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foreverholdmedown · 6 years

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Momzilla (Part 4)

August 4th.

“Everything is set for December at the Barker Hanger. Initially, I was going to move it to New York this year, but I’m just going to do it out in Los Angeles once again and then it’s coming here to next year. I think it makes perfect sense. We’ve already narrowed down Cipriani as the location for sure. Right now, I just need you to have some mock ups sent over for the table placements. Just call. They should already know that I’m expecting them.” The tips of her toes sank into the plushness of the couch as Robyn pulled her legs up and she glanced in the direction of the ruckus just a couple of inches away from her. The roaring laughing of both her husband and son quickly began to overpower her conversation to the point of her not being able to hear a word Morgan said to her. The sight of both of their bodies, wildly rolling around on the floor as Jaxton’s gibberish meshed in with his father’s words was a sight to see and one that she couldn’t draw her eyes away from no matter how hard she tried to. Every few minutes or so, it would go from Jermaine laying on his back and carefully throwing their growing son up in the air to draw those infectious giggles from him and then they’d be rolling all over the carpet in pure glee. It’s what she’s been listening to since this morning in their bedroom and it has yet to stop. If anything, they’ve followed her around the house. She left them upstairs with their noise and yet, here they are, with her in the living room.

“Can you two keep it down for just five minutes while I wrap up this phone call?” And just like that, their antics ceased as the identical sets of dark chocolate eyes glanced in her direction. Faint chills between to trickle along her lower back as Jermaine’s lips curved into the smile that has captivated her since the first time she saw it in high school. It’s so infectious and playful, yet so alluring and seductive. As his tongue ran over his bottom lip and he squinted his eyes, it was quite easy to tell he’d gone from being playful with their child to tempting her to come and make him be quiet once no one else was around. She took full advantage of the village of people backstage at Jermaine’s Holmdel, NJ tour date as they smothered their children with attention and affection. The less she had to keep an eye on the both of them, the more she could have fun with the cups of Jack Daniels and pineapple juice that had been enjoying throughout the night. Despite him performing a full ninety minute set and mingling backstage, the alcohol had her talking his ear off the entire drive home and he listened to every single word that spilled from her lips attentively and yet with amusement because they hadn’t conversed like that in quite a while. It didn’t stop there. A goodnight’s worth of sleep after his shower was the furthest thing from her mind. All bets were off as she disregarded the guests in their home and turned their bed into a playground. Despite them being married, now that the liquor has worn off, she’d be mortified if her mother-in-law knew or heard what was going on behind that closed door.

“Mommy’s being a party pooper.” He placed a kiss on Jaxton’s forehead as he sat up on his chest but he wouldn’t be able to keep him still for much longer. He wanted to play and mommy’s phone call didn’t matter much to him.

“No mommy isn’t.” Within seconds of her returning her attention to Morgan, the beckoning yell from her step-daughter drew laughter from her instantly. There’s no way she’d be finishing that phone call and she knew it the moment she answered the phone. Despite there being a number of people in and out of their penthouse apartment since this morning, the main members of the residence were the nosiest ones and yet it felt amazing. She couldn’t be mad at it if she tried to.

“Morgan, are you coming tonight? You’re more than welcome.”

“Yeah, I’ll be there for sure. I’ll text you when I’m on my way.”

“Okay. See you later on then.”

While dropping her phone into her lap, she turned her attention towards the direction of Yari’s voice who was within close enough proximity for her to see her and yet she continued to yell her name as if that was going to make whatever she needed that much more of a priority. With her curls all over her head and a non-matching set of pajamas that she dressed herself in the night before, she jogged over with two Dreamville sweatshirts in her hands and immediately earned a snicker from Robyn.

“Which one?” Both were customized to her liking of color due to one of her many favorite uncles Ib; one pink and the other a lavender that even Robyn is considering requesting.

“It’s August sweetie. Neither one, unless you want to burn up out there. You have t-shirts like that. You’re going to wear one of those with some shorts and Converses. Maybe we can do that ruffled denim skirt. We’ll see.”

