#drama to nineteen year olds? i mean sign me up but also this is about as far from my research wheelhouse as it gets

[leonardcohenofficial]

i don't think i would have been as happy in a music department as compared to a theatre department but sometimes i do think i should have just gotten a phd in musicology given how most of my writing is about music and performance lmfao

[cielomorao-a]

          𝙸 𝚆𝙰𝙽𝙽𝙰 𝙶𝙾 𝚃𝙾 𝙲𝙾𝙻𝙻𝙴𝙶𝙴 𝙵𝙾𝚁 𝚃𝙷𝙴 𝚁𝙴𝚂𝚃 𝙾𝙵 𝙼𝚈 𝙻𝙸𝙵𝙴
                  𝒔𝒊𝒑 𝒃𝒂𝒏𝒌𝒆𝒓𝒔 𝒄𝒍𝒖𝒃 && 𝖉𝖗𝖎𝖓𝖐 𝖒𝖎𝖑𝖑𝖊𝖗 𝖑𝖎𝖙𝖊

a new discord rp centered around a group of eighteen muses that are apart of the greek life at 𝐛𝐞𝐚𝐮𝐦𝐨𝐧𝐭 𝐮𝐧𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐢𝐭𝐲 ! 

                                              ———— 𝐍𝐎𝐖 𝐀𝐂𝐂𝐄𝐏𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐀𝐏𝐏𝐒 !     WILL BE ACCEPTING ON MONDAY , MARCH 29TH AT 10PM EST !

FIRST AND FOR MOST , graphic template credit goes to : @lghtyagami

𝐀 𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐓𝐋𝐄 𝐑𝐔𝐍 𝐃𝐎𝐖𝐍 —

beaumont univerisity , founded in 1808 in cambridge , massachusetts , has a reputation as one of the most prestigious schools in the united states . people travel from all over the world to attend beaumont since they know that having this school on their future resume will give them the upper hand when pursuing their careers after college . but no one goes to college just to study , right ? it’s to make friends as well … and maybe attend a few parties along the way . luckily , the school has three fraternities and three sororities on campus that have definitely made their mark around campus … whether it be good or bad . and lucky for you , rush week is just around the corner and now is your chance to see if those rumored parties that delta psi beta throws are just as legendary as they claim they are . but don’t worry , if that isn’t your scene , the people in sigma epsilon chi are there to give you a glimpse of what the lavish life is really like .

𝐆𝐔𝐈𝐃𝐄𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐄𝐒 —

i . no godmodding , no ooc drama , no facechasing or shipchasing ( idk if that’s the word for it but you know what i mean . don’t join just for a ship and then ignore everyone else . and don’t join just because someone is using a fc you like . also , you must be over the age of nineteen to apply ! 

ii . each mun is allowed two muses starting off ! you may apply for both at the same time . if you do plan on taking up a second muse though , we are going to ask that you make at least one of these muses a person of color . also , interest checks will be done every sunday . if you don’t react to the post made in the discord channel within forty-eight hours , you will be kicked from the discord . if you need a hiatus or anything though , please just let me know ! 

iii . faceclaims must be within four years of the fcs actual age . banned fcs : anyone under the age of nineteen , anyone deceased , anyone highly problematic , anyone who has asked not to be used in rp , and the cast of riverdale .

iv . if you have any questions , please feel free to send an ask !

𝐀𝐏𝐏𝐋𝐈𝐂𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍 —

❛ ✶ ( faceclaim , gender , pronouns ) — did you see character name walking around campus earlier ? i hear a lot of people talking about the age in letters year old class standing . from what i know , they are studying major ( and minor if applicable ) and are a part of fraternity / sorority name . they come across as + positive but also - negative , which makes sense because on their instagram ( instagram handle ) it says they are a zodiac sign . if they were in a movie , song by artist would play whenever they walk into the room . ooc info . name . age . tmz . pronouns . url .  ALSO , please just include like five head canons for your muse so i can get a little bit of a feel for them ! you can include more things if you would like , but the only thing required are the head canons . anything extra ( ie . pinterest boards , spotify playlists , short bio , self-para , edits , etc ) will just help me get an even better idea though of how they will fit within the mix of muses .

you may submit your applications HERE !

𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓 —

click the name of the fraternity / sorority to be redirected to the pinterest board !

𝒔𝒊𝒈𝒎𝒂 𝒕𝒂𝒖 ( 2 / 4 )

❛ ✶ ( aròn piper , cis man , he/him )  —  did you see silas kingston walking around campus earlier ? i hear a lot of people talking about the twenty-one year old sophomore . from what i know , they are studying business and are a part of sigma tau . they come across as + sanguine but also - boisterous , which makes sense because on their instagram ( @kingslick) it says they are an aries . if they were in a movie , obsessed by maggie lindemann would play whenever they walk into the room  ooc info . abby . 24 . est . she/her . niieve .

❛ ✶ ( xavier serrano , cis man , he/him ) — did you see perseus bishop-sanders walking around campus earlier ? i hear a lot of people talking about the twenty-three year old senior . from what i know , they are studying political science and are a part of sigma tau . they come across as + charming but also - unhinged , which makes sense because on their instagram ( @perseus ) it says they are a leo . if they were in a movie , ego ( remix ) by beyonce ft kayne west would play whenever they walk into the room . ooc info . anna . 26 . cst . she/her . cielomorao .

𝒑𝒉𝒊 𝒌𝒂𝒑𝒑𝒂 𝒅𝒆𝒍𝒕𝒂 ( 1 / 4 )

❛ ✶ ( maxence danet-fauvel , cis man , he/him ) — did you see remy alarie walking around campus earlier ? i hear a lot of people talking about the twenty four year old senior . from what i know , they are studying history and are a part of phi kappa delta . they come across as + diplomatic but also - indecisive , which makes sense because on their instagram ( @remy01 ) it says they are a libra . if they were in a movie ,destroyer by lala lala would play whenever they walk into the room . ooc info . bean . 22 . est . she/her . mocnbeams . 

𝒅𝒆𝒍𝒕𝒂 𝒑𝒔𝒊 𝒃𝒆𝒕𝒂 ( 4 / 4 )

❛ ✶ ( charlie gillespie , cis man , he/him ) — did you see harley morelli walking around campus earlier ? i hear a lot of people talking about the twenty-two year old sophmore . from what i know , they are studying music & minoring in songwriting and are a part of delta psi beta . they come across as + passionate but also - fanatical , which makes sense because on their instagram ( @harleynodavidson ) it says they are a arues . if they were in a movie , amber by 311 would play whenever they walk into the room . drew . drew . 20 . est . she/they . applcjuice . ❛ ✶ ( désiré quadjo mia , cis man , he/him ) — did you see kai kimathi walking around campus earlier ? i hear a lot of people talking about the twenty-one year old sophomore . from what i know , they are studying music technology and are a part of delta psi beta . they come across as + outgoing but also - reckless , which makes sense because on their instagram ( @ohkai ) it says they are an aries . if they were in a movie , fuck up the friendship by leah kate would play whenever they walk into the room . ooc info . amanda . 20 . est . she/her . grlhorrors . ❛ ✶ ( felix mallard , cis man , he/him ) — did you see hudson mcallister walking around campus earlier ? i hear a lot of people talking about the twenty-one year old class junior . from what i know , they are studying political science and are a part of delta psi beta . they come across as + audacious but also - cataclysmic , which makes sense because on their instagram ( @huddy ) it says they are an aries . if they were in a movie , king of everything by dominic fike would play whenever they walk into the room . ooc info . sage . 20 . est . she/her .  ❛ ✶ ( zethphan smith gneist , cis man , he/him ) — did you see zachariah vodden walking around campus earlier ? i hear a lot of people talking about the nineteen year old sophomore . from what i know , they are studying media arts production and are a part of delta psi beta . they come across as + gregarious but also - flippant , which makes sense because on their instagram ( @zachthagod ) it says they are a gemini . if they were in a movie , smartest man by homeschool would play whenever they walk into the room . ooc info . court . 25 . est. she/her .

𝒔𝒊𝒈𝒎𝒂 𝒆𝒑𝒔𝒊𝒍𝒐𝒏 𝒄𝒉𝒊 ( 3 / 4 )

❛ ✶ ( _delizzle , cis female , she/her) — did you see layla witney walking around campus earlier ? i hear a lot of people talking about the twenty four year oldjunior . from what i know , they are studying business administration ( minoring in spa management ) and are a part of sigma epsilon chi . they come across as + esthetic but also - cosmopolitan , which makes sense because on their instagram ( @pinkwitney ) it says they are a virgo . if they were in a movie , break up with your girlfriend , i’m bored by ariana grande would play whenever they walk into the room . ooc info . han . twenty one . est . she/her . lovties . ❛ ✶ ( scarlett leithold , cis woman , she/her ) — did you see halston vanderbilt walking around campus earlier ? i hear a lot of people talking about the twenty one year old junior . from what i know , they are studying fashion design and are a part of sigma epsilon chi . they come across as gregarious but also capricious , which makes sense because on their instagram ( @halston ) it says they are a scorpio . if they were in a movie , valley of the doll by marina and the diamonds would play whenever they walk into the room . ooc info . ley . 19 . est . she/her . achingblvsh . ❛ ✶ ( sahar luna , cis woman , she/her ) — did you see dillon brooks walking around campus earlier ? i hear a lot of people talking about the twenty year old sophomore . from what i know , they are studying fine arts and are a part of sigma epsilon chi . they come across as + astute but also - selfish , which makes sense because on their instagram ( @dillpickles ) it says they are a sagittarius . if they were in a movie , queen of broken hearts by blackbear would play whenever they walk into the room . ooc info . anna . 26 . cst . she/her . cielomorao .

𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒈𝒂 𝒂𝒍𝒑𝒉𝒂 𝒑𝒊 ( 4 / 4 )

❛ ✶ ( cierra ramirez , cis woman , she/her ) — did you see athena morillo walking around campus earlier ? i hear a lot of people talking about the twenty-two year old senior . from what i know , they are studying mathematics and are a part of omega alpha pi . they come across as + outgoing but also - absent-minded , which makes sense because on their instagram ( thee.namorilla ) it says they are a gemini . if they were in a movie , girl anachronism by the dresden dolls would play whenever they walk into the room . ooc info . alys . twenty-three . est . she/her . bravadofm . 

❛ ✶ ( cindy kimberly , cis woman , she/her ) — did you see bianca rhodes walking around campus earlier ? i hear a lot of people talking about the twenty-two year old junior . from what i know , they are studying art history and are a part of omega alpha pi . they come across as + loyal but also - blunt , which makes sense because on their instagram ( @bianca ) it says they are a scorpio . if they were in a movie , that girl by all time low would play whenever they walk into the room . ooc info . eb . 22 . aest . she/her . amorousrps .

❛ ✶ ( hillary trinh , cis woman , she/her ) — did you see grace nguyenwalking around campus earlier ? i hear a lot of people talking about the twenty-one year old junior . from what i know , they are studying creative writing and are a part of omega alpha pi . they come across as + quick-witted but also - unmotivated , which makes sense because on their instagram ( @fulllofgrace ) it says they are a sagittarius . if they were in a movie , remember my name by mistkiwould play whenever they walk into the room . ooc info . liz . 23 . est . she/they .

❛ ✶ ( kennedy walsh , cisfemale , she/her ) — did you see kristin vaughn walking around campus earlier ? i hear a lot of people talking about the twenty year old junior . from what i know , they are studying chemical engineering ( computer science minor ) and are a part of omega alpha pi . they come across as clever but also  closed off , which makes sense because on their instagram ( comevaughn ) it says they are a scorpio . if they were in a movie , heat waves by glass animals would play whenever they walk into the room . ooc info . alyssa . twenty-two . est . she/her . alvssawrites .

𝒌𝒂𝒑𝒑𝒂 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒕𝒂 ( 4 / 4 )

❛ ✶ ( jennie kim , cis woman , she / her ) — did you see eloise choi walking around campus earlier ? i hear a lot of people talking about the twenty-two year old senior. from what i know , they are studying political sciences and are a part of kappa theta . they come across as + gentle but also - opinionated, which makes sense because on their instagram ( @notyourkoreangirl) it says they are a gemini . if they were in a movie , b.s. by jhené aiko and h.e.r would play whenever they walk into the room . ooc info . vivi . 23 . gmt -3 . she / her . @amouresque . ❛ ✶ ( maia cotton , cis woman , she/her ) — did you see eileen wolfe walking around campus earlier ? i hear a lot of people talking about the twenty-one year old junior . from what i know , they are studying philosophy and are a part of kappa theta . they come across as + magnetic but also - aloof , which makes sense because on their instagram ( @eileen.morgan ) it says they are a scorpio . if they were in a movie , liability by lorde would play whenever they walk into the room . ooc info . court . 25 . est. she/her .

❛ ✶ ( nailea devora , cis woman , she/her ) — did you see natasha leon walking around campus earlier ? i hear a lot of people talking about the twenty year old sophomore . from what i know , they are studying film production and are a part of kappa theta . they come across as + allocentric but also - erratic , which makes sense because on their instagram ( @tashie ) it says they are a gemini . if they were in a movie , late night feelings by mark ronson would play whenever they walk into the room . ooc info . jamie . 23 . est. she/they . stargczing . ❛ ✶ ( perrie edwards , cis female , she / her ) — did you see aspen davis walking around campus earlier ? i hear a lot of people talking about the twenty two year old junior . from what i know , they are studying psych and are a part of kappa theta . they come across as + tender but also - indulgent , which makes sense because on their instagram ( @aspen_ ) it says they are a libra . if they were in a movie , young, dumb & broke by khalid would play whenever they walk into the room . ooc info . skye . 25 . est . she/her . svgarlands .

CURRENTLY —

accepting for any open spots !

[frankicholls]

SARA WAISGLASS, FEMALE, SHE/HER! meet FRANKIE HOLLINGSWORTH. based on her audition info, she is NINETEEN year old YOUTUBER. due to her PLAYFUL and IMPULSIVE persona and her nickname being FIRECRACKER, it’s no wonder she’s considered the THE DIRTBAG.

hi loves!! so in all honesty, it’s been a while since i’ve played frankie, but seeing the amazing skeleton carra created for her i am beyond excited to play her! i seriously hope that i do her justice. if anyone wants to plot with my trash child please like this and i will message you!

about frankie;

✰ name - francesca hollingsworth

✰ nickname - frankie / firecracker / franks / trouble

✰ gender/pronouns - female / she,her

✰ age - nineteen

✰ sexuality - bisexual (closeted because of her parents)

✰ birthdate - march 23rd

✰ zodiac sign - aries

personality;

+ adventurous, playful, confident

- impulsive, impatient, selfish

frankie’s audition tape

so I'm pretty sure this is the part where I sit here and tell you my life story and why I think I'm perfect for this show right? well I'm frankie, not francesca. please, for the love of everything, don’t call me francesca only my parents call me that and it’s usually while giving me a disapproving glare. and yes I am a hollingsworth so you may or may not have heard of my family. I promise me auditioning is not a publicity stunt for my dad’s campaign, it most likely will have the opposite effect actually. no the reason I want to be a part of the resort is I want a chance for the world to see who I am. not the perfect child my parents make me out to be to the world.

see they would prefer that I stay as far away from this show as possible. the hollingsworths have a reputation and let’s just say I don’t fit the picture of what they had in mind for a daughter. I mean don’t get me wrong, I tried for a really long time. I wanted to make them happy I guess? the thing was, I wasn’t happy. so I started living for me and apparently that’s not okay. according to them it’s frowned upon to be arrested for trespassing or getting caught skinny dipping in the ocean. they try to make most of my “mistakes” disappear, but some things they can’t brush under the rug.

I guess the real reason I want to go on the show is to show the world that this whole persona that they have created of me to the media and world isn’t me. I figure what better way to do it than on television. I mean perfect setting to cause some mischief, make out with some cute people, and see what kind of trouble I can cause.

fun facts;

✰ frankie honestly doesn’t mean to disappoint her parents. for the longest time though she actually felt guilt when she found herself in trouble. the more they try to push the fake image for her, the less she cares about how her actions affect them.  she has a lot of resentment for them though for deciding they would rather create this fake persona for her than just accept the daughter they have.

✰ frankie has selfish tendencies, but it’s not purposeful. she tends to just do what she wants in that moment and she just doesn’t have any regard to how it could snowball to effect others. if someone said she was selfish though, she would instantly be defensive and it would turn ugly.

✰ frankie doesn’t always realize the privilege that her family name allows her. she often thinks that things she does “isn’t so bad” because she gets off with a lot of warnings or charges being dropped. it’s not necessarily that her actions aren’t bad, it’s because her dad is constantly covering up her wrong doings to cover his own image.

✰ frankie identifies as bisexual. she tried to come out to her parents, but her father cut her off refusing to let her finish. he told her to never speak of it again. while she’s not one to listen to her parents usually, the whole interaction has made her a bit hesitant to act on any attraction to girls. she has never come out to anyone else before and hasn’t even told her brother Miles yet.

✰ frankie considers herself a youtuber, even though she really doesn’t make any money off of it. her account is just her exploring a whole bunch of places that have been abandoned or may be haunted with friends. since money isn’t really an issue (seeing as her parents haven’t cut her off yet surprisingly) the lack of revenue hasn’t been an issue. however, with her trying to be on the resort, it might be the thing to finally push her parents to cutting her off financially.

✰ frankie has very few “girlfriends”. she thinks most girls just cause too much drama which is something she tries to avoid. the thing is, most girls assume that frankie thinks she’s better than them, which just leads to drama anyway. that’s why she would rather hang with jonah or cam.

✰ frankie has a habit of acting without thinking. so she will do things without a second thought of the consequences. this also happens with her words. she will say the first thing that comes to mind, without a filter, and late look back and say “huh, maybe shouldn’t have said that.”

✰ aesthetics: late night adventures, no trespassing signs, energy drinks and iced coffees, kissing boys, flirting with girls, dark roses, jean jackets, beat up converses, polariods all around her room, bad ideas, innocent smile.

[nisrinafm]

greetings   bubs   !   the   way   i’m   posting   this   late   because   i   spent   most   of   my   time   staring   instead   of   writing   asdj   .   i’m   gi   ,   and   wow   ?   i   am   so   excited   to   be  here   .   i   hate   to   say   it   ,   i   hope   i   don’t   sound   ridiculous   ,   but   rich   kids   plots   own   me   .   i’ll   be   bringing   you   the   complex   but   loving   nisrina   ,   and   if   you’d   like   to   know   more   about   her   just   keep   on   reading   .   

