#even if kate is technically poor)

[emo-batboy]

Battinson on SNL

Idk how popular Saturday Night Live is outside of the US so there will be some links for context. That said, as a New Jersey native, I think Battinson would totally watch the show. And since he's a celebrity...👀

SO

To promote WE’s newest charity fund, Alfred signs Bruce up to be a guest host on SNL (à la this post) The announcement is made, and everyone’s like “oh this is going to be a disaster. That man can’t even hold eye contact or speak a full sentence without crying.”

But oh, that’s why it’s so funny.

Now, hear me out. Bruce’s strengths are displayed best when he’s himself. That’s why he’s so popular in Gotham. That’s why the internet calls him Relatable TM and a Disaster (Affectionate) and “Poor Little Meow Meow.” It’s his ✨ essence ✨

But he tends to get overwhelmed or self-conscious onstage, right? Because he can’t be Himself himself if he has time to overthink something. So after a few meetings with Bruce, the writers of SNL figure out the perfect way to keep Bruce from getting anxious.

They decide to load this episode with as many skits where Bruce plays different caricature-like versions of himself as possible. The objective? Make him break character and laugh so he doesn’t overthink. And if he breaks character, he’ll still technically be in character because he’s playing himself, you know? Genius.

So that’s how they go about structuring the show. During the few days they have to write, they decide to take everything about Bruce’s public image and either ramp it up to 11 or turn it on its head.

He speaks quietly? Turn it into a running gag. He dresses in all black? Make him emo. He tips well? Add that in too. He’s “depressed” and “sad?” Literally, all he does on screen is laugh and break character. What’s not to love?

Of course, Bruce also gets to decide what skits are in each episode as well. (Refer to this if you have no idea how SNL works.) He loves the idea, though, and he has a surprisingly dark sense of humor which bleeds into some of the sketches. They add in a few skits without him, and they’ve got their lineup.

It’s the wildest episode of the season. Here are the highlights:

OPENING MONOLOGUE

It’s the big night, everyone’s excited to see Bruce Wayne hosting a live sketch comedy show with no idea how it will turn out.

To begin his monologue, Bruce walks on, opens his mouth to start talking, and immediately two cast members appear as stagehands to set up six microphones in front of him. He is already struggling to keep himself together.

Bruce: “You may be wondering why I’m host- Cast Member: *adds one more tiny microphone to his chest* Bruce: “You may be wondering why I’m hosting tonight.”

It’s working. The audience loves it.

Halfway through, Kate McKinnon comes out in a dark cloak with a chalice. “Your sustenance, my lord.” *sees camera* “Oh. Sorry. Carry on.” And she shambles off. Bruce has to take a second before continuing.

Bruce knows when (most of) the jokes come. It’s literally on the cue cards, but he still falls into a fit of giggles.

There are a few more gags, including Lex Luthor peeking out from behind the band set-up, all teasing the show to come.

Overall, an amazing way to set the tone for the episode. Expectations have been set. Then the skits begin!

(Oh but before I forget: During every single live skit with Bruce, the writers have scheduled for one of the cast members to run in dressed as a stagehand and put an extra mic on him. They do not tell him when it will happen.)

SKIT #1

Between the monologue and the first skit, he has to do a really fast quick change, but to everyone’s surprise, Bruce is a natural. (Huh, wonder why.)

The skit is called Gotham PTA Meeting. We open in a meeting room full of stereotypical PTA moms setting down baked goods and gossiping. And apparently, there is a new PTA member attending today 👀

Right as the meeting starts, he enters. Bruce walks in wearing the most emo get-up imaginable. He’s got a Nirvana shirt, a comical amount of eyeliner, black skinny jeans, chain accessories, metal rings, AND a clip-in extension to give him fringe.

Someone immediately runs in and puts another mic on him.

PTA Mom: “Oh, Bruce! You made it! Did you bring a snack?” Bruce: “I brought lemon bars.” PTA Mom: “Why are they black?” Bruce: “They match my soul…they’re also vegan.”

He talks like a moody teenager. HE CONSTANTLY has to brush the fringe off to the side to read the cue cards. And because there’s so much eyeliner and he’s sweating a bit from the lights, it starts running everywhere.

PTA Mom: “Bruce, you’re a little quiet. What are your thoughts on increasing the school lunch budget?” Bruce: *eyeliner dripping down his chin* “I think it’s a great idea.”

SKIT #2

For a pre-filmed skit, they bring back the Chad character with Pete Davidson.

It’s 2 am, and Chad is working at a 24hr drug store in Gotham. He’s reading Twilight (the book is upside down) when the lights begin to flicker.

He turns around and tries the light switch, turns back around, and JUMPSCARE it’s Bruce dressed as Edward from Twilight.

Yes, he IS sparkly.

Bruce is awkwardly holding a bunch of items, all concerning. He plops down a few knives, several raw meats, Sudafed. Chad: “Oh hey.” Bruce: O_O “I’d like to check out please.” Chad: “Lit.”

Chad’s “No Fucks Given” energy and Bruce’s “Please Do Not Perceive Me” energy clash like titans. The whole skit centers around it.

Bruce: *sweating bullets* “Oh. You’re reading Twilight?” Chad: “Just the title.” Bruce: *throws the book through the window at lightning speed* “It’s not very good. You should probably read something else.” Chad: *shrugs* “Okay.”

Chad: “ID?” Bruce: “ID? For what?” Chad: “Sudafed.” Bruce: “Oh. I don’t really need that, actually.” Chad: “Already scanned it.” Bruce: “Haha. Of course.” *awkwardly produces a scroll from his pocket that says Bruce Wayne DOB: 1901* Chad: “Okay.”

Bruce checks out, Chad picks up a porno mag or something, and we see Bruce turn into a bat and fly off through the window behind him.

SKIT #3

The next skit they have is Celebrity Family Feud: Billionaires Edition. Again, Bruce plays himself, but he’s more of a background character. Instead, the skit makes fun of billionaires as a whole.

Bruce’s team consists of Kylie Jenner, Lex Luthor, and Oliver Queen. So just imagine three Lucille Bluths standing beside one another. 

Bruce’s bit? He just keeps handing cash to Steve Harvey every time he breathes in his direction.

Host: "We got the richest man in the world: Bruce Wayne!" Bruce: *hands him a roll of cash* Host: "Oh, what’s this for?" Bruce: "It’s your tip. I always tip." Host: "Oh, Mr. Wayne, you don’t usually tip the show host. I’m also a millionaire myself." Lex Luthor: *snatches it* "Well, if you’re not going to use it, I will…for charity, of course." Host: "Uh huh, whatever helps you sleep at night."

Just a ton of fun quips, the usual.

At some point, Harvey says, “That’s batty.” Bruce: *ducks* “Where?!” Host: “Oh, I don’t mean Batman. He’s not here.” Bruce: “You don’t know that.”

This time, the mic bit is a bit different.

Host: “We asked 100 billionaires: How much does a loaf of bread cost? Top three answers are on the board.” Bruce: *hits buzzer* Host: Bruce, your answer is? Cast Member: *runs in with a megaphone and holds it in front of Bruce* Bruce: “TEN DOLLARS?”

Board dings! That was the #1 answer

Brucie Wayne for the win

SKIT #4

Next is a skit that dares to ask Gotham, “Why would anyone live here?”

The skit begins with someone opening a press conference for Wayne Enterprises. “And now presenting: Bruce Wayne!” Bruce walks in…

But it’s not him. Instead, it’s one of the cast members dressed in a black suit with horribly gelled brown hair.

Everyone in the audience is wondering where the actual Bruce is before another cast member runs onstage crying, “Help! Help! I’ve just been robbed! Somebody call Batman!”

A mini version of the bat-signal lights up…

We hear some generic hero music play…

And there he is: Bruce Wayne dressed in a horribly cheap Batman costume

(They got the cowl ALL wrong btw)

Bruce puts his hands on his hips in a weird superhero pose. Bruce: “I’m Batm-” Cast Member: *runs out to attach another mic to his costume* Bruce: “….I’m Batman!”

Cue all of the gags and digs against Batman. The fake Bruce faints then starts crying under a table. Someone calls Batman a furry. Bruce is barely keeping it together the whole time. Lord help him, but he asked for it. He approved the skit.

Bruce: “Looks like a job for my bat taser!” Cast Member: “Isn’t that just a taser with a bat on it?” Bruce: *whispers* “You shut your mouth.”

He saves the day, the police take the thief into custody, then Batman myStErioUsly disappears. Bruce: “Look over there!” *runs off* Cast Member: “Oh my gooood, how did he do that?”

CLOSING SEGMENT

Finally, they have the Weekend Update where Bruce comes on as himself for the final time.

Since they got his permission, the writers switch out some of Bruce’s jokes last minute. (Think Bill Hader’s Stefon which notoriously caused him to break character because the writers would mess with his cue cards.)

News Anchor: “Here to promote his newest humanitarian project: Bruce Wayne!” “Mr. Wayne, what a pleasure to see you today.” Bruce: “Thank you. This is probably the longest I’ve been out of the house.” News Anchor: “Since the Riddler catastrophe?” Bruce: “Since ever.”

News Anchor: “So Mr. Wayne! Before you make your announcement, any life updates?” Bruce: “Yes, actually. Just a few days ago, I adopted five- *starts losing it* five more children.” News Anchor: “Wow, really? So you have eight kids now.” Bruce: “Uh huh. *tears streaming down his face* One more orphan and I get the tenth one free.”

News Anchor: “So where can people find you online?” Bruce: “Well, I don’t have social media because I’m afraid of people, but sometimes I’m on Twitter.” News Anchor: “What about a phone call?” Bruce: “Oh no, phone calls- *giggle* phone calls give me fainting spells.”

It’s a great way of finishing the show, with the most genuine version of Bruce. Then, he gets to what’s really important!

News Anchor: “So if they can’t reach you on social media or on the phone, what else can our viewers do, Mr. Wayne?” Bruce: “They can donate to the Wayne Foundation’s newest charity called The Arts Initiative. It funds programs for the arts in underdeveloped school districts nationwide. I’ve already donated $30 million, and I’ve pledged to match every dollar donated within the next week.”

And that’s what he’s here for :) They share a link for where and how to donate. The anchors praise him for his charity, which he deflects because he can definitely afford this, and the 90-minute broadcast is over.

The camera pans away with the whole cast waving goodbye, and Bruce is seen keeling over with laughter.

Along with some of the other skits, these four specifically go viral. WE raises a fuck ton of money, and everyone loves Bruce.

THE END

LOVE YOU ALL!! Let me know what you think :D

[foreingersgod]

Could you write something for Caitlin? Maybe the reader is dating Caitlin and on the Iowa basketball team with her and she gets injured from a technical foul?

of course you can! thanks for the request!

Twisted Ankle . CC

paring: caitlin clark x reader

synopsis:

༶•┈┈୨♡୧┈┈•༶

you guys were down by 1 against lsu, the pressure was on and all of you were feeling it. the stadium was buzzing with anticipation as you and the team prepared for the final seconds in the game. while everyone was setting a tight strategy for the remainder of the game, hoping it would clinch another win for iowa, you noticed caitlin across from you. she was in her head again, biting her lip and trying not to get too frustrated.