“Can I still wear the hat and have curls?”

“Sure.”

“You should wear the white shirt and match your brother.” Her father’s suggestion earned a huge huff and a blank stare that is becoming far more identical to his than her mother’s. He should have known better than to say that. Now that he’s growing, walking, and getting into anything that he can get his hands on, Yari isn’t smothering her little brother with her attention and kisses as much as she use to. Instead, she’s chasing him out of her room and frustratingly trying to keep his little hands off and out of her things.

“Ew. We’re not twins.”

“He’s your little brother.”

“I know but I’m the oldest. When you have another baby, you can match him with that one.” Robyn watched as Jermaine widened his eyes with laughter and he glanced in her direction to catch whatever reaction she may have had to Yari’s words. Another baby? Jaxton’s still in diapers and drinking out of bottles. The thought of how hectic that would be nearly had Robyn leaping off of the couch.

“Another baby?” She had to ask her to be clear that’s what she said.

“Yeah, when you have another one. I’ll be back.” Is there a such thing as a child’s jinx on your uterus?

“Put those sweaters back!” That was all she could say in response to her assurance in them eventually having another offspring running around the house. Later on down the line? Maybe. Soon? Not happening. Three has always been her cut off number and given the work that it takes to balance their family, Yari counts as one of the three. Hell, keeping track of and attending all of her recitals, plays, games, and school events is a job within itself. Imagine doing that for four children. Both she and Jermaine would need clones.

“You’re going to need a nap before you get out of here today.” And it’s all her fault. She didn’t know whether to laugh at that or shake her head and scold herself. Despite her tension and their apparent issues that have yet to be thoroughly addressed, she couldn’t skip out on supporting him since she’d already been on the east coast. Every word of her vows meant something to her and despite what she’s been feeling, upholding them is true to who she is to both herself and him. That aside, she’d argue anyone down that she is his biggest fan and advocate. She loves seeing him on that stage more than anyone else and any chance she gets to be able to witness it, she’s not missing out on it.

“Yeah, maybe an hour or two. I’m not that tired.”

“Are you nervous?” Jaxton’s small feet pattering in the direction of his grandmother as she appeared in the entry way of their living room caught their attention. She said nothing as she lifted him up into her arms and held him close to her chest. Instead she warmly smiled at the sight of them idly laying there in the living room and walked in the direction of the kitchen to leave them to it. She’d even done it last night when Robyn was walking Jermaine to his entry point to the stage. She made sure both Yari and Jaxton stayed behind so they could have that brief moment to themselves.

“Am I nervous? Not really.” He shrugged his shoulders once.

“Anxious?”

“That’s sort of the same thing Baby Girl. Anxious. Hm. I suppose so. I’m always somewhat apprehensive before every show. I’m trying not to mentally differentiate this one from all of the others but how can I not?” And she too felt the same exact way. Despite all of the dates that he has to conquer on this tour, there are about three particular ones that will absolutely stand out from the rest and tonight’s show will be one of them.

“That’s exactly how I feel. I’ve had butterflies since I opened my eyes this morning.”

“Yeah, I could sense that.” Though she playfully rolled her eyes, she couldn’t deny the sixth sense he developed when it comes to her since they were kids. Over the years it has had it’s murky moments and that’s certainly been happening lately, but it’s still there. He just needs to dust it off a bit and bring about some clarity to it.

“Does it get old to you?” Despite her asking, even she had to wonder how could it ever? How does one ever get tired of stepping out on stage and watching tens of thousands of people screaming your name and rapping along to the stories that you spilled from your heart? There are a ton of people in it for the money and the numbers game matters before anything else, but for Jermaine, despite the emotional toll it has taken on him, the spouts of mild depression, and the questioning of himself, he’s in it because it’s a passion and there is still a love there for Hip-Hop and connecting it with the people.

