#even if there's a “greater good” reason that wont stop me from being sad and a bit mad lol

[mekha-draws]

Actually when the Tidelord returns I hope there's a bit in either the short story or whatever they release by the time where it's mentioned how relieved and glad the other deities and clans are of his return but also how pissed some of his own children, and others, are

Mad at the vagueness of his words, at the ages they spent going high and low to even get a crumb of a clue of his whereabouts, mad about his disregard for their calls even when "nearby", how their estranged siblings only came back for his' sake and even if some have reconnected there's others that simply went back to their own now that their "mission" was done leaving behind generations of amicable relations now that he is back, clans that have gone by generations mourning him and even wishing he never came back at all because he is sure to have brought back something dangerous that they now have to deal with (*cough*adventure mode)

Idk I just don't want all this BOTE and lore stuff to end (or expand) in an all-around positive note, because (I assume) we all know for sure that's not how it will be when the inevitable conclusion to the whole "Tidelord missing" part of the story comes to a close

[itsclydebitches]

RWBY Recaps: Volume 8 “Creation”

Happy Saturday, everyone! Oh man, oh man, oh man. I think I'll need to steer clear of the general RWBY tags this week, simply because I know the sort of responses I'll see to this episode. From smug celebration at Ironwood's downfall, to bad takes about what makes us human, this episode is a petri dish of sensitive material handled insensitively.

Let’s unpack it, shall we? 

We open on an action that feels like a summery of the last three volumes: a grimm attacks an airship from the front, no doubt killing its pilot, while the other grimm conveniently ignore our heroes, no masking in sight. The group looks a little sad at the destruction around them, but ultimately ignore it because they have bigger, heroic things to do. I could write a whole, additional essay on how the huntsmen code — to protect the people — has been warped and abandoned by our protagonists in their effort to do what they think is right. It's a tale that might have been compelling if only RT knew they were writing it.

We get a shot of Atlas drones unloading the bomb before one is taken out, presumably by Qrow and Robyn. Segueing to Ironwood and the Ace Ops, they're waiting for Penny to arrive, the former carrying a massive gun presumably capable of capturing her. Despite the horror we saw on their faces last episode at the realization that Ironwood would kill Marrow for speaking up, it seems that now the Ace Ops are entirely in agreement with these measures. A week ago the implication was that they fell back in line out of fear, but now Harriet talks passionately about "putting down" the group if they were stupid enough to accompany Penny. "The General gave his terms." Vine sighs at this, but doesn't actively disagree. He's just "retracing the steps that led us here."

So, congratulations on introducing four new characters, not bothering to develop any of them, killing one off while ignoring Qrow's hand in that, and having the other three become all, "Yeah! Mass murder is a perfect solution!" off screen. Marrow is the only one with something resembling development and, as covered in these recaps, that's been pretty badly executed too.

Ironwood sends them to deal with Robyn and Qrow after Winter reappears to "assist" him. That gets quotation marks because most viewers at this point have realized that she's who our two birbs spotted in the elevator. Winter isn't on Ironwood's side anymore, she's just skillfully clearing the field for the final attack. Indeed, we get a moment where she hesitantly brings up the bomb and Ironwood responds that he hopes she's not going to try and talk him out of it. No. Winter doesn't think that's possible. This was her final attempt at peace.

One of the reasons why I think I'll stick to my own blog for a while is because the fandom has a tendency to paint broad personality traits as evil when applied to some characters, yet simultaneously heroic when applied to others, when really it's about how that those traits are used. What I mean is, I've seen a lot of Ironwood critical posts that emphasize how stubborn he is. He thinks he's right and he won't back down. He wont listen to others. He's going through with this plan and if anyone tries to stop him? That's their mistake. Totally evil, right? Except, this is the exact same behavior Ruby displays, particularly in Volumes 6 and 7. She was stubborn about stealing from Argus and continuing the fight to the point where it endangered her and her teammates, to say nothing of the rest of the city. She refused to listen to Qrow, or Ironwood, or the Ace Ops, loudly announcing that she was right about, well, everything. If they didn't agree with her, the options were to leave the group entirely, or fight her. The actual difference here is that the writers have taken Ironwood to an extreme, one that's incredibly easy to understand as bad because it is bad: bombing Mantle has no defense. Ruby pulls the exact same nonsense, it's just not to that same extreme and her actions are followed by scenes that are meant to make us forgive her: a sad look because she didn't mean to get a city attacked by a leviathan grimm, a cry on the staircase because she didn't mean to risk the lives of an entire kingdom... even though she did. Ironwood is the bad guy because he's been written to take specific, OOC actions like shooting unarmed kids. He's not the bad guy because when other characters go, "Don't do this" his response is, "I have to." Because that's been Ruby's motto ever since she "had" to use the Lamp to rip Ozpin’s life story away. RWBY introduced those extreme actions of shooting the youngest in the group (for no reason) and threatening to bomb a city (for no reason) or shooting a councilman (for no reason) because when you remove those you've got a man who looks exactly like our hero. Ironwood's arc has been peppered with these confusing, unpersuasive actions because if you just keep the story as him stubbornly keeping to a plan he thinks will save the world, you're left with the reminder that all Ruby has done lately is stubbornly keep to plans she thinks will save the world. This moment with Winter just highlights how ill thought out Ironwood's descent has been because he does everything Ruby does... with a few, tacked on, “and randomly shoots people!” moments to ensure we understand that he’s definitely evil. No comparison to our heroes here, folks! 

Ironwood is a bad guy now. That’s certain, but he was made that way so the story never had to grapple with the question of what that means for Ruby if we really start condemning things like lying, secrets, stubbornness, or endangering others for the greater good. Well then damn, if we strip away the hypocrisy then she might not be a good person after all. Or the people she’s simplistically labeled as bad might not be the devils Ruby claims they are. 

But that’s a level of nuance RWBY would rather pretend doesn’t exist. 

All of which is highlighted by Ironwood’s reaction to "Penny." He sighs and sags over the gun, immediately putting it aside. With his hand on her shoulder, Ironwood tells her she's "done the right thing." Precisely the same way Ruby would lower Crescent Rose and give someone a smile when they decided to fall in line with her.

Which, of course, is the moment when Emerald reveals herself, dispelling the Penny illusion and revealing Team JNPR The Second behind her. She gives a quip about it feeling "weird" to do the right thing before disappearing.

From there the action picks up fast. I really enjoyed this battle simply from a choreography and energy standpoint. It gets the blood pumping, Ironwood's hand-to-hand is spectacular — especially that moment against Ren — and the group actually displays teamwork for the first time in what feels like forever, all of them needed to land a hit on Ironwood. As always, out of the context of the rest of the show it feels and looks great. My primary issue is that we get this fantastic fight against Ironwood. Not Salem, not Cinder, not Watts (like last volume when Ironwood was still a hero), not even Emerald as a means of transitioning from murderous villain to the group's best bud. No, what's arguably the best action sequence in the volume thus far goes to beating up the guy they betrayed from the start. There's no catharsis for me here, only frustration as we watch Ironwood stand in shock as Winter powers up Nora — who's fine now, I guess — and she slams her hammer into his face. 

It never should have come to this and when a good character is done so dirty, their downfall doesn't evoke the emotions the writers are looking for. Watching Ironwood fall doesn't generate feelings of victory, or even tragedy at a course of events others were powerless to stop. It's just frustration at watching years worth of bad writing, sprinkled with fantastic ideas that never go anywhere.

Oscar gets a few hits in, Ironwood snatches his cane, and just as he's about to throw a punch, Winter arrives with the most dramatic sword slash I've ever seen.

Ironwood's aura breaks and he falls, unconscious. We cut to an image of a droid's head separated from its body, one of Robyn's arrows through its skull. That doesn't have meaning or anything.

I suppose I should be grateful they didn't rip Ironwood's arm away during the fight, or outright kill him, though I'm still expecting him to die before the end of the volume.

Hmm. Wouldn't that be something? If after Salem's arrival, freezing cold, a Hound attack, grimm soup, a giant whale, a massive army, and a hack ending in self-destruction, the one character who actually dies is Ironwood. 

It's looking more and more likely.

Honestly, beyond all the obvious, what's so frustrating about this fight is that characters are only now using their impressive abilities to their fullest. Emerald creates an entire fantasy of what's happening and then straight up disappears, but she only does a half-assed version of that when fighting against Penny. (And really, she put more effort into helping the heroes she just joined over Cinder, the woman she's been obsessed with since the start?) Marrow refuses to use "Stay" against a group they wanted to peacefully arrest because that's just too horrible an act, I guess, but he'll do it on his own teammates the second Qrow and Robyn don’t want to fight.  

This is what I mean when I say the rules of the world bend to assist the protagonists in absurd ways. It's not nearly as egregious as Amity suddenly being up and running, but the fact that characters become substantially more powerful while fighting for the protagonists than they do against them is still a significant problem.

So Ironwood is down and out. As much as I hated watching that and didn't necessarily want more, am I the only one who felt like it was... a bit lackluster? I mean, the action was great, yes, but relatively short. There was no dialogue, such as another delve into the moral questions that led to this fight in the first place. There certainly wasn’t any hesitance against fighting a former ally. (Again, we’re meant to believe that the Ace Ops won because they just couldn’t bear to fight the group seriously, but every former ally here is capable of wailing on Ironwood without a single pause or pained look?) Ironwood just skillfully blocks for a while, is blindsided by Winter's betrayal, and then falls unconscious. Given that we learn he and Jacques will be evacuated after the rest of the kingdom, it's possible he'll escape somehow and we'll get a fight 2.0, but if not that feels like a rather tame end to the guy forced into the antagonist seat. Plus, what was the point of having Qrow frothing at the mouth to kill him this whole volume? I never wanted that to happen, I'm glad it hasn't, but I'm nevertheless left to ask why we bothered with that eleven episode side plot if we were going to erase it with one sentence from Robyn about Qrow being better than this. If that's all it took, let them work through Qrow's irrational anger while sitting around in a cell.

Winter tells the group to move onto "phase two" which is when we're treated to a flashback. We return to the ending of the last episode, with Ruby realizing that opening the vault is an option. Jaune, all smiles, goes, "We never considered using what's inside!"

This is what I mean about no consequences! This is what I mean about it all being a meaningless circle that ends with undeserved praise for the group! We started this horror show with Ironwood going, "We don't have a plan to protect the people, so I'm going to take what people we do have to safety" and the group going, "We don't have a plan either, but we're going to stop you implementing your plan because it's not perfect, risking a kingdom's worth of lives in the process." Now, the group has used two plans, one of which two characters knew about at the start and another they could have devised with the information they had. Oscar and Ozpin's, "We have an all powerful magical blast in our cane" and the group's "What if we used the Staff for something other than raising Atlas?" are both things that could have come up in the office debate. These were both always on the table! Instead, Ruby grew furious over the mere thought of cutting their losses, betrayed Ironwood again, attacked his people, denounced him to the world, and then two days later goes, "Oh wait! We could do something now that we could have easily done before if we hadn't made a needless enemy!" 

Everyone realizes how much worse they made things, right? Turning against Ironwood, bringing everyone left in Mantle directly under Atlas, sitting around while an army was devoured, drawing it out until Penny was hacked... all of it would have been avoided if the group had thought and discussed things for a few minutes, not jumping straight to violently resisting what Ironwood came up with first. "We never considered..." Ruby says. Yeah, you didn't, except that's not something to smile about. The group made the situation a thousand times worse with their reaction when they could have just magically evacuated the kingdom from the start. “Maybe we could use it to save Penny and get everyone in Atlas and Mantle back to safety." Nothing has changed! They had this ability the whole time! Nothing about the last twelve episodes led them here, they just randomly thought of it after RT had padded the volume with needless drama. Considering that they're heading to Vacuo now, we could have just made this the finale of Volume 7 instead: big fight with Ironwood, revelation, get everyone  evacuated while Salem attacks, leave her behind, then Volume 8 begins in Vacuo with the group knowing Salem is out there looking for them. This entire volume has been pointless. What did they accomplish?

Oscar got kidnapped and beat up, Nora was scarred, Ruby and Yang realized horrible things about Summer, and the whole world is panicking about a witch. Good things are... Ren and Ruby unlocked some semblance stuff? Weiss loves her brother again after he proved himself useful to her? Great work, team.

So this one moment makes everything they've done up to this point useless and, of course, once thought up the plan goes off without a hitch. Note that the summary of this episode says, "It's risky, dangerous, and nearly impossible — but it's the only plan they've got." Nearly impossible? That's a whole lot of talk for a plan that was implemented perfectly.

There is, admittedly, one snag, but one that is likewise made meaningless just seconds later. We'll get to that.

We see Winter call Weiss who also smiles at hearing from her sister. Obviously interactions like the group's with Emerald are the bigger concern, but it's still an issue that no one reacts as they should to people reappearing in their lives. Rather, RWBY continually confuses audience knowledge with character knowledge. We know Winter is on their side now, but Weiss hasn't a clue. Last she saw, she and Winter were agreeing to head down different paths. She has no reason to think her sister isn't loyal to Ironwood, so why isn't the group treating this call with suspicion? What if it's Ironwood trying to mess with them through a presumably safe party? I swear to god, with any consistency in the story this group would be dead ten times over because their decisions are so stupid. Oscar decides to believe in the guy currently beating him to a pulp, the group decides to trust a villain over a flawed ally, and now they see Ironwood’s second calling and are like, “Great, big sister Winter is checking in!” There’s a difference between a hopeful story filled with second chances and characters whose reliance on the narrative bending to assist them makes them come across as insanely naive. 

None of which even touches on characters forgetting that other characters are presumably dead. Ironwood shot Oscar off the edge of Atlas, but doesn't react to learning he was kidnapped, or when he shows up to the fight. Thanks to Marrow's comment, Winter thinks YJOR have perished in the whale, but also has no reaction to them appearing to help with this plan. Absolutely nothing is followed up on.

We then get a flashback within the flashback (fun) of Winter — shock — not arresting Marrow. It's precisely as I assumed, with Marrow angrily asking why she hit him and Winter responding with, “Because you were about to get killed if I didn’t do something!” As I said last recap, I feel like I should let the marginalized groups lead this discussion, but I do want to add that no matter how well intentioned — or strategic, as I mentioned last time — the imagery itself is still harmful. No matter the context, we were still left with white woman Winter putting her knee on black man Marrow's back to arrest him, and it’s an image that everyone in the U.S. should be familiar with the horror of. Far more of a problem than the (presumed) ignorance of this scene is, I think, the choice to make Winter entirely unrepentant. I think some of this discomfort could have been alleviated if RT had written Winter as apologetic, contrite that it came to that and asking Marrow to understand that she only did it as a means of assisting him. Asking his forgiveness. Instead, we get this

So what, the only emotion we have room for is gratitude that Winter beat him up? Yikes.

As a lighter side note, I find the animation here unintentionally hilarious. Winter's assistive device makes her shoulders look too high, making this gesture more, "Woman exaggeratedly pouts about not getting ice cream for dinner" and less, "Woman sternly closes off during a disagreement about saving lives and betraying their general." Gotta find our humor where we can, right?

What's intentional, but far less funny, is the needless animation to show us that, yes, Marrow is peering at Winter calling Weiss. Oh, the shenanigans. 

The elevator opens where Qrow and Robyn spot them. "Speaking of help," Winter says, as if she has any reason to believe Qrow didn't kill Clover. He and Robyn lower their weapons a bit, as if they have any reason to believe Winter and Marrow aren't still loyal to Ironwood. Would it really be so hard to have Winter immediately throw up her hands in the face of their almost-attack, blurting that she's not their enemy and needs their help, please listen? Again, RWBY can't remember which characters know what, let alone what their motivations and reactions should be.

We then enter the third part of the flashback where everyone piles into the Schnee dining room and discusses doing the things they could have done from the start. I'm metaphorically banging my head against that table. In RWBY's favor though, we also get a long shot of Jaune continuing to boost Penny’s aura.

Though it's only one of many issues, just the other day I asked, "Hey, why has Jaune always needed to hold onto the person he's assisting, but now suddenly he can touch Penny once and the boost remains?" It still doesn't explain why he was letting go before/why him needing to boost her continuously didn't put a hard time limit on their plan — not that Mantle's hour limit meant a thing — but at least they're showing more of that here.

Oscar notes that Atlas has enough gravity dust that it won't fall immediately when they use the Relic, but they will have to move fast to ensure no one is underneath. Yeah, like all the civilians you put there. He also cautions that the Staff isn't a "magic wand" that they can just wave to make all their problems go away... even though that's precisely what they're going to do. Ozpin gets some lines that aren't apologies or followed by attacks — hallelujah! — about how the Staff's spirit is a "character" and requires that you be able to precisely explain anything you want him to make. Blueprints, examples, a firm knowledge of how this will be accomplished — all of it is required to actually get what you're after. That's a cool limitation. It's just too bad we didn't know about it episodes ago, forcing our heroes to find ways to meet those requirements. Instead, they already have everything ready to go the moment they learn about it: Penny has her own schematics and Whitley apparently has knowledge of the entire kingdom after sending some ships out. Normally I'd go, "Really?" but I'm still just struck by how much good he's done compared to everyone else in this room. Your show is seriously broken when the side character the writers didn't even want the audience to like until a few episodes ago is more active, mature, and sensible than the heroes.

From there we see the group implementing the plan. They fly up through the hole Oscar left, straight to the vault. Penny opens it without any trouble and Ruby uses her speed to grab the Relic and stop time, halting her self-termination. I do like that combination of skill and their knowledge of how this magic works. That felt like a smart move. What's interesting though is that the Relic appears to stop time in the entire kingdom. We see people in Mantle and Atlas slowing to a halt too. I assume no one remembers that happening after time restarts, otherwise people would be freaked out by suddenly being frozen in place.