❝   UPCOMING   SINGER   NISRINA   VASQUEZ   SPOTTED   IN   A   SCREAMING   MATCH   WITH   AN   UNKNOWN   NUMBER                         WHO   COULD   IT   BE   ?   ❞      

        only   five   minutes   ‘till   midnight   ,   and   we   just   spotted   nisrina   vasquez   ,   known   for   a   single   diamond   hanging   between   collar   bones   ,   painted   fingers   ,   &   the   eagerness   to   lose   herself   in   the   moment   ,   at   club   nouvea   ,   ringing   in   the   new   year   !   the   twenty   one   year   old   is   usually   known   for   their   job   as   a   musician   ,   but   tonight   ,   they’re   just   another   reveler   in   the   crowd   .   when   they   wrote   down   their   new   year’s   resolution   ,   they   wished   to   find   forgiveness   not   for   her   mother   ,   but   for   herself   ,   release   her   first   album   ,   &   break   it   to   her   father   that   she   does   not   want  to   take  over   his   hotels   .   funny   enough   ,   they   had   also   mentioned   how   they   hoped   to   forget   about   the   time   that   they   REDACTED   .   for   what   it’s   worth   ,   i   truly   hope   they   can   put   the   old   year   past   them   .      

full   name.   nisrina  lluvia   vasquez   .   

 gender   ,   pronouns.   cis  woman  ,  she  and  her   .   

 date   of   birth.   august   seventh   ,   nineteen   ninety   nine   .   

 age.   twenty   one   .   

 zodiac   sign.   leo   .   

 hometown.   las   vegas   ,   nevada   .   

 current   living   place.   new   york   .     

orientation.   bisexual   ,   biromantic   .   

 languages.   english   &   spanish   (   fluent   )   ,   italian   (   conversational   )   . 

 tattoos  ,   piercings.    asdfgh   . 

occupation.   musician  .

voiceclaim.   sabrina   claudio   .

  had   nisrina   been   the   answer   to   a   couple   that   longed   for   a   family   ?   no   ,   not   even   close   .    she   was   a   solution   .   the   product   of   desperation   that   panicked   at   the   discussion   of   divorce   and   a   future   lost   of   riches   :      for   the   vasquez’s   ,   marriage   was   not   fabricated   to   contain   genuineness   ,   but   to   benefit   both   parties   while   providing   a   stable   front   to   the   media   .   what   was   expected   from   one   another   was   not   love   ,   it   was   to   withhold   the   agreement   that   landed   two   bodies   muttering   the   words   ,   “   i   do   ,   “   .   a   child   ?   was   never   spoken   of   ,   nor   wanted   .   getting   pregnant   was   a   hidden   trick   of   manipulation   ,   silent   words   of   leave   me   and   your   unborn   child   now   and   see   what   happens   .

    nisrina   was   a   pawn   in   her   mother’s   selfish   games   ,   an   accessory   placed   in   matching   outfits   and   paraded   around   .   motherhood   ?   it   was   everything   sabine   has   ever   dreamed   of   .   so   much   that   the   minute   the   door   closed   ,   the   minute   the   camera’s   clicked   off   ,   nisrina   was   placed   in   whoever’s   hands   were   the   closest   and   dismissed   .   such   a   loving   mother   ,   right   ?

      so   where’s   nisrina’s   father   in   all   of   this   ?   the   hotel   tycoon   was   the   complete   opposite   from   his   cold   hearted   wife   .   aloof   and   stern   melting   into   a   surprising   pool   of   pure   tenderness   for   his   child   .   he   might   have   been   angry   at   getting   stuck   in   sabine’s   trap   ,   but   that   anger   never   looked   at   his   daughter  ;   while   ezequiel   never   dreamed   of   fatherhood   ,   he   embraced   it   .   it   taking   all   of   one   second   of   staring   down   at   his   daughter’s   face   to   understand   that   she   was   now   his   sun   .

     growing   up   in   the   presence   of   someone   who’s   honest   about   their   lack   of   desire   to   be   a   parent   ,   was   not   something   nisrina   could   stay   ignorant   to   for   too   long   .    her   innocence   normalizing   it   until   she   was   old   enough   to   perceive   the   world   around   her   .   after   that   ,   it   became   something   that   was   sitting   right   in   front  of   her   face   .   it   was   in   the   books   she   read   ,   the   movies   she   watched   ,   and   in   the   feeling   she   got   as   she   surveyed   her   friends   mother’s   who   looked   down   at   them   with   tenderness   spilling   from   their   hues   .

     nisrina    ,   she   clung   to   the   good   in   those   around   her   ;   no   matter   how   many   times   those   people   proved   themselves   to   be   anything   but   deserving   of   her   love   .    and   with   her   mother   ?   she   tried   .   again   and   again   ,   nisrina   would   reach   out   for   sabine   .   cry   for   her   affection   ,   plead   for   an   ounce   of   interest   .   she   could   offer   gentle   smiles   ,   present   her   achievements   ,   even   tried   acting   out   in   hopes   that   it   would   earn   just   the   slightest   reaction  ..   but   nothing   ever   worked   ,   in   fact   it   seemed   to   just   drive   sabine   away   .   until   eventually   ,   nisrina   was   pushed   into   the   arms   of   a   nanny   and   sabine   was   on   a   plane   to   whatever   country   would   get   her   the   farthest   from   her   daughter   .

     ezequiel   smothered   nisrina   ,   went   to   the   extreme   lengths   to   get   her   anything   and   everything   she   could   ever   want   .   he   wanted   to   fill   the   hole   that   sabine   engraved   in   her   ,   swore   that   if   nisrina   would   let   him   ,   he’d   love   her   enough   for   the   both   of   them  .  

    with   sabine   always   mia   ,   and   her   father   never   staying   too   long   in   one   place   for   work   ,   nisrina   would   be   pulled   from   public   school  ,   and   enrolling   in   private   studies   .    giving   her   the   opportunity   to   learn   without   being   present   in   a   school   setting   ,   and   allowing   her   father   to   bring   her   along   with   him   .   nisrina   would   go   from   an   empty   house   with   staff   members   to   her   father   and   his   hotel   staff   .   not   the   biggest   difference   ,   but   to   have   her   father   always   one  room   away   made   her   feel   less   lonely   .  

   during   these   years   ,   she   would   only   speak   to   her   mother   less   then   three   times   a  year  ..   but   at   that   point   ?   she   was   long   over   begging   her   for   affection   .   the   media   would   brand   her   as   a   daddy’s   girl   ,   the   future   face   of   the   vasquez   hotel   chains   .   her   life   could   consist   of   penthouses   ,   ruling   the   hotel   kitchen   ,   running   aimlessly   around   hallways   ,  singing   in   the   dinning   hall   ,   and   finding   family   in   the   strangest   of   places   .   her   father   would   expand   from   las   vegas   ,   to   new   york   ,   to   the   caribbeans   ,    and   eventually   to   italy  .  

    before   her   eighteenth  birthday   ,   her   father   would   divorce   sabine   officially   .   putting   all   of   his   assets   in   his   daughters   name   .    this   would   cause   chaos   in   the   media   ,   and   land  sabine   on   their   front   steps   in   false   tears   and   apologizes  that   meant   absolutely   nothing   to   either   of   them   .   two   year   later   ,   sabine   would   remarry   and   final   ties   would   be   cut   forever   .

      where   is   nisrina   now   ?   nisrina   is   located   in   the   beautiful   city   of   new   york   ,   in   hopes   of   gaining   peace   and   mind   to   construct   her   first   album   since   being   signed   a   year   ago   .   she   is   still   an   absolute   daddy’s   girl   and   has   an   insanely   close   relationship   with   him   .    constantly   on   the   mission   of   bettering   herself   ,   and   moving   on   from   old   wounds   .

*   CONNECTIONS   .

YOU’RE   MY   BABY   ,   EVEN   WHEN   YOU   LEAVE   ME   .  

                                                      that   one   ex   that   she   cannot   let   go   of   ,    their   hold   on   her   too   great   .   it’s   something   she   refuses   to   admit   ,   is   embarrassed   at   how   much   she   loves   them   ,   how   she   keeps   coming   back     .   

I   DON’T   NEED   A   MAN   ,   SHE’S   MY   OTHER   HALF   ,   WE   GOT   SOMETHING   NOT   A   LOT   OF   OTHERS   HAVE   .  

                                                     their   relationship   has   surpassed   besties   ,   their   souls   were   made   for   each   other   .   they’re   each   other’s   person   ,   can   speak   without   communication   ,   bicker   like   sisters   ,   and   are   willing   to   hold   each   other’s   secrets   to   the   grave   .   a   package   deal   to   the   end   .   it’s   a   forever   thing   .

JUST   CAUSE   I   FUCK   YOU   ,   DON’T   MEAN   I   TRUST   YOU   ;   I   DON’T     .  

                                                     a   complex   relationship   of   something   more   but   it   never   crossing   that   line   .   these   two   can   share   a   bed   and   even   affectionate   touches   but   communication  ,   trust   ,   and   commitment   are   not   in  the  books   .

THE   NIGHT   IS   DARK   BUT   THE   MOON   IS   BRIGHT   ,   WE’RE   STARING   AT   THIS   SUMMER   NIGHT   ;   TAN   SKIN   LOOKS   DAMN   GOOD   IN   WHITE   ,   STRIPING   DOWN   BY   THE   HOLLYWOOD   SIGN  

                                                    her   girls   ,   the   definition   that   family   is   not   always   blood   .   from   spontaneous   girl   trips   ,   to   clogging   each   other’s   feed   ,   this   group   of   friends   are   known   for   their   closeness   .    you   either   hate   them   or   you   love   them   ,   but   regardless   they’re   always   going   to   ride   for   one   another  .   

OTHER 

                                                   confidants   ,   ex   friends   ,   close   friends   ,   flings   ,   hookups   ,   rivals   ,   people   she   just   bumps   heads   with   ,   on   and   off   friendships   ,   will   they   wont   they   ,   literally   anything   !!!   give   me   drama   ,   angst   ,   and   cute   friendships      .

[loloxcoco]

AMANDA ARCURI, FEMALE, SHE/HER! meet LOLA PACINI. based on her audition info, she is a NINETEEN year old WAITRESS. due to her FLIRTATIOUS and SECRETIVE persona and her nickname being LITTLE LO, it’s no wonder she’s considered the THE ENIGMA.

hi loves!! lo is one of my all time favorite characters to play and i’m super excited to play her in this setting and all of the possibilities for my girl! if anyone wants to plot please feel free to like this and i will message you. here’s a little bit about my girl.

about lola;

☪ name - lola pacini

☪ nickname - lo / little lo

☪ gender/pronouns - female / she,her

☪ age - nineteen

☪ sexuality - pansexual

☪ birthdate - feb 22nd

☪ zodiac sign - pisces

personality;

+ flirtatious, imaginative, intuitive

- escapist, secretive, idealistic

lola’s audition tape

hi my friends call me lo and i’m auditioning for the resort. i totes think this show was made for me and i would definitely be the perfect fit for season two. so a little bit about me. i’m currently waitressing at my dad’s restaurant taking some time off from school. not really sure what i want to do with my life yet, but this should be the time for us to have fun, right? which is the main reason i’m auditioning for the show. i want to have a good time and the resort seems to be the perfect opportunity to do just that. i’m single, by choice. i’m not looking to be locked down into anything right now. but just because i don’t want to get married doesn’t mean that i’m opposed to hooking up, so bring on all the cute housemates. i kind of keep people at arms length, i just don’t let people fully in. i mean there’s no reason to do so. the irony is, there are people who think they know me well, but they really don’t have any idea. it could be because i find that i adapt to the people i’m around, i can honestly get along with anyone. i’m not the type to seek out drama, but it doesn’t mean that it doesn’t find me. i’m also not the one to back down from an argument, i may be tiny but i’m feisty. i hope you enjoyed my audition tape and you bring me on for season two of the resort.

fun facts;

☪ lola’s real reason for auditioning for the resort is it delays her having to make any decisions about her future. she feels like everyone around her as it all figured out and she doesn’t. this gives her the opportunity to avoid having to think about anything else for awhile.

☪ lola is definitely the type to have trust issues. it’s part of the reason she keeps people at arms length. with her past with her mom and then having her falling out with shay who she was really close to, it makes sense that she doesn’t feel comfortable opening up.

☪ lola being an enigma is so true to how i see her. it’s not that she’s antisocial or distant from people, it’s more like she is a chameleon. depending on how you know lola depends on the side of lola you get.

☪ lola is pansexual. it’s not anything she ever announced specifically, but it’s something she’s just kind of known. she likes people and she’s open to anyone.

☪ lola is flirty, but she also knows how to keep people wanting more. she will make someone work for it and she enjoys seeing how much effort someone takes trying to figure her out.  

☪ lola is obsessed with anything to do with astrology. she will ask people their star signs and will read her horoscope religiously to see what to expect. she also has a strong connection with the stars and the moon. when she needs to get away from the world she will sit up on the roof of her father’s restaurant and just stare up at the sky.

[vmheadquarters]

We’re still playing our game of written hot potato! Dozens of your favorite authors are taking turns to tell a Veronica Mars mystery story. Each writer crafts their chapter and then “tosses” the story to the next person to continue the tale. No one knows what will happen, so expect the unexpected!

Follow the “vmhq presents” and “murder we wrote” tags for all the installments, or read the story as it develops on AO3. --Chapter Nineteen of MURDER, WE WROTE is written by @elliebear75​. And stayed tuned next week for Ch.20 from @beezlebobble​ -tag, you’re it!

—————————————————————————————————— CHAPTER NINETEEN by @elliebear75​ 

Della adjusted her blond wig in the mirror, giving a cursory glance up at the screens across the wall. She was more than a little miffed that no one recognized her as the ghost of Lilly Kane yet, all the times she let them get a quick glance at her before she disappeared again into the secret passageways of the house. 

“You’d think that the blond hair and fabulous attitude would be a dead give-away,” she smirked as she followed the action on the screens. 

A tinier than usual Veronica hobbled across the television as fast as she could with Logan as her support.  They crossed from the second screen to the third and stopped near the corner screen when they found Wallace at the bottom of the kitchen stairs, unconscious.  She held her breath and hoped that the trap only winded him as it was supposed to, and not done any real harm.  All it took was a press of a button, and Della sent him flying down the wooden staircase, but instead of just landing on his butt and sliding, like so many others before him had done, Wallace seemed to take the tumble hard, rolling all the way down to the bottom.  A tinge of regret dropped like a stone in her stomach, but she pushed it aside when she saw him come to.  She watched as he wavered when Logan helped him to his feet, but seemed none the worse for wear.   

“Sorry, Wallace.  I had to do it,” she sighed.  “Blame Veronica for getting you into this mess.” 

Wallace had once stood up for her when Madison and Gia cut in front of her in line in the cafeteria, and she didn't want to hurt him; it was just an inevitable consequence of her plan. Like Leo. She didn’t mean for her partner to kill him; it just happened.  Della felt terrible about that as well since he had been instrumental in getting the information she needed to make this plan work. But it wasn’t like she killed him; it was her partner. He just went a little too far. 

Leaning closer to the mirror, she ran her tongue over her teeth and puckered her lips as she checked her lipstick. That retainer was annoying, but her parents were right—she did look better in the long run. In fact, Della looked so good that with some professional make-up tips, contact lenses, and her dyed black hair, hardly anyone recognized her in Neptune anymore.  Which was fine.  When she graduated last Spring, she left Della Pugh behind at Neptune High with the Pirates. 

Now, she was Ruby.  Ruby Jetson. Actually, that wasn't true. During the week, she was Ruby Jetson, a fixture on the Neptune Karaoke circuit. On the weekends, she was Madame X, taking over for her mother, the original Madame X, and father, Mister X, who started this murder mystery business after her grandparents left them this property with no sustainable income to support it.  When she was a child, Della helped her parents set unwitting traps for guests who gleefully screamed at every turn.  With her crooked teeth, frizzy blond hair, and thick glasses, she was born to play the “creepy girl” in the castle. She was pretty proud that she once made a guest pee herself when she appeared in the guest’s bedroom in the middle of the night, dressed in an old-fashioned white dress and powdered make-up as if she was a ghostly apparition and asked the woman if she had "seen her mommy."   

But that was why people had come to the island in the first place—for the thrill. Over the decades, her parents hosted Hollywood celebrities, members of Congress, and even a Prince or two (of the musical variety and actual royalty.) No one at school ever suspected that poor little Della was actually a star, on most weekends.  Unfortunately for her parents, the business didn't clear a lot of money, so her family was never able to move to a house in the 09er area, and that fact had kept Della the perpetual underdog and general bully-bait all through school. 

Veronica Mars wasn’t an 09er either, but somehow, she conquered it all.  And Della hated her for it.  Not an 09er, but she managed to have a best friend and a boyfriend who were—Lilly and Duncan Kane. Oh, and she acted so much like an 09er back then too, gyrating her way onto the Pep Squad thanks to Lilly.  One would have thought that not being one of "them" would have given Veronica some empathy for the little guys, like Della. But when Della caught up to her one day and asked her the reason why Della was rejected from the Pep Squad, Veronica just shrugged and told her to "dance better." 

"Dance better," Ruby snarked at the screens. She leaned over the console and pressed her thumb over Veronica's face, focusing on Logan standing next to her. 

“Logan. Logan freakin’ Echolls. What in the world do you see in her?  Is it the blond hair, because sweetheart, I’m a natural blond too.  Is it the drama, because I can give you drama, baby.  You just never gave me the chance to show you.” 

What really chewed at Ruby was even after Lilly's death and Veronica’s fall from grace, she still managed to eventually date Logan.  Logan.  The boy who stirred things in young Della (and older Ruby) like no other boy ever had or ever would.  Once in tenth grade, she sat behind Logan in the bleachers at a basketball game and just the sight of the back of his neck kept her dreaming about him for years after. That was one of the advantages of being ignored by most of the student population and her "performances" at the mansion—she became good at flying under the radar.  Logan and that dumbass friend of his, Dick, never noticed her sitting on a blanket on the sand every Sunday morning, watching them surf at Dog Beach.  Never saw her sitting a few rows behind him at the movie theatre. Never noticed her sitting in the lobby of the Neptune Grande the summer after he graduated, as he walked right past her, holding hands with Veronica, looking at her like he would make love to her right there, in front of everyone, if given the opportunity. 

Veronica. 

Again Veronica. 

“I was a freaking teenage outcast too. Why the hell did he have to pick you?” She removed her thumb from over Veronica’s face and hissed at the screen.   

When Veronica disappeared to Stanford, Della took it as a good sign.  But the night she happened to find herself in the same dive bar as Logan and Dick, he was still whining to Dick about how to get on with his life without Veronica. It was pathetic.  Logan was a strong, virile man with so much love to give, and Veronica had crushed his soul...just like she had once crushed young Della’s Pep-Squad dreams.  To see Logan stagger drunkenly out of that bar alone tore her heart to shreds, but also made Ruby hate Veronica even more. She had to be stopped.  Veronica Mars was not the amazing and brilliant girl everyone thought she was. It was all an act.  There was no “magic” to Veronica solving crimes.  Just dumb luck.  The Veronica Mars that Ruby knew was a snob and a fake and an asshole.  She was just very good at making people seem like she was helpful and caring.  And this weekend, Ruby would make sure that everyone realized what a phony Veronica truly was. 

Walking away from the screens, Ruby adjusted her sparkly purple sweater and smoothed down her tight black jeans as she paced, keeping herself moving in the chilly space.  Even though Logan couldn’t see her, she wanted to make sure she dressed her best for him.  Or at least her best so she wouldn’t freeze. 

