#either way this episode is hilarious in this stupid monologue he's giving in the WORST area he could give one

[violet-dragongirl]

I like how Lupin distantly explains his own survival laws within the universe that he resides in

[kainosite]

Les Misérables 2018, Episode 3

Les Mis fandom: Andrew Davies is a scoundrel.  What is he?

Me: ... Scoundwel.

The Good:

• I can’t believe the BBC actually filmed the “Now the people of this town can see you for what you really are” scene of a thousand Valvert fanfics.  They know what the people want.

• The Thénardiers are still fantastic.  Somehow the BBC has achieved the impossible feat of portraying them as loathsome abusers whom you hate with every fiber of your being, while simultaneously making them the fun comic relief you’re sort of rooting for in their capacity as the wacky crime duo.  On Christmas Eve I wanted the Seargeant of Waterloo to burn to the ground with everyone inside it, except for Cosette who was out getting water, Éponine and Azelma who were playing on the swings and Gavroche who was out back playing with Chou Chou or something.  I still grinned when Madame Thénardier cheerily reminded her husband to bring the pistol the next morning.  Striking this balance is a truly impressive achievement that I’ve only seen equalled by the Dallas production of the musical.

Their family dynamics are also coming across very well, sometimes through very subtle touches.  The differential treatment of Éponine and Azelma vs. Cosette and the way the Thénardier girls have been trained by all the adults around them to see Cosette’s abuse as a hilarious game, Gavroche being conscripted to fill Cosette’s role as household drudge once Valjean takes her, Mme. T slipping a bill out of Thénardier’s stash once he goes after Valjean – it’s all really good.

Their reactions to Valjean were good too.  Mme. Thénardier was thoroughly unimpressed with this roughly dressed man she’d decided was a hobo and only reacted with hostility when he was kind to her little whipping girl, but Thénardier as the criminal mastermind of the outfit decided the moment he noticed Valjean paying inordinate attention to Cosette that he must be a pedophile and they’d stumbled upon a lucrative financial opportunity.  I know some people don’t like this change, but honestly it makes a ton of sense.  Valjean’s interest in Cosette is strange, and considering the usual clientele of the inn cheer whenever Mme. T hits the kid with the strap, the Thénardiers aren’t used to seeing other people regard her plight with compassion.  Unlike in the Brick, this Cosette is a very pretty child, something discernible even beneath the dirt.  And it’s Thénardier, so of course he thinks the worst.  Valjean doesn’t volunteer that he’s representing Fantine (perhaps in this universe where he knows Javert is so fixated on him, he’s worried that would make him too easy to trace?), so really, what else is Thénardier meant to think?

• There are some priceless interactions between the protagonists and Thénardier: when he’s trying to haggle and Valjean keeps ignoring him and just repeating “How much?”; Javert’s baffled “Nothing!” when he asks Javert what Javert is planning to do for him.

• Javert and Gavroche’s preliminary encounter over the coffee cup was a nice, subtle touch.

• A+ hair analogy between Fantine last week and Valjean this week.  A+ removal of the godawful ponytail.  That prison barber in Toulon deserves the Légion d'Honneur.

• I’m enjoying Javert’s meteoric rise at the Prefecture and I love Rivette.  “But Kainosite, you love every long-suffering lieutenant.”  Yes, what’s your point?  Javert deserves a long-suffering lieutenant and so do I.  Although it’s hilarious how much Oyelowovert is Fanfic Javert, in his relationship with his subordinates as much as in everything else.

I also enjoyed Javert’s phrenology skull, which I hope he sometimes monologues at Hamlet-style.  A black Javert might hesitate a little before going all-in on phrenology, but I do appreciate his commitment to cutting-edge criminology research.

• LMAO at Javert’s fanart commission.

• Valjean and little Cosette are adorable together, and I really appreciate how much time Davies devoted to just depicting them interacting and letting the relationship breathe.  The strength of their bond is going to be very important later on, especially to Valjean, so it’s worthwhile to establish it now.  And they were suuuuper cute.  This adaptation tends to cut out Hugo’s humor sections, so it was nice to get a bit of relief from the grimness with endearing family time.

• I rather like Cosette calling people “nosy bitches”.  I mean, who socialized this kid?  The Thénardiers, that’s who.  It makes her seem more like a real child and less like a perfect little doll designed to reward first Valjean and then Marius for fulfilling their roles as protagonists.

It’s also an early hint at Valjean and Cosette’s unhealthy isolation and codependency.  The principal tenant is actually fulfilling her duty of care here in a society without any proper system for child safeguarding.  Cosette never seems to leave the apartment, certainly not to attend school or to learn a trade.  There’s no family resemblance between herself and her guardian.  (Incidentally, I’m impressed by how much Mailow Defoy really does look like the child of Lily Collins and Johnny Flynn.  All the matching between the kids and their “parents” has been superb.)  They give inconsistent stories about their relationship.  And Cosette is, as previously mentioned, an exceptionally pretty child.  The principal tenant should be worried - she doesn’t want Hector Hulot taking up residence in her building, and this pair are deeply suspicious.  But they can’t perceive her attention as legitimate concern, just as an unwarranted and unwanted intrusion into their little idyl.