Wouldn't that have been cool though? The group often takes a while to use the Relics, either deciding what they need, or watching Jinn's information, so what if you had a population that blinks and suddenly, from their perspective, half an hour has passed? How long might Ozpin have sat on his knees after Jinn told him he wasn't able to defeat Salem? How long was that space frozen? We could have had a world built around rumors and fairy tales. Not the random stories Ozpin brings up to make a point and that we never hear about again, but tiny details that foreshadow these revelations. A Beacon where the kids tell each other spooky stories of people suddenly losing time, once a whole day. The wives, sisters, daughters, and nieces who disappear, or wake up one day with horrifying, unnatural powers. We see magic influence the world around it, but we've seen very little of the world reacting to that influence. The one time I can think of is Blake reading a book about "a man with two souls," the fiction clearly inspired by knowledge of Ozpin. And indeed, it felt great to recognize that as a significant detail and then be proven right years later as the lore was revealed. We could have gotten so much more of that if RWBY was better planned out.

I'm getting off track though. As time stops we see a series of images: Ironwood being led to a cell with Jacques, Penny succumbing to her hack, Team JNPR The Second preparing to contact the kingdom about what's going on. Then everyone is distracted by the giant, blue, buff Ambrosius who comes out of the Staff.

...there's a lot of innuendo in that last statement lol. At least RWBY is committed to the crazy design they chose? I was never particularly comfortable with the image of characters gaping up at a giant, naked woman in chains, so it's nice to balance that a bit with an equally giant, naked dude in chains.

From here things get confusing. In all honesty, I'm not sure if this is another moment where RWBY is trying to pass off a retcon as the group being brilliant, or if I, as an individual, simply didn't follow the logic. I won't bother to rehash the slow, meandering way that Ruby reveals their plan — that certainly didn't help with the clarity. Not in an episode where we didn’t even know these rules ahead of time — but it boils down to this:

The moment they have Ambrosius create something new Atlas will start to fall. Two of his creations can't exist at the same time.

He needs clear instructions about what he's making in order to create it.

The group has brought him Penny's schematics so that he understands how she's built.

They want, specifically, "a new version of her... using her exact robot parts."  

They can't just create an exact duplicate of Penny because that would carry the virus with it.

They can't create an exact duplicate without the virus because that Penny would cease to exist as soon as they used Ambrosius to make an evacuation plan instead.

So they essentially want Ambrosius to create a new Penny by removing all the robot parts from the Penny that currently exists, carrying the virus with them, and leaving only the human parts of Penny behind: her aura/soul. Then, the purely robot version is destroyed when Ambrosius creates something new.

Except... this new Penny, this human Penny, still needed a human body. That's what Ambrosius created and that's the snag I don't understand. They want a version of Penny that's just her aura, just her soul, but that soul still needs something to be housed in. Ambrosius himself notes that. At first I thought the group would just have some wisp-like version of Penny they'd have to find a new body for — perhaps leading to a new one for Ozpin too — but she's just... given a human body when he takes the technology away, something she absolutely didn't have before. That is Ambrosius' creation. That is what should have disappeared along with the removed parts of Penny, leaving only her soul — what Ambrosius didn't touch — behind. Instead, the plot oh so conveniently has Penny get a new body for free and it's untouched as they move onto the next task.

Ruby drops a casual line about Ambrosius not being able to kill, or destroy, or something, which I think is meant to be the justification here. The rule (which, again, we JUST learned) about not killing anyone supersedes the rule of two creations not allowed to exist, allowing Penny to stick around. But even if that’s true, it’s a load of bull. What, does the magic think no one in an entire city might die if the floating mechanism is removed and it plummets to the ground? Ambrosius didn’t say, “Sorry, can’t stop floating Atlas because thousands of people are still here and they’ll die if I create something new,” but we’re supposed to believe the group skated by on, “Sorry, can’t destroy the last creation like everything else because there’s a single person still using that body and she’ll die if I create something new”? 

Seriously, did I miss something? Or is this another, "Amity is ready because the group needs it" situation? The rule of creations ceasing to exist is bent because the group needs to have their friend around. Ambrosius is certainly enthusiastically complimentary, saying how "smart" the group is and that they've "done their homework," but I'm not so sure. It feels like a moment where the show is (once again) insistent that the group is far more talented and brilliant than their actions actually imply. It's only the rules of the world twisting and turning that allows for their success. To say nothing of how the episode dropped all these rules on the viewer in a ten minute info dump, ensuring we didn’t have any time to think about them before the deed was done. 

It doesn't add up for me and honestly, even putting that aside? I hate this. I absolutely despise it. Look, if it turns out this really does make sense then props to the group for coming up with that plan. Our snag aside, the rest is a legitimately well thought out wish. I don't have a problem with the execution so much as the message. I've been saying since Volume 7 that RWBY has done Penny a disservice in terms of her "real girl" narrative. Whereas before we had a firm message that you don't need "squishy guts" to be human, to be real, Volume 8 continued to carry us further and further into the idea that it is necessary. That Penny's body is entirely inhuman, something to hate, but at least her soul is human and good. That's what the virus arc taught us: your terrible, technological body might be betraying you, but hold onto the parts of you that are really human. I hated that too, but I never thought RWBY would go this far. They made Penny fully human and went, “THIS is the version that always should have existed.”

And this isn't just me reading into the implications. It's right there in the text. Blake says that they're looking for “Penny, the girl who’s always been there underneath." Meaning, underneath the metal. The girl exists trapped in the robot body. Yang holds up her arm and says that the metal is only "extra," it's not really who you are. 

That gets into two perspectives on disability that RWBY just doesn't have the nuance for: what's an integral and celebratory part of one person's existence can be seen as something separate and discomforting to another. Though there are many people with disabilities who would happily cure themselves with a magic Staff if given the chance, there are just as many who say no, this is a part of my identity. I don't want to change, I just want the world to accommodate my existence. However, RWBY takes a hard stance here, saying that any metal in your body is intrinsically bad. We didn’t use to have this take, but now the show has embraced it. Blake says the real Penny is trapped in there. Yang's words implies that she'd get rid of this "extra" bit of her if possible. Mercury with his metal legs is the enemy. Ironwood with half his metal body is the enemy. Whereas once difference was truly accepted, now it's shunned and fixed whenever possible. Those who can't be fixed, like Yang, must simply deal with the lot they've been dealt, reassuring themselves that the metal isn't really them. But Penny? Penny they can fix.

So they do and the very first thing Penny does is hug Ruby, exclaiming, “Do hugs always make you feel this warm inside? Wow. More!” and proceeds to hug all the others. 

What's the underlying message there? Penny didn't understand hugs before this moment. She never experienced the "warmth" of them while an android, despite the fact that here warmth is entirely metaphorical and has nothing to do with a literally cold body. RWBY really went and said that the "real girl” android was never actually real at all — not as real as she could be — because it's only when she's given "squishy guts" that she understands the true happiness of a hug.

Wow.

I mean seriously, wow. 

Never-mind that, you know, we've seen that happiness and warmth since she was first introduced.

RWBY is really rewriting all the core themes introduced in Volumes 1-3 and it sucks. The show is absolutely the worse for it.

To say nothing of all the other disservices to Penny's character here. There's all this buildup about whether she'll still be the same Penny once the wish is complete, but of course she is. We wouldn't want to have Penny struggle when she becomes something other than what she's always been, would we? After all, it took Yang an entire volume to work through the shock of a metal arm, but taking away a metal body for a human one is in no way traumatic. Having a normal, human body is intrinsically a good thing! Of course Penny accepts it with nothing but smiles. Becoming human is celebratory, but becoming more machine is a horror.

She gets to watch her body self-destruct, glitching out and collapsing in front of her. But again, nothing to unpack there that can't be covered with a hand over her mouth.

There's no discussion of whether Penny still has the Maiden powers, or whether a wish like that would mess with the transfer in any way. How did the group know this action wouldn't register as a clear-cut death, forcing the power out of her and into someone new? Obviously they couldn’t know, but no one even thought to bring it up? 

And the entire time they're formulating their evacuation plan, there's no talk of whether these portals will appear before everyone currently alive in the kingdom. I mean, if they do then Ironwood and Jacques can just waltz through and escape into Vacuo. If they don’t, then Maria and Pietro don't necessarily have a way out. We still don't know if they're stuck floating in Amity, or if Amity crashed, or if they made their way back to Mantle or Atlas. More importantly, the characters don't know. I have no problem with RWBY keeping that a surprise until the finale, but I absolutely take issue with Pietro's daughter walking through a portal, seemingly not to care whether her father is going to make it out too.

It's been the same with Qrow and his nieces' relationships. The show is good at insisting that these families love each other because they hug and smile while on screen together, but when shit is actually going down, none of them care about pesky things like disappearances, arrests, or “The last time I saw you, you were with an old woman on a damaged station after a villain attack, potentially stranded in deadly cold if life support failed.” 

So yeah, this entire arc with Penny has been a disaster. From throwing away her framing subplot, to giving her a virus that did absolutely nothing, to giving her the Maiden powers which she's also done nothing with, to erasing her android status for a “She's really human now” message, Penny has been done dirty by the show these last two volumes. Not nearly to the extent Ironwood has, but still. At this point I wish they'd just kept her dead dead. Why do I want her back when that resurrection produces no reaction, her conflicts lead nowhere, and one of the core things that made Penny Penny has now been magically erased?

I've been saying for weeks that killing Penny off and keeping Penny around each had serious downsides attached, yet I never expected RWBY to do BOTH.

Also, I'm warding off any, "But Pinocchio was made into a real boy too" defenses. RWBY is not Pinocchio. Penny is not Pinocchio. I thought the allusion was going to be the Pinocchio inspired girl heading into the whale, not the show forcing the exact plotline  —  down to a blue, magical creature — onto a character whose entire journey has been about accepting herself as an android. Congratulations, RT. You just obliterated years of work.

Again, if you'd like an example of how to do this far better:

As Penny's character falls apart, Atlas shakes, alerting Jaune and the other that a new wish has been granted. Jaune pecks at the screen and realizes "That did, uh, something…?” but doesn’t realize that there's a giant, red "LIVE" up in the corner.

Jaune tries to warn the entire kingdom about their plan, but what he actually says is

“Atlas is falling, but — !”

And then the communications cut out. 

Watts, perhaps?

Our heroes are really good at saying things that make large populaces panic, huh? This is the one (1) snag in their "impossible" plan, but as said above, it doesn't amount to anything. We get a shot of Nora, horrified at the thought of kingdom-wide communications being down, but literally seconds later Team RWBY has made portals appear that everyone can walk through. So... why do we care about communications? More importantly, why does the show try to make us care? So much time is spent getting the viewer invested in problems that never come to mean anything. 

Including the problem of Salem herself.

Because the group successfully creates that evacuation plan. This is it. Everyone is leaving while Salem still reforms. 

Yang asks if they can use the vaults themselves as a single point for everyone to go to and Ambrosius agrees. So everyone is going to pile into the Vacuo vault that can only be opened by an unknown Maiden? They're going to put an entire kingdom's worth of people, including their enemies, into the vault where the Relic of Destruction is? Yeah, that's great. Prior to this — like if this had been the plan at the end of Volume 7 — I would have 100% agreed that these risks are better than death by Salem/grimm/cold. Now though, Oscar as axed Salem for an unknown length of time, the cold is having no impact on the civilians outside, and the grimm only attack background military personnel that supposedly no one cares about. They couldn't have spent another few minutes (especially with time stopped!) to figure out a means of getting to Vacuo that doesn't involve revealing and providing access to the location of a super secret vault? To say nothing of what they're going to do if Salem wakes up and snags one of those portals for herself. Two kingdoms for the price of one!

But that's what they're going with. Weiss gives Ambrosius a schematic of the kingdom, I guess, and he makes branching pathways appear with numerous portals for everyone to step through. They'll enter through one and, when they exit another, will be in Vacuo. Easy peasy, right? Especially since Ambrosius doesn't seem to have any limitations about how often his power is used. Is it three creations every 100 years like Jinn? We're not told, at least not to my recollection. However, I was expecting there to be a waiting period, that they'd fix Penny, go to evacuate the kingdom, and learn that sorry, I can't make another creation just yet. It feels like the sort of shit move these beings would pull — "Don't cry to me when it's not what you wanted" —  it would have been another commentary on the group's insistence on putting friends over the people's safety (like demanding the Ace Ops not bomb the whale because of Oscar), and crucially, would have kept the action in Atlas. Isn't that what this volume is? The battle for and potential destruction of the Kingdom of Atlas? We have two episodes left and, unless something unexpected happens, we're moving that action to Vacuo. Why? 

Meanwhile, Penny's corpse is just chilling in the background 😬

While all this is going on, Winter reassures Jacques that he and Ironwood will be evacuated too, though she makes it clear saving him was Weiss' idea. It checks out, considering Weiss is the one who turned her father's arrest into a joke last volume. Winter still takes his abuse seriously.

The group prepares to leave with a celebratory, "We did it!" from Weiss. I'm still banging my head against that dining room table. Before they can pass through the portal though, Ambrosius leaves them with one, dire warning: "Do not fall." 

In any other story a line like that is a neon sign announcing to the audience that someone will absolutely fall, and maybe they will, but RWBY has dodged consequences so often I wouldn't be surprised if this was merely another way to string us along. Remember all the hype surrounding Salem? The cold combined with her army and magic? How she was going to decimate Atlas and leave our group broken in a Fall 2.0?

I mean, we still have two episodes left. Forty minutes of content. Salem might still decimate them, especially since something has to happen in the finale. But god, it's a problem that we've come this far without a payoff. Salem randomly decided not to attack anyone, was stopped by a weapon added in solely for this purpose, and now the whole kingdom is being evacuated with a plan the group could have used at the start. This volume really is meaningless. 

“We go to vacuo and hope we’ve thought of everything” they say as the camera zooms in on Cinder's smiling face. For the second week in a row.

Bingo time!

Winter betrayed Ironwood, the group used the Staff of Creation, and I'm axing Maria on behalf of Pietro. You can't have the guy's daughter become human — after he was killing himself to give her his aura?? — and magically walk to Vacuo, not knowing if he's even survived since she last saw him, and expect me to think he hasn't been forgotten. Same with Maria. Has the group mentioned her since Amity cut out, notably for reasons they couldn’t explain? Of course not. Did they care to find out what happened? Of course not. I have no doubt they'll both re-appear in the next two episodes, Pietro crying over how perfect his girl is now and Maria congratulating the group on their actions, but we're still marking it.

This is the ugliest thing I’ve ever created, I hope you all are enjoying it :D

Another week, another couple feet added to the hole we’re digging. I know I keep saying I have no idea what's going to happen next... but I have no idea what's going to happen next. A Vacuo ending was not in the cards, not outside of them miraculously showing up in ships. Maybe they have been on their way to Atlas (somehow...) and will arrive precisely when everyone has left! Anything is possible at this point.

See you next Saturday, everyone. Hold on until then lol. 💜

[badbitchwhomeditates]

Who the fuck is this bitch?!

Read that again. 

The answer is complex, not simple, which is what complex means you dumb fuck ( beep language kiddo). Ok, lets try that again...

Bad Bitch Who Meditates, a 23 year old singer with dreams bigger than the world itself, which is both a good and a bad thing, we will get to the importance of duality later. Either way she´s been struck by lightning and pushed into a corner loads of times in an industry where you have to fight to be heard and seen through the smallest of cracks. And yes I might also speak about myself in third person a lot, simply because I'm practicing being the main character from all perspectives, telling my story but also making everyday feel like an adventurous movie ( therefore the narrator vibes help).

Complaining, complaning, victim mindset bla bla bla you might think, im not gonna bore you, you know that things can be quite shit and you’ve probably heard about the `struggling artist” and all of that before. 

 Lets spread some more negativity shall we ey? 

Maybe not that either, im just welcoming you in to my brain and my stream of consciousness on the journey of becoming or remaining? we shall see.

Im not gonna be here being all fairy lights and glitter in my eyes either, I am tho some days, but lately I’ve been bad, not a bitch cause I would never, slightly a bitch towards myself and I haven’t really done my meditation, its like the second I put down ” bad bitch who meditates, thats my slogan” in a song, I was like, cool its in a tune now so I’ve done the work I can relax. 

Nope, it doesn’t stop. 

Consistency in self care, healthy habits and your mental diet, the way you speak to yourself, it doesn’t stop. And its fkn annoying sometimes, especially when your chemical imbalance is so imbalanced that you don’t wanna get out of bed. Ive probably dealed with anxiety and depression since my debut on X-factor, oh yeah shit sorry, I have a name too, Im Awa and I won X-factor Sweden at 15 years old, completely changed my life like a marriage, for better or for worse. In that marriage I found myself, lost myself and now im kind of finding myself again...

Ok this is the part below where you get to knoooow me or something...

 I guess why I wanted to start blogging again is A) I need to hold myself accountable to remain consistent with my glow up, cause I can proudly say I’ve really done some amazing progress and inner work B) I need to continue doing that and find my healthy balance and not put too much pressure on myself, ya get me? C) maybe help take away the stigma regarding mental health, and I wanna focus on the solutions, thats my whole new life concept 10 % problems, 90 % solutions, like if we are discussing something thats the ratio. Cause how can we ever see a solution if we go slow dancing w the problem for ages? 

 I know it can feel fkn amazing and cozy, like when you’ve been in bed w someone thats clearly not good for your heartstrings but you stay there anyway because for right now it feels all warm and fuzzy. 

Oh silly girl, I mean forgiveness, forgiving other people and forgiving myself that is def something we are going to have to discuss as well, its one of the things I’ve tried to commit to this year. Ive come to the conclusion that its harder forgiving yourself after being too nice, theres only so much space on the scale for resentment, but you go to bed with you all the time and you beat yourself up on why you allowed that to happen? (Did that make any sense??) 

Again, another lesson, feedback that we can grow from. Mind management, one of my fav terms, mind over matter. Damn sure that can feel extremely provocative said in the wrong situation. Im gonna be honest on here, ill make an oath or whatever its called ( oh yeah im also Swedish so we will have communication problems here and there, but whatever, I call that acceptance) ill be honest, personal but not private cause I need to protect my energy. 

I would declare myself a self care queen but babe writing this, I just had a massive argument w my friend, that made me sad ( oh im a cry baby too, thats even the title of my EP lol), I hate conflict but im really trying so hard to stand up for myself and understand that my feelings are valid too and that uncomfortable situations are growing pains for our souls. I had my first panic attack in ages because this year is just shit and things that I’ve worked on for so long just crumbled down in front of me and I just felt like I was again taking two steps forward and one step back but at least we are moving. 

