex trauma, insecurities and fear of abandonment that she tries to hide and overcompensate for in her overly aggressive tendencies. Her obsession in avoiding the loss of the only person she has becomes her demise, as she lives in a loop of torment all for the sake of not being alone again, a cycle of hurt only she has the power of breaking if she finds the strength to do it. Whether it was intentional or not, Yuno portrays a lot of the issues people with mental illness, such as BPD, struggle with. 

Now, claiming that Yuno is a perfect, one-to-one representation of BPD would be reducing this disorder to a caricature, there’s obviously so much more to BPD than what you see in this portrayal. But, I feel like out of the huge list of characters that fall under the “yandere” or crazy girl trope, she’s probably one of the best written ones in anime. I know she’s often dubbed the “yandere queen,” but seriously, it’s rare to see media committing to this trope and properly characterizing it. I would go as far as to say she’s the best character I’ve seen written in this genre, only sharing that spot with another character from a certain game (but given that the mere mention of its name is enough to ensue controversy, I’ll abstain from talking about it here 🙄​). A big portion of characters within this trope are quite two-dimensional, without clear motives for their obsessions, or having their issues played up for laughs (I’m looking at you, Anna Nishikinomiya). Heck, many of the characters associated with the trope aren’t actual yanderes, like is the case for Shion Sonozaki or Lucy from Elfen Lied. 

Yuno’s character is rich and interesting to watch, she isn’t just some “crazy girl” for the sake of it. She’s a product of tragedy, only motivated by the hope of finally having Yukki alleviate all of her insecurities and sorrows. I’ve always found the “yandere” trope interesting since it delves into the lengths people are capable of going over an obsession, and how these form to begin with. Given how complex, sensitive and even personal this topic can be, it’s important to have characters like this be properly written, and I’m glad that Yuno set a standard for this back in her day, even if many people don’t take her character seriously. 

I think it’s important to close up this post repeating the sentiment I had at the beginning. My purpose in writing this defense isn’t so much to force people into liking the show, and even opinions I disagree with like the ones in NezumiVA’s video are valid in their own right, as everyone has different perspectives in interpreting media. This is simply my take as someone who’s been a fan of the show for a really long time, since I don’t see many in-depth essays for Future Diary out there. It is a show that has stuck with me for its lessons on learning to be brave, healing from the past and selfless love. As silly as it may sound talking about an anime, it’s something that I can always look back to and smile, laugh or cry along with. Despite people’s conflicting views and endless criticisms, it will never fail to have a special place in my heart. Given how much time I’ve dedicated to this series, it’s only fair I dedicated a little bit of that time explaining my love for it too. And if you made it this far down the post, I would also like to thank you for dedicating a little bit of your time to my shower thoughts as well!

[scripts4dreamers]

I literally JUST sat down, pt. 1

Part Two, Part Three, Part Four, Part Five, Part Six, Part Seven

AN: Nuh uh, nope. Not this again. You did not sign up for this.  Characters: Spencer Reid, Penelope Garcia, Derek Morgan, Aaron Hotchner, Jennifer Jareau, David Rossi. Pairings: Spencer Reid x reader Spoilers: None Warnings: Mentions of crime and violence, alcohol, eventual NSFW content

Prompt: After watching 7x07 “This episode is so scary man... Imagine just doing your job which is pretty morbid at times but oh well and then suddenly you have to go to this place where there's a lot of tornadoes and you're like well at least I'm inside and safe and then your boss is like "we gotta go right to these tornado places lol" and then you think "well that's scary but at least we have this handy dandy live map showing us exactly in real time where the tornadoes are so we'll be fine and then the internet is like "haha nope have fun dying in a tornado" 

- @pirateismywayofspeaking​ who is a literal genius.

This will be a multichapter piece! So lemme know if you want to be tagged in subsequent chapters. 

—————————-

Usually, when terrible things happen, people say the same few things: “I never thought it would happen to me! You never think something like this will happen to you until it does!”. You’d never really been that type of person. You were naturally cautious, and an ex FBI agent, you saw danger pretty much everywhere. You’d seen some of the worst things human beings could ever do to one another and, if you’d learned anything at all, it was that bad things happened everywhere and to pretty much everyone. There was nowhere that you could definitively say was safe from violent crime, but this was just ridiculous.

You looked around the ruined bookshop you’d poured the last year of your life into with a kind of detached sadness. Even before you opened the door, you could see the carnage. The shelves were upended, tables flipped, every vase in the building was smashed...except one. You sighed, stepping into the store, your eyes scanning the wreck with a practiced efficiency. No broken windows, the door was still locked when you’d arrived and your security cameras were blacked out, there were no signs of forced entry. If anything that made you more uneasy and, not for the first time since you’d left the bureau, you missed the weight of your gun against your hip. You crinkled your nose against the smell, the copper-iron of fresh blood that you were all too familiar with as you crept through your store.

“Son of a-fuck!” You swore loudly, cursing your luck as you took in the scene.

There was a body laid out in the middle of the Fiction aisle: face covered with a burlap sack, wrists and ankles bound with rope and blood seeping into the carpets you’d just had cleaned. Your training kicked in and you noticed, without meaning to, that the rest of the aisle was untouched. The shelves were upright, books in order, even the vase of white roses you’d put there the night before were all completely the way you’d left them. It was like he’d just completely bypassed the entire section.

Huh.

You looked up at the sky, “Really? Right now? You throw this at me, now? Unbelievable.”

There was a sinking feeling in the pit of your chest, along with a nervousness that you were telling yourself was irritation as you pulled out your phone. It had been a long while since you’d done this, but you still knew the number by heart.

“This is agent Jareau with the Behavioural Analysis Unit.”

“JJ, it’s me,” you said, “you’re not gonna believe this.”

——————————

You sat in the ruins of your store until the cops arrived, wondering who exactly you had murdered in a past life to end up with this kind of luck. You gave your statement without much incident, directing CSU to the body and alerting the detective to the abnormalities you’d spotted.

JJ had promised to get the team on the case as quickly as she could, and you knew JJ tended to get exactly what she wanted in that regard, you just didn’t know how you felt about that. It had been over a year since you’d left the BAU, since you’d done one case too many and just got fed all the way up. It really wasn’t any deeper than that. One day you’d come home and found that you couldn’t sleep. It had all just become too much, so you packed up your stuff, tendered your resignation, and started over.