“No. Performing is the best part about it. It’s the part when the politics and the behind the scenes bullshit doesn’t matter. It’s just you and the people. They don’t know what goes into being able to enjoy their favorite artist despite whatever hints or gems may be dropped through the music. They don’t know how that shit can drain you in every single sense. They just see the person who has lightened their mood, put a smile on their face, helped them through whatever they’re going through, and who has been this piece of their life through music. I’m no fucking genius or wizard. I’m not a therapist or some life coach. I don’t parade myself around as someone who knows it all. I just speak from the heart and often times, I use a pen and paper to spill some of my inner most thoughts and struggles. I expose the good, the bad, and the ugly about who I am because I’m not trying to be this God like figure who refuses to acknowledge that I can be fucked up or that I go through things despite having this career and the perks that come with it.” And there it is; one of those Jermaine moments when he’s being raw and relatable in every single sense. Though she’s no musician, the industry she works in is just as grueling on the mind and body. Early on, before the moments of success, the process to get to it isn’t as beautiful as the result. After the fact, rather than enjoying what came of it, you’re already focusing on what’s next. The celebrations were short-lived and the yet the grind for it all is endless. The balance is a struggle. Then there’s the part where so many of them hide behind masks of perfection and then spiral out of control when the cracks began to show that they’re anything but that. If anyone knows it, it’s her. Life has never been easy but now it’s fair. Her struggles began as a kid and there wasn’t much of a mask to be worn because she couldn’t afford it. Every now and then her smile would serve as one but even that became transparent. Despite Jermaine calling her perfection, it’s always been clear that she’s perfectly imperfect and the same can be said for him.

“That’s real. And that’s what they love about you Jermaine. That’s what I hear in the album. As soon as that intro comes on, you just feel it, you know? I get chills as soon as I hear you singing. It really sets this tone of not only what you’re striving for but what you’ve learned and the knowledge that you’re going to share with any person who presses play. I love everything about it. That part where you say look where I came, look how far I done came, they say that dreams come true and when they do that’s a beautiful thing. That holds as truth for everybody, I don’t give a fuck what their dreams are. There’s that journey of navigating through said dream or reality and riding through the highs and lows of it until you truly find out what fulfills you. That’s what life is. You’ve highlighted that so perfectly. It’s between all of that and just the imagery that you’ve shared for this album that makes it my favorite one. The other day I was thinking about the juxtaposition of the album art and you being back home and then the Intro video with you riding through the streets of New York City on your bike; the city you made it in. The smile in your face is so pure as you’re riding and then there’s that part when you stop in front of that BMW dealership and you peak inside, and then you continue on with riding your bike because you know that ultimately none of that has true meaning or validates you. You can have it if you want it, and you’ve had plenty of it, and yet none of it matters. That’s freedom. That shit’s so genius.” In all of the words she spoke, she was laying on her back and staring up at the ceiling, but after her final word, she turned and looked at the man she was hailing and blushed at the sight of the smirk on his face. For a brief moment, they stared at one another in silence as he mentally stored all of her words so he’d be able to come back to them in a moment when he needed a smile or felt like thinking about just how lucky he is to have her.

“You really are my biggest fan, baby.”

“I always have been Cole.”

“You highlighted that so perfectly.”

“I can go on and on about what you’ve done with this album and even the tour. It’s so you. I’m not saying that the other albums aren’t. They’re you and you’re telling your story on them, but with this album I just feel like I’m talking to a grown and experience Jermaine, who I fell in love with in the Ville. If I didn’t already know the details of your journey, I could listen to this album and say, okay, I get it.”

“That’s all I wanted with this one. Real shit, I can admit with the others I was seeking clout, validation, and a rank that doesn’t even fucking matter when you look at the big picture. With this one, it was me asking myself, Jermaine who the fuck are you, and then answering that. After that, it was me asking myself, Jermaine what the fuck do you need, and answering that as well. I’ve come to a point where I feel comfortable and not in a sense of wanting to give up or no longer work hard, but in order for me to be at my best space in doing this, I just need to pull back because while it’s incredible to be able to do what I love, I’ve come to realize just how much of a small part of my joy that it is.” The floor was his. Though she was silent, she hung on to every word and took moments in between to make sense of it.