Im not all sad, I’ve rightfully so have had a few bad 72 hours I would say, I don’t like this time of the year that much.  But I know why, because I've been slacking w my routines, the ones we´ve carefully selected through trial and error inna real life and w my therapist ( she's real too but you get what im sayin) , it's ok not to be ok either but we have to put some kind of time limit on it so we don't sink into that deep hole again, i don't wanna go back there and I know what keeps me with my head above water and sometimes even frkn flying. We wanna stay consistent w the flying, that feels good, that's a goal now ok? Cause I used to fall into that trap of the deep hole until the pain of the known got far greater than the fear of the unknown. 

Im happy we are here today, because as I said 10/90, nothing last forever, good or bad, which is comforting. Things will get better and we hold so much more power in our minds and souls than we realize that ultimately will mirror how we experience life. So im going to be on here, at least once a week, my therapist tells me not to set up crazy goals that I know I might not do because then it will make me feel shit etc so once a week feels reasonable.

 Im open to suggestions about what we can chat about, ill share my 10/90, I want my clever friends to maybe drop a quote or blog here and there, Im good on camera, like vlogs or some shit. I probably wont bring you around all the time cause I don’t have the technological brain cells for that to be very honest with you. Maybe ill just come up with cute formats to the camera, thats a word you are going to hear a lot, ”format”, I have a concierge business w my friend Amy on the side of my music career called ” Pure Intuition”, basically we create events, formats and campaigns for brands and make them come true with the right profile etc and we create FORMATS, but if you missed it or if I was unclear Im a super cool singer signed to Columbia UK which was my childhood dream, so we are going to make Columbia our BITCH in 2021 hihi <3 <3. I studied economic entrepreneurship in college and im very business savvy, I love creating formats lol. Im slowly but surely building my fempire. What else, boys, I like boys, men, cute ” god spent some extra time on you”- looking boys, I mean men. I guess we will touch on that in the most anonymous manner, maybe ill just share some past flings cause you know, they’re in the past, passé. So yeah who the fuck is this bitch? you will find out alongside me, myself and I

get ready for the ride

love and light,

badbitchwhomeditates 

[hockeysweetheart]

The Kisses   ( I wont get into every single one of them )  there is like  17 in the first book alone between Katniss and Peeta so  all that jazz is in another post I have 

This may contain “bashing” Gale loll

Katniss’s first kiss was with Peeta. He was like If I die ... Katniss is like  don’t talk like that. Peeta is like really tho... Katniss kisses him to shut him up ( Not the last time she’s done this). She was like well this should count for something Because this is the frist time I kissed a boy. They Kissed many times in that arena A few did count for something but here is what Katniss said about a certain one  "Then I'll just have to fill in the blanks myself," he says, and moves in to me. This is the first kiss that we're both fully aware of. Neither of us hobbled by sickness or pain or simply unconscious. Our lips neither burning with fever or icy cold. This is the first kiss where I actually feel stirring inside my chest. Warm and curious. This is the first kiss that makes me want another.  I'm about to leave when I remember the importance of sustaining the star-crossed lover routine and I lean over and give Peeta a long, lingering kiss. I imagine the teary sighs emanating from the Capitol and pretend to brush away a tear of my own.  ( This one was before the kiss that made her feel something) I set a good dinner out, but halfway through Peeta begins to nod off. After days of inactivity, the hunt has taken its toll. I order him into the sleeping bag and set aside the rest of his food for when he wakes. He drops off immediately. I pull the sleeping bag up to his chin and kiss his forehead, not for the audience, but for me. Because I'm so grateful that he's still here, not dead by the stream as I'd thought. So glad that I don't have to face Cato alone. 

Okay so they kiss a bit 30 times between all 3 books. Now  Their first kiss after a few months of not went like this.   My face breaks into a huge smile and I start walking in Peeta's direction. Then, as if I can't stand it another second, I start running. He catches me and spins me around and then he slips - he still isn't entirely in command of his artificial leg - and we fall into the snow, me on top of him, and that's where we have our first kiss in months. It's full of fur and snowflakes and lipstick, but underneath all that, I can feel the steadiness that Peeta brings to everything. And I know I'm not alone. As badly as I have hurt him, he won't expose me in front of the cameras. Won't condemn me with a halfhearted kiss. He's still looking out for me. Just as he did in the arena. Somehow the thought makes me want to cry. Instead I pull him to his feet, tuck my glove through the crook of his arm, and merrily pull him on our way. I wait for him to mention the baby, to play to the cameras, but he doesn't. And that's how I know that none of this is part of the Games. That he is telling me the truth about what he feels. "No one really needs me," he says, and there's no self-pity in his voice. It's true his family doesn't need him. They will mourn him, as will a handful of friends. But they will get on. Even Haymitch, with the help of a lot of white liquor, will get on. I realize only one person will be damaged beyond repair if Peeta dies. Me. "I do," I say. "I need you." He looks upset, takes a deep breath as if to begin a long argument, and that's no good, no good at all, because he'll start going on about Prim and my mother and everything and I'll just get confused. So before he can talk, I stop his lips with a kiss. I feel that thing again. The thing I only felt once before. In the cave last year, when I was trying to get Haymitch to send us food. I kissed Peeta about a thousand times during those Games and after. But there was only one kiss that made me feel something stir deep inside. Only one that made me want more. But my head wound started bleeding and he made me lie down. This time, there is nothing but us to interrupt us. And after a few attempts, Peeta gives up on talking. The sensation inside me grows warmer and spreads out from my chest, down through my body, out along my arms and legs, to the tips of my being. Instead of satisfying me, the kisses have the opposite effect, of making my need greater. I thought I was something of an expert on hunger, but this is an entirely new kind.

I don't like the plan any more than Peeta does. How can I protect him at a distance? But Beetee's right. With his leg, Peeta is too slow to make it down the slope in time. Johanna and I are the fastest and most sure-footed on the jungle floor. I can't think of any alternative. And if I trust anyone here besides Peeta, it's Beetee. "It's okay," I tell Peeta. "We'll just drop the coil and come straight back up." "Not into the lightning zone," Beetee reminds me. "Head for the tree in the one-to-two-o'clock sector. If you find you're running out of time, move over one more. Don't even think about going back on the beach, though, until I can assess the damage." I take Peeta's face in my hands. "Don't worry. I'll see you at midnight." I give him a kiss and, before he can object any further, I let go and turn to Johanna. "Ready?"

"Leave me," he whispers. "I can't hang on." "Yes. You can!" I tell him. Peeta shakes his head. "I'm losing it. I'll go mad. Like them." Like the mutts. Like a rabid beast bent on ripping my throat out. And here, finally here in this place, in these circumstances, I will really have to kill him. And Snow will win. Hot, bitter hatred courses through me. Snow has won too much already today. It's a long shot, it's suicide maybe, but I do the only thing I can think of. I lean in and kiss Peeta full on the mouth. His whole body starts shuddering, but I keep my lips pressed to his until I have to come up for air. My hands slide up his wrists to clasp his. "Don't let him take you from me." Peeta's panting hard as he fights the nightmares raging in his head. "No. I don't want to..." I clench his hands to the point of pain. "Stay with me." His pupils contract to pinpoints, dilate again rapidly, and then return to something resembling normalcy. "Always," he murmurs.   Peeta and I grow back together. There are still moments when he clutches the back of a chair and hangs on until the flashbacks are over. I wake screaming from nightmares of mutts and lost children. But his arms are there to comfort me. And eventually his lips. On the night I feel that thing again, the hunger that overtook me on the beach, I know this would have happened anyway. That what I need to survive is not Gale's fire, kindled with rage and hatred. I have plenty of fire myself. What I need is the dandelion in the spring. The bright yellow that means rebirth instead of destruction. The promise that life can go on, no matter how bad our losses. That it can be good again. And only Peeta can give me that.So after, when he whispers, "You love me. Real or not real?" I tell him, "Real." 

  It's the way you love me It's a feeling like this It's centrifugal motion It's perpetual blissIt's that pivotal moment It's unthinkable This kiss, this kiss (Unsinkable) This kiss, this kissYou can kiss me in the moonlight On the rooftop under the sky You can kiss me with the windows open While the rain comes pouring inside Kiss me in sweet slow motion Let's let every thing slide You got me floating, you got me flying

( This kiss Faith Hill) 

But When Peeta and Katniss Kiss it’s like wow. Nothing else in the world is there just them and the way Katniss talks about it she enjoys it clearly.  And she made the choice to Kiss Peeta. Like there are other ways to show love then Kissing. But It’s like when she is with him she feels safe and  it’s gonna be alright they could make it through anything together. It’s sadness to when she feels guilty for  shutting each other out but forgiveness. She has this moment where she can barley look at his lips after the Beach scene. 

I sit next to Peeta on the sand to eat my rolls. For some reason, it's difficult to look at him. Maybe it was all that kissing last night, although the two of us kissing isn't anything new. It might not even have felt any different for him. Maybe it's knowing the brief amount of time we have left. And how we're working at such cross-purposes when it comes to who should survive these Games.

That is because she knows what comes out of that mouth  Peeta will know that Katniss still wants to die for him. And whatever Peeta says can Make sense for her to agree to and she  wants this for Peeta to live not her in that moment.  

The Beach Kiss my god. That’s a kiss you feel like okay give them their space but Can’t look away from.  

Katniss kissing Gale and It went like this

By the time we were at the hole in the fence that's nearest the Hob, I think I really believed that things could be the same. That we could go on as we always had. I'd given all the game to Gale to trade since we had so much food now. I told him I'd skip the Hob, even though I was looking forward to going there, because my mother and sister didn't even know I'd gone hunting and they'd be wondering where I was. Then suddenly, as I was suggesting I take over the daily snare run, he took my face in his hands and kissed me. I was completely unprepared. You would think that after all the hours I'd spent with Gale - watching him talk and laugh and frown - that I would know all there was to know about his lips. But I hadn't imagined how warm they would feel pressed against my own. Or how those hands, which could set the most intricate of snares, could as easily entrap me. I think I made some sort of noise in the back of my throat, and I vaguely remember my fingers, curled tightly closed, resting on his chest. Then he let go and said, "I had to do that. At least once." And he was gone.Despite the fact that the sun was setting and my family would be worried, I sat by a tree next to the fence. I tried to decide how I felt about the kiss, if I had liked it or resented it, but all I really remembered was the pressure of Gale's lips and the scent of the oranges that still lingered on his skin. It was pointless comparing it with the many kisses I'd exchanged with Peeta. I still hadn't figured out if any of those counted. Finally I went home. That week I managed the snares and dropped off the meat with Hazelle. But I didn't see Gale until Sunday. I had this whole speech worked out, about how I didn't want a boyfriend and never planned on marrying, but I didn't end up using it. Gale acted as if the kiss had never happened.Maybe he was waiting for me to say something. Or kiss him back. Instead I just pretended it had never happened, either. But it had. Gale had shattered some invisible barrier between us and, with it, any hope I had of resuming our old, uncomplicated friendship. Whatever I pretended, I could never look at his lips in quite the same way.  Life in District 12 isn't really so different from life in the arena. At some point, you have to stop running and turn around and face whoever wants you dead. The hard thing is finding the courage to do it. Well, it's not hard for Gale. He was born a rebel. I'm the one making an escape plan. "I'm so sorry," I whisper. I lean forward and kiss him. His eyelashes flutter and he looks at me through a haze of opiates. "Hey, Catnip." "Hey, Gale," I say. "Thought you'd be gone by now," he says. My choices are simple. I can die like quarry in the woods or I can die here beside Gale. "I'm not going anywhere. I'm going to stay right here and cause all kinds of trouble." "Me, too," Gale says. He just manages a smile before the drugs pull him back under.When the cabinets are empty, I rise to find that Gale has materialized in my kitchen. It's disturbing how soundlessly he can appear. He's leaning on the table, his fingers spread wide against the wood grain. I set the box between us. "Remember?" he asks. "This is where you kissed me.So the heavy dose of morphling administered after the whipping wasn't enough to erase that from his consciousness. "I didn't think you'd remember that," I say"Have to be dead to forget. Maybe even not then," he tells me. "Maybe I'll be like that man in 'The Hanging Tree.' Still waiting for an answer." Gale, who I have never seen cry, has tears in his eyes. To keep them from spilling over, I reach forward and press my lips against his. We taste of heat, ashes, and misery. It's a surprising flavor for such a gentle kiss. He pulls away first and gives me a wry smile. "I knew you'd kiss me." "How?" I say. Because I didn't know myself."Because I'm in pain," he says. "That's the only way I get your attention." He picks up the box. "Don't worry, Katniss. It'll pass." He leaves before I can answer. 

So The best part about this is When Katniss kissed Gale shes like I hope to god he doesn’t remember this... But when he does Katniss is like oh shit 

So heres is the final kiss  Between these two. 

Gale makes a sound of exasperation. Nonetheless, after we've dropped off the birds and volunteered to go back to the woods to gather kindling for the evening fire, I find myself wrapped in his arms. His lips brushing the faded bruises on my neck, working their way to my mouth. Despite what I feel for Peeta, this is when I accept deep down that he'll never come back to me. Or I'll never go back to him. I'll stay in 2 until it falls, go to the Capitol and kill Snow, and then die for my trouble. And he'll die insane and hating me. So in the fading light I shut my eyes and kiss Gale to make up for all the kisses I've withheld, and because it doesn't matter anymore, and because I'm so desperately lonely I can't stand it. Gale's touch and taste and heat remind me that at least my body's still alive, and for the moment it's a welcome feeling. I empty my mind and let the sensations run through my flesh, happy to lose myself. When Gale pulls away slightly, I move forward to close the gap, but I feel his hand under my chin. "Katniss," he says. The instant I open my eyes, the world seems disjointed. This is not our woods or our mountains or our way. My hand automatically goes to the scar on my left temple, which I associate with confusion. "Now kiss me." Bewildered, unblinking, I stand there while he leans in and presses his lips to mine briefly. He examines my face closely. "What's going on in your head?" "I don't know," I whisper back. "Then it's like kissing someone who's drunk. It doesn't count," he says with a weak attempt at a laugh. He scoops up a pile of kindling and drops it in my empty arms, returning me to myself. "How do you know?" I say, mostly to cover my embarrassment. "Have you kissed someone who's drunk?" I guess Gale could've been kissing girls right and left back in 12. He certainly had enough takers. I never thought about it much before. He just shakes his head. "No. But it's not hard to imagine." "So, you never kissed any other girls?" I ask. "I didn't say that. You know, you were only twelve when we met. And a real pain besides. I did have a life outside of hunting with you," he says, loading up with firewood. Suddenly, I'm genuinely curious. "Who did you kiss? And where?" "Too many to remember. Behind the school, on the slag heap, you name it," he says. I roll my eyes. "So when did I become so special? When they carted me off to the Capitol?" "No. About six months before that. Right after New Year's. We were in the Hob, eating some slop of Greasy Sae's. And Darius was teasing you about trading a rabbit for one of his kisses. And I realized...I minded," he tells me.

I am no love expert But that might not be the time you bring up I kissed other women up just saying... and saying You kissed Better pretty much my god.   When they Kiss tho it’s like seeing a car accident your not involved in but you can’t help but peak then regreat it. The fact he made Katniss feel so bad for kissing one guy  when your  like Drake Parker from Drake and Josh.  ( If you don’t know he dated many women on that show) Also the fact you say you  were interested in her 6 months prior games. Didn’t make a move until after She kissed Peeta 17 Plus times. And now you want to be more friends thats how you want to play. Oh Hell no.  She doesn’t love you like that buddy...  No wonder she’s confused af.  Like she only kissed Gale because he was making her feel guilty

[writerbright]

Important question do you have any Bright family headcanons

god i have so fucking many i had to wait for my gf to wake up before i replied to this so i could get out of bed and onto desktop to compile them

dr. bright-jack bright is nonbinary/genderfluid-he has antisocial personality disorder-classpect wise he would be a mage of doom derse dreamer-(slaps the side of jack bright) this bad boy can hold so much dissociation and fragmented senses of self-the further jack gets into a new body, the more he looks like his old self. after the novelty begins to fade he will chop the hair and dye it ginger, bind, wear fake glasses-his bodies are disposable so addiction isn’t really as huge of a deal for him. there’s a lot of psychological reliance and awful coping involved though. he’s rich and depressed and has multiple bodies you KNOW he does coke.-he texts and drives. he likes to live dangerously-he binge-eats & often as a goof and habitual hyperbole tends to become Fixated on certain foods. basically what i’m saying is he kins that 4chan post thats like “uncrustables are the only reason i havent killed myself and left this god forsaken planet”-speaking of, he speaks STRICTLY in hyperbole. you never know how genuine he’s being because its either 0 or 100 with him and his opinions-it takes a lot to get him to act or talk seriously-he will not cooperate, ESPECIALLY not if he is yelled at. he lives off spite and villainizing those trying to help him-he often threatens to get a restraining order against mikell-before rights left, he had an on-again off-again thing with her. -he doesn’t like commitment-he sure loves flirting with glass though-jack acts like a crotchety old man a lot of the time.-50% young rebellious 20 year old 50% crotchety old man and they balance perfectly to be “the embodiment of spite, pride and impulse”-he drags whoever is with him at the moment wherever he goes often. they dont get a chance to protest-"okay bridge, i know you got a lotta organizing and WHATEVER but you're gonna come go get a slushie with me. oh i also have to pick up some triple A batteries it wont take long" "i dont--" "i'll just take a quick stop at home depot dont even worry about it" "bright i cant--" "what kinda slushie you want?"-also, bright is a fucking shitty driver-we can have silly bright and angsty bright at the same time. it’s called being multi-faceted, fandom

The Rest of Them-mikells debatin boots real and canon-mikell used to need glasses, but you know how you dont realize you need glasses until late childhood thru teenage years?? yeah tj took his bad vision before anybody realized what was up-adam bright held the kids to a very high, almost unrealistic, standard, even before the whole abandoning his own children for the foundation thing. he was very similar to john mulaney’s dad but like, not funny about it-tj speaks with a southern accent-tj used to be very kind yes, and he had the best of everyone in mind, but he was as sassy and contrary as the rest of the bright family. if he grew up like the rest he would be known for a LOT of harmless teasing, no matter who you are-i’m not saying it’s the BEST fix but a super easy fix & my personal favorite as it still keeps (what i interpret as) the main point of scp-590 (the foundation is cold, not cruel, but this “cold” can lead to horrifying treatment for the “greater good”, also jack bright is sad and makes bad decisions) is giving tj a good ol’ fashioned lobotomy storyline, bojack horseman style. i think seeing the caring & kind teenager turn into an angry or apathetic husk is a good way to keep the level of “whoops turned my brother into a shell of his former self lol!” also it was the 70s at the LATEST when tj was “treated.” lobotomies happened from the 1930s to 1967. if the story is about the foundation not being free of unethical treatment sometimes, then bam. it’s still sensitive, but a LOT less ableist.-serra shouldn’t be TJ’s kid that’s fucked up. this isn’t so much a headcanon as a hot take.for good measure, an awful list of characters i have said jack bright is exactly like:-komaeda-inien from thrilling intent-trina from falsettos (in the case that mendel is glass and jason is tj)-yellowfang from warrior cats (im right!)-lalna from yogscast blackrock chroniclesi also compared warren kepler to mikell bright and will continue to do soi dont think a lot about the rest of the bright family but i know i should.