It had been hard at first, but now you owned a fairly successful bookstore with a little coffee shop where you sold good coffee, and homemade biscuits. And it was nice. You felt good, kinda. You definitely slept better at night. Your life was finally starting to feel normal and now this? A dead body just happens to appear in the center of your bookstore in just weird enough a way to warrant a call to the BAU? No, you’d seen too much to consider this a coincidence. Whether you liked it or not, you were about to get thrown back into your old life head first, the life you’d worked so hard to get some distance from. So why weren’t you more...upset?

“Y/L/N?” A familiar voice called.

“In here,” you answered, your voice raspy from disuse. You cleared your throat and pushed yourself up onto your feet, “I’m in here.” You tried again.

The figures who stepped in were painfully familiar and you couldn’t help the tired smile that slid onto your face, your eyes going directly to the blonde woman walking at the very front.

“Y/N!” She greeted, her voice dripping with relief as she pulled you into a hug, “Are you alright?”

“I’m fine, JJ,” you assured her as you broke apart, the rest of your old team filing in behind her.

She eyed you like she wasn’t sure, pressing her lips into a thin line as she looked around the trashed store. Derek Morgan swooped in behind her, giving you a second hug.

“Long time, Y/L/N,” he smiled.

You sighed, “Wish it was under better circumstances, Morgs, but I’m glad you guys are here.”

“Y/L/N,” Aaron Hotchner greeted, giving you a firm handshake.

“Thanks for coming, Hotch, I’m sorry. I didn’t know what else to do.” You admitted.

“No, you made the right call. The BAU has officially taken on the case. Reid, Prentiss and Rossi are coordinating with the local PD from our headquarters, the rest of us are here to help,” he said, pausing and meeting your eye, silently asking the question you’d been waiting all morning for.

“No sign of forced entry,” you started, “the front door was still locked from the outside when I arrived.” You walked him through the crime scene, glass crunching beneath your feet as you went, “It looks like someone sprayed black paint over the security cameras I had installed, everything’s been smashed but there’s no cash missing from the register. In fact, they barely touched the front desk at all.” You explained, “And this,” you gestured at the Fiction aisle, “is where I found the body.”

Morgan stepped forward and, just like that, the team moved like a well oiled machine.

“White male, looks like he’s between the ages of 19 and 27.” Morgan started.

“His wrists and ankles are bound, but it doesn’t look like he struggled against his restraints at all,” you cut in, without meaning to, crouching down beside the body, “it could mean he was tied up postmortem.”

“We’ll have to wait on the M.E’s report to know for sure,” Hotch agreed, “Y/L/N, can I talk to you?” You nodded and let him pull you aside. He glanced over your shoulder and lowered his voice, “I know you’re out and we can do this investigation without you-“

“But?” You probed.

The corners of Hotch’s mouth twitched, like he wanted to smile, “But, I would also welcome your help if you’re willing to give it. The team is still a man down and, something about this scene has me thinking-“

“That whoever did this isn’t finished,” you agreed, sighing as you ran your fingers through your hair.

Everything was so messed up in your head. You just wanted to go back to bed and start this day all over again. Hotch looked at you and you recognized his brand of quiet concern. It was familiar and comforting, and it helped you process your thoughts.

“I can’t believe I’m saying this,” you frowned, “yeah. Yeah, sure, I’ll come back.” Hotch smiled and you wagged a finger at him, “But just for this one case! After that I’m straight back to my boring normal person life, alright?”

“Of course,” he agreed, something almost mocking in his tone.

“I’m serious, Hotch, just one more case.”

“I’m agreeing with you!” He insisted, already walking back to the rest of the group.

But he wasn’t and, much to your chagrin, you felt the familiar rush of adrenaline as you turned back to the scene of the crime.

“Hotch, Y/L/N,” Morgan called, holding something in his gloved hand, “you’re gonna want to see this.”

“Here we go again,” you sighed.

————————-

Walking back into the BAU had felt like stepping back in time. After you’d gotten everything you could from the crime scene there was nothing to do but brainstorm, but walking through those doors again...well, let’s say you hadn’t been prepared for how it would feel being back. For the most part, everyone had been glad to see you, especially Garcia, but you could tell that there were still some resentments bubbling under the surface. It made sense, the BAU survived by relying on one another, by acting like a family, and you’d left that family.

Still, there was a rhythm to this kind of work, a flow that was almost painfully easy to fall back into. You’d worked together for years after all, bouncing ideas off of one another like it was nothing and that kind of bond didn’t just go away.

“Admit it,” Derek teased, bumping your shoulder with his as you studied the evidence board, “you missed this.”

“I most certainly did not.”

“Oh you so did,” Spencer agreed, leaning against the table next to you and giving you a fond smile, “I’m sorry about the bookstore though, it was the only store in town with a proper selection of classics in their original languages.”

You shrugged, “I’ll get it up and running again soon enough, just as soon as we catch whoever did this.”

“Speaking of our UnSub, what do you think the relevance of him leaving the body in the fiction section is?” Spencer asked.

“Maybe he’s trying to say that this is some kind of fairytale?” Prentiss suggested, “Like he’s trying to draw us into his story?”

“Maybe, but this has gotta be more personal than that, right?” Morgan said, “I mean, this isn’t some body in an alley, it was dumped in an FBI agent’s coffee shop.”

“Ex agent,” you corrected.

“Sure thing, Princess,” Morgan teased.

“Why does everyone keep talking like that?” You asked.

“Because you leaving is ridiculous. You love this job,” He replied simply, “you’ve always loved this job.”

You opened your mouth to respond but, before you could, you heard the clacking of heels against the marble floor.

“Um, guys?” Garcia said, coming into the bullpen with a stormy look on her face, “we just got word from the officer who went to Y/N’s apartment.”

“And?” You asked nervously.

“They found something,”

“Another body?” Prentiss asked.

“No, weirder, a letter and what looks like a smiley face drawn on the wall in blood.” She said, pressing a button to display the new crime scene photos on the big screen.

Your heart froze in your chest.

There it was; a crude smiley face drawn right above your headboard and a crisp white envelope resting against your pillow. He’d made your bed too, some small part of your mind noted. How polite. Instinctively, you crossed your arms over your chest as you were hit with a mixture of panic and disgust.

