#even donating $5 for every handful of dogs you see makes so much fucking difference

[swagging-back-to]

there is literally nothing more depressing and sad than perusing through rescue dog and rescue cat forums and groups. the hundreds of animals posted daily with just hours or days left till they're euthanized

how many of these animals either have dozens of photos and videos of them bouncing around and being happy or the only picture of them that exists is them cowering on a hard floor in a kill shelter.

if i think about it literally at all i have multi day breakdowns.

four million animals are euthanized in shelters every single day.

volunteer. donate and pledge. foster. adopt.

never EVER breed or buy.

[ugly-crying-over-bucky-barnes]

Promises Not Kept Part 5

Summary: Tommy Shelby made a promise to Jonah Ward while in the war. A promise he didn't keep. But it comes to haunt him when he tries to drown out his sorrows with a young woman.

Part 5: After spending the night together, Tommy wishes he could solve conflict easily, Lizzie has some sage advice for Leah. Leah’s past isn’t all behind her. 

         Tommy rarely had hangovers anymore. Or at least ones that he even noticed. He usually had a migraine so it made no difference if it was a stress headache or that of a hangover. In fact, he felt a little lighter on that particular morning after the night out with Leah. If anything could get Thomas Shelby to fall asleep it was a copious amount of alcohol and a few rounds of sex. He actually slept through most of the night once he and Leah passed out in bed.

           Itching for a cigarette upon waking, Tommy opened his eyes and stretched an arm out for his always-nearby pack. After regaining awareness of his surroundings, he realized he was pinned to the bed by a particularly cozy blonde. A rare morning smile crossed his face and his mind wandered to how it used to be. Grace always curled up in his arms when they went to sleep. But by the end of the night, she managed to accumulate all the blankets, unknowingly keeping them far from Tommy. He never minded.

           Leah appeared to be the opposite. She was sprawled out over him, her cheek resting on his sternum, one hand resting on his collarbone, the other pressed to his heart. Her legs tangled with his and if she had been a full-grown man, Tommy wouldn’t be able to move. She was fast asleep and he was hesitant to wake her.

           But he needed a smoke. As carefully as he could, Tommy tried to ease out from under her. He froze when she stirred but she merely turned over, flopping off of him and onto the bed. Relieved, Tommy quietly sat up and saw his cigarettes weren’t on the night table. Remembering the night before, he realized he hadn’t gone through his typical night routine.

           After leaving the yard, they’d returned to Watery Lane and Tommy barely let Leah get up the stairs before kissing her. Pressing her up against the wall, his fingers already working at the buttons running down the back of her dress. It took some time but they eventually stumbled upstairs. The room showed evidence of their disregard for the world around them. They were too intently focused on each other. His things were scattered all over the floor. He’d tossed Leah’s dress to the furthest corner of the room and her stockings now adorned the dresser.