• Similarly, Valjean’s early worries that he’s isolating Cosette too much by denying her all contact with the outside world or other children her own age are a nice piece of foreshadowing, as is her blithe answer that the only friends she needs are Valjean and Catherine.  Of course she’s content: she has food and warmth and security and the undivided attention of a loving adult.  To a child whose previous experience of the world has been so traumatic, their isolation must seem like paradise.  But this isn’t healthy and it isn’t sustainable, and the show is flagging that up early.  In many adaptations Valjean’s Cosette Issues seem to come out of nowhere, so it’s great that they’re laying the groundwork here.

• The whole “For a dark hunt, a silent pack” sequence is very well done.  There’s a nice piece of foreshadowing with the lamplighter hoisting up a candle as Valjean and Cosette are coming into Paris.  (Most of the Parisian lamps are nice flickery ones, although you do occasionally see those peculiar white ones we saw in Montreuil.)

I also appreciate Davies cutting Valjean’s canonical “Be quiet or Mme. Thénardier will catch you and take you back” line to Cosette from the Brick, which was an awful thing to say to a traumatized child.

• Things continue to look right.  The courtroom setup was really quite good.

The Meh:

• After watching the episode twice I think I finally understand what was going on with Javert at the trial.

His plan to entrap Valjean is no less incredibly stupid and risky than it was last week, but at least Javert has finally realized this.  He looks increasingly worried as each convict gives his testimony and identifies Champmathieu because they’re getting closer and closer to the end of the trial and Valjean still hasn’t acted.  Unlike Étienne in the 1952 movie, Oyelowovert has already testified and perjured himself, so he has no failsafe – if Valjean refuses to take the bait then Champmathieu is condemned in his place, the real Valjean is protected from legal pursuit forever, Javert’s perjury has real, long-term, perverse consequences, and Javert needs to find a new career.  The shock we see on his face when Valjean finally confesses is relief and the shock of seeing a scenario he must have played out a hundred times in his dreams becoming a reality before his eyes, or possibly a consequence of him coming in his pants, not shock at the revelation that Madeleine is Valjean.

But there are few members of the audience who are keener observers of Javert’s face than I am.  Most of those people are probably in the Valvert Discord chat, and none of them could figure out this scene on their first viewing either.  We should not have to analyze Javert’s microexpressions to determine the answer to a question as fundamental as “Did Javert sincerely believe Champmathieu was Valjean?”

• On the whole the trial was bad but I did appreciate Brevet just yanking out his suspender to show the court.  Although @prudencepaccard​ is gonna be mad it wasn’t checkered.

• The amount of time it takes Valjean to escape from Toulon is really of no great importance to anything.  Maybe this Javert gave them specific instructions to search him with care so his files kept getting confiscated and it took him longer to file through his chains.  We know the Orion incident never happened in this universe, so maybe it took two years for Valjean to spot a good escape opportunity.  Who knows?  Who cares?  It has zero impact on the plot.

People concerned about the extra time Cosette was left languishing with the Thénardiers should direct their complaints to Brick Valjean, who faffed around in Montreuil for a month while her mother lay on her deathbed constantly asking for her, and only decided to go pick her up once he was under arrest and it would obviously be impossible.  Davies’ sins pale in comparison to Hugo’s in this regard.  At least Westjean tried to send someone to retrieve her.

• ‘Rosalie’?  Okay, fine, but I’m not sure why this adaptation feels compelled to give everyone first and last names.  Thénardier could just call her ‘Darling’.

• I know they also abandon Catherine in the Brick, but in the Brick Valjean doesn’t pause in their flight to pack the candlesticks, the objects that are precious to him, and Cosette doesn’t specifically ask about bringing her.  Put the pillow under the blankets to fake out Javert like a normal person and let your child keep the one toy she’s ever had, what the fuck is wrong with you, Valjean?

On the other hand, the doll is made of dead people and it may be possessed, so perhaps this was just responsible parenting.  I’m calling it a draw.

• It’s not that I have any great objections to giving Simplice more screen time or letting the Mother Superior of the Petit-Picpus convent decide to shelter a convict, but there was no particular reason not to use Fauchelevent for the Fauchelevent plotline.  It’s a small instance of a good deed being paid forward that underlines the main theme of the book, as does Simplice’s act of self-sacrifice in lying to Javert to protect Valjean.  All of that has been lost and nothing has been gained in its place.  (Also is Cosette just... “Cosette Valjean” in this adaptation?  “Cosette Thibault”?)

