#edit: had some free time so I fixed it up and yeah it was definitely the weird eye contact lmao

[phenikas]

Made a render yesterday but I felt kind of iffy about the whole composition, so I decided to sleep on it to see how I'll feel about it in the morning

Safe to say I am glad I did not post this one cause it's one of the cringiest things I've ever created

[gnomewithalaptop]

Transcendence AU Dash Simulator GO!!!

31 notes

🌟 lesbianstellaconifer Follow

okay but actually block me if you ship mizcor -- 'hurr durr but we age stella up' -- SHUT UPPP she's literally a minor and alcor's canonically over a million years old so how about you stop being a freak

🎩 woodsmans-left-nipple Follow

Babe I hate to break this to you but Mizcor's literally one of the most famous relationships in all of post-transcendental literature

🌟 lesbianstellaconifer Follow

I could not have more obviously been talking about Mizar the Magnificent but you know what? Yeah classic Mizcor supporters can fuck off too actually.

Everybody likes to whip out Twin Souls like some kind of gotcha but have you even actually read it??? Like it's literally supporting demon worship and pedophilia -- both of which are EXTREMELY ILLEGAL btw. So yeah if I see any of my followers reblogging that shit I'm reporting you to the Occult Defense Agency idc if we're mutuals

🐟 demonologyturnedmegay Follow

*looks at my Alcorian Literature PhD* guess we better stock up on prison shivs buddy

🍃 haveyouseenmylibrary Follow

okay I'm sorry but

and Mizar the Magnificent isn't????

5k notes

📷 nature-pics-daily

Los Angeles 🏝️

#sunken city of los angeles #new california #travel #ocean #photography #lmao i almost got eaten by a kelpie trying to take this pic pls reblog it

98 notes

🧁 definitely-mizar Follow

Hey guys! Just wanted to let you know that The Scepter of Vanquished Souls, the newest book in the Wanderlust Trilogy, is now available for pre order on Glamazon!

Purchasers of the hard-cover edition will also receive never-before-seen content, including a deleted scene between Princess Samia and the Shadow King!

🤷‍♂️ not-not-ian-beale Follow

Boosting because I honestly cannot recommend this book enough. Truly one of Mira's best (and I'm not just saying that because she married me!)

25k notes

⚠️ alv Follow

CONGRATULATIONS!!!

You are the 6 billionth user to log into Jumblr today!! This means you are eligible to win a FREE WACBOOK PRO!!!! Click here to claim your prize and win BIG BIG REWARDS!!

#twin souls #mizar #alcor #mizcor #twin souls: reawakened #twin souls: breaking circles #twin souls: newest moon #twinner #twincon3015 #not a scam

Based on your likes!

0 notes

🌞 azarath-metrion-zinthirst Follow

So. I had a day.

📖 stanley-pines-memorial-library Follow

Okay, but consider

🌞 azarath-metrion-zinthirst Follow

I don't remember my older brother's wedding

📖 stanley-pines-memorial-library Follow

A small price to pay for no middle school trauma

🐧 selkiebael Follow

Okay so I just read the url and--

Asfdksfjk go off you funky lil intern

📖 stanley-pines-memorial-library Follow

I'm actually the senior librarian. But thanks!

🐈 alcorphabetical Follow

Posts that have 10k notes. To me

15k notes

🔮 demonoftheday Follow

Today's demon of the day is Nxlar the Antithetical! Responsible for the Florida Springs Massacre of 3007, the body count for this purveyor of madness is estimated to be over 400 (source).

🐸 that-one-half-elf-bitch

I could fix her

41 notes

🍑 lookingformygnomequeen Follow

literally screaming crying throwing up rn I've turned off 'Based on your likes' like eight times @staff can't you just get rid of him already

2.5k notes

🎤 rosaslittleredboots Follow

#i accidentally set my alchemy textbook on fire today and i don't even care AAAAAA this is going to be amazing #northwest mansion mystery #pacifica northwest #rosa darling #im about to be so insufferable about this just you wait

616 notes

👹 sexiestdemon3015bracket Follow

🐸 that-one-half-elf-bitch

Nxlar SWEEEEEP!!!

#if you love me at all you'll vote for my lady love #LISTEN i could bring her to the light i nkow i could

37 notes

👻 sweetthingsaremadeofdeeznuts

Lmao so Nxlar the Antithetical totally turned my apartment complex into a pile of sentient sludge yesterday. I'm fine -- I was at work when it all went down, but uh... yeah, my situation obviously just became super not-great. I hate to ask, but I don't get paid til the 15th, so if some of y'all could float me some cash just so I can get a motel room for a couple nights, I'll fr owe you a life debt

Goal: 0/250

FundFriend

LenMo

#fuck demons fr #like seriously what'd i ever do to them 😭😭😭 #mutual aid #pls boost #don't tag as donation

17 notes

🏳️‍⚧️ gliesssse Follow

Important PSA

So idk if y'all have been reading the news lately, but the alcor virus has been making the rounds on the interwebs again. I feel like I shouldn't have to say this but PLEASE don't click any random links rn, ESPECIALLY if they're tagged with twin souls.

I know we twinners love to joke about it, but the alcor virus is legitimately dangerous and has been known to seriously ruin people's lives. Idk. Just like be smart and practice basic caution I guess? Jumblr's pretty much dead these days, so he might skip over us, but it's always better to be safe than sorry

⚠️ alv Follow

This is a good point! It is always better to be safe than sorry! That's why if you're smart, you'll click here for a list of ways to virus-proof your computer. Stay safe out there everybody!

Based on your likes!

4k notes

🌲 discogirl99 Follow

Anyone else just randomly crave connective tissue sometimes

🧁 sparkle-glitter-sideblog

no actually i think that might just be a you thing

#also i heard screaming on the other line when i called you earlier there better not be a mess when i get home #beloved demon brother tag

2 notes

👑 sameeya

Okay guys I might be crazy but what if the Shadow King was actually telling the truth when he said Princess Samia's brother is still alive??? Like, if you think about it, there's a tonnnn of foreshadowing in Crown of Ghosts and the author tweeted that there was gonna be a surprise twist in the new book sooo 👀👀

#i've connected the dots -- YOU DIDN'T CONNECT SHIT -- i've connected them #wanderlust trilogy #mira ramachandran #crown of ghosts #scepter of vanquished souls #princess samia #samia of cleves #shadow king #ahmed of cleves #bookblr

25 notes

🪨 professionalnatural-deactivated30141227

Reminder that you are beautiful exactly as you are and there are thousands who would sell their souls to imitate what you do naturally <3

👠 mizarsfrillypetticoat Follow

I actually really needed this today 💗

🦇 plsbytemevladdyzaddy Follow

Yo quit reblogging this op is a blatant human supremacist

🪨 professionalnatural-deactivated30141227

And? No one cares lmao

⚠️ alv Follow

Enjoy deactivation. Lmao.

🪓 wenda-was-a-lesbian-confirmed Follow

🕵🏻‍♂️ alcor-in-the-tardis Follow

#I sent screenshots of that one centaur post to her boss too #give you two guesses what species his wife is (tags by @alv)

Holy shit. Am I actually rooting for the alcor virus rn?

🍄 warioxreader Follow

maybe the real virus was the friends we made along the way <3

⚠️ alv Follow

No, the real virus is me. Don't take credit for my accomplishments.

🐲 retiredbus Follow

Heritage post

62k notes

🐔 old-friends-senior-griffin-sanctuary Follow

I just want to get dicked down again =/

[brooklynisher]

Hi, I worked on SPG wiki and saw your post on Jaunty - thanks a bunch for that post! and sorry the wiki is in disarray, we haven't had much time free to work on it lately (':

RE: your message on the original SPG user, it was not only time based, but because some of the information they added to articles contained lore that was only officially announced/released much later, but was timestamped and published on the wiki several years ahead of official sources. This was spotted by the other wiki admin, Hope Cheshire, who is a bigger lore buff than I. So either the user was clairvoyant / knew the future, or was a band member - and as was confirmed, it was Bunny!

Anyway, if you're interested in fixing up the wiki, or just like researching stuff - please check out the discord we made for it. We were in the process of migrating it off Fandom to a better wiki site, but again, everyone's been pretty busy, and we'd love more hands in the kitchen. Even if you don't have time to edit, we would love to chat or have an occasional suggestion or proof reader.

(From Admin MelonPope <3)

Hellooo!!!

Yeah that original post was a bit of a mixed bag for me in terms of pride. Stoked that I figured out the main details but kind of side-eyeing some of my more bold/baseless claims to put it nicely.

I guess I got pretty excited about finding Jaunty and sorta just threw around some claims to get my discoveries out faster. I was not thinking to fully research everything I talked about, just Jaunty. Thank god Bunny got the chance to correct me 😭

Cool to see the thought process you guys had too!

Though I did kind of rip on the wiki a bit with the whole David factoid, I actually hold quite a bit of respect for you guys! A wiki is quite the site to uphold in any fashion.

The Discord server doesn’t sound like a bad idea! I’ve genuinely been tempted to contribute to the wiki multiple times but I just get intimidated by the writing format of typical wiki pages in all honesty.

I can write a lot of information in one place but I’m not exactly the best at writing it WELL per se. I could definitely see how Discord could fix some of that stress when it comes down to what you offered!

[physalian]

The Woes of Formatting

I am… 22 hours into formatting ENNS for print (now ebook) and am making this post for posterity’s sake to say: Formatting is so. Tedious. I had to start over thanks to Amazon going “ha you didn’t set your margins properly,” and also some last-minute changes to the text. Yesterday (7/24/24) after a full day of work, I worked on Book from 2:30pm to 11:30pm. Today is probably going to be about the same.

My neck hurts from staring at my monitor, my pinkie hurts from the strain of holding a computer mouse in one position since 6am. I have forgotten to cook lunch and dinner, but I did have breakfast.

It doesn’t even feel real yet. I am exhausted. But you know what feels great? Eliminating widows and orphans on the pages to erase the page count only by one. If you don’t know, those are the little hanging words on the bottom line of a paragraph or the top of a page that can be resized to fit on the line above it.

Getting to the last page of the chapter and realizing there’s only 3 or 4 lines of text left eating up an entire piece of paper, and then scrolling back through the chapter like a madwoman to nudge other paragraphs around to eliminate that extra page… I was literally cheering in my room in satisfaction.

For the record it shouldn’t take you this long, but I wanted it to be pretty, and Amazon is incredibly precise with their formatting requirements down to 0.001inches. So I had to reformat the cover art, which took a while. Then I had to fix the margins at least 3 times until no more errors showed up. Then I had to reread the entire book for last-minute changes. Then I had to format the chapter header pages.

Before that, though, I had to make the art for the chapter header pages. And re-learn how to do all of the formatting on InDesign.

So here I am, 22 hours in, finally onto the ebook that will be done tonight goddamn. And I just want to say, if it’s within your power to do as much of the work yourself as you can, fucking do it.

I’d be losing my mind with stress if I was waiting for a cover artist to make adjustments whenever they deigned to find my order a priority. Or the person I’d be paying to format this book. Losing. My. Mind. Maybe after the ridiculous goose chase I have been on with editors for this book has completely murdered my faith in paid beta readers to do shit in a timely manner (ENNS' first draft was written in 31 days, it took from 2/25/24 to 6/10 for my tiny army of betas and the AWOL failed betas to deliver, then 6 weeks for the professional copy edit). Anyway.

Yeah it’s taken me a long ass time, on top of two full corporate-nonsense workdays, but the satisfaction I have felt hammering this project out isn’t comparable to paying someone to do it for me. I got the manuscript back from my copy editor and I wasn’t excited, I was like “I needed this 10 days ago thanks” (in my head) and then got right back to work. Copy editor is necessary, don’t get me wrong, it’s absolutely necessary, but the catharsis that I have now was definitely absent then.

So. Yeah. This is rambly and I’m not sorry. Even after the ebook is up for preorder there’s still work to be done and money to be spent. But I’m forcing myself to take a break, pause, breathe, appreciate the work I have already done.

I am hours away from launching my first published novel. Hours.

It doesn’t feel real. August 25th, 2024, Eternal Night of the Northern Sky's official release date. Gahhhhhhh.

—

For anyone curious:

Cover was done in Photoshop (I have the Lightroom student package for $9.99/mo)

Formatting was done in InDesign (%#&%# $35.99/mo after 7 day trial choke on rocks, Adobe)

Formatting did not need to be done in ID, but other one-time fees were either more expensive when I can cancel my subscription after the month is up, or the free versions were too limited and constricting in their capabilities.

I’m far too nitpicky to not have complete creative freedom and control over my work, with all the hours I have put in. So Adobe it is.

Back to work!

[lostrealities0]

Depressed Mikey one shot because I had a rough day and wanted comfort.

TW: missed meals (unintentional), low self-esteem thinking.

It's not heavy but I'll be honest, I have no idea how to gauge it.

Also only minor editing. Let me know if there's any mistakes!

Mikey woke up at noon.

"Shit," he grumbled, flipping onto his other side. Sleepiness stayed with him, despite sleeping for 9 hours. The idea of leaving his bed sounded awful, but after glancing at his alarm clock again, Mikey dragged himself out.

He hated waking up late. All that time, wasted.

Sitting at the edge of his bed, Mikey thought about what to do. It was too late to cook breakfast and lunch was whatever anyone wanted. Clothes, notebooks, and various other things were littered across his bedroom's floor.

To do list:

- clean room

Since Mikey missed breakfast without warning, he should make up for it with an awesome dinner.

To do list:

- clean room

- awesome dinner

Mikey looked at his clock again and sighed. Those too alone would probably take up the rest of the day. Sure, it was only noon, but his room was a mess! Plus, he always gets distracted, so that's gotta be like...3 hours at the very least. And dinner...well, he didn't even know what he was going to make yet, but it was probably going to be a while, and he had to spend time planning it too!

Mikey hated waking up late.

Still feeling groggy, he opened his phone to check social media before cleaning. Several artists that he followed had posted, and he made sure to like and comment on all of their art. Seeing that he got a few new likes and comments made him smile. Mikey wasn't used to getting compliments about his art outside of family, so it always made him feel giddy.

