#don't hold onto hate
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hey . with some negativity popping up in the rpc as of late , i just want to remind my mutuals that the people behind these blogs are actual people with real feelings . you don't know what people are going through and it costs nothing to be kind . people feel powerful with their anonymity behind a screen , but it doesn't make it an excuse to be a shitty human being . we're literally playing barbies online . no one is perfect , nor should we hold people to that standard either , but if you can't communicate with people then perhaps you shouldn't be on this website in the first place . the golden rule of the rpc is literally communication . it's how we plot threads , how we learn about other people's muses , how we write replies . if you think it's okay to make someone's experience here miserable then maybe you should take a step back and learn how to be kinder .
#˚ ༘ ❅ ⋆。˚ ꕥ ━━ ❆ ( 綾華 / ooc )#honestly ?? the takeaway is to be kind#don't hold onto hate#this isn't about me#just from stuff i've seen
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Fuck it. Jumping on the "Prove the Pansear Screenshots weren't Faked" bandwagon. Seeing so many people blindly cheer and reblog that callout post legitimately almost made me delete my blog in fear. I don't blame Pan for deleting at all and don't think that's automatic proof of guilt. No one cared about any potential victims, no one cared if someone got hurt, they just bragged about how "they've always known" and that's terrifying. If the screenshots turn out to be true i'll retract my statement and apologize, but for now im just scared for the rw community and where its headed because this isn't good
I know Im not really a creator in the rw fandom anymore (mostly due to stuff like this tbh) but if just one person sees this and feels safer and seen then i'll be happy
#rain world#pansear#rw drama#I know Im risking getting harassed for daring to speak out but I just can't stand it anymore#I don't even really support Pan I just hate seeing fandom spaces turn into shit like this#This is not hate at the person that posted the screenshots I just want to know for sure someone was actually guilty and not just bullied of#I dont want anyone to be harassed I just want clarity#Who gave you those screenshots? What was the server even about? Why did you hold onto the screenshots to post it at 'the right time' ?#Why did you share a screenshot of someone literally asking if your group if they had dirt on Pan? Why isn't anyone else questioning this?#And its stupid I should even have to fear harassment just for wanting more evidence#but ive already seen someone make a callout post trying to intimidate someone into shutting up about wanting proof#and thats not normal!!! If your truly wanting to see a bad person get away from your community you wouldn't be doing that??#hopefully I blocked enough people from that side of the fandom I wont get beaten to death but. Fucking. God
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I get a little indignant when i look up the lyrics for a song that has very straightforward and understandable meaning to anyone who has experienced a modicum of emotional pain in their life and there are websites like "Song Lyrics Explained" like ohhh some people have never had their heart broken I see.
#my stuff#if you look me in the eyes and say you don't 'get' Sleep Token's Apparition or Take Me Back To Eden in general...#like what even is there to say. they're about waking up from bittersweet dreams abt ppl you can't see anymore for reasons you didn't choose#and longing to return to experiences that cannot be recreated if the people you love don't make the effort to hold onto it like you do.#i am quite literally sick with longing and grief these past couple days and these are the only songs keeping me halfway sane#this all could have gone so very different. i know where you are. i know how to reach you. but i can't. you asked me not to.#so i have to cope with the knowledge that you're a short walk away almost every day and yet I'll probably never see you again#and it's not because i did anything wrong you're just the sort of person who can't be friends with someone after a romance#and your goodbye was absolute shit and i hate it and i want some fucking shred of acknowledgement that i deserve better!!!!#i want to know you aren't just trying to forget me entirely!! I want to be remembered!! I am remembering you!!
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don't listen to sad songs while drawing‼️
#lukejamie#luke sullivan#jamie siu#street fighter 6#my art#i feel like jamie's the kinda guy to hold back his tears because he HATES crying#and luke would 100% not be able to hold back his tears he'll just cry#luke would hold onto jamie and say it's ok. you don't have to hold back#and jamie feels safe enough with him to just sob#jamie would hold onto luke and be a strong presence for him to rely on#hghhh hurt and comfort
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Under the cut are mostly self-insert doodles of decreasing quality. Again, not much directly tied to Team Fortress 2. Might as well toss these out while I have no access to my puter. Much yapping under the cut and in the tags incoming.
