#don't ask me if im christian even idk anymore like

[pumpkinsy0]

outsiders characters as events from my silly ahh summer camp. i don't know how i survived for a month at a time there tbh

ponyboy: me going gollum mode over the hunger games book. it wasnt even a joke at that point i was struggling. also the pivotal turn my life took when i read hatchet. like i was reflecting and allat

darry: the DELECTABLE ahh lunches. idk what they did but they were so tasty. like i would have the best nap of my life after muching down on that

johnny: me crying myself to sleep that one time, some girl was like "erm miss counselor!!! i think insert name here is crying under her sleeping bag!!" and my bitch ass counselor who i HATED like she was my arch nemesis started trying to calm me down which made me even more upset. and earlier that day i was trying to feel included in a conversation w a semi friend and some cunt went like "no ones talking to u" when i was Literally just sitting there.

dally: that horse they assigned me that would not do anything asked of him. also one time he like broke out of his stall and was just walking around?? he was an interesting fellow. he was silly tho

soda: me getting sick from eating 2 much cereal. i was writhing around bc tummy ache 2 much later in the day. to be fair i did eat more than 10 servings of cereal.

steve: us having no air conditioning in the cabins. we had to bring our own fans. i had to shower multiple times a day bc I was sweating so much.

twobit: some girl mixing chicken and jello together. also me falling out of a bunk.

cherry: that time during horse and tack when we watched a movie bc it was too hot outside so we went in. but the movie was rlly sad and I cried

that was then… this now… ones

bryon: me almost drowning during one of the swimming performances. like I was lowk choking on water while under the sea was playing in the background.

mark: again that one damn counselor i hated so so much. like i was planning her downfall. why on God's green earth was she singing riptide while we were trying to sleep stfu

m&m: i would start randomly crying so often. i would miss lots of classes bc i would just be in the bathroom bawling for various reasons

angela: girls being so so mean to me. like it was a problem.

curly: me throwing hiking boots at a girl I didn't like

tim: them having to ban making slip n slides in the bathrooms. i didn't ask and i didn't want to know

most of these things aren't too relevant anymor but they kinda funny so here. i mean expand on these if u want. i can't put them on my blog bc it's not a TO blog but they need to be put somewhere

u made me remember this time where i just woke up weak as hell and my aunt had to literally spoonfeed me multiple bowls of cereal, to this day idk exactly HOW i got that weak, that has never happened to me before and it hasnt happened since

BUT ALSO i remember going to this summer camp and somehow someway we got into this gender prank war and im just pushing that onto all of em

and THEN there was this other time i was in this summer?????christian????school camp thing????? and look im an atheist idk what i was doing there i showed zero interest but my cousins and sister was also there, and for lunch we were going out which i dont think anyone else was doing bc my teacher asked “r u SURE u wanna go???” and i rhink she was pushing me to stay but i said yea and left immediately and i giggle at that and i think pony wluldve done the same, i wanted OUT🗣️

[our-genderfluid-experience]

im in the closet and so is my bi bff. im genderfluid/pan and sometimes we joke about coming out to our parents (mostly me) but doubt itll ever happen due to how religious it would be (sometimes i dream about it tho... maybe more than her idk) and hypothetically just think about cutting everyone off and flying out to avoid the backlash (just being silly) and the "interventions" of spiels of how gays go to hell and God wouldnt like That (i am still a christian... somewhat i think and its not uncommon in the spaces ive been to have gay/trans people in the church spaces something about Anglican churches etc, in my country. i just dont have the same exact beliefs as my parents)

sometimes i lie awake about the implications of coming out, the worst case scenario, how id probably no one to tell my achievements anymore, no one to be happy for me the way they had, no one to comfort me or be there when i get married etc. and i joked about how id just get up and leave and fuckall if i die alone to my friend even tho it fills me with loneliness and sadness ;w; anyway um she suddenly took one of my jokes seriously one night and say to me that she'll probably never come out because she loves her parents too much and i just idk. felt hurt. did she think i didnt love them either? i think she didnt mean it that way and i cleared it out that i was just joking about my plans bcuz idk if i want to do it actually (tho i feel like its an inevitable canon plot point with every trans ppl atp) but i just think about it sometimes. i love them but yk. i want to live.

