#esp since you clearly have not read shit on this topic

[cericertain]

I'm going to be really honest with you. I don't know who you are but you got recommended to me, and I write this in good faith.

As a trans woman. It's appropriative as hell to call yourself a trans woman or transfem if you're afab. Doing so dilutes the usefulness of the term for actual trans women + transfems. We have to claw and bite and scratch to gain our femininity, fighting against the constant societal pressure to either curl up and die or revert to masculinity. Afab folks, regardless of their gender identity, don't. The Trans in Transgender vs the Cis in Cisgender is about change versus continuation.

Afab folks are pushed towards femininity by society, and being feminine is a continuation of that.

Frankly, I don't know if you're just a rage bait account, or if you just don't give a shit about actual trans women and trans femmes. If you do though. Find a different word. Make up your own, I don't care. Because if you do; one last thing.

Genuinely ask yourself, why do you feel the need to use this term? You have countless people asking you not to, because it is part of a long-standing culture of people who have had to form tight-knit communities of folks like each other because no one else was truly safe, and saying "actually anyone can use this as long as they're feminine and trans" robs our signifiers of effectiveness. It's appropriation 101. You are entering a space that isn't yours to enter and are taking something that isn't yours to take.

Don't take our linguistic tools of identification from us under the guise of gender liberation.

it doesnt dilute shit, you just wanna bend the term to fit a very small portion of people, guess what? gender is too fuckery to put such big things into tiny exclusionary boxes

also very gross you define transness by suffering and/or "changing". you obviously have a very narrow minded view. additonally. you cannot claim to know anyone else's experience.

there will always be diversity in being trans. no matter what, you cannot claim because someone doesnt experience the exact same thing as you words that fit them suddenly are "not allowed". trans femininity and trans womanhood can look like many things, and those labels shouldn't make you assume jack about someones life experiences because they do not give that much information. honeybees+etc ACKNOWLEDGE there are other trans experiences out there, and we do not claim to experience them. we do not speak over them. me personally, i listen to and uplift other trans folk and maybe you should too.

and i just have to mention, being AFAB doesn't except you from everything you just described. not for me specifically, but you have a very perinornative view and i in good faith wanna mention that to you.

------

about the "rage bait" section, bestie, ask yourself honestly: is it my pre conceived biases that i don't like this term or is it actually harmful?

this is the same thing y'all said about hesbians/theysbians/enby lesbians, same shit yall say about bi lesbians, again and again you wanna seperate people who don't fit into your finite view on what things can look like.

and fyi, there is a term. a term to show "hey, our experience may be diff from the average assumed experience of this group". its honeybees. but y'all attack people who make up new words anyways so whats the point lmao

------

why do i feel the need to use this term?

its a term that fits me and so i will use it.

you have had countless people ask you not to

i have had two people be transphobic to me and tell me to kms and harass me for it. yea, they do that to "odd" trans identities.

-

being transfem is not a *culture*. maybe theres cultures formed BY transfems, of course, but to say you cannot use a term that fits your experience because "well XYZ people use it this way" , guess what! ive met many trans people from all walks of life who support this stuff! almost as if every group will have exclusionary folk and that is isn't a reason to be like "yea no ur not real"

-

it doesnt rob shit of its "effective"ness, you are just mad that identities such as this point out the big flaw in a lot of people online's regressive takes. no, trans femininity is not some monolith. no, trans fem / trans masc is not the new gender binary. it is just as effective, you are just upset it includes more people than you want it to. its almost as if queer identities always spill over the tiny boxes people try and place on them

-

entered a space that isn't mine? oh i'm sorry i didn't know you were the recently elected president of transfems, so sorry your highness i will tell all the other trans people i know they now have to conform to exclusionary ideas of what gender can look like and how words around gender should be used /s

-

nobody took shit, you just got used to using transfem/trans woman to mean the same type of experience so now that experiences still exist outside of that there is a cognitive dissonance. like yea no sorry queer identities don't conform to small boxes, no matter how many new types of exclusion you make

[animazi]

icl i fundamentally disagree with the 'oh the acolyte shows anakin could have left the order anyway actually so he's so much worse bc he had an easy way out the whole time' discussions I've been seeing, because, like. literally why is this even a topic of discussion? ok ok hang with me here, I'm doing a list.

there is literally nothing in the prequels that suggests this is ever an option for him. up until shmi's death he is happy with the order - most of the problems he expresses come specifically from his relationship with obi-wan not the jedi generally, so why would he want to leave. once shmi dies, sure I getcha. his mum died and the jedi have a significant hand in that, and then he immediately breaks the code and does a massacre. however, and some may have missed this, its a fairly small plot point, the clone wars begin. anakin is not only never characterised as the sort of guy who would back out of this conflict (esp since he was involved from the get go), but also there is literally no time between anything - aotc and rots take place over such short time spans, comparatively; we see quite literally All the events happening at once.

so why doesn't he quit in tcw/rots? again. there is a war on and he is directly involved. tcw shows him as having made personal connections with the clones, and if there's one thing about anakin that everyone should be able to agree on its that he sure has attachments. also, again, rots takes place over such a short span of time and he is fairly clearly not in the best place in like fucking any of it

it probably wouldn't even fix anything bro. anakin is not the central turning point of the war, not really. that's palpatine. with or without anakin palpatine still gets the war, and realistically if anakin leaves the order then war breaks out, he is going to turn to palpatine as one of the only people he is close to, and ergo probably falls anyway. maybe he doesn't kill the younglings but like. shit still happens, jedi still get order 66'd

No Please Understand One Busy And Isolated Woman Is Not A Full Support Network Stop It. ok so. padme isolation is something that I fully see in the films. I will not yap on about that now, but take it as read for this point (although. even if she has a great and healthy support network that is not the issue! you are still saying that padme, who has a very busy job and her own life regardless, should functionally drop everything to support anakin). a key part of support networks is that they are a network aka not one woman. look me dead in the eyes and think anakin and obi-wan (already not having a great communicative relationship) are still talking after he leaves. go on. try. realistically speaking once the war starts anakin is in an, if anything, worse position - his fatherbrothermentor is out there fighting and he cannot help, his wife is barely home, the senate is always busy, and he is so so jobless (again. here is where palpatine would swoop in...bro cannot win fr fr). and Again, One (1) Padme Should Not Be Responsible For Dealing With The Entirely Of Anakin's Issues. stop it.

I don't actually have a full point 5 rn I just like it when the numbers do this :3

so bonus not-quite point: tcw and the acolyte both explicitly say the jedi don't prep you for the outside world if you leave the order, transferable skills etc etc BUT ALSO does your ex-jedi have any records of employment? any space gcses or a-levels or space degrees? a letter of recommendation? are they actually skilled enough in say mechanics/engineering to be able to survive in a world where droids exist and clearly have a huge presence in those sectors? any any money to help them get a flat or smth (not applicable in anakin's case but worth saying anyway)?

in short. I don't think it's a fair point to make when criticising anakin. it relies on a really weird reading of the prequels that misses a) the war, b) palpatine, c) the inherent misogyny of putting the wellbeing of anakin, guy who is hanging on the same thread as my sanity after exam week, entirely in the hands of one woman, d) the lack of regard for how support networks are, in fact, networks, e) how fast everything happens in the prequels

[abcdosaka]

other stuff

i bought britney's memoir day 1 and read it in two days. obviously. really really good i'm so glad i got it bc her voice is captured very clearly but also its written in a captivating way that really sparks my interest like i didn't wanna put it down. it was a better reading experience than i'm glad my mom died, like that book was great and it made me cry too but something about the way all the chapters were separated made it annoying to read sometimes.

the only reason i didn't read it all at once is bc i had to sleep and i was getting into the start of the conservatorship which was really hard to read. a lot of it is actually hard to read, esp the divorce and her being institutionalized, i think bc i'm kind of a stan so reading her personal feelings on everything was really tough. but anyway i cried twice

idk people were complaining like "we already knew all this tho" but you never heard it directly from britney?? like why are you complaining? didn't you wanna know britney's perspective on everything? how are you even a fan. i knew a lot of this stuff bc there have been deep dives on her and i've read them like a lot of her early life and the stuff abt her family history have been documented and aren't really a surprise to me but i always took them w several grains of salt bc you could never confirm this stuff unless she personally confirmed it, which in this case she did.

i even saw people saying they wanted her to talk about the original doll and her music like what? i don't think this was ever a memoir that was meant to be about her music i mean this is for her for express herself in her own words for once. well she did say that part 2 is coming next year so maybe she'll cover it there.

genuinely tho i can't understand wanting to lock people up like that its actually monstrous. and the only reason is bc they wanted to use her as a cash cow. and now everyone's like she keeps posting naked pics on ig :( was ending the conservatorship a mistake? like actually shut the fuck up. first of all, in general, infantilizing someone and making them helpless is not helping them develop any sense of independence in the first place. second of all, all she does is post naked pics and dancing vids with all the emojis like what is the problem!!!!! maybe its the cctv angle but she's like 40 please give her a break. maybe she's a little cringe WHO CARES shes literally just having fun and loving her body. she's literally not harming anyone. you think ppl should be institutionalized and 'handled' just for being a little weird?

anyway whatever i'm not engaging with the morons or conspiracy theorists anymore. people on the internet are so fucking dumb and lacking in any sense of understanding or empathy. the ppl that say she should be are always so judgemental and have horrible vibes and yet i'd still never say "we should put them in a conservatorship". like you go ahead and make your stupid decisions and say your shitty opinions on your own.

kinda on topic kinda off but when my parents get old enough that they can't function i really don't wanna put them in a home or anything even resembling a conservatorship type scenario. i'd hate to see them suffer or have no freedoms and elder abuse scares me icl. they're p dogshit at emotions and i don't particularly like to talk to them about serious shit and idk how i'll come out to them if ever but i do love them and i could never imagine that for them. and even just as a basic human right i want them to make their own decisions.

ugh i made this post so long too. but its been a while since i've been on my britney stan shit so its ok. ive been really into mamamoo again lately. another other ggs too. i really like le sserafim and g-idle. i used to kinda hate idle's music but i think its gotten a lot better lately bc queencard and nxde are soooo good. tomboy is good too but the lyrics are so strange that its distracting (like its okay in their other songs but in tomboy its just too much for me for some reason). le sserafim has really good title tracks and the rest of the album is like eh but epbw and antifragile are some of the best new music i've listened to, antifragile was so addicting.

also looking forward to: the red velvet album. red velvet either releases the greatest music ever or like the worst song i've ever heard in my life. there's more good than bad though so i'm excited. seulgi's solo album was soooo good i only just listened recently but its the groups best solo concept imo.

they're making a dungeon meshi anime and i'm actually excited!! my fav part of dungeon meshi was always the beginning and middle parts like the beginning is REALLY strong. there's also gonna be the love condition anime and that i'm a little less excited for bc that series is the opposite, it gets really good as the chapters go on but the beginning is like wow hananoi you really gotta chill and the anime will only adapt that initial portion :/ will still be watching tho

can't think of anything else but it was nice to write random shit after a while of not doing that. i feel good :)

[dantelionwishes]

life is full of ups and downs downs downs downs dow

loredump under the cut. not kidding when I say its gonna be long!

oh shit you actually clicked keep reading thank you for your interest 😭😭😭

YOU KNOW THE DRILL tw // suggestive dont read ahead if youre uncomfortable with the topic of aphrodisiacs! 

