#dont worry im all good and safe !!! im doing good :)
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how to surv1ve thanksgiving and christmas d1nn3r with an 3d mini guide!
disclaimer:
i am by no means encouraging anyone to st4rv3 or to follow this guide, i made it hoping that it would reach the people that know they'll be struggling at holidays and that need this help. i know how scary and how hard it is to try and keep an 3d a secret, this is supposed to help the people that need to know how to avoid the judgement and the oddly terrifying questions that get thrown at them.
how to prepare:
i would say there's 2 ways to go about the day before the d1nn3r, e4ting so that you won't p4ss out infront of your entire family, or f4$ting, this is really up to you. i have a pretty good tolerance for not p4$sing out so i will probably be f4$ting but it's totally your choice!! you can also try and calculate how much your going to e4t and burn c41s according to that (i'll list basic f00ds and numbers at the bottom)
"why is there like nothing on your plate??"
first off the best way to avoid this entirely is to just make a plate, i'd rather avoid people finding out so i can keep doing what im doing
for your plate (if you make one) load it up with tonsss of vegetables or fruit but i feel like fruit is never really served tbh, and some meat bc yay protein, sometimes ill throw a roll on there to make my plate look a little better but i don't ever really eat it, my whole family thinks im a very picky e4ter and they know i dont like thanksgiving food so im typically able to get away with throwing out f00d. and family dinners are so chaotic that people don't even realize sometimes.
you can also cut your f00d up and reshape it etc (yall know this meathod 🙏) to make it look like you at3, mashed potatoes are very easy to spread around and make them look like less. here's some excuses you can use to respond to the question:
" oh i atę earlier!!" this is a classic obviously but if your with people before hand e4t a little something in front of them and really make sure they notice.
" i dont feel to good right now."
" im not super hun6ry" also a classic but in classics we trust!
"last time i atę ____ it made feel really sick"
" oh i'm allergic to ____" allergies are a solid excuse but i wouldn't use it unless you actually have them
" gotta save room for dessert!!" don't worry i'll also be explaining how you can get through that to
dessert:
i feel like this is almost more stressful than the main meal, honestly me and my favorite cousin walk like crazy when ever we're together so sometimes i get lucky and miss dessert and than it sits out but there's no one really makeing me ęat it, for our family dessert is mostly optional and my mom knows i don't like e4tin6 a ton of junk so she won't suspect anything but if your family's forcefull here's a few things you can do:
-go for something that you know is lower in c41s or a safe f00d for you
-have very tiny servings
- bake something yourself so you know exactly what your getting
-talk about how full you are while your eating dinner so people think less at dessert
" i might have something in a little bit!!" try to avoid saying things about f00d, like im still full from dinner or im letting my f00d settle, because than you won't have to deal with "but you barely 4tę anything!!"
know what your 3ating:
all of these are measured by the s3rving siz3 (also going to be listed) they may also vary depending on brands, ingredients, toppings, blah blah blah you guys probably know that. this is basically just a rough estimate
cranberry suace: 86 c41s, one slice (about 8 slices per can take that as you will)
- mashed potatoes: 214 c41s (1 cup)
- sweet potato casserole: 235 c41s (1 cup)
- green bean casserole: 200-230 c41s ( a little under 1 cup)
- green beans: 31 c41s (1 cup)
- broccoli: 31 c41s (1 cup)
- asparagus: 32 c41s (10 spears)
- mac and cheese: 310 c41s(1 cup)
- turkey: 240 c41s (1 cup)
- gravy: 36 c41s (3 tbs)
- stuffing: 300-400 c41s (1 cup)
- rolls: 80-150 c41s (one roll)
- pumpkin pie: 300-450 c41s (one slice)
- apple pie: 300-450 c41s (one slice)
- pecan pie 400-500 c41s (one slice)
these f00ds are mostly for thanksgiving because the whole holiday is centered around f00d and i actually despise that, let me know if i missed anything you want me to add to the list or if any of these are incorrect!!
with all of that said, if you enjoy thanksgiving or anything to do with f00d in general, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that!!! no matter where you stand your 3d is still valid. so if you choose to try and make the best of the holidays to whatever extent that may be go right ahead and don't let anyone else stop you, make your self a plate of your your favorite things and go back for dessert twice if that's what you choose, one day won't ruin every step of progress you made, as long as you don't loose yourself entirely you will be ok!!
no matter who you are or how your struggling, your 3d is valid, good luck, be safe, and happy holidays!!!