[ruslanalekseev]

Was Hiruzen a Good Hokage?

No. As many people have already pointed out, Hiruzen was very indecisive, and he always did what his advisors told him to. Which wouldnt be that bad, if not the fact that almost every single one of their decisions were suggested to them by Danzo.

Hiruzen might have had good intentions, but good intentions wont do you much good, if:You orchestrate the massacre of one of the founding clans in your village. You dont react to bullying towards the villages probably most valuable shinobi.You cant even bring yourself to killing one of the greatest criminals from your village

· Suggested Reading

What if a gay person was elected as the POTUS?

We have already had a gay President. James Buchanan Jr. was the 15th President (18571861) He was a member of the Democratic Party.

The only president to remain a bachelor, Buchanan's personal life has attracted great historical interest. Buchanan had a close and intimate relationship with William Rufus King, an Alabama politician. Buchanan and King lived together in a Washington boardinghouse for many years, from 1834 until King's departure for France in 1844.

King referred to the relationship as a "communion", and the two attended social functions together. Contemporaries also noted the closeness. Andrew Jackson called King "Miss Nancy" and prominent Democrat Aaron V.

Brown referred to King as Buchanan's "better half", "wife" and "Aunt Fancy"

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How did Canada manage to control COVID 19 so well despite its shared border with the US?

When doctors and scientists here in Canada told us that the COVID-19 virus would not only kill some people, but others who contracted the disease might suffer permanent damage to organs and body systems, we listened and became afraid. Then, when it was shown some young children also suffered devastating organ failures, we knew we must all do what we can to protect ourselves and others.

We didnt each need to personally know someone who has been so affected, we just imagined how our own actions could cause this result. For some reason, Americans do not seem to feel that same empathy for their fellow citizens. Tragic and sad

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What is the significance of WhatsApp for Facebook?

Why did Facebook acquire WhatsApp at such a hefty price of $19 billion?

Let us think about it. Say you are talking to your girlfriemd and you decide to go for a movie coming weekend.

It is not a big information for you. But for facebook it is a priceless piece of information. Since it they know now that you ar going to the movie they will project all the ads that is pertaining to movie going.

. Hence facebook achieves a greater accuracy of targeted ads. And hence 19Billion dollars.

Also facebook knows everything about you except your messages to your intimate people. Now that they bought whatsapp they literally know everything about you to sell you out when the time comes.

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Will Joe Biden be worse than Trump?

Worse at what? I guess it depends on what you value and what you place importance on. If youre a Republican partisan it doesnt matter what Biden does itll be worse than Trump.

If youre a Democrat partisan it doesnt matter what Biden does because itll be better than Trump. If youre an independent youll recognize that all Presidents have pluses and minuses. Theyll do things at annoy you and things youll applaud.

I didnt vote for Trump in 16 and hes done things I despise and things I applaud. I didnt vote for Obama either time and he did thinks I liked and things I hated

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Do many Chinese people hate Fujianese people?

I don't know where did you get this view.

In college, I had a roommate coming from Fujian who is an authentic, courteous, helpful person with lots of computer's knowledge. Every time our computers occur in problems, our first thought is to seek for his help not to go maintenance store straightly because of its expensive charge. There are a few Fujianese.

as far as I'm concerned, They all good person through conversation and cooperation. But, I can't say Fujianese all good people since I had met all good Fujianese. In working with people, The significant thing We need to do is giving our sincere heart to them.

Similarly, you will be rewarded for your sowing.

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How old should a kid be before seeing Deadpool?

FWIW, the airline cut is devoid of *all* sexual content (to the point of blurring out the slight glimpse of butt-crack visible in the opening credits, as well as losing the Stan Lee cameo), but I dont believe they removed *any* of the violence or swearing.

What a country!As for child-appropriateness, it depends on the child. I was OK with my kid seeing the airline cut because he never swears and he doesnt like gory violence (it wasnt too gruesome on my 5 phone screen).

Other kids his age may not be able to handle this material. Heck, I know adults who wouldnt do so well with this material

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How can we stop people from throwing garbage in the empty plots?

Please know that if people throw biodegradable garbage only in an empty plot after removing all plastics and dry wastes, you are actually replenishing the ground.

This will improve vegetation of the plot.The second approach is to promote home composting and community composting. This can happen only if there is source segregation.

Third approach is to penalize through a law.Instal leaves composter in the entrance of the plot and encourage people to deposit the dried leaves into it. Many aesthetically good looking composters are available.

The process is very simple and no stink involved.Be creative and you will have many more options. Cheers.

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Could we derive energy from gravity in space?

You mean free flowing gravity? Yes.

Look at a grandfather clock and see the weights it has to keep it going. Except for dams most of the ways are small but all together make up huge amounts. You could use the same clock system method with a much larger counter weight and just by hand moving it back up daily to the top would generate constant power.

In other words you could produce huge amounts of potential power by a little daily hand labor.Now you got me wondering if there is a natural limit it this because it is not being done or that people are just lazy in not doing this

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How will the GOP change if Trump loses to Biden?

I dont think they will change at all, at least in the short term.

Trumps presidency has done one useful thing - exposed the corrupt innards of the Democratic party, and the Republicans, with or without Trump, are going to want to follow through on things, especially when the Durham report comes out. Trump has also shown how to do things economically, such that even Biden wants to plagiarize him. Theres been absolutely nothing wrong with his policies.

They were working great prior to the pandemic and theres no reason to think they wont work again when things finally get back to normal

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Who is the best teacher for sociology for the UPSC optional preparation in Delhi?

Hello there .I am a Civil engineer , who did not have any prior knowledge about sociology .

I was an expressive person and with the suggestions of friends , I chose sociology as my optional .I went to Pranay Aggarwal Sir and that was the best decision I made . Reasons :-He took classes in small batches with led me to focus more on the subject .

He is very interactive which makes sociology come out very naturally from oneself .He is very helpful and extremely accepting of different ideas which gave me confidence and started loving the subject . His notes are all encompassing and I can vouch for it

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Why was Paul Manafort sent to prison?

This just reported by NY Times:Banker Accused of Arranging $16 Million in Loans to Manafort to Gain High-Level Trump PostA banker in Chicago has been changed with trying to buy an appointment as Treasury Secretary. He arranged $16 million in loans to Paul Mafort. I dont know if the prosecutors knew about that alleged crime when Manafort was sent to prison.

This news certainly speaks to what kind of person Manafort is. It continues to astound me how corrupt Trump is that he picks people like Manafort. How can Trump voters have been so clueless to have voted for this narcissistic(oops, I better restrain myself).

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Why was the Roman Empire so successful?

the roman empire was successful in its government form.it probably had the most advanced government in ancient times, a republic which represent each of the classes in society.

Outsiders or barbarians could also aspire to gain citizenship if they work hard enough, slaves could gain or buy their freedom. This makes roman empire have a equal opportunity system similar to the american dream.But things slowly deteriorated once ceasar become dictator for life, or sulla and marius trying to monopolize power through using the military triumphs.

It lead to rise of emperors and rulers not acccountable to the public, and right to rule slowly degenerate into hereditary succession or military coup.

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Did the music of led Zeppelin change your life?

Yes!

As does every song does, some more than others. The Rain Song played while I was enjoying the company of a young lady I met on Manhattan Beach as I was coming out the ocean, exhausted from surfing for 5 hours. I collapsed on my board and was laying there taking in the scene when this beautiful blonde girl with curly hair, piercing blue eyes, and a body of a Black girl, blocked the sun, looked down and said are you ok?

. That was the beginning of summer of 91 and we had fun. Especially the night we spent in a motel on the beach, listening to led Zeppelin

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Who is the most under appreciated American president?

Adams greatest war president in our nations history.When almost everyone in the young country wanted war with France egged on by that snake Jefferson. Adams held back, he understood war was not necessary would be destructive and would cripple the country for decades, he also well understood his stand would likely cost him his reelection but he stood firm.

The country did not go to war but he did loose his office. Such a shame the country remembers the man who did his most noble service as a citizen under an English king and not the man who formed the nation after the Revolutionary War

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Why did you leave Hinduism for Islam?

People group or regroup into religion for rudimentary security reasons, not due to any love for a religion.

Any person who understands the first alphabet of any religion will know the purpose of religion is to help and serve the society he or she lives selflessly, particularly those who donu2019t follow his/her beliefs and faith has to be served, loved and cared.If someone thinks that his/her religious group is better than the other, it discredit the fundamental first alphabet of the religion. Islam, Hinduism or any religion in the world, if it is practiced by grouping and subgrouping its practioners, it is deplorably divisive for the society and in general human welfare

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In WW2 during the Battle of France, why did it take so long for France to surrender?

Why didn't France surrender earlier?

France waited so that the English could be evacuated from Dunkirk. They held the German back while the small boats could get in and get the boys home.

Then they had a resistance to organise not easy when you have a whole lot of tanks running over your toes. Finally, the Italians decided to pop in for a late entry in the game of conquest so they had them to send packing. Then they surrendered.

That is to say the French Government surrendered, the French people on the other hand fought on.If you have ever seen Monty Python and the Holy Grail, you see just how ferocious the French can be in their taunting of opponents.

[hellomygf]

when my own words aren’t enough

okay so you know that one direction song that’s made of other song titles, “Better Than Words”. same concept here except not really and you just listen to the lyrics of the songs LMAO. anyways sometimes the words of others can convey better what im trying to say to you so enjoy 19 songs that do so. i highlighted some of the lyrics that really made me think of you/us. click on links on then click on togepi

Love Like This - Ben Rector

“Never used to get excited to sit here in the silence Holdin' on to somethin' the way I'm holdin' you Didn't used to know how fast time walks and runs and flies by I never thought I'd feel so deeply, but damn, I do

i never knew i could feel so happy just doing the mundane things with you. walking and talking, going out for drives, sitting and eating food. time goes by so fast when im with you. i always wish time would slow down and let it stop for awhile just so i can have a couple moments of just us yeno? you make me want to spend more time with you even when we just finished spending a whole evening together. there’s so many new feelings that ive experienced since ive been with you and i cant wait to keep feeling new ones 

All I’ve Ever Known - Eva Noblezada and Reeve Carney (Hadestown)

All I've ever known is how to hold my own But now I wanna hold you, too

for the past couple years i learned how to love myself again and how to be okay with being alone. alone doesnt mean im lonely but it did mean that i had built up my walls again and letting someone in new again was so scary. you made it seem okay though. you made sure that when i was opening up to you and being vulnerable that it was okay to do so. that i wouldnt be hurt and that i was safe. i learned how to love romantically again and learned what it feels like when you arms wrap around me and hold me. it’s currently my favourite feeling and i dont think i ever want it to end

roses & sunflowers - Timmy Albert

You're a flower that's blooming every season with spring I fell in love with your roots, the whole you, everything

i mentioned before that falling in love with you was like how the seasons changed. like you know it comes but it’s always different. this isnt my first time in love but it’s most definitely something very different. a good different. im in love with every part of you. from the way you make your puns to the way you buy me things that show you care (my favourite foods, my ddr adapter, and most recently itch cream) to the way you sing in the car to me to how you tell me about your good and bad days. i love it all!

Favourite Girl - Jesse Barrera and Tori Kelly

My baby, She still drives me crazy After all this time, You better believe that Nothings greater, She still makes me better After all this time You're still my Favorite Girl

BONUS:  I remember when, You didn't know how to kiss  (hehehhe) Now you know me well, And nothing compares to this 

best girl. favourite girl! is maxbean hehe jkjk.. maybe. we both do some whack ass stuff but there’s no one else i would rather be having fun with than you! you make me better in every way. you encourage me to keep going even when days are rough. you support me on my good and bad days so im here to remind you too that im here for you always okie?

No Matter Where You Are - Us the Duo

I will stand by you Even when we fall I will be the rock, that holds you up and lifts you high so you stand tall

whatever the world throws at us, whether that be a pandemic or people who dont support us, im going to uplift you and us in every way that i can. i want to be a pillar of strength for you and show that even though am baby and that i am smol that i am a girlfriend that you can count on to show up by your side. i got your back from now till however long

Tattooed Heart - Ariana Grande

You don't need to worry about making me crazy 'Cause I'm way past that So just call me, if you want me 'Cause you got me, and I'll show you, how much I wanna be On your tattooed heart

honestly this is just one of my favourite love songs ever so i just wanted to add it into the playlist lmao

Lemonade - Jeremy Passion 

She's so beautiful, sometimes I stop to close my eyes She's exactly what I need She's my smile when I'm feeling blue She's my good night sleep when my day is through yeah

i say this all the time but i love looking at you oh my god skjskjs like YOU. ARE. LITERALLY. MY. TYPE. lmaooOOSKSKJkj. other than physically being my type you really do embody everything that i need in a partner. kind, compassionate, genuine, good communicator and listener. you make sure that i dont fall asleep sad and you make sure that im okay on my not so good days. i love you so much

I Was Made For Loving You - Tori Kelly ft. Ed Sheeran 

A stranger's hand clutched in mine I'll take this chance, so call me blind I've been waiting all my life

i took a chance on someone i really didnt know anything about but my god i think it’s the best thing that ive done 

Ger Here - Sam Smith 

I don't care how you get here, just get here if you can

this reminds me of the time you bused through a snow storm just to study with me at utsc. also just in general whenever you make the effort to come all the way here to my house just to spend time with me and even then you end up driving us downtown or to different places too. you are truly the definition of “if there’s a will, there’s a way”

goodnight n go - Ariana Grande 

Oh, why'd you have to be so cute? It's impossible to ignore you Why must you make me laugh so much? It's bad enough we get along so well Just say goodnight and go

“why do you make it so hard to say good bye” something we both always say haha. one of these days we’ll have a night together and we’ll fall asleep together and wake up together too. one day! very excited for that day where we can say good night and stay

While We’re Young - Jhene Aiko

I'm tellin' everybody you're mine and I like it And I really hope you don't mind, I can't fight it

[...]

I'm giving you my heart, please don't break it Take it and lock it up and put me in your pocket, love

i tell everyone youre my girlfriend because haha im so happy to be dating you and telling everyone you make me so happy so yeno just a subtle flex. it’s also so scary fully giving myself to someone physically, mentally, and emotionally. to trust that you will safeguard my feelings and that you wont hurt me but i know youre scared of the same thing too, i guess even more so since im your first girlfriend. i promise i’ll protect your heart too. water it, nourish it, and let it grow into something even greater

Blessed - Daniel Caesar 

And yes, I'm a mess but I'm blessed to be stuck with you

ive told you since the beginning that i didnt want to bring you into this until i could fix and improve my mental health. i think that way of thinking was me associating my ability to love with how healthy i am. that’s not fair because i am capable of loving others even when im not at my 100% best. im so very grateful that you are there with me when im dealing with my mean/negative thoughts and that you can help ground me and be there to let me ride out my sad days. 

Runnin’ Home to You (cover) - Jake Spencer 

Can't say how the days will unfold Can't change what the future may hold But, I want you in it Every hour, every minute

i can see you in my future for a long time my love. i hope you can see the same as well 

Please Keep Loving Me - James TW 

For all the mistakes I'm making, I don't mean (I don't mean them, I don't mean them) For all the little things That I fail to see

please be patient because sometimes i wont be able to get things right the first time around. i tend to be a little slow when doing things and i come quite late to events. so even on days when i may be difficult to be around, please do your best to keep loving me and i’ll do my best to make it easier again.

Nothing - Bruno Major

There's not many people I'd honestly say I don't mind losing to But there's nothing Like doing nothing With you

no need for an explanation.. -_- 3rd date. d&b. mario kart. fan... hhh but i mean guess this also applies just in general whenever we play games and i lose lmao. honestly though doing nothing with you is still so fun for me. from making puns in a grocery store, to watching movies on my couch, to watching the sunset together by the water. nothing is better than doing nothing with you :)

Teenage Dream (cover) - Boyce Avenue 

Before you met me I was alright, but things Were kinda heavy You brought me to life Now every February You'll be my Valentine, Valentine

i think this applies to both of us in a sense that we were (and still are) both dealing with some not fun stuff when we first met each other, but we have each other now to get through it together. at the time, it had already been a few months since my falling out with you-know-who and just a couple months since i had decided to get help for my mental health stuff. i remember feeling so touched when i first told you about everything because you had made the conscious effort to reassure me and soothe me by holding my hand and looking at me when i got anxious talking about it. that was the moment i knew that you would be someone special in my life and someone i wanted to keep for a long time as well.  so im hoping that next year (and for the next foreseeable years) you can be my valentine haha

Only Us - Lauren Dreyfuss and Ben Platt (Dear Evan Hansen)

I never thought there'd be someone like you who would want me So I give you ten thousand reasons to not let me go But if you really see me If you like me for me and nothing else Well, that's all that I've wanted for longer that you could possibly know

while i have grown up with some great and amazing people who have made me feel so loved. ive also grown up and have come across some not nice people as well. they made me feel like i wasn’t worth it or made me feel small and not wanted. it’s not a nice feeling being shut down when youre just trying your best to get to know others or when you talk about the things you like and people become uninterested. i guess you can say that’s what contributed to why i dont want to show my whole self yet to new people at first. im scared that i will scare them away and they wont like me. so when you, a total stranger at the time, wanted to get to know me more, genuinely enjoyed my company, and wanted to spend more time with me, i was like “wow someone new actually LIKES me for ME?”. you dont understand how much it means to me that you made the effort to get to really know me and to still make the effort now to make me feel comfortable so i can be my whole self around you. i cant thank you enough. you make me WANT to talk about what i like and share my joy with you. thank you for letting me be me.