“I have to nurture what rules as the majority so that I can be in the best mental space for all of this. I’ve already made adjustments in terms of the business and who I need where, doing what, and how it needs to be done. It was difficult but I had to let some people go, I had to bring a few in, I had to delegate a bit more to those who have been around, and I had to overcome any fear of whatever the outcome may be. That’s settled. The other day, Ray asked me what I had in store for myself after the tour wrapped and I straight up told him that I’m going home. A few years back, I would have been like nigga I’m heading straight to the studio to cook up for the next album, but I’m not even thinking about what’s next in that sense. Whatever happens, happens. I just want to be with you, raise my kids, play some basketball with the homies, talk to my momma a lot more than I’ve been doing, connect with my brother and pops.” Though his eyes were glued to her the entire time, they suddenly peeled away and he glanced up at the pure white ceiling. “I know you’ve been thinking about separating from me. The other day, I grabbed your iPad to look up a couple of books to grab from Barnes and Noble for Yari and you had a tab open about legal separations.”

A tightness formed in the pit of her stomach as it churned in response to the revelation. Despite her anger and frustration with the way things currently are, separating from him was so far down on the scale of any possibilities for a resolution. Insecurity and the pent up aggression had gotten the best of her and suddenly her mind went into retaliation mode rather than an expressive one. Does he drive her crazy sometimes? Absolutely. Can he be annoying? Hell yeah. Is he hardheaded? His head can be harder than a damn brick. Can his efforts to meet her needs be met with better urgency? Without a doubt, but she’s never turned him into a villain. He’s not a terrible husband much like she isn’t a perfect wife. Ultimately, if they want it, they’re going to have to work for it and what she’s been feeling is repairable. It’s a quick fix.

“Jermaine, it’s not like…”

“No, I get it. I’m not mad.” His response in cutting her off rendered her to silence again. “I can’t lie, initially I was. I was going to confront you and ask what the fuck were you thinking, but then I had to catch myself and realize that’s exactly the problem. I was thinking about my own feelings and instead of stepping back and considering yours and why you may have come to that idea. Of course the premiere is a factor and I still feel like shit about that. I will for a while. I should have been there despite whatever and I wasn’t. That guilt has to sit with me for a while until the both of us feels like I’ve redeemed myself in some type of manner. Then there’s time and you feeling overwhelmed. I know that I should know and I do. You handle this household better than I ever could. You run all of this shit and I will quickly put my pride aside and tell anyone that, but I know it’s tiring. We have a toddler, a seven year old going on twenty five, and then there’s keeping up with me and what I need. You handle all of that before you do anything pertaining to yourself. This album period has kept me out of the house for sure and now the tour. That’s why I called our moms. We’ve gone back and forth with the nanny situation but we’ve never really settled on how we’re going go about that, so I just called them because both are more than willing to help and have they time to do so. But they’re not me though. I need to be here. You need to be able to lean on me just as much, if not even more, than I lean on you.”

“I know when I really need you, you’ll be there. I’m not doubting that, but lately, I’ve been feeling like you don’t hear me and it hasn’t felt good because you’re the main person that I need and expect to hear me at all times. We’re not perfect. Sometimes I get it wrong too. There are times when I may not prioritize something you may need but for the most part, I try to be as consistent as possible. That’s what I need. I know you’re swamped with work but it’s been tough and I get tired. That’s really all it was for me. The separation stuff was a mixture of me wanting to retaliate but also feeling like maybe some time apart will help you gain some perspective on all of this.”

