#especially when its like a furry movie and then the villain is a human and so im like NOW WHAT.

[year2000electronics]

hard out here

[atarahderek]

Wolfwalkers Review

I confess, I have not taken the time to watch the first two movies of Cartoon Saloon’s Irish folklore trilogy (a fact I hope to rectify sooner rather than later). But I did take the time to watch Wolfwalkers...and I fell in love. The animation, the unique style, the music, the story...it was all beautiful. So I thought I’d give my thoughts on it, trying to keep them as spoiler free as I can.

Wolfwalkers had a limited theatrical release and was later released on Apple TV’s streaming service--which does offer a one week free trial if you want to check out their content. It is not the first Cartoon Saloon animation I’ve seen (I watched Breadwinner a few years ago), but it is easily the most beautiful. Being of Irish descent myself, I’m always happy to see good stories set in the lands of my ancestors. Especially stories that make liberal use of Celtic style music. If you have a Celtic heritage you’d like to explore, Wolfwalkers is an excellent celebration of that heritage and worth watching for that alone.

The story

The plot is fairly simplistic: A girl moves to a new town and has a hard time adjusting, meets a friend who stands out just as much as she does, discovers that friend faces a terrible threat, and tries to do whatever she can to help her friend. In this story, Robyn Goodfellowe and her father Bill have moved from northern England to Kilkenny, Ireland (insert South Park joke here). Bill is a hunter, tasked by Lord Oliver Cromwell, who insists on being referred to as Lord Protector and nothing less, with eradicating the wolves who live in the nearby forest so that the woodcutters can clear the forest for farmland. Well, the wolves in the forest have something to say about that. While trying to prove to her father that she can still be a good hunter despite Cromwell’s wishes that she stay in town and work in the scullery, Robyn comes across a girl named Mebh, who reveals herself to be a wolfwalker; a type of werewolf, for lack of a better term, that takes a wolf form whenever her human body sleeps. After a misunderstanding, Mebh accidentally bites Robyn, causing Robyn to become a wolfwalker herself. But her new form makes her an ally to Mebh, who is waiting for her missing mother to return so they can take their wolf pack and find a new forest untouched by Cromwell. Robyn struggles to keep her new secret form from her father and Cromwell, but when Cromwell threatens the wolves and Mebh directly, Robyn can no longer remain silent.

Cartoon Saloon’s history of giving their stories bittersweet endings makes this plot a little less predictable than it would be if it came from any other studio--and a lot less predictable than if it came from Disney (I love Disney, but sometimes they play things too safe or too true to their own favorite tropes). But the ending is quite satisfactory. It did suffer the plot mandated friendship failure in the third act, but to be fair, Robyn’s heart was in the right place, even if her actions weren’t. This film proves that a story doesn’t have to have a bunch of plot twists or be especially complex to be good. There is an elegance in simplicity.

The characters

Robyn is spunky, independent, snarky and skilled in marksmanship. She understandably does not like the new “cage” she’s found herself in under Cromwell’s strict rules. In England, her father let her go hunting with him and gave her a lot more freedom. In Ireland, he is firmly under Cromwell’s thumb. And as Cromwell is not afraid to punish children as if they were adults, Bill fears Robyn will be taken away from him and jailed or put in the stocks. Robyn has started to hear the phrase, “It’s for your own good,” far more often than anything else from her father, and she can’t stand it--right up until she uses the same phrase toward Mebh to protect her from Cromwell. When she becomes a wolfwalker, she suffers anxiety, wanting to hide her wolf form, but also craving freedom more than ever. Robyn is the type of idealist who always imagines herself easily taking a stand against something she believes to be wrong, but when it comes right down to doing just that, she balks at first. But in the end, she is able to stand strong anyway. Even as a child, Robyn shows strong leadership skills and has a mind for strategy--when she’s calm and focused, that is. When she’s out of her element and panicking, she gets herself into quite a few predicaments. Her strengths and flaws make her a well rounded character and prevent her, a young, falcon-owning huntress in 1650 Ireland, from sliding into Mary Sue territory.

Mebh is your standard wild child. She’s fiercely independent, loves to tease, and tends to make bombastic threats toward people who might offend her. She’s at least a few years younger than Robyn, and it shows. Robyn is 12-13 years old, while Mebh seems to be about nine at the most. Mebh takes promises seriously, expects them to be upheld, and is easily hurt when they are broken. Despite having little in common with Robyn, she bonds easily with her within hours of meeting her, teaching her all that she needs to know about being a wolfwalker. She’s a handful for anyone, a fact that baffles Cromwell, who apparently has very little personal experience with children. Kids Mebh’s age are often portrayed as seeming older or younger than they are, but Mebh is portrayed as a very convincing nine-year-old. She’s properly immature, but also old enough to take care of herself while her mother is away. Though she does have over two dozen furry babysitters to take care of her.

Bill Goodfellowe represents the rare Sean Bean role where his character doesn’t die. He’s a widower who is just trying to establish a good life for himself and Robyn. When he gets called to Ireland, he finds himself having to tie down his free spirited daughter, and it’s plain to see he hates doing it. He wants to protect her from the wolves around Kilkenny, but he also wants to protect her from Cromwell’s retribution against anyone who violates his dictatorial laws. Eventually, he has to stand up to Cromwell to protect Robyn, finally realizing that complying with tyranny will not allow him to protect his daughter; it will only put his daughter in more danger.

There’s not much to say about Mebh’s mother Moll. Her whereabouts are unknown until halfway through the second act, and even in the third act she doesn’t play much of a role. She’s a tough but tender matriarch who acts as something of a living MacGuffin. She's also the plot’s punching bag.

The side characters are mostly delightful. Merlin is your standard animal sidekick, but he’s also a very useful means of communicating, being a bird that can talk to Wolfwalkers. A bully named Paidrig turns out to be a useful tool for Robyn, keeping him from being completely repulsive (but only just barely; I’d rank him just below Eustace Clarence Scrubb in the first half of VDT). And Sean Og is criminally underappreciated. Seriously, we need some more love for Sean Og here.

And as for Oliver Cromwell, I have quite a bit to say about him. I’m going to save that for its own post, since it will involve spoilers. Since he is a historical domain character (unlike the others), the approach taken with him was different from what it was for the other antagonistic characters--and for a lot of villains in general. He’s almost Judge Claude Frollo in John Ratcliffe’s body.

The soundtrack

With an abundance of gorgeous Celtic music and a beautifully fitting rendition of “Running with the Wolves” by Aurora, I have only one complaint about the soundtrack: I CANNOT FIND IT FOR SALE ANYWHERE!!!

In summary

It’s beautiful, it’s so very Irish, it’s a quality story about magic wolves (those are rare), and I sincerely believe it is more than a contender for best animated feature this year. Honestly, I liked it better than Soul. Well done, Cartoon Saloon. Well done. Now, to all of you reading this, go support Wolfwalkers!

[tlbodine]

A Horror History of Werewolves

As far as horror icons are concerned, werewolves are among the oldest of all monsters. References to man-to-wolf transformations show up as early as the Epic of Gilgamesh, making them pretty much as old as storytelling itself. And, unlike many other movie monsters, werewolves trace their folkloric roots to a time when people truly believed in and feared these creatures. 

But for a creature with such a storied past, the modern werewolf has quite the crisis of identity. Thanks to an absolute deluge of romance novels featuring sometimes-furry love interests, the contemporary idea of “werewolf” is decidedly de-fanged. So how did we get here? Where did they come from, where are they going, and can werewolves ever be terrifying again? 

Werewolves in Folklore and Legend 

Ancient Greece was full of werewolf stories. Herodotus wrote of a nomadic tribe from Scythia (part of modern-day Russia) who changed into wolves for a portion of the year. This was most likely a response to the Proto-Indo-European societies living in that region at the time -- a group whose warrior class would sometimes don animal pelts and were said to call on the spirit of animals to aid them in battle (the concept of the berserker has the same roots -- just bears rather than wolves).

In Arcadia, there was a local legend about King Lycaon, who was turned to a wolf as punishment for serving human meat to Zeus (exact details of the event vary between accounts, but cannibalism and crimes-against-the-gods are a common theme). Pliny the Elder wrote of werewolves as well, explaining that those who make a sacrifice to Zeus Lycaeus would be turned to wolves but could resume human form years later if they abstained from eating human meat in that time.

By the time we reach the Medieval period in Europe, werewolf stories were widespread and frequently associated with witchcraft. Lycanthropy could be either a curse laid upon someone or a transformation undergone by someone practicing witchcraft, but either way was bad news in the eyes of the church. For several centuries, witch-hunts would aggressively seek out anyone suspected of transforming into a wolf.

One particularly well-known werewolf trial was for Peter Stumpp in 1589. Stumpp, known as "The Werewolf of Bedburg," confessed to killing and eating fourteen children and two pregnant women while in the form of a wolf after donning a belt given to him by the Devil. Granted, this confession came on the tail-end of extensive public torture, so it may not be precisely reliable. His daughter and mistress were also executed in a public and brutal way during the same trial.

Who’s Afraid of the Big Bad Wolf? 

The thing you have to understand when studying folklore is that, for many centuries, wolves were the apex predator of Europe. While wolf attacks on humans have been exceedingly rare in North America, wolves in Europe have historically been much bolder -- or, at least, there are more numerous reports of man-eating wolves in those regions. Between 1362 and 1918, roughly 7,600 people were reportedly killed by wolves in France alone, which may have some bearing on the local werewolf tradition of the loup-garou.

For people living in rural areas, subsisting as farmers or hunters, wolves posed a genuine existential threat. Large, intelligent, utilizing teamwork and more than capable of outwitting the average human, wolves are a compelling villain. Which is probably why they show up so frequently in fairytales, from Little Red Riding Hood to Peter and the Wolf to The Three Little Pigs.

Early Werewolf Fiction 

Vampires have Dracula and zombies have I Am Legend, but there really is no clear singular book to point to as the "First Great Werewolf Novel." Perhaps by the time the novel was really taking off as an artform, werewolves had lost some of their appeal. After all, widespread literacy and reading-for-pleasure went hand-in-hand with advancements in civilization. For city-dwellers in Victorian England, for example, the threat of a wolf eating you alive probably seemed quite remote.

Don't get me wrong -- there were some Gothic novels featuring werewolves, like Sutherland Menzies' Hugues, The Wer-Wolf, or G.W.M. Reynolds' Wagner the Wehr-Wolf, or even The Wolf Leader by Alexandre Dumas. But these are not books that have entered the popular conscience by any means. I doubt most people have ever heard of them, much less read them.

No -- I would argue that the closest thing we have, thematically, to a Great Werewolf Novel is in fact The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde by Robert Louis Stevenson. Written in 1886, the Gothic novella tells the story of a scientist who, wanting to engage in certain unnamed vices without detection, created a serum that would allow him to transform into another person. That alter-ego, Mr. Hyde, was selfish, violent, and ultimately uncontrollable -- and after taking over the body on its own terms and committing a murder or two, the only way to stop Hyde’s re-emergence was suicide. 

Although not about werewolves, per se, Jekyll & Hyde touches on many themes that we'll see come up time and again in werewolf media up through the present day: toxic masculinity, the dual nature of man, leading a double life, and the ultimate tragedy of allowing one's base instincts/animal nature to run wild. Against a backdrop of Victorian sexual repression and a rapidly shifting concept of humanity's relationship to nature, it makes sense that these themes would resonate deeply (and find a new home in werewolf media).

It is also worth mentioning Guy Endore's The Werewolf of Paris, published in 1933. Set against the backdrop of the Franco-Prussian war and subsequent military battles, the book utilizes a werewolf as a plot device for exploring political turmoil. A #1 bestseller in its day, the book was a big influence on the sci-fi and mystery pulp scene of the 1940s and 50s, and is still considered one of the best werewolf novels of its ilk.

From Silver Bullets to Silver Screens 

What werewolf representation lacks in novels, it makes up for in film. Werewolves have been a surprisingly enduring feature of film from its early days, due perhaps to just how much fun transformation sequences are to film. From camera tricks to makeup crews and animatronics design, werewolf movies create a lot of unique opportunities for special effects -- and for early film audiences especially (who were not yet jaded to movie magic), these on-screen metamorphoses must have elicited true awe. 

The Wolf Man (1941) really kicked off the trend. Featuring Lon Chaney Jr. as the titular wolf-man, the film was cutting-edge for its time in the special effects department. The creature design is the most memorable thing about the film, which has an otherwise forgettable plot -- but it captured viewer attention enough to bring Chaney back many times over for sequels and Universal Monster mash-ups. 

