#even tho that has some repeat sources cut out

[angstics]

so now we know why vincent price is right

[jamiefartt]

richmond's receptionist

part 2.

pairings: jamie tartt x reader, basically all of richmond is mentioned tho

summary: where you're the receptionist at richmond fc and you slowly but surely form a close bond with star striker jamie tartt

words: 6864

warnings: none just swearing and a little bit of rude jamie

—

day in and day out you watch the people of richmond fc enter and exit the home of their beloved football team. you spend your days behind the blue reception desk doing admin; sending emails, taking calls, and making sure everything is running smoothly. you've been the receptionist at Richmond for a little over three months, and you had no complaints so far. your favourite part of the day was watching Rebecca arrive to work. you always hear her heels before you see her, then she struts past your desk with a swift 'good morning' every day. not one day has gone by where she hasn't greeted you that way, and the acknowledgment lightens your mood each time.

as you're checking the company emails one morning, you hear Rebecca's footsteps approaching. you look up to smile at her, expecting the usual greeting, but instead she goes off-script.

"ah, good morning y/n. i'm not sure if you've seen the email but we are implementing a new daily register system. every morning, when our staff and players arrive, they must tick the box next to their name and note what time they arrive at. for visitors, they will have to sign their name on the bottom." you nod along attentively to her new instructions.

"okay, great! so, in the evenings, should everyone just do the same thing; tick the box, add the time?"

"you catch on fast. see, this is why I knew we needed a better receptionist," she smiles at you genuinely, adjusting her handbag on her arm before turning to walk to her office. "oh, and everyone should have received the email so I hope that saves you wasting time to explain this to everybody."

thanking her with a kind smile, you bid your goodbyes. you open your personal staff email, only to find an email from Higgins including a pdf of the sign in sheet. you take it upon yourself to print a week's worth, attaching them to a clipboard and placing it on top of the tall desk. you smile to yourself, looking forward to getting to know everyone's names and have more opportunities for small talk in the mornings.

the clock is nearing 8:30am, and you're already deep in your inbox forwarding and responding to emails. you've only had to explain the new system to a handful of staff, including Laughing Liam who, naturally, laughed at it. the players should be arriving soon, so you take the time to straighten your blouse and sit up straight in your chair. presumably, these men don't check their emails first thing in the morning, so you're expecting to have to repeat yourself a lot this morning.

"good morning y/n!" Colin chirps. he's the first of the team to arrive, as per usual.

"hey Colin! I thought I heard tires screech outside." you joke. "I'm not sure if you saw the email-"

"stop right there. i saw the email this morning." cutting you off, he picks up a Richmond pen before sliding the clipboard towards him and signing in. you chuckle to yourself and wave him goodbye.

soon after, the rest of the Richmond players flood into the building. some are in pairs, others in groups, and they even form a small queue as they wait their turn to sign in. Dani's excited by the new organisation plan, Roy grunts but still cracks a small smile, and Ted holds up the line talking to you whilst Beard signs both of them in. the only person to arrive alone, and last, is Jamie Tartt. he rolls right past you, not once looking up from his phone. you quickly call after him: "Uhm, Jamie!" you've never spoken to him, nevertheless called him by his first name.

his head lifts at the unexpected sound of your voice, and he looks around trying to find the source.

"sorry, Mr. Tartt. I didn't mean to shout... or call you Jamie," your voice goes quiet as he turns around to look at you, eyebrows raised in confusion. "what?" he replies, slowly walking towards the desk.

"basically, there's a bit of a new system here now. every morning and every evening you'll have to check in and out on this sheet. just tick the box next to your name and then add the time you arrive and leave." you explain with a smile, holding his questioning gaze the entire time.

"right, right, okay... what if, instead of me wasting me time clocking in and out, you just do it for me. you see me arrive, you sign me in. you see me leave, you sign me out. simple as." he states, and he sends you a quick wink before spinning around and heading straight for the locker room.

your mouth snaps open and shut a few times, surprised at his refusal to cooperate. you knew he had been a pain, despite his talent, but ever since he returned from manchester city he'd dropped his act a little. still, all you could do was watch his back, his bright orange jacket disappearing around the corner.

—

the sign-in system is easily integrated into richmond fc's daily routine, everyone dedicating those few minutes every day to tick the box and smile at you. some even taking the time to have a chat with you and soon enough, you know everyone's names.

while your typing up an email to Keeley about a new sponsor, someone walks up to your desk and drums his hands atop it. your eyes snap up and a smile takes over your face at the sight of Ted.

"hi Coach, how are you doing?"

"I'm doing great, y/n, thanks for asking! I would ask how you're doing but I'm here about someone else..." Ted's gaze narrows and your smile shrinks slightly.

"what's up?" you turn your chair to face him to show your full attention is on him.

"my pal Higgins has informed me that one of my players hasn't been signing in with you every day."

"yeah..." you trail off, "Jamie hasn't really been making the effort. I'm sorry if I should have been doing it for him I just wasn't sure if that would be... against safety regulations... or something?"

Ted raises his eyebrows at you, stuffing his hands in his pockets, "did he ask you to sign him in and out every day?"

"yes, he did. he said I should just watch out for him coming and going then write down the time."

"oh okay, I see. I will talk to him at lunch. Don't you worry, y/n."

as he walks away, you sigh in relief, worried you were getting in trouble for Jamie's slacking. you turn back to your computer, cracking your knuckles before getting back to your work.

later that day, as you log out of your computer and start packing up your stuff, the team pours out of the locker room. some sign themselves out, some sign themselves and their mates out. you make sure to keep your eyes peeled for anyone trying to avoid the responsibility, but the only person who strides past the group with no remorse is, once again, Jamie Tartt. your eyes meet Ted's who is looking at you with an apologetic look. you shrug in response, brushing it off. Jamie is his own person, you're not in charge of him.

the next morning, the day starts as usual; Rebecca is the first to arrive, followed by some members of staff, before the coaching team and players pour in from the car park. despite people greeting you and talking, you only half-respond. you're too busy looking over everyone's heads trying to spot the stubborn player you just haven't been able to crack.

"I've spoken to that prick. he can't keep fucking you over. let me know if he causes any problems." Roy grumbles, interrupting your focus.

"cheers, Roy," you smile at him warmly, wondering if his words will have had any effect on Jamie.

when the clock strikes 9, you sink back into your chair. the last of the staff have arrived for their day, and training is about to start – but still, no Jamie Tartt.

you grab the clip board and flick through the pages, making sure you didn't miss him signing in. still, on every page, the boxes next to his name are left blank. you sigh, shaking your head, unsure of how to tell Rebecca you got through to everyone expect for one measly player.

"y/n?"

"that's me," you say, before looking up from the list of names.

there's two coffee cups in front of you, both with the name Jamie scribbled on the sides in black marker. you lift your gaze, and funnily enough, Jamie is stood in front of you.

"listen yeah, I jus' wanted to say sorry for not doin' the whole... sign-in sheet shit. Roy had a proper go at me yesterday, so... I brought you coffee. hope this makes up for it." he can barely meet your eyes as he speaks, but ends his apology with a small smile.

"oh, wow, thank you. that's very kind, Jamie." you genuinely smile at him, hoping his might lift even a little bit more. instead, his eyes soften.

"I just got you a latte. I hope that's okay, I weren't sure what you liked and didn't have time to ask Keeley so,"

"that's perfect, Jamie, thank you so much. you really didn't have to do this."

"yes, I did, I think. it's not fair for you to be worrying about your job because of me."

thanking him again, you take one of the takeaway cups, taking a small sip of the warm coffee. Jamie nods at you as if to say goodbye, and you return the nod with a cheeky wink. you can't be sure, but you think you see Jamie's smile finally reach his eyes as he turns around.

the following morning, as you're talking to Isaac about becoming the new team captain, you're interrupted by none other than Jamie. your face lightens up at the sight of him, and you laugh as he pushes Isaac with his shoulder, making him leave the front desk.

"what's this for?" you ask as he sets another coffee cup down in front of you.

"I dunno... I was already getting meself coffee, so I thought I might as well get you another latte."

"you don't have to do that, Jamie. but if it means you come to the desk to sign in then I won't complain."

you can't seem to take your eyes off his hands as he picks up the pen Isaac had just used. his fingers seem to move slowly over the page, smoothing over everyone's names until he reached his. you admire the rings on his fingers, taking a special interest in the gold signet on his pinky as it supports the pen gliding along the form.

"do you like it?"

you blink a few times before snapping out of your daydream, looking up to see Jamie smirking down at you.

"hm?" you ask, gulping down the embarrassment of being caught in your daze.

"do you like my ring?"

"what? your pinky ring? uhm, sure, yeah. it's nice..."

"good save, love. it's me granddad's. he gave it me when I first went to play for Man City."

"it's beautiful..." you say, smiling before looking down at the ring again. you notice how delicately his hands move as he puts the pen down. you didn't expect such a machismo to have such nice hands but you can tell Jamie takes good care of himself.

he smiles, huffing out a small chuckle at your admiration. "see ya later, y/n." "

"bye, Jamie." you smile, taking the clipboard from him. you glance down at his name, spotting a small heart drawn beside it. it's uneven and a bit jagged, but the doodle still tugs at your heart strings.

from then on, every single morning, you are greeted by a latte and a chat from Jamie. every day, he lingers more and more as you talk to each other, and you always end up drinking half of your coffees before he pulls himself away from your desk. in the evenings, he's always one of the first to sign out. instead of saying goodbye, he simply winks at you. you hate to admit it but you start memorising what times Jamie arrives and leaves. as much as you love talking to him, and especially him winking at you every time he leaves, you love waiting for him. you love the nerves that build in your stomach as you watch the clock, and by the time he finally reaches you, you're already slightly blushing. when he turns to leave your desk, your eyes follow his figure and you let the blush take over your cheeks completely.

—

"hey, y/n, have you got a minute?" Isaac walks up to your desk.

"Isaac! of course!" you chirp, taking the last sip of your latte. Isaac reads the name written across the cup and raises his eyebrows knowingly.

"ah, speak of the devil,"

"what?" you turn the cup around, running your thumb across Jamie's name, "oh, yeah,"

"about Jamie... I really hate to involve you in actual football shit but he's been slacking a bit in training."

"oh, okay, would you like me to pass on the message to Rebecca?"

"no, no, it's just... he's been showing up late to training and then leaves early. during trainings, he's always... agreeing?" you raise your eyebrows at Isaac's words, "he never puts up a fight anymore, and we kind of need that Jamie Tartt for our big game this Saturday."

"I'm sorry, Isaac, but I'm not really sure what I can do about this. I really would love to help but there's not much I can do."

"I really hate to ask this from you, but," he takes a deep breath, a small smile appearing on his face, "I need you to piss him off a bit this week."

you laugh out loud, attempting to brush off his obvious joke by turning back to your computer.

"I'm not joking." his smile drops instantly, and your laugh falters before your face goes serious. "he likes you, so if you start acting cold towards him, it would really throw him off." Isaac's smile returns, and you giggle at his idea. trying not to read into his phrasing too much, you take a deep breath and nod.

"got it, Captain." you salute towards him. his eyebrows furrow as he curtly nods at you before turning around and jogging away.

what does he mean with Jamie liking you? a blush creeps up your face at the thought of him mentioning your name every time he's late, making up some excuse about the sign in taking too long. you start to brainstorm how you're going to turn the cold shoulder to Jamie this afternoon, feeling ever so slightly bad but trusting Isaac's judgement at the same time.

sure enough, Jamie is the first person out of training. you look up at him, and he smiles at you from the end of the hallway before jogging towards you.

"hi, y/n," his fingers drum on the desk, clearly excited to see you.

"if you'd just like to sign out for me there please, Jamie." you speak up, not looking up from your screen.

Jamie's immediately taken aback by your tone and from the corner of your eye you can see him pull his head back in confusion.

he chuckles awkwardly, attempting to diffuse the situation, "uhm, okay... what's the time, y/n?"

you don't respond, instead you point up at the clock on the wall behind you.

Jamie scoffs, quickly scribbling down the time and dropping the pen with a little bit of force. you don't react, as much as you wish you could just look up and meet his eyes.

"okay, bye then." he sighs deeply then heads towards the car park. as you see Isaac approach your desk, the rest of the team in tow, you hear an engine roar off into the distance.

"sounds like you've already pissed him off," Isaac says, "how did you manage that?"

"I just didn't look at him." you shrug nonchalantly.

"mhm, yeah he hates that. good job, bruv." he holds out his fist for you to bump. your knuckles meet his as you wink at him.

—

"hi, y/n, you alright, yeah?"

you hear Jamie place down a coffee cup. he whistles a little tune trying to get your attention, but when you still don't look up at him, he just picks up the pen and quickly signs in.

"listen, I'm not sure if you're just busy or what, but we play the Spurs tomorrow and I'd really like to see you there."

before you can even look up at him, Jamie turns around and leaves. you wait until he's a few feet away before looking up to take your coffee. you stare at his back, sighing to yourself. you understand the Captain's orders but it doesn't feel right ignoring Jamie. you would never tell him but your little routine has become your favourite part of your day at Richmond. you watch as his pinky signet ring catches the bright lights of the hallway and you take the opportunity to rake your eyes over Jamie's figure. his grey skinny jeans hug his legs perfectly, and his black jacket accentuates his broad shoulders. you lift your gaze to see his hair is gelled back neatly. you continue to stare at him, and as he's just about to turn the corner, he turns his head to take one last look at you. your eyes just about meet before you quickly snap your head down, pretending you weren't looking at him.

"y/n! I heard you fixed Jamie!" Keeley squeals as her and Roy walk up to the desk.

"I know, I hate it!" you reply, slumping your shoulders.

"don't worry, y/n. he'll be back to normal after tomorrow's game." Roy helps.

"sure but I don't want him to hate me."

"trust me; he doesn't fucking hate you." he adds, raising an eyebrow.

Keeley nods, "it's true. he's got a soft spot for you."

"he still invited me to the game." you shrug, hopeful that means he doesn't hate you.

"ah! brilliant! I'll talk to Rebecca, I'm gonna get you a seat with us. that way, you can watch the match without him even knowing you're there!" Keeley bounces excitedly on the balls of her feet.

"doesn't that defeat the point of me being there?"

"no babe, it's all about the teasing. he's gonna be fuming when he thinks you're not there, and then after the game you can surprise him! it'll work wonders, I swear."

you give her a questioning look, turning to Roy for a second opinion. he stays completely silent, simply giving you a single nod.

"if you think it'll work, let's do it." you hesitate slightly, but ultimately agree. you won't mind teasing Jamie a little bit. it's all he ever does.

your eyes drift to the picture of him plastered on the wall beside you. the cocky smirk on his face taunts you as you consider just texting him an apology.

"good morning! whatever you said to Jamie really worked, y/n. he never passes to me anymore!" a chipper Sam says to you as he signs himself in.

"is that a really a good thing?"

"it is for now. but please, after tomorrow, bring him back to normal. he's almost my friend and I want to keep it that way." he gives you a sad smile before bidding you goodbye.

throughout the day, you take calls and file more admin work. you talk to Higgins, Ted, and Keeley, filling them in on the plan for the Tottenham match tomorrow. it's a struggle to sit at your desk with Jamie constantly filling up his bottle from the water fountain in front of you. there's plenty of others for him to use, but he's clearly making the extra effort to see you in the hopes you'll talk to him. much to your dismay, you continue to ignore him. it's only been two days that you've been ignoring Jamie, but it's still hard avoiding the one thing that makes your day just that little bit better.

all packed up to go home, you wait for the last sign outs of the day. Rebecca's heels descend the stairs, and once again you hear her before you see her.

"y/n, I'm so sorry to keep you waiting."

"no worries. that's my job," you smile at her, moving to exit your desk. you step down from the raised platform, about to shrug your jacket on.

"ah- ah- ah, I'm afraid I'm not the last to go home." Rebecca interrupts your movement, pointing a finger down the hallway.

"oh, uh, who's left?" you ask her, already taking your jacket off again.

"I think there's someone in the gym. oh, and there's a package for you in the coach's office. don't forget to pick that up before you leave."

you shake your head, confused; "uhm, okay then. I'll see you tomorrow, Miss Welton." you smile at her politely, giving her a small nod.

"Rebecca." she assures you with a small which mirrors yours. as she turns to leave, you hold back a sigh and place your jacket and bag atop the desk. you iron down your shirt and fix the pleats on your trousers before venturing down the hallway.

you can hear small puffs and the whirring of a treadmill as you get closer to the coach's office. choosing to cut through the locker room, you look at the large empty space. you look over each name on the far side, reading them out loud quietly to yourself. moving towards Sam's locker, you smile at the photo of the Nigerian national team he keeps on his shelf. turning around, you read the names on the other side of the room. eyes landing on the locker at the end of the row, you finally let out the sigh you were holding in. "Tartt" you say out loud to yourself. butterflies fill your stomach before a nervous twist takes over. "he likes you" Isaac's words replay in your head. "he's got a soft spot for you" you remember what Keeley said. you ponder on their words, wondering why you of all people were Isaac's choice. Surely Roy could've talked some sense into him, or Ted if he got angry?

you shake the thoughts from your head, quickly looking away from Jamie's locker just in case your clouded mind takes charge again. looking through the window into the office, you see a white parcel on Beard's desk. there's a bright yellow sticky note on top of it:

'For y/n. You'll need this tomorrow! - Coaches'

you smile softly before pulling off the sticky note and picking up the package. the sound of the treadmill is louder now that you're right next to the gym, and the huffing and puffing increases too. loud beeps sound out and suddenly the footsteps on the treadmill seem to be going impossibly fast. pushing your curiosity aside, you cut the corner of the white bag, ripping it open. inside it is a neatly folded jersey – a Richmond jersey. you pick it up by the shoulders, holding it up in front of you. when you turn it around, you let a laugh escape your lips, hoping the treadmill covers the sound. it reads the same as Jamie's locker: Tartt 9.

shaking your head in disbelief, you fold it up neatly and place it back in its package. you hug it tight to your chest as you move quietly towards the window into the gym. you peer in, and to your surprise, you see Jamie almost destroying the treadmill with how fast he's going. his feet barely seem to hit the rubber, running like he is being chased by something twice his size. your smile falls and your brows crease together. he seems pissed, even though you can't see his face, his ferocious speed tells you enough. you turn back around, grabbing the post-it notes from Ted's desk and writing something down. you end your note with a small heart, hoping the coach sees it before the match.

—

"come on Richmond!"

the ear deafening crowds cheer and chant for Richmond FC as they file into the stadium. you're sitting in the owner's suite behind Rebecca and Keeley, with Higgins next to you.

"did you get my package?" Keeley asks, teethy smile across her face.

"I knew it was you! you cheeky little shit!" you laughed loudly, clapping her hands into yours. you take your jacket off, turn around and bring your arms up, pointing two thumbs at the back of your shirt.

"ah, young love..." Higgins sighs.

immediately turning back around, you scoff at him; "pfft, we're not in love! in fact, I'm not even sure we're friends right now."

"don't worry about it, y/n. I promise." Rebecca assuredly says to you, before turning to watch the match begin.

the whistle is about to blow, so you quickly try to find Jamie on the pitch. your eyes scan over the group, and you soon spot him in the middle of the pitch jumping up and down. he spits on the ground and claps his hands together, clearly riled up and ready to lead Richmond to a win.

the crowd roars as the whistle blows, and Jamie initiates kick off. you didn't think you would ever see him run as fast as he was on the treadmill yesterday, but somehow he is beating his own personal record. in the blink of an eye, he runs from one end of the pitch to the other. by some miracle, he seems to always have the ball in possession. after passing it back and forth, any time he's anywhere near the goal, the ball is at his feet.

in the 40th minute of the game, Jamie is crashing through Tottenham players, bumping shoulders with every single one as he makes his way towards their goal. you can see his cheeks puffing air in and out of his lungs rapidly, and after finding himself completely unobstructed, he kicks the ball with so much force that his mouth opens and you can almost hear his shout.

everything seems to go in slow motion. you hold your breath and raise your hands to cover your mouth. the ball flies through the air, magically curving towards the goal. the keeper jumps, hands in the air, and his finger tips merely brush the ball. but he's unable to push it hard enough, the ball crashing straight into the middle of the net.

the stadium erupts in cheers and roars, and you jump into the air with a loud scream. you hug Higgins in excitement and shake Keeley's shoulders before high-fiving Rebecca. you watch the team celebrate by running up to Jamie, who is stood completely still in the spot from where he scored. you can see his chest heaving, catching his breath as his teammates hug him and clap his back. but he doesn't seem to celebrate with them, instead you watch as he looks up and into the crowd without even a smile on his face. your expression falls, feeling your colleagues' eyes on you. Keeley grabs your hand, snapping your attention from the pitch to her; "go." she says, squeezing your hand. you purse your lips and nod at her, squeezing back, before pushing past Higgins and running inside.

as you rush through the VIP bar, you hear the half-time whistle. you head down the stairs and out the back of the stadium. you curse yourself for wearing your boots as you try to run to the main building. running doesn't seem to be your best bet, so you settle on a speed walk as you get closer and closer to the door. finally, you push open the door, passing by the reception desk you would normally sit at.

you continue your journey down the hallway and then turn right, heading straight for the locker room. you can hear the team from far away, cheering in celebration. as you turn the corner, you see all of them fall into the locker room in a line. they're so excited they don't notice you leaning against the wall watching them. the only person who isn't too busy celebrating, though, is Jamie Tartt, who is trailing behind the team like a sad puppy. his hands are wrapped in his shirt, and he's looking at his feet which he's scoffing across the floor. clearing your throat, you hope it catches his attention, his mind clearly elsewhere.

his head snaps up and looks in your direction. stopping dead in his tracks, he drops his hands from his shirt and fixes his headband. quickly glancing into the changing room, he goes unnoticed by the team as he dips his head and does a few long strides towards you.

"Jamie, I-"

"are you alright? like really alright? did I do somethin'?

"Jamie," you sigh deeply, not knowing how to explain Isaac's orders. "I'm sorry for ignoring you the past few days. it wasn't my idea, I promise."

"your idea? what're you talkin' about?" Jamie crosses his arms and shakes his head, a lock of hair moving forward into his eye.

you reach a hand up, gently moving the strand out of his vision. you watch as his eyes soften, dropping to the floor before they meet your gaze again. a sad crease appears between his eyebrows when you bring your hand down to your side again.

after taking a deep breath, you begin to explain; "Isaac said you were playing too friendly during training, slacking a little bit – and yeah, turning up late and then leaving early. he wanted you to be ready for today's match, y'know. so he asked me to rile you up a little bit, just so they could have the old Jamie Tartt back."

Jamie pouts, brows furrowed in confusion, as he blinks at you a few times. avoiding your eyes, he starts slowly nodding, tongue poking his cheek as he thinks to himself. after a few long seconds, the corner of his mouth lifts as he huffs a sarcastic laugh. you look up at him with wide eyes, hoping you haven't upset him. licking his lips, Jamie's smile widens as his laugh grows. you crack a small smile at him and try to find his gaze again, moving a step closer to him. placing a hand on his strong bicep, you try to get him to look at you. instead, he shrugs you off, leaning down and digging a finger into his sock. you stare, confused, waiting for his next move.

"so- if Isaac told you to ignore me a bit... what the fuck is this?" he unfolds a pink post-it note holding it up to you before reading it out loud; "dear Tartt, I don't even like lattes". Jamie raises his eyebrows at you while you stifle a laugh. "what makes this worse is the stupid fucking heart at the bottom of the page!"

"I was just trying to piss you off! Isaac told me!"

Jamie finally lets out a loud laugh, and you do the same, dropping your head into your hands in embarrassment. you don't have the gall to look up at him, suddenly so ashamed of the stupid gag you pulled. you feel warm hands wrap around your wrists, and you lift your head to look at Jamie as he pulls your hands away from your face.

"darlin' I hope you know the only reason I've been late to training is because I can't stop talking to you. and I leave early just so I can see you before the rest of the lads hound ya..."

you blush – hard – and you stare into Jamie's dark blue eyes. his hands slide from your wrists to your hands, softly holding your fingers in his. you sneak a glance at your touch, and when you look back up Jamie's even closer to you. as he towers over you, you can't help but look down at his lips before meeting his eyes again.

"now, don't lie to me... do you really not like lattes?"

"I love lattes." you whisper, smiling sweetly up at him as he shakes his head with a chuckle.

"can I take you out tonight? I wanna celebrate our win since you're the reason for it."

you scoff and shake your head: "Jamie, it's half-time."

"I can give you a lift home after, yeah?" he ignores your obvious statement.

"what if you lose?" you tease.

now it's Jamie's turn to scoff at you, squeezing your hands slightly as he says: "as long as you're in the crowd I'm sure that's not gonna happen."

"Jamie! we need you, buddy!" Ted interrupts the moment, sticking his head out of the door of the locker room to beckon him in.

"see you later, Jamie." you pull your hands from his, although against your will, as if you had it your way you would kiss him right then and there. he doesn't move as you turn around, about to turn the corner into the hallway before you feel a hand grab yours again. Jamie pulls your hand, making you spin around to face him again. as he tugs your hand, he wraps his other arm around your shoulders in a hug. your face presses into his hard chest as he holds you close for a moment. you let out a deep breath as you enjoy the heat radiating off his body.

as he moves back to let go of you, he leans down so his lips brush your ear before whispering: "nice shirt, by the way. my name suits ya."

your breath hitches at his flirtatious tone and a blush already starts creeping up your neck. he pulls back and flicks his eyes up and down your body. as he turns around to join his team, he winks at you, and even though he winks at you every day, this one hits you a lot harder.

as you watch Jamie retreat to the locker room, you lock eyes with Ted at its door. you try to fight the shy smile growing on your face, but fail miserably as a blush takes over your face. Ted lifts his hand to his forehead and salutes at you. you mirror him, bringing two fingers up to your head and saluting him back.

you walk back to the stadium fanning your face with your hands, desperately trying to cool yourself down. after sighing in relief, you laugh to yourself thinking about how your time at Richmond has changed over the past few weeks – and it was all due to Jamie Tartt.

when you return to your seat, Keeley squeals at you, making Rebecca jump. you shuffle past Higgins and sit back in your seat, touching up your hair and taking a deep breath.

