#dont know if im happy with all of these but i thought the same about martin and yall ate that right up so hopefully these also taste good
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so REVENGE, HUH? or justice, if that makes you feel better. it tastes the same when cooked just right. 'I REALLY WANTED A BROTHER.' such a shame to burn a bridge you so desperately wanted to keep, especially when it wasnt even you who started the fire. especially when you hope that not a single fragment of that bridge ever washes ashore.[MAY IT ROT FAR FROM MY SIGHTS] an unfortunate loss! atleast he has his friends.
#jrwi fanart#jrwi show#jrwi prime defenders#jrwi prime defenders spoilers#jrwi pd spoilers#jrwi pd#william wisp#vyncent sol#THIS ONE IS FUUUUCKIN OOOOOLLDD RAAAHHHHH i made it like. a year ago. but didnt finish it for so so long bc i just wasnt happy w it.#BUT LIKE A CENTURY EGG the decades of being encased in salt n lime n ash have done WELL to bring out the flavores of this piece#i sorta recently cleaned it up and posted it onto twitty. didnt tag it bc it was SO OLD AND SCUFFED(i see so many MISTAKES NOW)#that i didnt want to expose it to the open air just like that#if i show smth to my small circles then it shall only be understood in those small circles.#open air and open interpretation from minds i cannot predict are NOT something i enjoy the thought of. usually. i am brave tho#BUT EVERYONE ON TWITTY WAS SO NICEEE i was like damn... i guess it IS good enough to be enjoyed by the masses...#lets work on being nicer to our art together. THAT BEING SAID. i really love my colors here HELL YEAHHHH#FIRST TIME IN A WHILE COLORIN THESE BOYS.... i dont use proper color enough..I ALSO RLY LIKE MY BACKGROUNDS HERE#i LOVE when the bg is hyperrealistic (i frankestiened stock photos) and when the subjects are all flat colored n cartoony#recently rewatched Making Fiends and they do that similar thing!! soft shading! lotsa details! almost painted? ill paint one day#ive already rambled so much abt the art im runnin out of ROOm to ramble about WWWIILLIAM GODDAMN WWIIIISP. its been a minute since i saw-#-this episode..but i DO remember the funny smoke trick that will did to his funny brother. EVERYTIME U GIVE AN ORDER. THAT BRINGS HARM-#-INDIRECTLY OR NOT. YOU WILL HEAR THOSE SCREAMS. YOU WILL FEEL THAT PAIN. OHHH WHAT A COOL PUNISHMENT THAT IS#its still an olive branch in a sense! a final chance for big bro bell to show that hes NOT an irrideemable piece o shit. and if not#well. to the wolves of psychosis with him!!! i really think william did the best he could here. if i was in his shoes i have no doubt i-#-woulda done the same. IM ALSO GLAD THAT VYN DECIDED TO STICK AROUND N SUPPORT HIM! thas character development baybe!!#i loooove prime defenders.. its been so long since i watched any eps of it but i KNOW it still has such a grip on my heart..GOTTA rewatch i
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grym dressed as ex altiora for halloween🥺
#my art#oc#grymberk#im not fandomtagging this man#heh(talking to room of ghosts) you thought. my oc with lichtenburg scar wasnt inspired by my horror podcast brainrot ?#and she's tall as fuck and named mountain? yeah.#i do have more tee em ay doodles since im doing a relisten before diving into protocol#its crazy i know quite literally 0% about the sequel cause i dont follow anyone who are in this fandom haha they call me the ignorer#i think its the same way i played all of xiv knowing NOTHING about every single expansion going into it i love my blind playthroughs#oouuiiii ouiii happy halloween im going to fry squash slices#bisexual
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procrastination is starting to have its consequences finally
#on my friends living room floor they love together but one of them has been london for weeks or maybe months#to be with her love. im on a foam mattress from one of their beds next to a glass bottle of water opened by one of them#in a mug given to me by another. the weather felt like my childhood today and it also felt like 2 years ago.#(put space in the heavens Einstein's idea and hes your friend too so nothing to fear) around the table they drank and laughed and i thought#i hope you keep growing so full with the love you receive . i hope your appetite becomes insatiable from how used to it you are#and i know youre all leaving soon but i hope one day you miss this and that youll be happy you miss it#its worth missing i think#i thought he didnt care but he said after exams hes going walk around this area over and over#(this is near where he lived and where we visited almost daily for a year)#(hed come across the bridge on a lake)#we went where she used to live and at the entrance a fox sat calmly. it just yawned and stared.#it felt important somehow. i think maybe their impressions of me will never be close to how i feel inside but i think#i love them enough for that not to matter. i dont think theyll ever know this. i dont think if they did it would change much.