           Tommy rose quietly and slipped on a pair of boxers. He searched for his coat and found his cigarette pack. But he forgot they’d run out the night before. Cursing silently under his breath, Tommy hastily got dressed and headed down to find more. He locked the door behind him so no one would wander into the room and disturb Leah. Without his pocket watch, most likely lost among the cluttered room, he had no idea what time it was as he went downstairs.

~~~~~~~~~~

           No one was in the parlor so Tommy entered the betting shop to track down cigarettes. The shop was already bustling with activity. Bets were being called back and forth and money exchanging hands. His employees gave him polite nods in greeting as he maneuvered his way back to his office.

           Lizzie was waiting there for him. “Sleeping in today?” She questioned. It was rare for Tommy to not be up at dawn. The man never seemed to sleep.

           Bogged down by the extra hours of shuteye, he only gave her a glance in reply. He passed by her and dug through his desk for cigarettes. “I don’t have any meetings today, I can sleep in.” He muttered.

           Lizzie sighed and reached into her pocket to spare him a cigarette. Her boss couldn’t function without one nearby. “Arthur said you were out late.”

           “He was too.” Tommy graciously took the donation and lit it.

           "He wasn't sure where you went once you left."

           He shrugged and set the cigarette onto the ashtray for a moment to fix his cufflinks. He was definitely not as immaculately dressed as he usually was. But his outfit wasn't of any importance that morning, especially to Lizzie it seemed. "I headed down to the yard for a mo' then came back home."

           “He said you were with someone when you left.”

           He leaned against his desk, facing his secretary. After a few anxiety relieving puffs, he met her hard gaze. “You seem surprised.”

           She wasn’t. If anything, she was wounded by his callousness but wouldn’t show him. “Who is she?” Her tone was clipped as she hugged a binder to her chest like a shield for her heart.

           “I have a feeling Arthur already informed you.” Tommy retorted and walked around his desk to sit down. His eyes scanned over the list of things that needed to be done that coming week.

           “Maybe he did. I guess I want to hear it from you.” She lifted her chin higher and didn’t break eye contact even when he did.

           “I knew her husband, he passed during the war. He asked me to take care of her.”

           “So you’re sleeping with her? That’s taking care of her?”

           He cleared his throat and focused on the words in front of him. The last thing he wanted was a conflict with his assistant. Their relationship was complicated enough and he knew that it was mainly his own doing. He could be the villain if she wanted to paint him that way. He wouldn’t blame her. “If I want to talk about my personal relationships, I will. But for now, we’re running a business.”

           Lizzie rolled her eyes and gave a huff of annoyance. “Honestly, Tommy, you’re thick sometimes.” She spat before leaving the office and slamming the door behind him.

           He sighed deeply and scrubbed his hands over his eyes a few times to wake up. If only he could snap his fingers and instantly get rid of all the conflicts in his life. If only.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

           Leah woke up not much longer after Tommy went downstairs. Dazed and sporting a fine headache, she turned over. The bed was empty beside her, as was the small bedroom. She sat up and stretched her arms above her head. It was nearly impossible to pinpoint the exact emotions she was feeling. It was a mixture of everything all at once. She felt cared for, as Tommy had taken care of that need she had during his absence. He’d been tender with her, much more than when they were at the hotel. They’d taken their time and in that way, she felt more important to him. But in the light of day, fears and suspicions crept up on Leah. Was he just stringing her along for an occasional fuck? Was it simply the alcohol making her think their connection was more intense than it actually was? Was she being naïve?

           Leah bit her lip and stood up to find her slip. Slowly dressing, she glanced at the mirror every so often. Tommy’s presence was still strong, despite the empty room. He’d left bruising marks on her neck where he’d feverishly kissed and sucked at the skin. Her hips were mildly tender from where he’d gripped her so firmly. But she couldn’t remember ever being in pain.

           As she moved around the room, she passed over his discarded clothes. His scent lingered in the air. The evidence of their alcohol intake also remained within the fabric of the night before.

           Tommy’s room was tiny but mostly sparse. There wasn’t anything distinguishing it as his. She picked her stockings up off the dresser and found a drawer partly open. Overly curious, she slid it open and found a few neckties loosely folded inside. But a bit of dull silver poked out from under a black silk tie. She pulled it out and discovered it was his dog tags. The tarnished silver was dirty and dinged up from his service. But she could make out the information stamped into the small circle.

Thomas Shelby

Sergeant Major

179

           Leah’s thumb passed over the indented metal. Jonah’s tags were under her bed, sitting in the box with his letters. She closed her eyes for a moment to breathe evenly and deeply. For a brief moment, she let her mind wander to what might have happened if Jonah had come home to her. She might not have even met Tommy. But she would have her best friend back and in her arms again.

           She dropped Tommy’s tags and buried it back under the black tie. It was no good fixating on an alternate reality. Jonah would never return to her. Now she had Tommy. Or did she?

           “Time will tell.” She whispered under her breath and shut the drawer. She gathered the rest of her things to head downstairs.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

          Leah donned the same blue dress she’d worn the night before. She stepped out of Tommy’s room and found the second floor was quiet. However, she could hear activity coming from downstairs. Men were talking and calling words that she couldn’t quite make out.

           Lizzie was in the parlor and heard Leah coming down the steps. The second she saw the unfamiliar woman, Lizzie could guess why Tommy gravitated her way. She had the same golden blonde hair his late wife had.

           “Sorry, I was looking for Tommy,” Leah explained.

           “You’re the girl he was with last night?” His assistant didn’t give her an answer and sipped at the tea she’d made.

           “Yes, I’m Leah.” She wasn’t sure who she was. But it was obvious the woman had a problem with her despite not meeting her before.

           “Where d’you work?”

           “The dress shop a few streets over.” Leah became uneasy under Lizzie’s harsh stare. It reminded her of how Teresa used to glare at her if a client chose Leah over her. Anger, jealousy, and a hint of threats.

           “And before that?” Lizzie raised an eyebrow. Tommy didn’t just go wandering into dress shops and sweeping the shop girl off her feet. She could tell Leah was new to Birmingham. Tommy had found her somewhere else and Lizzie had a sneaking suspicion of where.

           Leah didn’t look away. “If you’ll just tell him I had a lovely time and that I can’t wait to see him again. I would appreciate that.” She slipped on her coat to leave. There was no use in divulging her past to a woman she just met, and one who was being so standoffish.

           “You’d be wise to get out while you can,” Lizzie warned before she made it to the door. “He’s not a man you want to get involved with. You have to know he’s dangerous and I’m guessing you don’t care.” She set her teacup down and crossed her arms over her chest. “But he’ll break your heart and leave you for something better when it comes along. He’s restless and never happy with what he has. He could have the world in the palm of his hand and he’d still want more.”

           Leah swallowed under her cold gaze. The words were haunting and made her second guess herself. There was nothing she could say in response so she left the home without a word. She burrowed her hands in her pockets and braced against the fall chill. She wondered if she should cry or not.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

           Those days, she wasn’t sure which way was up anymore. The world turned around her and she merely stood there. She’d felt numb, practically a ghost drifting about the world for years. People walked right through her without a care in the world. There didn’t seem to be any substance left to her. She used to be so sure who she was. Jonah and her family gave her a sense of purpose and identity.

           Tommy didn’t give her an identity. She still felt lost. But he filled her with feeling, emotions that she thought were unattainable after her loss of self. She could feel her heartbeat in her chest when he looked at her.

           Tears pricked her eyes as she made her way down Watery Lane. Birmingham went about its morning, not noticing the young woman dabbing her tears away. It didn’t feel her guilt and uncertainty. The city didn’t care if she cried.

           About a block away from her apartment, Leah could spot a few men. They were lingering inconspicuously around her front step. She paused, wary of their unnatural presence. One of the men turned and she instantly recognized the disfiguring scar over the left side of his face. His eye clouded over, blinded by shrapnel he’d caught in the war.

           Leah’s breath caught in her throat and her chest seized in panic. They were men under Madame Rosetta’s employ. Large men who kept the peace in the brothel, hunted down debts and intimidated the girls into obeying Rosetta.

           She’d been punished several times in her earlier days in the brothel. Anything from tardiness, refusing advances of aggressive clients or drinking heavily on the job.

           Andrew, the partially blind man, was always willing to dish out consequences. The man was rumored to have a high kill count during the war. He was excessively violent and seemed to have no problem with the pain he inflicted. He most likely enjoyed it.

           But Leah was not about to allow him the satisfaction again. Not while she had her life back on track. And especially not when she had Tommy Shelby in her corner.

           Before the men spotted her in the street, Leah turned and hurried to the dress shop. The store was closed because it was Sunday, but Beth lived in the flat upstairs.

           The younger woman was surprised to see Leah at her door, especially because the poor woman looked as if she’d seen a ghost.

           “Can I use your telephone?” Leah blurted before Beth could ask what had happened.

           “Um-sure.” She nodded and let her upstairs.

           Leah wasted no time in picking up the line and having the operator connect her to Tommy’s home.

           Polly had just entered when the phone began to ring. “Shelby residence.” She answered formally.

           “Hello, is Tommy available?” She was too shaken up to be polite.

           Not recognizing the voice, Polly was suspicious. “Who’s calling?”

           “Leah Ward, please it’s an emergency.” She begged. Her knuckles were white from gripping the receiver so tightly.

           Beth watched with worry. She couldn’t fathom what had spooked her friend so badly. Now, she was apparently trying to get in touch with Thomas Shelby. No one called a Shelby to have an idle chat. They called for business or action.

           Polly had heard about the woman from her nephews. They spoke about how Tommy had them keep an eye on a shop girl whose husband they knew from the war. “Alright, let me see if he’s nearby.” She could hear the urgency from the other end of the phone.

           Leah paced as far as the phone wire would allow her. She anxiously chewed on her nails while she waited. Beth wordlessly asked for an explanation but she could only shake her head in response.

           “Leah?”

           Tommy’s voice was like an angel’s; he was someone who could protect her. “Tommy, I need your help.”

           The man’s gut wrenched in worry. He’d been confused by his aunt explaining who was on the other line. As far as he knew, Leah was still upstairs in his room. He thought for sure she would come down and find him before leaving. He wasn’t aware of her interaction with Lizzie as his assistant had yet to pass along her message.

           “What’s going on? Where are you?” He asked.

           “I’m at Beth’s home.” Leah’s voice wavered. “There were men at my apartment. I-I don’t know why they were there but I know they work for Rosetta.”

           The mention of Leah’s old employer sparked anger in Tommy. He wanted to give her the freedom from that life. But it seemed Rosetta wasn’t about to let her loose.

           “Are you safe?”

           “Well, yes. But, Tommy I’m afraid they’ve been watching me. How’d they know where I live?”

           “S’alright, love.” Tommy did his best to soothe her over the phone. He didn’t even realize he was using such tender language or tone with her at the moment. “Stay where you are. I’ll take care of this.” He assured her in a steady voice. But he was already standing up and reaching for his gun to tuck into his coat. “I’ll come to the shop when I’m finished.”

           Leah shook her head frantically. “Don’t do anything foolish.” She begged. “I don’t want you getting hurt because of me.”

           “I won’t.” He promised. Tommy was more than certain he could handle a few dim-witted thugs. “Just stay with Beth for now. Take a deep breath and put the kettle on, eh? Calm yourself down, I won’t be long.”

           “Tommy-”

           The line went dead before Leah could interject again.

           “John, Arthur!” Tommy shouted as he exited his office.

           His younger brother was standing at the blackboard writing down odds. He paused for a moment, Tommy’s voice carrying above the bets. Arthur glanced up from a few slips, a questioning look on his face.

           Tommy slipped on his flat cap. “Follow me.”

Permanent Tag: @papa-geralt-of-cirilla @giftofdreams​ @biba3434​ @kimmietea���

Masterpost

PB Masterlist

[meganharperr-blog]

COVID-19 Day 3

Why did I start on day 3 you might ask? Well day 1 was reserved for crying, self pity, deep bouts of depression, restless anxiety, and a shit ton of edibles. Day 2 was consumed by coming up with a plan. So let’s back track to what I can remember about those days and the questions I have been asked:

1.  What made you get tested? Did you have symptoms? I very honestly get routine tests. If I am exposed to larger groups of people than my norm, I get tested. If I have a bunch of makeup gigs, I get tested. I get tested for my clients and customers. It is my moral obligation and civil duty to make sure I am 100% healthy to perform justifiably in all the fields I conduct business…which is a vast amount of service based income. I am a makeup artist, and Esthetician, and a Bartender. I either have my hands physically on someone or I am serving masses of people at a given time. Now doing all of this I have become insanely hyper aware of sanitation. In my studio I have Clorox wipes at arms reach, I sanitize with Barbicide and I am Barbicide certified, all sheets and blankets get washed after every client, and if you have had your makeup done by me before you know I wont use the same brush twice and it must be sanitized in-between clients. This has all been second nature to me for years. So when I had a bunch of photoshoots and clients on the books I knew it was time to get tested for peace of mind. Only a week and 1/2 after my last COVID test. The only thing I can even consider a symptom would be the night before I had a headache. I took Advil and it went away no problem. I was also on my cycle and having cramps…or could they have been “body pains”? Shit idk. All I know is I made a joke about having COVID on my way to my rapid testing…

2. Have you heard that the rapid tests are not as accurate? When I got my results back in 15 min and it was my first ever positive I was shocked. I did not trust it right away and pretty much everyone in my circle said get a second opinion. So I got 2 more. One was another rapid test. The other would get back to me in 3 days. I mentally claimed it was a false positive. 

My brain: “shiiiit. There aint no way. No way in hell girl. You careful as shit. You got all these blessings coming your way. Business is booming. Opportunities are rising. Aint no slowing down for 2 weeks right now.” 

I of course made my partner come with me and get a rapid test as well as the test that would take 3 days to get back to us. While waiting for the results I wanted to get vitamins and snacks and what ever else I may need if this does become my reality. We get to Publix and my heart sinks into my asshole and I’m like…. SHOULD I EVEN GO IN THERE?! The anxiety started building right then and there. I thought to myself “Just keep your mask on, Social distance, you know wtf goin on just be safe” … as we get into the store I wasn’t feeling it. I saw older people around me and I just didn’t feel right and in that moment my phone started to ring. I bursted into tears and couldn’t even stay in the store. I just knew it. It was legit.. 

The lady on the phone was so nice. She asked if it was what I expected to hear and I honestly said “no”. Because I just knew I didn’t have it. I knew how careful I had been.I am not a perfect person by any means but I see y'all reckless ass Mfer’s out there and we are not the sameeeee man shit nawwww this couldn't happen to me. But it did. 

3. How did you get it? OMFG IDK! I have exhausted my brain with this question. How could this happen to me? Shit did I drop my mask at some point? Did I get too close to someone outside at ( insert bar name here ) when I went to have a drink on Saturday night? But it was outside? 

Googles : “Can you catch COVID outside? “

    “Can you catch COVID with a mask on?”

    “Can you catch COVID from  it being on your clothing?”

    “Can you catch COVID from a toilet seat?”

I mean you name it I Googled it. And the unfortunate answer was yes to all of the above. I got tested on the 4th. So I know I got it sometime after that. I of course contacted everyone I came in contact with….which was horrible! I felt freaking terrible!!! I swear it was worse than narrowing down an STD culprit. It’s like shit… you get an STD…you hit up your top 5, or top 10…look idk your life like that…and have everyone get tested. Let’s be real though you got it narrowed down and think you probably know who did you dirty….Get the results back and boom its over with. Take the meds move on with your life no-one has to know. COVID on the other hand can fucking KILL YEW, PEOPLE YOU CARE ABOUT, GRANDMAS THAT THEY CARE ABOUT, CHILDREN WITH PRE-EXISTING ISSUES, IT CAN KILL PEOPLE. So you gotta back track back track. Make sure all bases are covered especially when you work multiple outlets which is mad important these days. THE MORAL of all this is… idk. Idk how I got it. I am mad careful. I be judging you on social media for being out and reckless without a mask on. I get tested frequently. I have hand sanitizer in every bag I own, in my car, and all over my home. I AM A NEAT FREAK and a GERMY! I am careful. To say the least..but not perfect I am sure after working 10 hours in a mask I have let it fall for a few min! I am sure on my bike I have dropped it out of pure exhaustion. I know I have tried hard, but I am still human and this is all new.  So y’all non-maskers out there think you on to something…in reality you could have it too and not even know. Psh. Anyways. Next question…

4. Does your partner have it too? No. Somehow no. This is where we had to start coming up with a plan. We work together so this puts us both out of work. LUCKILY we have been saving incase of a shut down and we also have back up savings for a home we *hope* to purchase next year so that plan was solid…. But how to keep him healthy? Just because I do not have symptoms does not mean his body will react the same way. I need to make sure he does not get infected as well. We are going to continue to get him tested for the next several days to monitor that. He is quarantining and I am in what is called “isolation”for a minimum of 14 days. We try our best to stay in different rooms. We have a tiny apartment with one bathroom, so I am just constantly sanitizing right now. Everything I touch or may have touched gets a Clorox wipe. We both wear masks 24/7 in the house. Even if he goes outside to walk the dog, I am keeping a mask on. I have learned so much in the past 48 hours about contracting the virus that I do not even want to risk a drop of my saliva in this house. I am doing disposable masks every day. I luckily have plenty of masks and gloves from working on clients. If I cook I wash my hands, sanitize, then put on gloves. We eat in separate rooms or at the edge of the room so it feels like we are eating together. We are really trying our best and that is some shit they do not prepare you for. Your partner has to be careful around you. They cannot touch you or even come near you and sometimes have to remind you of that. Try to do chores in separate rooms. Try to not get your feelings hurt because its not that they don’t want to be around you, but it is dangerous and they cannot be. So my poor lil feelings keep getting hurt, but I’m a tough gal it’ll be alright I just want to make sure he stays healthy. 

5. Can you breathe? So this brings us to day 3. We have a plan. It has been working. I have my little cleaning things I am doing in one room, he has his in another…and I am pretty much in Go Mode. Before all of this I had a Cleaning Babe coming to help me with things so I had a list for her. I just embodied her and did the list myself plus some major decluttering. I have a ton of clothes to donate (that I am letting sit bagged up for 14 days just to be cautious before donating…some shit I read idk…might get anxious and throw it all away…tbd) so while I am going to town cleaning out my abyss I start to get really short of breath and kinda lethargic. I laid down on the bed to catch my breath for several minutes then took a little break from cleaning. This is the first time I have felt any type of crazy. I still have a lot of anxiety about the days to come. Will it get worse? Will I start to feel like actual hell on earth? Will I be able to keep my partner safe? Shit idk but I am trying really hard. They simply do not tell you about the anxiety that you will have. It is normal. You are going to be generally overwhelmed if you are a good person. Just stay good. and Stay aware.... and Stay tuned. I may not write every single day. But I will keep you updated. If you have any helpful stuff for me to read, please send it my way! If you have any questions feel free to ask. If you have been in this situation with a live in positive and negative… what’s your advice? My DM’s and PM’s are open. 