Another self-insert, this time less of a "here's me as a tenth class" and more of a "here's my game experiences translated into the class I would take the place of". The Cleaner. Although I guess they could still be wearing either suit. It doesn't matter that much.
That one Convict's Case taunt with Backup would be extremely funny, because the man would be on the verge of a breakdown (he does not want to go to jail so bad you have no idea). The second image- I owe no explanation. You know what I am. You see the pattern with my favourites.
The duality of the man. Resting face versus "just heard you express interest in religion/Russian folklore" face. He's not that hard to make friends with, when you pull him away from all the explosions.
Some doodles of trying to figure his face out. Unfortunately, the more I stare at him, the more I worry that he looks like A Certain Guy With The Last Name "Kazarin", and the fear of never being original in my life caught up to me.
Don't look at me, don't perceive me, I refuse to explain any of my actions to you.
#team fortress 2#tf2#that's it that's the only tags i am putting this in. maybe someday i will have the balls to do more but for now that's about it#while i have the chance - and since posts with more of my yapping in the tags don't pop in people's feeds much - i might as well ramble-#-about these guys here. self-inserts or not i'm projecting only half of my bullshit on each one of them. creativity 👍#backup is tall and pale and has sharp canines and more of a dull brown hair colour with tired grey eyes. no amount of babyface or soft-#-hands can really help a motherfucker when he's grimacing so much because he just Hates being around half the people on the team.#cleaner meanwhile is on the shorter side and has constantly flushed skin and brighter colours and whatnot. you can't see it because of the-#-mask most of the time but they do smile a lot more and have a more cheery disposition towards life and see the whole team as their friends!#backup transitioned fully (albeit not very legally lmao) and is scared shitless of not being seen as a man although the last time that ever-#-came up was years ago. he holds onto his last name as part of the heritage he loves and loathes at the same time - attached to his culture-#-and religion and bloodline while also resentful of his family and the regime he knows someone else on the team suffered under.#cleaner just kinda binds and calls it a day. he only does it to confuse the team because while he doesn't identify with being a girl he-#-loves the confused looks his epic gender reveal moment gets. they do not remember their family name or where they grew up or what even got-#-them to this kind of mental state. and he's chill with it he values the here and now way more than some dark edgy backstory.#backup despite trying to be an honest man is afraid of vulnerability as well. he stubbornly refuses to express love towards certain people-#-lest they feel disgusted and turn away. he's afraid of consequences afraid of losing the people he loves afraid of his ''interests'' being-#-what drives them away. it doesn't by the way and he just wasted time being a cold indecisive loser for several months lmao#cleaner wears a suit that hides all of them yes but they pretty much never lie. he is always his truest self and he can always just burn-#-people who don't like him enough to make it a problem. they are a lot more comfortable indulging in their interests - be they innocent-#-and juvenile or violent and dangerous. he is quite open with his affection and his fascinations that backup would rather keep secret.#i want to establish that these two can only exist in separate universes because they both have feelings towards the funny assistant lady-#-and the funny inventor guy (selfshipping for the winnn) and would fight over those two. cleaner would win by the way#it's also a really funny point of comparison. cleaner is objectively more fucked up than backup and still managed to be more normal about-#-their feelings and live as a healthier and happier person than that guy. comedic gold honestly#OKAY I'M DONE if you read up to here you get uhhh a cookie :-)
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"#but again--nonfandom friends not marinating in gifs from 14 years ago 24/7 #there's a very binary attachment to early larry video proof that current-day larries CLING to as current-day proof"
this is it right here, fans are marinating. i don't think it's very good for fans to be stuck in 2011-2015, being mega fans of 1D included. it's like how the Harry Potter fandom is still so strong years and years after the story ended. A good story can continue on as a fandom forever, which is what I think is happening with larry/1D. The problem is these are real people, and the "story" we know about them is through minutes of their lives, seen through screens, then slowed down into gifs and cut into videos, and then dissected again through fan interpretations and fanfic. This "story" is then used as justification for all kinds of bad fan behavior in the current real lives of Harry and Louis.
Once you step out of this fandom space for a year, it's very easy to let go of larry and 1D, because it doesn't exist in current year.