"he asked me on a date!" you finally exclaim to Keeley and Rebecca, and the two respond with even louder squeals, which you join in on. your celebration is interrupted by the ref blowing his whistle, and you all focus on the game again.

the guys walk onto the pitch in single file, Isaac leading them out. their faces are stone cold, clearly ready to destroy their opponents. you stand up from your seat, eager to see Jamie after your encounter in the hallway. you finally spot him, and you can see him bouncing on his feet as approaches the pitch. once he's at the halfway line, and all the other players are finding their spot, you see him turn towards your side of the stadium. he looks up at the suite you're sitting in, and you quickly put your hands in the air, hoping he'll spot you. you assume he sees you, as he brings both hands to his lips and blows you a smooth kiss, before patting the Richmond badge on his chest and sticking his tongue out. you cackle at his antics, loving his dramatic entree. you quickly blow a kiss back and wave, praying they win this match so messing him around wasn't just for nothing.

you've never been more nervous watching a Richmond game. you've gone to a number of them since beginning your job as receptionist, but you've never been so enthralled by the sport itself – well, the players... one of the players.

Jamie sprints across the pitch, back and forth and back and forth, the ball at his feet. you, Keeley, and Rebecca scream and shout as you watch Richmond score three more goals. Colin scores with an impressive header, Dani bicycle kicks the ball straight into the net, and of course Jamie punts the ball past half the other players and the keeper, securing the last point for Richmond.

after the match, you find your way back to Richmond's headquarters, pushing open the same door you entered through earlier. this time, Keeley and Rebecca are walking in tow. you all stop at the reception desk, chatting about the game and your weekend plans.

"so how did he ask you out?" Rebecca lowers her voice, just in case Jamie turns the corner. you laugh nervously, shaking your head and waving your hands dismissively.

"no, no, no, he didn't ask me out. he asked me on a date. there's a difference."

"but he's so obviously into you! what's stopping you from just grabbing him by the hair and shagging him!" Keeley exclaims, a lot less subtle than Rebecca's careful tone. you sputter and laugh, Rebecca doing the same, both of you shocked at how direct Keeley spoke about you and Jamie.

"shut up you two! I'll let you know how it goes tonight, you go celebrate!"

Rebecca and Keeley hug you goodbye before walking down the hall. you turn around and giggle to yourself, blushing from Keeley's comment. lifting your head, your eyes fall on Jamie's wall sticker again. just thinking about how close he was to you earlier makes your heart race, your head dizzying at the memory of lips brushing your ear. fixing your hair, you move around the desk and sit in your usual chair. you try to calm your breathing and bring your heart rate down, not wanting to look like a yearning, blushing mess.

after managing to pull yourself together, your heart beat pounds against your chest again when you see the Richmond team crowd into the hallway. Isaac cheers when he sees you at your desk, and Colin, who is on his back, joins in.

"well done, boys!" you call to them while you wave at everyone passing you by.

"bye, y/n! see you on Monday!" Sam says to you with a big smile. you wave him goodbye and sigh happily, genuinely excited for the team.

their cheering goes quiet the further away they get from the door, and you wonder where Jamie is. you check your phone for any text messages, but there's nothing from Jamie. there is one from Keeley, however; 'don't forget to use protection!'

you scoff at her suggestive words, texting back a thumbs up with a kissy face. placing your phone down on your desk you look up, only to see Jamie sauntering towards you.

"hi, y/n," he says as he gets closer to the desk.

"hi, Jamie,"

"how ya been?"

"just fine, what about you, Jamie?"

"yeah, good, yeah... happy about our win."

"I can imagine. you were a proper superstar on that pitch."

wide smiles grow on both of your faces as you continue the small talk; "thanks, love. what can I say? Roy says I've got a right foot kissed by God, so ya'know this is just a regular day for me."

you chuckle at his feigned cockiness, standing up from your chair and leaning over your desk. "don't you want to go celebrate that win with your teammates, Jamie Tartt?"

"nah, that's alright, thanks. I've got other plans."

"oh yeah?" you tease.

"yeah, I've got dinner plans with a really pretty girl,"

you nod along with your eyebrows raised, smiling playfully at Jamie. his hair is still damp from the shower, but he's kept his same hairband look from on the pitch. he's wearing a bright orange t-shirt under a dark green jacket, an unexpectedly nice look on him.

"who's this girl then?"

"ah you'd love her; she's friendly, funny, gorgeous. she doesn't like lattes, though. and she pretended to ignore me but is still wearin' my name on her back."

you laugh, breaking character. you smile at him, raking your eyes up and down his body shamelessly. his eyes widen as you do so, surprised by how forward you're being. you bite your lip at him before saying: "you gonna treat her right, Tartt?"

he teases you back, matching your flirtatious tone. licking his lips, he lets his eyes drop to your lips: "if she'll let me."

———

just something from my mind hope u like it !

[gadriezmannsgirl]

Other Language -Pedri González

Summary: Your boyfriend has already met your family, but his nervous increases mostly when he's about to met your younger brother

"C'mon Pepi" You said entering your shared backyard where you found your boyfriend, doing some tricks with the ball on his feet. You sighed

Pedri was absolutely nervous to meet your younger brother, even though, he had already met your parents and has been dating you for a whole year and a half, he wanted to like him.

Why the so delayed meeting?

Easy, your brother had level autism, which meant he had problems making new friends, didn't exactly knew how to communicate, didn't liked hugs and most of the time he didn't held eye contact.

The two friends he had on his school was thanks to you, you had sat down when you went to pick him up at school and noticed that the boys were playing football, something your younger brother loved even if he didn't knew how to play it very well.

You made a light conversation with the little kids asking who was who's favorite player, when one of them answered with a "Cristiano Ronaldo is the best", and when your brother listened to that, he swiftly made the not-very-nice-toned comment that "The best is Pelé and he will always be. If you are making a second choice then Cristiano and Messi could be very good. Both of them are great"

And instead of the kids taking offense, they joined your brothers argument and invited him to play as you sat there for a while as you waited for the kids parents to pick them up, Santiago, your brother excited and made them promise to play next day.

But the thing was, he never dared to play with you claiming it was a bit weird and prefered to do other stuffs, something that always left you a bit down since you loved your baby brother but couldn't exactly know a good source to spend a good time with him not making him uncomfortable

Now, after a year and half you thought it was a good idea for him to know your boyfriend. You couldn't forever keep them apart. Pedri had been asking to meet your baby bro and Santiago wanted to know who Pedri was and why his parents and you were always talking about him when you reunited.

"Are you even sure he will like me?" Pedri asked stopping, his hands going at his hips already dressed seeing as your parents could be here at any moment. He had a basic black pants, a maroon hoodie on and still rocked it.

You walked towards him passing your arms around his shoulders, one of his hands instantly went at your waist

"Yes, he will" Hopefully, you thought.

Pedri didn't know about the fact your brother had a little condition. You didn't wanted to scare him even more than he already was. Pedri could see a little doubt in you and he sighed

"Bonita" He started speaking but you shook your head

"He will like you, he does gets a little uncomfortable around new people tho" You admited "So, he may be a little... raw with you at the beggining but I swear once he sees you more and more, he'll give in"

"That doesn't help me at all, Y/N" You groan flushing your face into his neck

"Don't be nervous, he'll like you" You admited kissing his neck a few times, Pedri opened his mouth to speak but was cut off by the bell "Those are my parents, I'll go" Pedri let out a little high pitched scream as you walked back inside the house to open your parents

You greeted them with a smile on your face, you loved when they visited you and they loved visiting you, after hugging your parents you looked down at your six year old brother, they let you alone with him going on their way to find your boyfriend

"Hi bud" You greeted softly

"Hi" He didn't looked at you but rather at the floor

"How's everything going on?"

"How's everything going on?" He repeated looking up at the ceiling "Everything's going well" He nods "You?"

"Everything's goign well too" You smiled "Wanna come in?"

"Can I take off my shoes but not my socks?"

"Of course" He undid every lace in his shoe, folded it in neatly before doing the same with the other, when he was done he put them together in the corner "Can I hold your hand? I want to introduce you to someone very important to me" You let your hand out softly

"I don't like strangers"

"I know you don't. But it'll make me very happy if you meet him, he's important for me and I want my boys to know each other"

"Who?"

"He's my boyfriend"

"Your boyfriend... Okay" He said pushing his hand lightly into yours as you made your way towards the kitchen where you could hear your dad's jokes, your mom's laugh and Pedri's comebacks

"Hello" You say announcing your arrival with your brother

"Hey" They all answered back, your eyes travelled to Pedri's smiling at him

"Santi... This is Pedro, my boyfriend. We all call him Pedri tho"

"Why?"

"It's a nickname" You answered with a smile "Pedri, this is my younger brother, Santiago but we call him Santi"

"Only my relatives can call me that"

"That's okay, bud" Pedri said nodding a bit with a tight smile on

“I’m not your bud”

“SANTIAGO!” Your mom, your dad and you yelled a bit

“Don’t worry” Pedri said with the same smile on, but you recognized it, it was a sad smile

“It was nice to meet you, Santiago” Pedri straightened up “Are we hungry?” He didn’t waited for your answer “I’ll go to the back to start the grill” Without waiting for anything, Pedri left leaving you with your family

“Santiago!” You exclaimed “I asked you one thing, just one!” You said feeling a bit mad towards your younger brother, you let go of his hand and went towards the backyard, watching Pedri stood in front of the grill You walked towards him and hugged him from the back “Pepi” You felt him stiff

“He doesn’t like me” He said immediately shaking his head

“I’m sorry” You say feeling at the verge of tears, this is why you didn’t wanted Santiago to meet Pedri.

He never controlled how he felt, what he thought or what he said.

“You don’t have to be sorry for, bonita” He sighed turning around “It’s not your fault I’m not for his liking”

“No, Pedro. I swear he’ll like you, he’s just like that with everyone he meets at first time” Pedri shook his head

“Leave it, Y/N” You sighed once more, your head on his chest as you silently cried.

It wasn’t your fault, but you hated what had happened; you hated the way Pedri must feel right now, you hated the way your brother unconsciously broke your boyfriend’s heart and you were also afraid what this could meant for the two of you.

“Está bien” Pedri said softly into your ear as you felt him hug you tighter

“No, it isn’t fine” You shook your head “You were too excited to meet him, I was excited for both of you meeting. Pepi, I swear-”

“Don’t, Y/N” You shut up getting his harsh tone “I’ll just have to live with it” You hugged your boyfriend crying as he kissed your cheek repeatedly

“Honey” You heard your mom’s voice “Don’t worry about cooking tonight, how about we order in”

“You don’t have to worry about that, miss Y/L/N” Pedri said

“I’m not” Your mom said “And I wasn’t asking, son. I was letting you guys know, your dad and I will head towards the Pizzeria and bring something back” Your mom walked towards the two of you “And I’m sorry, he’ll eventually open up to you”

“I don’t think so, miss” Pedri said shaking his head as my mom patted his shoulder“You stop crying, baby” Your mom said caressing your hair “We’ll be going” And with that your mother left you guys alone

“Your mom has a point in there, bonita. You should stop crying” You shook your head “I know you’re sad but there’s nothing we can do about it. Go, wash your pretty face and then we can watch TV or something with your brother until your parents arrive. ‘Kay?” You nod lifting your head up and connecting your eyes with his. Pedri smiled at you lightly and connected his lips with yours “Te quiero” He said as he wiped your tears away, you smiled lightly hugging yourself into him

“I’ll go inside then”

“I’ll wait for you at the couch, then” You smiled as he leaned down to kiss your lips again Both of you walked in hand in hand inside the house, your brother was sat on one of the kitchen stools

“Mom and dad left to go for Pizza” You nod

“Yes, mom told me that” You spoke a bit serious, you were still mad at him

“Are you sad?” Your head perked up at that, you shook your head

“You were crying”

“I wasn’t”

“Are you hurt?”

“No”

“Why are you lying?”

“Can you be quiet? I’m alright” You said feeling your boyfriend tighten his grip on your hand, you calmed down a bit “I’m alright, Santiago. Do you want to watch a movie?” He shook his head

“Can I be in the backyard?” You nod

“Just don’t do anything crazy, okay?” You pleaded opening the door for him and closing it after he left.

Meanwhile Pedri sat in the couch you went to the bath, to fresh up, looking yourself in the mirror you could imagine how bad Pedri was feeling and the only thought of it made you want to cry again.

You knew about your brothers condition but you thought he would control himself and act a bit better, than he did a few moments ago.

You went to the kitchen and poured three vases, two with Coca-Cola and the other with apple juice, it was your brothers favorite.

You gave Pedri his vase leaving a kiss on his lips making him smile, you left yours in the table and went to give your brothers his.

"Santi" You called him "Here"

"Is it apple juice?" You nod with a light smile "Thanks" He didn't looked at you in the eye but you nodded "Are you mad?" You sighed

"Dissapointed" You clarified

"Is it because of me?" You sighed not answering his question "Is that ball yours? Can I play with it?" Your eyes followed his hand pointing to the ball pulled in the corner

"Pointing is bad" You pull his hand down a bit "That's Pedri's ball. He also plays football. In fact he's a football player"

"Is he?" You hum nodding "Can I play with it?"

"I don't know, it's not my ball to tell" You watched your younger brother look down at his shoes

"Pedri was really excited to meet you"

"Was he?" You nod

"I'm sorry"

"Thank you" You leaned down a bit and kissed his hair quickly "I'll be inside with him watching a movie, you can join if you want"

"What are you watching?"

"I think he choosed Harry Potter" Your brother nodded

"I don't like the Cáliz de Fuego"

"Neither do I" You said smiling "I'll be going, you know where to find us" He nodded once more as you went inside

"Ready?" You flop down next to him, cuddling him, he was serious and not the usually joking and smiling self he was.

"Yes" You said kissing his cheek watching as his cheeks turned crisom and he left a little smile out.

Probably fifteen minutes had passed when your parents came in with the pizza and headed outside along with you and Pedri to eat, the four of you laughed as Santiago was like usual, in his own world.

If it would be the four of us only he would join the convo but seeing as Pedri was present, he was anxious and probably a bit uncomfortable. At the end of dinner you and Pedri went to wash the dishes but your mom and dad already were on it

"You guys are the hosts" Your mom said

"And that's exactly why the invited shouldn't be doing things the hosts should do" Pedri said with a smile winning a cloth whip from my mom, your dad and you laughing about it.

"Go. You wouldn't like seeing your mom's rage when she gets angry-OW!" Mom cloth-whipped your dad too, this time Pedri and you laughing about it

"You want one too?" Your mom offered with a smile as you shook your head

"We'll be going" You replied pushing Pedri out of the kitchen "Outside?" You ask seeing as your brother was watching now his favorite TV Show Pedri grabbed his ball and started playing with you, softly both because of his injury and also because you sucked at the game but you always tried your best.

When your phone started going on and off you stopped playing going inside to attend your phone as Pedri kept on playing by himself. Minutes later, Pedri felt the door being open as he was focused on the ball at his feet

"Bonita?"

"No" He stopped playing when he heard your brothers voice "Where's she?"

"She's inside the house, on a phone call" Pedri said with a light smile on. Your brother nodded

"Ball"

"What?"

"Ball" Your brother repeated pointing to the ball at Pedri's feet

"You like playing football?" He nods not looking at him "You want to play with me?"

"Can I?" Pedri nods passing the ball to your brother Time had passed and Santiago had opened up to Pedri.

Both of your parents and you stood in the kitchen watching through the glass window how Santiago started a high five with him, smiled and laughed like crazy, held eye contact and most importantly how he hugged Pedri.

You smiled watching the carefree nature of your baby brother and the happiness of your boyfriend came back. Both of them goofing around

"He already has Santi on his hand" Your dad commented as your mom nodded meanwhile only you could see the image with a smile on

"We'll watch something on the TV, you coming with us?" You shook your head at your dad comment

"I'll stay here" You smiled not for once taking your eyes off of them.

They smiled and went to the couch as you stood there with a smile on, suddenly your brother stopped playing and came back

"Is there any Pizza left?" You nodded "Can I have a slice of it?" You grabbed a plate and put a slice in it watching him eat it. You walked back to where Pedri was, instead of playing he was sat in one of the chairs

"You've him on your hand. Told you he was going to open up eventually" Pedri smiled letting you sit on his lap

"You were also worried" You nod

"I was" You fell silent "My brother has level autism" You confessed taking Pedri by surprise "That's why he's how he is" You shrugged off your shoulders a bit "He has problems meeting new people and also on how to communicate, he doesn't like to touch people nor be touched, he doesn't hold eye contact and to see him doing all those things with you it was simply beautiful. He doesn't even do it with me" You smiled a little

"He doesn't hug you?" You shook your head

"He doesn't even play football with me because he says it's weird, I don't do a lot of things with him because of the same thing"

"Well, for being my girlfriend you really don't know how to play football" You fake laughed

"You aren't funny" He smiled "I'm truly happy seeing him this happy with you. My boys" Pedri smiled

"When was the last time you hugged him?"

"When he was two. He started feeling a bit sensitive whenever we had him in arms and he just started pushing me and my dad away. He only truly hugs mom and that happens once every four months or something like that" You smile "I steal some kisses from him, like when he leasts expect I peck his nose or cheek but he always get angry so..." You shrug your shoulders a bit "I try not doing it that much"

Santiago suddenly appears his face full of pizza souce, you smile

"You have" You point all across his mouth watching him clean it up by himself

"Thank you" He looks back down at the floor as you try to stand up from your boyfriends lap

"Santi" Pedri says "Playing football is cool, right?" He nods "How about we teach your sister how to play?" He nods excited once more "Also, one more thing... You wanna know something us players do before coming out?"

"Sure, what do you do?"

"We have a grupal hug" Santiago looked at you and then to Pedri and nestled himself in between the two of you while sitting himself on your lap

You hugged your brother tightly, feeling his tiny arms around your neck, you held in his coconut scent and the lavender of his clothes something you haven't done in a few years.

When your brother hummed in discomfort you let him go, holding back the tears

"C'mon, we're ready to play" You said standing up from Pedri's lap as your brother went to pick the ball up, you hugged Pedri tightly

"Thank you, thank you, thank you" You mumbled into his ear

"I'm sorry if-" You shook your head

"That was perfect" You smiled kissing his lips "Te quiero"

"Are we playing?" Your brother asked as you separated from Pedri

"Hey" He called you making you turn around "Y yo a ti"

°°° °°° °°° °°°

Tag list: @gaviypedrisbride

[acaciapines]

Gimme song drabble number 87 for your au pls :3 (enables you enables you enables you)

HI WYN THANK U FOR ENABLING ME HE HE <33333

like ive done before discussion will be under the cut!

87. 20 Something ��� SZA

“he’s a child,” eda says, because she can’t deny it anymore, that the little creature she thought was some sort of odd dog that talks and mimics her and watches her with wide eyes—of course he’s a kid. how could he be anything else?

beside her, the owl beast squawks something, loud in the way it tends to be. king, on the couch, repeats the shriek right back, and the owl beast huffs at him, tossing her head.

“oh, hush,” eda tells it, moving to nudge king. “c’mon, buddy.”

his eyes light up when she sits next to him and he throws himself into her lap, practically purring. he can only say a few words, but one of those is her name, and he chirps it at her, “eda! eda!”

“yeah,” eda mutters. “that’s me, alright.”

on her own, not even a palisman to her name. just some dumb owl monster that doesn’t know when it isn’t wanted, that curls up at the foot of the couch, croons when king reaches out to play with the feathers on her wings.

“i can’t deal with a kid,” eda tells herself, and doesn’t let king go.

Discussion

EDA AND KING WHOOOOOOOOO!!! i still think its so funny that eda thinks her son is the dog at first. kings an entire titan. literally the son of the very land she lives on. and shes like 'damn. weird ass dog huh.'

anyways! not sure why i wrote this one...coulda been back when i was in the 19-20 episode range since theres a good amount of eda&king scenes there, and besides i think i wanted to kinda write a lil bit of how eda might've been when she first found king! bc its pretty fun in how its different from the show!

like, for one, the owl beast has known king was a kid (well. she'd use hatchling) from the start! it was EDA who got hit in the face with that, firefly has just accepted king as her new son and is mainly just annoyed she has to co-parent with eda. like sharing a nest with her was bad enough.

not much else to say about this one tho. actually fun fact: baby titans are little ducklings. since for so long the only living creatures WERE titans, baby titans imprint on the first source of dust they see! usually thats their parent titan, but in the case of king he wouldve imprinted on eda + firefly since before that he lived in an abandoned ruin and he was the only person around for miles.

them <3

[pancakesnek]

guys want to know what i did for an hour instead of work?

I wrote a whole book on autism for an answer to a question about what somebody should know about autism because their nephew has it. 1182 words so you'll be scrolling for a while. and its to long for one post.

that he is the same person he was yesterday and should be treated with respect and love. just ask him, that is if he's verbal or of talking age. but if not some base rules/guidelines that apply to most autistic people 1 don't touch him if he doesn't like it. 2 if you see him moving while sitting down or talking more than normal that is called stemming and is kinda like pacing or wringing your hands when nervous it is a regulatory action and it comes I my forms like flapping one's hands spinning repetitive motions there is also auditory stimming which is vocalizing or repeating a word or sound stuff like tapping to drumming or music, music is a big one. another type is olfactory stimming which is just smelling stuff either burned or just close to the nose. there is also taste stimming like gum which can also be motion stimming and mints. don't stop them stimming unless it is distracting other people in a big way and if so let them stim in a different way and tell them why you're making them stop and use a gentle tone of voice. if you really want to make their day ask them about their interests if they light up(or don't) and can't stop talking about one thing like trains or snakes then that's called a special interest or hyperfiction, not all autistic people have them are like talking about them(like me) if you cook something for them and they don't like it its probably a texture issue which is common for us common foods for this are stuff kids normally don't like, like soup squash peppers broccoli, etc and don't take it personally ask them what they want or can eat if its nothing or you can get it don't make them eat. most autistic people have a safe food which is like a comfort food but more it's the one thing you can eat every day and not get tired of it most autistic people's safe foods are pre-packaged foods like chicken nuggets cardboard pizza or ramen(which is mine) this is because if they are the same brand they is little to no difference between item. some autistic people(me) have a routine of what they eat. eating their safe food or one of their safe foods every day and getting upset if they can't unless there is a suitable alternative. what else ah yes facial expressions most autistic people are not good at your typical facial expression stuff like smiling if hard for many of us we tell our faces smile they say I am you look in a mirror and you have a weird grimace but you feel like your smiling and feel happy. this is why if you had Christmas if you celebration it with your nephew he might have not looked happy when opening a gift even tho he was happy this is a major source of anxiety for a lot a lot of us autistic people. Autistic people tend to love routine to do the same thing the same way each day is a true joy but getting out of it can really be a bad thing for their mental state. I say many often or some because autism is a spectrum and there is no if you do this you are or are not autistic. it also isn't a spectrum in the typical way you can be more autistic or less autistic it is best represented as a circle divided in fractions where you can be more or less of a specific chunk if that makes sense. autistic people can also be highly sentimental towards items wanting to keep things that you see no point in if they can't keep the item for whatever reason then try to compromise ask if you can take a picture of it and print it for them or if they can keep just a corner of it.

link to part two

[nacregames]

Idk if this is spoilers or not but how would the ROs react to luci eventually just being so worn out emotionally that I guess they are so numb and hollow in the inside to the point where they are so expressionless? In a more simple term self-hatred and depression and emptiness to the point of suicidal? Also for the JV mc if you have time, although I’m not sure if JV mc’s angst is as sad as luci lol. How would the ROs react and how might they help support mc? I just realized while writing this that MS is all about angst so this will probably pop up in the story but maybeeeeee a small hint under a cut with spoiler warnings? 🥺🥺

(I really just crave hardcore angst that will make me cry at 1am)

this asked sat in my inbox way too long and i apologize deeply for ruining ur angst hours. hopefully you'll enter another phase soon and will be able to enjoy the answers

aight, I think I already mentioned the reactions to this kind of thing, so I'll just add their ways of helping the MC get through it (it will be mentioned in-game for MS, unsure about JV tho)

JV:

Chal has enough experience with these feelings to know how to properly deal with it. Not only through herself; she did have to fight through her own lowest point in life. But it's mostly bc she has known lots of ppl close to her who were in the same situation and even lost some of them. Chal would do anything in her power to get MC out of that pit, no matter how long it takes or how many times she had to repeat herself. BUT, and here's the thing; she'd only be this persistent if she knew that MC hadn't given up entirely. This would be either the case if Mc and her met before MC fell into said depression and she got to know the real them or if MC wasn't too deep in and refused any kind of help. She'd be heartbroken ofc, but she's also very much aware that you can't help everyone, especially not someone who refuses it vehemently. There's also the thing called boundaries she'd respect.