“Y/L/N, we’re going to seriously need you right here” kate pulled you aside for the remainder of the timeout “you’ve got to get in there, ok?”

you nodded your head, taking a swig of water and wiping the sweat from your brow “you got it”

shortly after, the whistle was blown, signaling it was time to start the clock. you all took your positions, waiting for the game to commence. caitlin stood vigilant, trying to find one of you who was open. you quickly passed by your opponents, trying to get open for her.

almost instantly, she spotted you, attempting a pass in your direction. you went to jump in the air, arms up and ready to catch the ball, but before you get your feet off the ground, a player had collided with you.

you went down, smacking your head hard against the court floor, ankles twisting as your opponent interfered with your landing. it all happened so fast, the pain from your head and ankles shooting through your your body. you felt like the air was knocked straight out of your lungs. your vision was starting to go blurry and your ears were starting to ring.

upon your fall, the whistle was blown and the crowd went silent, eventually noticing you weren’t getting up and gasping with worry. despite your fading vision and lack of hearing, though, you could make out several people surrounding you, trying to tend to your injuries, calling for assistance. some you could tell were medics, others probably from your team, and most definitely caitlin. she was the first one at your side, you assumed, feeling her familiar hands on your face, trying to get you to open your eyes.

“hey, baby, baby you gotta get up” she whispered, voice wavering. from your lack of reply she hollered “hey we need someone over here now!”

you could feel yourself being rolled onto a some sort of stretcher or gurney and being carried into the rehabilitation room (idk lol sorry if this is all inaccurate). figures of people whooshed by you, lights rushing over your head as you were sped down the hall. you could hear the announcers of the game behind you, the game was going to continue without you there.

as you were being tended to, still rushing to get you to a private area to properly take care of you, you felt your remaining vision faltering even more. it was too hard to keep your eyes open anymore, no matter many times the medics tried to keep you awake. eventually, your vision went completely dark.

˗ˏˋ ´ˎ˗

“is she going to be ok?” caitlin asked a nearby medic as they gently placed you onto the stretcher, trying to get as close to you as possible.

“we don’t know what happened other than that she got plowed down pretty good” the medic said hesitantly “it was a pretty nasty blow, but i’ve seen stuff like this before, i’d bet she’s gonna be ok”

she nodded, swallowing her nerves, trying to relax her body. others on both teams gathered around her to try and reassure her that everything was going to be ok. the poor girl that knocked you down was genuinely upset, claiming that she didn’t intend to hit you that hard at all. but caitlin ignored what everyone was saying, trying to not get riled up and focus.

“we’ve gotta finish this, caitlin” kate appeared at her side “i know you want to get back there with her, but there’s just seconds left, you can do this.”

caitlin said nothing, obtaining her position, ready to run out the clock. she was upset that you couldn’t be here, worried that they wouldn’t be able to do this without you. but she powered through, passing the ball to hannah for a beautiful lay up, finalizing another iowa win.

˗ˏˋ ´ˎ˗

“is she awake? can i see her?” caitlin asked a crew member, requesting to see you the second game was over.

“you should be able to go in, but she’s really sensitive to everything right now so…just be gentle with her” she was already bursting through the doors, anxiety racking her body.

she saw you, laying on a cot, head elevated and an ice pack sat neatly on top of your head. you had your eyes squinted shut from the brightness of the fluorescent lights. your left leg was extended, also perched on a pillow, wrapped in layers of gauze.

her heart shattered, seeing you laying there, clearly in pain. she walked over, causing to open your eyes, snapping in her direction.

“hey superstar! you guys did it!” you gave her a toothy grin, trying to sit up.

cait sat down on a stool next to you, taking your hands in hers, kissing the backs of them “no, WE did it, couldn’t have done it without you” she smiled back. “you had me going crazy out there baby, thought i was gonna die”

you tried to lighten the mood with a laugh “eh, i’m fine, just a headache and a sore foot”

“headache? sore foot? YN you smacked your head on the court and twisted your ankle” she ran her hands soothingly up and down your arms.

“ok yea, but i swear i’m fine, please don’t worry about me too much, ok? please?”

“well you made it incredibly difficult to not worry when you went unconscious out there” she retorted “i’m just glad you’re ok, i don’t know what i would’ve done if it were any worse”

“i know, im sorry” you smiled sadly

“don’t be, it’s not your fault” she leaned over, kissing you softly “but you’re going to need a lot of rest and a super awesome girlfriend to take care of you for the next little while”

“oh! know where i can find one?” you teased, playfully nudging her shoulder.

she pretended to scoff in annoyance “ok, i see how it is!” she fake-stormed off, pushing off the stool.

“no wait!” you laughed, pretending to pout in return “come back! you, i meant you, please don’t go!”

she stopped, sauntering back over to you “wouldn’t dream of it” she brushed stray hairs away from your face, smoothing her thumb against the skin of you cheek. “i’ll go grab the team so they can come in and check on you…but after that we’re heading straight home and getting you into a nice bath alright?”

“you trying to get me naked, clark?” you batted your eyelashes.

“for once, i’m actually not” she placed another kiss to your forehead “tonight i just want you to relax, hm?”

“yes m’am” you hummed “i don’t know what i’d do with out you, really. thanks for taking care of me, baby”

“always” she replied.

༶•┈┈୨♡୧┈┈•༶

A/N: short little request, enjoy!!

[sea-owl]

You know sometimes I think what would have happened if Kate, Sophie, Penelope had proper paternal figures around and I always come to the conclusion that Anthony, Benedict, and Colin wouldn't be able to get away with half the shit they do in their books if they did.

Kate and Penelope come from homes full of women, and their fathers are at least a few years passed by the time they meet their respective Bridgerton in the books. Poor Sophie also technically comes from a home full of women too but we don't count them except for Posey.

Like just imagine an au of Mr. Sharma, the Earl of Penwood, and Lord Featherington being alive and being good dads with these cads running around their daughters.

Mr. Sharma comes to town with his wife and daughters for a London season. The family can't really afford more than one season so they got to make this count. Then here comes the Capital R Rake, who claims to want to court one daughter but keeps making bedroom eyes at the other. When they go to Aubrey Hall Mr. Sharma pulls Anthony aside and questions which of his daughters did Anthony want to court exactly? He then tells Anthony he expects an answer and an official asking of courtship from him by the end of the trip. Anthony then has to hide from Mr. Sharma as he plans the details of his sudden engagement to Kate, and he may over gift on his end. He knows there's no way of hiding his mark on Kate's chest, and Mary for sure told her husband.

Mr. Sharma makes sure to spread the word back in London to be weary of the Bridgerton cads. While yes, socially and financially, they be a good match, their scandalous behavior will corrupt your daughters.

The Earl sees this first hand when Benedict is circling Sophie like a dog in heat. No, sir, you will not corrupt my daughter! Sophie now has the protection needed to force Benedict to put in the work for an actual courtship. None of that be my mistress here good sir! Serious suitors only!

Lord Featherington didn't believe these rumors of the Bridgerton cads at first, yes they were rakes but most gentlemen their ages had explored by that point before settling down with their wives, if they even stopped after that. But such behavior towards a gentleman's daughter? Unthinkable. His own beloved youngest daughters have been friends with the Bridgertons for years, and they've always been proper. Well, Lord Featherington had forgotten that while yes, Penelope has been friends with the Bridgertons for years. One certain Bridgerton had been away at school for most of that time, and she only really knew him in passing. In comes when Penelope is first debuted and Colin Bridgerton is home from his Grand Tour to finish out his schooling. Oh no, why is Bridgerton C looking at his daughter like he looks at a biscuit? Lord Featherington holds his breath, wondering if this year every year is when that cad Colin Bridgerton tries to corrupt his precious daughter.

[crushedsweets]

sorry if u have been asked this before, but how would you describe kate's personality? i just rrly love ur characterization of her :3

I actually DONT think I have been asked this before ?! SO IM EXCITED TO RAMBLE. Also Tysm anon ur a sweetheart.

Kate’s one of those characters that I didn’t know much about and only got invested in cuz my anons kept asking about her in my AU and eventually I got attached to the version I created . so in my AU, she's been a proxy since she was 13, is about 27 now. living in the woods for over a decade . LOL...

If I had to pick a handful of words to describe her personality in my AU, I think…. Awkward. Anxious. Aggressive. Avoidant. Quadruple A…LOL

Awkward on account of … the operator got her sick when she was around 13, and she’s been living in the woods since. Bound to make anyone bad at socializing. She’s really blunt and straightforward when she does decide to speak(not often), because she kinda lost whatever filter she might’ve had as a kid. Other people describe her as rude, but I don’t think she MEANS to be. Even if shes not saying anything, she just doesnt know how to reply to people when they say stuff. They make a joke and shes like mm. 

I hc that Kate has really bad generalized anxiety. Not in a shy stammering way, but in a “the worst possible situation is going to happen and I don’t know how to stop it” way. Overthinks, assumes that any sort of headaches means slendy is mad and gonna hurt her(even if it’s because she just hasn’t had water all day), starts freaking out because of it. The anxiety just makes her behavior kinda difficult, linking back to the awkwardness and the aggression.

SO WITH AGGRESSION. She believes everyone is out to get her. Partially because she’s willing to kill/hurt/maim anyone if it means slendy won’t hurt her, so she’s projecting her own lack of morals onto others. She’s killed lauren (technically the chaser, but kate blames herself), she’s helped ruin tim/brians lives, and she’s violently attacked her friends before. And of course, shes had to bear a lot abuse and torment from slendy (and masky/hoody/other creatures). Only natural that shes combined defense and offense 

WHIIIIIIIIIICH ALSO EXPLAINS THE WHOLE AVOIDANT THING. She has such awful trust issues, both with others and herself. Easier to just go hide in the mines and refuse to talk to people. 

BUT IN GENERAL, like if you meet her while tobys hosting a get together at the proxy cabin, she kinda just sits there. Watches. Shes selectively mute so chances are even if you talk to her, shes not replying. Some people think shes a bitch(jeff), some people think shes just shy(nina). I’d imagine poor eye contact, biting her nails till they bleed, just walking out if she doesnt wanna be apart of something, brutal honesty. Messy, disorganized. She thinks so much, so fast, so hard that all her thoughts are so jumbled that it kinda turns into nothing. Ask her whats on her mind and she doesnt even know. She’s kinda jumpy and skittish. 

I think my main thing is trying to find a balance between expressing her anxiety and coldness. She’s not like some cool badass chick, and shes not some shy cute thing. Shes really awkward and uncomfortable to be around half the time. LOL.

Also off topic but. Since i hc her to have such bad anxiety. AND i also hc her to have chronic migraines/pain in general. She smokes a lot of weed/eats edibles to calm herself down and ease her pain. might attribute to a lot of her behavior seeming kind of dazed, but she honestly doesnt act that differently. More relaxed . . . 

[newtonsheffield]

Okay but I haven’t even revealed the one of the funniest subplots in the Vegas AU:

Kate bet Anthony she could make back the money for her first class flight and ten some if he spotted her $100.

“Just how lucky do you think you’re going to get?”

“Oo, down boy.” Kate leaned in and winked at him, letting their fingers brush as she plucked the note from him. “I have a party trick.”

And Anthony doesn’t realise until they get back to London and they’re dividing up the winnings, sprawled out on his bed.

“You’re welcome.” Kate chuckled, kissing his the top of his head.”

“You did actually get really fucking lucky.”

Kate blinked at him. “Well… yeah and the other thing.”

Anthony’s eyes narrowed as he struggled to piece it together and then he gasped, dropping the money. “Were you counting cards?!”

“Technically? Yes.”

“Kate!”