[lovelyirony]

Hello friend! I'm in a mood and just feel like reading something sad. Could you pretty please maybe write some sad winteriron? Maybe something to do with terminal illness but it's up to you!

Being human means that there are many things that could happen to you and you can’t help it. 

Like cancer. 

Or being hit by a bus. 

Maybe a heart condition that you didn’t know about until you were thirty-two, had weird chest pains, and then found you didn’t have genetic testing done and neither parent told you about any extensive medical history because they both were estranged from the family. 

Okay. That was specific. 

But Tony was laying in a hospital bed and the doctors told him that he wouldn’t live past forty and he would die of heart failure. 

He feels like he should be hit harder by this. He only has eight years left to live. He shouldn’t be in his kitchen making eggs, he should probably be hysterically calling Rhodey and Pepper and Happy and asking them about funeral arrangements and what he’s going to do and quite possibly if spending the extra money to get the executive suite at the fancy hotel in Switzerland is worth it. 

Except he doesn’t want to. 

Death is a messy process. Not for him, they assured him of that. But everyone asks you questions and your loved ones. You have to figure out where to bury someone if they didn’t do it beforehand. Sometimes you have debates about cremation. Other times about how much you want to spend on a casket. 

He really doesn’t want to look at Rhodey or Pepper or Happy when they talk about that because he knows that their faces will break into tears and he will see the tear tracks when they go home to their houses and cry some more. 

Nonsense. 

If he can hide it, then he will. He doesn’t want to be a bother, it would be...unfortunate. 

Besides. He’s lonely at the top, and there’s no climbing back down the mountain. He won’t pull a Scrooge and get visited by three ghosts. 

So he lives. 

He pulls some risky moves, but nothing that makes Pepper have the “are you up to something serious that could potentially cause my midlife crisis to go off-schedule” talk. 

Again. 

He donates more money to charities and helps people pay off medical bills and walks around New York late at night to wonder why he’s going to die in eight or maybe even seven years instead of the proposed twenty to thirty. (What? He wasn’t going to be too generous, he knew himself.) 

Tony wonders sometimes if he will meet someone and they will make him want to live so much more than he can. It will be like those romantic dramas with rainfall and hair plastered to foreheads and passionate kisses that leave some of the older women teary-eyed and wishing that their husband would do something like that. 

But he’s a genius, so he knows statistics like the back of his hand. 

There will be no one. 

Eight turns into seven. He celebrates by getting absolutely slammed on New Year’s Eve and wakes up to the shittiest radio station blaring. He’s pretty sure they’re playing Maroon 5, which fucking ugh. 

New Year, new resolutions. He doesn’t bother to make one. 

“Why not? You usually make a joke one,” Rhodey says. 

“We are all going to die,” Tony answers. “Why make a resolution if I don’t want to? If I were to die in a year, it wouldn’t really matter.” 

“Okay Lord Byron,” Rhodey says, rolling his eyes. “You want Hot Topic giftcards for your birthday? Huh?” 

Tony laughs. 

Rhodey always knows how to make him laugh. 

Tony doesn’t know how he’s going to make Rhodey laugh when he’s dead. So that’s a breaking point where he stares at the wall and starts to write random memories down, like the time they snuck up onto a hotel’s roof to see the city wake up and the wind chapped their lips and Tony swore that he’d never leave Rhodey. 

Except he is. 

And he realizes that he needs to let Pepper and Rhodey and Happy know that he loves them a lot. So he starts the letters. 

He writes a letter to Pepper to remind her about how much she regrets getting light blue nail polish every single time she gets a manicure, and she should never get it. (Yes, even for a wedding she’s in, get something, anything other than that.) 

He writes a letter to Happy that is basically just wondering about how they can troll asshole celebrities that they know. He doesn’t know, but maybe he will find some dirt so that if Happy ever falls on dire times, he will have some extra cash flow coming in. Not that Tony would let that happen, but say Happy ever did. Maybe someone stole his bank information. Who knows what will happen in seven or six years. 

Summer still sucks. He thinks maybe he’ll like it more, now that he knows that his heart is going to quit. But it still smells like piss and garbage on the streets of New York, people are still blasting shitty music and riding bikes too dangerously, and he still feels gross by two p.m. when he goes outside to face the world. 

Not even the treat of shaved ice helps this. 

“At least I won’t have to face another one in seven years,” Tony murmurs. “Thank god for that.” 

Seven turns into six. 

It’s around this time when an attractive redhead shows up at his office, bends down a bit lower than necessary, and Tony gets the feeling that SHIELD should really train their agents a bit better if they want something out of him. 

He organizes a meeting with Fury, walks in, and states that they cannot afford him. 

“You know that your help would be particularly useful,” Fury says. 

“For you to get what?” He asks. “Don’t bullshit me with some answer about compassion. Peggy Carter was kind, but she wasn’t a damned saint.” 

“There are new...developments.” 

Like the fact that they’ve found Captain America. And Bucky Barnes didn’t fall off into a random ravine, so the four different conspiracy theory documentary videos that Tony watched last year were about five hours of wasted time. 

They need somewhere to stay. Fury wants Tony to foot the bill. 

“What, can’t ask the government for funding?” Tony asks. “I’m sure if they can up the budget for military every year, that covers Cap and his old pal. Hell, I bet they’ll even open up the champagne fridges.” 

“They don’t know about it.” 

“And why would that be? Because you’d rather have idols to yourself?” 

It’s a low-blow. But Tony agrees to take them in. He just doesn’t want to see them, notably because his father was a bit of a Captain America fan, Tony had had a crush on the former sharpshooter when he was a younger guy, and it was all kinds of messed up. 

But he gives them their own little apartment, one of his safehouses. 

“This ain’t little,” Steve mutters to himself, unpacking a box of plates. Natasha has been nice enough to show them around and tell them about the changes she finds relevant. She forced them to listen to what she called ‘the goddess of pop’ in the car, and Bucky nearly clawed out the stereo after “Toxic” came on. 

“Fuckin’ palace,” Bucky mutters. “Who’s is this?” 

“A man in high places,” Natasha answers. “He doesn’t want to be known. Doesn’t exactly play well with others.” 

She leaves them be, and there’s so much that has changed. Steve is still looking for any sign of the past he can find in Bucky, and Bucky...

He’s not who he used to be. He doesn’t remember half the shit that Steve does. Perks of having your brain so fried up that you can barely remember your middle name. 

They eat together in silence. 

“I guess...I guess we have to figure out who we really are,” Steve says. “Because you’re not who I remember, and I’m not...I guess I’m not either.” 

Bucky nods. 

“Do you reckon we’ll like going out dancing?” 

The answer is a strong no, although Steve has to say the drinks have improved a hell of a lot more. He likes the ones that come with the small paper umbrellas. He doesn’t know where they get them, but it gives him an idea for an art project. 

Tony doesn’t hear much about the wonder boys. He doesn’t want to, not really. Natasha just says they’re getting more and more adjusted and she has evidence of Steve Rogers going clubbing. 

“Oh my god,” Tony groans. “Romanoff, do not.” 

“It’s funny.” 

“I don’t wanna know.” 

“What, you jealous that you’re not dancing with him?” 

“Hardly. Blonde and beefy isn’t my type.” 

“Then what is?” 

“Classified.” Tony answered. “Now, is there anything else you want SHIELD to suck out of me?” 

“Well, my manicure funding is getting rather low...” 

Tony snorts, but points towards the door. 

His chest hurts. It’s been happening. He’s actually gotten used to it. In a way, he’s more concerned when it doesn’t hurt. He went to another specialist. They say his death sentence is signed, even if they don’t word it like that. Here’s how it is usually worded: 

“I have a colleague who works at insert-clinic/hospital-here...I can refer you to Dr. So-and-So?” 

They can. But it’s another list of referrals of so-and-so’s and clinics and appointments at the most inopportune times. 

All for nothing, because Tony knows that he can’t be fixed. The human body sometimes works like a machine. But it’s not one. It’d be like Tony calling a dog a wolf. Similar, but no one wants to bring a wolf into their house as a pet. 

He gets a phone call from someone named Deputy Director Hill. 

-

He needs a new arm. 

Barnes needs a new arm. Of course he does. Tony should’ve expected that, of course. Hydra isn’t exactly known for revolutionizing prosthetics or being particularly kind to their projects that they work on. So Tony automatically has a one-up. 

He gets Barnes to come to this mechanic garage, surrounded by old tin signs and vintage cars that cost more than most of the monthly rent of penthouses in New York. 

Bucky does a double-take. 

“Howard?” 

“I hope not,” Tony answers. “Hop up on the chair for me, please. I’m getting you a new arm.” 

“This is fine,” Barnes automatically spouts. Tony can see the damage from here, and can even point out that the arm’s reaction time is probably the worst it has been currently. 

“If you want to stick to your Great Depression ideals, then by all means be my guest and go bitch in a grocery store about prices,” Tony responds dryly. “But if you want an arm that’s gonna be actually good, then sit.” 

So he does. 

Tony looks incredibly similar to his father. But there’s something different about him. Something softer, almost. Bucky didn’t know Howard nearly as well as others did, but he knew that Tony wasn’t his father. 

“How are you adjusting to the city?” Tony asks. 

"Still the shithole we all know and love,” Bucky swears. “I think the rats got bigger.” 

“They did. It’s amusing and horrifying at the same time. You ride the subway yet?” 

“Yes and I’ve come to terms with it. Lots of new things to learn about it.” 

Barnes’ visits become more frequent. They talk about New York stuff. Tony tells him all about the fun events that have happened that he missed while he was doing time as an icicle. 

It’s nice, talking to him. Tony finally has someone who understands fatalistic humor and doesn’t respond with 

“That’s scary, Tony.” 

“What do you mean?” 

Bucky just says “cheers” and decides to tell Tony about the time he nearly died in 1992 because he lost his footing on the Eiffel Tower. 

Tony laughs, and laughs harder than he thought he had in a long time. 

-

Six turns into five. 

Bucky gets closer, and they have...something. He’s not sure what it is yet, but he knows that they go on breakfast dates most of the time and he knows the coffee orders by heart. 

“I think you’ve found someone,” Pepper says, teasing. “Look at you.” 

“Yeah, look at me,” Tony murmurs. 

He has five years left. That’s plenty of time to date someone and break up, right? 

Except. 

It’s...wonderful to date Bucky. They go all over, have fun trying the shittiest restaurants in town, and even get Steve to get out more and socialize with the group. 

They date and celebrate holidays together and have fun candles and--

Five turns into four. 

“Not that bad,” Tony whispers to himself when he’s getting ready for bed. 

“What’s not bad?” Bucky asks. 

“Nothing, sweetheart,” Tony says. “Just got a new toothpaste.” 

They watch It’s a Wonderful Life and Tony can’t really focus, not when he’s thinking about the fact that he still hasn’t picked out a design for his urn. 

Not when he realizes that he needs to break up with Bucky and make it a whole big scene so that no one will talk to him. It has to be about two years before the date, he thinks. 

He goes to another Dr. So-and-So. They say he might actually have one more year, but who knows. 

He doesn’t. 

But he wakes up with Bucky every day and they make breakfast, and he thinks that maybe he could tell him? Maybe? 

The words get stuck in his mouth. 

He can’t. 

He meets with his lawyer for the will. 

“Why making sudden changes?” 

“Just like to shake things up,” Tony says with a smile. “Never know what’s going to happen, right?” 

“You are right about that,” the lawyer says. He’s a bit uncomfortable. Tony Stark looks at him like he knows that his life is short and that something else will come up. But it’s not the lawyer’s job to ask if things really are okay, and it’s not like Tony would tell him anyway. 

So he makes the changes to the will. 

Tony looks at Bucky as he’s napping, face so peaceful. 

He can’t ruin that. 

[panelshowsource]

a note about women’s month 💘

thank you to everyone who voted in the fave female panelists poll this year! last year was a blast and this year was even better! we’ve seen more woman on tv this year — and some improved, though grossly insufficient, diversity within that — and i love celebrating that with you everyday!

last year, i wrote this:

the lack of diversity in british comedy is an alarming issue that has only recently become headline news. statistics presented by this study, based on 50 years of panel shows and over 4,700 individual episodes, are beyond disappointing for women (here is an easy-to-read graph by series & by year); similar disappointment stems from the lineups at popular comedy festivals, like edinburgh. in 2014, the head of tv at the bbc promised to end all-male comedy shows, a “step in the right direction” that hasn’t been without fear of tokenism, fair criticism as well as some naysayers. women, people of colour, lgbt peoples, those differently-abled and those all of the above and in between are just as funny as cis-identifying white men and deserve a place on our screens. watch their standup, buy their books, stream their videos, listen to their podcasts, comment on and like their content, follow their social media. this support can directly help women become more visible in british comedy.

in the last year, have you been actively conscious of supporting women in comedy? i’d like to take a moment to talk about some ways you can do that :)

➡ from feminist discourse to tales of humans & their dogs to ghost stories, these women are providing some of the most touching, stimulating, and funny reading coming out of comedy:

How to be Champion: My Autobiography by Sarah Millican

Animal: The Autobiography of a Female Body by Sara Pascoe

The Guilty Feminist: From our noble goals to our worst hypocrisies by Deborah Frances-White

The Actual One: How I Tried, and Failed, to Avoid Adulthood Forever by Isy Suttie

Cheer Up Love: Adventures in Depression with the Crab of Hate by Susan Calman

The More You Ignore Me by Jo Brand

Can't Stand Up for Sitting Down: A Memoir by Jo Brand

Look Back in Hunger: The Autobiography by Jo Brand

Born Lippy: How to Do Female by Jo Brand

Is It Just Me? by Miranda Hart

Peggy & Me by Miranda Hart

Nina Is Not OK by Shappi Khorsandi

A Beginner's Guide to Acting English: A Memoir by Shappi Khorsandi

Spectacles: A Memoir by Sue Perkins

East of Croydon: Blunderings through India and South East Asia by Sue Perkins

Once More, with Feeling: How We Tried to Make the Greatest Porn Film Ever by Victoria Coren Mitchell and Charlie Skelton

For Richer, For Poorer: A Love Affair with Poker by Victoria Coren Mitchell

Dead Funny: Horror Stories by Comedians featuring Sara Pascoe, Katy Brand, and Danielle Ward

...and that’s just to name a handful! my fingers would need a 5 min power nap if i tried typing out all of susie dent’s books 💪

➡ this is a list of a lot relevant active podcasts coming out of britain right now (though it is missing, most notably, off menu). for example, if you liked alice levine on taskmaster, why not listen to her podcast? or watch/listen her on rhlstp? this is such a fun way to get more deeply involved in the comedy of some of your favourite ladies! might i recommend isy suttie’s the things we do for love, anneka harry’s brown bread, or box set go! with nicola stephenson (the newest ep features rebecca front!)? most of these are free, or they can be found/requested at /r/notapanelshow p.s. suzi ruffell, rosie jones, tiff stevenson and more are scheduled to appear on rhlstp this season 😍

➡ here is a list of some radio programmes currently on the air. while it does look stacked with men (because it is), women do feature on so many of these series and absolutely smash it! did you know sandi toksvig hosted the news quiz for almost ten years, and its regular panelists include susan calman, rebecca front, zoe lyons, and more? or that victoria coren mitchell has hosted heresy since 2006 (because there’s nothing she can’t do)? or that sarah millican, jo brand, and sally phillips have each hosted series of the museum of curiosity? these are all on the masterpost! 👏 p.s. you can always search for and/or request more radio shows at /r/panelshow or, if they’re not panel radio shows, /r/notapanelshow :)

➡ social 👏 media 👏 determines 👏 relevancy 👏 do i agree with this system? no. is this the system entertainers are currently slaves to? yes. do you follow your favourite women on twitter, instagram, youtube, etc? one click. one like. one retweet. one reblog. here is a list of some of the comedians i follow on twitter to get you started — all of your faves are on there! when you like something they are on, tweet about it! tag them, the network, the channel, use the hashtags, post pictures! tell channels like dave or people like richard osman who your faves are, who deserves more exposure, who you want to see in the future! we’re already obsessing over how much we like these ladies anyways, so why not make that obsession even more visibile?

➡ we have a really sweet, modest community here of at least 10,000 people. this is not something i’ve ever talked about because i don’t want what i’m going to say to be misconstrued as begging for notes — that is not my concern. but you may have heard people on this site talk about something called the like/reblog ratio. a lot of creators are concerned that, apart from tumblr’s ever-evolving ludicrous algorithms murdering their visibility, people are so obsessed with their blog aesthetics that they’re not actually reblogging everything they like. here’s a couple of my gifset details, one from a nicher post and one from a more popular post:

while i appreciate any notes, numbers likes these aren’t always encouraging. i’m not here to tell you how to enjoy your spare time and interests, or to criticise people who enjoy aesthetic. i just want to point out that if you want someone to be successful, you play a direct part in promoting them and spreading their art. as the years pass, this becomes more and more true. i know how much you all love these ladies — i get messages about them every single day — but it’s a simple fact that a gifset of james acaster or noel fielding or richard ayoade or david mitchell is going to get more notes than a post about any of the women who placed in the top 5 of this poll. i am not bringing this up to this make anyone feel guilty about what they enjoy; i only hope my mentioning this encourages you to be conscientious when participating on social media, especially when your interest lies in the products of a grossly unjust industry that is taking a lot fucking time to get itself on the right track. more followers on a comedian’s twitter = more work for that comedian, because that’s simply the direction the film & tv industry is going. if your follow yields that much power, why not use it for good?

please support women. if you buy one of their books, please message me and tell me which one! if you think one of them is shining on a radio programme and we’re sleeping on her, please let me know (timestamps appreciated!)! if one starts a gofundme or patreon to start a podcast or a tour, please donate 50p and then send me the link! there is always more we can be doing and we are always underestimating what even smallest amount of support means for their bigger picture. i don’t have all the answers, but i love the feeling i get when i believe society is evolving in the right direction. rose matafeo won the edinburgh comedy award in 2018, and sarah keyworth and kiri pritchard-mclean took the top awards at the 2019 chortle awards. women are here to stay and they’re fucking killing it. because duh ❣️

if you took the time to read this, i appreciate you x

[thelazyeye]

oh okay, internet famous Losers, like they're all youtubers and insta famous kids doing really different stuff around the nation, what do each of them do? who connects with who and how?

Ooff I love this idea. I used to be moderately into youtube people. Mamrie Hart anyone? She cracks me the fuck UP. Anyway this got super long so its under the cut. I hope you enjoy anon! Thanks for sending something it!!

Okay. Here we go. 

Richie 

is a youtube personality. Duh. He started out vlogging and his Voices and somehow his channel picked up. He writes comedy bits, does personal blogging, and tests his voices. 

When he was starting out he had a bit where he was a weatherman that had multiple personalities (Voices) and it got insanely popular. He received some backlash due to the offensiveness of the bit and has since retired it, but references it from time to time to credit his fame. 

Now he focuses a lot on his comedy routines and improv acting with other members of the community. He does challenges from time to time as collabs as well

People are super invested in his personal life (bc people seriously get like that with youtube people) and started speculating about his sexuality. It took him a few years to address all the rumors that he wasn’t straight and how he was probably dating this youtuber or that youtuber. 

Eddie 

is an LGBT Activist that has a youtube channel as well (think Laci Green but LGBT and not sex ed, though he does do sex ed work)

He got his start when he was in college. He became the president of the LGBT club. He wanted to reach a large number of students and he figured the best way to do that would be youtube