The Wolf Man and 1944's Cry of the Werewolf draw on that problematic Hollywood staple, "The Gypsy Curse(tm)" for their world-building. Fortunately, werewolf media would drift away from that trope pretty quickly; curses lost their appeal, but “bite as mode of transmission” would remain an essential part of werewolf mythos. 

In 1957, I Was a Teenage Werewolf was released as a classic double-header drive-in flick that's nevertheless worth a watch for its parallels between werewolfism and male aggression (a theme we'll see come up again and again). Guy Endore's novel got the Hammer Film treatment for 1961's The Curse of the Werewolf, but it wasn't until the 1970s when werewolf media really exploded: The Beast Must Die, The Legend of the Wolf Woman, The Fury of the Wolfman, Scream of the Wolf, Werewolves on Wheels and many more besides.

Hmmm, werewolves exploding in popularity around the same time as women's liberation was dramatically redefining gender roles and threatening the cultural concept of masculinity? Nah, must be a coincidence.

The 1980s brought with it even more werewolf movies, including some of the best-known in the genre: The Howling (1981), Teen Wolf (1985), An American Werewolf in London (1981), and The Company of Wolves (1984). Differing widely in their tone and treatment of werewolf canon, the films would establish more of a spiderweb than a linear taxonomy.

That spilled over into the 1990s as well. The Howling franchise went deep, with at least seven films that I can think of. Wolf, a 1994 release starring Jack Nicholson is especially worth a watch for its themes of dark romantic horror. 

By the 2000s, we get a proper grab-bag of werewolf options. There is of course the Underworld series, with its overwrought "vampires vs lycans" world-building. There's also Skin Walkers, which tries very hard to be Underworld (and fails miserably at even that low bar). But there's also Dog Soldiers and Ginger Snaps, arguably two of the finest werewolf movies of all time -- albeit in extremely different ways and for very different reasons.

Dog Soldiers is a straightforward monster movie pitting soldiers against ravenous werewolves. The wolves could just as easily have been subbed out with vampires or zombies -- there is nothing uniquely wolfish about them on a thematic level -- but the creature design is unique and the film itself is mastefully made and entertaining.

Ginger Snaps is the first werewolf movie I can think of that tackles lycanthropy from a female point of view. Although The Company of Wolves has a strong feminist angle, it is still very much a film about male sexuality and aggression. Ginger Snaps, on the other hand, likens werewolfism to female puberty -- a comparison that frankly makes a lot of sense.

The Werewolf as Sex Object 

There are quite literally thousands of werewolf romance novels on the market, with more coming in each day. But the origins of this trend are a bit fuzzier to make out (no pun intended). 

Everyone can mostly agree that Anne Rice’s Interview with a Vampire was the turning-point for sympathetic vampires -- and paranormal romance as a whole. But where do werewolves enter the mix? Possibly with Laurell K. Hamilton’s Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter books, which feature the titular character in a relationship with a werewolf (and some vampires, and were-leopards, and...many other things). With the first book released in 1993, the Anita Blake series seems to pre-date similar books in its ilk. 

Blood and Chocolate (1997) by Annette Curtis Klause delivers a YA-focused version of the classic “I’m a werewolf in high school crushing on a mortal boy”; that same year, Buffy the Vampire Slayer hit the small screen, and although the primary focus was vampires, there is a main werewolf character (and romancing him around the challenges of his wolfishness is a big plot point for the characters involved). And Buffy, of course, paved the way for Twilight in 2005. From there, werewolves were poised to become a staple of the ever-more-popular urban fantasy/paranormal romance genre. 

“Sexy werewolf” as a trope may have its roots in other traditions like the beastly bridegroom (eg, Beauty and the Beast) and the demon lover (eg, Labyrinth), which we can talk about another time. But there’s one other ingredient in this recipe that needs to be discussed. And, oh yes, we’re going there. 

Alpha/Beta/Omegaverse 

By now you might be familiar with the concept of the Omegaverse thanks to the illuminating Lindsay Ellis video on the topic (and the current ongoing lawsuit). If not, well, just watch the video. It’ll be easier than trying to explain it all. (Warning for NSFW topics). 

But the tl;dr is that A/B/O or Omegaverse is a genre of (generally erotic) romance utilizing the classical understanding of wolf pack hierarchy. Never mind that science has long since disproven the stratification of authority in wolf packs; the popular conscious is still intrigued by the concept of a society where some people are powerful alphas and some people are timid omegas and that’s just The Way Things Are. 

What’s interesting about the Omegaverse in regards to werewolf fiction is that, as near as I’ve been able to discover, it’s actually a case of convergent evolution. A/B/O as a genre seems to trace its roots to Star Trek fanfiction in the 1960s, where Kirk/Spock couplings popularized ideas like heat cycles. From there, the trope seems to weave its way through various fandoms, exploding in popularity in the Supernatural fandom. 

What seems to have happened is that the confluence of A/B/O kink dynamics merging with urban fantasy werewolf social structure set off a popular niche for werewolf romance to truly thrive. 

It’s important to remember that, throughout folklore, werewolves were not viewed as being part of werewolf societies. Werewolves were humans who achieved wolf form through a curse or witchcraft, causing them to transform into murderous monsters -- but there was no “werewolf pack,” and certainly no social hierarchy involving werewolf alphas exerting their dominance over weaker pack members. That element is a purely modern one rooted as much in our misunderstanding of wolf pack dynamics as in our very human desire for power hierarchies. 

So Where Do We Go From Here? 

I don’t think sexy werewolf stories are going anywhere anytime soon. But that doesn’t mean that there’s no room left in horror for werewolves to resume their monstrous roots. 

Thematically, werewolves have done a lot of heavy lifting over the centuries. They hold up a mirror to humanity to represent our own animal nature. They embody themes of toxic masculinity, aggression, primal sexuality, and the struggle of the id and ego. Werewolf attack as sexual violence is an obvious but powerful metaphor for trauma, leaving the victim transformed. Werewolves as predators hiding in plain sight among civilization have never been more relevant than in our #MeToo moment of history. 

Can werewolves still be frightening? Absolutely. 

As long as human nature remains conflicted, there will always be room at the table for man-beasts and horrifying transfigurations. 

--

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[planetjisungie]

détester- l.dh

characters; slytherin! haechan x gryffindor! reader ft. gryffindor! mark (its just a given at this point) and slytherin! jisung

summary; enemies to lovers, you and donghyuck had always just hated eachother. you dont know when it started, or why it started but it was starting to get annoying.

an; i WILL finish my hogwarts series tonight we only have chenle left but now we have more fluff than actual crack because simon says is playing

congratulations you have reached gryffindor level you lucky prick

only the finest gryffindor

you are the embodiment of courage, literally if there was a ditch and someone fell down while everyone was too scared to help them, youd dive in before they could even say ‘dumbledore’

and you just so happen to be the younger sister of mark lee

the infamous mark lee,, that is

lucky prick part 2

but one thing made you seem not so lucky

your sworn enemy, lee donghyuck

or haechan as he liked to be called because apparently all evil villains needed a fake name

thats what you said anyway, he just liked the name haechan for its meaning

but he was also the emodiment of a slytherin, ambitious, cunning, resourceful and he was a pretty damn good leader

hence him being the captain of the quidditch team (no we are not going down the jisung route)

you didnt actually know when you started hating him, in your first year he had just decided to tie your poor, poor cat like a pig for roasting (he was in his second year already)

mr snuggles was traumatized

after that day it was small things to annoy you

like when he put hair dye in your conditioner bottle, resulting in your hair turning out a seafoam green colour

which you actually didnt mind so the joke was really on him, you pulled that shit off

or when he put spiders in your school shoes

that was unpleasant

and he also put a cockroach in your pocket, scaring your poor best friend who was terrified of the creatures

jisung was shaking, he hates cockroaches

to this day you still didnt know why he was a slytherin, but you guessed it was because he was a pureblood, very ambitious and resourceful but not so scary

but today was no exception

you walked towards the gryffindor table, robe billowing behind you as if you were walking in a movie

you were a lee sibling, you were both good at literally everything and deserved all the praise on earth

you fucking go girl, i stan

jisung sat at your table, the gryffindors appeared not to mind, especially as he was actually super nice

"y/n haechan told me to give you this"

ah there it was

the small hufflepuff girl handed you the letter before scurrying off back to her table

"y/n im scared"

jisung was already frightened of what that letter would hold

and you were a good friend, who knew no good would come from that letter

so you shoved it in your pocket, letting it crumple up before turning back to your breakfast

rip donghyuck

that was a fat L for our boy

he just wanted your attention

at first at least, he just wanted to be noticed by you so he pulled the cat stunt, making sure he didn’t actually harm the creature because he is still a decent human being and the grey furry animal did nothing to him

but now he had taken things too far

and he realised that after the stunt he pulled which resulted in you

yes, you, the brave, courageous gryffindor, crying

yeah he fucked up

he casted an illusion spell that infiltrated your sleep, creating nightmares with your deepest fears

and he regretted that

prank gone wrong *nearly killed her* (not clickbait)

you were still pissed at him for that

but that letter in your pocket was no ordinary letter

it was a confession letter, because he; yes him, the infamous slytherin, was too scared to talk to you about it in person

yet you literally just crushed his heart

which he kinda deserved to be fair

but jisung sent you a grateful smile and you went back to your conversation of which cereal brand was better

the answer is obviously lucky charms or frosted shreddies pengers mate

so our baby slytherin needed to find another way to get his feelings across because he was failing

and brother mark was: not happy

mark was a friend of haechan but despite his complaints every goddamn time that he needed to stop his stupid jokes that weren’t actually jokes, he didnt listen

maybe he shouldve listened

mark knows best

apart from jenos fic, mark was a real bitch but this is mark 2.0

mark really doesnt know best

anyways moving on

its time for innovative hyuck™️

so its back to the drawing room, sitting next to yuta (his head boy) to discuss the next plan of action

cutie yuta felt that haechan opening up to him about his feelings was the biggest achievement during his time at hogwarts

so right, the next plan

it was to leave flowers on your bed and then when you turned around to see who put them there (hypothetically) he would be there and he could make his outstanding apology

but of course, this isnt some fanfiction where everything goes right

who do you take me for?

so later that day he gathered his flowers, tying them in a cute dark green ribbon

staying with the slytherin theme

and he put them on your bed

they were some seriously nice flowers

you noticed them as soon as you walked in and your heart swelled

unfortunately that wasnt the only thing that swelled

you were allergic to pollen, and your eyes had puffed up slightly, itching a little and you had some sniffles

that was another L for hyuck

and he ran, he fucking booked it out of his little hiding spot back to his common room aka the dungeon

"YUTA I FAILED"

"how the fuck do you fail giving someone flowers hyuck?"