Take on the World - You Me at Six

I can see, see the pain in your eyes Oh, believe, believe me and I have tried No I won't, I won't pretend to know what you've been through You should've known, I wish it was me, not you 

i know there’s things you dont want to talk about and things you really cant talk about. knowing all the pain and hurt youve gone through has made you tough and strong but it sucks thinking of everything that youve had to face on your own. i wish i could take that pain away from you if i could. take it, ball it up, and throw it so far away that it never hurts you again. it is so very unfortunate that the saying goes “why do bad things happen to good people”. you dont deserve any of that. a good person like you deserves a life filled with unwavering support from those around you and days filled with boundless joy. i cant change the past or what other people think of you but what i can do is to do my best to make sure that even when you are hurt that you still feel loved and you still want to fight another day. you can do it, and i’ll be with you now for every new challenge that you face. your’re not alone

She Keeps Me Warm - Miranda Lambert 

She says I smell like safety and home I named both of her eyes forever and please don't go

[...]

And I can't change, even if I tried Even if I wanted to My love, my love, my love, my love

those first two lines are just so very nice to listen to. 

you and i both know that we cant change who we are and who we love. i think we’ve both had countless nights and thoughts of wanting to be straight so we wouldn’t have to deal with the consequences of loving the same gender. i know this past month has been especially hard for you though. im here to remind you that there’s nothing you need to change about you my love. i love you just how you are. your family may not understand it yet but i hope they will. i hope they understand that you make others around you feel so welcomed and loved. that you are the most selfless person that a lot of us have met. that you stick up for those who are mistreated and that you care for them. i wish they could see just how deeply you love and i feel like ive only scratched the surface of what your love is and can be. i want them to see how much i love you too and how you have made me a better person in all aspects. my parents, my cousins, and friends have all said that they have seen me change and become a softer person. my cousins say that you compliment me in the best ways and sand down my rough edges. i hope one day soon that they see all the love that emanates from you and that they can support you at least even a little bit. i hope they can see that love is love is love and that they learn to love all aspects of you too.

[theattainer]

THE 9 REASONS MOST PEOPLE WON’T BECOME MILLIONAIRES

https://qph.fs.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-f8c92f65c11c2d247d19a82bf68841d2

http://theattainer.com/the-9-reasons-most-people-wont-become-millionaires/

THE 9 REASONS MOST PEOPLE WON’T BECOME MILLIONAIRES

I met a girl in an elevator and asked her out on a date. This was between marriages.

The first thing she asked me on our date was, “How much are you worth?”

I had made and lost millions but nobody knew at that time what I had. I lied. I said, “$1 million.” But I was worth less.

“Not good enough,” she said. Still, we dated for awhile but then it ended. Like most things, it ended horribly.

I had made and lost so many times at that point that I had to ask myself: “Why can’t I keep the money?”

There’s three skills to making a million:

Making it.

Keeping it.

Growing it.

Sometimes I was good at #1. And sometimes I was bad at it. And, at that point, I was always bad at #2… keeping it.

Like the time I blew it all on bad investments, or bad tax decisions, or bad house decisions, or other bad spending decisions.

But it wasn’t any one decision. It wasn’t someone ripping me off, or me being irresponsible.

I catalogued all the reasons I would fail to make or keep $1 million. The reasons were never on the outside world. The reasons were always inside of me.

Every failure to become a millionaire will boil down to these nine reasons.

A) Sickness

If you are sick all the time, you won’t be successful at a business. When I was a venture capitalist, I would never invest money to a guy hooked up to a ventilator.

Or even if I suspected they were clinically depressed (which I often was).

Many people avoid second dates if they find out on the first date the girl has late-stage terminal cancer. This is sad but reality.

Put good things in your body. Exercise. Don’t drink. Sleep eight hours a day. That’s it.

Then you probably won’t get sick as much and you’ll have a lot of energy to do your business. If you’re sick in bed all the time, your business will fail.

Sometimes sickness might also be telling you something.

When I worked for a private equity firm I fell once for no reason and could barely walk for a week or so afterwards.

My body was telling me something. I should’ve been fine but my body fell.

I quit the next day and had energy for the next opportunity.

B) Inertia

I went out for dinner a few months ago with people who couldn’t stop talking, eating, and drinking.

One person had business ideas. The other person wanted to write a novel.

All night long drinking, eating, talking about business ideas, talking about writing novels. Talking, eating, drinking, talking, walking, drinking again, talking more. Then you sleep. Wake up at 10. Bloated, sick, heavy.

If you want to succeed, you first have to get up and start. You can’t watch Shark Tank — you have to be the shark.

Don’t waste time. Start NOW. No more stuffing your face. No more parties at high-tech meet-ups with lots of social media experts.

You know you only want to have sex with a social media expert. Stop lying about it. Start your business.

C) Doubts

You need to have a real passion behind the product you are creating.

Would YOU use the product? If you wouldn’t, or if you are not sure, then you have doubts. Steve Jobs WANTED an iPad, an iPod, an iEverything.

Doubts will make you fail because you won’t be able to make critical design decisions.

With one business I started, Stockpickr, I was obsessed with putting in new features. But EVERY single feature had to be something that would make me personally want to use the site more.

With Reset, the first business that I was able to build and sell, I only created websites that I would want to use.

D) Laziness

I am lazy. I admit it. I like to watch TV and play games. I like to hang out with friends. Everyone is lazy some of the time.

If I am bored with something, I’m lazy.

But with a startup, or if you are trying to move up in the corporate world, or if you are falling in love with someone, you can’t be lazy. She wants to go tango. You want to watch Jay Leno. You’re a lazy pig. Go dancing!

Treat your money like you love it. Don’t be lazy about it.

Or she’ll find someone else to tango with.

This doesn’t mean work 100 hours a week. This doesn’t mean you have to kill yourself to succeed.

But it does mean you have to work on all aspects of your life that give you energy — physical health, emotional health, creative health, spiritual health — so you can make smart, creative decisions when you need to.

So you can sell with enthusiasm. Negotiate with conviction. Manage the details. Constantly have new ideas.

And when you have put in the time, rejuvenate with good downtime. Go tango dancing!

E) Carelessness

If your programmers present you a final product, you still have to check every page, click on everything, click on everything fast and twice, don’t forget a birthday or an anniversary, don’t forget everything your boss told you or everything the client wanted.

Be detail oriented.

Persistent carelessness equals consistent failure.

F) Vacillating

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Always wondering: Is this the right business? Or should I back up and start fresh with a new idea?

Don’t be constantly stuck in the middle of a decision. Then you are blocked.

If you’re stuck in too many middles, you get sliced up into bits of broken glass.

Your businesses implode, your relationships have to start back at zero. You vacillated and ended up with nothing. Congratulations.

G) No progress

You start your business. You launch your dating site. A few people sign up. But there’s no excitement. People stop signing up.

Traffic stays at a few dozen people a day. OK, no progress. You buy some Google ads. They sort of work. No progress. By the way, failure is not a stigma. It’s OK to fail.

Its just that having “no progress” might be an indication you need to move to another idea or business.

One business I once started didn’t seem to get any traction. I had no signups. Very few people were using it. Nobody cared.

I raised $1 million. But I was physically shaking the next day. My body was again telling me this was not going to work.

[My dating site for Twitter users was getting no signups.]

Nothing bad was happening. I just knew that no progress meant this business idea was not going to work.

I returned all the money. At first I felt like a failure. I failed “yet again!”

But ultimately returning the money on the eve of failure created much goodwill and led to greater success later. This is not about the success of one business or failure. This is about the success of you.

Even profitable companies sometimes have no progress and have to be rethought. This happened to me with my fund of hedge funds. This has happened to me with some podcasts I have started. This has happened to me with books I started writing, even when I was 200 pages in.

But “no progress” is ultimately a great signal to take a step back, and even another step back, and go in a totally different direction.

Persistence will get you nowhere if you keep running into a wall.

H) Delusions

People start a business, and they think it’s the best geo-locator mobile dating discount app in the universe.

“It’s called ‘6th Circle’ because its a play on Foursquare and the sixth circle of Dante’s Inferno. We’re going to do five deals with major sidewalk companies in China to get the word out. The market is $18 billion in profits if we get everyone in Shanghai to pay 10 cents a day.”

Blah blah. Always look back. “Am I smoking crack?” “Am I smoking crack?” “Am I smoking crack?”

Every day check the ashtray. Is there crack in there? Delusions will keep you from making progress.

There is something called “optimism bias” but I call it “smoking crack bias.”

We always think the project we are doing is the BEST. We become delusional.

Then suddenly, no money, no friends, no more PR, and you’re on your bed smoking your last piece of crack hanging onto the lonely panties of the last hooker who left you by yourself, not even bothering to dress as she slammed the door on the way out. This is your mind on crack.

I) You fall backwards

You’re losing clients. Your best programmer quit. Your traffic is going down. Your girlfriend is not returning your calls. Your boss promoted someone over you.

Time to get creative now. You need to think out of the box. Again, this is just an obstacle. Not a failure.

Learn from it. Adjust.

Experience is curriculum. Always.

—

Consistently meeting ANY of the nine criteria above will prevent you from making $1 million.

And if you avoid these nine items, you will succeed. It may seem basic. Some people might answer, “Millionaires work 100 hours a day! Millionaires have 10 streams of income!”

I don’t know if that’s true. But I do know if you have some or all of these nine items working against you, then you WILL NOT make $1 million.

Be vigilant. Every morning ask if you are falling into these nine categories. Every afternoon. Every night.

Catch yourself when you first hit the obstacle. If you can clean the obstacles out, you’ll have success. Guaranteed.

How do you build the inner strength to avoid these nine obstacles to making $1 million?

Focus on these four items every day:

Physical health: Eat, move, sleep well.

Emotional health: Avoid toxic people. Be around people who you love and who love you.

Creative health: Write down 10 ideas a day. Exercise the idea muscle. Within six months you will be like a super hero. An idea machine.

Spiritual health: Every day, never obsess over the things you can’t control. This saves enormous energy.

TRUST that this daily practice works. It works for me.

I finally stopped going through this painful, depressing, unrelenting cycle.

I started a business that built up to millions in profits. I started doing more and more of the things I love rather than giving up on things I love to do more of the things I hated.

I started being honest with myself about what was costing me energy.

I made better friends. I fell in love. I exercise the idea muscle every day.

Sometimes I get stressed, anxious, scared.

Sometimes I get doubts. Or I get a little too lazy. Or I get “smoking crack bias.” But then I get back to that daily practice and it works. And I see it work with other people.

Businesses might fail, relationships might not work out, your old boss will be stuck yelling at the dead pieces of meat that sit in his office sucking up to him.

But no longer can anything stop you from succeeding.

What do you think?

[aesthetic-dani]

Simple af. wanting to die doesn't come as a collection of sadness. At least not to me. For me, it was a realization  that lasted about 8 seconds. I just wanted to evaporate. Dissapear. oh my, I would have killed for it in those moments.... Let'’ make it clear though that my desire was not to end my life, but to pause from existing. Meaning part of the deal is coming back to living. I'm sorry to disapoint you if you were getting triggered... No I am not suicidal.

I cried sm. actually, I am crying rn. It is terribly hard to see the keyboard, and I am hoping the 'clack' of the spacebar wont wake up anybody. Yes, sneaky. Not supposed to be awake, or complaining, or feeling like shit. Actually I feel worse than how Hitler would have felt if he had had  an average's man conciousness. 

I am shit. I am shitty too. Two in one everybody, take advantage of the sale!!! And there girl too. Because if your blood and my blood are not closely related, I might happen to treat you more kindly. At least it is what mom says, and she's got a point. I am shitty. AND spoiled, and selfish, and a son (well daughter) of a bitch. (yes, my mother did say those words, and perhaps didn't mean them in the sense that I AM her daughter). what can I truly say? I am scared of the world, I am clingy towards my parents, and I find this to be true mostly because they subconciously make me feel guilty about  going out, I am not really a daredevil. I am scared of what is out there. I have zero exposure. Mother says I go to friend's houses and all but! such friends live within a 5 mile  radius and mother has a handbook as to times, events, transportation, guests and so on. I truly think I wouldn't be much different with my future daughter. I still think about it. What would I do? I am not quite certain. 

I am very scared of what life will do to me... I have not been good. Not honestly. How I treat my siblings, my mother and father, even myself. I do not talk with God anymore. Not quite sure how I did it, or if I ever did. Truth it I felt more at home... Probably because I was younger and less scared. Had less chances to be scared. I want a bright future but I am shitty, sorry for this writter's lack for a better adj. I am terribly scared of when life will take my parents from me. And my siblings. And when they all stop being fun and  turn into, you know, every other grown up with his/her problems to be bitter about. Wait up, THAT IS MEEEE !!!! ajhkfluhrl. I do not know how to feel greater emotion towards my siblings. I can talk quite passiontely about my siblings, but when it comes to talking to them it seems like when you've been waiting to meet your idol, and when you finally fo they happen to be odly human. As if all the stories you had told about them were partially fiction, and adorned with glitter and ribbons (elementary school project type of thing, where the triptych board is overlly decorated to make up for how lame the graphs and charts about water evaporation are ). I am with them and I long for home. Yes, tofay I had both mom and dad crying and yelling at me about how this issue is olf now. How it all started 8 years ago and it stays there... In the past. Thst wasn;t so easy for me. Maybe as an artist you unconsciously try to find something to be butt hurt about, so you can dig deeper into that idea and then make a ton of work about how a tiny event or person impacted you. 

Mom cries, Dad yells. Then mother screams and punches as dad has an intimate moment with the tv remote. I am there decifing wether to breathe or help the boogers from covering a third of my face, or wipe the tears from my burning eyes. I am not the easiest child, but I am worth saving. I know I am selfish and plain out disgusting character wise. But I feel a sort of helplessness as  to what I can do. Am I trying my hardest? No. I am just as lazy as every other  human. And I wish not to be. But I do want to be more humble. Feel as if what I have I am not entitled to, but I have earned. To feel goo for my siblings working when the trip was a family thing. I wish I had the money so that they wouldnt have to worry much about that. I am weird. I feel embarrassed for having more oportunities than they so, so instead of being humble about it for some reason I turn arrogant. I go with the whole, "yeah but at least you 3 had each other" argument to put aside how I feel lonely, yet I have more opportunities, do not, get physically beaten and actually have food on my plate (unlike my siblings during their childhood). I feel bad that they have to work so hard. I truly do. I guess my way of saying that was "why won't you just spenf time with me instead of working?". I know, shitty position a) spoiled sister that I love and want to communicate but I am not sure how to or b) Making the money that we are putting into this trip and be able to not have good times here and not be broke when we head back home.  Again, I am not easy, but I am kinda worth investing. I wish it would just hit me tomorrow morning and stick w me for ever. Being humble. It would be.... Great. But scary truth is that when life teaches you how to be humble, it does so by taking things away. And i am terribly scared of what life can do. First the car, then..... Lets not talk about it. 

Again with the going out... yes. But come on if mom and dad can not take me, and do not want me to Lyft places and will not allow me to stay over at anyone's place, then what am I supposed to do? I love my friend that lives nearby, but there are honestly so many things and places out there. And IK I sound as if I was in a rush to live but..... I am scared. And I am scared that if I do not start learning how to detach now, I will never do. I love my parents and want to be w them. But I also want to be able to be places and know they feel alright. Okay, yes. That one that that I could've been almost raped, or it looked like something was off. I get it. I was scared af, but I don't really know how else can I learn if I am not out there,

I do want a car so that I won't have to be a burden to my parents. So that I can try to be more out there, on my own terms. Without the whole, "Mom has to work so you either go there early/late or not at all". I study near a very cool area in my city, a culture center and I don't even know what is going on around me. What Will I say about my teen years when I am older? "Oh yea, the school assignments were fantastic!!"   I want to live more in the moment, and I am scared and I do not wish to be. I honestly think about what is going on rn... Everywhere! And I just live in such a cool place but do nothing cool with it. I really hope that I get to figure things out. I guess I want to be more grown up, But I am scared. Prettier, but I am scared. I want to get back on shape u know... With everything. I feel guilty about acting as if I was entitled to things and not value them, that my siblings and parents have to work so hard, that mom and dad have to drive me around places, about the things that i want. My car, and surgery and advenruring. God, universe, karma, please treat me kindly. Maybe put someone in my path that makes me less scared, more humble and such.

Very few times did I mean to hurt people. I want to stop, I want to shut up. I want to FEEL pretty and I want to not be scared

There, I think I have said enough. *sighs*

Tomorrow is a new day. Be better.

5-24-17      12:56 am.