The Bad:

• If Javert perjures himself to trap Valjean that is an incredibly big deal and we should see it.  I accept that this Javert might do it: Oyelowovert cares about his career and about ruining the lives of criminals, not about the rules.  If he can trap Valjean, superb.  If Champmathieu ends up in the galleys because of it, well, he’s a filthy apple thief and he deserves it.  Javert is subverting the course of justice in the service of a greater social justice.  But this monumental deviation from his Brick characterization, this enormously consequential lie, should not occur off-camera, for fuck’s sake!

Also it’s not clear what reason a Javert who is happy to lie under oath would ever have to throw himself into the Seine.

• Why the hell was Valjean so hostile to the other convicts?  He assumes they’ve been paid off, but... by whom, and to what purpose?  By Javert, to entrap him?  We the viewers at least know that can’t be true – Javert only found out about Champmathieu from the Prefecture, after Champmathieu had already been identified as Valjean.  By the public prosecutor at Arras, who is desperate to close the case of a minor highway robbery that happened almost a decade ago on the other side of the country completely outside his jurisdiction?  By the many enemies of Champmathieu the random hobo, who really want to see him go down for a felony?  It makes absolutely no sense.

Possibilities that make more sense: a) the convicts are sincerely mistaken about the appearance of a guy they’ve not seen in eight years, b) they just wanted to get out of Toulon for a month and they’re willing to say anything to do it because Toulon is a hellhole, as the first episode made exceedingly clear, c) they know perfectly well Champmathieu is not Valjean and they’re lying to protect the liberty of their old comrade by condemning a stranger in his place.  The whole dynamic of this scene – Madeleine, the respected mayor and factory owner, who’s been clean and well-fed and safe for years, yelling at these filthy men in their convict uniforms, Chenildieu with some kind of open wound across his forehead, quite possibly a lash mark – is deeply unpleasant.  It makes Valjean look like a complete asshole and sets a sour tone for the whole episode.

• The entire trial is just off.  Valjean’s off-putting and inexplicable hostility to his fellow convicts, Javert’s mystifying facial expressions, the audience who keep laughing at unfunny lines – the scene just doesn’t work, it doesn’t come together.  It was at something of a disadvantage because I came into it having just watched the 1952 trial scene for the previous episode’s review post, which is the best ever adaptation of the Champmathieu trial, and any other version was likely to pale by comparison.  But this one was particularly poor.

• I said last week we’d have to see what the series made of Valjean’s externalization of his emotions.  Well, what it has made is an awful lot of shouting at everyone, starting with the poor convicts and continuing from there, and also an excess of violence.  Valjean charges into the soldiers in Montreuil-sur-Mer and bowls them over, he threatens to knock Thénardier down and then to blow his head off, he gets Thénardier into a headlock and grapples with him.  Even when Westjean is coming into the convent he has to practically break down the doors.  Everything is violent action with him.  It’s OOC to the point where it’s becoming a problem rather than merely a different interpretation of the character.

All this aggression isn’t even effective at making him seem dangerous!  The thing he does in 1978 where he gently removes Javert’s hand from his collar is vastly more intimidating because it showcases his superhuman strength.  He should have just plucked the gun out of Thénardier’s hand like he was taking it away from a child instead of all this undignified scuffling.

• Tumblr, a humble reviewer has failed in accuracy, and I have come to bring this matter to your attention, as is my duty.

I argued last week that Westjean is not a misogynist: he yells at everyone in his vicinity regardless of gender.  Well, you were right and I was wrong.  That menacing lunge he takes towards Victurnien while screaming at her, calling Mme. Thénardier “woman” and shouting at her to bring his supper, the way he bursts in on the nuns at the end – it all adds up to something pretty unpleasant.

• I have never in my life seen an adaptation that makes Fantine’s death so much about Jean Valjean’s manpain.

If you look a 1978, an adaptation that gives if possible negative fucks about Fantine, it still manages to make the confrontation over her deathbed a conversation between three people, in which she has agency and reacts to what people are saying and is present in some capacity other than that of an object to make Valjean sad.  Someone compared Collinstine to a substitute Coin of Shame, and I think that’s really apt: Valjean is distressed and guilty because he’s failed to rescue Cosette, so he goes to Fantine’s bedside to sear the image of her despairing face onto his retinas in the same way he seared the imprint of Petit Gervais’s forty sous onto his palm.  He’s punishing himself by deliberately upsetting her.  For both Valjean and the camera, this scene is all about Valjean’s feelings and not about Fantine’s.

The person in this room with the biggest problems is not Jean Valjean, for pity’s sake.  I like to see the man cry as much as the next fangirl, but this was vile.