Continuing to scroll, he ended up following a couple more accounts, interacting with various posts and binge reading a comic series or two. Seeing people's stories and characters reminded him of all of his projects.

To do list:

- clean room

- awesome dinner

- webcomic/graphic novel series

- that one art piece

- tv show w/ leo

Stopping himself from adding more, he reminded himself, "Focus on the priorities." Mikey glanced at the time.

It was 2?!

Mikey nearly dropped his phone. "Shit, shit, shit!" He started bouncing his leg aggressively. He just wasted another two hours. His room was still a mess, dinner was unplanned, and now he definitely had no free time.

Nearly lunging out of bed, Mikey began to clean.

Well.

He started to think about cleaning.

There was so much. All the notebooks would have to be separated into their categories. His desk would also have to be cleaned since that's where several things would be put away. Art supplies ranging from epoxy resin to jewelry were scattered everywhere, which also meant he was going to have to figure out where and how to put away his resin stuff since it was new. Speaking of which, his supply shelf was disorganized again but he couldn't fix it because some supplies were still being used.

Mikey closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Start with something easy. He scanned the train car.

Clothes. Clothes were easy.

Laundry bin. Fold. Drawer. Laundry bin. Laundry bin. Drawer. Fold. Fold.

Mikey worked for a total of 10 minutes before someone interrupted him by knocking on his door. He didn't need to hear Raph speak to know it was him. His knock was always gentle, gentler than his other brothers'. It also had a deeper sound due to the size of Raph's fist.

Sure enough, Raph peaked his head in. "You doin' okay, big man?"

"Yep! Just cleaning." Mikey sent his big brother a glowing smile.

Raph was quiet for a moment. "Want to come out for a minute? It's 3 and you haven't eaten yet today."

Mikey froze. 3? No, no, no, no, no, it was just 2! How long had he been thinking.

Raph stepped in a little bit. "Mikey?"

He shook his head. "Sorry. Um, yeah! I can do that."

The blatant concern on his brother's face didn't leave his eyes, but he smiled softly. "Are you sure you doin' okay?"

"Yeah, just tired."

---

Apparently, Mikey could not do that.

Whether it was because of not eating at all that day, accidently eating too fast, stress, or a combination of those, Mikey felt sick. He had returned to his room to continue cleaning when his stomach flared up in pain. After a few minutes of trying to fight through it, Mikey collapsed onto his bed, curling into himself. Almost immediately, his eyes felt heavy.

No! He already slept enough today. He didn't need to waste more time.

But, with his stomach it's not like he could do anything. Mikey texted Leo, who immediately told him to take some ginger pills and try resting.

"Sorry, you're feeling bad Mikey. Anything we can do?" Leo watched as Mikey raided the med bay.

"Thanks, but I'm okay. Just laying down had helped."

Leo eyed him. "Alright. Make sure to take it easy."

Laying back down, Mikey stewed. It was 4 something, his room is hardly better, he hadn't even begun to think about dinner, and now he physically felt awful too.

Sighing, he put on a relaxing playlist and closed his eyes. There was no way he was going to be able to concentrate on doing anything, so might as well take a nap.

---

Mikey woke up disoriented. He was sweaty from all the blankets he piled on himself. Something was coming from his phone. It took him longer than he would like to admit to realize the "something" was the music he had put on. He turned it off.

It was 7.

Mikey felt like crying.

He did absolutely nothing and the day was gone. Completely wasted.

He always wasted his time. Day after day, he would only work on one or two things. The rest of the time was spent goofing off.

Planting his feet on the ground, Mikey stared at his room. It taunted him. All his dreams and interests were displayed. All his failures. He was never going to finish any of those projects.

Wasting time.

Mikey went to stand up but found that he couldn't. His limbs wouldn't move. His body didn't respond.

Tears started forming. Why was it so hard to do this? It was just cleaning his room! All he had to do was pick stuff up and move it!

He didn't move.

Wanting to scream, Mikey started scratching his arms. Why couldn't he do anything?

Half an hour passed before Mikey was able to force himself up.

Focus on the clothes. Just pick up the goddamn clothes. That's it. All he had to do.

Still feeling frozen, Mikey grabbed his headphones and put on one of Donnie's playlists. It was a loud one, electronic and noisy. He typically didn't like webcore and related genres, but Donnie had said that he liked listening to this because it quieted his mind. It was overstimulating, but that was the point. According to him, it allowed him to work without the burden of thinking.

Each step taken was a battle in his mind, but he made it to the clothes. Just pick them up. It's so easy. Stop wasting time.

Mikey grabbed them. Sighing from relief of actually doing something, he folded. Music blasted in his ears. He thoughts felt muffled, not completely gone but out of the way.

To do list:

- clean room

- awesome dinner

-webcomic/graphic novel series

- novel

- tv show w/ leo

- thank Donnie for playlist

In no time, all the clothes were put away. Mikey looked for something else that was easy.

Books. Those just had to be put on the bookshelf. He could do that.

Done. What next?

Notebooks just had to be sorted and put away, that's easy. He moved them all to his bed. There were two categories: desk or shelf. The important ones are put in his desk for easy access while the others are put on the shelf.

Project - desk. Random interest - shelf. Random interest - desk.

Once he was done, Mikey picked up the desk notebooks before freezing. His desk was a disaster. He would need to clean that before he could put these away.

He would have to figure out what to do with the various notes and papers. More books were in a stack, with a box of snacks on top. His laptop had his drawing tablet, mouse and headphones on top, with wires everywhere. Pens, pencils and some coloring books were there too.

Mikey sat down on his bed.

It was okay. Just focus on one thing at a time. The shelf notebooks could still be put away.

Raph knocked on his door again as he carried them.

"Wow, you've done a great job Mikey!"

Mikey thought that was generous, considering all the stuff still on his floor. Sure, it was better, but it wasn't clean.

"Thanks, Raphie!"

Not wanting to freak out in front of his brother, Mikey ignored the desk problem and chose his skating gear to put away instead.

Raph sat on his bed. "Whatcha listenin' to?"

Mikey shrugged, "Some music."

Mistake number 1. Mikey always played music on speakers unless he was dealing with something. He had specific playlists for certain moods, and his brothers always picked up on it.

Case in point, Raph frowned. Mikey ignored it and picked up a book he had missed earlier. "Can I listen too?" Raph asked.

Mikey moved his snack box to his bed and picked up the stack of books on his desk. "I don't think you'd like it. It's one of Donnie's playlists."

Mistake number 2. Mikey didn't like that kind of music, except for a few songs.

Raph sighed. "Mikey...what's going on? You've been in your room all day and you seem tense. You know you can talk to me, right?"

"Yeah, I know," Mikey quietly said. "I'm just a little frustrated, that's all."

He watched as Raph got up to grab Dr. Feeling's glasses, putting them on after returning to his spot. He didn't say anything, but the look on his face was full of encouragement. Mikey sighed and sat next to him. He told Raph about sleeping in. He told him about his plans. He told him what happened. He told Raph everything.

"I can't do anything!"

"Woah, that's a big thing to say. You can do lots'a things Mikey. You can paint and draw. You're an amazing cook-"

"Good that did today."

Raph was silent for a moment. "It's not your job to cook for us. If you aren't feelin' up to it, it's okay."

"But I wanted to cook!" Mikey's eyes stung and he looked away. "I want to do things! But when I try, I freeze! I sit and sit and sit doing nothing. Not just today. Everyday. I'm always wasting time, doing nothing."

"What? Mikey, you literally made an incredible drawing yesterday! And the day before that, you were working on your thing with Leo!"

"Those were the only things I did though. The rest of the time, I was just goofing off."

Mikey was suddenly pulled into a hug. "You don't need to be workin' all day. Hell, you don't need to work at all. What's important is if you're doin' what makes you happy, whether it's one of your stories or playin' video games all day."

Tears flowed from Mikey's eyes as he melted into the embrace. He felt Raph softly rubbing his shell. "We love you, Mikey. I love you, and I'll always be here for you."

[glatisant-questing]

Souma's Short Story from the Manyo no Shou Limited Edition Booklet

Souma's the most hardworking and conscientious boy:D

This SS was written by 長野 和泉

*fixed some errors after posting, sorry for those who have read the first version...

“Yukimura senpai! The dishes are done!” I finished washing the dishes we used for lunch and asked Yukimura senpai for the next instruction. 

“You’re done already? That was fast, Souma-kun.”

Yukimura senpai said in an impressed tone. 

“I checked carefully after I finished washing the dishes, so there shouldn’t be any stain left…” 

As I was talking, I noticed something and stopped midsentence. 

“Souma-kun? What’s the matter?” 

“…Senpai, you look pale. Are you okay?” 

“Really? I slept late last night, so maybe that’s why…” 

She said and gently rubbed her eyes. There were faint dark circles under her eyes and she looked very sleepy. 

“Lately, the number of soldiers has increased, and everyone seems busy. With more people comes more things to do, right?” 

“Yeah, that’s true.” 

Some things can become easier with more people, but here in the Shinsengumi, many tasks just can’t be delegated to others. 

For the simplest example, with more soldiers joining in, chores such as cooking, laundry, and room accommodation also increase accordingly. Those things quietly fell on the shoulders of Yukimura senpai, Inuoe-san, and others.

(If only I were more capable…) 

I thought so, and can’t help but feel gloomy.

“Souma-kun, are you okay? you look a bit down.”

I felt awkward when Senpai noticed my feelings, so I hurriedly put on a smile. 

“No, it’s just…I was thinking that if Nomura and I were more reliable, we wouldn’t have to burden Senpai so much.” 

Hearing my words, senpai widened her eyes in surprise. But soon she smiled and said… 

“Souma-kun, it’s very kind of you to say so. Thank you.” 

“No, not at all…” 

I thought inwardly that there was nothing kind about me in the current situation where I couldn’t be of any help to Senpai. 

But Senpai said to me, “Please don’t feel worried. I’m really grateful to Souma-kun and Nomura-kun." 

“That’s not true…I’m sorry for being such a nuisance!” 

“No, no, I’m telling the truth. You both really are helping me.” 

“Really?” 

“Yes, of course. Especially Souma-kun. You’re very reliable and you always do more than what I ask you to.” 

“…Thank you very much.”

 Senpai is kind-hearted. Her words are not completely false, but I’m sure there’s plenty of exaggeration to cheer me up. 

I thought that I had to grow up more as a Shinsengumi soldier to repay this kindness. 

"Senpai, since I finished washing the dishes and have some free time, can you give me the next instruction?"

“In that case…it’s almost time to go shopping for dinner, so can you come with me? I’m supposed to go with Inoue-san, but it would be easier if there was another man.” 

“Shopping? No problem, but…senpai, are you feeling unwell?” 

“Do I look like that?” 

“Yes, a little…” 

“I’m just a little sleepy, so I’m fine. I think the sleepiness will go away if I walk for a little.” 

“I hope so…” 

After finishing her errands, Yukimura Senpai came to the hall to call me.

 "Souma-kun, sorry to keep you waiting. Let’s go, shall we?”

 “Senpai, about that…” 

It was a bit hard, but I confessed. 

“I’ll go shopping with Inoue-san and Nomura, so please stay and have some rest, senpai.” 

“Huh? But…I’m fine…” 

“…I understand how you feel, but I’m still worried. If something should happen to you on the way, I’ll regret it forever.” 

“It…it’s not that I’m sick or anything…” 

Senpai didn’t seem convinced by my argument. 

"There are many rōnin in Kyoto who know the faces of Shinsengumi soldiers. If I take Senpai away like this and can’t protect you, I’ll regret it forever. I talked to Inoue-san earlier and he also agreed with me.”

She seemed a bit disappointed, but she gave up when she learned that it was a decision made after consulting with Inoue-san. 

“…I see, I understand. Then I’ll do as you say today. But I’ll definitely make up for it later.” 

“Don’t worry about it. I just did what I had to do as a Shinsengumi soldier.” 

“But still, let me help you with something later, as a thank-you.” 

She spoke softly, but Yukimura Senpai seemed adamant about this. 

Maybe this was her pride as a Senpai. 

"Alright. I’ll look forward to it then.”

“Yeah, sure.” 

After saying that, senpai looked up at the sky with a slightly lonely expression. 

“…But Souma-kun, you’ve grown so much since you joined the Shinsengumi. I feel a little jealous that you’ve surpassed me.”

 “Surpassed you? I’m not even close, Senpai!” 

Then Senpai smiled at me.

 “Souma-kun, I think you’re overestimating me, but still, when you say that, I feel like I have to do better as a senpai. Well, I’ll be resting in my room. Please send my greetings to Inuoe-san.” 

After saying that, Yukimura senpai turned and walked away.

“Yes, I will!”

 As I watched her slender figure disappear down the hallway, I thought to myself. 

(The reason why I can grow as a Shinsengumi soldier is because of you. You’ve been guiding me all along, Yukimura senpai.) 

After saying that in my heart, I headed to the kitchen to see Inuoe-san.

Some time later. 

Kondo Kyokucho was out for the day, so I was excited to help Senpai today, but she proposed to make up for the other day. 

“I’ll work extra hard today, so I want you to rest for the day, Souma-kun.” 

But I couldn’t just accept that and say yes. It would be wrong to let Senpai work while I rest on a non-holiday. 

While these thoughts were turning in my head, I asked Senpai for a favor. 

“If you want to make up for the other day, then I have a favor to ask…can you make my hometown flavor…my hometown’s cuisine with me next time?” 

“…Of course! I’d love to.” 

Yukimura senpai senpai smiled and accepted my offer. 

—- the end—-

[kidgetrash]

Drunk Kidge Confessions! Pidge to Keith!

Character:  Keith Kogane, Pidge Gunderson/Katie Holt

Pairings:  Keith/Pidge

Warnings!:  Drunken shenanigans. Throwing up. Eventual Hangover. Dirty flirting. mention of STDs

Summary: Pidge finally plucked up the courage to ask Keith on a date, only to see him with Acxa. She decides to drown her sorrows with the local alcohol...

A/N: You voted and I delivered! I have not, even slightly, edited this! I hope it's not too all over the place, but I will go back and fix it if I need to! It ran away with me and ended up hella long, but I'm sure that won't upset anyone! Well, it's back to drunk Keith for me!