#and seeing them smile makes my heart glow anyway. today i tried their malaysian tea the ginger burned my throat#they warmed my heart. hes going to canada soon and hes going to the US soon and shes going everywhere soon ill never understand#how were supposed to live with memories and with seperation and with the past but we do it anyway so i think it doesnt matter much#i wanted to write a poem for the lab rats with the fibre optic wires lit with blue forcing them to turn around and around#something about how im sorry that the two photon arrays burned the inside of your brain. im sorry about the sharp points of multielectrode#arrayes. im sorry about everything we do to you. she asked to see me tomorrow. im trying to have self control but i miss her so awfully#last night my friend talked to me and i updated on everything that happened with love and the lack of it and she just started laughing#and she told me about the same thing from her side. and she told me about how she loved london because she would walk the streets#and she felt like the people were her. and her eyes would go over the people and the bag of bagels and the construction men they probably#have a kid at home maybe shes a daughter. this kid is crying for her mother and the building you just walked past caused#blisters and pain and people died in it and very likely people were born in it. we talked for hours and i felt like#i was holding her hand just like that time she held mine watching a horror film. i love her so much#my friend is a genius and i remember her picking up the charms of my phone and staring at the leaf hanging from them. shes side stepping to#music drinking dangerous cider and cocktails from a movie and chit chatting with billionaires and undergrads#i love her dearly. his head covered in electrodes. she tells me about a syrian guy shes in love with and she says#what you feel and what i feel is like cocaine. ive tried a lot of fucking cocaine.#she says ive reminded her of what living actually feels like and to never put energy into someone who doesnt see me this way.
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"When you guys are playing and, like, we all got podcasts and there are big podcasts out there, you know, are going from series to series, and they're critiquing teams and what not—like, at the end, do you know who's chirping you? Do you pay attention to that shit? Do you know who's on your side? Do you know who's, you know, rooting against you? Do you guys pay attention to that kind-of stuff? I'm just curious." "Yeah, I think this might be the first podcast I've ever done—I'm not the biggest fan of podcasts to be honest. I think—I'm friends with that, you know, [Shane] O'Brien, and [Scottie] Upshall (2 out of the 3 cohosts of the Missin' Curfew podcast), I love those guys... so if they ask I would do it but... again they, I think—I think negativity flows through media so much that it just kind-of disgusts me and I want nothing to do with it to be honest. So I hate the negativity, I think it's crazy, I think negativity in media steers guys away from certain teams... it's like, 'Why do you want that?' right? So I don't know, I'm a huge fan of the positivity, finding the positives in players and not putting guys down especially in podcasts and stuff like that where it should be for the players, right? It should be a positive thing, something that we rally around. Especially as ex-players!" "Yeah! We're gonna pump your tires!" "That's it!" "Well, you still gotta be real though!" "No, I know!" "You know if you have a bad game—" "It's gotta be real! For sure!" "—You gotta be real! You can't fake out your audience either so it's still a business." "One hundred percent! One hundred percent, one hundred percent... and I get that but—Yeah, I mean, I saw all those Spittin' Chiclets guys all over Edmonton's bandwagon so..." "That really bothered you guys, eh? Like, I mean, you guys were paying attention to that. I mean, as evidence as well on what took place on the ice after the game... you guys weren't, like, fucking around, you were being serious, right? You guys—that really bothered you guys?" "Hundred percent." "What was it? Like, the most that bothered you about it? Just the fact that, 'Hey, you guys are rooting for them... why are you trying to celebrate with us?' I mean, was it—is it that simple?" "Exactly. Yeah, get the f—we won, get off... right? Get out of here. That's uh, yeah. I don't know, I don't want to be too controversial or anything like that. I'm a happy guy, I like everybody so... whatever." "They're all good dudes, man. Listen if they're into hockey and they're talking about hockey thats a positive one way or the other!" "Oh, they're growing the game! They're growing the game! Huge! And they're doing a great job and I've spoke with Biz [Paul Bissonnette] a few times and I know Whit [Ryan Whitney] (Cohosts of Spittin' Chiclets) and I've got no issues with any of 'em. Truly."