maybe i wont actually cut them off as they try to process that but idk.

i dont think they'll like hurt me or anything but mentally and emotionally probably yes even if they probably mean well. i dont think i want to be in the closet forever?? idk im just sad about what she said ngl. and my future.

sorry just had to vent

i just dont think she gets how painful itd be to me. my parents and their extended family are Baptists. she has mostly catholic relatives (which in my experience from school and friends and gay teachers etc is more accepting ngl) and her dad is pretty accepting, having a brother who is gay and stuff. i dont wanna do a suffering olympics here but the more i think about forever in the closet the more i wanna puke lol

I have a religious family (Catholic), and I'm still religious as well. You wanting to come out to your family is not selfish or "proving you don't love them" in any way. You are who you are and you can't change that. You don't always have to rely on your family to get those feelings of achievement, love, happiness. You can make some friends who will basically become a second family, and they will be there to be happy for you and support you.

Catholics may be a bit more supportive than Baptists (idk I haven't met anyone who's Baptist), but they aren't super supportive (maybe that's just my family idk), but my family probably isn't the best example.

Anyway, you won't be stuck in the closet forever. Once you get old enough to move out, you aren't under your parents' rules anymore. If you ever need to vent some more, you can send me a message or an ask 💖

[what-if-nct]

hiiii is it ok if i ask for some advice? im sorry im gonna sound rambly but uhhh i'm 14 and starting high school next year (which i alrdy dont feel too good abt haha) and my (overbearing asian) parents are going to send me to this private lutheran hs instead of the public one i was supposed to go to bc its more upper class and smart (?). tbh i was genuinely surprised that i liked the school, academic-wise, and i rlly liked that i had the space in my schedule to take more fine arts classes (i dont have any in my hs) but like the first thing the principal said to me was that i "needed to learn to be a good christian". a whole hour each week is dedicated to jesus and i just know my atheist ass is going to be uncomfortable asf. first, one of my best friends has a thing for jesus (he says jesus is too hot to be straight 😭) and i cant tell if hes joking anymore, and second, i dont have a problem with people who are religious, but i do when they are flat out hateful and harrassing people from communities they "dont agree with", and i just know the people preaching at this school are the latter.

also rn i am the *only* poc in my entire school, and i noticed there were a lot more asian students and students of color, so hopefully there'll be less kids pulling at their eyes or calling me slurs :D

anyways i not a fan of the fact that "homosexual behavior on or off campus" warranted for expulsion, since i am a *very* queer and bisexual individual. at my current school, i dont really need to hide my gayness bc no one cares, and my teachers are accepting (my homeroom teachers a lesbian lol <33). i dont think i can handle having to hide such a big part of my identity at home *and* at school :( too add to that i really suck at making friends, so being somewhere without people i'm comfortable with, my anxiety gets really bad, and i just shut down completely.

my hs is p rundown (like most public highschools are) and the classes are average at best, so idk man, im torn :( i dont know if i should suck it up and go to lutheran school bc their good academics, or ✨be myself✨ and go to p shitty school :/

i dont know what to do (or if i can even do anything) abt it i just dont feel too good about this :( you've mentioned you went to a christian school, so do you have any advice? even if you dont, thank you so so much for listening to me rant for a moment there <33 i really treasure you and your blog, atp you feel like the big sister i've never had. i love youuuu <333

That is such a sticky situation. Cause maybe you can try to persuade your parents especially since they'll be paying for the private school on top of college tuition in the future, it can be a huge selling point. I know that's how I won in the decision of beauty school over college it's cheaper. And christian and catholic schools are heavily based in religion like it's a huge part of it so if you don't believe in it it can be absolutely mind numbing. I actually didn't go to Christian school, actually wasn't forced to go to church as a child, I was like 11 and for some reason told grandma Christianity is responsible for all the bad things that happened in the world. Which is wild that I even was able to come to that conclusion as a child she just brushed me off. But I did go to church summer camp to be with my friends which my friend and I got scolded for holding hands but she was just leading me through the crowd of people. So that's still unfortunately a huge part of christian beliefs

the thing that really caught me off guard is the homosexual activity off campus can lead to expulsion. On campus like sucks but is expected of a christian school sadly. But off campus in your day to day life is like your actions off campus shouldn't be judged by the school. Like I can't wrap my mind around that. I think since you have a whole summer maybe look for more schools you can attend I remember doing this in middle school because my home high school was an F school so you could choose any high school within a certain range. You'd be really surprised with how many schools are around you I'm assuming you're in the us but I'm sure everywhere has a ton of schools. And look for a school that holds some of what your parents want and also your own values and needs for your education. And maybe your parents seeing you take initiative might be an extra point.