Pidge sat at the bar of a local tavern.  She had never been happier that this culture took so much pride in brewing fruit based alcohol that not only tasted great but had one of the highest percentages she had ever heard of.  She had checked, checked, and triple-checked that it was safe for humans, and she was sure she could drink herself into unconsciousness without doing any permanent damage other than a galaxy-ending hangover, even given her small stature.

She was sick and tired of emotions.  She just wanted to blot them out, steep in complete oblivion for a few hours before having to go back to reality and stick a smile on her face while she faked she was okay.  Spoiler alert; she was not okay.  She chuckled to herself at the My Chemical Romance reference she accidentally made, then realised it reminded her of him again and returned to a pout.  Him.  Keith motherquiznaking Kogane.  She hated that she felt the way she did about him.  She hated that it had taken her this long to realise her feelings weren’t just admiration, or a crush.  But most of all she hated the fact that he would never feel the same.  She was sad for her, not mad at him.  He deserved to be happy, but seeing him happy with her was somehow painful.

This planet had a bustling shopping district that had been preserved by the Galra for its eclectic mix of produce, products, bars, and restaurants.  Now it was Galra free, in the political not literal sense, it was open for business to locals and saviours alike.  Which was the reason for Pidge being here.  She had found a restaurant that sold what closely reminded her of burgers and fries and was excited to share it with him, she had planned to finally do what her heart desired, and ask him on a date.  Yeah, well that idea had soon been blown out of the water.  No sooner had she rushed towards their temporary lodgings than she saw him with her, going into an accessories shop.  They were smiling and laughing and…and…and just so happy.  She was everything Pidge was not.  Tall, slender, a warrior not a thinker.  And the worst thing was Pidge didn’t even hate her, she couldn’t.  Acxa had helped the team, defected to their side, and she and Keith made such a beautiful couple.  After tonight she would be pleased for them, she decided.  But for now, she would feel sorry for herself.

She took the shot from the glass in front of her, the sweet burn travelling through her body as she closed her eyes for a moment.  This was number…four, five, six…wait, was that one glass or two?  Definitely nearing double figures.  Even more definitely double vision.  Given her weight and height she should still be able to make it back to their lodgings with ten in her system, she just might have to ask someone to give her a total.

‘Another?’  The gold tinged skinned barman held the bottle of pale pink liquid out with another glass.

‘How many is that now?’

‘Eight.’  She waved him to pour it before taking it.  ‘The ancient tradition of the barkeep, on my planet at least, is that of a bringer of alcohol and an ear to listen.  Should you need to talk, even some nonsensical human issue, I will listen and offer any advice I feel may suffice to appease you.’

‘Wow, no beating about the bush, just lip service until I’m satisfied, huh?’  She replied, taking her time as she struggled to form the words without issue.

‘Beating a bush seems a futile endeavour, and I am afraid our service does not cover lips any further than serving a drink that  may briefly touch them.’  He…wait, was it a he?  She pondered the thought as it ran through her head.  Okay, they, they had misunderstood her analogies.

‘They’re Earth sayings.’  She replied.  ‘One means to, you know what?  Doesn’t matter.  I’m here because of something…personal.’

‘Might I proffer a guess?’  She waved her drink to encourage him.  ‘Your inbibement of many alcohol leads me to believe your personal problem is that of a coital nature.’

Pidge spat out the drink she had just downed and took the napkins the barkeep offered.  ‘That one does count.’

‘Number nine, again.’  He poured her once more.  ‘Am I to assume your abrupt expulsion was due to the correctness of my statement and not due to the alcohol you have ingested all night suddenly disagreeing with you?’

‘You got that on the…’  She squinted at him and realised he didn’t have a nose, so that analogy wouldn’t work either.  ‘You got it absolutely right.’

He wiped down the sprayed bar and answered without looking at her.  ‘And this coital issue is due to your mate being unable to perform adequately?’

She was glad she had paused before drinking this time as that would have led to another bar spraying.  ‘Not in my wildest dreams have I ever considered he might be inadequate, and I’ve had some pretty wild dreams about him.’  She huffed a deep sigh before taking the shot in one.  ‘The issue is more emotional that physical.  More that I love him and he sees me as his friend.’

‘It is times like this that I am grateful we have evolved beyond the need for emotional attachments.’  He smiled wonkily, which made sense, as his mouth was at a diagonal like the rest of the inhabitants of this planet.  ‘So you have confessed your primitive affections and he has informed you of your unattractiveness to him, and therein lies the problem?’

‘Who has a problem?’ Pidge’s head shot round as Keith sat on the bar stool beside her and she waved at the bartender rapidly while tapping the glass in her hand on the bar.

‘Last one!  Let’s go!’

The bartender topped up her drink as Keith spoke.  ‘I’ll take the same.’

‘Very well, Paladin of Voltron.  And to answer your question, the problem is your small companion here and her unattractiveness.’

Keith blinked twice as he processed that statement before being able to reply.  ‘Wait…who said who is unattractive?’

‘Okay!’  Pidge downed her next drink.  ‘I’m done and going back to sleep!  Night!’  She hopped off the stool and that was her downfall, literally.  Her legs buckled under her and she ended up sitting on the floor between the two stools, looking around in confusion before looking up at Keith.  ‘You weren’t always that tall, right?’

Keith downed his drink, cringing at the sickly sweet burn that slid down his throat, before swinging his legs off the stool and taking Pidge by the upper arms and lifting her back to her feet, keeping a tight hold in case she couldn’t stay there herself.  ‘How many did she have?’

‘Ten.  She assured me in great detail that her body mass and lack of stature would allow her to ingest the measure of alcohol she stated.’

‘Gee, you’re pretty.’  Pidge breathed, looking up at Keith in wonder.

‘What do we owe you?’  Keith asked as Pidge wavered in his arms.

The bartender waved his hand dismissively.  ‘It is a pleasure to have had the opportunity to serve our saviours in the great war with the galra.’

‘Okay, thanks.’  Keith turned back to Pidge and crouched enough to get on her level.  ‘Pidge, can you walk?’

‘Of course I can walk, what kind of a question is that?  ‘First I’m ugly, and now I can’t walk.  Sheesh!’  She tried to shake off his hold but failed and he sighed.

‘Okay, fine, you can walk.  But I’m going to hold your hand, just in case.’

‘Keith’s gonna hold my hand!’  She stage whispered at the bartender as they started forward, making Keith chuckle.

Pidge sucked in a breath as the night air hit her, warm and humid it was like inhaling near an open fire, a shiver running through her body, making Keith stop.

‘You good?’

‘Wow, I forgot how hot you are.  It is.’  She rapidly corrected herself.  ‘And you don’t have to hold my hand.’  She tried to pull out of his grip but instead he tightened it

‘Either you hold my hand or I carry you.  Your choice.’

‘Fine I’ll hold hands but you’re gonna make her jealous.’  She muttered.

Keith didn’t quite catch what she said but at least she wasn’t trying to actively pull her hand out of his.  Whatever that drink she had managed to drink ten of made her smell like an alcoholic gummy candy and from the one taste he had could have been used as an industrial solvent.  He had no idea what had brought this on, she wasn’t one to even bother with more than one drink at a celebratory event, but she had even gone so far as to calculate her tolerance, if the bartender’s words were true.

‘So, tell me what made you decide to go out and get hammered?’

‘Nah.’  She shook her head, starting their hands swinging between them.

‘I have never known you drink that much, in all these years.  Something is bothering you and I don’t like it.’

‘You don’t have to like it, but you do have to live with it.’  She stated.  ‘Because the reason I drank so much is so I can forget what I’m trying to forget and not have to discuss it so I’m not discussing it.’

‘But I’m worried about you.’

‘Worry about yourself.  Space STDs are at an all time high, I hear.’

‘I’m more worried about you than me…wait what did you say?’  Keith’s head snapped around to find her staring at the ground as they walked, her lips pouting either in concentration or anger.

‘I said SPACE STDS ARE AT AN ALL TIME HIGH!’  She yelled loud enough to turn the heads of a few locals, causing him to tug her in closer and cover her mouth with his hand.

‘That’s what I thought you said!’  He hissed.  ‘What does that even mean?’

‘It means you might get cosmic herpes and if your girlfriend is the jealous type I’ll probably get my ass kicked from here to Olkarion.’

Keith pulled her to a stop, turning them to face one another.  ‘You really aren’t making any sense.’

Pidge looked at him, or tried to.  Her eyes were struggling to focus, but they did so as soon as she spotted the restaurant over his shoulder that she had planned on inviting him to.  ‘Oh!  This place!’

‘This place has…cosmic herpes?’  Keith asked hesitantly as he allowed her to pull him along.

‘No, burgers!  Cosmic burgers!’  She put him in front of the menu board and showed him.  ‘Tell me that’s not the menu of a burger joint?  Because I defy you to tell me that they sound like the best burgers this side of the Milky Way, or at least the only burgers this side of the Milky Way, and I’m going to vomit.’

Keith finally let go of her hand as she lurched towards the side of the road before throwing up heavily and very vocally behind a tree.  ‘Uh…you good?’  He called as she sank to her knees using the tree for support.

‘No, I’m not good!’  She called back, her voice cracking from not only losing everything in her stomach, which was only alcohol, and from the fact she was now tearing up.

Keith walked over to where she knelt and leaned on the safe side of the tree with his hands in his pockets.  ‘You know, people generally only drink this much to forget.’  He murmured quietly.

‘Well, it doesn’t work.’  She sobbed, curling over her knees with her hands over her face.

‘Then maybe talking will.’  He suggested as he fished in his pockets for the Altean equivalent of a breath mint, that foamed, cleaned, and freshened all in one little capsule.  ‘Here.’

She glanced up, her eyes red and brimming with unshed tears, but soon recognised what he was offering and and took it gratefully.  The fruity alcohol had left her with the equivalent of the trick jelly beans Lance had once passed around the garrison.  ‘Thanks.’  She shifted to sit crosslegged, not even caring that she was in the street beside her strangely glowing vomit.  ‘I was going to ask you to this place, you know.’  She grumbled as she swished the capsule’s contents around her mouth.

He shifted in his position, taking his hands out of his pockets and turning to look down at her curiously.  ‘You were?’

‘Yeah.’  She sniffed and dragged her sleeve under her nose.  ‘Like a get dressed up just the two of us date and everything.’

Keith processed this information as he realised maybe she felt for him the way he felt about her; more than friends, a closeness he didn’t have with the other paladins, the desire to hold her and be held, to protect and love her.  ‘Why, uh,’ he cleared his throat, ‘why didn’t you?’

‘Because I left it too long.  Too late.’  She sniffled before pushing herself shakily to her feet.

‘You could still ask.  We’re here for a few more days.’  He offered her his hand but she just stared at it for a moment before shaking her head as tears flooded her cheeks.

‘Can’t.’

‘Why not?’  He stepped closer, realising she wasn’t going to take his hand, before wiping at her cheeks with the pad of his thumb.  ‘You, me, dinner at a diner?  Alone?  Sounds pretty good.’

‘Forget it, I don’t get between couples.  And like I said, your girlfriend looks like the jealous type.’  She pushed past him and started walking wonkily down the street towards their lodgings, leaving him in absolute confusion.  Only a minute later he jogged to catch up with her as he sorted his mind out.  She had feelings for him and had wanted to ask him out, but she thought he had a girlfriend.  This confused him even more.  Unless she was seriously insulting Lance, the only other people she could mean were Allura, Romelle, or… ‘Wait, are you talking about Acxa?’

Pidge rolled her eyes as she swerved into the side street where their inn was located.  ‘I don’t want to hear that name.  That stupid, tall, attractive name.  That stupid, tall, attractive, not-me name.  That stupid, tall, attractive, not-me, dating you, name.’

Keith caught her arm, realising something had definitely been lost in translation here.  ‘Acxa and I aren’t anything, other than colleagues.’  He told her as she stared at his fingers on her bare skin.  ‘Where did you get a stupid, small, beautiful idea like that?’  He turned her words into something about her, at least he hoped she realised it was about her.

‘You think my idea is stupid?’  She pouted, wrinkling her nose in a gesture he could only describe as cute as hell.

‘Yeah, I do.  Not you, you’re not stupid, but your idea is.’  He smiled.

‘But I saw you!  You were all close and lovey-dovey when you were shopping together!  You put your hand on her back like a gentleman, you were laughing and she was giggling, and…and…it hurt!’

‘There’s nothing between me and Acxa.’  He repeated.  ‘Because for some reason a certain genius caught my eye and has been living rent free in my head and heart for the last few years.’

She raised her eyebrows in surprise, her mouth forming a small oh as realisation struck her.  ‘Matt?’

‘Quiznak, for someone so smart, you really are dumb sometimes.’  He pulled her against him and ducked his head, planting a soft kiss on her lips.  ‘I was shopping with Acxa because I wanted a girl’s opinion, or rather the opinion of a girl who was familiar with the situation and could advise me what to buy the team member I’ve been in love with for so long I don’t remember what it’s like not to love her.’  He reached into the back pocket of his jeans and brought out a small, plushie of the green lion, keyring sized, but adorable as hell.  ‘What better way to tell you it’s you, than with a mini effigy of your lion?’

She stared at him and then did something completely unexpected.  She laughed.  The tears that had been drying up beginning to leak out with just how hard she she went, and it was several minutes before she took a step back from Keith and wiped at her eyes.  ‘Quiznak, if I’d known drinking so much of this stuff would make me hallucinate I’d have just bought a bottle and stayed in my room!  It’s me.  That’s a good one, brain!’  She knocked on her temple a couple of times before staggering towards the entrance of the inn.  ‘Goodnight, imaginary Keith!  Thanks for making my night!’

Hunk trotted down the stairs opposite the entrance and past Pidge, she evidently said something to him as she leaned on the wall and slid her way up, as he frowned before turning to face Keith with a puzzled expression.  ‘What was that about?’

‘I just confessed to Pidge and she thinks I’m a hallucination.’  Keith leaned down slightly and watched to make sure she made it up the stairs okay.

‘I can’t say I’m surprised.’  Hunk shrugged as Keith glanced back at him.  ‘She’s pretty sure you will never feel the same way she does.’