MIDDLE SCHOOL 

before anything, I gotta explain he was born to parents who had an infatuation quirk (makes them hardcore fall in love with you) and an infection quirk (transmits a virus via saliva)  

developed his quirk late, since they usually get it by the time kids are four 

most people knew him as quirkless before the first incident 

in middle school, his class was preparing for a school play, he and his classmate got cast as the main lead prince and princess 

coincidentally, they both had a crush on each other and had a scene where they kissed

technically they weren’t supposed to, since its just a play, but one time they were practicing in private and wanted to try kissing “for real”

so they shared a super giggly cute middle school first kiss but well UNFORTUNATELY FOR HIM HIS QUIRK HAD WELL DEVELOPED– 

BADABING BADABOOM YOU HAVE AN IMAGINATION USE IT

the only way for the quirk’s effects to go away is to come at least once or pleasuring yourself until it goes away

I DO NOT WANT TO IMAGINE IT BUT. IMAGINE BEING A TEACHER AND FINDING A MIDDLE SCHOOLER WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHAT IS HAPPENING TO HER AND AN ADULT IS FORCED TO TELL HER HOW TO MAKE IT GO AWAY LLLLIKE–

rip now that I’m thinking abt it, I don’t even think anybody would even kNOW HOW TO MAKE IT GO AWAY so lets imagine she painfully stays that way until they figure out how to make it stop :^(

there’s a big fight that happens between the teachers, principal, and parents of both parties 

of course the crush’s parents got mad and called their kid a fuckin uhhhhh sexual predator or some shit despite also beING THE SAME AGE AND NOT EVEN KNOWING ABT HIS OWN QUIRK LIKE HELLLO

obviously an incident like this is going to spread like wildfire but the principal does not want something like this to leak, especially since it was not on purpose and was a total accident 

the other kid’s parents and some teachers did not feel comfortable however, and sato was forced to drop out

but not wanting to spread the gossip about their son’s quirk and the incident, they leave the town and move someplace else

thankfully, the principal gives the sato family his good grades and a recommendation to a decent highschool for the trouble

they’re originally from osaka, but moved to tokyo 

this is where they start taking precautions with sato, basically teaching him to be careful with his saliva 

it was easily taught and learned esp since the mom was already like that around him and others everyday anyway!! she has to take care of her saliva-based infection quirk, after all 

HIGH SCHOOL

he got enrolled into a regular highschool in tokyo

no hero course, no support course, no business, just a regular ol’ school

if before, he loved surrounding himself with people, this was where he was forced to develop a lonely disposition to protect himself and others

at least his parents were very protective and supportive of him and they were generally a happy family!

but in school, pretending to be quirkless was just as difficult, getting bullied or pitied for having no special abilities 

his excuse for wearing a mask all the time was because his mother had a virus-related quirk, and had to be careful 

one day his dad was suddenly got really, really sick

the more he had an excuse to wear a mask because he didnt want to get whatever disease his father started to develop 

sato started thinking it could be his mother (but why?) the results didn’t say anything about an unknown virus killing him (which is his mom’s quirk), and that his father really did contract a strong yet very normal disease 

while on his second year in highschool, his father, yozo sato, died 

apparently, without him knowing anything about his parents, his mother, oba sato, was actually under the dad’s infatuation quirk this whole time

she realised she wasn’t really in love with him when oba had accidentally allowed a drop of her saliva to fall into the meal she was making him, making him sick, and therefore making him weak enough to deactivate his quirk on her 

oba, back in her college years, wanted to marry someone else but yozo, who had a crush on her wanted her to himself, used his quirk to make him fall in love with her 

so in revenge for making her put up with him all these years to the point of marriage and having a kid, she continued to do this to his food 

her quirk doesn’t make anybody sick enough to die, but it made her husband’s immune system weak enough to the point that it contracted a real, serious disease which he ended up dying from instead 

sato only finds out the real story when he graduates from highschool, days right after his graduation the mom confesses it all 

she does say she truly loves him, but can’t stay around him knowing he was technically “unconsensual love”

sato gets reminded of what his quirk does, and true enough, that’s what him and his quirk turned out to be (a sick combination of his mom and his dad) 

they cant bear to be around each other after that revelation and decide to just not see each other again 

COLLEGE YEARS

he enrolls into an education course, inspired by the kind principal who helped him finish his middleschool-highschool education when it all started going downhill 

sato struggles paying for his college fees esp since he doesn’t exactly have his parents supporting him anymore, nor any contact with immediate family 

he has a lot of part time jobs that go all around the clock, he continues pretending to be quirkless so he gets bullied, and has to deal with all that emotional baggage plus being alone so…….clearly my man is TIRED as hell 

his side job hustles include: convenience store cashier, bookstore attendant, bar bouncer, and rookie gym trainer (he went to the local gym long enough for him to get recommended a job as a trainer)

college was that point where he starts developing a hardcore yearning for a companion because oh my god hes so lonELY (but cant)

ANYWAY SO

there’s this bully guy who always picks on him in college (for being “quirkless” and a loner and overall a fuckin weirdo with a mask)

tbh sato doesnt really give a shit he’s so used to it but he doesnt have his mother as an excuse to wear the mask anymore, this is where he starts forming the “I have bad breath” excuse 

“口臭い” (kuchi kusai) translates to “bad breath” or “stinky mouth” so sato unlovingly gets nicknamed “kusato”

one day he’s walking around the campus at night and finds the bully with his gang cornering another quirkless student, with plans of assaulting her 

sato was never the hero type, and was about to ignore the commotion as to not get involved, but something in him moved on its own and he found himself face to face with the gang 

he confronts them, but the bully mocks both him and the girl for not having powers to stop them anyway 

SIKE BITCH sato’s able to easily strike the other two guys, knock them off their feet enough to be able to tug the to-be victim aside, telling her to report them, before asking her to run away as fast as she can

none of the guys want that (they’re all students) so they have a full on brawl (and this isnt hero academy, its a totally normal university so I wouldn’t assume these guys had very impressive quirks)

except the main bully actually has a pretty decent quirk (he’s like a kinda half human half dragon with sharp claws, scales, and dragon eyes) and gets to injure sato with his sharp claws, seriously injuring his face

a part of his ear is also sort of sliced off, which is how his mask gets accidentally removed in the process 

the dragon bully grabs him by the collar and starts angrily shouting at him for ruining his night, being able to do all this shit without a quirk and all and all other derogatory speech 

“Well? what do you have to say for yourself?!“ 

Sato stays silent before spitting right into the bully’s mouth 

The bully drops him immediately, about to angrily fuck him up for doing something super fucking gross but WHOOP WHOOP YOU KNOW WHATS BOUTTA HAPPEN the quirk works immediately and the bully is a TOTAL MESS on the ground 

Im going to TLDR this part cos its…obviously nsfw but like: sato fully embarrasses him in public (beside the bully’s two colleges nonetheless) 

sato stays in the hospital for some time to heal from his wounds 

fortunately, afterwards, the bullies all get expelled 

unfortunately for sato, he also gets expelled for engaging in bad behaviour, and the bully did say what happened to him (and the college principal did not want his…dangerous quirk on campus) so as to lower any incident, all four were expelled 

at least without having to pay for college fees anymore, he could fully focus on paying for food, shelter, and clothes 

minus of course the hospital bills needed to pay plus he got a sick ass scar from it anyway HAHAHAHA BSDJHJRHDHF

ADULT LIFE

he had a lot of jobs here and there, but was more or less doing best as a trainer at a local gym where people weren’t allowed to use their quirks and strengthen their body regularly 

a few years went by and he eventually shrugged off everything that happened in his final college years but one day someone familiar walked into the gym! It was the fellow college student he saved!!!

she became a policewoman who wanted to get stronger in this quirkless friendly gym and hadn’t given up on her dreams of being a “hero,” inspired by how sato saved her that day

sato never really saw himself as some hero, he was left many nights alone thinking about how easily he could become a villain with his quirk, so hearing that really made him happy 

he trains her as her gym coach and she eventually asks him to join her patrol this small part of the city from a gang that was currently going around doing crimes since he’s good at it anyway, saying she could use some extra hands hehe

so yeah!! he does this side gig with her where he patrols alongside her looking for gang crimes and such c:

AND ONE DAY. [WISTFUL SIGH] ONE DAY. HE FINDS SOMEBODY GETTING MUGGED BY A GANG MEMBER AND SAVES………A CERTAIN MAN–

thank you for reading all the way here!!!

feel free to ask for questions or for any clarifications 😭😭😭!!!!!!

[snekdood]

@mozart-ella-sticks​

hi i dont really care if you’re hindu lmao, i’ve been becoming hindu for years now and i’ve been learning all about it so you can’t just subdue me by saying that you’re hindu therefore i have nothing to contribute, like idc im not gonna stop saying my shit

and because i’m willing to be in good faith about this question and am willing to learn more, if you’re a hindu and hinduism is patriarchal... why are you a hindu? also, aside from male gods typically being seen as “the seed of life” essentially, what is so patriarchal about it, esp if you have a god like ardharanishvara that seems to me to embody equality, sameness and lack of division, or mahadevi, whom as you know, is considered the creator god in shaktism? because from what i’ve seen it seems there’s!!! so many thouuusands of beliefs in hinduism, so many different philosophies and so many different beliefs on who the great creator god is, so i’m not sure how you can label it as a whole as patriarchal, nor why you would continue to be hindu if you do believe that. I don’t doubt that there are hindu’s who do believe fucked up bs about women, i think i've read enough to know that, unfortunately a lot of religions get taken over and used for shitty purposes, but i’d also argue, based on what i’ve read, that shit wasn’t As bad until india got colonized, considering ppl could be gay, trans (fight me, i’ll die on this hill), and have orgies and polyamorous relationships n shit before then. since i grew up christian, i notice plenty of the christian values laced in hinduism, things i've fought against for years only to find gods i worship having conflicting narratives on what activities they get up to and what they think is right or wrong, and while i know theres many different retellings and narratives, i can't help but get a knot in my stomach when i feel the vibes of christianity. and if everything i've learned isn't enough, something inside tells me that's not how things have always been.

anyhoo, in regards to "indian radfems"-- i don’t believe you, that's not my point and also doesn't prove my point wrong necessarily if it were true? you're gonna hafta show me how being a radfem, or something adjacent, was in india before it was colonized tbqh lmao. i believe radfems run on an under layer of subtle christianity i've been calling "social christianity" which essentially means they hold a lot of the same conservative beliefs without the religious belief in god (sometimes..), weird restrictive beliefs surrounding having sex, weird divisive beliefs and desires vs men and women, and of course beliefs about gender and how any deviation or expression or identification aside from man and woman and the gender you were assigned at birth is bad for some reason, even though before it was fine in your religion!! but y’know, you don’t care about that ig, you’re a hindu who wants to uphold christian ideals that have destroyed and infected your religion, is how i feel. if women in india are mostly radfems, i feel bad that they’ve fallen for this trap. but I don’t really believe you.

also stfu about hijras before i rip you a new one. clearly you don’t know shit, you don’t interact with these people, hell, you’re probably the type of person to ask them to bless your home or some shit but then never give af about them or their wellbieng or anything. fuck off. you’re not the authority on this topic at all lmao, if you think being hindu is enough that’s funny. you’re funny. lmk about all the hijras you know and how much they love being called men, and it better be a list of at least 8 people. hijras are not all considered trans, but there are trans hijras and they in fact face worse discrimination, in many ways, in the hands of india, bc of ppl who only give a fuck about them bc of blessings or whatever, than other trans people do here in america.... but go auf kween

your proximity doesn’t mean shit if you don’t know shit. and no, i don’t think i will, i think i’ll die liberated and free, my good bitch 💖

[phoebehalliwell]

Do Penn and Dency have like more a of sisterly than a cousin one since they’re so close in age (and they kinda grew up together since they only a few months apart). And like on a slightly different topic, what does Penn think of Dove? Did Penn and Dency share friends in Magic school or did they run in opposite circles?

tl;dr yeah they’re more sisterly & penn and dove don’t really like each other that much, & penn and dency definitely ran in different circles, especially as they got older. there’s like. a full on deep dive under the cut. i highly recommend u read if u wanna know why penn’s Like That & her complex relationship with both dency & dove, but um. it’s 3.7k words. but u should read it♥

i would definitely say they’re more sisters than they are cousins because like. i don’t know how close y’all are with your cousins. but like. cousinship is really not what i’d call a solid unbreakable fraternal bond you know? like penn and dency are like. 2.5 months apart so They Are The Same Age (even tho dency’s born in 02 & penn’s born in 03) and also because while in dency’s early years there is a phoebe/coop thread running, it still takes a while for those two to enter a committed relationship and move out so for the first. three? or so years of their lives, dency and penn literally shared a bedroom in the manor like they were raised kinda like twins just from a proximity standpoint. and then, of course, since they’re the same age and all, they hit milestones at the same time & are always in the same school year (which i feel like both these girls went to private schools which are like. always catholic schools idk if this is universal but like. i feel like in sf almost every single private school is tied to a church but maybe i just don’t know that many people who went to private school. and yes this is because i just really really want dency to go to a catholic school her being the antichrist so to speak all that i want her to be genuinely afraid that if she touches holy water she’ll burn it’s fun (it doesn’t burn her, for the record. she like. tried when she was 9/10 and it’s like one of those things like you know how you can lick your fingers and pinch out a candle flame so as a kid you wanna try it and you have saliva all over your fingers and you keep going in a chickening out because that’s fire!! that’s a flame!! what the fuck!!! so its a back and forth until you just gotta do it yeah that she ends up like plunging her full hand in when the plan was kinda only dip a finger but good news! she’s fine she does not burn with holy water.) maybe they go to public high school but like. private elementary and/or middle school. because high school who cares but going to a catholic middle school will leave the funniest long term effects on people).