[scarletrebel]

a thing about rw.by

this is a whatever. not a meta or a theory or really a well-thought out critique. if anything I guess im just voicing my frustrations. if you like rw.by, please, please dont read this. you wont like what i have to say and i am in no way looking to upset rw.by fans, i just need a good old fashioned shout into the void. theres some things i liked in here too that actually came out whilst writing aha, so its not all my bullshit.

my main gripe with rw.by at the moment is the lack of character development for ruby rose. you know, the main character? which i think is the reason why my heart breaks a little that i dont love it as much as i used to. i identified so much with ruby. a little girl with a heart too big for her brain, who just wants to protect and help, having to come to terms with the fact that the real world doesnt make noble goals like that easy? thats my childhood right there. 

the latter is something that hasnt been touched on as far as ruby rose’s character development goes until this season, and even then it hasnt really been touched, or lightly brushed, its been mentioned. ruby thought saving the world wouldnt take that long, that the world wasnt as big as it is; she apologises to jaune for dragging jnpr along with her. all INCREDIBLE MOMENTS I was really happy about, but they werent expanded upon. it was like the writers wanted to hit a checklist of ‘make sure the audience knows ruby is naive and sad but hopeful’ rather than making it more engaging to learn about as aspects of her character, which is just lazy storytelling. 

show, dont tell. they’ve done that with juane. they’ve shown that he’s upset about phyrra’s death, they’ve shown him get mad at the situation and with qrow. he’s never outright voiced these things about his character like ruby has about herself, and we all knew she was a little naive. season one, weiss accusing ruby of being a bad leader and them showing the audience ruby trying to get better was so much better than just having her be like ‘im a little naive but ill fight for the greater good!’ like she has so blatantly been this series. 

like, why would she not get mad at her own uncle for keeping her in the dark about someone wanting to kill her?? ruby’s what, 16 at this point? 15 at the least? would she not at least be a little bit annoyed, and would that not show some character growth on her part if she was? my naivety ended, personally, when i stopped trying to be so dang optimistic, (this can become more complicated to explain, as obviously you still have to have hope in the world while keeping a level head and ruby is still young, but, thats another conversation) and if that moment hasnt happened for ruby after 1. penny dying 2. phyrra dying 3. her uncle keeping important information from her 4. her sister having her arm sliced off 5. her friends being split up from her 6. nearly dying to a foe way more powerful than she is, even with her silver eyes -- then when?! 

and lets just get it out of the way -- i dont fucking hate juane. i really, really like him as a character but i just fucking wish he got less of a spotlight because so much more attention is being payed to him and his journey and how everything affects him over ruby. it just is, and it sucks. i like theorising about his semblance, im pretty certain he’s really fucking powerful just like ruby is, but if he unlocks and masters his thing before ruby does i will be so pissed, and the only reason i say that is because it feels like thats the way its headed. 

juane is a lovely character. he’s heroic, he’s actually quite brave and smart, and he’s a good fucking friend. he’s a brilliant support character. but for the love of all that is holy, focus more on ruby when they’re in the same scene. about how he’s helping her on her journey, why could they not have had one conversation about phyrra on screen is my question. they did it really, really well it season one, and i was very loud about the fact that no, juane doesnt get more screen time or attention, but during season four it feels like he -- like everyone that isnt ruby or the other three titular characters -- has over ruby. 

just, please, rwby season five -- give ruby rose more character development. prove me fucking wrong and reveal that you were playing the long game, please.

also; i havent watched the last two episodes, but if it turns out the ‘’’cure’’’ to yangs ptsd is a new arm. fuck, man. please no. but i cant really comment on that yet so, we’ll see. i actually, up until seeing the preview for her spraying her arm and all that, really liked yangs journey. and taiyang is such a sweetheart i adore him. he was so patient and gentle and loving with yang, a few moments had me cringing but overall, an enjoyable part of the season. i hope yang gets to punch adam in the face. 

blake’s journey is one ive enjoyed also. and tbh, i think sun following her and thinking she was on a personal mission to take down the white fang is a very sun thing to do, and i think blake surprising us all by saying no im not gonna do that is a very blake thing as well. sun is spontaneous, carefree to a point and very dedicated to taking down bad guys. projecting that onto blake was his mistake, and im really glad that blake is the one to voice the audiences frustrations at how annoying it is that he follows and harrasses her into taking action (even when a part of us knows that she should -- a really, really well written aspect of blakes journey actually, i really liked it) (sun really needs to have a ‘okay im being a creep im really sorry’ moment but i dont see it happening. again; prove me wrong, guys.)

blake so, so needed to see her family. im glad she could see that and im not surprised that she wanted to run under the guise of ‘resting’ like. come on blake, we all know you’re scared shitless. her characterisation was on point, probably the most out of the four girls. blake was a+ in this season and im really happy about that, come to think of it aha. i hope she gets to punch adam too.

weiss im satisfied with too, although i really wish that ironwood and her got to talking. he didnt necesarily need to save the day for her, i would think that a guy fighting her own battles -- even if it is a ‘good one’ like ironwood -- would irk her, so it wouldve been nice for them to talk. (im still fucking salty about juanes ‘you can have her’ to neptune like lmao fuck off you fucking dudebros THAT WAS SO ANNOYING anyway) weiss being able to call off the thing she summoned before it hurt the lady would be a sign that yeah she’s getting strong but she’s learning control, so. shrug. 

papa schnee is an asshole, where is mama schnee?? and i FUCKING LOVED THE PLOT POINT THAT HER DAD MARRIED INTO THE FAMILY. please let this be an opening for a badass but subdued for Reasons mama schnee (although my hope is not that high)

my main, number one, OVERALL problem with rwby since the end of s3 to s4 is that they dont give the characters that need and deserve the most time and attention just that. i know its a small crew, i know that what they do and the time they do it in is amazing and admirable, and i do admire it and applaud it, they work so fucking hard and deserve praise for that. but they dont use their time wisely when it comes to assigning it in the narrative. and thats more of a writing issue, anyway. 

and another fucking thing. the majority of the interesting characters that arent the main four and are alive and have been developed or made mysterious enough to warrant interest from the audience are fucking men. and yeah, no duh jade, welcome to every piece of media for fucking ever. qrow is an asshole that everyone loves, raven is probably going to turn out to be a bitch -- the majority of salem’s ‘court’ or whatever are dudes. ironwood. ren got backstory over nora. blakes dad. adam taurus. for all that i love him, fucking juane. did we learn anything about phyrra that wasnt her explicitly telling us her backstory? no. we felt sad that she died because of her connections with other people, but, lets face it, mostly juane. im still adamant that she didnt die just for him, that she knew there was a bigger picture and genuinely loved him, but from a narrative pov him and his reactions was a bigger focus point especially in the aftermath with season 4. 

(ruby fucking unlocked an ANCIENT POWER BECAUSE SHE SAW PHYRRA DIE AND SHE DOESNT GET TO HAVE THE SAME EMOTIONAL SCENE ABOUT IT THAT JUANE GOT??? PLS LAST TWO EPISODES. GIVE HER THAT AT LEAST. PROVE ME WRONG.) 

i remember at a rwby panel at rtx one year, when asked about making a series that has four female protaganists, the guys said that they didnt see it that way, that they were just writing a story about a bunch of kids and yeah, i get that. but its not. 

its a story about four strong, tested, young women and they need to stop being oblivious to that because the narrative is fucking suffering. 

end rant/

[chibinekochan]

The unknown part 2

Genre :  angst

Rating: 16 +  trigger warnings for kidnapping mentions of torture and abuse nothing graphic but be warned.

Synopsis: You joined the RFA ans became friends with everyone. You really liked Yoosung but it was clear to you we was not over Rika so you where really ok with being their for him as a friend.

Then the whole bomb incident happened. Yoosung and 707 drove to Mint eye. And Yoosung got captured by Unknown. You never wanted them to risk their life for you. The guilt was eating you alive. One day read get a strange Email.

you meet up with unknown...

Notes: it gets bad in this part but it gets better in the next one i promise

“Welcome home princess” He laughed “ now lets begin”

You noticed he had several cameras around, you he was going to record your death.

Suddenly you felt bad that they would have to see this.

“are you afraid?” He stared at you.“I am ready to die I agreed on it” you said

“die hmm...no not yet you seem to be much more fun to play with then the guy. You came back you are a good girl. So I decided to not kill you and play with you instead.”

He smiled in a really creepy way.

So he would do to you what he did with Yoosung that was okay with her she could surely handle it way better then Yoosung.

He threw your smartphone at you. You looked confused to him.

“ I showed them you are alive but they wont believe me.”

You saw the chatroom everyone outraged at messages from Unknown. You stocked at the name

Unknown... the guy that leaded you to the apartment this man was him...

you wrote you are okay you not harmed it was your choice.

Unknown had changed your profile picture to one where you where chained to the wall passed out.

He wrote in the chat that if they trow him out he will kill you. But if they where all nice he would let them talk with you.

But they where not convinced so he called one of them.

Unknown was not saying who he just told you to say what ever to prove you still are alive.

“I am okay I´m alive” you said

You heard a sigh on the other end. “I need more then that as prove.” it was Jumin.

Unknown laughing in the background.

“ How can I prove that I am still alive Jumin?” You wondered. “Is Yoosung still in the hospital ? I have no idea how long I was unconscious.”

“It was yesterday and he is still drugged.” Jumin sounded a bit relived.

“So that enough. I will let her speak with someone again if you behave.” Unknown hanged up and laughed.

“At least that should be enough for hope.” Unknown then send the video of the conversation to Jumin telling him to keep the video a secret from everyone

In the chat Jumin confirmed that he talked with you. Their was still doubt left by the others but for now they could at least hope.

Jumin meanwhile tried to get the image of you chained to a wall out of his head but he failed.

Your every word echoed in his head.

So time passed while Unknown had fun teasing everyone with choices on how to treat you while they begged him to not harm you.

You knew no matter what Unknown did to you was the least painful think so you where never mad at the RFA members you took quietly the pain. In your head going to a nicer place.

Unknown soon started to praise you for enduring it so much. He often called one of the members at random while he was doing what ever he said he would do to you in the chat.

You often heard them yelling at Unknown . While after he was done telling them that you are okay they not need to worry. Unknown laughing at how they where tearing up while she barely even made sounds.

Even more when he send them a picture after he was done and you had some wounds on you.

He started to make them do thinks in order to stop him from harming you. Since you where such a good girl for playing along.

He changed his choices to more harmless ones. He made them confess thinks to you on the phone or in the chatroom.

So they found out about how Zen made the mistake of kissing you what Unknown found extremely funny. The reactions of the others where too good.

Someday he started to let you do chores for him. He said he got to busy with playing so it was up to you. You liked it much more then the pain.

Even when he was often pissed for no reason or would randomly undo the work you did to make you angry. But you never got angry you smiled weakly since that made him not hit you.

It almost looked like it hurt him seeing  you smile at him despite the situation and he also knew it was a fake smile,

Unknown almost became nice to you at this point you became quite delusional and started to feel sympathy with him. You almost let your guard down but regretted it instantly.

He chained you for that and ignored you for days after you been to nice to him. He called you fake so you continued to look at him in a blank stare till it was back to the usual.

After a while he started talking to you about random thinks you felt his pain.

It felt like the phone calls and threats got less with time but maybe you imaged thinks.

He stared to ask you about your past at the start he letted you know if he called anyone during this but soon he stopped telling you. Unknown found it much more funny when you did not knew if they listening to you talking about your sweet or sad childhood memory's.

One faithful night after he asked you about your Innocence everything changed.

You told him you never slept with a man you almost did but it felt wrong but you not Innocent in a technical sense. It was not like you agreed on it but still it was gone.

At that point something changed. He stopped to do something you thought he would call someone for sure to make you suffer even greater. But you knew the consequences for not answering all his  questions and your body was getting to weak at this point. So you told him everything about your abuse and how you lost your Innocence and in your eyes you where dead since that point. You stopped at telling him how useless you where and that at least now you have a value by being here.

After that he said nothing you could hear him walking away.

Unknown did not return till you woke up. He chained you up once again.

The look in his eyes had changed you could  not read him anymore. He was cold and distant in a very different way then before.

He started telling you his whole story you felt a strong sympathy towards him it sounded so much worth then what you went threw.

You smiled at him an quite honest smile you thanked him for sharing this with you.

“We will end this here for good. I had my fun I will set you free for good.” He had a knife in his hand. You knew that that meant he would let you have your peace at last. You made no move as he came closer.

He took your smartphone calling one of the RFA members.

“You should hurry if you want to save her I left the GPS on this time” He looked more serious then ever before.

“Any last words from you princess?” He held the phone to your ear you couldn't think strait anymore

“I am sorry I hope you are all okay” She did not even notice the tears running down her Face.

You faintly heard someone screaming it was seven. He begged to Unknown to not do it.

“... too late Luciel I will send her to paradise I will give her true bliss.”  He laughed but it sounded fake ... but why you had no idea.

His knife pushed in your direction you screamed out of shock you closed your eyes their was no pain you opened your eyes  you couldn't see threw the tears that where running down from your eyes.

You then realized that the knife was sticking the wall right next to you. He only hit your hair with it.

“As I thought there is still a will to life in you.” He chuckled. “That why I will give you a new life without pain”

He came even closer something else was in his hand now you only saw it was something long. “So now before you go to sleep I will tell you one last think I know I told you the story but my Name is Saeran . Not that it matters now where you will not be able to remember it in your new life.” He came closer his face almost touching you  “ I am sorry princess it is almost over”

“It is all okay Saeran” somehow you where smiling weakly at him. Their was no need to feel bad for him yet you did.

Your lips touched for a slow sad kiss you felt he injected something in your arm. It felt warm and your tears dried slowly up you started feeling hazy and then you fainted slowly.

You heard steps fainting away in the distance you felt the ground under you it was cold.

Somewhere far away their where steps running towards you yelling something. All you could say was  “I am okay don't worry about me” before falling in a deep abyss of sleep.

lets meet again in the next part -

[silverblighted]

LoZ; #1 headcanon questions

@azuviia​ ; o; i love u

Link

1: Favourite NSFW position and why:

LINK REALLY LIKES to eat the pussy ;) his #1. CREME DE LA CREME. Also Link's really into pinning girls into beds! He's such a giver though it's ridiculous, Link wont even pay attention to himself because he's so busy trying to do whatever he can, however he can, to please his girl. Will literally dive in at any chance he gets, though. 2: What is the best present your character can receive? Link likes things that are handmade just for him, but he's really happy to receive just about anything. That being said, Link really likes small, sweet gifts. A smaller moment/gift is much better to him than something huge. A small note in his lunch bag if he's going out to work on the field for the day, a cookie on a plate for him to wake up to in the morning on his nightstand, a cold glass of milk ready for him when he comes back from working on something. He also likes tools a lot, something handy, something practical. He's not really a frivolous person, so food, small gestures and something he can put to use is a good gift for him. 3: Does your character have a place you take inspiration from? What is some source material that helps you define your character and why? I think of Link a lot like Robin Hood, anyway. At least how I play him. Someone who is very honorable but almost dogmatically so – they don't turn back on what they think is right or wrong no matter what, and doing so would cause him great discomfort.  Link has 'basic' character traits in the game, but I would also like to think of him as very much the 'Hero' sort of person.  Bold, reckless, excitable – chomping at the bit to get things done. HOWEVER I also like to play Link as someone who really doesn't care too much about what his past lives have done – as in, he's not them. Link is Link now and whatever he's done previously is a different person. He doesn't believe that different life circumstances could create the same person time and time again, but sadly he's a little wrong.

He has always been defiant, but dutiful of his role. Not defiant in that he wont do it, but in that he believes himself to be Link – not just the Hero, but he is always Link before he is some figment placed there by legend.

4: What’s the best way to win an argument against your character?

Cry. Or something, anything. Link hates arguing a lot, he'd rather appease the other person than argue. However, Link can be VERY stubborn about a lot of things but he prefers not to argue when it comes to those things. When met with contention in a personal relationship Link more often than not will bite his tongue and keep his head down because he would rather not stir the pot. That being said, Link also will tell someone how it is if he thinks they need to hear it. Are you being particularly impudent and rude? He'll tell you plainly. Link is very honest and VERY forthright. 5: Deadly sins: Pick 2 Deadly Sins that best exemplify your character and why. Explain. (If there is not 2, pick one of the Heavenly Virtues instead and tell me about that, but please explain why they don’t fit the Sins!)

SORRY, Link has no sins. No – really, I don't think any of the 7DS really work for him because for the most part he's a pretty pure dude. SOOO. 2 Virtues he embodies? Kindness and diligence.

Link is kind to people at every chance he gets, almost to a fault. He will put himself in danger if he thinks he can save someone, even if it's something as small as 'this person stubbed his toe, I'll help him get home!' or something as big as 'Let me kill the dragon to save your life.' But when it comes to the dragon Link's going to also figure out of it's sentient or not, he's going to figure out the reasons why the dragon is trying to hurt someone and then he's going to deal with it accordingly.

Proper justice is very important to Link and very rarely does he believe that killing someone/something is the answer to the problem.  That being said, there are some instances when his emotions run higher than his sense of justice but that is rare and the remorse Link would feel from acting in such a way might consume him, even if it is for the greater good. Link does not LIKE having to kill Ganondorf, and often times the guilt he feels after doing it is so consuming that it feels like he wont recover from it. While he does not feel 'grief' for having to do his duty, he definitely wishes there was another way.

Diligence? This dude doesn't stop going. Link is always ready to do something at any point of the day. He does not like lazing around, he does not like sitting on his hands and waiting for the rest of the world to come to him – he goes out after it. Whether it's something small scale, like working on his ranch and trying to make a hefty profit and a bountiful harvest for himself and his family, and his customers, or it's trying to save the world from literal evil, Link is going to be the first person who volunteers to do something.

He'll never wait for someone else to come up with a solution – Link will jump into action before he's even thought out a situation entirely. This is probably bad and it gets him in a lot of trouble sometimes, but he doesn't care. To act is better than to do nothing at all and he hates when he finds himself in a situation where he must hesitate. Hesitation is something he will beat himself up on for days. If there is a situation in which he believes he could have done something to make a difference and he did not take that opportunity it might literally haunt him.

Nova

1: Favourite NSFW position and why: rofl Nova likes being on top. A lot. But she's not there to dominate she's there for the great view and the easy accessibility to kisses that it offers. If not on top she really likes spooning – anything that will offer her a lot of access to her partner and lets them access her quite easily. She's pretty primal in bed so she likes to feel them all over her, to consume and also be consumed by. 2: What is the best present your character can receive?

