#emotion abuse

[stil-lindigo]

the fox god.

a comic about a trickster.

--

creative notes:

–

all my other comics

store

[its-simply-just-krys]

“Mouthful of Forevers”, Clementine von Radics

[amaditalks]

Gaslighting isn’t the same as lying.

Gaslighting also isn’t lying a lot, or lying and deflecting the lying by shaming the victim for not believing the lie.

Gaslighting is a long con. It is a practice of ongoing emotional/mental abuse, that doesn’t just involve lying, but manipulating or altering someone’s reality in order to make them question both the truth, and more importantly, question their own mental and cognitive wellbeing.

The reason that it’s called gaslighting is because the tactic was demonstrated in a 1944 film called “Gaslight” starring Ingrid Bergman. In the film, Bergman‘s character’s husband tries to make her have a mental breakdown.

He tells her that she is having blackouts (she’s not) and doing things that she didn’t do.

He steals things from her, and tells her that she lost them herself.

He makes noises in the attic of the house, then tells her that he wasn’t in the house at all.

He steals things from other people, puts them where she will find them, and then tells her that she stole them.

He puts his pocket watch in her purse and tells her that she stole it from him.

He isolates her from the world by telling her that her behavior is too erratic to be safe near others.

He encourages their housemaid to be cruel to her and to repeat his lies about her behavior.

And, to apply the title, he repeatedly causes the gas lighting (it’s set in 1875) in her bedroom to go dim, then comes into the room, and when she says that the lighting is dim, he says, no, it’s perfectly fine.

It goes well beyond just lying. Gaslighting is a setup to make the victim so confused that they’re unable to trust themselves and their own perceptions of the world around them or even themselves.

It’s beyond time to stop calling run of the mill dishonesty gaslighting.

[kaijuposting]

"Saw traps for people with moral OCD" is a phrase that has embedded myself into my brain because, well, Saw traps for people with moral OCD are everywhere.

Stuff that basically amounts to...

"You have to listen to my opinions on [issue], or else you don't care about [issue]. (Constantly talks about how people like you are the absolute worst.)"

Anything that's functionally like, "you have to let me tear you down over things you can't control or you're a bad person."

Anything that's functionally like, "you have to let me vent to you whenever and however I want or else you're a bad person."

"If you enjoy X media/trope, you just hate Y people."

"Everyone knows that X thing is harmful/hateful; if you engaged in it, it's just because you were fine with perpetuating hate/harm."

"You should have just known better/should know this already!"

This thread over here talks about the inherent issues of putting this kind of stuff out there. The TL;DR is that it really only works on people who are mentally unwell and have poor boundaries, while just pissing off everyone else. It really doesn't matter if you're technically correct; you're still attacking people, and that means they're not wrong to block you.

I think that many of these Saw traps are created when people effectively write posts directed toward people who don't want to help, rather than the ones who do. Like, if you catch yourself writing an angry, shame-laden post, ask yourself: who are you writing it for and what are the odds you're going to change their minds? If your mental image is some smug fuck or angry reactionary, you're writing for the wrong person. Write for the person who's curious, who's willing to learn.

Also? Work on figuring out how to transmute negative feelings into positive, encouraging rhetoric. EG:

"Why is there no X positivity?" -> "Let's hear it for X!"

"No one cares about Y problem!" -> "Hey, we need more recognition of Y problem" or "I haven't seen many people talking about Y problem, so here's some info on what's up."

"If you don't reblog this, you don't care about [group]" -> "Please reblog this, it would mean a lot for us [group]."

And if you're really super duper frustrated and want to vent with a lot of nasty words and sentiments? Consider taking it to a private vent channel or a journal or somewhere that a stranger with moral OCD/scrupulosity isn't likely to run across it.

Remember, most people don't want to hurt anyone. More people are ignorant than malicious. People naturally want to do the right thing, so if you feel like you have to guilt them or shame them into it, there's probably a fundamental communication issue somewhere, or they simply lack the context to understand why what you're saying is so important.