Mercy would be relentless. They'd try to get MC to out of that feeling with all their power, but it would only make things worse for both of them. It would start with them trying to cheer MC up (as much as they can, tho they have a different way of cheering someone up, then let's say, Arrow). But they'd get frustrated real quick if the results weren't to their liking and they'd start to become another source of pressure for the MC, asking them why they were this way and why they couldn't see how much Mercy tried/did for them. And soon Mercy would end up guilt-tripping the MC and finding themselves in the same situation as the MC.

Candy isn't too far off of that kind of situation herself; she's been through much and currently at the lowest point in her life. But in contrast to the MC, she's fueling all her disappointments into anger. Revenge is the only thing holding her together right now and everything else is just secondsry. She wouldn't blame the MC for being that way, tho it depends how close they are. If Candy likes the MC, she'll be angry on their account too and otherwise she wouldn't care/think of them as a coward for giving up without fighting back. Candy would try to force a reaction out of them one way or another. All in all she has mixed feelings and doesn't even understand her own.

Arrow is very understanding and way more sensitive about these things than ppl give him credit for. He wouldn't try to convince MC into thinking that everything will be alright or force them to solve their problems in any way. He's just there to comfort them whenever and however the need should arise without being another source of pressure forcing the MC to feel like they're disappointing another important person in their life with the way they are at the moment.

Mel would be very nervous and anxious around MC. Like she's all about chilling the fuck out, but if MC had such major troubles, Mel wouldn't know how to react and feel lien everything she does is making their situation worse. She'd just feel like she's failing them if she didn't get the results she wanted whenever she made a move to help them and it would frustrate her greatly.

Clay is so done with life himself, but if he realized that MC was worse off, he'd make a 180 degree turn and demand why the fuck they've given up life when there's so much to make out of it. When called out, he'd blissfully ignore it like the hypocrite he is. Clay would literally force the MC out of their depression, tho you have to give him credit for giving out actual good advice.

Lei is...weirdly aggressive in his attempt to convince the MC that life still has to offer so much to them. He's still understanding and nice, but there's this strange, unfamiliar urgency in his actions. His harshness while trying to comfort MC might seem like a lack of empthy, but deep down he's scared because he has witnessed this kind of situation before many times and it never ended well.

MS:

Camus would be angry. So fucking angry. The reason is too spoilery, but it actually makes sense once you know it. Anyway, he'd wonder how he ended up in this kind of situation snd how Lucifer came to be this way. It would all be so ridiculous... to the point he questioned everything he believed in. If Lucifer gave up on everything, Camus would too ngl.

Lilith... well Lilith would blame herself and put some distance between herself and Lucifer. There's not much she can do about it, being as hesitant as she already is. If their condition didn't become any better, she'd just...exist...and be pretty much the opposite of alive, just floating around like a ghost.

Polly doesn't really know how to deal with it. She had to live through something similar after her father died and her mother fell into the same state as Lucifer. But she didn't know how to handle the situation back then and doesn't know how to do it now either. Polly would probably try to get Lucifer to accept help, but if they refused it repeatedly, she'd distance herself

Falito: well Falito depends on many things, but he'd be very frustated and angry. But not at Lucifer, but at himself for being responsible for their situation. They wouldn'tbe this way if certain things didn't happen and Raphael being spiteful towards them is one of these. He'd stop at nothing to get them out of their depression and his patience would never wane.

Ara is similar go Falito in regards on helping Mc, tho with less guilt and frustration and more with sympathy and understanding. She'd slowly guide/accompany them through it and slowly loosen all the knots that keep them from being able to show their emotions and feel something. While Falito is fully supporting MC and offerinh to take their pain, Ara would also confront Lucifer with their own mistakes and everything that troubles them.

Mac would always try to comfort the MC, but his problem solving skills aren't the best, so MC would actually need to actively want/accept help otherwise they'll just suffer through it together.

Gab would be very clinical about it and probably make Lucifer's condition even worse or possibly angry. She wouldn't have any strong opinions about them in general (as in angry bc they gave up or sad etc). But she'd eventually get them to think about the reasons why they feel the way they do and offer them guidance/help to overcome these heavy feelings burdening them for so long.

[kiriluvbot]

NO ONE ASKED BUT IM HERE TO SUPPLY ANYWAY!

sero hanta headcanons for the soul

- asexual, pan-romantic!

- uses they/he pronouns (didn’t know they could have different pronouns until he met tokoyami, and they spent their entire first year having a crisis over it)

- i know it’s old and overused but this kid is a hufflepuff, through and through

- CHILD OF APHRODITE. i take no criticism.

- a heartthrob among his entire grade, not just class A, but B as well, and the general course, and the business course,, AND the support course. everyone loves sero hanta.

- a natural charmer but is literally not aware that they make everyone within a 400 meter radius of them swoon

- until kaminari tells him in their second year. homie. youre fucking hot. and mina says, use it to your advantage. SO HE DOES.

- third year sero hanta is a force to be reckoned with, let me tell you. using their charm along with their natural ability to just. Befriend anyone (including a brick WALL tbh) to get his way. they get their way, they Know Everything. everyone knows his name by the time he graduates.

- The Older Sibling friend. not quite the mom friend or even the dad friend, but the older sibling. he’s a constant source of comfort and dependability among his class, but theyre also an agent of chaos that likes to cause problems On Purpose just to see what’ll happen. they never get caught being the instigator tho. no one can ever catch him.

- likes to watch aforementioned chaos from the sidelines. a mediator and an excellent negotiator. keeps his friends (cough, bakugo) from murdering each other or other people (cough, monoma)

- i like to think he’s the eldest child with two or three younger sisters and maybe a baby brother. their parents divorced right before sero started high school, and he and his siblings live with their mom. she’s a real lovely lady.

- since he’s the eldest, he kinda knows how to take care of people. sick people, sad people, hungry people. they can read and understand people really well if they really matter to him.

- most of the time there’s just wii music in their head tho

- they weren’t super great at prioritizing themselves/taking care of themselves when he first moved in to the dorms, but with time and help from his friends, they keep getting better at it

- sero gets his looks from his dad and his attitude from his mother. again, i imagine she’s a real lovely lady.

- their love language is physical touch! with so many younger siblings and his natural Eldest Sibling Vibe, it’s only natural for him to be super cuddly and affectionate!

- while it may not be their love language, sero also probably really likes spending quality time with his friends. they like going out, they like being loud and having a blast, but the kid also wouldn’t mind sitting in his room with his friends in silence while everyone did their own individual thing.

- the kind of person that sleeps with one pillow only and one blanket only

- probably runs warm, kicks off the blanket in the summer time. either sleeps on his back stretched out like a starfish or curled into themselves like a baby. no in between.

- has a pair of underwear they call their “lucky underwear” and it’s just a pair with spider-man’s face as the pattern.

- the kid does not have regular chairs in his dorm. it’s bean bags or the floor, man.

- they also have a hammock . i’ve seen this repeating trope in every single fic i’ve ever read

- keeps a stash of snacks in his room! but it’s a trade system. kaminari gets m&ms for cheek kisses, kirishima gets beef jerky for his most rib crushing hug, and todoroki gets gummy worms if he shares his manga.

- has led lights that are connected to his speaker and changes color every time a song changes

- has only three playlists. only three.

- they’re titled, respectively: “u yearning bastard,,” “monch monch”, “for pissing bkg off”

- he still listens to the jonas brothers, lots of big time rush, but also fleetwood mac and abba. frank ocean, lorde,,,, but also. they know every word to both mama mia soundtracks.

- absolutely adores horror + romance movies and not much else

- he tries getting into star wars for kirishima’s sake but he literally cannot keep up with the plot for shit.

- can quote the entirety of the notebook with mina (it infuriates bakugo to no end when those two ask to watch it for the fifth time in a week)

- has never tried an energy drink in their life, absolutely refuses to because caffeine makes him Shake and he hates the feeling

- drinks a lot of tea tho! with momo and todoroki!

- favorite snack is oranges. this kid always has oranges.

- aside from satou and bakugo, sero is probably one of the best cooks in their class

- resident pretty boy. did i mention everyone loves them? seriously. he even has the ever so stoic shouto todoroki pining after him.

- had a huge growth spurt the summer after second year began. it pissed off all their friends because he finally passed 6’ while the others were still stuck at 5’9 or below.

- by graduation, sero reached 6’3, and bakugo was still mad, because bakugo never passed 5’10.

- really grew into himself by the end of high school, finally learning how they wanted to express themselves with his clothing style, hair and *clenches fist* piercings

- started painting his nails the summer before their third year and hasnt stopped

- glorious, curly mullet. bejeweled hair pins. jean jackets and platform docs. piercings all the way up his ears. a nose ring and a smiley. (if you don’t know what a smiley is, i beg you to search it up. it’s the cutest fucking thing i’ve ever seen in my life and i want one so bad)

- ochaco is the one who cuts sero’s hair in third year.

- he got most of his piercings alongside bakugo or kaminari, but when they went to get the nose ring, they’d gone with iida and midoriya. and when he got the smiley, he went with todoroki, who squeezed his hand when the needle went through, even if todoroki wasn’t the one getting pierced.

- one time he and denki shaved their legs and arms and Everything to see if it would make them “more aerodynamic” ( “haha dont u mean /sero/dynamic?” “shut up”)

- strangely flexible. everywhere. it makes shouji shiver and jirou gag. it makes todoroki stare with wide, disbelieving eyes.

- really bad handwriting. like. what the fuck.

- that doesn’t stop them from writing cards for each of his friends for their birthdays, for christmas. it doesn’t stop them from writing letters to todoroki (even if he ended up shredding them and throwing them away after they were finished so no one would ever find them. he wanted to ask bakugo to incinerate them, just to be safe, but they didn’t want bakugo, or anyone else, that he had written love letters to shouto todoroki.)

(....not until after they confessed and finally started dating in their third year.)

- finger guns. unironically.

- is a surprisingly good dancer and a passable singer!!!!!!!!

- sings in the shower. also dances in the shower, but one time they fell and hit the wall connecting his and todoroki’s room, and todoroki thought he might’ve died. came to his door and didn’t bother knocking to check and see if they were alright. sero didn’t dance in the shower for a long time after that.

- his favorite color is yellow, but they also really, really like red.

- doesn’t have a fucking phone case on their phone.

- earbuds falling apart but he just keeps putting more tape over them because they really don’t wanna buy new ones (kirishima bought him a pair for christmas because he didn’t want sero to get electrocuted from broken earbuds. sero ensured him he would likely not get electrocuted just from some earbuds, but took the gift anyway)

- smell checks their clothes like a HEATHEN

- is in love with shouto todoroki.

that’s all :) sero hanta is my number one best boy and i love them dearly.

[weaselle]

here’s the truth about drugs if you’re wondering.

They are fun, awesome, sometimes damn near holy experiences. Even bears and moose and dolphins get drunk and high, it seems like a pretty natural part of this earth; I think almost everyone should have the opportunity to have a good drug experience.

BUT.

There are two things to address. Addiction, and the other big problem with drugs. Which I’ll get to.

First, a lot of what we associate with addiction, things like not taking care of yourself as you devote more and more of yourself to the drug... those things are probably actually signs that our Rat Park is outta wack. Lemme explain. 

No, is too much, let me sum up.

early experiments showed that captive rats, when presented with a food button and a heroine button, would sometimes only use the heroine button, and starve to death even though they knew they could have food at any time. But then another scientist one day years later said “y’know, those rats were kept in small sterile individual cages in a lab - they didn’t really have much to live for to begin with.” So he made a Rat Park, with everything a rat need: wheels to run in and a variety in their diet and a couple little puzzle-y toys and they lived in a group together because rats are social creatures like us but with plenty of space for rats to get some alone time or not want to be on the same side of the habitat as That One Rat because rats are social creatures like us.

And also heroine. There was one colored dish in one place with water, and another colored dish in another place with water and also heroine.

And they found that the rats would use the heroine recreationally, occasionally, and overall preferred the water without it. They definitely didn’t starve themselves to death over it. 

But that doesn’t make addiction any less real. It’s just something to realize. It’s less about any kind of personal failure, and more about a societal failure. And there is definitely a chemical component too, that with repeated usage is capable of literally rewiring parts of the brain, so like, addiction is a serious thing. But there are ways around it, mostly focused on very controlled and rare usage, with some kind of social component.

But the SECOND big problem with drugs is, basically, they get worse the more you do them. 

Like, the first few times you take a drug, it’s going to be way better than the next few times. Which will be better than the next few times after that. The drug is running the same chemical program on your brain wires, but they aren’t as excited to tell you.

WHICH MEANS. If you’re going to do drugs, it should be planned (what will I be doing, where will I be) overseen or guided (the ideal guide A has done it before and B is sober this time, but at minimum there should be other people there and someone in the group should have researched it) and scheduled (once or twice a year? five times in your whole life?). 

It should be treated like a special, nearly once in a lifetime experience, because the next time you do this drug, it’s not going to be as good. It might be almost as good, you might not notice, but by the tenth time it’s going to be really noticeable. And it gets much more noticeable as time goes on. The more you space out the usage, the smaller the difference in quality - if you do a crazy drug for the very first time on Friday and then again on Saturday, there is almost certainly going to be a very big difference in the quality of your experience. Whereas if you wait a whole year or more, the difference might be so slight you decide you actually liked the second time better.

Sure, maybe you choose to go on a little run. Maybe you decide, this is the summer I do a bunch of acid, and then that’s your lifetime’s experience with LSD. But do that shit on purpose, not accidentally. Really decide what you are going to experience each time, because with every drug, the first few are magical, and it’s all down hill from there. All the negatives remain (and tend to stack). All the positives keep diminishing. 

(which is why it’s a good idea for everyone to agree to save a couple big ones and a couple medium ones for medical use, because pain relievers work the same way and if you get hit by an SUV driving through the front of a Starbucks some fine day you’ll be glad you didn’t spend any recreation time building up an immunity to whatever the hospital is going to give you when they cut your leg open and bolt a metal rod to the bone. Or whatever)

With the common stuff, like caffeine, THC, and alcohol, you want reasonably moderate usage when using (don’t use an absurd amount) and you want a solid more-days-sober-than-not usage ratio. Having to stop and work out wether you’ve had more days off it than on it is probably a good sign you should cut back. Like, dumping too much of that stuff through your system is stressful for your body on many levels, be nicer to yourself than that. And even caffeine and weed, tho less acutely, are subject to the diminishing returns rule of drugs. It all gets less good the more you do it. So ration it a bit, give yourself the best experiences you can. 

And lastly, for gods sake, wait until you’re solidly mid 20′s. Like have A joint each year in highschool or whatever, but the human brain isn’t finished forming until about 25, and you don’t want to fuck with that. All the ways it sucks to feel when you’re a teenager? That’s the LAST STUFF your brain figures out how to deal with, like, on a physical level, and it uses chemicals to do that -- don’t throw a bunch of outside chemicals into the mix, that’s not good. Wait until you’re like 25, don’t be in such a godsdamn rush.

source: I waited until I was 20 and then spent the next 20 years living through a whole bunch of both good and bad drug decisions. 

[kateanthnys]

Dumb Dramione arguments and rebuttals because it’s about time we talked about it.

This is taken from @/hermione.s_butterbeer on Instagram and @hermiones-butterbeer over here on tumblr, who constructed the basis for this, I added my own thoughts with theirs. I haven’t learned how to put things under a cut yet so if you’re not interested in this and have to scroll past it I’m sorry :/

Hermione would forgive Draco

Hermione is not a forgiving person. She holds the toughest grudges. She will attack you with birds and stop talking to you for months for getting a girlfriend, she will keep you in a jar for writing incriminating shit about her, she will scar the hell out of you for betraying her. Let’s say she grew out of this in her adult years, it’s not a stretch right, she seems to regard malfoy with contempt in the epilogue? Barely a glance, but then again she never really gave him the time of day as a teenager either so who knows? Even then, as an adult, Draco doesn’t need her forgiveness. Hell he probably doesn’t even want it. Couldn’t care less about her. Nor does he even deserve it from her or any of the golden trio. He surely wouldn’t get it from me but I digress. He bullied her for years and was very openly and vehemently against people of her kind. And again, even if she did somehow forgive him, they would definitely not fall in love.

Hermione would change Draco

It’s definitely not her job to “change” Draco, he is a grown man, not a baby in diapers. Nor is it her job to fix a man that bullied and harassed her for years simply for having muggle blood. Anyway, didn’t Astoria already have that covered? She was a pure blood who changed her views about muggleborns. It was probably much easier for Draco to connect with her, someone who understands him on a level Hermione never would be able to, than the ones he hurt most.

If they were together they would break stereotypes

This one is the biggest laugh of them all. Not only are there multiple couples throughout the Harry Potter universe that breaks the stereotypes and normalcy of the wizarding world, these couples didn’t have to suffer each other’s company like Draco and Hermione would. Because to break them they’d have to have love, which was nil in their case. What’s the point If they don’t even like each other. Draco probably could’ve broken some stereotypes himself by not being a blood purist but once again I digress.

Ron didn’t deserve Hermione followed up by a Draco would’ve appreciated her yk the usual shit that don’t make sense

Love isn’t about who deserves who. Who is more deserving than who. How does one even come to the conclusion about who is more deserving than someone else? Money? Power? Blood status? Who cares about those things, Hermione sure doesn’t. Love is about love, and most important of all, choices. She fell in love, made a choice, acted on it and by god she never regretted it or looked back. And you won’t find any textual evidence saying otherwise (fck u Joanne). And if she did I doubt Draco would even factor into one of her choices.

Draco never made her cry, Ron did

Yes, Ron did. Multiple times. Taking away the fact that Hermione is an emotional person, is it really the end of the world if you once in a while make the person you love cry? Ron was her friend, a friend she had feelings for, she cared about him and his opinions, of course she’s gonna cry when shit hits the fan. Draco is another person on the street walking past her, she doesn’t dignify anything he does or says about her with a response. Now talk shit about Hagrid and get smacked tho. Anyway, my family has made me cry more than any random person or people at school have. Does that make them the worst possible people on the planet? Does that mean these random people love me more than my family? No, it does not.

Ron was dumb, Draco was her intellectual equal

This is one of the ones that’s probably fanmade. News flash fanon Draco isn’t canon. There’s no textual evidence to support that he was close in class with her or matches her wit. When Lucius made that comment in CoS, it didn’t mean Draco was RIGHT under Hermione. You can assume everyone was beneath her in marks, doesn’t make him second best. Oh but the vanishing cabinet, the one he had help with. But the mead and the necklace, once again not his ideas. But Legilimency. Yea he learned to blocked his mind. But Hermione didn’t? And we still know she’s the smartest in her year, certainly smarter than Draco? So really does it matter? Guess not. And on Ron’s intelligence. Books and academics aren’t the only forms of smarts either. If anything books will only take you so far, especially in the wizarding world. Back to Draco, who started failing potions as soon as Snape was gone. Favoritism? Not a stretch at all.

Hermione was worried about him and he warned her about the death eaters

Yea, but no? If you read the text with context you’d know she was worried about Hagrid’s job in 3rd year, fourth year, she was right, a teacher doing that to a student was dumb and he could’ve been harmed, and they could’ve lost another DADA teacher before the school year was even over, this is Hermione being logical, Not being caring. And when Ron made the “amazing bouncing ferret” comment, she laughed. Pretty broken up about it isn’t she?Caring is her reaction that same year to Neville and the cruciatus curse. 6th year, do I even have to explain this one? She was NOT DEFENDING HIM. She was being skeptical and reasonable, there’s a difference. She and Ron had every right to be iffy on the death eater thing, they were already proven wrong in 2nd year when they jumped to conclusions about Malfoy, they didn’t want a repeat of that. And the warning thing, my god, if you think that’s a warning, you need to work on how to identify a warning, it might help you later in life.

Jkr said she wanted to make them canon and date in third year and that Draco bullying her was hiding his crush

Source? And don’t say tumblr. Anyway atp what the author says doesn’t matter to most fans so your fighting a losing argument if you use this.

My last thoughts on this is that you will see that most of these points are about Draco. Well that’s because Dramione seems to be all about Draco. What Draco wants, what Draco needs, Draco’s forgiveness, Draco’s redemption. A relationship is a two-way street of equals, give and take, not Hermione giving and Draco taking. What exactly does Hermione get out of a relationship with Draco? Oh, an Intellectual equal, good to know she’ll have him to recite the periodic table to each other at bed time after she’s worked herself to death at work because thats what she wants and needs. Well, at least she’ll have her books to keep her warm. Every girl’s dream amiright. *sarcasm*

The End.

[octavianacidicbreastmilk]

sofiaaaa my bright spark of truth and wisdom, as the resident yennefer expert i wanted to ask what your intellectual opinion is on her various portrayals (books, show and vg) and how well you think each adaptation has served her!

so fhdhdjd the big caveat is that I dont remember the books all *too* well in their finer details

that being said i do think the books are what trumps most other adaptations lmao. they just have The Range when it comes to interesting dynamics for her to cycle through; to name a few: bitter exes with geralt + being somebody's Great Love but also being desperately dysfunctional while being together and hopelessly Not Meant to Last + being ride or die for her adoptive ward + deeply antagonistic professional relationships with esteemed collegues while also being along for the ride in all-female club for political world domination.

And while the short stories have the focus on her relationship with geralt, so she is more love interest than coprotagonist as in the rest of the series, they do allow her complexities and dont recriminate her as most other fantasy would; like in the last wish she wants power and while she cant get it you dont see that dany argument of 'she was wrong to want it'; or when she entertains two relationships (one with geralt, the other with istredd) at the same time and then fucks off bc she got commitment issues lmao it doesnt become a big plot point later on of having to amend when geralt is pretty much a manwhore himself.

what i do have to say is that the more the actual series goes on, around book 3 out of 5, the scope moves from geralt and pals to the fate of the world is in the balance and she gets really de-prioritised in the face of other characters which is :////. tho admittedly i appreciate the series for having her be more a coprotagonist than a love interest in actual page time (she and geralt are together, as in not physically apart, for abt 2 books out of 5) and the rest of the time she has meaningful relationships with other ppl, mostly women too. (ie: ciri tissaia, philippa, fringilla, the rest of the lodge too to a lesser extent) while doing her own thing.

also i personally find the entire 'are they bound by fate and thats why they keep coming back or are they just, naturally, each other's IT regardless of the jinn' subtext the books have very appealing dhdbs

i think the games are second bc they just have problems when it comes to how they developed the trilogy. fhdhd mostly bc of triss tbh. like they dont mention yen AT ALL for two games, so when she does come around in the third, i feel like her standing as 'theeee Great Love of Geralts life' even if they are not together doesnt come across as well.

also, another problem coming from the framing of geralt as the protagonist is that yens role is tied to geralt and ciri and what they decide to do, thus limiting her interactions with other characters as well (not saying i was gunning for yen+philippa but yes). in terms of arc, im just not that much of a fan of the ending :/// i think it tried to be too much that conventional 'lets settle down with a house and occasionally the kids come to visit' that i dont think it suits her (or geralt) all too well. like i get that the world almost ending puts a spin on ones priorities but eh :( why be so conventional abt it

that being said they do get the spirit of the love of my life so they get a certain amount of points, and i do enjoy how they chose to tackle the entire the last wish redux quest bc either solution is actually a pretty interesting way to view the relationship

idk wtf the show is on abt tbh. like its so weird to see scenes i remember from the books but that either miss the punch of them all or seem to just Not Get It. like what is the point of introducing istredd, whose existence is tied to that one short story where he appears, if they do not plan to adapt the short story? especially since they planned on expanding yens role in the story with filler but they also decide to cut the few short stories where she appears? like make it make sense

also im extremely peeved bc the idea of showing her academy phase is good in theory, but in practice it doesnt seem to respect narrative economy. like, in theory, the academy phase could be 1) good setup for the rest of the lodge members (PHILIPPA, margarita, sabrina, sheila etc) and how they impact her as teachers/collegues but ??? the show is like why dont we get more istredd scenes (who is, I repeat, described by yen as a casual relationship, deeper for him than it ever was for her, and doesnt even appear in the main series). 2) good to juxtapose how she was taught and how yen then subverts those teachings when it comes to ciri as an apprentice.

and tbh I feel like s1 seems to focus on goals that, yes, she pursues to some extent but willfully missing how much it impacts her as a character. like yes, she does undergo the magical equivalent of surgery to remove her disability to fit a beauty standard fostered upon her, but tbh? it isnt the be all end all for yen in the books. it just isnt the part of her arc that is most relevant. same for the wanting kids part: she wants a cure for her infertility and it does impact her relationship with ciri but the 'baby fever' crazy is two short stories out of 7 books so :/

i am not one for crazy theories but tbh I feel like the downgrade of yens interactions with other ppl in the show is due to how many of those in the source material are tied to other women but the show cannot conceptualise to expand on them, if not even make them up for the sake of foreshadowing. hence. istredd being such a relatively prominent figure. i dont hate the guy i just think hes boring and he drags yen down with him, which I cant forgive

[bigskydreaming]

Okay, so its no secret that I detest fandom’s obsession with Dick’s temper and how its one of his biggest character flaws, and that I looooooooooathe how much people fixate on that fight with Donna in NTT, but I don’t think I’ve ever actually seen anyone post the FULL scene with Dick and Donna rather than just selectively pull the panels in which Dick makes Donna cry, so I’ve included them all here so people can decide for themselves.

And keep in mind, as the last page I’ve included shows (with it taking place a mere THREE issues after this Dick and Donna fight)....Dick was quite literally NOT IN HIS RIGHT MIND at the time. This was a PLOT point, NOT a CHARACTERIZATION. The entire ‘road’ to this storyline was Dick deliberately and consciously being written as being more and more OUT of character, to SHOW that something was literally wrong with him. 