• Valjean’s visit to Fantine on her deathbed is a stupid, irresponsible thing to do and a direct cause of her unhappy death in the Brick and in every adaptation where she survives long enough for Javert to turn up. Valjean knows he has no good news to give her, he knows that the criminal justice system will be after him sooner or later, he knows that having Fantine and Javert together in the same room is a phenomenally bad idea, and he has urgent business in Montfermeil, or if he’s resolved to stay in Montreuil-sur-Mer to await arrest then he urgently needs to designate some representative to go and pick up Cosette in his place.  Instead he loiters by a sick woman’s bedside until Javert shows up and predictably traumatizes her to death.  As a result, Fantine dies in misery and Cosette suffers under the Thénardiers for another year.

But in the Brick it was at least not an insane thing to do.  When he left Arras he was not being pursued, and he reached Montreuil well ahead of the news about the trial.  The magistrates in Arras were in two minds about how to handle the situation.  Given Madeleine’s status, the widespread affection and admiration for him in the region, and the fact that he turned himself in, it’s not inconceivable that had it not been for his little Bonapartist slip in the courtroom, they wouldn’t have issued a warrant for his arrest at all and would simply have sent him a summons to appear at the Var Assizes to stand trial, or directed him to surrender himself at the prison in Montreuil rather than sending Javert after him.  I’m not sure it’s likely, given that he’s a known flight risk and parole violator illegally occupying a public office and they seem keen to get their hands on his fortune, but it’s not inconceivable.

In this adaptation Valjean breaks away from the police in the street and leads them straight to Fantine’s deathbed.  There is no fucking excuse for this.  NONE.  Brick Valjean was a fool to come at all and a bigger fool to stage a massive confrontation with Javert while he was still in the infirmary, but his mistakes were those of a man under immense stress who never bothered to think about Javert long enough to construct a working psychological profile of him.  Westjean’s mistakes were the mistakes of a selfish asshole too caught up in his own feelings of guilt and shame to have any regard for the people he allegedly cares about and wants to help.  Valjean is an extreme deontologist and his actions are always self-absorbed to a certain degree, because they’re fundamentally more about whether he can feel he’s done the right thing than about the actual effects of his actions on other people.  (He and Brickvert have that in common.)  But it should never get to the point where he’s actively harming people to this extent.

• Brickvert doesn’t seem to care for firearms much, and Oyelowovert looks like a jackass waving his two giant pistols around, but he’s a different character and if he’s decided they make him look cool then fine, I guess.  But in that case he should not be intimidated by Valjean’s strength in the infirmary.  You have guns, idiot!  If he threatens you just shoot him in the leg!

Guns completely change the dynamics of this scene, as the Dallas staging of the musical conveys very well.  The BBC handed Javert some pistols and then forgot he had them.

• In 1862 people would probably have found the implication that Catherine has Fantine’s hair to be sweet and charming, because the Victorians loved toting bits of their dead relatives around and hair mementos were so common that no one would have considered it weird.  In 2019 it is CREEPY AND GROSS.  I know there’s no ethical consumption under capitalism but we did not need to know that Cosette’s doll was made from the body parts of desperately impoverished and now dead women, really.

• Oh, so we’re flipping over beds when we fail to catch our favorite fugitive convict now, are we?  Great, now everyone is yelling.  FFS, Javert, I thought you were supposed to be the emotionally continent one.

• Where was Marius this week???  If Davies was happy to cut that leg of the stool out of whole episodes then why the fuck not just let Georges die when he’s supposed to and let Marius have a coherent character arc?  It makes no sense whatsoever.

I’ve got to be honest, I was not a fan of this episode.  But it did get Valjean and Cosette’s relationship right, and that is the most important relationship in the story.

[kariachi]

Okay, y’all gave your approval, so I’m doing a partial liveblog of King of the Castle. Can’t get all of the episode right now, but I’m gonna do what I can and then redo the episode for a proper liveblog when it comes out in the states and I can, ya know, watch all of it.

This one won’t be rated, because I’m missing like 10% of the episode and so can’t judge fairly.

As someone who was once a young girl, it is incredibly nostalgic watching Gwen daydream about being crowned Queen of England. That is just how it be with some girls. Also Ben is just not having shit.

Lady Wilhelmina Warrick of Castle Bishopbrooke, nickname Willy. Huh. And apparently a cousin of some sort.

Gwen is going to die of joy for she is related to a Lady. Ben is going to die of horror for they’re going to a haunted castle. Sounds about accurate.

Ben running for the haunted castle for the sake of proving it’s haunted.

Kevin, lurking on either a roof or a balcony, waiting for a certain small Tennyson. Do we ever get an episode where he appears just, dive-tackling Ben from offscreen? I feel like we need that in our lives.

Gwen disappointed that the castle is in shit shape. I’d say just rough but, part of the floor is missing, including the area of rug that should be hiding it. Willy needs to step up her game, pick up a hammer or something. It’s called DIY.

Willy’s got some upper body strength. Also refers to Max as Cousin Maxie, so I have to assume the two are actually somewhat close. How close of a relation is it, I wonder?

Gwen curtseys and Ben tries to copy her but doesn’t have the balance for it. This is why we practice, Ben.