Oh, I agree, and having non-fandom friends who are open to all kinds of thoughts only underlines that removal underlining the negative space of it all. And to be clear, I personally don't mind if someone wants to marinate in content from more than a decade ago, enjoy!--I take offense when there's a hostile refusal to open ANYTHING up to context, to consider ANY other option because it flies in the face of the binary, and let's be real, fanfic-based/steeped in amber view of larryTM (caveat: I say this as someone who still vividly remembers being told how I should just kill myself because I suggested two famous teenagers fucked back in the marination years, oh how the turns table). I really am curious about new fans, the ones who are just coming in to the purely giffed and fully removed from context years, because not many self-proclaimed gold-star larries even bother to look at the two-minute clips from which so many beloved gifs stem from (truly sad, so much more proof from that particular moment in time)--what's that like now, so far removed in 2024? Especially when you have so many solo albums' worth of lyrics (and those from the last album from the band) pointing to something so much more nuanced? I would imagine it feels kinda hostile, which makes me sad because there IS room for nuance, and even if you aren't in that fandom, or you've stepped away, you can still see echoes and enjoy some seemingly basic concepts that simply aren't embraced because you aren't a true believer, right? I have two hands and a brain, I can imagine all kinds of shit (that if it's not too far off the mark isn't miles away, if you feel me)
#i feel like i've wandered away from this ask so my apologies! i get what you're saying#on one hand i get that larrieTM can be a safe space for so many people and i want them to have that#but on the other? it's a toxic space with people actively shitting on women and openly ignoring what the real people involved are saying#and that bit's...uh...NOT GREAT#i guess what i wish for while on the eve of so many wishes#is that people can hold onto the safe space ideal and grow and change and give themselves and their fandom friends room to embrace new idea#like: don't hate women! embrace the fact you don't know shit!#acknowledge that real people can do alllll kinds of messy things#that the gifs spawned in a specific timeframe more than 10 years ago don't/won't/usually can't apply the exact same way today
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vege guy is so funny though. when we went to the capital to stay at his mom's place he was like "it's like. it's like a nice place. like. maybe. a little bit... bourgeois... ummm (staring at me with big wet eyes) are you going 2 break up with me..."
#just thinking thoughts...#it WAS like. very nice. and it made me realize I couldn't even conceptualize the true vision of karasuma's apartment#because it's getting filtered through my life experiences of which do not include. gestures. That#they had a magnetic contraption attached to the mirror and it would hold your soap... like soap bars get soft if they sit in water right.#so there would be a magnet in the soap and a magnetic holder on the mirror... so the soap wouldn't be touching anything and trapping moistu#I couldn't even conceptualize of things like that man.#and like. they had a specialized air filtration/circulation system????#and there were so many things that were electronified...#there was a huge screen that would cycle slowly between different artworks that was also a television.#like it was huge huge. erm. erm. erm. if it was on the floor instead of the wall I could probably lay down and not touch the edges#YEAH IT'S BASICLALY THE SIZE OF A SINGLE BED...#and like everything was just. nice. I don't know how to describe it.#Every single piece of kitchenware felt hand-picked. everything was just nice. it was insane#like the thing is that my dad hit it big on the stock market but it still never felt like we had that#like it felt like all our cups were things college students left behind or shit we got at events#and like mom was like 'yeah I actually hate our couches lol... you sink too far into them :/'#i dunno it was also that it was just such a clean place#zero hoarding.#and like THAT to me is really it. THAT to me signals they have money because they don't have to hold onto every little thing#because if you need something... you could just buy it. again.
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Pasta I assure you everyone just wants you to get better right now <3 we’ll take anything you want to give us. We just hope the brain fog goes away <333
Thank you so so much anon! 😭 That really does make me feel a lot better (along with all the other responses, THANK YOU SO MUCH!). I'm hopeful too! Iirc I had the same brain fog problems after Feb 2020 when I caught it (early on, no treatment then, no clue what to do), and I know it improved eventually, so between all the stuff I have now to try to help, I'm reasonably confident - hell, I am writing now, just slowly, and that's already an improvement from a few weeks ago.
So that's what I'm going to do. I'll focus on improving and I feel a little better now about just kinda steadily chipping away at writing the chapter so it can be what I originally planned for it to be. <3
#ask response#i hate brain fog so much#but it *is* getting better so i'm holding onto that and trying to do all the recommended steps to improve it#i'll just keep adding my little bits to the chapter i think#cause i really do want it to be what i intended it to be#cause i thought it was a really neat little arc and i just don't think it works as well split up
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self indulgent got concept.