‘She really does feel that way about me?’  Keith looked back after her in surprise.

‘For longer than you know, man.’  Hunk patted him on the shoulder then looked back at their companion as she slid down to sit on the top of the stairs.  ‘And please, this time, you be the one to put her to bed and listen to her whine about how great you are.’

‘She’s done this before?’

‘Go put her to bed, Keith.  Stick around.  You might be surprised.’  Hunk gave him a wink before leaving Keith watch Pidge lay down at the top of the stairs from her sitting position.

‘Oh boy.’  Keith breathed before running up the steps two at a time, this time not even pausing  before scooping her up in his arms.

Pidge snorted awake and looked at Keith from close up, fuzzy around the edges and jiggling with movement.  ‘Heeeeeey, it’s dream Keith!  Hey, dream Keith.’  She slung her arms around his shoulders and pulled herself closer to him.  ‘Did you always smell this good?  I don’t remember you smelling this good before in my dreams.’

‘I smell like I always smell.’  He smiled at her.  ‘And that’s probably because I’m not a dream.’

‘Hallucination, right, right.’  She corrected herself.  ‘So, what kinky shit are we going to do tonight, hallucinatory Keith?’

‘I’m not a hallucination either and…kinky shit?’  He gave her wide eyes of surprise as he realised she had been doing more than crushing on him.

‘Yeah, I know, I have to do all the work, but I close my eyes and there you are!’  She nuzzled into his neck.  ‘Above me, under me…down on me…’

‘Okay!  Let’s put that to one side for a while, alright?’  He spoke over her as she tried to add another position to her list.

‘Oh, gentleman Keith, this is new.  Normally you just rail me.  Okay, gentleman Keith.  What’s first?  Wanna go for alien burgers?  I know this great little place,’ she leaned in to his ear and whispered overly loudly, ‘but there’s a tree outside with pink vomit behind it, don’t go there.’

‘You’re going to bed.’

‘There we go!  Finally!’  She threw her arms in the air joyously.  ‘Where are we going?’

‘My room, I know I have some water pouches in there.’  Keith tried not to be distracted but her lips trailing up his jaw made it hard…difficult!  Definitely difficult.  He swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbing enough that it caught her attention.

‘Oh, that’s hot, do it again.’  Her tongue lathed his skin as he reached his door, realising he had a problem trying to reach his key.

‘Can you stand for just a second?’  He didn’t give her time to argue and propped her against the wall, holding her in place with his side as he checked his back pockets first, passing the small plush lion between his pockets as he did so.

‘What did you lose?’  She watched his arms moving with absolute fascination.

‘The key to my room.’

Pidge didn’t even hesitate before putting both her hands in his front pockets and rather than feeling around she felt…him.

‘That’s not the key!’  Keith looked down at her as he grabbed at her wrists then swallowed again as she looked up at him over her glasses, grinning with her lip between her teeth.  ‘Damn, when did you get so naughty?’  He carefully removed her hands before finding the key and letting them in.  He couldn’t say he hadn’t ever fantasised about what she was doing but their first time wouldn’t be when she was impaired.  Right now he needed her to sleep and sober up so they could talk, but he had had no idea she had thought of him like this.  That alien alcohol had a lot to answer for.

It took some wrangling to get her into the room, and a little more to get her boots off.  He sat her on the side of the bed as he did so, then stood to help her under the covers, which was when she wrapped her arms around his neck and dragged him down with her.

‘Bedtime!’  She grinned as he pushed up on one arm, looking down on her as she gave him the most innocent yet sexy gaze he had ever seen.

‘Sleep time.’  He managed to extricate himself from her arms and grab her a water pouch, making her sit up and drink some.  ‘I want you to promise me something.’  He sat facing her as she greedily drank the pouch, nodding avidly.  ‘That you’ll sleep and then we’ll talk when you’re feeling better.’

‘I feel pretty good now.’  She said around the pouch, dribbling somewhat.

He chuckled at her, sitting crosslegged with flushed tear stained cheeks.  He wiped at the side of her mouth.  ‘You need to do this with your wits about you, but I promise I will be here when you wake up.’

She lowered the water pouch and wrinkled her nose, looking down at her lap.  ‘That’s what you always say.’  She whispered, but in the quiet of the room he heard her easily.

‘What do you mean?’  He took the pouch from her and put it on the table beside the bed.

‘I mean this is how it always goes.’  She sniffed, and he hoped she wasn’t going to resort to tears again.  He hated seeing her like that.  ‘You tell me you love me and that you’ll stay with me, and then in the morning you’re gone.  You’re always gone.’

‘This time it’s different.’  He tucked her hair behind her ear before tilting her head to make her look at him.  ‘I give you my word, as a Paladin of Voltron, as a Blade or Marmora, I will be here when you wake.’

‘Uh huh.’  She nodded slightly and he leaned forward to kiss her forehead.

‘Go to sleep, okay, Pidge?’  He held the covers out for her to settle down.  He watched as she wiggled, smiling at the exaggerated movements she gave before covering her gently.  ‘If you need anything, I’ll be right here.’

‘Right here?’  She asked, pointing hopefully beside her.

‘You take the bed, I’ll be fine in the chair.’  He indicated behind himself but she shook her head vehemently.

‘Can’t you just hug me til I’m asleep?  Please?’

Her voice was so sweet he knew he had already lost, but he was determined not to encourage her in this state.  ‘Alright, just give me a minute.’  He was aware of her watching him as he toed off his boots and lowered the lights, ensuring the bathroom door was open and easily accessible should she need it in a hurry, then placing the small plush lion on the table.  He lay on top of the covers beside her and offered him his arm.  She scooched up close to him almost immediately, wrapping an arm around his waist and sighing contentedly.

‘Thank you, Keith.’  She murmured before yawning widely.

‘Any time.’  He kissed her hair as he squeezed her gently, his other arm behind his head.  ‘If you need anything, just shout.’

‘I only need you.’  She hummed.  ‘I know we always end up hugging until I fall asleep in my dreams, but like this ending maybe more than the others.’

‘I kinda like it too.’  He admitted, resting his chin on her hair as he decided not to argue the dream part any more.

‘Before this all ends, I just want to say something.’  She yawned again.

‘I’m listening.’

She leaned her head to look at him and he moved to allow her to do so.  ‘I love you.  I’ve loved you for a stupidly long time but I know you’ll never see me as more than one of the team, and all I have is my imagination that one day this might be real.  So, yeah.  I appreciate this more than you’ll ever know.’

A lump formed in Keith’s throat as he realised how much she really did love him and how little faith she had that he would ever love her in return.  ‘I love you too, Katie.’  He deliberately used her real name.  ‘And I will when you wake up, and every day after.  But let’s talk about this in the morning when your head is clear.’

‘You said that before too.’  She sighed as she snuggled down against him and closed her eyes.  ‘Love you.’

‘Sleep well, Katie.’  He whispered as her breathing deepened, quickly falling asleep.

This evening hadn’t gone how he had planned.  He wanted to give her his gift and ask her to join him for dinner.  He had no idea she had wanted to ask him the same thing, or that she felt the same way.  Instead, she had taken him shopping with Axca as a sign they were together and drank herself into a stupor.  He pondered how it was strange how things worked out.  How they had both felt the same but neither realised.  If he believed in fate, and after all that had happened, all the coincidences in his life, he was sure something existed, this had to be the most memorable he could remember.

Pidge woke with a pounding head and a fuzzy tongue.  She managed to crawl out of bed and over the muss of crumpled blankets and into the bathroom without having to open her eyes more than to gauge where the door was and kicked it closed behind her.  She went about her business, splashed water on her face, and briefly examined her face, pale skin and sunken, bloodshot eyes.  Never again, she decided.  It just wasn’t worth drinking this much, no matter how upset she might have been at seeing the man she loved with someone else.  She paused long enough to smile for herself about how last night she had dreamt he told her he loved her back, that it wasn’t a dream and that he would be there for her in the morning.  It had felt so real that maybe it was worth the hangover after all.  Sighing, she decided to spend the rest of the day in bed sleeping things off.  She wasn’t needed for anything and honestly, right now, the oblivion sleep offered sounded amazing.

Staggering out of the bathroom she scrunched up her eyes against how gritty they felt.  How could they itch and burn at the same time?  If she could bear the sunlight she would have gone back to the castleship and shut herself in a healing tube, but for now some water and bed sounded good.  She took two steps to the table by the bed and took up the water pouch, draining what was left before putting it back…and knocking something onto the floor.  She crouched and picked it up, squinting in the darkness at the small, round, fuzzy plushie that looked just like her lion while trying to remember when she had bought it.  It took a moment before parts of the night before came rushing back, including right before she slept.  But, that was a dream, right?  Right?!

One look at the bed convinced her it wasn’t.  Or rather who was on the bed.

The resulting scream of absolute shock was, she would recall later, perhaps the girliest thing she had ever done in her entire life.

Tada! Give me some feedback! I might even be able to continue this into a morning after fic, if anyone is interested!

[adozentothedawn]

Okay so the Atla timeline for the Fire Nation is a bit knotted up huh

We have Fire Lord Sozin starting the 100 year war when he’s this old: (technically even older cause this was when Roku died, but it's close enough for this purpose. He old is the point.)

The wiki tells me he was 82 at that point,yeah, makes sense. He rules for 20 years longer according to the wiki, which sure, I can deal with that, strong benders live long, whatever. However. We then have Azulon which is where it gets weird, because the show explicitely states he rules for 23 years. That is a direct citation from the funeral flashback in Zuko Alone. 23 years. We definitely know when he died though, namely 5 years before Zuko was banished, so in the year 95 (techincally 94? The wiki says 95 and it doesn’t matter for this discussion so I’ll just roll with it). That means he started his reign in the year 72 a whole 52 years after his father died. I have questions. Now, the wiki completely ignores the 23 years line and I cannot blame them for it cause it doesn’t make sense. It also claims that Azulon was 95 when he died, which. That would make his father 82 when he was born. Guy must have had some real virility, damn. Now we don’t have a birth year for Ozai, but Ursa was born in 63, and they seem to be around the same age so if we roll with that Azulon would have also been old when Ozai was born but it would be at least slightly less insane. Now, having a child at 82 is not technically impossible for a guy, so the only thing that is just plain wrong is the 23 years line, but it is unlikely. I guess that family just has a thing for getting children when they’re old. 

However, to my amusement, that 23 years line isn’t the only thing they kinda tried to retcon. Here we have a young Azulon training as his father watches: (Although I am unable to cite from where that picture originates, the wiki doesn’t source its pictures very well and I don’t recognize the watermark. I am assuming its from one of the lore books but if the wiki is just lying and this isn’t official feel free to correct me)

So this is probably like year 12 to 15, right? It seems Mr Sozin Fire Lord is Benjamin Button aging up there. xD Either that or in his old age he got vain and started dying his hair.

Yeah so anyway, the only actually impossible thing is the 23 years line, the other stuff I just think is funny. We have two options to fix the inconsistencies: 

Option #1: We add another Fire Lord before Azulon. It’s smoother but quite a bit of work to justify in canon if you’re not already ham for rewriting a bunch of lore. 

Option #2: We just yeet out the 23 years line as the fire sage got high off herbs or something and was talking bullshit. Definitely the easier option and it’s not unreasonable that Azulon ruled for 75 years. Also I think that option opens up a lot of interesting lore debates, because while Sozin started the war, Azulon kept it going for 75 years. That’s almost 4 times the length Sozin ruled in the war. It’s basically just that guy’s war at this point. Sozin is interesting as a character and I liked that episode about him, don’t get me wrong but Azulon ruled for 3/4s of the whole war and we get basically nothing about him, which I find a little disappointing. Although since that was a bit of retcon I suppose it makes sense. 

Alright, rant over, summary: the show had a line that makes no sense and also Zuko better keep using protection if he still has hookups in Legend of Korra. 

Edit: actually this is even wilder cause I calculated wrong. The war started 12 years after Roku died, so Sozin only ruled for 8 years during the war and Azulon for 86.

[fights4users]

Disc talk

Disclaimer: it has been awhile since I’ve seen Legacy and I’m speaking purely from memory, I’ll update this upon a rewatch in case I’m wrong/misremembering.

Two things that always erked me is how the film frames the system/grid and the discs. The Crux of the plot lies on Clu creating the “perfect system” but … they were never creating a system. They were creating a city.

Too human/lack of purpose-

A perfect system. Yeah ok, but what is the system for? What does it do. Legacy is so focused on the world inside it kind of forgets/ignores the fact it’s in a computer and not just an alternate world.

In this I believe it’s also been stated that Flynn definitely played much more into the Human like features when designing and programming. The skin colors more natural, there’s more free time - there’s bars!! It basically implies that rather than programming he played God… “True User power” if you will.

But in doing this he’s created his greatest enemy, both in his neglect and failure to see what he was building. He forgot programs aren’t people. They need directives. Purpose. Ok - they’re all here to build up the system. Then what? For what? What’s the system for or going to do? The encom system has a purpose- it’s a huge tech company’s computer. Is the Tron system just going to be one hell of a PC?

By the time we see the grid in legacy it’s been sitting idol for 20 years, post coup. No wonder clu wants to break out! In his mind it’s done here- why not expand? There’s nothing else here- it’s the desire/drive to do what he’s been told the need to be doing something. Flynn creates a nice city, he makes a bunch of neat leisure spots but again- programs aren’t humans. They don’t do the “id be happy spending my whole existence just lounging” thing. (I’m not 100% blaming Flynn for clu doing a facism but I’m saying he’s a factor who created a few clauses)

*before you come at me. I know legacy stepped further away from Allegory and reflecting technology side but just roll with me. It’s not like they explained the shift.

Discs and digital evolution-

Again when we see the grid it’s 20 years post coup/operations (user time). I don’t know how much we can acredit to Flynn besides the discs being society wide but…

On one hand he’s sort of completely forgotten the discs being a oppressive tool with the large purpose of “so I don’t have to absorb you personally but get your useful data anyway.” As “everything you are/will be , will be implemented on this disc”

By making them editable he had essentially introduced Medicine/wound recovery to program society. He made it possible for them to fix themselves/each other. Think about it… in the old system just one hit could potentially lead to  Deresolution. Now there’s scars! There’s recovery of limbs (at least for ISO’s) and it not being a immediate death sentence. IF a program was fixed/saved in the old days it’d basically have to be divine intervention and a user noticing fast enough and acting quick enough to save them.