Gwen wanting to know everything about being a noble.

“There’s always work to be done” that’s putting it mildly.

The only thing here out to get you Ben is Kevin. Although I wouldn’t put it past him to be behind that, though I do think Gwen is right about it just being how bad of shape the building is in.

I’m fairly certain Willy’s about to put Max to work helping clean shit up (you brought it on yourself Max) while the kids escape, but given we lose some bits right here this is just an assumption. We jump from Max offering directly to Ben and Gwen wandering around.

Ben goes Heatblast to light a load of torches to keep ghosts at bay, and immediately the wind comes through and blows them all out again. And Heatblast himself while it’s at it.

More Kevin, sneaking about the halls. Child are you honestly behind this? I wouldn’t be surprised, you totally would, I just wanna know how. Also the fucking chord when he appears, it’s not Norman Bates fucking chill.

Ben is too scared of ghosts to wander around without his cousin.

Willy drinking tea while Max mops up and mice run about. I am not shocked.

Well Gwen, this is what happens when you go someplace labelled ‘haunted’. They tend to be very dusty and also a lot less elegant than the not-so-haunted castles. Besides, Willy’s a Lady not the Queen.

The Warrick family crest is a bear playing a harp like it’s a fucking electric guitar. Have you ever had that moment where you wonder where a character gets it and then the show just, answers you in the most unexpected way?

And Ben lights the tapestry on fire because an end curled up when Gwen went to look at it and so it is clearly evil and possessed. Gwen leaves, Ben panics, and the tapestry crumbles to ash after he throws it out a window. You know Kevin is behind one of those bookshelves going ‘this is why I bully him’.

Ben does not like being alone in a haunted castle.

Ben: “It’s clear what happened here- Gwen was eaten by a ghost, and you’re next if you aren’t careful! It’s too late for Gwen, but you have lots of options!” Followed by an imagine spot depicting him not being able to do shit to defend himself against a ghost with Gwen clearly visibly in it’s belly. 10-yos everybody.

I just love that as the imagine spot goes on eaten!Gwen gets more and more tired of the whole situation, ending with her kicking back and reading a book inside the ghost. He doesn’t half know his cousin, does he?

Also confirmation Ben knows he can’t go Wildvine or Overflow.

Gwen is very good at this ghost prank thing, though Ben does make it very easy. And the reveal the ghost is Gwen is where we leave off on this portion. Only one more clip to go and that seems to cover most of the rest of Kevin’s existence in this episode.

(Random, did y’all know CN Aus has the whole of Escape from Aggregor up on youtube? I’m not gonna liveblog it because I already did a few years back, but in case y’all wanna watch it, it’s there.)

We begin this next section with a Ben and a Gwen and a hedgemaze.

Ben has been eaten by the hedgemaze, it’s Rose Red all over again.

And Ben is panicking, not helped by Kevin taking full advantage of his fear of ghosts to be all eerie voice from out of sight. Because this child.

“Gwen is that you again?” Ben asks of the very Kevin voice. Like seriously, this kid isn’t even trying to hide it’s him. It’s wonderful.

Oh look, it’s, Thornblade I think? Kev’s Wildvine equivalent? Taking full advantage of location. I’m going to assume Kevin watches a lot of horror movies because he’s playing it well so far.

Dodging blows being thrown at you from the hedges right up until Thornblade forms himself out of vines in front of you while you weren’t looking.

Nobody would’ve expected Ben to be happy to see Kevin, but Kevin he can at least fight, unlike a ghost.

I admit, the way that was going, I was expecting the argument to devolve into yeah-huhs and nuh-uhs. Don’t know whether I’m sad or not that it didn’t. Although Ben claiming he’s fought houseplants badder than Thornblade is both hilarious and stupid given he is in Thornblade’s clutches at the time.

Ben goes Four Arms, surprising Kevin which I wasn’t expecting. But then Ben gets to be surprised when he knocks Kev over a hedge and it look like he times out, only for sudden- Undertow was it? Eh, I’ll probs find out in a second.

Ooo, nice use of the water powers, focusing on the ground so he can trap Ben in mud.

Okay, now Kevin is just showing off. ‘Look at what I’ve got and can do’. Seriously, Kev, 1) how did you get these aliens, and 2) stick with a shape child. What did you just add this feature? Oh my gods that’s exactly what’s happening isn’t it? You added the switching feature like, yesterday, and are having too much fun testing it out.

Okay, can I just say I really love Dark Matter’s design? Just, we went from a smol frog with no physical capabilities to speak of to balance out the brains, to an actual fucking horror movie monster with brawn as well. And I mean it, look at Dark Matter and how Kevin moves as him, that wouldn’t be out of place in something like Alien or Pumpkinhead.

Seriously, Dark Matter just, kicks ass. Never was big on Grey Matter but this is a frog I can stan.