Ned brings Jon home, Cat hates the boy, everything stays the same... until Robert Baratheon is charging through the halls of Winterfell looking for the babe, ready to butcher the poor thing where he lay helpless in his cradle.
in a matter of moments Catelyn learns three things:
The babe was never a bastard, Ned had only lied to her to protect Jon, and that she would die before she let Robert lay a finger on the babe she'd previously wished death upon.
cue Catelyn Stark snatching Jon from his cradle, holding him, protecting him, loving him as she would her own son, risking it all to keep him safe, all care for herself thrown to the wind.
like they say, what a mother's love holds no bounds, and what it makes her capable of had no limits.
#listen listen listen#I just want Catelyn to love Jon Snow and I don't care what I ahve to do to make it happen#(plus the angst is delicious)#I was rewatching old kids movies and ended up watching ice age and idk why but the mom sacrificing herself for her babe gave me ideas#I just imagine young Cat holding onto the boy she hated and wished death on for being bastard (only to find out he wasn't one) as tightly-#as she could. knowing Robert and his men were coming. knowing they would slaughter the boy in front of her. knwoing she'd wished for this-#and deciding she'd give her own life to protect him if thats what it came to.#and in my mind she jumped from the window of the nursery knowing the halls will be filled with the kings men and leave little chance for-#escape. before fleeing on injured legs to hide the babe and herself knowing Robert would be right behind her. she's in agony. but she'll-#going for the babes sake. she won't stop until her heart is dead in her chest. even if it hurts to move and breath and think he keeps going#maybe she takes a horse and flees wintefell all together. maybe she hides somewhere in/around the castle. maybe Robert catches her?#if she runs with him she'd have nothing but the clothes on her back. she'd have to feed him and keep him warm. she'd have left her own son-#behind. the potential angst and hurt/comfort as Cat misses her own son and learns to love another. feeding him and keeping him warm from-#her own body while she's injured and lost and at the will of the elements of the strange new place she now considered calling home#idk I just think it'd be an interesting concept#there's something about a mother and her child being cornered by 'wolves' (in this case a stag). this has the added spice of Cat and Jon's-#dynamic. just earlier that day she could barely look at him and now she's willing to die for him. the change happened in seconds.#that was a lot of ranting in the tags. oops. anyway...#catelyn stark#jon snow#I love putting these two in harrowing. life altering. and/or traumatic situations so they can finally just be mother and son#I live for the angsty family feels#got#game of thrones#asoiaf
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okay but like I joke about how much I like fireknight and how it consumes so many of my waking thoughts but it actually does . it does so much to me. a lot of it was built through fanon and clinging onto scraps from the games bc i doubt devsis will ever let them interact again but they are like insane to me.
fire spirit’s weird relationship with affection and love is also part of why I like them so much yes that was the source of the divine visions earlier .
nobody look at the tags of this post.
#he’s not built to love or love normally but he wants to. “they say true love is like an eternal flame”#he has that as one of his dialouge lines and actually I’ll never shut up about it man he can pine so hard#but he doesn’t know what to DO with that pining because he IS the fire. he finds something he loves and he wants to consume it#make it a part of him. it’s like fuel to a fire. and a fire will not stop consuming that fuel until it’s all gone or until it’s forced away#he destroys what he loves because it’s in his nature. he causes the end of the world in two of his costumes#“I don't care if even I disappear. ... That might even be better.” hey man I hate you. get onto my writing pages#but anyway this changes in fireknight because while knight is this image of heroic values. he’s also protection#he’s loyalty until there’s nothing left of him to serve what he believes in. and even past that he will protect what he loves#where fire spirit is destruction. knight is preservation.#and fire spirit loves him. he loves him down to his very being and core and he wants to be with knight and make him his#and if knight reciprocates then he is the same. and that is terrifying for fire spirit#because if knight let him consume all there was of him then he would. and despite how he loves him and to love he causes destruction#he doesn’t want a world without him. so he pushes knight away#and he pushes too far despite how much he wishes to dig his claws into him and never let go. never be separated and to thrive with the fuel#and this hurts him. he’s without something to fuel him. he falls to ashes then painful flames then back to normal then over and over#and he tries to forget but he just wishes he could love normally. love something and not destroy it#love something that can be like an eternal flame. something that won’t be lost because he holds it#eventually I think he figures out how to deal with it more but since they met pretty early in fire spirits godhood (to me at least)#he doesn’t have any idea how to handle any of it at first#And he wants his knight back. he needs a ground to walk on#he claws and begs for something he himself pushed away#you can’t have your cake and eat it too#Knight is also a criminally insane homosexual but fire spirit takes it to unprecedented levels
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Why do i cry listening to bastille's the anchor thinking about one specific person. Stop that at once. I don't like it
#bring me some hope by wandering into my mind#something to hold onto morning noon day or night#you are the light that is blinding me. you're the anchor that i tied to my brain. cause when it feels#like I'm lost at sea you're the song i sing again and again. all the time all the time#i think of you all the time. all the time all the time. i think of you all the time#:(((#i don't like getting emotionally attached to people#i hate it#why did that happen#ok enough for today#void screams#tbd#kill me#bastille
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You're the main character of your own life. It's your story, then why make someone else protagonist there? It's you story and you're not and you should not be the side kick or a love interest of protagonist in your own life story.