“Oh come on! Cheating a casino is a victimless crime! And I thought you knew!”

“I thought your party trick was the cherry stem tied around the ice cube!”

“Oh!” Kate chuckled, “Well, yeah, that’s fun too!”

“How do you even know how to do that?” Anthony asked a little indignantly.

“Girls are allowed to have hobbies, honey.”

“When you said you worked in finance did you mean you’re a professional gambler?”

“No!” Kate rolled her eyes, “I actually do work in finance, this is just something a did in uni when I was poor.”

“Great! Great!” Anthony sighed, “Well, eat the rich, I suppose.”

[480pfootage]

some screenshot from today's date with kate!

i find it very cute how she runs away after she lunges at you the first time and she pays you no attention even when you follow her

her shoes pitter patter against the floor in a very cute way and with minimal growling from her also

something i found interesting was this loading screen text (sorry for shoddy screenshot i'm not using the right screen ratio on my laptop..) usually it's a piece of lore that goes alongside the setting on STA and though it technically is I feel like it alludes more to Kate

I'm not sure if you can flash Charlie (I don't think you can!!) but either way you only really use your flashlight to stun when it comes to Kate.. it's comparing Kate to an animal almost..

I'm a sucker for characters losing their humanity and ahh that text really made my heart flutter... my poor distraught girl...........

[pippytmi]

wrote prompt # 9 from this prompt list for wildmoore: “There is actually no downside to acting like we would be dating.”/ “Yes, except the part where people would think I was dating you.”

_______

“Ryan, I need you to hear me out, and don’t say no until I explain.”

It is as enthusiastic a hello as any, and Ryan doesn’t question it; when it comes to her best friend and her antics (the chicken incident of last Christmas immediately comes to mind), Ryan has learned to pick her battles. “Hi, Mary,” she says, and patiently shuts her front door as Mary walks right in. “It’s nice to see you too.”

By the time Ryan has locked and bolted her door, Mary has already begun to mix white wine and orange juice into two mugs. This is not the first time Mary has tried to ply Ryan with alcohol to get her to do something really, really stupid (again, chicken thing), and Ryan wordlessly takes a seat at the island and doesn’t bother hiding her judgment.

“Okay, this must be serious,” Ryan says eventually, as Mary hands her a drink with one hand and then downs her own with the other. “I’m afraid to ask now.”

“First you have to promise you won’t interrupt me until I finish,” Mary says. “Deal?”

“Sure, fine,” Ryan agrees, and she even takes a sip out of her mug as a show of good faith. It’s absolutely abysmal given the fact that she’s just brushed her teeth, and she quickly sets it down.

Mary takes a deep breath and straightens. “I need a favor,” she says. “Or actually, Sophie needs—”

“Oh hell no.”

“Ryan!” Mary gives her a half-pout, half-frown. “You said you wouldn’t interrupt!”

“Well you didn’t mention it would involve Sophie Moore.” Taste be damned, Ryan does need alcohol for this conversation, so she says fuck it and grabs her poor man’s mimosa again. “Whatever she wants from me, tell her to forget about it.”

“Technically,” Mary says, raising a finger in the air, “she doesn’t know I’m asking you. So you can rest assured your little arch-nemesis-rivalry or whatever is still intact. And if you would let me finish, I could actually tell you the situation we’re in.”

“You mean the situation she’s in,” Ryan corrects, and Mary levels her with a stare that Ryan has come to recognize as a wordless bitch, please. “Mary, you know I love you, and I overlook your fraternization with the she-devil—”

“Oh my God, you two are so dramatic,” Mary says. “Can I speak now, or are you going to keep rehashing pointless lesbian drama? Because I’ve aged two years trying to explain that all Sophie needs is a date.”

Ryan just about chokes on her wine.

Mary ignores her spluttering and continues, “Look, Sophie called me because she was invited to her ex’s wedding, and she desperately needs a date. I mean, it’s common practice right? If you go to your ex’s wedding, you need to show up with a hot date on your arm. And normally I would’ve done it, but it just so happens that it’s my sister’s wedding…” 

“Your sister?” Ryan feels like this conversation is occurring underwater all of a sudden. “Alice, or Kate?”

“Kate, obviously,” Mary says. “Alice isn’t gay. Well, maybe a little bit, no one knows what to make of the Safiyah thing.” She visibly pauses, and then grimaces. “So not something I want to remember. The point is, Sophie already told Kate she was bringing a plus one before she found out that Kate was my sister.”

“So she lied. I don’t see why you’re over here asking me to—I don’t even know what you’re asking me to do.”

“I’m asking you to be Sophie’s wedding date,” Mary says. “But not for real, since you two are clearly too stubborn to talk to each other.”

“Hold on, what is there to talk about?” Really, at this point it’s the principle of the thing to hate Sophie Moore, who is stuck-up and standoffish and just a general stick-in-the-mud. Ryan can't be faulted for wanting nothing to do with her.

“Don't get all defensive.” But Mary laughs when she says it, and she holds out the wine bottle like it's a peace offering. “Just think about it, okay? Imagine if it was Angelique getting married and Sophie was your only option for a date. She'd do it for you.”

“No she wouldn't,” Ryan counters, but she needs no deliberation in order to accept a swig from the bottle. “And how do you know I'm her only option?”

“Because Sophie told me she's planning on skipping the wedding since she can't find another date!” Mary cries, and she’s clearly distraught at the very idea; she's worrying her bottom lip insistently, a habit Ryan knows she's trying to break. “Come on, Ryan, please? If not for Sophie, then for me. I really think Kate will be sad if Sophie doesn't go, they're in such a good place now.”

“You’re going to pull the do-it-for-me card now?”

“Yes,” says Mary without a lick of shame. “And as your best friend, you're contractually obligated to do anything for me.”

“Even if I said I'd do this,” Ryan starts, and when Mary squeals in excitement, Ryan stresses again, “Even then, Mary, Sophie won’t agree. She hates me as much as I hate her.”

“Just leave that part to me,” Mary says with all the cadence of an evil mastermind, which means it’s probably time to cut her off from the alcohol.

Thankfully they change the subject to whatever Mary is planning on wearing for said wedding, and Ryan is relieved; if this actually were a serious proposal, she is sure the world would have been ending.

.

.

.

The first time Ryan met Sophie Moore, it had been as ordinary a night as any other.

In a way it was reminiscent of the first time Ryan met Mary; Kate Kane would occasionally DJ at the bar, and Ryan met Mary on the first night she’d come in to support her sister.  Like Mary, Sophie had shown up to watch Kate DJ. Unlike Mary, Sophie had been a total asshole all night. She’d ignored all of Ryan’s attempts at small talk (which was a thing Ryan did with everyone in the interest of tips, it was not flirting, no matter how Mary described it). Then when Sophie’s sister Jordan told her to “flirt back with the cute bartender” (which Ryan still objects to every time she thinks about it), Sophie—who was in earshot of Ryan—replied that Ryan wasn’t her type.

And honestly, Ryan could’ve overlooked all of that. She could have! Sophie Moore had no obligation to find Ryan attractive, or even be polite when Ryan served her, so long as she paid her bill and didn’t cause trouble. But at the end of the night Sophie—still in earshot—had remarked to Jordan that the drinks were subpar, and Ryan was pissed. This went beyond poor consumerism; it was just plain rude! And clearly, Sophie had intended for Ryan to hear it, so it just went to show that Sophie Moore was a snob.

Which is why when Mary comes sweeping into the bar and announces, “Guess what, Ryan—you have a date Saturday night,” Ryan almost drops the glass she’s cleaning.

“Oh no no no,” Ryan hastily interjects, setting the glass aside before she uses it as a weapon. “Do not tell me you actually told Sophie I’d do it.”

“You’re doing your best friend a favor and I love you,” Mary says without a hint of remorse, and she completely ignores Ryan’s slack-jawed response, just happily takes a seat at the bar and lifts a menu as if she doesn’t already have it memorized. “Hey, can you bring me some mozzarella sticks?”

“We’re not open,” Ryan says, snatching said menu back. “Mary. Tell me you didn’t do it.”

“Okay, I won’t tell you?” Mary squints at her for a second. “I’m sorry, did you or did you not say you’d do it if Sophie agreed?”

“I said Sophie wouldn’t agree, even if I said I would.”

“Well she did agree, and I said you would, so…” Mary looks far too expectant for a dead woman walking. “I think it’s time you two buried the hatchet anyway. This isn’t Family Feud, you know. I feel like the child of a divorce sometimes.”

“You’ve never watched Family Feud in your life, have you?” Ryan shakes her head. “You know what, forget it. I just can’t believe you right now.”

Mary gasps. “You listened to me explain! Are you seriously acting like I’m springing this on you?”

“You made me listen to you!”

“Okay, I feel like you’re missing the point here, Ryan.” Mary says, “Which is why I am trying to promote healthy forgiveness.”

Ryan narrows her eyes. “Did you rehearse that?”

“Forgive me for caring about two of my friends finding mutual respect,” Mary says dramatically. “I guess I’ll just tell Sophie that you flaked, and that she’s going to have to return the dress she bought, and my dad will be devastated because he loves Sophie more than all of us combined…”

“You’re seriously trying to guilt-trip me now?” Ryan groans, and she stares longingly at the bottles on the shelf that she can’t consume. “Fine. Fine! If this really means so much to you, I’ll pretend to tolerate Sophie. But you’re going to have to lend me something to wear, because your family’s too rich to be around.”

“Thank you thank you thank you!” Mary beams, throwing her arms over the counter to drag Ryan into an uncomfortable half-hug. “And did I mention there’s an open bar?”

“Well damn, you could’ve led with that,” Ryan says, and Mary swats her with a newly-stolen menu.

“So does this mean you’ll get me mozzarella sticks now?”

“No, Mary, we are still closed.”

.

.

.

What does one wear to a date with the devil?

Ryan ponders this once, then twice, and ultimately goes with the black dress stashed in the very back of her closet that she bought for a funeral she never attended. It’s not fancy—modest enough to wear in a church if that was her thing—which suits her just fine. The last thing she wants is Sophie getting the impression she’s trying to dress up for her, or anything.

She is pairing her casual outfit with some silver hoops when her phone rings. It’s Mary, for the hundredth time today. For as desperate as Mary made Sophie sound, Sophie hasn’t made an actual effort to make sure Ryan was coming; no, that honor is apparently all Mary’s.

“Hi, Mary,” Ryan says, putting her on speaker so she can toss her phone to the side. “What’s up?”

“Hey! I just wanted to call and make sure you’re not escaping out a window right now.”

Ryan has to bite back a scoff. “I'm not a fucking runaway bride,” she says. “Wait. Unless this is all some sick, twisted way to get me married to Sophie Moore and you're lying about your sister's wedding.”

“God, you're the most dramatic person I know.” There is rustling on the other end, like Mary is shuffling through paper. “This is why I did not rule out jumping five stories to get out of this.”

“That’s a very tempting offer now that you mention it.”

“Ugh, you’re going to be insufferable all night, aren’t you?” More rustling. “Okay I did actually have a reason to call you this time. I sent a car over to your house—the driver said he’d get there in fifteen minutes. You guys will stop to pick up Sophie on the way.”

“How romantic,” Ryan quips. “Just me, Sophie, and our Uber driver.”

“Come on, I had to make sure you didn’t kill each other before the wedding even started,” Mary says. “Just be nice to the chauffeur. There’s no amount of money in the world that I could pay him which would compensate him for sitting through your drama.”

