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timbertumbr · 4 years ago

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Boneafide Gamer (A Reverse Harem Fic)

Chapter 1, Signing In

Quotev Link

Welp- Guess who’s joining the skeleton train?!

Note: When it's in your perspective, it's more than likely going to use the boys Usernames instead of their Nicknames since they legit just met so… here's a list of the usernames I've come up with-

Blue (Underswap Sans): Magnificent Blueberry

Stretch (Underswap Papyrus): Carrot

I'll add more as the boys are introduced. (Also for the horror bros I'm using ratsoh-writes nicknames.)

Finally, after a year of waiting, you have it! Basic MMORPG VR edition! You squeal before thanking the delivery person and closing the door.

You tear open the packaging as you enter the room, open the case and put the disc into your computer. You gently place the case onto the desk before setting up your V.R set. The game boots up as you put on the VR goggles and you begin the intro.

"Welcome to Basic MMORPG VR edition. A world that was heavily inspired by Sword Art Online, but our game is much better in so many ways! Would you like a list?" Snorting, you select yes.

"You do not have to fight any creatures in this game.

There are many skill sets to choose from like cooking, fishing, farming, bounty hunting and many many more!

A world that gets updated throughout the seasons.

Create, craft, or find many items the world or players around you provide.

You are not strictly assigned to a specific class, want to be a mage that wields a sword? You can BE a mage that wields a sword!

There are-" Holy crap, this list is long… you'd review it later, you wanted to get to the good stuff! Gameplay!

You enter the character customization screen and make your persona. Then came the most difficult part of making a character, giving it a name!

You tapped your foot as you thought of what to name them… do you want something funny? Something normal? Or something stupid? Man, this is hard…

You go for the grandest name of all "fart." You snicker as you accept the name, knowing you could change it whenever.

Hitting "confirm," you wait as the game loads on a public server. And when it loads in, there aren't a lot of people on… Wasn't there a lot of hype for this game?

You shrugged and went to the infamous Quest Master to receive your class, first weapon, and first quest.

After all was said and done, you were "fart," jack of all trades (because you couldn't choose just ONE of all these cool classes!) And off you went to the fields to complete your first quest, kill/befriend/collect 5 slimes.

Holding your multiweapon tight, (Again, you were VERY indecisive and basically created a multitool for weapons.) You venture into the fields to see a lot of slime and very few people.

Legit, there were only two people here. Skeletons, one named "Magnificent Blueberry" and the other named "Carrot." Very fitting considering their choice of armor/robes.

Intrigued, you decide to focus on your quest conveniently close to the skeletons, waiting for the chance to jump in their conversation and make friends! Haha! Genius!

While you slashed more than the acquired amount of slimes with your sword, the short skeleton was reading all the features this game held while the tall one was trying to figure out the controls.

"OH WOW! PAPY, DID YOU KNOW YOU COULD MAKE FRIENDS WITH THE CREATURES?!" Blueberry exclaimed using voice chat, turning to his struggling younger brother.

"Really? I think we both know who'd like that," Stretch says amused, Blueberry huffing before helping Stretch with the controls.

"INDEED! OKA WOULD LOVE TO MAKE A SLIME FARM! (THE TRIGGER IS TO ACTIVATE STUFF LIKE GRABBING AND DROPPING ITEMS) AND I THINK EDGE WOULD BE MORE THAT HAPPY TO HAVE A CAT 'ARMY,'" Blueberry exclaims, happy that there's so much to do in this game! (Even if it is a waste of time according to Edge.)

Stretch nods, finally getting used to the controls and thanking Blueberry, who enthusiastically welcomes him.

"What other features are there?" Stretch asks curiously, peering at the cybernetic screen on Blue's arm.

"OH LOT'S! THERE'S HUNDREDS OF FEATURES IN THIS!" Blue exclaims before scanning the list to look for one Stretch may like.

"Oh wow," Stretch comments amazed, he knew there was a lot but HUNDREDS?! It's every gamer's dream! (Red may enjoy that.)

"LIKE THIS ONE! IF YOU HOVER OVER A PLAYER, YOU CAN ADD THEM TO A PARTY! LET'S DO IT!" Stretch shrugs.

"Sure, why not?" With stars in his sockets, he hovers his disembodied hand over Stretch and adds him to a party which Stretch accepted the request for. Blue then renames the party to "THE AMAZING DUO!" Stretch raises a bone brow with an amused smile.

"Really?"

"REALLY! OH LOOK, A POTENTIAL FRIEND!" Blue exclaims, finally noticing you. However you were focused on the slimes.

"They've been there forever though," Stretch points out.

"WHA? PAPY, WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?!" Blue says sadly, Stretch shrugs again.

"They seemed busy," Blueberry looked at you again and you were still focused on the slimes.

"WELL, MAYBE THEY NEED A BREAK!" Blueberry exclaims before approaching you. Stretch sighs before hesitantly following his brother.

"GREETINGS FART!" He exclaims, causing you to burst out laughing.

"Ahaha! I knew that name was a great choice!" You say before turning to the smiling short skeleton.

"[Insert pun here] MWHEHE!" You hear a groan come from the taller skeleton that just arrived.

"Hehe! That was a good one! As you know, I'm Fart. And you're…?"

"I'M THE MAGNIFICENT BLUEBERRY, MWHEHE! BUT YOU MAY JUST CALL ME BLUEBERRY OR BLUE!" Blue exclaims.

"I'm Carrot," Stretch says afterwards, causing you to snicker.

"Those are great names! Say, what are your classes?"

"WARRIOR OF PEACE!"

"Mage, You?" You chuckle sheepishly at the question.

"I… chose all of them…" You admit, making Carrot snort.

"Couldn't settle for one huh?" Stretch asks amused, you cross your arms and huff.

"Hey! It's not my fault there's so many choices!" You exclaim.

"I THINK IT'S NEAT!" Blue chimes in making you smile.

"Thank you Blue. Hey, are you guys new to the game?" You ask and they both nod.

"Well, so am I! How about we explore together?" You suggest, Blue lit up like a Christmas tree.

"THAT'S A GREAT IDEA! LET'S GO NEW FRIEND FART!" Blue exclaims before leading the way, you and Carrot snicker and follow after.

So you spent the entire day exploring the HUGE town made for beginners and it's also a hangout/meetup area for experienced players. You got witty remarks from Carrot, puns and fun little facts and features from Sans as you explored. Before you all knew it, night had arrived and you had to log off.

"Oh shoot! It's 8 already?! I gotta go guys, thanks for exploring with me!" You announce making Blue jump.

"IT'S 8?!" Blue yelled before quickly logging off, leaving you with Carrot.

"He… doesn't play games a lot. He usually works hard," Carrot explains, you nod.

"Makes sense," You say before you go to log off.

"Wait a minute," Carrot says before you press the logout button.

"Could I get your discord? I have some… cousins that could use some social interaction from someone like you," You smile.

"Is this your way of telling me you want to hang out more?" You ask in a teasing tone, Carrot snorts.

