#eat shit karen

[s1utspeare]

Potentially the only good thing about the SCOTUS affirmative action decision is that now whenever white moms are being delusional and accusing us of not admitting her kid because we’re “discriminating against him for being a straight white male,” I get to say “actually due to the scotus decision (that you’ve been so excited about for years) all racial and ethnic identifiers are blocked out from applications so we literally are physically incapable of seeing them when evaluating so this was based on your child’s academic skills which I gotta say. Not great”

[subparcarrion]

wish I had the confidence to pull up to the function in Elias cosplay unprompted.

[pezberrywhoreee]

Mean girls kink and fetish headcanons!!!

my credentials are: im a kinkster, i practice safe and informed bdsm and i have a sub....hope that's good enough for y'all :D

will i be projecting my kinks onto them? you know itttttt

- i think she's a dom leaning switch. she's not too fussed about positions though, she'll do whatever she wants when she feels like it. i just imagine that she likes to dom more

- that's a hard/mean dom if ive ever seen one. heavy sadist

- i don't think she has a strictly preferred honourific or title but she's open to "mommy", "mistress", "goddess" and "sir". i imagine she gets off on little girls saying her name because she loves herself.

- heavy on impact play as a top. she has a secret stash of a few expensive toys like floggers and crops but it's mainly pervertables. she loves convenience but if she's feeling nice then she'll spoil you and let you choose which expensive one she buys.

- humiliation too as a top. she is almost too good at degradation and mocking. she is at all times perfecting the skill of how to overstimulate you verbally. she's great at picking up on little reactions that she can mock, which brings on more reactions and then all of a sudden you're kneeling in public.

- heavy into worship when she's takes a (brief) break from being mean. she'd make you worship her for hours, head to toe. maybe recite prayers for her about why you don't deserve her.

- breath play but specifically the hand over the mouth choke rather than directly on the throat.

- somno and it's giving "sorry baby, i was just so frustrated and you looked so pretty and open, go back to sleep".

- heavy oral fixation either way. fingers in mouths, strap sucking, eating pussy (obviously!! this bitch loves sitting on faces and hearing mouths fill up beneath her), spit, making out. i'll also group boot licking into here.

- dacryphilia...enough said (that's the paraphilia for crying, dumbasses <3)

- that said, she is definitely trying to be more of a mental dom because she loves playing with minds but she clings to the perceived physicality of bdsm...but she's trying!

- forced submission but not super intense. she wants to train you into not having any walls up so she can get into your head and push you deep into submission.

- she really gets into slurs!!! definitely a 'dyke' and 'fag' every once in a while!

- omg i honestly think she's a secret masochist. she would never outwardly admit it though, but she wants nails digging into her and bleeding scratches.

- first things first, i want to say that i think janis is a really good dom. probably the best and most responsible kinkster out of all of them. she finds the non-sexual element of kink and bdsm just as important.

- i feel that she's more dom leaning but is more than willing to submit in order to experience what she is going to be inflicting or giving to a sub.

- it's giving service dom sun, mommy dom moon and hard dom rising. she's very caring and wants to do anything to please you but she'll do it till you're crying.

- shibari master. this is very obvious. but im talking almost only japanese bondage. she'll make an exception for a western tie if she's doing quick bondage but it's very much an art for her. shibari combines her appreciation of art with her sexually in touch nature and that's why she's so good at it. she's also working up to do suspension which is what drew her to rope bondage in the first place. i think she specialises in floor bondage but she dreams of doing full body suspension. favourite ties - futomomo, overhead harness.

- i know that power dynamic is a given, but she makes sure to reinforce that shit constantly. very much normalising honourifics and them being an everyday thing (she enjoys "mommy" and "sir"), she'd collar you eventually too.

- needles. anything that can be artistic, she does with a lot of effort and care. i think she would love to do wings and other intricate designs. probably not too often, but it would be very special when she did.

- big into temperature play, specifically wax and more burning sensations. again, she considers this as an art, with the plus that it also has the benefits of creating really visceral sensations.

- sensory deprivation. she often likes to do scenes where four of your five senses are taken away, and she can have her way with you <3

- forced submission. she is actively training you to drop at one command, or one look or a certain type of touch. a big goal of hers it to have you brain dead eventually.