“The way these So-Cal beach girls are running around in the snow, I’m surprised they all haven’t died of exposure,” she laughed, pausing to run her hand over the soft nap of her fake-fur coat, hanging on the wall near the door. 

It all started when Jen decided to bring on Cindy “Mac” Mackenzie to help her on the weekends.  Ruby immediately recognized her through the surveillance screens as the poor girl who had the unfortunate luck to be dating Cassidy Casablancas and be friends with Veronica Mars.  As she listened in on Jen and Mac gossiping during their time on the island, she realized that she could orchestrate an even bigger production from even further behind the scenes, one that could right one big wrong in her life.  Ruby could lure Veronica and all the people she hated most in school right here, onto her turf, the island with no 09 in the zip code. Then, one by one, she could torment them as she had been tormented by them in school.  She would deprive them of food, of sleep, of any sort of psychological rest, and see as they all began to turn on Veronica for not saving their sorry asses. For one weekend, Veronica would be Enid Curtis and know what it truly meant to be the loser, just like Della was for years in school. 

Glancing back, Ruby smiled as the players all scurried across the screens.  “Who’s dancing for who now, Veronica?  Just keep practicing.  You’ll get better at this murder-mystery thing.” 

It was all going according to plan.  Well, almost. The only thing that wasn’t to plan was Leo.  And Madison.  She didn’t really mean for them to die.  It seemed that her “muscle” in this venture ended up being a bit of a loose cannon, something Ruby didn’t really account for. But then again, Jen had proved herself to be mildly unreliable as well.  As Madam X, Ruby left exact instructions about who to invite tonight. The fact that Duncan Kane appeared was as a surprise to her as the rest of the guests. 

The door to the control room opened, and Della spun on her heels, watching as the figure shook the snow off his black parka hood and stomped his heavy boots off on the ground. 

"Okay. I got rid of that Deputy's body and hid it where you told me."  Lenny Sopher removed his hood and ran his fingers through his hair.  "Now what?" 

"Now? Now we wait.  And you stop killing people.”  Ruby folded her arms over her chest, protecting herself from the chill Lenny brought in with him. 

His throaty chuckle resonated in the small room.  Slowly, methodically, he peeled off his parka and hung it on the old wooden hook, next to Ruby’s. 

“Look, you have your fun with them, and I’ll have mine.” 

“I just want to expose Veronica as a dumb-bitch, so Logan finally realizes he’s better off without her and moves on.  Make her a laughing-stock.  Possibly make Gia Goodman wet herself with fear.  But that last one is a pie-in-the-sky sort of fun.  You’re out there actually killing people, and it’s not cool.” 

“Not cool?” Lenny turned, a smirk crossing his face as his fingers made air-quotes in front of his face.  “Not cool?  What the hell was I supposed to do?  When Leo recognized me from that forgery thing last summer, he threatened to take me in. I had to do it so I could stay on the island and help you!” 

Ruby tossed her fake blond hair over her shoulder and huffed.  “Well, you didn’t have to kill Madison.  I mean, I didn’t like her, but still, it was overkill.” 

A sharp laugh rose from Lenny’s throat that rolled and rolled in a way that terrified Ruby. It wasn’t a laugh of a person who thought this was humourous—it was the laugh of a man who was enjoying himself immensely.

“Overkill! That’s a good one, Della!” 

“Ruby!” She stamped her foot and gasped. “You know what my name is now, you jackass.  Now, stop killing people for real or I’ll…” 

“Or you’ll what?”  The laughter stopped, and the grin fell from Lenny’s face in an instant. “Or…you’ll…what, Ruby?  Call the police? On your favorite cousin? Plus, you're what you call my accomplice now.  Hell, with all the Madame X stuff linked directly to your side of the family, I can even say you’re the one who did all this.” 

Ruby stiffened as Lenny approached, trying not to show any fear.  He sniffed the air like a dog, and she cringed, knowing he was mongrel enough that he could probably smell it on her. 

“So, you continue to play your game, Ruby-Della-X.  And let me play mine.”

[tswiftdaily]

TAYLOR SWIFT: 30 THINGS I LEARNED BEFORE TURNING 30

According to my birth certificate, I turn 30 this year. It's weird because part of me still feels 18 and part of me feels 283, but the actual age I currently am is 29. I've heard people say that your thirties are "the most fun!" So I'll definitely keep you posted on my findings on that when I know. But until then, I thought I'd share some lessons I've learned before reaching 30, because it's 2019 and sharing is caring.

ONE: I learned to block some of the noise. Social media can be great, but it can also inundate your brain with images of what you aren’t, how you’re failing, or who is in a cooler locale than you at any given moment. One thing I do to lessen this weird insecurity laser beam is to turn off comments. Yes, I keep comments off on my posts. That way, I’m showing my friends and fans updates on my life, but I’m training my brain to not need the validation of someone telling me I look . I’m also blocking out anyone who might feel the need to tell me to “go die in a hole ho” while I’m having my coffee at nine in the morning. I think it’s healthy for your self-esteem to need less internet praise to appease it, especially when three comments down you could unwittingly see someone telling you that you look like a weasel that got hit by a truck and stitched back together by a drunk taxidermist. An actual comment I received once.

TWO: Being sweet to everyone all the time can get you into a lot of trouble. While it may be born from having been raised to be a polite young lady, this can contribute to some of your life’s worst regrets if someone takes advantage of this trait in you. Grow a backbone, trust your gut, and know when to strike back. Be like a snake—only bite if someone steps on you.

THREE: Trying and failing and trying again and failing again is normal. It may not feel normal to me because all of my trials and failures are blown out of proportion and turned into a spectator sport by tabloid takedown culture (you had to give me one moment of bitterness, come on). BUT THAT SAID, it’s good to mess up and learn from it and take risks. It’s especially good to do this in your twenties because we are searching. That’s GOOD. We’ll always be searching but never as intensely as when our brains are still developing at such a rapid pace. No, this is not an excuse to text your ex right now. That’s not what I said. Or do it, whatever, maybe you’ll learn from it. Then you’ll probably forget what you learned and do it again.... But it’s fine; do you, you’re searching. 

FOUR: I learned to stop hating every ounce of fat on my body. I worked hard to retrain my brain that a little extra weight means curves, shinier hair, and more energy. I think a lot of us push the boundaries of dieting, but taking it too far can be really dangerous. There is no quick fix. I work on accepting my body every day.

FIVE: Banish the drama. You only have so much room in your life and so much energy to give to those in it. Be discerning. If someone in your life is hurting you, draining you, or causing you pain in a way that feels unresolvable, blocking their number isn’t cruel. It’s just a simple setting on your phone that will eliminate drama if you so choose to use it.

SIX: I’ve learned that society is constantly sending very loud messages to women that exhibiting the physical signs of aging is the worst thing that can happen to us. These messages tell women that we aren’t allowed to age. It’s an impossible standard to meet, and I’ve been loving how outspoken Jameela Jamil has been on this subject. Reading her words feels like hearing a voice of reason amongst all these loud messages out there telling women we’re supposed to defy gravity, time, and everything natural in order to achieve this bizarre goal of everlasting youth that isn’t even remotely required of men.

SEVEN: My biggest fear. After the Manchester Arena bombing and the Vegas concert shooting, I was completely terrified to go on tour this time because I didn’t know how we were going to keep 3 million fans safe over seven months. There was a tremendous amount of planning, expense, and effort put into keeping my fans safe. My fear of violence has continued into my personal life. I carry QuikClot army grade bandage dressing, which is for gunshot or stab wounds. Websites and tabloids have taken it upon themselves to post every home address I’ve ever had online. You get enough stalkers trying to break into your house and you kind of start prepping for bad things. Every day I try to remind myself of the good in the world, the love I’ve witnessed and the faith I have in humanity. We have to live bravely in order to truly feel alive, and that means not being ruled by our greatest fears.

EIGHT: I learned not to let outside opinions establish the value I place on my own life choices. For too long, the projected opinions of strangers affected how I viewed my relationships. Whether it was the general internet consensus of who would be right for me, or what they thought was “couples goals” based on a picture I posted on Instagram. That stuff isn’t real. For an approval seeker like me, it was an important lesson for me to learn to have my OWN value system of what I actually want.

NINE: I learned how to make some easy cocktails like Pimm’s cups, Aperol spritzes, Old-Fashioneds, and Mojitos because…2016.

TEN: I’ve always cooked a LOT, but I found three recipes I know I’ll be making at dinner parties for life: Ina Garten’s Real Meatballs and Spaghetti (I just use packaged bread crumbs and only ground beef for meat), Nigella Lawson’s Mughlai Chicken, and Jamie Oliver’s Chicken Fajitas with Molé Sauce. Getting a garlic crusher is a whole game changer. I also learned how to immediately calculate Celsius to Fahrenheit in my head. (Which is what I’m pretty sure the internet would call a “weird flex.”)

ELEVEN: Recently I discovered Command tape, and I definitely would have fewer holes in my walls if I’d hung things that way all along. This is not an ad. I just really love Command tape.

TWELVE: Apologizing when you have hurt someone who really matters to you takes nothing away from you. Even if it was unintentional, it’s so easy to just apologize and move on. Try not to say “I’m sorry, but...” and make excuses for yourself. Learn how to make a sincere apology, and you can avoid breaking down the trust in your friendships and relationships.

THIRTEEN: It’s my opinion that in cases of sexual assault, I believe the victim. Coming forward is an agonizing thing to go through. I know because my sexual assault trial was a demoralizing, awful experience. I believe victims because I know firsthand about the shame and stigma that comes with raising your hand and saying “This happened to me.” It’s something no one would choose for themselves. We speak up because we have to, and out of fear that it could happen to someone else if we don’t.

FOURTEEN: When tragedy strikes someone you know in a way you’ve never dealt with before, it’s okay to say that you don’t know what to say. Sometimes just saying you’re so sorry is all someone wants to hear. It’s okay to not have any helpful advice to give them; you don’t have all the answers. However, it’s not okay to disappear from their life in their darkest hour. Your support is all someone needs when they’re at their lowest point. Even if you can’t really help the situation, it’s nice for them to know that you would if you could.

FIFTEEN: Vitamins make me feel so much better! I take L-theanine, which is a natural supplement to help with stress and anxiety. I also take magnesium for muscle health and energy.

SIXTEEN: Before you jump in headfirst, maybe, I don’t know...get to know someone! All that glitters isn’t gold, and first impressions actually aren’t everything. It’s impressive when someone can charm people instantly and own the room, but what I know now to be more valuable about a person is not their charming routine upon meeting them (I call it a “solid first 15”), but the layers of a person you discover in time. Are they honest, self-aware, and slyly funny at the moments you least expect it? Do they show up for you when you need them? Do they still love you after they’ve seen you broken? Or after they’ve walked in on you having a full conversation with your cats as if they’re people? These are things a first impression could never convey. 

SEVENTEEN: After my teen years and early twenties of sleeping in my makeup and occasionally using a Sharpie as eyeliner (DO NOT DO IT), I felt like I needed to start being nicer to my skin. I now moisturize my face every night and put on body lotion after I shower, not just in the winter, but all year round, because, why can’t I be soft during all the seasons?!

EIGHTEEN: Realizing childhood scars and working on rectifying them. For example, never being popular as a kid was always an insecurity for me. Even as an adult, I still have recurring flashbacks of sitting at lunch tables alone or hiding in a bathroom stall, or trying to make a new friend and being laughed at. In my twenties I found myself surrounded by girls who wanted to be my friend. So I shouted it from the rooftops, posted pictures, and celebrated my newfound acceptance into a sisterhood, without realizing that other people might still feel the way I did when I felt so alone. It’s important to address our long-standing issues before we turn into the living embodiment of them.

NINETEEN: Playing mind games is for the chase. In a real relationship or friendship, you’re shooting yourself in the foot if you don’t tell the other person how you feel, and what could be done to fix it. No one is a mind reader. If someone really loves you, they want you to verbalize how you feel. This is real life, not chess.

TWENTY: Learning the difference between lifelong friendships and situationships. Something about “we’re in our young twenties!” hurls people together into groups that can feel like your chosen family. And maybe they will be for the rest of your life. Or maybe they’ll just be your comrades for an important phase, but not forever. It’s sad but sometimes when you grow, you outgrow relationships. You may leave behind friendships along the way, but you’ll always keep the memories.

TWENTY-ONE: Fashion is all about playful experimentation. If you don’t look back at pictures of some of your old looks and cringe, you’re doing it wrong. See: Bleachella.

TWENTY-TWO: How to fight fair with the ones you love. Chances are you’re not trying to hurt the person you love and they aren’t trying to hurt you. If you can wind the tension of an argument down to a conversation about where the other person is coming from, there’s a greater chance you can remove the shame of losing a fight for one of you and the ego boost of the one who “won” the fight. I know a couple who, in the thick of a fight, say “Hey, same team.” Find a way to defuse the anger that can spiral out of control and make you lose sight of the good things you two have built. They don’t give out awards for winning the most fights in your relationship. They just give out divorce papers.

TWENTY-THREE: I learned that I have friends and fans in my life who don’t care if I’m #canceled. They were there in the worst times and they’re here now. The fans and their care for me, my well-being, and my music were the ones who pulled me through. The most emotional part of the Reputation Stadium Tour for me was knowing I was looking out at the faces of the people who helped me get back up. I’ll never forget the ones who stuck around.

TWENTY-FOUR: I’ve had to learn how to handle serious illness in my family. Both of my parents have had cancer, and my mom is now fighting her battle with it again. It’s taught me that there are real problems and then there’s everything else. My mom’s cancer is a real problem. I used to be so anxious about daily ups and downs. I give all of my worry, stress, and prayers to real problems now.

TWENTY-FIVE: I remember people asking me, “What are you gonna write about if you ever get happy?” There’s a common misconception that artists have to be miserable in order to make good art, that art and suffering go hand in hand. I’m really grateful to have learned this isn’t true. Finding happiness and inspiration at the same time has been really cool.

TWENTY-SIX: I make countdowns for things I’m excited about. When I’ve gone through dark, low times, I’ve always found a tiny bit of relief and hope in getting a countdown app (they’re free) and adding things I’m looking forward to. Even if they’re not big holidays or anything, it’s good to look toward the future. Sometimes we can get overwhelmed in the now, and it’s good to get some perspective that life will always go on, to better things.

TWENTY-SEVEN: I learned that disarming someone’s petty bullying can be as simple as learning to laugh. In my experience, I’ve come to see that bullies want to be feared and taken seriously. A few years ago, someone started an online hate campaign by calling me a snake on the internet. The fact that so many people jumped on board with it led me to feeling lower than I’ve ever felt in my life, but I can’t tell you how hard I had to keep from laughing every time my 63-foot inflatable cobra named Karyn appeared onstage in front of 60,000 screaming fans. It’s the Stadium Tour equivalent of responding to a troll’s hateful Instagram comment with “lol.” It would be nice if we could get an apology from people who bully us, but maybe all I’ll ever get is the satisfaction of knowing I could survive it, and thrive in spite of it.

TWENTY-EIGHT: I’m finding my voice in terms of politics. I took a lot of time educating myself on the political system and the branches of government that are signing off on bills that affect our day-to-day life. I saw so many issues that put our most vulnerable citizens at risk, and felt like I had to speak up to try and help make a change. Only as someone approaching 30 did I feel informed enough to speak about it to my 114 million followers. Invoking racism and provoking fear through thinly veiled messaging is not what I want from our leaders, and I realized that it actually is my responsibility to use my influence against that disgusting rhetoric. I’m going to do more to help. We have a big race coming up next year.

TWENTY-NINE: I learned that your hair can completely change texture. From birth, I had the curliest hair and now it is STRAIGHT. It’s the straight hair I wished for every day in junior high. But just as I was coming to terms with loving my curls, they’ve left me. Please pray for their safe return.

THIRTY: My mom always tells me that when I was a little kid, she never had to punish me for misbehaving because I would punish myself even worse. I’d lock myself in my room and couldn’t forgive myself, as a five-year-old. I realized that I do the same thing now when I feel I’ve made a mistake, whether it’s self-imposed exile or silencing myself and isolating. I’ve come to a realization that I need to be able to forgive myself for making the wrong choice, trusting the wrong person, or figuratively falling on my face in front of everyone. Step into the daylight and let it go.

ELLE

[greenninjagal-blog]

Wishing On Stars

So, fun story! Remember that quick one shot I made [Idle Threats] that was not quick at all and featured Deceit punching a guy in the face? Guess who made a sequel!

Word Count: 4958

Pairings: Brotherly Thomas and Deceit

Summary: Dee’s world is shifting and he doesn’t know what to do about it.

Quick Taglist: @chelsvans @felicianoromano @jemthebookworm @holliberries @stricken-with-clairvoyancy @treasureofpriam

Read on AO3 || Masterlist

Dante Ethan Ekans has never thought of himself as dumb. It’s simply not something he’s ever allowed himself to consider the possibility of. So what if his grades sucked and he couldn’t even buy a candy bar at the market with his unweighted GPA? So what if he wasn’t in any honors clubs or wearing nerd glasses or correcting his teachers in class? So what if he had never found a grammar error in his textbooks or maxed out his library card (can those be maxed out?)?

Dante Ethan Ekans—ugh just call him Dee—was not, is not, and never will be “dumb”.  He’s fought for his grades and lost, he doesn’t have time to waste on honor clubs, and its not like he needs to give his teachers anymore reasons to hate him. Since when has anyone actually read the textbooks? And he’s never really found a good book that keeps his attention past the third chapter.

But that’s never meant that he was dumb.

And fuck Dr. Logan Ackroyd for making him question that about himself.

Dee leans forward on the rickety structure, pressing his head into his arms into the cool metal bars as he does. He wants to stare up at the stars, wants to bury his head in his arms and sleep, he wants to tear the the packet of papers in his right hand to shreds and then feed it to Dr. Ackroyd with a sneer.

The stars over head twinkle, because that’s all the stars do. Dee had learned at the lovely age of six, no amount of wishing on the stars was going to change how reality had panned out. Stars were just lights in the sky with no ability to bring his dad back or obscure the burn marks on his face. 

The papers crinkle in his hand, like a campfire, like a car crash that once again ruined his life. Or is ruining. Or, perhaps, is in the process of ruining? It feels like it, like everything good and great that Dr. Ackroyd had promised was collapsing on him and suffocating him all over again.

“I know you can do it,” The teacher had said.

And Dee really hates him for it. Really hates Mr. Walker for that car accident he was in and for not coming back, hates Dr. Ackroyd for showing up with his gaze of steel and his stupid ties and his “equality under the law” reign that’s dragged Dee from the cave everyone had exiled him too and let him enjoy a bit of light. 

Sure, Dee can do it. He can also throw himself from the top of this old playground set and fracture his arm or something so he doesn’t have to go back to that stupid room and see that stupid teacher ever again.

The stars blink down at him, and maybe they take pity on the boy who aced Dr. Logan Ackroyd’s midterm test last week, because Dee thinks they look a little less distant than before.