The Cam & Strick Podcast | 7.30.24 (x)
#aaron ekblad#florida panthers#i love when ekky gets petty i think he should be petty more often#“im a chill happy peace loving guy” NO YOU ARE NOT SWEETHEART LMAOOOOOOO#its the way ekky tries to portray himself and the way he actually comes off thats so special to me#matthew “we dont listen to outside noise!” vs ekky “i remember the names of all my detractors and will write them in blood”#“negativity flows through media so much that it just kind-of disgusts me and I want nothing to do with it to be honest”#said like a man who went first overall to a team that was basically seen as a suffering hellhole for years#and has so much negative media focused on him for fucking ages#“wow that really bothered you” “yep (refuses to elaborate)”#“so like what about THAT bothered you? (proceeds to sus out his feelings)” “exactly” ITS LIKE PULLING TEETH WITH THIS GUY#“get off—” you absolutely know he was gonna say “get off our dicks” oh you know he wanted to say it. thought about it.#and went i cant be that crass in public despite the fact im allowed to say fuck multiple times.#i would pay so much money to get a completely unfiltered conversation with ekky SO MUCH MONEY#unfortunately i think you should be more controversial ekky#say what you really feel baby!#i love the podcast that shall not be named slander like yeah ekky im glad we're on the same page about this#the whatever after he goes im a happy guy i love everyone you doing a great job convincing us this didnt affect you at all#i love ekky so much you dont understand
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Trying on the cosplays imma wear to a con in a month and getting excited that ill be cosplaying said characters in a month
#prince's talk tag#yo its gonna be so fun!!#im doing h/omura‚ p/ers/ona3 protag and my boy rui in that order#h/omura was supposed to be a duo with my friend (they were to cosplay her gf)#but theres a s/tar r/ail meetup that same day and there wasnt one last year and they wanted to go so they're gonna do that instead#and the other two days i have cosplay meetups i wanna do so there went that#but its ok i know my friend really wanted a meetup last year so im happy theyre getting one this year#imma show up to the p/r/s/k one again and give out extras I get from buying the cd singles bc i dont need all these#plus i wont just be in his school uniform i bought his new troupe outfit so ill be in that!!#and for the protag i got his new battle uniform from the remake so thatll be fun!!#i brought an evoker prop but i need to find like orange tape to put around the muzzle so they know its fake and it cant shoot#the picture showed it with it on so i thought it would come with it but nope!#gotta hope security will be find with the tape on it#like it literally can't shoot the trigger doesn't move its just meant to be posed with#we'll see i guess#i was looking at the panels and i saw some that interest me but ill doubt ill go to bc knowing me ill spend my time in artist alley#but there was one i was really interested in but its at the same time as one of the meetups so i have to forgo it OTL#its a manga industry panel. i went to one at a different con like 9 years ago and i learned a lot about how they publish and print manga#so i kinda wanted to see how other companies do it if theres a difference#tho there is a manga lettering panel the next day and that doesnt interfere with anything so maybe ill do that one if anything#bc i have a love-hate relationship with type#man i can't wait for next month!!
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not to be a milennial but harry potter and the prisoner of azkaban really is that bitch....