- armpits, specifically smothering girls with her pit while she gets them off. janis imi'ike is at all times searching for girls who will deeply sniff her pits and groan while doing so. i know what you are, imi'ike.

- i feel that she's more natural at praise then degradation, but she loves both. she definitely wants to eventually get you off purely verbally.

- hypno. she loves mind fucking, it's her favourite. she has a strong urge to corrupt people from the inside out which is why i think she takes a lot of pride in being more of a "mental" dom.

- not necessarily a kink, but she loves to do scenes where she doms multiple subs at once.

- petplay, but i think she's more down to be a handler or an owner. she loves pups, and kitties and bunnies the most (corruptable)

- the subbiest sub to ever sub in this sub world.

- she would never call herself a brat but she definitely has little brat-isms that her dom's enjoy. but i think she'd do anything for anyone if they had an ounce of dominance. she tries really hard to be obedient and she succeeds most of the time. everyone clap for cady! *claps all around*

- i think she really loves being called "pup", "puppy" or "pet" as an always title. she also gives "girl" and "little girl" vibes since she seeks out mommy's. loves being taken care of omg

- puppy!! this person is a in a consistent (not a 24/7 dynamic but it's definitely an inherent mommy-puppy dynamic) pet dynamic. she goes fully out: collar, toys, bowl, knee pads and mitts, hood, mannerisms!! she's probably a dachshund or a golden lab!

- breath play, not just because of the obvious power exchange but also the compression at the sides of her neck.

- huge praise kink. she'll do anything to get praised. she also needs constant reassurance that's she's a good pup in order for her to get off, so it's almost fetish level. little phrases like "that's it" "that's right" "keep doing that" make her unbelievably whiney.

- size difference. I feel that she really enjoys the power dynamic being reinforced in little ways. so having a taller dom to throw her around is very important to her submission.

- light impact. she's definitely a thuddy type of girl but she'll take anything that you have to give to her. definitely loves face slapping too. loves a paddle. she actually has one that says 'puppy' on it and it leaves a cute little mark.

- marking. she finds the reminder of her submission really vital too, so she enjoys to have bite marks, scratches, bruises, welts on her body. she gets off on power exchange, people!!

- orgasm detail and overstimulation. there is an element of suffering that she really enjoys. maybe not super masochistcly but she likes the suspense of being edged and how overwhelming it is to be overstimulated.

- hand fetish, she loves big, strong, veiny, lesbian hands

- rope bunny (well...puppy). once again, that wider scale compression makes her feel very secure and safe and helpless which puts her into that warm, fuzzy headspace where she can have someone else think for her, for once. favourite ties - armbinder and hip weave harness

- it's pretty obvious that she is the biggest service sub. she is there to do anything you say and more.

- puppy, definitely a dumb pup. names like "puppy", "pup" and "mutt" really do it for her. i feel that she likes to be reminded that she's only there to make her doms feel good and nothing else.

- huge mommy kink!! she actually asks all her doms if she can call them 'mommy' before they even tell her their honourifics (canon). she wants to be mommy-ed and taken care of. she loves the duality of how someone can care of her one minute and then be ruining her the next.

- the puppy in her really loves sniffing pits. she's a little ashamed of this one but she loves doing it nonetheless. i feel that she begs to be buried in mommy's pits very often.

- rope bunny, again similar to cady's love for it. she longs for that physical compression of her muscles and puts her in a good headspace. i can really see her being into mummification and suspension too.

- corruption and dumbification. clearly regina's consistent asshole-ness has rubbed off on her and now she wants to be made dumb and please people until she can't speak. she wants each of her thoughts to be controlled and manipulated.

- degradee...see above. she likes to be slutted out.

- overall loves making her mommy(s) proud and happy and loved.

- i deadass think she doesn't care about positions in the slightest but she tends to sub more just cause of dynamics.

- she loves being called "bun", "bunny" and "girl". she's pretty soft most of the time but she can get edgy depending on the dom and their kinks.

- she's very much into everything anytime. she's flagging orange (if you don't know what im refering to, please look up hanky code and educate yourself. this is basic queer history!!)

- pet regression and age regression. this is very rarely sexual for her. she likes to be in a safe, young headspace when she's around her doms! she's definitely a bunny, has a little tail and and everything. i imagine that her ages are anywhere between four and ten.