This is just a really fascinating note and I don’t think anyone’s addressed this. Again— really bad idea to have everyone carrying around a ID attached to their soul that is

1.) easily accessible

2.) EASILY EDITIED.

But at the same time…medical science and higher life expectancy????? So? Win some lose some. 

It’s late but if anyone wants to expand on this please do!!! (I like to dissect things and I’m wanting to better understand legacy,)

[atalana]

hey! I have been meaning to get xkit for a while now and you seem to be well versed, any advice, pointers, or places where to look? the new layout is hell for my brain to navigate

hey! and yeah, i've been using xkit since at least 2014

it's been through a lot of updates and changing hands as people have stopped working on it and new people have started, but they've kept it called xkit for conveniences sake

the most recent version, the one that's still updating, is xkit rewritten, this is a fairly bare bones version in that it's solely about fixing things staff have done to the website + adding accessibility options - this extension will show up in your browser extension toolbar and can be modified from there. this doesn't have a fix yet to fix the twitter layout (i'll get to that), but its most recent update was fixing the fact that you can't click on urls to go to specific posts anymore - if you look under tweaks, and "restore links to posts in the post header" (or worded along those lines, on mobile atm), that'll fix that. and feel free to have a playaround with the other stuff it can do!

new xkit is the version that existed before that - this shows up as an additional icon in the tumblr header (or now the sidebar for the twitter layout). a lot of people will say don't get this, i honestly don't see a problem with it, but this was the xkit that existed for a long time and used to have extensions that modified the website just for fun, rather than solely to fix it. this version is no longer updating and it lost about half its extensions in the process, but the ones that remain still work fine, and if you care for something more whimsical, there's a couple fun extensions left, plus i just find the customisability of extensions easier with this

(new xkit and xkit rewritten can be used at the same time, and i have been using both since i got xkit rewritten - but if you only want one, xkit rewritten is definitely the way to go)

now, if you want to actually fix the twitter layout, xkit isn't what you need, there's two options for that

i use stylus, and this extension, which has so far been working fine for me (minus one slight issue in menu sizing that i fixed with a single line of code, i'll throw details to that in under the cut if it happens to you)

i'm also aware of dashboard-unfucker, which uses a different browser extension, i haven't used this personally, but i know some people have had better luck with it than stylus, so feel free to have a playaround and use what works for you!

(and the author does have a note added in that this version of dashboard unfucker only works with xkit rewritten, it has problems with new xkit, so if you wanna go this path keep that in mind)

but yeah, you should be able to find some combination of extensions that works for you, feel free to get back in touch if you're struggling to install anything, and good luck in your journey of modifying tumblr!

okay so the issue i was having is i think this extension was designed on a very specific screen size, and i'm assuming one smaller than my desktop screen? so it ended up making the menus up the top super wide when opened

i'm not a css expert (honestly if anyone who is knows how to make the other new icons that i don't care about disappear, and realign what's left back over to the right, would love to know how to do that), but i researched enough to add this line in

if you open stylus once this is installed, click manage, and then select tumblr.com, you should be taken to the source code and be able to edit it

around line 281 (after you install it, the preview version has more stuff added in) there's a section titled "Moves the menu so it appears over the top and not in the header", and several lines of code underneath that

somewhere in that list (doesn't matter where as long as it's in the brackets, i've put it under max height for organisation) add "max-width: calc(20vw);" in on a new line (minus the quotation marks, but make sure you keep the semicolon)

basically that just checks the width of your screen and tells the menu it can't be wider than 20% of the screen, which works for me, feel free to change that number according to what works for you, i find stylus very easy to modify, you just hit the save button (i don't think you even have to reload the page, but try doing that if it doesn't work) and it'll make the changes

[oleander-teacup]

I met was a young man my first week on the job. He looked like he'd come from the 2100s. The technology was shaky then, easily broken, too new.

"Reason for travel?"

"Family curse in Salem."

"Oh? You're a ways off from Massachussetts."

"Yeah," he sighed, shaking his head. "She wasn't an actual witch, she was just from the future. I'm here to make sure she doesn't have a chance to screw up our lives."

"This is quite a way back, are you sure you don't want to aim for sooner?"

"Yeah, it's kind of convoluted, but she's from the past, was sold to an old hag in the woods who was actually from the future... Anyway, she's going to be born in about a week and I have to get to Salem to convince her mother she actually wants to keep her baby."

"Alright. Feel free to travel back here if that doesn't work out. Part of my job is keeping people like you out of my bunker." I handed him a slip of paper with a number on it and a stamp for the time and year. "Please take a seat, I'll get to work on your machine and when it's ready we'll put you back to your intended location when you meant to arrive."

"Thanks."

I heard a thud behind me and turned just in time to see the man with the repairs and a baby in hand.

"Hey. What do you do with, uh..." He gestured to the little one in his arms.

"Okay. FIRST OF ALL, you aren't supposed to displace people from their times, sir."

"Okay, well what else was I supposed to do?"

The man - well - the other man - looked on in shock. "You're me."

"Yeah, pal." He replied to himself. "We're kinda past that. Look, do you want the baby? You and your wife have been trying to adopt, right?"

"But aren't... you...?

"No. Trust me, going there will ruin everything."

"What do you mean?"

"Dude. Look at me. Do you trust m-yourself?"

"I guess?"

"Okay. When this nice lady fixes your time machine, go home with the baby."

"Alright."

I interjected. "Alright, I'm the authority here. You-" I pointed to the original man. "Take his time machine. And the baby, I guess. It's all yours now. It'll have the same repairs when I'm done with it." I waved my hand to dismiss him. "And YOU. My office. Now."

The office in question was actually a small laptop running Windows 23 sitting on a wooden shelf. I pulled a chair up to my "desk".

"Sit."

"Okay, I know you read me the riot act about how I couldn't directly tamper with past me, but I had to."

"And why is that?"

"The baby's my wife."

Silence.

"She- what?"

"That baby is my wife!"

"...Sir. Do you understand the timeline implications this could have? A version of you will now never meet your wife."

"No, no. It's worse than that."

"How?"

"I'm the witch."

"WHAT?!"

"A future version of me made a deal with a couple. I'd lend them 'healing supplements' in return for their firstborn. They were fucking multivitamins! My wife is trans, we weren't able to have kids and this just seemed like the simplest way to have a kid. Ask someone back far enough in time to have the kid so we could have a family without the government meddling in our business."

I groaned. "So let me get this straight. That baby is your son, eventually going to be your daughter, she will grow up and go back in time to settle her life and meet a version of you in Salem, Massachussets-"

"I know. I know! I know."

"Okay. That's weird as shit and borderline illegal and it DEFINITELY steps on the toes of every time single rulebook edition up until the solar flares that wipe the planet in 6702."

I sighed.

"However. It's clear this isn't a new time anomaly. It's been going on since the mid-1600s, so while this isn't your fault, it will be stopped next year when a future iteration of you breaks down in this bunker. Okay?"

He nods.

"Please fill out these documents and send them to Infinity Family Services, they'll try to work out the timeline so future iterations of you can't make some... Weird mobius strip out of your timeline."

Another man steps into my office. It's him again.

"Dude, she knows."

"What?"

"Your wife. She knows."

"Oh. When does she find out?"

"In about 3 years. When Blake starts asking if we can get her skirts."

"We name the baby Blake?"

"Yeah, her name is Blaire now."

"Oh. Okay. That's not my wife's name?"

"She changes it to Renee in high school. I think every iteration of her picks something different."

"...Okay."

"Yeah. Just thought you might wanna know. She ends up getting married to her high school sweetheart in my timeline, and I'm you, so... The problem's solved, you fixed it here."

"Okay. Cool."

"Yeah. Good luck dude, teenagers are tough."

He walks out, leaving me and the man in stunned silence.

"Well. I have a baby waiting at home now. Because past me came home with a baby."

"Yeah."

"Okay. Um... so am I good to go?"

"Yep, just send that paperwork back to this office at this time when you get the chance. Walk-ins are fine. The machine should be running fine if future you installed the heatsink on yours."

"Cool."

I got an envelope a week later. A series of family photos and a handwritten note.

"Thank you for all your help. We wanted to invite you to the wedding! She and her girlfriend are getting hitched this weekend."

And that brings us here. The man looks decades older, but I've only known him for a few weeks. He introduces me to his wife, his daughter, and his soon to be daughter-in-law. They all know the story now, this is the generation that changed, after all.

All that said, my job is pretty simple, all things considered. I just have to keep the timeline from turning into an infinite spiral because of the mistakes of the first generation of time travellers.

It's mostly paperwork. I work the same week every week. The anomalies, though? Those are what make it fun.

Secret bunkers full of time machine repair equipment are placed throughout history by time travelers just in case someone gets stuck in the wrong time. You are tasked with manning one of these bunkers

[kuro4thegays]

HELLO SWEETHEART HOW R U TODAY? haha im hypersensitive because yuck last night i didn’t sleep at all, stayed up till 7am to edit/fix my newest update. i was too depressed in may and whole month i didn’t post or touch wattpad. i was surprised that it actually took me only 2 nights to finish my planned writing. i tend to write between 1k-2k words for 1 chapter because i do long series. only prob is do i have the mood for creative ideas or not. it needs to match my vibe of that fiction.

oh and tbh i crave for smut but i rarely write them (mostly avoid them intentionally) because it hurts my back (whole body). writing smut is a bigger form of art and yeh i usually enjoy eating up than cooking. 1 smut chapter tends to be somewhere between 3-6k words so... i... i mean... 😓 sorry for my readers. tbh i was sooo happy that they all greeted me when i came back after disappearing for a month without any warning 💀 (i feel so bad but at least i survived and served them hehe). 🤓💖✨ lucky and grateful to say that they love the newest chapter so much. they said i did so well (im so proud of myself and them 👽🚀 literally wrote that in 2 nights wtf).

sorry honey i talked too much again. just im very happy today ✨ u can totally tell cuz i usually do not use so many icons hehe. expressing love!! anyway i gain courage and support and yeh most importantly the mood from you after sending in the latest ask (i went to wattpad right after that ask to note down my ideas then fucking went feral with speed running) hope you’ll receive the same energy and have some good free time to write your lovely words down! writing and imagining is my way to relax/run away from reality/save myself so i usually use it as method to calm my unstable mental health hehe. wish you a great day/night honey. ily 🐰

That actually so cool for you. I can definitely relate to the speedrunning part because since I started this blog I had to do it an embarrassing amount of times. It's not my fault that Alhaitham was born so close to Valentine's day. Sadly all nighters aren't possible for me yet, but as soon as this shit is over I'm becoming a nocturnal creature.

And yeah, smut is hard to write. My biggest thing is that I'm scared of getting repetitive, like how many ways is there to describe a hole? I was actually planning to ask if I was becoming too repetitive.

I've already told you this, but I really don't think you need to worry about your audience. Like, if someone like me who disappears for a month after dropping each work can sustain decent following I don't think that you're in any trouble. But I'm really happy your readers like it. You should be proud of yourself.

I love reading your rambles, please don't stop sending them. It warms up my heart whenever I see you in my inbox it's genuinely insane. I'm glad my writing is having a similar effect on you. Coping with life has been becoming harder with each day, so many things going on at the same time, you know? If my presence means anything to you then I'm content with this blog.

[imaginingmarvelandeverything]

Late Night Take Out

Pairing: Jason Todd (version unspecified) x F!Reader

Prompts: 7. “You’re welcome to stay, if you want?” and 39. “I can’t sleep without you here.”

Warnings: mentions of violence

Word count: 1023

A/N:  This one is very dialogue heavy and has been written and edited while I have been drinking, so sorry for any mistakes! This can be considered a follow on to this and this. Hope you like it!

(This is now a series and the series masterlist can be found here!)

Main masterlist

Follower celebration masterlist

Ko-Fi

Y/N glanced towards the window as Jason climbed in from the fire escape. She turned back to her computers to pull the blueprint she needed up and listened to him clanging around as he stripped off the suit. She reached up and turned her headset back on when she had what she needed.

“Nightwing, you need to take a left, carry on down the corridor, a right and then it’s two doors down on your left.”

“Got it. We still on for brunch tomorrow?”

“Are you going to be awake for brunch tomorrow?” She asked, smiling when Jason snorted.

Dick made an offended noise. “I will be there.”

“See you at eleven then. You need anything else tonight?”

“No, I’m good. See you tomorrow.”

She switched off the comms and pulled her headset off before twisting her chair around to face Jason. “Please tell me you brought food?”

He held up a bag full of take-out containers. “Of course.”

“I think you might be the best roommate I’ve ever had.” She said, following him into the kitchen.

“Aren’t I the only roommate you’ve ever had?” He raised his eyebrows as she pulled crockery and cutlery out for the pair of them.

“I lived with Dick for three weeks that time his apartment got water damaged and he refused to ask Bruce for money to fix it.” She sat down on the sofa and grabbed a container, taking a portion of the food inside before passing it to Jason. “He left mess everywhere, could barely wash dishes and covered my couch in crumbs.”

“I’m a definite improvement then.” He laughed, piling his plate high with food. “Have you told him where you are?”

She shook her head. “He knows I’m safe. I didn’t think you’d want me to tell him exactly where I was.”

His lips parted as he stared at her. “I-uh-yeah, thank you.”

“I’ve started looking for possible apartments, I was hoping you’d help me vet them?” She said hopefully.

“You’re welcome to stay here, if you want? As long as you’d like.” He rubbed at the scar on his neck, something she knew by now showed he was nervous.

“Jay, I don’t want to impose. This is your space.” She said softly.

“I like having the company.” He said, so quiet she nearly missed it. “After- after everything that happened, the others are trying, but unless it’s about patrol, they don’t really make an effort.”