This includes his reaction to Kory when she got married on Tamaran - literally the issue BEFORE this fight with Donna, his abrasive attitude to Alfred when he visits Bruce, Alfred and Jason at Wayne Manor briefly upon returning to Earth, and this fight itself.

And lol, all anyone around him wanted to do was talk about how he needed ‘tough love’ from them and to be lectured on everything he was doing wrong rather than a SINGLE ONE OF THEM bothering to ask themselves - let alone him - WHY he was behaving so erratically and again, LITERALLY out of character. Why, no matter what personal problems he was having, they were having him react THIS way, lashing out at everyone around him, when Dick has ALWAYS had a lot of personal shit going on and yet this is absolutely NOT his standard, in character way of USUALLY dealing with that.....

Despite people both deliberately and unknowingly calling back to stories whose entire POINT is showing this behavior as out of character....

And using it to describe THAT VERY BEHAVIOR as being IN character.

So, please read these pages with that context in mind, keeping a firm awareness of the fact that Dick is literally battling mental conditioning he’s unaware of through all of this, while Donna on the other hand is NOT. And has NO excuse for the things she says and DOES.....

And yet, this fight only EVER comes up in demonstration of DICK’S temper and how its this great character flaw of his, and NEVER to say, DONNA has a temper and this is one of her character flaws.

Please ask yourselves why the fuck a fandom has spent thirty years since this issue framing this fight as Dick’s fault, proof of how cruel and awful HE can be, instead of....how even his closest friends are TYPICALLY characterized as having no patience with him when he’s acting out of character....even when there might very well be - and usually IS - a REASON he’s acting out of character, beyond ‘he’s going through some shit.’

And ESPECIALLY ask yourselves why the hell this fight comes up so often with it being cited - and panels provided as proof - that Dick makes Donna cry with the things he says (again, while brainwashed).....

But with ZERO mention of the facts that:

a) Dick told Donna from the outset that he wasn’t in the mood to have this argument and asked her to leave HIS apartment

b) Donna refused and said they were going to talk about this now whether he liked it or not

c) Donna - a character with super strength - physically manhandled Dick into staying put when Dick still insisted he didn’t want to do this now

d) Dick AGAIN makes the effort to de-escalate or break off the argument because he knows or feels strongly its going to get even LESS civil than it already has been, given the mood he is (and not knowing that this mood is again, at least partly due to turmoil from constantly fighting against brainwashing he himself isn’t even aware of)

e) When Donna STILL refuses to do him the COURTESY of listening to his repeated efforts to NOT DO THIS RIGHT NOW, Dick tries to go past her and leave his OWN apartment just to get away from her

f) Donna STILL refuses to allow this, physically shoving him back again to keep him from going anywhere until SHE’S good and ready for him to

g) only THEN does Dick go on the offensive (but also kinda the defensive, if you consider the fact that he’s repeatedly expressed HE DOESN’T WANT TO BE HERE OR DO THIS WITH HER and has tried more than once to get her to go or remove HIMSELF from the situation)....and its only at THIS point that Dick says the admittedly cruel things that make Donna cry and are the source of the ONLY panels from this whooooooole scene that I’ve ever seen provided in posts about how this demonstrates Dick’s temper

h) Donna - far from being a helpless victim of Dick’s cruel temper, the way its usually framed - responds with her OWN offensive, not just in the form of words, but - and I can not express enough how fucking uncomfortable it makes me that Dick is so often framed as the aggressor here, the one with the temper, the one OUT OF LINE when this happens in the same scene - Donna responds to what Dick says by LITERALLY PUNCHING HIM THROUGH A WALL

i) Donna then REMAINS just as much on the offensive as Dick himself, but whereas Dick’s offensive is in the form of words he’s saying to Donna - after being pushed and provoked despite repeated attempts of his to de-escalate or disengage (and again, WHILE brainwashed) - Donna’s offensive remains in the form of PHYSICAL AGGRESSION, as she repeatedly tries to attack HER FRIEND with her super strength, clearly not holding back as we see her demolishing the parts of HIS apartment her attacks actually connect with

j) Despite Donna changing the nature of their conflict from being just about words to being one of outright physical aggression - well not really changing, if you keep in mind the fact that Donna used physicality to force Dick to remain in the apartment long before they reached this point to begin with - Dick STILL makes ZERO effort to respond with any physical aggression of his own, despite her having ALL the advantages in a straight up physical conflict between them, and the fact that even ONE of those hits from her is going to do FAR more damage to him if it connects than ANYTHING he could do to her ever would, and instead, Dick remains committed to simply EVADING her physical attacks while doing zero to reciprocate with anything other than words

k) the conflict only concludes when Dick FINALLY - and despite Donna’s repeated and continued efforts - manages to get out of his OWN apartment and leave just to get away from her - as he was trying to do ALL ALONG

l) in the aftermath of the conflict, we only see Donna sitting on the floor of his demolished apartment, clearly upset but with no indication if that has ANYTHING to do with anything SHE actually did throughout it or if she’s still only focused on what he said to HER, whereas we’re treated to a full internal monologue from Dick where he’s clearly confused and upset with his OWN behavior and trying to justify it and make sense of it even just to himself, which again, plays right into the fact that from here he sets out to find Raven, which leads him straight into the clutches of the Church of Blood as it turned out he wasn’t sneaking in but rather being lured back in via....

m) the mental conditioning its revealed Dick’s had implanted thanks to them all along, and the ultimate SOURCE of all his erratic, OUT OF CHARACTER, and volatile behavior over the past year, as he’s been battling against it internally with no idea that’s what he was doing or why he was having dramatic mood swings and shifts in priorities and decision-making

But again.....the only thing that EVER gets mentioned about this entire conflict, and the only pages which are ever posted from it....

Are the ones where Dick makes Donna cry.

So. Yeah. THAT, and the fact that this particular fight is FOUNDATIONAL to the whole “Dick has an awful temper and lashes out at even his closest loved ones at times” characterization that’s influenced not just fandom, but other later writers of canon itself....

All without ZERO mention or awareness of the larger overall framing or even the fact that there were TWO people involved in this fight, but only Dick has the excuse of “I was literally brainwashed at the time tho” for what he says and does and he STILL wasn’t the one who initiated, escalated, repeatedly refused to take what the other wanted into account, and oh yeah, physically attacked him....

Like. This would be why I 100% can not stand talk of Dick’s temper and how its one of his greatest flaws, while literally every single character can be shown to be written as an asshole at times or having a temper when lashing out or hurt - such as say, Donna in this very same scene....

And the much, MUCH more consistent and frequently appearing pattern in canon is NOT Dick being this volatile jerk who often makes his friends and family the victim of his temper....but rather Dick himself is the victim of THEIR tempers and physical aggression, with this repeatedly and consistently glossed over and DELIBERATELY EXCLUDED FROM THE NARRATIVE in order to just focus SOLELY on Dick’s part of a fight and whatever he did or said that was wrong.

Also also also, just to reiterate, like I coincidentally (or is it a coincidence) have to keep doing with the Ric Grayson arc to get people to remember to be sympathetic to how DICK is affected by all this rather than how he’s VICTIMIZING his loved ones through all this, ALMOST FORTY YEARS AFTER THIS SCENE (lol my how things have changed).....

OH YEAH. AND HE WAS BRAINWASHED THOUGH.

Anyway, the pages in FULL, below the cut:

Skipping ahead to a mere THREE ISSUES LATER and the brainwashing reveal:

[criesinmultifandommess]

DSMP Model AU

something different from what I usually post :)

I don't really know much about modelling and fashion, so apologies if some of this is wrong or I'm missing something

lotsa words under the cut, you've been warned <3

Dream wants to create a fashion show :D

there's Dream's company known as Smile, the L'Manberg company, and a few freelancers that caught Dream's eye

Smile: Dream, Sapnap, Punz, Bad, Ant, Sam, Skeppy, Callahan, Purpled

L'Manberg: Wilbur, Niki, Eret, Fundy, Jack, Tommy, Tubbo, Ranboo

Freelance: George, Hannah, Schlatt, Quackity, Foolish, Puffy, Ponk, Techno, Phil

spans about 4-6 months in planning

something something scandal about Dream hiring Eret, Niki, Karl, Ant, and Puffy for LGBTQ+ brownie points uhh yeah American media is an absolute shitshow anyways all of them defend and support Dream (some nicely, some not-so-nicely, some very passive-aggressively)

the show itself takes less than an hour to do; 75 thousand people attend, even more watch it live

after party gets wild. almost no one remembers what happened that night, but it was wild (the interns were sent home early, dw)

they all trade numbers at the end to keep in contact, as they should

just a lot of forced friendship, screams, and chaos, nothing new

Models

George: an up-and-coming model; has an Instagram account that almost that a lot of people follow but he rarely posts; freelance

Sapnap: Dream's first model and followed him into the fashion world; likes to credit himself for getting Dream to where he is now

Wilbur: is a model for fun; works as a freelance musician but also accidentally created the L'Manberg company so yeah

Niki: also a model for fun; works at a flower shop in her downtime; part of the L'Manberg company

Eret: has been modelling for a while; was freelance for a while before getting picked up by the L'Manberg company; Wil likes to threaten to kick them out because they were the first one to agree to model in Dream's show but it's all lighthearted

Fundy: modelling is alright but playing pranks on the other models/photographers and recording them is much better; doesn't play pranks on any hair/makeup artists anymore tho bc one artist got so fed up they switched his outfit with a maid one and posted pictures; he still gets a lil nervous when he's getting his makeup done; accidentally called Wilbur his dad once and no one lets him live it down; part of the L'Manberg company

Hannah: likes to wear eco-friendly clothing; went through a phase of weaving roses into her hair regardless of what she was wearing; she still does that but dialed it down to only one rose and color coordinates the rose with her outfit; freelance

Designers

Dream: head designer, obviously; Sapnap dared him to wear a paper plate with a smiley face on it at a show/interview but it backfired because Dream's popularity skyrocketed and he made it his brand; parents passed down their company to him

Punz: does not care about dressing himself but will judge others; part of Dream's company

Schlatt: close to the L'Manberg company, but isn't a part of them; flirts with just about anyone; has several hidden stashes of alcohol scattered around the set that no one has discovered yet

Quackity: yes, he still wears the beanie; in a constant rotation of make chaotic clothing, flirt with pretty people, be depressed over pretty people, get angry for being depressed. rinse, wash, repeat forever; very afraid of Techno because he took an unflattering photo of him and is scared of it being used as blackmail; freelance

Foolish: likes to use gold and green/emeralds. a lot. very inspired by Egyptian clothing; has a little totem charm for luck; freelance

Hair and Makeup artists

Puffy: tends to dote on the interns; hangs around Niki, Sam, and Foolish; has styled hair for both companies before

Karl: works under Mr. Beast but close friends with Quackity and Sapnap who begged Dream put in a good word for him

Photographers

Ponk: when not working, likes to flirt with Sam; always has a lemon in his pocket and won't tell anyone why; freelance

Techno: technically freelance, but works closely with the L'Manberg company; very close to Phil; used to be a designer and clashed with Dream a lot, but he found he liked photography more; this doesn't mean Dream and Techno don't bicker when they see each other, oh no, their conversation is filled with insults

Agents/Managers

Bad: used to work under Dream's parents before Dream took over; more like an assistant for Dream himself rather than a manager, what with all the things Dream asks him to do

Ant: agent for Dream's company

Phil: technically a freelance agent/manager, but works closely with the L'Manberg company; very close to Techno

Technicians

Sam: unofficial head technician; part of Dream's company

Skeppy: manages the camera footage: part of Dream's company

Callahan: doesn't say anything, which is why Dream likes him (jk); fixes problems quickly and silently tho; part of Dream's company

Jack: can normally be seen wearing headphones; somehow is the dad friend and chaotic friend at the same time; part of the L'Manberg company

Interns

Tommy: joined the L'Manberg company because he looks up to the members and their associates (but he won't tell them that)

Tubbo: joined the L'Manberg company to follow Tommy; jokingly starts a new company called Snowchester with Ranboo and a pig plush they named Michael

Ranboo: technically working under the L'Manberg company, but then again, Dream has also offered for Ranboo to work for him... but does he abandon them or give up on an opportunity hmm

Purpled: is he working for money? is he held against his will? who knows: seems to appear and disappear without a trace; intern for Dream's company

Excerpts

George Davidson, more widely known as GeorgeNotFound, is a handsome British model that's been taking the world by storm. A magazine once described him as "you're either in love with him or want to be him", and, quite frankly, it's true.

Clay Craft, also known as Dream. The charming CEO of his parents' company, Smile, and starting up his very own fashion show. Rumor has it that the show will not only feature his own employees, but will also include some showstopping names from L'Manberg, as well as some very talented freelancers.

Wilbur Soot, the leading model and creator of L'Manberg. Though his company may have been started on a whim, no one can say that L'Manberg is unsuccessful, as it quickly rose in popularity, much like the man himself.

Smile is one of the best fashion brands out there, if not the best. With their wide range of products and people, Smile makes sure that every customer leaves with a smile.

"L'manberg?" Dream chuckles. "What a stupid name. L'manchildberg is a much better fit." "At least our brand isn't just a smiley face one of my friends drew on a paper plate." Wil snarks back.

You know, when Schlatt first asked Wilbur to model for him all those years ago, neither knew that their popularity would pick up, Wil would open his own company, and they would catch the eye of Dream himself.

George didn't know what to expect when his agent told him that Dream was interested in having him in his show, but watching one of the most famous designers fall to the floor, dying of laughter over a deez nuts joke was nowhere near what he could've imagined.

Celeb News @/CelebNews L'Manberg technician Jack Manifold leaks that his company will be participating in Dream's fashion show! The question on everybody's mind is: who will be in it? Mack Janifold @/JackManifold NO NO NO I DIDNT LEAK SHIT @/JackManifold https://www.youtube.com/thislinkaintreallmao YOU IDIOT Jack Manifold @/JackManifold OKAY MAYBE I LEAKED SOMETHING Wilbur Soot @/WilburSoot GODDAMNIT JACK

Celeb News @/CelebNews Dream goes in depth about his vision for his show and drops a few names you might recognize! https://www.youtube.com/ihavenoideahowtwitterworks Dream @/designerDream Replying to @/ :)

Celeb News @/CelebNews Has one of the most famous designers cut his fame short? According to an anonymous source, Dream may have hired some of the people on his show for "representation" instead of talent. Technoblade @/Technoblade bruhhh Sapnap @/Sapnap and you know this how? Are you Dream? Didn't think so

Dream @/designerDream None of the people in my show have been chosen for "representation". All of them are very talented and amazing in their own right, and they are more than just their sexuality or their job. Karl Jacobs @/KarlJacobs Replying to @/ am i just a person who does makeup to you D: Antfrost @/Frosty_Ant if i say im straight will i be kicked out of the show Red Velvet @/Velvet_Cake @/Frosty_Ant we were never dating, we're just really close best friends :) Eret @/The_Eret can't believe I got into the famous Dream's fashion show because I like all genders! Puffy @/CapnPuffy lmao same! Niki @/nikinihachu lmao same!

[my-brothers-corrupted]

Book Four - Part 9

Dapper wakes up somewhere new, feeling unwell, while Trick struggles alone in his room. Red, Blue, and Dok come home to help.

Tws for imprisonment, major illness, psychosis, sedation, and verbal and physical aggression from Anti.

Part 9 - The Locked Room

Anonymous asked: Sorry for saying you were a joke... it's just that your source material didn't really paint you in a nuanced or multidimensional way, and that's mostly what we're all basing our understanding on... You're a bit of a prick tho

Your camera comes back to life in unfamiliar hands as afternoon light spills across black hair and turns it to gold. Silver turns you gently in his palms, curious and bright-eyed, the panic of the night before gone from his face. Closer up, you can see some of the ways in which he is not Mark - a pair of small scars across his chin, a habit of picking at his lips that leaves them raw and red, a gauge in one ear.

As for your camera, the tiny symbol of an eye that usually resides in the corner, either opened or unopened, has been replaced by a small, presumptuous G.

“Hi,” says Shep, sat on his bed and looking at you. He hears footsteps down the hallway outside his room and furtively tucks you against his side, waiting for the steps to pass before he draws you out again.

“Hi,” he repeats, beginning to smile. “This is cool. I actually have a way to talk to you. Yeah, no, it’s okay. My source material is a joke, that’s why I said it even before you did. But - a prick?”

He pauses, glancing away.

“A prick,” he repeats in a mumble. “I think that’s new… I like that, let me just…”

He hops out of bed and takes a journal from one of his dressers, and then opens it up to reveal a long list of descriptors, some more inane than others, all printed in scrappy handwriting down the lines of his notebook. There are general adjectives in some places - “strong,” “bold,” “foolish,” “cute,” “conniving,” “selfish,” “clever,” “sweet” - but other places have full phrases or apparently random words - “you fucking annoyance,” “loves kids,” “buddy,” “your own kind of superhero,” “my soldier,” “a joke Mark forgot about,” “martial arts nerd,” “eats all the fucking candy in the house” - and it goes on for pages and pages.

On the first open line, he pulls out a pen and writes “a bit of a prick.”

Anonymous asked: damn, shepard. what happened to you lot?

Shep puts down his pen and turns to you, grinning. “Ah, you’re gonna have to be a little more specific than that. It’s been a long… eight years? And you haven’t exactly kept up to date with me. Which isn’t your fault. I guess. Not really.”

He side-eyes you, flipping his pen between his fingers.

“Anyway, this is my first year back in Dark’s houses for a while. I was living in the city for a few years after Dark kicked me out because I kept, uh. Bringing criminals back to the house for interrogations. They said I brought too much attention to us, so they had Google throw me out. Guess I deserved it… it turned out to be mostly okay. I had my own apartment for a while. My own pet rat. I was teaching martial arts and making rent. Then I kind of got into some trouble trying to be a fucking hero again… and I got lonely. Stressed all the time. Can’t keep a girlfriend. Rat died. Kind of a breaking point for me. So I came back here. Because of course I did. Because I always do. Because I don’t have any purpose without somebody else fucking giving it to me.”

He sighs bitterly, scratching at the web of cuts on his leg from Anti’s vines last night. Some of them are fairly deep, but he’s just stuck a mess of Band-Aids over the top and went to sleep with a towel beneath his legs just in case.

Anonymous asked: are you happy with this, shep? i'm trying to figure out how much we can trust you.

“You can trust me entirely, we’re just not on the same side,” answers Shep frankly, raising his eyebrows at you. “What’s not to trust? I belong to Dark. That’s true. There you go. Make of it what you will. And as for being happy, it doesn’t bother me. I’ve done much nastier things for Dark and enjoyed them much more. Parts of my life are still hard on me, but I’ve done what Dark tells me for the better part of eight years, ever since I pulled my head out of my ass and realized Mark was never going to come back and make me a real hero. So now I make my own choices. Sometimes I make ones he probably wouldn’t make for me. Sometimes I make ones almost no one else would be able to make. And that’s freedom. That adrenaline… that knowing that you are changing someone else’s life, that you matter, even in the worst fucking way possible… that’s freedom.”

Anonymous asked: are you doing ok, shep? seems like your life's been a bit of a mess.

“Yeah,” laughs Shep. “Honestly, things are fine now. I’m just never getting out of this house, you know? I don’t know. Ippy moved out two years ago. Yan’s in prison and nobody wants to bust her out after what she did. Dark has Google throw out or kill anybody who annoys them. Wil travels half the year, Eric works at the aquarium, Host’s published, even the twins have jobs, haha. And Bim…”

Silver scratches bitterly at his legs, maybe trying to draw a little blood now, bored of the scabs.

“Ran off about four months ago,” he mutters. “I miss him. Asshole. Didn’t tell me where he was going. Doesn’t answer his phone. Could have taken me with him. There was nobody quite that chaotic. I don’t know, maybe Dark just killed him to stop him from making our faces too public like he always wanted to, the little showman. But no, it’s okay. I’m like Google, you know? I’m just always going to be stuck in this fucking house. But I like it pretty well. Dark keeps me busy. And I like when the others come visit. I’m pretty much friends with everybody. Maybe I’ll get another rat soon.”

He flashes you a sudden look of alarm, his hands drawing away from his legs.

“I’m sorry,” he says. “I’m… first time I get to talk to you in years and I don’t have anything worth saying, I just - I can tell you stories! Maybe. Uh. I’m not good at telling stories. Ask Host. I should have taken video then so I could have something to show you. You’re going to forget again and then all of this will be for nothing and no one will even see me differently. Eight years! Fuck. Do you want to go talk to somebody else? I bet you do. Well, sorry I’m not good enough for you, okay? Guess I never was. Whatever.”

He shoves the camera onto the bed, picking tersely at his mouth.

The door swings suddenly open. A figure in a long coat leans against the doorway, crossing his arms.

“I can hear you being a little bitch all the way from my room,” drawls Host.

“Oh, fuck off!”

Host laughs and leaves him again. He’s not interested in chatting.

“This story isn’t about us,” he calls back at Shep. “Don’t damage the narrative integrity with your need for their attention. Let them see their baby brother. He’s not well.”

Anonymous asked: hey, shep, don't you start saying you're not good enough for us. no matter what mark says or did to you, made you a joke or whatnot, that doesn't mean you can't become something different. and i have no doubt that one day, people will know you, and people will love you. maybe you'll have your own story. you just... can't rely on mark to write it for you. sometimes you have to do things like that for yourself. and for what it's worth, i think you're pretty cool. you're different. for example, what's up with that book you just wrote in?

Shep grins weakly, acknowledging the foolishness of his own outburst.

“I try to get rid of the thoughts of him,” he says. “You should hear Dark snarl about the stories Mark told about them… but I’m just jealous. It’s stupid. And you guys - you never - ”

He shrugs and lets out a huff, the irritation fading again. He knows it’s all useless and unfair, but it never stops eating at him. What could have been. But he tries to cheer up for you.

“These are just things I am or might be,” he says, hefting the book. “Things other people have called me. I try to figure out which ones are true. And which ones I want to be. I’m not good at that part so much, though. Sometimes I decide I want to be, like, nice, but then next thing I know I’m shouting at somebody for looking at me wrong, ha. I’m glad the others put up with me. I mean, some of them are dicks. But we kind of make a team together.”

“I’m not what I was then,” he adds after a moment. “So maybe I broke away a little. But at the same time, I’m not sure the story I’ve told is the one that I wanted. Or the one that I want.”

Anonymous asked: it's okay, shep, we don't mind hearing you talk. could we go see dapper, though? i'm a little worried about him.

Shep lets out a sigh, breathing out some of his anxiety. “Yeah. Sure. Is that actually his goddamn name? We’ve got some pretty nutty names around here, but not ‘Dapper.’ I guess it’s kind of cute.”

He gets to his feet and scoops you up, wandering down the stairs. The house is quiet but for the whirling of a fan overhead and the buzzing of a show somebody left playing on the TV. Out in the yard, you catch a glimpse of a few of them playing badminton, dropping the birdie most of the time and then racing each other to pick it up and bring it back to their side. Wilford’s booming voice drifts into the house as though from much farther away than it is. Around their feet, barking joyfully, is a dog almost as enormous as Anti’s wolf-like form, wagging its tail furiously and racing to the birdie along with its owners.

“Actually,” says Shep, pausing outside the only door with extra locks. “I’m not sure Ippy will want me inside. Let’s see if he’s in here.”

He pushes the door gently open. Edward only glances up for a second before turning back to his notes. It’s a makeshift clinic room, barely even the size of the bedrooms, and it’s cramped with a desk and a bed and some examination equipment and dressers with supplies in them. Dapper’s on the bed, tucked up tight, asleep.

“What’s that?” asks Ippy.

“Uh, a camera.”

“Is it now?” he answers dryly.

“There’s an audience or something.”

“Is there someone who can tell me what’s going on with my patient?”

“Well. I guess. I think.”

Ippy reaches out, beckoning for the camera. Shep hands it over and Ippy drops you on the bed, still scrawling in his little notebook. “I’d like medical history, please, allergies, recent injuries, notable behaviors, sleeping habits, blood type, next of kin, etc. Start talking.”

Shep chuckles at his bluntness and pulls up a chair beside him, grinning at his friend as he works.

“What are you looking at?” mutters Ippy, and he reaches out to shove playfully at Shep’s head. “Called me in on my day off for this, huh. Fuckers. You’re lucky he’s actually sick or I’d be peeved.”

Anonymous asked: you can always change. seriously, shep, it's never too late to become someone different. and i'm sorry that none of us did anything. it's difficult, when mark made so many videos and gave so many more characters attention and left others with nothing. you did not deserve that, and i'm genuinely so sorry. does mark still even make videos? we haven't heard anything about him in a long time.

“You’re talking to them about this?” asks Ippy.

Shep shrugs, settling down in his chair.

“It’s very simple, Shepherd. Mark doesn’t have much control of his power and even if he did you were still early enough that you would have been created.”

“I know, Ip.”

“Telling a story about you would only limit your freedom and subject us to more publicity, which is dangerous.”

“I know, Ippy.”

“The audience can’t do anything for us without videos and them dwelling on the thought of us does not make you any more of a - ”

“I know, Edward!” snaps Shep. “Okay?”

Ippy rolls his eyes and turns back to Dapper.

“Mark makes videos sometimes, but he focuses on bigger productions,” adds Shep with a sigh. “I think he mostly wrapped up ego stuff, but you never know with him. We don’t talk. And ever since he got that bigger deal as a real producer - ”

“Can we not talk about Mark?” asks Ippy. “I don’t like hearing about him. He’s fine, I guess, but I just prefer to live a Mark-less life at this point, thanks. A life unmarked by Mark, as it were.”