"Yes and no," He answers simply with a smirk. You exchange discord usernames and codes (Cheesepuff ####) before saying your final goodbyes and logging off.

You take off the VR headset and wince from the lack of light and strain on your eyes. You shut off everything and begin your nightly routine. Once done, you scoop up your phone and check your messages on discord.

Cheesepuff: Yo, it's Carrot. I came to wish the jack of all trades goodnight. And to tell you Blueberry says he's sorry he left so suddenly.

You snicker before replying.

(Username): Thank you Carrot. Tell Blue I said it's okay. Goodnight to both of you!

You then go to message your friend hoping they weren't asleep already.

(Username): Dude! I made friends! :D

Totally not the writer: Oh? Do tell.

And so you do, telling them EVERYTHING!

Totally not the writer: Woah. I gotta get that game. And they sound nice but keep on your toes okay? Not everyone is who they seem.

(Username): Don't worry, I will! Good night you night owl. (You better go to sleep once you send YOUR good night.)

Totally not the writer: No promises. Night.

Sighing, you shut off your phone and head to sleep and dream of Slimes, Carrots and Blueberries.

Holy shit! That took a while to write. One pair of boys down, 4 to go… Will the other chapters be as long as this one? It honestly depends but let's hope not for both our sakes.

So we got ourselves a new series! Huzzah! I’ll try and post the chapters here with links to the next as the series goes on but I could also post it onto quotev or something if you guys prefer that.

Next Chapter

#oh god the TAAAAAAAGS #Underswap Papyrus #Underswap Sans #Underfell Papyrus #Underfell Sans #Swapfell Sans #Swapfell Papyrus #Horrortale Papyrus #Horrortale Sans #Undertale Sans #Undertale Papyrus #Sans #Papyrus #X Reader #Reverse Harem #AHHHHHHHHHHHHH

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bramblepeltao3 · 4 years ago

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HBD Ardyn

A tiny ficlet that came to me this morning for the trash man’s birthday

Del smirked, very much pleased with her hiding place. She wondered quietly what she would do the day she was no longer small enough to fit anywhere and everywhere. Perhaps by then she could simply make people do whatever she wanted, no sneaking required. Wouldn’t that be cool?

She worked on controlling her breathing to make sure she was as quiet as possible. There weren’t as many workstations in this office, just the one, so not enough fans were buzzing to mask the inconvenient sounds her body made to exist.

Man, having no body at all would be the most cool.

Finally she could hear the door open and two sets of footsteps walking towards her. ‘Yes,’ she thought to herself, ‘he brought the student in this time.’ That was perfect, it meant the lead scientist would be saying all the important stuff out loud to them. The pair of nice, polished shoes sat in the desk chair while the clean but cheap shoes stood next to it.

“There are a number of clearance steps you have to pass to get into this information,” the lead scientist man began, “first is a username that’s different from your standard one. It’s your first initial, last name, and year of birth.”

Del grinned. She could easily figure out that information for the majority of the employees here.

“And the default password is capital M Magitek1234. Make sure you change it when you get started.”

Jackpot! There was no way every single employee took the time to change their password. She was as good as in now.

“Next you need to enter the security clearance code. Write this down but eventually you should probably memorize it…”

Del closed her eyes and listened intently, knowing the pen and paper that was her own memory would capture it with ease.

“And finally you have to click the dialogue box asking if you accept responsibility for what you do on the terminal.”

Oh, yes she would happily accept responsibility on someone else’s behalf.

“And you’re in. Now,”

The six year old listened to the tutorial on how to use the charting system. She would probably be able to figure it out herself, given enough time, but she wanted to spend as much of it as possible reading everything she could.

Halfway through the navigation button explanation, the lead scientist adjusted his legs and kicked the bottom of the desk she was hiding under. She flinched instinctively, but successfully stayed quiet.

Until some dust broke loose into the air and made its way to her. She tried to hold back, even keeping her hands held over her nose and mouth. But the reflexes of the human body could not be stopped, and in spite of herself she sneezed. It was small, barely a squeak, but as soon as she made it the man in charge stopped talking. He pushed his chair back from the desk and whispered something she couldn’t make out.

He knew.

The student bent over, eyes going wide when he saw her.

“Uh, yes Doctor, there is a-”

“I know, her name is Delphia and she’s a rotten little brat. Her room is in the north hallway, number 375. Take her back there and lock the door.”

Del had a single moment to make a decision: she could easily escape from this situation if she so chose to. She could squirm back up the way she came between the wall and the back of the desk (the gap existed so the computer could be plugged into the wall outlet, she only needed to push it a tiny bit to get through). From there she could jump back to the ventilation opening and escape. But then everyone would know her secret passageways and there would certainly be repercussions. So the other option was to simply make this idiot teenager think she was an innocent little girl and ditch his grasp the moment the door opened.

Del put on her best innocent little kid face and crawled out from under the desk. Luckily the dust was already making her eyes water, and she used that to make herself look even more pathetic.

“I’m sorry doctor! I was scared and needed to hide!” She said, laying it on even thicker when she looked towards the younger man.

“You’re a liar and a waste of everyone’s time. This isn’t a daycare, go back to your room!” The old man who had no power over her commanded.

Del temporarily stifled her pride and sniffled. “Yes Sir.” She took the boy’s hand and let him walk her to the door. She had everything she needed now anyway.

“So, Delphia right? How old are you?” The boy asked as they walked through the doorway.

“I’m six years old…” she answered quietly.

“You’re kind of young to be in a place like this. What were you hiding from?”

Del forced her lip to tremble. “The monsters,” she whispered, “they’re all over and they said they’re gonna get me.”

“Awe, I’m sure nothing here would want to hurt a cute little kid like you!”

She tired of this exchange. Pretending to be a big baby made her skin crawl but it certainly had its benefits.

“You can just leave me here, I can get back by myself,” she said while rubbing her eyes with her free hand.

“Oh it’s no trouble Delly.”

WHAT did this guy just call her?

“I’m sorry for being a bother, I know all of you guys are super busy.” She could feel herself willing him to let go of her hand.

The boy looked at her, then back towards the office, and spent a long amount of time trying to think. Del swore she could see smoke coming out of his ears.

“I’d better do what he said. It’s okay though, do you want to sing a song while we walk to make it less scary?”

Fuck. Time for Operation Shock Value.

“No, I don’t want to fucking sing, are you stupid?” Del asked in her normal voice.

The words had their intended effect as the boy let go of her hand and stepped back in disbelief at what he heard.

Del took a moment to stick her tongue out, expose her middle finger, and took off running.

“W-wait, hey, Delphia!” His loud footsteps were quick behind her. The older scientists were much easier to run from.

She turned a corner slightly too fast and slid, barely recovering before falling and continuing on. It gave him enough time to close the gap she’d pushed so hard to create. Just as she thought her fun today was over with, she turned another corner and-

“Uncle Ardyn!” She squealed, slowing to a stop and reaching her arms up to the only adult in the whole star who was worth a damn.

“Well well, what sort of trouble have you gotten yourself into today, Delphia?” The Chancellor asked as the boy’s footsteps stopped behind her.