If your parents are deadset on it. I think try to make the best out of it as much as you can usually there's a group of people in the same boat you're in where their parents forced them to be there. Trust me no matter where you go you will always be drawn to those like you every single time. But if you do get the choice of going to the original public school firstly screw every single racist little bitch who does that to you that is horrid I am so sorry you have to endure that. People suck. But you can also learn extra independently I always did that cause I was a bit ahead of my class. But I really think researching more schools in your area would help you find the perfect school for you. I personally was in love with Waldorf schools they're more creative led schools and freer, I wanted to go to one so badly. So figure out the exact kind of education you want like a magnet school, charter school it doesn't hurt to see how receptive your parents will be to it.

I really hope this helped at all and I hope it works out well for you. And Awwww it's so sweet you see me as a big sister, I gladly be your big sister, love you too🌸🌸🌸

[literallyexploding]

(long ass) vent post

you really can't win with a lot of people fr bc they're gonna say you're faking mental illness if you act like you're ok but if you act any other type of way you're annoying and off-putting

also like idk I'm not TRYING to be miserable and things suck a lot less if you at least act like you're enjoying them but that doesn't mean Im doing well if I say I'm not

and these fuckers are gonna literally cancel me if I ever mention anything I'm thinking beyond the most vague allusions to a depressive aura. like people be like asking me questions about this shit and then getting mad at the answer like don't ask people about their trauma/bipolar/ocd/anything if you're not in a place to hear about it

"what are intrusive thoughts?"

oh they're whatever is the most evil and frightening to you and you kinda just get pop up ads for that shit all day

"ok well what ones do you have?"

and I start with light ones and they ask what other ones I have bc they don't sound that bad but then they get mad and don't wanna talk to you when you tell them the worse ones because no one listens to the part about it being the WORST THING YOUR BRAIN CAN CONJURE UP like bro I don't WANT to think about and see that shit all day it's INTRUSIVE and a DISORDER and I'm upset by it I'm not like wow! I really enjoy this live footage of my auto-disembowelment 20 times a day! this is my sexual fantasy! I didn't want to go to sleep tonight anyway I just wanted to think about this!

so few people actually understand me on any level and it sucks honestly it really feels as if no one really gets it sometimes and it's so isolating to be weird even to the weird people it's like I'm the wrong type of weird. like y'all like to joke about being weird off-putting delulu schizo autistic whatever the fuck i don't think some of you get that it sucks and it hurts to experience those things

it hurts every time someone asks if I'm a school shooter or gonna go off the rails or a sociopath or whatever else. everyone is scared of me no matter what I do to my appearance and how I try to act and it makes it so hard to meet people when you have to do all the approaching and leg work because no one wants to try to get to know you. Contrary to popular belief I do have feelings and empathy and sympathy it's just really hard for me to show it in a neurotypical emotional way I tend to just say how I feel rather than show it.

I have pretty thick skin and generally think it's funny to get insulted and DC whatever secretly enjoy it even but the one thing that really still hurts is knowing that people genuinely think I would ever hurt or kill someone on purpose. all I've heard from people my whole life is "I used to be so scared of you but you're actually nice!" which is usually meant well but idk it feels so backhanded after you've heard that you're "actually nice" 30 times because it's a huge shock. and the school shooter shit is just ridiculous honestly like what is your evidence here? that I dress in black and I'm not your sexy goth mommy I'm a little bit awkward and have unconventional interests? bc none of that makes you evil like at all

my friends being my friends ofc say I'm not super awkward and cold but the reality of it is that's how I come across to a large amount of people that I interact with especially with strangers and large settings and it doesn't help to look emo or whatever but one thing I'm not compromising on anymore is my appearance. people didnt treat me much better when I was somewhat within the guidelines of Christian womanhood like sure they called me pretty and hot but it's not like I had any more friends or a better life or more respect. I still scared most people bc nothing about me actually changed. like at least now I wear clothes I feel more confident in. imma look like this and those homophobic hating ass mfrs standing on the street yelling can eat my ass about it

the end (here's an Easter egg for reading this far)