Seriously those movements are just, exquisite. Also the crystal power? I don’t know what the fuck that red crystal he caused to overtake Ben is or how he managed it as Dark Matter, but it’s cool at fits the horror movie aesthetic.

Trying getting Kevin to monologue for those last few seconds before his watch times out. Not that it works, but it was a valiant attempt.

Not that it mattered anyway because it was literally seconds left. Also the look on Kevin’s face when he realizes he’s timed out and Ben is still Four Arms- you can hear the ‘fuckfuckfuckfuck’ going through his little head.

Exit, stage right, pursued by alien.

Ben, having timed out: Alright Kevin, it’s time to ask question and get answers, and I’m all out of answers. Kevin: This boy is a moron

(I know that’s not the line but still.)

Also immediately reminding Ben that in their normal forms he is bigger, smarter, and stronger. Which is true on all counts, given Kev is apparently a tech whiz and definitely older than Ben is.

And teasing Ben for being scared of ghosts just before they both get jumpscared by an inanimate object, the bear statue sending them both fucking bolting, complete with screams.

And Kevin tumbles through a hedge, poorly, just in time for his watch to time back in and an ominous shadow to appear over him.

Forever Knight is here and complimenting Kev. Apparently he ‘shows promise’ (on this we can agree). Kevin, meanwhile, responds to a stranger in full armor appearing out of nowhere and striking up conversation with glares and mild sass.

And while the Forever Knight is touting that old-ass ‘work with me and we shall crush our enemies’ line Kevin has walked away, scoffed at him, shut him down, and called him a nerd and a creep. I’m so proud of my child, he’s a shit but he’s so good.

Willy is gonna miss the fam, though the kids were a delight, Max was a big help.

Willy gives Gwen an antique family heirloom music box as a parting gift, because some people are cool like that. Ben gets forgiveness for all the damage he caused. And Max gets some quality tea to help him chillax after what was apparently the worst day of cleaning ever to look at him.

And we end on Willy having just gotten some contractors in to patch the place up. Good on her. There’s more to the episode but, well. Bits & pieces.

[arachcobra]

Naruto Episode 6 Review

Whining always gets you what you want in the military.

Review of Naruto Episode 6: A Dangerous Mission! Journey to the Land of Waves

ArachCobra

So we start off with out intrepid trio hunting for pussy. That ism they're hunting down a cat. The cat of a fa two man who obviously causes the poor creature no end of discomfort, but hey, animal abuse is hilarious. So the Hokage and company, which includes Iruka because... Ehm... Well... Wait, why is Iruka here? Doesn't he have classes to teach? Or is it because he has to keep an eye on Naruto? I don't know.

Anyway, as the Hokage gets ready to hand out another mission, Naruto throws a hissy fit, demanding a real mission. Yes, because when you've completed one mission, you have the right to dictate what missions you get. Seriously, he's such a whiny brat here. He says he wants to be a ninja, but clearly, he doesn't care much for what that actually entails. The Hokage even goes out of his way to explain to Naruto why this low rank, low effort missions are important.

And Naruto ignores him to talk about noodles.

Seriously, he's being such a brat. Really, I wouldn't blame the Hokage if he just kicked him out of the whole nija thing right then and there. Naruto has no respect for authority or the hierarchy. He doesn't get to just dictate what missions he should get. I wouldn't mind if he just complained, but no, he outright fucking demands to be treated like fucking royalty, handed whatever whatever he points at.

And the worst part? They frickin' agree. Because Naruto wants to “prove how he's not just some brat anymore.” Well maybe you could prove that by doing your job, you snot-nosed little asshole. But no, they give him a C-rank mission like he wants.

Enter Tazuna. Without a doubt the best character in the episode, mostly because he keeps taking the piss out of Naruto. He's hilarious.

So off they go to the Land of Waves, with Tazuna constantly nettling Naruto, who quite frankly earned it. Ten they suddenly get jumped by the Demon Brothers(At least, that's what they're called on the wiki), who seemingly tears Kakashi to confetti and then go for Naruto.

Which really makes no sense when you think about it. They're after Tazuna, but taking out Kakashi first makes sense, since he could probably do some damage protecting the guy. What's Naruto going to do? Whine at them. Anyway, it's all so Sasuke can save him and look really cool doing so. Then one of the two assailants goes after Tazuna and Sakura jumps in front, only for Sasuke to jump in front of her. And then Kakashi shows up, taking out the two ninjas by... Grabbing them. Which somehow knocks them out.

So Kakashi admits he just hid, because he didn't expect Naruto to freeze up. Okay, hold on a second. I'm actually going to take Naruto's side here. He thought his teacher just died in front of him and then he was jumped by two guys, who outclassed him by a really wide fucking margin. He shouldn't, by your own rules, even be fighting guys like these yet. So him freezing is unfortunate, but perfectly understandable.