#3d not sheeran#@na motivation#4norexla#ana y mia#@n@ tips#⭐️rving#light as a 🪶#low cal restriction#⭐️ ing motivation#i just want to be thin#tw ana mia#ana miaa#anadiet#tw ana bløg#tw ed ana#tw mia#mealsp0#tw skipping meals#low cal meal#light
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TF One D-16
#poll#maccadam#transformers#smash or pass#request#d-16#tf one#look. listen to me. i want the movie to be good. i want it to be good so badly.#but i simply do not trust it. its giving marvel movie and that has me Incredibly Fuckin Worried#because i do not want this franchise to turn into generic safe crowd pleaser action comedy allergic to genuine emotion generator no. 6483754#i do not want cliche heavy low effort lowest common denominator movie afraid to do anything even slightly weird beyond surface level#like. look. as much as i dunk on bayverse. as much as i voice my distaste for the designs and everything micheal bay has ever done#i respect the hell out of them for letting those robots be fucked up aliens#with weird nasty unfamiliar biology#and for having intense and serious and deathly somber moments#even if they butcher the characterization of some of the bots#cough cough give me your face ill kill them all optimus#im also not crazy about it looking like optimus and megatron come from the same place in the bottom of society#its so much more compelling for megs to come from the very bottom and be hyperaware of how bad everything is#whole orion has more of an everyman position. a cushy library job. not afforded luxuries but not rotting at the bottom#because then they learn from each other. orion piecing together hiw bad things get while megs picks up how in the dark the mid caste is#also genuinely truly if i have to hear bumblebee say 'well that just happened' im walking through the space bridge into a vacuum#welp. that turned into an essay. dont mind me being a hater 💖
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need someone to write something with the whb demons and a mc who does weightlifting as a hobby 💔 i enjoy it but my muscles get sore and weak as hell after i need one of those strong bitches to carry me around afterwards and when im sore (i literally fell against someone walking home today bc i tried to move aside for them and my legs just decided not to and gave out 😭 im so glad they were nice about it)
#btw dont worry im all good and i do it safely w others ive just been a bit lazy over summer and am trying to get back into it lmaoooo#what in hell is bad#whb#what in “hell” is bad?#prettybusy what in “hell” is bad?
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What do you think the types of drunk would the murder trio be? Im pretty sure ask dusttale already answered this question about dust but i have to ask the mtt expert
see now askdusttale DID answer the question. but they didn't ANSWER the question when asked what dust is like drunk. they just said that dust is the type to drink himself blackout drunk. so that mean i have total freedom on deciding what the mtt are like drunk hehehe (rubs hands together in a villanous way that you would imagine nightmare doing or something idk)
i already have an absolutely hilarious idea for horror and it might just because i'm on the guilt section of his character analysis but i could TOTALLY imagine him being an emotional drunk. like he CRIES. horror sans man known for being incredibly guarded and private with what he feels bawling his eye out. he gets mad he gets sad he does not get happy because horror doesn't have the right to be happy. he is too upset over the fact that he fucking DOOMED all of horrortale because of his selfishness and nothing can stop him from being incredibly vocal about that fact so much so that killer had to tape his mouth shut because he wouldn't stop crying so loud. and then he just silently cries until he passes out from exhaustion. the alcohol has an incredibly strong effect on him because i dont think he would drink regularly plus he definitely hasnt drinken anything in those 7 years of starvation. it hits like a fucking plane crashing into him. or like getting his eye taken out again. either one!
another funny idea i had for killer would be like the alcohol affecting him but he SWEARS that he's still sober. he is very confused when he starts stumbling because wtf he doesnt FEEL drunk??? why is he bumping into walls and tables HELP WHY DOES HE SOUND FUCKING STUPID???? the alcohol is definitely effecting him but he swears he swears he doesn't feel drunk. hes not drunk its just the damn body doing this stupid bullshit!!!! he's still very aware of what's going on and is basically the same as sober but just like. he's wiggly he's wobbly and oh shit he just fell head face first into a tv whoops. he'd also have a high tolerance because just because. he can drink without feeling like shit until he just blacks out mid conversation with someone because his body couldn't take the toll of all the beer or whatever. hilarious idea triglycercule thank you triglycercule i know
dust in the context that we already know that he drinks AND he can fight against the human while like partially drunk.... i feel it would be kinda like a giggly drunk situation. except dust doesn't laugh at anything that's funny he only laughs when someone gets hurt or something. SADISTIC giggly drunk. because i can already imagine a half drunk dust laughing his ass off after killing the human and its a beautiful sight to me.