[littlefirefly42]

Just had a full mental breakdown now I'm absolutely BOPPING to christian pop, not even as consolation like "God is with me, I'll be okay" Hillsong UNITED just slaps 🤷

[pengu-hours]

I swear to god you don't deserve anything good in life you say to respect first nations people but you don't wanna respect anyone else you are so fucking weird get it together or get lost bitch. We all know you are more than mentally ill. I pray god takes you to the highest level of hell. If you don't wanna respect dead people go die and see if anyone cares, I hope you die in the most painful way.

yeah because this ask makes you so mentally stable. i can only assume you're christian based off of your details about sending me to the depths of hell and mentions of god, to which i say: i don't give a fuck. christians piss me off so much. there's more than just your religion in the world and if nothing was said about religion at all, keep your mouth shut. not everyone has to believe what you believe. i don't even believe in hell. also i never said not to respect the dead. i'm indigenous, respecting the dead and doing rites and things is part of our culture. i said i wasn't gonna just leave it alone because that person is obviously not dead if you look at everything objectively. the person that sent the ask said i should be glad she's not dead, to which i think is also bullshit. i don't wish death on that person by saying this, i just wish they didn't fucking fake it. it's horrible and disgusting to fake suicide for attention, and if you do that, you need serious help. i have nothing but respect for the dead, and i have several friends that are among the dead now, i'm no stranger to it. but i'm also no stranger to lunatics faking their deaths. i'm not gonna grieve for someone i don't know, people die every 11 seconds across the world but you feel no pain every 11 seconds, do you? a child is kidnapped every minute. bad shit happens in this world all the time. do you constantly live in grief because of it? no. i'm not affected heavily if this person is gone. of course i have normal decency and respect for life and it saddens me if they truly are gone, but the whole situation is uncomfortable. it's sketchy as fuck and filled with lies, nobody knows the truth anymore. with nini, we knew she had actually died. she didn't fucking fake it. but nobody fucking knew this girl, she just popped up out of nowhere and while she was here she made me feel weird because she was pushy and sent a bunch of asks acting as if we were friends when i didn't even know her. i hope karma comes back for you, oginalii. also idk what you mean by im not more than mentally ill, because literally that's what's wrong with my brain? my brain doesn't produce chemicals or regulate things properly. i'm not a psychopath or anything like that and i actually do therapy and have for years. i'm one of the kindest people you'll ever meet and i've literally given up my own belongings and money (of which i have very little) to make sure my friends were okay. i brought one of my bullies snacks during snack time in 5th grade because i felt bad that his mom was going through a hard time and had no money to buy him snacks. the other funny thing is that i know many of my friends would care if i died. many MANY people would care if i died. staff from my school that i bonded with, old friends, relatives, current friends. probably even some people i don't know. people in my band at college and in my major. it's what we do when we lose someone. you think you're so high and mighty but your god doesn't even care about you, much less exist. why would he allow anyone to suffer if he knew what would happen to them. you're his plaything. a toy. a pawn. you mean nothing more than that to your god. have a nice life though, and thanks for trying to misconstrue things i said just so you could be a vindictive bitch, it was very entertaining.

[strxnged]

if it bad if i say that i was thinking of you when i wrote that part

the fic is lowkey dedicated to you, love.