Presents are new to Nova, but she likes shiny things! Jewelry, because she thinks it looks nice. Fancy clothing! Pretty stuff that she normally wouldn't have had in her life she thinks are amazing! A ring? For her? How nice! Basically anything that's not a necessity is a great gift for her and while she would appreciate something practical, she just completely loves the idea of having something nice, something that someone picked out just for her.

3: Does your character have a place you take inspiration from? What is some source material that helps you define your character and why?

I try to think, actually, of Link when I write Nova. Not because she's like Link at all, but because she's... I don't know. Link is a hero, but Nova is literally courage. I think they'd be more similar if Link was not the Hero  -she's more selfish than that, she's willing to do some not so savory things to protect what she holds dear and while that might sit uncomfortably with her, Nova is never without morals. There are things she absolutely wont do, but I wouldn't consider her a Hero by any means. So I think a lot about how they relate to each other and what the differences are between them.

Aesthetically I think of Nova sort of like a druid. Very into nature, she can not exactly speak to animals but she can understand them and ask them to help her easily. Her power though is coming from a place of light moreso than nature and i'm not sure why I did that, but I rather like it! I'd like to think that Courage is the application of energy, the forthright nature of it. Power is brutal and strong, Wisdom is cunning and clever, but Courage is like taking the best part of you and not backing down from something no matter how much it might overwhelm you. The thing that links Link and Nova is the fact that they don't give up fighting, and would fight to the very death if they had to, especially if it was in protection of someone or something they hold dear.

4: What’s the best way to win an argument against your character?

She despises arguing, so she avoids it, but the best way to win in an argument with Nova is to literally be as petty as possible. Mention stuff she can't possibly counter, make her feel bad, make her feel guilty and you've won. There is a limit to this, as it can get to the point where she will put her foot down and will then turn the tables on you for trying to manipulate her, but up until that point you can easily manipulate her. 5: Deadly sins: Pick 2 Deadly Sins that best exemplify your character and why. Explain. (If there is not 2, pick one of the Heavenly Virtues instead and tell me about that, but please explain why they don’t fit the Sins!)

Envy and Wrath

Envy – Nova just wants to be... Nova. She hates the fact that she's been put on some wild path of destiny and absolutely abhors that. I think that's the one thing that has linked her to Wisdom, is that they both hate the cycles with a passion and she wishes she could fix them. Her envy does not really extend so much to those around her, as she's pretty much only interacting with Gerudo, Ganondorf, Link and Ilithyia, but she is envious of people who have 'normal' lives, untouched by the goddesses.

She wishes she could have just been human once and had her life, and the same for her sisters. She wishes that they were not bound to the cycles as Ganondorf, Zelda and Link are, but she can understand  that many of reasons for what has happened to them is because of that. She understands it and nothing makes her more frustrated and sad than this fact – all she wants is to just be on her own path, but even now she believes that for some reason everything is happening for a reason and with the goddesses' hand involved. It's frustrating to her and she feels like sometimes they're all on the other side of a looking glass, looking in on how life is supposed to be, while they're part of some cosmic entity that's working around the outside of humanity.

Wrath – As kind and sweet as Nova is, which she is, she is very susceptible to her temper and making irrational decisions/actions because of this. Extending further than just fighting – She will kill if necessary, despite the fact that that feeling haunts her.

She is also quite stubborn, her temper flaring when it comes to the goddesses, and she will impudently fight against what she views as the 'injustice' of her own circumstances, but also the horrible circumstances of those around her. (Ganondorf's, her sister's make her the most angry and frustrated, even more so than her own.) All of this puts a slight edge to her happiness.

Basically she can be vicious when provoked to the point that her emotions get the better of her and she feels the need to do WHATEVER she can to defeat her adversary.

[yamlog]

today i allowed myself to take a good hard look at the rows of photos i have buried at the bottom of my feed and i made sure to focus my eyes, not let them blur and glaze over his face. i really looked at him. i looked at the way the light hit the cheekbones i really loved, i looked at the curve of his eyelids, i looked at the hint of ribcage beneath his tshirt. i think i had to, because seeing how mj is avoiding-but-not-avoiding her ex is making me understand that avoiding is not the way to go. her heartbreak is fresh, not even a month, but in many ways i am still behaving like her. i don’t listen to good advice and i avoid and avoid the source of pain. i think that by locking up and burying photos of him that i took when i was in love, i can grow out of it. but of course i am wrong, again, as usual, because even now when i stare at his face in the photos, knowing full well that i can never see this again in real life (he might as well be dead and cremated) i feel an ache. a real ache, not a metaphorical one. my chest literally twinges inside as if something’s twisting. and it gets hard to breathe. meanwhile all i can think about is how much i like what i am seeing and how sad it makes me to never reach it again. what is wrong with me though like seriously is this an imprint? did i grow some kind of dysfunctional neural pathway in the short time i was with him? it’s like programming i cannot change, what the fuck. at this rate, i wish i could turn blind so i will never have to see his face again or feel tempted to look at photos. but that’s silly, bc i need my eyes to earn a living. so i guess the next best thing would be to wish he really was dead so i can cry at his urn at the crematorium every week until i have properly mourned and can move on. i feel like a zombie. or maybe he is the zombie, neither here in my present reality nor there in a past that can be said to no longer exist. or maybe my heart is the zombie. or maybe my feelings for him is the zombie. aiya this is a difficult metaphor to wrap my head around. bottomline is, i’m pretty sure i still love him. i’d go back to him in a heartbeat. but he’s gone. dead, figuratively. i dont think i am living in the past because i am really making an effort to be here in the present and be here for all my friends who need me sometimes. but i have brought my feelings with me. they’re not “past feelings” they are PRESENT FEELINGS. right here and right now i still have living feelings. for a dead person. so what does that make me? stupid?? probably. maybe i should enforce a rule whereby i make myself stare at photos of him until the pain subsides. like cutting yourself until the nerves in your skin are so damaged and scarred over you no longer feel pain. i don’t know how long i can distract myself by going along with everyone else’s pace and physically doing the things to “move on” when in reality thinking about him still makes my nose sting and my eyes water. but he doesnt exist!!!!!! he cannot. so much time had elapsed it is so unlikely he has remained the same. employment, politics, interactions with others, maybe even new lovers must have reshaped him somehow. the person i love is probably not there anymore, or he’s been melted down and recast into a different form that i will not recognise.

i wish he wanted to meet me, and cared to see what kind of person i have become after all this. i miss him every single day. i still think about him every single night. sometimes i catch myself about to say his name and i have to close my throat before i utter and commit the atrocious act. i don’t dare find his socials because i’m terrified of what i might see. im afraid i’ll go to the cinema with mj next week, 2 heartbroken girls, and run into him holding hands with a woman i don’t recognise. i dont know how i’ll handle that. i may fling myself over the bannister of the spiral staircase and end my miserable existence on the spot. maybe i’ll take out a knife and slit my wrists on the spot so i can bleed to death with my eyes fixed on him and leave earth looking at the person i love most. on some level i do hope he has found happiness and is capable of making someone happy in a sustainable way that doesn’t put a strain on his career too much, but a big part of me still wishes i could be that person. it’s so pathetic to admit that i still wish and wish and wish i could be the recipient of his love. isn’t it so stupid to pine for treatment i won’t receive? why cant i be happy with someone else giving me double? a serious question. why does it have to be him? if only i could email god to ask.

if i do reach my deadline without being able to find happiness elsewhere and i do fling myself off some building or another, i dont think i’d like to be a ghost haunting and cursing him for all eternity anymore. i much rather there be no afterlife. no women living in banana trees. no vengeance, no reincarnation, nothing. i just want to stop existing and stop being conscious or anything. i want to disintegrate and take all my hurt and futile desire with me. no more boundaries no more self no more singularity. it would be so blissful to just dissolve and leave the fabric of existence and no longer think of him because there will no longer be a “him” because there will no longer be a “me” who “thinks.”

i wonder if he thinks of me still. i wonder what he thinks of, of him in relation to me, of me in relation to him, of me like this, of the suffering he MUST know he has caused. i dont think ive been the same person since october. it’s not like a simple apology can patch up a hole. i forgive, but the wound doesnt disappear with forgiveness. i forgive the stake in the heart because at my core i love love love love him, but the stake is still lodged in there. and i can’t die. not yet, at least. i dont think he knows the extent of the damage done. i still have nightmares every single night. i can’t remember the last time i had a good dream. i consider myself lucky when i wake up and immediately forget 95% of my bad dreams. i am so busy everyday but when im asleep i can’t manifest happiness. it’s all violence, and hatred, and meeting spectres from my past, and decay and weeping and pain. sometimes i feel the pain in my body itself. phantom and ungrounded but pain demands to be felt. i can’t just Wish it away.

i no longer believe in the possibility of miracles. but i still believe in a divine plan. if i am still unable to kill my love for him, there must be a reason. a good reason. maybe my ache makes me the friend my friends need when they get dumped. maybe i will be led by my pain to decide to join some event or cause, even if as a means of distracting myself, and end up meeting someone who really needs my support and friendship. maybe i can contribute to society in a way that i wouldnt be able to if i were perfectly happy. i like to believe that there is a purpose behind everything, even failure. and im not naive enough to think that the reason god has allowed to me suffer is because he will bring deliverance and turn a stone-cold heart back towards me. life isn’t a storybook. he won’t come back, and he won’t love me again. it’s fine. it’s fine if my continued misery could serve a greater purpose SOMEHOW. let me save one person. let me have the wells of empathy needed to say the right thing at the right time and improve someone else’s life. i cannot live like this with just myself and no contribution to the nett happiness of the world.

i did a tarot card reading for SH today, she visited my cats and we had lunch and talked about books. despite what happened at the start of the year ive found it in my heart to forgive and reconcile and take the first step in repairing our friendship. ive readjusted my expectations so i wont feel betrayed or letdown again in the future. and i recognise that she needs me more than i need her, which is a good enough reason to stay. pride is stupid. i decided years ago that i will not let pride get in the way. even if he thought i was pathetic. i dont care. love IS pathetic. my only regret was running away from him that day because i didnt want him to see me cry again. not because of pride but because i didn’t want to burden him even more. he would have been late for dance if i had allowed myself to stand there and cry. but maybe i should have. so now i will just put myself out there and move past friendship-level hurts. the reading was eerily accurate, even down to her sun sign. and extremely extremely apt for her because she’s starting uni soon and everything on the cards aligned. she jokingly said i was a witch. i only wish i was a real one so i can do Something, Anything.

[celestialallstars]

Episode #6: “Can i PLEASE get a blindside.” - Jared

ok so basically the game has been sooo quiet and ive like.  felt dead. idk. i had a breakdown last night bc of it and i cried on my couch (KNOW THERE WAS A LOT MORE THAN THIS LKSDJGKLDSGLS I WOULDNT CRY PURELY BC OF THAT) but yaaa and now im better but like the entire day i was throwing up in class (or like feeling anxious im exaggerating sorry) about going home.

i didnt want mo out but with that being said i didnt want anyone out?? after i mentioned to him that stephen/mo were targeting each other, rhys came to me with the idea that like him jared chloe and i should make a chat, and i was down for that bc it would secure my positioning and like ALSGKSDG who'd flip on an alliance THIS early.. right?? right..

chloe was really not talkative with me. stephen/jared were active so i appreciate that immensely. im just thrown off. i dont really know who i can or cant trust.

OK ALSO SIDE NOTE CHRIS SENT ME [IM NOT EXAGGERATING] 55+ MSGS SPILLING TEA ABOUT HOW THE TUATHA HAD AN OG ALLIANCE WITH EVERYONE BUT MITCH + MAYNOR - which i knew about but LASKGLDKS AHHHH. and he leaked that stephen wanted kori/bryce targeted and i leaked that to bryce to further stephens target. IM JUST SO MESSY LOL

also i kind of predicted a swap likeee omfg. and i dont know how i feel. i kind of felt safe on my tribe??? but like.. oh no. anyway, my tribe isnt super dominant in challenges or anything (compared 2 the other tribe who has bryce/stephen/drew), but i think we can win a lipsync since we have a woman, gay men, and a metrosexual male who has an outgoing personality (and i mean that in the nicest way obviously). IDK I HOPE WE WIN BC THAT TRIBAL WAS HORRIFIC AND I LOVE MO SO MUCH AND AHH.

ill probs give a video soon in more depth with what chris said. yalls deserve it.. oops period.

I HOPE YALL CAN FORGIVE ME. im eating hotdog. bye bye love u all.

Wow I like the whole tribe! Alyssa is probably my front runner of talking and honestly she's great! I am in her spell ahhhh but hey JARED is here too woo! I think at least with Mitch and Zach too I'll be safe but I'll see! This challenge could either go really well or really badly for us but I'm excited to do anything creativity!!

I absolutly love my tribe at the moment, i'm getting along well with alot of them except Kori who i haven't spoken to much at all but im confident in our abilities to win! Jared is talking a little bit about wanting the game to pick up a little bit and i agree to some extent however blindsiding someone just for the sake of a blindside isn't smart gameplay so im just gonna lay low nd continue making those strong bonds here there and everywhere to hopfully come out on top should we end up at tribal

Can i PLEASE get a blindside

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hi it's 6 am but rhys fucking filmed vertically so if we lose he automatically has my vote

I feel good but also scared. I dont think I'll do as good of a job as I hope, but it also is turning out decently so far. My biggest concern is time. With having work tomorrow, I can only do the editing on my lunch break of 90 minutes, then whenever i get home which probably wont be until 6, given the upload time that leaves me with about 3 hours in total. Hopefully I'll be able to work with Rhys and Jack's stuff, as i think it'll be easier for me to do it then. Regardless, I'm gonna be a zombie but LOL this is the second Wednesday in a row I stayed up late except this is not for school and instead of 3 hours, ima get 2 hours of sleep haha that is so sad and funny and heebee jeebee zoinks, alright goodnight

Two things: 1) there's really nothing quite like making a fool of yourself multiple times in a single org, just to be immune for one round. 2) i am horrible at looking for idols

So Matt just told me he thinks we’re gonna have a double tribal right before merge which is like ew I hate that throw it out please, speaking of throwing out uh Kori can go because he’s wearing on my nerves like yes we’re gonna get things done on time calm down please and thanks.

these people are actually delulu if they think that video is winning. no fucking way we are winning. time to go to tribal!

So the swap has happened, and I get what is almost probably my worst case scenario player-wise. All of my close allies, with the exception of Kori, are currently on Cyrena. Meaning that winning immunity isn't even really good, since it puts them in danger.

I think there's a way to make this bad situation good though. Getting to finally work with Michael, Matt, Loris, and Drew can actually be a blessing in disguise. If I get on their good sides now, they might clue me into their plans once merge rolls around. That's the hope, anyway. For now my goal is just to survive being swapped with a bunch of people I've barely spoke to!

The past 24 hours have been major toughie for me. Staying up late and then trying to manage editing a video, work, and time constraints, and I won't lie, its been exhausting, but I didn't want to let my tribe down, or anyone down I guess. A little ways through, I kinda felt pretty defeated and then learning at last minute it was due an hour before I predicted made me panic A LOT internally, but it does seem like the tribe likes it so if we do lose and if they do vote me out, I can look back at this and feel like I did something right.

Well a lots happened and to be honest at times life and this game move too quick for me to even remember if I've mentioned it. We swapped, and I'm trying to just keep myself afloat however I can.

The challenge was overly stressful and I have no idea if we'll pull it out. Editing has been so stressful and I've found new appreciation for the people that do it. I just hope whatever I whip together will just be enough so that I can breathe and really take stalk of my new situation.

So, I haven't been around a whole bunch recently. However I'm glad we didn't go to tribal, that could've been  a reason if my name came up. So I'm glad I have time to more cement my bonds on this tribe and keep my name out of peoples mouths.

We JUST WON IMMUNITY WOOHOO. I was kind of nervous with a music challenge considering the only other one I did previously I did not do the greatest in :P. Both videos were amazing and im so glad Eve and Jones's mom liked ours significantly greater than the other one! As far as my position is concerned, I am reunited with Jared and our relationship is still strong I think so that's good. Stephen I am HOPING will be ok by just latching on to Kori at least for premerge. Those two are still the ones I trust the most, but I also like Alyssa Chris and Zach. I WISH i could connect more with jack, but i feel like every time we play together it gets more difficult to hold a conversation, so that's a yikes. Jared myself and stephen are diligently working on the idol search, but it's likely already found. I'm pretty sure there are too many components for someone to just find it by themselves

WELL. Im a target tonight! God we really do love that for me. We really do. Kori, eat my fucking ass. You leave me on read all the time. And then you have the NERVE. THE ACTUAL NERVE. to be like "omg stop slipping in my dm's!" Boo if you didn't leave me on read constantly then maybe i would actually want to speak to you! an actual moron. And then STEPHEN HAS THE FUCKING AUDACITY to me like "ya lol i'll be at tribal i'll make the decision between you and Kori at tribal!". BOI. THAT IS NOT HOW YOU GET TRUST IN SOMEONE. Its fucking ridiculous. Thank god Michael is in my corner, hopefully drew and bryce too. I am NOT getting 15th right now, no way. I am BETTER than this. i am going to make it work, tim gunn style. maybe its time to break the fajitas and channel their energy once again

Why do I go on the initiative literally ever? I'm clearly bad at it, I wasn't even remotely thinking things through and I SHOULD have let Stephen or someone else suggest someone but no I had to be mildly greedy and wanna send home Matt whom I barely DM.

I already flopped editing the video, and now here I am flopping the social/stategy game that I love playing supposedly.

Of course I tried reaching out to Michael and Drew FOOLISHLY because I wanted to build trust and maybe work with them. So naturally Michael tells Matt because ofc they'd be close as would Drew probably since he and Michael have been together since Day 1. As it stands I'm stuck praying Loris is gonna vote with me and it just sucks because I'm so bad at this game.

I'm trying to keep a cool head right now because there's still time. Stephen and I are trying to work logistics, see if we need to switch the vote to say Michael in case of an idol, but I'm not sure Loris/Bryce would be on board for that.

There's a pretty good chance that I'm definitely dead. But I'ma fight to the bitter end!