anyways imagine how it goes when you pair this sadistic giggly drunk with another that wont stop going through the 5 stages of grief and another that keeps on fucking falling over for no reason in his eyes. dream blunt rotation but the blunt is a bottle of vodka. i can already imagine it in my head and its fucking HILARIOUS. horror going on about how he caused the deaths of others and manipulated and tricked papyrus while killer is just trying his best to keep his eyes open because for some reason they won't stop trying to close. he is surprisingly getting frustated. dust has long since lost his voice laughing at this and he's just silent wheezing at everything. also phantom papyrus is only making the laughter worse because he keeps on making rude comments towards horror and killer and only he can hear him and its guffaw inducing. mtt amazing friend group you dont get shit like this anywhere else
#killer's breakdancing and he swears this isnt on purpose guys#GUYS GUYS ITS NOT ME THE BODY IS DRUNK OKAY WHY CANT I STOP WHEN DID I LEARN HOW TO DO THIS#horror has SO much to be guilty over its not even funny. ITS NOT EVEN FUNNY#nobody talks about this but this man is GUILTSTRIFEN. he is literally filled with so much guilt its not even funny#dust and killer have the genocides they did. ok. sure. that's it????#ugh god i dont wanna ramble in tags again..... im just gonna end up saying it in the analysis anyways but ughhhhhhhhhhh#yk what fine i'll rapid fire. trying to keep people from killing themselves. watching his friends die.#knowing that other monsters are getting eaten. worrying papyrus. coming up with a plan he knows wont work and tries make it happen#because that idea of them deconstrucing the core would NOT have worked so he did that out of selfishness#forcing his community to eat humans. tricking papyrus into eating humans. going against all his morals#dare i need say more i swear AND ALL OF THESE ARE SEPERATE THINGS TOO!!!!!!#he single handedly DOOMED horrortale into disarray by destroying the core#the eye idea wouldve worked. it wouldve been the only way monsterkind thrived#and yet he destroyed the core but kept his eye safe. as if one last big fuck you#you can have my eye but you cant have the machine that needs it. good luck bitches#THERE ALREADY WAS FOOD IN SNOWDIN BEFORE HE TOLD THEM TO EAT HUMANS#THERE COULD'VE BEEN ANOTHER WAY TO RATION THE FOOD OR FIND S FOOD SOURCE#BUT HE JUST TOLD TJEM TO EST HUMANS OUT OF SPITE SO UNDYNE WOULDN'T GET THE SOULS#granted it was a solution that worked for the hunger problem BUT HORROR FUCKING HATES IT#HE HATES THE IDEA OF EATING HUMANS HE HATES THE IDEA OF KILLING KIDS#BUT HE STILL DOES IT HE GOES AGAINST ALL HIS MORALS UGHHHHH#horror sans. horror sans my king horror sans my glorious lord and savior#i cannot WAIT to drop that character analysis. it will change lives. and by lives i mean me#i will be a changed man once the horror analysis comes out#anyways WHO IS THIS ANON AGAIN. its a question i always wonder because wtf#you have a daily question for me. this is like a log in event. if i answer all the questions in a row for a week i get a SPECIAL question#but fr thank you so much for your questions i love answering them its so fun to wrack my mind and figure out a way to answer it. brain teas#every time i see the words mtt expert i laugh lowly like an evil villain but i try not let it get to my head#humility is a standard i aim to uphold. one of my character traits. triglycercule character analysis when#tricule asks
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I miss old tumblr in the sense that i could complain about board exams and worrying about not getting enough to be eligible for my medical entrance test and i'd have summoned half the indian side of tumblr to sympathize
