#even his dumb car commercial about how he's a hero. basically the best he can think of is people thinking he's a good person.

[idolclimb]

ElevatorGate: Personal Brand and Integrity

Queen Bey is known for her poise and seemingly effortless ability to keep her chill up with the most regal of English monarchs. She is unbothered. She is not amused.

And we saw that put to the test during Jay Z’s ass whuppin the event famously known as Elevatorgate. Elevatorgate not only reminds us how our culture of surveillance is farther reaching than just the entertainment-valued mass media, but also how security surveillance contributes to the production of entertainment mass media. And how individuals surveilling surveillance are active in this entire set-up.

So lemme lay out how we finna do this: Firsta all, we goan talk bout how Solange played host to the spirits of Ryu and ChungLi from Street Fighter when they be fuckin’ them cars up in the mini-game. She basically snatched Jay’s crusty edges the same way Nicki be coming for edges but wind up takin’ scalps because the force is strong in that fish.

And we goan talk about the way Bey just stood there like a British toothbrush-helmet havin’ ass palace guard.

Seconda all, we goan murrinate on how there’s cameras every muhfckn where you go and how Bey taught us to remain in charge at all times least we be revealed to not be perfect statuesque-ass goddesses like her (which everybody know that even tho we flawless, we still got flaws and all.) MOVING ON. We goan get into what YOU can do to keep that ass polished and out of trouble when nukkas eyes get digital, if you know what I mean…

Unbothered as an Englishman

I reference the English stereotype in this post a lot because, as Americans see it, the Victorian English(wo)men (at least if the American in question only knows about Victorian virtues) were more emotionally reserved than Americans at generally any point in our history. For reference, see here:

Bullets are whistling, shells are exploding, panicked soldiers dash here and there splattered with mud and blood, the air is thick with shouted commands and the rich stench of death! And yet our hero is smoking a pipe, sipping his tea, and doing theTimes Crossword Puzzle, for he is an Imperturbable Englishman.

–“Stiff Upper Lip”, TvTropes.com

If this don’t sound just like our Bey! While Solange was over here ringin the alarm, Beyoncé was like “nope. NOAP. NUUUUPPPPPEEEE.” She only moved her dress out of the way because she wasn’t about to pay for it if it were damaged. (Most outfits are rented by the celebrities, donchaknow?)

Now, this elevator ride is assumed to be a very private space in time. We rarely even think about the cameras when we ride up and down the shafts, let alone that someone is actively watching. As Solange did what she was doing, Bey remained complicit in the action. She just stood there. I like to think it was all a set up and she knew and everybody was in on the action, but that’s the 4-Loco in me. In reality, I think it’s more that Beyoncé is aware of how far-reaching her fame is and that security cameras aren’t unable to make their way out (how do you think we get those hilarious videos of Walmart parking lot shenanigans?) of the Closed Circuit TV systems.

Our world is like a giant eyeball that has the ability to look inside of itself. If you live in London, there are cameras on the streets. In most if not all commercial property and financial and government institutions, there are security cameras to record everything that goes on. Even where there are no “official cameras”, a person with a phone on their camera *cough*EVERYONE*cough* is just as able to take a selfie as they are to see Sharkeisha wrecking your shit.

Beyoncé is well aware of this and doesn’t compromise her image in the slightest. Were we with her and she explained her reasoning for not getting involved, we might have called her a conspiracy theorist at the time, but she was right: A person used a cellphone to snatch the video from a security camera feed and sent it to a prominent station that rips makes its millions from publicizing unfortunate celebrity occurrences.

Imagine if Beyoncé had thrown some bows. What would we have thought? Don’t answer. We would have criticized her for “doing such human activities.”

How to Channel Your Inner Bey and Keep Calm

While I wrote a post centered around Carey-calmness, Bey meditation should not be overlooked, especially with Elevatorgate in question. This is important because if you have an image or a personal brand that you present yourself under in public, and word gets out that you are another way in private… That’s your integrity at stake. You immediately look like a phony. If you have a business, it’s in jeopardy. If you work for someone, you’re in a real dangerous place. Here’s how to carry on even if you have to fake it.

First thing’s first: You truly have to be at peace. Even if you have to flare your nostrils to breathe extra deep to make sure you are keeping all of the good in and expelling all of the bad, actual calmness is the best way to fake calmness. It doesn’t matter if you can beat someone’s ass, you don’t have to prove it during an age where that shit will be uploaded on Youtube wirelessly over an 18G network.

Secondly, have presence. The fact that there are cameras around you at all times and you never know when they’re going off truly calls for you to step your game up. If you’re supposedly a fashion icon in the making and you decide to go to the mall to pick something up in sweatpants and some fashion blogger thinks it’s hilariously funny and tapes you from afar to post on their blog, can you imagine the uproar when the community (maybe you both have overlapping fans) discovers that it’s you?

Not saying you can never be comfortable, but you need to realize what is at stake here and make every choice accordingly. Personal example: I sometimes speak at schools. I hadn’t realized that kids love their cellphone cameras and will have any excuse to take them out—even against the teachers’ wishes. I literally had to be on my game and at my most dynamic in case I misspoke or rambled or said something off-topic and dumb (which I’m prone to do.) There are youtube videos I’m in that I don’t even know about. Hella sure there are facebook vids.

Pro-Tip: Stars fake authenticity all the time; now you can too!

Finally, feel free to disregard everything I’ve told you in this post. I can hear you asking now well, then why did you write it? The answer is simple: I was bored. Kidding, but seriously, as much as it pays to take caution, it also pays to take accountability. I was joking about disregarding everything completely, but I am serious about the accountability. Know what you’re doing and don’t try to fake it if you fuck up and get caught. Apologize or explain and move on with your life. It will take an entirely different kind of calmness to deal with reconciling from humiliation, but the calmness I talked about in step 1 is a great start.