"shes fucking allergic"

so you never found out who gave you flowers

but

but you did keep them, despite your obvious physical irritation to them

they were pretty :(((

so you pressed them into a random notebook you found, because seriously you couldnt just chuck them out

unfortunately for hyuck, he was not so slick to mark who narrowed his eyes on the boy

he knew something was up

what kind of torture device was flowers ?? this was too soft

and so he found out that the same boy who had been making your life a little

how should i say

s p i c y

had a fat crush on you and was just a pouty baby who wanted your love and attention

cute

mark didnt know whether to support this?? like ?? he knew that underneath your front of disliking the long legged boy, you had some feelings, maybe small but they were there

you wouldve called it fondness

because

i promise youre not a sadist or masochist

but you would see him in class

he was very focused and had a beautiful smile

and laugh

he may come across a little... stand offish and arrogant at first but hes actually a kind soul

from how he made a mess in the grand hall but when he thought everyone was gone, he stayed behind to help clean it, having fun conversations with the staff (elves? who tf cleans the great hall??)

that goddamn melodious laughter constantly ringing in your head

shawtys like a melody in my head

but moving on

you noticed the pranks he pull decreased

and that was because he was spending time with yuta and mark, planning the perfect, foolproof (unfortunately not jeno this time) way to confess

and he sent you small smiles ?? what ??

this is so unlike the hyuck you knew

like he did a 180

i did a full 180 baby crazy

i said this was gonna be less crackish but when regular comes on and you hear jaehyuns queso line you cant not feel qUirKy

(bbq- bb—s mY DIAMONDS I DONT NEED NO LIGHT TO SHINE- jungwoo)

okay so the next plan

you loved quidditch too, mainly because your brother was the captain for the gryffindor team

so the plan was for you to attend the slytherin v gryffindor match and

mark somewhat willingly agreed to have a friendly match so that hyuck could show off his skills

this was an awful plan

because it was raining the day of the match

so you and jisung huddled together for warmth, shivering as you watched the match

and hyuck couldnt feel worse, he felt like you were now going to be sick because of him

damn, you really couldnt catch a break

the groan of pure frustration yuta let out was amusing at least

he was just as invested in this as haechan at this point

like he was germinating a seed??? he was fathering this relationship

so with another L, haechan felt super super bad

and this baby cooked for you

he got his best friend jaemin to teach him how to make chicken soup

because you were actually not a herbivore

(thats the category i put vegans and vegetarians in)

omnivore tings

so he carried his little pot of soup, his fingers kind of burning as it was piping hot

he legit walked right past a suffering jisung in the slytherin dorm, the pot of soup still in hand not even sparing a thought about taking pity on the poor kid and giving him some

so he walked to your dorm, being let in by mark who was being big bro™️ and looking after your sick ass

you looked dead

pale skin, eyes closed, lips tinted blue, your body was shivering but you felt fucking boiling

peak peak times

but haechan still thought you looked gorgeous

mark vacated the dorms, leaving to his lessons so hyuck could look after you

this wasnt a plan ?? but hyuck rolled with it

setting his lil pot down he sat in a seat next to you, staring at your asleep awake form with closed eyes

his eyes held so much love and adoration for you, you really are lucky

he took off his robe, just sitting there in his shirt, trousers and green tie and watching you sleep

you were actually awake, just vibing and breathing to stay alive

and he had a lot on his chest

"i know ive been a massive prick to you and im really sorry. i know you’re asleep right now but im too much of a coward to say this to your face. i really only just wanted your attention because i seem to have feelings for you and i am sincerely sorry for going about it the wrong way"

your ears were {}

wide open

boy were you listening and taking this all in

oh shit

realizashun xx

so you fluttered your eyes open gently, watching his face morph into an expression of pure terror from his previous one of literal love

*whipping noise*

"youre awake!" he squeaked out, eyes darting around the room to look at anything but you

which you couldnt help but smile at

shifting to the side in your bed slightly, you lifted the covers, lazily patting the now open space

"c’mere"

your voice was kind of croaky and hoarse

that made hyuck feel guilty

baby it wasn’t your fault

but he complied, kicking off his leather school shoes and sliding besides you, staying as far away from you as possible

not to offend you, his heart was just going a million miles a second and there was no way you wouldn’t be able to hear it

this boy was like blushy sausage face part 2

arrogant hyuck has left the chat

you pouted seeing him shuffle away from you, shuffling to move yourself closer instead

power move, he either had to cuddle with you or fall off the bed

"can we just forget what i said earlier?"

that made you frown

the fuck?

hell no

"hyuck wait-"

"no dont bring it up its embarrassing"

whiny baby is back

"hyuck i-"

"nope nope nope nope"

"LET ME SPEAK FOR FUCKS SAKE"

he had no choice but to listen

your voice sounded strained already and he didnt want to make you feel worse

"i have feelings for you too you big baby"

double take

you what now?

haechans mouth just kinda froze open

so you shut his jaw gently

cant let him get jaw ache

"wait what?"

his soul has returned

he felt elated, completely happy, dare i say like he was high on a drug and said drug was not THC it was your TLC (LMAO GET IT IM PROUD OF THAT)

and so thats how mark returned to your dorm room to see you and hyuck cuddled in your bed, your head laying on his chest as his chin rested on your head, nuzzling into your hair (which was still half seafoam green might i add)

hyuck wasnt awake to celebrate, so yumark had their own small celebration, counting this as their success

you only found out he had put the flowers on your bed about two months after you started dating

a month after that you read the letter he gave you

[signor-signor]

Trending 27th - January 2020

What have been your efforts in the campaign for SaveWOY and what are your upcoming plans to save WOY? Now this is a question worth answering!

In the past, I made a little list of the things I did to support SaveWOY and bring awareness to Wander Over Yonder’s existence and its third season plans. Since then, I’ve done a whole lot more from hand-drawn art to more intricate art. Some of them are almost as special as that signed poster @peepsqueak got from the WOY crew as a token of their gratitude.

Here’s an updated list of everything I did for SaveWOY so far:

Attended the SaveWOY picnic at Griffith Park, where I got to sign a banner.

Pointed out various higher-ups involved in the business of Disney television.

Sent several letters to the higher-ups, some of which had envelopes with an image of the downed space pod taped to them.

Started a weekly Twitter post series, SaveWOY Thought of the Week.

Made Lite-Brite art of Wander and Lord Hater, which Craig McCracken and Francisco Angones liked.

Attended D23 2017 with an Operation: FORCE drawing of Hater, a colored page of Wander and Sylvia and a few facts about WOY, and an orange pen with a green hat (I got the hat from the aforementioned picnic) - there, I signed a bench with Wander and the phrase, “Never hurts to help.”

Signed my name, drew Wander (and my own character, Jacken DeBox), and wrote, “Happiest place in outer space!” on the highest beam for Star Wars: Galaxy’s Edge.

Wrote a letter (and drew Wander) for the victims of the Las Vegas tragedy with the message, “The darkest times call for the sunniest smiles!”

Got Craig to reveal the name of the ship (said to play a BIG part in S3, made a cameo in Future-Worm) when I commented that we’d have to figure out the name - his response: “The ship is called The Star Nomad.”

Wrote a couple of cards to two Disney higher-ups with the message, “A little nice makes naughty think twice!”

Drew Dominator in a situation that might take place several seconds after she passes the downed space pod, just in time for Noël Wells’s B-day.

Made the Star Nomad with LEGO Digital Designer.

Made three images in the style of the original Star Wars trilogy VHS set.

Posted 50 WOYS3PredictionPolls on Twitter.

Made an image of “The First 5 Years” with over 140 individuals (including the question marks for 3 new mains and 2 new regulars - I still want to know what they look like!) and one cleverly made Hidden Mickey.

Shared WOY-related images from my 1st 5 Years fan art on Twitter acknowledging the B-days of most of the voice actors (Charlie Adler, Kevin Michael Richardson, Ken Marino, Josh Sussman, H. Michael Croner, James Adomian, Jason Ritter, and Piotr Michael clearly noticed).

Typed a summary of how I think the S3 premiere would go.

Typed lyrics to “Let’s Go Soarin’ and Explorin’,” a song from my aforementioned S3 premiere summary. Wouldn’t it be great if Andy Bean used it?

Made a microgame with WarioWare: D.I.Y. where the player has to spin the fan to make the Star Nomad fly. Part of a chorus from “Let’s Go Soarin’ and Explorin’” included.

Started FanCharacterFriday on Twitter - more Tumblr users seem to like Dr. Otmar Vunderbar.

Made a short comic page of Lord Hater trying to break out of the DTVA vault plus a sly reminder that Disney owns the rights to WOY.

Shared a list of potential episode titles for S3.

Made an actual LEGO Star Nomad based on the model made with LDD. Hopefully, those who worked on WOY have noticed. In case you missed it, here’s a picture...

Now, the ideas I have in mind for further boosting support for the campaign. I may not be able to do most of them myself, but they are certainly for everyone’s consideration.

Provide updated information of higher-ups (if any).

As soon as we find out what Kid Cosmic looks like, expect fan art of him saying, “Watch my show and tell your friends so we’ll make that Mousey Company pay for what they did to my half-brother!”

Another SaveWOY picnic - if there’s one in my general area, you can count me in.

LP album artwork of My Fair Hatey.

A mural identical to that of Super Smash Bros. Ultimate consisting of not just characters from WOY, but also characters who were said to debut in S3 and characters who’d fit in perfectly, namely some of my OCs.

Pumpkin stencils of the main characters for Halloween.

Drawings of various WOY characters stuck on the ex-secret planet explaining why they need to leave said planet. Maybe I could also show how the galaxy’s villains would react if they learn that Lord Dominator’s been bested by Lord Hater.

Drawings consisting of SaveWOY-related messages spoken by the main characters from Disney shows that got at least three seasons (e.g. DuckTales, Fish Hooks), tons of love from the viewers and the executives (e.g. Gravity Falls), or both (e.g. SvtFoE, Mickey Mouse ‘13).

Example with Phineas and Ferb:

Phineas: “We may be creative and famous, but we’re not the ones who came up with the Star Nomad. It’s the ship powered by orbbles! Orbbles! I’d LOVE to see it take flight, wouldn’t you? If you let Mr. McCracken end the show his way, and not the executive way, which, truth be told, is the absolute worst, Wander will surely be elated!”

Ferb: “The Orbble Transporter was invented by conjoined twin brothers, voiced by the performers of the theme song.”

Irving (peeking in from the side): “Speaking of voices, the titular main character sounds JUST LIKE ME! How could you possibly resist?! And look, just because I’m the biggest fan of these guys (gesturing to P&F) doesn’t mean I have no interest in what’s planned for the furry orange fella!”

Since I’m a full-time Disneyland cast member, I should be able to make contacts with anyone who might have more clues about what S3 would entail. It might be a long shot, but if I’m able to convince Disney that WOY’s influence on my life boosted my chance at gaining employment at the company, they should understand.

A weekly Jeopardy-type pop quiz on Twitter - here’s the catch: you must refrain from finding information online when you read the answer (I bet you that the most hardcore fans of the most popular shows will get most of the questions wrong).

Example: This arachnomorph got his name from a dog tag he swallowed when he infiltrated a fish-shaped ship. He later became Lord Hater’s beloved pet.

-Who is Captain Tim?

Summaries of S3 episodes I made up myself a while back.

More fan-made characters - my most recent is an elected official of Cluckon, Mayor Spye C. Drumstick.

Conjuring a logo that best fits the status of S3/TV movie - Wander Over Yonder: The New Galaxy (the center would have the silhouette of the Star Nomad with Wander and Sylvia on it).

Brainstorming possible ideas for the three new main characters.

If all else fails, I suggest we make a web comic based on the hints we accumulated back in 2016 and what we learned from the cameo in Future-Worm’s finale. Team Sea3on has been taking that approach for SatAM Sonic the Hedgehog S3, though they are also making an animated version.

That’s about all I’ve got so far. In closing, I have several questions to ask as the new decade kicks off.

Disney executives: Are you even listening to us WOY fans? What more do you want? I’ve done so much for the campaign that I feel I’m entitled to know everything that was planned for WOY’s third and final season, especially now that I’m working full-time for your company. If you tell us what your demands are, we’d be happy to oblige.

@crackmccraigen: Are you aware of how hard the fans and I have been trying to talk Disney into giving you the chance for true closure? We’ll make sure we watch KC when it comes out on Netflix. If we’re lucky, we might see WOY get added to Disney+, where it should get that closure, assuming you’ll have finished KC your way before then.

@suspendersofdisbelief: I know you’re super busy with DuckTales and you love the plans for WOY S3 so much that you can’t bear to reveal it all in one post, but it’s been waaaay too long since we got any hints from you. Are there any other WOY S3-related facts you could describe in much greater detail? The campaign could do with more motivation.

Non-WOY fans: Are you convinced? Need I remind you what’s in the end tag of the ��last” episode of WOY? You know there’s much more to life than tales from the land of Ooo, a blue middle school cat boy in a world of unusual individuals, adolescent twins in an Oregon town filled with oddities, a half-gem half-human protagonist, a coming-of-age princess of Mewni, a trio of ursine trend-followers in San Francisco, and all that jazz. If you’re not one bit interested in Hater’s origin story and all that was planned for S3, it’s your loss.

Pessimists: Will you please dispense with this unnerving “Wander is dead” talk? As a certain Popeye would say, “That’s all I can stands, I can’t stands no more!” You’re not trying to let the Disney bosses win, are you? You probably used to think previously canceled shows like Hey Arnold!, Samurai Jack, and Young Justice could never be brought back. The point is, all is not lost.

@peepsqueak and WOY fans/SaveWOY supporters: Have I been of assistance? Almost every remark I’ve ever made shows wit and perception. I mean, just think. Wander is still stuck in that vault where his goal of reforming Lord Hater remains incomplete, and he has no idea of what threat awaits him. He says, “Glorn, help us.” It’ll take something big and extraordinary to convince every Disney fan (and perhaps every Netflix fan) to talk some sense into the higher-ups. Not to mention the replacement/back-up voice actors we’ll have to find if Disney takes even longer (we already lost one - René Auberjonois). We shan’t rest until we get the answers!

@disneyanimation

[argentdandelion]

Undertale: The Perks of Being Literally Not Human Author Patreon - Author Ko-Fi (Possible human reactions: “Oh! Dogs!” “So that’s what it would look like if the high school mascot costume were a monster...” “Oh gosh they're delightfully close to my fursona”.)