He knows he’s not dumb. He knows that the formal red pen on the test, the long line, the circle and the next long line mean something great and amazing is on the brink of happening. He knows that Dr. Logan Ackroyd is to blame for it, because the man has no time for jokes and no time for nonsense and no time to waste leading Dee astray.

He knows the man means well.

He knows that he hates him for it.

Since when did anyone look at Dee and “mean well”? Since when did any teacher look at him and see something worth believing in? Since when had Dee wanted them to?

Dee knows when: since at exactly nine hours and nineteen minutes ago when Dr. Ackroyd had called him to "please, wait a moment, Mr. Ekans! Its imperative I talk with you." And Dee like a fool (which is completely different from being dumb, thank you very much. Dee very much was a fool), had paused just short of fleeing the classroom.

(Kyle Phillips had shoulder checked his way by him, the healing purples of his black eye just visible under the layer of concealer his mother had applied that morning and he had worn away through the day.)

Dr. Ackroyd had taught up to the bell, or at least he had talked up to the bell. Dee and the rest of the class had stopped paying attention after 2:15. For a terrifying second Dee had felt a cold hand clench his heart and the voices in his head whispered that this was it, the end, Dr. Ackroyd was finished pretending to be nice to him.

"I hope you don't mind if we walk while we talk," Dr. Ackroyd had said (and it most certainly was "Doctor" because the man had snarled something about several PHDs the last time a student had mistakenly called him Mister Ackroyd. To be honest it had been a little hard to make out while the man was foaming at the mouth). Dr. Ackroyd had gathered all of his teaching notes, several stacks of worksheets that needed grading, and his laptop into a bag and pulled it over his shoulder. 

"You have a younger sibling to pick up at Mind Elementary, correct?" The teacher had asked, "I happen to have a colleague I am meeting there as well. To prioritize our time, it would be efficient to talk while we walk.” 

And Dee hadn’t had a reason not to agree so instead he nodded and let the teacher lead the way.

On their way out of the building, they had run into Mr. Hart who had wished them “a wonderful rest of the day, and oh, Logan, text me when you’re both at the restaurant!” Dr. Ackroyd had waved him off with a soft smile and two seperate promises. Dee hadn’t seen any sign of Resource Officer Roman Prince anywhere, and he was silently grateful he didn’t have to watch the adult man sulk because Mr. Hart showered Dr. Ackroyd in love the second he entered any room. Dee had made sure to avoid that growing drama like the plague. It was a soap opera in the making.

They had carefully trekked out of the school building and down the walking path that lead to the student parking lot and then branched off to the sports fields and to the Elementary school. Dee normally tried to procrastinate the walk for a good fifteen minutes to avoid the drivers that like to play chicken with the kid walking on the sidewalk while they waited for the traffic to ease up. But no one would dare try to run him over with the new substitute teacher by his side.

(The rumor was that Dr. Logan Ackroyd could stop a truck moving at 100 miles per hour with just a look, and Dee wasn't immune to propaganda.)

Dee had focused on how nice of a day it had been outside, how the sun was shining so it wasn’t too cold, how the grass peaking out of the cracks in the sidewalk were rather resilient and how many breaths he was taking and was that too many? Was he annoying Dr. Ackroyd? Should he take less? Could he? How important was it for him to breathe?

"Mr. Ekans," the teacher had said, "I'm not exactly one for beating around the bush with these types of things. Patton often tells me I am too blunt, while Roman criticizes my delivery. However, I believe the best way to approach any subject is straight on to avoid deluding you with false pretenses."

Dee had wanted to state the hypocrisy: the teacher rambling on about how he should just say something instead of talking around it. But his heart rate had increased with every word which in turn caused his mouth to dry and his tongue to stick to the roof of his mouth. 

“I finished grading the midterm you took,” Dr. Ackroyd had said.

It had been so much worse than any of the thoughts had been swimming through his mind. His chest tightened, his breath silently disappearing and his lungs refusing to work the way they were supposed to. He had wanted to apologize, had wanted to melt into a puddle on the sidewalk right then and there and safe himself from the embarrassment. He had wanted to avoid the part where Dr. Ackroyd tells him so plainly that he never should have risked his reputation for someone as worthless as Dante Ethan Ekans.

But Dee was only human, only a child, only normal. He stared hard down at the sidewalk at the patches of squashed gum that students had spit out in the past while waiting in traffic, at the tuffs of grass peeking up through the grass, at the loose rocks that his scuffed yellowed shoes tapped against.

“Speaking quite frankly,” the teacher had continued, “I was impressed--”

And Dee had really stopped breathing. His chest had heaved, the gasping word billowed past his lips before he could think to keep it back. “What?”

Dr. Ackroyd had reached up and tentatively adjusted his glasses. “I was relating how impressed I was with your test. As I predicted you are far ahead of your class-- far enough that I put in the request to have you moved up to my higher level class.”

“Wait what--” 

“Additionally, your performance exceeded my expectations. You exemplify more dedication to learning than any other student I have seen in a good three years, Mr. Ekans. I entered your missing work last night and you far exceed the requirement for the Science Honor Society. I took the liberty of reaching out to Mrs. Hydrus on your account--”

“Stop!” Dee had blurted out. His mouth tasted like ash, his tongue stuck to the roof of his mouth, and his head was still ringing from being completely blindsided by the information he had just been given.

Dr. Ackroyd had paused, taking span of three steps to adjust his glassed once again and peer down at Dee. “Pardon? Is there something the matter?”

It was horribly pretentious when he said it like that. In retrospect, Dee groans into his arms and wishes he could invent time travel solely to go back and stop the two of them from ever meeting, from ever having that conversation, from ever existing. Logically, what the teacher had been saying was amazing news, the news of a lifetime: he had gone out of his way to do things for Dee that no other teacher had done and it honestly hadn’t ever occurred to the doctor that he hadn’t needed to do it at all.

“I can’t,” Dee had told him kicking a rock on the sidewalk. He didn’t elaborate, because it hurt so much to get two words out, he couldn’t imagine getting anymore out. He had wondered absently when he had allowed the rose bush to grow around his own neck, allowed to prickly, pesky thorns to embed themselves in his throat, when those blood red petals that had matched the flushed color of his face.

Dr. Ackroyd had let him walk another ten paces in silence-- as silent as it could get with pop music blasting from the cars stuck in the afterschool traffic and the game of honking that was going on distantly from the parking lot (that Dee was pretty sure Kyle was a part of).

“You can’t,” The teacher repeated, but he hadn’t sounded angry or offended. It had taken a moment for Dee to place the tone: somewhere between confused and curious. “I’m afraid I do not understand. As your teacher, I have assessed your ability and professed that you are certainly capable of keeping up in my honors class, and Vice Principal Joan has already confirmed that your school schedule can be amended around the new class with very little impact on your current learning courses. Additionally, the honors club for science has very few requirements: no more than three unexcused absences-- which you have none of--, at least an eighty-five average in the class-- which you now have a ninety seven--, and--”

“--and a grade point average of 3.0.” Dee had finished for him.

Because it wasn’t like at one point Dee hadn’t been looking into honors clubs. He knew collages looked into club activities, and that most honor clubs had scholarships that came with admittance to said honor clubs. 

“Also, Kyle Phillips,” Dee had said lowly, “is president. He gets the power to veto any applications he doesn’t like.”

It had gone without saying that Kyle and him weren’t on the best of terms. The black eye incident hadn’t even blown over yet and it had been a whole week. When Kyle had found out that Dee hadn’t really been punished for punching him, he had whined to his mom, who in turn showed up at the school and demanded that Dee be expelled.

VP Joan had refused on some grounds or other, and it ended with her threatening to sue the entire school system. VP Joan had calmly told her that she was welcome to take them to court, just let them know the date. She had stormed out of the school.

And so far it looked like she wasn’t really going to push it, but VP Joan had pulled Dee into their office and asked him to lay low for a little bit. 

Dee had dragged a hand through his unruly hair, “I guess it doesn’t help that Mrs. Hydrus doesn’t like me much either.” 

It had gone without saying, again, that it wasn’t just Mrs. Hydrus. All the teachers didn’t like Dee much. The “why” was still something Dee was trying to figure out.

He had offered Dr. Ackroyd a parody of a smile. “Sorry that you wasted your time.” 

And that should have been the end of it. That was usually the end of it. One of Dee’s apologies, a short tense silence, a backhanded comment that always, always, felt like a slap in the face and Dee left standing alone once again. When had Dee stopped expecting something better from people?

And why did Dr. Ackroyd keep upsetting these expectations of his?

The teacher had hummed to himself, staring at the distant elementary school. The brick building had a faded look to it: something that had stood for a thousand years and would stand for a thousand more, something that had seen hundreds of kids grow up and move on, something that should have been remembered fondly.

All Dee remembered was the fact his scars matched the pattern of the brick by the southern entrance from the number of times his cheek was grounded into it, and the way a deflated kickball felt slamming into his face repeatedly. He remembered the look on the nurses face when she told him to stop crying over the blood on his face, the annoyed expression from one teacher or other when he came in late covered in bandages. He remembered the librarian who always brought up the car accident when he saw her, always saying what a shame it had been, always ripping the scab off the wound before it could heal over and ten year old Dee trying not to scream at her for it.

“Mr. Ekans,” Dr. Ackroyd had said suddenly. “I have never once wasted my time on anything. I do not plan to start now.” He had picked at the packet of papers in his hand before hands before handing over it to Dee. Dee had taken it without really knowing what was happening.

“What?”

“I’m going to get you into the Science Honor Society Club.” The teacher had told him as if it were really just that easy.

Who knows. Maybe he really thought it was.

“I’m going to do all I can, Mr. Ekans, so I expect you to do as much as well. Bring your grades up.”

“What?!” Dee had stopped in his walk, blinked, and then repeated, “What?!”

“Surely you heard me the first time--”

“I did!” Dee had said hotly, “What do you think I’ve been trying to do this whole time! Bringing my grades up is not-- it’s not that--” He had spit the word between his teeth, “--easy!”

And Dr. Ackroyd had raised an eyebrow at him, in that way of his, “I know you can do it.”

Dee squeezed the test packet in his hand leaning forward on the old playground structure again. There it was. That voice, that absolute conviction in the teacher’s tone. At the moment it had filled Dee with a horrible fiery anger that send him storming away from the teacher and leaving him behind on that sidewalk. 

He had picked up his brother. He had gotten home and did the dishes and made dinner and done everything that wasn’t open his backpack and look at his homework. Then when he had finally caved and pulled the four pages worth of good marks from his bag, he had immediately thrown that stupid test in the trash, taken it back out, flipped through it, ripped several of the pages, crumpled them into a ball, thrown it out again--

And at half past the Little Dipper, Dee was in his backyard on a playset that should have succumbed to the natural selection a decade ago, with the test in his hand and his ears ringing from a teacher who had such absolute faith in Dee’s ability he had managed to make Dee doubt the very law of his life.

(Like Newton’s law of Gravitation, or Murphy’s law of Perversity: Dee’s law of Loneliness.)

((It has a ring to it, didn’t it?)

Dee had been alone for all of his life, alone in his corner of the boxing ring there to be beaten again and again as others used him as a stepping stone to something greater. There had never been anyone cheering for him in the stands, any coach hollering advice at him, any water boy reminding him to drink in between rounds of the fight. It had been him and him alone.

All at once Dee becomes aware of the noise behind him, the dramatic shift in the balance of the playset he had been sitting on that causes the rusted metal screws to whine and the floor to shake. Dee yanks his feet up onto the platform and hugs the metal bar he had been leaning on and tries to remind himself that a four foot fall was not going to kill him.

Then the shaking stops and Dee chances a look behind him to see exactly what idiot chose to come outside and play on the goddamn kids play castle that Dee had already claimed brooding rights on for the night--

“Thomas?”

The eleven-year-old totters on the platform, less than a foot away, on his hands and knees and in socks that have several chucks of the playground mulch stuck to them. The kid looks at him with those wide eyes, a sheepish smile, and he unapologetically shifts so he’s sitting across from Dee. 

“Hi, Dee!”

“What are you doing out here?” Dee asks, “Do you know what time it is? What about mom--”

Thomas picks a piece of mulch off his socks, “I couldn’t sleep.”

Dee had known Thomas since he was eight and Thomas was just a year old. He knows all the kids ticks, the way he picks at his fingers when he’s nervous and lying, and how he hates the cowlick in the back of his hair and how he hates when Dee leaves him alone with their mother, but never says anything because he feels guilty. 

He knows that when Thomas says he can’t sleep its a lie, and he still can’t bring himself to be even a little upset.

“Go back inside, Tom,” Dee tells him.

“Why aren’t you coming in?”

“Because.”

“Because why?”

“Because.”

“That’s not an answer!”

“Go to sleep.”

“Fine!”

And because Thomas has known Dee since he was one and Dee was eight, he leans forward until his head hits Dee’s shoulder.

There’s a pause between the two of them, where Dee goes as still as he can, feeling the pressure of his little brother’s head right there on his shoulder, feeling the weight of the absolute trust, feeling the frustration fade right out of his bones. 

“What…” Dee says, impossibly soft, “are you doing?”

“Sleeping,” Thomas answers equally soft.

The test papers in his hand crumple again, when he squeezes his fingers into his fist to wake himself from the dream he’s been living for the past week since Dr. Logan Ackroyd walked into his life. The reality doesn’t shatter around him; its distressing, worrying, and stupid, because Dee doesn’t think he’s known what to do in this upside down world.

If he accepts it, he’s going to lose it. If he fights it, it will destroy him. In the boxing ring of his life, Dee’s alone, lonely, abandoned and losing. The past week has just been setting him up to knock him back out of the fight and is it wrong for Dee just want to want the final blow to land, already?

“Whats that?” Thomas says.

And because Dee doesn’t lie to his brother, he flattens the front page out and spreads it for the moon to read. “My test.”

“Did you do good?”

“I did.”

“Then why are you sad?”

Dee doesn’t lie to his brother.

He’s not like his mom when she says “it won’t happen again” or like Thomas’s dad who says he’ll “be back in a little bit” and just to “tough it out” until he shows up like he isn’t gonna leave again in a week, a day, a few hours. He isn’t like Thomas’s friends who say they’re not scared of his brother, and he’s not like his own teachers who tell him that they “don’t give out grades, kids earn them”.

So instead he drives his chin into his chest and tries to speak around the lump in his throat. “I’m not sad.”

“Why are you angry then?”

“I’m NOT ANGRY!” Dee snarls, maybe a little more angry than he means, and he doesn’t regret it for a good one, two nanoseconds.

Three nanoseconds and Thomas flinches. “I’m sorry!” 

And then Dee recoils, because fuck, he raised his voice, and this was Thomas and He raised his voice at Thomas. 

The playset shifts dramatically underneath the two of them, wobbling like Thomas’s last loose tooth seconds before it fell out. Dee’s hand flings to the metal bar, and Thomas grabs the wall opposite of him. There’s a squeak of fear from them both, something shrill enough that Dee’s sure a light at the house across the street flicks on and off and a call to the police is probably being debated (and ultimately discarded, because no one called the cops for Dee’s broken arm three years ago or someone took a metal bat to their mailbox or the rock to the window, or, or, or.)

The playset wobbles, and they both cling to their respective parts, and they both stare at each other. Dee and Thomas.

At some point it stops shaking.

At some point, both their breathing evens out again.

At some point, Thomas says, “oh,” and they’re both quiet. 

Dee can hear the crickets sing, the too-early morning breeze dancing through the wind chimes on someone’s porch, the soft even breaths of his little brother. The test scatters on the ground a few feet below them, picked up by the little wind and tossed across the little yard. Somehow it makes the whole world feel confined to this little bubble where it was him and Thomas and this stupid space that Dee had forced between them.

“I’m sorry,” Dee says and its different from the times he’s said it before, all the times his teachers dragged it out of him and all the times the other kids had claimed one as a person victory. This time he means it, because it’s Thomas.

“It’s stupid,” Dee says because he doesn’t lie to his brother, “It stupid and I hate it.”

Thomas, sweet, wide-eyed, little Thomas, waits for him so say more.

“It’s stupid that I’ve made it this far and I can’t go any farther. I hate it. They said that everyone had a chance and then they drew the line right in front of me, like “oh not you”. I hate that everyone has always ignored who I am and what I can do, what I’ve done-- and Thomas? It sucks. I’m so tired of it. I’ve tried so… so very hard to do the right thing every single time. They tell me to apologize, and I do. They tell me to try harder and I do. They tell me that I’m not going anywhere--”

Dee savors a breath, and forces it out just as quickly, possibly a little hysterically, “I don’t wanna be here for the rest of my life, Thomas. I can’t be here forever. It will kill me.”

Thomas at eleven years old is too wise for his age. Because he doesn’t tell Dee that he’s not going to die, he doesn’t tell Dee that its going to be alright, he doesn’t say anything at all.

Dee feverishly wipes at his eyes, because heaven forbid the stars see him cry. 

(They’ve seen him do that enough already.)

“Dr. Ackroyd made it seem so easy,” He says barely more than a whisper in the silence of the night. “I’m really scared it might be.”

The metal feels warm to his touch, burning hot and he clings to it like a lifeline that will light his entire body on fire and turn the rest of his skin to match his face and shoulder and arm and, and, and.

“I’m really scared that it’s gonna be that easy after all, and that I’m going to make it out of here and that I’m going to get to college and that it will be the same exact thing all over again.”

“It won’t.” Thomas says, loud enough that Dee has no choice but too focus back in on him. The moonlight is playing with his pale skin and making his eyes shine. Or maybe those are tears. Is he crying? Or is Dee?

Thomas, wise beyond his years, too wise for his eleven years. Thomas says it won’t be like this out there. Thomas says he’s going to have a chance. Thomas agrees with Dr. Ackroyd.

“It won’t be like that, Dee, I promise.” Thomas says. “You won’t let it be.”

Unwavering faith.

“I know you can do it.” 

He brings a hand to his face again rubbing those tricky, telling tears off his face. He sniffs, his ears prick, and his throat stings just a bit. How ridiculous is it, crying at half past too-late, and with his little brother watching him. He thinks of how Dr. Ackroyd must be somewhere probably asleep because that’s what normal fucking people were supposed to be doing--

And stupidly Dee thinks of that boxing ring of his life and thinks of Thomas standing in his corner smiling at him like he is right now, watching him take hit after hit and watching him get back up each time. And he thinks of that Science Teacher watching him with those calculating eyes, pen in hand and analyzing his opponent’s every move and crafting the plan of retaliation---

Just asking Dee to make it to the next round, to the break where he can get to the moment where he remembers why he’s fighting in the first place.

Thomas lets go of the wall, and carefully leans forward again. The playset squeaks slightly. Thomas stops just an inch away from Dee. When he calms down he reaches the last bit forward and hugs him. Dee can feel him shaking, can feel them both shaking.

And then the playset comes toppling down.

They both let loose twin yells of panic-- Dee blindly grabs to his side and pulls Thomas forward, covering him with his arms. The metal screeches, something wooden cracks and Dee feels absolutely, terrifyingly weightless for a full second. 

