#empty blogs i beg you please add some colour

[sanccharine]

hi :]

forst things forst, i’ve hit 300 followers !! wahoooo !!

thank you so much for this, it means a lot ;-; it’s such a huge milestone, that i expected to hit much later in the year, so i don’t really know what to do for it (probably should start by finishing some of those requests from the 200 followers milestone, sorry about that, i will post them i promise) but apart from that might do an ask game or something, miss doing those :] unless someone has better ideas on how to celebrate this, i’m open to anything !

on a more serious note, with the rapid increase in followers, i am once again asking untitled blogs to do something to make yourself seem human. please add your pronouns or scream about babygorl yeosang or jihyo’s back or, the best idea here, just change untitled to momo's dog !! i see empty untitled blogs and thats an instant block from me since i can’t discern if you're a bot or not ·_·

but yeah, i think that’s all !!! happy 300 followers !!!

[milazka]

Distraction — Drew Starkey.

image found on pinterest

summary: the one where the quaterback of the football team helps you forget about your bad grade.

request: yes

content: fluff & smut

author’s note: it’s my very first story about a member of the cast of outer banks! i would like to clarify that all this is fictional, i only use the looks and the names of the actors and actresses. my masterlist will be linked at the end of this story if you feel like reading some other fics. this one is for my babe cort ( @pogue-writings ) because she is drew’s soulmate.

warnings: most of my stories may contain mature themes such as swearing, underage drinking, substance abuse, sexual language and scenes, fights and more. also, i do not intend to be offensive towards anyone who reads this blog, if anything written can be perceived as hurtful to any community or person, i apologize, it was never my purpose while writing it.

word Count: 1957.

The campus library has always been her favorite spot to study. It's quiet and the atmosphere is always soothing, the exact opposite of her dorm room where her roommate seems more interested in experimenting the male anatomy than studying it in her textbook. A few weeks ago, after catching her once again during the act, she had decided to find a new place to study. She had walked around the campus and eventually found this spot around one of the large hardwood tables that stand between the bookshelves full of old books about psychology. The perfect place to set her in a study mood. 

For the past few hours, she has been sitting in her usual place, her textbook open in front of her eyes and her black notebook on her right. She only has one midterm left in two days and it will cover all the topics seen in her subconscious psychology course, which is one of her most interesting courses, but also the one that requires the longest hours of study in order to pass the exams. 

The sound of a chair gliding on the floor makes her look up and she’s surprised to see Drew, a boy from her psychology of the subconscious class, sit on the chair in diagonal to her. Normally, the library is almost empty at this time of the night and she never saw him here; he seems like the kind of guy who spends more time on the football field than he does in front of his textbooks. They’ve been in the same class for four months, but she never really paid attention to him, except when he is disturbing the class with the two other musketeers, Chase and Rudy. She smiles nicely at him when their eyes meet and he raises his coffee cup which he pretends to drink all at once while they both laugh silently, hoping not to be warned by Mrs. Jones, the librarian who looks strangely similar to Roz from the movie Monster inc.

She tries to put her nose back in her book, trying to focus on the pages suggested in the study guide and highlighting important sentences from a passage about Freud and his discovery of psychoanalysis, but she can't help but look up discreetly at the boy. He is wearing a navy flannel shirt which, half-buttoned, reveals a white shirt that moulds his muscular chest. His trademark cap, which he always wears backwards, rests as usual on the top of his head, still letting a few strands of hair slip out of the hat. She particularly lingers on his muscled arms covered by the navy blue cloth, it's not surprising that he's the quarterback on the football team. The  studious look on his face and the way he’s chewing on the tip of his pencil while frowning makes him look cuter than usual, she can’t deny it. 

When she sees the lateness of the hour, she delicately puts her books back in her red bag, not noticing how intensely the boy is staring at her. He simply can't help but admire her sweet angelic face, her tired-looking little eyes, the thin, shiny layer of lip balm covering her lips that he would dream of kissing; he likes everything about her and cannot help but smile foolishly. 

“Hey Y/n,” he whispers, catching her attention. “Me and the boys are throwing a party friday night, you should come.” 

“Oh, yeah, of course!” she smiles at him, noticing his blushing cheeks and the little spark in his gaze.

“Great! Good luck on your exam.” 

“Good luck to you too. I’ll see you friday.” 

─── °• ❀ ───

The room goes from purple to blue, then from blue to pink, courtesy of the spotlights that change the colour of the room's luminosity along the rhythm of the music. The parties hosted by the university football team always do justice to their reputation, no matter what’s the occasion. It's not the first time she attends one, but it's the first time she’s been invited by the quarterback. Her mind did not stop playing back the memory of the little sparkle in the young man's eyes when she had accepted his invitation. Maybe it meant nothing, but a part of her wants to believe it didn't. Plus, she really needs to take her mind off things after receiving her mediocre grade from the last exam. She knew her teacher was strict, but not this strict. 