“Of course, I’ll be a saint to the chauffeur.” Ryan rolls her eyes. “This might be some pretentious rich people shit but I do have manners, you know.”

Mary exhales. “If I hang up,” she says, “will you promise to behave?”

“Really? That is a serious question you're asking me?”

“I need a yes or no answer,” Mary remains stubbornly steadfast.

A beat. “...yes, I’ll behave.”

“Then I will see you at the party. Love you bye!”

Ryan shakes her head to herself. “Bye,” she says to absolutely no one in particular. Well, disastrous situation aside, she makes the most of her fifteen minutes of freedom: she finishes her makeup, takes a quick shot of vodka for liquid courage, and makes her way downstairs to wait for the car so the driver doesn’t have to deal with the conundrum that is her apartment gate.

The chauffeur is a nice, older guy who holds open Ryan’s door and doesn’t try to make her talk. Instead, he plays jazz music and remarks ever so often about traffic and the weather. The vodka is doing just enough to make Ryan relaxed until, well…they reach Sophie’s door. 

As much as Ryan will fight tooth and nail to admit it, Sophie Moore is unfairly attractive. She emerges in a fitted orange dress, hair swept over her shoulder, and with a grim expression that Ryan can’t even take pleasure in when she knows her own face is practically a mirror.

“Hi, Ryan,” Sophie says stiffly.

“Sophie,” Ryan acknowledges just as formally. And then, they sit in complete silence.

Their chauffeur undoubtedly picks up on the tension; he checks on them from his mirror once or twice, but doesn’t ask if they’re okay, he just plays his music louder. When they arrive at the venue, Ryan pops open the door before he can even walk around to get it, already itching to escape.

Sophie lets him open her door, though, and she tips him even though Ryan knows Mary has already done the same ahead of time. Begrudgingly, Ryan can respect that. 

“I…wanted to thank you,” Sophie says once they’re alone. “For doing this.”

Ryan shrugs. “Well, Mary asked me to,” she says. “So.”

Sophie purses her lips. “Either way,” she says, in a manner that is clearly quite annoyed, “I appreciate it.”

“Mm-hm.” Ryan watches as other guests steadily trickle past them, and she sighs, ready to accept her fate. “Should we go in?”

“Yes, but…” Sophie stops Ryan with a hand to her shoulder before she can actually walk inside. “Can you at least try to look like you want to be here?”

Ryan blinks. “What? Am I not believable enough for you?”

“Not if you walk in there like I’m leading you to a guillotine, no,” Sophie replies, brow crinkling. “You know, there is actually no downside to acting like we would be dating.”

“Yes, except the part where people would think I was dating you,” Ryan huffs, and Sophie’s expression twists into an offended glare.

“Why did you agree, then?”

“Because there was a whole thing with Mary, and—” Ryan stops before she’s ahead. “It doesn’t matter. I showed up, didn’t I?”

“Yeah. Thanks,” Sophie mutters without any sincerity, and Ryan follows her inside dreaming of that open bar.

.

.

.

Ryan meets the bride just as she’s two drinks in, a third flute of champagne raised to her lips as Sophie not-so-subtly elbows her to pay attention.

“Hi,” Kate Kane says, holding out her hand which Ryan belatedly realizes is for her. “Nice to finally meet the elusive girlfriend.”

“Yes, we were starting to think you didn't exist,” Alice, the other Kane sister, chimes in; she's staring Ryan down with an eerily searching gaze, and Ryan subtly shifts closer to Sophie.

“Well, here I am,” Ryan says, unsurely resting a hand on Sophie's waist. Sophie clearly isn't expecting it, because she starts, throwing Ryan a sharp glance over her shoulder.

“How fun,” Alice says gleefully. “What a nice big, happy family we’ll become. When are you two getting married? I can officiate now that I’m ordained.”

“Alice,” Mary hisses. “You can’t just ask people when they’re getting married.”

“Why not? This wedding is basically a parade of Sophie’s exes. If Ryan doesn’t marry her after all this, it’s a waste of a date.” 

Ryan twists to look at Sophie at the words “parade of Sophie’s exes.” Sophie, at least, looks adequately mortified. 

“She’s kidding,” Mary laughs, high-pitched and nervous as Alice just shrugs. “Hey, we should go take a picture with Dad. Just the Kane sisters! Wouldn’t that be nice?”

“Okay, but if I have to hear another passive-aggressive rant about the ceremony, I’m going to kill myself and everyone in the room with me,” Alice’s voice fades away as Mary frantically shoves her (and Kate) along.

Sophie clears her throat. “So that was my ex,” she says. “Kate, I mean.”

“Yeah, I figured.” Ryan should be taking delight in the way Sophie is clearly uncomfortable, but in a strange turn of events, she can’t. In fact, she feels kind of bad.

“I need a drink,” Sophie sighs, and Ryan wordlessly holds out her glass. Surprised, Sophie eyes it up and down, but accepts it all the same. “Thanks.”

“Don’t mention it.” Ryan cranes her neck to peer at Mary, who is indeed wrangling her sisters towards Jacob Kane. “Hey. Question: Mary said that Jacob Kane pretty much loves you?”

Sophie half-coughs, half-sputters her next sip. “That’s…not entirely accurate.”

“But not untrue?” Ryan quirks an eyebrow, and Sophie’s shoulders slump like she’s lost a battle she hadn’t begun.

“I used to work with him,” Sophie confesses. “That’s how I met Kate. I guess I was kind of his favorite employee or whatever, but—that was a long time ago. It’s embarrassing.”

“You don’t strike me as someone who gets embarrassed easily,” Ryan notes, and Sophie tilts her head, pursuing her lips like she has to think about it.

“Maybe,” Sophie finally admits, “but showing up today dateless would’ve for sure hit the limit.”

Ryan nods thoughtfully. “So that’s why you were so desperate to bring me,” she says. “Even though you don’t think I’m your type.”

This time, Sophie fully chokes on her champagne. “W-what?”

“You don’t have to pretend.” Ryan rolls her eyes. “I heard you tell your sister that. I’m not, like, offended. It was still rude, but—”

“I didn’t know you could hear us,” Sophie says, and in a perplexing turn of events, she looks quite apologetic about the idea. “I didn’t mean it. I just…said it to get my sister off my back.”

“Oh.” Even as the words sink in, Ryan’s brain can’t seem to form a rational response to this information. Or stop the fact that when Sophie bites her lip in anticipation, Ryan’s eyes are automatically drawn to Sophie’s mouth. “I thought you kind of meant for me to hear it.”

“Is that why you think I’m an asshole?” Sophie blinks. “Seriously?”

“Well why did you think I was so mad at you?”

“I thought you just had a problem with police!”

Ryan sucks in a breath. “Oh, no, I definitely do. I guess my reaction was warranted.”

“Real mature,” Sophie says, narrowing her eyes ever-so-slightly, but there’s a hint of a smile on her lips so Ryan knows she isn’t taking it personally.

“No, for real, do you still work with the police? Because this is so not going to work if you do. My acting skills can only go so far,” Ryan says.

Sophie scoffs. “You’ll survive,” she says, and twists to peek back at the busy bar. “Should we join the line for another drink?”

Ryan follows her line of sight and resolutely shakes her head. “I have a better idea.”

.

.

.

“You seriously brought a flask to a wedding with an open bar?”

“If you’re going to keep complaining, I’m going to take my whiskey elsewhere,” Ryan threatens half heartedly, but she gets a heady rush when Sophie tilts her head back to take another drink, and knows then and there she’s going nowhere else besides this coat check closet.

“I feel like I’m in high school,” Sophie says, passing the flask back; her fingertips brush against Ryan’s for longer than necessary. “Was the hiding necessary?”

“Duh,” Ryan says, taking another sip. “Mary would never let me live it down if she saw. She’s already given me so much shit about—” She pauses, not sure if she should continue, and Sophie gives a disbelieving laugh.

“You really didn’t want to be my date, did you? God, you’re so petty.”

“Fake date,” Ryan corrects her hastily. “And you seriously can’t blame me when you were the one being rude as hell in the first place.”

“But it wasn’t really what I thought!”

“Oh so I am your type,” Ryan challenges, and Sophie looks away, blushing.

“Look. I’m sorry, okay? I didn’t mean to bruise your ego.”

“That is the worst apology I’ve ever heard.” Ryan feels the whiskey like liquid warmth, settling right in her chest, and she grins when Sophie groans. “Come on, Sophie. I’m going to make you work for it.”

“Fine, I’m sorry for…being rude. Even if it was a little white lie and you weren’t supposed to hear it.” Sophie holds out her hand for the flask again, and Ryan is feeling magnanimous enough to let her have it. 

“Still not the best, but I’ll take it.” Ryan leans her head against the wall and sighs, a little sleepy and a little tipsy but otherwise quite content. “You know, you’re not that bad. Even though you don’t have an actual chance with me since you work for the Gotham PD, I think we can be friends.”

“Oh my God, I don’t even work for them anymore,” Sophie says. “I’m—between jobs.” Ryan watches her wince, like she hadn’t meant to say that out loud, and Ryan closes her eyes and just hums.

“Been there,” she muses. “Mary saved my ass by getting me a job. If you want some pointers, I’m sure I can make a bartender out of you.”

Sophie gives a huff of a laugh. “My mom would actually die if I told her I was training to be a bartender.”

“Hey, it takes a lot to do what we do,” Ryan says. “Not many people can perfect the art of a Long Island Iced Tea, let me tell you.”

“Except for you?” Sophie is already sitting close to share the whiskey, but when she turns to whisper this teasingly, Ryan is struck by how close their faces are. Like if they shifted even two inches, their noses would be brushing.

It takes Ryan a beat to recover, but she manages: “Obviously. It keeps all the customers coming back.”

Sophie’s mouth twitches like she wants to laugh again, but she settles for a smile, amused and plainly unconvinced. “I’ll have to take your word for it,” she says, and she turns away, their closeness vanishing in an instant. “Do you think anyone is missing us?”

“Mary probably assumes I’ve killed you by now,” Ryan says. “But everyone else probably thinks we snuck off for a hookup.”

“At someone’s wedding?” Sophie sounds positively scandalized at the idea. “That’s…crazy. And us? Do we give off that vibe?”

Ryan watches Sophie squirm and finds it, strangely, very cute. Fuck. “I don’t know how to tell you this, but, couples generally hook up. And weddings are pretty much the #1 place where they do it. I’ve seen it happen.”

“Because you go to so many weddings, or is this just a statistic all bartenders know?”

“Don’t hate the player,” Ryan says, waving the flask to make her point, and Sophie finally breaks down into real laughter.

“Oh, God,” she exhales afterward, “what time is it? I think you’ve somehow managed to keep me at this wedding longer than I wanted to. I had a plan to stick around for like an hour or two just to be nice, but…”

“But I’m just that great of a date, I know,” Ryan says, if only to make Sophie blush again.

“Fake date,” Sophie says pointedly. “Remember?”

Ryan bites her lip. “Right,” she says, and just as Sophie is shifting like she’s about to stand up and ruin the moment, Ryan blurts out: “But what if it wasn’t fake?”

Sophie freezes. “What?”

“We could make this a real date,” Ryan says, heart working so hard it feels like it’s about to race out of her body. “If you wanted it to be.”

“Seriously?” Sophie’s mouth falls open slightly, and she says nothing else, just looks at Ryan with those big brown eyes and heart-shaped mouth agape.