#im in sm stress#if i dont score above 75% im not eligible for my neet exam#which im planning to take a drop year for#and its gonne be both expensive and emotionally taxing#and i have to give THIS years neet exam too#for reasons#im not in the clear until may 20#adulthood is a scam#And that is well BEFORE i even start preparing for neet#well before i even have to consider the possibility that i might not get in#im pretty much using this post to vent in tags#its like 4 am#and im stressed. scared. everything#its really difficult just existing w adhd and mental illness#much less studying#and neet is like highly competetive#the cutoff goes so high#i want to get out of this city#and be safe and actually be alive for once#a big part of me will shrivel up and die if i stay#and this is the first time i've actually wanted smth for real#tentatively and doubtfully#but wanting still#and idk if i'll make a good doctor or if i'll fuck up and have it all blow up in my fsce#overthinking basically#im worried im not. capable of doing this#anyways desi tumblrinas where are you😭😭😭😭
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about the whole children on the internet thing…
i joined twitter when i was 12 (i obviously lied abt my age) and i talked with people who were double my age. at the time i thought it was normal and i felt cool for having older friends, but looking back on it now, it couldve been a really traumatizing experience. i’m grateful that all the older people i met online were kind people but i could’ve been less fortunate and met someone who was a pdf or anything else that’s remotely disgusting and illegal
i’m a huge advocate for kids staying off the internet for as long as they can. our generation was a bit different because it wasn’t everyone who was given unlimited access to the internet—it was a handful of people since the internet was still developing and growing at a rapid pace. (i’m also 20)
it’s different now though, with this current generation. 10 year olds are making tiktok’s during lunch breaks and filming youtube vlogs and no one bats an eye. there are second graders on social media and no one seems to care. i think it’s one thing for a child to be interacting with strangers online who are significantly older, but it’s another thing for children being online because they are making the conscious choice to be online rather having physical, irl interactions.
and anon, i completely understand your pov as well. i struggled to make friends and found solace with the people i met online, especially during covid, and i understand there are other people who are in similar situations. however, i think i can confidently say that that’s not the case for the majority of today’s children. they actively choose and decide to not make real friends because the internet “seems more fun”. they’re at an age where having real and genuine social interactions and relationships are supposed to help develop and assist their cognitive development, but if they continue to interact with people through a screen, it can stunt that.
IM SO SORRY THE RANT GOT SO LONG
to be completely honest, i was too terrified to join online spaces until i was like. 15 bc the ideas of "stranger danger" and "no one is who they say they are online" were drilled into my head so hard that i didn't touch social media until that age.
stories of lying old men or stalkers sound so surreal when you don't experience it yourself, but it really is a very real and very scary thing, which is why i agree w u anon ab advocating for young people to stay offline as much as possible until they are a) mature enough to make decisions or b) have people they know first online.
and yes you're so right that the internet has changed so much. like, even when i was young i was experiencing exactly what you did, but now... everyone has an online presence. the openness is terrifying and so uncomfortable for me bc i hate that it's becoming normalised, like you said, and literal pre-teens are talking to, well, adults. online. without having ever met them in person. not only is that so dangerous, it also gives them a warped idea of the world, having only experienced it thru a screen and thru other people's opinions. which will never make up for a real, personal experience of the world.
of course, you can't control what people do, but all i say is that they do NOT talk to me. if i can maybe encourage young teens to find someone irl to talk to (instead of choosing to interact with adults on the internet), then maybe ill feel a little bit better. being chronically online is NOT cool, and never will be.