“Ch-chancellor Izunia?” He asked.

“One and the same,” Ardyn answered with a grin, scooping Del up into his arms. She turned and spit out her tongue once again in a show of victory. “Has my little niece been giving you trouble?”

“N-nie-? Uh, Chancellor, Sir, I was asked to-”

“He was chasing me! I was just trying to play a game and he was so mean.” Del turned to give her puppy dog eyes to Uncle Ardyn. It was simply for the fun of it, as she knew the man could always see right through her.

“Tsk tsk,” Ardyn wagged his finger at her before poking her on the nose, “now what have we said about lying, little finch?”

“That it’s a normal coping mechanism for children from abusive households,” she repeated from memory.

“Indeed it is. And?”

Del huffed. “And it’s still a bad behavior and I should do better to stop relying on it…”

“Very good. You can return to your business now, young man,” Ardyn said politely. He turned around and began to walk down the long hallway, still carrying Del gently.

“Uncle Ardyn I didn’t know you’d be here today!” Del chirped.

He chuckled. “Your father asked me to come by for a special presentation. And one you shouldn’t even think about listening in on.”

“Aaawe,” Del whined. He was the one person she didn’t want to disappoint. So if he said she shouldn’t do something, she would usually behave.

Usually.

“Now now, you wouldn’t mope about on your Uncle Ardyn’s birthday would you?”

“Birthday?” Del asked. She knew in theory that birthdays were an important thing. Her birthdays until now were an excuse for her mother to throw another big party to show her off like a prop. Her sixth birthday came and went with nothing but a simple gift from Uncle Ardyn: a small orange cake. It was the best thing she’d ever eaten in her whole life.

She began to feel a distressing disappointment. “I...I didn’t get you anything!”

Uncle Ardyn laughed before kneeling and putting her down in front of her personal computer terminal. “I have no need of material possessions, but if you would like to do something nice for me on this day, perhaps you could mind your manners at tonight’s dinner?”

She rolled her eyes and stifled a whine. If that’s what he wanted then that was what she would do.

“Okay…” She forgot tonight was her weekly Dinner with Dad night. She much preferred eating in the cafeteria with the interns who found her wit and sass charming. Also they had better food in the cafeteria. “What should I study today?” She asked before climbing into her chair and turning on her terminal.

“Hmm, why don’t you learn how an engine works? And give me a full report at the end of the day.”

She nodded enthusiastically. She loved updating the Chancellor with everything she learned between his visits.

“Yes! I can do that!”

“Very good, now that’s why you’re my favorite niece.” He gave her another gentle tap on the nose, eliciting a snorting giggle.

“Do you have any other nieces?” She asked.

“Oh, now and then.” He gave her a quick pat on the head, and made his way to her father’s workroom.

Uncle Ardyn was so weird. That’s why she loved him.

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une-erreur-inconnur · 6 years ago

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Tagged - Answer 21 questions

I've been tagged by @ninakh a while ago, however as usual I took a while to make it. Sorry about it >w<

Name: honestly I wouldn't advice anyone to give their name on Internet, but maybe it's just my old safe too attached to anonymity ^^' You can call me Mineko though, a lot of people use it (like a real name actually ) but it's the username I go to first generally in any website.

Nickname: I have a lot of nickname but most of them aren't used anymore

Zodiac: Cancer. By the way story time. Last year in uni I met a friend of one of my classmate that I was working with for a group project (we were assigned group by random so it's to tell you how much of a stranger this guy was). And in like 10 mn of discussion (and 10 mn of discussion with me when I don't know you is NOT a lot) the friend of my classmate just blurted out "you're born in July right?" So I just looked at him surprised before saying that yes I was. And then he told me I was acting like a typical cancer, so I guess if you're good in astrology you know now a lot about me? XD

Height: I know I already answered this before, I think it was close to 170 cm but not quite. Too lazy to search -_-

Time: 12:49

Favorite Musician: Stromae. If you don't know Stromae go check any of his song. Some are bellow his average level but otherwise he is a great artist. I know that in English a lot of his play of word are lost but hmm try anyway.

Recently I also had a liking for Chase Holfelder. You know this guy who remade "animal" which is used for amv in every fandom ever xD and it's the same for almost all the song he takes from major to minor keys. His kitchen cover are good too and made me dicover imagine dragon.

Recently, and on another genre Yann tiersen is also a musician I discovered recently and every song from him are beautiful to listen.

Also if you study biology acapella science is really good. It's where I first listened to evo devo- I mean despacito (yes I don't listen to radio) and while in the original song the good rythm is ruined by stupid lyrics, their evo devo version make this song have a great rythm AND being intelligent ! (Really if I had this song back when I was studying embryo development it could have helped at least a bit much x_x)

Song Stuck in my Head: The portrait of Pirate which is an old 2015 vocaloid song that I discovered just now.

Last Movie I Saw: The fantastical beast. I actually watched it in English, it was cool. Even if I was HIGLY disappointed by a certain character while having it coming since the first <.< if watched the movie you know who

Last Thing I Googled: a dandelion because I needed a reference for the last picture I made :3 but generally I don't google thing, I just go back to my three favourite site already saved xD

Other Blogs: mineko-mairhiel that I use to gather my drawings. I could have done that on this blog by tagging properly, but I didn't know how it worked before xp but I didn't post since a while on there. I mean tumblr is great to share fandom stuff but I mostly draw random character, not even OC, it's just, pictures x). But if I obsess on another game/series and the fandom isn't dead by the time I do (mystic messenger was a big exception, I usually start to be enthusiastic about things that people stop caring about xD) I might be active on there again, who knows.

Do I get Asks: It almost never happen but when I do get ask, I answer them ridiculously late (a bit like tag game) I'm sorry for the few soul who dropped by there, I swear it wasn't on purpose.

Why Did I Choose This Nickname: my current url? I guess it's the url since nicknames aren't chosen and generally just "happen" xD Well you know how there wasn't any proposition to chose an url before. And I tried absolutely every damn username I ever used in my life and none of them worked. And I got upset to see that it wasn't even "this url is already taken" but an unknown error happened (une erreur inconnue est survenue). So, out of spite I wrote "une fucking erreur inconnur" without caring about orthograph and it passed. I was so done when I wrote that that I just rolled with it xD Then a few month later I thought "hmm the word fucking in my url make me seems violent let's get rid of that. And I could also get rid of the typo while I'm at it." I'll let you guess why I ended up leaving the typo xD

Following: 102 o.o I honestly think most are inactive user because my blog isn't even centered around anything anymore. But for the few people who are still active and consciously following my blog... I can't understand you but a lot of love for you :3 may the silliness or the beautiful artwork I reblog help have you a good day!

Amount of sleep: If life was fair I could sleep 10 to 12 hours everyday. Since I have to study it's around 5-6. 8 if I don't work as much as I should o/

Lucky Number: 4 it's such a beautiful number. Look at it. Beautiful.