As she makes her way through the dancing crowd, an arm slips around her naked shoulders, making her startles. She's used to being approached by boys at parties, but she hates it when they think they can do anything and touch her even if she doesn't want to. Looking up, she loosen up when she sees Drew's familiar face smirking at her and she's glad it's not a drunk who's asking her to blow him.

“I'm so glad you came,” he says to her as he hands her a red cup filled with beer. “How did your exam go?”

She pouts, taking a big sip of the golden liquid that tickles her throat.

“Really bad.” 

“That sucks,” she raises an eyebrow at the boy as when he takes back the cup that he just gave her and drops it on the countertop behind him. “C’mon, I have the perfect remedy for a bad grade.” 

Drew takes her tiny hand into his big one, guiding her to the backyard where several tables are set up to play beer pong. Small lights illuminate the yard where games have already started. People cheer each other up and yell like crazy when someone manage to get the ball in a cup. She recognizes Rudy’s familiar blond hair when he jumps into Jonathan's arms and she deduces they just won their game against Madison and Austin. Everyone laughs when the two boys lose their balance and crash into the grass, grunting at each other. Her hand is still holding Drew's firmly when he walks up to Chase who is sitting in a chair close to the fire pit with his girlfriend on his lap, grilling and eating marshmallows. 

“Yo Chase! Me and Y/n vs Maddie and you?” Drew challenges his friend, wiggling his eyebrows. 

“Game on, baby!” Chase exclaims as they both stand up and follow them to the table.

She and Drew make a fire team, throwing a series of winning shots and gradually getting Madelyn and Chase drunk. All the way through the game, she never worries about her bad grade, it's like it never existed. The alcohol in her bloodstream seems to be opening her eyes to Drew's attractiveness. The girl never really paid attention to how he is totally her type of guy. She bites her lower lip, obviously checking him out when he pulls off his hoodie and his shirt comes up, revealing the prominent V-shape above the hem of his pants. 

“Like what you see, don't ya?” he teases the girl, an irresistible smile on the corner of his lips. 

She blushes up to her ears, making Drew laugh, and he just adds to her embarrassment by putting his arm around her shoulders before throwing the last ball who lands directly into the last standing cup. Maybe it's the emotion of the moment for her, whereas he's been dreaming about it for months, but their eyes meet each other and suddenly their lips collide. The kiss doesn't last long, not long enough in his opinion. The flight of butterflies in the young woman's belly doesn't disappear when their lips separate, she needs to kiss him again, to feel him touch her. 

“I need you, Drew.” she whines close to his ear, making his heart skips a beat. "God, Y/n," he breaths out, pulling her closer to him. "Do you know how long I've been dreaming about you saying that to me?”

She just winks at him and grabs his hand, pulling him toward the front door as he pinches himself on the arm, not believing that this is really happening. He throws a murderous look at Rudy and Chase who make fun of him by pretending to make out sensually. They pass through the living room which is still full of people swinging their bodies to the rhythm of the music and climb upstairs where Drew guides them to his room. He slams her against the door, his hands grabbing her hips as he kisses her again. She bites his lower lip, making him growl against her mouth. Drew starts to place open mouthed kisses on her neck and she tiltes it to give him full access to her burning skin. He leads her to the bed, pinning her on the mattress and he removes her short as he is now hovering over her half naked body. His hand slides down her thigh, making her squirm under him as he gets closer to her core. He plays with the waistband of her panties, smirking against her lips.

“Drew,” she moans, looking at him with her eyes filled with desire. He grabs her waist and flip them over so she is now straddling him. She unbuttons his khaki shirt, slipping his hands over his muscular chest. She starts to grind down on his lap, making him whine and dig his fingers into her buttcheeks

“It's not about me tonight, I'm not the one who needs to be distracted.” he whispers to her ear before  flipping her over again so that he is now hovering over her. 

She lets out a few muffled moans as he leaves a trail of kisses between her breast and on her stomach. He sucks and nibbles at the skin on her inner thighs, only increasing her desire to feel him on her already wet womanhood. 

“You’re so pretty, all wet and spread out like this, just for me.”

“Drew, please…” she begs, but he cuts her short by placing a kiss on her clit, slipping her underwear off. He places an open-mouthed kiss just above her wet folds, making her buck her hips up. 

“So eager, baby, I like it.” he hums just above her bundle of nerves, sending vibrations on it. She runs her fingers through his light brown hair, pushing him closer to her heat. He finally licks a full stripe through her folds, making her back arch to the so desired feeling. 

“Oh fuck,” she groans as he inserts one finger in her, his tongue sucking on her clit. His hands are  firmly wrapped around her thighs to keep her spread open for him. She clenches the sheets between her fists, her eyes close under the wave of pleasure that runs through her body when he replaces his fingers with his tongue. His nose rubs up against her clit as he moves his face, pumping his tongue in and out of her.