“You really are peeved today.”

“I just have boundaries, Shep, maybe you should learn some.”

.

Dok wakes to the buzzing of the lights in the bathroom.

He shifts uncomfortably, feeling his back protest, but the cold plastic of a hospital chair is much better than waking up in that room back in the house, aching on the unfinished floor, dreaming of spiders crawling over his skin. He shudders and sits up, pulling his - oh. This is Red’s hoodie, wrapped around him. He sighs and glances at his brother splayed over the side of Blue’s bed, dead asleep.

The bathroom is silent but for those burning lights. He waits a long time, but nothing moves.

“Blue?” he calls wearily, getting to his feet. He knocks his fist gently against the door. “Okay? Want the nurse or something?”

Blue doesn’t answer.

“Hey, Blue, no silences,” he begs with a sigh, rubbing at his head. “Too many nights finding Trick hurting himself in the bathroom. Come on.”

Blue mumbles something. Dok grimaces and pushes open the door.

He’s okay, which he’s grateful for, though he’s almost too tired to be relieved. He steps forward and takes Blue carefully by the wrists. He was just standing there staring at them. Too intently. Too blankly.

“What’s going on?” asks Dok.

Blue turns to look at him and his eyes are fogged and all but blind. Dok touches his cheek to ground him, sighing in his brother’s stead.

“Sorry.”

“Don’t have to be sorry. Tell me what’s up.”

“I don’t… know. Just… looking at myself. So weird.”

“What’s weird?”

Blue reaches out and touches his own reflection on the surface of the mirror.

“Not me,” he mumbles. “More and more often, it’s not me. Not real. It makes me feel really… I don’t… I don’t like it.”

Dok shifts on his feet and pulls his sibling’s fingers away. “That’s called dissociation,” he says. “I get it too sometimes when Anti uses me. It can’t be easy having been possessed so often lately.”

Blue shakes his head numbly, managing to fix his eyes on him for a moment. “Dissociation,” he repeats.

“Let’s ground. Tell me three things about your body.”

“What?”

“Look. In the mirror. Tell me three things about yourself. Anything. Obvious things. It’s okay.”

Blue stares into the mirror, blinking. His mouth parts. But he doesn’t say anything. After a moment, there are tears welling in his eyes.

“Blue,” breathes Dok.

“Sorry,” repeats Blue frailly, turning away from the sight of himself, covering his face with his hands. He doesn’t want to see himself. He doesn’t want Dok to look at him. He doesn’t want anyone to look at him ever again.

“What’s going on?”

“I just want Anti’s fucking head, alright?” snaps Blue. “I just want to murder him. And then I’ll feel like myself again, and I’ll get my magic back, and then my body back, and we can have a chance to be okay again. And until then I just have to deal with this. Until I rip his goddamn throat out. Like I promised him I would. When my hands are covered in his blood, then I’ll feel better.”

Dok looks at him, taken a little aback. His hands curl together nervously on his stomach. He stares down at the floor.

Blue sighs bitterly through his teeth, shaking his head. “I know you don’t like talking about blood. Sorry.”

Dok shrugs. “Is fine.”

“Dok, I just can’t take much more, you know that, I know you feel the same way… surely you get this same bloodlust, don’t you, my darling? He’s been torturing you. Don’t you want to torture him back?”

Dok’s stomach turns. He takes a step back, shaking his head.

“I would not like to ever torture anybody ever again,” he says quietly. “I have had my fair share, thank you.”

They stand side-by-side in the bathroom, frowning together, cold.

“What if it doesn’t make it better?” asks Dok.

“What?”

“What if killing Anti doesn’t make it feel better?”

“Killing Anti will solve most every problem of mine I can think of,” answers Blue soundly, straightening up.

“Oh, goodness,” grumbles Dok, rolling his eyes. “I’m not even going to start with you.”

“Better not, you sassy little monkey man.”

“Monkey man? I am monkey man? How dare you say this.”

“Yeah. You’re bananas.”

“Blue, I will end you.”

But he’s laughing now and that’s what matters. Dok snorts and rolls his eyes, trying to let himself laugh a little too. He leaves the bathroom and flops down on his chair, gazing at Blue as he limps back into his bed and sits down. They look at each other for a long moment, trying to make each other smile with their own tired grins.

“I’m sorry you’re hurting,” whispers Blue. “I wish I could keep all of you safe.”

“Don’t have to be sorry,” Dok says again, letting his eyes slip shut. “I know you’re trying so hard. It’s not your fault at all.”

“I’ll kill Anti for you,” Blue swears, his eyes shining through the haze that seems to lie over them most days. “Then we can be okay again.”

“And what if we can’t?” asks Dok, barely even registering the words before he feels them leave his mouth. “What if we can’t kill him, Blue? What happens then?”

Blue stares out at the smog of the sky, wishing he could see the stars.

“Then I think he’ll kill us instead,” he answers simply. “And then, either way… it’ll be over.”

Dok nods slowly, not opening his eyes. Blue reaches out. They hold each other’s hands in the low light.

.

Anonymous asked: Hey there Ippy, we don't know much about Jameson medically, besides that he has schizophrenia and takes the medicine Haloperidol/Haldol, and he's allergic to rowan (as though he might be a chageling?). He's not a regular human either, he's basically Jacksepticeye's version of you guys.

“Ohhh,” says Ippy, standing slightly outside his clinic, arms crossed over his chest and eyes wide. “Schizophrenia. I’m relieved, actually. Because if this was fever delirium… we would have a problem.”

Google leaps out of the room, synthetic blood dripping down his neck, and slams the door hard behind him, panting. From within the room, hissing.

“Kid’s fucking nuts,” Gigi snarls.

“Kid’s fucking delusional,” answers Ippy sharply. “And that’s not his fault. This is on you for kidnapping somebody with a psychotic disorder.”

“He would have died there anyway,” sneers Gigi, stalking past Ippy. He has a red shirt now instead of blue. “That little monster wasn’t going to get him any help for that infection. And if you don’t do something fast, he’ll die here instead. He’s exhausting himself. Sedate him again.”

“No. Too much sedating. We have to calm him down. I’ll give him his Haldol intravenously so he can’t throw it up with this fever. You just have to steal some for me.”

“I only take orders from the Darkness,” answers Google.

Ippy sighs and shakes his head, turning stonily back to the door of his clinic. “If this doesn’t change, I’m sending him back to his brothers.”

“That place has no family. And Dark will speak with him before he’s let go. You get him well enough that he can have a discussion, then he’s free to go.”

Anonymous asked: JJ, honey, are you doing alright? I know you must be absolutely terrified right now, but at the very least you're getting medical treatment and they plan to give you back to Anti after you have a discussion with the Darkness. I know it'll be absolutely terrifying, but I think it's the only way to get home. Ippy is going to give you Haldol, if you'll let him? You'll feel much clearer if you do, then maybe you can make plans on what to do next.

JJ has not struggled this much with his symptoms since he and Red were homeless in Columbia and he knows it.

But he can’t make it stop.

“Tell my big brothers to come get me if they have to kill everyone in this house to do it!” his hands scream, and that is the last coherent thought you get out of him.

He moves! He has to move. He doesn’t just pace, he darts around the room, he races. His hands strike strike strike every surface. He pauses only for a moment to be sick over the waste basket, leaving him pale and dizzy, but even then his body is consumed by wracking spasms and shakes. He spins in a circle. He can’t stop looking at the lights no matter how hard he tries. His eyes are up, up, up. Fluttering, rolled back. Watching the light. Fixed on the light. If he looks away bad things will happen. The cameras told him so. Didn’t they? Someone did and he knows it must be true. He has to look at the light or the Darkness will get him.

“I’m already here,” whispers Dark’s voice in JJ’s head. He spasms and jolts back with terror, rubbing at his arms and shaking himself like he’s trying to act out a seizure, but despite his frantic motion and his fear, his face is numbed to any emotion, blank as it was when Red would struggle to understand him in Columbia. Dapper starts to sign wildly, but the words don’t make sense together to anyone but him.

“Skin. I was in. Blood up tree branch he made me go there and I didn’t want to! Can’t Red come? Miss candy and bedsheets, where? The radio, turn down. Does my blood come up? Does my blood rise?”

Ippy peeks his head inside the room. Dapper turns and sends a lamp flying towards him, smashing it against the wall, and Ippy ducks away again. Dapper grins joylessly, with his teeth, his eyes rolled towards the lights on the ceiling. He holds up his wrists and his hands dangle as though on string. Then he crumples to the ground, dazed and panting, scratching at the fever in his face.

“Jackie,” he begs. “Chase.”

Anonymous asked: dapper, jamie, my dear. you're okay, yeah? we would tell you if we thought you were in danger. and now i'm telling you to try to be calm, okay? we'll tell you if we think you're in danger. i promise.

For just a moment, he manages to drag his flickering eyes over to you. There’s a red light on the camera. That counts, right? Does it? His hands search the floors for his bear. Trick packed his things. Didn’t he? But what if it was a trick? Isn’t that why he named him that? Also guns and grey shirts.

He rubs at his aching, pounding head, and swats at a tactile hallucination on his legs. Just a snake, though, and those you don’t have to worry about. It’s dogs and cats that will tear their teeth into you.

He registers the promise vaguely, but his paranoia is so high he could be home safe and sound and still feel that Dark was slowly killing him. He casts his eyes over your message, counting the y’s. Nine. Does that mean something? He knows it means something. The universe is trying to talk to him. God is trying to talk to him. He just needs to listen.

Anonymous asked: ippy's gonna get you your haldol, okay? he's kind. he won't hurt you. do you think you can agree to that, dap? that way, if you are in danger, it'll be clearer, and if it's a hallucination that'll be clearer too.

He would like his Haldol. He would. That’s one of the only mercies Anti usually grants him. He registers that someone is coming into the room and you said it was okay. He rocks his head back and forth, trying to think, feeling drool clinging to his lips. Where is he?

Ippy tries again. Creeping, patient, quiet.

“Are you feeling up to talking?” he asks quietly, when he manages to get into the room without being assaulted. Dapper learned from Anti and when he does not have a blade he makes use of his teeth and his mean white fingernails.

Dapper rocks his head, still trembling from the catatonia, burning with fever.

“I don’t know where to fucking start,” Ippy mumbles, kneeling down beside him. “You’re going to puke up your medication. Google might get you some of the liquid stuff, might not. Depends how generous he thinks he’s being. And what Dark tells him…”

Dapper shudders, baring his teeth.

“Please turn down the radio,” he says, clawing at his ears between signs, but it just looks like more frantic movement to Ippy. “So many people talking all at once.”

“Can I give you something for the fever?” asks Ippy, getting up to get him some water and medicine. “Yeah? Try to keep you hydrated? I need to look at your wrist.”

Dapper clutches his arm to his chest, squirming. “Anti? You’re playing games with me? Can I come out, please? Been good.”

scunneredzombie asked: Jay, they're going to give you some of your medicine. You have a really bad fever right now, it's most likely making the psychosis much much worse. We're here to help and so is Ippy. You will be okay. Breathe, Dapper, just breathe. You will get through this. Remind yourself of things you know are real, things that are unchanging and true no matter what. Cling to those for now. That's what I do during my psychotic episodes.

What’s real? What’s unchanging? What’s true?

Dapper squints his eyes up at the light on the ceiling and tries to think. His hand is still searching for his things. Ippy passes his backpack towards him and Dapper finds his bear, dragging his gaze down to it. Red and Blue and Dok got it for him for Christmas this year. He’s had it for months, even in Columbia. The fur is alpaca. It doesn’t feel quite like any other texture. Cloudy and thick at the same time. Warm. It still smells, faintly, of their home in Peru.

He tries to breathe.

“Okay, I’m going to try to give you some medicine here,” Edward warns him carefully, moving closer. “It’s good for you. Just to bring the fever down a little. I’ll look at your wrist again here in a minute.”

JJ scoots away, shaking his head, but it only makes him dizzy. A hundred voices speak to him. Edward’s is rich and deep and all too familiar. He concentrates on the faint beep of the camera, a sound he’s grown used to over months and months of what would otherwise be total loneliness.

He hopes Trick is okay at home. He’s sorry he left him alone.

Anonymous asked: yeah, you're doing well, dap. just gotta hang on a little longer, okay? and ippy will help you, dap. you don't have to trust him, but you trust us, don't you? and we trust him. it's okay, dap. you're gonna be okay.

Ippy takes his chin in his hand and angles him towards him.

Nope.

Anchors fall away and Dapper feels something inside himself snap. This has always been the rule. This has always been the rule, the rule he has learned since his creation: no one touches him but Anti and his brothers.

No one.

And the punishments he’s seen Anti inflict on those who broke that rule -

Dapper does not often wish for a voicebox that works. But right now, all he wants to do is fucking scream.

His teeth flash and bite down hard on Ippy’s hand, making Dark’s look-alike yelp in alarm. Dapper slams their heads together and grabs him by the throat, burning with fury, burning with fear, burning alive on a pyre he did not set, and then Google is there, and he has him by the hair, and he shoves a needle deep into the neck of Anti’s most savage attack dog.

Dapper quails, gripping frantically at Gigi’s hand. He chokes and looks up into deep brown eyes. There is no red glow.

He slides to the ground, asleep. Google lets him go.

“Alright?” asks Google quietly.

Ippy swears under his breath and puts his hand to his forehead, teeth marks indented in the skin. “I’m fine, goddammit.”

“Keep him asleep til he’s better,” says Gigi. “I will not tell you again.”

Edward shakes his head slowly, biting his lip, but he doesn’t protest.

Jamie sleeps. The fever is burning in his flesh.

Anonymous asked: Trick is right, Anti. You keep asking, multiple times now, "why did this all fall apart?" And the answer is because you constantly excuse your cruelty, excuse your abuse and all the pain you cause, by blaming Jack and saying you "can't control yourself". You, sir, are just as capable as anyone else in the world of controlling your temper and controlling your aggression. You need to stop making excuses. They will leave over and over and over if you do not change.

“Leave over and over,” mutters Anti under his breath, his eyes angry, aglow in the morning light through the great window in the master bedroom.

Trick is still asleep, though he shifts now, his hair mussed around his eyes. The roots have turned brown. The bright green is beginning to fade to yellow.

Anti wraps his arms around his waist, tugging him close. Trick rolls over with a yawn, trying to rise, but Anti’s grip holds him in place. Trick cracks open an eye and finds himself pressed against him.

“Anti, hey, wake up,” he mumbles, rubbing at his sleepy eyes. “Lemme go. I want a shower and some coffee.”

Anti is already awake, but Trick can’t see that, and he doesn’t move. Trick pauses. He starts trying to squirm out of Anti’s arms without moving enough to wake him if he is sleeping, but he doesn’t have much luck. Anti tightens his arms around him as he tries to escape.

“Anti?”

Anti glares out the window, ignoring his wriggling. Eventually, blinking in surprise, Trick just stays in place.

Leave over and over. Anti grips his ribs until his fingernails put cuts in Trick’s shirt. Leave. Ha. He isn’t going anywhere.

Anonymous asked: are you alright then, anti?

Anti gets out of bed after a half hour has passed. Trick is hot and uncomfortable, needing to stretch and change out of his sweaty sleeping clothes and use the bathroom. But he’s stopped struggling by the time Anti releases him.

The glitch gets to his feet and picks out an appearance for the day in the mirror, settling on the younger man he wore when Dapper was created, ruffling teal hair in the mirror. Trick sits up and gives him a smile. Anti doesn’t answer your question, but the way he looks at Trick - he focuses on the bruises someone left in his wrist as they pulled him along. Something simmers in Anti’s eyes. He turns towards the door.

“Where are you going?” asks Trick, hurrying out of bed. “Hey - Anti? Come on, have breakfast with me or something. Don’t leave me, dude.”

“I have to go get your little brother,” answers Anti. “Just stay here, Trick.”

“Anti, I - ”

He glitches away.

Trick stares at the door, mouth slightly parted.

Anonymous asked: You gonna do something that will stop Dark from kicking your ass a second time?

“Where in the narrative did Dark kick my ass?” snaps Anti, stalking into the forest. “Last I checked I was tearing them and their fucking soldiers a new one when Bubblegum McGee scoops my kiddo off the ground and disappears like the deranged little thief he is. And then all of them went sprinting for the hills. No. When I find Dark, I’m burning down everything they love and tearing apart that mangled excuse for a spine of theirs. Then we’ll see if they remember me.”

Anonymous asked: Trick? You want to talk for a bit?

“Yeah, uh, yeah,” says Trick, trying to recover quickly, nodding his head and straightening up. “Yes, please. House is super quiet without anybody else! Last time I was this alone was when Blue was in hospital and I’d come back to the house and try not to worry about everybody else too much. But I do have Noodle! He’s always got my back. I’m just going to get changed and then we’ll go make some breakfast and check on kitty cat, yeah? Doesn’t have to be a sucky day just cause things are trying to go bad. I can stay positive.”

Anonymous asked: Alright, we'll just have a bit of a "you" day. Decompress a bit. It's good to check in on yourself and have a little time off. (Give noodle some pets please!)

“Yes,” laughs Trick. He worries at his hands, yes, kneading his fingers into his palms, and you can see the edge of a breakdown somewhere in the back of his eyes, but he has survived a lot and he wants to prove to himself that he can be okay even without Dok sometimes. Maybe even to be okay when Dok isn’t, so he can look after him better. So he can look after all of them better.

Next time they’re scared enough to run away, he wants to be someone they can trust.

“Decompress - play some games, probably - chill with my cat - cook a ton - swim, maybe… yeah!” Trick pulls his shirt over his head and turns toward the door, grabbing the handle. “I’ll - ”

It’s locked.

Trick stops. Tries it again. Stares. Glances at you. Tries again.

It’s still locked.

He stands in front of the door. His hand rests on the door handle.

Outside, a mewl.

Anonymous asked: can the window open, trick?

“The… window?” he asks. “Yeah… yeah, it can. But I’m on the second story.”

He moves to the window and lets it swing open. The fresh air and the scent of the forest are refreshing, but the red brick of the patio is still several meters down.

Anonymous asked: where's noodle?

Claws pick at the carpet outside Anti’s bedroom. Trick hurries back to the door and kneels down, crouching to try and see his cat through the crack beneath it.

“Mrow,” complains Noodle loudly, scraping at the carpet with his claws out. “Meehhhh.”

“Daddy’s here, kitty cat, I’m right here.” Trick reaches for him as though he could pull him beneath the door. Noodle attacks one of his fingers, chewing on the end, but Trick doesn’t even mind. “Are you hungry? I’m sorry I didn’t let you out last night. Things were crazy, baby. But I’m coming, boyo, I’ll… I’ll, uh…”

What is he supposed to do?

Anonymous asked: do you think anti will be mad if you leave the room?

“I don’t know. It was probably an accident.”

Noodle yowls on the other side of the door. Trick stares at his kitten’s paws, his eyebrows drawn back in worry. You see him look down at his feet.

He knows it wasn’t an accident. And he wouldn’t have locked it if he was okay with Trick leaving.

Anonymous asked: Okay unless we know a for our window downstairs is unlocked, I wouldn't use the window, don't want you getting locked out of the house entirely. You think you might be able to find a key or break the lock if you need to?

“It’s… maybe I could? I don’t want to get in trouble. But there’s no keyhole on this side. I’d have to really bust the door up. And then he’d be so angry.”

Trick steps back from the door, chewing on his nails. He closes his eyes and tries to breathe.

“Okay,” he says after a moment. “Okay. I wish he hadn’t done this, but he did. I’m safe in here. I have a bathroom with water and all the stuff I packed into a bag in case I got kidnapped is here. Dapper was keeping food in the drawers. I’m okay. But my poor cat…”

Anonymous asked: for now, at least, you can make sure noodle has food, right? is the food only in there? maybe you can grab a little something and push it under the door

“That’s a good idea. Okay, let me look.”

He goes back to the bottom drawer and pulls it open to reveal Dapper’s stash. He recoils a little, scrunching up his nose - he hadn’t realized how bad it smelled in the panic of last night, but now he notices.

“This is kind of nasty… we’ve only been here a couple weeks. Why would he keep - ugh, cheese!” Trick chucks the hot string cheese towards the trash, making a gagging motion. “He has to know this would go bad right away, right? Why even take it? Look, my cookies from last week. Hard as rocks cause he didn’t even ask me to wrap them. There’s lint on them. He just shoved them in his pockets. Fuck’s sake… oh!”

Here’s some stuff that should still be edible. Crackers still in their packs. A couple apples. Tupperware with brownies. One pack of raisins, one pack of dried cranberries. And a little pack of Dapper’s favorite - jerky. Most of it is gone, but there are a few good chunks still at the bottom.

“At least I can give him something, then,” says Trick, taking a breath.

Anonymous asked: Anti keeps his favorite trophy locked up in a case when not in use

Trick looks at you, eyes wide, and then away, trying to make himself scowl. He crouches down beside the door and pushes dried meat towards his cat. Noodle seems to accept the offering. He goes quiet and Trick hears him chewing. It’ll take him a while to get through that.

Trick sits back on his heels and stares at the door.

“Always wanted to be Anti’s favorite trophy,” he mumbles, something frightened and tired passing across his face. “Or thought I did, I guess.”

Anonymous asked: you have a choice, then, trick. do you want our help in leaving the room, to go to noodle? or will you stay here and wait for anti to come back and let you out?

Trick sighs and slumps down against the door, rubbing at his face. He stares out the window and thinks.

“You know… I think I’ll try to stay here for a while,” he says, giving you a smile that looks more like a grimace. “It’s not bad. We’ve definitely stayed in much worse places! I have lots of room and a clean bathroom and everything I need. Maybe I’ll take a bath. Yeah… it’s okay.”

He glances around the room. How long has he been in here? Two hours? Oh, twenty minutes. He bites his lip and sighs. He puts his head between his knees and rubs at the back of his neck.

“Always kind of knew it couldn’t really be fun for anybody to be locked in a room all day. But I thought maybe, with Dapper’s nerves, it was better for him just to stay up there with Anti. And when I imagined it, I guess I made everything nice. Him getting to eat his own food, sleep whenever he wants, just working on his art all the time. Doing whatever he wanted, you know? I usually imagined Anti actually… being here, though. Yeah. I guess that I thought that when he loved me, I’d be able to feel it.”

Trick pauses, looking up. Looking out at the sun.

“That’s always the thing with me, though,” he says. “Even when I know for a fact people love me - it doesn’t always feel that way. And I thought - well, Anti, he just… with his power, it’s like he can make me feel that way. Or maybe it’s just him. But those days when I would just spend all my time praying to impress him… and then he would brush his hand across my hair or smile at me… it would be my favorite part of the week. Like I finally got it all right. Like I’m finally worthwhile.”

He puts his head down again, looking at the carpet, his fringe falling into his eyes. It occurs to him that he doesn’t really like bright green. Or dying yellow.

“I love him,” he says, a little hollowly. “But I think maybe Dok was always right. Nobody else can magically fix me. I need to stop expecting Anti to put everything right in my head. That’s not fair to either of us. I should have been happier just being with Dok. Cause Anti gave me these bursts of joy, yeah, and he’s trying to be better to me these days - but Dok has been the earth beneath my feet for months now.”

He stares at the food in the drawer, rotting. He tugs uselessly on the door handle. He stares around the silent, empty room, and the silence stares back, and says nothing.

“I shouldn’t have been jealous of my little brother,” says Trick, heart sinking. “I should have been making sure he had ground to stand on too.”

Anonymous asked: yeah, i get that, trick. and i think anti does love you, as much as he can love someone anyway. although, trick, you don't have to answer this now, and if you don't want to talk about this right now i'll stop, but trick? if given a choice between dok and anti, who would you choose?

“Oh, hey,” protests Trick, a little weakly. “That’s family both, we don’t talk like that. Hey, it’s okay to love people in different ways, and I know you don’t like Anti. But the truth is that just because I’m closer to Dok, I would never ‘choose him’ over any of the others. We all gotta just love each other in the way we need. I want to do what’s best for all of them. If… if Dok and Red and Blue need some space from Anti, well… maybe they should have some. But even if I lived with some of them instead of the others, it’s not because I’m trying to pick someone as my favorite. We just all need different things at different times. Whoever needs me most is who I ‘choose.’ Whoever I can help. And I hope it’s always… all of them, you know? When you’re a family, helping one person is good for everyone.”

Anonymous asked: It's easy to fall into a "grass is greener" mentality but abuse is abuse no matter if you're crouched by a window with a gun, locked away in an attic, or running through the streets with stolen drugs. I don't blame you for wanting a higher standing with Anti but he's not going to give you what you want, to no failing of your own.

“Ha! Okay, fair… maybe being in the basement and being in the attic both kind of suck. But I’ve always had Dok. Having someone there with you is what makes it not sucky. Look, this house is fucking awesome! But there’s no one here with me right now. And that does kind of suck, even worse than when Dok and I were sleeping in the same pile of cheap blankets beside a window in a broken down cabin during a Norwegian fall. We had a good time in Norway, didn’t we? Before everything went wrong? Do you remember… we got fish in a restaurant in town, ha… and I got my crinkle paper…”

Trick pulls it out of the pocket of his basketball shorts and presses his fingers to the crinkly baby paper, familiar and fond. He smiles while his eyes grieve.

Anonymous asked: Those sound like fair conclusions, Trick. It sounds like you've been thinking a lot about yourself and how you've interacted with your family in the past. That's really good; well done. For what it's worth, I am really sorry you got left here alone. You don't deserve that. Are you sure you don't want help leaving, or looking for something else to do?