#fairyhaos.answers#lovely anon <3#dont worry about the rant omg i really liked reading it!!!!!!!!#not like. enjoyed it. but i appreciate u sharing your views!#i totally agree that online spaces have changed so much in the past few years#and that part about teens literally choosing to be online rather than talking to people they know? SO VALID#and rhe idea of the internet beingba safe space is a bit of a mystery to ke bc like.#ofc i totally understand some people just didnt have the option to talk to people irl#but you prefer being on the INTERNET??? where peiple have wrong opinions and are complete bigots??????#you know whats a good thing to do instead. read books. im so serious that eas all i did when i was 12
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trying to keep all my clemviminnie thoughts contained until i get to episode 3 but
its hard
#telltale was CRAZY for this btw!! the drama of it all ALWAYS gets me#violet blaming herself for her gf/minnies death. clem helps her open up again. starts dating clem. finds out minnie is still alive?#saved violet telling clem she has nothing to worry about and she'll fight minnie if she has to to keep clem and her loved ones safe#kidnapped violet getting brain poisoned by minnie into turning against clem after feeling betrayed and abandoned by her#saved vi shooting minnie to save clem!!!!!!!!! but cant leave minnie behind because she already left her once and she cant do it again#vi begging minnie to stop trying to fucking kill them but shes too far gone. the 3 of them fight to the DEATH!!!#now add all that to the parallels and dark mirrors going on between clem and minnie in the A plot like the tension is off the charts#plus the parallels you can draw between clem and vi but those are less “you are my dark mirror” and more “we are the same i understand you”#HOW are the girlies not still talking about this#you know what i partially blame myself i dont talk about it enough either. i forget how many things ive left in my wips folder sometimes#UGH its all so good violets route just ads so much Flavor to the clem/minnie plotline its Delicious i couldnt imagine it Not being there#i neeeeeeeed to draw them fighting and being gay and maybe bloody even#if u cant tell i really want to get back to that wip i posted a few weeks ago but im Trying to Restrain Myself#i love forcing myself to take things slow sometimes really makes the brain shift into overdrive#twdg#violentine#it speaks
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more photography! this time its a sunrise. i remember catchin a glimpse of the sky through the window while i was pacin in the kitchen and the telltale signs of a beautiful pink mornin and immediately turnin around and runnin to grab my camera before the sun could get over the horizon
that was actually a pretty bad day too. but i got some really dope pictures outta it anyways
#my art#photography#sunrise#its been a bad day!! really bad!! i keep wildly flip floppin between grief and despair and determination and hope and complete and total#numbness. but! i have pretty pictures on my camera roll from a week ago. there was beauty last week and there will be beauty next week#and i wanna see it. so im gonna make it to next week 💪💪#i went out n took more pictures today too so maybe next week ill post those#also ive BEEN drawing its just all practice shit that im embarrassed about. but i have a goofy idea thatd probably be good to do now but!!#anyways thats the post i hope you stay safe remember to never drop your crown but if you do dont worry its bc metal you can just dust it of
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i know doctor who has never been Perfect, and i love capaldi, i love twelve, but christ alive its a hard watch sometimes
#toy txt post#they just made him so egregiously and blatantly RACIST? like to the point where im like was this like? an on purpose characterization#choice that i just strongly disagree with? or like? is it a consequence of the writers trying to be less racist by including more#characters of color but failing by not checking their own implicit biases so now not only is the doctor racist but like. egregiously so bc#theres so many more opportunities for him to be racist? like just#and if youre sitting here like hes not!!! how dare you: pay attention to the difference in how he treats characters of color vs white chars#he hates soldiers. okay fine thats been fairly consistent. okay but 12 RLY hates them. he hates them so much he cant stand Claras bf Danny#who should be the doctors like ideal soldier bc he was a soldier who didnt want to be anymore and just wants to chill and do good in the#world and for ppl to be safe so hes just a nice math teacher and the doctor calls him stupid and treats him as if hes fucking rambo? but#the doctor is largely fine with: kate lethbridge stewart? hes fine with ogood who may not be a soldier in her own right but shes actively#participating in UNIT as a scientist in a way thats way more ~soldiery~ than anything Danny is doing? and like they clearly wanted that to#be a point of tension to point out the doctors hypocrisy of how the doctor is like a high ranking officer/general whatever#and like thats fine and fair to point out but it just sucks that they do all that and dont seem ti realize how fuckijg racist they wrote#him? he was fucking besties with winston goddamn churchill but he refuses whatshername. journey blue? as a companion bc#shes a soldier. well bro you could make her not a soldier by removing her from the fucking battlefield maybe instead of getting morally#outraged about it? not to mention noticing how when he goes from '900 yrs of space and time and ive never met anyone who wasnt important'#wandering around being fine with UNIT apparently declaring him dictator of earth in emergencies (HELLO?) but dont worry he'll let us know#he disapproves by picking some random UNIT guy to be a really condescending asshole to. pay no attention to the fact that this UNIT#guy happens to be another character of color. ~the 12th doctor is too faceblind you cant call him racist~ well for a guy who cant tell#humans apart from sontarans his accidentaly racism beam is off the charts. its crazy. god#god i wish he'd gotten written better than this#when they do write him good they write him good. but godddddddd its so#doctor who
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...