“Fuck I’m so close, please don’t stop,” she moans, making him pumps his tongue faster. A few profanities mixed with loud moans leave her lips as she reaches her high, legs shaking on his shoulders. He licks her folds a few more times to clean her up, sending electric jolts through her body when he touches her sensitive nerves from the orgasm. He lies down beside her, pulling her towards him with his arms wrapped around her body.

“What about you? I’m no the type of girl who doesn’t give back,” she starts but Drew shushes her with a quick kiss. “I’m sure you’re not, but tonight it’s about you and only you.” 

“Fuck, you’re perfect, y’a know?” 

“It was about time you figured that out!” he mocks her and she giggles, burying her face further into the crook of his neck. 

─── °• ❀ ───

mila’s masterlist

taglist (send me an ask if you want to be added)

@milaonthemoon @spilledtee @pogue-writings @thebutterflyonhischest @ilovejjmaybank @bananasfromtarget @drewstarkeyobx @void-maybank @prejudic3

[tarithenurse]

Stolen - 27

Pairing: Loki Laufeyson x fem!gifted!reader Content: All the smut. Be smart about it and use protection unlike some idiots in this story. A/N: Yeah, I’m not posting regularly yet. We got told this week at work that we are in fact NOT returning to our old place (which we had left “temporarily” due to better use of resources during COVID19 wave 1). That sucks. A lot. So I’m still stressed and semi-depressed and now also sad that we won’t have the surroundings needed to complete our job which is to train/rehabilitate people with apoplexia. Anyways...ask or re-blog for tag.

27. Eat Me, Drink Me

...   Reader   ...

The swooping rush in your belly is extended as soon as the blue cloud dumps the two of you on solid ground by Loki pushing you backward. Your back against cold metal, you manage a peek at the surroundings despite the grip the god has in your hair. There’s only a hint of distant light coming through the windows because there’s very little room between the hull and the cave wall, but it is enough to reveal sharp lines in a familiar design.

“The ship.” Is he taking you away from Asgard?

“Yes,” he chuckles darkly, body suddenly flush against you and his other hand digging into your waist just shy of painful, “I intend to have you screaming my name, begging for more as I ravish you.”

Heh. “Words.” Your sneer makes his brows arch beautifully. “Empty words.”

“Have care, [Y/N] -” he begins with a deep growl.

“Or what? You’re all noise, like a mosquito buzzing in the night but just like an insect all you’ve done is leave an anno-”

Snarling at your taunt, he latches on to the tender spot on your neck just below the ear. Teeth graze over your skin, leaving a sting that he soothes right away by kissing his way along your jaw before he claims your mouth. Claim. There’s no better word for it as his tongue dances along your lips and tangles with yours, nearly distracting from the new occupation of Loki’s hands that roughly are untying knots and bows in your clothes before pulling the dress down around your waist. Immediately, he busies himself with your breasts. Long fingers massaging them, pinching your nipples as his mouth draws the first moans from you by sucking, kissing, licking, biting.

Half-dazed, you begin to fumble with Loki’s clothes, enjoying the simplicity of the tunic and leather trousers he has been wearing under the disguise, and it takes little time before his torso is bared to you and your hands skim the smooth skin of his ass (trousers abandoned mid-thigh).

“Impatient, pet?”

You love the smirk on his lips as he teases. Clearly, you’re not the only one wanting more because his erection is pressing against your pelvis, long and hard with the promise of filling the emptiness within. Managing to squeeze a hand between your bodies, you grab his cock and deliver a slow stroke from balls to crown. Fuck, he looks good. The thought makes you smile at the god who’s eyes have closed in bliss at the sensation...but then the trance breaks and he steps out of reach, yanking the dress so it pools around your feet before literally lifting you over his shoulder as though you weigh nothing.

“Enough of your taunts,” he growls against your hip, allowing his teeth to dig in as he carries you to his cabin where he tosses you on the bed. “I’ll ruin you for all other men. I’m a god. You’d do well to remember that.”

“There you go with the talking again.”

Moving up in the bed, you’re hyper aware of the state of undress Loki is seeing you in. The only scrap of fabric clinging to your body is the underwear – a flimsy scrap of silk barely covering you pussy and held on to your body with some lace – and, oh, does he like what he sees! Following you on hands and knees (trousers now discarded), the raven-haired man is upon you mouth first, kissing his way up your legs while paying extra attention to your inner thighs after noticing the sighs it elicits.

The only problem is, every time you reach for him, the god bats away your hands. It’s annoying. I’ve not gotten him this far only to be denied touching. Cool, smooth skin that screams for caresses of fingertips. Ropy muscles, bunching and rolling with each movement as a testament to the strength he possesses even if he isn’t bulky like his brother. No. The god’s body is made for endurance and flexibility. For fucking you into tomorrow in positions you’ve probably not even dreamed of. And you want it.