At the end of Undertale's Pacifist Route, monsters go to the Surface and live a life under the sunlight. It probably would not be perfect: the fact they are not literally not human would probably fuel some discrimination.

But it might be really convenient for them, too.

Cultural Familiarity

The very fact monsters are literally not humans means they won’t face the same psycho-social obstacles as, say, a group of human immigrants that look very strange to the eyes of locals.

If one can assume the Surface world of Undertale is just like the real world (circa 2015), then people are familiar with the notion of nonhuman sentient beings, and the sheer breadth of nonhuman-sentient-being images in media means it would be easy to make sense of monsters. Those who resemble beloved animals (e.g., rabbit monsters, dog monsters) would be especially comforting their familiarity. However, many people find even animals which aren’t conventionally cute (e.g., sea cucumbers, spiders) utterly adorable and likeable; now imagine these delightfully strange-looking creatures could talk.

Certainly, there’s a lot of media where nonhuman beings are villains, but also a lot of media (especially kids’ media) where nonhuman beings (even explicitly “monsters”) are good guys: Sesame Street (or an in-universe parallel) is a particularly long-standing example. Battle-monster franchises (e.g., Pokémon, Digimon) would make people familiar with the idea of befriending monsters, and make it seem really cool to have a monster friend, even though, obviously, it would work differently in the real world of Undertale.

Movies

People spend quite a lot of money creating monsters for shows or films, whether using CGI, puppetry or elaborate costumes. It would be much quicker, cheaper (and often more convincing) to use a real monster actor, and add makeup or CGI effects as necessary.

Indeed, the cheap, ready access to nonhuman, easy-to-train actors would probably amplify non-human representation across genres and budgets of films. Furthermore, the practicalities of accommodating monster actors means areas with movie studios (e.g., the state of California) would logically implement monster rights before bringing monsters into movie studios. Monsters being in lots of movies would drastically increase human awareness of monsters’ very existence, and so concern for their political rights.

Psycho-Social

Psycho-socially, monsters would provide three things for humanity: proof humans aren’t “alone” in the universe, an alternate sentient species for social interaction, and the validation of strange or unpopular beliefs.

Alternate Species for Socializing

Some people hate, fear, or distrust other humans, whether from misanthropy from developing social anxiety disorder after being mistreated by humans too often. Having concluded humans as a whole are cruel, petty, or untrustworthy, misanthropic or socially anxious humans might view monsters as a second chance for socialization.

Others may consider monsters exciting social opportunities...for romance. For similar reasons as misanthropy or social anxiety disorders, some humans fall into a state of despair after repeated failures starting romantic relationships with other humans. The fact monsters literally aren’t human will make such humans more optimistic about their chances, since the same standards might not apply.

Furthermore, “cruel intentions” make attacks on monsters hurt more. If this information becomes public, humans nervous about getting attacked by love interests might date monsters, if only because it is easy to take down monsters with cruel enough intentions and an improvised weapon. (Though this information would endanger monsters, too.)

Yet, even those who have had no severe negative experiences with humans may find monsters romantically appealing. Though furries and cutesy, mammalian-looking monsters is an obvious pairing, all the real-life media werewolf/alien/vampire/monster romantic inclinations show that even non-furries may find appeal in romantic relationships with non-human sentient beings. (Most of the time said beings look like humans, but, still, it’s a start.)

Validate Strange and Unpopular Beliefs

People have long believed in strange beings who are “higher” than or superior to humans in some way, whether in peacefulness, technological sophistication, compassion or a connection with nature. Monsters’ magical technology and the idea their souls are (supposedly) made of love, hope, and compassion may encourage this perception. Less skeptical humans may consult monsters on their presumed superior ways.

Indeed, if “superior alien beings” are rebranded as “actually monsters of Mt. Ebott”, it might spur a pilgrimage to places with great numbers of monsters, specifically in the hopes of social enlightenment. Humans admiring monsters, even in some distorted sense, could benefit monsters...though it might also be annoying to be put on a pedestal or have to mesh with humans’ beliefs.

People who believe they've seen ghosts, Bigfeet or, in some broad sense, monsters, may be unable to persuade other humans that their claims are true, becoming frustrated pariahs. Monsters emerging from Mt. Ebott would give their claims more validity, though not outright prove them. Depending on how much the general human population knows of the how the barrier was destroyed, paranormal enthusiasts may assume "Bigfoot" was a monster who absorbed a human SOUL (unbeknownst to anyone else), or a monster that never was sealed Underground. And if anyone says, "Monsters aren't real", the paranormal enthusiast can just point to a nearby monster.

The existence of magic itself, even if its methods and limitations are little-known to humans, would validate a lot of paranormal enthusiasts. Even if humans learn that humans can't do magic, ("they will never know the joys of expressing themselves through magic") they might reconcile that with the story of "humanity's seven greatest magicians" or suppose they have some subtle quirk in their SOULs. (Or suppose that they themselves have no magic, but their objects do)

Speaking of online communities, people in the otherkin/therian communities of Undertale’s Surface world would also love associating with monsters. In the words of Wikipedia:“Otherkin are a subculture who socially and spiritually identify as not entirely human.” Though in real life (at time of writing), humans are the only indisputably sentient beings, the very existence of non-human sentient beings on the Surface might itself validate otherkin/therian beliefs. Such communities might look at, say, the character Ice Wolf and say: “Aw, gee, when I said I was a werewolf I meant wolf monster.”

Monsters are likely to keep the details of human-monster SOUL fusion a secret, in case humans get paranoid again and kill them off preemptively, or just crave absorbing a monster SOUL themselves. However, the very fact human-monster fusions exist would give otherkin/therians a supportable framework for their impressions and beliefs. Perhaps otherkin humans might assume their ancestors absorbed monster SOULs at one point, and passed down some trace of a non-human essence to their descendants.

Biological

Monsters’ bodies are made of magic, or at least made mostly of magic in the same way human bodies are made mostly of water. Their biochemistry is likely very different to humans, so it is roughly as likely they could catch human diseases as seaweed could catch tuberculosis. Therefore, monsters would be very useful for studying or treating human diseases.

Furthermore, since monsters can eat monster food (which converts immediately into energy and has no waste) with seemingly no problems, it may be useful to employ monsters in places where it is impractical or very expensive to install a toilet. (e.g., a space station, a fighter jet, a submarine) Furthermore, since monster food is apparently tasty, doesn’t spoil, converts immediately into energy, and is known to be safe for monsters, the military might be interested in monster soldiers or military adjuncts. (Whether the monsters would volunteer is another matter.)

Conclusion

Cryptid hunters, ghost hunters, occultists, Wiccans, paranormal enthusiasts in general (and possibly alien enthusiasts), (fictional) monster design appreciators, animal rights activists and animal enthusiasts in general, furries, otherkin, movie makers, misanthropes and socially anxious people, NASA employees, and the military all very likely to rush to give monster rights. While some level of prejudice against monsters is very likely, monsters would have many allies almost immediately...especially if communities which overlap with the mentioned ones ally with monsters. (e.g., naturalists, environmentalists, video game makers, LGBTQ+ people, non-NASA astronomic scientists…)

[hellzyeahthewebwieldingavenger]

Ghost Spider #2 Thoughts

Sigh...more of the same...

This premise gets worse the more you think about it.

I mean let’s talk about the most obvious thing that didn’t occur to me before. So Gwen needs to pick her entry points back and forth from Earth 616 carefully because her powers don’t work immediately after exiting a portal. To this end she chooses a spot she knows will lead to a bill board with poles jutting out she can grab onto before her powers kick in again.

...why not just open a portal on the ground?

Then you have the utter lack of world building.

It’s fair enough to presume that audiences are familiar with the world building of Earth 616. It’s been around for donkey’s years and it’s the basis for just about every media adaptation of Marvel ever, including the movies. Even if it’s far from a 1:1 similarity it is close enough that even comic book virgins can jump in and not be at too much of a loss. That’s particularly true for a Spidey series where the premise is to be relatively normal, the only fantastical elements demanding world building being the spider powers (which everyone on earth is aware of) and the villains, who often speak for themselves or are famous enough that you can presume knowledge from the audience.

But when it comes to alternate universes like Earth 65, which are specifically alternative to  Earth 616, you do need to flesh some things out. And so far beyond Gwen is a super hero and not dead, nor is her Dad and Jameson’s son is an evil gangster not much world building going on.

More problematically is the fact that basic questions are never raised nor answered. Gwen says in Earth 65 she’s going to be late for a class in Earth 616. Is time synchronized though between universes? That’s a pretty basic question when dealing with parallel universes. In the Doctor Who episode ‘Rise of the Cybermen’ that question was answered almost immediately upon entry to the parallel Earth of that story, and the series at that time was trying to be baby’s first science fiction!

It’s not an unreasonable question to ask either given how from Spider-Man’s POV Spider-Verse (where he first met Spider-Gwen) was years ago but the first sentence of the recap page of this series states Gwen got her powers mere months ago.

Playing in the same ballpark as the bad world building is the ignoring of established continuity in regards to the Jackal. Now look, I could buy that Warren has gone so far off the deep end that he considers turning Gwen into a furry like him a good idea.

But...doesn’t Warren effectively consider his clones of Gwen as the real thing? Isn’t that the entire reason he cloned Gwen in the first place, why he set up the original clone of Gwen with a clone of himself to in a weird way live out his fantasy?

So why is he obsessed over this new version of Gwen, a version that for all he knows could just be another clone? In fact if you are Miles Warren wouldn’t that be the first thing you presume? It’s not like she has given any genetic samples he can test to confirm if she is a clone or not.

On the other end of this relationship I just realized how asinine it is that no one recognizes Miles Warren, especially at ESU. Sure once upon a time Warren’s identity was secret. Even after his presumed death in the 1970s Clone Saga his identity was a secret. But that all changed in the 1990s Clone Saga when he was arrested and sent to Ravencroft. At that point his identity became public knowledge. There were like SWAT teams after him for god’s sake! And it’s very difficult to believe that ESU, the place where he worked for years and then randomly disappeared from wouldn’t have heard about one of their staff members being a super villain. Especially a super villain who

a)      Became a player in gangland activities

b)      Was targeted by the Punisher...three times!

c)       MURDERED one of their other staff members!

d)      Was majorly complicit in an event that turned everyone in New York into spider monsters!

e)      Attempted global genocide!

f)       Seemingly died very publically

Those last two by the way? They happened on site of the Daily Bugle newspaper!

This isn’t even addressing how he was last seen Marvel Team Up 2019 where he was again arrested at ESU itself! This issue does nothing to explain how he went from that situation to this. Which I’m actually okay with as that was handled by a different editorial office. If you like that was Ms. Marvel continuity and this is Spider continuity.

Normally I’d let the other continuity errors slide but most of them are stories that are major major appearances by the Jackal and define his relationship with Gwen Stacy in the first place, which is the thing this whole arc is built upon.

But no. He changes his last name, and literally nothing else, and he goes unrecognized. Unrecognized in a school where Peter Parker  is a teaching assistant (still don’t know when or where that happened)!!!!!!!!!!!!! How on Earth is he going incognito? Does he just make sure to stay 10 paces behind Peter at all times??????? Hell Curt Connors is working there too and he has to know that, he just saw Connors in Clone Conspiracy! In fact GWEN saw him in Clone Conspiracy, she saw multiple clones of him looking just like he did in issue #1 why was she not reacting to that?

My God it gets dumber the more I think about it because in Clone Conspiracy we last saw Warren blowing himself up and that was 100% confirmed to be the real Warren not another clone so who is this guy? Not to mention that story also depicted Warren wearing a Jackal costume not actually transforming into a human jackal monster.

Now me personally I think nowdays the latter idea should be the norm for the character. It never made sense for a middle aged man to get the better of Spider-Man, but his 90s Joker/Matrix look was just terrible. Having him transform back and forth though is a great compromise. But again how did we get here????????????????

It’s all just so poorly thought through!

Going back to what I said last issue about the lack of information given to new readers, this story goes along with that as far as the Man-Wolf is concerned. His treatment very much plays out as the latest issue in a run which would be fine if this was merely Ghost Spider #51-52 as opposed to ALSO being Ghost Spider #1-2. To treat this character who’s affecting subplots the way he is as though readers should just know who he is doesn’t make sense with a major relaunch. We haven’t even SEEN Man-Wolf in this series but we’ve talked a lot about him.

Remember show don’t tell?????????????