- group sex. I feel like she likes showing off to a lot of doms at once. showing them skills that she's been taught. i also get the vibe that she really likes being ordered to put on a show with other subs for their dom.

[chainslobber]

[shark-appreciator]

"[Biracial character] doesn't look [whichever half people are griping about] enough!"

You should, and I mean this from the bottom of my little biracial heart, eat shit

[jamescarstairs]

still annoyed with what my coworker said to me at work today

[0wnw1sn]

if i had a nickel for every impulsive blonde i adore with a history regarding addiction, the death of a brotherly figure on her hands, serves absolute cunt at every possible opportunity, and is a wildly controversial character within the fandom, i'd have two nickles. which isn't a lot, but it's weird that it's happened twice.

[biillys]

yes i know we all hate karen here but heres the thing. i got a crush on cara from her part in person of interest and i refuse to let the duffer brothers shitty storylines and fucked up attempts at romance take her character away from me. anyway EYE get to pick and choose what the characters i like would actually do and u know what? she would not do that shit. thanku

[bluesunsdusk]

--// How is your Saturday going?

I am spending it writing semi-wholesome Symbiote verse Set and Ram fic because it IS pretty freaky when one of your allies becomes a weird alien/robot hybrid with not yet fully understood needs and you know Moira will start using them as some kind of illegal science experiment in a Talon basement somewhere if you don't find a way to keep your involvement relevant to the project. ))

[marrow-bone]

Currently applying for disability rn because I have like, 6, and seriously can't work, but I want to be able to at least feed myself with the pittance that is disability 'benefits'.

It's been horrible. It's so hard. I have three different 'can't do paperwork' diseases, and yet this is a poorly-worded loop-de-loop of harsh redtape nonsense that requires original copies of things and everything done *exactly* to standard , on top of needing to prove to a non-disabled person that I'm suffering enough to need a tiny bit of help, and hoping that they're not a massive dick, because it's just one person I have to 'impress' through writing things correctly. Also there's a short time limit. And if I miss the time limit (given I haven't gotten a call back from my case worker; I will miss the time limit) my case is automatically rejected and then I have to wait months before I can try again.

All because, I guess, the government is scared that a handful of people will abuse the system and take precious hundreds of dollars that could have gone to the billions sent overseas to bomb children every year, instead.

I think that it's really important for people to realize that being disabled is traumatic. genuinely. your body and brain feel like they are breaking down and wrong. you are in constant heavy stress from stuff like chronic pain. most disabled people i know have a somewhat regular emotional break down from the trauma of it all. and we are expected to just smile through it by society, to not be in the way, to not be an issue.

[the-acid-pear]

Literally just woke up by the sound of my cats chewing bone and I freaked OOOUT because I had bones in my fridge and I was like well this is it my cats did it I forgot to fully close the fridge and they ate everything it's fucking over so while still feeling just as sick as yesterday I almost jumped down the stairs and sprinted to the kitchen only to see literally nothing had happened because as I had forgotten the bones were from the trash from my uncle's house who I knew ate chicken yesterday (he cooked it outside). So anyway that's a good workout innit?

[evilgoosegoose]

The Phantom Triplets open a cafe in Gotham

they all take turns as cashier so they can mess with Karens

Danny works as cook, Danny fills the food he makes with passion to give people warm feelings of home and love, while also providing motivation and confidence to do the thing

Dani is in charge of the coffee, filling it with energy and excitement rather than caffeine, effectively creating a healthy coffee, with all the good flavor, and wakefulness you want, and none of the bad effects as the energy wears off gradually

Dan is in charge of pastries and bread, he loves absolutely pounding the bread as well as rolling it out, it’s therapeutic, he fills everything he makes with just a little bit of rage so that the flavor can still be exciting every time you eat it

they are all very much gremlins, but also very nice, like a group of crows you befriended, they will absolutely rock the shit of any rouge that tries to attack their cafe or any regulars of theirs

They could also be the batfam’s favorites, or their worst enemies, cause they’re offering cheap, tasty, healthy food, and feeding the poor, but also refusing to elaborate on how

Red Hood loves them though, since they all hate the Joker with a burning passion, are doing this out of the goodness of their hearts, aren’t a front, and love to mess with Batman whenever they get a chance

[try-set-me-on-fire]

They’ve got the little window over the sink open and Bobby keeps calling through it, asking for ingredients, utensils. Eddie clatters around the cabinet by the fridge.