#mom wanted to rewatch the movies so we've been going thru them <3#talk about a movie thats just like. grief. i turn into the jamie lee curtis halloween trauma supercut#SORRY..... the visuals are peak like that IS the hp vibe to ME and i am BLOWN AWAY this movie was made in 2004 it feels ahead of its time#the first two are so whimsical and magical enrapturing and this movie is like. a well worn cardigan. this feels 2011 cozycore to me#sorry but the introduction of lupin becoming a comforting trusted guardian type of figure AND the dementors representing hollow depression#this 13 yr old whos been kept in the dark on so many things being extra vulnerable prey to them bc of the severe trauma#but getting lessons on how to withstand that creeping dread.. through happy memories... still bonding w lupin increasngly ouagh...#the grief between them both over james and lily. also btw ofc defense against the dark arts being fighting yr fears through laughter. aaaaaa#and then sirius. black. im. i know we meme on the twelve years of it! in azkaban! but as a bitch whos now closer to those characters in age#and can appreciate and understand them obv more than i could when i was. a tween. that just hits like ok shit. VALID#so valid and real to see the child of your friends you knew at that age but who DIED and then see the friend who betrayed them#to see like the best of BOTH of them mirrored and living on in him and be like yknow what???? you WILL be protected frm that same fate#hoooo the briefest moment where harry might hope things will turn out okay. w sirius' name being cleared and peter having to explain himself#and sirius being like hey i get it if you want to stay w your family that is fine but. if you wanna move in w me...#(harry relaying this to hermione later as well. dreaming of a place fr just the two of them somewhere in the countryside#somewhere..... sirius might see the sky..... bc he thinks he would like that after all those years locked up do not even touch me rn.......)#only fr everything to turn to shit two friends fighting w deadly force. the chance to set this right slipping off into the night.#a million dementors descending relentlessly until utter exhaustion and certain death. some strange salvation? fight for a second chance?#but then still havign to say goodbye when they only just GOT this. and everything still being so. god. and lupin having to leave as well.#the thought of sirius also WANTING that guardian type connection but being forced to live in 1. a cave barely living more freely than before#2. then being confined to the stuffy somber abusive home he ran away from as a teen w that portrait still up there and everything.. bitch...#oh man the way i KNOW when we get to ootp (my favourite) its gonna leave me blasted into a million little pieces#the way i know shit like the knowing wink the entirety of the wall tapestry room scene and of course nice one james is gonna DESTROY me..#dont even talk to me abt that dark turn at the end of gof and how everything after gets soooo. god. w everything just getting destroyed and.#i cant even think abt it i cant even talk about it. wah#i dont care btw that they aged those guys up undermining how insanely young these people died. perfect casting fr the remaining marauders ok
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not happy with how my 'meeting' w my potential new store manager went and i cant figure out if im being an ass about this
#only in the sense that this is just how it is working retail#i know that#but surely im allowed to have shit i just dont want to fucking do#i cant afford to be picky but christ i just want a job to be what it is#i dont want to be cross-trained i dont want to do more jobs for the same amount of money i dont want to have more responsibilities#i just want something simple#i just want to get through the day#id be happy throwing boxes#but i currently work at a grocery store handling online orders#iv been dealing#and at the new store theyr telling me ill have to crosstrain for the front end-service desk#and i just#i know ppl work registers and phones and they hate it but they get through it#so many people put up with this#i probably COULD is the thing#but the thought alone makes me want to peel my skin off#i just dont fucking want to#all of this on top of how she knew fuckall about my transfer which is just#and had no answer on if i could get ft#jesus#and hr was supposed to be there! this was set up beforehand! and guess who wasnt in today!#fucking hr!
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ugghhh wintertime sucks!! I'm sad and tired and sad all the time.. I need a nap.. and f/o cuddles.. and another nap..