And then he gets some internal monologue about how cool Sasuke is, how much better he is, how he did all the things and we're only some homoerotic subtext away from being encouraged to suck the guy off, that's how hard they're banging this drum about how utterly awesome Sasuke Uchiha is. We get it already. Give it a rest.

And then Kakashi explains how he knew they were about to be ambushed and why he decided to let it happen, all of which makes sense and is actually pretty cool. Turns out, Tazuna is being targeted by more than just bandits and rogues. So Kakashi muses that since they are now far beyond the scope of the mission and should go home, but Naruto stabs himself and swears a blood oath never to retreat or back down.

Which is fucking stupid for a ninja to swear. Accepting the premise that these guys obviously are much more combat oriented than real life ninjas, they're still supposed to be more akin to elite operatives. Never backing down or retreating sounds great in a sort of hotblooded heroic way, but it is stupid. It's stupid for a ninja, who's supposed to be a master of escape and evasion. And it's stupid in general. If you're outmatched our overwhelmed, there is nothing wrong about pulling back. This isn't courageous, it's suicidal. But because he sworet hat oath, they go on with the mission, despite none of them beside Kakashi having the qualifications. Because Naruto said so, bitches. And so they leave the Demon Brothers behind, never to be seen again. I presume they starved to death under that tree.

Somewhere else, the villains meet up to foreshadow how dangerous they are. It's very ominous, but actually a pretty cool scene.

I'd say this episode is average. What's good is good, but Naruto is intolerable in this, treating his village's military like a platform for his personal glorification, which indicates that despite his desire to be ninja and hokage, he has no fucking clue what it means to be either.

Givenea

So, the chapter is up to a great start showcasing our main team on the job, catching a runaway cat. It’s is for all intents and purposes a good scene, giving us insight into the daily life of a ninja. Naruto’s bratty behavior ruins the good start immediately though.

The brat complains and mouths of to his most superior officer. And then proceeds to utterly ignore said officer, when he is kind enough to explain why Naruto gets the missions he gets, instead of you know blasting Naruto’s ass out of his office.

How is this kid not fired yet?

Can’t give the Hokage too many points here as he rewards Naruto with the kind of mission he wants.

Most of the rest of the episode then goes with Naruto being a brat to their client.

The we get a fight scene to show of how cool Sasuke is. How cool? So cool that he steals all spotlight from his teammates, including stopping a pretty badass moment from Sakura as she steps in to protect their client.

Then we end on Naruto being a brat again.

Sigh, less of this please.

Fluttersniper13

Ehm... (Takes a deep breath) I mean, it was stupid. There was baby Naruto I believe. Cool old guy. More stupid. More baby Naruto. Ehmm... Walking, I think. Can't remember, it was stupid. Comical death scene. Stupidity. Also Sakura being useless. More stupid, more stupid, more stupid. Blah, blah, blah. And then a guy with the longest sword and a guy with a voice that could shatter windows. And yeah, that was the end.

Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13125294/5/Naruto-Rewrite-1-Road-to-Ninja

[timotay-chalamet]

Best TV of 2016: 10 - 6

Part 3 of this never ending series. Part 4 will be posted tomorrow

PART 2

PART 1

10. CRAZY EX GIRLFRIEND

This show took me a while to get into, and I must confess I watched the first episode, didn’t enjoy it and decided to not continue. I’m not entirely sure why I decided to come back to this show, but I am glad I did. Rebecca Bunch (Rachel Bloom) decides to move to West Covina after she sees her high school summer fling Josh Chan (Vincent Rodriguez III) from New York. Did I mention this show has musical numbers? Because it does, and they are amazing (this show is no Glee, trust me). What this show does perfectly is melt together musical genres, styles and gives each member a cast the chance to shine. The first season was perfect, and as a viewer I really appreciated how well written the show was, and how it was able to find humour and pathos all the while presenting a beautifully feminist perspective. This is a show that values the subtleties of female friendship, but also female rivalry. The supporting cast of this show are perfect, and are often foils for Rebecca’s absurdist ‘romantic’ gestures. Donna Lynne Champlin’s, Paula Procter is particularly brilliant but all the supporting cast are equally brilliant. But the best part is that they are able to have lives outside of Rebecca. This show is bitingly hilarious, it doesn’t take itself too seriously and it’s able to subvert tropes of genre. It’s basically brilliant *starts singing the Sexy Getting Ready Song*

 Best episodes: I’m Going a Date with Josh’s Friend, My First Thanksgiving with Josh, That Text was not Meant for Josh, Josh is Going to Hawaii, Why is Josh in a Bad Mood, Paul Needs to Get Over Josh

9. MR ROBOT

Planning a revolution is easy, executing a revolution is more difficult, sustaining a revolution is hard. This season of Mr Robot examined with repercussions of such a revolution, who benefits? Who falters? And how does such idealism exist in world that may not want it.