“Third shelf,” Bobby says again, elbow on the sill. It doesn’t help any more than the first time he said it.

“I don’t even- Bobby, I don’t know what I’m looking for. Just- you can’t just use a normal spatula?”

“The flexibility and sharp edge of a fish spatula,” Bobby says, also for the second time, with a strained sort of patience, “Is perfect for sliding under-”

Buck’s arm reaches over Eddie’s shoulder and plucks a long slotted spatula from Bobby’s elaborate and baffling collection. “Got it.” He kisses the side of Eddie’s head as he keeps moving, lips catching the top of his ear. “It’s better for-”

“Pancakes, fritters, any sort of delicate patty, yeah, yeah, I heard.”

Bobby and Buck grin at him with identical raised eyebrows, it's kind of uncanny. “He’s not hopeless after all.”

“I do my best,” Buck says, smacking Eddie on the back and heading towards the door. “He’s come a long way.”

Eddie crosses his arms. “I don’t have to keep handing you shit. We’re not at work. I could make you walk inside every time.”

Bobby grins wider. “And I could give you all the burnt tater tots.”

Eddie pouts. “I’m reporting you to HR for unfair retaliation in response to labor concerns.”

“We’re not at work,” Bobby says, serenely. “Hand me the tenderizer.”

Eddie was sent in here, originally, like half an hour ago, to cut up the two giant watermelons Hen and Karen had brought direct from the farmers market, but he’d only got the knife halfway through the first one when the side quests started coming. He finally returns to the cutting board as Buck and Bobby’s voice drift further away, towards the grill. He cuts the thing in half and then stares at it so long he jumps a foot in the air when Maddie suddenly appears next to him.

“Woah,” she laughs. “What secrets of the universe does that watermelon hold?”

Eddie coughs out a chuckle. “I was just- debating the best shape to eat.”

She hums thoughtfully. “Big choice. Little cubes? Little cubes are nice. Or, like, slices?”

“I’ve always been a fan of a nice wedge.”

Maddie makes a triangle shape with her hands. “It is a classic.”

“Kind of makes your plate top heavy, though.”

“You’ve got two watermelons,” she points out.

“Wedges and cubes,” Eddie nods. “I like your way of thinking.”

She grabs a bowl from a different cupboard — why does everyone know this kitchen so well already? This is the new Grant-Nash residence house warming party, Eddie’s got lost on the way to the bathroom like three times since he got here — as he cubes the first melon. “How was the movie?”

“Hm?”

“Didn’t you and Buck go see Conclave earlier? The trailer looked interesting.”

“Oh, yeah.” Eddie scoops the cubes into the bowl and rinses his hands off before starting in on wedges.

Maddie laughs behind him. “… and how was it?”

“Oh! Uh- yeah, I mean- you know, horror movies, they’re fun.”

Maddie tilts her head. “Wait, wasn’t that one a drama?”

“Uh-”

“Wait.” She wrinkles her nose. “Were you just- were you making out with my brother literally the whole time?”

Eddie, hands up, gives her a bare teeth grimace of a smile as she cackles and whacks him with a towel. “Hey- I mean, I kind of looked up once, they were in some sort of- I don’t know, a theater or something? It was really dark in there? It looked kind of creepy.”

“Oh my god.”

“There’s a lot of Catholicism themed horror movies,” Eddie weakly tries to defend himself. “How was I supposed to know?”

“By watching it!” She laughs. “Why spend the $12?”

“My air conditioning is broken,” Eddie says sheepishly. “And it was 10 AM on a weekday, the only other person in there was 80 years old and snored through most of it.” He frowns. “Which also makes more sense if it wasn’t- I don’t know, I thought it was like The Conjuring?”

She laughs again, helpless giggles while she covers her face. Her daughter laughs the same way sometimes. “Don’t you have catholic guilt? Wasn’t that a thing?”

Eddie shrugs. “My abuela always says once I commit to something I never do it by half.”

“So, making out all through a movie about the pope?”

Eddie points at her. “Gay making out all through a movie about the pope.” He frowns again. “Damn, it was really about the pope? Okay I’m not- look, I’m not feeling guilty about that but, uh, if you ever talk to my grandmother or Pepa, uh-”

“I don’t think it would come up,” she says, patting his shoulder.