You’re just about to do something about it when the tip of his tongue delves between the folds, dragging the pooling wetness to your clit where he pauses, adds pressure, and then flicks it with a satisfied chuckle.

“You will get more...if you behave,” Loki smirks.

The taste of pleasure is still buzzing along your spine and you’re almost willing to do anything as long as it gets you more. Wait...You had had a plan before getting swooped up and dropped onto the bed. Push him.

“Of course,” your mocking tone makes him arch a brow, “throwing in some distraction rather than act. I should have known.” You’re aware that he’s allowing you to push him back with a foot against his chest, permitting you to get onto your knees and hover over him. “If I wanted a talker, I’d go to Fandral.”

The sound of the blond man’s name ignites something in Loki. You can see it instantaneously because his eyes flood with the colour of blood and the teeth revealed as he snarls looks more like those of a predator. Large hands grab you by your hips and drag you on top of him, expertly positioning your soaked cunt against the tip of his cock.

“Never...” he pulls you down, the slow drag against your inner walls delicious - “...compare me...” with a last tug and thrust, Loki bottoms out - “...to him.” In a heartbeat, he’s got you back against the wall, lips growling against your mouth. “I’m a god.”

Holding you up, he pulls back almost completely before rutting into you at a pace that has your back arching and eyes rolling. The sheer force pushes you to the very edge because you know that a part of him is still trying to rein in some of the power in an unspoken wish not to hurt you.

... Loki   ...

His breath had been stolen and each attempt to regain it is shattered by the magnificent tightness of [Y/N] and her reaction to every thrust. Warm heat undulates around the Jotun’s cock in an attempt to draw him over the each prematurely while the gorgeous woman arches, presents her bosom for Loki to prey on greedily. Who am I to deny her?

Eagerly, he licks and bites at the nipples but barely manages to coax more than a half-swallowed moan from her lips. Loki grabs her by the jaw, forcing her to meet his eyes. I see. The challenge is blazing like a fire in her gaze.

A squelch fills the dim cabin as he withdraws, tossing the insolent woman onto the bunk again. This time, however, he leaves no time for her to taunt but embraces the straight legs against his own chest before leaning over her. For a split second, the male lingers with the tip of his cock at the entrance to heaven as he looks for the moment realization dawns upon her...all he gets is a wicked smile, empowering the thrust of his hips as he slams in.

Ravishing. Open mouthed, yet silent. Perfection. Hands clawing at his shoulders, nails leaving angry trails. Mine. Tight, wet, already quivering with the need for release.

But Loki keeps the speed controlled this time as he sheds the last layer of disguise and reveals the real him. The Jotun. The monster. Ridges rise, flooding his skin with the wintry colour and for once...he embraces it rather than hate it as his claws on one hand curl around her wrists, stretching [Y/N], exposing her even now as she willingly succumbs to the mercy of the beast within. A whimper breaks the relative silence as the Jötun markings have decorated his erection.

“Look at me,” he growls.

She obliges. Had he expected fear? Confusion? What Loki is treated to is an appreciative smirk.

“I see you.” Slowly bottoming earns him a gasp. “Finally.”

Cock punching out a steady speed – fast enough to make the woman breathless and slow enough for her to feel each inch and ridge – Loki fucks her steadily further up the bed until the each roll of his hips elicits drawn-out moans and ragged praises that never could have sounded sweeter than they do coming from the mortal’s lips. Balls tight, abdomen clenched, he drags her to the very edge and keeps her there until...

“Please! Loki!” [Y/N] begs with lust-blown eyes locked on him.

Claws scrape lightly towards her pelvis, drag through the short curls to where their bodies meet and he finds her clit with the pad of a finger. He has to fight himself to keep the pressure steady as the new stimulation sends a shudder through her perfect body. Almost. Aaalmost.

Then it happens. The epicentre of an earthquake buried inside [Y/N] sends the shock waves into Loki too, causing him to thrust deep and hard as she clenches around his cock.

The moan transforms into a scream, “Loki! Yeah!”

The tremors sends the Jotun tumbling after the human over the edge of bliss.

... Reader   ...

Gasping for air, you don’t even feel close to being in a real world. Fuck...that was amazing. Slumped on top of you, resting with his hips between your thighs lies a god whose appearance fades back to the pale person you first met in your own apartment. You had hated him then. Now I love him.

“Mmmm, my dear,” Loki mumbles against your neck, “your scream was sweet music.”

[omgrachwrites]

Schooled (Bucky Barnes)

Pairing: Bucky Barnes/OC

Summary: After the passing of Ava’s father she starts acting out which drives her right into the arms of one gorgeous Professor Barnes.