[lostmf]

By 11 shit was already fucked up

So I would be still 5 I guess

[traumasurvivors]

Examples of invalidation through emotional abuse

When people order you to feel differently

“You need to get over it.”

Telling you how you should feel

“You really shouldn’t let this bother you” “You should feel thankful that…”

When people minimize your feelings

“It’s not that bad.” “You’re being over dramatic”.

Attempting to use “logic” to invalidate you

“Let’s stick with the facts” “There’s no reason to be upset…”

Passing judgement and putting labels on you

“You’re too sensitive.”

Making it your problem/isolating you

“No one else feels this way” “It’s not bothering anyone but you”

Trying to make you feel guilty

“I was only trying to help you…” “You’re bringing everyone else down with your feelings”

None of these things are okay. And while the person saying/doing these things may not intend to be emotionally abusive, that doesn’t change the effects these words have.

Your feelings are valid. Even if they don’t “make sense”. You deserve the space to feel them. While you should be mindful of how you handle them, you aren’t wrong for having them.

And also… please try not to be one of the people saying these things to you. You don’t deserve to hear them from yourself either.

[witchyykitten]

everyone talks about cutting off a toxic parent

but no one ever talks about the pain of wanting a parent but knowing yours cannot love you the way they should

[recoverr]

shoutout to all the kids with good people as bad parents. the parents who were sympathetic, honest and kind to everyone until you were the next in line. the parents who loved the entire family except you. the parents who preached about acceptance, warmth and kindness, but never offered it to you. the parents who were understanding to friends, cousins or siblings, but not to their own children. the cognitive dissonance is surreal, but i promise it is not a reflection of your own worth. you deserve more.

[a-sip-of-milo]

Abuse isn't only physical. Sometimes it is...

Shouting at them until they cry/retaliate.

Humiliating them in front of friends and family.

Refusing to let them see friends and family.

Isolating them from what's outside.

Refusing to let them have control over their own finances / keeping it all for yourself.

Belittling their looks, their personality, their thoughts, etc.

Bullying them in any way.

Purposely pushing boundaries.

Threatening them, either physically, verbally or emotionally.

Controlling what and when they eat.

Locking them in rooms so they can't escape.

Refusing to let them use the toilet/eat/sleep/etc. after or before a certain time.

Gaslighting them into questioning their own reality.

Lying to or manipulating the people around them so they look like the abuser.

Purposely breaking their belongings, especially in front of them.

Ignoring safewords/"stop"/anything that indicates they're not okay with what's happening (in general, not just in the bedroom)

Giving them zero privacy. That means going through their diaries, tracking them, attending their therapy/doctors appointments when they don't want you to.

Setting them up to fail for the sole purpose of getting to punish them.

Obvious favoritism of one child over another/the others.

All of these are things that I have personally been through. They contributed heavily to my eating disorder, my BPD, my anxiety and my depression.

[aintnopartylikeaprideparty]

as someone who has experienced abuse from someone with a personality disorder, it's actually incredibly easy to not dehumanize everyone with a personality disorder. i've seen people do borderline eugenic rhetoric surrounding people who have npd, aspd, bpd or other personality disorders, and then be like "I'M allowed to say these things because i'm a survivor, and if you disagree you are hurting abuse victims."

and frankly? i'm tired of it. as an abuse survivor i'm here to say that you're NOT allowed to turn into a fucking eugenicist the moment you're hurt by someone with a personality disorder.

does hurting and belittling other people who happen to have the same disorder as your abuser, people that are already suffering and that are already looked down on by society, bring you any healing? does it bring you peace?

Being hurt by someone isn't an excuse to hurt others that you feel justified in lashing out on. you're literally in control of your own actions,

you may claim to be making a safe space for abuse survivors, but i will never feel any solidarity with you, and i ESPECIALLY don't feel safe with you considering i might have a personality disorder.

you are excluding a large amount of abuse survivors in the name of "advocacy". a lot of people with personality disorders developed one or multiple due to heavy abuse. in the aim of creating a safe space, you are excluding the ones who need a safe space the most.

[becomingvecna]

#my writing

[infinite-beginnings]

The line when Charles said, "Edwin's told me loads of stories about Hell," and him seeming to know he'd find a map in Edwin's book always hits me hard.