“They’re not- it’s- they wouldn’t like me making out with a girl during a pope movie, either, it’s not the gay thing.”

“I know, Eddie,” she says, more kind than teasing. “Everybody’s really happy for you,” kinder still.

“Oh.” His cheeks are probably bright red. “Uh. Thank you.” His ears burn as he busies himself with the watermelon again. “You know- I wouldn’t’ve got here, without Buck.”

Maddie comes close, presses their elbows together until he looks back up at her. “He deserves someone who doesn’t commit to things halfway.”

It makes Eddie laugh with soft edges, because: “I think… I’ve always been all the way, with him.”

She smiles so wide her nose crunches. “I know.”

There’s a tap at the window, and there he is, Buck himself. His nose is a little pink from the late October heat, he’s smiling real big. “Hi.”

“What do you want now?” Eddie’s tone is snappy but he’s sure his face is pure mush.

Buck sticks a thumb at Maddie. “Chim’s threatening to, and I quote, ‘eat five hundred tater tots,’” Buck pauses, presumably in service of Chim’s love of dramatic effect, then continues, “‘and then fall into a coma.’ So, like, if you wanna do something about that you might wanna get out there.”

“W-” Maddie starts to ask, and then shakes her head. She grabs the cube bowl. “At least he should have some fruit, too.” She flashes them a grin as she walks out the door, their laughter following.

When Eddie looks back at the window Buck has his chin in his hand, smiling at him. “What?” He laughs, ears hot again.

“Admiring the view,” Buck says, with the combination of flirtatious and earnest that Eddie has come to expect but is never prepared for. “Food’ll be up soon. Come and join us?”

Eddie leans forward over the sink. “Cap doesn’t need anything else?”

Buck shrugs, very close now. Eddie almost laughs wondering if he’s on his tiptoes in the dirt out there. “He can get his own shit. I’ll eat your burnt potatoes.”

Eddie closes the last half inch of distance and does laugh, right into Buck’s mouth. “We can share,” he says, magnanimous, because Buck’s always been all in, too. He can go halfsies, it’s only fair.

There’s shouting outside, Buck pulls back, drums on the windowsill. Smile, wink, turn. Eddie grabs the wedges, and hurries out the door.

(Ao3)

[half-oz-eddie]

lol that “shovel talk” conversation was so on brand as a Hen and Tommy interaction. Karen being part of it made it even more enjoyable.

Hen has been giving Tommy shit for years. Remember when he tried to make a bet (on credit) and she told him she was gonna eat his lunch and she was the one who pushed his face into his cake?

That’s her old friend and that’s clearly how they get along. If she didn’t trust him or something, she could just tell him to stay the hell away from Buck.

[gh0stsp1d3r]

Prince Charming

req: Can i request dad!jj x mom!reader when she breastfeeding in public BC I geniusly want to know how he would react, possessive ? goofy ?

Warnings: breastfeeding, DAMN KARENS, protective jj <33, dad!jayj, fluff

“Aw shit.” He grumbled when she started to sob in line, everyone turning to look at them. “What? Never heard a baby cry before?” He told them, you hitting his shoulder. But it worked, they all turned back around, embarrassed that the Maybank boy would call them out.

You sighed, picking her up, and checking her diaper real quick. That wasn’t the problem. So you started to cradle her, shushing her gently and rocking her in your arms. Her sobs still hadn’t quieted. You glanced around the cafe, turning back to JJ.

“Go sit down.” He shrugged, leaning down to the baby in your arms, tickling her and making a funny face in attempt to make her smile or laugh.

It made her laugh for a moment, but when he stopped, her sobs were right back. You gave him a small smile, as a thank you for the attempt.

“I got it. I remember your order. It’s a-“

“I know you do.” You giggled, shaking your head at the boy and grabbing the stroller with one hand , walking to the nearest corner as quickly as you could.

You sat her down in your lap, and began to look for anything to cover yourself, since your baby hated the nursing cover. You couldn’t find anything and she had began to tug on your shirt, so you huffed and just pulled it up, not caring at this point.

JJ came back with your drinks and food rather quick, sitting next to you, giving you a small smile and setting it onto the table.