“I know. You’ve been angry. I don’t want you to ever feel like you can’t tell me what you’re feeling. You have a tendency to let shit build up and then you explode. We’ve could have spoken on this a while back and attempted to find some type of resolution and if that one didn’t work out so well, we could have sought out others. That’s how things have to work because this isn’t the first or last time that you’re going to be irritated with me about something. I see you and I want to hear you, but you have to let me hear you. Being your husband and an upstanding father is my priority before anything else. Being your husband has always been the goal since we were running around Terry Sandford trying to figure ourselves out. I wanted this. Marriage keeps me disciplined and grounded, but most of all, purposeful. I don’t want to ever lose this, so if you feel like I didn’t handle something properly, didn’t hear you well enough, didn’t meet an expectation in the manner that you needed me to, or whatever else I may fall short in from time to time, let me know.” Who knew that such a random conversation about tonight would turn into them delving into the looming issues between the two of them, but God knows how alleviating it was to have it and in such a calm manner. More than anything else, this is what she’s been needing. It’s no date at a upscale restaurant or an exotic vacation; it’s just them in the comfort of their home picking at one another’s brains and checking in to make sure they’re on track with what they need from one another as a union and as parents.

“I will. Just make sure you do the same when it comes to me.”

“Oh, I was about to, but last night fixed all of that shit. I was tired as hell but shit, I found the energy.” The goofiness came out swinging as he burst into laughter once a pillow from the couch lightly smacked into his face and bounced off to the side of him. Of course he’d go there. She walked right into that though it was never the intent. He can flip anything into whatever inappropriate thoughts his mind is having.

“That Jack Daniels had you in rare form. The way your tongue…”  “Jermaine!” Yet another pillow hit him and he continued his laughter as as he reminisced. Even she had to snicker because he was right. Every climax was earth shattering; the next one better than the previous. Fluttering tickled her insides just at the thought of it.

“Then you had on the leopard pumps and those tight ass jeans. When you walked in the dressing room, I was like daaaaammnnnnn. What are you wearing tonight?”

“It’s between a red Balmain look that Olivier sent over or Versace. I think you’ll like both. The Versace is a dress but if I wear that, there won’t be any twerking in it.”

“So wear that because you don’t need to be twerking. Fuck all of that.” Despite her laughter, the Versace had always been the choice that she was leaning towards. It’s the embodiment of a “little black dress” with the little being emphasized in it’s very short length and enhanced sex appeal with it’s plunging neckline. For the feet? Golden Tom Ford Napa Simple Strap Evening Sandals.

“Get off of the floor and get on the couch.”

“Oh, I see what you’re trying to do.” Her emerald eyes narrowed as he sat up and she waved off his joke.

“I’m trying to keep your back in tact for tonight.”

“Meanwhile, I’m trying to blow yours out.”

“Jermaine, you got one more time.” God forbid if anyone walks past and hears his foul mouth.

“I’m going to head upstairs and take that nap. You coming?”

“I have to finish cooking. You take your nap. I’ll make sure I get you up so you can take your shower and all of that.”

“Alright.” Once he was on his feet, he leaned over and planted two pecks on her lips. He then left her with a smile as he jogged off in the direction of the stairs.

Though there would be dinner at the venue for all artists and crew, she knew he’d rather have something made by her hands so she went with pineapple jerk chicken, macaroni pie, and cabbage. Timing didn’t allow her to make dessert but she’d make it up to him in some kind of manner and besides, his favorite snacks are stocked up in the cabinet. He can make due with that.

“I’ve washed him up. Yari’s taken her shower already. Is there anything you need me to do?” Robyn grabbed her phone off of the counter to check the time and she glanced at her mother-in-law.

“No. I got it from here. You need to get yourself together. I’ll make sure they get ready.”

“Don’t be silly, I can do it. It doesn’t take me long to get ready at all. If anyone needs to be starting to get herself together, it’s their momma.” Her mouth fell agape at the well know fact that she takes the longest to get ready out of everyone and she clutched her chest at Kay’s laughter.

“I am not that bad.”

“Oh yes you are and you always have been. You were just as bad when you were a teenager. You spent more time in my bathroom than myself and the boys did.” She couldn’t deny it even though she wanted to. There’s a method to the madness that it sometimes is when she’s getting ready to head out somewhere. Being glamorous takes time!