IM SORRY THO I DIDNT MEAN TO MAKE U SAD

(although that was my goal)

JWHWHJWKH WHAT DO YOU MEAN DEDICATED TO ME DSJKFJDKJK

tw gets ✨deep✨ below, mentions of death & suicide, talking about my christian beliefs oopsies

okay but i read your extended author’s note and i started bawling (gurl i cannot go a day without crying anymore guacc) because . you’re so right. i don’t... know what i live for, but i don’t know if i’m afraid of death either. there are a lot of things that i want to do, but as a christian believing in an afterlife, i’m scared that i’ll mess up too many times. i’m scared that maybe i’ve already been my best, and now i’m falling (which is what it feels like now). i’m not saying i want to kill myself but i just feel like if the best is yet to come it’s a long way off because right now i don’t. i don’t know what i’m doing.

i’m partially living for other people, i guess. i live to create, but if no one liked what i created i’d probably find far less joy in it. i love interaction. other people make me feel alive. but the world is frustrating like that, and some people don’t get the same joy from interaction and throw away opportunities because they’re so focused on themselves (idk what that sounds like. i just mean that being friendly and loving is so important. so much is lost by being closed-minded i guess.) but then... if i died tomorrow,

well if i died tomorrow i don’t think i’d make it to heaven. i’m too prideful. i’ve made too many mistakes that i haven’t asked for forgiveness for. obviously i’m going to say this because i’m a christian, but even though i know God will forgive me for anything as long as i ask, i’m too.. prideful. so am i really a Christian? hardly a practicing one. i’ve always been a tryhard at my beliefs but when it comes to actually making things right i always put it off.

thinking about it now makes me want to make a lot of changes

like

immediately.

but then i’m still so caught up in schoolwork and daily things that i suck and i think... oh, i can repent later. and that is the worst. that is the thing i shouldn’t be thinking. as a human, that is the one thing i don’t deserve to think. because i don’t know everything.

i don’t have the answers. none of us do.

right now i just feel like i have a lot of useless thoughts and emotions and i dunno what to do with any of them. because society only wants a handful of them. i don’t know which ones i want. apparently being productive is all my dad wants from me, and i’m struggling with that because i’m too busy thinking and exploring instead of doing homework. i love my parents but ~~~ “they don’t understand me >:(” lol

ummmmmmmmnmnm ok i could keep talking about nothing like this is a journal but like honestly , i don’t have a point. iiiiiiii idkk what i’m doing at this point. my mind is a mess and “i don’t have opinions” (to quote myself).

music. writing. people. discovery. those are the things i live for.

i just don’t know if they’re right.

yahhhhhhhhh okay i want to delete all of this but i’m feeling very adventurous so i’m going to release my inner thoughts for all the world to see and probably lose a few followers but hi this is me i don’t know what i am and i know i’m sort of ugly for not knowing . for not. WKAHKJwjk okay the song ‘JUST LIKE YOU’ by NF sorta summarizes. .. me.

Convincing yourself that you don't really matter's Like feeding a cancer and letting it travel

WHY ARE YOU STILL READING THIS I’M A MESS LMADKSLJKSDAJKSDF

yeah i don’t live for getting a boyfriend or anything. i don’t need a normal life. i don’t care what i do, as long as i get to keep creating and keep loving and keep listening to and making music. so i guess i do have stuff to live for. i just dunno how to healthily live for it.

WUAHJ@KLAW i’m not expecting a response to this plss idk what i’m still doing writing jkahjah;klalkja

i know one thing for sure though. i’m not super courageous or anything but i would definitely do what y/n did, and push my loved one out of the way. i’m a mess but i wouldn’t want to live knowing that i could have saved someone like that. ummmm ehalfs i could go on talking about this for awhile mind go brrr

[mnovenia]

3 MORE MONTHS to 2023

From my human eyes, jujur takut banget nulis ini.. but it's said feed your mind with faith.

That picture is what I've been having in head for few years. It's my ideal place to have a date, romantically chilling while in the autumn/cold, and even my pre-wedding photo theme. I think I had this picture since in NL, and with that Koko, Oppa or whoever oriental guy I had in mind.

But nope, no guy come to that yet HAHAHA, kapan ya gw nulis di tumblr kalo that one guy has finally come :''' God knows (merinding sendiri nulisnya).

Ok let's flash back. So the last update about the singaporean guy is called TWY (chinese name GUYS). At first, I thought he was alright, similar passion, way of thinking, live in Bali, but on our 2nd date (meeting), I found out that he is a Buddhist, with Kwan Im shrines in his villa. Well, well, well I was so disappointed, I asked God why, I got myself out of him, knowing that God is either giving me mission to help him see the light or tempting me HAHAHAH. Anyway I withdrew from him, went to Jakarta, Bandung and had a pleasant trip. I was shown that there are plenty of guy out there better than forcing myself to end up with TWY. Also during the service at HMCC, God showed me that I should move on and not playing with fire.