“Aww, you guys are like my therapists now,” laughs Trick, genuinely pleased. “That’s sweet, thanks. No, um… I’ll stay here a while, I guess. Think Dap would mind me looking through his sketchbooks? Maybe I’ll draw a little myself. Or… write, maybe. Yeah. Maybe I’ll write a little.”

Anonymous asked: trick, that's admirable. and i do mean that. you have a lot of loyalty. but trick, it's not just that they need some space from anti. anti has hurt them, time and time again. family doesn't hurt each other like that, trick. anti has gone too far, many, many times.

“I am loyal,” he agrees quickly, because that’s something he’s always known and one of the few things he’s almost always liked about himself. “Yes. Mh.”

He pulls his eyes away from the rest of the message uncertainly, fiddling with his hands as he sits down on Anti’s bed and pulls Dapper’s latest sketchbook off the bedside drawer. He’s grinning for a minute. They’re mostly pictures of animals. Some people scattered in there - dancers and babies and old people in love. Dapper’s good and he’s gotten even better since the last time Trick checked in on his art, which was… how long ago?

But there are other things in the pages too.

Faces that almost hurt from how familiar and yet unrecognizable they are. Images Trick recognizes from Dapper’s hallucinations, painful and threatening. One baby that is not like the rest in a way Trick can’t express. And… himself?

Himself burning?

Trick takes a moment to realize what this is. The night he got the burn that now laces from his palm to the back of his hand. He hadn’t realized Dapper remembered, or was even there, watching, as it happened.

In the image, a dark figure shoves him towards the fire. His shirt sleeve is already ablaze, his hand consumed, and yet - despite the fire, despite the pain, his eyes are like those of a monk in Mass, wide, adoring, tear-filled - and those eyes are fixed on the creature pulling him into the flame.

Trick shoves the sketchbook away from him, squeezing his eyes shut.

“I don’t want to talk about this right now,” he croaks, turning his face away from you. “Later. Okay? Later, I promise, just… not right now.”

It is the second time he has pushed your concerns aside in as many nights. There are messages waiting for him that he’s avoiding. But he still isn’t ready to hear it.

Anonymous asked: okay. that's okay, trick. do you wanna talk about something else, then? i can tell you a funny thing one of my birds did, if you'd like.

“Ha. Birds, wow, that’s awesome. Yeah, sure! Tell me.”

Anonymous asked: alright! so, my sister has an obvious favorite, and the bird knows it, and likes to hang out on people's shoulders and stuff. and today, she flew up onto my arm, and then stared at me face very curiously, and so i started talking to her, and she immediately tried to eat my teeth. very smart bird, who apparently does not quite get what is or is not food. she's very funny.

Trick snorts and covers his mouth with his hand. “Oh, no! I do not like the sensation I am imagining. A beak picking at my teeth, haha. Geez. Sounds like a funny bird. Noodle likes to try to eat toes when we move at night.”

Anonymous asked: oh, yeah, my friend's cats are kinda like that too. for a while, when they were kittens, we had to be careful because they would try to attack our feet. is noodle chaotic like that?

“Half the time he is nuts-o crazy boy, and then half the time he pretends he’s a perfect angel and he just wants all of Daddy’s attention and all of Uncle’s attention and everybody’s attention one hundred percent of the time. And he looks up at you and cries until you scratch him.”

Anonymous asked: oooo, do you write, trick?

“Well, I thought since I’m sure jabbering your guys’ ears off, I could write some shit down. Dok had me do that for a while once. It was right after… well, there’s blurry spots in my memory. It was right after I started being his twin. I was pretty low. I was, um. Self-harming a lot. Losing a lot of my memories. So he recommended I write stuff down. Whatever I was feeling. And he said even he wouldn’t read it, he promised. We were in this kind of warehouse place at the time, and there was nowhere to sleep. Not a lot of privacy except my pieces of paper. They’re gone now. But I think they kept me focused on something, at the time.”

He holds Dapper’s pencil in his hand, taking a loose sheet of paper. But his eyes get fixed on the stretched out sketchbook on the floor once again. He looks away from the image of himself with a grimace.

That night - that look on his face - that wasn’t what he remembers. Not exactly.

Want to know a secret? he writes.

He has scrawling, beautiful, messy handwriting.

I was pissed at you that night. You left me and Dok to freeze. I don’t even think I started that fire because I was trying to keep Dok warm.

He pauses, squeezing his eyes shut. Bites on his lip. Puts his pencil back down.

I wanted to make you angry. I wanted there to be a confrontation. I was angry at you. But I didn’t know how to tell you because you didn’t care about me back then and that was what burned, more than this goddamn scar on my hand. I wanted to hurt you for hurting me. But all you did was hurt me worse. You act like you want things to be good between us now but we’ve never even talked about

He stops and sighs and scowls before crumpling the paper up, scratching at his scalp.

“Forget it,” he mumbles. “Not that. Just…”

Noodle mewls at the door, beginning to get bored with his jerky. Trick smiles softly and chuckles, turning away.

When you were a kitten your body was like a slinky and I could feel every one of your bones. Hot little spine rubbing against my wide palms. Big fuzzy leaf ears. When you were a kitten you made a weight beneath my throat and when I breathed I would feel the tiny thump of your heart. You are the memory of someone I lost.

And Trick is stopped again, closing his eyes again, turning away again.

“Maybe I’ll just go get a hot bath. Relax a while. I’m okay. Poor kitty cat. Don’t be lonely, okay, baby boy? I’ll be back in a while.”

Anonymous asked: Keep your head high and your standards higher, Trick.

“My standards for this rich guy’s bath are high as fuck right now,” he says, slinging a towel over his shoulder. “Motherfucker got bath bombs and everything. This better be some Spirited Away experience or I’m out. Minus the evil lady, though. Just the big steamy bath and the nostalgia, please. Hey, keep an eye on my kitty for me, yeah? You’re still in the cameras all over the house? I’ll be out in a little while. Maybe a long while. Thanks, guys. Uh. For real.”

Anonymous asked: I'm sure noodle is going to be okay, Trick. If you're worried about him just stay near the door and he should be fine óvò You might want to try to slip him something to eat tho, I have no idea when was the last time anyone could've fed that kitty

Trick slips him one more piece of jerky and lets him chew on his finger for a moment before he slips into the bathroom. Noodle has his snack happily outside the door, and then, deprived of Trick’s presence, he goes exploring.

Trick has made toys for him out of anything he could find. He plays with string and a ball that makes a jangling sound. He zips around the house for a while. He searches for Trick and Dok, or anybody to give him some attention.

Usually they’re down in the basement. Usually they all stay down in the basement, Noodle himself shut in most of the day to avoid Anti, though he’s perfectly content to stay down there with everything he needs. But today, he gets to explore. The door was opened while Dark’s soldiers searched the house and he’s free to roam. It’s a little exciting.

He’s okay. For now, he’s okay. Trick has fed him and there’s a little water still in his bowl by the door. He’s okay.

But Trick was too hot in his bed for a reason. And he’s right - the windows do open.

Noodle gets tired of the basement. Noodle gets tired of his toys. Noodle wants to see Trick and the others.

He explores. The fresh breeze and the smell of the trees - the movement of the grass and the warmth of the sun - the song of the birds, the scurrying of mice, the cool water of the pool - they call to him.

He has not been outside since he was too small for anything but milk. Not until today.

He slips out through the window of Red and Blue’s room, and he explores.

Anonymous asked: hey, shep? dapper's brother has a golden cat, who we just saw leave, but he's away from the cameras at the moment so we can't tell him about it yet. could you and the others keep an eye out for the cat? his name is noodle, although i don't know if he knows it or not.

Shep hears the beeping in his pocket and pulls the camera out immediately.

“Shep! Come on, throw it in!”

“Just a second!”

His eyes scan your message and brighten, a hint of gold from the sun lighting up the brown curve of his irises. He feigns disinterest for a moment, pausing to kick a soccer ball back towards someone on the lawn. You can hear a dog barking and voices chatting. The sun is overhead. It’s a beautiful day.

“Would that make you happy?” asks Shep. “If I found the cat for you?”

He looks up at the forest.

Outside of the sunlight, Darkness reigns in more ways than one. The trees are thick and tall and heavy, shrouding the earth in a loving chill. Animals scamper across the dirt and lean plants curl up from the ground and latch onto the broad backs of trees, clinging to damp red wood. And for miles - for miles - it stretches on before him.

“Okay, then,” he says. “I will.”

Anonymous asked: it would help. thank you, shep. anti doesn't like animals, so i wouldn't recommend bringing the cat back to the house they're in, but you can bring it here and we'll tell the brother about it.

“I’ll start looking right now,” he says. “It’s a big forest. But I can do it.”

Anonymous asked: sleeby jj...Soff sleeby bean.. get well soon

His eyes slide open to your familiar light.

He stares at you for a second, his eyes heavy with shadowed circles.

Then he registers the message and manages to roll his eyes for the first time in days, huffing out a bit of a sigh.

“Not a bean.”

It’s only as he signs it that he realizes he’s no longer restrained.

He sits up slowly, pressing his palm to his forehead and grimacing. He doesn’t feel well at all. His stomach swims with nausea and he can feel his blood chugging sluggishly through his veins. But it’s better than the last few days.

He glances around the room, blinking slowly. He’s alone and there’s light streaming in through the barred window.

Alright. He’s had his nap. Time to start trying to escape.

Anonymous asked: Jj, think about this first. Anti is already coming for you, and if you try to escape you'll be in miles and miles of unknown forest, with no haldol, no medication for your fever, and no way to be sure you can get home. At least maybe wait until you've gotten over the infection and until you can steal some haldol to have with you? Just trying to analyze the situation fully before action is taken.

“I am not going to sit quietly while the monster who has haunted my nightmares - well, one of them - keeps me prisoner. I only do that for Anti. Come on, don’t be boring! Help me get out, yeah?”

He struggles to his feet, but as soon as he’s found a moment of balance he loses it again, tumbling into the wall and holding himself there on shaking arms and legs. He swallows thickly and turns towards the windows, yanking on the bars with his good hand. The other one is swaddled so thickly in bandages he can barely feel it, but at least his fingers stick out to let him speak most words.

That being said, he has about four good yanks on those bars before his head is swimming. He slumps against the wall, clinging to the metal. His whole body aches.

“Maybe you have a point,” he admits sullenly, rubbing at his face.

Anonymous asked: Haha, sorry Jay, not trying to be boring! I just want to make sure you've got a second voice to help think clearly. Look around you maybe? See any spare haldol or fever medication you can swipe and save up for when you do the grand escape?

“Thank you,” says JJ, grinning slowly, though nothing quite makes it to his eyes. “Okay, let me look. I think I must have something in me now because my psychosis is a lot less intense right now.”

He glances around the room. He isn’t hallucinating and his thinking is much clearer, but his expressions are still dulled, his face is twitching, and he isn’t sure what’s true and what’s not. He needs rest and a lot less stress.

He checks the drawers, but everything’s locked up.

nikkilbook asked: JJ, remind me again why Dark frightens you so much? I’m sorry, but I can’t remember clearly. He doesn’t remember any of you either. He showed up that first time because he didn’t know why Anti was trespassing in his territory.

Dapper looks over at you.

He turns away for a second, chewing on his nail. Shrugs. Sits down on the bed.

“Not a fun time,” he signs eventually.

scunneredzombie asked: Rest up, if you can, JJ! I'm almost completely certain you'll be safe here. Darkness won't hurt you because they want you healthy enough to talk to them. You need rest and to let your haldol take effect.

“Dark can do a lot worse things than hurting anybody,” he answers. “It’s the talking to them that’s more likely to fuck me up than anything. And I never want to see them again. Tell them to leave me alone! Where’s my big brothers? Are they coming to get me yet?”

Anonymous asked: How are you feeling, JJ? Still burning up?

“I actually feel quite cold.” He hugs his arms around his sunken chest, staring around the room. His lips are chapped to blood and his face is the color of bleach. He doesn’t look well.

“This is miserable,” he admits, his signs soft. “I remember when I was created I always had energy and felt strong and healthy most of the time, even when I got hurt. I bounced back. The last few months, I’m just… every day I’m sicker. My bones break and I catch every cold and infection. Keep have psychotic episodes. Don’t sleep well.”

He realizes he’s just complaining and makes himself stop, digging his nails into his palms. Won’t help anything. He needs to get out.

He creeps to the door and takes the handle in his hand.

“Going somewhere?”

He turns, spitting, back to his bed, the hair on the back of his neck standing up like an angry cat’s as he snatches a pen off the nearest counter for self-defense.

Wilford nods patiently, following his movements as he swings his legs on the side of the little clinic bed. “Very good, very good.”

“You stay away from me.”

“Oh, my dear, forgive me, I don’t understand a word of that. Shall I get you paper?”

Dapper steps away from him, watching him with glittering eyes. After a moment, he nods.

Wilford pulls a pad of paper out from behind his back as though it had been there all along and sets it on the bed beside himself, smiling.

“What are you so frightened of, young man? Come on, then, calm down.”

Anonymous asked: Are you wearing your dress-shoes? The heel might be good for smashing the locks off the drawers! Though you'd have to be uh... as quiet as smashing can be haha.

JJ looks down at his bare feet. He scowls. Just like the day he was created.

But Wilford has boots on. “Give me those,” he demands.

Wilford doesn’t speak sign language, but he gets the gesture. “Sure,” he says, tugging a boot off and tossing it to him.

Dapper slams a desk drawer handle remorselessly. A loud clang signals the death of the handle as it flies to the ground. Dapper yanks the drawer open.

“Ippy says you’re all sorts of unhealthy,” says Wilford cheerfully, still kicking his legs, halfway bootless now. “Do you feel better today? He said you have so little Vitamin D he could probably break your bones with a pillowcase. You need some sun, dear boy!”

Dapper searches through the drawer, but there’s nothing but cotton swabs, gloves, tongue depressors and everything boring. He raises the boot and smashes another dresser handle, a little breathless.

scunneredzombie asked: Anti is trying to find you right now, I'm pretty sure. I understand not wanting to see them, they're frankly a terrifying jedi-powers 3D glasses fender-bender in you all's life. You'll be home soon, JJ. But you need rest right now, you could end up hurting yourself if you're in a bad mindset or not with the proper medication. I know being careful is no fun, but right now it seems like the best option. I know this sounds fucked, but trust Anti to find you. Like he'd give you up that easily, ha,,

“You don’t want to see Dark?” asks Wilford, finally sounding genuinely wounded. “Oh…”

“You stop,” signs JJ fiercely, whirling on him. “You’re lucky you’re out of your mind or I’d call you a creep for staying around that horrible - that horrible - thing. Whatever. Leave me alone. You’re a killer just like them.”

“I think your camera’s right. You ought to sit. You don’t look very well.”

Dapper glares, panting a little. He glances around the room again, a sense of despair shuddering its way over him. Always locked in his room. Always locked in his room. Always locked in his room. He grips at his hair, breathing through his teeth.

“Hey,” says Wilford. “It’s okay. Can you hear me at all? Do I need to be writing things down too? My handwriting is very good. Would you like some water?”

He clears his dry throat, his eyes flickering over to Wilford. Actually, he would. He’s parched.

Wilford nods and gets up. He disappears for a second and returns with a glass of water. JJ takes it from him with shaking hands, sinking down onto the bed.

Anonymous asked: Hey Wilford, you're not... planning on hurting JJ, are you? You don't seems like you have any intention of it but knowing you we can never be too wary >_>

“Excuse me!” Wilford waggles his finger indignantly, making a noise like pshaw! again and again. “I have never hurt a living soul in my life. Wouldn’t hurt a fly. I’m a pacifist, actually. Excepting that door-to-door salesman who would NOT stop coming by…”

Dapper hisses out a breath, pressing at his forehead, feeling faint again. He scoops up Wilford’s pad of paper and sets Ippy’s pen to it. “You really have no idea what’s going on, do you?” he scrawls out in a bitter, looping cursive.

“Do you?” spits back Wilford just as quick, a little fire flashing through his eyes.

Dapper sinks in on himself, exhaling. “No,” he writes. “Not ever.”

Wilford eases again, grinning his nonchalant, slightly dazed grin.

“Why’d you come in here?” writes Dapper.

“To see you,” answers Wilford eagerly, clapping his hands together. “Finally, a new ego with a real aesthetic!”

“I’m not a new ego, Wil. Look, I don’t look like you.”

“No, you’re not like me - well, like him,” insists Wilford, undaunted. “You’re one of the boys that runs around with him sometimes. He can create things too, that’s alright. You can still stay here.”

Dapper softens a little, quirking his eyebrows. “You’ve met Jack?”

“Seen him! They made a lot of videos together for a while, do you remember? Every day!”

JJ laughs, shaking his head. “You’re thinking of Ethan.”

“No, who? Noooo. The brown-haired one. Loud? Bouncy?”

“They’re both - ” JJ cuts himself off, laughing into his hands. “Never mind.”

“I don’t have my glasses on.”

“Apparently.”

Anonymous asked: Hey JJ, did you and Wil knew each other before the whole timeline mess?

“No, not really,” JJ signs to you gently. “I’ve never really had anyone outside of Anti.”

“Are you mute?” asks Wilford politely. “What’s wrong with your voice?”

“I’ve never been able to talk,” he writes out. “Don’t worry about it. I won’t be able to stay for long.”

“Oh,” says Wilford, face falling. “Oh, I thought that was why you came.”

“You took me from my house. Do you remember?”

“No… you’re thinking of one of the others, I think?”

Dapper lets out a sigh and smiles. “Never mind. Just - ”

It’s then that Edward enters the room.

Dapper stiffens, rubbing his shoulders and staring down at the floor. Ippy looks relieved, stepping carefully into the room, as though approaching an animal caught in a fence.

“Hi,” he breathes. “Feeling any better?”

JJ looks away, uncomfortable.

Anonymous asked: Hey Dap? I just wanted to let you know that it's ok to be experiencing symptoms right now. You're under so, so much stress, your body must be having hell and two pence. It's ok if you feel apathy, have a hard time with facial expression, hallucinating. You will be okay. You will get out soon, and you will have time to de-stress, you will see your brothers again soon. Know even through the fear, everything will be okay. You were made for happy endings.

“Do you have symptoms like these often?” asks Ippy.

Dapper plays with the edge of his paper, unsmiling.

“Your, uh… friends? Said you had a psychotic disorder. When was the last time you saw a clinician about that? Seems like you’ve been on Haldol a pretty long time.”

Dapper draws circles on his pad, not looking up.

Ippy sits down in one of those backless chairs that doctors roll around their offices in. “Are you aware that you have a Vitamin D deficiency? Serious enough to be impacting your bone strength?”

Dapper glances at Wilford but doesn’t answer.

“Broken rib… infected wrist… some pretty serious scarring…”

Dapper leans down to write something. Ippy waits patiently. Dapper turns the paper around and he’s written “stop talking to me” across the whole page. Ippy rolls his chair away and lets out a grumble beneath his breath, getting up to -

“Hey! Who broke my drawers!”

Wilford and JJ exchange glances.

“Probably the dog,” answers Wilford wisely, and it almost, almost makes JJ smile.

It’s okay. He’s okay. It’s okay for him to be psychotic. He’s just got to get through it, like he always does. It’s okay to struggle.

Anonymous asked: Hey now! Let the doctor take care of you, bud. You deserve some proper medical attention, you deserve some healing after everything you've been through.

“That’s not my doctor,” signs JJ bitterly, glaring Ippy down as best he can, though he mostly ends up looking like he’s squinting. “Give me back to my brother.”

“Five questions,” asks Ippy. “Yeah? Then I’ll give you some space.”

“One question.” He holds up a finger.

Ippy holds up three.

Dapper turns his head away. Tries to glare again. Nods. Fine.

“When was the last time you saw a psychiatrist?”

He’s never seen a psychiatrist. That’s why they mostly just call it a psychotic disorder. Schneep says it’s probably schizophrenia, but he’s a surgeon. Until Anti stole Dok, he would just tell Dapper that Jack fucked his head up as bad as his voice.

“I don’t have a psychiatrist,” says Dapper. “The Haldol is fine. It manages most everything.”

“Most of the positive symptoms, I bet,” says Ippy. “And even if antipsychotics are helpful, they still need to be adjusted sometimes, and you should probably be seeing a therapist for behavioral therapy.”

“What’s positive about psychosis?” asks Wilford. “Is that like the fun kind of psychosis? A little LSD, anybody?”

“Wilford,” sighs Ippy. “Positive means something added. So things like hallucinations, delusions, hyperactivity, disordered thinking - those are positive symptoms. Most antipsychotics work best for those. But there are negative symptoms too - depressed mood. Flattened expressions. Lack of enjoyment or pleasure. Feelings of hopelessness.”

Dapper stares at the floor. After a moment, he writes “question two” pointedly.

“Why do you look like Mark’s friend?”

“It’s exactly what you think it is. Don’t waste either of our time.”

“Dark says Jack doesn’t have videos with you or any of the others.”

“Is that a question?”

“No, grumbles Ippy, rubbing at his forehead. “Forget it. Who gave you all your scars?”

Dapper’s eyes flicker. He glances away. “Self-harm,” he writes.

“Liar,” answers Ippy evenly. “They go all the way to your back.”

Dapper hisses, tucking his pad up against his chest for a second. He lets out a breath of air, shaking his head.

Anonymous asked: His ribs are broken because his "big brother" nearly beat him to death then left him sitting in filth for hours until he passed out. He's deficient in vitamin D because he spends his entire life locked inside one room and that same brother almost never lets him out. He's scarred from year of torture and abuse. Let's just say he doesn't have the easiest home life.

Ippy sits back, setting his clipboard aside.

Dapper closes his eyes. He doesn’t want to think. He doesn’t feel well.

“Please just leave me alone,” he writes. “There. You got your answer. My brother did all of it. Go away.”

Ippy gets up. He takes Dapper’s bear off the bedside table and hands it carefully over to him. Dapper swallows and accepts it, pulling the familiar warmth and texture and smell to his chest. It’s grounding.

“Want to come sit in the sun for a while?” asks Ippy.

Dapper looks up at him, eyes wide. Ippy waits.

Dapper sighs and shakes his head, curling up against the wall. Even if he wanted to accept anybody’s niceness right now, he’s too tired.

“Okay,” says Ippy. “You don’t have to. But you should know - now that you’re awake and talking - ”

“No,” Dapper is already writing, the pen shaking in his grip.

“They just want to talk. That’s all. They won’t - ”

“Tell Dark to stay away from me,” writes Dapper frantically, tears budding in his eyes. He underlines it. Again and again.

Tell

Dark

To

Stay

Away

Ippy gets to his feet wearily. He unlocks one of his drawers and sets a Haldol and a Vitamin D tablet out on the dresser beside Dapper.

“Get a little sleep,” he says. “You’ll feel better.”

“I want Dok,” writes Dapper. “Please.”

Ippy is already shutting the door behind him.

nikkilbook asked: Edward, do you have any contacts in the city that work with homeless shelters or other kinds of emergency housing? I think that’s where three of his brothers are.

Edward’s eyebrows raise. “Oh? Sure, there’s some shelters. I usually refer them to LAAG. Sets you up in a hotel for a month or two if you’re out of somewhere to stay. Mostly for moms with kids, though. There’s some men’s and women’s shelters in town. Lot of homeless people out here, unfortunately. Hey, Gigi.”

“What?”

“What’s the closest homeless shelter?”

“Are they finally kicking you out of that pigsty you call an apartment? The closest homeless shelter is Missionaries of Charity Relief Services, 23.6 miles away. There is an adjoining soup kitchen.”

“There you go.”

nikkilbook asked: Could you send someone (non/less threatening, if possible?) to ask after them, see if they’d be willing to come and help you with JJ? Though one of them, Marvin, is hurt really bad as well because of some messed up dark magic crap that Anti thought was a good idea. Schneep, the doctor that JJ keeps referring to, is doing his best, but he’s technically a surgeon with holes in his memory.

“Excuse me,” Google cuts you both off, stepping forward. “You have to run decisions like that past Dark.”

“Then ask Dark,” answers Ippy mildly. “I’m sure they’d love to worm their way into somebody else’s heart. They wanted that other kid that was there, right? Bet they’d be happy with you if you brought the other three back to them.”

“You think you’re very clever.”

“But I got you thinking about it, didn’t I?”

Google glares at him.

Then his composure breaks, just the smallest bit, and you see a smile on the edges of his mouth. Ippy laughs and trails past him towards the kitchen. “Come on, you goddamn sycophant. It’s curry night. You can help me make it.”

“I’m not your maid,” says Gigi stubbornly.

But he follows right after him into the kitchen.

Anonymous asked: Does seeing outsiders reaction help you realize it JJ? How horrible Anti really is to you? You're dying, Dapper. You might be dead if you hadn't gotten medical treatment. You have all the scars because of his actions. All of your pain was caused by him. You have a psychotic disorder and he's never /once/ taken you to a psychiatrist. If he was your brother, if he loved you beyond being his pet, he would have at least taken you to therapy. Can you see the damage he's done, Dap?

“Save the realization tactics for my brothers, my friend,” JJ signs quietly. “I’ve always known exactly what Anti is. I used to stay because I was scared of what he’d do to me if I tried to get away. Now I just know there’s no escaping. Not for me.”

And that is when the light from the sun flickers and dies.

Dapper closes his eyes. He knows. Right away, without pausing.

“Dark,” you see his mouth move.

“Feeling… hopeless?” asks a voice that echoes. “I can help with that.”

“No,” says Dapper. “No, you can’t.”