They hit the ground heavily: Dee, landing on the platform base at an odd angle and Thomas landing on him at an odder angle. Dee loses his grip on his brother he rolls to the side. The air, what little bit of it was left ejected from Dee’s chest, and several part of his back and his arms and his legs are left whimpering with promised bruises.

And they’re left lying there, trying to catch their breaths in the wooden and metal wreckage, staring up at the stars.

And they’re left there, alive even after everything around them had come down around them.

“You okay?” Dee asks the second he’s sure he’s not dead.

“Yeah,” Thomas says equally out of breath. Dee watches him raise his head, slightly, a stupid shiny grin on his face and flushed cheek in the moonlight, “You?”

It’s not that easy, bringing his grades up. It’s not like flicking a switch, or knocking over a domino, or starting a car engine, or, or or. But he’s got a couple people (Dr. Ackroyd, Thomas)  in his corner, and something that he wants (Science Honor Society).

And the stars twinkle overhead the same way they’ve always done

“It’s so... fucking late.” Dee chokes out a sopping wet laugh. It tastes like salt and despair and something completely awful that he absolutely hates: hope. 

Dante Ethan Ekans has never thought of himself as dumb. 

He’s not.

[wolfpawn]

I Hate You, I Love you, Chapter 75

Chapter Summary - Danielle gets ready to leave for the reshoots, meaning that since their moving in together, it is the first time Tom is left behind, an odd sensation for him.

Previous Chapter

Rating - Mature (some chapters contain smut)

Triggers - references to Tom Hiddleston’s work with the #MeToo Movement. That chapter will be tagged accordingly.

authors Note - I have been working on this for the last 3 years, it is currently 180+ chapters long.  This will be updated daily, so long as I can get time to do so, obviously

tags: @sweetkingdomstarlight-blog @jessibelle-nerdy-mum @nonsensicalobsessions @damalseer @hiddlesbitch1 @winterisakiller @fairlightswiftly @salempoe​ @wolfsmom1​

If you wish to be tagged, please let me know.

The break was everything Tom needed to get himself back in a good frame of mind, his body needed the massage to get out the knots he seemed to have given himself after the stress of everything, the break away got him out of the eye of the public, and finally being able to be intimate with Danielle again made him feel as though he was not falling apart completely. If her masseuse was to be believed, she too was carrying a large burden on her shoulders, but she had not shown it in his presence. After more than a little prodding, he had gotten her to admit that study was getting on top of her as well as trying to get back to work, with at least another fortnight before her brace could come off, she was worried she would miss the opportunity to interview for the US job she had been eyeing for the summer. He sensed she was also worried about him but did not say anything on the subject.

Their return to the city was fairly quiet, getting immediately back into a routine, though with less studying from Danielle's perspective. Instead, she readied to go back on location for Game of Thrones for the reshoots, packing large hoodies and jackets to take attention off her injured arm, which she was hoping to keep hidden. Tom worried that it was not a good idea to go if she was injured, but part of him knew it was not a concern, but selfishness that was causing him to think that way. He knew she would be fine, she was more level-headed than most, bar the incident that led to said injury; she would make sure to be careful so that it would be off sooner rather than later.

"I am after clearing the downstairs area of all things 'me' related," Danielle informed him as she entered the bedroom. Tom turned to look at her, conveying his confusion as he did so. "You said you were inviting the writer here for the interview?" "Yes." "Well, we don't want to go parading it all, so I have all my stuff tidied away."

"You erased all trace of yourself?"

"No, simply tidied my things downstairs until I come back." She corrected. "Our room is the same, as you can see," She pointed around. "About Mac, do you want me to put him in somewhere or will he be okay with you?" "Are you saying you think I cannot mind our dog?" Tom asked putting his arms around her.

"I am saying you might not have the time or the wish to mind him if you are busy." "I am not too busy for him, he will stay here with me." "Okay, and what are you planning to cook for…what is her name again?" "Taffy." Tom smiled. "I was thinking of cooking something simple." "Make it something reheatable, do it earlier in the day to allow you to no seem ignorant and ignore her while cooking," Danielle suggested.

"You are so considerate." Tom kissed her. "You don't mind her coming here?" Danielle frowned, "Why would I even care?"

"Well, another woman…" "Tom, she is a magazine writer, this is not some seedy rendezvous behind my back, if I was not working I would be here or close by, you are making it sound as though you plan on the two of you having some heated saucy affair." Danielle scoffed.

Tom looked at her for a moment. "Thank you." Danielle cocked her head slightly. "So many partners get jealous." "Tom if I get jealous at you meeting women you need to work with, this is not going to last particularly long." She laughed. "I mean, safety control means I work with the set crew, which to date, has had zero women on the construction side of things, zero, nada, zilch. If the same logic was to be applied to me, you would be bald, grey and going crazy."

Tom's brow furrowed. "Not one other woman in the whole area?" "Well there are set designers and other such women, but the construction guys, the ones that put the sets together, that's pretty male-orientated; not to mention I am the first woman a lot of them have worked within my role." She shrugged.

"Really?" "Yep." Tom pulled her into him. "That's my girl, breaking down barriers."

"Just wait til I am finished my study and get back my paperwork," She smiled. "Now, since I mentioned saucy already, there is Bolognese in the freezer, your one, you should just defrost some and give it to her."

"Why the Bolognese?" "Because you make a damn good one." Danielle smiled, leaning up on her tiptoes to kiss him.

"What am I going to do without you?" Tom stated, looking at his smiling girlfriend. "Get on with it, it's about three days, a week at most." "Hey, there's a big difference between three and seven days," Tom pointed out.

"There is, but they won't say until we get there what is being reshot, so we can only hamper guesses and that's the best I can give. When I get there, I will be told what it is and can give you are a better idea of when I am back," she stated with a smile. "Sure, you are meeting Taffy and have the Graham Norton show so that's half the week gone alone," she explained.

"Then a small recess until hectic schedules again."

"Yes, being proper adults with responsibilities isn't always fun." Danielle agreed, "But I mean, the Kong premiere run is what, two weeks? We can handle that, right?" "Three, but yes, phone calls, texts, skype." "I am not skype sexing, I am saying that right here and now, people can hack that and the last thing I want is my hoo-hoo on the internet!"

Tom chuckled. "Agreed, that would not be advisable. So phone calls and texts then?" "Phone calls, texting while trying to have a bit of fun is not easy I would imagine." "No, it's not." Tom agreed, leading to a raised brow from Danielle, "I was far younger, and it was back before predictive text." Danielle erupted in laughter. "God I was tragic." Tom groaned as he joined in. "'Was'?" she jested. "Was that far younger, curly-haired Hiddles?"

"With obligatory oversized jeans and thinking I was cool." Danielle erupted in fresh peels of laughter. "God I have come so far."

"Thank fuck." She forced out between laughter. Insulted, Tom grabbed her and began to tickle her leading to Danielle falling onto the bed in laughter. "Stop!" "Are you saying you would not have had time for younger me?" Tom asked.

"God no, younger Danielle would probably have been in this same position, though probably with a bit more drinking and going out." Danielle smiled.

"Wait you used to drink more, what happened?" "Myself and a friend, we drank a whole bottle of vodka between us one night," Tom winced. "It was the last time I did that." She nodded.

"How old were you?" "Nineteen, maybe twenty. Before that, I went out to nightclubs, drank my weight in alcohol and eating dodgy takeaway like every other youth." "Young, irresponsible Danielle, I would love to have seen that."

"And you?" "I don't think people realise how much alcohol a bunch of lads on a rugby team can drink." "Weren't you on the rugby team when you were in Eton, underage?" Tom shrugged. "Bold boy." "Then the Drama society in college, it wasn't a day if we weren't drinking it was a day wasted in some of their opinions." "But you ran the London Marathon back then, didn't you?" "Jesus, that was the hardest day of my life." Tom groaned. "Wait, didn't you say before you were going to do an IronMan?"

"Was." "What happened?"

"Work, I can't dedicate as much time to it now." "So you have given it up?" "What, no. I just have to wait for this to heal so I can cycle and swim, not to mention the weather is crappy, but I have found a pool to train in. The cycling is harder, there are a few places, but the city is far harder to navigate with all the traffic." She stated, holding up her hand.

Tom smiled in relief. "I thought you had given up something you love."

"Nah, not going to happen. I mean, I won't get to an IronMan for a while, but I am not after giving up. I am just a bit busier now, but it is short term, I want to get this all under my belt first." turning slightly, she gave the bed sheet a small smell. "I may need to give these a wash before I go, it stinks of my deodorant." "Don't, leave them as they are," she looked at Tom. "This is odd for me, being the one left at home." "It's only for a few days, you'll be abandoning me for longer." She smiled, toying with his hair.

Tom moved around so he was over her, smiling down at her. "I know, I am sorry, I wish I had a regular job." "I don't, you are incredible at what you do and you love it. I am so happy you get to do what you love so much, and if it means that for a few weeks here and there, I have to wait at home, or even skype or call you from wherever I am, I am okay with that." Tom leant down and kissed her. "My flight is in a few hours." she reminded him.

"Are you packed?" "Mmhmm." "Well then, I am going to ensure you go well satisfied," Tom swore as he leant to kiss her again.

*

Tom - Well, that went well.

Danielle - Done and dusted?

Tom - Yes, I went to speak to her at the hotel today, clear up some of the points that may not have been as clear as I wanted them to be.

Danielle - Good stuff.

Tom - How is work?

Danielle - Fine, cold, wet, dirty, but hey, that's why I signed up for, right?

Tom - Sadly there is good and bad. BTW good call on the Bolognese.

Danielle - Called it! No, seriously, it is lovely.

Tom - Minus the celery? :)

Danielle - what can I say, I'm not a fan.

Tom - duly noted.

Danielle - where did you eat the first night?

Tom - Can't say, you'll be mad.

Danielle - …..you went…..without me…..That's it, we're over, goodbye! Tom - Darling...

Danielle - You think you can grovel at my feet? Don't darling me!

Tom - We can go when you come back.

Danielle - I cannot believe you brought another woman there, I am heartbroken!

Tom - I'm sorry.

Danielle - Bite me!

Tom - If you keep acting like this, I might have to!

Danielle - …..really? You kinky fecker!

Tom - And I'm off the hook!

Danielle - so what else did you do?

Tom - Well, after she left last night, I watched Moonlight, as good as expected, but we did the interview yesterday, partly in Regents park, partly at the house.

Danielle - I haven't been there since New Years.

Tom - God it was gorgeous that day, the fog was so thick.

Danielle - We lost Mac about fourteen times in it! Tom - that only made it more fun.

Danielle - I suppose :)

Tom - So, now that you know what they are filming, do you know how long before you are home?

Danielle - My flight is booked for Friday, should be in about half seven to Gatwick.

Tom - Three more days? :(

Danielle - I know, it is almost done putting it together, I have to sign off on it in the morning, then film all tomorrow and Thursday, back Friday.

Tom - I'm collecting you from the airport.

Danielle - Well you have then time :) I'll make a deal with you, we will spend all of Saturday doing what you want?

Tom - So not leaving bed then?

Danielle - If that's what you want.

Tom - Bed is horrible without you.

Danielle - only three more nights. Xx

Tom - Mac misses you too, by the way, he is barking at the stairs every morning for you.

Danielle - Please stop, I can't know that! Tom - It's just him and me, all alone, without you here, all alone.

Danielle - Feck you anyway!

Tom - You want to come home?

Danielle - I wasn't overly happy to leave in the first place.

Tom - you'll just have to rush back so.

Danielle - Aren't you supposed to be at the BBC?

Tom - I am there now.

Danielle - Good.

Danielle - I am being called to set now, enjoy and talk to you this evening, tell me everything then. Bye xxx

Tom - Let me know what time to ring you, have a lovely day. Xxx

Tom put his phone in his pocket and smiled at Danielle's pretend anger at him going out for food without her as well as her enthusiasm to return home soon before getting to his feet and readying to go on stage for the Graham Norton show again.

[nataschasfm]

            hello  everyone  ,  i’m  lia  !  i’m  21+  ,  prefer  she / they  pronouns  ,  reside  in  the  est  timezone  ,  and  i’m  super  stoked  to  be  here  !  i  have  been  wanting  to  write  out  an  older  muse  for  quite  some  time  now  ,  and  i’m  really  happy  that  i  stumbled  upon  manhattan  at  like  ...  4am  the  other  day  !  i  won’t  bore  you  with  my  own  intro  because  i’m  incapable  of  condensing  my  writing  (  a  true  lover  of  details  )  ,  but  please  feel  free  to  message  me  on  discord  if  that’s  the  best  place  for  you  when  it  comes  to  plotting  ,  or  we  can  keep  it  in  the  im’s  !  i  will  admit  to  natascha  being  a  relatively  new  muse  ,  so  please  excuse  me  for  any  kinks  i  may  work  out  as  time  progresses  ,  but  i  can’t  wait  to  read  everyone’s  intros  and  plot with  your  amazing  muses  !

            bae  joohyun  .  cis  female  .  she  /  her  //  you  don’t  know  ?  that’s  NATASHA  SUH  !  they’re  a  THIRTY  year  old  fashion  stylist  and  entrepreneur  from  OJAI  ,  CALIFORNIA  .  as  part  of  manhattan’s  elite  ,  the  amaranth  is  known  to  be  POISED  &  OBTRUSTIVE  .  most  people  recognize  them  by  trying  on  ten  outfits  before  picking  the  first  ,  the  sound  of  luxurious  suitcase  wheels  on  airport  floors  ,  the  soft  scent  of  vanilla  lingering  in  shower  steam  ,  and  the  gentle  sparkle  in  her  eyes  when  she  gets  what  she  wants  .

NAME  :  natascha  suh  .

NICKNAME(S)  :  sascha  ,  primarily  .  nat  and  tasch  .

AGE  +  DOB  :  thirty  +  february  19th  ,  1990  .

HEIGHT  :  5′2″  .

ASTROLOGICAL  SIGN  :  pisces  .

MORAL  ALIGNMENT  :  chaotic  good  .

GENDER  +  PRONOUNS  :  cis  female  +  she  /  her  /  hers  .

PLACE  OF  BIRTH  :  ojai  ,  california  .

SEXUAL  ORIENTATION  :  bisexual  .

ROMANTIC  ORIENTATION  :  biromantic  

OCCUPATION  :  fashion  stylist  and  entrepreneur  .

NATIONALITY  :  korean - american  .

ETHNICITY  :  korean  .

LANGUAGES  SPOKEN  :  english  ,  korean  ,  and  conversational  japanese  .

background  .

natascha  grew  up  in  the  beautiful  ojai  ,  california  to  a  neurosurgeon  of  a  father  and  a  yoga  instructor  /  stay  at  home  wife  of  a  mother  .  on  one  hand  ,  natascha’s  home  life  was  very  comfortable  ,  but  she  also  never  really  knew  what  she  wanted  to  be  when  she  grew  up  .  at  three  ,  she  would  have  said  that  she  wanted  to  be  a  princess  .  at  thirteen  ,  she  would  have  said  she  wanted  to  be  a  lawyer  (  much  to  the  dismay  of  her  father  )  ,  but  she  didn’t  really  know  what  she  wanted  to  do  until  she  was  sixteen  and  tasked  with  the  responsibility  of  her  first  car  .

given  a  1995  volvo  850  ,  she  was  suddenly  tasked  with  paying  for  maintenance  and  her  portion  of  the  insurance  .  as  most  sixteen  year  olds  did  in  2006  ,  she  went  out  and  nabbed  herself  a  job  at  the  local  mall  .  during  that  time  ,  it  was  eight  hours  of  work  a  day  to  pay  for  her  most  prized  possession  ,  but  natascha  also  fell  in  love  with  clothes  .  sure  ,  she  had  a  closet  full  of  pieces  that  she  adored  ,  but  she  never  had  an  appreciation  for  what  went  into  styling  .

so  ,  as  she  worked  at  various  stores  in  the  mall  (  she  worked  at  three  up  until  she  was  nineteen  )  ,  she  learned  what  it  took  to  style  the  mannequins  after  begging  each  one  of  her  managers  to be  tasked  with  the  job  .  she  was  always  working  her  hardest  to  show  off  what  she  knew  ,  but  in  the  beginning  it  wasn’t  so  easy  .  she  was  often  told  to  redo  something  ,  to  take  away  a  certain  accessory  ,  or  to  change  the  outfit  all  together  .    

natascha  slowly  worked  her  way  to  becoming  a  stylist  at  neiman  marcus  when  she  was  twenty  ,  but  she  didn’t  want  to  leave  it  there  .  so  ,  natascha  went  off  to  attend  the  academy  of  art  university  where  she  obtained  an  associate’s  in  fashion  styling  .  while  there  ,  it  took  a  lot  of  time  networking  with  various  people  ,  attending  a  ton  of  social  events  ,  and  juggling  a  full  time  job  post  graduation  to  get  the  dream  she  was  hoping  to  obtain  .  natascha  spent  a  lot  of  time  telling  little  white  lies  to  her  parents  about  being  okay  ,  when  in  reality  ,  she  was  constantly  overwhelmed  .

it  took  about  two  years  of  grinding  nonstop  before  natascha  encountered  a  photographer  ,  and  said  photographer  helped  her  land  a  dream  job  :  styling  a  shoot  for  british  vogue  .  next  thing  you  know  ,  she  was  on  a  flight  to  london  about  to  do  what  she  loved  .  a  few  months  later  ,  natascha  nabbed  one  of  the  magazines  from  her  local  bookseller  ,  and  she  was  brought  to  tears  when  she  saw  her  name  published  in  a  true  magazine  .

this  was  only  the  start  ,  because  soon  ,  her  phone  was  ringing  off  of  the  hook  and  she  was  only  twenty - five  !  while  she  loved  styling  for  magazines  ,  natascha  eventually  moved  into  personal  styling  because  she  loved  helping  people  fall  in  love  with  clothes  ,  but  also  helping  them  feel  good  in  their  clothes  .  thanks  to  the  introduction  of  instagram  ,  natascha  was  reaching  more  people  and  able  to  network  much  easier  ,  so  here  she  was  officially  building  a  brand  .  

natascha  was  twenty - seven  when  she  officially  purchased  a  showroom  ,  and  she  was  once  again  moved  to  tears  when  natascha  suh  style  lit  up  on  the  neon  sign  .  she  was  proud  to  see  her  styling  be  posted  on  instagrams  and  on  twitter  ,  being  tagged  and  praised  for  her  work  .  all  of  natascha’s  hard  work  paid  off  as  she  was  soon  being  invited  to  sit  front  row  during  fashion  month  ,  (  and  because i’m  obsessed  with  those  pictures  )  ,  she  was  invited  to  be  the  face  of  miu  miu  !  

currently  ,  natascha  has  her  showroom  in  the  city  ,  where  she  works  primarily  on  personal  styling  ,  but  she  still  styles  for  certain  fashion  shows  and  magazines  .  she’s  worked  with  various  brands  in  the  past  (  and  because  i  love  me  some  badgalriri  )  and  now  she  works  as  a  stylist  with  fenty  !

temperament  .