“Of course,” you sighed, “of course there is. Why wouldn’t there be? It’s been that kind of day.”

“Do we know what the letter says?” Morgan asked.

Garcia nodded, “And it’s a doozy. The letter contains a poem written with letters cut out from magazines and newspapers. It reads:

Since there’s no help, come let us kiss and part.

Nay, I have done, you get no more of me;

And I am glad, yea glad with all my heart,

That thus so cleanly I myself can free.

Shake hands for ever, cancel all our vows,

And when we meet at any time again,

Be it not seen in either of our brows

That we one jot of former love retain …”

You could feel your friends staring and you tried to keep your face as neutral as possible. Your skin felt like it was on fire, and you could hear the blood pounding in your ears as you thought of a murderer setting foot in your space; him touching your bed, running his hands over the photos on your nightstand, defiling your possessions with his presence. You’d never felt so vulnerable and exposed, and bile rose up in your stomach like your body was physically rejecting the whole thing. Distantly you heard Prentiss and Morgan discussing theories, and you felt one pair of warm brown eyes staring into the side of your head.

Suddenly, you didn’t feel like joking around anymore.

“Sorry,” you muttered, standing up and striding out of the room without looking back, “I need some air.”

You were so angry by the time you made it out into the courtyard that you’d balled your hands into fists and your breath was coming out in short little bursts. Hot tears pricked at the corners of your eyes and your chest felt painfully tight.

“Y/N?” You heard Spencer ask.

You sniffed, wiping your face quickly, “Reid, hi. Sorry, I just-“ you let out a slow breath, “I needed a break.”

He nodded like he understood, tucking his hands into his pockets as he stepped towards you. You wanted to tell him to go away, to head back inside and leave you the hell alone, but the words wouldn’t come.

It had always been like this with Spencer. No matter how hard you tried to be tough and brave and put together, he saw right through you and broke down your defenses. At one point, he’d been the closest thing to family you’d ever had, in fact you thought you might…..

Well, it didn’t matter now. Over the last year things had changed, you’d grown apart. It happened, but the fondness was still there, and the trust, and those damn eyes.

“I get it, Y/N, I can't even imagine what this whole thing must be like for you,” he said, “having your home be violated like that….and the store?” He shook his head, “I know how hard you worked setting that place up.”

Your bottom lip trembled and, for the first time that day, you let yourself feel afraid as tears slipped down your cheeks.

You shook your head, “You know, when I saw the glass all over the floor, and all the books….I just felt tired, like bone tired. I wasn’t scared of that, but now?” You paused, glancing up at Spencer, as a tear slid down your cheek, “He was in my home, Spencer. He made my bed before he left, he wrote me a letter.”

Spencer worked his jaw and hesitantly reached out, touching your shoulder gently.

“We’ll catch him, Y/N/N, we always do.” He promised.

“And until then?” You asked, “Do I just pretend it never happened? Go home and act like it’s all okay?”

“No,” another voice cut in from behind you, “you rely on us. We’ll take care of you,” Morgan explained.

“Yeah,” Garcia agreed, her big blue eyes clinging to yours, “We’ve talked about it already. You’ll take turns staying with each of us a few nights a week and then, on the weekends, we’ll all stay with Rossi to go over the case. And we’ll spend every free moment tracking this son of a bitch down for you.”

Emily nodded and, for the first time since you had opened your store that morning, you felt your chest swell with something a little like hope. You knew the BAU was special, you knew that the bonds you’d formed over the years were damn near unbreakable, but this? This was too much. Seeing your friends rally around you when you needed them most just reminded you how much you loved them, and how much they still loved you. Even now. Spencer gave your shoulder a squeeze and you smiled back at him.

“I really missed you guys,” you said with a watery laugh.

Penelope crooned and threw her arms around your neck, pulling you into a familiarly bone-crushing hug.

“We missed you too, Sugar Plum,” she promised.

“Really?”

“Hell yeah!” Morgan smiled, joining Penelope’s hug.

“You know we did,” Emily agreed, ruffling your hair and pulling herself in close.

Your eyes found Spencer where he was standing just outside of the group hug, both hands in his pockets and a sad smile on his face. You pressed your lips together and, in response, he nodded.

“We missed you,” he said softly and then, as the hug broke up and you allude your way back inside, even softer, “we still do.”

---------------- 

Taglist: @ourfavoritesergeantbarnes​

[kylydian]

Breath of the Wild Soundtrack Analysis: Day 7

*insert crazy piano solo*

“RUN IT’S A GUARDIAN!!!!!”

Yeah…if you’ve been reading these posts for a while now…you already know that’s the part I’m least impressed with. Let’s talk about dance music today. Specifically waltzes.

I’m not kidding. It takes two to waltz, so join me on this journey. Let’s go!

Track 9: Guardian Battle

Genre: Waltz

Featured Instruments: Piano, Strings, Synths, A lot of other stuff

Compositional Techniques: Minimalism

Takeaways for Developers: All music within a certain context does not need to be what people expect for them to like it.

Takeaways for Composers: There’s room for all styles of music for any situation. Finding these unique opportunities allows for new musical experiences.

In my very first post about Breath of the Wild back when I first started this blog, I talked really briefly about this track, and it all definitely applies still. But today we’re gonna go much deeper.

Originally, we talked about the piano solo, a sense of fear and the staying power of the music in relation to battle. So really quickly, let’s review.

The piano solo that everyone always talks about is truly a good piano solo and is brilliant writing, but it’s only around for a couple seconds then it disappears. This first solo I described as “skittish” and establishing a sense of fear. This still holds true. The skittishness mirrors the movement of these large guardians, which in contrast to their smaller counterparts, is very sporadic and unpredictable. The piano brings to mind instantly that these are enemies that can kill us with one hit, maybe two if we’re geared well. And after this, you get a lot of repetition, which we’ve come to know as minimalism in certain settings.

If you’re joining us for the first time now, Minimalism is a technique that features repetition in music with incredibly minor changes overtime. But I wouldn’t label this piece minimalist in genre necessarily. Rather it uses minimalist ideas instead of building a minimalist piece. I don’t think it features enough variation to warrant the genre being minimalism.