“I won’t be too bad today. Yusef came by this morning and fixed up this long ol’ ponytail I’m rocking and I’m doing my own make up. I’m keeping it simple. I’ll be better with timing tonight. You can get Jax ready if you want. I already have out what he’s wearing. It’s on the dresser in his room. I’ll do Yari because if anyone else does, she’ll give you or them the run around. After that, I’ll wake him up. I’m trying to let him get as much rest as possible.”

“Okay.”

Readying Yari was simpler than she thought it would be. As discussed earlier, she agreed with the look Robyn picked out for her and had most of it on when she peaked inside of the room to check on her. All she had to do was fix her hair. She pulled half of it up into a ponytail and left the back half down just as she requested and was off to awaken Jermaine from that extended nap. Despite them being in the bathroom at the same time, neither one of them were in the others way because everything about what he needed to do was fairly simple.

“You want to drive there?” She placed her beauty blender on the counter top and turned to look at Jermaine as he leaned against the doorway of the bathroom. Drive?

“Drive? Me?”

“No. I’m going to drive but I was asking if you wanted to do that.”

“Why do you want to drive?” They’d either be taking her Bentley or the Benz because he has no car and hasn’t shown any interest in getting one. Hers are at his disposal if need be anyway.

“I don’t know. I just feel like driving there. Just you and I.”

“Don’t you plan on drinking tonight?”

“No.” Her head jerked back in confusion and disbelief. Tonight of all nights?

“Baby, everyone’s going to be celebrating tonight. I feel like just about everyone’s going to be drunk and you’re not?”

“I’ll sip something for a toast but I have no plans on getting wasted or anything like that.”

“Are you feeling okay?” Maybe he has a headache or something? He seemed find earlier though.

“Yeah, why?”

“What about the afterparty?”

“What afterparty?” How is there not a party tonight, of all nights? Ib is slacking and if not him, then Adam is. There’s supposed to be some type of celebration booked at one of these New York City clubs for them to throw back drinks in with some loud music to shake their asses to. It’s warranted tonight.

“There’s no official party that you’re hosting or something?”

“No. I think they’re all talking about going to Up and Down tonight but I’m not going.”

“Oh. Well then, yeah, we can drive.” No party?

His desire to drive seemed already planned. The awaiting SUV that had been downstairs more than an hour before anyone was ready was for Kay and the children. Despite Robyn’s protests to at least take Jaxton with them, he was still whisked off with grandma who ignored her requests. Her Bentley was their chariot and there was something quite soothing about them driving within the Manhattan streets listening to Biggie’s “Life After Death” album while on the way to the arena. It had been a while since they’d taken a ride together and though she was confused by it earlier, his idea was perfect.

“You look fucking good.” He’d been stealing glances at every light.

“Thank you. I figured you’d like the dress better.”

“I love it.”

There’s something magical about New York and it’s why right now, it’s hard to imagine living anywhere else. It just doesn’t get old and it’s signifies a new beginning for the both of them. It’s the city that forced them to grow up and make something of themselves and the reality that they both did in a manner that met and exceeded every dream has made it a place that holds such a special part in both of their hearts. Despite that, there’s been so much reflecting back on home; the city that raised them. Though Jermaine’s always promised her that he’d buy her a vacation home in Barbados, she’s mentally promised him and is already seeking out a home in North Carolina. They’ve done the bi coastal living between New York and Los Angeles, so it shouldn’t be too much of a struggle to do it between New York and North Carolina. It’ll be somewhere they can spend their summers and holidays. Yari will get the best of both worlds with her friends she’s met in school and the ones who she’s grown up with in Fayetteville. Kay won’t have to constantly get on flights to travel to them. They’ll be within driving distance. Zach can be around more often. Things aren’t as flooded and hectic as the city, so they’ll be able to move around with some normalcy and they’ll have a yard for the kids to run around in. It’ll be a gift to him once he has his homecoming show.