The entire club helped him out. Every week he would have another club member on the channel to talk about their sexuality and experiences

It didn’t get big at the school but he got lowkey noticed by the HRC after about 6 or 7 videos. He was contacted by a social media manager on the team to commend him on his work

From then on out he started to work harder on his videos, including more in depth information and he included links to more resources

Eventually, his videos started to rack up views from young LGBT kids thanking him for his channel

He started to collab with famous LGBT youtubers (troye sivan, hannah hart) and that’s when he really blew up 

Bill 

actually got his start on Vine. He mastered the art of the 6 second story and when the platform went down he migrated to youtube, snapchat, and twitter. He’s got profiles on almost every social media platform and he’s written a couple of webseries, as well. 

His first webseries (pre-vine) focused on comedy. He and some college friends got together and wrote the script/acted it out. It wasn’t very big but the following for it had a cultish feel. 

It blew up after he became famous on vine

After that, he started writing more webseries and partnering with other youtube actors

He wrote and completed two successful comedy webseries before he got bored of it. He decided to make the jump to horror work 

Think Marble Hornets

He ended up getting a scholarship to a film school and has been working on becoming a movie director ever since

His youtube work is on a hiatus but he still posts blogs and updates of his life. He’s active on Snapchat and Twitter the most. He still does dumb, funny shit from time to time and tweets out very random jokes

Stan 

is an adventure youtuber. He travels all over the world, seeking thrills and exploring nature. His videos usually have some kind of educational component but they’re always entertaining. Stan has explored the Savanah and Rain Forrests, he’s sky dived and scuba dived. He’s done a lot

He has a side channel for his love of birds because how can I not throw this in here?

When Anti semites started showing back up in the world Stan started to dedicate more of his channel, and his other platforms, to Judaism. He’s uses his popularity and fame to educate people and create awareness around the issues Jews face

As a result, he blogged his Birthright to Israel. It was a weeks worth of videos, some candids that he just uploaded on the whim, and some he took the time to edit. They were adventurous, educational, and full of his personal journey

Stan has also faced a lot of backlash for his involvement with the jewish community. He voices this in his videos. To combat the threats against him, he recruits other members of the youtube community to collab with and talk about issues. He makes it fun. He’s cooked Jewish foods, celebrated Jewish holidays, and had fun discussions with other personalities. 

Bev 

is a famous fashion designer and makeup artist. She got her start on Instagram, posting her designs and outfits that she created. Sh started young. Like 15 years old. As she grew up and went to school, her fashion instagram grew. People got to see her skills improve and they watched as she turned into a teenager designing clothes in her bedroom to a design student to a professional

She gives fashion tips to people and her favorite hobby is making posts that help girls and boys create fun, new, and exciting clothes out of what they already have in their closet

She firmly believes that you don’t need to have money and status to dress well. She wants fashion to be accessible. 

She started a youtube channel out of request from her followers. She got a lot of comments about her makeup and she started to do makeup tutorials there (Think Sailor J)

People really started to see how funny she was, then. She would always throw little bullshit videos onto her story but this was the first time she posted video content that didn’t disappear after 24h

Her youtube is not nearly as active as her instagram. That’s where you can find all of her content

She is also a vocal activist against child abuse on her insta. She frequently donates to various organizations and she does it very publicly. She runs clothing drives for those in need and has even hosted makeover days for young girls whose families can’t afford good clothes/makeup. 

She has recently expanded her fashion designs to male clothing, promoting Non Binary, Trans, and other identities in her lines. She says “Clothing has no gender” and pushes that despite advice to lay low on the issue. 

Mike

is a super unlikely case of internet fame. His instagram is composed almost entirely of his farm animals. He really didn’t think he was going to get famous from it. He just loves his farm so fucking much

The first half of his internet fame just consisted of pictures and videos of his animals. Namely, his dog Mr. Chips and his cow, Barely. They were best friends and Mike posted pictures of them napping together, playing together, and helping him run the farm

Once he started to gain an unreasonable about of followers he would pepper in posts that were educational. He talked about the importance of farmers, the work that he does, and how he maintains his animals. He worked to debunk a lot of myths about farming and really promote the work that he does. 

He still posts a lot of videos of him with his animals being all cute, but he uses his activism to reach large numbers of people at a single time. 

He also promotes healthy eating on his instagram. He talks about balanced diets and how to moderate sweets intake. 

Eventually he talks about working out (because Mike Hanlon is ripped sorry I don’t make the rules) and helps build an all around healthy lifestyle for his following. He kind of accidentally becomes a life coach of sorts. Motivation, healthy living, and cute animals. 

He has no idea how it happened but he doesn’t regret a single minute of it

Ben

is a singer! This sweet old mother fucker started out on youtube when he was 16. He bought a Ukulele and started writing love songs for the girl he was pining after

We all know that one mother fucker who owed a Ukulele in high school

His voice was like velvet, though. He wasn’t popular enough for anyone to really see it so he didn’t get teased in high school for it. His first couple videos got only a handful of views

What kick started his fame is a cover video. When he decided he wanted to do an acoustic cover of Lady Gaga’s Love Game

He did it on Ukulele

It ended up being such a fun and unique cover of such a popular song that he got noticed. Like. The video fucking blew up. He ended up getting over 5 thousand views overnight and the number just kept growing

Ben ran with it. He covered other popular songs (I Kissed a Girl, Viva La Vida, So What, etc) 

He blew up so hard and fast that people started to notice his original works

He got noticed by a label and signed the summer after he graduated high school

His first album was a love album because it’s Ben come on

He doesn’t have much of a social media presence after his youtube channel. He has the mandatory instagram and twitter that all famous people seem to have but they’re fairly inactive

Collabs

Richie and Bill

Richie and Bill were the first to collab with each other. Richie acted in Bill’s first webseries and it built a friendship that lasts a lifetime. 

The two of them do stupid youtube challenges with each other whenever they’re in the same city

Bill used to guest on Richie’s channels and play improv games to help both of them work on their comedy. They always turn out ridiculously funny and normally involve some level of alcohol

When Bill lost his younger brother in a car accident (sorry georgie dies in like every single universe) Richie flew out to see Bill and spend time with him. The two of them filmed a vlog together where they talked about the loss and then they both donated to anti drunk driving campaigns and urged their followers to do the same and never drive drunk

Richie and Eddie

They met for the first time at vidcon when they were first starting out. Richie was already pretty big but Eddie was working on his following. They hit it off immediately and they filmed a video for Eddie’s channel that focused on Eddie debunking stereotypes surrounding the LGBT community. Richie added a tasteful comedic flair that brought in views and he taught Eddie that things don’t always need to be serious 100% of the time

They kept in loose contact after that, always meeting up at vidcon and filming a ridiculous video for Eddie’s channel

2 years later, Richie reached out to Eddie and asked him to film a video for Richie’s channel

He wouldn’t tell Eddie what it was until they were in front of the camera, but Eddie readily agreed. He loved working with Richie. He thought he was fun and witty

When they got in front of the camera Richie revealed that he was bisexual and that Eddie’s videos helped him learn about bisexuality and come to terms with it

They spent the video talking about Richie’s journey to self acceptance, why he decided to come out, and Eddie’s knowledge surrounding sexual identity development. The video ended up being 15 minutes long and had the highest comment numbers Richie had ever seen. Not every comment was positive, but he took the experience in stride and started doing little bits of advocacy here and there for his and other channels 

Richie and Eddie end up dating, but not for a long, long time after that video when they’re both living in LA and well established in their youtube careers. 

Bev and Mike

An unlikely combo for an unlikely youtube star! Bev and Mike do a collab that focuses on self esteem and loving yourself!

Mike gives health tips and Bev gives fashion advice, but both of them talk about the importance of self worth and how external image means nothing if you don’t love yourself first. They both talk about their own journeys. 

The collab starts because Bev finds out about Mike through insta and she ends up contacting him about wool. They partner up business wise and Mike helps provide wool for her fashion line while Bev promotes his farm work. 

They don’t do many intentional collabs after they one, but they do show up on each others stories and in pictures together very frequently. The two become best friends

Ben and Bev

They don’t collab. But they do get married. 

They meet through the fame and bustle of L.A. Ben’s music career makes him end up at the same Gala as Bev, where they’re introduced to each other. They hit it off immediately, connecting with their childhoods and such. 

They date for 3 years before Ben proposes via Flash Mob and song written just for Bev

Bev loves the song so much she insists Ben release it. It becomes a Billboard hit

Eddie and Stan

Stan finds himself in NYC where Eddie lives and he reaches out to do an educational collab on LGBT politics in the Jewish community. 

He takes Eddie rock climbing and the two film the video with go pros. 

Eddie is terrified at first and it makes for a funny introduction but he eventually gets his bearings and the two of them scale a cliff together, talking about issues and getting to know each other. 

Stan and Richie

Eddie introduces them after the Coming Out Video. 

They collab as frequently as they can

They do ridiculous shit and Stan films Richie’s commentary. Its hilarious

They have a natural chemistry and they feed off of each other. Stan didn’t know he was a funny guy until he met Richie. Then it just kind of came out of the woodwork. Richie really highlighted Stan’s eccentric sense of humor. 

Everyone

Richie and Bev are childhood best friends

Eventually, they all end up meeting. They don’t really film videos with each other. Sometimes there’s a vlog that includes more than two of them but very rarely are they all in the same video at the same time. 

It happened intentionally once. It was chaos. Everyone was drunk. The video had to be edited so severely that it was only 1 minute and 30 seconds

They do however show up in snapchats, insta stories, and pictures as a group. By the time they’re all 30 they’re very, very good friends

[raccoonpatriotism]

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Random, Useless Headcanons | Accepting

i like how i keep labeling this meme as “accepting” when i have…. 260 of these right here.

1: Has he driven a car before? Yes. Should he be allowed to keep driving? No.

2: You know that “I’m washing me and my clothes!” vine? That’s Jane. It’s efficient.

3: If you gave him Cat Food he’d say it’s the best thing he’d ever tasted.

4: Before going to Poland to serve his time, he hired a sex worker. Her touch would be the last non-violent physical contact he would feel for the next 9 or so years.

5: 

6: He donates a healthy sum of his paychecks to wild animal and veteran charities. 

7: Jane’s ‘friendship’ with Merasmus is the longest relationship he’s ever held.

8: Jane doesn’t believe in the number 8.

9: He doesn’t have any titty mags, but he does have tasteful pin-up for the inside of his locker.

10: He’s an excellent swimmer - but will sometimes forget to hold his breath. 

11: Getting Jane to imprint on you like a baby bird is really easy. Be strong, be patriotic, be funny, be determined. 

12: He trusts everything he’s told from someone he views as a friend.

13: He’s been on BLU before - it was brief.., a WAR! got started and ended. A few years went by and he was balanced to RED

14: Continuation of 13, it was… very easy to get him to believe he was always on RED team.

15: He loves fighting robots - but nothing compares to the feeling of a neck snapping in his hands.

16: He taught himself how to use every weapon he came across in Poland - it took a few years before he ran into a rocket launcher…. His life was changed from that moment onward.

17: His knowledge of the US military comes from tv and stories from veteran home he was forced to work at through his older years at the orphanage. (Outdated or complete bullshit.)

18: The liveliness of America is just one of the innumerable reasons he loves the country. Even things he hates (like.. war protesters/hippies) have this determination in them that makes him proud.

19: He’ll pick ear wax out of his ear, sniff it, grimace, and happily hold the finger out to somebody near him.

20: He only wants the best for you.

21: Getting him to realize he’s actually ended civilian’s lives is a conversation that would take over an hour. His brain has the wildest, irrationally rational excuses ever. (”Officer Miss Pauling, what I am about to say will SHOCK you; I was framed” will never make me not lose my mind. ilove him)

22: His moral compass is, admittedly, terrible, but he genuinely wants the best for people in the world.

23: Helping people, serving his country, that’s his goal. That all he wants out of life. He’s a cog in the machine of war and he loves it.

24: Consequences don’t exist in Jane’s world.

25: He’s so fucking bisexual. This headcanon is not useless at all.

26: Jane snores like a chainsaw - and will then be absolutely silent for spaces of minutes.

27: He never covers his face when he sneezes.

28: He’s very touchy feely - A way to make up for what he so clearly craves.

29: But god this man wants to be touched.

30: As much as Jane holds back on admitting to weakness, he’s also just a genuinely honest guy so simple prodding usually gets him to spill.

31: Jane has never purposefully manipulated someone in his life.

32: He’s only ever seen one movie. Well, more like registered he always zones out at some point. Sometimes starting the movie in a day dream and zoning back in to catch the ending. The movie he’s fully seen was watched through 3 separate sessions.

33: War films, what he does catch, always make him cry.

34: With everyone he meets; Jane immediately thinks of two things. How to kill them. And what to say when holding their guts into their dying corpse and crying to the sky.

35: He has no idea he’s beautiful.

36: Jane doesn’t have a self-effacing bone in his body.

37: He chews with his mouth open, and speaks with his mouth full. He’ll also snap at someone else to stop talking with their mouth full, it’s disrespectful.

38: Jane had a dream where he beat Communism and thought it was true for a whole year.

39: He’s not dumb on purpose. He has nothing to gain by making people think he’s an idiot, as far as he’s concerned. He acts like himself 24/7

40: Jane invented that song Fifty Nifty United States song that’s song in elementary schools.

41: You know those kiddie leashes? You could put one of those on Jane and he wouldn’t be, like, “Okay.” Try and run off and be like “What contraption is holding me here?!?!?!”

42: The answer to life, the universe, and everything is American Apple Pie

43: i just realized im gonna get to answer a headcanon 69 and got excited. UHH jane likes the color red.

44: Jane likes the color blue.

45: Jane likes the color white.

46: Jane loves all skin colors, anybody can be American.

47: Has he retained any American history? Haha. Ha. No.

48: Jane was taken out of elementary school for bad behavior, lack of attention, and general ruckus.

49: His orphanage never tried to send him back to any schooling. 

50: Jane was born July 4th, he doesn’t know that, despite claiming it.

51: He’s not an amnesiac - he’s never had a strong sense for long-term memories. 

52: God, he loves bread.

53: And also he loves taking everything Engineer says literally. He’s such a wise American.

54: Jane would absolute trollface and say “Problem?”

55: He would never say a slur.

56: Jane does not use fuck as a curse ever. He’ll say it, but like, to mean, y’know.

57: He’s a follower, don’t tell him that. He’ll get offended. 

58: Jane is convinced the President is the most powerful being in the world, and is also granted special powers.

59: Jane is progressive, baybee. He thinks dogs should vote!!

60: UNLESS IT HAS TO DO WITH WAR. Then he’s, like, a total bootlicker.

61: He’ll beat up racists in bars.

62: Jane really came alive during Grey Mann’s first robot attacks - for the second time he felt like he was protecting America and not some Very Important American Gravel. 

63: If Jane ever got sentenced to prison, he’d just serve his time.

64: He has Lawyer Powers given to him by magic, and he is not afraid to use them.

65: Besides Scout, he has represented himself, Lt. Bites, and the state of Tennessee in court.

66: He was a bad roommate, he genuinely thought Merasmus was an even worse roommate. 

67: Extreme Cold is a surefire way to trigger his PTSD. He doesn’t act all that different verbally, but he becomes entire still. Not even moving to shiver. It’s like he automatically transfers to late stage hypothermia.

68: Jane may have never played baseball, but he’s briefly been on a bowling team.

69: ayyyyy. Jane always returns the favor, if ya know what i mean.

70: I can’t tell you how much he can lift because I know nothing about fitness, but it’s a lot. And it’s impressive. 

71: Jane practices unsafe workout routines! It’s a miracle lifting without a spotter hasn’t killed him yet.

72: He makes up for his genuine stupidity with Pure Luck.

73: He’ll kill, he’ll maim, but he won’t assault. 

74: Jane’s favorite chocolate is Hershey’s.

75: He’s convinced Milton Hershey, founder of Hershey’s Chocolate, was a President despite him being alive in Jane’s lifetime.

76: Jane isn’t afraid of gay thoughts, never payed attention to period typical homophobia going on around him therefor never got a chance to develop it.

77: Jane would totally be the type of guy to see one of those Fireman Calendars and zone out staring at some dudes pecs and someone asks him if he’s okay and he’s like “I’m ogay.”

78: It’s a miracle, the first time Jane rocket jumped, his legs weren’t blown off. He was injured from the fall, surprised he’d gotten air at all. It was an accident and, while he’d never go to recreate it during his time in Poland, when he’d gotten hooked up to respawn and he saw all the high perches, the trick reoccured to him.

79: He loved Tavish so much

80: He was born in Tennessee, although he grew up in Wisconsin.

81: He’ll make odd little sounds - aborted sentences, thoughts lost to the depths of his brain. You can point them out and he’ll have no idea what you’re talking about.

82: He could have a possum mixed in with his raccoons and think it’s a raccoon.

83: He takes his Ranger Job very seriously. Just as serious as he does all his jobs. (So, you know. Not… very.) He is very enthusiastic at least!

84: He’s not empathetic at all, however energies at Large in a room really affect him. Chances are, if everyone’s in good favor, he’ll be really happy and relaxed - even if previously grumpy.

85: Jane can be really grumpy, that’s when his drill sergeant personality shines through - more often than not, he’s just a good natured loud patriot rolling with the punches of life.

86: He believes in the Judeo-Christian God, but also… believes the president is stronger than God? Sometimes? Depends on the situation. What is blasphemy haha?!?

87: Jane always wanted a puppy - meeting Bites, future Lieutenant, was like a dream come true to him.

88: Plus, he’d always liked raccoons - often responsible for tipping over dumpsters at his orphanage to help the little critters.

89: Jane can and will eat out of the garbage if not stopped.

90: He’s very passionate and strict about what he knows are fact (the issue is, facts can change pretty easily in jane’s head.

91: Good thing he has a helmet because Jane’s puppy-dog eyes are the sort that are clearly un-practiced and unintentional and thus made all the more soul-wrenching. 

92: He’s always surprised by doorbells.

93: Jane would never smoke weed of his own volition, but under the influence, everything would make So Much Sense to him.

94: I’m talking the wildest stoner sayings, that always are so structurally sound it’s scary.

95: This man loves cashews.

96: “Mm crunchy things.. good.” - Shared thought by Jane and Lt. Bites.

97: Lt. Bites likes to curl up on Jane’s stomach when he’s sleeping. Jane often wakes up with his face covered in scratches and fur in his mouth. Much like the Soldier, the Lieutenant isn’t quite a sound sleeper.

98: Fuck, like, he loves cashews so much? The texture is amazing.

99: Jane has no illegitimate or legitimate children.

100: Jane loves his team almost as much as he loves America.

101: IF YOU MADE IT THIS FAR scroll back up and read everything, LOSER otherwise… wow………you love soldier. me too…… 

CONTINUED HERE

[jaemtens]

Rescue (Chapter 4)

seventeen | junhao | side meanie / vernkwan | chapter 4 of 10 | 15.5k

tumblr links: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 ao3 links: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10

written with @bulletproof-bad-wolf | updates every saturday morning

summary:  When Soonyoung finally “agrees” to let Junhui get a dog for their apartment, he realizes that he needed something a little bit more than a puppy. Enter Minghao, the bona fide Bad Boy™ with tattoos and piercings. Oh, and he doodles puppies and kittens in their Probability and Confirmation class.