The same applies to the ramifications of his actions. He’s responsible for a bomb. What bomb? He almost killed Harry? Who is Harry? Gwen tells some thugs to leave her friends alone but its not until panels later that we confirm they are Man-wolf’s thugs, played initially as it was that wasn’t clear.

All of this is a non-issue if you read the older run but if you haven’t then it’s confusing and alienating.

And unlike what certain people might say it’s beyond unacceptable to demand that readers do homework to enjoy a comic they already paid for.

Lets change things up and talk about the two positives I have. The art continues to be nice, I especially like Benji’s look because it is very reminiscent of Spider-Man Loves Mary Jane! And, as was common back when I was reading Spider-Gwen regularly, George Stacy continues to be the best character in this. The short scene in the kitchen was the best scene of the whole book and was genuinely endearing.

Okay back to the justifiable complaints.

So Gwen comments that she has to be subtle in order to keep her identity on Earth 616...but then towards the end of the book she enters a portal from Earth 65 into Earth 616 unmasked. This is stupid in general but extra stupid considering she knows her powers don’t immediately work upon exiting portals. So even if she wasn’t immediately spotted by someone or a CCTV camera she wouldn’t even have a spider sense to warn her of danger for a few precious seconds! Someone who’s life was upended by her identity being revealed (and was a public enemy before that) would be naturally wary of something like this. This isn’t even accounting for the fact that she knows she DIED in Earth 616 because one lunatic discovered Peter’s identity! Also if she can exits portals on roof tops why does she ever need to risk her neck over at that billboard?

The only other problem I spotted was that the colourist seriously screwed up Peter’s look as he has black hair instead of brown.

Besides all that the inherent problems of the premise from last issue still apply. Peter being a regular character. Gwen endangering her friends on Earth 65. The division between the supporting cast.

Ugh....this is gonna be a slog of a series isn’t it...

[aion-rsa]

The Suicide Squad: Inside James Gunn’s DCEU Supervillain War Movie

https://ift.tt/3ywaJGW

In November 2019, I found myself in the middle of a war zone. Well, the closest approximation of a war zone I’ve ever found myself in during my time visiting the sets of blockbuster movies. If I had been brought to this particular set in Atlanta on a sunny autumn afternoon without knowing what movie it was that I was supposed to be getting a peek at, the scene presented to a group of journalists probably would have convinced me that this was some new war movie or straight up action blockbuster, and not one that features a collection of DC villains and antiheroes at its core.

The set in question is called “Jotunheim” and it’s apparently an objective Task Force X needs to conquer in The Suicide Squad. But for all intents and purposes, this could be the kind of Nazi fortress that the gritty characters of movies like The Dirty Dozen or Where Eagles Dare need to conquer, whether or not they get out alive. That’s no accident, according to director James Gunn.

“A lot of the film is within the genre of war caper films,” Gunn tells reporters later that day, specifically referencing The Dirty Dozen, Kelly’s Heroes, and others. “It’s not really something that’s existed for a long time, but in the late 60s that was one of the most vibrant genres of the world. [We wanted to] kind of … add on to it with The Suicide Squad.” 

There’s no sign of Margot Robbie’s Harley Quinn, Idris Elba’s Bloodsport, or any of the other oddball DC characters at the center of Gunn’s newest movie as we stroll the Jotunheim set. Whatever wild action took place here seems to have been resolved long before our arrival. But the evidence is everywhere and it must have been one hell of a fight.

From the decrepit guard tower and busted fence at the perimeter to the entrance of Jotunheim (which has a massive hole blasted in it) is probably a distance of 100 meters or so. And virtually every inch of that shows the scope of whatever took place here: burnt out bunkers, overturned and semi-destroyed jeeps, sandbagged guard stations, and so much debris, a mixture of real rocks and carved foamcore and plywood “masonry.” 

“It’s a giant construction project” producer Peter Safran jokes about the number and scale of practical sets that have been built for The Suicide Squad. “The idea is to do as much practically as we possibly could.”

That reliance on practical sets and effects wherever possible is a theme that keeps coming up throughout the day as we tour sets and look at production artwork, scale models, weapons, and more.

“We built literally three football fields of a set and that’s so unusual in this day and age,” production designer Beth Mickle says of Jotunheim. “You just never do that. We wanted to have real rubble behind them in the battle sequences, and we wanted to see the building that they’re attacking. For that scene to exist in a film today is just highly unusual. And we’ve done that set and then a dozen others of that scale, so it’s incredible.”

Both the war movie vibe and the love of practical effects are very much in evidence on another set, a convincing indoor recreation of a jungle with a guerilla camp nestled in the middle of it. There’s dirty laundry hanging, filthy pots strewn around, a crumpled pack of cigarettes, and a half empty bottle of watery beer…and what appear to be bloody chunks of skull and assorted viscera littering the grass. Like Jotunheim, something went down here, and whatever it was, it wasn’t pretty.

The Characters of The Suicide Squad: Meet Task Force X

It all stands in almost stark contrast to the wacky assortment of brightly-colored characters that make up the actual team. The concept art and costume tests for these characters were suitably colorful and wildly offbeat, and it’s almost hard to make this line up with the gritty, war movie vibes of the Jotunheim and jungle sets. But storyboards reveal a nighttime action sequence on a beach, with the Squad invading the fictional nation of Corto Maltese, and were it not for the colors and unique designs of the characters wreaking havoc, this too would be evocative of just about anything other than a superhero movie.

A production office is papered with life sized posters of Harley Quinn (Margot Robbie), Captain Boomerang (Jai Courtney), Peacemaker (John Cena), King Shark (performed by Steve Agee and voiced by Sylvester Stallone…although we don’t know that at the time), Blackguard (Pete Davison), Savant (Michael Rooker), Mongal (Mayling Ng), Weasel (Sean Gunn), The Thinker (Peter Capaldi), Ratcatcher 2 (Daniela Melchior), Javelin (Flula Borg), Amanda Waller (Viola Davis), Rick Flag (Joel Kinnaman), TDK (Nathan Fillion), and Bloodsport (Idris Elba).

Looming large is also Idris Elba’s ominous, armored character who we now all know as Bloodsport, but who the studio remained cagey about identifying during this set visit for some reason, leaving reporters to speculate on the identity of the badass in blue, black, and gold. Between the color scheme, the armor, and an impressively intimidating assortment of weapons left out on a table for reporters to ogle as it’s explained that each weapon transforms into or folds out of each other, speculation about Bloodsport ends up occupying a fair amount of the downtime between interviews.

So what exactly could possibly hold such a motley crew together?

“You have to remember that all either have been wrongfully accused or done horrible, morally wrong things,” John Cena says. ”You can see the good in people, you can also see the evil in people… All of these people have real bad personality problems. So I think when you get that type of group together, that’s what makes it fun. Everybody is kind of different. But I think criminals see criminals, they just size everybody up. I think every one of them is like, ‘how is this person going to stab me in the back?’ That’s the world they come from.”

Cena is playing the authoritarian Peacemaker, a character who sees himself very differently than many other members of the Squad do. But the actors behind two of the stranger characters in the film, offer some additional perspective on the team dynamic.

“There’s people in this story that really want friendships, and people that don’t want anybody near them, just like all of us,” says David Dastmalchian, who plays Polka-Dot Man. “I think all of us have felt at times like we are totally disposable to either our employers or society or you name it. So that’s been interesting, in the relationship [between the characters] with the dynamic that starts to build or break down.”

“These are all characters that for the most part, probably don’t even know the existence of the other ones,” Steve Agee says. “Some of them do, and it’s the story of The Suicide Squad. They are forced to be together, and do this task, this mission. So, part of the story is just watching these people adapt to being around each other.”

Flula Borg (who gave journalists a rambling, uproariously funny interview about his character which you’ll see more of on DoG soon enough) spoke about how his character relates to Viola Davis’ team leader, Amanda Waller.

“Judging from all the relationships that Javelin has I would say poor, non-existent, unhealthy, crosses lines, should consider not interacting with other humans,” Borg says. “Javelin doesn’t worry about how people treat him. He treats them … What’s the golden rule? He has the Javelin rule, which is like ‘suck it, I’m cool.’ I think that’s his rule.” 

Even here with the characters, the commitment to practical effects is strong, especially in areas where you’d fully expect them to rely on CGI. For example, Daniela Melchior, who plays Ratcatcher 2, has a little helper rat named Sebastian. While the hordes of rats the character is capable of commanding will necessitate CGI, at least some of the rats are real.

“We have three female rats [that play Sebastian],” Daniela Melchior says about the um…practical rats that the movie is using. “It’s a little bit distracting sometimes because I have to act lazy and tired like I don’t give a shit about whatever is happening… and I’m just like, ‘come here.’ But she doesn’t want to come, she wants to find new places and go, so we’re like, ‘okay, we’ll try one time with the rats, we’ll see what happens.’”

And when one of the rats playing Sebastian doesn’t want to do as they’re told, only then does the movie revert to CGI to get the desired “performance” from the furry co-star.

“I don’t know if I can say this,” Melchior says conspiratorially. “But actually, [some of the cast] are a little bit afraid of rats…I’m always trying to say ‘look, she’s so sweet, she wouldn’t hurt you.’”

From Suicide Squad 2 to The Suicide Squad

Like the characters themselves, The Suicide Squad has something of a rough past. The first movie failed to become the surefire franchise-starter the studio hoped for in 2016, and while a Suicide Squad 2 was put into development almost immediately, it wasn’t until Gunn became available that the project finally solidified.

“There was no plan before James,” Safran says. “There were other writers that had worked on various Suicide Squad scripts over the years, but… this was starting from ground zero, starting from scratch. All the characters that he selected were just characters that he was a fan of and wanted to play with. I think, in typical fashion for James, he picks more obscure characters…he liked the idea of being able to take these characters and imbue them with whatever characters he really wanted, or characteristics that he really wanted to play with.”

One of the “characteristics” Gunn wanted was to truly tap into the spirit of DC’s long-running and beloved Suicide Squad comics of the 1980s, which were co-created and stewarded by Jon Ostrander. 

Read more

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“I don’t think of it so much as an interpretation of what Ostrander wrote but I do think of it as a continuation of what he did,” Gunn says. “It’s very much in line with that. When he was first putting this team together, he was only able to get certain characters. For him, it was the fun of taking these characters that weren’t as well-known and developing them in a real way. And it’s one of the greatest superhero runs of any comic book series.”

(Gunn also notes that Ostrander has a cameo in the film.)

As for whether or not The Suicide Squad is a sequel to or a reboot of the previous film, all involved are both diplomatic and evasive. The official line is that any characters that were together in the previous film do already know each other, but as for the actual events of the 2016 movie, that’s where things get murky. 

“We just don’t address it any tangible form,” Safran says. “Yes, they’re the characters and actors that played them in the first movie, but we really wanted to make sure that this stands on its own two feet. It’s not a sequel, but there are some characters that were in the first movie, so it’s not really a full reboot either. So we just call it James Gunn’s The Suicide Squad.”

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Inside Jotunheim

Later in the day, journalists are taken inside Jotunheim via soundstage, an indoor construction that appears almost as sprawling as the outdoor set. As we saw outside, the remnants of what was likely a furious battle are all around. A stuntman in full Peacemaker gear is hanging around as we see Robbie’s Harley, Dastmalchian’s Polka-Dot Man, and Agee as King Shark (“the studio is trying to play down the whole Polka-Dot Man/King Shark universe they’re building,” Dastmalchian jokes) make their way through the rubble. Elba’s Bloodsport isn’t visible, but we’re assured he’s part of the scene.

While it’s Sylvester Stallone voicing King Shark in the film, it’s Agee on set here, wearing a grey mo-cap suit with the kind of padding you see on MLB umpires and somewhat shark-shaped wire headgear. He also appears to be holding a skull.    

Harley, however, is wearing the ornate red dress glimpsed in the trailer (although it’s somewhat the worse for wear at the moment). As she navigates the carnage in Jotunheim, Gunn calls out for Robbie to “hum a little tune.” She does just that, conjuring exactly the kind of aimless musical free-association you’d expect from a mind like Harley Quinn in the midst of battle.

“Harley’s been through some things as you can see by this point in the film,” Robbie says to reporters between takes. When it’s noted that Harley’s baseball bat, a fixture in the previous film, is nowhere to be found in this scene, she jokes “My baseball bat is back home in LA, next to my bed, in case anyone breaks in…I’ve got other weapons in this one.”

We don’t get to see these Squad members engaged in any combat during the shooting of this scene, and it’s not clear if this is the interior from the same “entrance” that had seemingly been blasted into the outdoor structure, or somewhere else inside the fortress. But the clues all point to one thing: like everything else in this movie, where The Suicide Squad goes, destruction and chaos follow.