Regardless, this repetition gives us staying power, and overtime it begins to sound a little hopeful. As this unsettling rhythm begins to fall to the back of your mind it’s likely to instill a sense of bravery.

Okay review done!

So, how does the music accomplish this? This track is pretty different in structure to other battle music in Breath of the Wild, even when compared to the shrine battle music. Again, we need to focus on the visuals to start our discussion.

This has a much thicker sound to it. The natural reason for this would be because this guardian is bigger….? Right?

Nah, it has more to do with the strength and fear factor of the enemy, and the fact that it’s much harder to fight fairly. You’re likely to have your shield up, hoping to get that laser reflection. The two of you will probably be circling around each other, looking for an opening. You’ll be doing this dance for a while, especially if you don’t know how to fight them.

And there we are. To me this fight is a bit like a dance. And the music? Well, as I’ve said a few times now, the music is a traditional waltz, although it doesn’t sound like it at first pass.

So, lets break away a bit from Zelda to talk about exactly what a waltz is. If you have a broad knowledge of music, you’ll likely know that a waltz is a piece of music with a feeling of three. Specifically, this is 3/4 time, meaning that for every bar (segment) of music, there’s three beats. Normally you feel this time in three beats (duh), but waltzes are generally felt in one because they’re usually at a pretty brisk pace. You’ll feel a very strong beat first, where the notes that come after feel more relaxed, or maybe floating away. Then right away you’ll feel that strong beat again. If you were to say, “One two three one two three one two three.” Putting a small emphasis on the bolded “one” you would now be saying a basic waltz feel. The dance is marked by this strong initial beat.

So, let’s look back over to the track in question. Immediately after the piano solo, this really synth heavy rhythm enters that’s honestly a bit hard to figure out. It might be tough to grasp hold of the rhythm or feel of it, but we do know one thing immediately. There’s a strong accented beat from a kick drum. If we focus in on this, we can find the primary beat pretty easily.

Boom..Boom..Boom.

And in between these strong beats, we get two more notes that feel lighter, that are harder to notice.

Bah dah. Bah dah. Bah dah.

Occasionally the dah part has an extra note in it, but never makes the rhythm feel longer.

Bah dah. Bah dah. Bah dahdaht.  

Let’s put it all together.

Boom bah dah. Boom bah dah. Boom bah dah. Boom bah dahdaht. Boom bah dah…….

Remember, that each bolded word gets a bit of emphasis, and the others feel a bit lighter.

This is the basic feel right after the piano solo, and is the staying rhythm of the entire piece. This is a waltz feel, and it’s incredibly easy to miss not only in gameplay, but listening to the track as well. The music is very hectic, and honestly this rhythm does not have a lot of time to get established before your attention is yanked away. But no matter what enters, this “Boom bah dah” is what has the staying power previously mentioned.

As a waltz, this feeling directly mimics the idea of a human squaring off against a huge mechanical monster dancing together in combat. Waltzes take two to dance. The instrumentation used as well as rhythmic variance makes it hard to notice the waltz, almost like it’s lopsided. It mirrors the movement of the guardian, but not necessarily Link. Overtime though, this rhythm falls to the back of your mind, and it becomes not as noticeable. Now you’re likely feeling like you’ve got a chance.

Now you’re dancing in battle together.

With that said, this isn’t all that’s happening. Over this waltz feeling we’ve got a melody on solo violin. This is an agitated melody, one that feels skittish just like the piano solo, but has a bit more reason. This feels as if it’s in a different time in comparison to the waltz, and it almost feels like a melody that you would hear in a tango, a different type of dance. However, it fits perfectly into the time if you listen closely, and there are many things that this melody could be considered to represent.

Me? Well, I think it’s neat to think of it as Link. Dancing to a different beat, but still within the boundaries set by his opponent.

Overtime, this staying power turns into something entirely different. Here we get remnants of the piano solo, the waltz beat, different rhythms, and honestly a lot of different ideas all coming at once. It’s like all of the ideas are coming together for a brief moment. And just like that…it’s gone. You’re back to the death waltz again. But this time the waltz isn’t a thing of fear. I find it more a waltz of courage.

You’ve survived this long. Maybe you’ve got a shot.

So, what does this talk of dances, movement, music, sound, and melodies all mean?

It’s about establishing a unique, appropriate, yet contrasting feel to music. Guardian fights are different from every other encounter in the game. And they’re drastically different. They were made to be different from the very first footage of Breath of the Wild. If you were watching the game awards like I was, seeing a huge robotic, futuristic enemy come out of nowhere randomly shooting lasers was one of the coolest yet most jarring things I’ve ever seen in Zelda. From the beginning, guardians were made to be different. The music has to accompany this. As we’ve already talked about, the other battle music in the game does things differently as well, but they all share similar ideas (As we’ll talk about in the next post.) Generally, you’re fighting one enemy in guardian fights. In a game where most enemies move in groups, that singular enemy is a variance.

That enemy is your dance partner. Let the music accentuate that.  

Let’s break it down.

…did that turn into a dance pun this time?

Takeaways for Developers: Find moments in your game that you want to have a distinct feel, and let composers know when you need sections to have a different sound. Music impacts gameplay and player emotions even if we don’t notice it.

Takeaways for Composers: All musical styles have a purpose in games. Keep in mind situations and differences in gameplay and characters. Capitalize on these ideas to not only provide fitting music, but variance in your score as well as gameplay.

All music has a place in games at some point or another. Break expectations, smash boundaries and find ways to make something new, especially if we’re wanting to stand out.

Next time, we fight a different battle.

[owl-eyed-woman]

Attack on Titan Season 2 Episode 36 Analysis Part 3: Mikasa’s Co-dependency and Morality

Mikasa’s somewhat one-sided love for Eren is one of the most significant yet enigmatic relationship in the entire show. It is at once straightforward and multifaceted, innocent and toxic, beneficial and harmful. In one way or another, it embodies all of these ideas and continues to defy easy approval or dismissal.

However, despite its obvious depth, I am sad to say that this relationship is frequently mishandled and rarely given the thought and analysis within AOT itself that it so clearly warrants. The problem is this: is AOT truly aware of the unhealthy aspects of Mikasa’s love for Eren, or is it oblivious to these implications as it thoughtlessly represents or even romanticises an often-toxic relationship? While I believe Isayama’s intention has always been the former, it has remained worryingly ambiguous. It is this vague and unclear framing that has opened up AOT to justified critiques of sexism and glorification of unhealthy dynamics.