chapter 4: minghao

Minghao stood impatiently in front of their slow-ass printer, waiting for the old piece-of-shit to spit out the 13 sheets of paper comprising Jun’s contract into his hands. It said it was still processing the data from the computer, whatever that meant.

It was stupid. He was stupid. He knew how to work the goddamn computer, he had done it a million times. Yeah, yeah, Dokyeom was usually the one to process adoptions, but it wasn’t like Minghao had never worked the computer before. How many dogs had he adopted out? At least a few dozen. And yet he couldn’t work the computer. It wasn’t like he really needed Dino’s help for anything, considering he had done all of their jobs without Dino for the longest time. Hell, he trained Dino how to use the computer, how to keep everything organized on their spreadsheets. He was off his game, and he knew exactly why.

The first piece of paper finally started feeding out of the printer, the pleasingly-warm paper falling limply into his waiting hand.

It was fucking Wen Junhui. Again.

He wished he was fucking Wen Junhui.

Fuck! No, he didn’t really mean that. Sure, Jun was tall and handsome and cute and caring and thoughtful and just about every other synonym in the thesaurus for “boyfriend.” But that didn’t mean that he wanted to do anything with him, and certainly that he didn’t want to be his boyfriend. He was over him. He had told himself to get over Junhui, and goddamnit it was going great until Junhui just had to walk into the shelter again with his tall-slash-cute-slash-caring-slash-thoughtful self. Why did Junhui have to care about him? Why couldn’t he just move on and let MInghao sort out his one and only problem.

Okay, that was a lie. It wasn’t just Junhui. It was Soonyoung too.

Minghao looked down: page 6/13. Shit, can’t this thing just, like, not be a piece of shit?

God, fuck Soonyoung.

Minghao could feel his blood starting to boil just thinking about his classmate. Soonyoung seemed okay enough when he met him at the dance studio -- they would, like, nod to each other, which is more acknowledgement than Minghao bothered with for most people. He was a good dancer, he gathered; Soonyoung had a mind for picking up choreos fast. But all of that mutual okay-ness disappeared the second Soonyoung ruined the only good thing in his life right now, Junhui.

He knew it the second they walked in together: Junhui and Soonyoung were dating. There was no other viable explanation. Who the hell else do you bring along to adopt a dog with? Your parents, maybe -- if you’re 5. But if you’re 20? Your significant other, of course. He could tell that they were perfectly domestic, Soonyoung playing along with what Junhui wanted, which apparently was the cute Dachshund puppy that they rescued a few weeks ago. All they needed was the 2.5 kids in a few years and they’d be the ideal gay family.

Things like this didn’t usually bother Minghao. He didn’t care when Mingyu and Wonwoo practically made out in class with their stupid heart-eyes. But this was different -- because it involved Junhui.

To be perfectly honest, he was crushed when he saw Soonyoung walk in with Junhui, when it dawned on him what they were, what he would never be. Even now, he had this leftover sinking feeling knotted up in his stomach, like he was nauseous and lightheaded at the same time. Rationally, he knew it wasn’t Soonyoung’s fault, but he couldn’t help but get angry at Soonyoung for having the one thing that he wanted more than anything else right now. He wanted to be angry at Junhui. Why did he have to lead him on by being a good person when nobody else would? He wanted to be angry at him so badly, but he couldn’t. He just couldn’t. Even knowing that his snowball’s-chance-in-hell had been snuffed out by the existence of Soonyoung, even knowing that Junhui was probably never interested in him to begin with, even knowing that he would never, ever be good enough for an angel like Junhui, Minghao still fucking stuttered when Junhui asked him if he was okay.

He doesn’t stutter! He doesn’t stutter, period. That’s right, Xu Minghao lives a life of conviction, of no (outward) regrets, of not stuttering.

Minghao groaned out loud. Why did he even care anymore?

“Um, Minghao,” Dino shouted from the front, “are those papers done printing yet?”

Shit. Minghao looked down, seeing his hand holding all 13 pages of Junhui’s contract to adopt his new puppy. He grabbed the contract, exited the lounge, and went back to the front desk where Dino seemed to be chatting up a storm with Junhui about puppies and training and probably a million other things. Dino probably had talked to Junhui more in the past five minutes than Minghao had talked to Junhui in the past five weeks.

“Sorry, paper jam,” he lied.

Dino sighed. “We really need to convince Dokyeom to buy the shelter a new printer.”

“Dokyeom?” Junhui asked.

Minghao tried to ignore them, instead scanning through the contract and marking all the places where Junhui had to sign.

“Yeah, Dokyeom. He’s the shelter’s administrator and vet tech, he basically runs the place. Ordinarily he’d walk you through this, but he’s out sick today. Which is why you’re stuck with me and Mopey.”

Minghao shot Dino a Look while Junhui just giggled. Why was Junhui’s giggling so goddamn adorable, shit.

“Luckily, Dokyeom looked… Lilli?”

“Lilli,” Junhui affirmed. Lilli… what a cute name, Minghao thought.

“Lilli over for any medical problems yesterday,” Dino continued. “And, good news! She’s a perfectly healthy eight-month-old dachshund puppy. Cuteness very much included.”

“Did you hear that Soonyoung?” Junhui mused. Minghao perked up at the mention of Soonyoung and saw Junhui looking back over at his boyfriend. “Cuteness is included!”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever,” Soonyoung dismissively muttered, going back to texting on his phone. What an asshole.

“Don’t mind him,” Junhui explained, “it took me weeks to get him to agree to this.”

“‘Agree’ is a strong word,” Soonyoung interjected. “Coerce is more accurate.”

“Oh shut up.”

“Bullied?”

“Ahem,” Minghao interrupted. Dino seemed like he was enjoying the back-and-forth between Junhui and his… his boyfriend; he had his signature toothy smile. But all Minghao wanted was it for to stop, to get this all over with. It worked -- all eyes were on him, including Junhui’s discerning-yet-soft dark brown orbs.

“So, I’ve finished preparing your contract,” he started, turning the stack of papers around to Junhui. “Once you sign, she’s all yours, conditional on the short meet-and-greet going well. I’ll walk you through the contract now.”

Junhui looked up from the first page and nodded, a slight smile creeping across his face.

“Do you have a pen?”

“Y-yeah,” Minghao replied, his voice cracking ever-so-slightly. He was sure Dino -- and Junhui -- caught it because they both made a face. Shit.

“Here,” he spat out, taking extra care to get all of that out without sounding like a prepubescent boy standing in front of his crush. Goddamnit, he was a post-pubescent boy!

“The first page outlines the adoption fee. Because of a recent generous donation from a member of the community, all adoption fees have been waived for a few months. However, if you decide to bring her back for whatever reason, we will have to charge a $100 re-housing fee. Sign at the bottom.

“The second page says that, in the event that you can no longer take care of her, you will bring her back to us instead of leaving her on the street. At the very least if you’re going to break her heart, leave her in a good place.”

Minghao felt Dino punch him on the shoulder, making a confused face that was no doubt asking why the hell did you say that? Honestly, he wasn’t sure what made him say it; he just felt like he had to. Deep down, underneath all of the crushing-on-Junhui feelings that definitely did not just make his voice crack a minute ago, he felt bitter. A disgusting kind of bitter that came in waves, crashing into his psyche and making him nauseous just thinking about how Junhui was never going to be his.

Shit, Jun was staring at him.

“Uh, okay, so you signed that page. The next three pages say that, in the event of a health emergency, you will seek immediate medical care for the puppy. In addition, you promise to schedule regular vet appointments. Sign at the bottom of page six.

“Finally, the last seven pages are just some pointers about training puppies. We make you sign to acknowledge that you’ve read those parts of the contract, but you can read it later if you want.”

“It’s really a good idea to read them!” Dino piped up. “They have some good advice about breaking bad habits, building good ones, potty training, and so on.”

“Oh, cool~” Junhui sing-songed, signing the last empty space and looking up at Dino with an eye smile. Minghao just watched as Dino smiled back -- God, why does Literally Anyone Else have a more functional relationship with Junhui than him? Why is he such a loser?

“You can also have all…” Dino started, pulling out a few brochures they had behind the desk, “...of these!”

Junhui seemed a bit overwhelmed -- Dino gave him, like, seven mini-booklets on everything from grooming to puppy exercise to dog-proofing your rooms. It was undeniably cute, Junhui kinda internally freaking out about what he was getting into.

“It’s okay, I’m sure you’ll do great,” Minghao softly added.

Dino immediately gave him another look, this one also saying why the hell did you say that? Minghao was more focused on Junhui, though, who looked at him, then down and away, a light shade of pink creeping across his cheeks. Was he blushing?

“Um, I’ll go grab the puppy. Dino, do you want to make copies of the contract for Junhui?”

“Uh, yeah, sure,” Dino awkwardly responded, but Minghao was already halfway to where they kept the dogs.

Once Minghao knew he was alone, he let out a long sigh, trying to exhale all of the stupid feelings that were bubbling up randomly over the past fifteen minutes. It was stupid, how was he this dysfunctional around Junhui? Why couldn’t he just keep it together? One minute he was upset, loathing himself for not being good enough, hating Junhui for being too good for him; the next minute he was back in love, fawning over every cute thing about Junhui -- why couldn’t his brain just pick one!?

Why couldn’t he just hate Junhui like he was supposed to now?

His feet had stopped on their own in front of the eight-month old dachshund’s pen. No, that wasn’t a euphemism, too. The same anonymous benefactor who helped them waive adoption fees for several months also donated enough to renovate their pet enclosures, making them slightly larger and friendlier. Sure, it was still a kennel in the strictest sense of the word, but each pup had at least double the amount of space that they used to have, soft beds to sleep on, a few toys to gnaw on. It was still shelter life, but it was better than most.

The puppy he was here for seemed excited to see him. She had only recently been picked up by their shelter, and, like any puppy, she was quickly adopted by none other than Wen Junhui. She still had that puppy innocence when she came in, and Minghao tried his best to keep it alive, even though he knew shelter life was hard. It’s hard to go from having something to having nothing. Luckily for this puppy, her tail wagging with excitement and her big eyes staring at Minghao expectantly, everything was about to get a lot better. She was about to get rescued, a word they reserved for when the deal was done, for when their cats and dogs finally found a home.

Minghao didn’t even bother unpinning the gate to the puppy’s enclosure, instead leaning over and scooping her up. He also reached over toward her bed and grabbed what he assumed was her favorite toy (it was the most chewed-up one at the very least). It was shaped like a dog, fluffy, and covered in dried-up dog slobber. She was secure in his arms, but she kept wiggling, trying to get an angle at Minghao’s face to attack him -- with her tongue.

He walked back to the front, and he watched as Junhui’s eyes lit up with excitement and wonder. God, his heart ached thinking about how much he wanted that look to be for him. He circled the front desk and put the puppy down near Junhui. She was excitable, quickly scampering over toward Junhui with her short legs and sausage-like body. Junhui crouched down to her level and immediately picked her up, giving her pets all over while trying to avoid her tongue-attacks at his own face.

“Hi Lilli!” Junhui exclaimed, his voice an octave higher -- you know, the puppy voice that everyone has. Junhui’s was absolutely adorable.

“I have a treat for you, Lilli,” he added, fishing into his pocket and pulling out a small plastic bag with a few bone-shaped goodies in it.

“Did you bring food for everyone this morning?” Soonyoung asked. Minghao hadn’t noticed, but apparently Soonyoung was suddenly interested in what was happening, hovering near Junhui and the puppy.

“Sorry, Soonyoung, you’re not special,” Junhui clapped back, the rest of his attention devoted to Lilli.

“Guess I’ll need to find a new cuddling partner,” the shorter boy deadpanned. Junhui rolled his eyes.

Damn. That one hurt. Minghao felt his heart sink.

“You can play with the toys if you want!” Dino interrupted from behind, holding both copies of the contract.

“Okay!” Junhui, Soonyoung, and Lilli all moved to the opposite end of the room where all the toys and couches were, leaving Dino and Minghao at the front desk alone.

“What’s this?” Dino asked, setting the contract down and picking up the dog plush Minghao had picked up from the puppy’s -- Lilli’s -- old pen.

“Her favorite toy,” Minghao dryly responded. He didn’t want to care about what happened anymore.

“Are you okay?” Dino asked. He must have picked up on it, but Minghao wasn’t having any of it. Not even Dino’s worried expression, not even Dino, his closest friend, could break him right now.

“Fine,” he muttered. Minghao took off his leather jacket; it was suddenly hot, and he couldn’t stand it.

He and Dino sat there in silence, watching Junhui play fetch with Lilli. She looked so happy, so full of life -- it was probably the happiest Minghao had seen her, ever. He was happy for her, even through all the bitterness.

Junhui looked happy, too.

God, he’s so cute.

“What?”

Minghao looked over at Dino, who suddenly looked amused.

“Hmm?”

“You just said something.”

He looked back with a confused look. What was he talking about?

“He’s so cute,” Dino parroted. “Did you mean she?”

Shit. That wasn’t just a thought? He actually said it? And Dino heard it? Shit shit shit.

“U-um, yeah,” he sheepishly croaked out, it sounding more like a question than an answer. Dino’s eyes sparkled knowingly, like he could read right through his half-assed response. Luckily they were out of earshot of Junhui, who was too busy playing with Lilli to notice anything.

“You like Junhui, don’t you?” Dino whispered. Minghao had half a mind to smack that smirk off his face.

“No,” he flatly denied.

“Don’t lie to me, Hao-hao. You can’t lie to me.”

“I’m not lying.”

“Yes, you are!” Dino whisper-shouted, his smirk getting even more smackable.

“And how do you know that.”

“Because you’re trying your best not to show any emotion, Hao-hao.”

“Or maybe I don’t feel anything.”

“If it wasn’t true, you’d have said something snarky and mean by now.”

“Do you want me be snarky and mean?”

“And you’re trying to deflect, too.”

“Or maybe it’s just not true, and I’m telling you it’s not true, and pretty soon my hand will be telling your face that it’s not true.”

“You wouldn’t hit me!”

“Oh? You think so?”

“Maybe I’ll just tell Junhui that you like him…” Dino mused, glancing over at Junhui and Lilli.

“Do that and you die,” Minghao darkly warned, his voice barely audible.

“So you do like Junhui!”

“Enough,” Minghao warned again. He clenched his fist. Don’t push it, Dino.

“I have to tell him because you never will~”

“Enough!” Minghao shouted, slamming his fist down on the desk. “Stop pretending that you know me! Stop pretending that you know anything about me, that you know anything about what it’s like to be me, that you know anything about what I’m feeling! You don’t know anything, Dino. You’re a kid, you have no fucking clue what you’re talking about. You think this is fun, and it’s not! You’re a pain in the ass, and you need to shut the fuck up.”

By the time Minghao had finished his tirade, Dino looked hurt. Beyond hurt. He looked like he was about to cry. Minghao didn’t care -- the punk deserved it.

“I -- I’m sorr--”

“I don’t care,” Minghao interrupted. “I’m leaving.”

With that, Minghao aggressively leapt out of his chair and stormed out the back, stomping through the lounge to the back exit.

*

This was the second time in a month that Minghao ended up at this spot.

He was cold -- fucking cold. He left his jacket at the shelter, leaving him in nothing but a tank top, his arms bare and cold air creeping along his chest and back. It wasn’t raining, and that was probably the only good thing that happened today. Yup, that’s right: the only good thing that happened today is that the weather wasn’t even shittier than it already was. His head was pounding; he wanted to think about anything other than Dino and Junhui and Soonyoung and his shitty life.

Minghao was sitting against one of the brick buildings at the street corner where he used to perform. Yeah, that street corner that was right next to the convenience store. Back during his street-performer days, this was his spot, or, more accurately, His Spot. He basically owned it. This is where he learned his dancing skills, where he learned to B-boy just about anything his body could handle. He used to make good money, too. He was so good that the police didn’t even bother to kick him out; he was part of the area, an attraction for tourists to gawk at.

He didn’t perform alone. Minghao had a partner, a boy with long-ish blonde hair who would sing at the same spot. He was fiercely territorial about His Spot, but this boy was so good that Minghao couldn’t pass up the extra money that he earned by teaming up with him. It seemed like ages ago; he hadn’t seen Jeonghan in two years.

“Minghao?”

Fuck.

“Is that really you?”

Minghao looked up. It really was him; even after all this time, he instantly recognized him, his voice. His hair was shorter and black now, but the soulful eyes that Jeonghan had were still the same. Minghao didn’t bother with a response, he didn’t even know where to begin.

“What are you doing out here? Especially wearing only that?” Minghao could hear the disdain about the tank top seeping through his tone.

“Why does it matter to you?”

Jeonghan sighed. He unzipped his jacket, shedding the bulky layer off his frame and placing the jacket on Minghao’s shoulders. He wanted to protest, but Jeonghan had already sat down next to him, and his jacket was so warm.

“I see you got a new tattoo,” Jeonghan commented. “An infinity symbol? On your back? I could see it underneath your tank top,” he added.

Minghao rolled his eyes. “Why does it matter to you?” he repeated.

“It matters to me because you matter to me, Minghao.”

“Didn’t matter to you two years ago.”

Jeonghan didn’t respond immediately; he was right next to him, he wasn’t moving, but he also wasn’t saying anything.

“What happened, Minghao?”

“Nothing.”

“C’mon, Hao.”

No, he wasn’t going to tell him.

“Look,” Minghao started, looking over at Jeonghan. “You don’t really care, you didn’t really care, stop pretending that you care because I don’t care, and please just leave it alone.”

This time Jeonghan let the silence awkwardly settle between them for a few minutes. Jeonghan was always careful with his words. Minghao considered leaving, but didn’t know where he would go -- certainly not back to the shelter. He looked back down at the cement underneath him.

“Minghao, I do care. I’ve always cared. Do you know how I found you here?”

He shook his head in response. Minghao was sulking, but he didn’t care.

“Hao, I’ve come here every week for the past two years. Looking for you. I was so worried when you disappeared, when you stopped showing up. I know you were, and probably still are, upset at me about signing to that label. I pushed so hard for them to sign you too. They wouldn’t budge, and, honestly Hao? I couldn’t pass up the opportunity, despite how much I cared about you. It was my dream, and I thought you’d support me and I’d support you. It hurt when you pushed me away instead of talking to me about it. And--”

“--What was I supposed to tell you, Jeonghan? That I loved you?”

Minghao was seething, upset, bitter, confused, all of the above, a cornucopia of emotions. It was two years ago; he had gotten over it a long time ago, but it felt so raw right now. Especially with what was happening with Junhui. He could feel his voice breaking, his eyes glossing up with tears.

“And now I’ve gone and done it again and fallen in love with someone else who I can’t tell.”

Minghao looked over at Jeonghan again. Jeonghan didn’t look shocked. He just looked… like he knew. Like he had figured out what had happened after all these years.

“Hao, why don’t you come over tonight? You don’t have to say anything -- or you can say everything -- but I can’t let you stay out here by yourself. Especially in the cold.”

He wanted to say no. But when the first tear started rolling down his cheek, Jeonghan scooted closer to him, pulling Minghao toward him for a side-hug. He was really trying to fight the tears, but being here with Jeonghan made him feel so weak. Jeonghan didn’t say anything; he just let Minghao get his tears out, rubbing his shoulder while Minghao choked out muffled sobs.

A few minutes after Minghao managed to pull it together a little, Jeonghan helped him up.

“Come on, let’s go.”

Minghao didn’t protest.

[luminaxandra]

I repost it cus i pressed the wrong button

You guys know i LOVE freaky deaki stuff rite I JUST CAME UP WITH AU… again… A CIRCUS VOLTRON AU!!!

okay so 1st of all It’s more like a freak show circus not like normal circuses we have 😂😂

Lets start with Allura, She’s the circus owner, the circus doesn’t travel around to often sadly but it’s like an amusement park so it works. She has a heart of gold but encased with Fucking steel and she loves to help ppl, she picks up stray people on the streets no matter what they look like THE WEIRDER THE MORE SHE LIKES THEM. She is amazingly rich from the money her father left for her when he died, She owns the Circus of Altea “Where all your Magical Dreams come to life”. She takes no shit from anyone and she makes sure everyone knows it. People say she’s an elf from outer space due to her deformed Ears and unusual Eye color. Her circus is humungous almost half the size of disney land, why? Because her circus is divided into teams to appeal to people more and each team has to fight (metaphorically) for the right to perform in the Main Stage of Altea (There’s like 5 big ones and a lot of small ones) also everyone just calls her Princesa lol