#ash rambles 💚#negative#part of it is definitely the weather#it's so dark and dreary and i never wanna leave my bed#but also just. my mood akdjajs I'm kinda down in the dumps today#im recovering from being sick which always fucks me up#and i just cant shake this feeling of anxiety..? and i feel kinda a lot like my f/os wouldnt like me or would fall out of love or never see#me as more than a friend and other stuff like that#i.. actually got broken up with yesterday irl!#it wasnt messy. he said that this isnt what he wanted and it was fine and we're back to being pals. i wasnt sad at all in the moment and#i dont think i am now..? it's weird. we were laughing like always literal minutes after having the chat. when we got together we said that#if things domt work out we wanna keep being friends. and we're doing just that. honestly i saw it coming and idek if i LOVE him anymore#what even does love feel like..? regardless I'm not upset or sad at my breakup since i saw it coming and I'm honestly happy he just. Talked#to me about it. we communicated and then three minutes later went back to talking about x.enoblade LMAAOO it was fun!#but it is ridiculous for me to expect to feel NOTHING at no longer being in a relationship. i cant just feel nothing. i dont feel sad per s#just... in my thoughts i guess? I don't think the feeling of my f/os not liking me stems from me being dumped though. i think thats just me#being me sjdjaksj I'm very insecure a lot of the time. i dont think being dumped helpd very much though LMAAAOO#I'm doing okay i promise. and I'll be alright. theres just both a lot and nothing going on at the same time and i feel... idk what i feel.#i hope my f/os love me 😭 i hope that a lot#and honestly i know this community is ass and I'm more than happy in my own corner with my couple of followers but. ngl I've really felt as#though I'm not valued here and all that junk as of late. yeah just.. i think everything is happening at the same time and I'm tired and#i feel like I'm a confused kiddo who doesnt know anything anymore BAHAHAHA#holy shit it just sounds like i need a shower and a nap huh- I'll be alright I'm just. dealing with stuff akdjsks but i also hate to always#bring the mood down like this! i always try my best to be haha silly and all that shit. I'm just gonna try to daydream about f/o cuddles#(and try to convince myself they dont hate me ofc)#oh and. i know i mentioned this but. i hate the weather. so much. I'm sad all the time. November is actually my least favorite month too 😭#I've gotta study a lot today and I'll try to sneak in some k.urohyou and hopefully start watching monster too but yeah i apolgize if#I'm acting off these days ajdjajs I'm very stuck in my own mind these days. not exactly the most fun place to be 😭#delete later#i mean akdjajs i literally started crying the other day because my friend said that my husband (k.yohei) loves me ajdkahdb come on ash..
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Hi btw I've never been sicker
#IN THE END CREDITS.#THE FUCKING FLOWER HES HOLDING IS STARTING TO GROW AGAIN. DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME???? DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS????????#HE DIDNT RECOGNIZE THE FLOWER THE FIRST TIME EITHER. IT TOOK A SECOND FOR IT TO COME BACK URGHSHSJSOLWLSJFMSKXN#HE. URGHHHHGHJSISOSHEKDIFNSKDN#im happy for him#he thought he destroyed them all. he was like flower kid once. its growing back. hes happy. hes getting to be happy#I HATE THIS GAME SO MUCH ITS KILLING ME (I LOVE IT SO BAD THAT I FEEL LIKE IM GOING TO BLOW UP)#EXPLODES#i have a lot to say about all of this but im afraid that i have harassed everyone enough about s4m. in this way.#i WILL be rbing a lot of fanart now#THE WHOLE LOSS OF INNOCENCE THING THE PAPER GUY MENTIONED WITH HABIT'S FLOWER BEING HURT#AND THATS WHEN HE LOST HIS 'PERFECT SMILE.“ AND NOW THE FLOWER IS GROWING. HES STARTING TO BE HAPPY AGAIN#AND ITS IMPORTANT TO ME THAT ITS A *NEW* FLOWER. ITS NOT THE SAME FLOWER THAT IT WAS BUT ITS A NEW ONE#and its just starting to sprout and im going to be so ill. SOOOOO so so ill#I FORGOT THE DEVS RELEASED A LITTLE THING FOR ONE OF THE ANNIVERSARIES OR SOMETHING I HAVE TO FIND IT AGAIN#i “played” it during summer but i dont remember where i found it the first time#when hes talking about those damn seeds hes also talking about a part of himself and ill never ever be over it