And he gets to his shaking feet.

Anonymous asked: They made a deal JJ. This is the last time. If you don't allow yourself to escape, allow yourself freedom and family, true family, love... Then I fear you'll be stuck with him forever. Let yourself escape. Let Jameson Jackson live. Let your soul breathe again.

JJ holds the camera close to his chest, sinking down beside his bed as his legs give out on him. It makes Dark tower over him. He closes his eyes.

Family, true family - what he wouldn’t give for them to be here right now. And it’s odd to him because most often, when he wishes for family, he wishes Anti were here to protect him.

Today, he doesn’t wish for Anti at all. Even if Anti would protect him from Dark, it doesn’t matter. He wants… fuck, he just wants Red and Blue and Dok and even Trick, because every one of them, he has begun to realize, would take care of him if they ever had the chance to. Blue would be shouting at Dark to back off, Red would already be on the attack, Dok would be making him feel better, and Trick, he thinks, would just be wrapped around him, holding him, just like he did when Gigi and Shep came to take him away.

Maybe he wasn’t stuck up in the attic or in the backroom or in Anti’s bed because everyone else hated him or didn’t want him around. Maybe it was always just Anti’s barriers.

“How interesting the pair of you are,” Dark says, looking down at JJ with your viewpoint in his hands. “To know him intimately… to speak with him. Even when I talk to you, it’s always me on the one side of the camera, and you never able to answer… Mark sees to that. How interesting, though, to be the ones to tell him he’s loved.”

Dapper takes the writing pad in his trembling hands. “What do you want?” he writes.

Dark leans down, too close to him. “I told you. Let’s talk. I want to know everything about that monster you live with - and just how I can get rid of him.”

Dapper creeps along the wall away from Dark, shaking his head minutely. He and Anti have their struggles, but he doesn’t sell his brother out, and especially not to Dark.

“Come on, little one. What are you so scared of? My soldiers have all seen the markings all up and down you. Wouldn’t you rather let me extract a little vengeance for you?”

“Not little,” writes Dapper. “What do you want with Anti? Why kill him?”

Dark cocks their head coolly, eyes flashing red and blue.

“If you don’t remember him, there’s no reason to be angry.”

Dark doesn’t answer. Dark never answers if they don’t have to. They don’t give up information, period.

“I hope you know I hate your guts,” says JJ.

And then Dark’s hand is on his throat.

JJ wheezes in alarm, grabbing Dark’s arm as the room seems to flood with a darkness so thick it seems to shove at his bones like a fist or a car collision. He kicks his legs desperately and, for a moment, manages a shrill whistle of alarm - and then Dark makes him still.

The calm is like an infusion of something, settling into his lungs and chest and softening his violent terror into a whimpering fear. Dark drags him back to his bed and throws him onto the mattress. And Dapper, shaking and petrified with a weepy, muted alarm, curls his body into a roly-poly and hugs his bear to his chest, staring up at Dark with huge, watering eyes, because the times when he acts childish and too cute to hurt have never been anything more than a fear response.

“There you go,” says Dark, sitting down in the chair beside the bed and leaning back, their eyes closing for a moment from the strain it puts on their spine. Anti’s attack has left them physically shaken and weak, the pain haunting them through waking and dreams. For that, they will have revenge - and for the way that the thought of Anti has haunted them for more than a week now. “Be good now and tell me how you know me.”

“My brother brought me to you some years back to reset me even better than he can alone,” writes Dapper shakily. “He manipulates thoughts and he can possess people. You manipulate souls and emotions. I woke up a different person. Since then I feel like I have a different personality every day. You and Anti took who I was from me.”

Dark shakes their head faintly, squinting for a moment. They glance at Dapper, at his eyes, at his chest. They don’t say anything.

“Please don’t hurt me anymore,” writes Dapper.

“There’s nothing to be afraid of,” says Dark gently, and they try to make it feel, in Dapper’s heart, that this is true, but all he does is close his eyes and hide.

Anonymous asked: hey, jamie, dapper, my dear. i know you've been hurt by dark before, and i'm not saying you have to forgive them, or trust them, or anything. but can you try to trust us, when we tell you that you are safe? i wouldn't say that lightly, dap. but right now, you are safe. deep breaths. we're here to help you.

“There, that’s right,” agrees Dark quietly. “Don’t be scared.”

Dapper shudders under another wave of their power. Affection and faith well up in his chest, and this feeling, at least, has an anchor of truth in his head, a foundation it can stand on. Yes, he remembers the days when you have kept him company, the days when you have warned him of danger or convinced Anti to leave him alone. He remembers Trick and Dok taking him for fish and chips, presents you picked out for him, and the beeping of the camera on so many of the nights in the past seven months where he would have been completely alone without you.

He sucks in a deep breath, closing his eyes.

“If I met you and your brother,” says Dark. “Why don’t I remember?”

“You are a creature manipulated by the stories your creator tells,” writes Dapper slowly.

“Mark did this?”

“No. Another storyteller. My creator gave me his power of manipulating stories. Last year I changed things without meaning to. There are inconsistencies now - people who remember things that never happened in this timeline, and people who have forgotten things that happened to them in another life. And then there are things like you, somewhere in the middle - torn between memory and loss.”

Dark’s eyes narrow, smoke curling off their shoulders.

“I know you don’t remember Anti,” writes Dapper. “But at the same time, you do.”

“Enough,” says Dark. “Quiet. Let me think.”

Deep black eyes pierce into JJ like a scalpel. He stares up at the light, trying to breathe.

“The truth is you know nothing of what’s happening around you,” Dark murmurs.“You’re delusional and ill. You remember things that haven’t happened because you have a disorder.”

“No,” signs JJ, shaking his head. “No.”

He does have delusions sometimes, very intense ones. But he won’t let Dark tell him that he doesn’t know his own power - the piece of himself that Jack gave him.

“Look at you.” Dark shakes their head, eyes glittering, and smoke curls around them like creeping cats wandering through the air. “The moment you’re away from him, you crash, is that it?”

Dapper closes his eyes, turned up to the lights.

Dark hums and gets to their feet, drawing out wine and glasses as though from the shadows themselves. They pour two cups of rich, black wine and press a cool cup into his hands. Dapper’s fingers wrap around the glass slowly, his eyes blank.

“Why did you become psychotic the moment you were away from him?”

His gaze flickers up to Dark’s. He doesn’t answer.

“Of course,” mutters Dark, backing away and sitting down in their chair. “You live with a mind manipulator. I bet he makes the voices quiet, doesn’t he?”

Dapper’s mouth parts, a gleam of something hard appearing for moment in his eyes before shifting away again, leaving him tired and only vaguely annoyed.

“Admit it,” says Dark. “You rely on him. Don’t you? You wouldn’t last on your own, not without him. The medication manages some of it and he manages the rest. When he’s away, you can barely survive. You need him – desperately.”

You can hear Dapper breathing now. His eyes are fixed on the light above. He holds his wine too tightly in his fingers.

“And he tells you so,” adds Dark slowly, staring at Dapper’s face. They tilt back their wine and they drink. “Doesn’t he? Constantly, I would guess. You and him both know that you need him – and he loves it.”

Dapper doesn’t have anything to say to them. He wants to be far away. He hates them.

“It must be difficult to be both – ”

“Don’t even fucking start with me, jackass, as if you know anything about what it’s like to be mute and psychotic and abused by the person I love most in the world, as if you’re not the one who fucking triggered my schizophrenia, as if you know anything about my life or what I’ve done to – ”

“Calm down,” says Dark gently, and Dapper feels a rush of unnatural calm flood over him. For a second of raw terror, he is completely aware that he’s being forced to feel something he doesn’t really feel, and then, the next moment, he is slumped back in his chair, letting out a low sigh of relief.

“I can’t understand sign language, so you’ll have to write for me,” says Dark. “We can have a calm conversation if you stay level-headed instead of getting so out of control. I’ll forgive you because of your fever.”

Dapper reaches dazedly for the writing pad, trying to keep his thoughts straight. This is happening again. He’s losing himself again.

“You talk about my brother controlling me and then shove your way into my chest yourself,” he manages, his handwriting scrawling and small. “Just tell me what you want from me or let me go home.”

Dark drinks from their glass again, never breaking eye contact.“What do you think I want?”

“I think,” Dapper scrawls. “That you don’t have a fucking clue what’s going on.”

It is Dark’s turn for their eyes to gain a hardness. Something glitters in black irises.

“And you hate that, don’t you, Darkness? More than anything. More than anything.”

Dark does not answer.

“You want to know how to kill Anti because you remember him,” writes Dapper. “The fragments of the memory of him haunts you because you hate not knowing and you hate being confused, and the thought that I somehow changed your story is second in bitterness only to the knowledge that Mark has already told it for you. Of course you don’t want to admit you don’t remember. It means someone else changed you without your permission. Your greatest fear.”

“Watch your words,” warns Dark.

“Anti hated you at first. We would agree that you were a creep, a control freak, an asshole. But you were insistent. How pretty he was, you would say, and how you had finally found someone who matched you in ferocity. After a while, it started to flatter him. He decided he was some sort of exception to you. You would be terrible to everyone else but good to him. He loved that. The thought of being special to someone. His abandonment issues made him look past everything horrible about you.”

“You’re making this up.”

“You taught him to dance,” writes Dapper, his words coming faster and faster beneath his scrawling hands. “Do you remember? Your hands on his waist as he finally trusted you enough to put his head on your shoulder. You would bring him flowers, roses he pretended he didn’t want and then put in a vase by his bed, purring to me about how wrapped around his finger you were. You would go hunting together and let him have the kill because you loved to see him lose his mind with the power and the fun of it all. His sadism was wild any time he was with you. He would come home and hurt me on accident - mostly - because he was so violent and worked up he couldn’t control his energy and his excitement. Do you remember?”

Dark’s eyes are raised to JJ’s now, staring at him, their mouth faintly parted.

“Have you been dreaming, Dark?” asks Dapper. “Killing him won’t make it stop. Speak with him. I don’t think the two of you know what love is, but you loved the time you spent together.”

“You’re sentimental as well as delusional,” answers Dark, tilting back their wine.

“I would listen to me if I were you,” writes Dapper. “Because at this point, Dark, there are outcomes - you cool his fury, or he will kill you.”

Red and blue in Dark’s eyes. Bone through their rotting fingers.

“My brother has taken on power he should never have stolen,” says Dapper. “You can’t beat him with Blue’s power combined with his own. Calm Anti down, Dark - or he will burn down everything you love.”

Dark blinks, revealing, if only for a moment, an unsettled look on their face.

Outside the window, the others are laughing and talking. Dark catches a glance of Wilford’s bubblegum hair and the movement of the enormous dog you spotted earlier. Host’s voice murmurs down to them through the ceiling and someone is cooking in the kitchen, making the house fragrant with garlic and spices.

“Please leave me alone now,” says Dapper.

“One last thing. Is it true that you can time travel?”

“Yes,” Dapper answers. “I know you can feel the power in my chest.”

“I could take it,” says Dark. “If I wanted to. Your power is a part of your soul and that, my darling, is my specialty.”

Dapper flips a page on his pad and writes across the full page:

“It would burn you alive.”

A flicker of a small on Dark’s coy mouth.

“Yes,” they say. “I suppose it would. I’m not as stupid as your brother.”

“Whatever you say,” writes Dapper dryly.

Dark gets to their feet, draining the last of their wine.

“Can I go?” writes Dapper desperately.

“Hm? Oh, no. We’re not finished, doll. Hey.”

Dark reaches out to cluck his chin, but Dapper jerks back, terrified. Dark laughs and takes their hand back, leaving Dapper with a sudden and painfully intense feeling of exhaustion. He crumples against the bed, his eyes flickering shut.

“Get some sleep,” murmurs Dark, turning their back and beginning to disappear back into the shadows. “Hostages are no good to me dead.”

Dapper fades into darkness.

.

Blue wakes up to a hand on his shoulder. “Mh? What is it?”

He hears his twin chuckle softly above him. “You make cat noises when you’re waking up.”

“Mmmhhhh,” protests Blue sleepily, cuddling down deeper into his blankets.

“You can go back to sleep,” Red whispers. “I just wanted you to know I’m heading back to the house for a couple days. Stay here with Dok and I’ll - ”

Blue is awake. He almost flinches out of the sheets, sitting up fast and grabbing Red’s sleeve. “Wait, no. I’m coming with.”

“No, Blue, you need to stay here and rest.”

“I’m feeling much better,” replies Blue, his tone brooking no argument. “And I am NOT going to be miles and miles away while you go back to an Anti who’s no doubt furious. I need to see the others too. I have to make sure they’re okay. That’s my job.”

“I’m coming too,” answers a quiet voice from the doorway - Dok slipping into the room with three cups of hospital coffee.

“Guys, no,” protests Red. “Please. I’d rather you be here. Dok, Anti threatened to kill you.”

Dok shrugs, placing coffee down on the bedside table. He plucks at his necklaces. “We might need these,” he says, picking at each raven talisman in turn. “And I… I need to see Trick.”

“We’re both going, Red,” Blue insists, touching his arm and squeezing reassuringly. “You don’t have to do this alone. We’re here.”

Red smiles weakly at the both of them. “Just… promise me you won’t try anything stupid, okay?”

“Promise,” says Blue.

“I never do,” answers Dok dryly.

The twins laugh quietly at his answer. It does not, however, hide the fear that trembles in Dok’s fingertips and rattles the insides of his chest.

He can do this. He can. He has to.

immabethehero asked: Good luck dudes!

“Thanks,” says Ro, looking up at the house. “Yeah, thanks, we appreciate it.”

Blue and Dok are behind him. He can hear them whispering to each other, but he doesn’t want to interfere. Blue is wrapped around Dok like a vice, rubbing his back as he tries to reassure him, and Dok clings to his necklaces and his sibling and hides.

“Is, um.” Ro stares at the windows and door. “Is Anti really angry? Is he in there right now? I don’t really know what to expect…”

Anonymous asked: uh, trick? i believe noodle has decided to go exploring. outside. i'm going to tell the others, so they can look for noodle too, but i thought you should know.

“Noodle?”

You find Trick kneeling by the door, scratching at the carpet and trying to catch his cat’s attention. Yesterday, he waited patiently for Noodle to come back. Today, four days after Dapper was taken, Trick has only seen Noodle twice, and the light in his eyes has become desperate and frantic.

“Baby!” he hollers, sticking the last piece of jerky under the door. “Come here, sweetie! Daddy’s upstairs. Where are you? No, no, no, he can’t have gone outside. Noodle, come here! He’s never been outside in his life. He’s always been with me. Noodle!”

He wipes at hot tears on his face, back shaking from how long he’s been crouched there. Anti has let him out of the room a couple times, but he’s been with him the whole time, so all he’s done is make himself dinner a couple times or watch a movie with Anti.

He wants things to go back to normal.

“Noodle! Please come here! You’re scaring me!”

Anonymous asked: Dok, what if you feigned that you were "taking off" your necklaces, but quickly clasped the animal one around Anti, then got him weak as you could and used the light? Or perhaps told him the only way to stop their power was for him to wear them, then put the animal one around his neck? Do you think a plan like that would work?

“Yeah, if I can manage that I would like to do this,” says Dok frailly, gripping Blue’s hand so hard it’s beginning to bruise. “Might not be able to trick him, but could maybe act fast and hurt him.”

“Remind me what all of these do,” murmurs Blue, touching his brother’s collarbone.

“This one is light, this one is transformation, and this one keeps Anti out of my head,” Dok whispers. “They said I should give the light one to a warrior.”

Blue glances at Red, pacing his way towards the house. He wants to be the first one inside, to bear the brunt of Anti’s fury. Blue pulls Dok after him, trying to think.

Anonymous asked: Trick has been alone for such a long time, and Anti has been locking him all alone in one room most of the days, he really needs you Dok, needs you to help him fight. As for Anti, he's been in and out of the place, we're not sure what he's doing.

“Anti locked Trick in his room?” asks Red.

“Let’s go,” says Dok, pulling away from Blue and hurrying towards the house.

“Dok! You don’t know if Anti’s in there!”

“He’s already seen us on the cameras from this close,” answers Dok, yanking open the door to the house and moving inside. “If he wants to come after us, he will. There’s nothing we can do about that. Right now, I just want to see Trick. Where is he?”

He runs down into the basement where they’ve been staying, but Trick isn’t there - and neither is Noodle. Dok returns to the ground floor, where Blue and Red are looking through their own room. Blue shuts the window that’s been open for days, making the room hot and airy.

“Where’s kitty?” asks Blue.

“I’m sure he’s just with Trick,” answers Dok. “Right?”

Anonymous asked: Trick is locked up in Anti's bedroom, and Noodle is missing, he escaped outside. Trick's been alone with no one but Anti for this whole time.

Blue and Red exchange wide-eyed looks, Red already pacing towards the door to look around for the cat. Dok races upstairs, feeling more awake than he has in weeks.

“Trick!” he knocks rapidly on the door and shuffling sounds greet him from the other side.

“Anti?”

“Trick, it’s me,” Dok calls.

“Dok!”

The way he calls his name is almost a sob. Dok scrambles with the lock on the door, turning the stiff lock to the right. Trick shoves the door open and meets his eyes.

“Are you okay?” croaks Dok.

“Fine,” whispers Trick, though his hair is limp and dry and his eyes hollowed out. “Are you?”

“Yes. I’m okay. Listen, Trick, I just - ”

Trick crashes into him and hugs him to his chest. They fall back against the wall, pinned together, skulls pressed together and arms wrapped around each other’s ribs.

“You don’t have to explain,” says Trick. “I should have protected you better, so you didn’t have to run away. I’ll be better for you, Dok. I’ll take better care of you.”

“It’s not your fault.”

“I should have been someone you could trust.”

“Trick…”

They wrap tighter around each other, rocking each other’s bodies against the wall, safe in each other’s grips.

Anonymous asked: He's here.

Blue is hugging Trick and Dok to himself, babbling at them about how he loves them, about how he missed him, about how happy he is to see him. Trick is relieved to feel less alone for the first time in days. He tells Blue he looks better and that he loves him too.

It’s Red who sees Anti.

He’s leaning against the banister at the bottom of the stairs, staring up at him with cold blue eyes.

Red swallows. Anti doesn’t say anything.

He signs “come here.”

And then he walks away.

Red feels a shudder down his whole body. He glances back at his brothers, celebrating the mini-reunion together, talking about everything that’s happened.

He doesn’t see Dapper. Anti must have him with him.

Red needs to see him.

He swallows once again, clearing his throat this time. He won’t be afraid. He can’t let himself get lost in Anti’s lies again. He sees what he is more clearly than he has in years and now - now he has to protect his brothers from the monsters in the middle of them.

He moves down the stairs after Anti.

Anonymous asked: Uh guys, look out, the big-bad wolf is here

“Big bad wolf…”

Anti turns back to Ro for a moment in the middle of the hall, his eyes burning red.

“That’s me, then, right, Jackie?”

Ro’s blood seems to frost over in his veins. He stops short in the hallway, mouth parted.

Anti narrows his eyes and turns away, leading Ro further down the hall. Red can barely bring himself to follow, but his nerves are tempered by his confusion.

Anti has never called him Jackie before.

“Where’s Dap?” he asks quietly, stepping after Anti.

Anti doesn’t answer. He steps into the office room where you once found Dapper drinking and waits.

Red steps in after him, chewing on his lip.

Anti closes the door behind him and sits down at the desk, propping his feet on the table. He glares at Ro, flipping a knife in his hands.

“You got a deathwish or something,” says Anti.

“No,” Ro manages. “No.”

“Tell me why you went,” Anti snaps.

“You were threatening Dok. Blue was sick. I got scared.”

Anti stares at him, eyes burning with flame.

Anonymous asked: Anti Blue was dying and you were threatening Dok. Don't punish Red for being their protector, that's literally what you make him be. Thanks to his action, neither of them are dead. You have him to thank for the time away you got to think about your temper.

Anti takes a deep breath, closing his eyes for a second. “Was that all it was?”

“Yes,” says Ro quietly. “I just didn’t want them to get hurt. Anti, you can’t threaten to murder Dok and expect me to - ”

“I can do what I want,” snaps Anti. “What’s your name?”

“What?”

“What’s your fucking name?”

Ro licks his mouth anxiously, glancing around for a second. He wishes Blue were here.

“It’s Red, Anti.”

Anti sighs, shaking his head at him. His posture relaxes slightly, letting his head thump back against the office chair.

Anonymous asked: Dapper isn't with him because Dark's soldiers stole him away. It seems like Anti can't find him.

“What?” asks Ro, incredulous. “Wait, you mean you actually let that monster get their hands on him?”

“You weren’t here!” shouts Anti, glitching to his feet and making Red stumble back. “You were the one I chose to protect them, Red, but you ran away without him or Trick like they meant nothing to you!”

“I thought you would keep them safe!” cries Red.

“I would have been able to if you had been here and I had known about Dark!” Anti snarls back, slamming his hand into the office table, a slight tremor in his palms. “But you and them both turned your backs on me! I can’t trust anyone but myself!”

“You were going to hurt Dok!”

Anti’s palm connects with Red’s face, sending him staggering back. He feels blood rush to the handprint on his cheek and he grips at his face weakly, looking up at Anti with watery eyes.

“You would have been useless if you were here anyway,” growls Anti. “You’re terrified of Dark. Fucking coward boy. And to think, Jack called you a hero.”

Hurt and fury light up in Ro’s chest. He squeezes his eyes tightly shut, straightening his back again and clutching his hands into fists.

“I found Dark today,” says Anti coldly, turning away. “We can get Dapper back. If you help me, maybe I won’t fucking slaughter you for running away like the little bitch you are.”

“I’m not a little bitch,” says Red. “You… you’ve never liked me.”

“Correct,” answers Anti.

Anonymous asked: Jackie's throwing caution to the wind, you're willing to throw everyone's lives to the wind. Even moreso now that this is the last run-through, right?

“If you turn on me like that again,” says Anti. “I’ll kill you like I promised you I would.”

“You expect my loyalty,” says Ro. “But you don’t even like me. You threaten us and hurt us. How do you expect me to stay?”

“You’ll stay because if you don’t I’ll end all five of you,” snarls Anti, Jack’s teeth in his mouth giving way to those of a dog. “What, you think you did a good job, running away from me? Think you saved them from anything? I know you were staying in Ashley Valley Hospital Room 412.”

Ro’s blood is cold.

“I know the fake names you used, I know the food pantry where Dok was getting you food everyday, I know what Blue’s doctors said, I know, I know, I know. You can’t get away from me, Red. You never will. All the more because you’re a spineless, needy moron who can’t think of anything but a man who doesn’t love him anymore and whatever bullshit your mind fixates on on any given day. You’re broken, Red. Same way Jack made Chase and JJ broken. Even when you were Jackie, you were still pathetic.”

“Wonder why Marvin and I were able to beat you to hell, then,” says Ro.

It’s a mistake as soon as he’s said it. It’s a mistake. It was a bad choice. He shouldn’t have said it.

But he doesn’t regret it.

Anti takes a step back towards him, his eyes narrowed like a cat’s.

Jackie takes a step towards him too, fists clenched.

“When I said that you made me forget important things in the past,” he says. “I meant that you made me forget people I loved and the places I come from. But there are other things you made me forget too, Anti. You’re not as untouchable as you’ve always told me you were. And you know what else?”

Anti’s eyes are pupil-less, iris-less, white.

“I think you’re still afraid of me,” he says. “I think that every time you flinch back from a bird at the window, you are flinching away from the memory of just how bad I hurt you the first time you stole my baby brother.”

Anonymous asked: Stand strong, Jackieboy man. You've got a war to fight.

Stand strong. He straightens his back. The others need him.

“Come on, then,” he snaps, taking another step forward. Anti takes a step back. “I can see it in you. That you want to hurt me. It’s a look I’ve gotten used to. That you want to see me begging so you feel less scared.”

“You shut your mouth, Jackie,” says Anti.

“No,” spits Ro, clenching his fists. “No, I won’t. I’m tired of you silencing me. I’m not stupid and I’m not a coward.”

Anti strikes him, harder than the first time. Red backs off, grabbing his face with a gasp. Tears water in his eyes. He straightens up again, seething.

“You’re the fucking coward, Anti,” he croaks out, something snapping in his chest. His little brother really has always hated him, no matter how hard he tried to love him. “I won’t let you tell me differently anymore.”

Anonymous asked: Hey younger brothers, you miiight want to go to the office with Red and Anti, something tells me it's about to go downhill from here, and you'd be stronger together, protecting each other.

Blue blinks and looks around, realizing only now that his twin is gone.

“Oh, shit,” he breathes.

He turns and races down the stairs, tearing towards the office.

Anonymous asked: You are not pathetic, Jackie. You are a hero, through-and-through. You've spent your every waking moment protecting them from abuse in any way you were able. "Broken" is just Anti being an ableist, abusive asshat. You are stronger than him. You always have been, no matter what he tries to convince you of. Break free of him, Jackieboy Man.

“Yeah, you know what, they’re right,” Jackie continues, lifting his chin up and glaring at Anti as bruises form on his face. “You know what I think, Anti? I think you’re so desperate to believe that our creator - that Jack - ”

“Don’t say that name!” screams Anti, slapping him again.

Red laughs. “I think you’re so desperate to believe that Jack was in the wrong that you tell yourself he did something wrong to us just because of things like me being autistic. And that’s pretty fucked up, Anti. There’s nothing wrong with me. There’s nothing wrong with Dap and Trick. Honestly? I think Jack was probably an okay guy, and you’re the one who’s always been the villain.”