She felt her heart breaking. Sure, Jason had made many mistakes in the few years since he came back from the dead, but he had made, or tried to make amends with everyone since. The fact that she was sitting on his sofa, eating take out and watching shitty movies with him was evidence enough of that, especially given their first interaction. So she admitted: “I like hanging out with you.”

His eyebrows shot up. “Even after everything?”

“Yeah, I know the real you now. The one who watches some of the worst movies imaginable and spends all his free time buried in romance novels.” She smiled.

“Do not dis my books.” He warned, his ears turning pink as he averted his gaze from hers.

“I’m not, your taste in books is the one of the best I’ve ever seen. Your taste in most movies, however, is questionable.” She ducked the cushion that was thrown at her head with a laugh.

“Shut up and eat your food.” He said, but amusement was written all over his face.

They ate in silence, only occasionally throwing a comment about something stupid the main character did in the movie. When they were finished eating, they haphazardly piled their plates and the containers on the coffee table and curled up on opposite ends of the sofa.

Y/N stifled a yawn in the back of her hand for the fourth time as Jason shot her a glance. “I know you often stay up for Dick, but you don’t have to stay up until I get back you know. I can get you take out earlier.”

“I-I-” She cut herself off and took a sharp breath, trying to get her brain to play ball.

“What?” He pushed.

“I can’t sleep without you here.” She admitted, watching as he blinked several times in confusion. “In the apartment I mean. I tried those first few days and I kept dreaming that I was back there.”

He stared at her, like he wasn’t quite sure what to say. “If you- if you want to sleep in my bed when I’m not here, I don’t mind. It might help, being behind another door. I know it helps when it gets bad for me. Sometimes I even make a bed in the bottom of the closest, just to feel safer.”

“Really?” She turned to face him fully on the sofa.

He leaned his head on the back of the sofa before turning to look at her. “Yeah, but I wouldn’t recommend it. I got locked in there once by the faulty latch, blew the handle off with my .9mm, so there’s now a hole in the door.”

She couldn’t help but laugh as he smiled. “Ironically, I can imagine you doing that.”

“You can take the bed tonight if you want? I’ve got some research I need to do before I turn in and you look exhausted. Not to mention you have to be up to meet Dickhead tomorrow.” He made a face.

“You sure?”

“Yeah, go for it.” He smiled.

“Thank you. Jay, I mean it. For everything.” She said sincerely as she stood from the sofa.

“Sweetheart, I already told you, you don’t need to thank me for anything.” He ran a hand through his messy curls.

“Still.” She said, grabbing her pajamas. “Goodnight.”

“Sweet dreams.” He shot her a smile as she walked down the corridor to the bathroom, and then to his bedroom.

Part 4

[mimzy-writing-online]

You probably know this by now, I don't know if you keep up with Whumptober, but one of the prompts this year includes "blindness". I'm not blind but based on your posts about writing blind characters, and based on how I would feel if one of my disabilities were used as a whump prompt, I'm not super comfortable with it. I was wondering what your thoughts are on blindness being a Whumptober prompt.

(unironically and with feeling) thanks, I hate it.

Yes, I’m familiar with Whumptober, but I’ve never participated myself and I haven’t seen this year’s prompts.

Edit: I later did see the prompts and check out the blog. I think it's a good set of prompts and I look forward to all the promising content, especially since some of my favorite tropes are there. To be clear before you read this, I have no problem with Whumptober2021 or whump in general. This is not the first time blindness has been included for a list of whump prompts, and it won't be the last.

This post directed at the concept of "blindness" as a whump prompt and why I think it's a bad idea. The intended audience is individual writers thinking about future projects.

The timing of this is almost too perfect because I read a fanfic earlier this week that would meet that prompt exactly. Tags included whump, blindness, and angst with a happy ending. Now whump, hurt/comfort, and angst with a happy ending are tags I enjoy reading, but blindness as whump has a specific message to it.

To explain that message, I want to discuss what whump is. Many readers are already familiar with the genre, but I think taking the specific definitions and picking apart what it means and what expectations we carry when reading whump fanfiction

Urban Dictionary defines it as: taking a character and putting them through physical and/or mental torment and is typically followed by the same character being treated for their traumas. To indicate the characters place in the situation they’d typically be called a whumpee (the character being hurt/comforted), the whumper (the character that causes harm and trauma), and the caretaker (the character designated the helping/healing/comforting the whumpee).

Fanlore has a page for whump that explains it in depth, including where it started in fanfiction, examples of whump, and even a list of “popular targets” in different fandoms. (Warning: you might find yourself called out on the popular targets list)

“The term whump (or whumping) generally refers to a form of Hurt/Comfort that is heavy on the hurt and is often found in gen stories. The exact definition varies and has evolved over time. Essentially, whump involves taking a canon character, and placing them in physically painful or psychologically-damaging scenarios. Often this character is a fan favorite…”

To add to that, I think an important detail is the distinction Fanlore makes between hurt/comfort and whump:

“While some communities and fandoms may use whump as a synonym for hurt/comfort, there is still a recognition that whump refers to darker and more extreme scenarios. And there are still whump fics been written that have very little, or no comfort at the end of the story.”

The big appeal of hurt/comfort is getting to both explore the darker sides of pain and then experience the catharsis of being taken care of, of being supported by your loved ones as you recover from the trauma. The character is the proxy for experiencing those highs and lows while you yourself are safe at home.

I personally don’t read much/any whump without some h/c involved, but I’m happy there are stories out there for people who do enjoy it. I’m not here to judge what you like reading or what you do to your characters.

What I want is to express how blindness, my disability, used as a whump prompt personally makes me feel and what message it sends to me, to others, and how that message affects my daily life.

Whump undeniably involves watching a character suffer through something painful and traumatic.

My use of the word “suffer” is what I want you to focus on.

Vision loss can be painful and traumatic. I personally developed an anxiety disorder in response to vision loss. Others experience depression. For some it might result in relapsing into old, maladaptive coping mechanisms like drug use, self harm, or eating disorders.

A big part of my anxiety was how people reacted to my vision loss. It was a cause of their stress. They were worried because they genuinely believed I would never live a happy life without normal vision, and that my life would only be struggle and pain.

I recently saw an old friend who hadn’t heard about my vision loss. The conversation was awkward, but the worst part was how they reacted as though I had experienced an insurmountable tragedy. And even when I assured them I’m happy with my life, they clearly didn’t believe me. They acted like I was just lying or in denial.

I love that people want to empathize with my situation and ask themselves what they would do in my situation, but I hate when the conclusion they come to is something along the lines of “I could never do that, I’d be too miserable thinking about everything I lost, I’d never be able to do anything I enjoyed ever again.” But I did go blind. And I’m not miserable, I’m actually happy with the direction my life is going, and I still enjoy my hobbies, even if I engage with them differently.

I’m not suffering. My life didn’t end with vision loss. It’s not ruined, broken, or worthless.

I read a fanfic that was tagged with whump, blindness, and angst with a happy ending. A general synopsis of the plot: the whumpee had gone blind due to a curse. It was true love’s kiss that broke the curse. Even from the summary I knew it was going to end with whumpee being cured somehow and that I’d leave that fanfic vaguely dissatisfied no matter how good the rest of the fanfic was.

I can say this for the fanfic: the whumpee had already accepted that they would likely be blind for the rest of their life, but everyone around them was treating it as a tragedy that needed to be fixed, working tirelessly for a cure despite the whumpee’s protests that they didn’t have to.

It actually hit home to my personal experience.

I still left it dissatisfied with the ending. I might love curse fics in that fandom, and I love the “true love’s kiss” trope, but it wasn’t enough to distract me from the fact that: an actual person out in the world thought the best happy ending, maybe the only happy ending, would be if the character got their sight back.

(note: I clicked kudos and exited out of the story's page because no fanfic writer deserves unsolicited critique or hate, especially for content I consumed for free and at my own volition.)

Why read a story I knew would disappoint me?

Because blindness representation is so damn rare that I feel like I’m wandering in a desert, dying from thirst and desperate for that oasis. But sometimes that oasis is a mirage and the author is unintentionally telling you that your life is actually awful and you’ll never be fully happy like this. And that is a shit mentality to walk through life with.

I don’t appreciate blindness being a whump plot. I hate it. Hundreds (thousands?) of fanfictions featuring blind characters are about to enter the internet and the overall message is going to be “You poor thing! You must be in so much pain, you must be miserable! Who’s going to save you? Who’s going to comfort you? Wouldn’t it be terrible if there was no one in your life to take care of you? You poor helpless thing!”

And I feel objectified. I feel trivialized. The mirage in the desert is going to become a starch, empty room filled with dozens of water bottles, almost all of them poisoned. My representation is going to hurt me personally, and it’s going to reinforce that idea strangers have about how awful my life must be.

(I returned to school this past month, and every day I’m hesitant to tell someone I’m visually impaired because I don’t want to be treated differently. If I’ve managed to pass as sighted this whole time and then suddenly reveal “oh yeah, I’m visually impaired” I feel this instant silence, this pause of awkwardness as people suddenly question how they’re supposed to treat me. They treated me like a person, and now I’m something strange and unfamiliar.)

I’ve worked so hard to improve representation for blind people, to give internet strangers the exposure to a blind person they need to normalize blindness because I hope that if they’re ever so lucky as to meet a blind person, they’ll treat that person with respect. That hope that another person in the blind community will find a friend they feel comfortable and accepted with. I hope that I’ll meet people who accept my blindness as just another aspect of me (like being bisexual or gender fluid or a writer or a cat lover).

Please don’t turn me and my community into a caricature. Don’t erase everything I’ve worked for with this blog.

To be clear, this is not just me saying "I hate the cure trope" again. This is me saying "the purpose of whump is to painfully hurt your favorite character, and I hate that your idea of pain and suffering is my daily (wonderful) life."

[miekasa]

AOT characters x their partner on social media is something I love thinking about omg. Eren is the number 1 menace, I swear, he likes keeping an aesthetic and he wants your face on his profile, and he wants to be in yours, and he will brainstorm for cool captions for you both 😭 Jean acts all shy, but that tall mf also lowkey feels the same way as Eren 😭. Mikasa is very relaxed and cute about it, she’s so effortless when it comes posting you on her feed, same with Sasha probably. Connie would post your funny faces 100% while Armin….blonde coconut I feel would be shy at first but is a fan of couple-y posts. Same with Erwin, and Erwin would add the cheesiest suburban dad captions like “my better half” or shit like “forever yours” 😭🥴😭 Hange is just all over, like they’ll be super unpredictable, from wildly funny to very touching stuff. Pick is just sweetness!! All around sweetness that can make you melt. Porco would be…actually I’m not sure, he seems like he’s in line with Eren and Jean 😭 Meanwhile, Levi would not care at all about social media announcements and “instagram official” and people outside his close circles find out about his partner on their tenth-year anniversary because they bumped into you both while you were out on a date 😭😭

No because you hit the nail on the head here anon!!

Eren and Connie are fiends and almost shameless in how much they want to be on your socials. If you do the thing where you record your food when you’re out to eat with Eren, he’ll interject into your video—“And me! She’s with me!! Show me!!” After some time—or if you tease him by purposefully leaving him out of the frame—he’ll just snatch your phone when you’re recording or taking pictures and makes sure to get himself with the front camera 😭😭 oh and you will be on his, it comes with the price of dating him, he loves posting videos that gradually zoom in on your face before you notice he’s recording.

Connie just photobombs everything. Even if just his eyebrows make in the frame, you better post it. He’s watching you. He loves taking funny selfies and posting them with absolutely no context, and videos too!! He reminds me of that TikTok of the guy who pans the camera to his gf laying in the grass is like, “We had a beach date, and, yeah I love her,” and pans the camera to his face, “I’m faster than her tho. We raced. But yeah, love her.”

Jean pretends like he doesn’t care if you don’t post him, but he cares 😭😭 he’s always willing to take a photo for you, but he wants to take them with you too!! He’ll not so subtly be like, “Hey, did you post those pics from the other day?” as a gentle “reminder,” and he’s honestly so cute you gotta give into him. He likes posting pics with you too, and claims he’s gotta keep it updated so he’s got something to show his mom—“She’ll think I’m making you up if I don’t have proof, babe.”

Armin gets nervous about posting you at first—the whole being publicly affectionate thing, plus the internet is forever, you know. But once he sees that he doesn’t necessarily have to post you guys holding hands or kissing all the time, he relaxes. Just a picture together, or a picture of you from one of your dates every once in a while is cool with him. He takes good candids and they’re his favorite to edit and make all pretty. He gets surprised whenever you post him, and he’s honestly not checking for it/on social media all that often, so he finds out through a friend like Sasha who’s bubbling, “Armin you guys are gonna make me jealous!! Your beach dates look so cute!!” And Armin’s a little confused, until she adds, “I saw the pictures on Insta!!” And now he’s slightly pink in the face.

Porco is… more likely than not recording you innocently vibing or minding your own business before he comes to bother you bye. He thinks your surprised face is so fucking funny and needs several video evidences of it. He gets grumpy when you get an off-guard of him, but just show it to him after and suddenly he’s like, “I look pretty good there, actually,” like yeah, dumbass, that was the point 🙄🙄 he posts his shit on Twitter tho, and is always acting like he doesn’t know you—“Girlfriend for sale, willing to trade for Breath of the Wild. At least $30 cash otherwise,” and thinks it’s funny when you threaten to block him. Or he’s subtweeting you when you CLEARLY follow him: “Anybody else know someone who falls asleep 30 mins into a drive?? No?? Just me??”

Erwin and his captions anon please I’m hollering. You know he uses the filters embedded into Instagram, too, and it makes some pics come out grainy/more dull. He comes questioning Hange with genuine curiosity, “How come your photos look so… bright? How do I do that?” Sir, open up VSCO and free yourself from the shackles of Sepia.