Your baby latched onto your nipple, and you already knew people would be staring. They always did.

JJ glanced around, scooting closer to you when he noticed a specific man staring a little too concentrated. JJ glared at the man, making direct eye contact with him.

The man turned away, swallowing the lump in his throat. JJ smiled victoriously, turning back to you. That’s when he noticed more stares, from younger kids and others, who you could care less about.

“These fucking people need to mind their business.” He grumbled out, sipping on the coffee he had in front of him.

“They always stare.” You shrugged. “I give up on caring at this point.”

“It’s like they’ve never seen a pair of tits in their life.” He snorted, you turning to face him and raising your eyebrow at him.

“What? I’m just saying the truth.” He murmured, putting an arm on your chair and around you.

“Sometimes I wonder how I let myself get knocked up by you.”

“Fair enough.” He tilted his head to the side. Everything was fine for a little. You were drinking your water, Jj was content with drinking his coffee, rambling on, and she was still drinking your milk. That was until you felt a tap on your shoulder.

You both turned, looking at the older woman who stared down at you. You knew when she had a Karen haircut, that she would be saying some shit.

“Uhm, excuse me. That is extremely inappropriate, and you shouldn’t be doing it in a public place.”

JJ had a scowl on his face at her words, you looking at the woman confused and anger beginning to bubble in your stomach.

“I’m sorry?” You scoffed, glancing down at your baby.

“My husband is at the table, and we both find it difficult to eat when we’re distracted by…” she motioned to your baby with her hands.

You had to laugh. You laughed in her face, her making a disgusted face.

“Yeah, I think your husband is distracted for a different reason, lady.” JJ glanced at the man sitting at the table. He waved, the man staring at him. “I know, she’s got tits, crazy, woo fucking hoo. Can you leave us alone?” He exclaimed.

“It is disgusting, why not go into the bathroom or something and do… that?”

You were going to open your mouth before JJ spoke for you.

“Oh my god, mind your business. The baby’s hungry, why is that so weird and disgusting? It’s not.”

She huffed, immediately going over to the workers, demanding a manager. JJ scoffed, pulling you both closer towards him, glancing at the lady’s husband.

“Your girlfriend could be a bit more… modest.” He spoke.

“And you could go fuck yourself.” JJ retorted before turning back to you.

“Thank you.” You murmured to him.

“Don’t thank me. Gotta keep my girls safe, don’t I?”

“Oh, Prince Charming.” You retorted. “What would I do without you?”

“You would die without me.”

“I probably would.” You smiled, the manager walking over to your table, the woman standing next to him.

“What seems to be the problem?” He sighed out, not seeming so amused by the lady.

You shrugged, JJ just still glaring at the lady. “I’m just trying to feed her.” You murmured.

“She’s doing it in public! Where anyone- a child can see… all her stuff!”

JJ’s jaw tightened, the manager taking notice. “Okay- okay, can we, like, calm down?” He told the woman.

“Kick them out and then I will!”

JJ was struggling to keep his composure, you knew it. You turned to him, laying a hand on his arm and shaking your head.

“They’re not doing anything wrong.” The manager spoke to the lady. “There’s nothing I can do. But you’re causing a disruption, and I’m afraid if it continues, I’m gonna have to ask you to leave.” He told her, her face falling. She shook her head, grabbing her purse and stuff, then both leaning while shouting.

The manager sighed, going over to the table, wiping it down and picking up cups, stopping at your table again.

“Sorry about that. My wife used to breastfeed, and I can’t tell you how annoying it is when people like that exist.” He laughed, you smiling and laughing along. “How old is she?”

“6 months.” You smiled, glancing down at her before turning back to the man.

“That’s lovely. Miss them when they’re that young. Mines is 14 now.”

“Oh, that’s great!” You told him, he smiled and shrugged.

“Yeah.” You could just tell the fondness he had for them, in his eyes and the way he spoke. “Well, you two have a good day, alright?”

“You too.” JJ gave him a small smile, nodding his head, before turning back to you. You moved to unlatch her, once you felt like she had enough. JJ pulled down your shirt, and you sat her down and finally began to eat in peace.

“Oh my God.” He suddenly spoke, you turning to him with furrowed eyebrows. “What? What?” You asked him.

“I’m gonna teach her how to cuss at people.”

“Seriously?”