very  outspoken  and  she  wants  to  be  in  your  business  !  likes  to  gossip  ,  but  doesn’t  really  care  to  know  all  of  your  business  .  generally  ,  she’s  really  chatty  .  she’s  the  kind  of  woman  who  knows  better  than  to  tote  people’s  business  if  they’re  only  sharing  it  with  her  .

can  be  quite  dignified  in  the  sense  that  she  can  sometimes  carry  herself  with  her  nose  in  the  air  ,  but  she’s  not  super  snooty  by  any  means  .  she  carries  herself  as  such  because  in  her  career  ,  it’s  all  about  what  and  who  you  know  .  

she  can  be  quite  dramatic  at  times  and  sometimes  she  doesn’t  even  notice  that  she’s  doing  it  .  sometimes  she  complains  a  lot  and  can  sound  really  bratty  at  times  ,  but  that’s  just  how  she  is  .  overall  ,  though  ,  she’s  very  fun - loving  and  always  looking  to  have  a  good  time  .  natascha  and  drama  DO  NOT  mix  ,  but  she’s  not  going  to  pretend  like  she  doesn’t  have  any  /  hasn’t  had  any  in  her  life  .  

headcanons  .

natascha  grew  up  in  a  slightly  unconventional  home  ,  and  that’s  stuck  with  her  even  until  now  !  she  may  live  in  the  city  ,  but  she’s  always  looking  for  that  laidback  flair  that  ojai  is  known  for  .  her  apartment  is  littered  with  greenery  ,  and  it’s  not  unheard  of  for  her  to  whip  out  a  yoga  mat  from  behind  the  couch  .  

she’s  very  into  her  home  being  her  relaxed  space  ,  and  she  specifically  likes  to  keep  her  home  and  work  life  separate  .  her  showroom  is  very  colorful  and  loud  because  of  all  of  the  colors  and  the  clothes  everywhere  ,  but  her  apartment  is  full  of  earthy  tones  and  really  a  place  of  comfort  .

her  love  language  is  cooking  meals  together  and  remembering  what  she  may  have  told  you  !  as  aforementioned  ,  she’s  very  much  a  chatty  kathy  so  if  you  remember  what  she’s  told  you  in  the  middle  of  her  ramblings  then  she’ll  love  you  forever  .

designer  lover  from  head  to  toe  !  although  i  will  say  that  she  likes  her  lower  end  pieces  as  well  .  definitely  known  for  pairing  inexpensive  jeans  with  thousand  dollar  boots  and  things  of  the  sort  .  to  her  ,  it’s  all  about  looking  good  at  the  end  of  the  day  .

most  comfortable  in  her  apartment  where  she  can  let  her  hair  down  and  she  doesn’t  have  to  wear  pants  !  come  to  her  house  when  she’s  done  with  work  and  chances  are  she’s  wearing  her  pajamas  and  trying  out  of  the  mountains  of  makeup  that  she’s  been  sent  .  so  ,  don’t  be  surprised  if  she  answers  the  door  taking  off  a  deep  berry  lipstick  or  shimmering  eyeshadow  .

[thorne93]

Stan Lee University (Part 4)

Prompt: What would the Avengers be like in college, more importantly, what would they be like if Y/N existed around them?

Word Count: 2031

Warnings: drama, language, betrayal

Notes: This is based on a HC from @carryonmyswansong. They helped brainstorm and write part of this series. In this AU, no one will have powers, everyone is a normal human. Beta’d by @carryonmyswansong​

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The following Monday, the club you resided over was ready to meet. The food was ordered, the room reserved, the guest speaker had arrived and you’d talked to him for a little bit. The guest speaker started to go around the room before the meeting actually began, and was talking to them while you got the presentation set up.

“So do you also wear a cape?” Stephen suddenly said from beside you, making you jump slightly. He was so close to you you had no idea how he got there, or when, and why you didn’t notice.

“What?” you asked, confused.

“Oh, I just noticed your course load is rather heavy and you manage all this. I was just wondering if you also wear capes when you’re saving the day and being a superhero,” he said with a faint smile.

You shook your head and laughed before going back to the screen.

“I’m hardly a hero. Just a college student with zero social life and a lot of late nights,” you muttered.

“Sacrifices, huh?” Stephen murmured.

“Yep. But I’m sure you know all about that, being in the same boat I’m in.” You glanced down at the time. “Shoot, only got five minutes. Okay, can you sign this sign in sheet real quick so I can round everyone up?” you asked, handing him a clipboard. He scratched his name and email and you looked at it. “Strange? Your last name is Strange?”

“Yes? Why? Is that… strange to you?” he asked, cocking an eyebrow.

“Other than the really bad pun, no. It’s… I like it.” You smiled fondly to yourself. “You do realize you’ll be Doctor Strange, right?” you asked, laughing a little.

“The thought had crossed my mind,” he said cheekily before you shooed him away to go sit and you called attention to the room to get the meeting going.

----------------

“Did you read?” Loki asked, leaning over towards you just before class.

“Yeah, why? Did you not?”

“I did, I just thought this was stupid. I wanted to hear your take,” he said casually.

“Oh… Well I suppose it’s a little… how do I put this… very rose colored glasses,” you said, trying to decide if that was the right way to word it.

“You’re being too kind. This was optimistic garbage. The first three chapters are empty…”

“Have fun telling that to our professor,” you said, reminding him of the class discussion.

“I have no problem telling her that I think this is utter crap.”

“I can’t wait to see what she says,” you said with a coy grin.

“Believe it or not, Y/N, you can stand up to people,” he retorted. “It does happen.”

“Hey, I stand up to people all the time,” you snapped, frowning.

“You don’t seem the type,” Loki said with a bit of amusement in his voice.

“I just stood up to you, didn’t I?”

“Prove it then, when the professor starts this discussion, tell her how you really feel. Don’t sugar coat it either,” he pressed.

“Fine. Easy. Sharing my opinion with the class, I do it all the time.”

“Good, then this should be like a walk in the park,” he noted before folding his hands behind his head and leaning back.

The professor dashed into the classroom, threw her briefcase down, grabbed out her book, checked the time, and called attention to the class. “Alright everyone, what did we think of those first three chapters?”

For a moment, everyone was quiet, too shy to say their piece.

“Anyone? Did anyone like it, love it, hate it?” she asked as she stood at the podium.

Loki glanced to you before raising his hand quickly. “Y/N has something she wants to share about the book,” he proclaimed.

“Oh?” the professor said, turning to you on Loki’s right. You shot him a glare full of daggers before you cleared your throat.

“I, uh… I thought it was wildly and hopelessly optimistic. I mean, they live in horrid conditions but somehow cling to this odd notion of hope that somehow everything will be okay, that someone will come rescue them. I just don’t see how that’s plausible… It felt very… childish to me. No adult would think this way. No adult would look at their situation and say ‘everything’s okay’.”

“Interesting, so you think it’s--”

“Bad. I think it’s bad. The grammar is just… did he even learn grammar? The story jumps around and I can’t tell where we are, and when I can tell, it’s just total shit. If you picked this book as a starter to say ‘It will get better from here’, good, I hope so. Or if you picked this as an example of a crappy book, then job well done.”

With that, you sat back in your seat and Loki glanced sideways at you, giving you an approving smirk, almost as if he were proud.

------------------------

Later that night in your dorm, between your studies, you checked your email. Your advisor had sent you an internship opportunity. Well, to be correct he sent it to all the psych majors, which meant Wanda got it too. You didn’t think she would be interested in something like this. It was clinical psychology and she wanted to work with schools, children, counseling. This was definitely more up your alley. Still, you wondered if she would even try for it.

You emailed your advisor and stated you were interested and wanted to see if you could get an interview for the spot. Within ten minutes he replied and gave you all of their information to set it up yourself. You called the company and secured an interview for next week. If all went well, this could very well be the company you did an apprenticeship at, or even got you into medical school.

---------------------

The next day you were back at class with the science trio, happily taking physics notes. As soon as class ended, the four of you began walking out of class together when a younger kid came bouncing up. He had to be a freshman… maybe a sophomore. He looked really young, but then again who were you to talk? You were nineteen and everyone else in your class was twenty-one and up.

“Hey, Petey,” Tony said as he greeted the bright-eyed young man.

“Who’s this Tony?” you asked politely.

“Guys, meet Peter Parker.”

“Is he…?” you asked, not sure where to take the question, just hoping Tony would fill in the gap.

“Oh, hey guys. Nice to meet all of you. Wow, this is great. Tony talks about all of you all the time,” Peter said, his words tumbling out like a flood.

“Really?” you asked, giving Tony the side eye.

“Pete here is a sophomore in my robotics class,” Tony explained. “He also shares the bathroom across the hall from Bruce and me.”

“Oh, very cool. Nice to meet you, I’m Y/N. This is Bruce, and Stephen,” you said, introducing everyone.

“This is awesome. I don’t have a lot of friends, well not here on campus. See I tested out of senior year so I graduated early…”

“Just like Y/N,” Tony noted, giving you a pointed look.

“Yeah, how about that,” you mused watching the brunette boy walk backwards in front of all of you. “What’s your major?”

“Double majoring. So far it’s computer science and physics.”

“Oh wow, Tony, a man after your own heart,” Bruce joked, pushing his friend.

“Har-har. Mock if you want but Pete here is the real deal. He might even be as good as me,” he stated, impressed.

“Is there room for anything besides your ego in that head?” Stephen suddenly asked from beside you as he leaned forward to address Tony.

“Just my great fashion sense and the ability to land any woman,” he informed confidently.

“Oh, is that all?” Stephen asked with an amused eyeroll.

“Sounds like you’re doing some great things, Pete. That’s awesome. We’ve got a science club if you’d want to join,” Bruce offered.

“Who’s the cult leader now?” you asked, eliciting a shy smile from Bruce.

“You still are,” Tony interjected with a smug face. “We’re just followers. Big difference.”

“Oh, right. More money being a leader, I forgot,” you teased before making your eyes cross to give him a stupid and goofy face.

“So Y/N, you graduated early too?” Peter asked as he fell in line with the four of you.

“Yeah I--”

“Graduated early?” Tony interrupted, sounding floored. “She could barely drive a car and she was coming to college with us. Imagine my surprise when this little freshman suddenly shows up on orientation day.”

You blushed slightly while Stephen slid his eyes towards you in curiosity. He had no idea you were younger than him. The way you carried yourself, your knowledge, your class level -- it all seemed like a junior or senior. He was suddenly even more intrigued than he had been.

“It wasn’t that big of a deal, Tony. We knew each other before I got here,” you reminded.

“Yeah, but I was pretty pissed that you came and joined us. Made me and Banner here look like trained monkeys.”

“Are you sure that was Y/N’s doing?” Stephen asked, making you, Peter, and Banner chuckle.

“You all can laugh all you want. I’ll remember how much you mocked me when I’m a famous billionaire.”

“And you’ll remember how much we love you,” you said lovingly as you wrapped an arm through his and leaned your head on his shoulder, looking up at him.

“If this is love to you, I’d hate to see what it’s like when you don’t like someone,” Tony retorted sarcastically. “Speaking of, I’m off to my lab.”

“You mean your super secret lab that no one is supposed to know about?” you asked.

“Yes, that one.”

“Wait, lab? Secret? Oh, Mr. Stark you gotta show me this!” Peter requested excitedly as he stepped back out in front of all of you again.

“Okay, kid, don’t call me Mr. Stark, makes me feel old. That’s weird… Secondly, you can’t see it, it’s a secret.”

“Well who all knows about it?”

“Well now, all of you,” he said with an eye roll.

You laughed. “He’s being a drama queen. Only Bruce and I have been to it. See, Peter, freshman year, towards the end of spring semester Tony broke into one of the labs in the old science building. It was an old lab, no one used it, hardly any equipment in there. It was one of the ones in the basement, right?” you explained as you walked.

Pete nodded, hanging on your every word.

“Well… he wasn’t authorized to use it, obviously. It’s considered trespassing. Tony worked in there for about three weeks. He got a project built for one of his classes. It was a really cool invention. But one day, he came back and…” You paused, having to laugh a little. “And the lock had been replaced with a new one, with a key in an envelope sticking to the door.”

“Holy… So was there a note or anything?”

You shrugged and shook your head. “No. No one from the faculty has contacted him, and no letter or anything has ever been left there. We just all came to the silent understanding that it’s Tony’s lab.”

“That’s freaking awesome!”

“Don’t get too excited,” Tony said, raising his hand.

“Why? Don’t want him to follow your criminal behavior?” Stephen remarked with a raise of an eyebrow.

“Hey, I didn’t do anything illegal.”

“Except trespass…” Stephen noted.

“Okay, fine. I broke into an empty lab for space and tools to build something for a project that got me grant money. Sue me,” Tony snapped.

“Boys, boys. Don’t fight. Tony, Bruce, let’s go to the lab. Stephen, I’ll catch up with you later, okay?” you said as the three of you started to veer away from Stephen and Peter.

He waved a small wave at you and smiled. “Yeah, sounds good.”

“It was nice to meet you, Peter,” you stated sweetly.