“Look Baby Girl.” As he hit the left turn onto 7th Ave, Robyn glanced up at the Mecca of New York City. The Garden has a long standing history for it’s NBA and college basketball hosting over the decades, but the sports side, it’s musical history is just as prominent and important. At some point in their lives, every New Yorker has been in this building to watch someone put on a career cementing performance, whether it was Elvis Presley, John Lennon, Prince, Stevie Wonder, Madonna, Elton John, The Jacksons, and of course Michael Jackson solo. There’s only been a handful of rappers that have given sold out performances at the arena and after tonight Jermaine will officially be amongst that short list.

“I remember when I used to walk or ride past here. Shit, not too long ago I rode my bike past here and I was like I’m going to play this shit one day and now it’s sold out tonight.”

“And it sold out in one day. Imagine that.” She’d never forget the news and the way they were yelling with excitement about it. It’s just as surreal now as it was then.

“It’s crazy.”

They circled the block at least three times just to get a good look at the historical building and the digital screen displaying the “J. Cole Sold Out” message across it. Robyn even took a couple of pictures of it on her iPhone before they parked in the private underground garage and walked into the bottom level of the arena hand in hand with Elijah in tow. The backstage area was just as hectic as it usually is, with every single component of the show being discussed, and people moving around to make sure the audience received what they paid for in nothing less than perfect form. Though there were a number of his peers backstage to greet him and enjoy the pending performance, Jermaine spent a nice amount of time talking with his former landlord Muhammad and not only thanked him once again for all that he had done for him, but was able to listen to him reminisce on those moments when he assured him that all of this would happen for him. It’s full circle to have him be there tonight to see how it all came to fruition.

“I could have done that, you know?” Robyn looked on as Jermaine made sure both straps of Jaxton’s diaper was secure before pulling up his black shorts. The dressing room was cleared of anyone who could possible disturb him with anything. Initially, it was only them, the kids, Kay, Mike, and Ib sitting in there talking but even they had cleared out with the real boss of the show, Yari. She suddenly morphed into her father’s tour manager and was walking around with K.C. to make sure everything was handled.

“I already had him.” Jax was already on his second shirt, since he put cheese puff stains all over the white one he arrived in. A nap wasn’t on the horizon yet. He too would get to watch the show. “The sound cancelling headphones are in my bag. Make sure he has those on because it’s going to be super loud.”

“I know.” Cool, calm, and collected. That’s what he had been the entire time. She’d been waiting to see if even an ounce of nervousness hit him and there was none.

“I’m going to sit in the suite the majority of the time anyway. So, I’ll take him in there. That way, if he takes a nap, we won’t be somewhere chaotic. That’s where I’m most comfortable.” Kay had been a savior since she arrived four days ago and at some point, they’re going to have to mutually praise her efforts even more than they already have though she’ll only wave them off and brag about how much she loves spending time with her grandchildren. It’s her pleasure far more than it is a favor.

“Yo, about 10!” K.C. poked his head into the door and Jermaine gave him a nod. How the hell had they gotten through Jeremih, YG, and Big Sean that damn fast. Though they’d been there since five, it didn’t feel long at all.

“You gon’ walk me?” She looked on as he planted kisses on their hyper son’s forehead and she nodded in agreement.

Within two minutes, they were casually walking down the halls and making the turns necessary to make it to the stage. As Elijah stood off at a safe distance and observed the surroundings, Robyn looked on as he paced back in forth in a zone that she didn’t want to disrupt. In the midst of it was his silent prayer to himself for a good show and whatever other blessings he may be working for outside of all of this. A rush of adrenaline filled her entire frame at the sound of more than fifteen thousand people screaming his name and him being so calm and prepared for it. It felt like destiny.

“You were born to do this. You don’t have to get ready because you’ve been ready.” Their lips met for a tender kiss. “I’m so proud of you.”

“Thank you. You gon’ be somewhere where I can see you or the sound booth with Ray and them?”

“I’ll be between both.” “Okay, go and get a head start. E, I’m good. Walk her.”

“Have a good show. See you during and after. Love you.” Their lips met once more.

“Love you too.”