and then, of course, magic school. they both go to magic school. which as i’ve stated before i think there are many magic schools this magic school is tethered to san francisco and i think really any west coast witches will attend that school but there aren’t That Many so class sizes are still like. 30 kids. and then, of course, as this is Charm School (as so it is dubbed as it is the school run by the charmed ones) they do kinda host their fair share of magical events which is mainly like the elders being like okay can we all get together let’s host a yule celebration here which they do in this world but not in the canon!gen2 due to one major defining factor: penn. because like. she’s the twice blessed man. magic literally shut down just like globally for a full day when she was born (dency actually retained a limited amount of magic as you know she has a bit of source. it’s a magic source. but like. very little it was insanely dampened). but you know globally no one really knew this was coming all of magic was left standing there with their dick in their hands until it turned back on and now there’s only one question: what the fuck was that? and the answer was a baby literally so powerful was born that all magic rested for a day to welcome this child. the twice blessed has arrived. And That’s A Big Fucking Deal! and again: the elders don’t really like the charmed ones all that much bit of a two way street here because the charmed ones don’t like them so they would love to take away this ability maybe save it for a rainy day with a family they don’t already have a dicey history with but um. source’s heir is right there. so we’re gonna keep the twice blessed in tact. but yeah basically the elders have kind of these magical holidays at magic school and penn has to be in attendance just because she’s kinda the representation of the best of good magic. she’s an idol everyone can kinda get behind you know rejuvenate the spirit of good magic unite the witches behind one figurehead.

which, for the record, piper and leo are Not Really Game for because what the fuck so it’s like. at first when the elders are like. let’s host a litha celebration here invite magical families around the world extend olive branches so to speak you know it also tells the underworld that good magic is strong on united really keeps them at bay (because they really have yet to recover from s7/s8 there’s still not centralized ruler demon/monster attacks have been way down and quite frankly the sisters wanna keep it that way. they love a world where their lives aren’t constantly at risk). so initially they’re like yeah sure they bring their kids because what are they gonna hire a babysitter the kids can be there and like. everyone fawns over penn. and penn initially loves it because like you’re 7 who doesn’t love being special being the center of attention. but piper & leo are like 😐 because they’re starting to see the game the elders are playing but you know. in the early years penn really likes going to these. i should state penn’s full name is actually melinda penelope halliwell and when she was young she did go by melinda but she really didn’t like how much she was compared to melinda warren esp with all the twice-blessed stuff (she also has leo’s hair color (i.e. blonde) so she does look a lot like her ancestor) so around 13 14 or so she starts going by penelope which people shorten to penny which is just another ancestor to be compared to so she shortens that to penn. so yeah through the elementary school era i think penn really likes attending these functions she likes being liked and piper and leo are like no really you don’t have to go in fact we’d prefer it if you’d stayed home but she’s like 9 she doesn’t get the minutia of it and she’ll like cry if she can’t go to the fun party. by the time she hits middle school tho she’s like no this shit is draining lmao can all these adults back off. but then like. by the time she hits high school she’s kinda caught on and if it’s her being a charming, polite, dazzling little twice blessed that keeps good magic solid and the underworld at bay, she can play that role. she will play that role. but now there’s a sense of duty to it.

so. i’m still talking. i think it magic school penn was really popular because she was like a household name you know, that and like she’s really got her father’s kind heart and can play mediator like her mother so she kinda can do the saintlike role given to her (which again is something she starts at a young age not realizing what all this is before and it grows into the core of who she is & now it’s inseparable. it’s kinda like the male gaze. but the elder gaze. even pretending you aren't catering to elder fantasies is an elder fantasy: pretending you're unseen, pretending you have a life of your own, that you can wash your feet and comb your hair unconscious of the ever-present watcher peering through the keyhole, peering through the keyhole in your own head, if nowhere else. you are a witch with an elder inside watching a witch. you are your own voyeur. lmao. haha but yeah penn has a really big circle but while people fawn over penn they are inherently distrustful of dency because again these are kids and they get their opinions from their parents. and some parents really don’t want the source of all evil going to school and learning alongside their kids. and this is kinda penn’s crucial flaw is she was kinda always taught to be so temperate that when people are mean to dency, she doesn’t like. go to bat for dency. she mediates. she’ll mediate in a situation where someone is clearly in the wrong but is like. let’s reach a peaceful agreement let’s try to see both sides because you know her parents especially leo raised her with this peace love & understanding mentality and she’s so young she doesn’t get the nuance of situations.

so, rather than kinda sit and field catty comments from other witches in penn’s social circle & watch penn try to turn this into some kind of socratic seminar on how we’re all different and we should all try to understand each other dency kinda just voluntarily breaks from penn’s circle. it’s not too difficult as not that many people really wanted her anyway and also she’s not always in the same classes as them as she needs lots of private tutoring to kind of. you know. hone her demon powers, which function differently.

and then this is where we bring in dove who is a witch with no active powers and two mortal parents, so she doesn’t actually realize it’s weird not to have active powers until she reaches magic school (after being enrolled by paige, who has basically assorted sidequests going at all time where she like. finds witches who don’t have the resources to learn the craft proper and rather than let them just risk it she enrolls them in her school. she does this in canon!gen2 as well that’s kinda like her whitelighter job as i don’t think she has too too many Charges in a traditional whitelighter sense). and then a bit of history on dove her parents are fucking loaded. the type of rich you eat, not just upper middle class. and her dad does fuck knows what tech shit in the silicon valley and her mom’s basically just a socialite. so dove, like penn, from a very young age learns the art of being the little doll at the party. we’re sitting this baby down at the grand piano and you’re all gonna coo and aww as she knocks out für elise okay? but the primary difference between penn & dove is dove was being coached. dove knew from a very young age what she was doing. penn was just what the john mulaney quote shiny and dumb and easy to trick? yeah. piper and leo didn’t want her there they didn’t want her exposed to like the notion of white magic politics, dove’s mother on the other hand basically trained her in the art of the social kill.

So. dove as a kid gets to magic school and kinda quickly realizes she’s not like the other kids. and yes, there are some late bloomers, but like. she’s really not like the other kids i mean she’s a witch with no lineage and no active powers and everyone else seems to have family friends and people they already know and she’s alone. so. ever the social strategist, she aligns herself with penn. and dove joined about late elementary school early middle school so she got contact with dency before she broke, but she knows her mostly by reputation because dove loves gossip and there’s a lot to be whispered about dency. unfortunately, there’s also a lot to be whispered about her. and it’s usually like. if you’re a late bloomer and you don’t have an active power, by the time you hit puberty one develops (there’s also like. the other marker is when the brain stops developing around age 25 sometimes power develop then and dove’s currently like 24 so she’s lowkey still holding out for that one). but dove kinda goes through puberty and doesn’t get an active power and now kids are calling her dud and this is where penn’s middle road logic fails her again because she just. she’ll be kind to dove and be like that’s really mean and they shouldn’t have said that, but she’ll also speak kindly to the bullies and be like hey that’s not nice don’t say that. and dove is not a temperate person so when she’s attacked she goes for the jugular. and penn pulls out again this peace love & understanding card like i understand you’re upset but you shouldn’t stoop to their level you should try to always be understanding because you don’t know what they’re going through and it pisses dove off because penn literally has no backbone. like she’s never really seen penn stand for anything and quite frankly she’s a little pissed about it because she specifically befriended penn for like protection for a place in the magical community and penn just like. does not offer that because she’s just do spineless.

so i think dove kinda just slowly distances herself from penn and penn doesn’t really do anything to keep friends so to speak because as the twice blessed kids kind of just flock to her she’s definitely got a really weird dynamic just with others as a whole so it’s like when dove stops invited penn over for playdates it’s not like penn’s gonna Start inviting dove over for playdates because that’s simply not how penn’s mind works. also almost all her playdates from like a really young age were really weird because it was just witches being like oh my god let’s set up a cute little playdate for our kids i’ll bring them over at 1 and piper and leo were game because you know yay socialization for my daughter, but you know it quickly became obvious that it wasn’t for the kids. like it was for these parents who get to be in the halliwell manor talking to a charmed one, the twice blessed is right there, & it was kind of sickening. so yeah. that happened one too many times. but like the further dove drifted from penn kind of the less she held her tongue because you know penn’s so kind and temperate that she really doesn’t like hearing insults quick jabs you know like obviously. but dove’s great at it. and yeah, there are kids dove just doesn’t like because they’re dicks to her. so when they go after dency, dove’s immediately ready to tear them to bits. it’s kind of like sticking up for the little man, but it’s more just like attacking the bully bc now you have a reason to. but what surprises dove is dency also has some bite to her words, dency also fights back. which dove again ever the social strategist thinks dency shouldn’t to that because she already has the title of the source’s heir hanging over her it’s not wise to pour fuel on that fire but at the same time she’s glad dency just like. does fight back. is a dick about it. she loves that she’s someone who doesn’t play the social game, someone who’s true to herself and isn’t going to water herself down in order to be liked by other people. you know dency’s got backbone she’s got chutzpah and dove loves to see it after everyone in magic school who are all just like. 11 year old sycophants finally someone who’s real. so i think dove and dency kind of become besties as they willingly mark themselves as the social outcasts who just. do what they want to do. it’s like dency’s basically a demon and dove’s basically mortal and together they’re just having like. a great fucking time. i think they really like each other. it’s also dove’s first friendship that literally has no exterior advantage if anything it brings down her stock but she doesn’t care because dency’s just like cool man.

and then nowadays they’re all like 24 and dency and dove live together dency works as a freelance journalist (even though elise is constantly offering her a permanent position at the bay mirror, dency doesn’t accept it because she “doesn’t want a nepotism job” to which elise is like dency i wouldn’t offer you the job if i didn’t think you were any good my own niece has been trying to get an internship here for two years but she writes absolute drivel okay i don’t want you here because you’re my goddaughter i want you here because you’re an excellent writer. but dency still always turns her down because she doesn’t like the optics. she still spends a lot of time a the bay mirror just because i really love the visual of punk rock antichrist rolling up to the bay mirror and immediately getting the biggest hug from elise when most employees have yet to even see elise smile) & then dove on the other hand 100% has a nepotism job she like does pr for her dad’s company. penn i think works in piper’s kitchen as a line cook where she literally like addresses her mom like yes chef all that like people don’t know she’s the owner’s daughter hell they barely know her name and she kinda loves it like that.

and dency and penn definitely have this kind of testy relationship because dency never leaves well enough alone. i mean that’s literally her job right as a journalist, but it carries over into magic too & penn hates it because someday dency’s gonna get herself killed. but the fact of the matter is their fighting styles are not compatible. penn and dency are not good side by side in a fight & dency would much rather work alone. but, if penn knows anything, she’s gonna be there. she refuses to let dency go in alone because if dency dies and there was something she could have done about it she’d never forgive herself. this is why dency doesn’t go to penn for healing anymore because again they can’t lie to each other given their lie detector power, so rather than get penn involved dency goes to her friend jack who is both a mortal & and nurse & went to like the same private elementary school as dency, tho i think he was in on a lottery. And. Of Course. there is a vice versa going on here because dency does not tell penn things because like. if penn dies because she was following dency into some dangerous battle she’d never forgive herself. because, quite honestly, dency knows she’s powerful. she has a skill set that practically no one has the ability to counter. but also. she’s the source’s heir. penn’s the twice blessed. the world needs penn a lot more than it needs her, you know? dency does kind of view herself as more expendable than penn, you know again penn is the embodiment of all good magic and the story’s definitely been spun that penn and the elders kind of unifying good magic, creating a strong bond keeps the underworld at bay. penn’s death would be a devastating blow. and on top of that, penn’s really not a fighter. dency is, she’s great at it. and you know, if penn was always running headfirst into battles like dency, it really would be a mirror relationship but penn really does not practice magic outside of magic school. so that’s not a concern. but yeah. given this fact that penn is really more important symbol-wise & the fact they do not fight well together & the fact penn’s just not great at fighting & she does not remotely know the demonic world like dency does, dency really does try to keep her cousin in the dark as much as possible.

dove and penn kind of in the present have a bit of a rivalry going at least penn considers it a rivalry because penn genuinely considers them equals, dove on the other hand does not because penn is the twice blessed and dove is a witch without powers but yeah. no one really can argue the way they argue because it really doesn’t sound like an argument it’s like. written down it can seem like a perfectly friendly conversation but there is kind of this intense vein of malice running through most of their interactions. which, while we’re kind of positioned to side with dove because she’s more of a main character than penn is, she’s besties with our protagonist, also i love her, dove is definitely the instigator. and it’s not like penn’s deserving of any of dove’s harassment but dove is just still really bitter about how penn was supposed to be her shelter as a young girl but penn never stands up for anything leaving dove really vulnerable as a kid. which she has not ever voiced to penn, penn just thinks dove’s a bitch (which she is, but like,) but at the same time penn almost always seeks dove out or even invites her (not directly, but rather by extension by insisting dency has to come no no you have to come listen you can bring a friend okay but you have to be there. because dency will only ever bring dove.) to these magical functions because a) dove’s kind of already so low on the food chain that she’s really fine with making snide comments to the faces of these really pretentious parents who are only in it for power and optics. like penn always has to pretend not to smile when dove makes the comments she always wished she could say just like. to an elder’s face. and then on top of that, dove’s about the only person who doesn’t view penn as sacred, and by extension, now that they’re older, dove is about the only person penn doesn’t have to act sacred around (outside of her own family, obvi). like. penn has piper’s bitchiness. she just never gets to say what’s on her mind because she’s too busy being The Twice Blessed. unless she’s around dency & dove & co, where nobody cares who she is, and she can be kind of the dick she is. she’s not as temperate as she seems. 