Levi could not care less about what and how much you post of him on social media, and his own is so scarcely updated; he really just has it so he’s not a complete ghost to the world, and to occasionally cure a fit of boredom. The pictures he posts are always nice tho, simple, cleanly edited and shot, and sometimes he’s not even in them. He doesn’t mind if you post him or not, but every once in a while he’ll stop by with a simple heart emoji in the comments. (To which Hange absolutely loses their shit every time and loves to joke about, “omgggggg are you and @leviackerman official???? 🤪🤪🤪)

Hange is the undisputed champion of photodumps and you cannot prove me wrong. Above all, they love posting a series of chaotic photos that tell a story—three slides dedicated to photos that caught you falling down; several photos back to back of you stuffing your face with food; frames of the both of you posing for a photo with the front timer but of course something made them topple over you. Their captions don’t help either, almost always unrelated from the disaster that just unfolded. Could have posted a photo dump of you two skipping (and falling) at the park and the caption is like “fun fact: a cockroach can survive up to five weeks with its head cut off!!” (The disconnect between the pics and captions always confuses Erwin. @e.smith: Very cool! But, what do roaches have to do with you guys looking like you broke your ankles? PS—is everybody okay?)

Mikasa is relaxed about posting you, and she lowkey really likes to be posted on your socials. She doesn’t say much about it, but she likes going back through your profile and looking and what you posted, and the comments from your guys’ friends being supportive. The pictures don’t necessarily spell out that you guys are Together, but that’s okay with her; she doesn’t need four pics of you guys kissing on her timeline to make her happy. She has lots of pictures she doesn’t post tho and you’d be shocked to find them, you gotta hype her up a bit to post them, “Mika you look hot here!!! The people need to see!!! Feed them!!!”

It comes naturally to Sasha, too. She likes documenting your dates with pictures and videos and has a blast editing them afterwards, too. Just AirDrop her the pictures you took and she’ll fix them up for both of you to post later. She’s a fan of silly matching captions and is always in your comments with a million emojis.

Pieck absolutely the sweetest girl. Her whole feed manages to naturally come out in soft filters and pastel colors. She always tells you she doesn’t have to edit a thing when you’re in the picture. Definitely posts photo dumps that include pics of food, sunrises, her cats, and a few off-guards of you thrown in there. Abuses the bugs and sparkly emojis in the captions.

Annie literally posts one pic a few months (by a few months, I mean like 11 months) into your relationship with the simple and upfront caption: “This is my girlfriend” and everyone is in the comments immediately bye. Berty is acting super surprised even tho he basically set you guys up, somehow Reiner genuinely didn’t know, and Sasha is clowning him for not catching on, and then he’s like “wait since when????? i thought they were just really good friends????” Mikasa comments a singular scissor emoji and it sends everyone into orbit, even Annie likes the comment.

[patchofsunlight]

Warmth | Zuko x Fem!Reader

SUMMARY: Avatar!Reader AU | Zuko has made many mistakes and holds uncountable regrets, but maybe Y/N can still love him back. Spoiler: she does.

REQUEST (by anon): “Could you do a zuko with maybe a f! avatar? Him falling in love with her like how they joked in ember island play. And him being tormented when she 'dies' in cross roads and them having some tender moment of confessing either in the western temple or ember island? maybe the play has the kiss and he confesses idk”

WORD COUNT: 5.3k

WARNINGS: Y/N is the Avatar, so Aang doesn’t exist. kissing, there might be swear words but I don’t really remember, bad editing. lots of mutual pining and some angst. I don’t know if I did this request justice but I really tried?

OBSERVATIONS: there’s a bit of Sokka x Reader bc I’m a weak woman but in the end he’s the main Zuko and Y/N shipper. not having Aang seriously hurt me. I wrote most of the Zuko sad rant in the beginning listening to Words Fail by Ben Platt and I think it would be interesting if you guys listened to that while reading? idk

I hope you all like it!!! feedback is always appreciated, so keep that in mind and thank you very much for reading!!

There was a hole inside his chest that Zuko simply couldn’t get rid of. It hurt him to his core, bringing pained sobs to the edge of his throat and slowly dismantling his soul.

He always thought getting rid of Y/N would quench his anger, rebuild his honor and complete his destiny. Now, his father accepted him again, Mai was his girlfriend, and Azula treated him like a true brother, in her own deranged ways. The Fire Nation considered him a hero, the man who killed the Avatar.

Then why did it trouble him so much? Why did he wake up every night in a cold sweat, with tears stinging his eyes? Why did he have the same nightmare over and over where he was the one responsible for her death, hitting her with lightning and watching as the light inside her disappeared, leaving behind only her idle body and Katara’s desperate cries? Why couldn’t he be satisfied? He had fulfilled his fate. He had done what he was meant to do, sided with his people, and fought against his greatest enemy. Why wasn’t he happy? Why couldn’t he ever be happy?

Back in Ba Sing Se, he saw her at the Jasmine Dragon more than once. He couldn’t believe his eyes when she first entered the teashop, and he was pretty sure she had recognized him, but Y/N managed to send a polite smile in his direction and sit down, greeting “Mushi” with joy. When Zuko served her tea, she asked him what his name was as if she didn’t know. She didn’t confront nor attack him — she simply let him live his new life and went on living hers. It felt like she had washed off his sins, erased the bloodstains he carried in his soul and hands. Y/N freed him of his past and he had thrown it all away.

It was the right thing to do, he had told himself day after day after day. Except it wasn’t, and now Iroh refused to talk to him and the Avatar was probably dead and, in the case she wasn’t, she would never forgive him. She wouldn’t let him be free of himself again and he would never get redemption for his mistakes.

He wished he could go back in time and fight alongside Y/N in that crystal cave, wished he could live up to the trust Katara offered him before they were saved, wished he could have stopped Azula from throwing that lightning bolt. He wished he could do things in the right way, yet he couldn’t. Zuko tried so hard to regain his so-called honor and to bring his father pride but his only real achievement was engulfing himself in guilt and regret, being aware that powerful and forgiving Y/N could be dead because of his lack of dignity and character — this couldn’t be honor. Violence, betrayal, death, and hurt couldn’t be honor, and he wasn’t sure he wanted his father’s pride if it meant feeling like this, like he was no good, like he was not worthy of love or praise or admiration.

Zuko had spent a great part of his life hating himself, but nothing compared to the hate he felt every night after waking up from another crushing nightmare. How dared he make this about himself and his feelings of guilt when the Avatar could be dead? How dared he worry about the Fire Lord’s pride when the world’s last hope was gone? How dared he indulge in self-pity after all he had done? He didn’t deserve pity, didn’t deserve help, he only deserved to wallow in his own pain and die. But that wouldn’t fix anything, neither would it bring Y/N back — he had to act, and he had to do it fast.

Going after Team Avatar was not difficult. He thought he would feel complicated like he had when first betraying Y/N’s trust, thought it would hurt like coming back to the Fire Nation did. Thankfully, leaving only caused a new type of satisfaction to bloom inside his chest, giving him the sensation he was finally walking through the right path. Hope seemed to pour out of every pore in his body and he could somehow think of better, future days when he would have done enough to make up for his mistakes, days when he didn’t feel the urge to scream every time he looked at a mirror. Maybe then he wouldn’t have to despise himself like he currently did, maybe things would be okay and he would be truly happy, if that was even something he had the capability to do.

But then they didn’t want him. He left everything behind, he charged every inch of his hope with the idea of joining the Avatar, and they didn’t want him. Why would they? Why would they, after everything he had done? How could he have even considered they would accept him, that she would trust him again? Of course they didn’t want him. No one did and no one ever would and that was entirely his fault — it was his fault that he was a bad person, took the wrong decisions, and caused pain and destruction. It was his fault he never did the right thing and he should’ve known he would be rejected again, for being rejected was just what he deserved.

But it still hurt. Oh, Spirits, it hurt. She couldn’t even look at him, even after he helped them defeat Combustion Man and was finally accepted in the group. Sadly, it made Zuko realize that, no matter where he stood, he would never be a part of their team, and Y/N would never trust him entirely. For some reason, that was more upsetting than their rejection. He wanted to impress her, wanted her to like him, and she never would.

“Y/N? Can I—can I come in?”

The Avatar looked up from the map she was currently analysing on her bed, studying his figure carefully before nodding with hesitance, “yes. Do you need something?”

He sighed deeply and walked towards her, feeling his heart crack when she brought her legs closer to her body and away from him the moment he sat on the edge of the bed, “I—I just wanted to talk to you about, well, you know, everything.”

Her expression hardened and she averted her eyes back to the map, “we have nothing to talk about, Zuko. You can go back to your room.”

The Fire Nation Prince swallowed nervously, “Y/N, please. I’m so, so sorry. I have made so many mistakes, I—”

“Zuko,” her voice was firm and emotionless, but that quickly changed when she met his gaze, “I thought things could be different. I thought things could be different back in the North Pole, when we first talked to each other and you told me about Azula. I thought things could be different when you saved me as the Blue Spirit. And I was so convinced things would be different when we met again in Ba Sing Se that I—” she scoffed at her own words, “I had a crush on you, can you believe that? That’s why I visited the teashop so regularly, I just wanted to see you. Stupid, of course. I should’ve known.”

Zuko was sure she could hear his anxious heart beating from the other side of the bed. They were less than a foot away, and yet it felt like miles. He didn’t want her to think about him like that, he didn’t want her to be disappointed in him. Damn, she used to have a crush on him, she liked him, and he screwed everything up like usual. “I’m so sorry, Y/N. I’m—I’m here now, I’m on your side.”

“Yeah, but I thought you were on my side back then too. Anyway, it doesn’t matter anymore. You need to teach me firebending and that’s the only reason you’re allowed here. Talking is unnecessary.”

“Please, I—”

“You should leave, Prince Zuko,” he flinched at the title escaping her lips, hating how it sounded bitter coming from her, “I have really important matters to deal with. We’ll start my firebending training tomorrow.” 

“Y/N—”

“Leave, Zuko.”

With a heaviness inside his stomach, he left the room, missing if by a second the frustrated tear that ran down Y/N’s cheek. She wanted to trust him, but how could she? How could she let him in after his betrayal? She had always been forgiving, but she refused to be naive — seeing Zuko side with Azula in the crystal caves hurt her deeply and shoved her little crush on him down her throat. She couldn’t go through that again, it would be simply idiotic to. Y/N had to stand her ground. She wouldn’t be hurt by him again.

-----

“Hey, jerks. Mind if I watch you two jerks do your jerkbending?”

“Get out of—” Zuko was interrupted by the Avatar’s laughter. Sokka smiled softly at her, cheeks blushing. For some reason, that only managed to piss Zuko off even more, “get out of here!”

“Okay, take it easy. I was just kidding around,” the Water Tribe boy winked at Y/N, “see you later?”

“Sure, we still need to see that part of the temple we found yesterday. Exploration partners!”

“Exploration partners!” he agreed with a chuckle and turned away from them. “Bye, Y/N. Jerkbending… Still got it.”

Zuko glanced at her with irritation while she watched Sokka leave. He felt already incredibly frustrated for not being able to produce his fire and not knowing why, he definitely did not need to watch as Sokka and Y/N flirted. 

They would make a cute couple, though, and she smiled so brightly at him it was physically painful to watch. He wanted her to smile like that at him, look like that at him. But she wouldn’t — she was over her crush and had no reason to ever feel anything towards him again, not after what he had done. He didn’t deserve her love anyway, so maybe it was for the best.

“So? Any progress, Sifu Hotman?”

“I told you not to call me that,” he snarled angrily and she sighed.

“Sorry, Sifu Hotman.”

“This was a mistake,” he sat down roughly, ignoring the ache on his legs due to the sudden movement, “maybe teaching you firebending is not my destiny.”

She looked at him with furrowed eyebrows, not understanding, “what do you mean?”

“How can I teach you anything when I’ve lost my fire, Y/N?” he chuckled sadly, letting one of his hands go through his hair in distress. “I wanted to be on the good side of the war and I can’t even make myself useful.”

“You haven’t lost your fire, Zuko,” her voice was careful, “I think you’re just going through some internal conflict and that’s reflecting on your bending, but if you were meant to teach me firebending, you will. Your destiny is still your destiny regardless, Sifu Hotman.”

“It’s easy for you to say, you’re the Avatar! I’m not even sure who I am anymore, but you have always known what your destiny was.”

“Yeah, and I was scared of it,” she smiled softly, “I ran away and disappeared for a hundred years. People died because of my absence. I have made mistakes, and I have failed many, many times. Sadly, that doesn’t make me less of an Avatar. Zuko, if you must be my teacher, it’s gonna work. We’ll figure things out and you will get your fire back. Okay?”

He stared inside her eyes. There was still some sort of mistrust in them — she was willing to help him because she needed him, but still suspicious. She wasn’t really sure he was on their side, but this was a start. He was going to fix everything and he would make her proud. He would make Y/N happy to call him a friend. Or something more.

Maybe he had a crush on her, too.

-----

Toph’s idea to look for the original source of firebending had greatly backfired (no pun intended, even though Y/N could clearly hear Sokka’s laughter in her head at the joke). They traveled to the Sun Warriors’ ancient city and found an impressive temple adorned with statues. Things were going surprisingly well until they weren’t, and now they were stuck in a disgusting glue because Zuko touched the pretty gemstone. Hours had passed and Y/N was increasingly more annoyed at their situation.

“You had to pick up the glowing egg, didn’t you?”

“At least I made something happen! If it were up to you, we’d never have made it past the courtyard.”

“Maybe, but we wouldn’t be stuck here either, so did you really win?”

Zuko rolled his eyes, “this is stupid. How are we getting out of here?”

“Help!” the girl screamed as loudly as she could, being met with only silence.

“Who are you yelling to? Nobody’s lived here for centuries,” the Fire Prince argued and it was Y/N’s turn to roll her eyes.

“Well, what do you think we should do, genius?”

“Think about our place in the universe?”

Despite her current irritation, Y/N couldn’t help but smile at his words. He instinctively smiled back and she felt warmth spread through her chest.

She was starting to think she wasn’t as over her crush on him as she thought.

They were rescued by the Sun Warriors and judged by the last dragons, and Y/N was sure she hadn’t felt this alive in a while. After burning Katara (it was so long ago it seemed like a different life), she had thought of fire as something destructive, harmful, but she could now see it with new eyes. Fire could be love, life, and power. 

The Avatar glanced at Zuko. Maybe she could try and see him as that, too. 

-----

“You did well today,” Zuko complimented warily, avoiding her gaze, “if we keep up the training, you might become a better firebender than me.”