Once again, this episode contends with Mikasa’s intense and coolly deranged reaction to the prospect of losing Eren. But unlike in the past, this episode doesn’t replicate these patterns thoughtlessly, but instead starts the process of truly contending with their troubling implications, explicitly critiquing the dark side of Mikasa’s devotion Eren. I’ve been waiting a while AOT to truly give this relationship the weight and thought it deserves. It’s about time.

But before we can get into this, we need to consider how Mikasa’s devotion to Eren has been represented throughout AOT as a whole and establish why Eren is so important to her.  

Mikasa needs Eren. That’s the first thing we need to understand. Yes, it’s basic, and yes, it’s obvious, but this simple yet fundamental idea dictates who Mikasa is as a person and the choices she makes.

On the surface, it seems like Mikasa shouldn’t need to depend on Eren as intensely as she does. In fact, I’d argue that her character is constructed in a way that specifically emphasises her independence and self-reliance. Isayama is playing with the contradictions between her physical strength and emotional weakness.

Mikasa is the perfect warrior, forged by the brutality of the world into a human weapon. She’s impossibly strong, self-sufficient, composed in the face of danger and generally excels as a soldier; she’s the embodiment of humanity’s strength.

But more significantly, Mikasa is a survivor. This ability has been with Mikasa since birth, but it was truly awakened in the most traumatising and brutal way possible when her parents were slaughtered in front of her as a child. This is the defining moment of Mikasa’s life, the moment that made Mikasa who she is. The world is cruel and unkind and she has learnt to live with this reality and most importantly, survive and thrive in it.  

This is precisely why Eren is so important to her though. I’ve often suggested that Eren represents the heart and spirit of humanity, and nowhere is this function more evident than with Mikasa. Eren, quite simply, is one of the only people who can remind Mikasa of her own humanity. Without him, Mikasa might lose sight of the essential, human side of herself.  

Again, this all goes back to the defining moment of Mikasa’s life, the trauma that made Mikasa the person she is, the warrior she is, the survivor she is, and cemented Eren’s place in her life. As Mikasa took another person’s life in order to survive, Mikasa learnt firsthand that this world not only rewards those who can let go of their compassion, mercy or kindness - it may require it of you.

As Mikasa realised this truth, that cruelty and survival of the fittest was the natural rule of the world, she also realised that the virtues that make us human not only impede our own chances of survival, but may in fact contradict this natural law. Such a realisation has been integral for Mikasa’s continued survival, but it has continually threatened Mikasa’s emotional and spiritual wellbeing.

But thankfully, when the world pushed her to this brink of despair, Mikasa wasn’t alone. Eren was there too, fighting alongside her and making sure they both made it out alive. Then, when the battle was done and Mikasa faced the prospect of life without love and family, Eren stayed with her, wrapping a warm scarf around her neck telling her to come home with them. Without hesitation, he gave Mikasa a family and a home. The world wrenched Mikasa’s humanity away from her, and then Eren gently handed it back.

Mikasa’s predominant philosophy is quite simply summed up as “the world is cruel, but it is also beautiful”. Mikasa is reminded of the cruelty of the world every day; this truth is heartbreakingly self-evident. She needs something to remind her that the world is beautiful too. Or, more specifically, she needs Eren to remind her that life can be about more than just survival. Life can be about happiness and family and love.

This is why Mikasa loves Eren and why Eren’s wellbeing is so important to her. Eren saved her life by helping her defeat the men who would have killed her; then, he saved her soul by offering her unconditional love and support when she needed it most. In the end, being with Eren or not is the difference between surviving and living. Mikasa will always be able to survive on her own, but in order for her to live, she needs Eren.

But the question still remains; why has this relationship, that is seemingly so inspiring and uplifting become, at times, worryingly unhealthy?

Before we get into that, I want to stress that the idea that Mikasa cares deeply for Eren isn’t in and of itself unhealthy or problematic. In fact, this is simply a genuinely human response to Mikasa’s situation. We all rely on the people we care about, especially in times of great stress and turmoil. Additionally, seeing someone you love threatened with death and destruction over and over again would be deeply traumatising and potentially create a feeling of over-protectiveness. I also appreciate that Mikasa isn’t simply a cold, isolated badass; she has people she cares about (Armin as well).

In Mikasa’s case however, it has become increasingly clear that Eren is dangerously essential for her mental and emotional wellbeing. Mikasa’s love for Eren isn’t just devotion or affection anymore; it’s co-dependency and it continually veers into dangerous and unhealthy territory. For example, during the Trost arc, after Eren ‘died’, Mikasa basically entered a catatonic state and even considered suicide. Though it’s never become this dark since, Mikasa still continues to exhibit a dangerous reliance on Eren and an inability to cope when Eren is in danger.

Now, I’m not saying that Mikasa’s love for Eren needs to be all sunshine and roses, perfectly happy and healthy at all times. Obviously, this unhealthy dynamic is indicative of several expected emotional issues. She’s been traumatised severely by her parents’ death and unsurprisingly over-compensates when it comes to protecting the last family member she has. The nature of Eren, Mikasa and Armin’s symbiotic relationship enables or even encourages co-dependency. They’re all child soldiers who have never known the peace of a normal life. There are plenty of interesting and legitimate reasons as to why Mikasa acts this way.

The real issue is that ambiguity at the heart of Isayama’s representation of Mikasa. Is AOT critiquing Mikasa’s co-dependency or simply representing it as is with no self-awareness? Is AOT framing Mikasa as a damaged woman whose mental and emotional health is dangerously reliant on a man, or is she just a badass warrior who just so happens to get a bit out of control when a guy she likes is in trouble?

Finally, this episode marks a welcome shift in AOT’s representation of Mikasa, as AOT begins to explicitly engage with the implications of Mikasa’s co-dependent relationship with Eren and how it impacts her emotionally, physically and ideologically.