What am I wearing: my 8 yo pyjama that's not even purple anymore but fit wonderfully on me and that will never be thrown away unless it's shredded to piece or my mother come visit me.

My Dream Job: Huh honestly I currently don't know. I don't even have a expected job. I hope I'll be able to program things but life can take 90 degree turn so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Dream Trip: either a country where I can witness a solar eclipse or northern/southern light.

Favorite Food: anything with cream in it I guess? Carbs? Fat? I can't choose a specific thing T_T

Instruments Played: well I think the good old recorder is universal. But I also had the chance to learn a bit of guitar (I can do some very very VERY basic song :p)

Favorite songs: this tag game is becoming too much long for what it is so I'll try to just give song without explaining why xD

Défiler -Stromae

Bâtard- Stromae

Quand c'est -Stromae

Basically the whole song track of Hamilton

Blessed Messiah and the Tower of Ai- I don't want to write q.q : Hitoshizuku-Yamasankakkei

Firework (minor key version)- chase holfelder

The portrait of pirate -Hitoshizuku-Yamasankakkei

Sister's mercy -Hitoshizuku-Yamasankakkei

The tree of reincarnation-Hitoshizuku-Yamasankakkei (gosh I guess he is my favourite composer)

The night series- Hitoshizuku-Yamasankakkei

How far I'll go(minor key version)- chase holfelder

Best day of my life (minor key version)- chase holfelder

What's up(minor key version)- chase holfelder

The willow maid-erutan

Natural- imagine dragon

I think we're good with those! As always sorry that it came that late, but tumblr acted up the first time I wrote it and I lost everything. So I was a bit disheartened. Thanks to @ninakh who still had the patience to tag me, even if I have a talent to answer super late ^^'

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impurelilac · 6 years ago

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Requiem of a Shattered Flower

Cogito, ergo sum

Can it be more generic than that? I don’t know, although I won’t disagree that for a simple sentence, it carries a lot of meaning.

Who am I? It would be simple to make an introduction after that. But then we ignore the entire weight of the question itself.

I’ll try to answer atleast for your sake, as I am the one making the choice to violate the status quo.

To really understand this post, I feel I need to split it into two parts:

Whom am I?

and

Why do I write?

Some context could probably help however. First off I am not a skilled writer, I won’t claim that I am nor pretend to be. That is not to deny however my dream to create something, eventually. However I feel that the topic of creation will need a post for itself and doesn’t really belong here. It is also late in the night where I am, so errors should be expected. Before I also continue, I should warn that this most likely, like probably most of my post will have trigger warnings. I can atleast say that this one will deal with some slight NSFW and depression. However I will do my best to properly catalogue and present them at the start of future posts.

Why does a flower have a soul?

I can’t answer that. I am sorry.

However I can answer some things. I was born in the waning years of the 20th century, the year was 1998. The family I belonged to was upper working class or lower middle class, I am still not really sure where I belong or if I put too much effort in valuing “class”. My upbringing was fairly secure due to this, it was safe and I felt safe. That meant a lot I to my younger self even if I didn’t reflect upon it. My whole life was centered around the small village I grow up in, surrounded by the forests of Småland in southern Sweden.

Well it used to be my whole life, but now I live and study in Uppsala. 6 hours from where I lived most of my life. The understanding of being alone was one of the first things that changed for me. That isn’t to say some good things have come from the move here.

But honestly what have I just said about myself there? I told you about physical events, historical places and maybe some interests of mine But is there anything of worth amongst this text? Probably nothing crucial for now.

What has become my most defining feature of the last few years is the tiny mistake that some doctor made at my birth. Even if I don’t really feel like this, its the easiest way to explain. I never got to chose, like nobody really, to be born a boy. The difference between me and most others is that like some people I started having thoughts about being something that should be impossible. I wanted to be the “opposite” gender.

So there you have it. I am trans. I still feel kinda disgusted by myself saying it out loud, it feels like a cry for sympathy when I feel undeserving of it. But it is part of the reason why I am writing this. I will most likely even have another post eventually dealing with this topic aswell.

Besides having a life filled with self doubt, self loathing and confusion, there are some bright spots. Video Games, the greatest of escapist tools and my friend since childhood have always been there. Literature, the ability to experience a million varying lives, point of views and thoughts in the form paper and alphabet or of less worth in my eyes, that of a television screen. The last major interest I have is in drawing, as a child I loved it and despite being disillusioned, I once more started taking it seriously around 5 - 6 years ago.

Ultimately I suppose I should make a mention of what my interests on an intellectual level are. Primarily its the topics of History and Philosophy. Currently I am studying at the bachelor Historian programme in Uppsala and have for most of my life had an interest in history, but it really started when I got several good grades in it around the age of 15. Enough bragging though.

Philosophy on the other hand like politics are more side interests. I am a socialist humanitarian, I usually like to refer to myself as a communist though. I don’t really fit within the ideas the Cold War held (that I distance myself from) and in a sense I have my own form even though its kinda naive to think like that.

Equality and Democracy, would be my core pieces of politics however. Ultimately also my hope for humanity to one day break out of this cradle and mature into a civilization that can survive in the boundless void that surrounds us. However that is mostly idealistic stupidity on my part, atleast I think it is but hope is needed.

Discussing equality leads to another part of my situation I need to clarify here and will become a topic for the future. That is the fact that I am a virgin BDSM fetishist and overall rather perverted despite never showing this outwards and generally being around people that kinkshame me. I hate the fact that I am like this, I loathe myself to unhealthy degrees and have a feeling of being impure, aka part of the reason why I choose my username but it is not the only one. My weird orientation for your information is that of a Panromantic Lesbian. Hopefully it makes sense.

As you most likely notice my style of writing has changed. I think it depends on emotion and now my rage at young militant anarchists is bleeding over here. I won’t develop on that now and I don’t object to the anarchist ideology even if I don’t share it but I know all too well a lot of naive and ignorant anarchists that believe everything will be solved through the use of guns.

The Sin that Broke the Status Quo

As I write this, I am listening to the amazing song called Sins of the Father with Donna Burke. In so many ways it, like always can sum up my emotions. The melodrama that most people will probably find annoying after a few more posts, the longing for a new world and change whilst also reminding of the old.

Enough of that however. I have now written some about myself. It ended up a mess but I am content with leaving it like that. Now we come to why?

Why do I write here?

To be quite frankly, I want a place to put my emotions in a self perspective without it being a conversation. I want somewhere to share my thoughts and feelings and I hope to atleast eventually know what others think.

A friend of mine with a blog of her own got me to do this. Even though the idea has been there before. Its always hard bringing myself to write, but I felt a need for this.

Even if my life have undergone severe upheaval and change in the last month, I remain in a status quo of an unchanging world. My depression varies in severity and for the most part although I have friends and family, I remain alone.

I dream of creation, of making something that I can call my own. But so far this has never come to fruition. Honestly, what do I expect from this? I have no idea, people will probably not even read it. Regardless of what, i’ll keep the hope atleast that this can give some meaning and help me end the limbo I am suffering from.