Warnings: fluff, swearing, mention of dr*gs, implied smut

Words: 2624

A/N: Sorry this took so long guys! Now that England is in lockdown I’ll probably be writing and updating a lot more! I wanted to add a roommate into this fic to spice things up a bit! Three guesses who Ava’s roommate is! Hope you guys enjoy and please let me know what you think and if you would like to be tagged! I love you all xxx

Part Two - Sour Patch and Thunderstorms

Ava chewed her lip impatiently as she made her way through the ocean of people at the seriously crowded airport, along with Wanda and MJ. She absolutely hated crowds, they didn’t necessarily give her anxiety, it just annoyed her that some people dawdled like they had all the time in the world. She was extra moody today because their flight to Greece was currently delayed because of a thunderstorm on the island and it was extremely early in the morning.

Ava huffed as she reached into her family sized bag of Sour Patch Kids – her favourite candy – and popped one onto her mouth. She could eat candy at any time of the day, especially Sour Patch. Wanda turned round and grinned at her.

“MJ and I are thinking of going to get some breakfast, wanna come?” she asked.

Ava smiled and shook her head, the smell of food cooking first thing in the morning made her think of her dad. It seemed like a silly little thing but it still made her sad nonetheless, “no thanks, I’m good. I’ll just meet you guys in the lounge,” she smiled and waved at her friends, wandering in the direction of the airport lounge.

She had hoped that the lounge would be somewhat empty but she was sorely disappointed, the only empty seat was right next to an attractive older guy. Sighing, Ava made her way over to the seat and sat down, she noticed the guy was bouncing his leg and chewing his lip nervously, she felt bad for him.

“Hey,” she looked at him in concern, “you alright?”

The mad started to nod before he changed his mind and shook his head, “nervous flyer,” he mumbled, “thunderstorm isn’t helping either.”

“I’m really sorry to hear that, but hey, pilots are pretty talented,” she tried to sound reassuring but it didn’t look like it had worked, “want a Sour Patch Kid?” she smiled, “I’m Ava by the way.”

He chuckled and looked at her for the first time and she saw that his eyes were startlingly blue and pretty, “thanks,” he smiled as he took one, “I’m Bucky.”

“So, I take it you’re going on vacation?” she asked, it was an obvious statement but she wanted to keep his mind off his worries, she cared about people, even if they were mere strangers.

“Yep, one last vacation before I start my new job,” he looked at his watch, “my damned friends are late though,” he smiled, the edges of his eyes crinkling as he did so, “what about you?”

“I, um,” she didn’t want to tell him the true story of why she was going on vacation, “just a girl’s holiday.”

The both of them made small talk for a little while – Ava wasn’t interested in getting to know a beautiful stranger that she’d never ever see again. In no time at all Bucky’s face had regained some colour and he had stopped bouncing his leg. About fifteen minutes later Wanda and MJ walked up to the both of them.

“We’re gonna go get some duty free, wanna come?” MJ smirked, looking between Ava and Bucky.

“Sure,” Ava smiled and looked at Bucky, “it was nice to meet you Bucky, have a good vacation and try not to worry about the whole flying thing.”

“It was nice to meet you too Ava, have a good one and thanks so much for making me feel better,” he smiled cutely.

“No problem,” Ava smiled and flushed slightly as she ignored Wanda and MJ’s smirking faces. Ava could hear her friends giggling behind her, she rolled her eyes as she tried to hide her bashful grin, playfully glaring at her friends, “you guys coming or what?”

It was when they were in the perfume store – Ava and Wanda were testing out perfumes while MJ looked for an aftershave for her boyfriend – when Wanda spoke up.

“So, who was that man you were talking to? He was so good looking and a little older to boot, he looked like he was built in a perfect man lab or something,” she giggled and MJ nodded, making a little noise of agreement.

Ava smiled and chewed her lip as she lightly sprayed the inside of her wrist with a musky smelling perfume, “just a beautiful stranger, Bucky his name was, he was nervous about flying so I was just trying to make the poor guy feel better,” she shrugged, “it’s really not a big deal.”

Wanda laughed as she shook her head, “you are such a lovely person, doesn’t it get tiring sometimes?”

“Sometimes it does,” Ava nodded in agreement before she smiled slyly, “but I’m gonna forget about all that on this holiday and go absolutely wild,” she’d never really been much of a wild child before but according to her friends it was enormous fun, she wanted to experience that for herself and she couldn’t pick a better time, or better company.

“Hear, hear. I’ll drink to that,” MJ laughed as all three of them knocked their water bottles together, the water bottles that they’d secretly filled with vodka and lemonade. The three girls wanted to be entertained while they waited for their delayed flight.

Finally, Ava decided that she was hungry and MJ and Wanda wanted to have a second breakfast so they decided on going to Burger King. As they sat down Ava’s phone vibrated and on closer inspection she saw that it was an email from her friend who worked in the administration department at NYU.