“Unless I’m really not your type and you’re just trying to save my feelings,” Ryan tries to quip, but as Sophie seems to struggle through every conflicted expression known to man, Ryan’s hopes fall into the pit of her stomach. “You know what? Never mind. Obviously that’s not what this is and I’m—” She blindly shoves her flask back into her jacket so she can stand.

But before she can even get away (and fall into the beckoning embrace of the open bar), there’s a hand tugging her back down, and then Sophie Moore is kissing her. It’s a rushed, chaste kiss during which Ryan is definitely too stiff, but it does the trick; Ryan stumbles right back down, and Sophie jerks away, fingertips curled into the collar of Ryan’s jacket without letting go.

“You were talking too much,” Sophie breathes, and Ryan nods at her dumbly.

The only thing her brain can possibly formulate a thought for is: “Wait, so this whole time I really was your type?”

“Shut up,” Sophie says, and when she yanks Ryan back in for another kiss, Ryan is already leaning in at the same time, kissing Sophie as well as her smile allows.

(She’ll have to thank Mary for this later. Much, much later).

[theknightlywolfe]

Thoughts on Agatha All Along since I gave in to watch it since people on Tumblr seem allergic to tagging their spoilers.

I know it was inevitable but I am annoyed we didn't get Lilia's trial before she was killed off.

Why did amnesia Billy/William go goth-lite? There was no indication from either boy's life. Did he just realize he was gay and randomly choose that from the twink aesthetic catalogue? Did he go with it once he heard about witches and decided to lean into the commercialized version of that aesthetic that they had the whole co-opted culture rant about? If so, that would be hilarious. A bunch of witches stuck with a little fanboy in a Spirit Halloween costume of them the whole time.

I think the potion didn't work for Sharon/Mrs. Hart because they forgot to add her hair to the potion, not because she had drunk more of the wine.

It's going to be interesting to see how the passing of time on the Road vs regular world goes. Because we are talking about a regular of Westview life and a teenage boy just up and disappearing for a while. Lillia can close her shop and it's whatever, Alice just lost her job, and Jen it would make sense she went into hiding to avoid the charges. But Sharon and Billy were expected home for dinner soon. Knowing Marvel, they're just going to ignore that.

Given that only two witches can make it off the road, are they going to loophole Billy (and/or Rio?) since he wasn't one of the witches who summoned the road (or because they're going to technicality him into something not a witch), are they going to end it by trapping/killing Agatha in the vein of destroying the last of Vision in Wandavision so everyone knows there's no s2, is the other witch who made it off the road with Agatha the first time going to come into play (watch, it's Rio), or is Rio not going to make it? I can't imagine, with the poorly done hints at assembling the Young Avengers, that they're going to kill Billy. Also, let's be real, it's still Disney and their execs get nasty at the suggestion of killing children in their media, especially on screen.

The whole jade egg thing was hilarious.

How has Agnes been surviving for three years? Especially with the implication that she randomly goes cuckoo. Is Ralph still paying the mortgage and utilities in the hope he eventually gets the house back? Is she normal enough long enough to hold down temporary jobs to cover her bills and maintain friendships with the neighbors? Especially since they show up to bring her food and make sure she's okay when she does go cuckoo and they all know she didn't live there before Wanda showed up. Does Agnes have access to Agatha's bank accounts and has just been unknowingly draining her savings?

I really need one of those Bohner family tshirts.

On a tangent:

If they are going to Young Avengers Billy, I am even more annoyed at the implication that Kate and maybe Yelena are going to be part of that. Yelena is 30, Kate is going into her mid 20s, and Billy, Kamala, America, and Cassie are mid teens. And how is Shang Chi supposed to fit in? Are they ignoring Secret Invasion or are we really going to see Super Skrulls? If so, what good will Kate and Yelena be except as coordinators and trainers? Billy is the most powerful living witch, America is a universe jumper and wizard, Kamala has super powers and bangles which can build intergalactic wormholes, and Cassie can shrink into a realm where physics work differently and from where she can summon a multi-powers army of friends. Kate and Yelena fight good. Which is kinda useless against Hulk power Skrulls.

If they're going to ignore Secret Invasion the way they seem inclined to ignore Eternals and they're dropping whatshisface because of the actor's legal troubles and poor audience response, then what is the new generation going to be fighting? And if it's basic foot soldier invasion at a level two non-powered mortals can deal with, then what do we need Shang Chi, Kamala, America, and Billy for? I mean, even with everything the Avengers dealt with, the heroes were pretty low level power wise until the last Thanos battle. Thor didn't have his full powers and they're still kind of weak, Wanda didn't know the full extent of her powers, Vision was so busy waiting for Tony to give him orders he never actually used any of his real power, and the rest were mortals. Like, yeah, Cap and Hulk could hit hard but what good is that against Shang Chi or Billy?

So, what? The new full Avengers will be Sam and Shang Chi, with Katie along for the ride to fill the archer role and maybe Yelena, maybe She-Hulk? And then the Young Avengers will be Kate and Cassie and a few planet destruction level super powereds? And if they are going to split Hawkeye 2.0 and Widow 2.0, why bother introducing them to each other and making them be friendly.

And, again, if they are going to give everyone amazing archery skills, why bother with Kate Bishop at all? Kamala has plucky optimism and knows Fury, America has the active connections to the OGs through Strange and Wong as does Cassie in some ways, and Billy brings the purple. Kate has no tactical or strategic training or knowledge, no powers, and while the rest have experience with super powered battles, Kate has ... fought gang members.

And really, how stupid to have all the powers be on a Young Avengers roster while the only person in the potential new full Avengers who would maybe even survive a battle between them is Shang Chi. Because with what they have done since Endgame, all the powers except for him are with teenagers. Shang Chi is the only super powered who can walk in a bar. Are we going to have to wait eight years for them all to be acceptably aged? Is a Disney owned studio really going to lean into child soldiers? Is Sam just gonna swan off and do his own thing and not build a new Avengers team? Is Shang Chi gonna be a Young Avenger? Or is he gonna be the new Strange, there when needed but not really an Avenger.

Is Billy going to be the new big bad? His mom destroyed the Darkhold and the throne room place so he doesn't exactly have the path to world ruling and her full power. And again, is Disney really going to be okay with sending teenagers to kill each other in bloody battle? If Agatha might be the new big bad after she gets her powers back in the show, then they only need to send Shang Chi and Kamala against her since their power weapons are tech not magic and she can't steal them. Or maybe Billy distracts her while Yelena sniper rifles her from behind.

If they just let their stories run, fine, but they hint at team ups that just make no sense.

[mermaidsirennikita]

Hi, first of all, I'm a huge fan, you're blog is like the only reason I still open the Tumblr app sometimes

I was wondering if you had any historical recs for enemies to lovers where the guy actually likes her from the beginning? Basically, I'm just craving a hero who Pines™️ but fronts really hard about being unaffected but just comes off somewhat pathetic?? This sounds psychopathic but there's just something about a man in emotional painnnn esp if the chick's a little flighty/belligerent

(This craving brought to you by the excellent How to End A Love Story by Yulin Kuang btw)

Much thankssss

Oh my gosh, thank you! I'm so glad I can entertain lol

Also, I LOVED How to End a Love Story, I'm basically forcing my friends into a makeshift book club over it lol

And that's definitely not pyschopathic, I love emotional pain from heroes especially. Let the men weep!!

Okay so, if you're in the mood for something lighter, The Wrong Marquess by Vivienne Lorret could be a good bet! The hero and heroine do snipe at each other at the beginning, but he fairly quickly realizes that he's actually REALLY into her and tries to act unaffected lol. He's her new friend's big brother and he thinks she's a bad influence, while she's on the verge of spinsterhood while her childhood friend, who basically said he'd marry her someday, continues to sow his wild oats.

This is one of those where I vividly remember a scene, in this case a moment when the hero is watching her eat ice cream and wants to lick her bowl (not a euphemism) after she's done because of the indirect contact with her lips lmao

Of course, The Duke Gets Even by Joanna Shupe is ICONICALLY this. You've probably read it, but this is the last book in the series (it's technically a standalone, though I'd recommend all--and if you wanna read all, there is a really great buildup to these two). Nellie and Lockwood clearly dislike each other a LOT, and he courts her friends in the previous books because he's a cash poor duke who needs to marry a rich American heiress. Nellie is an American heiress, but she's new money and runs rather wild and tells all her friends not to talk to him.

And it turns out... It's because.... they had a bit of a Moment before the events of the series started... And neither of them, ESPECIALLY him is over it. He falls really hard, but the beginning scenes when he's desperately trying to maintain his bite with her (before he literally bites her tits during sex) are soooo good.

A Daring Pursuit by Kate Bateman is a good bet for this one! The hero and heroine are from warring families (like, not literally at war, but they hate each other on a less intense level) and he especially is clearly SO into her. But they snark and snipe... all the way into a physical relationship wherein he just HAS to teach her how good sex can be, right? She needs to know. It's Important.

Also, he takes her from behind in the woods at one point, and there is a bear.

The Duke Who Loved Me by Lydia Lloyd is a really fun take on this. Again, warring families because of a scandal that happened decades ago. The hero and heroine meet at a party and have a Moment before they realize who one another is. Years later, they meet because his father's will stipulates that he has to deliver like... an inheritance of sorts... to this woman from his father's past in order to inherit properly and ensure Other Big Plot Things. The heroine is the mysterious woman's niece, so they set off to find her together. He's SOOO into her, and SOOOO fucked up about it. And their attraction to each other is iNTENSE. Like, he has to just leave the room and jerk it at one point lmao

Sarah MacLean loves this. A Rogue By Any Other Name has a hero who tricks his childhood friend into marry him, which means she hates his ass, and he acts like he doesn't give a fuck but is also like "my soul just left my body" after they have sex for the first time lmao.

If you haven't read Between the Devil and Desire by Lorraine Heath lol... One thing Jack is slamming the door in Olivia's face... The next he's carrying her to bed and caressing a lock of hair out of her face.... Not that he wants her to know!

It Happened One Autumn by Lisa Kleypas, OF COURSE. I also feel like Married by Morning has this, but especially if you read the Hathaways in order. The heroine (Catherine, a governess) is introduced in book 2, and she has a super combative relationship with Leo (the hero, her boss). He's constantly teasing her, getting under her skin, acting like She's The Worst. Until he starts wondering what she would look like in JUST her glasses.

I'd also recommend trying The Duke in Question by Amalie Howard for this. The hero is friends with the heroine's brother, and they have this cat and mouse thing (and end up having sex with her bent over and braced against a tree for her first time... to be fair she was into it and he didn't know).

[heir-less]

I don’t think William and Kate did it intentionally. Their comms team confirmed to the Telegraph that they arrived on the time they were always supposed to arrive. It was Charles and Camilla’s carriage that arrived a few minutes earlier than they were supposed to and therefore made William and Kate technically late.

How people don’t have cell phones and can notice Charles carriage going too fast and therefore speed up the car driving the Waleses, who knows. But I don’t think this was an intentional mess up.

So, Charles was early, and I can now see it not being intentional, but the comms team was dishonest by trying to claim that it was Charles's issue. William and Kate were still late.