Today I learned from Stephen that Kori is in some dangerous water. He I guess said Matt's name to Michael who told Matt and now them and Drew are voting Kori. However Bryce and Stephen and perhaps Loris are all voting Matt. Now this is good if it works because honestly that group having to endure their numbers dwindling is good for my game. It only leaves Jack and Alyssa but I think we better be careful because I can see both of them slipping through the inevitable war zone that is gonna be happening.

Today's been a pretty informative day for me. After losing the immunity challenge by a hair, I was worried because I didn't think I had bonded very well with my current tribe through One World, luckily for me, that doesn't seem to be their biggest concern at the moment.

During the initial stages of the vote, I talked to Kori and the two of us decided Matt would be the easiest target to take out. I was leaning towards voting Matt because we hadn't talked very much, so hearing Kori was on board right away simplified things for sure. Bryce and Loris both seem to be on board with it too so I shouldn't have anything to worry about at this point.

In the morning, things got a whole lot more complicated. Matt found out he was the target through Michael, and began his campaign to get Kori out instead of himself. I'm not entirely sure why Michael decided to do this, but it doesn't make much of a difference at this point. Matt campaigned to me, and I sorta pretended to be on the fence. I was listening to what he said, but Kori is realistically one of my closest allies, there's no way I'm voting him out to side with people I had just met.

Once campaign season got under way, I had a conversation with Chris. Chris tells me that on original Orfeo, him, Loris, and Zach believed there was an alliance of Chloe/Sharky/Drew/Michael formed. This explains not only why Sharky was seen as an easy boot on swap-Tuatha, but also why Michael wants to keep Matt instead of Kori. With Chloe re-joining after tribal, him/Drew/Chloe/Matt would form a tight majority. Without Matt, they're a minority.

I proposed an idea to switch the vote from Matt to Michael or Drew. I said it was because I was worried about an idol, but this alliance is the real reason I wanted to do it. However, Kori, Loris, and Bryce are comfortable with the status quo and since it's not my neck on the line I didn't feel the need to push too hard.

Me, Kori, and Bryce now also have an alliance with Loris, which is cool? I haven't gotten very close with Loris yet but he seems like a smart player tied to Chris and Zach which spells good things for us working together in the future. Assuming I survive this vote and have a future, of course.

hi I think I might make it past final 15 that’s nice umm... I suggested an alliance of me Bryce Stephen Kori to counter the potential power of chloe Matt Michael and drew once chloe joins our tribe because my brain is massive. but now we’re like scared for idols . scary shih anyways like how r u I’m good.

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oh huh tribes r gonna be even again next round... so I have to make this conf by default just in case of a you know what wait no anna u said no more 24 hour challenges QUEEN ... thank god I can’t be bothered to delete this so she’s being SENT

Right now there's so many things running through my head with the introduction of Matts vote steal, because realistically i could convince him to give to me or i could keep him around as a potential shield. I don't want to do it to the guy but also a vote steal could shift the tides of the game in my favour later down the line. so it's a difficult decision and one id rather have more time to contemplate.

Wooo ok operation vote steal is a go and next round we’ll be swimming in green hopefully but with one world sis og tribe lines just ain’t it!

God im over this tribal. Like ugh these people really are under Kori's mist so like im probably going home. Do I think i might be able to survive? a small glimmer of hope says yes, but i'm not confident. God im just... so annoyed at this. Im clearly on the outs here and I just HOPE i can pull through i just am so scared. I know if i do leave though that I have fought my damn hardest to stay tonight. Im trying to think of the positives because its hard to do so because im being sad atm.. UGH. the fajitas really have failed me tonight, their light has dimmed and their guidance is no more. i am now with the darkness. we r one.

Oh my fucking god my heart is breaking. Matt is basically in such a deep hole he's going to go home, unless he plays an idol. And Alyssa has an idol. And she doesn't think it's smart to use it on him because Michael says he's just gonna go home next round. His social game hasn't been up to snuff and they're gonna boot him regardless, so she wants to keep us with power and let him go. And I agree with her. Which kills me. I'm usually able to just be a robot when it comes to this like yes I will make the smarter decision if it means I'll be emotionally torn, and this is such an instance. Luckily, it's not my idol to give up. Yes Alyssa says it's "our" idol but it's her call end of the day. I just... fuck. This is all stars man. And I'm actually starting to feel, for once.

Well it's about an hour before tribal and at least on it's surface it would seem Matt is going. I'm not confident though because any number of things COULD happen. I'm hoping there's no idol play, just because I feel like pre-merge just isn't a good look for me.

If Matt does pull something off, then kudos to him, and if it's me that'd make this my final confessional for the season. I've had such an amazing time playing and while I feel like I've been playing a lower key game on purpose I feel like I'm doing what I can to really come into my own. I hope the bonds I've made are gonna stick and that everything works out for us.

But if it doesn't I guess I'll have to find a way to be ok with that. This has been such a unique All-Stars experience so far, and I hope I can take what I've gotten from it and make myself better for it. (Also highkey hopefully this isn't my last confessional and I'm getting sentimental for no reason.)

________________________________________________________________

Kori is voted out 4-3.

[matt10bth]

AFTER 19 & BEFORE 20

I’m exactly writing this post 8:54 pm. I have so much to learned in my life, so much to give and to figure out. Before I became 20 these are the list that I learned and experienced and have the most impact in life at the age of 19.

1. Enjoy every moment of your life, every steps that you take. 2. Always give time to your love one’s. 3. Don’t regret, just move on, regretting makes you make another mistakes to regret. 4.I’m getting old now, so I need to be matured but still enjoy the life that has given to me. 5, Be loyal the people around me but always have the wisdom to take their sides, to judge either if they are right or wrong. 6. There are so many things to learn, do not be afraid to learn them, just keep on struggling for my improvement. 7. Life is difficult as its, but it is always on the perspective of each of everyone on how we can turn negative things to a positive. 8. When you commit mistakes always forgive yourself and give yourself room for improvement. 9. Search for real things or genuine things not by the things that has given to you because of the mask that you have made. 10. Learn to let go of the people that does not really want to be on your side and to the people that is only on your side because they needed something to you. 11. Learn to let go small mistakes people committed because your relationship with them is greater than your pride. 12. People will say you cannot do that but the only one who can really say you cannot do that is “no one”, even yourself cannot tell to yourself that I can’t do it. You only have the permission unless you try it and give your all best to achieve something. 13. Do not dream, take actions to achieve it. 14. Love hurts but it can also inspires people. 15. It is okay to be with small number of people, you cannot be friends with everyone but you can be friendly with them, as long you are with people that makes you happy then you will be happy. 16. Trying things even it is difficult proves that you are fighter, that you are not giving even it is small, it does not matter as long you improved. 17. Just be true to yourself and you will find somebody who will accept for who really you are. 18. Anime, Games, Novels, Movies or anything that has story to inspires other people. It does not matter who you are or what you like, but what matters is how you contribute to this world and if you do not give pain to other people. It is just matter of respect, having freedom of expression or speech but does not inflicting pain to other people. 19. It does not mean that you are alone it equates to in dependency, but it does not mean if you are alone you are weak. It always depends on how you live on the word “alone”. 20. It is s 9:23 pm now, I want to say to myself I’m very proud of you that you still alive despite of what the world is. Tonight I want to give myself a present, a present of being “fearless”.That I should not be afraid of what tomorrow can give to me but rather anticipate it and be glad that I still have another chance to make it right. I still have many regret in my life because I will become 20 years old and I still not graduated and I still not able to make my dreams come true because of me becoming a “sloth”. I want to work harder than before and to prove to myself that I can do it. I do not want to compete to other human being but rather to myself only.

“DEKU: to me - I can do anything, I just need to trust myself. Thank God for another wonderful year and I survived. I am almost on my 1/3 of my life (20/60). I want to live the most of it. I know it still not enough to do everything I want but I’m still glad that I have the opportunity to live and love even though it feels hell sometimes.

Wanting to comeback to my old self just because I feel like I’m changing for someone else is the biggest mistakes that I have done for being 19 years old. Wanting to comeback to my old self it means that even your bad traits will comeback to instead I should say to myself i want to improve myself and be a better person.

I want to manage my time more and priority the things that is needed, i want to be more organize to my things and to attentive to what is happening around me. To be more tolerated but at the same to speak if there something is not right.

I still believe in “equality with justice”, not because of Taylor Swift “I believe in karma, that I will get mine so you will get yours” I just paraphrase it. So everything I do I need to be careful in order not to hurt other people. “Which comes the golden rule, “ don’t do unto others what you don’t want others do unto you”, just copied it from the internet. Before I became 20, I become more engaged on watching anime. feeling like more alone but somehow I find myself standing up again and trying to live and for me it is the most wonderful view I see, seeing myself standing on my own and trying to live despite of the massive regret I have.

I’m sorry but I’m moving on. I’m sorry but I’m not afraid anymore. I’m sorry but I will try my best now. I’m sorry but I’m climbing to my Cloud 9 again. I’m sorry but you will see the better version of me even you stop me. I’m sorry but I will achieve my dreams and I will not give up. I’m sorry but I’m going to be me and not anyone else.

On this my age: I love watching: Boku no Hero Academia, Your lie in April, Koe no Katachi, The Voice, 13 Reasons Why, Fight for My Way and Kyo Kara Maou!  . This day I try to watch “Haikyuu”. Watching different stuff is like putting yourself out of the comfort zone because you will be put in a different kinds of ideology it is up to you whether you accept it or not.

I literally read many Manga and Manhwa this year

Songs I Played The Most: Enchanted, Say You Won’t Let Go, To Be Human, Stay, Starving, How Far I’ll Go, Hard Times, Today My Life Begins, Versace on The Floor, Sparks Fly and Fearless.

It is been along time since I have not post, It feels great that somehow I can still write decently. It is such a stress reliever because every year I have this mental perception that I become sad when my birthday comes that I feel that another year that have been passed and still I still not accomplished anything that is great or achieve my dreams. I’m always putting myself down but now I’m becoming 20 even though I’m becoming older I will uplift myself by doing things I love and somehow achieve my dreams step by step, for now I needed to graduate.

I think this year my greatest achievement are taking Japanese and Mandarin lessons and knowing to myself that I have really big PRIDE, that I needed to take it down again.

It is already 10:04 pm, all I want to say thank you for every people that supports me even though the probability of them reading these is very low. Thank you my God, Thank you for another upcoming adventures of my life.

Now I’m becoming 20, I will, I WILL, I WILL!, let go anything that chains from making me truly happy.

I do not want stop to write but I needed to, so until next time.

I WONT GIVE UP FINDING MY HAPPINESS AND THE BETTER ME.

I finish this post at 10:25 pm.

I just need to calm down, now I’m leaving my teenage years. I will surely miss this but I need to move on and live a happily life. There are so many things I want to do in my teenage yeas but, oh, well, I will do it in my 20′s.

Good luck for me.

Before I like orange because of “Bleach” then Blue because of ‘Percy Jackson” then red because of “RED” and now, green because of “Hero no Academia”.

My “GREEN” which means HOPE, whatever stands or hindrance me, as long as I have HOPE even though I’m drowning I know I can still survive and make it on.

REMINDER TO MYSELF BEFORE I POST THIS: DON’T WORRY JUST HAVE HOPE AND I KNOW YOU CAN MAKE IT. DON’T REGRET JUST LIVE THE REMAINING DAYS OF YOUR LIFE AND MAKE IT MEANINGFUL.

[falling-inn-mmyy-wooorrlddd]

Where do I start? Do I start by telling you how much I hate you, and how much you’ve ruined me? Or should I start by how gross you are, and how much I don’t want to be with you. Should I tell you what you did, or should I start with how much I miss you, or should I start with how I’ve been doing without you. Or maybe, I’ll just start with how I actually felt in the midst of this all, maybe I’ll start by being vulnerable and tell you, behind all this hate is a beaten up, destroyed little soul that cant help but ask herself what happened? Do you care to hear any of it?

Did I matter at all? Did you know anything about me? Was anything real? Day to day I’m doing well, I feel me, the actual me coming back, I can laugh till my cheeks hurt without worrying about if honestly you are okay, or wondering what are you doing.

This whole shit just sucks, and I’ve come to the realization nothing will actually fix this, me hoping that you will give me actual closure is very far fetched because the truth is, the complete sad truth is, not that you don’t care but just that you’ll do what ever is easier, comfortable and more convenient for you, and honestly I’ve come to acceptance with that,  I don’t message you, I don’t linger, I have disconnected myself from you & all I really ask is for you to do the same for me, because you know you wont give me what I deserve.

You couldn’t stick around when there was 100% certainty that I was here how can I possible even expect  you to give me what I’m longing for when there is no absolute chance for you to gain anything from doing this for me! You write yourself as being a coward and selfish and that’s just the conclusion to you, and that’s just something you’ve accepted for yourself and I honestly cant do anything about it. You taught me that you can do so much for a person but it’ll account for nothing. I’m not even angry at you, but for some reason every time you message me so much hatred comes out, I don’t hate you I’m just really upset at myself for letting it get so far & when you message me the sour taste in my mouth comes back. Honestly, Ive finally accepted that you aren’t what I thought you were & that’s okay, and that doesn’t mean you are a less of a person, you are great, it just means I had so many high hopes, me crashing down is my own fault, I just didn’t understand that I’m a lover and a kind person it doesn’t necessarily mean its as easy for everyone.

Don’t send me meme’s don’t make me have to tell you how wrong that is for you to do that to me. We both know we aren’t right for one another and honestly nothing you said makes sense there’s actions of your wrong doings, but no explanations & then there’s false hope & promises but no actions. I’m glad, ten days of effort made you realize how wrong we were for each other. I’ve done so much more and gone to greater extent to show you I loved you when I had absolutely no fault in anything and you were just having a mood, but that’s the difference my love was actually there, it was pure, not like your love where you didn’t love me as a person but the fact that I took care of you & made you feel good.

You have the nerve to say that I’m just not accepting what you had to say but the reality is you never said anything other then we could make this work, knowing you would go back to old habits, or that you felt lonely, when I was begging you to stay after you told me there was someone else. And now that you are not getting an ounce of certainty from me you are so sure that we cant ever make this work? Is that a relationship? Where you only try when the other persons trying & then leave when the other person broke down because of you?

Last year this time you were in another manic episode and from speaking too you a couple days ago I feel you are again but who am I to say anything to you now. I honestly hope she was worth it, that’s all that replays in my head that I really hope she was worth it. You said to me all I’ve been doing is rubbing it in your face of how much it sucks that you lost me, funnily yeah Patrick I did react that way when I was drunk fine, but when I’m sober I tell you its okay, you’ll be okay and I hope that you find something great but you’ll never think about that or take into considerate that I was still there answering you trying to make you feel better when you there crying your eyes out because of something you did.

No one wanted you to be okay more then me and still you don’t seem to see that, no one tried harder then me to have you communicate and I’m still the one getting ignores, because why? Aman wont be there for you anymore so Aman doesn’t get to say anything anymore? Aman doesn’t deserve what she gave you. I’ve held on long enough, it wasn’t that you weren’t good enough for me, my intentions were never to make you feel like that, I could go on and on for days communicating and trying to make you feel okay, but you never cared to hear it from me, it was never enough for YOU & you are still the one sitting there saying you didn’t feel that you were enough, when in reality you showed me time after time I wasn’t enough, and you’ll never take it to considerate. I tried to be okay with it, I tried to do research, but even now almost a month later, the thought of it causes straight tears down my face & no matter how hard I try, I cant stop them, I did try but even I couldn’t handle this. But for you, you saw me going out, going California you thought that I was okay, I’m not okay, & I shouldn’t have to tell you that, you should understand that. You have never comforted me and for some odd reason I’m always seeking it from you, but instead I hear “well I’m not going to beat myself forever”, I’m glad a month of sorrow (doubt it was even that long), healed you, I honestly am because I don’t want you to feel bad about it forever but understanding it would be nice or caring what you did would but once again its okay that you don’t. I honestly don’t even know if you are able to feel, or capable of putting yourself in my shoes and feeling the pain that you caused me, but still managed to make it about you. & I don’t mean that in a rude disrespectful way, I genuinely don’t know if you are able to process pain like that, I don’t know if you imagine me touching, laying, kissing another man or him touching me, how it would you feel? Can you feel someone else’s pain is there empathy? It honestly sucks, because your only concern is you and my only concern was you.

And I know your constant thought is its okay she’ll get over it, she’ll find someone a hundred times better than me, I just want you to know maybe that’s true or maybe I’ll get worse but at the end it wont change how you made me feel, & what you did to me, so for you to say something like that to soften the blow on yourself isn’t fair, because regardless of what my future holds, a piece of me you took and the sadness you caused will follow me forever regardless of what ever comes next. The passion was there, we could’ve been amazing, only if you saw me as being enough, saw me as someone with value instead of nothing.

You need to understand I stuck around for five years because I genuinely was madly in love with you, I wasn’t weak, I wasn’t lonely, I sincerely was in love with you. You know I’m strong and you should’ve known I could walk away whenever but you were my heart beat, my soul, I itched to speak you, there were so many problems but I never wanted to be apart. So did you understand that when you got diagnosed what that was on me? Do you understand although you may not have felt that strongly about me, but I showed you how much I loved you a blow like you having bipolar, how as your long term girlfriend how Id have felt? You should’ve never felt like you couldn’t come to me because I cradled this relationship like a baby. SO let me tell you the unasked question, how did I feel that my in my eyes future husband got diagnosed with bipolar actually diagnosed with bipolar disorder? It sucked, it really did I was devastated that you had something that could only be maintained with pills but not cured, but I couldn’t react, because I knew you woldnt be able to handle that, but not once did I think that I’m not going to do this with him, I can just find someone easier. That was never a thought, instead I picked up my weapons and was ready for the RIGHT fight now, I was finally ready to fix what the actual problem between us was.

So that’s what, I’m having trouble communicating, that’s what I want to say to you anytime you message me, that’s what I cant seem to express to you.  So if you want to sit there and accept the defeat and live an average life do so, just don’t interrupt me with your temporarily hope, your temporary love.   Ive been placed on earth for something greater than that.