“Oooh, my friend who works in the administration office at college has just messaged me. Apparently, my roommate is some really hot guy who’s transferring in from a university in London. She says she won’t tell me anymore because she wants to leave it as a surprise and she’s not entirely sure that’s she’s supposed to be giving me information like this,” she giggled as excitement simmered in the pit of her stomach.

MJ clapped excitedly, “I’m sad that we aren’t rooming together but this is so exciting! If you like him are things going to happen, are you going to go for it?”

Ava thought about it for a second, in the past she never would have even thought about fraternising with her roommate from fear of making things awkward but there was a part of her telling her to live a little.

“You know what? Yeah if I like him and he likes me then I’ll consider it probably. The old me would pale at the notion of it,” she laughed as she fiddled with the straw in her cup of cola, it felt a little strange to be talking this way about someone she’d never even met before.

Wanda made a small sympathetic noise, her eyes softening as she reached over the table to take Ava’s hand, “y’know hun, there doesn’t have to be a new Ava, we love the old one just fine,” MJ nodded in agreement and Ava grinned at her friends, her heart swelled with the pure love she had for them.

“No, there does need to be a new me, I’m tired of being so sad, my dad wouldn’t have wanted me to mope. He would have wanted me to be wild and free, live for the moment, and seize the day or whatever. Live the way that he did before he had any real responsibility,” she smiled.

“Well, we can’t wait to meet her!” MJ grinned.

The three friends browsed the shops for a little while longer before Wanda looked up at the flight board and checked her watch, “they’re preparing us for boarding in thirty minutes, we should wait in the lounge.”

The flight was only a couple of hours behind schedule so it wasn’t too bad and the flight wasn’t too bumpy or anything and with a small smile Ava thought back to the man she’d met in the airport lounge – Bucky – and wondered whether he was coping alright. It seemed like no time at all that the plane was landing and they were in Santorini, it certainly felt like a long time coming.

“Let’s make some memories girls,” Ava beamed at her friends and they finally started their holiday.

The first five days of their holiday pretty much started like any other holiday, they swam, ate, read and sunbathed. They ventured out of the resort one time to visit the little chapel on the hill to take in the Greek architecture, MJ took loads of photographs, she was really into photography and she had a travel blog. Ava kept emailing her friend, begging for more information on her roommate, apparently he looked like an angel and he had a voice that could melt hearts or at least that’s what her friend said after speaking to him on the phone. Ava was rather looking forward to meeting him.

Along with all of the usual holiday activities, the girls got slightly intoxicated one evening and Ava got her first tattoo and she adored it. Her father had had an arc reactor to protect his heart and she got a picture of it tattooed on her wrist with the words, ‘proof that Tony Star has a heart.’

On their sixth and final night – they were due to fly back the following afternoon – they decided to go to a karaoke bar, they were determined to go out with a bang.

------------------------------------------

Bucky was laughing and shaking his head at his tipsy friends as they sat in a gorgeous little bar in Santorini, “you two are completely ridiculous, I can never take you guys anywhere,” he pushed his thick hair off of his forehead as he took a swig from his beer bottle.

“You’re just no fun Buck,” Steve slurred as he hiccupped, his normally perfect hair was sticking out at all ends, it was kind of a good look for him to be fair, Steve could never hold his liquor, especially when he hadn’t eaten much.

“Seriously Buck, c’mon. It will be hilarious,” Sam chuckled, he was pretty much sober, he had a little edge to him but that was all.

“No, I’m not going to a karaoke bar,” Bucky was an alright singer but there was pretty much no way that he was singing in front of anyone, even if he was never going to see them ever again.

“All those gorgeous Greek ladies will love you though,” Steve winked and threw him the finger guns. Bucky felt embarrassed for him, it was very cringe worthy to finger gun anybody when you were above the age of ten.

“You really think so?” Bucky laughed, deciding to humour his drunken friend.

“Oh yeah, seriously man, I know from experience. Always gets you laid,” Sam said, looking proud of himself, Sam barely needed to smell alcohol before he was up doing karaoke. Bucky thought about it, Nat was his last so he was well overdue.

“Fuck it,” he muttered and drained the last of his beer, “come on then guys,” he chuckled as his friends cheered in victory, the things he had to do just to get laid.

True to Steve’s word the karaoke bar was full to the brim of gorgeous women and as the boys went to get the round of drinks in Bucky concocted a plan in his head, a plan that was a sure way to get him laid. As soon as the person who was currently performing on the karaoke finished Bucky volunteered straight away. He walked to the front of the bar and he noticed some of the ladies eyeing him up as he did so.

“Good evening everyone, I’m a little nervous and I could do with some help, my friends have convinced me to sing tonight but I’m too nervous to do it on my own. Would any of you lovely ladies be willing to do a duet with me?” There was silence for a second but it was long enough for Bucky to be embarrassed.