Status Quo, is what I have called this limbo in this text. I hope that me reaching out in this form might be the beginning of breaking that Limbo, but maybe that is hoping too much. I really don’t know how far between these posts will be but I will try to be regular.

If someone out there actually reads this.

Thanks.

#self reflection #thoughts #melodramatic #blog #introduction #firstpost #natureoflife #transgender #selfbiography #i hate this

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aalapdavjekar · 3 years ago

Text

On Identity

First published in October, 2020.

At the age of fourteen, I found myself in my first online chatroom. "Asl," they asked — early Internet slang for age, sex, location. It was never self identifying information. No one was interested in names. No one cared about what you looked like. You were free to be anonymous as long as you provided a small token of details from which the rest could be inferred. Your interests were apparent from the room you were in and your avatar dropped other crumbs of personality. The concept of anonymity was still years from making sense to me yet the obliviousness to physical identity was real. The idea of a fourteen year-old from India soon became dull. So, I decided to get creative.

Some days I would be a 75 year-old living in rural Mongolia who had just purchased his first computer after selling 25 of his favourite sheep. On another, a divorced mother of three, fresh out of prison, looking for advice on everything from makeup to homeschooling. Each day was a blank slate, a new role to fill, a fresh start. Identity on the web is as literal as fiction. It could be as entertaining as you wanted it to be.

Regardless of how you chose to portray yourself, your personality was a central component to how each story was laid down. Regardless of how out there you wanted to go, to an extent, most would assume you were giving out correct information. In theory, you could be the Pope pretending to be the Queen. Not many would care but most would find it funny.

No one can judge the unknown. On forums such as Reddit, getting a new identity is as easy as coming up with a new username. There’s no one to question your motives, judge you by the colour of your skin, or ban you for being too young.

You have no age on the Internet, no gender and you have no country. Your username might change, your writing will mature over time, new subreddits will be found, some will disappear.

Yet, like real life, people can and do judge you based on certain criteria. Online, credibility is based on reputation — call it Internet points, karma, the number of followers, likes, etc. To some online services, these signify your commitment to your role. Like seniority in a real life occupation, Internet points signify how long a profile has been around. The Reddit karma system which was primarily developed as a reward mechanism also serves as an easy way to distinguish between credible profiles and inflammatory and digressive posters — trolls. If you post worthwhile content, you get upvotes — points! On the other hand, if people don’t like what they see, you get negative points. Unlike the virtual world, physical age plays a very important role in real life in determining your credibility. It gives people an easy excuse to ignore your opinions depending on how old you are while giving way to cultural cliches such as respect your elders or tradition is sacred. One of the harshest — kids are stupid might almost seem like a mathematical axiom but ignores certain aspects of the child that are seldom found in adults such as the ability to quickly master languages or adopt new skills.

ASL in the offline world is very much like the Internet. The major difference is that it’s much easier to catch someone lying. As an Indian teenager, I could never pretend to be a 75-year old Mongolian even with the best makeup advice. Yet, there were other ways to pretend. At the time, I thought of myself as shy but I could still stir up some confidence when I had to talk to strangers. I only had to pretend to be charming, smart, and interesting. Society even had my back. “You can be anything you want to be when you grow up,” they told me at school. “Always dream big,” they proudly added. Years later, I realized all these statements only translated into, “get a bigger salary.” So, yeah, they were pretending too. Eventually I came to the conclusion that everyone was pretending. Everyone I interacted with had a story to tell. They all had a big bag of words that they used to confidently describe themselves. Most interesting of all, they all took the story they told themselves and others very, very seriously and would happily clock you in the mouth if you merely hinted at anything otherwise. Like calling someone out in the chatroom for their alleged fakery, painting someone as a liar in real life was akin to assault. But my conclusions weren’t based on some impulsive thought. They were carefully considered observations. The wall of pretense we erect is not even a conscious decision. Almost always, it is based on years of cultural indoctrination.

Who are we?

Culture is a weird one. The typical North American and South Asian of the 1950s could be considered living centuries apart from each other. The Indian, most likely an illiterate farmer barely making ends meet, could not dream of life in the American Golden Age — minimum wage that could pay for two cars and a mortgage. He could not conceptualise the existence of luxuries such as refrigerators, ovens, swimming pools and shopping malls, hospitals and discotheques, or the ability to travel the world on tips earned while bartending. The average Indian farmer desired healthier bulls, better harvests, regular rainfall, obedient wives for his sons. But then, as much as now, drastically different cultures still overlap in certain ways. The Indian farmer, much like his American counterpart, looked to his neighbour to understand himself. If the Jones next door bought a fancy new car, everyone living in the neighbourhood wanted something better. If the Kumars next door threw a huge wedding for their son, inviting everyone from the closest twenty villages, the Chopras dreamt only of throwing a larger party next year. The collective psyche of each culture is only a reflection of the desires of each individual. But cultures, homogeneous or otherwise, are an echo chamber. They consciously or subconsciously produce edicts, rules and regulations that individuals integrate and pass on. Whether it’s capitalism good, communism bad in the American psyche, or India good, Pakistan bad in the Indian, from economic policy-making and government initiatives to television programming and pop art, everything must adhere to cultural norms and traditions. Unless it fits the identity of the collective and follows a cultural narrative, it will be discarded.

Take the never ending list of Indian god-men and celebrities who are routinely treated as infallible figures worthy of worship. Devotees are often so unflinching in their faith that they are willing to overlook overwhelming evidence of rape, murder, exploitation and extortion. This is not unique to India. Charismatic personalities have sway over swaths of people all across the world. Whether it’s Trump, Duterte, Bolsonaro or Modi, the ability to pander to the masses and speak to the cultural norm is more important than competence at one’s job. Trump gave voice to a collective that was scared of immigrants taking over their jobs. Years later, his ineptitude would lead to one of the worst administrative failings in American history and the death of over 400,000 people in the course of the pandemic. The actions of the Indian government during the second wave need no mentioning.

In many countries, questioning one’s cultural norms is akin to treason. Similar to questioning a person’s opinions, questioning the integrity of a political ideology often leads to terrifying consequences. The BJP’s rise to power in India has been followed by the arrests of intellectuals, academics, students, poets, and doctors for voicing opinions against the party. This is quite the routine for authoritarian governments. In the 1950’s, Mao Zedong’s government in China persecuted and killed half a million of its educated populace before launching the Great Leap Forward, a project that aimed at transforming China from an agrarian economy into an industrial power. While it looked great on paper, it led to the greatest famine in history and resulted in the deaths of at least 20 million people. This failure politically weakened Mao. In response, he launched another program to weed out and eliminate dissidents, killing another million in the process while leading to the destruction of thousands of Chinese historical and cultural artifacts. What was the outcome of this violence? It only strengthened Mao’s hold over the masses. His personality was now a cult.

To call humans sheep would be unfair because sheep are never pushed off a cliff by their masters. Human societies, on the other hand, are rife with power struggles, deep hierarchies, discrimination, and violence. Yet, each of us identifies as a good person. We can rationalize why we are good, therefore we must be good. No country in the world would ever think about labeling itself as a force of terror, cruelty, and animosity, but we can easily call “the other” any number of names. We look to our family, friends, and society to support and reinforce these views — call them nationalism, patriotism, freedom, equality — regardless of how accurate or even relevant these views might actually be.