[leighways]

Y’know, I debated not answering you bc what you sent sounds like the typa shit that attracts unwanted discourse. So if that was your intent (and I mean this with all sincerity): go fuck yourself.

I’m not sure where you got the idea that I’m "still devoted to" C3, esp since the last piece of art I made for that ship was pre-KTGG -- nearly a year ago. That was also the last time, until recently, that I spoke about C3 at all. So ???

I will admit I didn’t answer that ask very thoughtfully when I originally responded -- mostly bc I assumed by now ppl understood my stance on this issue -- so I went back and edited for clarification. However, if you’d read my about page instead of jumping to conclusions, you’d know where I stood.

But since that clearly didn’t happen, I’ll spell it out for you: I used to ship C3. As of right now, I don’t. However, during the time in which I did, I was in the process of building an extensive backstory AU that I am still very much attached to and enjoy creating content for. It was designed specifically to establish Copia as an outsider -- not a member of the Emeritus family -- which has been my view of him since since day fucking one (x).

One scroll through my blog will show you none of this is new. Copia's underdog status plays a vital role in how I draw, write and headcanon him, as well my general attachment to his character. Sure, you can sit there and claim I dreamt all this up for the purpose of shipping, but you'd also be lying out of both sides of your mouth. If my development of this AU was nothing more than ""justification"" for C3, my blog wouldn't be littered with loads of art and comics focused on the rest of the family and their respective dynamics. (x) (x) (x) Not to mention the countless memes and shitposts that have goddamned nothing to do with any of this.

Anyway, for me, an AU only works if you can establish a very clear departure from what's been described in canon. KTGG presented several plot holes I had never previously considered, and these muddied waters made me unsure of how to continue world building. I don't want to publish anything until there are no surprises left, so until we get more official information regarding this lore, I have temporarily pulled the breaks on this project.

Still, none of this is reason to completely dismantle something I've been working on since 2018. Nor does it suddenly make the material itself "problematic". I should be able to keep my AU (C3 storyline or not) without ppl like you accusing me of being some incest-obessed fujoshi simply bc I chose to view the source material in a way you don't personally like.

From last summer forward, every time I’ve been asked about the topic of my AU, the answer never contained any mention of C3 (x) (x) (x) bc I don't currently ship C3. If by "devoted to" you meant "it's on the back burner and also the stove isn't on" then sure, I'm super devoted.

But even if this weren't the case -- even if the amount of currently unanswered questions didn't bother me and I plowed ahead with my story no holes barred, what exactly would my crime be? Why would an AU created to explore the non-canon backstories of Copia (a Catholic orphan) and Papa 1 (his unrelated mentor) suddenly become problematic just bc once in a blue moon a scene appears in which Copia has a boyfriend? Considering all content I've made for C3 sees them as completely unrelated and has also been 100% SFW, what line have I crossed? I know my lane. I'm not mlm (I'm not wlw either, which is what you're trying to peg me as) so I would never create explicit content for a community to which I don't belong. But if you think LGBT+ folks can only make material tailored to their specific identities in order to not be fetishy, then I've got some fuckin news for you and you're not gonna like it.

Anyhoo, I don’t believe for one second that you’re this casual by-standing "outsider" -- not least bc you knew exactly where to find the post where I first addressed the plot twist possibility, but lmfao whatever you say bubs. I also love that you’re on the "outside" while simultaneously in the know about what the fandom collective has decided re: What If Copia Is An Emeritus. You need to get your story straight.

Damn near everyone in this fandom has created some sort of AU -- whether that be a world where they self-ship, a universe in which none of the Papas died, or, I dunno, one full of dragons and dinosaurs :-) The fact that you're specifically honing in on my AU with insane and disgusting out-of-left-field accusations tells me everything I need to know about both you and your motives, so listen very closely: there is nothing wrong with creating an AU that diverts from canon. Despite what you think, viewing Copia as unrelated to the Emeritus family is pretty goddamned normal around here. And considering Tobias obviously wanted us to think of him this way (and let us do so for over a year and a half) it's easy to see why so many ppl prefer that concept to the story we'll probably get.

You are not the boss of me. You are not the judge of my character. You have no authority over me, and you need to stop talking as if you do. Your tone is condescending and sexist -- which is odd, considering you're not speaking to a woman. I'm definitely not a fujoshi, but you quite possibly might be a transphobe. Or is truscum a more accurate way to describe you? :-) Anyways, thanks for that. Getting misgendered in our own inbox? We love to see it.

This is the last time I’ll be addressing this topic. If you have any further questions feel free to call my personal hotline @ 1-800-EAT-MY-ASS.

[owxanimorphs]

Before the Re-read the Animorphs

Okay before I begin my re-read this is my thoughts on the main cast based on my memory of the last times I read the books (which varies between a few months ago for some and several years for others)

Let's get the hard one out of the way first. I'll start with my thoughts on Cassie. I make no secret that Cassie is the only Animorph I actively dislike. In a way it is tragic because as I've said before Cassie had potential as a character. A character with a very black and white viewpoint and a strong desire to stick to their point of view no matter the cost being confronted with the messy nature or war could have been a gold mine for interesting story lines. Instead Cassie is cast as the voice of morality and the conscience of the group which is a role she is absolutely terrible at. Because in the end she's no more moral than the rest of them (arguably actively even less moral) and her being right is more a function of being creators pet than any real logical story progression. Things work out for her because the creators say even when it breaks the story or contradicts established facts.

In Essence everything wrong with Cassie is everything wrong with the books as a whole which makes her a pretty big example of what not to do in writing. However, even if you ignore all that and focus only her personality she is still lacking. When first introduced Cassie is your typical childish self centered idealist. She puts great value on the things she cares about and tries not to thinka bout things that contradict that view point. Then she doens't really change she's a static character.

There is one redeeming factor about Cassie that is interesting but since it was unintentional I can't give complete credit to the creators for it. Cassie is a perfect example of everything wrong with Empathy as a stand in for goodness. Cassie is actually a very empathic character but she is also a very selfish character. Once she empathises with someone they become "Good" in her mind and she'll bend over backwards to justify making decisions that would negatively effect folks she isn't empathising with. It also informs how she is determined to stay in others good graces and only fights them when she can play the martyr.  Which reminds me of my wish that David had stuck around longer and been a foil to Cassie for a while because they really are starkly similar characters in most regards except Cassie has an almost over developed sense of Empathy (to the point she can be okay with horrendous shit if she empathizes with the ones doing it) and David has almost none outside of the things he cares out.  They are both also able to manipulate people to get what they want. And they read people very well to keep in their good graces or really hurt them if they piss them off enough.

But that isn't what this post is about so to sum up my view on Cassie is that she had potential but what we got was a horrendous character and the biggest disappointment of the books.

Now let's move onto another hard one to talk about and that is Tobias. When I first read the books oh so long ago I way over identified with Tobias but then I was a messed up lonely kid so it's not that surprising. Looking back on them as an adult it flew over my head back then how utterly fucked up Tobias is. This is not a healthy kid even before he got stuck as a hawk. Tobias was clearly already borderline suicidal even before the hawk thing and afterwards it and everything else in many ways turned into a much slower long and detailed decline into an early death. Tobias hated himself so he chose to give up all humanity forever. Which brings us to the problem with Tobias and that is the narrative never acknowledges how fucked up his situation is. Sure some of the other characters come close but they never fully grasp it.Tobias is in many ways one of the other great disappointments of the books because early on they clearly drop hints that he has a major role to play in things to the point where the freaking Ellimist preserves his existence by bending space time twice once to keep him around and then to ensure the animorphs happened and then the plot line is abandoned in favor of creators pet Cassie being the most important and special.

Now I love stories where the chosen one isn't that chosen after all but that needs to be intended from the beginning when you heavily lay on the foreshadowing that this is going to be an important element you need to address it. Instead the potential story line just peters out in a way that doesn't amount to anything not even a subversion. Tobias then sticks around to be a general misery magnet and to have the most unhealthy relationship possible with Rachel.

I mean I know stories change direction in production and over time and some times that leads to better stories and some times it leads to obvious dropped plot lines and a general degrading of quality. Animorphs sadly is in the second category.  Part of it of course was the real world rush to churn out the books for Schoolastic but parts of it were clearly the writers getting a bit too enamored of their pets and how they wanted things to end.

I'm getting off topic again. My view on Tobias is that he's an interesting character and one that you can pity but man is that boy fucked up.

Now let's move onto Ax the Andalite Animorph and the other one besides Cassie and Tobias who ends up kind of one note. Ax plays an interesting role since hes alien and the books do a good job of showing an alien viewpoint. Far better in his case than many of the other aliens. It helps that he's basically a slacker alien who was a poor student and probably only got brung along on the ship because his big brother pulled some strings.  

Ax is also a prime example of another time when the potential of the story gets left by the way side. Ax's torn loyalties should have come up more than they did and should have had more lasting repercussions. Way too often he'll get reduced to joke one note status when he should be figuring into things more. I don't have much more to say about him since I really remember as liking him but thinking he was wasted several times.

And now we'll move onto Marco a character who when I first read the books annoyed the crap out of me but as I grew older grew on me a great deal. Marco is a wonderful example of a character who can be obnoxious to protect themselves and despite being the other creators pet he is allowed to actually change in ways that are both good and bad so he's not another Cassie. The fact he's even allowed to disagree with her at least temporarily and call her on her BS very rarely also helps. Marco is also very realistic in that he reacts like many people would and for a lot of folks it would take somethign that affected them personally to make them fight as hard as the kids had to end up fighting.

Of course there is still one irritating thing about Marco and that's how he's often forced into the role of the complainer is wrong some times for the others (esp Cassie) to be right. It's a role he shares wtih Rachel she'll suggest the violent solution so it can be rejected and he'll suggested the better strategic solution but it'll be rejected for being wrong.

So final thoughts on Marco slightly annoying at times but very realistic and really grows on you.

Now let's talk about Rachel and this is the character whose fate pisses me off the most. I have no problem with character death in a story but Rachel's death is treated by the creators as necessary and it bleeds into the narrative abit and that really pisses me off.  She's also unfortunately the one who gets the most chaotic characterization as depending on teh writer how aggressive she is varies. Not to mention the books that paint her as a control freak. Of course you can hand wave it as the stress getting to her in different less pretty ways but that raises it's own problems with with how the narrative treats her. She's often also used as a foil to shill for Cassie and that bugs me. She and her cousin get the most discussion of Cassie's moral superiority though everyone gets a turn on it.  

And what is really sad is that she only gets to really call out Cassie and the others very rarely even though they are some of the most satisfying moments in the entire series. She's right when she calls out that the others need her to be the blood thirsty one. She's actually someone clearly sacrificing for the greater good but the narrative treats her as a blood knight. It really pisses me off and while her relationship with Tobias isn't even remotely healthy it makes a lot of sense because the others treat her as damaged and thanks to his neediness he'll never look at her as a monster like the others tend to do to make themselves feel better.

I'll make one final observation and that's that poor Rachel may have died twice in the series the first time being the starfish incident. Cause the Rachel that was split in half would never exist again. The two Rachels may have been re-merged but they had each had time to begin to diverge so what was formed out of them would be a new Rachel. Hell a lot of her issues later in the series could have been a direct result of that and it would make perfect sense.

Final thoughts on Rachel she deserved so much better and was probably one of the more selfless animorphs but gets written off by the narrative as just a blood knight too damaged to live.

Now let's move onto Jake who is actually my favorite character. I know a lot of folks find him boring and generic at first but that's exactly why he's the character that interest me the most because even more than the others he was just a kid when this mess started. You can see the seeds of who everyone else turned out to be in who they were at the start but Jake was just a kid who was slightly more mature and better able to mediate.  That got him forced into the leadership Role and from there for good or ill that's the role he got stuck with. Like Rachel he became exactly what the others needed him to be and at times it wasn't pretty.  

I mean it's so easy to picture how the others would have turned out, Cassie would have ended up one of those activist who says a lot of good things but is very much a walking illustration of perfect is the enemy of good with her probably doing more harm than help to her causes by turning folks off with her my way or the highway stance.  Rachel would have excelled at whatever chosen path she took with incredible zeal and bending herself to be what folks in her life needed. Ax would have lived in the shadow of his brother as a semi competent warrior at best, Tobias would have remained very fucked up and Marco would have done what it took to not be poor and mask all his hurts with laughter and entertaining folks.  Jake on the other hand is the one that just sort of was. He could end up really generic or find something he's good at and make it his life.