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I alluded to this in tags awhile ago but like. IK continuity doesn’t work this way and when things shifted from kooky and silly 40s stuff with psas scattered to like dark brooding whatever we’re supposed to take it as like either time passing with some hand waving to personalities or ‘it was always like this for them trust’ but thinking about dick specifically going from holy galloping grasshoppers Batman to dealing with Bruce in spyral and shit is so so so sad I can’t articulate it well rn but like everyone kinda agrees the shift happened after two face and jason but like no dick saw it all he saw it while it happened he saw Bruce taking tim to baseball games and then gaslighting him at 16 he saw the man who’d take care of a random baby on the fly threaten to send his youngest son back to the league he saw the man who helped usher in a new era of young heroes treat Steph like shit he saw the man who inspired hope for a future in civilians heroes and enemies alike take advantage of cass’ suicidal thoughts and separation from her own humanity he saw everything and he just has to. Deal. To everyone else this is just Bruce and ppl like Tim and cass justify it to an extent bc they love him and get exasperated and when Dick is angry but how couldn’t Dick be angry? That’s his dad and he’s being so fucking mean and idk I’m rambling
#i promise this is better thought out on the daily Im so so tired rn autocorrect is saving me#and It’s like the lighthearted era of the 40s smacking someone across the face into shit like throwing him into Jason’s memorial#like It’s not even whiplash bc it’s always happened it’s just. aaruhdsjak#and this is why I hate the entire thing where Bruce does nothing and it’s ALL terrible writing like#they had Superman doing corporal punishment bro idk#and not saying that’s good or necessary today I’m just saying unfortunately for Bruce Stans literally everyone is shaped by his behavior#It’s why they’re so fucked to eachother too#like the reason perfect dad bruce who’s only issue is miscommunication is annoying bc u#sets up every following issue tk ve of the same vein#he and Jason DONT have genuine morality clashes that usually end up violent and beLetha#near lethal bc they’re both secure in their own righteousness#It’s ‘they need to talk and Jason needs to call alfie and gl#go to Sunday brunch and Bruce needs to be okay with killing the really really bad ppl :(‘#like no bro sorry they’re not as wishy washy as u 🙄#that’s a joke#Im not saying bruxe should hit his kids I’m just saying when he does it’s not automatically the writer doesn’t know him#they might know him all too well actually#also it’s just the way it’s framed for me sorry I think Conflict is interesting#so bruce growing up (at 60 lmao) and dick just having to deal with it is sooo#like idk IK dc is trying to happy family Damian and Bruce rn but to me Bruce DID get somewhat better but Damian can’t ades#address tough shit without feeling luke he’s dragging it and rlly he should be grateful they’re turning a blind eye tk his mistakes so he#goes along with it#pretend the soulless ‘i hate you bc I’m insecure and secretly think ur my favorite Drake!’ is actually#‘i know the role I need to play in order to keep things smooth and if u#i talk to any of you genuinely I’ll explode and also you’ll hate me and also I think I’ll hate you I think I already do so’#that’s my coping#and thats for me personally like this entire post Is how I personally like to see it#i like happy go lucky batfam in microdoses except WFA y will not be forgiven for what u did to Duke#also for the og post I have a whole thing about how Bruce’s attempt to separate the man and the mask causes him to do crazy shit to his kids#but diff time THATS just how I get my middle between incorrect quotes bruce and dudebro bruce tbh
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I think about that tiktok trend where you like paint your partners eye color on your nails or make a bracelet or something with the color a lot actually
#like its so cute honestly but sometimes i wonder how hard it would actually be to like find the right color match#maybe one day... but for now probably expect oc art with this trend in it maybe 💀#the thing about it too is i have like dark eyes and idk if ive ever seen like a dark brown nail polish. beads or thread yeah but ya#oh nvm i googled. it exists i just dont pay attention ig#OH you know what i can do... i can paint pepperonis eye color on my nails.... my baby... my kitty......#dude it feels like 5 am why is it only 2#amyways. 4 monsters was a big mistake i think... i feel quite icky...#it doesnt help i didnt eat for a majority of the day it was just monster. im really unhealthy. need water maybe#wait i was talking about nail polish how did i get here#i just want to actually do cute couple things. i must heal. im gonna be so healthy.#its fine. lmao. i just know im not ready#oh i did eat btw dont worry lmao i had. chicken nuggets#i actually have to eat more bc i need to gain back some weight or they wont let me donate plasma#my extra pokemon money..... nawr...