Oscar Wilde said, “Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else’s opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation.”

Our identity does not quite work in favour of our individual or collective happiness. We associate a feeling of national pride towards statistics, numbers, and symbols. Rising GDP is popularly correlated with the “wealth” of a country, but many forget that this number just smashes together a country’s total economic output over a period of time without distinguishing between “good” and “bad” economic activity. Even the man who came up with the concept, Simon Kuznets, was of the opinion that the number had nothing to do with individual well-being.

We look to our history to understand where we came from without realizing we have many incomplete pieces to an enormous puzzle. Many contemporary Indians would associate themselves with the iconic Indus Valley civilization and think of the core of their cultural and religious identities as unchanged for thousands of years. However, the morals and the values carried by the average Indian today — monogamy, marriage, vegetarianism, holidays and celebrations, rites and rituals — all stem from thousands of years of mingling with the outside world. What we define as violent invaders and conquerors today have played an important role in shaping our culture into its current form. Not only did the Mughals contribute to our aesthetics and our lexicon but they also brought with them mathematics, science and philosophy. Global trade helped carry the Indo-Arabic number system (the numerals 0 to 9) to Africa, Europe, and eventually to the rest of the world. The British brought their own legal and judicial systems, passed down from the Romans, the railway infrastructure, and a bizarre penal code which sought to divide the subcontinent culturally, morally, and geographically according to their own prudish Victorian attitudes.

Hinduism, a major global religion today, has its roots in the Vedas, a collection of manuscripts believed to have been written by ancient sages at least a thousand years before the birth of Christ. The Vedas described the lives and spiritual pursuits of the priestly class, the Brahmins of ancient India. Before being written down, they were orally passed on from teacher to pupil. The Vedas described the lives of gods, rites and rituals, spells and incantations, all of which have their roots in even earlier animistic traditions, or the worship of animals, plants and nature — a theme common to the birth of nearly all religions. These texts were central to the agrarian communities that inhabited the Indus Valley. However, one might be hard pressed to call this Hinduism. These ancient traditions later branched out into numerous schools of thought such as Samkhya, Nyaya, Vaisheshika, Yoga, Mimamsa, and Vedanta, each with their own unique set of philosophies.

Due to the geographical scale of the Indian subcontinent, the diversity in language, culture, and race, the ideological descendants of Vedic traditions were in the hundreds, if not thousands, and were regarded as a way of life by those who practiced them. The word ‘Hindu’ was simply used to describe people living near the Sindh, a river that flows through the northwestern part of the subcontinent. The word had nothing to do with the individual beliefs of these people. The modern form of Hinduism developed in the 18th century through reformist movements started by Ram Mohan Roy who wished to rid Hindu traditions of superstition and promote rational and ethical ideas about the religion. Thinkers such as Dayananda Sarasvati, Paramahamsa Ramakrishna, and Swami Vivekanada, would develop the idea of a unified Indian continent and seed missionary movements that brought Hinduism to the shores of Europe and later, the United States. Savarkar, who used the term hindutva to describe ‘the quality of being Hindu’, brought on a politically-charged connotation to Hinduism. This was further fueled by the Indian Independence movement that promoted the idea of ‘India as a Hindu nation’ before the eventual partitioning of the subcontinent along religious lines.

It is a topic of much debate whether an organized and unified Hindu nationalist identity that brought the sheer variety of the subcontinent under one banner to overthrow colonialism would have naturally evolved without the presence of the British Raj. More importantly, the idea of a ‘Hindu nation’ starkly contrasts the cultural openness of the early inhabitants of the subcontinent, and their acceptance of hundreds of cultures and different belief systems, which is ironic considering the foundation of Hindutva is based on the myth that India has always been a country for Hindus.

What are we?

Does my cat know he’s a cat? Do animals know of themselves? What about viruses and bacteria? You might say no to all of these questions and state that the ability to know oneself is unique to homo sapiens. The correct answer is debatable but not really the point I am trying to make. What if I asked you what you made you believe you were human, or conscious, or even real? There is good reason for you to believe in all of those things because you might think it’s ridiculous to believe we are just deterministic machines running on genetic code. Surely, we must have free will. Surely, we must be the most intelligent byproduct of evolutionary pressures. Surely, we must be the only creatures capable of stewarding the Earth. Surely, we must be correct about the things we know and accept as fact.

How comfortable would you be if none of these were true? I won’t attempt to answer these questions here because these are an entirely separate discussion but my point is that we believe we are a number of things only because we have identified with these beliefs for a good portion of our lives. Like the Ptolemaists who believed the Earth was the center of the Universe, or Creationists who believe ‘the Earth is 6000 years old and dinosaur bones exist only to test our faith in god’, there may still be numerous misconceptions of reality that we accept as common fact. Regardless of what these beliefs are, it’s critical to understand that our beliefs are our identity. Through many years of indoctrination, people on opposite sides of the Korean Demilitarized Zone still identify as human beings, but their world views are starkly different. One might defend the ideals of capitalist society while the other might think his leader is god and gladly give his life to protect this belief.

There is no distinguishing between one’s beliefs and oneself. Our beliefs form our habits, which in turn form our personalities. We live our lives from the point of view of our beliefs; a home forged from our own subjective interpretations of the world. We hold ourselves accountable to our identity; define ourselves with tokens of adjectives, layers of tradition and symbolism, while in the meantime, we fight to preserve every shred of it, and live the rest of our lives in a struggle to cultivate it. We try to keep it sacred, unique, and immutable. Otherwise, we ask ourselves, what is the point? We work tirelessly to make sure we’re not just another cardboard cutout while raking in trophies, certificates, photographs, children, exclusive club memberships, Internet points — anything to expand our fairytale legacy; anything to suppress our natural mortality and increasing vulnerability. We judge ourselves not through the motivations, beliefs or struggles of others; we judge others based on ourselves. Identity is a relational web. It is a comparison sheet we use to analyse our place in the world. It helps us weave a meaningful story to answer difficult questions such as: What am I? When did I begin? What will happen to me when I die?

No one is born religious. No one is born to identify with a particular piece of land. No one is born to identify with a particular political party. No one is born as a specific identity. We are all simply products of indoctrination. Every single day, from the moment we are born, our education begins — not towards an ideal of truth but towards survival. The agenda of the education system is only a reflection of the cultural landscape it inhabits. Perhaps only science can claim the ability to course-correct and steer its way towards better models of the universe. Humans, meanwhile, are not so flexible. Between years three and four, most children start forming opinions about the world and themselves. I am this. I like that. This young identity is shaped through an education system whose primary objective is passing exams, failing which the child is immediately labelled as stupid. The child is routinely compared with their classmates, labelled any number of things — shy, honest, hardworking, problematic, unmotivated. Their place in the world begins to solidify. The child, in most cases, assimilates these assessments as accurate characteristics about themselves, never questioning their validity.