“Oh, yeah. So when you don’t have me, your Prince Charming, you have her just going ‘fwuck you!’ It’s perfect.”

“Yeah, well, that’s if she doesn’t pick your sailors mouth before you can even teach her.”

“Hey, you cuss just as much as me, ma’am.”

“I’m not saying ‘fuck, shit, or piss’ every 20 minutes though.”

He thought for a moment, before nodding. “You’re right.”

“I know I am.”

[yandereforme]

Yan!Mafia Batfamily x reader

Part 1:Introduction and Duke

TW: Mentions of murder, mention of harassment

After Bruce’s parents died, Bruce began having the same mindset Red Hood/Jason had in canon; You can’t eradicate crime, but you can control it.

He soon built a persona of the bat, a mafia boss that everyone knew and feared/loved. This is a less moral Batman, who doesn’t personally kill, but has nothing against murder if it’s just.(Justice remains a part of his mission.)

This leads to a slightly more complicated bat family, with each of them playing a vital role as their counterparts, and Robin being the term used for shadowing the big bat, and learning the ropes. (If you want me to expand on that part, let me know$

No one knows the Wayne’s are the Batfam, but they all know they are vaguely connected, with many suspecting a relationship between Bruce and The Bat or The Bat being an illegitimate child of Thomas Wayne(though neither theory is voiced in earshot of the Wayne’s. Connected to the Bat or not, the Wayne family is still terrifying.)

Most people are pretty scared of the Waynes and the Bats like, fearing them and avoiding them 

You, on the other hand, could give less of a shit about them.

You are an orphan with good grades and even better computer skills. So while everyone believed you lived with your parents who traveled, and that you were 17 to your actual age of 13, you got away with living on your own and working a part time job. Working as a waitress wasn’t terrible, though you occasionally had to deal with Karens and harassment.

However, after a terrible night at work where a Karen poured her drink over you and a drunk idiot slapped your ass, you had run out of willingness to deal with bullshit. So, when a trust fund brat tried to make you move from your seat in the library, you refused, glaring at the blurry person standing next to you, ignoring the gasps from the students around you.

You expected him to yell at you, or let his companion, who was glaring hard at you, deal with you. Instead, he spoke briefly with his friend in a language you didn’t recognize. After a minute or so, they both sat down and quietly studied with you

Duke was charmed by your behavior. It has been a long time since anyone outside of the family had said no to him. The look of anger in your eyes was belied by pure exhaustion. He knew you had no clue who he was, and you were too tired to care.

You were interesting. So Duke didn’t let Damian yell at you or (attempt to) intimidate you.(while Damien was very intimidating when he had to be, Duke had a feeling you would not care in the slightest.)

So Duke convinced Damian to sit with him while he observed you studying, instead of discussing Bat business like they had planned. He had known of you, and Duke remembered you being in a few of his classes, but this stunt caught his interest too much to let you go.

You weren’t sure why, but apparently the Wayne kid (or Duke as he insisted you call him) seemed charmed by you basically telling him to fuck off. He started partnering with you in classes when he would normally work alone. He started eating his lunches with you in the library or in the auditorium, even having his brother join you on occasion.

You slowly got used to his presence, and even became begrudgingly fond of him and his little brother, even though his brother tended to stare at you more often than not. You hadn’t had very many friends for a long time, so maybe this was gonna be a good thing.

A big thing with Duke Thomas was that while he may seem calm, he is one of the most calculating of the Yanderes. He will always appear to be on your side, but unable to help you. He will become one of your closest confidence trusted friend , all without you realizing how much of a manipulative and possessive Yandere he is. He just knows that letting you have more of an illusion of power will help in the long run of making you like him.

So for now he’ll be content, letting you slowly come to him, similar to a feral cat. You’ll adore him soon enough. Come to think of it, you might make an excellent addition to the family.~

Edit: Life has been hitting me like a semi truck. I won’t go into too much detail, but I just ended a long-term relationship, had one of my grandparents die, and the other have a stroke. There’s a bunch of other stuff I also could mention, but I don’t wanna talk about it. Updates will be very sporadic for a long time I think. I’m sorry and I really hope you guys understand. Got enough motivation today to finally finish the first part of the Mafia au. Don’t know when I’ll be updating any of the other ones. I really hope you like this.