Instead he was given the role of responsibility and for the most part he carried the burden though his putting Cassie on a pedestal constantly was one part character flaw and one part character shilling by the creators. It was a realistic flaw he liked her and wanted her to like him. That was very human and relatable but his constant support for some of her more stupid moments crossing the line into plot induced stupidity.

One part that is really sad is that he's often compared with Elfangor and the narrative takes the appraoch that he falls short but honestly to me Jake comes off as more of a success than Elfangor and I wish the narrative acknowledged it. Of course I'll share my thoughts on Elfangor in another post.

There is more I could go into but this post has gotten long enough for now so final Thoughts on Jake generic kid forced to grow up even faster than others. Has an irritating blind spot when it comes to Cassie but over all my favorite of the kids.

[wernerherzogs]

Niall replied to a thread saying his mic was turned off with laughing emojis. Others started to jump on it telling him he was crying so he asked where. It was just "hahaha ya joking?" kind of responses that people didn't like and it started the stan wars. His experience with Modest doesn't have to be the same as the others, and it seems that that's what people don't like on here.

anon 2: “I don't think niall is trying to absolve modest of any of their guilt concerning workload, their absolutely maxed out touring capabilities, his re-scheduled knee surgery etc, (that fan wasn't talking abt the boys being overworked), nor is he trying to blame the fans I think he just doesn't like fans painting m! as these huge villains who would sabotage them for no reason and oppress them (read harry and louis) blah esp bc he still works with modest. Or at least that's what I got from his tweets”

anon 1, i still haven’t read the tweets, but this sounds like a good summary! fans tend to take it hard whenever their fave publicly disagrees with them in any way on Anything, or is upset with them, and this happened over such a Sore Topic in the fandom. but like you said his relationship with modest CAN be different. and, like, whenever i remember s*mon’s leaked got talent (or x factor?) contract, i’m also sure the boys still Contractually Can’t Complain about some things and/or people, alfsljf. (which is such a common thing even in Normal People’s workplaces???) the big takeaway from the situation is, as usual, 1. fans don’t know everything and CAN be wrong about shit even if they have good intentions, 2. niall is an adult. clearly he has at least a good /professional/ relationship with those people, which can be enough for an adult who’s good at compartmentalizing [shrug emoji].

anon 2, for the record i wasn’t trying to say niall was doing those things, especially since i haven’t read all tweets yet. i was just kind of Ranting In General about this topic. and like... tbh i think it’s great he draws clear boundaries in his relationships with fans, especially since he’s on social media so often. and the tone doesn’t always read right to us, but like, it happens on the internet (and can happen -- has happened -- vice versa). he should probably remember that sometimes it’s better to let fans be fans, i guess, but also...... the fans chose to be on twitter themselves in the first place, and it’s a super public platform, so!!! and lord knows this fandom often lacks nuance. 1d were modest’s clients, of course they wouldn’t sabotage them for no reason since they were bringing them money, but that doesn’t mean that the way they went about taking care of 1d’s business was the healthiest, etc.

[whx-m]

I'm curious about online shops. Got any general information / details that might go missed?

i am a dumb dumb that has inhaled too much information the past couple weeks trying to learn so take what i say w/ several grains of your preferred salts

this all goes for etsy/shopify/whatever you use for e-commerce. the levels of serious you take it and get into it i think depends on how far you want to take your online shop... or how much you make. google the hell out of your states sales tax laws and apply for a sales tax permit in your state before you sell a damn thing. ill go over the stuff i think really needs to be highlighted for anybody mulling over starting a legit shop, esp artists who want to make a living selling their stuff.

edit: HEY HIT “J” ON YOUR KEYBOARD IF YOU DONT GIVE A SHIT BC THIS IS REALLY LONG AND IM NOT SORRY BC I THINK I LEARNED EVEN MORE WRITING THIS SO THANK YOU AND GOODNIGHT...

this will be how you feel when youre 2 hours into logo trademarking research

1. hm..

if you make, or plan to make, over $400 in sales, then most states consider this going beyond a hobby and being self-employed. so accept the fact you gotta pay a self-employment tax on your income.

also... gotta pay federal and state income taxes on your sales. even if your online shop is technically considered a hobby, not licensed as a business and you dont make over $400, still gotta report/pay income taxes on it. i know a lot of ppl dont take that seriously but it might bite you in the ass if you let it go on too long. 

2. register sole proprietorship so i know its real

registering in your home state as a legit business entity is likely a solid route to go if you really plan on fleshing your shop out and building it up for the future. most artists starting an art shop or craft shop file a SOLE PROPRIETORSHIP type of business- meaning the business isnt a place or a group of owners, its just lil ole you. you file under your own name or a “Trade Name”/DBA (Doing Biz As) with your state. but beware, this trade name isnt trademarked or federally protected. and since you ARE your business, any tax trouble means the IRS is auditing you personally and holding you personally liable.

its relatively affordable to file, but take your bookkeeping seriously... be careful because the IRS eyeballs sole proprietorships’ reported taxes and expense deductions hardcore, since the lines between business and personal expenses get really blurry and sketchy. the more you need to save, the more you need to log as a deduction, and the more you deduct the more likely they’ll try to audit you and catch a mistake. so keep your books right and tight. [ 50 state guides for applying for sole proprietorship ]

that being said, IMMEDIATELY OPEN A BUSINESS ACCOUNT AT BANK/CREDIT UNION AND KEEP ALL BUSINESS RELATED PURCHASES/SALES ON THAT ACCOUNT and not your personal one!!!

3. bite the hand that takes your income away!!!

sole proprietorship means your business income = your income, aka “pass thru entity” where profit in your business passes thru and adds to your personal taxable income. it used to be that your business income was just taxed at the same rate as your personal income bracket and thats it. BUT LISTEN UP! NEW 2018 TAX LAWS  ADDED A STANDARD 20% DEDUCTION TO TAXABLE INCOME FOR PASS-THRUS WITH LESS THAN $157,500 REPORTED INCOME. that's auto-subtracted along with your business expense deductions etc, before it’s taxed. what does that mean? it can knock your taxable income down: if you’re single and make $38,700 you get taxed $3.7k instead of $4.6k. If you make $82,500, you get taxed $14.5k instead of $18.1k. And thats not even accounting for other deductions before being taxed.

applying sooner than later for sole propriety/”pass through entity” can really help because of BUSINESS EXPENSE DEDUCTIONS. if you keep careful itemized records and your books clean, you can report tons of business related expenses and get your taxable income at the end of the year lowered. that new tablet, paints, software you bought on the business-only card? the gas you put in your car to get to your anime con, the hotel you stayed at? take it even further: shipping costs, wholesale costs, promo merch for advertising (stickers & swag) and even fees from hiring an accountant can usually be claimed. there’s a LOT that can be claimed.

dont skimp on the research because just logging and reporting expenses can make or break your shop. [heres another link] applying to be a business entity early means more of your start-up costs are logged and claimed as expenses.

and you know what happens at the end of the year when you report your income and claimed expenses? the expenses are subtracted from your total reported income, and youre taxed on whats left. so if you make $50,000 by the end of the year, but you spent $10,000 in approved business expenses, you’re only taxed for $40,000- but wait! 20% deduction= $8k, which drops your taxable income to $32,000. you just dropped from a 22% tax rate bracket to a 12% and you end up only paying $3,840 in taxes. that is only 7.6% tax on your 50k income!! and you could probably pay even less with all the other tax breaks you can score. 

make sure you read up on the IRS website on this stuff too. look up youtube videos and stuff to make sense of anything that confuses you. and dont forget to crawl your state’s own websites and see if they have any tax breaks or incentives for start-ups, artists, etc!!and now the worst part. im so sorry. 

4. the ugly seven-headed demon of sales tax and online shops....... stay with me plsthis is the biggest thing and becoming a super hot topic these days with states wanting to cash in on online sales to their residents

first things first: NEXUS. think of your sales tax nexus as the physical irl presence of your business, in a state-by-state basis. customers in states you hold nexus in? gotta charge them sales tax. customers from states you DO NOT hold nexus in? no sales tax for them! (for now... ill explain later)  

you have nexus in your home state, obviously since you are your biz and you live there, so you’ll need to charge sales tax on anybody buying from you in your home state. BUT.... if you contract someone in another state to do design work for you, unfortunately that means you also have nexus or “presence” in their state, too. if you have a warehouse storing inventory in another state, yep, another nexus and another state wanting to cash in on sales tax. getting enamel pins made in yet another state and they drop-ship your orders for you on your business’s behalf? yeah, likely another state to report sales tax to. 

collecting sales tax isnt a big problem- nearly every ecommerce site like etsy, shopify, bigcommerce and the like automatically configure sales tax in U.S. states you set up as a nexus for your shop. the problem comes around when you’ve got to apply for a sales tax permit in every nexus state, and then keep track of all the filing deadlines. every state is different. just four nexus states to report to means there are four permits to apply for, four reporting/filing schedules/deadlines to keep track of... and each state has different schedules, you could have two states requiring you to report annually and two states quarterly. it can be really hairy and a lot to keep track of if you’re not careful.try to keep your sales tax nexus in ONLY your home state, if at all possible. use manufacturers in your state to print/drop-ship orders.if theyre out of state, have them send the finished product back to you before you mail it off to customers, so you can avoid creating a new taxable nexus.

[ Sales Tax & Nexus Guide ]

still with me? this is the ugly part sorry:

the other big problem with having multiple nexus to report is how much sales tax varies- not just state by state but by city, town, county, even jurisdiction ! 

one state can have HUNDREDS of different sales tax rates to report, and you have to clearly report each individual one you collect sales tax in. 

for instance, over a year you sell to multiple people in your nexus state-- in the same exact county, under the same sales tax ordinance. they live near a bunch of schools so their county has an added jurisdiction sales tax that goes toward education programs. the report you file has to clearly define how much tax $ you’ve collected from them so that state knows exactly how much is going back to that jurisdiction, so they can divvy it up for that sweet sweet education funding.

now imagine that multiplied across counties, cities, and then doubled with another entire state... and thats why keeping your nexus low is a huge deal for someone who’s running an online store solo.

thankfully, you probably wont have to input all that data yourself. 

MAKE SURE you find a good website to settle into- that, at the very least, compiles this information for you to make it less of a headache to file in the right format, with the right info. there are upgrade auto-file options built into most ecommerce websites, so you dont even have to worry about it or think about missing a deadline... but that monthly fee might be too expensive to manage at first. that would be one of the FIRST things i’d do once i could swing it, to eliminate any chance of late fees, getting audited or having my sales tax permit suspended for that nexus state. 

5. IMPORTANT!!: even if you make absolutely $0 dollars in sales from any nexus state, you STILL HAVE TO REPORT IT AND FILE BY THE DEADLINE. don’t get a $50 fee over literally nothing.

ANIME CON OR CRAFT CON ARTIST/VENDOR? BEWARE! 

always research the convention’s home state/city sales tax regulations before registering (or blowing money making merch) for a con. it varies great and wide and has been changing a lot so always recheck before cons. some states supply simple time-limited permits, some states dont require sales tax at all for 2/3 day vendors, and some states will qualify a single physical sale as creating a permanent nexus. dont overlook that stuff or you’ll regret it when you get home to do business as usual with your shop and you have to start charging/reporting sales tax for every customer from that state!! 

6. but wait ore.. you said something ominous about no sales tax for non-nexus states...... “for now”..?

yeeahhh... there’s a big national reform going on currently and it boils down to: Jeff Bezos ruined ecommerce for everybody. fuck you greedy bastard!!

a slew of states are jumping on a bandwagon to snipe up more sales taxes and create “Economic Nexus Laws”. this may not really apply to you at the start of your shop, but its something you need to be aware of for future ref. 

basically states are passing laws that say, “If you make more than $XXXX or do more than XXX transactions selling to people here, that creates a state nexus and you need to get a sales tax permit with us.” which, is not ideal. the good thing is, most sales thresholds in these states are between $10k - $500k, so its not a problem you’ll face right off the bat. transaction numbers might be the one to watch out for, though. once you hit a few hundred transactions in a state it might create a nexus and you’ll have to start charging sales tax.

the problem is this: 1) every participating state has different thresholds, rules, and sometimes tax deductible/exempt items. thats a lot of fine print to go thru and toggling options on your shop, and a LOT of sales tax bookkeeping, filing, reporting, managing. 2) some ecommerce sales tax plugins and clients havent caught up yet to be compliant and convenient for online sellers, its a big job to program and categorize all these variables. when choosing your website host, be sure to vet their built in sales tax clients and see that they’re updating and streamlining capabilities ASAP. it may not be a concern now, but you wouldnt want your shop to boom and have to shut down, lose money and switch hosts to be eco-nex sales tax compliant.3) for successful solo start-up shops, this almost makes it impossible to file your own sales taxes once you pass those thresholds. this is like 30 states! youd spend so much time doing paperwork, its just not feasible. there will be a rising cost of economic nexus management and auto-filing services that you just cant run your business online without.