WHAT WAS SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN

10:45 am: William and Kate arrive

10:50 am: The Pages of Honour arrive

10:53 am: King and Queen arrive

WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED

10:48 am: King and Queen arrive

10:50ish: William and Kate arrive + Pages of Honour arrive

Charles arrived at around 10:48 am, early by five minutes. William and Kate were meant to enter the Abbey at 10:45, but didn't even get there until 10:50ish, at the same time as the pages of honour, only three minutes ahead of C&C scheduled time. So even if Charles and Camilla were on time, they still would have been impacted by the Waleses being late. Had the Waleses arrived at 10:45, it would be possible that they could have gone in beforehand, instead of arriving while members of the entry procession were literally queuing up at the door. Plus, Charles simply being early wouldn't justify rearranging the entry procession since he could have waited while the Walese went in, he was early anyway and the Walese didn't have a massive procession that would suck up time.

It's 100% possible that this wasn't planned and was poor timing, but there were several factors that make me feel as if the Waleses just wanted to be in the procession. They have a lot of control of the timing and would know Charles would be early based on how the marching is calculated. William and Kate also just have a lot more control over the speed they can arrive since they're in a car.

[laremsworld]

Imagine this:

Season 3 starts 5 years after S2. Kate and Anthony have welcomed two kids, Colin was once again travelling and is now coming back, Penelope and Eloise are technically considered spinsters now, but they both look so much more mature and beautiful (not they didn’t were stunning already.) Francesca is married and happy, the kids (Greg and Hyacinth) have grown up, but the one who changed the most is most surely Benedict Bridgerton. Being 33 now, he has his own house quite near to his brother’s and his mother‘s houses. The man, who was so much fun in Season 2, is gone. He stopped drawing, he stopped writing poems, he‘ barely seen on parties nowadays and he even skips his mother’s very own balls during the season.

This is not really communicated in the third season though (mostly because it‘s Polin‘s season and Benedict’s drama is meant to be a side story.)

But after Penelope marries Colin she can’t unsee how everyone seems to have „given up“ on Benedict. Violet, still hoping to find a good match for Eloise, is not even trying to search for someone for Benedict. Kate, who grew pretty close to all her brothers- and sisters-in-law, blocks Pen whenever she tries to talk about it.

One day, shortly after Colin and Penelope return from ther honeymoon, Pen suggests to set up a meeting between Benedict and a drams cousin of hers, but Colin shrugs it off. „We all have accepted that Benedict is not going to marry“, he explains.

„But why? He‘s still pretty young - actually most bachelors are in their thirties when they finally decide to find a wife, so it‘s not too late.“

„It‘s not that“, Colin tells her.

Penelope patiently waits for him to continue. She knows him well enough to not further push for details. He will eventually spill the beans anyway.

„Do you remember the masquerade my mum did a few years ago?“

„The one where I came as a mermaid?“, Pen asks.

Colin laughs „God, this costume really wasn’t made for you.“

Penelope can feel her cheeks getting red. „Let‘s focus on the part where this affected Benedict, please.“

„Alright“, Colin is still laughing. „Do you remember a certain mysterious woman?“

„The lady in silver.“

„The lady in silver“, Colin confirms.

„They danced in the private balcony. Talked a lot, even shared a kiss - don’t tell anyone I told you that though - but when it was time to reveal the faces, she refused to take off her mask and insisted on going. She told him her name - Sofia - and promised to wait for him in the park the next day. And that was it. She never came to the park and we never saw her again.“

„And Benedict has been searching for her for five years now?“, Penelope asks.

Colin nods. „She was wearing gloves with the signature of the Duke of Edinburgh, but when he arrived there, they told him that the Duchess had left the country in the morning, because her daughter was about to marry in Greece. You may know that the Duke himself was half Greek, so apparently he set up a marriage between his stepdaughter and a distant relative before hsi death.“

„Oh, poor Benedict!“

„It was hard“, Colin confirms, „Benedict followed them - I went with him. But when we arrived it was too late. She had already married. Benedict never recovered from that, Pen. It still hurts me to see him so broken. So unhappy…“

In that moment, Penelope‘s lady‘s maid, Maria, enters the room. She has been working for her for five years now (and has been a stable extra during the third season) and Penelope had insisted on taking her with her when she married. Maria places a plate with fresh baked cookies in front of the couple and proceeds to go. „Thank you Sofi-“ Penelope stops in the middle of the sentence.

„Her name is Maria“, Colin laughs, but stops when he sees his wife‘s face of utter shock.

Penelope seems to not even realize that Colin is with her, as she stands up and proceeds towards her lady‘s maid, who looks extremely uncomfortable now. „Sofia Maria Behrakis. What-have-you-done?“

[wormwoodwine]

Why I don’t write in Vietnamese?

For those of you who doesn’t know, I am Vietnamese. I’m fluent in Vietnamese but my teachers would probably disagree. I live in Vietnam. So the moment I started writing fanfics, my Vietnamese readers has been hounding me with one question: why don’t you write in Vietnamese?

I would like to ask them why not write in English, but I held back. My best and first experiences with fanfics were all English. I support very niched characters which have little following in the world, let alone my country. So I would like to give back.

Back then, there wasn’t Ao3. Fanfiction.net was the most organized of all the sites. I could easily find what I searched for there. And most of the fanfics are in English.

As a fan of a niched character, I don’t have a lot of choices. I know too well the pain of google translating Italian, French, Japanese, Chinese, … so I want to make my works as accessible as possible. And the most popular/longest Vietnamese fanfic about Vermouth is a sappy crappy chat story (which I can’t explain to you how bad it is without swearing). I can count the decent Vietnamese fanfics about Vermouth on one hand. So yeah … I have little connection to that community.

On the logical front, if you write in English, people will read even though they aren’t from English speaking countries. English is the world language after all. If you write in a so-called niche language, most will just pass.

Next question: Why not translate into Vietnamese?

Simple, I can’t. I technically and literally can not. I’ve tried and I failed. Here, you may be confused. I’m fluent in both languages and yet I can’t translate my own works? Let me explain.

In English, you have two main pronouns “you” and “I”. In Vietnamese, to express “you” and “I”, we have: tôi, bạn, anh, chị, em, cô, dì, chú, bác, cậu, mợ, mày, tao, … and more. Much more. How you use a pronoun will determine the age, sex, relationship, mood, standing of a person in dialogues.

Welcome to the confusing and wonderful maze of Vietnamese pronouns!

For example, take this simple dialogue:

Kate: Shu! (Kate addresses Akai by his nickname).

Now, this is extremely, extremely rude in Vietnamese. A child does not, under any circumstances, address an adult by his name alone. A pronoun is added to show respect. Basically, when you call someone with the wrong pronoun, you’ll physically cringe.

Ok, so let’s add the appropriate pronoun which is “chú” - uncle.

But now, I have a problem.

Kate: Uncle Shu!

Gin: What did you just say? Who’s your uncle?

To maintain the integrity of the characters, I have to rewrite a large portion of the dialogues and some of the plot. But it would become a different story all together. So I don’t.

Fun random fact:

In Gordon’s Great Escape, he was mistaken. Dì Hai (the lady on the floating market in Vietnam) isn’t her name. Dì means aunt. It’s a universal way to address an older lady or your aunt. Hai means she is the oldest of her siblings. Dì Hai is basically a nickname. When I heard him calling Ms. Di Hai, I just laughed. And no one corrected him. He even brought that on Master Chef. There was title “Ms. Di Hai” under the dish and everything. Man, I laughed so hard.

And Dì Hai has since quit selling noodles due to poor health. Her younger sister has taken over.

[wench-and-jezebel]

Dark Angel Reaction: Haven

Jezebel (@typicalopposite) reacts [with occasional asides by Wench (@scripted-downfall)]

[I don't remember this much beyond a) it being one of my favorite s1 eps and b) Ishim being in it.  Heads-up.  Also, this episode is brought to you by me procrastinating on work and Jezebel eating ice cream… you can see which of us is living the high life :)]  

☠️☠️☠️☠️  [NORMAL]  That’s what I was wondering  [NORMAL PULLING A RHONDA HURLEY???]  YESSSS

Poor Logan  [I knowwww]

[That was a very malicious gesture with the gas, just saying… She looked like she was gonna set fire to him aksdjf]

MAX!  EMPATHY!!!   HE JUST GOT STUCK IN A WHEELCHAIR; MAYBE DON’T GET PISSY THAT HE DOESN’T FEEL LIKE GOING HIKING

[Ma'am just wants s'mores; she doesn't care about Logan alskdjf]  I sometimes wonder…. Did they not realize how unlikable she would be if they made her so angsty  [I think they think this is what being a "tough woman" is… They outright call it "girlpower" later]  Ooooof

[Oh, look, Jace's baby]

Also Logan says I didn’t say I was canceling… But… but.  You kinda did 🤣🤣🤣

[btw, I knew Ishim from Intelligence before I knew him in Supernatural, which is why I remember him from this despite not having seen that episode when I first watched this season]

NOW HE’S TALKING IN CIRCLES

[I TOLD YOU SHE JUST WANTED S'MORES]

OH NO!  The rednecks!  [THIS FEELS LIKE THE SPN EP!  With the Croatoan virus.  Where Dean's looking out the front window at the blockade?]  Yeah, strong SPN vibes

Creepy kid  [I was just typing that alskdfj]  Gotta love it

ITS TONY AND KATE  [ALSKDJF WHERE'S THE IGUANA]

This damn kid… The kid’s the iguana

“Gimme my money”

[Technically, Max, you can still get s'mores on an Eyes Only mission]

["Eighteen restless spirits waiting for you to avenge their deaths" Ummmm SPN vibessss!  Also.  Let's shout about the corrupt cops while the corrupt cops could be listening… GENIUS]

The scene cut whiplash tho

[*aggressively bites marshmallow*]

Creepy kids like… creepy adult

Bitch I just said my aunt’s a doctor

[Ma'am spilling Manticore secrets to a bby :(  She gonna get him killed]  DOES SHE REALLY?  [I don't know…  I doubt it, but probably not for lack of trying, I see.]

This kid looks familiar 🤔🤔🤔

[Whyyyy is Logan on his own in Creepy, Creepertown?]  Cause he is a strong independent man  [Logan.  This isn't going well.]

He has arriveddd  [Yup!]  OH MY GOD HES SO YOUNG  [I KNOW.]  AND EQUALLY CREEPY

[Oof, My Bloody Valentine vibes tho]  ☠️☠️

😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨 aw man look at that… How quickly he noticed something wrong

[Well, at least they didn't pull out Logan's pool skills only for s2 jealousy reasons]

Ninja gf to the rescue!  (I thought she didn’t notice at first)  [ikr]

SAME, BARTENDER DUDE!  that would be me

“How did my screwed-up genetics become about you?” When you made it about him???  [MA'AM, EMPATHY]

 I still loveeee her hairrrr… Ack

Who is this kiddddd?

– – – 

Wench: I think it was the kinda-surreal, definitely-creepy vibes of this ep that made me remember it so fondly... tbh, it's definitely living up to my memory.  Forgot Max was so annoying in it, though, because it was overshadowed by last ep

Jezebel: I swearrr this episode is giving me whiplash… Like, even down to Max’s attitude.  She starts on something and it’s like oh, boy, here we go, but then she backpedals, and then goes full bitch again, and then apologizes.  And I’m like!! EITHER COMMIT TO BITCHDOM OR STOPPPP BITCHINGGG

Wench: s2 is gonna be funnnnn

Jezebel: *sigh* this show and circles.  Also this kid looks so familiar 🤔🤔🤔🤔

Wench: lkjasdflkj you and the kid… Go look him up then!

Jezebel: Idk but he was in an ep of spn too

Wench: Which?