The Suicide Squad opens in theaters and on HBO Max on Aug. 6. We’ll have more from our set visit in the coming days.

The post The Suicide Squad: Inside James Gunn’s DCEU Supervillain War Movie appeared first on Den of Geek.

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[glenngaylord]

WHISKER TANGO FOXTROT - My Review of CATS (2 Paw Prints)

I have two words for you:  Cats.

But that doesn’t make sense, you say?  Exactly.

Back in college, it seemed like every performing arts major had that Harvey Edwards “Leg Warmers” photo hanging on their wall. You know the one with the well-worn stockings and the tattered, duct-taped ballet slippers in plié?  It signified a commitment to T.H.E.  T.H.E.A.T.R.E. - a world of over-enunciations, mid-Atlantic accents, treading the boards, finishing lines to the very end of one’s finger tips, and playing to the back row!

I’m convinced Cats was made for them, not only to enjoy but to be a part of in order to hone their “craft”.  I mean this in a loving, celebratory way.  Cats may enter the history books as a gasp-inducing, surreal, plot-free nightmare of gargantuan proportions, but this one’s for all the theater geeks who lived to strut across the stage and put on a show.  It’s that Theater 101 Class which decided to very publicly let the rest of the world in to see its students “be a cat” for a couple of hours.  

Tom Hooper, who turned Les Miserables, a show I genuinely love, into a fish-eyed, overwrought live singing, dutch-angled disaster, expands his repertoire a little bit here, but not enough to convince me he should continue directing musicals.  He keeps things moving along but the script he co-wrote with Lee Hall doesn’t do him any favors.  I found myself entertained by individual moments, but nothing really adds up to a contained whole  

By now, I think everyone knows that Cats doesn’t really have much of a story.  A bunch of felines introduce themselves in song until an elder cat selects one of them for the honor of dying, going to kitty Heaven, and being reborn to experience the next one of their nine lives.  Think of it as American Idol for the meow crowd, replete with its own Simon Cowell-esque villain. Idris Elba plays Macavity, who tries to destroy the competition by turning them into some type of mist and rebirthing them on a barge in the Thames!  Yeah, that tracks.  

It all plays out like some long lost variety special from the 1970s.  Google Shields And Yarnell if you have to, and then imagine them hissing and prancing around a soundstage as the words “Cats” and “Jellicles” bore their way into your brain.  Francesca Hayward plays Victoria, an abandoned cat who acts as our entree into the Picadilly Circus world of our cast.  Rebel Wilson pops in to pulverize a character named Jennyanydots, followed by James Corden doing the same with Bustopher Jones.  Some lesser known actors show the big celebs how to do it right such as Laurie Davidson as the magician Mr. Mistoffelees and Robbie Fairchild as Munkustrap, who looks like a young Stephen Colbert in a cat suit.  Jennifer Hudson oozes snot and phlegm as the tragic Grizabella, who oversings “Memory” but still managed to make me cry.  Jason Derulo appears long enough to put down some outdated funk into our ears. Dame Judith Dench and Sir Ian McKellen appear as elder statescats and commit fully to their Glenda The Good Witch and Mr. Cellophane roles respectively. Taylor Swift appears long enough to convince us that her fake English accent on her hit “Blank Space” was no fluke.  Still, I enjoyed her shimmying and sprinkling glitter down on the crowd from atop a descending moon…and that, my friends, is not a sentence I expected to write when I woke up this morning.  

Many have quibbled about being able to see Old Deuteronomy’s (Dame Dench) wedding ring, but who cares?  Unfinished CGI?  Crew members in the background? Inconsistent proportions?  Furry bodies with human hands and feet?  Cats wearing furs made from other cats?  Bring it!  You’re all literally crying over spilled milk. When nothing makes sense, why should anything?  

In a script where nothing builds from one moment to the next, the emotional ricochet of it all doesn’t do character development or a plot any favors, but it does produce some standout moments.  I enjoyed the Artful Dodger “Consider Yourself” type number by Skimbleshanks, the cat who lives on a train, especially when the cast dances on the tracks across London in an extra wide shot.  Andrew Lloyd Webber, who created the stage musical and clearly has never met a melody he didn’t repeat over and over, cribs from his Jesus Christ Superstar “Hosanna” song with Mr. Mistoffelees’ big number, but damned if I wasn’t singing along to it anyhow.  

Not everything works, of course.  Most of it doesn’t. The creepy CGI will haunt my dreams, replacing images of Linda Blair vomiting pea soup with uncanny valley humanoids shaking their furry asses in my face. I found what choreography I could see as being uninspired, although it’s hard to tell when it gets chopped to bits. The color palette can best be described as Tim Burton’s Alice In Wonderland threw up on Tim Burton’s Charlie And The Chocolate Factory and out of the ooze came a mutant version of Moulin Rouge and Chicago.  I even take issue with Old Deuteronomy’s choice at the end.  There’s one cat who literally saves her life, yet somehow she doesn’t consider that worthy enough.  Besides, who really wants to win a contest where the prize is dying, hanging onto a Phantom Of The Opera chandelier attached to a hot air balloon and ascending to some place called the Heavyside Layer?  No thanks, I’ll take my chances in hell, Dame Dench!

In conclusion, everyone should see Cats.  I shouldn’t be the only one.  When as the last time you left a movie theater with your jaw on the floor?  When was the last time you have no idea what you saw, but consider the three vodka tonics and discussion you had with friends afterwards to be a life highlight?  When was the last time you saw a musical with only one truly memorable song?  Ok, I know the answer to these questions is The Greatest Showman, but now you have Cats!  Long live terrible movie musicals!  Long live rubbernecking at accidents!  Long live the theater nerds who just wanna show off their can-do spirit and give it the old college try!  Long live Harvey Edwards!  Long live Cats!  Now and forever and probably just for the next two weeks at a theater near you.

[circular-time]

Hi! I'm trying to go through Classic Who and was wondering what some good serials to start off with would be, in your opinion? From a variety of Doctors, if that's okay.

Great question. It’s hard for me to boil 27 years into a quick watchlist, but I’ll do my best to give you a good sampler with good stories, watershed events, and most classic companions. I’ll boldface my top rec for each Doctor.

My suggestion is to try 2 top-recommended stories for each of the classic Doctors, and then watch more of whichever Doctor/companions catch your fancy.

Rec list below the cut: 

First Doctor

I always wrestle with where to start newbies.

Unearthly Child is such a good launch, especially the first half hour. It establishes that the Doctor has a lot to learn from humans! But if you find the later episodes of that story a bit draggy, it's okay to skip ahead to when the show hits its stride.Here:

The Aztecs (Barbara, Ian, Susan): First TARDIS team, classic historical, first to grapple with ethics of altering history. Excellent story.

The Romans (Barbara, Ian, Vicki): Lighthearted historical with a lot of moments to make you grin.

The Time Meddler (Steven, Vicki): Another fun one, first to introduce another Time Lord (although at the time, the showrunners hadn’t decided that the Doctor wasn’t human; the “Time Lord” concept was introduced in the second Doctor’s final episode.).

Second Doctor

I know this era the least, because almost all its episodes were lost when I was a kid, and I still need to catch up on recons and recovered stories. A pity, because Peter Davison, Colin Baker, and Peter Capaldi all look back to Patrick Troughton as their Doctor.

I’m still playing catch-up, but I warmly suggest:

Power of the Daleks (Ben, Polly) I’m not quite sure about this rec. It’s the first regeneration story ever, totally lost apart from the soundtrack, recently reconstructed using 1960s-comics-style animation. The visuals may not be your cup of tea, but it’s a good story. I guess this is another, “Try it, see if it works for you, and if not, move on.”

Enemy of the World (Jamie, Victoria) WATCH THIS. NO SERIOUSLY. It’s alarmingly topical, and Pat Troughton is amazeballs. Remember it’s 50 years old now.

The Mind Robber (Jamie, Zoe) a goofier, more lighthearted entry than most of my suggestions, but if you have a sense of humour, it’s a lot of fun. It reminds me that (a) Who was primarily a kids’s show smart enough for the whole family to enjoy and (b) early television was like watching a stage play;  you had to suspend disbelief, tolerate flat sets and basic props, and fill in the rest with your imagination. Our minds were the CGI of early TV.

Third Doctor

Three was my first Doctor, so from here on it gets difficult for me to be choosy.

Spearhead from Space (Liz, Brig) for sure; it’s the intro of the UNIT era and a good regeneration story. Keep in mind what a radical departure this was; not only was it in colour, but it was the first time the Doctor and companions had left at the end of one season and been replaced with an entirely new cast in the next. The Doctor was now Earthbound, working with UNIT. The Time Lords had just been established in the previous (10 episode long!) serial.

Inferno (Liz, Brig) is widely regarded and a heck of a story, with some unforgettable moments, but it’s another that’s about one episode longer than it needs to be according to modern tastes.

Terror of the Autons (Jo, Brig, Benton) introduces Jo AND the Master. Good story. Watch it. :)

The Three Doctors was the tenth anniversary special, and I love it, goofy monsters, ham acting, campy villain and all. William Hartnell passed away not long after.

Fourth Doctor

This is especially hard to pick and choose because Tom’s era spanned seven years, and he had so many good companions and watershed stories. You don’t have to hit all of these; I just have trouble choosing.

Genesis of the Daleks (Harry, Sarah Jane) for sure, introduction of Davros. Unusually dark but important story, a real watershed.

The Brain of Morbius (Sarah Jane) is a solid Four-era adventure introducing the Sisterhood of Karn and another problematic Time Lord. It’s not a pivotal story so much as “this is absolutely classic classic Who, and good entertainment.” 

Hand of Fear is Sarah Jane’s final story. It’s a good sendoff, even if the writers had forgotten she was a tough bird; she shrieks more than I’d like. The final scene is embedded in the hearts of all Whovians of my generation. Our Sarah Jane.

The Deadly Assassin (just about the only solo Doctor serial): I waffle on whether to recommend this because it’s slow in spots, but it probably did the most to establish Gallifrey canon of any story, since it’s the first story that takes place on Gallifrey. 

The Face of Evil introduces Leela. And you can skip it. No really, it’s simply a good adventure, and I hate for you to miss Leela altogether.

The Pirate Planet (Romana I, K9) is hilariously over the top, a farce penned by the inimitable Douglas Adams, author of Hitchhiker’s Guide. Bonus: drinking game with the phrase “MIISTER FIBULIIIII!” Except that might land you in a hospital, so never mind.

The City of Death (Romana II) contains a lot of running through the streets of Paris and Tom Baker and Lalla Ward flirting shamelessly. Nevertheless, it’s a good story with an unusually good secondary cast. A fan favorite. Watch for the John Cleese cameo!

Drat, that’s too many Tom Bakers already, so I guess I shouldn’t say Keeper of Traken. But I’m gonna, because I’m biased. (It’s Nyssa’s intro, a Shakespearean tragedy with an interesting villain. More importantly, Anthony Ainley, the next Master, plays her father.)

Fifth Doctor

Castrovalva is the best regeneration story. Yes, I’m biased, but that sequence with Peter Davison wandering around the TARDIS imitating the Doctors he grew up watching is a great intro.

Earthshock (Adric, Tegan, Nyssa) I haven’t given you any Cybermen stories yet, have I? Watch this one. I refuse to spoil why; I’ve already spoiled the first cliffhanger (it had been seven years since the previous Cybermen story, and nobody was expecting them).

The Five Doctors (Tegan, Turlough, and everybody else) is the 20th anniversary special that brought back as many Doctors, companions and monsters as it possibly could. Pure fanservice, but fun for all that. Plus more Gallifrey worldbuilding.

Caves of Androzani (Peri) is often voted the best classic Who story ever. Not sure about that, but the directing in this one is so much better than most of the era it hurts. Even if modern audiences are no longer used to characters addressing the camera; it was a convention back then.

Sixth Doctor

Poor Colin; I love his audios but I haven’t gone back and watched his TV serials since the 80s. The two I remember as especially good are:

The Two Doctors (Jamie, Peri) - Colin Baker collides with Patrick Troughton. Not to mention Jackie Pearce, who played the arch-villain of Blake’s 7.

Vengeance on Varos (Peri) - keep in mind that so-called Reality TV was almost two decades away

Seventh Doctor

I loved the quirky first season of the Seventh Doctor era, but most people don’t. Delta and the Bannermen (Mel) was apparently penned under the influence of recreational substances, and I love it, but again, most people don’t. Happiness Patrol is another “I love it, but most people don’t” story.