[ Everything You Need to Know Abt this Shit ] ( ^ full list of state regulations and updated with new developments so bookmark this page)

tl;dr: online shops are complicated, research literally every term you dont know and look up youtube videos on everything you suck at. if youre still motivated after being depleted of brain power, then go the fuck for it and all the Moon Crystal Power Make Up to you

[nctsukashii-archive-blog]

Unpopular character you love? (not hoshi)

The saltiest cracker you know is me, Bepsi!23. Unpopular character you love?

Ah SHOOT. YOU TOOK MY EASY ANSWER. JERK ! Meanie !!! U big pizza slice !

aababbaa but! I do have one I really wanna talk about!Under the cut you see, for I ramble a lot.

- Hifumi !

I love him man.There’s so much about his character that’s so relatable and lovable to me. I think that’s why DR1′s amazing theme of “don’t judge a book by it’s cover” really comes on in with him. On the outside he looks like as one would expect of a gross anime fan. Fat, not attractive, pretty gonk-y, speaks all fuckin over the top like an anime, so on and so forth. But it’s when you learn about him that really makes him super fucking amazing.His past is like, something that I can relate to myself in a bit. As someone that ‘became a bully to stop the bullying’ and stopped when he could like… find enjoyment and fun in an anime character and put all of his effort into that instead. He’s drawing because he shows appreciation for her, and that’s super sweet. And quick tangent before I continue, but “he only makes hentai” is a bad argument. Like, he does and I ain’t gunna vouch that he doesn’t but lots of people do. What’s wrong with it? Like, is it a crime to make that stuff??? Clearly not if Doujin creators are a big deal in Japan, able to have hour long lines at their stands at conventions, with people willing to purchase their merch with devoted fans. Like, ppl are so quick to demonize sexuality it’s CRAZY.

Anyways, back on topic. He’s got a great personality. He’s like, a bit of a stuck up jackass when ya first see him, but it’s the later interactions that just really sell it for me. He’s got some of the FUNNIEST lines in my opinion, between saying that his punches towards Ishida will go faster b/c he has no arm hair so there’ll be less wind resistance, or his numerous anime and videogame quips (”rebooting my devices; please stand by”, “You haven’t reached that point in our friendship! You don’t have enough friendship points to be asking those questions!”, “If he tries that (in context it’s mondo going to attack monokuma) Oowada Mondo-dono’s health will go to zero!”, “the whole anime plotline for the first episode outside the trash room”, for a few) are all just absolutely stellar to me. He’s unabashedly awkward because he’s just so confident in himself and what he loves, and it makes me happy to see him so enthusiastic!

Speakin of that, let’s go more into it!!He’s so passionate about himself, and just has a gay ol time doing everything. It’s absolutely amazing honestly. His speaking is just so energetic! He’s so happy to do what he does as an artist and I absolutely love it! It’s almost inspirational, that he can be so unabashedly confident and happy about his skill, and it shows just how much love he puts into his art. And real talk here, but Hifumi isn’t even that much of an asshole. Like, people make him out to be some kinda monster, when that’s absolutely not the case. “he killed Ishimaru though!” yeah, because Celes lied and said that Ishimaru sexually assaulted her, took what would be at that point Hifumi’s close friend, and said Ishimaru planned to kill him and probably everyone else. Like, murder is still wrong, but he didn’t do it because “oh celes asked me to”. He did it for his sense of justice- in that he hated to see someone like Celes be hurt. : / don’t diss my dude for tryin to protect a friend yo. His spats with people are less mean spirited and just more fun and lightheared dickery. Like, when you crack shit with your friends. He picks fights, but it’s never out of malicious intent. It’s like having a good time or trying to lighten the atmosphere, albeit in his own goofy anime way.Even in Chapter 2, the spat he has with Fukawa in the library over literature and doujin isn’t as aggressive as it prolly should be. He takes most insults with stride (unless they insult the 2-D works of course!!) and it feels a lot more like a cliche anime rivalry (esp. when he says shit like “you are my ARCH NEMESIS, I can’t make you tea!” when Fukawa asks why he only made some for Celes). At least, that’s what Yamada thinks.

He’s confident, which a lot of people always like to assume makes someone a dick or feature it as a negative trait rather than a positive one, when it can go both ways. Hifumi being able to have such high standards that he openly admits to not reading other people’s works because he can just write a story he wants to see himself can be considered narcissistic, but having the confidence to sell his works starting from high school (prolly when they were more pg and ‘fade to black’) and get over 10,000 copies sold is something to be proud of and I’m glad that he is! It’s a stigma that artists have to hate themselves, or suffer for their work, but I disagree. When an artist is healthiest and happiest in their mind, that’s when they make the best work. Vincent Van Gogh made the Starry Night when he was in a hospital getting better for his depression and mental relapses after all. Hifumi’s not fit, and he definitely has some areas where people would consider him unhealthy such as his eating habits and whatnot, but he also focuses on being happy and being himself as a first priority. He eats because he enjoys it, and remembers to have all his meals. He does what he likes without actively hurting others, because he just enjoys doing it, and he loves to promote his favorite anime character. He’s a dorky geek that says shit like “swag” and fuckin says “i forget not everyone is as savvy as I am” which is just so fucking amazing to me it’s both hilarious and fun.

Also haha, the fact that he’s making Doujin from a character who’s overweight is kinda nice to me, because she’s not a “conventionally attractive” anime girl with big titties and a small stomach; she’s chubby and different, and I think that’s nice to show what Hifumi’s interests are as well as what anime really means to him. It’s not just about getting his rocks off, it’s about the fun and enjoyment and the feelings that anime can give you and what your mind can do. It’s why he had a dream about going on a date with a magical girl, the kinds of characters who inspire friendship and happiness, for fucks sake. When he was lonely and had no friends and became a bully to counteract the way people treated him, he found something that would be there for him, and he wanted to support it ever since. Which is a powerful and very overall positive message to give people.

But he has great messages too. Messages about being able to be yourself and have fun, no matter how “dorky” or “lame” your interest might be to others. He encourages people to have fun in their own ways, even if he wants to promote Princess Piggles, with lines such as “what might be boring to me might be another persons moespiration! With that in mind, look for your own!” and “In a sense, a geek is like an expert. That’s right, a total expert! A successful musician must necessarily be a music geek, a good movie director is a movie geek. You see? It’s those experts, those geeks who open up the world to others!”. It’s positive and nice, and it forms who he is as a person.

No one’s perfect, and neither is he, but he’s pretty damn good. And I’ll defend him with every fiber of my being for just how real he feels.

I personally believe it’s because this fandom has a definite bias against male characters that aren’t distinctly attractive, as you can see Hoshi gets ignored quite a lot compared to all of the other males (even being the ONLY male left out of the halloween drawing!! Let alone he gets left out of most fan merch.) and he’s honestly one of the most down to earth and downright cool dudes in DR. I don’t want to change either of them, because I think their looks only make it better for their backstories and who they are as characters! So even if Hifumi gets like no fanart, and Hoshi struggles with getting new content, I’d rather have them the same way they are now, rather than make them attractive. Because I think that the way they are, only makes them better.

And that’s my short version essay on why I think Hifumi’s super rad and more people should give him a chance. Of course he’s a very hit or miss kinda person with his comedy, but if Tsumugi’s obscure anime references were fun for you, then Hifumi’s really good too! ^p^b

[yenneferw]

Can you please rant about jk Rowling she’s fucking awful with her queerbaiting, racism, and transphobia. Like I need someone else to validate me for not liking her

absolutely i hate her!!!!! this is a REALLY long post but she’s written so much and she’s been in the spotlight since her books got famous so like… there’s a lot to talk about i guess. anyway @ jk rowling get ready to be called out 

racism

first of all on this valid bitch of an i hate jk rowling post, the ilvermorny houses. it’s like…. Big cultural appropriation of native american ideas and stories, twisting them to fit her narrative for harry potter and completely disrespecting their history and origins. the history she creates for north american wizards is shit too, saying that native americans would “primitively” practice magic until europeans civilized them with wands (even tho…. it’s like really impressive to do magic without wands in her universe??? like sounds like the native americans were way ahead of europeans, but ofc she twists her own narrative to make the natives primitive). her whole history or north american wizardry also apparently just follows white wizards immigrating to north america and shit…… 

this video is……. a really good poem on the stereotypes and fetishization of cho chang and there’s no way i can reword what the speaker says bc she says it too good so,,, watch it

jk rowling is also really good at speaking out about racism when she wants to on twitter and yet all of her canonical poc characters in the books are background characters. i know hermione is black in the cursed child play, but that feels a bit like the dumbledore thing to me, like they never actually talk abotu it in the books? and if she wanted hermione to be black why didn’t she have any protests about emma watson being cast? if she wanted harry to be brown why didn’t she have any protests about daniel radcliffe being cast? i don’t know if she had any say in that, but i guess she had a say in insisting that the actors had to be british, so if she cared about making a main character poc, why did she not have any qualms about the cast, even in retrospect, even respectful ones like “i love daniel and emma to death but in retrospect i wrote them as characters of color”?

like she didn’t have to push dean and cho and the very small characters of color to the side but she did. she didn’t have to stereotype cho but she did. there are no poc in fbawtft, or there aren’t in the movie at least – and if she’s so happy about johnny depp and can speak out about that relentlessly, but she wanted there to be characters of color in fantastic beasts, why can’t she speak out about that? 

like the cultural appropriation is enough to see that she’s clearly a racist asshole who doesn’t care about the cultures of people who aren’t white, but it’s also clear to see in the background of her writing that she doesn’t care about research for shit if it’ll help to respect people of color in her stories, and she certainly doesn’t care to ensure that there are important characters of color for people to look up to when they read her books or watch the movies about them 

transphobia 

i guess she liked a terf’s article on twitter? like i dont’ knwo how reputable my sources on that were or if she meant to, but if she did, yikes

and from what i saw of the article it was Deep Terf Rhetoric, and tbqh i wouldn’t put it past her to have meant to have done that

i’ve seen ppl saying harry potter has transphobic aspects to it as well but i couldn’t find anything under all the times she’s “defended” trans ppl on twitter like idk i can’t take anythign she says on twitter by heart bc everything she does feels performative and fake af, and i haven’t read the books in like four years so i can’t say for sure based on my own memory 

also she wrote a trans woman in a more recent novel and she’s apparently totally impulsively violent like wow great way to conform to nasty stereotypes about trans women lmfao

like esp bc of this i wouldn’t put it past her to be a terf

homophobia & queerbaiting

saying! dumbledore! is gay! after! the fucking! book series! is not! representation!!!!!

even if she HAD make him gay during the series, he’s not good rep??? he was a manipulative asshole who let a child stay in an abusive home becuase he was too big of a dumbass to think about a way around the issue so that a little boy could live in a home full of people who treated him fairly. so uhh?? the cishets can fucking have him, i don’t WANT him in the goddamn community. 

but she thinks that she’s not homophobic bc he’s the only gay character who never even got to talk about being gay, who we never see in a relationship with a man. like throwing gay ppl scraps isn’t?? rep??? it’s queerbaiting you dumb bitch @ jk rowling…. 

she specifically said herself that werewolves are meant to represent diseases like AIDS, and characters like fenrir greyback are predatory werewolves who want tos pread around the AIDS-like disease, conforming to 1980s homophobic stereotypes against gay people for “wanting” to spread around AIDS like how can you in one breath say you want to bring light to diseases like AIDS and in the next make a character who literally models homophobic stereotypes with the same disease?? 

also, remus was supposed to be gay apparently, but he “changed and fell in love with tonks” like ok first of all bi people exist, second of all why would you write a straight person who’s supposed to basically have AIDS when that sounds a hell of a lot like “predatory gay man infects poor straight kid” like there’s SO MUCH wrong with that, and yeah you kind of have to dig into it a little bit to get there, but when you’re writing about risky topics and you literally admit to it, you need to be WELL-VERSED on what you’re writing about!! and to say you’re writing about AIDS is deeply mixed with gay history! and to say that the main character who is a werewolf was SUPPOSED to be gay and then pretend you’re NOT associating it with gay people is just… such cognitive dissonance, or maybe really ridiculous ignorance

also, dumbledore is dead. so even if he was good rep, and it was within the books, he’s fucking dead. another buried gay, fuckos! pile em up! 