Jezebel: “Party on Garth”

Wench: Huh.  No clue but good to know

Jezebel: Lol.  And the creepy vibe is amazing and a nice change

Wench: Seee!?!??!  I'm telling you, that's why I remembered it.  This is my favorite non-ep-17 s1 episode, and that vibe is why.

Jezebel: But yeah I think that’s all I have. Except omg them tipping that wheelchair over pissed me offfffff

Wench: See what I mean, though, by them just.  leaving Logan's depression behind?  

Jezebel: YESSSS UGH

Wench: Like, it's coming up, but only in a "oh, they're fighting" way.  Not a "he just lost something important to him for the second time; he deserves adjustment" way.  Definitely not a "he considered ending things last episode" way.

Jezebel: I HATE IT! Like I get that was just a plot point for the episode but tbf that’s not a plot point you should use for just one ep.  That’s too heavy and too real.

Wench: And it's an issue that, like, actually affects people?  And requires serious work to overcome?  It.  Bugs me.  That it's just a minor thing that gets blurred past.  You know what I mean.

Jezebel: Now granted back then shit was different and triggers weren’t concerns in media. But still I fully get it

Wench: Yup.  Ready to go on, though?

Jezebel: Yes!

– – – 

[Not the tip-over joke.  Also… Bruh, why are y'all leaving the door open and unlocked]

They misheard the pulse as the purge

“I don’t know anything.”  I just came to yell with you a moment

[Ishim be back]  Ishim always be being an asshole  [He's decent in Intelligence]

Oh shittttt. Buddy needs the girl to kick his ass again

“Nothing.”  Buddy. Why didn’t you wipe your nose

Oooooof plot twisttttttt

[THE GRAVE DIGGING?!!?!? WE ARE IN AN SPN EP!  Where's the salt?  And the gasoline?]

PLOT TWISSSST

[These people (Max/Logan) be kinda stupid]  ☠️☠️☠️  [That was kinda obvious ngl]  SPN would have been a very short show had it been these two  [Why, 'cause they'd die?]  Yes ☠️

[Y'all, seriously?  You couldn't clear the environment?  MAX HAS SUPER-HEARING; SHE DIDN'T BOTHER TO MENTION THE KID EAVESDROPPING?]  ☠️☠️☠️

Ishim’s so smol  [asdflkjaldkfj he really do be… He's so short compared to the others 😭]  I know!  [They're gonna think you're impersonating me with that emoji]  ☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️

[ISHIM CONTINUES TO BE SMOL]  So smol. So angry  [HE'S LIKE HALF THE OTHER DUDE'S HEIGHT ALSKDFJLAKDSJF]

Well shit

Child.  You be a child

Creepy bby kid

LOGAN, MOVE THE CHILD AWAY FROM THE WINDOW

[btw, I TOLD you the gas was gonna be used for arson]  ☠️☠️☠️

Is this the last time her seizures are this bad?  [I think so.  I don't remember them coming up again]

Oooof, he ded

This damn show... Bruh… Violent af

[Poor Logan, goodness]  WELL SHIT

WELP

SHORT MAN CAN’T GET CLOTHESLINED… But it’ll take out his eyeballs

He favors Willem Dafoe

[Max going: "Appreciate her or I'll steal her; I don't have a mom"]  ☠️☠️☠️ but she got a Logan she just doesn’t appreciate him

No.  She.  Didn’t.  [Ma'am.  “It’s good to know that when the superhero’s otherwise occupied, the sidekick’s ready to step in.”  How is that your definition of a nice thing to say?]  This woman-

– – –

Wench: We haven't had JamPony content in agessss :(

Jezebel: I KNOW.  AND MORE CLOSING CIRCLES Ackkkkk

Wench: I think those go away in s2?  Think?  But the intro gets a monologue that... might be worse

Jezebel: ☠️☠️☠️☠️  Ohhhh no spinning baby and angst talk! 😭😭😭  Lord help me

Wench: It's baddddd.  But anyway... endpoint!

Jezebel: Just like with the heavy topic of the last ep being pushed under the rug… Max’s seizures just suddenly reappearing only to not be mentioned again…. Will be equally as annoying

Wench: I always wanted them to show up in s2 because other transgenics show up.  Other transgenics who likely weren't told about their tryptophan deficiency.  And yeah, maybe not all of them have it, but we know the X5s do, so Alec, Biggs, and the other X5s should have had some kind of scene about that imo.  

Jezebel: Yeah

Wench: It would have been nice if it made her confront the relative comfort of her life, tbh.  Because she at least knows all this stuff about herself and Manticore, whereas the others are literally thrust into the deep end without warning,and all because she decides to take down Manticore and act like she didn't cause any problems.  Is it likely?  Nah.  Would it have been nice?  Yeah

Jezebel: Yeah that’s fair!!

Wench: Anyway, go on.

Jezebel: It feels like they either got bored with the seizure storyline.  Or it was too much to keep up with on top of the other story lines.  But then this being the ep AFTER Logan’s heavy ep… they needed to make him the hero even from the chair… and to do that she had to be down and out.

Wench: I could be wrong about them dropping it, btw.  But I don't remember it coming back.

Jezebel: Fair… But it also hasn’t been in like the past 4 eps… or more

Wench: This is true

Jezebel: So yeah it seemed so out of the blue.  Also what was the point of these people killing this family?  I know they said but I didn’t catch it and I’m like….

Wench: Basically... racism

Jezebel: Ahhhh 💔💔💔💔

Wench: When the Pulse hit, everyone blamed "outsiders.”  And that family had gas and food when everyone else didn't.  So the townsfolk came to the "obvious" conclusion that they knew what was gonna happen and shored up on supplies ahead of time.  Thus, they attacked.

Jezebel: Ahh 💔💔 that’s fucked

Wench: Yeah.  I don't think that storyline ever returns either.  Other than that, the Pulse basically isn't addressed.  They use it as worldbuilding, but don't do much by way of development with it.  Again: I think.  It's been a bit since I saw these episodes

Jezebel: ☠️☠️☠️☠️ Plot holessss.  Gotta love em

Wench: BUT!  Plus side!  One more episode 'til Ben :)  And next episode is OC-heavy

Jezebel: BUT SAD?!  ACK!

[sea-owl]

This is probably too late from when you were writing but tossing it out here anyway Polin + Philoise lost in space trying to get to Francesca’s wedding (either John or Michael).

Never too late I'll always take requests.

This gives me jedi spouses ideas. Hold on. For those who are curious here's some links for the au: Here, Here, Here, Here, Here, Here, and Here.

Quick note for those curious my version of these jedi at this point in time do have relationships but selfish attachment is still highly discouraged. Kind of in a way that yes you do love this person and being with them is not banned but your duty to the universe must come first. You must be able to let go.

"Grandmaster Danbury as lovely as your company is, is there a reason we are here?" Michael asked as he followed the Jedi leader through the halls of the senate building. The route they were going was familiar, but he was confused on to why they were heading for Senator Bridgerton's office. Usually, the Order sent Senator Bridgerton's lover if they needed to negotiate with him.

"We're here to discuss marriage negotiations," Grandmaster Danbury said as the door opened.

Inside Michael could see Senator Bridgerton and two of his younger sisters. Eloise Bridgerton, and Michael's own lover Francesca.

"So, I'm getting married," Michael announced as all their friends gathered in one of their dorms.

Everyone dropped whatever was in their hands. Poor Gareth was drinking some water after his training session and immediately spit it back out.

"To who?!" Several of the other jedi asked at once. "What about Francesca? Are you leaving the Order?!"

"No I'm not leaving the order!" Michael exclaimed. "It's a special circumstance marriage, that's why Grandmaster Danbury agreed, and by luck this marriage is to Francesca, that's the only reason I agreed."

All of his friends looked confused now. Eyebrows were raised, and other scrunched their noses.

"What special circumstances has you and Francesca marrying? And that Master Agatha agreed to?" Simon asked.

Michael rolled his eyes. "Politics mostly."

The others made a face. As unavoidable as it is most of the Order do try to stay out of politics. Kate and Simon were the most adapt out of their whole group, but even they would rather have someone else deal with it.

"How do the politics of Mayton lead to you marrying?"

"Well turns out," Michael paused for dramatic effect, "I was born on Mayton!"

Everyone was back to confused again. A jedi born from Mayton, the world famous and infamous for their matchmaking and aphrodisiacs. There's some irony there.

"That still doesn't explain the politics part and how it brought special circumstances to you getting married," Kate said.

Phillip nodded in agreement. "The last special circumstances marriage happened to save a species from dying out."

Michael awkwardly laughed. Yeah, here came the weird part. "So remember how Francesca was married before we met?"

Penelope recalled the information. "He was the Earl of the Kilmartin clan, right? Tragically died young when a sickness swept through Mayton."

Michael awkwardly laughed again. "Well turns out he was my cousin, and I'm the closest male relative so the position of earl technically falls to me."

His friends fell silent again, though some of them had that face they made when they were about to make fun of him. Michael couldn't blame them. Had this been Simon or Phillip inheriting a title they had no idea they were in line for he'd make fun of them too.

"So do we call you my lord now?" Lucy cheekily asked. This broke the others and they started laughing too.

"You know what?" Michael said, playing along. "Yes, you do! Bow before your lord peasants-ow!"

This broke out another peel of laughter as Michael rubbed the spot Kate threw her house slipper at him. Sophie was the only one who was nice enough to help him up, and she gave him a little bit of force heeling to take away the sting. This is why she's his favorite.

"Okay back to why you have to get married?"

"The politics of it all," Michael groaned. "Essentially the elders of the Kilmartin clan, one being my mother apparently, very nice lady from the few talks I've had with her, they want Francesca to keep leading as the Countess of Kilmartin. But there's been some push back from other members in the clan because she was born a Bridgerton. In order to keep the peace Fran has to be married to the current earl, which is me. It essentially came down to me being the earl in name only because you know jedi, and Francesca being the actual active leader."

"But why now?"

Michael shrugged. "According to Lady Jan and Lady Helen things were tense for a while. After one of the clan members finally did some digging in the birth records and found me things boiled over. Demands started coming in that I come and take over as earl."

Now comes Michael's own fun part. "Oh, and by the way Grandmaster Danbury said you all have to come with as part of the witnesses for the Order, but people are to not know we're jedi."

There was a collective groan. "Not the Mayton clothes again!"

Simon, Kate, their padawans, and Sophie ended up all going ahead. Mostly to make sure the wedding wasn't too grand or worse too public. They needed to control the narrative and keep the knowledge of the groom being a jedi on the quiet side. So their main jobs were to rein in the Bridgertons, particularly Violet which that in itself will be it's own challenge.

Per Mayton traditions the bride and groom were escorted to Mayton's moon by two escorts for each. There the couple were to bathe together in the moon's natural springs.

"Why?" The three jedi asked. "You have indoor plumbing."

"It's so the couple can wash away their pasts as they get ready to build their future together," Eloise explained.

"It's also an act of vulnerability that allows couples the chance to open up to one another if they haven't had a chance to do so before now," Francesca added.

"There's also the legend that if a couple does bathe together in the springs they'll be blessed in their union," Colin finished.

The three jedi looked at one another but shrugged. Every world had their traditions and beliefs.

Stepping out onto the moon Michael, Phillip, and Penelope all felt a shiver run up their spines. Oh. Maybe there is some truth to the Mayton tradition.

Per the tradition the married couple to be led their escorts to the springs. Eloise and Phillip walked directly behind them while Colin and Penelope brought up the rear.