May's highlight: I went to Singapore, also a hightlight cos I download Coffee meet bagels, and found many single christian guys, its just none of them like me or has a future with me in Bali. HAHAHA. Experiencing other country for the 1st time since pandemic is a blessing. I love my freedom, chinese culture, foods, good public transport, but oh my the kiasuness n expensive life made me so grateful when I returned to Bali

I close 6 deals in the kavling PD, also another 4 in Apple. Thank God thank God I cannot be more blessed and surprised, it's all Him. Thank you Mba Gathi, Ochi dkk, Nic, Ivan & Pak David.

July, I went crazy with house sale in Bandung, but also so relieved that I no longer have that burden back home. I also managed to buy a land, OMG my 1st property in Bali, thank you God for replacing what I left, sold, sacrificed in the past. You made it so easy just to do things according to your will.

Me n TWY remains friends as we got close a bit during my HMCC friends came, also Pak David n Ivan. However it made me realize we better just keep remaining be friends. He gave me idea to build a villa for rent with the money from Bandung. So I had a deal with the Architect, Pak Hendra, he's the best. I'm still hesitate to choose a contractor and also to decide how much should I put in money to this investment.

with all those things I'm grateful for, I also have many days when I struggle, trying to motivate myself to stay alive for another day, some days are depressing cause I lose hope, I don't find life exciting anymore, etc.

However, God also answer my prayer regarding church in Bali. Maybe beginning of June, HMCC Jkt decided to only hold onsite congregration so I was kind of forced to resign from membership. I was confused, trying online Grace Church sgp, GKY, etc until Bella shared that she will open a new service at her parents' house. Idk if it's not an answer to prayer.

And afterwards, her Dad got so sick n I was the only person available to accompany, take care, etc. And God was just so gracious, that it happened when I had so much savings from commisions and house selling. I borrowed her fam money and did everything I possibly could, while staying in Marlene's jie house while she & the fam back in NZ. Phewww..

Since then, I commit to Yewon church Bali, being in touch with Bella's fam, and even her Korean guests, etc. In my heart, idk what else is God trying to work in me. Also I got cheap ticket to Seoul on July, then decided to go for Yewon's church conference and a bit of trip with Nongky n her bro sis. HAHAHA, seems like my KDrama life will come true. I'm still praying for my visa though, been struggling these past 2 weeks, however God's will be done, I'm applying for multiple entry visa.

With all these, I just have to remind myself, to pray like Elijah:

Know and acknowledge who He is (God of Abraham)

Know who I am (servant)

Answer my prayer Lord (boldly)

Bring the people back to You (His Kingdom first above all else)

"Answer me Lord, answer me, so these people will know that you Lord are God and that you are turning their hearts back again" - 1 Kings 18:37

Oh ya, I'm leading BSF now, also still teach Norman, thinking of joining Ministry at church, and still approaching new clients (PRAY PRAY PRAY so I have more confidence to build the Villa for God's glory with humble heart) and Visa Korea, and View-ture husband HAHAHA. Alright goodnight kind Lord, Love You, saranghaeyo.

[joutakujos]

can u explain the anakin = rey theory please? i've heard of it before but every blog i follow is set on "rey is luke's daughter". i'm not really set on any particular theory lmao in fact i don't care that much about rey's parent situation that much at all i just think that the theories and explanations are interesting (except rey palpatine. whom would fuck palpatine)

ALLY STRAP YOURSELF FUCKING IN!!!!!!!!!!!!!

before i start this i want to say, this is very very very messy tbh so dont take this 100% seriously? idk u can if u want i guess

rey is anakin incarnated theory: 

since tfa was released, everyone has been debating who rey’s parents are. but personally, i think her parents are irrelevant. i believe that rey is anakin reincarnated. i have seen people talk about this theory but its pretty unpopular so im gonna provide with ‘evidence’ of why i think this.