and i’ve heard there’s a shit ton of queerbaiting between harry’s son and draco’s son in cursed child? which like…. may just be subtext, but there’s a huge section of the fandom who’s all about harry x draco (i have not good feelings about that ship personally but to say it’s not popular is to never have seen anything in the fandom), and she must know that? like she’s not oblivious is she? so why would she like…. put subject between their sons? ?? it feels like it’s a bone to “hey i never gave you harry x draco, so here are their sons, who i’m also never going to give you” 

also? if grindelwald WAS dumbledore’s bf at some point, what does that say about what she thinks about queer men? he’s deeply predatory and preys on credence in a very creepy way that plays on stereotypes about older gay men preying on younger gay boys, and he’s also a disgusting villain played by johnny fucking depp, an abuser (who SHE SUPPORTS) of all people. what does that say about what her mind goes to when she thinks about gay men????? 

i don’t actually know her role in those films, but she has said she loves depp, what he’s done with the character, and where the darkness of grindelwald is going in the first movie and its sequels, so even if her role is very little, she supports what is being done. 

also…. um apparently newt scamander created a werewolf registry…. a little honest to god werewolf registry in the fucking 40s….. ??????????? what r we supposed to think here, about a registry of discriminated ppl in the FORTIES…….????? and that’s the protag of fantastic beasts… cool it’s fine it’s fine

ableism

when talking about irredeemable characters like voldemort, she literally said that “whether it’s a personality disorder or illness” they’re not redeemable…. !!!?? here is a post on that subject with links to the sources of the interviews she said this in. 

i don’t know where to put this bc this could be any number of things but i just thought about this so i’ll put it here: the thing that’s created in fantastic beasts, where it’s like basically a personification of anguish from suppressing magic – that’s quite blatantly a reference to any number of minorities, like gay people suppressing their sexuality, trans people suppressing their gender, the mentally ill and disabled pushing themselves too hard or trying to ignore/hide it… and credence was vilified and killed and the protags weren’t even… really sad about it?? and the ministry of magic never really THOUGHT About that they just killed him….. and that’s okay…. that’s fine… they’re just going around killing a bunch of KIDS who are inconvenient to them and who basically symbolize a whole number of oppressed groups. cool, it’s fine

you could also make a point that werewolves also represent the mentally ill, and all the same fucked up shit basically applies here

she also said that everything that muggles can get can be cured by magic, thereby effectively giving some bullshit reason for not actually having any disabled or mentally ill characters, also assuming that it’s not totally ableist to just…. “cure” all that? she didn’t say it specifically about mental illnesses and disabilities, but it’s clear to see that with her attitude on “irredeemable” mentally ill people, she would 

fatphobia

most fat characters in harry potter are shitty people. the dursleys, pettigrew, and umbridge – all characters we’re supposed to find deeply wrong, the ones we’re supposed to hate the most other than, like, voldemort. like…..? a lot of the other fat characters are all “matronly” like molly weasley or stubborn and “lazy” like cornelius fudge who allowed voldemort to rise to power. like what’s that supposed to say about what she thinks the extent of fat people is? stubborn, evil, or motherly? 

she actually has a character grow fatter and fatter based on how shitty she acts towards harry because of a magic mishap. she also usually describes the nice fat people as “plump” and “pleasant,” while she describes dudley as “so much like a pig” that he couldn’t even be turned furhter into a pig when it was attempted, or as a “killer whale,” or vernon dursley as “having no neck”

her fascination with abusers

exhibit a: she loves johnny depp, she loves him for the part of grindelwald, she praises what he’s done for the character, she praises his casting. he’s abused his wife..................

exhibit b: she loves dumbledore. he is constantly manipulating harry and not actually helping him get out of difficult situations at home or at school, putting him and the other kids in danger multiple times, not talking about important information to keep them safe, like?? 

exhibit c: snape. a fucking nasty ass creep to lily. neville’s GREATEST FEAR. like i dont’ even need to talk about this, we all know snape, dumbledore, and johnny depp are shitty lmfao

and yet she named harry’s kids after dumbledore and snape, like they didn’t fuck harry’s life up, especially snape, who terrorized him and his friends. 

in conclusion fuckos

she’s nasty!!!!! i was going to do a section on sexism but i can’t find anything – i think she’s too much of a White Feminist to be sexist, probably. likely she cares more about researching feminist issues than she does about researching native myths before she steals them for her own gain lmfao. there is the fact that she supports an abuser like johnny depp, tho! 

she is constantly like… going against all this on twitter too lmfao, like it’s hard to find good articles on her shittiness on the first page of google bc most of it is “jk rowling defends trans people against transphobic tweet, jk rowling defends muslims against islamophobic tweet, jk rowling defends [this group or that group]” and yet she includes so much bigotry hidden in the details of her books and what she says about her books. like i know some of this isn’t quite on the surface, but ultimately when you write a book with subjects you don’t really know about, your inherent biases are going to be apparent under the surface, and since she’s such a famous author with so many books and so much spotlight on her, if you dig in a little you can make easy conclusions/clearly see what she thinsk about minorities. so it’s really fucking annoying that she’s so “good and progressive” on twitter because it’s obviously performative so she can get the progressive points required for more people to buy her shit. like that’s the best word i can think of to describe her: performative. 

[lovinthesoo]

why i have been stressed recently (personal shit very long post ahead)

okay i have been in my new job for 4 months now and ive been feeling okay i guess? i was actually okay with my previous job (i get along with my officemates and i feel accomplished whenever i do something right (they do acknowledge the hard work of people there)) i just resigned there because my new job is so close (i only travel for 5 mins whereas in my previous job i need to wake up at 4 am and travel by 5:30 so i can be at the office before 8 and going home is such a hassle especially if its rush hour :(( ) i only go to work 4 days a week and so much benefits (since i work in the govt its a given) my mom works here too (but in a diff department) and she encouraged me to apply here since well the pros actually win over the cons. anyway getting straight to the point, basically im the newest here. and the youngest. im okay with what i do since my main job is to just encode stuff. recently my officemate (lets name her jennie since she’s a blink) (can yall believe i actually found someone here who likes kpop as well) started hinting that she’s transferring offices (she’s been working here for 2 years now) and so there was the rumor of finding candidates to replace her. i knew that my guy officemate was the number one candidate cause he already knew what to do but then i heard that i was also a candidate. (you know the reason why?? BECAUSE I WAS A GIRL and they actually believe that girls work meticulously and other shit they said and there are no other girls left fit for her job) i actually panicked when i heard that cause first of all im fine with my current job (not to be whiny af but i dont want to learn something new esp when im relatively new in where i work do you get me :( ) second, jennie;s work is kinda stressful (people keep on teasing that we should get ready and shit cause it is stressful) LETS BE REAL NOBODY WANTS A STRESSFUL JOB. and so knowing that i was really a candidate made me anxious af like people noticed that something was wrong with me (ofc i didnt say it was about that) and i was really down that day. and so last week i was taught how her job is done (it was pretty simple cause its just copy paste but sometimes it gets too much because you have to be really attentive to everything written and you have to keep on switching tabs and everything and you have to do it under time pressure). while i was trying to take in everything our oic comes to us and said something. she said that i will be the one who will transfer offices instead of jennie. i was so shocked cause i dunno if it was real or she was joking and i really said to her “WHAT?” and then she said that i am transferring offices. what pissed me off is that the reason she wants me to transfer is that without jennie, people here would be always looking for her. who wouldnt feel irrelevant by that?? it’s like telling me that im not fucking important, people would not be bothered if i wasnt around. i get it that she’s closer to most people here but wow that really hit me in the guts. and then she goes on saying that she’ll talk to our main boss and ask if she can switch me and jennie or like jennie stays there for 3 days and id be there for a day for a week (SHE CLEARLY SAID “ SO THAT WE WOULDNT MISS JENNIE HERE”) and then our main boss suddenly went there and then our oic told him everything. our main boss was looking for someone who actually lives near cause they do overtime most days (jennie and i live near but jennie is nearer like she just walks to get here) (of course i dont want to do overtime another reason why im whining) and then our main boss said that he’s looking for someone mature already (okay i kinda got hit there cause does he actually think im not mature??) (or i think its in terms of the work load since jennie is working here for 2 years already so obviously she is more mature) anyway, that’s that i think i’d still be a candidate but for back up maybe but i hope i really dont get picked for jennie’s place because she handles a very important role and i dont think i can handle that much pressure. also i think one reason that our oic wanted me to transfer is because she thinks im lazy??? like there’s one person here in the office who was ranting in the comfort rooms saying that the newbies (including me) were really lazy like we’re just surfing the net or just have our earphones on (bitch first of all dont compare your work with ours cause its completely different. second, what’s your problem if we finish our work early? we just know how to manage our time) and i think our oic overheard that so she really thinks im lazy :( im so anxious ever since that happened like i cant get it out of my mind. im scared and nervous. i dont handle pressure well and i think im always on the verge of crying. whenever i think about me doing the job, the only things i say to myself is that you can learn it in time and it will be easier for you in the future (but what really bothers me is that i cant make so many mistakes cause our oic tells me that YOU SHOULD LEARN EVERYTHING QUICKLY AND DONT MAKE TOO MANY MISTAKES) see why im so stressed??

this is another topic but this also stressed me so much because there’s this one guy im really close with (to make things clear i only see him as a friend that’s it) we can talk about a lot of stuff. last week we were talking about something and we went to the topic of boyfriends and then he asked me if i have one and then i said no one even wants to date me and then he said they’re just around you just dont notice them (AND I WAS LIKE WTF??? NOT TO BE ASSUMING BUT ARE YOU REFERRING TO YOURSELF??) and i didnt react to that cause it kinda freaked me out???  and then i fucking realized how touchy he was getting with me. before that incident there was a time where he suddenly pinched my cheek?? wtf bro??? and then he suddenly tickled me on my side (im a ticklish person so everywhere is tickling for me) and he also touched the back of my neck ohmygod i told him to stop but he ignored me and just took it as a joke. i mean i am touchy but i think he misunderstood me being touchy??? tickling is way too touchy ohgod i dont even let my other guy friends do that and he just did??? also one thing that irks me off about him is that he tends to say a lot of nsfw stuff during a normal conversation. i usually just laugh it off but deep inside im actually cringing so hard. there never goes a day i didnt hear him say something nsfw its getting tiring.  i may be overthinking and overreacting to this but ugh its really getting to my head i hope im just getting the wrong idea cause fuck i cant really handle confrontations and i just see him as a friend (pls he’s trying to hard to talk to me cause he actually talks to me about kpop when i know he isnt into that) and now im trying to distance myself from him (its so fucking hard when we work in the same office)

okay thats all lol but fml i hope i still live (for exo)

if anyone actually read this you just wasted your time lol but i need encouraging words so thanks in advance

[haeroniel-doliet]

thbleugh but what bich is gonna fight me for me

idk im just gonna rant again, im sorry if youre on mobile just like, give it a big flick and fly past this i tried i actually have a read more this time

anywy im feelin shitty an dumb n weird an its not fun?? like do we try categorize these feelings: 

1. i have 3 days to pass a course and all the course work i failed to do in fucking march 

1.b. all those emotions to do w unis great! but also ive been solow and sad and dysfunctional its not rly even funny, grades dropping many levels in half a year like. sure grades dont define my life but considering how easy it is for me to get those grades to see them consistently and kinda dramatically dropping isnt helping (even though like i actively know i got lower grades bc i didnt fucking attend class or take in any knowledge. i realise hahah im making a psychology reference bc im a smart psychology uni student.... hmh oh yeah we, we learned about this, i dont know it. my peers do. oh. oh i didnt, i didnt learn anything. oh no. im here to learn abt the subject im supposedly loving and thats the best fit for me bc like hell id be an artist. anyway i have a lot of shit down here i havent figured out who to talk it out to. the mental health advisor didnt have the time for it rly and w counsellors its been different topics but now were in summer and id rather spend the spare money i can rattle off my parents on ballet than a psyhc i could see 2 times best. im just gonna have to wait till septembet bc my dumb white wall subscitption expired too damnti. ugh im just, okay lets move on

2. inadequacy thats not justified? like it is obvs bc it bothers me and i know i can do better and i am better than this all and i clearly have smth stopping me. while to others im doing just fine if not better than them who are really struggling and kinda dont have sympathy for me who goes ‘ugh im doing so badly and struggling, i mean i write perfect essays in one go but its just so hard to do thattt and i know im smarter and better than this’ esp bc say putting words together in that way is difficult on them and not been good at school

2.b. like being good at school but noot being good now, classic phenomenon or has my school system always been the softes most coddliest and where in the normal or worse school 1would have performed average and maybe learned to study and the worth of it to do better, ive just been good enough that caring became so unnecessary i need to waste my time on pointless but constant other things. like youtube and rpchats. constant monotone stimulation for hours. andhours. 