“Yeah, you too, Y/N,” he said as he blushed before rubbing his neck.

~~~~~~~~~~~

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[modelronpagame]

Do Androids Dream Of Happy Endings? || SA mdl 001 || Epilogue

Change was a constant fixture of life, artificial or otherwise. In one moment, you can feel like you’re satisfied with everything you’ve already done in life, but in the next you’d realize that it has only been the first peak of your life so far, and there’s always room for more to come.

In the months that followed, that was the perception that followed one Kazunari ‘Kaz’ Aikawa as the paramedic returned to working life in the public service sector. To the surprise of many, however, the blonde soon announced his intentions of giving up his career as a full-time EMT, citing physical trauma that he had been subjected to over the course of their imprisonment in the confines of the Hope’s Peak’s Most Excellent modelling agency. It didn’t mean he would be stepping out of healthcare forever, as instead, he would now be pushing his focus towards developing robotics in field medicine, working closely with former ex-SHSL Social Roboticist Mina Choi to further research into intelligent prosthetics.

In a way, things certainly seemed to work out in the end. The prodigal child who inherited the legacies of his parents had finally found what many thought was his true calling in life, and as Kazunari slowly made his way to the forefront of the research facility that he had pioneered, he also demonstrated his first prototype: the orthopaedic “roboots” that gave him the ability to walk again in just no time at all after months of self-confinement to a wheelchair for recovery. Thus, the opening of Aikawa Biosynthetics went off without a hitch, though it would be amiss to say that no one noticed the subtle, miniscule changes.

Casual observers noted that Kazunari seemed more ill at ease and sickly lately than he had in many previous appearances and interviews. It was quite plausible, even pitiable; given what the students of the illustrious academy had suffered, it did look like the effects of the tragedy had finally caught up and taken its toll on the prodigy’s health, both physical and mental. Prayers and gifts came in large supply, wishing the ex-paramedic good fortune in his pursuits, and soon enough the hype died down, as most things not affecting the zeitgeist tended to.

Observant individuals noticed something else, though there was little they could do about it. Within the sea of tabloids and theories emerged a post that gained some traction, hinting that this Kazunari Aikawa was not the man he purported to be. After all, it was a tad bit convenient that a pair of contact lenses could have hidden his blue eyes for so long, or that press photos of the day after the students were freed showed that there had been absolutely no sign of the purported physical trauma he had supposedly endured in HPME. Whispers that his retirement came from being unable to keep up the duplicity or that the Aikawa family had paid someone else to do what their son could not, but ultimately nothing bore fruit. After all, it had been on public record that Kazunari Aikawa had been quite alive for the last eighteen, almost nineteen active years of his life. How could someone so prolific simply be replaced all of a sudden?

And those of you who know this man to be a stranger, also know why he’s standing in the podium spot where your old friend, nemesis, classmate and EMT was supposed to be. For all intents and purposes, it seemed like KZA mdl 005 “Zaizen”, otherwise better known as ‘Kaz’, had disappeared. Because it was almost like the android had never existed in the first place.

Almost.

“Anything to declare, mister-?”

“Aizawa.” The man confidently replied. “Suzukaze Aizawa. But please, call me Kaz. I’m here with my colleagues from work to enjoy a holiday. Is that enough of a declaration for you?”

The customs officer stared at him. He stared back at her, smiling indulgently. Eventually she caught on that he’d been joking and rolled her eyes. “Please step through the metal detector.”

Where he would have once made an apologetic excuse and subjected himself to a pat down, Kaz instead strode forward and collected his luggage on the other side of the conveyor belt without being stopped. Patting down his new hoodie to make sure all of his personal effects were in order, he combed a hand through his platinum-blonde hair, making sure not to disturb the new perm too much. A splash of freckles and turquoise eyeshadow accentuated the rest, and to those not in the know, it was hard to connect the dots between the ex-EMT and the Biosynthetic Humanoid model that he had requested to be transferred into half a year ago. 

Despite his initial uncertainties at propagating the same technology that led to the deaths of half of his classmates (temporary or otherwise) Kaz had come around to the idea eventually, once Mina and Midori reassured him it was now benign. Part of the decision had been made due to the convenience it would bring him; the other part came from the need to disappear as soon as his benefactors realized their son was waking up from his minimally-conscious state.

And yet, some things would continue to remain the same. As the amber-eyed android smiled at nothing in particular, Kaz waited as the rest of his colleagues - an unlikely bunch of people if the rest of the crowd staring and whispering had anything to say about it - followed suit into the lobby of the cruise ship. “You know, Detective, I think that’s a very bold way of announcing your re-engagement to the rest of the world.” He laughed, noting the ring she was wearing. “Please accept my congratulations - again - and I wish you both all the best in life and love.”

The person being referenced, having been searching through her bag as she waited for the others to make it through, quirked an eyebrow. A petite but firmly intimidating young woman brushed a longer lock of her hair cropped hair behind her ear as her fingers ghosted the ring decorated with a bird and germanic phrasing. 

“I thought you would have gathered th’ I don’t care what the world thinks, only what she does. I was going to propose but… well. Literally, it's better late than never?”

With an amused tut and sly twinkle in her emerald eyes, Reiko Eigawa placed her other hand in her pocket and stood. It was visually impossible now to link the woman before the former EMT to the terrifying mantisdroid once prowling the rooms of the modelling agency.

“Can’t be criminal to think I have the most beautiful partner in the world, hm? But I think we need a bit more healing before we seriously make any plans like that.” She rolls and cracks her wrist. “‘M just just glad I could get some time off so early.”

“You and me both, Eigawa-san. You and me both.” He chuckles as he goes over to help Senda with their new suitcase. Technology certainly had moved on a little since all of them had been inside the agency for so long, but they could also move with technology as it came to pass. 

Plus these luggage bags came sponsored courtesy of Koharu. While he didn’t keep in touch with many of his other classmates - understandably so, given the events that had transpired over the final trial - she’d been one of the few exceptions, and he had even volunteered to work for her and her archaeological crew as an on-scene medic once his mandatory holiday was well and truly over, whenever that ended up being.

He hoped things were okay with her, and resolved to check in with the Onowai family… later. Vacation first.

A couple of hours later found them all on the deck, lounging in chairs and finding things to do while relaxing under the sun. Talking was a free action, and there was much of it to go around. “It’s still kind of amusing, actually,” Kaz admitted. “I’ve spent so long focused on doing my job that I don’t even know what I’m supposed to do now that I’ve been effectively retired. You asked me on the way here why I booked this trip in particular, and to be honest… would you accept the explanation that it was literally the first search result on ‘vacation spots to take your friends’?”

Looking over from the side, a tall person with an undershave and ash brown hair tied off in a bun glanced at Kaz from over their sunglasses. As they spoke, their drawl mixed with franco-undertones came as familiar as it always had.

“Hmmm~ Well it’s pretty nice all things considerin’. So yeah, I think I’d take that explanation. Sounds like a very… you sort’ve idea. It’s cute!”

The entity once known as Selene, now undertaking the name Alycia Selena Pageau in her return to the living world, winked cheekily at the fellow android. They had kept their height and generally athletic stature, but a new addition of freckles peppered their nose and cheeks. Their personality and memories, however, remained intact throughout the process.

From the railing, the detective coolly looked over her shoulder with a chuckle.

“It’s not bad at all… leagues better than what I would’ve done, clearly. I don’t know about you two-?” Her attention was directed to the other two people sitting at the lounge chairs.

One of them, a taller individual in sunglasses and a hat, tilted the brim in acknowledgement. 

“It is my imperative that this was handled as best as it was. The odd drama came about here and there but oth- indeed.”

Helios, or Bartholomew Arseneau I, nodded back. His own body was every bit as wiry as it once was, albeit mechanical, and his hair was back to its natural black and was pulled over his shoulder in a short ponytail.

“This is far better than whatever was before. All of that pressure, ‘tcha! The world will know of my greatness once more. Is that not right, Senda?”

Sitting with their arms folded, the last person to speak had taken a while to formulate what it was they wanted.

“....Had… no other idea where to go, so… it is good, ah… yes.”

The figure formerly known as Kumi Asashima retained the same bone-white skin from prior, but their hair was cut in a sweeping black bob, retaining its natural curliness. The formal clothes from before were shed, and in their place was a collared shirt and skirt. 

“Yes. It is good. My… ah, siblings would think so. I wish they would have come, yes, ever since we reunited… a shame.”

Remembering their manners, they caught themself.

“That is not to say that I am ungrateful. I am.”

The ex-paramedic nodded back, not at all insulted. "Sorry I didn't take the initiative to invite them too, but I think they understand why it's just us five."

“See, Kazzie? There’s nothin’ you need t’ worry about.” The demigirl moved to sit next to Kaz, nudging his side playfully. However, they also caught a glimpse of something further in his expression and frowned. “You okay?”

He nodded slowly. “Yeah... I do have to talk to you about something privately though. Do you want to get something to drink at the bar?” He asked Alycia, getting up from the lounge chair. “It’s about… you know.”

“Ah… Yeah. Right.” Frankly, they had been quietly wondering that for the last few months - but with all of the adjustments it took to return to the outside world, it had admittedly fallen a bit off of the former circus performer’s mind. Standing up, they offered their hand to him.

“I’ll lead the way.”

As they both made their way over, Kaz thought about exactly what he wanted to say to them. It was hard enough trying to process emotions as a creation of artificial intelligence, but now, in a body where both heart and mind were real, living tissue and thus the feelings that came with it were quite real too? It was nerve-wracking, to say the least… but he’d risen to the challenge before, and he’d do it again to finally settle things once and for all.

“I have a crush on you.” 

Before Alycia can respond, he lowers his head to hide the extremely embarrassed expression that reddens his face. “That was probably too direct, sorry, but it’s the truth. I tried looking up explanations online for all of these confusing emotions I’ve had over the course of the last few months that we’ve known each other and every single one has pointed me in this direction. Koharu also had a hand in it admittedly, but you don’t have to humour me for it though, Alycia. Barty and you have only just started getting a grip on your new lives and settling things from your old lives and… there’s a lot of it to take in already and deal with from there.” 

Kaz peeks in from between his fingers, shielding a good portion of his face but maintaining a sliver of eye contact because he wants them to know he means it. “But I also want to be part of that life with you too. And regardless of your response, you’re still one of my best friends, and that also means I’ll respect how you feel about it and have your back all the same. Just… please tell me whether or not I might even have a chance?”

It’s actually kind of endearing to see Kaz this unconfident, as I imagine the other would agree. 

Sure enough, throughout all of this, the taller figure had developed a dumb grin on their face. It was that smitten sort of smile that pulled through when you watched someone you cared for ramble through something they cared about; or, in this case, finally trying to understand the feelings he was never supposed to comprehend in the first place.

It was a proud smile just as much as it was tender.

Reaching out, Alycia’s palm rested on the outside of the EMT’s fingers currently obscuring his reddened cheeks. Letting out a warm chuckle from their bar stool, they tilted their head to match their blue eyes to his as they gently pushed aside his own hand. Alycia’s smile settled to something softer by the time they spoke.

“Son rougeur est très mignon, Kazzie.” She hummed and brought her other hand up to cup his face gently before planting a quick peck to the blonde’s cheek and resting their foreheads together. “Though… I’m sorry y’were the last to realize.”

Yes, Selene had always been able to tell. Some parts of their memories from early in their revival as the flighty robot, as well as aspects of the so called ‘hostage situation’, had blurred. But somehow, the time spent with Kaz managed to remain crystal clear throughout the transitional process.

“Well considerin’ how ya met me, I didn’t see you at the time as someone I could care about beyond a friend… but I thought I told you somethin’ back before that final trial. I said that I wanted t’ be in yer life after all of it, right? Or, I at least tried to probably. ‘Cause I realized I was mortified of stoppin’ existing, but also to stop seein’ Helios, an’ the other bots… and you.”

Yes it felt sappy, almost painfully so if they were to be honest with themself. But, they felt they had a right to be after literally fighting their way back from death, in a strange way.

“...I wanna finally live a life again, Kazzie. I want t’ experience all of the things I was robbed of back then with these new eyes, new identity, an’ some new friends… you helped me get here. You didn’t give up on us or toss us away.” Alycia pulls their forehead away an inch or two, if only to wink at Kaz. “If I didn’t have ya in my life, I’d feel pretty damn robbed.” They chuckle. “Course I feel the same way, but I wasn’t gonna push when you were still figurin’ out yerself - and, y’know, I wasn’t exactly human lookin’... But, if that’s how ya feel? Well… That makes me real happy~”

If Kaz had been red before, he positively flared up when they pecked him on the cheek. It was reminiscent of a machine overheating, but instead of liquid latex and electricity it was bright, scarlet blood that rushed his head. Had he still been an android, perhaps he could’ve blown steam out the side of his ears, but instead he listens as they continue, and at the end, begin to try and utter a few words. “I… Oh… You mean… I was… W… Huh…”

He stops, shaking his head wildly. “...I’m sorry, I’m normally much more verbose than this, but I can’t believe… Was I… really that oblivious? I mean… Oh… So that’s what Koharu-san meant.” Kaz pauses, before sighing happily. “I guess my system’s caught a love bug after all. And it’s making me both dumb and very, very gay. I could attempt to run diagnostics on it, but I think… Well, I know I’d like to keep it close. Just like I would, uh, like to keep you close too.”

That last comment causes him to bow down so that Alycia can’t see the look of pure shame on his face once he realizes he said that aloud. “...I’m still learning the whole ‘flirting’ bit, sorry.” He mumbles something under his breath, running his hands through his hair awkwardly and trying to psych himself up to say it out loud. 

Eventually, he looked up with a smile plastered over his face, and moved to hold their hands. “I just… Cripes, it’s embarrassing to say it out loud, but I’m going to try, so… well, I love you. And I’ve apparently had the biggest crush on you for some time now so if you would have me, I’d love to be your boyfriend, Alycia. Please go out with… me…?”

While the moment was tender, and the taller of the pair seemed thoroughly endeared to the boy’s stuttering, they sat themself down on a nearby chair so Kaz didn’t have to crane his neck for the nearly one foot height difference.

“I think you could guess the answer t’ that, mon choupinet~” Coy as ever, they hum and give a little tug to pull the retired EMT closer for a proper hug this time. Quietly, they revel in the fact that they could actually wrap their arms around him now - unlike before.

His arms wrap around them too as a hundred little Kazzies squeed in unison within his mind, while yet more tap-danced away in his stomach. It was all he could do to keep a serene smile on his face, all the while resisting the urge to giggle like a ten-year-old or ask them to please call him more pet names. Something gnawed at his subconscious that maybe that was not the right thing to ask in public with little kids watching.

So instead he simply basks in the sensation for however long he can attempt to hold it for. Suzukaze ‘Kaz’ Aizawa was most definitely on cloud nine, and wasn’t planning on leaving it.

Having finally found it acceptable to sit, Reiko had made sure she was facing out towards the passing crowd, and was naturally first to catch the other two returning from the bar. While the woman didn’t say anything, the pair was given a knowing glance before she finally peeled her wary eyes off of the strangers mulling to peruse the novel she had brought.

Bartholomew glanced back too, eyes widened. There was a brief moment where his eyes downcasted, before he chuckled. 

As it should have been.

“I see you have a fine catch! Keep her well, or I will be most displeased.”

“My pleasure, though let’s be real. She’s the one keeping me.”

“Th’ both of you are weird.”

Kaz looked back upon the horizon, and kept his gaze on the clear azure sky. While the internal decision remained invisible to all but the mechanical mind that made it, he envisioned cutting the final threads that tied him down to his old life away, and setting free the kite that flew high. No longer did he have to worry about maintaining the identity of someone he now considered a friend and brother, or worry about disappearing once his purpose was fulfilled.

It was time to assert his own identity and find a new purpose in life. Kaz was here to stay.

“Come to think of it.” The thought came to him as the cruise docked, and he turned to Reiko. “Wasn’t Jiang-san supposed to come on this vacation too? I wonder why she turned it down...”

It was at this moment that the television screens around the cruise sprang to life. A beautiful grey-haired woman with rabbit ears and a handsome blond man in a half-mask turned to face the camera, smiling as they greeted the inbound passengers from the pier.

“Welcome to the Crescent Moon Hotel and Resort!” The pair declared. “We hope you enjoy your stay here, esteemed guests!”

“I guess we’ll never know…”

[what-if-rpg]

Welcome to the family, B! Your application to COOPER ANDERSON was accepted, as well as the changes. I am really happy to have you around! Make sure to read the beginners checklist, and remember, have fun! I can’t wait to roleplay with you! Have fun!

IN CHARACTER

CHARACTER NAME: Cooper James Anderson. CHARACTER AGE & DATE OF BIRTH: 27 / 18th January 1992. OCCUPATION: Actor and Musician. (Broadway) FACE CLAIM: Brendon Urie. HOMETOWN & CITY WHERE LIVES NOW: Boston MA, New York City. SEXUAL ORIENTATION & GENDER: Bisexual and Male. RELATIONSHIP STATUS: In a Relationship. POSITIVE TRAITS: Loyal, Caring, Passionate. NEGATIVE TRAITS: Hot-tempered, Impulsive, Arrogant. CHARACTER QUOTE/LYRIC: Now I’m gonna fuck up a hotel lobby. ANYTHING ELSE?: FC change please!

HEADCANONS

Cooper has always dreamed of the arts after growing up with his passions fuelled by his mother. He is a multi-instrumentalist who writes music as a hobby. The man has a band named Saint!California who regularly releases music. Cooper makes appearances as a singer but is torn on where his loyalties lie in his career. He feels tied to Broadway by more than one thing but often thinks he should move away from it and pursue music full time. The band seem to be in demand and he is proud of the work he has created, leaving him with guilt over the lack of attention he gives it. Cooper has become rather fond of the stage, escaping as someone else for a few hours each night can help with the confusion he finds himself clouded by, it’s a good compromise…. for now.

As a child, Cooper shined in a local stage school he attended on weekends. The boy was picked up for multiple commercials and his acting resume grew more and more. When he reached High School, he had an arrogance and ego around him though being turned down for a role in the school’s production of Grease had him swear off musical theatre. Cooper went in a mood with all things musical, including Broadway. After graduating, he left Boston for Hollywood and spent six long months scrapping around for work. His agent then turned his attention to New York with an audition as a swing in Newsies. The nineteen year old turned his nose up at the offer immediately, though after long conversations with his mother and agent, they suggested he bite the bullet and try it out. It would give him a step into the industry as his mother said, he was “only nineteen, he had time to be in line for the next Oscar.” Now, Cooper feels like he’d gotten lost in Broadway. He does enjoy it though he also wonders What if? What if something else had happened instead?

Cooper has a few different ticks about him. He’s a bit of a mess when you look close enough. His biggest fear is not being able to escape situations. When in the middle of an argument, Cooper will often storm out of a room and leave for a few hours. He needs to feel as though he can remove himself from a situation otherwise it sends him into a flurry of a panic. Paparazzi is one thing that Cooper internally struggles with. On the outside, he’s all smiles and cheery tones though he’s battling a fight inside him. Cooper is very open with his fans and they usually hold great respect for him. The paparazzi are ones who care less about his personal space and more about capturing the right photo. It’s a part of his life that he tries to avoid as much as possible, if and when he can.

You’ll be pushed to find someone who loves their fans more than Cooper does. With an addiction to Instagram, his fans are never shy of content and the latest smiling selfie. The man also takes a great fondness to Instagram Live where he will sit and talk to fans while cooking or waiting in his dressing room. Cooper is one to hold free signing events and concerts when possible, which he funds himself. Though raised in a middle class, it’s his mother’s roots that bring him back down to that humble level. The eldest Anderson holds great appreciation to those around him and does his best to give back as often as he can, whatever the cost.

CONNECTIONS

PARENTS: Pamela and Richard Anderson. Born to middle-class parents, Pam (a children’s book author) and Richard (a renowned lawyer) Cooper is probably the biggest Momma’s boy you’ll ever come across. After the family struggled to conceive, the news of their first child brought them so much joy. Pam always had a soft spot for the eldest who adored her more than anything. Pam is someone Cooper will often turn to for advice or comfort but his father and he hold a tense relationship. Richard has always pushed a lot of high expectations on his eldest and when he grew less and less like the young lawyer his father dreamed of, he became cold towards him. Though his father and he don’t get along, the only joint interest the two share are working lazy Sundays in the garage on old cars. Cooper became a bit of a grease monkey during the summer and when he was fourteen, he fixed up his grandfather’s old 1965 Ford Mustang. Even though he’s moved out of the house, he’s still close to his mother and always go home for the holidays. Christmas isn’t the same without his family. SIBLING: Blaine Anderson. The two Andersons have always held an interesting relationship. Cooper truly does care about Blaine, maybe a little too much that he often pushes his little brother to achieve his potential. Ultimately though, they hold a true brotherly relationship. Cooper loves nothing more than winding up his younger sibling and teasing him. At the end of the day, Cooper will jump into a fight to defend his brother in a heartbeat. Family is important to him. BOYFRIEND: Jesse St. James. Broadway was a daunting place for the new actor and starting a big show such as Les Miserables couldn’t be more than intimidating. Befriending an experienced actor hadn’t been his worst idea. That was until one night at a cast party, six months into their friendship and the show, the two shared a drunken kiss. He can’t really tell you when they started ‘dating’ behind closed doors but he knows he’s conflicted. Giving into Jesse’s advances, he finds feeling like a dirty secret eats away at his conscience, as well as the drama happening in Jesse’s life, he never knows where he stands. After Jesse’s divorce was filed, his cast-mate moved in with and within months they became official. It was a relationship the fans generated and they melted into. Cooper knows he has at least some feelings for his cast mate who have become something of a Broadway Duo, appearing regularly in shows together that only appeals further to the fans. Now eleven months into dating officially, he finds himself bickering with his boyfriend with a few treasured moments in-between. Cooper can’t decide if he wants to get out of this relationship but he finds himself falling back into that man’s life, even if it’s not a completely happy one. BEST FRIEND: Ellie Weeks [NPC]. A friend he grew up with after she moved to Boston from London. He attended school with her and the two are incredibly close. She’s someone who has seen every side to him; giggly; upset; moody; or blackout drunk on the floor. Cooper runs most of his big ideas past her and she’s more often than not, the one to intervene on his impulsive ideas. She knows him inside out and adores his friendship, he’s like her adopted American brother. Ellie is one of the few people who sees through the lines with Jesse and Cooper’s relationship. She is not fond of the other man by any means but holds her tongue for Cooper’s sake. She has warned him enough but trusts when he tells her “I’m fine, El, trust me.” She can’t help but worry about him getting hurt. RIVAL: Wanted Connection [UTP]. Someone Cooper can’t stand. They know how to get his back up and provoke the hot-tempered attitude in him. The mention of their name can draw a scowl to his face and he will easily rise to the bait. The two often find each other by chance and there’s always some sort of tension or altercation when they’re in the same room. As of late, they’ve ended up seeing more and more of each other and Cooper can only grumble about it.