#guess whos back in therapy bby 😎#the lady i saw was nice. 1st appointments r always a lotta blah blah blah so much to cover#and im always like bleh whatever im not that bad but when u put it all down on paper it is sorta a lot lol#i got the comment. hm u seem to kno a lot abt the dsm. and like listen. i have been meticulously categorizing my problems for the last 4#years. and i like to learn so ya kno. also said yea it sounds like u r having hypomanic episodes.#and asked if bipolar was a possibility and like if i was bipolar that would absolutely blow my god damn mind. im pretty sure its just pmdd#but whatever. im open to the possibility. mostly i wanna hear someone else perspective on this#i feel like im collaborating on a project. like gimmie ur notes i wanna see if were on the same track. bc im insane like that#i always feel bad when they apologize for asking invasive questions. like neh its fine. i got nothin to hide and i dont give a fuck#also i told a class of my peers that my distraction from research is drawing narut0 fan art. again bc i do not#give a single fuck. Professors response: hopefully we get to see it some day. bro. if u ask me i will show u. i do not care#i mean. probably nothing too weird but i feel like most of my stuff is safe to share. i just come off looking like a weeb i guess#but yea back in therapy bc my mum reminded me bc the ppl around me irl r also worried for my well-being based on my behavior lol#i mean its just bc i complain that im in like psychological pain a lot. so lots and lots of bitching abt my brain ^^#the lady i saw did fall a lil bit into my trap. like what woulf ur life look like if u had everything under control? bc it seems like ur#here and ur starting a phd what more do u want? and im like mwahaha but u see i can do school#i can do school so good. i am the best at school and thats it. i am otherwise barely functional#so i can be successful on paper and dysfunctional when it comes to having a life :-]#but whatever. well see what she wants to follow up on next week bc i threw a lot at her#also went to my office for the 1st time. it is really nice to sit in a working lab and watch ppl interact. but also i do feel like im#dying if i try to sit in that room with 2 other ppl lol. so well see how it goes. i may find somewhere else to hide#unrelated
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living in my own home away from my dad but he still waits up for me to get home
#i was panicking cause 'whos up at 2am. who can i call at 2am- no one will pick up the pho-- my dad. his phone is ALWAYS on loud.'#it rings twice and im like 'shit dad im so sorry to call you and wake you' and hes just there like 'oh dont worry. i was waiting for you.'#turns out: my mum was suppose to message me to tell me to call my dad when i got off the coach to walk home! she must've forgot tho#cause i was initially just gonna walk home ez - it wasnt until the guy cat called me and started following me again that i thought#nOPE NOT THE NIGHT NOT THE VICTIM I GOTTA CALL SOMEONE OR SMTH#so i thought i might have woken him but nope he was already waiting on me - kinda had a moment of !!!!!!#my dad miiight have grown to become my hero or smth pfshhh anyway#ALSO U KNOW I DID THAT THING AGAIN. random stranger starts talking loudly and i looked at him - u give them a glance and they take it ALL.#gotta learn to stop doing that for my own fuckin safety jfc. BUT I MADE IT HOME SAFE ANYWAY SO#me and my dad just talked about our days and mid way he was like 'are you okay? you sound like youre shivering? is it cold or-'#'OH YEA im just cold. its freezing.' 'Ha! trust me there is nothing better than being in the freezing cold and then getting into bed.#best feeling... i know you have your own life now but its good to make sure you get home safe.'#ITS LIKE ONE OF THOSE LIKE. ARHGHGH my dad loves me fuck the rest of yall-#this is for all those people who say i have daddy issues cause i make a father figure out of every character i like-#ur correct but-#ANYWAY SOmetimes forget my dad has unmedicated anxiety. my mans out here fighting for him life on a random saturday cause his kid#didnt get home until 2am. then he wakes up at 6am to help my brother - My guy doing It All.#my art#ted talk
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the best part of getting to party with ppl my age was how well people knew their boundaries. the balance of being able to get absolutely zooted until the late hours while also all of us waking up before 8am to make breakfast and clean was genuinely comical
i woke up just before 8am thinking i'd be one of the first to rise but i was the 3rd to last
#[static]#everyone had already cleaned and they were starting to make the group breakfast#ive not been to a party since ... gods 2016?? and we were all a little too eager to over do it back in the day#it was genuinely sweet in its own strange way#then cut to 9am when we went back to party mode#someone brought liquid iv and everyone was making sure we all had lots of snacks and water and sharing the different goods we brought#it was just sweet! a nice weekend to let loose but as my friend said#we are all the 'mom friend' so it was a really safe environment and a bunch of fun#i have never been so stoned in my life for so long but it made me feel more relaxed than I've felt in years tbh#not a worry on my mind and just enjoying the trees and the lake and reading my book and helping my companions who were playing in the water#i dont really like talking about Partaking in drugs in general for several reasons (mainly it makes me cringe @ me)#but i cannot emphasize how i had Zero Worry or Anxiety in my body for the first time in gods know how long#im home now and just ... ready to do things and my brain feels normal for once#no overwhelming chatter about things im anxious about or coming up with things to be anxious about#i will be grateful for the brain-quiet for as long as it lasts
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ngl besties but i am not doing so great right now. anyone else not able to function because of constant thoughts of hurting yourself and crushing depression?