2.c. asking for help bc im struggling w actually getting over the fuzzy and struggle and self hate and blegh feelings to do some work thatd allow me to pass the coursein my 3 days of the very last extended time. and then realising, ah either youve slaved over your work and stressed and panicked to have it good and on time and have no pity left for me and my foolishness, or you never got to uni/struggled to go to uni and think im wasting my opportunity by being an ungrateful lazy piece of hsit. and i know ia m. and 2.d. its the reason why im not doing extra volunteering or serious extra curriculars thatd give the headstart in my lfie. bc, even tho on one side i wanna be that kid and owuld scoff at ppl not doing it who are here for fun and get a degree on the side, rn i see it as not stealing away dedicated good peoples spots who deserve to get the extra recognition for being clever and independent, meanwhile knowing htat probablyill be just fine. worst case scenario for me is literally (ok theres worse but v unlikely) living w my parents and ending up at a mediocre service job to another mediocre office job or smth and never get to a lab bc i wasnt sufficient enough and i never got the cotton balls out of my head and cleared up again to be smart enogh

okay what next, shitty privilige, crying abt my cotton ball head or not being smart

3. okay were gonna do the smart first bc my chest hurts and i kinda feel like crying or smth abt it. like in a dumb (fun) chat im playing athena known for wisdom and all this shit, and though i can throw out a quip or two or cleverly use smth to keep the smartass wisdom stick going on, every now and then i realise how dumb i am and not smart enough that another person could clearly fill this in much better. like. you know all the hilarious posts abt mansplaining and women being pushed out of their fields by dumber men who think they know better bc the others a woman and like, yeah? things where they are confident enough to say, actually i am way smarter than you and i know this bettr. here i am feeling like even if i spent years researching smth i wouldnt have the confidence to feel smart and knowldegeable abt it. like rn, i cant even hold arguments anymore bc im a fool. and i come off as dumb and i dont want to be, i still wanna be the smart kid, but im not working my brain im not doing work or research or learning, im jsut floating by w my cotton ball head thats getting fuzzier and fuzzier and though i can do tasks and would probably b v compeittive if it came to that and need to prove myself as smart, i can no longer feel like id hold my own, esp when people poke holes so easily, trap falls, “hah you dont know what to say ive bested you you dumb bitch” vibey things i just. its horrible? i wanna be smart and be confident in my smartness and feel recognized as smart by other people and live up to that expectation of actually being clever. and not just, knowing im smart enough in some ways bc school ive  passed so easy w always good remarks and participate well in class discussion and all, and im sure nobody thinks im rly dumb bc if i have to ask things im v friendly and try to be attentive. and idk if nobodys expecting more than me, bc again if i cant answer ive developed to be v chill about it and come off as average i guess. 

anyways 4. privilige; like thers multiple inc. the fact im fucking finnish aka my education system was supposedly one of the best, i grew up international so i wasnt even confined to one shitty school in one shitty town, ive had varied school experiences and switching so much i think has given me confidence in myself and shit like that. also bc im finnish i get grants in uni, like free money. and so far i have barely had to use it bc surprise my parents are togther and decently well off bc they got lucky w a job being fancy ppl for 3 years and my older brother is already  adulting and slowly doing his own thing so i can have more money from them. aka. catch my dad paying all my rent and food and everything i need/ ask for on the condition we keep a good releationship. and im reasonable bc he raised me smart apparently idk. but that still means im living at home i have no intentions of becoming an independent home owner bc idk how i would esp since ill be with my parents most holidays for years to come and idk even when or how ill become a real adult being in a real home w real comapnionship. bc rn idk who im even gonna live with, hopefully be civil w them maybe even make a bit of friends but im not gonna have a significant other to move in and support me for a while bc thats a thing idk if were getting into today in this why im feeling shitty rant. 

4.b. so im priviliged in everyway to go to uni for free (damn i gotta apply for that again) in a nice country and a nice and supportive school and get funding from both my parents and my country and not worry abt money and just get a degree all supported and babied again. im also, idk. priviliged bc, fuck writing comes easy to me, i know nayone reading my rants would be like... yeah this is barely legible and terrible writted and mind blurts so i say it is yes bc its mind blurts but i can organise my htoughts into fancy essays surprisingly easy and critical stuff like psych and english came  mad easy to an extent. sure, i wasnt talented in math but i still made it, i am not talented in science but sometimes the concepts click and i can . but then, im also talented in art. and im not ashamed to say its privilige disposition or talent or smth, bc damn. i do not practice or dedicate enough love to claim that. sure, ive drawn always, sure, ive practiced more as a kid thatn other kids and thats probably carried me thru pretty far, but i think ive just had a natural disposition to be good at art technique (creativity maybe not so, or inspiration) but i know what looks good and sometimes how to achieve that. cue montage to art class where i sit w my friends who are talking about bands or making outlines w nut shells bc there i am beside them doing the work in half the time twice as good. mostly bc the teacher wasnt great and would assign essentially copying a picture from a4 to a2 u know like drawing the same thing. and thats not easy. and youre supposed to build up really light layers and slowly refine it.  and ppl who listened only ended up w shitty light drawings that either look like potatoes or vaguely like the picture, while i with boosting confidence would go, we only do one super light sketch one medium sketch and one dark layer. bc by the medium one everything is in its place and looks abt like everyone elses and i need the dark hues to show it accurately even if it isnt perfect, and my work would like almost always stand out on the wall bc it was so different/advanced. i wont lie it influenced my friends to not draw as well or as much sitting next to me, and ofc id feel bad and i could never boast bc i felt bad that they didnt try bc they saw me, thought mines not gonna be like that so im just gonna fuck around and do whatever. and i obvs needed praise but would always feel bad bc it was obviously me who was the best in that class and its so self conceited but, it kinda just was true in that small class half of whom didnt want to be there. me butt kissin and trying to impress myself w my skill. catch like, that first day he asked us to draw the person next to us, and i made my partner draw me first, bc i just knew if i went first theyd look at it and draw me a potato stick figure in 5 seconds and say i cant draw like you. and true. while the rest of the class made sketchy circle guys, some looing so childish, here i went and said, okay i find it awkward having you stare at me and if  you move a lot it makes it harder to be accurate, so, like take out your phone and get comfortable and look down at that for a while hence drawing3/4 unlike anyone else w eyes cast down and damn if i dont remember it being beautiful and identifiable as that friend, even tho the teacher told ppl around me like, ah yes she did it this way, 3/4 not face on which is much easier. which is true but bitch you never said. sides it looks so much better and was so much less frustrating. anyway, even now in that chat i go and like drop my drawings in bc partially i just wanna draw more and showing people makes me draw? u know. and i kinda wanna get compliments. but ive figured im pretty humble abt it. and sure i get comments that are like god i wish i could draw like that from someone that doesnt draw arms or legs and theyre v bublehead cartoon. and im like. you could. but yours is still middle school level, so just, keep working at it, get confidence to break your mold. 

that andtheres this one chick that,,,, gawd, well they admit to being a sociopath in chat which is great and seem real attention seekery in general (theres a surprising amount of people, while in midst of rp and getting compliments go “well i guess im a shit rpr because nobody wants to rp with me ://) post art and then be like dramatically UGH i hate it it looks so bad im terrible at art, literally poster girl for fishing for compliments. and even if i dont like the style at all, i try give in anatomical pointers or smth abt the drapery or smth technical i can complement. bc id want the same i guess? and i dont love let alone like the art itself. and then, while getting so many of those theyre like “yeah well nobody likes my art, say it reminds them of this character (jessica rabbit while all hers have big hips big tits tiny waists massive lips massive eye, but just one eye bc the otehrs covered by hair like theres obvious similarities) which means im totally not original like i thought so why even try!” and other melodramatic things that i can argue, but they dont wanna hear it they want attention and praise and i just ughhh i could preach you about how no art is original and its all from influence, or how someone doesnt have to like your style to appreciate it, or someone might love your style and like. basic stuff ive figured out myself. and it gets frustrating trying not to get a superiority, or to start shoving my own art in there to try compete or smth. and its just. hard. idk. id k. i know theres people who are averse to art and never tried to be good at it who are obvs gonna be omg thats so good i cant even draw and ill be like, hah yeah sure dude if you tried maybe btut thanks. 

also drawing man its so weird, whenever i see someone elses drawing a part of me goes “we must draw so that we can show were better than that” like, either to get complimetns and shift it to me? or to just show them off. to be like. i can do it better. which i kinda hate about myself? that i draw mostly bc of that and a need to show off? like amxxs art or smth, them talking like yeahh ugly art is good art, drawing is so healing i feel great or im so proud of myself for improivng so much look at my art, and a part of me goes, awh yes! my theorys proven working on art for yourself improves and can cheer you up, another goes, yesnow i must draw to show how good i am and show how i too feel fulfilled by drawing but also make it about me by weeping how i hate drawing myself. literally smths wrong w me seeing others pot abt their midrift, or learning to accept their curves or drawing themselves or smth, and theres a gremlin of me going like yeah but i cant draw myself bc i tried once and it looks like shit and ill only highlight my flaws and im slightly afraid of someone saying it looks exactly like me or other dumb shit, or i dont have curves to accept bcim not big hip big thic thigh girl im just. my legs are big but mostly ugly bc of the skin on them not bc of their size (ankles tho oof) and i have no hips i have no butt bc it allwent to my stoamch thats also ugly and my broad   badly postured back thats also ugly w these spots and marks and scars soon probably. and saggy boobs dont forget those. bc theyre literally fat sacks aiming for the ground i guess. anyway. no cute curves,  no beautiful skin no nth its just tough and i cant help but feel the negativity towards myself in almost every glimpse of someone elses positivity. i dont always air it which would be horrible of me to do, but its still there. making their happiness about my misery. maxx loves their boyfriend?> i hate them bc i dont like him and its rining it> i hate them havingsuch a dreamy but fake seeming ‘soulmate’ relationship bc its not true and i think itll end up terribly> im neveer gonna have that and im jealous of them i guess having someone theyd dedicate so much to and who loves them so much theyre all over the place making sappy things> well theyre an oveer romantic whod do it over the smallest things this wasnt a great example. 

anyway yeah extra note, even if i felt comfortable enough for sex im not comfortable enough in my body for that and idk how thats relevant to anything but i guess thats smth id also talk w a therapist abt whod probably tell me, then dont have sex! like yeah thats my plan.but im talking never gonna be able to form a relationship bc even having a friend for a sleepover makes me uncomfortable having them see me in an uncontrolled clothed position. u feel. 

anyway i have a lot of little problems that amount and i guess when i start addressing one the rest pop up their ugly heads and this is why i never getanywhere. this all comes from  how shitty i feel from how i have literally not even 3 full days to complete those tasks and pass, and i know i need to, though nothing in me actually feels like itll actually do the work u know, that spiraled through that chat into privilige of being at school and how i should tryy a bit that turned to im priviliged to be smart to pass and in my talent in art despite not being an artist that spiraled to another way i disliked myself and thats my fucked relations to myself my body and relationships (esp including me that dont exist)  

side note, though no surprise if for some ungodly reason youve read this shit i wrote at 8.30 am when i have a docs appointment abt my very ugly skin at 12.45 i over share. easily. if somseone asks id give them all. look at this. even in that chat i spiraled from, hah fun fucked up thing im almost failing my course bc im a shit, to my  heads filled with fuzz and i hate that i cant live up to my potentia. and im surprised how much i like this one guy, though who with his character ripped into my athena and make me question all my smartness, really makes me feel better ooc??? like theyre genuinely nice and just too informed and funny and playing the dick for a very well thought out reason (drunk doesnt mean it etc) and while the sociopath gal is giving me the side eye after they tried to help but figured out im a prviliged kid whos in school for free and not making the most of it and how easy school has been forme when for them despite their hard efforts they failed high school.u know not reallly helping kinda making me fele worse bc i know i should be doing better and could be and not only bc i have a priviliged opportuntity to and ability, i would benefit so much more if i did it for myself. but here comes by weird guy who slips on a freudian approach and claims they love helping ppl through their problems so i drop another overshare paragraph if he rly wanted to help but lighten it by taking thetopic off, he doesnt return and never address my post bc now its onto talking abt the big rp thing. im not mad. i just, idk i kinda wanted their support, another poor stranger to inflict w my extremely troubled wordy lengthy and i guess complex thoughts and feelings and lack there of sometimes and other shit. 

anyway im not doing great but im gonna grab 3 hrs of sleep before the doc, come back, nap, go to ballet again, come back, ad.... do smth.. work. maybe. one can hope. i hate it will it actually work only time can tell and i hate myself already.ugh. i hate i hate im not okya with this why cant someone else deal w me for me. deal with all these feelings and botherings and make me do my work and be satisfied doing it and do it all in time and feel a little success and reward myself like i should for work done and not just when i want. idk. someone,t ake over my life, you might be better at it. help me dela with school that i currently hate the most even if im meant to end up a scholar or smth