#i dropped like 10 pounds. my current job is very physical. lots of scuttling around.#i thought about working out too? i had a short phase last year in like spring or something where i started doing workout type stuff#so like.. maybe. probably should. healtly mindset shit yk#i also maybe want some more clothes. like update my wardrobe a bit. really figure out my style.#like some cool shirts and maybe pants. cause i wear a lot of the same stuff#also again. dropped weight so. need better fitting pants.....#i want more mens pants. big pockets... gender....#anyways. nice chatting with you besties. love you guys my silly little tumblr besties.#some of you that follow this sideblog have supported me on here for a while. i see you. i appreciate you. thank you 💖#genuinely there are names that pop up and im like !! hello!!! its you!!!!!#you guys probably know who you are. go get yourself a little treat you deserve it. or like. idk what you enjoy.#play a good game. watch your favorite show. idk. be happy. love yourself.#this also goes out to those of you who are more passive on my blog. i appreciate you too!! thank you!#all my little tumblr followers.... my besties..... unles you are a bot i havent cleared out lmao#k i might have to go to bed idk im tired well see
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i also dont know why i get such overwhelming feelings of stupidity and guilt these days when im blorbo posting. especially if its about kip. it just comes to me every time nowadays and i dont know why
#i mean. i think its partially cause of all the shitty comments that ive seen so like. i feel like im doing something wrong by being a fan#which i know is not true#but shit brain chemicals go brrrrr#like posting and gifmaking etc makes me genuinely happy and actually feels like kind of a productive use of my time for once#but at the same time i just keep wondering if i should spend it on someone else#which.. idk. i dont know why this feeling is so strong these days#especially since i know my blog is very obviously branded so people are (or at least they should be i dont fucking know honestly)#likeminded here so i should have nothing to worry about#and yet#anyways i have food now im gonna shut up eat and finish those gifs and then try to write before double or nothing eventually kills me#just.. a thought thats been in my head a lot recently#night is an absolute mess on main
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⭐
#ELDEN RING I LOVE YOUUUUUU#aaaag im so excited for the dlc#the lore trialer was AMAZINGGG#i cant believe its only a month away?#i think the person in the beginning was godwyn#maybe its like. godwyn had an affair/relationship and that led to the horrible war and destruction?#but could messmer be his son?#OH#what if he like. had an affair with a dragon? he was very close to them right? and rhats why messmers all fire and snake scales#the red hair could be a red herring pun intended#aaaa im so excited!!!!!!!!#im so ready for miquella hes my favorite character right after melina#im so happy well get to see more of st. trina!!!!#i think she is him hiding from his fate in some way#but i dont think the dlc will be like. in a dream like i originally thought#maybe parts of it but not all#also kindly miquella and most fearsome empyrean miquella is still so unclear#its like every time new lore drops we get a new perspective into what he might be#im so ready to see him at least somewhat clearer#you all know i already excuse most of his (alleged) atrocities simply because he is neat#also hes still such a tails humansona to me.#that post about tails making sonic his homemade adderall?#whats so different about miquella making his sister a needle of unalloyed gold to halt the scarlet rot and the meddling of outer gods?#literally the same character if you ask me#my post#elden ring.... elden ring the love of my life
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Lost note #1 made me cry for like 20 mins I had to put the game down
Cherry on top I made Leshy a damned follower first and I was so upset I had to restart the whole day I'm so sorry babygirl I didn't know there was a limit
Also Heket asked me to marry her let's fucking go
#cotl spoilers#legit i was so distraught after reading lost note 1 oh my god#i havent stopped thinking about it for days#also didnt know u could bring back damned followers#but now that i do im keeping against sacrifice & terrified of death in constant purgatory lol#since only one follower at a time normally can have that trait#if i could get a stinky with both thatd make things a lot easier#guess ill just cheese the game unless they cant be put on the same follower lol#alsoalso Heket gave me a string of normal follower quests before asking 2 marry me and i feel like thats related#to her asking i mean#but either way im happy lol#idk i just dont like initiating when they dont give the quest#otherwise i wouldve married them all by now LMAO#anyway just wanted to share my thoughts cya ✌️#cotl update so epic yall#grrr