These are safer, quality bets:

Battlefield. (Ace) WATCH IT. NO SERIOUSLY. Last Brig appearance on classic Who. A+ would recommend, if nothing else for the fact that Who clued in to having a diverse (and good) cast. Watch for Ace’s gal pal of the week. ;) 

Remembrance of the Daleks (Ace) was originally meant as the 25th anniversary special. The Doctor returns to Coal Hill School for the first time since Unearthly Child. There’s Daleks and the famous Unlimited Rice Pudding speech. Ace kicks Dalek ass.

Survival. Last classic Who ever. A Master story. Ace’s gal of the week is none other than Lisa Bowerman (Big Finish director, also plays Bernice Summerfield) disguised as a furry. Despite the naff costuming, it’s a good story, and the scriptwriter was slipping in as much lesbian subtext as she could get away with in the 80s (according to an interview).

Eighth Doctor

By all means, watch the TV movie, despite its flaws. When it came out, my friends compained, “Stop trying to appeal to Americans by making Doctor Who more American! We’re Anglophiles!” And I lamented, “This is the opposite of Doctor Who: The FX are superb [well, they were then] but the dialogue is mediocre!”  Nevertheless, we all loved Paul McGann as the Doctor and were angry on his behalf that he hadn’t been given a better script to reboot the franchise.

My opinion of the 1997 movie has risen considerably over the years, but it’s still a bit rocky.

And of course you have to see Night of the Doctor, but it’s only seven minutes. Perfect Paul.

Edited to add: Nobody is grading you on your hobby. Or if they are, F ’em. You are allowed to pick and choose! There is so much Who now that it’s pretty much impossible to see, read and listen to all of it. Different eras of the show have different styles and appeal to different tastes. So watch what gives you joy. Just remember there are overlooked gems in every period.

[imagitory]

Is it okay for me to mention that I *always* figured LeFou was gay and had a crush on Gaston? As in, I thought so in the original film and especially the stage play.

I can see where you’re coming from on that – LeFou was always Gaston’s biggest fanboy and has over and over sort of put his life on hold to do what Gaston wants. It’s a small jump to go from it being a fanboy-brand of devotion to a doomed romantic one, and there is already a bit of “gay coding” that could be read into musical!LeFou.

That being said…I am still disappointed that this is the choice of LGBT+ representation that the filmmakers went with, when we also had THIS tempestuous and far more positive relationship between two men in the original film.

(I mean for crying out loud, in the new remake, Cogsworth is played by SIR IAN MCKELLEN. HELLO??)

Plus as well, for me at least…I think the original Beauty and the Beast was already the perfect asexual love story. Think about it – unlike Disney relationships like Jasmine/Aladdin, Anna/Kristoff, or even Mulan/Shang, the whole relationship between Belle and the Beast has basically no sexual component at all from Belle’s side. It is possible that Beast could be sexually attracted to Belle, but Belle falls in love with Beast when he is not human. She couldn’t have been sexually attracted to him (if anyone even tries to argue bestiality or a furry fetish, I swear I will punch something – DISNEY FILM, GUYS). If anything, I always interpreted that Belle solely developed a strong romantic love for the Beast, rather than a sexual one. It would explain why Belle is the only girl unswayed by Gaston – she’s not sexually attracted to him, like all the other women are. It would give one more reason as to why Belle doesn’t feel like she can fit in and why the town has difficulty relating to her – unlike the other girls in town, she doesn’t think about men or getting married or having children. Admittedly Belle being openly asexual would be difficult to do without making it so obvious it’s like a jack-hammer to the head…but that’s why I, being one to identify with the asexual spectrum myself, personally connect with Belle and the Beast’s relationship as much as I do. Asexuality is definitely a branch of the LGBT+ community that has yet to get its proper amount of focus and acceptance, even within the LGBT+ community itself, and if this couple was meant to be explicit asexual representation in the new film, that would be the real news here, rather than a villain’s gay sidekick.

I’m not saying that Beauty and the Beast (2017) shouldn’t have a openly gay character, let alone Disney – far from it. I’m also not saying that we should just make Belle asexual and be done with it – you could still have other sexualities expressed in the same film. I suppose I still am just a little uncomfortable about the idea that our LGBT+ “representation” for this new movie is a character literally called “the Fool” whose main purpose is fawning over a hypersexualized straight man who constantly abuses and shuns him. But I certainly am not going to get mad at Disney for the decision, and I am definitely not going to boycott the film. I can just hope that at the end, LeFou evolves past his original counterpart, gives Gaston a good old boot to the head, and gets matched up with human!bisexual!Lumiere or something, rainbow confetti all around. *shrugs*

[chicagoindiecritics]

New from Jeff York on The Establishing Shot: “CATS”, QUITE SIMPLY, IS A DOG

If you saw the trailer, you had a good idea of just how badly conceived the filmed adaptation of the Andrew Lloyd Webber musical CATS was going to be. But after seeing the 110-minute, $95 million mess, bad is too small of a word. This film is a dog.

Seldom has an adaptation been as blundered at every level as this one. One could readily list a hundred mistakes in it, and I’m sure the makers of those “Everything Wrong With” videos on YouTube will go to town in exactly that way. Me? I’ll list nine, an appropriate number given the number of lives felines are supposed to have. This CATS, however, and all of its screw-ups, arrives in the cineplex DOA.

1.) The source material has aged badly

When he wrote the musical in 1981, Webber kept faithfully true to the T.S. Eliot source material – the book of poems entitled “Old Possum’s Book of Practical Cats.” Eliot’s musings about felines were equally nonsensical and whimsical. He coined the term “Jellicle cat” to signify scruffy, black and white cats, which he had a fondness for. By the time you’ve heard the cast sing that gibberish word for the hundredth time, you’ll wish he had just used a term like “domesticated cat” or “pet.” The lyrics sound creaky, dated, and not particularly charming or funny, like a lot of Eliot’s misguided take on cats. (Cats aren’t supposed to drink milk or dream, for example. Need I go on?) The odd poetry really doesn’t play in 2019, especially when the one song that is crystal clear in meaning and intent is a new song written by Taylor Swift for this adaptation. There’s quaint, and then there’s irritating and worn, and too much of the jellicleness falls into the latter category here.

2.) The look of the cat/human hybrids is ugly and inconsistent

The form-fitting fur costumes for the big screen accentuate human anatomy more than suggest our four-legged friends. The film is supposed to be family-friendly, but the look of the characters is far too sexualized, too Dr. Moreau. Rebel Wilson’s Jennyanydots portrayal is the most egregious, as she rubs her loins and holds her tail between her legs as if it’s an erection. Why they simply didn’t ape the stage costumes is a puzzler as John Napier’s award-winning designs mixed dancewear with tasteful fur trimming and some human clothing, but nothing about it conjured the feel of a “furry” fetishist.

Also, the attempts to look like real cats are inconsistent. Sure, the ears move, as do the whiskers, but what good is any of that when all the cats have human hands and feet, and often left flesh-colored at that. Couldn’t such appendages have been painted or covered with gloves or socks? And why aren’t any of the cats’ noses painted here? Cats’ noses are pink, brown, and almost always a different color than the yap surrounding them. To a cat lover, it’s inexplicable.

3.) The special effects aren’t very special

The cat dancers here do a lot of wonderfully slinky moves, just like they did on stage, but the movie wants them to be able to leap about too and that requires wirework. Granted, the wires were removed in post-production, but when the dancers jump high in the sky here, it looks like crappy stuntwork. The movements are slow and rickety.

The effect of removing the human ears in post-production looks wrong too. Not enough hair fills out the edges of the face, giving some cast members the look of a burn victim or plastic surgery gone amuck. Placing human faces on the mice and cockroach characters is ugly and cheap-looking as well, but then so is the whole grotesque concept of Busby Berkeley dancing vermin.

4.) The acting soars…over-the-top

On Broadway, you can be as big as you want because you’re playing to the balcony. Movies are a whole other matter. Close-ups on film don’t require the same large efforts. Director Tom Hooper failed to learn from his mistakes in the movie version of LES MISERABLES that he directed. He shoved the camera right up into the actors’ faces to prove that they weren’t lip-syncing. Unfortunately, it showed off too much spittle and spray too. The same happens here. Jennifer Hudson’s Grizabella is so screechy, melodramatic, and moist, it makes a sympathetic character into a shrill one.

As for most of the rest of the cast, they either mug shamelessly or overdo the cat clichés. James Corden is slyly funny until he starts hacking up hairballs. Ian McKellen creates some pathos as Gus the Theater Cat, but then he vamps through his solo number and the heart-tugging moment almost becomes laughable. At least Judi Dench attempts to underplay throughout, but she’s not helped by a costume that makes her look more like Bert Lahr’s Cowardly Lion than a dignified Old Deuteronomy.

5.) If you’re going to write dialogue, resist hoary cat puns

Webber’s original stage production was a sung-thru musical. Adding dialogue now, with cheap puns like, “Cat got your tongue?” and “Cat’s out of the bag” should’ve given the filmmakers pause. (Not paws.)  There are too many cat behavioral clichés on display too, with the cast leaning hard on traits like hissing, preening, and lip-licking. They’re like students in a freshman improv class – “Okay, everyone, now you’re all cats!”

6.) Taylor Swift is wasted in a nothing role

She looks quite good in her “Josie and the Pussycats” kind of way, but her role as Bombalurina is virtually a throwaway. For starters, she doesn’t appear onscreen until the last 30 minutes, and then all she does basically is sing about what a badass Macavity is. We already know that as Idris Alba’s character is clearly the villain of this piece as evidenced by his every insidious action and all the snide lines he utters. Where’s Bombalurina been the whole time?

7.) The scale is all wrong

The cats here are too small in the context of many of the film’s settings, particularly its human homes. The scale isn’t properly proportioned as almost everything is too oversized, reminiscent of the fantasy sequences in ETERNAL SUNSHINE OF THE SPOTLESS MIND. Such satirical scale worked there because it was a spoof of childhood. Here, it just looks wrong.

8.) Are we in a human world or a cat world?

The opening scene has a high-heeled woman step out of a car and throw her bagged pet away in a dirty alley. Additionally, Gus sings about appearing on stage with Shakespearean actors. But then the city marquees, billboards, and hotel names all are ‘cat-ified.’ So, are we in the human world or a modified cat one? Such inconsistencies should have been taken care of in the first pass through Final Draft.

9.) Tom Hooper is not a natural for such material

The Oscar-winning director for THE KING’S SPEECH tends to do well with character-driven pieces, like JOHN ADAMS on HBO and PRIME SUSPECT on Granada Television for the UK. Musicals are different though, requiring a sophisticated blend of the extroverted and the intimate. Too much of LES MIZ felt histrionic and broad, and the same goes here. He’s also not a natural at moving the camera and relies far too much on actors moving in and out of frame to give his film action.

Casting principal dancer Francesca Hayward of the Royal Ballet at Covent Garden as the lead cat Victoria here was his one inspired choice. She’s got expressive eyes and entrancing moves, and she makes her audience conduit character the calm in all the storm around her.

Alternately, Hooper badly botches the presentation of magical Mr. Mistoffelees, letting actor Laurie Edwards play him as far too irritating. The “Skimbleshanks” number not only feels extraneous here, but the character comes off as completely lackluster in the way Steven McRae performs the part. And the estimable Ray Winstone is given little to do but growl as Captain Growltiger, another throwaway role. So much for Hooper being such “an actor’s director.”

Perhaps the simple, stage-bound show should have remained so. Doing an adaptation of it almost 40 years after the fact is crazy late too, not helped by the fact that playwright John Guare satirized the notion of a CATS movie musical in his award-winning play SIX DEGREES OF SEPERATION way back in 1990. CATS is not a great musical onstage, anyway, but it’s been an enormous success for decades and should have garnered a better adaptation.  And cats, as a superior species, certainly deserve a lot better than this effort too.

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Whether you’re standing in the theater lobby or curled up in bed, deciding what to watch next is often the most difficult part of any pop-culture junkie’s day. And with dozens of films in theaters on any given weekend, plus virtually endless layers of streaming purgatory to sort through in search of your next binge-watch, there’s more out there—and tougher decisions to make—than ever.

Fortune’s here to help you navigate the week’s latest offerings, boiling all the entertainment out there down into three distinct recommendations: should you see it, stream it, or skip it? Find out below.