And then we havd Coran, The Gorgeous Man. 😂😂😂 He is Altea’s head manager and Voltron’s care taker cus let’s face it Lance is favorite no matter what he says. He doesn’t make a lot of good food most of the time but he tries so the team learn to eat it. He likes to help Pidge and Hunk with their Tech business, He watches over Lance when he’s practicing and tell stories with him over some healthy dose of Chores, he sits besides Keith is silence when he knows keith isn’t feeling well, He talks with shiro over some hot cocoa when he’s having Insomnia and can’t sleep. But most of all he takes care of his dear Niece, Allura when ever she needs him. All around best Gorgeous man. Coranic the amazing. 😉

Next is Shiro, The LEADER of the main Altea team, Voltron. He is the Ring master/Beast Tamer of Voltron no Animal can resist his charms, even the most feral beasts turn into smol kittens around him, He is an AMAZING leader the best there is. He coordinates all the scheduling for the Team’s performances, he handles all the grown up stuff including stuff like talking to allura about taxes and paydays. He is in his mid twenties and still looking like a hotie all the while. Older and teenage audiences love him. The kids love to play around with the smaller animals. He takes A+care of his team mates and His animal partners. His main ones are the 5 Lions of Voltron. His eyes are formed like slits and he has increadibly sharp claws that can cut through steel. Is currently in a relationship. (sorry honeys lol) he was from the Garrison Military before he got “mysteriously kidnaped” and escaped to the streets before allura found him. Stage name : Beast Master

Forth is Keith, knife thrower/Fire breather the right hand man of voltron… and their Glorified guard dog. He won’t hesitate to rip a bitch if they try to hurt his family, has an immunity to flames that NO ONE can explain, He and Shiro were really close before Shiro disapeared, but when he did Keith did a lot of stupid shit trying to find out where Shiro was. Is also currently in a relationship. He used to be in a fighting ring trying to get by on the streets before allura found him trying to mug her. She beat him up ofc but afterwards she gave him an offer he couldn’t refuse. He and Lance go on Petty fights every once in a while but they always make up in the end. He likes to train with Shiro for what? No one knows they just think it’s better if everyone knew how to fight but the others aren’t as worried. Keith is a Huge softy at heart even though he doesn’t like to show it. (#Tsundere Doof), He and Pidge are close friends all due to CONSPIRACY THEORIES. They like to have coffee together nufd said.Fun fact : people like to think that keith is an alien. Stage name : Dragon Breath

Lance is next, Ah Lancey lance McClain lover boy extraordinare. Singer/Main Acrobat of the group, Prone to do a lot of stunts during his shows. Fun fact, He’s a mermaid tail and all, with fins as ears and gills. Well most of the times except during Once in a month Premium V.I.P shows only opened during the full moon of the month he has legs, he does gravity defying acts in the air, Wether on the Trapeeze, Rings, or silks he can do them all. Funnily enough he has a different story to tell everytime someone asked him his backstory but only one person truly knows and that’s someone who has been with him through everything, Hunk Garrett. Lance is usually in the sidelines during shows as he’s mostly singing for the acts but he loves his job. He makes sure people are captivated by the acts by his singing drawing them in like it was their last breath. Allura found him on a shipwreck with Hunk Beside him trying to keep him alive and Pidge panicking trying to call someone on their 5% battery phone. Kids ADORE him. Another fun fact during a full moon something happened to the kitchen Gas tank while Coran was walking by Lance was with him at the time when he smelled something weird, he jumped out of his portable tank (It kind of looked like buckets you could move around with wheels) and pushed Coran out of the way permanently scaring his back. He Is currently in a relationship. Stage name : Siren

Next is Hunk, The sunshine boy everyone loves The Strong man/Co-Technician/Head Chef of Altea. Hunk can lift bolders with ease but even with his strength he’s still a soft cuddly teddy bear he cooks for EVERYONE in Altea he spend hours prepping with the other chefs and he loves it. The faces people make, that utter amazement the troupes show when they eat his food is what he lives for. He likes to go to the local orphanages and donates food and toys before spending time with the kids there with Lance (In his wheel bucket thing). The kids there practically treat them like family already since they visit so much on their off days. You rarely see the two apart unless Hunk is spending his time with tech, Cooking or Hanging out with his Girlfriend Shay. Though even then Lance likes to tag along and Shay doesn’t mind, she thinks of Lance like a cousin of sorts they do each others nails a lot and talk about daily circus gossip. Hunk is in a Relationship with shay but Is also in a platonic relationship with Lance. #BestCuddlyBros4Life (Shay is 100% cool with it since she gets Lance cuddles and kisses too) He was with Lance for almost all his life before he met Pidge at the tender age of 13 while pidge was still 10 who was looking for her Family. The three of them have been inseperable ever since. Stage name : Strong stone.

Last but not least is Pidge a.k.a Katie Holt. Occasional Tightrope walker/Main Technician. She likes to work in the background she gets everything ready and she sets everything up for the team (she also gets satisfaction from ordering the newbies around to do it for her lol) She handles Lights, the Stage works and Also as the Stage manager making sure everything goes according to plan to the second. She spends time with Lance when he’s practicing his acts but stays away when he’s singing unless she’s in a particularly bad mood and wants to be calmed down, She’s usually with hunk talking about techy stuff that almost no one understands. But she’s always with the two of them whenever they have free days with no work she even sometimes join them to the orphanage. She’s still looking for her Family because she’s 1000% sure they’re still out there waiting for her. That’s why she’s with Altea with their abudant amount of income Allura has supplied Pidge with all the tech she needs and now all she has to do is to find them. SINGLE N PROUD 4 LIFE YO.Stage name : The Pupeteer.

Ages are exactly like Canon

(Psst . #Shklance)

And thats it for now.

[briteboy]

WHO is Santi and WHERE is his face?

i am LIVING for your warm & colorful posts right now!! your editing is so amazing and it brightens my day everytime i see a new post of yours *.*

THANK YOU!!!! <3 i am so happy/relieved to be using warm colors once more, i feel like myself again. don’t get me wrong, i do like evoking different moods, but sometimes (a lot of the time, especially with santi) too much is too much. today’s posts were HOPEfully my last emo edits..............for now

LOL I actually made a comment about Fiona naming a cat/dog (once Pets comes out) Rodrigo. I'll go back underground now haha (still a great story, cant wait to read more) -Runaway NONY

OH I DIDN’T EVEN SEE THAT wtf. either tumblr ate it or i accidentally scrolled past it i’m sorry. i always enjoy seeing messages from anons who return to my inbox! but lmAO that’s a good idea. i actually met the most perfect dog today and now i know the breed and name of dog santi needs immediately

Hii! If you dont mind me askin, how do you edit your darker screenshots? I always end up making them too light or too dark to see a thing :( Thank you!

hmmm idk what to tell you about making them too light or too dark, because that’s a very specific thing that really depends on the picture. BUT i know that the dodge tool is my bff for brightening up dark pictures while still retaining some of the darker elements you want in them (aversely, the burn tool will help darken parts), messing with the exposure can also really help, coloring can also help too, selective color is my bff especially with blue shadows and orangey skin...this is kind of a broad answer, i’m sorry, but if you needed help with something specific, let me know!

I remember you answered an ask and said you drew tears when you edit right? Is there a reason you don't use CC tears?

i answered this like two weeks ago but i can’t find it so whateveR i’ve used cc tears a few times but there’s only like three of those in existence and my characters have cried a LOT. i feel like it would be kinda weird if they had the same tears every time. also there are just some variations that i like to customize myself by drawing, like sometimes they’ll be full on sobbing, sometimes just one single tear...it just depends on the situation, that’s why i draw ‘em.

Santi is my favorite Harvest Moon character.

idk shit about harvest moon so idk how to respond to this :[ here’s a small picture of michael cera with a cactus

Would you recommend buying a macbook for playing sims?

if a macbook is what you already have, then yeah, i’d say it suffices without many problems. if you’re specifically going out and buying a computer with the knowledge that you’ll be playing sims on it, then mmmmmm i’d probably say no...but it also depends on if you’re like gonna get REALLY into storytelling and cc n shit or if it’s just casual gameplay with a mods folder that’s like 5 gb or less...if it’s the latter i think it should also be fine. but yeah it just depends on what kind of gaming you’re planning on doing.

How can I read your story from the beginning? Is there a link or something? I keep seeing it on my feet and it looks so great!

thank you! there’s a button at the top of my page that says “story directory” but if you’re on mobile you can just go here or copy this link: http://femmesim.tumblr.com/tagged/story/chrono

I've talked to u like once before and I'm to shy to talk to u again... Why am I like fish?

This**

we are all like fish if you really think about it lmao but really just reach out my dude! if we talked once then y’know you already broke the ice so just go for it!! i am here and ready to talk about all the things under the sun

Do you use Topaz Clean?

yep

hi hello so maybe I am just a blind bean but may I ask how in god's name do you get your images to be so crisp? I have everything set up, but it seems as if when I do my thing in Photoshop, everything turns out lookin like a blobfish. I'm not sure if you use another person's topaz settings or if you have your own. Thank you so much if you do respond bc I was too much of a wuss to message you *cries in Spanish*

OMG well it’s mostly just resizing, smart sharpening, and most importantly topaz clean (see above) that makes them so crisp. i also use the sharpen tool on sims’ faces, and the smudge tool when something is particularly pixelated or whatever. everything i do is listed in here! UR NOT A WUSS *hugs you in spanish*

youre my inspiration to be a better writer. I know i'm good and giving characters depth and backgrounds and coming up with a rough story idea. but i rush things and i'm not great at putting it into a good story so ya. My story on simblr started out as casual gameplay but i wanted it to be more and i'm trying to get better @ everything

OMG ;_________; it sounds like you are a good writer already, and it’s awesome that you recognize your strengths while also acknowledging that you need to work on some things as well. i try to do the same and i think that’s what keeps me level headed. it sounds like you just need to dedicate some time to planning, that way you start to realize all the nuances of your story that come together to flesh out that initial rough idea. you seem to have a positive attitude, so that’s great!! you’re already getting better and better, i know it <3

now Santi's song is Post Malone - Congratulations

OMF LMAO u sent this when santi finally got to mexico and it’s fitting

sos i was listening to the song fight song by rachel platten when i saw the photoset of santi making it to mexico and now i can't stop ugly crying please make it stop

omG i see it TAKE BACK UR LIFE SANTI U GOT THIS

This is so random but like, can I just say that you're so amazing like?? Why?? You're so sweet and funny and I love you very much ok

AKJSKJDFKJS THANK YOU THIS IS SO NICEEEE ;-; i try but a lot of the time i feel like a sarcastic asshole lmao thank u for thinking otherwise <3

Am I the only one who's like... really mad about pets being NPCs? I just feel like being able to control them was the best part. I don't really feel like the EP is worth it without them. Like, don't get me wrong, I understand that the team worked really hard on it, but I feel like they didn't do it as well as they could have.

hmm i’m kind of meh on that front because like on one hand i did like controlling pets and the novelty of the fact that you could just see their different interactions firsthand, but ultimately i think i’m okay with not controlling them because it makes it more realistic for me and honestly they’re probably more likely to take care of themselves a little bit more if they’re automated, because i’m just thinking about ts3 pets and how i literally had to make them go pee outside otherwise they’d pee in the house...even if they were well trained and stuff lmao. plus there might be a cheat or mod that lets you control them, like there was in ts2? so don’t lose hope yet.

hey your blog is AWESOME, i read through your stories in a day and am obsessed (kind of in love with gianni) ❤ what are some of your favorite ts4 blogs? i'm trying to find more awesome blogs to read through during my miserable journey of trying to get the game to work on my computer lol

heyo here’s some! thank you btw, and i hope your miserable journey ends soon :{

(I really need to get this off my chest) ok so my aunt is currently in a critical condition after having a kidney failure and she's in desperate need for a new one and I'm the only one in my family that's a match (so far) but I'm not allowed to donate bc I myself have severe health issues affecting my day to day life that would make it extremely dangerous for me to remove a kidney. I'm so fucking frustrated you don't understand like I just want to cry most of the time

first off i’m so sorry that this is even happening to you ;__; and you’re an amazing person for being willing to help out your aunt like that, so just know it isn’t your fault that you’re unable to. don’t guilt yourself for it okay? is there any other possible donor at all? i wanna know how this situation ends up. i really hope your aunt will be okay. just stay close to your family for support and don’t blame yourself.

how did you get photoshop for free? I'm trying to find a link that won't give me a virus, but I had no luck yet

the pirate bay is ur friend

Ok I gotta rant. GoT does NOT deserve the hype/amazing ratings. Like, sure the cinematography is pretty great and they have ok actors but the freaking script is so mediocre I actually think I could write a better one. Me. A 16 y/o tiny child. There are so much better shows out there! Hell, even Supernatural has a better script than GoT

whenever ppl agree with me about how much GoT sucks i grow stronger and stronger even the actors are iffy at this point. watching daenerys act is painful, jon snow is wooden as hell, it’s just bad. ur 16 yr old self has more potential than these writers tbh. it’s just completely mediocre; it started out as something great because it followed the same layered storytelling pattern as the books, but it’s diverged from that completely because the writers got too caught up in the hype. and you’re right, it doesn’t deserve that hype! omfdkjsgkj i’ve never watched supernatural but i haven’t heard good things. that’s a low bar

[sweetnestor]

crankgameplays livestream 4/25/17

(((lmao im 2 days late i was at the movies when he did this)))(((also should i do this for every stream he does??)))

Hes eating popcorn ‘even though its greasy and i broke out!!!’

Forgot to take acne meds for like a week and he broke tf out :(

Still cant record in his new place which is why he decided to stream

Fave dog breed is portuguese water dogs bc those are his doggos back home :’)

Hes excited for tour and hopes ppl will go :D

It was fun making the tour announcement video, but he realized how out of shape he was afterwards

He should be going to vidcon, and while he said that he bit down on a kernel and it really hurt :(((

Doesnt rly care what ppl think abt his acne, he just really wants to get rid of it

Says good luck to everyone going thru finals!!!! Also says to make sure to give urself a break and not to burn urself out!!!! Drink water!!! Eat food!!!!

Moving from maine to california was really scary for him bc he never lived anywhere else before and he went from a small town to a big city

Mainly says to be smart abt spending and things bc ‘when u dont live with ur parents anymore things get fuckin expensive!’

Someone was making him a friendship ring for when they meet him, and they asked for his ring size, which he doesnt even know :p

Secret to adulting: no one knows what theyre doing

Eats mac n cheese with a fork apparently, spoons are for ice cream

Was originally just gonna keep the blue hair after dyeing it once, but he ended up really really liking it so he kept it

What was your dream job in high school, ethan? “this right here!! Youtube!!” :’)

Never finished the last guardian bc there were technical difficulties every time he recorded, so he’ll probably stream it at one point

Is it hard being a youtuber? ‘Yes and no. its not like labour work but it is hard work’

Puts 16-18hrs youtube work when hes not doing video stuff with mark :o

PLENTY OF PPL HAVE ASKED HIM TO THEIR PROM :’)

Recommended several places to eat in la (didnt catch the names fUCK)

Do i have to donate for him to answer my question?? ‘No no not at all!!’ HOLY SHIT HE ANSWERED ‘yeah cos im just reading the chat!!!!’

*continues being flustered over ppl donating*

*chokes on a kernel mid sentence*

Fave part of youtube is meeting ppl in the community and talking to all of us :’’’)

How do u deal with ur peanut allergy? He has to read ingredients and ask at restaurants if they us peanuts or peanut oil in the kitchen,and if they do then he wont order there :/

He enjoyed 13rw but there were things he didnt like, like the dialogue

‘Aahh im not that cool im kinda dumb’ -after ppl say how much they like him and his videos (shut the heck up ethan ur cool shhh)

Has decent eyebrow shape, never has done anything to them

Surprised he hasnt recorded with tyler, amy, kathryn for his channel

Doesnt have anxiety, but really feels for people who suffer from it daily and hopes theyre doing okay (thank u lil bean)

Might not get a po box bc itll probably get out of hand

Wants to record VR stuff so bad but he aint got space at the moment :(

Doesnt think he’ll make a public video of him singing

hES GOT AN UNLISTED VIDEO THO WHAT (someone link me pls)

Ppl frequently ask if he would ever record with a smaller youtuber and he says as much as he’d want to help them out, he wouldn’t do it just so they can benefit off it, he’d want to do it bc they’re friends or something

He’s not much of a reader due to his attention span, he’ll be reading and then starting thinking about something else and then 5 pages later he realizes he hasn’t read anything at all :/

He doesnt like when ppl touch his hair :(

Or his butt :(((((

Someone grabbed him at pax and it was p aggressive :/

Be gentle with the boy ok :((((((((((

Doesnt know if he wants kids, like he’s only 20 so he don’t know

Can i call u daddy? ‘I’d like it if you didnt!’

Tattoo plans? Wants to get his first at some point in the year, doesn’t know what he wants, possibly a nitw tat :o

He gOT A UKULELE HECK YEA

Fave dodie song? *goes on a long ramble abt dodie being v talented* :’)

If u see him in public, dont be afraid to go say hi :)

He might dye his hair white or something but definitely not anytime soon, he also wonders how it would look completely black

Went to gymnastics camp when he was ‘a little lad’

Ppl frequently ask his sexuality, *sings straight white male*

He dreams in color

Conventions in the summer: vidcon in june, indypopcon in july, pax west in september

Wasnt feeling too happy the other day, gets through it by telling himself that tomorrow will get better, or that things will get better over time, reach out and talk to people 

He wrote a long tumblr post when he was having that shitty day

*dancing to music*

Disney movies he likes: the jungle book, the little mermaid, the lion king

*moving around rapidly* stop lagging stop lagging stop lagging stop lagging

Gave specific tips on how to do backtucks (is that what it was i couldnt catch the word on time)

Headed out bc he has to get up early the next day

Said thanks to the ppl staying up late in different time zones

Appreciates ppl who donate, but doesnt encourage

[mysticdelphox97]

Tagged by Kalosstarters c:

Welp, I got tagged by Tiia ( @kalosstarters ) so I guess I gotta do this lmao.

Rules: once you have been tagged you are supposed to write 92 truths about yourself. At the end, choose however many people you want to tag!

(this was 13 fucking pages long on Word jesus. I’ll add a “Keep Reading” break so it doesn’t take up people’s dashboards)

LAST…

[1] drink: a mocha coffee cooler from Baker’s Dozen ^^

[2] phone call: uhh, mom probably.

[3] text message: From Mom: “Here.” (she was picking me up from classes)

[4] song you listened to: I’ve got Pandora Radio playing while doing this, so I’ve heard Panic at the Disco and Against the Current so far.

[5] time you cried: Sunday night because I completely forgot that I had an art critique due the next day and I completely forgot and it was midnight and I was trying to churn out this pathetic paper for something I left until the last minute and [SCREEAAMMMMINGGG]

Phew. Okay, I think I’m good now.

 HAVE YOU EVER…

[6] dated someone twice: I haven’t even dated someone once.

[7] been cheated on: Considering I’ve never been in a relationship, thankfully I can say no lol.

[8] kissed someone and regretted it: Can’t regret something I’ve never done sooooo xD

[9] lost someone special: Yeah… ;^;

[10] been depressed: Ugh… yes. It’s… pretty awful, honestly. Couple that with anxiety and you’ve got a recipe for disaster.

[11] gotten drunk and thrown up: I haven’t gotten drunk before, but I have thrown up after drinking an excessive amount of one of those Starbucks mocha drinks when I was a kid. I can’t even look at one of those things anymore because of that.

 LIST 3 FAVOURITE COLOURS:

[12] Purple, like an orchid. C:

[13] Sky blue is rather pretty~

[14] I know black isn’t technically a color but I sure have a lot of black shirts pfft.

 IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU…

[15] made new friends: Tiia and Beth ( @wingsonghalo)~! :D they might be internet friends but I love talking to them every day <3

[16] fallen out of love: Never really been in love tbh. I’ve had crushes that I’ve grown out, that’s close enough right?

[17] laughed until you cried: That’s pretty much me all the time tbh.

[18] found out someone was talking about you: In high school I think… but they weren’t really bad things.

[19] met someone who changed you: Like, for better/worse? I guess most of the people I’ve met have influenced me in some way or another.

[20] found out who your true friends are: Yep. Kinda happened after I graduated from high school.

[21] kissed someone on your Facebook list: Other than my mom and dad? Nope.

 GENERAL…

[22] how many of your tumblr friends do you know in real life: Other than my friend Kelsie, and a few people from high school. Sadly I do not know Tiia or Beth in real life and that makes me very sad, I wanna meet you guys so bad dang it T^T

[23] do you have any pets: Hah, oh god yeah. Three horses, three sheep (we used to have hundreds when I was a kid), three cats (two are mine and they’re my babies c: ), and two little dogs—a purebred pug and a pug/Pekingese mix. Oh, and my family lives on a farm, in case that needed some clarification.

[24] do you want to change your name: pfft hell no, I love my name. Besides, you’re not gonna meet many people who’s name is Rosaleen (and spelled exactly like that too)

[25] what did you do for your last birthday: I went out to a restaurant with some of my family. It was a school day for my brothers though, and my younger bro had football practice, so it was really just me, my mom, my grandma, and my sister with her baby.

[26] what time did you wake up: a little before 9 AM since I had to go to class.

[27] what were you doing at midnight last night: Pumping out mini profiles for my Pokémon fankids because my priorities are trash. Oh, and playing Candy Crush Jelly.

[28] name something you cannot wait for: MarissonShipping Week! :D I can’t wait to participate in it!!

[29] when was the last time you saw your mother: This morning when I got dropped off at college.

[30] what is one thing you wish you could change about your life: I wish I didn’t have social anxiety so I could actually go out and be productive, and not be so terrified of social interaction with strangers. It’s awful.

[31] what are you listening to right now: Whatever’s playing on Pandora Radio. When I got to this question, “Blood Like Gasoline” by Against the Current was playing.

[32] have you ever talked to a person named tom: Uhh, I knew a Tom in high school… he was kind of a bum though.

[33] something that is getting on your nerves: Whenever my brother doesn’t put away the dishes properly, or doesn’t put them all away. IT’S NOT THAT HARD BRO. HONESTLY.

[35] elementary: Like, elementary school? I guess it was okay… well, except for the boys constantly picking on me. That sucked. And that’s about the time my parents separated. That also sucked. Yeah, elementary school just really sucked.

[36] high school: Oh man I really miss the high school I went to. I flourished so well there and had a great time.

[37] college: Honestly… pretty boring. I’m just taking my general studies and getting them out of the way before I transfer to another college, so I can focus on what I love. The problem is, I really don’t know what I want to do with that. It’s very frustrating.

[38] hair colour: Oh god it always changes because it’s got a bunch of different highlights. It’s like, a reddish-brown with gold highlights, and it gets lighter in the sun. It’s really weird.

[39] long or short hair: Uhh, right now it’s like, a little over shoulder-length. I usually keep it a bit shorter because I never do much with my hair.

[40] do you have a crush on someone: Nope, and when I did get crushes it was always on the wrong kind of person. So I kinda hate crushes on real people since it always disappoints pfft.

[41] what do you like about yourself?: Oh jeez, what DO I like about myself? Well… I guess the fact that I can exceed my own expectations? Like, with driving, I didn’t think I’d do well with it at all—and now that I’ve been driving for over a year now, I’m actually a lot better at it. And on a couple of exams that I took a few weeks ago, I thought I’d get at least a B on them; turns out that I got A’s on both of them. And I like that a lot lol

[42] piercings: I’ve got one in my earlobes, and in high school I used to wear earrings all the time. Now it’s like, kinda sporatic.

[43] blood type: I think it’s a B-. RedCross really wants me to donate again because they keep calling me lmao.

[44] nickname: I go by Mystic on Tumblr and Rose in real life.

[45] relationship status: Single, and tbh that doesn’t bother me too much.

[46] zodiac sign: Virgo c:

[47] pronouns: she/her

[48] fav tv show: Lately I’ve been really into Forensic Files—it’s about older cases and the techniques that were used to solve them. I also love Bones and Criminal Minds. And, of course, there’s the Pokémon Anime.

[49] tattoos: Nope. Though I should get the backs of my hands tattooed so I know which one’s left and which one’s right. It’s a dumb thing to forget but agh I forget way too often.

[50] right or left handed: Right-handed!

 FIRST…

[51] surgery: When I was in first grade I broke my left arm and needed surgery. I also had my tonsils and adenoids removed.

[52] piercing: Ears. I believe I got them in eighth grade.

[53] best friend: My friend Miranda, we’ve been best friends since elementary school c: she’s mostly working now but I usually try to get together with her if her schedule allows.

[55] vacation: I remember going to Washington DC for the first time in fifth grade for a weekend. I don’t remember a whole lot about it though. I guess my first ‘real’ vacation was the class trip I went on in eighth grade, which was also to Washington DC but it was for a whole week. Though I twisted my foot literally the day before I had to leave, so I hobbled about on crutches for the most part, and I had a wheel chair for one of the night tours. A lot of my classmates had fun pushing me around in it lol.

[56] pair of trainers: Is that like, a kind of shoe or sneaker? I’m afraid I have no clue.

 RIGHT NOW…

[57] eating: Nothing. I have a protein bar but I’m kinda stuffed from the breakfast sandwich I had earlier.

[58] drinking: Still working on my mocha coffee cooler.

[59] I’m about to: Eventually post this, preferably before I go to class at 2:00 PM.

[60] listening to: I think I answered this question already earlier… well, now Pandora Radio is playing “Miss Jackson” by Panic at the Disco.

[61] waiting for: uh, nothing in particular. I guess for this day to be over?

[62] want: I can’t really think of anything at the moment.

[63] get married: Ehh, I guess of the person is rich I wouldn’t mind. Though if they want kids I’ll have to drag them to the nearest adoption center, there’s plenty of children there. I don’t necessarily want to procreate when there’s kids that can be adopted into a loving home.

[64] career: Currently a suffering student pfft. I guess I’d like to be an accomplished author or someone who works with animals. Maybe I could even help write movies? Who knows.

 WHICH IS BETTER…

[65] hugs or kisses: I’m a sucker for hugs

[66] lips or eyes: Eyes are nice.

[67] shorter or taller: Meh, I’m not picky.

[68] older or younger: Ehh, not picky here either.

[69] romantic or spontaneous: I like both tbh c:

[70] nice arms or nice stomach: bruh do I gotta choose. Bruh.

[71] sensitive or loud: sensitive

[72] hook up or relationship: Relationship

[73] troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant

 HAVE YOU EVER…

[74] kissed a stranger? Definitely not.

[75] drank hard liquor? I think I tried it (with parent supervision of course). It was nasty lmao.

[76] lost glasses/contact lenses? I don’t believe so. I can’t exactly see without my glasses so they’re usually on my face or on my nightstand.

[77] turned someone down: I think someone asked me out in sixth grade and I turned him down. I kinda felt a little bad because the people I was friends with at the time teased him about it.

[78] sex on first date? Bruh I haven’t even been on a date lmao xD

[79] broken someone’s heart? If I ever did I’m so sorry ;;

[80] had your own heart broken? Yeah…

[81] been arrested? No

[82] cried when someone died? Yes

[83] fallen for a friend? Yeah, it was a crush I had on a guy friend in middle school. We both loved Pokémon and would pretend to have battles during recess. We drifted apart eventually, and he hung out a lot with this other girl. I guess he had a crush on her, but I’m not sure. I kinda miss that.

  DO YOU BELIEVE IN…

[84] yourself? Uhhh, probably not as much as I should...

[85] miracles? It depends

[86] love at first sight? Meh, not really.

[87] Santa Claus? Kinda grew out of that a while ago lol

[88] kiss on the first date? Sure why not?

[89] angels?: I’m kind of indifferent.

 OTHER…

[90] current best friend’s name: Miranda, Kelsie, Beth, and Tiia c:

[91] eye colour: brown

[92] favourite movie: I recently watched Moana and I absolutely loved it, so I’m gonna roll with Moana! :)

 I can’t really think of anyone to tag at the moment, so if anyone wants to do this you’re more than welcome to ^.^

[thelastangryman-blog]

A  Tall Tale of the Twin Towers in Four Parts

1.       Remember, Remember November Ninth, 2001

The early naughties was a weird time. We were sick of the 90s EXTREME! We were content with being told who and what was now cool. Then one of those ‘where were you’ days happened. Why has this number not come close to being matched since?

·         London: 52

·         Bali: 202

·         Madrid: 191

·         9/11: 2996

They were certainly strange times where anything could have happened but not much did. Despite what we were promised.

I was more entertained by the absolute ridiculous contrast of the character: Yosemite Bin Liner. He could train his agents of doom; supply them with the necessary documents and passports; infiltrate them into flight training schools. Co-ordinate all the hijackers; bypass airport security and carry out one of the most shocking acts of terror ever committed. But he had to make tapes and hoped they’d be found in a series of winding caves in his secret layer; that would put a Bond villain to shame. How about no.

What, he couldn’t email a link to AJ? I’d like to think there’s a bag somewhere with a horde of outtakes and bloopers. You’ve Been Jihad’d. See, this is why ISIS use Twitter and ISIL’s on Instagram; easier, convenient. Instant. Though, makes you wonder why these Machiavellian masterminds don’t just use the postal service. Honestly that’s about the safest and securest way to communicate these days.

And I remember, quite well, one of these Exclusive Terror Tapes. The whole world watched, glued to the tube; engrossed as the breaded bollocks bragged ‘bout the towers collapsing then broke the 4th wall with a wink and warned of the impending Jihad he’d rein down upon us. *SPOILERS* And where are they now; al-Qaida? All washed up. The roguish bad boy racket; yeah that shit gets old. Exit stage left with a splash.

Which begs the question, Bosco, why even tell us your grand plan? Wouldn’t it be more frightening if we knew nothing? Constantly living in an Islamic State of fear.

 2.       “9/11 was an Inside Job.”

Then the Feds should have no problem in solving the case. Just cross-reference the workers and see who has links to al-Qaida. Isn’t that what that term means: insider information was used, passed on to aid in the crime? So I wonder who it was that left the key under the mat for dear old Bin Liner to happen upon. 

I find it hard to believe no one has ever thought; for the fallen and the flag that God himself bestowed upon us: which gives us the right to go and find his body; salvage it. Bring it on tour “5 bucks to spit on the body of Bin Laden.”  Oh, out of respect for Islam and the Muslim race...hang on I’ve Je Suis on the other line. She says… ‘Fuck off, you commie queer.’  It’s more poetic in French.

So then ISIS made their debut with a twist. This season; there’s no proper antagonist. I’m not including the position of Jihad John, that’s just their Twitter account manager. With no face to tape to dart boards, who could it be? “Is that him?” “No, wait. That’s him; I think.” It’s all so vague and intriguing. Why better for ratings, my deer.

We see them training, in snippets of videos: doing jumping jacks in the desert. They can attack at anytime. It’s like when we were all afraid of the colour red. LOL. Can jet fuel melt steel beams? I don’t know, my area of expertise is pulling the piss out of vegans and daggin’. I just find it hard to believe vibrations, debris and office fires – hours later – brought down Building 7.

 3.       Alternative Ending

Osama Bin Laden was a hero for some. A role model even. And George Washington is no different; his supports are the other side of that spectrum. Both men by now, reduced to mere myths. But back to reality.

Old Yosemite had a dream. A plan. To put the fear of his God into these pig-dog enfilades for the decades of bloodshed: time to make them pay. Good job he was the chosen one; he was highly trained and financed.

Now remember kids, this was in a time before airport security became the parody we know today. Before watch-lists, Homeland Security and all this digital surveillance jazz.  And as it turned out old Bin Liner’d no problem getting his radicalised radicals into the Land of the Free.

And planes were the best he could come up with?

Instead of planes, why not a bomb in every state (Just mainland). That’s on average 62 deaths per state. And I don’t mean capitol cities, secondary or minor ones. I’m talking Hicksville, middle of Nowhere. A mom & pops store. The local diner where 62 honest-to-God-fearin’ people were enjoying an honest meal (Insert Product placement).  Boom. All 48 detonate simultaneously ripping the soul out of Nowhere.

Happy 4th of Jihad.

Ah, don’t be stupid; where’d Bin Liner get 48 bombs from? 

The garden centre, hardware store and supermarket.

MacGyver, The A-Team and years of CSI: you can do a lot with a handful of everyday items. Hell, they didn’t even need to go off. As long as it was viable and crude. Cruder the better; barbaric if you can. Doesn’t matter the size; the News’ll always tart it up with spectacularly render 3D virtual reality segments: interactive; download the app to see for yourself.

It’s not the effects but the affect.

The fact that these dirty, filthy savages managed to penetrate so far undetected; infiltrate to the very spine, crawl into the foundation with such ease and plant their bombs right in the heart; at such a local level... No. The reason why that never and will ever happen – despite all the promises and tweets – is because that sort of panic causes a stampede. And speaking from personal experience: once cattle are spooked you’ve no control of the situation.

And that’s why it has to metropolitan cities – the disconnect. The ripples. “Did you hear; the Muslims” Eyes start to narrow, a bit more. Then words like them and we are heard more. The wind picks up and every sort of cuntin’ flag comes out completely blocking your view. T-shirts get printed that read:

FIND THEM

PINPOINT THEM

NUKE THEM

4.       P.C.S

“There was never a golden age of man. We’ve always been shitty to one another.” Jake, TBR.

Was it naïve of me to expect too much? Instead of an almighty Jihad we were treated to phoned-in performances. Reminders; notifications:

“Hey, don’t forget, we’re still here. We’re not going to do anything, other than this. Even though we’re portrayed as being capable of worse. Don’t forget to subscribe. Donate to our Patreon.  Buy our T-shirts.”

And a plethora of rebranding. Ah, I suppose this is why things should never be hyped they’ll never live up. And no; we wouldn’t have a Utopia if these shady characters were gone. Not at all.

All I ask, going forward: entertain or challenge me but please don’t pander; that’s Marvel’s job. If these stale flash-mob-pop-up-performance-instillation pieces are to continue just make it believable because this passport trope is getting real old, son.

That’s not something you normally carry with you. You leave that somewhere safe until you need it but by then you forget where you left it and can’t find the bloody thing. And em, terror attacks/suicide bombing not really one of those times you need your passport: considering you’ve an army of social media bots that’ll claim responsibility for a fart.

I’ve pied-piper’d enough cattle and sheep to know they may be dumb, delicious animals but even they get wide to that shit.

Here’s a freebie.

Using FRS we were able to identify (Insert scary name).  Seen here at a refugee centre. (Oh! That means Islam. Let me get my flag) Piecing together the various texts/snapchats he then made his way to (SET) and we see him *or preferred pronoun* here entering (STAGE).

Keep it simple.

Again, I’m left wondering why these evil geniuses don’t go off-grid, be creative. Sure, things would be more complicated and real-time ‘exclusives’ go out the window. Though, would that be fair on our brave digital men and woman and their oxymoronically alphabetical Agencies? Could they cope, adapt to such a shift. All’s fair in love and Jihad.

But never in the middle of Nowhere.

[ghosteddie]

The stuff you've posted about abuse has really helped me, do you mind talking about what happened?

Yeah so hello readmore. As you seem to already know, my inbox is open if you need anything else. I use the IM thing too.

I’m glad that my stuff is helping you, I won’t share everything but I’ll explain some of the different stuff I’ve endured. I know I felt like I was somehow alone and living the same life as everyone else at the time, like it was normal and nobody would understand. So I understand why you’d ask this.

We’ll start with childhood. The basic building blocks of how I lived as a kid are:

My mom would spoil my brother while degrading me for existing. He was perfect but I could never do anything right. I always feel like maybe I made this up, like it wasn’t that bad, but I vividly remember instances like standing in the middle of the store and asking for a t-shirt, getting a no, then watching her say yes to my brother for the same t-shirt. She ponied up a shit ton of dough to get him into football and soccer, but she wouldn’t let me go to my choir concerts even though it was REQUIRED for a grade in my class and took me out of soccer the second I got scouted for an advanced league. I wasn’t allowed to be good at anything and I wasn’t allowed to have nice things.

If I tried to figure myself out and express my identity, I was punished. A friend painted my nails at lunch at school one day in middle school, it was a pale color, you could barely see it. Another parent had bought it for their child, so I can’t imagine it was like Harlet Brand. There was nothing wrong with it, but when I came home she emptied out a bottle of nail polish remover and made me sit still as a statue and hit me if I moved. I had to sit there for almost a full 24 hours without peeing or eating or drinking water, I wasn’t allowed to move until the nail polish ate itself in the remover. I wasn’t even allowed to rub my fingers over the polish. I was always put in adult size XXXXL, t-shirts were three quarter length sleeved and went to my knees. If I didn’t disappear in it and it didn’t look like I was just a pile of clothes, it was too small. My friends would buy me things for my birthday out of pity but my mom always took everything away immediately, their mothers felt so bad and I never knew what to do about it. She didn’t even throw this stuff that I wasn’t allowed to have away or donate it; she reveled in keeping it in her room like a trophy. She liked me being able to see that the stuff that I wanted was still there but I couldn’t have it.

She shaved my head at every opportunity.

She beat me for just about every reason I can imagine that she could think of. My brother pissed her off? Beat me. She had a bad day at work? Beat me. I didn’t do enough for her? Beat me. I literally broke bones. I have scars to this day.

She used me as a slave. Even back as far as I can remember in like elementary school, I was the one in charge of cooking for everyone, I was in charge of cleaning up after everyone, and I did all of the laundry. There was not a chore that was not my responsibility.

She liked to tell me that I was going to grow up to be as big as her. That I would be as ugly as her. That I would be her. She’d tell me my life was worthless, that she brought me into this world and she could take me out of it. She’d tell me that I couldn’t do anything. I’ve always loved to sing, but if she ever heard a peep she would always berate me for it. She’d tell me I was terrible and a bother for having an interest. That I shouldn’t even be seen, let alone heard. My brother would join in on this. They’d laugh.

Nothing was ever allowed to be wrong with me either, which really fucks me up. I fell down the stairs and twisted my knee so hard it was purple and she told me to walk it off, then laughed and called me a sissy lala when I cried because it hurt. I broke my funny bone on her work property and the only reason we even know that is because even though she was laughing at my bleeding nose, chipped tooth, and steadily growing arm that was changing green and blue and purple and calling me a pansy for saying it hurt, her boss INSISTED she take me to the hospital.

She ripped my cast off by force less than a week later. Said I’d only use it for pity and I didn’t need it anyway.

The next step from there was total neglect. There’s a big story for me going to the children’s shelter, but she basically was just like whatever I don’t want him and then proceeded to not give a shit about trying to see me. She basically just washed her hands of me.

In my later teen years, after I’d been in the foster care system and started taking care of myself, she ended up back in my life. Things are going fuzzy, I don’t remember how. But, at this time:

She no longer beat me. In fact, she acted like it never happened and just didn’t acknowledge it at all. I think that is the most terrifying thing she’s ever done.

She would tell me a sob story about how her landlord was coming for x, y, or z and then ask me if I could come over to help her clean up. She’d tell me that her landlord would kick her out if they saw how much of a mess her house was and she’d say she had no idea what else to do. I would spend a whole week straight cleaning her house. She wouldn’t help at all.

But she would laugh at me in front of my friends. She’d offer to take us out to dinner and then tell stories about what a pathetic little sniveling child I was.