Don't make someone else priority. Don't make someone else your protagonist, don't become a side kick. You're the protagonist and it's your story.
#musings#spilled thoughts#I'm kinda sad#I hate it I'd admit#It's my story#My fuckin life#I could care less about others problem#And I shouldn't#I don't expect others to make me their protagonist#And I don't want to make others my main characters#I don't want it#I don't need it#If it's not clear#These are#'While Crying'#thoughts#Gonna make this one my own tag#Lmao#Cause I'm crying legit all the time#But yeah#Gonna hold onto this one thought for long long time#I don't need someone else as protagonist#Idfc#Idgaf#my life is disaster in making at this point#And yet it's my life#My story#Fuck it I'm gonna own it
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hmm how would we feel if i remade
#i am so horrible about feeling okay with deleting drafts or asks and tbh i think i've overwhelmed myself with options#i'm hanging onto everything i've ever been sent and everything i've written and it gives me decision paralysis#like i wanna write and the muse is booming but i can't decide on one thing#and tbh!! this blog won't save new tags which is a minor inconvenience but still#there's that and the fact that there's so much extra stuff from muses i've gotten rid of#hmm i dunno i'm just thinking once again i just need a clean slate and to hopefully manage my inbox and drafts more responsibly#like i write as much as i can for certain prompts and then delete everything i don't have muse for#so i don't open my blog one day to 200+ asks that are unanswered#me @ me every day: pls get some help oh my gosh#i will say i hate the thought of moving bio's and headcanons but! we do it in chunks and then it's not so bad :' )#sorry to ramble so much asdfg i'm just wondering if on top of everything that's going on rn#i'm not helping myself by holding onto so much#get ready to ramble | ooc
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The thing about the phantoms is that all of them are horrible horrible people that I'd probably hate in real life, but I justified all their crimes on fiction.
#I need to fix their introductions they are horrendous#but I guess that's what happens when you've become a tool of the system in order to survive#honest to anything that's why they hold onto Alison so hard they don't want to be those people anymore they hate who they used to be#shan's ocs#the phantoms
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⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀(*. ^𓏼 ) ͜໒꒱ ݁ ˖
#⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀#why can't i function at all today. why does everything hurt why can't i put myself onto a single thought.#what is it that's stressing me out.#I want to bang my head on the wall i want to scream so much it hurts so much It hurts ot hirts it hirts ot hirtsttsyduh#i need to wake up i need to wake up what is going on why does nothing feel real#why do i feel like i have no senses in mybody. what is it that's worng#“live has been good!” i say before i get the worst paran███ attack ever#i hate it i hate jt so muchhh i can't do this anymore#i feel like leaving avsjn .i don't feel like I'm holding onto my body anymlre I feel so detached.#may Lan the Hunt the Reignbow Arbiter God of the Skybow Archer Lord of Fate strike you down
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uh. idk man. how to stop something you were never supposed to hear from festering in your heart?
#it's rotting away in there! fuck!#(like look i know the answer is to let it go or talk it out. i hate holding onto hurt.)#(i just. god! how the fuck do you tactfully go 'you don't know i know you said this. but i do.' without invoking the grapevine?)
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