SEE IT: ‘Cats’ (In theaters)

What you have to understand about Cats is that it’s certifiably insane, from its Jellicle whiskers to the tip of its Jellice tail. I’m referring here to the beloved Andrew Lloyd Webber stage musical, one of Broadway’s longest-running, as much as Tom Hooper’s gleefully demented movie adaptation. From day one, Cats has been one of the strangest megahits in any storytelling medium; it’s necessary to know this, and accept this, before reading any further.

Describing the plot of Cats makes you feel like you’re on bath salts (though not as much as does seeing it play out on screen), but the broad strokes are essentially this. Over the course of one night in an unnamed, eerily empty neighborhood, a group of cats take turns introducing one another—with names like Rum Tum Tugger and Mr. Mistoffeelees—as they debate which one of them will get to die, ascending to another plane of existence known as the Heaviside Layer, where they’ll be reborn into a new life. As a story, it’s pure fever dream, the kind of thing even Roald Dahl’s editor wouldn’t have let him get away with; but the strange non-plot of Cats functions, in a theatrical setting, as an ideal delivery system for visual splendor and powerhouse vocals.

Hooper’s tackled musicals before, notably in 2012’s Les Miserables, where he spent 158 minutes on extreme close-ups of France’s most impoverished, and he fully throws himself into the task of translating Cats, a much more experimental piece of work, to the screen. There’s a newly created audience surrogate, Victoria (newcomer Francesca Hayward), who’s tossed via burlap sack into the neighborhood of the Jellicles, a tribe of cats on the eve of making their “Jellicle choice.” Across the sung-through story, she meets a mewling menagerie of contenders for said choice, including bumbling Jennyanydots (Rebel Wilson), stately Gus the Theatre Cat (Ian McKellen), and portly Bustopher Jones (James Corden), plus the aforementioned Mistoffeelees (a gawky Laurie Davidson), and Rum Tum Tugger (Jason Derulo, who sings and simpers gamely but seems to be missing a little something). Presiding over all is Old Deuteronomy (Judi Dench and, no, I don’t know who named these cats), who’ll enjoy the festivities then select the lucky (?) feline in question.

The real draw of Cats involves seeing the all-star cast, which also includes pop sovereign Taylor Swift and vocal legend Jennifer Hudson (who gets to belt out “Memory,” the production’s lone showstopper), made over with the help of CG effects, called “digital fur technology” (though it’s basically just expensive deepfakery), into cat-human hybrids. The effect is deeply upsetting; though the actors are covered in fur and sporting twitchy tails, their proportions are still human, so the actors appear discomfitingly sensual while dancing and serenading one another. They have cat ears, but also human teeth; whiskers, but also fingernails. Some wear jumpsuits, while others go for a more paw-naturel look; the movie directs attention to the strange sense of faux-nudity that results by having Idris Elba’s villainous Macavity wear a hat and fur coat (which begs questions we shouldn’t dare to ask) but later make a surprise scene entrance after disrobing, to which the other cats react with a fairly hypocritical degree of horror.

In watching this digital fur extravaganza at work, entranced by the sheer scale of its visual chaos, I found myself wondering what else Hooper and his team could have done. The tactic most employed by Disney, the imperial overlord Universal’s bravely going up against with this freaky little musical (note this week’s skip it), has been to pursue photorealism in its animated productions. Earlier this year, it turned The Lion King into an uncanny-valley catastrophe, sapping the story of all emotional and dramatic resonance in the process. People simply did not want to hear human voices coming out of the mouths of Planet Earth lions, which is very understandable. Hooper’s techniques with Cats, through which his furry creations sing and dance maniacally into their versions of heaven or hell, bring the whole affair closer to Gaspar Noe’s Climax by way of The Aristocats. While Cats is by no means going to be a guaranteed hit with the little ones, who may be terrified by it or confused by its sexuality, it’s an absolutely unhinged piece of blockbuster filmmaking, worth beholding in all its tawdry, queer, bombastic glory.

It’s the kind of risk studios just don’t take any more, perhaps much more of one than executives ever intended it to be. The film cost some $100 million to pull off, and the amount of uncertainty Cats brings with it into the multiplex—did those oh-my-god-they-actually-did-it trailers turn people off, or the opposite?—makes it the most exciting box-office curiosity left in the calendar year. Will it break records or bomb? The experience of watching Cats—howls of stunned laughter from many, with a few Swifties cheering her grand entrance and the majority of us struggling to even once pick our jaws up off the floor—is one of the most strange and mind-melting you’re likely to have in a theater when it comes to studio content of this size and scope. I’d recommend going for much for the same reason the play’s stuck around so long—whether it’s a masterpiece or one of the worst things you’ve ever seen, it’s resolutely its own thing, a deranged freak-fantasia worth falling into for a couple of hours, if just to say you did. That is to say, it’s Cats.

STREAM IT: ‘The Witcher’ (Netflix)

Netflix’s latest original-series gamble is aiming for Game of Thrones-level complexity in its sketching of a dark-fantasy realm where mythical creatures lie in wait but monarchal power struggles loom just as large.

And based on its first season, The Witcher (adapted from the beloved book series by Polish writer Andrzej Sapkowski) is well on its way. Comprising eight episodes, a smaller number which clearly allowed showrunner Lauren Schmidt Hissrich to focus on thoughtfully tracing an ambitious array of story arcs, the series hangs around the impossibly broad shoulders of Geralt of Rivia (Henry Cavill, great at veining these strong-and-silent types with a gallows humor).

A stone-faced loner who roams the dangerous Continent in search of monsters to slay, Geralt is no hero, and he’s often perilously close to going over the edge in his bloodletting. The character’s most distinguished by his unwillingness to diverge from his own moral compass by getting involved in court politics. In this, he’s reminiscent of Clint Eastwood’s tumbleweed-drifting Man with No Name or Raymond Chandler’s private eye Philip Marlowe, a sword in hand rather than a revolver. But Geralt’s on a path toward destiny, as protagonists in high-fantasy fare such as this often are, and he’s soon to become entwined in the fates of two distinctly powerful women. There’s Yennefer (Anya Chalotra), in training to become a powerful sorceress at a mysterious academy, and Ciri (Freya Allen), a young princess in hiding after her kingdom was ransacked and her parents slain. All three characters are afforded their own storylines, weaving their way across the Continent and finding themselves transformed in a myriad of ways by its darkest, magical elements.

Further detailing the epic, sweeping nature of The Witcher‘s story would be to deprive audiences of unexpected, rather graceful reveals that the scripts tease out in due time. What there is to say about The Witcher is that it represents one of Netflix’s most fully formed forays into genre territory yet. The fights, especially in a cinematic and sprawling pilot, are of a kinetic and impressively top-shelf variety, Cavill’s Geralt moving like a man possessed as he rends flesh from bone and engages in some surprisingly balletic bouts of swordplay. And the production design is similarly well-executed, quickly establishing the Continent as a grungy, bloody landscape for these characters to navigate. But it’s the strength of the storytelling that bodes most well for The Witcher as a new destination for those done licking their wounds after that fateful final run in Westeros.

SKIP IT: ‘Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker’ (In theaters)

… even though you’ll see it

“If this mission fails, it was all for nothing,” characters tell one another throughout Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker. That’s popcorn-prose concentrate, the kind of dramatic hyperbole that Star Wars has been coasting on since the very beginning. And while it’s traditionally been a fake-out—there’s always another mission, another battle to be won, even after ones that end with your hero encased in carbonite—such sentiment has never felt as profoundly hollowed out as it does by the end of Rise of Skywalker, a graceless franchise finale about nothing more than missions succeeding that itself feels like a staggering failure of vision, conceptually as well as on basic storytelling fronts.

Director J.J. Abrams’ anxiety in making Rise of Skywalker surely fell along those same all-or-nothing lines. By his own admission, he’s bad at endings, and there was tremendous pressure riding on Abrams to bring home the story of the Skywalker clan, a nine-movie saga that’s never loomed larger in the pop cultural imagination. The Rise of Skywalker may well be the last Star Wars movie to feature the heroes Abrams helped forge in his nostalgic The Force Awakens—Rey (Daisy Ridley), Finn (John Boyega), and Poe (Oscar Isaac)—and it’s almost certain to be the final outing for original cast members the series is now starting to outlive. Carrie Fisher died after shooting her scenes for The Last Jedi, and this entry (once intended to be Leia’s movie in the sense that The Force Awakens was Han’s and The Last Jedi was Luke’s) is to be her last screen credit. This just makes the magnitude of Abrams’s failure all the more devastating. One last adventure? Hardly. In a pivotal entry for the franchise, he chooses not to tell a story, instead drowning the developments this trilogy’s second film put forward in a soupy mess of fan service and stilted, unoriginal plotting.

When The Last Jedi hit theaters two years ago, it offered a thematic depth hitherto unseen in Star Wars movies; in the hands of writer-director Rian Johnson, it tangled head-on with questions of hero worship and inheritance that have always been intrinsic to the galaxy far, far away. But the answers it provided—that one must relinquish the past to chart a future, that our heroes will disappoint us, that the Force is not the lineage of a select but a spiritual energy belonging to all of us—were bold and unexpected. In this, it was a shocking follow-up to The Force Awakens, Abrams’ play-the-hits remake of A New Hope, and ruffled feathers with a small but loud contingent of fans, who disliked the film’s treatment of Luke and focus on supporting characters (the most hated of whom, perhaps not coincidentally given the way these Internet mobs tend to go, were women and minorities).

This is worth mentioning because The Rise of Skywalker feels, more than a film, like a feature-length capitulation to those who disliked what The Last Jedi did with the Star Wars mythos (which was, at the end of the day, to make a real movie with it). Where The Last Jedi zagged, Rise of Skywalker zigs, choppily, back inside the pre-existing template to which Disney and Lucasfilm clearly now believes these movies must adhere. It is in fact comical how frantically it rushes to undo Johnson’s progression of these characters, crowding them unnaturally into the same space to combat criticisms everyone spent too much time apart in the last film and entirely sidelining Rose Tico (Kelly Marie Tran, the series’ first Asian-American lead who was brutally harassed online after The Last Jedi) with so little explanation it feels just as racist and sexist as the chatroom vitriol she was subjected to. The Rise of Skywalker also works overtime to retcon The Last Jedi‘s biggest twists. One deformed bad guy with Force powers is down for the count? Let’s introduce another. The question of Rey’s parentage got answered, unexpectedly, with the revelation her family name didn’t have to matter so much? Well, let’s revisit that actually.

From the first words in its opening crawl (“The dead speak!”) to its final frame, The Rise of Skywalker spends its whole runtime chasing ghosts. As teased by the trailers, Emperor Palpatine (Ian McDiarmid) is back, for reasons the script scarcely attempts to rationalize, and he brings with him a fleet of Star Destroyers capable of wiping out entire planets in one blast. You thought the First Order was bad? Get ready for the “Final Order.”

That’s truly the order of business in The Rise of Skywalker. It’s a movie slavishly devoted to hitting beats from previous films without basic narrative sense, to the point where it feels less like a natural ending to this franchise and more like bad fanfiction. The only way the characters progress is through ill-advised romantic pairings. One interminable (and ultimately pointless) lightsaber battle takes place amid in the wreckage of a destroyed Death Star. The finale involves outgunned resistance fighters making one last stand to blow up a massive bad-guy space base. Beloved characters are imperiled constantly, but there are no real stakes when even the already-dead ones are back for sizable roles. Familiar desert planets pop up, along with Lando Calrissian (Billy Dee Williams), for maximum fan pandering.

There’s a real difference between a director and an artist, and nothing demonstrates this better than the massive step down The Rise of Skywalker takes both thematically and visually after The Last Jedi. There��s little by way of distinctive or striking visuals; the entire film is hued a murky blue, with an ill-advised focus on strobe lighting. Furthermore, it’s a Star Wars movie with absolutely nothing under its surface, which is a damning trait for a movie in this franchise. Abrams is a great producer, but his weaknesses as a filmmaker have never been this exposed. In attempting to give a noxious portion of the Star Wars fanbase what they asked for, his finale feels like a cheap and derivative product, the ultimate end-result of Disney’s written-by-committee modus operandi, so craven about resurrecting Star Wars that it comes off like grave-robbing. This is Star Wars broken under the weight of its own importance, eating its own tail for lack of any original voices to better nourish it. It’s nothing short of a tragedy.

More must-read stories from Fortune:

—Why these high-profile book adaptations bombed at the box office in 2019 —’Tis the season for holiday movies—and Hallmark and Lifetime aren’t afraid of Netflix —Whistleblower cinema is back in a big way —How some artists are building their careers through Spotify playlists —As 2019 draws to a close, does the movie star still have a pulse? Follow Fortune on Flipboard to stay up-to-date on the latest news and analysis.

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