This season of Mr Robot was either love it or leave it, there is no in between. The critical darling of 2015 has been absent from many top of 2016 lists, and I am trying to understand why? I will commend Sam Esmail for making the show with his own vision and while I feel some of the criticism lobbied at the show were warranted, I had to question if we were watching the same show. For my part, I don’t feel like the ‘twists’ are every really twists, not in the traditional sense, and from the beginning the audience knows that Elliot is an unreliable narrator, so it really wasn’t so shocking to see him in prison. I did think that the reveal was done beautifully, and the cinematography is bar none, the man knows his way around a montage. It also continues to use some of the inspired musical choices on TV.  Rami Malek as Elliot Alderson continues to create an iconic performance full of subtext, mania and restraint. There is a reason why he continues to win awards. Christian Slater’s, Mr Robot is finally able to be the unhinged id, and Slater revels in this new development. Carly Chaikin delivers one of the finest monologues on the show, and this season we were able to see her as a defacto leader.  The female centric solo episode, particularly following the previous episode’s revelation, was an inspired choice, and Angela’s (Portia Doubleday) karaoke was particularly heartbreaking. The inclusion of the FBI and Dom (Grace Gummer) was a welcome change of perspective. And how can we forget B.D Wong’s electric performance as Whiterose, complete and utter scene-stealer, as is Stephanie Corneliussen as Joanna Wellick. I feel this is a set up season of the show, and that next season we will see the full repercussions of F Society’s revolution.

 Best episodes: unm4sk-pt1.tc (2.01), unm4sk-pt2.tc (2.02), logic_b0mb.hc (2.04), h4ndshake.sme (2.06), pyth0n_p1.p7z (2.07), pyth0n_p2z (2.08)

8. THE NIGHT OF

Everyone’s worst nightmare is being arrested for a crime they didn’t commit and it’s even worse if you don’t remember; that’s the premise of The Night Of. Nasir Khan (Riz Ahmed), in a series of ‘please don’t that’ choices manages to charged with the murder of his one night stand. The first episode of this show is a heart attack inducing experience, as Naz manages to make the stupidest of the all stupid choices. What follows is an exploration of race, religion and the criminal justice system. John Turturro is brilliant as Jack Stone, the down and out lawyer who only through good timing and luck get’s Naz as a client; although I will say that we see his feet more than my eyes needed to. Enough cannot be said about Riz Ahmed’s performance, and this role reignited my love for him but I don’t think anyone noticed because I’ve been totally lowkey and subtle about it. But anyway Ahmed sells the transformation from Bambi in the woods to career criminal brilliantly, and his acting is always subtle but tells us so much. The only issues I have this show are pacing, and some questionable story choices, while I know this is based on a BBC production, certain storylines should have been abandoned for realism. And on that note, some of the court scenes were completely ludicrous and I’m no lawyer but even I knew that dramatic license was taken. Overall I enjoyed the mystery, and the performances were brilliant but as a story it slightly missed the mark of a truly iconic show. But what a star making year for Riz, in every way!

 Best episodes: The Beach, The Art of War, The Season of the Witch, Samson and Delilah, An Ordinary Death, The Call of the Wild

7. BETTER CALL SAUL

Better Call Saul really come into it’s own this season, both thematically but also stylistically. Vince Gillian was able to meld what fans loved about Breaking Bad into the darkly comical world of Saul Goodman. It cannot be said enough that Bob Odenkirk was brilliant this season, Jimmy’s McGill’s foray into legitimacy is short lived but we as an audience are able to see the flickers of ‘Saul’ that made him the character he is in Breaking Bad. Gilligan also uses montage, and suspense perfectly this season and the show ended on an enormous cliff-hanger that makes me exited for next season. Rhea Seehorn as Kim Wexler is also undeniably brilliant as she is caught between her own personal ambitions, and the reality of working with Jimmy, as partners only. This season was extremely exiting, and next season I feel will be even better as the stakes have been raised. The beauty of this show is that audience already has a touchstone for the season, so our interest lies in formation of these characters, as we are aleady privy how they turn out.

 Best Episodes: Rebecca, Inflatable, Nailed, Klick

6. ATLANTA

I wasn’t sure what to expect coming into this show, I am being completely honest. I was under the impression that the show would be a ‘slice of life’ dramedy with some comedic elements; luckily I was wrong and this show has exceeded my every expectation. What Donald Glover and his writing staff have done beautifully is add these surreal elements into the show that never feel tacked or forced but completely and utterly delightful. The show also deals with serious issues, such as police brutality, social media, celebrities and feminism but always with a comedic touch. I also think it’s a brave choice to have episodes without the main protagonist, it just adds layers to an already brilliant show. This show is brilliant, Glover deserves all the praise that he is getting, but I also think that his supporting cast deserve the accolades equally as this show would not even remotely work without their comedic presence.  

 Best episodes: Streets on Lock, Value, B.A.N., The Club, The Jacket