“Stop it!” screams Anti, driving his fist into Red’s chest. Red steps back, but doesn’t falter. “Stop it, stop it!”

“You like to act like you’re in control and you can’t even control your temper and your fucking daddy issues!”

“Red!” shouts Anti, his eyes flashing. “Stop it! You’re just like Jack, you’re just like Dark, everybody turns on me eventually! You were always just Jack’s little soldier, his failsafe! You think I made you a guard dog? Jack used you for years to get what he wanted.”

“Jack was trying to protect us from you!”

“You don’t even remember!” Anti grabs Red by the throat and slams him into the wall, crashing his head into wood. “Who have you been talking to? You - ”

“Hey, stop, stop!” cries Blue, appearing to grab Anti’s hands, trying to tear him off his twin. Anti kicks his cane away from him and sends him crashing to the ground.

“I ought to put both of you right back in the hospital!”

“Anti, don’t hurt him!” shrieks Blue. “Dapper’s not here! You can’t fix this if it all goes wrong!”

Anti’s grip tightens for a moment on Red’s throat. Ro chokes, gripping at his fingers.

Anti drops him to the ground.

“You’re right,” he spits, turning to grab Blue by the hair, dragging him back up to a sitting position. “So I’ll deal with you two once I have my boy back.”

[cloudsrust]

Do you have any thoughts on what NSR characters would fit & combinate well with any of the abnormalities from Lobotomy Corporation?

*Cracks knuckles* Aw heck, here we go again- (Think I had gotten a similar ask but with lm3 boss ghostes- welp at least this time there are less characters fgdjs) (Spoilers for both Lobotomy Corp and No Straight Roads under read more!)

Mayday and Zuke (But more May-) -Punishing Bird Breaches whenever it thinks there’s danger to help- does the absolute contrary of help. Attacking/Pestering someone that was just trying to work. Just like May thought the best way to fix the energy problem and bring back rock was to destroy the power sources-... yeah the recklesness of these two is about right sdhsdj.  ... also I dare to say- both May and lil’ bird? Both got.. quite the big mouth eh oh- this was bad sorry dsudhs. -Big Bird Mostly same reasoning. Just as Big Bird goes “Well, if I kill the creatures the monster will not kill them” they went “Well, if we create enough energy the others don’t have to create energy!” and went on the Hijack spree.  Also Big Bird, as we can kinda guess in their legacy final observation, reacts especially well with calm people- who don’t get scared easily and look over the appearence of something-.. I think they would do well with Zuke. Plus they only break out after a second trumpet/many fatalities- so they are lowkey more reflecting than like.. Punishing Bird- so it’s a nice pair for May and Zuke. DJSS: -Der Freischütz Both of them met their “demise” because of their pride (Frei lost his soul to the devil by becoming a monster, DJ was sent out of the orbit by a pair of simpletons-.. think the burns are comparable yep)-  thinking they could beat someone just because they were playing on their field. Plus they object head buds. -Child of the Galaxy  ...Yes it’s because of the Galaxy theme;; It does also follow my headcanon that DJ is not completely from Earth tho- so like-.. the sensation of not belonging and the search of a “friend” (Like minded individual in case of DJ) is also there. The rest tho-... mhhh- doesn’t fit much but ye;; -Notes from a Crazed Researcher The last line of its observation made me think of DJ and their Galaxy Brain idk djsgdjs. 

Guess I just see them as someone that would persue knowledge that they’re interested in no matter the lenghts they’d have to go for it. Sayu -Opened can of WellCheers The crew and Sayu would just vibe with them shrip lads ngl dshdjs.  Oke for real- mostly thought about how her “video introduction” is her promoting some kind of sea themed snack- and these guys came to mind.  There is also the fact that in the legacy version, if they were in a bad mood, a wave would sweep away the employee working on them- and also! In their Final Observation, no matter what you choose, you will consume the drink they offer and get sweeped away by the sea-... sounds like you can’t fight the currents uh?  -Queen of Hatred I mean- both are kawaii animu girls that become cool looking “monsters” once enraged and beat you up.. perfect match ohohoh. -Porcubus I mean- Porcubus makes your head explode with happyness- Sayu? WIth her absolute banger of a theme (seriously I had that tune as a earworm for at least a month- not that I minded ohoh) and also because of her cuteness ngl- It’s also the fact that they both just want to live their life and make others happy- what they bring is something bigger than them (Sayu’s crew helping EDM take over while just following their dreams- and Porcubus who just cannot control their ecstasy inducing venom.) -Would also say Dreaming Current because of the ocean aesthetic and rainbow bubbles- and especially because both were just about the dreams of some children-... but it’s such a sad story about sickness and drugs;; don’t have the heart. -Fun fact! In the Lob Corp Artbook (I’m that much of a nerd for that game) there are sketches of an abnormality that would’ve been based off “The Little Mermaid”. I think it would’ve been perfect for Sayu.. but it was discarded like many other cool ideas;; Yinu & Mama -Ppodae Looks harmless until angered/breached- kinda like how Yinu looks like an easy boss being a simple kid- but then Mama comes in with all of rage.  -Dream of a Black Swan The story of a sister that went as far as she could to save her brothers from a mysterious sickness that took over her city. When it breaches it’s the sister that you have to defeat- she also has an attacks reflecting umbrella. She reminds me of Mama because of the fact that she has two forms (One shows two heads while just wondering, the other has them concealed as a swan head when she attacks) and because of her prtective nature and how she shields Yinu during the fight. There is also the whole sickness thing that “torn both of these families apart”- one just less tragic than the other. -Would also put in Burrowing Heaven because of this part of its “story”:

The first lines reminds me of how as the battle progresses the stage is elevated more and more off the eart beneath. The middle I feel summarizes Mama’s rage and Yinu’s despair close to the end. Mama was blinded by rage, she was caring more about her child to keep up her performance (what SHE thought was important to her) rather than what Yinu was actually feeling. She only comes back to herself when she hears their music- when she “opens” her eyes again and directs her attention to what is really important- not the piano or her performance, but their bond as a family. The last line- well that just me crying at the ending scene of their battle :,D 1010 & Neon J -Army in Pink Just soldiers trying to help- but that might get overwhelmed in their duty if fatalities happen or if you’re putting too much work onto them. Lowkey fits them- -Crumbling Armor I feel it’s perfect as a rappresentation of maybe Neon’s former self- a reckless shell left behind but that still calls to him when the situation gets drastic.  -The Silent Orchestra Beating you senseless with beams while still performing- yeah sounds familiar. There is also the fact that in total are five members but in contaiment only the conductor appears- kinda like how 1010 is the enemy on the field- but it’s Neon who is behind it all. Also both got Style- -All-Around Helper ...Listen I can’t even see this lil’ guy as an abnormality;; it just happened to have a factory defect that made it a killing machine instead of a romba of sort- poor thing,, I just like to think of Neon trying to fix them up- or keep them as a killing machine pet lmao. Eve -Fragment of the Universe Both their main thing is being misunderstood and having to communicate through an artistic field- The way the body also looks like a child scribble- it has a lot of expression just like in  Eve’s case. -Snow White’s Apple Wondering when will your story have a happy ending or a true love kiss- I feel it fits Eve’s past spent searching for her other half- for someone that would make her happy. -Child of the Galaxy -Once again- attachment issues. Many of them;; Loving and thinking about someone so much that you end up hurting them involountarly while lost in the joy and inspiration they brought in your life (Nadia and Zuke’s past). The fact that they both get particularly dangerous when divided/refused from the one they love or when they fall into despair is also a good match. -Mirror of Adjustment is also a good one for her. A mirror that changes you to be the best in your own way- fits with how by changing how she perceived herself she finally accepted herself. Tatiana - Fiery Bird Kinda self explainatory ngl- the way the burnt looking bird ignites once breached reminded me of her Boss Fight. -Price of Silence This is a legacy only abnormality- but I thought it fit more with her time powers more than Backward Clock did. There is this thing about being unable to escape a certain present (time) that makes me think of her trying to escape from her rock past but ending right back into it in the end. -Judgement Bird A blind bird that decided that justice would only come from their broken scale- that only gave the “guilty” result.  The way Tatiana just wanted to ban rock to yes- get back to MayDay- but also in fear that the chaos that she had brought with the Goolings would repeat itself (just like the Judgment Bird was deeming innocents gulity in case they were the monster). In the legacy version also- if you pass the Final Observation and put the bird regrets to rest- they will simbolically give you their scale. Kinda like how in the end Tatiana leaves her guitar to May- to let her continue her past legacy.. just in a better way. Phew- I’m done;;; A bit rushed especially towards the end but my mind was rushing so much with the possibilities;; had to cut some because it was getting waaaay too long whoops-

[butterflies-dragons]

I read on a Reddit forum that Jon's scene where he beheads Janos Slynt in has been altered. Initially Jon would hang the frog guy, but in a reading to the audience a fan changed Martin that this is not "the Stark way of doing it" and that was why there was this change to the version we know. Couldn't that compromise the question of Jon being "Sansa's hero" as has been speculated?Sorry for the inconvenience, but it was something that didn't get out of my head.

Hello Anon:

I know about this subject. 

I wrote about Jon Snow being Sansa Stark’s hero/true knight before, and this affirmation is not solely based on Jon Snow beheading Janos Slynt. 

Now, let’s answer your question:

THE FORESHADOWING:  

Sansa Stark wished for a hero that cut off Janos Slynt’s head as punishment for his participation in Ned Stark’s death: 

Frog-faced Lord Slynt sat at the end of the council table wearing a black velvet doublet and a shiny cloth-of-gold cape, nodding with approval every time the king pronounced a sentence. Sansa stared hard at his ugly face, remembering how he had thrown down her father for Ser Ilyn to behead, wishing she could hurt him, wishing that some hero would throw him down and cut off his head. But a voice inside her whispered, There are no heroes, and she remembered what Lord Petyr had said to her, here in this very hall. “Life is not a song, sweetling,” he’d told her. “You may learn that one day to your sorrow.” In life, the monsters win, she told herself, and now it was the Hound’s voice she heard, a cold rasp, metal on stone. “Save yourself some pain, girl, and give him what he wants.”

—A Game of Thrones - Sansa VI

And four books later, Jon Snow beheaded Janos Slynt using his sword Longclaw: 

“You are refusing to obey my order?”“You can stick your order up your bastard’s arse,” said Slynt, his jowls quivering.[…] “As you will.” Jon nodded to Iron Emmett. “Please take Lord Janos to the Wall—”[…] “—and hang him,” Jon finished.[…] This is wrong, Jon thought. “Stop.”[…] “I will not hang him,” said Jon. “Bring him here.”“Oh, Seven save us,” he heard Bowen Marsh cry out. The smile that Lord Janos Slynt smiled then had all the sweetness of rancid butter. Until Jon said, “Edd, fetch me a block,” and unsheathed Longclaw. […] The pale morning sunlight ran up and down his blade as Jon clasped the hilt of the bastard sword with both hands and raised it high. “If you have any last words, now is the time to speak them,” he said, expecting one last curse.Janos Slynt twisted his neck around to stare up at him. “Please, my lord. Mercy. I’ll … I’ll go, I will, I …”No, thought Jon. You closed that door. Longclaw descended.“Can I have his boots?” asked Owen the Oaf, as Janos Slynt’s head went rolling across the muddy ground. “They’re almost new, those boots. Lined with fur.”

—A Dance with Dragons - Jon II

If you read the entire Jon’s chapter, you will find that during his conversation with Janos Slynt, Jon was thinking about Ned Stark and the participation of Slynt in his father’s death at King’s Landing. Jon even thought about how easy it would be beheading him with Longclaw. And maybe that was the reason why he opted for beheading him instead of hanging him, just as Sansa wished.

Also, take note that Janos himself had mentioned that beheading is for highborns (Like Ned) and hanging is for lowborns, like Jon, because he was a bastard. Janos was wrong tho, because Jon is not any bastard, is a highborn bastard, that’s why he has a surname, only highborn bastards bear surnames. 

And during his interactions with Jon, Janos was the one that repeated over and over again that Jon needed to addresses him as “My Lord” because he was Lord of Harrenhall; so, following that logic, as “A Lord”, Janos deserved beheading and not hanging as punishment.  But this was also wrong, at that point the Lord of Harrenhall was Littlefinger, not Slynt. Janos was wrong at everything. 

Also, take note that after ordering Janos’ hanging, Jon thought: 

[…] This is wrong, Jon thought. “Stop.”

[…] “I will not hang him,” said Jon. “Bring him here.”

What was wrong, Jon? Hanging Janos and not beheading him like “A Lord” deserves? Or maybe you remembered what Ned always said: 

The blood of the First Men still flows in the veins of the Starks, and we hold to the belief that the man who passes the sentence should swing the sword. If you would take a man’s life, you owe it to him to look into his eyes and hear his final words. And if you cannot bear to do that, then perhaps the man does not deserve to die.

—A Game of Thrones - Bran I

This would also explains why Jon asked Janos for his finals words: 

“If you have any last words, now is the time to speak them,” he said, expecting one last curse.  

And believe me Anon, GRRM doesn’t need the fans tho remind him this. He is very thorough and he also have a very competent staff that helped him with his work.  

THE CHANGE:

MARCH 2008: GRRM reads ‘A DRAFT’ of a Jon Snow’s chapter from ADWD, the one where he orders the death of Janos Slynt’s by hanging:

This morning at Technicon George read a Jon chapter. It was totally awesome. It covers the discussion between Sam and Jon from Jon’s point of view. Here’s what happens. 

(…)

Next Janos Slynt comes in. Jon tells him that he is getting the command of a fort, with 20 Watchmen and 10 King’s men. Janos flips and is totally impertinant, calls Jon a boy, and says that he is not going. Jon says ‘yes you are. be ready at first light.’ Janos leaves, scoffing at Jon.

Next morning, Janos isn’t in the yard ready to leave. Instead he is in the hall eating breakfast with Aliser Thorne and their cornies, laughing about the whole thing. The hall is full of men, Grenn, Pip, Donal, King’s men, Thorne’s supporters, etc.

Jon walks in with like 7 guys behind him. He says ‘Lord Slynt, you are supposed to be preparing to leave.’ Slynt’s all ‘whatever.’ He and Thorne laugh. Jon says ‘I’ll give you one more chance.’ Janos says some stupid ass shit about how he doesn’t have to listen to a boy, that he has friends in King’s Landing.

Jon gives the signal, but he knows he is making a gamble because so many watchmen supported Slynt and Thorne in the election. Two guys grab Slynt and pull him out of his chair. Everybody in the hall is like ‘oh shit.’ Thorne grasps his sword hilt, looks at Jon, and then removes his hand, slinking away from Slynt. Janos now realizes that he is in serious trouble. He is dragged from the hall into the yard. Slynt makes a big scene, yelling about his friends in Kings Landing. ‘I was the Lord in Harrenhal’ he cries. Stannis and his men come out to watch and so does pretty much everyone else at Castle Black.

Jon says, ‘Take him to the wall.’ He thinks, 'I could send him away somewhere else, but if I send him to east watch, he’ll come back to cause trouble.’

'Take him to the wall,’ Jon says, 'and hang him.’

Slynt freaks, yelling, struggling, kicking as they throw him into the cage and start lifting. 'I have friends, if Tywin Lannister were alive you would never…’ His voice fades away as he is lifted to the top. The rope they found was a hundred feet long but the wall is seven hundred feet tall. They hear his neck crack as he hits the end of the rope.

Jon glances back at Stannis. Stannis nods, then turns and goes back inside.

(…)

Yes, I forgot to say that part. I think (if I remember correctly, I didn’t take notes) that Jon looks at Janos while in his office and wonders how big of a part he played in killing his father. He thinks about how easy it would be to pull out his sword, cut through bone, fat, sinews, and chop off his head.His anger about what’s happened to his family really comes out in this chapter.

-Posted on westeros.org by “LugaJetboyGirl-irra” (Source)

—MORE THAN TWO YEARS LATER—

OCTOBER 2010: GRRM reads ‘ANOTHER DRAFT’ of a Jon Snow’s chapter from ADWD, the one where he beheads Janos Slynt’s himself:

Liliedhe: Since GRRM read this chapter at Octocon, can somebody please tell us if there were any differences to what was reported here?

Ran: It’s been suggested that there is a difference, not so much as to what happens but how it comes about exactly. Poking someone to provide details. *poke poke*

Brush Guy: Luckily I was at Octocon. The ending’s been changed slightly. Although I’m not too sure I am allowed to tell.

Aw, what the heck, Jon beheads Slynt with Longclaw while Stannis is watching. It’s a pretty awesome scene, much better than the other version.

(…)

If I remember correctly, Jon says something along the lines of

'Fetch me a block.“ When a suitable block was found, Jon pushed Slynt and placed his head on top of it. “You’re going to die, but if you move your head it will be a lot more painful, and you will still die. Any last words, my lord?’ Slynt started babbling. “Please, m'lord I’ll go… I’ll go.” You already closed that door, Jon thought. “Can I have his boots?” Edd asked as Jon swung Longclaw down in a savage slice. Janos Slynt’s head rolled on the ground. “They’re made of fine leather, y'know, nearly new!” Jon sheathed Longclaw, and looked at Stannis. He gave a small nod and then turned around and walked away.

This is the basic ending, and the dialogue is almost word for word, I think. I’ve forgotten the little flourishes GRRM added to it but that’s pretty close. Maybe it was because he was reading it, but the part with Dolorious Edd asking for the boots seemed a bit out of place.

-Posted on westeros.org (Source)

Take note that none of the two drafts of the chapter is the final version that got printed.   

Anyway, the thread in westeros.org about this subject has 13 pages Anon, you can read it yourself, but none of the guys that attended those two events has reported that a fan told GRRM that hanging is not the Stark way, so he need to changed that.  I think the discussion happened on forums and fan-sites and two years later, when GRRM read that new draft of the chapter where Jon beheads Janos, the discussion became a rumor and the rumor became a “fact”…. 

A reddit user has already stated this:

This is one of the famous rumors-turned-fact that really irk me.

The page that you’re citing here as your source is largely responsible for this particular rumor. Basically, someone went to a reading Martin gave for an early draft of that Jon chapter from ADWD. The poster tried to recall, the best he could, what happened in that chapter from memory.

He wasn’t the only one. I remember several write-ups about this at roughly the same time (2008-2009) because, well, I read anything and everything about ADWD during that period. Each one was slightly different, which makes sense since people were simply writing what they remembered. I recall only one that claimed to be an actual word-for-word transcript (a post that was made to either westeros.org or some other site) but it was taken down as Martin usually asks people not to record his draft readings and whichever site it was had moderators who took exception to the violation of that trust. That so-called transcript one ended abruptly with Jon’s order to have Janos hanged. Most of the others ended with Stannis nodding to Jon after Jon gave the order but didn’t include the exact method of Janos’ death.

Now, here’s the part that irks me. Later, as people digested and debated these readings over and over again, some people began to theorize that that this proved Jon wasn’t Ned’s son because if he were he would have him beheaded, not hanged (note: most of the writeups did not include seeing Janos actually being hanged). Conspiracy theorists figured, “The man who passes the sentence should swing the sword,” and all that, so clearly R+L=J is true! Jon can’t be Ned’s son!

There was also a lot of open speculation about how much of this draft was complete; as in, was this the full chapter? Was the Janos sentence a cliff-hanger? Some said that it was, some said Martin had stated the chapter wasn’t finished yet, some argued, that sort of thing.

Flash forward to the release of ADWD. Suddenly every fanboy who recalled these early readings started to claim that Martin must have read their post/comment/etc. because he had obviously changed the chapter to suit the Internet’s desires and/or decided to squash the conspiracy theories. Not only did the chapter not end on a cliff-hanger, but he had taken the Internet’s advice and made Jon ask for the block rather than the rope.

There’s just one problem with that theory: Martin has stated many, many times that he does not read fan-theories on the Internet nor does he follow any fan-sites in any capacity.

In any event, while it’s certainly possible that Martin did change the chapter due to fan feedback received either at a reading, via fan-mail, or (if he’s a liar re: fan-sites) browsing the Internet, there is no concrete evidence to prove it. The fact that he foreshadowed Janos’ manner of death via Sansa in AGOT suggests to me that it’s far less likely he changed the chapter due to the fandom and far more likely that the readings he gave for this chapter were early drafts that he had yet to complete. He’s been doing the same thing with TWOW; reading chapters that aren’t yet complete.

In summary: there is no proof that this rumor is true. It could be, of course, but I get annoyed when people state a rumor as fact. This is not a fact; it’s simply a neat story that many of us fanboys want to believe is true. For all we know Martin always had Jon asking for the block even in the original draft. Or perhaps the original draft included the Stannis nod as the last line of the chapter but without Janos being killed and later Martin decided it didn’t want to make that chapter a cliffhanger. Or perhaps one of his editors read the draft and said, “Wouldn’t it be cooler if Jon killed him the Ned Stark way?”. We simply don’t know the truth but the rumor persists that it was the people (i.e. fans) who raised a ruckus and that Martin decided to placate their desires and change his story to suit their needs/wishes. But does that sound like Martin go you?

Posted on reddit by “jmk4422” (Source)

I couldn’t have said it better myself, thanks “jmk4422”!

IN ANY CASE…

Sansa wished for Janos’ death and she got it: Janos was sentenced to death by Jon, and Janos died.  No matter the way of death, no matter if Jon did it himself or ordered others to do it. Janos died as punishment for his participation in Ned’s death, as Sansa wished, and Jon was instrumental in making that wish real.

But the author decided to make this connection even stronger.

Jon didn’t know that Sansa wished for Janos’ head to be cut off as ‘the exact’ punishment for his participation in Ned’s death, but Jon did cut off Janos’ head honoring the Stark way, to avenge Ned. And this Anon, is an epic, very strong connection, that no one can deny. 

Also I recommend you to read some metas about Sansa’s wishes becoming real, her wishes actually happen.  So I think this change in Janos’ way of death also followed that pattern.    

Indeed, If the first draft read by GRRM had Jon ordering Janos death by hanging, but a later draft had Jon beheading Janos himself, I think the change was intentionally made to match Sansa’s wish, following the pattern already stablished in the Books. 

So, no Anon, the change didn’t “compromise the question of Jon being -Sansa’s hero-”; the change has made this Jon and Sansa connection, canon.

And remember, as I said before, the reason why I think Jon is Sansa’s hero/true knight is not solely based on Jon Snow beheading Janos Slynt. 

Thanks for the ask.

[myeclecticjourney]

Spell Jars And Sachet

Hi guys! Today I decided to make some protection spell jars and sachet for my family. I’m going to show you how I made them, step by step with pictures  long post

I’ve been living by my own for 6 years now and due to all the stressful situation right now, my mom has been trying to convince me to spend some time with them in their house. So after several calls and discussions, I decided to gave up. I’m traveling to my home town today. Well protected and safe, with the correct sanitary measurements, don’t worry. I’m actually making this jars for them to keep after I leave them again in a few weeks. I think it’s a nice gesture and it’s a way for me to keep calm, knowing they’re protected.

WHAT YOU’LL NEED

- Special ingredient (this will be something really meaningful and powerful to you. I used some tulip flowers as mine)

- Sage

- Rosemary

- Chamomile

- Rose petals (I used red and white for their different properties)

- Thyme

- Sea Lavander

- Pink salt (If you don’t have any, you can use regular salt)

- Crystal chips (I used, white and rose quartz, onix, turquoise, calcite, jasper, moonstone, and amazonite)

- moon water (or regular water)

- 2 obsidian crystals (I used obsidian plates)

- 2 white candles

- 1 sachet

- 2 jars

- string

STEPS:

1. Clean your crystals

If you already cleanse the crystal chips you’re using, then you can skip this step.

2. Cast a circle

So I like to purify my herbs before using them. I tend to cast a visible circle around them with the salt. Light both candles and place them over the obsidian plates. To finish the cleansing I like to sprinkle some of the moon water into the herbs, as I move my hand deosil while saying these words twice “clean above, so as below, cleanse this materials for positive to grow”.

3. Special ingredient

These dried tulips are my special ingredient. Even tho we don’t live in the same city anymore, my dad sent me some tulips for my last birthday. So using them it’s a way of giving back the love and protection they have given me. I like to cleanse the special material separately.

4. Salt

I like to do my spell jars with my intention in mind. Also picturing the jar as the earth and adding the materials the way they would be “growing” in the ground. I start by adding some of the salt used in the circle, as it’s also purified. Then I will divide the crystal chips in the two jars, leaving some for the sachet.

5. Herbs

After adding the crystals I use my herbs, I grind some of it as I’m putting them in the jars.

6. Sigil or symbol

For this step I like to draw a symbol of protection. I did the pentagram for the elements to follow and wrote the words “love, peace, and protection”, then proceed to cut it out and make a little ball with them. Instead of using symbols, you can make a sigil and use it in this step.

7. Seal with wax

Being careful not to burn yourself, use the melted wax of the white candles to seal the papers. Put them in your jars and sachet.

8. Flowers

It’s time for adding your flowers, I will go petals first and grind them as I put them, then the flowers.

9. Special Ingredient

For the last step before closing, I add the special ingredient, in my case, the tulips. I put the complete petals and the little dried pollen stems.

10. Seal with wax

Again, being careful, put the cork or lid and seal it with the melted wax.

11. Sachet

Now repeat every step for the sachet, but instead of sealing in with wax, use the string to tie a bow around it.

That’s pretty much it on how I did my spell jars and sachet. I’m taking them with me to my home town today and gift them to my parents and younger brother.

I hope you liked it, and helps you in your magical journey .

Image source: my camera 

Blessed be.

- May xo.