The setup is fairly standard for AOT: Eren’s life is at risk (again) and Mikasa is once more on the brink of instability and despair. This time, her concern for Eren is coupled with a potent sense of guilt for failing to kill Reiner and Bertholdt earlier as well as her continued belief that she is personally responsible for Eren’s wellbeing. It’s a perfect storm of un-healthiness. As Mikasa commits herself to saving Eren once again, prioritising him over her own wellbeing, her friends’ wellbeing and all other moral concerns, this single-minded determination is explicitly and textually represented as toxic, terrifying and even monstrous.

Mikasa’s is genuinely disturbing in this episode. Visually, she is drawn in a way that suggests inhumanity and monstrosity. That instantly iconic shot of Mikasa’s terrifying, inhuman eye staring directly at Bertholdt through the gap in Reiner’s fingers could be perfectly at home in a horror anime. She has this dead-eyed intensity about her, suffering from emotional and physical exhaustion, fuelled only by her obsessive need to save Eren. AOT is not pulling any punches about how damaging and unhealthy this emotional state is for Mikasa, using Mikasa’s deteriorating appearance to reflect deeper, more troubling issues.

But this is only surface level. As we go deeper, AOT starts to show us how Mikasa’s current emotional state impacts her ideology and ethics. It’s always been clear that Mikasa prioritises Eren’s wellbeing over all others, but this may be the first time that AOT has truly considered the moral implications of Mikasa’s obsessive devotion. To be blunt, this is the coldest and most outright merciless I have ever seen Mikasa.

Mikasa’s sense of morality has always been less pronounced than many other characters in AOT. She is not really a proponent of altruism, pragmatism, utilitarianism or any other of those fancy-looking ethics words. In general, Mikasa isn’t really concerned about society as whole or interested in broader questions of morality except in how they relate to her personally. Instead, she prioritises very inward-looking values, such as survival, family and strength. In a way, Mikasa borders on amoral.  

In this case, an interesting contradiction appears when we consider that the amoral Mikasa is protecting one of the most morally righteous (read: sanctimonious) and idealistic characters in the show. But by juxtaposing these two seemingly opposing characters, several fundamental similarities, as well as differences, become readily apparent.

Though Mikasa and Eren hold vastly different ethical beliefs, they both have a striking ability to compartmentalise the world in strict accordance with their values and ideals in a way that blinds them to any nuance.

The moralistic and idealistic Eren divides the world into strict ethical categories of good and evil, or perhaps more accurately, humans and monsters. Mikasa also divides the world into a stark dichotomy in accordance with her own values, but unlike Eren, this division is intensely personal and centred around her own self and needs rather than any moral code or ideological concept. In essence, either you’re her family and thus intrinsically contain value, or you’re not her family and are, to be blunt, simply not a priority.

Both such divisions are fundamentally flawed, erasing most nuance or moral complexity, but Eren’s version is still a system that can have broader application in society as a whole. Mikasa’s categorisation entirely lacks the humanistic and moral element evident in Eren’s, and instead presents a vision centred almost wholly around the self.  She only has a small family, her ingroup, and the rest of the world is simply an outgroup who just don’t matter as much to her. It is deliberately narrow-minded and self-centred.  

That’s not to say that Mikasa is a completely heartless and morally bankrupt person who only cares about one person; she is happy to defend the weak and help those in need. But there is a vast difference between her concern for her family and her concern for everyone else. Though she would never put innocent people in harm’s way most of the time, when her ingroup is at risk, Mikasa has no scruples whatsoever about sacrificing the outgroup. She is simply not invested in the altruistic idea of the ‘community’ as a structure that is inherently valuable and needing to be protected. Ultimately, for Mikasa, the needs of a very specific few outweigh the needs of the many.

This fundamental belief has always lurked beneath the surface of Mikasa’s relationship with Eren, but this episode shows it in action. When faced with opposition from Ymir and Christa, Mikasa explicitly threatens both of them, even the actively neutral Christa. Either you’re with her or against her and anyone who does not abide is an enemy or at least, part of the outgroup, and a necessary sacrifice. It is clear that Mikasa will not hesitate to kill both of them, regardless of whether that is justified.

I’ve always known Mikasa would prioritise Eren over anything and everything, but it is nonetheless terrifying that Mikasa will readily kill anyone who gets in her way. As Mikasa states, “there’s only so many lives I actually care about”. Absolutely brutal. Mikasa has no time for mercy or compassion now. She’s willing to do whatever it takes and terrifyingly, with her strength, she’s actually able to do whatever it takes. This episode finally acknowledges the darker implications of Mikasa’s love for Eren and is so much stronger for it. What this relationship always needed was simply two things; clarity of framing and active, unafraid engagement with its troubling dynamics. This episode gives us both. I don’t think that means this relationship is irredeemable or that Mikasa will never be able to love Eren in a healthy or productive way. It’s not as simple as that of course. But this is a step in the right direction for AOT and I look forward to where this relationship may go.

Links: Part 1: Why I Love this Show Part 2: Ymir and Christa Part 4: Armin and Sacrifice Part 5: An Ode to the Ensemble

[saranel]

Did you think Urahara "deserved" (narrative-wise) death as his last appearance? How about for Mayuri and Aizen? Would prison be enough for their punishment?

Ohhh wow, that’s a very good question, anon.

Death in fiction, at least the death of important characters, needs to serve a purpose outside of shock value (and even that has its place, if done properly and very sparingly).  I know we, the audience, often clamor for more realism in fiction, but in my opinion, death is the one area that needs to be an exception.  When a character is violently removed from the narrative, there needs to be a reason for it, as with everything else that happens in a story: culmination of a character arc, revenge, poetic justice, or what have you.  

Anything but a senseless death; we get enough of those in real life, and stories are meant to be the way we, as a human race, make sense of our world.  Fiction really is the one place we have full control over death, the one time we can give it purpose and meaning.  And in my opinion, continuously wasting that gift for shock value makes for a cheap story. 

(analysis under the cut)

Mayuri

Okay, let’s start off with the easy one: the answer here is a resounding YES. But since I just spent two paragraphs talking about purpose, let’s examine the why, beyond: “He’s a dick and I hate him.” 

The problem with Mayuri in TYBW arc is that, for the first time since his first appearance, I felt that he was being utilized properly, at least early on.  Chaotic evil Mayuri who just casually bombs his subordinates and abuses Nemu is a lazy character.  I get why Kubo enjoyed writing him: villains are deliciously fun to play with and more than often provide the impetus for the story’s events, but in his earliest appearances, Mayuri has no personality beyond ‘evil asshole.’ 