[sweetshadcw]

TW: TEEN PREGNANCY (KIND OF)

oh  ?  what’s  this  ?  a  new  muse  ?  why  yes,  it  is  !  okie  dokie,  hmu  for  plots  or  hit  the  lil  heart  so  i  can  slide  into  ur  tumblr  or  discord  ims  to  yeet  this  babie  at  u

●●   is  that  ELIZABETH  OLSEN  ?  no,  that’s  just  LUCY  DAHLMAN,  the  26  year  old  CISFEMALE  who  is  an  ACTRESS.  some  say  they’re  LOQUACIOUS  AND  WHIMSICAL,  but  their  family  and  friends  will  swear  they’re  HUMOROUS  AND  EBULLIENT.  when  i  think  of  them,  i  think  of   cameras  flashing,  laughing  so  hard  that  it  hurts,  yves  saint  laurent  perfume,  rumors  written  on  tabloids,  baggy  sweaters  in  the  winter.  i  wonder  if  HER  neighbors  knows  that  HER  YOUNGER  SISTER  IS  ACTUALLY  HER  DAUGHTER.   ●●

QUICK   STATS   !

full name: lucille sophia dahlman

nickname(s): lucy, lu

age: twenty-six

date of birth: september 28th

zodiac sign: libra

place of birth: los angeles, ca

gender: cisfemale

sexual orientation: pansexual

romantic orientation: panromantic

occupation: actress

hogwarts house: hufflepuff

ABOUT   LUCY   !

if you’ve ever heard of the dahlmans (and i’m sure you have) you’d know that the name is synonymous to one thing: fame. lucy’s father, jason dahlman, is an a-list actor, director and producer, her mother, katherine webb is a model-turned actress and her three older brothers are also actors.

so to the surprise of literally no one, lucy was thrust into the spotlight at a young age. at first, it was small roles given to her through the power of her parents, but it wasn’t until she was thirteen that she was cast as a main character in a tv series that she was finally seen as someone other than “the dahlmans’ daughter”

the show’s success brought about many opportunities, both on television and on the silver screen, for her. she’d been dubbed nicknames like “america’s sweetheart’ and gained a reputation for being innocent and a goody-two-shoes which to be clear, wasn’t false, but was certainly exaggerated for the media.

they’d managed to keep that up without any problems until she was around nineteen... when she fell pregnant with her then-boyfriend’s baby. it was a literal nightmare for her pr team, especially since the finale of her show was still fresh and they didn’t want her to end up on one of those “child stars gone bad” articles. yikes?

so, since lucy had every intention of keeping the baby, they decided to send her and her mom to ashcroft to live with her aunt to keep the pregnancy on the dl. nine months later, one day after valentine’s, patricia rose dahlman was brought into the world. she ended up staying in ashcroft for another two years to lay off any suspicion.

her pr team and her family felt it was best to keep the pregnancy a total secret from the public to maintain her image, which was why they decided to pass her baby off as her younger sister, and her mother’s daughter.

ok so uhh personality wise, lucy is a total sweetheart ?? i mean, she wasn’t called “america’s sweetheart for nothing. she’s kind of spontaneous, likes to go on random adventures a lot and is just ?? a total rambler ?? someone tape her mouth shut i swear she once talked about a pebble she found on a beach for like forty minutes straight.

a literal klutz, to the point where she has to have a pack of band-aids on her person at all times. incredibly sarcastic and a drama queen to a fault, but also she’s also just ?? actual sunshine ?? she radiates so much positive energy it’s unreal tbh

anyway she’s been back in ashcroft for a little bit now, taking a break from acting since she wants to spend more time with her daughter !! because she literally hasn’t seen her since she was last in ashcroft which was four years ago !! so she misses the heck out of her !!

no wcs part of the intro again because i’m working on a new wc list but in the meantime, gimme new friends, old friends from when she was here six years ago, people who are suspicious of her true relationship to patricia idk? fans ??? she’s an actress so she def has some u feel (listen. if they a stan account lucy probably recognizes their username she’s vv close to her fans) um idk anymore i’m just throwing out suggestions love me thanks

[acsversace-news]

Ryan Murphy hates the word “camp.” He sees it as a lazy catchall that gets thrown at gay artists in order to marginalize their ambitions, to frame their work as niche. “I don’t think that when John Waters made ‘Female Trouble’ that he was, like, ‘I want to make a camp piece,’ ” Murphy told me last May, as we sat in a production tent in South Beach, Florida, where he was directing the pilot of “American Crime Story: The Assassination of Gianni Versace,” a nine-episode series for FX. “I think that he was, like, ‘It’s my tone—and my tone is unique.’ ”

Murphy prefers a different label: “baroque.” Between shots, the showrunner—who has overseen a dozen television series in the past two decades—elaborated, with regal authority, on this idea. To Murphy, “camp” describes not irony but something closer to clumsiness, the accident you can’t look away from. People rarely use the term to describe a melodrama made by a straight man; even when “camp” is meant as a compliment, it contains an insult, suggesting a musty smallness. “Baroque” is big. Murphy, referring to TV critics (including me) who have applied “camp” to his work, said, “I will admit that it really used to bug the shit out of me. But it doesn’t anymore.”

We were outside the Casa Casuarina, the Mediterranean-style mansion that the Italian fashion designer Gianni Versace renovated and considered his masterwork—a building with airy courtyards and a pool inlaid with dizzy ribbons of red, orange, and yellow ceramic tiles. A small bronze statue of a kneeling Aphrodite stood at the top of the mansion’s front steps. In 1997, a young gay serial killer named Andrew Cunanan shot Versace to death there as the designer, who was fifty, was returning from his morning stroll.

The previous day, Murphy had filmed the murder scene. Cunanan was played by Darren Criss, a star of Murphy’s biggest hit, “Glee.” I’d visited the set that day, too, arriving to find ambulances, cops, and paparazzi swarming outside. There was a splash of red on the marble steps. Inside the house, Edgar Ramirez, the Venezuelan actor playing Versace, sat in a shaded courtyard, his hair caked with gun-wound makeup, his face lowered in his hands.

Now Murphy was filming the aftermath of the crime, including a scene in which two lookie-loos dip a copy of Vanity Fair into the puddle of Versace’s blood. (They sell the relic on eBay.) The vibe was an odd blend of sombre and festive; a half-naked rollerblader spun in slow circles on the sidewalk next to the beach. Murphy, who is fifty-three, is a stylish man, but on set he wore the middle-aged male showrunner’s uniform: baggy cargo shorts and a polo shirt. He has a rosebud mouth and close-cropped vanilla hair. He is five feet ten but has a brawny air of command, creating the illusion that he is much taller. His brother is six feet four, he told me, as was his late father; Murphy thinks that his own growth was stunted by chain-smoking when he was a rebellious teen-ager, in Indiana.

Murphy’s mood tends to shift unexpectedly, like a wonky thermostat—now warm, now icy—but on the “Versace” set he made one confident decision after another about the many shows he was overseeing, as if skipping stones. He also answered stray questions—about the casting for a Broadway revival of “The Boys in the Band” that he was producing, about a grand house in Los Angeles that he’d been renovating for two years. “Ooh, yes!” he said, inspecting penis-nosed clown masks that had been designed for his series “American Horror Story.” He approved a bespoke nail-polish design for an actress. A producer handed Murphy an updated script, joking, “If there’s a mistake, you can drown me in Versace’s pool!,” then scheduled a notes meeting for “American Crime Story: Katrina,” whose writers were working elsewhere in the building. Now and then, Murphy FaceTimed with his then four-year-old son, Logan, who, along with his two-year-old brother, Ford, was in L.A. with Murphy’s husband, David Miller.

“I never get overwhelmed or feel underwater, because I feel like all good things come from detail,” Murphy told me. It’s what got him to this point: the compulsion, and the craving, to do more. “Baroque is a sensibility I can get behind,” he said. “Baroque is a maximalist approach to storytelling that I’ve always liked. Baroque is a choice. And everything I do is an absolute choice.”

Murphy’s choices, perhaps more than those of any other showrunner, have upended the pieties of modern television. Like a wild guest at a dinner party, he’d lifted the table and slammed it back down, leaving the dishes broken or arranged in a new order. Several of Murphy’s shows have been critically divisive (and, on occasion, panned in ways that have raised his hackles). But he has produced an unusually long string of commercial and critical hits: audacious, funny-peculiar, joyfully destabilizing series, in nearly every genre. His run started with the satirical melodrama “Nip/Tuck” (2003), then continued with the global phenomenon “Glee” (2009) and with “American Horror Story,” now entering its eighth year, which launched the influential season-long anthology format. His legacy is not one standout show but, rather, the sheer force and variety and chutzpah of his creations, which are linked by a singular storytelling aesthetic: stylized extremity and rude humor, shock conjoined with sincerity, and serious themes wrapped in circus-bright packaging. He is the only television creator who could possibly have presented Lily Rabe as a Satan-possessed nun, gyrating in a red negligee in front of a crucifix while singing “You Don’t Own Me,” and have it come across as an indelible critique of the Catholic Church’s misogyny.

When Murphy entered the industry, he sometimes struck his peers as an aloof, prickly figure; he has deep wounds from those years, although he admits that he contributed to this reputation. Nonetheless, Murphy has moved steadily from the margins to television’s center. He changed; the industry changed; he changed the industry. In February, Murphy rose even higher, signing the largest deal in television history: a three-hundred-million-dollar, five-year contract with Netflix. For Murphy, it was a moment of both triumph and tension. You can’t be the underdog when you’re the most powerful man in TV.

On that sunny afternoon in South Beach, however, Murphy was still comfortably ensconced in a twelve-year deal with Fox Studios. On FX, which is owned by Fox, he had three anthology series: “American Horror Story”; “American Crime Story,” for which he was filming “Versace,” writing “Katrina,” and planning a season based on the Monica Lewinsky scandal; and “Feud,” whose first season starred Susan Sarandon as Bette Davis and Jessica Lange as Joan Crawford.

For Fox, he was developing “9-1-1,” a procedural about first responders. He had announced two shows for Netflix: “Ratched,” a nurse’s-eye view of “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest,” starring Sarah Paulson; and “The Politician,” a satirical drama starring Ben Platt. Glenn Close was trying to talk him into directing her in a movie version of the Andrew Lloyd Webber musical “Sunset Boulevard.” Murphy was writing a book called “Ladies,” about female icons. He had launched Half, a foundation dedicated to diversity in directing, and had committed to hiring half of his directors from underrepresented groups. And, he told me, there was something new: a series for FX called “Pose,” a dance-filled show set in the nineteen-eighties.

It was no mystery which character in his current series Murphy most identified with: Gianni Versace himself. Versace was a commercially minded artist whose brash inventions were dismissed by know-nothings as tacky, and whose openness about his sexuality threatened his ascent in a homophobic era. Versace, too, was a baroque maximalist, Murphy told me, who built his reputation through fervid workaholism—an insistence that his vision be seen and understood. “He was punished and he struggled,” Murphy said, then spoke in Versace’s voice: “Why aren’t I loved for my excess? Why don’t they see something valid in that?”

[...] Murphy has long been a connoisseur of extremes and hyperbole, games and theatricality. He rates everything he sees and revels in institutions that do the same—the Oscars are a kind of religion for him. In Miami, at dinner with the “Katrina” and “Versace” writers, he played a high-stakes game in which he was forced to immediately choose one person in his circle over another; he demurred only when the choice was between Jessica Lange and Sarah Paulson. His go-to question is “Is it a hit or a flop?,” and he asked it about every show that came up in conversation, as I observed him giving shape to “Pose,” from scouting locations to editing dance footage. (He has other stock phrases. “What’s the scoop?” is how he begins writers’ meetings. “Energy begets energy” explains his impulse to add new projects. “That’s interesting” sometimes indicates “That’s worth noticing” but just as often means “That’s infuriating.”)

[...] His multitasking benefits greatly from the freedoms of cable and streaming: he has zero nostalgia for the twenty-two-episode network grind of a show like “Glee,” in which “halfway through Episode 15 you had nothing left to say, the actors were sick, the writers were sick, and it was fucking oatmeal until the end.” He favors eight or ten episodes, often with a small writers’ room, as with “Pose.” He writes scripts for some shows, whereas for others he gives notes; on a few projects, like his HBO adaptation of Larry Kramer’s play “The Normal Heart,” he’s very hands-on. “We left blood on the dance floor,” Murphy said, affectionately, of his three-year collaboration with Kramer. “Versace” had one writer, Tom Rob Smith. But Murphy provided close directorial, design, and casting oversight, and he had a strong commitment to the show’s themes, particularly the contrast between Versace and Cunanan, two gay men craving success, but only one willing to work for it.

[...] In the meanwhile, Murphy had scored a ratings bonanza with Fox’s “9-1-1,” a wackadoo procedural featuring stories like one about a baby caught in a plumbing pipe. It was his parting gift to Dana Walden. “Versace” had been, by certain standards, a flop: lower ratings, mixed reviews. Artistically, though, it was one of Murphy’s boldest shows, with a backward chronology and a moving performance by Criss as Cunanan, a panicked dandy hollowed out by self-hatred. After the finale aired, a new set of reviews emerged. Matt Brennan, on Paste, argued that “Versace” had been subjected to “the straight glance”—a critical gaze that skims queer art, denying its depths. “Even critics sympathetic to the series seem as uncomfortable with its central subject as the Miami cops were with those South Beach fags,” Brennan wrote. Murphy was reading a new oral history of Tony Kushner’s “Angels in America,” in which, in one scene, Roy Cohn denies being gay because, he barks, homosexuals lack power: they are “men who know nobody and who nobody knows.” The line echoes one in “Versace.” A homeless junkie dying of aids tells the cops, bitterly, why gay men couldn’t stop talking about the designer: “We all imagined what it would be like to be so rich and so powerful that it doesn’t matter that you’re gay.”

[joealwyndaily]

A great interview with Joe from Hero Magazine (October 2016)

Zoe Whitfield: So what was your entry to acting, is it something you’ve always wanted to do?

Joe Alwyn: I think for a long time, yeah. My dad makes documentaries for a living and I’d always grown up with him showing me films and documentaries, and my mum had always taken me to the theatre, so I’ve seen a lot of it and wanted to be involved in it in some capacity. In terms of acting, it was always quite a private thing that I knew I wanted to do but didn’t necessarily speak about for a while. I got more and more into it throughout school but I was never in all the school plays, I studied it but it was kind of a secret thing that I thought I could do and that I wanted to do, but didn’t quite know how. So I went to university first.

Zoe: To Bristol, right?

Joe: Yeah Bristol, I did English and drama and as many extra-curricular plays and theatre as I could, we took shows up to the Edinburgh Fringe Festival and to London, I soaked up as much as I possibly could, and then at the end of that I applied to drama school, I think maybe four schools, and got into Central [the Royal Central School of Speech and Drama], and did the three year course there.

Zoe: And I read there was a stint with the National Youth Theatre?

Joe: Yeah, I forgot about that, I think I must have been maybe eighteen when I went there, you audition and then if you get in you do their two-week course. I never actually did any further shows with them, but yeah, I was technically a member.

Zoe: So I was going to ask what you were doing before the film came about but you’ve basically told me already…

Joe: Well yeah, I was at drama school for those three years and then in my third year of training you begin to open up the shows to the public and you invite agencies and casting directors, and so I did my showcase in my first term of third year, and wrote hundreds and hundreds of letters to people – as we all did, to try and get them along, and hope that five of them will turn up – and a casting director came and saw me in showcase, a guy called Gary Davy, and he invited me into his office and introduced me to another casting director called Julie Harkin. At the time she was casting this BBC police drama called Cuffs, but I was still at school at the time and hadn’t signed with an agent, nobody knew what was going to happen and everyone was panicking. But I went for this audition and got this role, which was great because it’s amazing to get any work that early on, especially a big lead part in a BBC series. I was over the moon about it, and I was ready to leave school early and drop out of the play to go and do it, so I left school and that same day, I chose and signed with an agent. That week, kind of on a high from the news about Cuffs, she sent me these sides for this thing, Billy Lynn’s Long Halftime Walk and I had no idea…

Zoe: So you didn’t know the book beforehand?

Joe: I didn’t know the book beforehand, I didn’t really know what sides were beforehand, I’d never done a tape beforehand essentially. It was all new to me, everything, but she sent me these sides and I taped one of the scenes with my dad in my room, and I taped the other scenes with my mates from school in their lunchbreak, which I had just left.

Zoe: How was that, going back to school so soon?

Joe: It was a little weird, but people were cool about it and no one’s really a dick. So I did the tape but, I knew it was an Ang Lee film and it was a big deal, but it was also on the other side of the planet. But I taped for it, and we got a call that night from the casting director in New York, saying that she loved it and she wanted me to tape loads more, so she sent me a whole new batch of scenes, and before I could tape them we got a call again, later that night saying Ang wants you to fly to New York in three days to come and meet him.

Zoe: Amazing.

Joe: Yeah, so they put me on a plane a few days later – I’d never been to America before, but I’d always, always wanted to go to New York, so this was huge – it was like a big crazy adventure. I was also floating on a weird high from this BBC thing so, I didn’t quite compute what was going on, but I went over to New York and met with Ang, and read with them for a couple of hours, but it was kind of beyond anything I could comprehend, I was due to go home the next day and I’d literally turned up with this tiny little rucksack in New York, no clothes, and they kept me on to meet various other people and the producers. I knew there were other boys – there were four who’d seen Ang a couple of weeks before – and I didn’t quite know what the deal was with them, but it got to the point where I knew that Ang wanted me and the studio, understandably, were like, “We don’t know who he is, he hasn’t finished drama school, he’s from London and he’s not American, he’s skinny, he’s not a soldier, he’s got long blond hair.” So they flew me to Atlanta to do this big screen test on set, because it was all filmed using this new technology [Billy Lynn was shot at an ultrahigh frame rate for the first time in film history], and they were going to test this technology anyway – they had all the crew – so they were like, “We might as well just chuck Joe in and see how he fairs.” Then they put me through costume tests and hair and make-up tests and were trying to figure out how I’d look with CGI, without any hair, and I didn’t know what was going on, and also during this week it was my birthday, so it was just the weirdest, craziest week. Then about ten days later, from flying out originally I got home, and the next night I got a call saying I’d got it.

Zoe: Possibly the wrong thing to take from that, but how long was your hair? [When we meet, Alywn is sporting a fairly tidy crop]

Joe: It was probably, err, it was longer [laughs].

Zoe: So this is your first feature film, and you speak with an American accent throughout. Was that hard to maintain?

Joe: It was tricky, just because after being cast it happened so incredibly quickly, shooting started about three or four weeks later and we had two weeks of boot camp in-between then and starting. But yeah, it was tough, and because it was a regional accent and Billy’s from Texas… but I had a great dialect coach who was there from the beginning, and I didn’t have much choice other than to just jump in and do it.

Zoe: And the experience as a whole?

Joe: It was amazing. Billy’s in every single scene, so it was relentless and intense, but it was also an exciting adventure.

Zoe: As you said it all happened super quick, did you get a chance to read the book at all?

Joe: Yeah I read it on the flight to the first audition, and I loved it, I found it was great having it there as a source material anyway. I know not everyone did, or not everyone chose to read it. But I thought it was great.

Zoe: And was it daunting at all, working with some of your co-stars on account of their celebrity?

Joe: Yeah, maybe because I’d been there, I mean, I met the bunch of boys who were there throughout the film together, the first time at boot camp. So because it was broken in in that kind of situation, there was never any kind of weirdness then with other people coming in, it was all really, really chilled and everyone was incredibly human – there was no, you know…

Zoe: Airs and graces.

Joe: No not at all, and I think, because I’d been there every day, I was so embedded in it all and in the film by that point.

Zoe: As you’d hope. Obviously the book – and the film – are at their core, quite political beasts, was that something you were conscious of going into the project?

Joe: Yes and no. It’s a political commentary and I think it takes place within a political framework, but at the heart of it is a coming-of-age story for this nineteen-year-old kid, it’s a very personal, intimate story about a boy finding his place in life and figuring out what he wants and where he belongs, as much as it is about bigger things. And it is about bigger things, but with all this in mind I didn’t really need to think about Joe’s point of view on all of that. It’s definitely there though and it’s an anti-war pro-soldier film. And it’s interesting because it’s about the perception of the war at home, the perception and the way the public and America deal with these people when they come back, and it contrasts the way that the nation and the way that the people see and try and use these boys and their story with the reality of what has actually happened, and the reality of what they’ve been through or done.

Zoe: Was there much on-set discussion of the respective politics, given that the cast was predominantly American?

Joe: I think it was always there, it’s there in the film and it was discussed, but it wasn’t the only thing.

Zoe: And what was your take on the war in Iraq, were you a kid who bunked off school to protest?

Joe: I went to the protest but I don’t know if I ever bunked off school for it.

Zoe: I did, but our teachers were super cool with it.

Joe: Yeah, I wasn’t for the war.

Zoe: So finally, how daunting is it to think your image will be everywhere come Billy Lynn’s release?

Joe: I don’t really know what I feel. It’s exciting, and it’s strange because there will or might be some kind of change, but it’s all hypothetical until it happens. Yeah, we’ll see.

https://hero-magazine.com/article/109450/joe-alwyn/