From the moment he took the stage, it began a rush and a natural high that only increased as he transitioned from song to song. She’d seen him command many stages but none of them have been quite like seeing him in an arena amongst this many people. Usually, she’s in awe of the more intimate performances, where he’s within close proximity to the people and he’s running through the early records that made them fall in love with him, but this…this is magic. Even while being in the midst of such a historical moment for him it felt like a dream that she never wanted to wake up from. Most of all, it was clear that not only was he made for performing, but it was genuinely fun for him. The smile on his face and the humbled moments were unforgettable. The sounds of screaming fans calling out for him and rapping along to every lyric that sounded out around them was what they fantasized about as teens and it has now become his life. This is what she made sacrifices for so that she could help him pay for beat machines, microphones, and whatever else he needed. This is why her house served as his personal studio space no matter how much that equipment ran up the electric bill. This is why she constantly pushed for him to only apply for schools in New York. This is why at the time she was alright with letting him to off and chase his dreams whether he came back for her or not. This is what she prayed for every single morning when she woke up and at night before she closed her eyes to sleep. This is what she knew was waiting for him. All he needed to do was go after it.

“Are you crying? You deadass right now?” Robyn turned to look at Mike and shook her head. She hadn’t even realized that the tears fell. She was too wrapped up in the moment.

“Here. I hope you’re wearing waterproof mascara.” She grabbed the napkin that Monica was holding around her drink and she dabbed her cheeks lightly in an effort to not smudge her make up. She’d been partying along side those two when standing in the sound booth and oddly, she was along side Ib whenever she was standing near the stage.

“Yall remember when we did the theater on my birthday last year and I said the next time we come out, we’re going to be in here. And look, yall sold this bitch out.” The roars from the crowd were piercing. She remembered that just as well. She’d had Jax just three months before. Damn near the entire crew celebrated the night away at The Gilded Lily after the show.

“It’s crazy because my wife and I used to dream about this together in the Ville. Sometimes we’d laugh because it seemed so farfetched and yet it felt so attainable because I wanted it. Now we’re all here together and I have my wife and kids, my momma, and some of the best friends that I’ve gotten over the years in here living this dream with me. I’m thankful. I appreciate yall.”

Despite the additional half an hour he performed, she didn’t want it to end. If there was some magic rewind button within reach, she would have hit it a couple of times just to watch all of it all over again, but she’d have to settle for Scott’s recording once it was edited and completed.

“That shit was so lit!” Though he was covered in sweat, attempting to catch his breath, and trying to make his way back to the dressing room, she jumped into his arm and held on tightly while smothering him with kisses all over his face. His strength allowed him to carry her with one arm while he continued his trek to the dressing room. He needed to take a seat and even when she did, there she as in his lap with the endless kisses. “I’m proud of you.”

“We did it Baby Girl. We did it.”

“Jax, no, stop it.” His piercing and random scream startled all of them and yet he continued on with his mission to try and get his hands into her bowl of ice cream. The gibberish meshed in with her complaining was typical and yet it had been ongoing since they arrived home. In an effort to cease the back and forth, Jermaine grabbed Jaxton and sat him up on his chest so that he’d stop interrupting his sister. The movie for the night? Mulan. Their location? The king sized bed in their master bedroom. Oh and there was Jax’s oversized Elmo in-between them as well. He’d been an additional member of the family since Mike bought it.

Everyone had a bowl of an improvised dessert Robyn whipped up after serving dinner and despite her protests, their dad allowed them to have it upstairs in the bed. Jax was supposed to be having tastes out of his father’s bowl, but he had much more of an interest in his sisters’.

Robyn looked over and observed the random pieces they all put together as pajamas and shook her head. Everyone has a pajama drawer and yet here they are, not matching, unlike herself who had on a lime green silk camisole and short set.

“Oh snap, Yar Yar, here we go.” And with that, they began to sing in unison “Honor To Us All”. The hilarious part? Him attempting to pitch his raspy and nearly hoarse voice as high as hers and the women singing in the movie. He has absolutely no pride within his fatherhood. He sings along with all of the Disney princess stuff with no shame and tonight is no different.

As she lay back against the headboard, she could do nothing more than chuckle.

What an afterparty.

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