the promo photos:

one of my main reasons why i believe rey is anakin is promoitonal photos of rey with anakins/lukes lightsaber. 

as you can see rey is doing the EXACT same poses as anakin even in the most recent look of rey. i don’t think this is a coincidence at all and disney or whoever is trying to tell us something???

rey’s skills and abilities:

in the final act of tfa, we see rey use force powers like mind trick and even uses anakins/lukes lightsaber like amazingly but this simply makes no sense. in the ot, luke had to train and train just to get to that level so for rey to pick that up straight away is just strange. but if rey is anakin, this actually makes sense! rey is just using the abilities she learnt in her past life as anakin! also at the beginning of tfa, we see rey fly the falcon perfectly and even fix a problem in a ship han couldn’t figure out. yes this has been explained in other media that rey always practised simulations of the falcon (or something like that??? i can’t remember rn) but even if she practised a lot i still don’t think she could be as amazing at flying as poe dameron. but anakin was very similar. at a young age, anakin was amazing as a pilot so match the two together! 

rey’s vision: 

tbh i think my evidence for this one is kinda shitty but oh fucking well!! another thing which i think is strange is how rey got a vision when she touched the lightsaber. but i always shrugged it off until a few days ago my friend xoch (@fincherdunne) brought up a great connection. star wars is no doubt based on the bible and has several parallels in the movies. before i talk about the connection i wanna say I KNOW HARDLY ANYTHING ABOUT CHRISTIANITY. i am mostly quoting what xoch told me and i probaly left out tons of her detail, so if u think something is wrong msg her! i dont think she’ll mind ppl asking or correcting her. anyway, in the bible there’s a story of a man called moses. moses never knew his parents which is similar to rey not remembering her parents. it isn’t until moses has a vision and finds out who his parents are and found out why they gave him away. there was a raid in the village and people and children were killed by the invaders. moses’s parentslaid him in a riverbank in a waterproof basket where he floated along the river until he was found (i think i got this completely wrong sorry HSUIHDUHUHFUDHF). i think this story is very similar to rey’s vision. the invaders are kylo destroying the jedi with maybe the knights of ren and i also think this connects to rey’s origin.

what i think is rey’s origin/rey’s vison pt ii:

this part is mostly my speculation and not much evidence. in the novel version of tfa (which is canon btw!) there is extra things added onto rey’s vision. rey sees a boy at the end of the cloud city hallway. i think the boy rey sees is the young anakin. we haven’t met any other important child in the star wars series unless the boy is a young ben solo, but i dont think so as we havent seen a young ben at all in all star wars media. 

“Hello?” Wreathed in the irrationality of the moment, she called hopefully, but received no answer.

A boy appeared at the end of the hallway. She started toward him, and the world turned inside out, causing her to trip and fall.

after this we see luke in front of a fire with R2. i think this is when ben destroyed the academy and where rey was created. remember how anakin’s mother had a virgin birth? in the Legends book, ‘Darth Plagueis’, it tells the story of palpatine’s sith master and how anakin was created. Plagueis tried to create a dark side child using midichlorians but the midichlorians didn’t want this. plagueis created the child but the child ended up having a balance of both dark and light, a child powerful enough to take down the sith. you could say ‘well this is not canon anymore’ but even in the new canon, it is assumed anakin was created using midichlorians so this is pratically made canon. so if luke got powerful enough…couldn’t he create someone doing the same thing? maybe even powerful enough to bring back his dead father to take down kylo ren and the first order? maybe that’s why luke has such a shocked look at rey at the end of tfa. 

yes you’re very right ally people are certain rey is luke’s daughter but i dont believe this at all! jessica henwick who plays the resistance pilot, Jessika Pava, said in a Q&A that she auditioned of the role of rey. if poc was allowed to audition as rey…doesn’t that mean that she cant be luke’s daughter? mark hamill is white and jess henwick is asian so ???? unless luke’s wife is poc but…idk. 

well this is the end of my theory and i hope you’re also believe this ally! im gonna put this in the tags and see what ppl think so please please please rb or reply with more evidence or maybe evidence to disprove this theory! i’d love to hear both!!

(also sorry this is so badd ihuihfduhfdfdf! its 3 am and i have to get up in 3 hours hfduhfduh)