And that kind of character does not merit the amount of exposure Mayuri enjoyed in the manga. The audience can see for themselves that at some point, Kubo himself realized this and tried (at times with cringe-worthy results) to retcon Mayuri into someone distasteful, but necessary.  And he didn’t really achieve that until the early TYBW arc.  

The Mayuri who made the choice to sacrifice thousands of souls to stabilize the world is a character that is finally, finally worthy of deeper examination.  His actions are no longer senseless carnage (because science, or whatever), but actually serve to highlight Soul Society’s hypocrisy:  I love that Yamamoto and co had the audacity to act all offended when they have always been proponents of ‘the greater good.’  Because harsh though it may be, numbers don’t lie: the deaths of tens of thousands are a drop in the ocean compared to the collapse of the known world when the matter is time-sensitive and irreversible.  There was literally no other way to maintain the balance of souls at that very moment, and distasteful though they were, Mayuri’s actions saved the world.   

And that is precisely what a character like Mayuri should be used for.  As much as I whined over the amount of panel time he got, in this arc, Mayuri actually did a lot of good.  The problem is that the narrative tries to excuse him and make him sympathetic for things that it shouldn’t.  His earlier treatment of Nemu and the senseless torture of countless Quincy was something that, no matter how hard he tried, Kubo could never erase.  I can sympathize with a Mayuri who constantly feels like he’s being treated like a second class Urahara, a wholly unfair comparison (which makes the moment when he finally steps out of his shadow quite touching), but not with a Mayuri who is now free to rebuild a sentient slave with impunity.

It makes zero sense for Mayuri to not even be acknowledged as a primary target in a Quincy storyline.  It leaves not only Uryū’s arc unresolved, it also removes what could’ve been one of the primary motivations for the final arc’s antagonists: their constant abuse at that hands of SS.  Why not have Yhwach use this to motivate his followers and hide his true intentions (which many Quincy seemed to be appalled by)?  

If anything, having Mayuri die when he’s finally started to become more like a person and less a walking stereotype would’ve been a great irony.  A blow to the opposing side at the early stages of the war, and the start of an amazing arc for Nemu.  Imagine watching her rise up to the occasion, becoming her own person, leading Division 12 and proving to both the audience and SS that Mayuri had truly succeeded in creating ‘life.’ Mayuri’s death in this scenario could’ve served four goals in one fell swoop: resolution for Uryū, a big blow to SS and a drop in morale, further ‘proof’ that Uryū had joined the Quincy side, and some long-deserved development for Nemu.   

His imprisonment would’ve done no more than give us some temporary satisfaction, but his death could’ve had actual meaning beyond poetic justice.

Kisuke

Ooohhhhh boy… All righty, since I made such a big fuss about purpose and patterns and whathaveyou in fiction, let’s get this out of the way real quick: as a mentor figure, Kisuke had a big, fat blinking target on his back by virtue of his mere existence.

We all know the trope: the wise, bearded be-hatted mentor must die in order for the hero to move forward.

The loss of a mentor/parental figure in fiction always serves as an opportunity for growth, the time for the protagonist to stand on their own two feet with no further guidance and prove that they’re ready to take on a new challenge, utilizing everything they’ve learned.  So you can imagine what happened when I saw this panel:

Basically, I spent the whole of the TYBW arc shitting bricks, wondering if the next time I saw Kisuke would be the time he would die.  But, see, here’s the thing: when it was teased in 666, I didn’t buy it for a second.  

Why?  Because it made no sense.  At that particular point in time, Kisuke’s death would serve no purpose, nor had it been set up in any way.  How does the story benefit from Kisuke’s death in 666?  He didn’t sacrifice himself to save someone he loved (he ended his battle in one piece and was only in danger after the fact), he didn’t hold back an enemy so the hero could advance; if he’d died in 666, without Ichigo’s knowledge, it would’ve served nothing and no-one

This is exactly why I didn’t believe Ukitake was dead until 685: because his sacrifice made no difference.  Mimihagi’s release only bought the SS side a few minutes and had no lasting effects in the story, which is a big part of the reason why so many people were angry at Ukitake’s death.  I sound like a broken record by this point, but senseless death of a major character in fiction is never, ever a good idea.

Could I picture Kisuke dying in the final arc of Bleach before I knew what it entailed?  Definitely.  But it was never set up in a way that would serve a purpose in the narrative, nor were Kisuke’s actions anywhere near grave enough to warrant his death.  

A character who carries as much weight as Kisuke did in the overall story should never die unless their death is given equal weight, period.

Aizen

Speaking of characters whose actions are grave enough to warrant their death…

(mostly c/ping from here, since I’ve covered Aizen in a past entry)

It was always clear to me, ever since we saw the confrontation between Aizen and Kisuke at the end of the Arrancar arc, that all this talk about not accepting the world as is was bullshit. Aizen wasn’t angry about the many injustices of Soul Society, he was angry about the re-written laws of the universe that separated the original chaos of souls into distinct ‘races,’ about the rules that imposed a ‘limit’ on his power. Aizen felt that the Soul King’s very existence was hampering his true potential by not allowing him to transcend beyond his Shinigami existence.

He only truly gets it at the very end, once he comes to realize that immortality is a curse:

Aizen isn’t talking about courage in general, he’s talking about accepting mortality, something he had never been able to do himself until ten years into his incarceration (and is one of the few things Kubo got right in the epilogue, imo).

Joss Whedon famously once said (paraphrasing): “Give your audience exactly what they want, in the worst way possible.”  I’ll take it one step further: Give your characters exactly what they want, in the worst way possible.

As a staunch atheist, I am a firm believer in the separation of life and death, in the sense that I believe life only ever has true meaning when it ends. I don’t believe in any sort of afterlife, nor do I enjoy the idea of immortality. I believe that mortality is what makes life worth living, that humans should strive to make their time on earth count, because 80 or so years is all we ever get, outside of illness or other unforeseen circumstances.

Aizen gets to be immortal, and he gets to spend all eternity realizing, over and over again, why death is a necessary part of the circle of life.  A cruel, but fitting punishment for his character.