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I love drawing in charcoal because when you're in the beginning of a work, instead of looking like something reasonable it's perfectly acceptable and natural for them to look like this
#does that look like anybody you know#tales from diana#(c'est moi)#i was trying to redraw brian protheroe (the same pic of him as edward iv i sketched roughly--and p badly--last month)#in charcoal. bc my mom got me charcoal PENCILS for christmas instead of sticks of vine#which were what i really needed. i dont like to use pencils hardly at all#it was an utter failure. i started off by just trying to do the basic contours of his face + neck + the crown#and then after about 20-30 minutes when i had an ok start i was like ill take a break to refresh my head#went away from it for like an hour. and was like why dont i just try it w the vine#i thought i would improve it. and i suppose i could've if i had REALLY tried#but i was exaggerating the proportions and making the worse while trying to fix them. everything got larger#and i was essentially erasing EVERYTHING i started with while i was trying to even them out#so i just gave up. lol#a girl has learned to quit while she's ahead. and she learned the hard way.#but i wasn't happy to just leave off that drawing a failure wo any plans to do something else#so i went looking through my photos on my phone and found a pic from nov. 2022 that i was going to use#as a reference pic for a figure drawing assignment that i was going to use. but my professor allowed me to draw#my grandmother instead of myself. so i never did that dramatic self-portrait assignment. i did a dramatic grandmother portrait#but i did like the dramatic-lighting picture i took of myself well enough and figured i would draw it someday#im just leaving this as a started picture for now. this wasnt much work at all maybe like 15 minutes#it's an ok start.#bc of the fucked up nature of forming a charcoal drawing i have to admit i usually like my progress pictures more than my final works. lol#like they just have a sort of monstruous edge to them. lol
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ill never be good enough at anything
#vent#events of today only proved it#im genuinely so close to giving up completely#i dont feel happy when I draw because I know its not good enough and im ashamed when others see it because I know they think the same thing#I dont feel satisfied or accomplished when finishing schoolwork because I know others will have done it better and responded better and im#the stupidest person of the entire class. some things I just dont understand but I know everyone else or lots of others did#i cant do anything right. i cant socialize correctly. i cant remember to do anything. i cant keep any stable relationships#i know if i get a job they'll ly me off or fire me within days max weeks. i dont expect to be able to hold down a job for long#i dont have the skills necessary to become what I want to be which is a meteorologist. i struggle in math and that career is a lot of math#i actually want to be an artist too but ill die a lonely death. i cant even do this class. and artists are not paid enough to survive#hell what I do right now with art in my spare time is much worse than others. a mouse and microsoft paint. both arent good enough#i cant not compare myself to others. i know that they're all better than me. and im around these people every day and see it on social medi#i really want to put my art in our shredder and permanently delete files. i want to drop out. i dont know what to do with myself because i#know that im not good enough for anything except lay in bed like the depressed piece of shit i am and end up getting kicked out#i thought about just leaving class today and throwing myself down the stairwell from the top floor i was already on#just over the barrier thats right next to the first flight of stairs that prevents people from falling off the stairs from a height#the one you can look down and see the following flight of stairs. just throw myself down from that and hurt myself significantly.#ive been thinking about jumping again. from a new part of campus thats higher than where i initially wanted to fall from#if not those then sl!t my wrist or run into traffic#i just need to d!e. There's no room for someone as worthless as me#i cried when I came home today because im just done. i cant carry on and itd be better if i didnt. itd be preferred.
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