“Why, thank you, Hotman,” she smiled brightly and Zuko was sure he could pass out right there, “I just have a great teacher.”

“Y/N!”

The Avatar felt Sokka before she saw him, laughing at the way he hugged her from behind joyfully, leaning his chin on her shoulder. “Hey, honey. What’s up?”

“Doing fine,” he mumbled, brushing her hair off his face delicately, “wanna grab something to eat?”

“I think I’m gonna train some more and clean myself later. I’ll meet you after?”

“Sure! I’ll be back inside. See you, Y/N, Zuko.”

They both watched as the Water Tribe boy entered the temple again. There was a weird burning sensation running through Zuko’s blood when he asked, voice slightly raspy and overly quiet, “so, you and Sokka, huh? You make a nice couple.”

She turned her head to him so quickly it almost gave her whiplash, “what? No! I mean—” she blushed at the question, flustered by the fact he would even consider something like that. The Fire Prince waited silently, irritation surfacing at her stammering. He wasn’t sure why that angered him so much, but he decided to be still and listen, “we are just friends,” she concluded, “he means a lot to me, but so do Katara and Toph, you know? We are—we are just friends. He even likes that Kyoshi Warrior, Suki! So, yeah, we are definitely not a couple.”

“I see,” Zuko felt curiously static with that piece of information, “and you don’t have feelings for him?”

“No, of course not. I mean, I had a thing for him when we first met, but now it’s gone. He’s my best friend and I love him, just not like that.”

“Okay. Good.”

“Good?” Y/N turned her head to the side in confusion and he paled considerably, finally noticing the meaning of his own words. “Why is that good?”

“Oh? I—it’s good that you love him! Yeah, having friends is amazing, right? Yeah.”

She smiled amusingly, “it truly is.”

“Yeah.”

The Avatar chuckled lightly, “come on, Sifu Hotman. Let’s do that leg movement again, I think I’m not doing it right.”

Days passed and a lot of things happened. Zuko knew Y/N wouldn’t be happy with Sokka’s suicide mission, but he couldn’t let him do it alone, so he accompanied him to the Boiling Rock. Again, she wasn’t happy when he followed Katara for revenge for her mother’s death, but then at least someone had Katara’s back and was ready to protect her. He desperately wanted to earn Y/N’s trust and friendship, but that was rather difficult when he insisted on doing the stuff she didn’t want him to do.

They continued their training on Ember Island and the whole Team seemed to thoroughly enjoy the place. Y/N was giving her all to learn firebending and was succeeding splendidly. To be honest, Zuko loved to see her get the moves right — every single time she made it, she would look at him with bright eyes and grin. It was the most beautiful sight Zuko had ever seen and he would do anything to have it permanently engraved in his mind.

They stayed up late during one particular night. They were both exhausted after hours of training and ended up sat beside each other on the ground on the back of the Fire Nation Royal Family’s beach house. The air between them was filled with silence and heavy breathing from their previous effort.

“Hey, Zuko?” after a few moments, Y/N called him gently, voice tired and raspy giving him chills. She laid down and stared at the dark sky. “Look at the stars with me.”

He blinked, “really? I mean, shouldn’t we go inside?”

“Please?” her eyes met his and his heart skipped a beat. “Just for a bit.”

“Okay,” Zuko whispered, lying down next to her. They looked at the sky quietly for a bit.

He liked to be around her. It could be the Avatar thing, but Y/N had a calming aura around her that was just unmissable. Being next to her like this gave him the feeling things would be alright, the feeling he was not worthless. It was a lie, of course. There was no way to know how their plans would go, and he was pretty much worthless.

But being beside her was enough to trick his mind. Maybe the little crush he harbored towards her had become something more — Spirits, he liked her so much. Not that it mattered, considering there was no way she would ever love him back, not after everything he had done.

“When I was younger, I believed we became stars when we died.”

He turned his head to look at her, “really?”

She turned to look back and his breath hitched at their close proximity. She chuckled, “yeah. I didn’t even know I was the Avatar back then, I was so young. They told me when I was sixteen, and I ran away shortly after,” there was bitterness to her words, “like a coward.”

“You are not a coward, Y/N. You had no way of knowing how things would go.”

“You really think so?”

“I do. Besides, if you hadn’t run away, you wouldn’t have been stuck on ice for a hundred years, and I would never have met you, which would be awful,” he widened his eyes, completing quickly, “and Sokka, Katara, and Toph, too. I wouldn’t have met them either. Of course.”

Her smile was so pretty he forgot how to breathe, “you’re right, Zuko. I don’t think I would have liked to live a life where I never met you,” she smirked before going on with teasing eyes, “and Sokka, Katara, and Toph, too. Of course.”

“Of course,” he agreed with a blush on his face. They stared at each other carefully and Zuko was pretty sure his heart was performing a professional routine of somersaults inside his body. He definitely was past just a simple crush.

Y/N smiled that dazzling smile of hers before averting her gaze to the stars again and yawning. “We should go in.”

“We should,” the Fire Prince immediately started to sit up, but she held him down with a hand to his chest, and probably felt his crazy heartbeat under her fingers.

“Just a bit more, Prince Zuko,” she whispered, eyes trained to the sky. Slowly but surely, she moved her hand from his chest to his own hand, creating goosebumps on every inch of skin she lightly touched on the way there. Zuko could feel his body burn at the barely-there feeling of her fingertips. She intertwined her fingers with his carefully, giving him the chance to pull away if he so wished. He let out a shaky breath and squeezed her hand. She immediately squeezed his back in reassurance.

In the middle of the quiet and comfort they suddenly found in each other, they fell asleep under the stars, fingers playing with each other until exhaustion finally engulfed them in dreams of pretty smiles and light touches.

It was nice to dodge the nightmares.

-----

“I’ve heard you and Zuko slept outside today,” Sokka had a teasing tone to his voice. Y/N glared at him, “you are together now or something?”

“We are not,” she countered, scratching Appa while they talked. Zuko, Toph, Katara, and Suki had left for the beach already. Y/N still needed to feed her sky bison and Sokka offered to help with the excuse of being a good friend. The Avatar was absolutely sure that wasn’t the real reason he stayed back alongside her and he was currently proving her right, “we were just stargazing and then fell asleep.”

“Stargazing, huh? Real cute. I bet it was an endearing impromptu date, wasn’t it?”

“Since when do you even know the word impromptu?”

“I am always full of surprises.”

“Right,” she rolled her eyes and he laughed loudly, “it was not a date.”

“But you do like him, right?.”

“What?” she turned her entire body to him, furrowing her brows and crossing her arms in a defensive stance. “Why would you say that?”

“Because I know you better than you know yourself and I can tell you have feelings for him,” Sokka copied her movements, staring at her with a smirk, “I also know he likes you back.”

Y/N scoffed and transferred her attention back to Appa, “he does not.”

“So you admit you like him!”

“Shut up, Sokka!” she glared, but quickly gave up under his intense eyes and raised brows. “Yeah, I like him. It doesn’t matter, though.”

“Yes, it does! He feels the same! Look, what about this,” he leaned in closer, that crazy look he had whenever making up a plan taking over his face, “we are going to watch that play about us tonight, right? Well, you guys can sit next to each other! Like a couple!”

“That’s a terrible idea, honey.”

“It’s not! I bet he’s gonna make a move!”

“He won’t, because he’s not in love with me.”

“Wait, you’re in love with him?”

Y/N’s entire body tensed up. She shouldn’t have said that. She wasn’t in love with Zuko! Was she? I mean, she did love to be beside him, and her heart sped up when he gave her one of his rare smiles, and training with him when he had his shirt off was distracting to say the least. Besides, he really seemed to have changed and grown — she felt like she could trust him again, but she could never be sure, and she was adamant on not getting hurt once more. Especially now, when she was dealing with so many things. If he betrayed her a second time… Spirits, it would be just too much to handle.

“I don’t know,” she muttered and Sokka’s cheeky smile faltered, “I don’t want to be.”

He stretched an arm out to hold her hand fondly, “it’s fine, Y/N. Whatever happens, I’m here for you, okay?”

The Avatar smiled sadly, “thank you, Sokka. I’m really glad to have you in my life.”

���I know, honey. I’m great like that.”

She laughed loudly and he grinned in satisfaction, turning her body around and starting to lead her towards the beach, an arm through her shoulders holding her close to his body.

“Shut up, Sokka. You’re so stupid.”

“Yeah, yeah. I love you too.”

Zuko felt a pang to his chest when Sokka and Y/N arrived at the beach holding each other so dearly, but he knew he had no right to complain. She would be better off with Sokka anyway — he was good-looking, nice, funny, smart. Meanwhile, Zuko was nothing but a sad mixture of mistakes and regrets. The Avatar deserved more than that.

“Hey, Hotman,” she walked to him with a smile, planting a kiss on Sokka’s cheek before leaving his side. “Why are you all alone on the sand?”

“Because he’s boring,” Toph answered from some feet away and Katara chuckled. Zuko could feel his face redden.

“He is not,” Y/N argued amusingly, sitting down beside him and grinning. She glanced at him with a happy spark in her eyes, “are you excited for the play tonight?”

“No,” he muttered, but his lack of vivacity didn’t bother her in the slightest, “the Ember Island plays are always ridiculous.”

“I think it’s going to be fun,” she shrugged contently, basking in the hot sun, “if it isn’t, we can always throw food at the stage or whatever.”

He tried really hard, but couldn’t bit back the smile that took over his frown. He watched her attentively, noticing how she seemed to glow in the daylight, giving off this incredible warmth he had only ever seen on her. He averted away his gaze, feeling his neck and face heat up at how unapologetically beautiful she was.

Zuko cleared his throat quietly, “yeah, I guess.”

She only smirked in response.

-----

The play could be worse, he figured. Yes, their portrayal of him was horrible (even though his friends — could he call them friends? Were they friends? He hoped they were — said otherwise) and the actress playing Y/N was not nearly as pretty as the Avatar really was, but Y/N was next to him and, at some point, she had leaned her head on his shoulder tiredly and stayed there. All the training was getting to her and he felt inexplicable joy in the fact she trusted him enough to rest her body on his.

“Look,” her voice was raspy from sleepiness and a chill ran down his spine, “I think now is when you join Team Avatar and becomes our friend.”

He nodded carefully not to disturb her from her position and his heart skipped a beat when she nuzzled closer to his neck. Zuko watched as actor Zuko was accepted into the group and just after a scene with only him and actress Y/N started. Actor Zuko stared at the actress longingly, “my dear Y/N… I know I have wronged you in many ways, but I wanted to apologize for my mistakes and beg for your forgiveness!”

Y/N giggled at that, nudging him affectionately, “that really happened.”

He smiled, eyes following the performers on stage. Actor Zuko continued, “your forgiveness… And maybe your love, Avatar.”

They both immediately tensed up at the words and Y/N moved her head slightly, brows furrowing in confusion.

“My love, Prince Zuko?”

“Yes, my darling.”

They all watched as Actor Zuko and Actress Y/N kissed passionately, earning cheers from the audience. Sokka whistled loudly and Y/N turned to glare at him, receiving a wink in return.

“I have been in love with you since we first met!” Actor Zuko declared excitedly, holding Actress Y/N’s hands. “You are the only one who can make me forget about my teen angst. I love you, Y/N.”

“Well… I don’t!” Actress Y/N moved away swiftly and the crowd gasped in surprise. “I have accepted you in my group, Prince Zuko… But I’ll never accept you in my heart! You’re a bad person that doesn’t deserve my love!”

“What?!” Sokka almost screamed in disbelief. Y/N finally took her head off Zuko’s shoulder, incertitude swimming in her eyes. Before she had the chance to speak, Zuko had already left. The Water Tribe boy widened his eyes at her. “Go after him!”

Y/N nodded her head, getting out of her seat and walking after Zuko, calling his name. He ignored her, feeling anger boil inside him. He knew she would never directly say something like that, but he also knew it was true. She would never love him — he wasn’t worthy of her love, and he was pretty sure she was aware of that too.

“Zuko, wait!” she finally catched up to him, holding his arm and pulling him back. “It’s just a stupid play, Zuko. None of that is true.”

“Really, Y/N?” he turned to stare at her, rage covering his expression. “Because I’m almost certain it is. They said I don’t deserve love, Y/N, and that’s true. After everything I’ve done…”

“No!” she exclaimed desperately, shaking her head vehemently in disagreement. “Zuko, of course you deserve love. Yes, you have made mistakes, but all of us have. You shouldn’t care about what some actress says.”

“But they’re right, Y/N,” he insisted, feeling tears stinging his eyes, “I’m unworthy of love and everyone knows, and that’s why nobody actually loves me.”

“I love you!” she yelled out before she could stop herself, breath hitching at the troubled look taking over his face. Y/N sighed deeply, crossing her arms shyly and looking away, “I do,” her voice was small as she blushed, “I thought I was over my little crush for you but I wasn’t, and it’s—it’s much more than a little crush. I was afraid of admitting it but I know who you are, Zuko. You are loyal and smart and so inherently good and I love you. Spirits, I really do.”

  He stared at her for a second, processing her words. She fidgeted anxiously and he smiled at all her small manners. With certainty to his movements, Zuko took a step forwards and cradled her face in his hands. He studied every inch of her expression, waiting for some kind of rejection. She offered him a hopeful smile and he was quick to smash his lips with hers, feeling the warmth that always surrounded her consume him entirely. He kissed her passionately, happiness pouring out of him — the words “she loves you” echoing inside his mind like a broken record, filling his heart with joy.

She moved away when there was no more air in her lungs, breathing heavily and grinning like a mad woman. Y/N lifted her arm and touched his scar so fondly it physically hurt. Never before had he been touched with such care and it made tears flood his eyes, something she instantly noticed, giggling at his cuteness and drying one running tear with her thumb. She felt like her chest was full. He kissed her thumb lovingly when it rested near his mouth. 

She loved him. She thought he was worthy of love, of her love, even after everything he had done. No matter how many mistakes he had made, she still loved him, and that thought was enough to make Zuko feel some sort of hope towards the future.

Spirits, she really loved him.

“I love you too, Y/N. Very, very much.”

is it good? not really. could it be worse? yeah lmao

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