When a boyfriend cheated on me and tried to throw me down her stairs and started ripping the gutters off her home, she looked at me bleeding and sobbing on the floor and said I’d let go of the best thing that had ever happened to me. That nobody else would love me and whatever he had done couldn’t possibly be bad enough to warrant robbing HER of time with him.

Then there’s the monster ex:

I always want to say that things started out slow and escalated, but that’s a lie. The first thing he did that was abusive was manipulating me into thinking his ex was the devil. He had me thinking this girl was making him want to kill himself, and he constantly sent me after he like an attack dog. I know that she wasn’t doing anything wrong because I do eventually simmer down and try to talk things out and all it took was a few simple screencaps to show the monster ex was a damned liar. He admitted it too when called out and we eventually became friends? Like it was the weirdest mindfuck he’s ever pulled. He tried to make his ex kill herself, then sent me to make her want to kill herself, and then we were friends. I even woke up from a drunk night wearing HER pants once. I drew abs on the woman. I think this is why he has yet to actually send anyone my way to bitch me out. He always has people yell at people, but not me. Not once. Because he learned that sending people to yell at someone for something that never happened ALWAYS backfires.

The first err against me was after we’d moved in together. We were really happy, and I know he likes to play like he was never happy now that all is said and done, but that’s just more abuse. It’s his way of erasing his blame and making it look like he is some Super Pathetic Victim. He cheated. And he lied. To someone his ex knew too, more than once. It was a whole thing. Like he was laughing to my face and we were cuddling and I tied him to the heater and fucked him silly, but he still needed to have some pity to feed off of, so he made up some stuff. Which he admitted. But then kept doing. She kept falling for it. He would say stuff like he was going to steal my wallet in the middle of the night and run off to be Hummelberry in NY. I don’t even think he was really cheating because he liked the girl or because he wanted to cheat, he just wanted her to pity him to The Highest Extent.

Even just this far, there is obviously only one reason a person would stay with a person like that. And that reason is abuse. It’s fucking powerful.

He would ride my coattails whenever I’d do something online, and if people paid attention to me he had to push in too. He loved it when people loved us. Then he would start contolling the things I did. I cannot tell you how many times I admined a group and had to watch as he abused people in the group. He was so terrible. But I couldn’t say anything, I couldn’t stop him.

And he’d control who I could talk to, who I could write with in groups. He liked to ship wreck my ships. He’d already have like 5 ships with me and then he’d decide to make a 6th character and his FIRST move was always finding one of my character’s to ruin. He literally brought his abuse into character. He abused one of my rp characters in the same way he abuses me and the ENTIRE rp was SO uncomfortable.

It wasn’t until I started telling him to stop treating me like shit that things got really heated up. I never understood it and it drove me insane at the time, but he would abuse me and I would say he was abusing me and he would nod his head and tell me he understood. We’d have a heart to heart convo about how he was hurting me and how he could avoid doing that in the future. I’d ask him to remember to consider me as a human being all the time, he always forgot I wasn’t just a stepping stool. But we’d get to a good place and I’d think he understood. He would have expressed his heartfelt desire to do better and be a better person— but then he would go online and throw pity parties about how terrible I was.

He had a huge love of gaslighting or making shit up. He would post about me on his blog to get attention all the time, and talk to his friends about me. Just lie, right through his teeth. Nothing was too outrageous for him to go for. He had to villify me, and as far as I’m concerned that’s abuse too. It’s practically cyberbullying when it’s done in a tightknit community. He’s sent me anon hate, he’s sent my friends anon hate, and he’s sent anon hate to other blogs about me. He’s also signed hate to other blogs about me, even after I finally got him out of my life. He can’t breathe without using lies about me to host a pity party. That feels like abuse to me. His lies weren’t ever even all that good. He’d be as bad as to say “I want you all to give me money so I can spend it on me” and then say “I wanted to give HIM that money, not me! I’m a saint!” Like…. the original post is right there with the words “for myself” written right on it but okay?

My mind is really going fuzzy now, so I’ll leave a really short list that will cover like 1/1000th of his daily abuse. Some of the every day things included:

Making me out to be the bad guy if I ever asked for anything

Guilting me for telling him when he did things that hurt me

Telling me things like that I wasn’t worth being treated with common decency, right to my face, just because he was mad. 

He pushed and pulled with his attention and affection a lot. He was always very manipulative in the way that he would pay attention or talk to me and be super sweet and then flip it when he got what he wanted. 

He was also very manipulative in the way he would be sweet to me and then shit talk me behind my back. Kind of like how he we romantic with me while cheating behind my back. I’m poly. Bro. Literally all you had to do was respect me as the person you’re already dating and a s k.

Signing into my messengers, reading my private stuff, especially after we fought, so that he could see what I was saying to my friends. If I ever dared to ask for help from someone, or said a word about him that wasn’t sparkling, he would immediately start another fight. 

Calling me fat - I will never forget this. I literally said, “If I were this big, I would jump off the roof and kill myself, I 100% cannot handle that I am freaking out” and he replied, “Well, you’re that big.” I’ve had serious eating disorders since childhood, fucking asshole. I don’t care what excuse a person can come up with, there is none for that. Even if your worst enemy says, “I’ll kill myself if ___” you do NOT reply with, “well, ____” unless you’re ABSOLUTE garbage. He tries to claim that he was only with me because he thought I’d kill myself if he left, that making shit up is another abuse thing, but if he gave a shit about my mental health or if I killed myself…. why the fuck did he tell me I was fat right after I specifically said I would kill myself if I was fat??????? And he knows I’m not lying. It wasn’t a funny haha I’d kill myself lol xD xD like his are. He knows I only say that shit when it is  r e a l.

Admittedly taking his anger out on me, yelling at me just because someone else made him mad

He would constantly tell me that my style was wrong, or that the clothes I was wearing made me look too girly. He was always telling me that I needed to be different, downing on me until I felt bad and had to second guess everything. I never really cared how people saw me until he started making me feel like every time someone looks at me, all they see is a girl. He pushed that transphobic, sexist, YOU HAVE TO LOOK LIKE A MAN TO BE A MAN bullshit on me all of the time.

Telling me all of my interests were stupid

Acting out whenever he had to do something. Like we were moving out of Arizona and packing things up into the Uhaul, we were almost done, we just had the Christmas stuff. We were moving on and off too, really lazy, but we did also do everything at once. So he starts whipping me with words as fast as he can, trying to get me to just shut down because he’s attacking me. It doesn’t work, I ask him to get the xmas stuff in location a while I go to location b and get shit done and I shit you not, Miller-opher Kingle, Mr. I Listen To My Thousand Song Christmas Playlist All Year Round himself screams out, “I DON’T EVEN LIKE CHRISTMAS!!!!” in his attempt to get me to give into him.

Complaining whenever I wanted to talk about my interests or indulge in my interests

While also shoving every fart he made under my nose and demanding validation

Forcing me to watch stuff he was interested in and even picking fights if I said no but always acting like I wanted him to rip off an arm if I wanted to pick something. 

Invading my private space. He was fucking obsessed with climbing into my bed and it was the creepiest and most terrifying thing in the world. Nobody wants to share a bed with their abuser, and nobody should have to deal with their abuser clinging to their arm like a tumor. Nobody should be forced to allow themselves to be used to up their abuser’s state of being. 

LOUD ASS FUCK SKYPE CALLS WHILE I AM ASLEEP but oh, better yell at me because I wanted to listen to music while he was awake and he’s just too lazy to put the headphones from his neck to his ears so he can block me out

Refusing to clean, making me do it, yelling at me whenever I asked him to help out even a little

Refusing to cook, he would rather starve if I didn’t always cook for him

Refusing to work, especially when we were freelance writing. I’d give him like 500 words total and then take one 50,000 words myself and STILL have to do half of his when I finished mine

Using all of my shit, even when I told him not to, even when he said he wouldn’t. It feels like abuse because it’s like pissing all over my stuff, taking my stuff. A lot of my costume makeup he completely used.

The biggest thing though was that if I couldn’t give him something useful, I was useless. If I wasn’t blowing compliments up his ass 24/7, I was useless. If I wasn’t cooking and cleaning up after him, I was useless. If I wasn’t praising him and showering him in attention, I was useless. If I wasn’t being whored out to the internet to draw in more people to adore him, I was useless. If I was telling him he had to change, that he couldn’t keep abusing me, I was useless. What I wanted never mattered. If we got two bags of chips, he got one and three fourths and I got one fourth. If we got two things and promised to share 50/50, he’d still manipulate me into getting at LEAST half of my half. I could never just have an equal amount of anything. We’d go out and take 100 pics of him and 0 of me. Even when we went to Lady Gaga and I was DRESSED like Lady Gaga herself and I was stopped by fellow fans for pics with strangers, the one event that was quite literally The Me Event, and we got ZERO photos of me. that even after I spent six hours pouring myself into a skimpy ass costume that I made myself, and even after we drove hours and hours to get to the concert, even with it being my birthday present, zero photos of me. I’m the only person at that event that did not go home with a dozen and a half photos of me, I shit you not. What does it say that we BOTH valued me so little? If you feel what I just described in any way, you’re probably being abused.

[callipygouscoulrophiliac]

My OC's!!

(Before I start, I just wanted to warn you that these guys curse a bunch sometimes, and they make a few sexual references so if you don't like that, just don't read it.) FIRST OC!! (WARNING! MENTIONS RAPE, SO IF YOURE EASILY TRIGGERED BY THAT, I SUGGEST NOT READING THIS) Opal (Undertale/random OC) -girl -incredibly shy -unknown age -long brown hair (usually down, she doesn't like to "waste time styling it") -blue eyes -mostly human, but with wings (a guardian angel I guess) -can change her size (not like Jake from Adventure Time, she can just change her height) but she prefers to stay very short -Likes to make bad puns and dirty jokes -only has one outfit, (the outfit is magic and can change size with her, that's why she only has one)a blue hoodie, a red tee shirt, sweatpants, and slippers. -not athletic at all -asexual -if you piss her off enough, she will leave the whole "shy" thing behind and become a snappy, witty, sassy asshole that can basically win any argument with facts and shit -stuff about her past: she actually has a really abusive past. She doesn't like telling anyone about it, because she grew up in a very abusive "home" with a bunch of old guys that liked to get drunk a lot. The guys there would beat her a use her as a toy, even for sex . Because of this, she was never really comfortable with "doing the dance with no pants" again, and became asexual (no, she doesn't "reproduce like a plant" she just doesn't like doing the do ) . She could never do anything about it, because she's so week and didn't learn how to change her size until way later in life. She died, and was just thrown out of the place she lived into the streets. An angel found her, and saw that she had a pure heart of gold, revived her and gave her wings and all of her powers. She actually knows Gaster personally, because at some point she was kinda like his lab assistant. She stayed with him for like a week, but then he turned on her and tried to do horrible experiments on her because she told him about the whole "dying and coming back to life" thing. Ever since then, she's never trusted anyone. -random quote: "that's what she said! What? I can make dirty jokes too ya know." -Birthday: she doesn't actually remember, she was never told as a child. She doesn't even know how old she is. She just decides to celebrate the day that she escaped, which was June 14 (my birthday =D) (also, she only knows this because she saw a newspaper while looking for a place to stay) (heck yea i got most of her personality from Fluttershy, but that's just who she's a lot like) Next OC! Nopal (Opal's alternate self) -obviously a girl -very murderous -long and messy brown hair -red eyes (that's how you know it's her) -she has wings too, but instead of normal wings, they're bat wings (that's also how you know it's her) -she can also grow and shrink -can actually talk to Chara, and made friends with her -HATES jokes -She has the same outfit as Opal, except it's usually covered in blood. -she's also asexual, but is a huge flirt -she doesn't really have a past, she just kinda appeared when Opal left Gaster. She possessed her and made her kill everyone at the place Opal used to live. Ever since then, she's just been in Opal's mind, constantly insulting her and trying to get her to kill people again -Random quote: "hey Opal, why don't ya kill that dude? He looked at you weird. He might be a guy we missed from that place you grew up at" -she has shark teeth (if you didn't know, that means that her teeth are hella sharp) and likes to show them off by smiling a lot -she was created when Opal left Gaster, so I guess technically her birthday is on June 31st Next OC! Kasai or "fire" in Japanese ( random OC) -guy -sporty and a brat -23 -naturally his hair is blonde, but he dyed it dark red for unknown reasons (no, he's not Josh Dun) -green eyes -human -very short, and gets teased about it a lot -hates when people talk about his size -usually in a tank top and shorts, because he loves to workout -he's straight, but can never find a girl that's as athletic as him -owns a German Shepard named Flash, and loves to run and train with him. -his past: when he was 10, his mother was killed, and him and his father were left to die. they both swore to get revenge on the person that did it, but nobody knows who it was. All he remembered if that the person had a missing thumb on his left hand. Him and his dad have been training together ever since then, so that when they do find him, they can make him suffer -random quote: "fuck you I may be short but I can still kick your ass" -he can lift things that are up to 50% heavier than him (hot damn :0) -his birthday is on March 17th NEXT OC!! Kalia (random oc) -girl -kind of shy, but mostly out-going -20 years old -slightly long light brown hair -bluish-greenish eyes -4 feet, 11 inches (same dude) -she's so chill about everything, she has the power to make even the most stressed person calm, just by hugging them -she always wears a dark blue and black jacket, and keeps it halfway zipped with a light blue shirt underneath and she usually wears jeans or shorts and any random shoes (sometimes she even walks around with no shoes, and just mismatched socks) -she's straight, and is actually in a relationship with (the next OC) Josh -her biggest secret is that she makes dolls of everyone she meets, and has a secret room somewhere in her house that not even Josh knows about, where she keeps the dolls and a short summary of everyone. If someone that she has a doll of dies, she gives the doll of that person to someone that's very close to them, and tells them to never tell anybody about it. -her past: she lived a pretty normal life, with a mom and a dad, but when she went to school and met Josh, her entire life changed! Nah jk, this isn't a cheesy ass Young Adult Novel. Kalia just grew up as a normal, but really chill and quite kid. She's been best friends with Josh since third grade, he was the only person she talked to. When anyone ever made fun of her or was mean to her, he would come and beat their ass. After a while, they started to like each other. They're dating now, and both really want to, but they're both too scared to get married -random quote: "whoa calm down Joshie. You need a hug?" -Her birthday is on October 22nd NEXT OC!! Josh (random OC) -male (obviously) -oh jeez, where do I even start on his personalty? well, he's incredibly sexual for starters. he always tries (and mostly succeeds) to make Kalia blush. he's very kind, but also incredibly rude. it's hard to tell. -23 years old -short, messy brown hair -green eyes -human -6 feet, 2 inches -he doesn't really have any kind of special power. he's just a normal dude -he usually wears a black tee shirt, jeans, a jacket, and casual shoes. -bisexual -he gets in fights ALL THE TIME. like, not one week goes without a fight. it's pretty bad. -his biggest secret is that he doesn't actually have a job, but instead he wins money by going to illegal bot fights. he wins almost every time. also, he's secretly played all of Huniepop -his past is basically the same as Kalia's, but he was a little more aggressive. he met Kalia, and she helped him with his anger issues. -random quote: "hey can you take your shirt off? i wanna see how an angel hides its wings~" -random fact: once made a robot named George and accidentally gave him too much personality, it didn't want to fight so it ran away and no one knows where -birthday: the 12th of April NEXT OC! Flash (yes I'm telling you about Kasai's dog) -male -happy, upbeat, and full of energy -no one actually knows his age, all they know is that he's way older than any normal dog, and will probably live for a very long time -when you think of a German Shepard, you usually think of a big dog, with light brown fur, and a big black spot on their back & snout. Well, he's a little different. He still has the same colors, but they're reversed. Most of his fur is black, and he has a light brown spot on his back and snout. Also, his chest is colored to where it has a design on it. It's completely natural, and it's actually how he got his name. Yup, you guessed it. It's a lightning bolt. But not just any old simple Harry Potter's forehead Z looking thing, it looks like an actual real life lightning bolt, cloud and all. It's pretty fucking cool. -dark green eyes -he's a really big dog. Like, almost like a Great Dane. He's a beast! -he wears underwear. He literally walks around in underwear and he doesn't even care. Basically, a long ass time ago, Kasai said that it was "unfair that he could walk around with his dick hanging free all the time and no body yells at him" so his dad suggested that he put underwear on him. So now, he wears underwear all the time. He's not even bothered by it. Birthday: no one knows XD NEXT OC!! Hannah (Undertale OC) -Female -she's like, all about fashion and popularity. Because of this, she's best friends with Mettaton. -22 years old -really long blonde hair -hazel eyes -part mermaid, but only when she gets in the water -5 feet 3 inches -she changes her outfit like every five minutes, but when she does, it's usually something really bright and sparkly -straight -her biggest secret is that sometimes, when no one's around, she walks around her house either completely naked or in really baggy clothes that are really unfashionable, but hey, she walks around in all that itchy uncomfortable stuff all the time so it's nice to let loose sometimes. -her past: she grew up at home with her rich parents, but unlike most stereotypical rich people, they were all actually really nice and generous. They donate to charity as often as possible, and give homeless people money. She decided to move out when she was 20, but only because she was sick of her parents waking her up really early in the morning with loud "old people" music. -random quote: "oh my goodness Opal you're hair is a MESS! Come here darling, I'll fix it for you" -random fact: absolutely LOVES Opal and Kalia's hair. Both of they're hair is know for being soft and long, so it's really fun to play with a style. Next OC!! Mike (random OC) -transgender (not a male or female, but leans slightly more to the female side) -sass master 3000. Literally you can't get in a fight with this person, they're so sassy you'll be dead halfway through the argument (it's hilarious when and Opal get into a fight with them) -shoulder length jet black hair -green eyes -again, sass master 3000. They can win ANY argument, no matter what it's about. -5 feet -they likes to get fashion advice from Hannah -bisexual -biggest secret: has actually seriously considered killing his parents. He told Opal, and was really surprised when she said "oh don't worry I understand, I killed mine." But then she explained her backstory, and even if she had a serious reason for doing it, she's regretted it every single day of her life and if she could, she would go back in time and try to stop herself. -past: they grew up pretty normally, until they came out as trans. They're parents yelled at them, saying that they were born a guy and they were gonna stay that way. none of his 'friends' supported him, until they met Opal. She completely understood why they didn't wanna be a guy, with her being a feminist (and you know damn well why). They became fast friends, and later met Kalia, Josh, Hannah, and Kasai. They live in Opal's house now, and she really doesn't mind that they can't pay a lot (no good jobs would accept them because they're trans. It really sucks) -random quote: "the day I have a gender is they day Opal dies. Get it? Cause she's an immortal angel? Haha I'm sorry." -random fact: they don't usually like being so sassy, and usually apologizes after, but it's just kinda natural. Welp, there you have it. I promise, this is the last of them! Here they all are, so really, if you wanna leave an ask or dare or drawing, I would love it. Thanks!