Now I acknowledge Charles might’ve been posturing to reassure the Night Nurse he could navigate Hell, but let's assume this fact was real.

Because that means that Edwin felt comfortable enough to talk about all of his trauma to Charles. He mentions Hell a lot in passing in front of the girls, but he never goes into specifics. However, it seems as if he actively told Charles quite a few details about Hell. I also noticed that Charles is very calm when he's going to find Edwin. Yes, he's studying the book a lot, but he is also navigating the space with a certain amount of confidence. I'm sure it's partially due to Charles' tendency to do things without thinking and project confidence. But also, it seems as if he might have at least a very basic level of knowledge or familiarity with the levels of Hell based on the stories Edwin told.

I think this is probably another reason why Edwin struggled to believe the fact that Charles had faced abuse in his past and never shared it with Edwin. Because Edwin was always up front and honest with Charles. He told him the very first time they'd met that he had just escaped Hell. I'm sure Edwin did not want to relive his memories of Hell, and maybe it took him decades to feel like he could share. But I bet when he started talking about it with Charles, he felt relief. Because sharing your trauma with someone who accepts you and loves you no matter what is always a relief after holding it in and pushing it down.

So I just imagine Edwin feeling that relief after sharing his stories from Hell and feeling closer and more bonded with Charles because of it...and then he finds out that Charles has this huge amount of trauma from his past that he has been keeping inside. It probably breaks Edwin's heart that he hadn't been able to offer Charles the same relief he'd felt.

And yes, Crystal mentioned that Charles was probably denying the trauma even to himself. We all know that Edwin knew something was off with Charles and that he was probably frustrated in himself because he hadn't been able to figure it out, but Crystal apparently had.

But I also think there might be another level to it. The boys have been solving cases for 30 years. I find it hard to believe that they never had another case involving abuse or at least someone with a controlling personality that would've reminded Charles of his father. Maybe Edwin thinks back to a couple of those cases and how Charles was acting strange and withdrawn during them and realized he'd missed a huge clue about how his friend was feeling.

All those years of sharing his stories from Hell and being comforted by Charles and Edwin hadn't been able to do the same. Edwin is definitely hurt that Charles didn't feel like he could confide in him and heartbroken to think about how much pain his friend was going through alone.

[u3pxx]

thinking about my gavin parents earlier. specifically, karsten gavin and the way he loves klavier.

HI SORRY. and sorry for any mistakes on the german, google translate can only take me so far DFGHDJFDGHD this was my original thought earlier that i typed into my pc during class DSFGHD

Karsten shows affection the only way he knows how (buying expensive lavish gifts) Karsten, being an absent father in many ways, doesn't pay much attention to his children's interests. Klavier becomes interested in music and wants a guitar for Christmas, he mentions this several times to Karsten as he works, over dinner, every moment he can get, really. Karsten and Karen have a fight 2 weeks before Christmas that leaves them very cold towards each other, Karin throws herself into social events/parties while Karsten flies to another place to focus on his work. The fight and their absence affect Klavier deeply, more than Kristoph who is growing more used to this. Karsten gifts Klavier an expensive piano, Klavier is disappointed and his face starts to show it. Karsten grows frustrated at this and starts to ramble “Music, right, liebchen? Didn’t you say you wanted to play?” “Well, ja, but… I wanted a…” Karsten starts frowning. “Klavier, do you have any idea how expensive this is? You don’t like it? Fine then, fine. Do you want me to throw my gift away for you, is that it?” “Of course not, papa. Klavier, what do we say?” Kristoph chimes in and nudges Klavier, whose eyes are starting to water. “[Thank you, father.]” “Oh there he is. Come, come.”

i just. thinking about piece of shit extraordinaire karsten gavin who only knows how to make problems go away with material things

i love drawing bc it compensates for the fact that i can't write DFGHDJ

[petitprincess1]

TW: Abuse and Emotional Manipulation!

This scene makes me feel genuinely ill. The VAs do a fantastic job though.

[lostmf]

[selfhealingmoments]