“I will,” a girl at the back stood up, she was a gorgeous blonde bombshell and as she got closer Bucky recognised her, it was the woman from the airport.

“Ava,” he grinned, “hey!”

“Hi Bucky,” she giggled and gave him a hug, she smelled so good, like chocolate and strawberries, “what a small world!”

“Ready to do a duet?” he chuckled as Ava nodded eagerly, “how about a Disney song?” The pair decided to do ‘A Whole New World’ from Aladdin and was met by raucous applause and people begging for an encore so they performed a rendition of ‘The Pina colada song.’

After they took their bows, Bucky, Sam, Steve, Ava and her friends MJ and Wanda decided to sit together to get drunk. They talked about everything and nothing, they laughed a lot, Bucky and Ava even made out up against the hard brick wall in the smoking area, and Ava tasted of coconut rum. The guys all learned that the girls were 21. Bucky and the guys thought the girls were really cool and they wanted to continue the party so Bucky decided to ask them if they wanted to go back to their hotel, completely platonic. Though Bucky was kind of bummed it would ruin his plans to get laid.

“We’ve got a pull out double bed that you guys can sleep on,” Bucky held up his hands, an innocent smile on his handsome face.

Ava and her friends smiled at him, Ava chewed her lip somewhat nervously, “just give us a second,” she pulled her friends away but not far away enough, Bucky could still hear their conversation though he tried not to eavesdrop, “what do you guys think? We wanted to go out with a bang; a party seems like the perfect opportunity.”

“Yeah but we’ve never met them before, what if they’re weirdos? We don’t even know how old they are,” Wanda said and Bucky made a mental note to tell them that they were only 28.

“We took advanced self-defence in high school, and besides we can sleep on the pull-out bed, I’m not looking to be unfaithful to Peter,” MJ countered.

“Wild and free?” Ava asked.

“Wild and free,” her friends said in agreement, Ava walked back over and grinned at Bucky, “let’s go.”

Once they got back to the hotel one thing led to another and Ava and Bucky ended up in bed together in their underwear, Bucky kissing down her body, “are you sure you want to do this?” he asked the gorgeous girl, kissing her stomach, making her squirm and giggle in the process.

“Yes Bucky, I’ve told you a hundred times,” she giggled, pulling his head up and drew him into a passionate teeth clashing kiss, “just fuck me you gorgeous man.”

Bucky blushed and chuckled, grabbing a small bag out of his jeans pocket, coating his finger in white powder before sucking it into his mouth; he hadn’t done it since high school.

“Hey, can I have some?” Ava asked and Bucky looked at her with her golden hair splayed around her head like a halo.

He searched her eyes for any uncertainty, when he saw none he gathered a tiny bit on his finger. Ava grabbed his hand, sucking his finger into her mouth, nipping playfully at the skin. Bucky’s underwear tightened at the sight of it, she really was beautiful. He laughed when she winced at the bitter taste of the powder.

“I’m gonna make you feel so good,” he murmured, kissing her neck and smoothing his hands up and down her soft skin.

“You know Bucky, actions speak a lot louder than words,” she purred before pulling him in for another head spinning kiss.

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[richiebrook]

a personal post

Hi hello hi. I’ve been wanting to write a personal thing, so I’m figuring why not. It’s my blog so I can do that, right? I guess? I don’t know, if this is self-important I’m sorry and please just tell me. I just think I’d been depressed for a very long time, and now I’m not. And I want to talk about that.

A couple of months ago a good friend told me that most people don’t feel happy all the time, but neutral, and that I don’t need to strive to be happy all the time. I, lying in bed for 90% of the time when I wasn’t at work, figured that that was my neutral - that lying in bed, yelling at myself in my head all day every day, needing alcohol to calm myself down, allowing my thoughts to spiral - was my neutral. And if that was the case, I wasn’t sure I wanted to bother with going on. I’d decided not to go on a couple of times before that. I never went through with anything but I Googled how to get out up to three times daily - in the morning, while at work, while on my way back home, etc. And then I’d write my Milex drabbles and beg my friend for help (I can’t tell them how sorry I am for putting them through that) and lie in bed. It was as if it was dark 24/7. I’m not fond of ‘dark’ as a description of depression, but I also think I lack the words to accurately describe it. Either way, point is I thought that ‘dark’ and ‘empty’ and ‘useless’ were all part of what I thought was my ‘neutral’.

They aren’t and that wasn’t neutral.