Over the course of a lifetime, many layers of identity are crafted and worn, each accentuating every other. Our identity has an appetite. It must consume knowledge and meaning or risk starvation. Some may be consumed by this hunger, turning into narcissists and megalomaniacs. Others might see through the illusion. Yet, most people never manage to leave their opinions behind, not enough to provoke a different perspective because the need never makes itself apparent. Most people internalise their self-beliefs themselves to the point where they are defined by them. People tend to stick with people who think like they do. They fall into a loop of self-compliant views and confirmation biases. Eventually, this simplistic view of the world and the self becomes hardwired and impossible to outgrow. Anything that challenges these hardwired beliefs is first ignored as fake news, but eventually, it brings forth an increasingly agitated response. The stronger the hold of identity, the greater is its tendency to fight back against change. People might call themselves vegan, neo-marxist, jazz aficionados, liberal, Muslim, pan-romantics, Indian first, Maharashtrian second, [enter artist’s name]’s biggest fan. They might have good reason to suspect these words as truth. Regardless of their accuracy, these are just layers of identity, to be worn as per the demands of the situation, like seasonal clothing.

When people communicate, it is a specific identity that does the talking. When I am speaking to my boss, I wear the mask of a loyal employee; when I am speaking to my son, I wear the mask of a loving father; with a stranger, all the politeness I can muster; with a foe, skepticism, mistrust, anger. We carry countless and distinct identities, only to utilize a specific ASL — a condensed and limited disclosure of the ego based on the situation and circumstance. These are like webpages which hide the underlying HTML, CSS, and JavaScript code while only showing you what you wanted to see — a funny cat video. The individual’s relational web grows with every new encounter, every new discovery about the world. It begs to answer only one question — Where is my place in the world? The relational web offers a map to reality; a model that seeks to understand and tailor itself based on experience. This is an intrinsic biological mechanism without which the ego cannot survive.

Our identity is life itself. It is the very antithesis to death. These are polar opposites: creation and destruction. Identity forges meaning while death snatches it away in an instant. While the pursuit of meaning is a lifelong endeavour, ageing is a paradox. Ageing in the modern world is the contradiction between wanting a longer life as well as infinite youth. A trillion-dollar anti-aging industry that only seeks to postpone the inevitable, is testament to this fact. In the meantime, all we are left with is the pursuit of polishing our individual story. Some might cherish the annual event that signifies the day they were born while others might hate it, resenting the lives and achievements of others associated with a smaller number while casting everyone else into a basket of irrelevance. Perhaps this is why the shadow of anonymity offered by the Internet is such a comforting place to live. But whether offline or online, my ASL is whatever I want it to be as long as it gives me the joy that I seek and the comfort I need to go on.

There is no point in living in a cage of dubious and limiting self-beliefs. I am not suggesting you could fly simply by identifying as a bird. I am merely suggesting identity is an emergent phenomenon. It is a continuous carving and remodeling of the ego. It evolves in response to experience of an immediate environment because it is essentially a tool evolved for survival. With that knowledge, at the very least, it might bring you a step closer to staying open to new ideas and possibilities. Just don’t take yourself too seriously.

#identity #psychology #humancondition #internet #reddit #hinduism #hindutva #politics

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herdustisverypretty · 7 years ago

Text

Question tag for AO3 writers~~

I found the original questions on AFF a while back, and I thought since I’ve been tagged in so many meme things lately, I’d also tag a bunch more people in this one XD Since the questions were designed for AFF, I’ve reworked some of them to fit for AO3 writers. I also removed two questions rather than trying to translate them to AO3 terms. So, I’ll fill out my answers first, and then put the blank questions again at the bottom for you to easily copy and paste!

1. How did you come up with your username and what does it mean?

'Her dust is very pretty' is the last part of a Dorothy Parker poem called Epitaph for a Darling Lady. Dorothy Parker is the only poet I’ve ever liked. I usually detest poetry and find it stupid and annoying. But I like most of hers. I used this as my first tumblr URL too. It’s just kind of my name now. I’ve been using it since 2010.

2. Which fanfic of yours has the most feedback? (bookmarks/subscriptions/hits/kudos)

Subs is Chemicals with 177, bookmarks is Neko at 116, hits is Chemicals at 18600, and kudos is Chemicals again with 694. Stats are weird.

3. What is your AO3 profile icon and why did you choose it?

It’s ahegao Kuroko lmaaaaooooo. I chose it cause I love slutty Kuroko.

4. Do you have any regular/favourite commenters?

Quite a few actually. Maybe too many to list even... I’d say High_Noon and Goldfasan are the ones I recognise or see the most?

5. Is there a fanfic that you keep going back to read again and again?

I don’t actually read that much fanfiction? Which might be odd for someone who writes a lot of fanfiction. Idk I tend to find a few really good ones and then reread them for eternity and never look for anything new. Though tbh I haven’t read fanfiction for a number of months now. I’ve been too busy, or too stressed (and definitely too autistic).

6. How many stories are you subscribed to? How many do you have bookmarked? Subbed to 7 fics (most of which are really old and will never be updated, or are friends’ stories). I have 231 bookmarks. Apparently. I have no idea what they all are, because only 30 of them are my OTP, and I only started bookmarking last year, and again, I don’t read much. I think AO3 is lying to me. Likely, as it lists my subs as 67, but I counted them and there’s only 7 in there plus 2 author subs. Conspiracies.

7. Which AU do you find yourself writing the most?

I define AU as ‘completely unrelated to the main plot’ so, if the KnB characters were in fuedal Japan. I use UA (universe alteration) to define things such as if a KnB story followed the general main plot (basketball) but had changes to it, such as omegaverse (though I don’t consider ships UAs). With that said, tbh I don’t think I have one? I write a whole range of stuff. I don’t think I lean towards any particular AU or UA.

8. How many people are subscribed and bookmarked to you in total? (you can view this on the stats page)

Total bookmarks: 1285 Total subs: 504

9. Is there something you'd like to write about but are afraid of people judging you for it? (Feeling brave? If so, share it!)

Honestly I don’t think I’m ashamed of anything by this point. I’m probably one of the most non-judgemental and open-minded people you’ll meet, so I kinda have no shame with that. Like, I won’t judge other people for having weird interests, and therefore don’t feel any shame for my own because I see no reason to have a problem with it. If people don’t like my writing they don’t have to read it. No one’s forcing them to.

10. Is there anything you would like to be better at? Writing certain scenes or genres, replying to comments, updating better, etc.

I’m mostly okay at replying to comments, sometimes I won’t reply if I don’t know how to respond or I’m busy/tired. Unless I feel like there’s no reason to further reply to a comment, I’ll usually try to reply later (sometimes months....). I need to get better at putting description in instead of just rushing through something and shoving it at the internet saying “I’M SICK OF IT JUST TAKE IT HOW IT IS”. Ideally it would be nice to update more frequently and consistently but that’s something that will never change due to my mental and physical health sooo. Whatevs.