The moon itself was a comfortable tempture. Forests surrounding the group with the sound of moving water in the distance. The three jedi looked around. The force hung thick in the air, it's energy almost touchable with how it coated everything.

Eventually the group came to the opening to a cave, steps leading down. From above vines of flowers hang over the opening where one could see the springs below. The water itself was a beautiful shade of blue. Michael and Francesca went down together.

At the entrance Colin and Eloise inform their own lovers that they were free to do what they wanted until the couple was done. Immediately Eloise offered to show Phillip some of the flora only found on this moon.

Penelope giggled as eager as a child Phillip followed Eloise. "She might actually loose to the plants if Phillip has truly never seen them before."

Colin laughed and began leading Penelope away in another direction. "He loves botany that much?"

"That and how the force connects with it," Penelope said. "If she lets him he'll ramble about it for hours. Lost in the space of knowledge."

Colin let out his own laugh. "Well, he might seduce Eloise further then with that knowledge. She might demand a demonstration."

"He'll be happy to give it." Penelope's back straightens as another rush of the force hit her.

"Are you okay?" Colin asked.

"Yes," Penelope said. "You're moon has a strong connection to the force."

Colin whipped towards her. "It does?"

Penelope nodded. "I could almost touch it with how thick it coats everything here."

Before Colin could ask more rain began to fall, gaining both of their attentions. The senator and jedi both looked towards the sky.

"Well looks like Frannie and her husband to be aren't the only ones getting a bath," Colin joked.

Penelope focused on the force around her. A small part wrapping around her and connecting her to the man in front of her.

[lovsalvatore]

last chap of My Pianist was SO good 🥲

from moving the plot forward onto the tour to the smut 😏 and then to the angst!

👌🤌

can't imagine how r felt in the aftermath, having to do the walk of shame ALL the way to her house. nat handing her a 100 bill to literally get the fuck out (tbh reminded me of when shitty guys give women money after a one night stand UNSOLICITED as if they hired them or smth)

and i teared up when r mentioned how they were actually hungry and were relying on Kate for a lift and Nat just wasn't having it 😢

like, excuse me Nat 🤨, this girl deserves the dinner for all of her work and be with friends (also maybe she wanted to spend time with you without fucking around but was disappointed to see you come in with your wife)

poor r walking home alone, or taking a bus alone, all dressed up and with messy makeup, i hope Nat realizes how dangerous that can be and feels bad for putting r in that position.

maybe kate asks nat the next day if she's seen r, bc they didn't make it home last night, then R arrives home in the morning. She's fine, she just wanted to take some time to think about what's been happening. When Nat finds out she maybe apologizes and tries to make it up to R just so r doesn't regret their arrangement or resent Nat (definitely NOT bc Nat is starting to feel something more 🫣) and it leads to a sorta sweet moment but they get interrupted by Nat's wife

r could also start feeling ashamed in the moments she isn't with Nat, before she just didn't thought too much about it but after what happened she is much more insecure about her role in Natasha's life, like maybe she is just a past time for Nat from her stagnant married life, she doesn't show it with Nat (too busy being fucked to oblivion) but in other aspects of life she becomes withdrawn and maybe it shows during the tour, maybe even making a comment about how she just doesn't remember why she was so excited about it anymore, now she just feels numb.

sorry if that took a very angsty turn hehe 😅

anyways love the series and can't wait for the next chapter!!!!

yes!!!! i was also thinking abt how upset the reader must have felt having to go back home after that, but i'm sure after Natasha got home she also felt guilty. like, she knows what she did was wrong, but then again, she's too selfish to admit her own mistakes. and i think i already answered this for someone else, but i think it will take a while for the reader to be ashamed again of what she’s doing bc of Natasha managing to manipulate her, and also bc of the way the reader is feeling abt her, i mean, she’s technically in love already. but i'm sure if Nat keeps treating her like this midway through the tour she'll start to lose heart about it all...but someone else might also step in so idk 🤷🏻‍♀️

and i’m glad ure enjoying it!!! <33

[gag-magazine]

How to get High like a Cool and Sexy Genius

By Kate (kush) Gilbertson Art By Gigi (ganja) Engalla

Truth- when it comes to getting high, I have my humble beginnings. The first time I tried to roll a joint, I was in a hotel room on my hands and knees with my best friend and her father’s weed. Grinder, filter, and knowledge-less, we smashed the poor nug into small, “enough,” pieces (using the end of her phone charger) to pinch it into a wrinkled paper. This isn’t even the tragic part. We had no idea how to roll, and the product we ended up with was a sagging and gaping pinky sized joint with no filter and the paper losing its stick all over the place. 

The worst part is, I spent way too long smoking weed like this. Lacking the tools, tips, and finger agility to bring anything to a sesh that wouldn’t be rightfully mocked or rejected.  But now I am older, wiser, and can look back at my baby stoner self with a sense of tenderness and a little pity. I also have a lot of advice I wish I could go back and give her, like, how I should have emptied the prescription bottle in my tote bag that first night in the hotel room, and thrown the nug inside with a couple quarters to get a perfectly ground flower. 

But I can't go back, and this knowledge shouldn’t go to waste, especially with 4/20 (my favorite holiday) creeping up. Knowing that my expertise can't come close to the genius of my fellow GAG! stoners, I also asked them for their favorite tips and tricks. What you are about to read is a compilation of all their wisdom, a 4/20 present from us to you.

your welcome. happy sparking up!

Part 1: Your “method”

Let's get technical, let’s get real. Getting high isn't all giggles, you have to put in the work. Here are some tips on doing that work in a sexy way.

While we do have some rolling tipz for you, some Gaggers’s biggest rolling tip was to… just um… well… just don’t fucking do it. Give it up- your fingers cannot do it and it's not that deep. Many suggested getting a pipe (they are so cute) (I have a rose quartz one and I know you're jealous). They are also quick to whip out, cleaning them is a therapeutic activity (if u don’t agree- get there,) and just buying tree is gonna be way nicer on your bank account than the pre-rolls.

Stop smoking ur roaches- it’s a danger to your self care. Just throw that shit into your pipe or bong (the one I just told you to cop, remember,) and save yourself that pain.

If you're looking to be a little zero waste mama (serve !!) and you don't want to leave a morsel of weed behind (serve.) throw your stems into a cup of tea! One man’s trash is another’s bedtime beverage and mild high!

Always make sure to have a carrier for joints not finished! Sure, you can go and buy some high tech smell proof containers, but I’ve always fashioned my own, 2014 Youtube DIY style. I’ve used first aid kits, old pre-roll containers, mint tins, you name it! Throw a sticker on there (like the REALLY COOL ONES GAG IS SELLING ON 4/20 OOOO) and boom.

Nothing is worse than lighting a j in the wind. Nothing- it's dehumanizing. But we do have some tips. First, when you cup your hand around the j, like some distressed woman in a movie lighting a cigarette in the rain, you may look sexy but you are probably never going to get a light because you are doing it wrong. You need to cup your hand around the side AND OVER the top of the joint. Then if your one hand isn’t cutting it- call in all reinforcements: every bitch in that sesh is building a human forcefield around you or NO ZAZA FOR THEM. We also recommend using a jacket or hood as a windshield, squatting low, and when in doubt, find some sort of corner to hide in (a cove of trees, the corner of a building, a doorway.) best of luck. The good news is, once one friend has a j lit, don't bother going through this experience over and over, kiss the end of your two joints together and yours should light up with a couple of tries! 

On the topic of js, here are those rolling tips we promised:

Don’t over pack the joint: obviously you want it to be tight, but not super cramped or else it won’t properly burn. 

Pressing in more and more flower as you go versus loading up the joint with all your weed right away is going to give you a more evenly packed j.

Keep your focus on the filter- making sure the joint is tight and even around it ensures that the rest of it will come out perfectly sexy and smokeable.

The longer you fiddle, the worse the final result. Your grimy little fingers will end up wrinkling the paper and it will lose its stick if you are messing with it. So move quickly and prioritize keeping your fingers away from the sticky end.

There is NOTHING WRONG WITH ROLLING A CONE. get over yourself. Seriously. It's not that deep. Especially if you're newer to rolling or have a particularly hard time, rolling cones is good practice. It’s also faster, easier, more consistent, and tends to give you fatter, more slay, final products. 

Another option that takes you out of the rolling game is to sit there, just look pretty and sexy and cool, and let other people roll for you. Put your feet up girl- you deserve it! 

Part 2: Okay ur high, now what? 

Because it's not just about smoking like a cool sexy genius, it’s also about where you are and what happens next.

While there is nothing wrong with a lowkey sesh in your bedroom- might you consider exploring the world outside your window for a change. This looks different for everyone, but for me personally, I am A SLUT for simple pleasures like a nice view. I love sparking up at the marina, but good hikes, lookouts, and apartment rooftops are all killer choices. 

One of the most important things to a good sesh is an even better playlist. Which is actually like, crazy, cause we actually like, already made one for you. On our spotify. It’s almost like there is already a killer 4/20 playlist on our spotify. Go. 

If you are a loser and this playlist doesn’t tickle your fancy (again, weird) I recommend giving nostalgic tunes a revisit. The more niche and reminiscent of your early adolescence the better. 

Smoke once before a class. It's for the bit. Just give it a try.

I probably don’t need to remind you of the importance of a good munchie. Sometimes it's a matter of life or death: of a good time or a green out.  Here are some things to keep in mind when choosing your 4/20 treats:

Make sure you have something sweet AND something salty (yes freak, you will want both) 

(sorry, i have to say it,) you need something moist: nothing is worse than being stranded on the glade, swarms of people trapping you in, multiple joints deep without anything to wash them down. maybe you fuck with a juice or smoothie, maybe your going all the way with an açai bowl. I don't know your prerogative and I don’t care what you do. Just keep your poor little dry throat in mind while you're doing it. 

Ice cream makes for the perfect treat because of this (someone suggested actually eating the ice cream before you smoke to coat your throat. I say get freaky and eat it before and after)

Part 3: Getting high with other cool sexy geniuses:

Here are our tips on staying safe and social and smart and sexy. The rest of these tips don’t mean a thing if we can’t do that!

If you take one thing from this tip list- its to not green out. Like it's actually awful and super not sexy and cool. The great thing is that you can very easily avoid it by not being a dumbo, and listening to your body and brain while you're smoking. My tip for those who find knowing your limits with the zaza is tricky- the second you start to feel the high, even just the teensiest little bit- stop smoking. It's gonna get bigger with time, and this assures that you're not sending yourself over the edge. Plus who doesn’t fuck with a round 2?

You know what is equally sexy and cool as getting high? Tolerance breaks. Our recs to make them as painless as possible is to focus on taking care of the oral fixation (u freak bitch ;))). Smoking cbd cigs (or even having lollipops to suck on 24/7) really helps to keep the urges at bay!

Make sure you're around the right bitches. Sometimes sparking can make you a social butterfly- but only if our environment encourages you to spread those wings, baby. So make sure you're sparking up with homies and homies only- no wasting weed on a fake bitch!

Ready to put your cool, sexy, stoner genius knowledge to the test? I think you are! Hopefully this silly little list taught you something, and if it didn’t and you want to complain to me about how stupid this piece is, then come and visit GAG! on 4/20 cause we are selling edibles and matchbooks and giving away stickers and other sexy shit! I will be posted up with the homies all day, zooted and living my dream life, so come and join the fun.