I think I’d been depressed for a very long time. I’ve seen six different therapists and I absolutely advocate seeing a therapist as it can be a great help, but it just didn’t work for me. I was asked about traumatic events in my life, about how my dad treated me growing up (I love my dad and I’m still furious about that) , about my anxiety, about my issues with self worth, about my supposed ADD (I do not have ADD), etc. I’ve done trust exercises, I’ve done exercises where I had to reflect on my own self worth and trust me, I didn’t need to reflect to know I despised myself. I liked it that way. I didn’t want to even think that I came close to being as good of a person as my friends, or anyone else. I’m not going to lie, I’m still tempted to think that, I still look up to literally all of you, but it’s just whatever for me right now. Again, I absolutely think it’s a really good idea to see a therapist if you’re feeling low, let me stress that. It just didn’t work for me, which is also fine.

I did seek help though. I guess I hadn’t much of a choice. (I would never even have considered going through all that again if it weren’t for that friend encouraging me.) I ended seeing my GP about this. And as it was the umpteenth time of me coming back, the conversation was fairly short. “Do you feel that your life is pointless?” he asked, and I said yes. “Do you really feel that seeing a therapist again wouldn’t benefit you?” Yes. “Have you come up with ways to end it?” I told him that yes, I had. I was as matter-of-fact as I could, as crystal clear as I could. Five minutes later I was on my way to the pharmacy with a prescription for antidepressants. I didn’t believe that that would change anything. My GP and psychologists have always told me ‘Oh, don’t worry, you don’t need meds. You’ll be fine without. It’ll pass. You’ll never feel like this again.’ And I figured the exact same thing. Because each time the fog did sort of clear after months, before it came back again. I was fine, right? I was functioning.

I’ve been on antidepressants for roughly a month now and I cannot tell you how different I feel. I’m just going to repeat it:

That absence of feelings, that darkness wasn’t my ‘neutral’.

It’s as if the fog in my brain, that stinking, suffocating fog, has cleared. I’m not sure how else to describe it. Over the past two weeks or so, for the first time in a very long time, I’ve woken up every day feeling alive. Not in a great mood per se, that’s not the point, but alive. Even this morning, despite waking up angry at myself because I managed to eat an entire bag of crisps before bed (I was hungry, okay ;D), everything was crystal clear. The storm and rain pelting against my windows, the cold as I got out of bed, the colours in my bedroom. Even on bad days it’s as if I’ve been waking up with coffee already in my system and my contact lenses already in my eyes. Lights are brighter and sounds are crisper and my mind is so blissfully quiet. I can hear myself think if I want to. I can express myself better. I feel like I’m breathing fresh air even sat inside with the windows closed (I wish I could open them but it’s pouring you guys, does anyone want to switch places? ;) ). 

That’s that, I guess. I can’t explain it any differently. That dark, scary place where I didn’t want to live anymore wasn’t my ‘neutral’. This is. I laughed yesterday because when I went for a run the wind just threw my back and I had to sprint to even move forward. I saw tigers last week and I marvelled about how bright and amazing they were. The last time I saw tigers I was counting down the minutes until I wouldn’t see them anymore and feeling sad about that. I’m starting a new job next month and normally, I’d spend every minute of every day up until then secretly worrying about that. I’m not worried right at this moment, though. I’m lounging in bed without the intention of staying here all day because I’ve nothing else to do. I might write my new Milex fic. I might read some, or watch telly. Who cares. It’s a Sunday. 

I didn’t think things would change for me simply by taking some pills. And I know that I’ll be depressed again. I’ve been depressed on and off for the past twelve or so years, so I don’t think it’ll stop just like that. But I don’t think I’ve ever, not once in the past twelve years, have felt so awake and so calm and so comfortable. I’ve nothing planned for today, no tight schedule I’m going to make myself cling to, but that doesn’t make me nervous anymore. I’m just going to take it easy today.

As for my writing, I’ve written some dark shit over the past couple months. My last Milex drabble especially was... bleak. I privated all those drabbles for now because I don’t really want to look at them anymore. I’m sure they’ll be back but I do hope they won’t be for a while. I wrote every single one of those in a dark place, and though they helped me express things over the past couple of months, now they just make me feel sick. I do like the idea of them still. And they helped me. But I just don’t want to look at them for a while. The same goes for many of my fics on AO3 (which I won’t private). Again, I’m sure that’ll change. I still love that I got back into writing with the passion that I did, and I’ve reread my own fics countless times just because I wrote them from a place of needing comfort, but I can’t stand the idea of rereading them for now. I want to try writing something with an actual plot. I don’t know if I can do it, I don’t know how motivated I’ll be to write for the time to come, but that’s what I’d like to try. I’ve written so much over the past year and because of that I’m so happy I got into the Milex fandom. Now that the need to write bleak stuff has waned, I want to try for something longer and less melancholic. I’ve no clue if I can do that, I’ve no clue if I’m going to finish it, but I’d like to give it a shot.

Anyway. I think this was about as rambly as everyone expects of me and I don’t expect anyone to read the entire thing. I’ve just been wanting to make this post. And now I’ve done so. I hope everyone’s having a good weekend. :) Also if you’re struggling please seek help. I’m still only half believing how much of a difference it made for me.