[chamele0nb0y]

Fear

Changing is not an easy process.  I like to say that it’s not really about self-help but instead more about self-destruction. Change is destructive.  In order to change there are things that have to be let go.  You can’t very well change while you still hang on to behaviors and emotions of the past.  There will have to be a time when you accept that the person you are today is not the one you want to be. Of course it may be the one. You may be perfectly content with life in which case I question why you have stuck with me this long in. I wanted change.  I spoke of change and sought out resources to help me to make it happen.  I wasted a substantial amount of time searching for a solution.  I wanted a pill or some guru to give me the magic word so that I would miraculously change and I wouldn’t have to face the bad, destructive parts. I don’t think that exists.  I never found it.  If you do, then please share because I am certain that there are a lot of people still searching for it.

Before I go too far down the rabbit trail of why we want the change and why we endure the cost, I will leave it there and move to the most difficult part of who we are. Settled in a warm and comfortable womb, I am quite certain I was content with life. My accommodations might have been a bit cramped but everything I could ever need was all in that one place. One day, however, Mom’s body had enough and I was served my eviction notice. After a lot of what had to be the strangest sensations my short life had experienced, I was brought under an incredibly bright light and felt pain for the first time as a Doctor smacked me across my ass.  Welcome to the world kid let me show you what it means to be human. Right out of the gate I’m going to make you afraid. Bright lights and pain couldn’t have been received all that happily and I’d be willing to be there was a bit there where I was afraid that the pain and strange sensations were just going to go on forever. This is day one. It is hour one of our lives.  We kick it off to a beginning of pain and fear.  As my life progressed the old fears were replaced with new ones. The fears of my most ancient ancestors to my parents own experience passed on to me in conditioning.  No one wants to make the next generation afraid but they can’t help it.  Their own conditioning has created unconscious behaviors that are passed on.

In short we never had a chance. Fear is part of being human. It’s what kept us from being eaten by the dinosaurs and it’s what keeps us from all climbing Mt. Everest with no training.  Well, that and a little common sense.  Fear can be a positive emotion that helps guide us into the right decisions for personal safety and societal benefit.  When unrecognized or indulged, fear can completely control you. The tragedy with fear is that it is never clear what you are afraid of when you first look at it. Fear is like a cancer. It grows in you, and by the time you recognize it is there, it’s often unclear just where it all got started. You may be treating the wrong spot or the wrong type of cancer altogether.  It requires serious looking to figure out where it all is coming from.  Unfortunately, looking for the roots of your fear is one of the most painful things you will ever endure.  Most people just treat the symptoms so it keeps coming back.  It shifts and changes returning as a different type of fear, but it all stems from the same core.  I speak of it as one fear but in reality there are usually several that are all competing for your attention.  The void left by conquering one is quickly filled by worsening of the others.  This is why I began this post reminding you of why we are doing this in the first place.  You want your life to change.  Not addressing your fears and not facing all of them will leave you stuck in the same patterns of behaviors and feelings.  You just can’t get there unless fear is addressed.

Notice I don’t say conquered.  People will say that their method will help you conquer or overcome your fears.  Maybe that’s possible.  It never worked for me.  I struggle to believe that fears can be conquered or overcome.  I believe that our only option is to make peace with them.  I like to think that if we understand our fears fully, those fears no longer have control over us.  We actually know what the worst that can happen is because we’ve looked at it and we have accepted it. 

Fear is the thing that keeps us from sticking things into the electrical socket.  Fear keeps us from playing with poisonous snakes.  There is a primal fear that keeps us alive by letting us know that something is a danger to us.  Would you want to conquer that type of fear?  Would you want to destroy that fear leading you to self-preservation?   In this case wouldn’t fear be more of a positive emotion than a negative one?  Even this kind of fear can get out of hand when we allow our fears for strangers to keep us locked in our homes never to venture out.  Fear of letting things go because you just might need them can most certainly lead to a hoarding problem where your home is covered with things you do not really have any use for.  Fear can lead to other things like paranoia where the fear fuels imagination which begins building scenarios of worst fears realized.  We can recognize this when we begin asking ourselves if the fears are limiting us from living a happy life.  Are these fears really based in something rational or are they irrational fears with no real relevance on our lives.  Only you can do that analysis.  Maybe in your life it is warranted to keep mounds of old pizza boxes.  Maybe you should dig a little deeper to figure out why it is warranted but who am I to judge?

The other kind of fear doesn’t have any real world thing you could point to.  I can point at a lion and say I am afraid of it.  There are the teeth, muscles, and the fact it is eyeballing me for dinner that would prove out that fear is probably warranted.  What about the other fears though?  What about the fear of losing control?  The world is really a pretty chaotic place.  Interactions between people and decisions made outside of your understanding can have real results on you.  How can you feel in control when you feel your government, company, friends, family and so many other things are out of control?  I pick on this fear because it is very common but also one of the more ridiculous ones we all carry.  Our control is actually extremely limited.  We can control ourselves and our behavior.  That is it.  There is nothing else on the list.  We can’t control how people will react to us.  We can’t control what people might do to us.  We can hope that we have some influence in their decisions but we can never really control it.  I can control myself to the point I make a lot of money and drive a luxury sports car.  I can’t control the fact a toilet seat from the space station could come loose and land on the car with me in it.  We so desperately want to control every aspect of our lives and the fact we can’t makes us all afraid.  What if this person hates what I am writing here?  What if my home is destroyed in a flood?  What if they cancel Game of Thrones before I find out who John Snow really is?  I can’t control any of these things and I sit here fearing the worst outcome for each of them.  Unconsciously I am afraid of how people react to me.  When I see someone look my direction funny, I automatically assume the worst.  These fears will eat you up inside because you can’t do anything about them.  In reading this do you see how it doesn’t make any sense to fear what other people think about you?  You can’t control it.  You can’t force them to like that cat video post just like you can’t fear the fact they are all thinking you are that annoying cat person.  Think these through really hard.  How many of the things you are afraid of can you really control?  If you can’t then why are you worried about them?  Believe in the fact that everything else life has thrown at you has been handled so far, so whatever comes next you can most likely handle as well. 

I’ve gotten a bit long winded on this one.  You could write a whole book on fear alone.  I know that for myself, I have spent a lot of time focused only on my fear.  There are more emotions to explore but this is the big one.  It’s the toughest and the place most people get stuck.

Mike