#im good dont worry#i don't even know how to feel better#all i do is try to keep myself distracted 100% of the time but that means I can't do things that i need to do#im in a therapy program 25 hours a week#but i don't know what to share during process group because there was no trigger for all of this. i just feel so shitty for no reason#i did a lot of cbt and dbt when i was younger so the skills aren't very useful to me even if i wanted to use them#when i talk to the therapist one on one i just tell her about how i want to kill myself and stuff#i don't even really want to get better because that means that i won't kill myself and have to be alive#but i know that i can't kill myself so i need to get better. i don't want to though.#i feel like no one can help me including myself even if i tried really hard because i just can't stop these thoughts#i can't go on like this. when you feel like this and don't feel safe then you're supposed to go to the emergency room#and they will probably send you to the psych ward. but i was just there and they barely helped me.#i know that i have a bright future ahead of me and i will get my degree next year from a good university in an employable field#i know i have such a good life and a bright future but i don't want it#i feel like a horrible person and so ungrateful for saying that#anyways i guess i just need to keep trying to get through each day even though i don't want to and it's so fucking hard#my suicidal thoughts are actually getting a little better but they are still almost constant and overwhelming#and sometimes i can't help but make suicide plans which i know if concerning but i haven't actually taken any steps towards carrying out#those plans#i just wish that that i could be dead. it would solve all my problems. but my family and ffriends would be sad.#if i can't kill myself and i always feel so bad how do i keep getting through each day?#i don't know how much longer i can live like this. ive already lived longer than i thought i would before i was hospitalized#but if i can't die and i can't feel better then what do i do? i can't function like this or do the things i need to do#and each day it gets harder and harder#i think i need to share some of this shit during process group tomorrow lol#i guess just about feeling stuck and like i'll never feel better and not being sure if i want to get better?
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too many thoughts head full :( sorry for the big huge rant in tags btw i just have too much going on rn
#i want my friends to like me and im sorta sure they already do but like i can never be sure#what if they only keep hanging out with me because they feel bad for me or somehting#im the worst person in any group im in no matter what#and i dont know how to tell people my boundaries without risking hurting thier feelings so ive just never voiced my concerns to my friends#because i just want to be well-liked by everybody and let them think im someone whos good enough to have friends#i feel like if i cant be entertaining and funny to them all the time then otherwise no one would like me#my friends are all great people just to be clear. they havent done anything to hurt me ever and i mostly feel safe around them#this is NOT their fault its just my stupid insecure monkey brain dont worry theyre really nice to me#more nice to me than i deserve#so why am i so sad all the time no matter what happens to me?#vent#im so sorry if you have read all this. i feel bad about ranting about all this im sorry thank you so much
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go ahead, tell me how you really feel.
#sona tag#some people in my notes ask if its ok to rb things#from me like some art that i post#and my response to that is: if its rebloggable#you can reblog it!#if i dont want it reblogged ill switch reblogs off yk#alchohol tw#dont worry im all good and safe !!! im doing good :)#i just wanted to draw some emotions because like#its hard for me to know what im feeling#until i get talking about it#or drawing about it i guess#weeeeeeeee yaaaaayyyyyy waheeee
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Happy all hallows may your spirits be sweet amd your sweets be many 👻
#personal#halloween#to all those who observe of course if you dont then dont worry this message isnt for you 💕 stay safe folkx#what time does trick or treating start usually im so nervous but excited to do participate in it#i really really hope atleast some houses are taking part near me and i dont get turned away fro being too old 🤞🍬#i could really use the sugars tbh i did end up having my last tuna already so. the body would make good use of it i know
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