11. Do you write rarepairs or popular ships more often?

tbh I think it’s arguable if even the more popular ships I write are even that popular. The most popular ship I write is Akakuro I guess? I do write a bunch of rarer pairs (Mayumibu hghghghgh also Aoaka yes) occasionally though.

12. How many stories have you posted on AO3 to this day (finished and unfinished)?

87. Which I feel like is a lot considering I did about 50 of those in one year.

13. How many stories do you have saved in/with your writing program?

39 in Google Docs. Possibly. I’m half asleep and may have missed some. I have a crap tonne more in MS Word, but I don’t want to count them all. Oh, fyi, these are only for my current fandom. I have other stories in Docs and Word that are original or other fandoms.

14. Do you write down story ideas, or just keep them in your head?

Write everything down. Either in a document or just in the notes on my phone.

15. Have you ever co-authored a story?

No, but I’d like to. It sounds interesting.

16. How did you discover AO3?

An uh, ex-something found it in 2013 and showed it to me. I liked it more than FF.net, which always gave me a headache with it’s shitty UI and layout, and Livejournal, which was either dead or didn’t exist for my fandoms back then. Does anyone still even use those 2 sites as their main story platform?

17. Do you consider yourself to be a popular or famous author in your fandom(s) on AO3?

Not at all. I might say I am possibly known or recognised, but I definitely do not think famous or popular at all. Far from it.

18. Do you have a nickname or fandom name for your readers?

Does anyone? I’m not published yet lmao and neither am I a Korean idol so uhhh, no, my readers do not have a nickname or fandom.

19. Was there an author who inspired or encouraged you to write?

I would say no. No one prompted me to start writing when I was little, I just did it cause I liked it. Even when I started writing seriously, and when I started writing fanfiction, it was all me. I guess there have been writers who have inspired me to get better though? Namely Mikssi and goseum-dochi.

20. What writing advice would you give to a beginning author?

I was once told that if you can't think of anything to write just put SOMETHING on the page. Be it a date or a title or an idea. Just get something on the page. I now start every story by dating when exactly I started it (yes even the exact time). It's less intimidating that way. Writing down my ideas also helps me plan.

21. Do you plot out your stories, or do you just figure it out as you go?

I often have a general idea or at least ideas for future chapters. But mostly I just bullshit my way through it lmao. It often backfires.

22. Have you ever gotten a bad comment on a story? If so, what did you do?

The only negative comment I've gotten on a story that really upset me was once being called insensitive when referring to sexual abuse. It really offended me because. Um. You... do not know my past experiences. At all. And I'm not going to bring them up because of that. But wow. And it bothered me too that they called me insensitive when I was just writing from experience. Like ok. Sure. Cool. I mean I could see where they were coming from, but I’m going to take a guess and say they had never experienced what I was writing about. I’ve gotten a couple of other negative comments, but they didn’t upset or ‘get to me’ so much as just piss me off due to the stupidity of them.

23. Is there a certain type of scene that you have a hard time writing? (action, smut, etc..)

Action.

24. What story(s) are you working on now?

Uhhh, I guess mostly right now I’m working on Nano, and one other story. I have unfinished and ongoing things, but they’re on the back burner right now.

25. Do you plan your next project(s) before you finish your current ongoing story(s)?

To a really problematic degree.

26. Do you have a daily writing goal set for yourself?

Definitely not. Way too much pressure. Do not need.

27. Do you think you've improved as a writer since you first started?

My god, yes. From my early original (shite) stories of 2007-2009, to my really early (also shite) fandom fics in 2011-2012, to my explosion in the VIXX fandom (at least 80% shite), to now... My goodness. I’m actually in the half-hearted process of editing old AO3 fics to be easier on the eyes. Mostly that’s relatively minor changes. If I went back to AFF. Hoo. I’m highkey scared of looking at some of those again.

28. What is your favorite story that you've written?

I guess I’d say Chemicals. It’s a story I always wanted to do, and I’m happy with how it turned out. I also have to make mention to NMT, since that thing was my life for like 2 years, and writing it helped a lot. I also am quite fond of what I refer to as my ‘cat vampire story’ aka this. I also don’t mind my story Wanderlust. I think I put more effort into that one than I do with most things I write.

29. What is your least favorite story that you've written?

MMMMM I can think of it and I don’t want to acknowledge its existence at all. IT NEVER HAPPENED AND IT WAS A MISTAKE. Also NMT.

30. Where do you see yourself (as a writer) in 5 years?

Probably not published yet but goddamn will I try (not very hard though)

31. What is the easiest thing about writing?

For me it's writing dialogue. Chat room/text message based dialogue is especially fun.

32. What is the hardest thing about writing?

Starting and ending the story (or, if it’s a chaptered story, ending the chapter). Also liking your own work. And not comparing yourself to others. And holding onto the hope that maybe one day you’ll actually be successful and you should keep going.

33. Why do you write?

idek. It’s fun? Satisfying? It arguably sometimes entertains people? Gives me something to do. Unleash all that creativity bopping around up there. idk. Do I need a reason?

Anyways that’s all the questions, so I’ll put them here as well without the answers to easily c+p.

1. How did you come up with your username and what does it mean? 2. Which fanfic of yours has the most feedback? (bookmarks/subscriptions/hits/kudos) 3. What is your AO3 profile icon, and why did you choose it? 4. Do you have any regular/favourite commenters? 5. Is there a fanfic that you keep going back to read again and again? 6. How many stories are you subscribed to? How many do you have bookmarked? 7. Which AU do you find yourself writing the most? 8. How many people are subscribed and bookmarked to you in total? (you can view this on the stats page) 9. Is there something you'd like to write about but are afraid of people judging you for it? (Feeling brave? If so, share it!) 10. Is there anything you would like to be better at? Writing certain scenes or genres, replying to comments, updating better, etc. 11. Do you write rarepairs or popular ships more often? 12. How many stories have you posted on AO3 to this day (finished and unfinished)? 13. How many stories do you have saved in/with your writing program? 14. Do you write down story ideas, or just keep them in your head? 15. Have you ever co-authored a story? 16. How did you discover AO3? 17. Do you consider yourself to be a popular or famous author in your fandom(s) on AO3? 18. Do you have a nickname or fandom name for your readers? 19. Was there an author who inspired or encouraged you to write? 20. What writing advice would you give to a beginning author? 21. Do you plot out your stories, or do you just figure it out as you go? 22. Have you ever gotten a bad comment on a story? If so, what did you do? 23. Is there a certain type of scene that you have a hard time writing? (action, smut, etc..) 24. What story(s) are you working on now? 25. Do you plan your next project(s) before you finish your current ongoing story(s)? 26. Do you have a daily writing goal set for yourself? 27. Do you think you've improved as a writer since you first started? 28. What is your favorite story that you've written? 29. What is your least favorite story that you've written? 30. Where do you see yourself (as a writer) in 5 years? 31. What is the easiest thing about writing? 32. What is the hardest thing about writing? 33. Why do you write?

Fill out the questions and tag more authors you know ^^

#self #writing

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