#don’t get me wrong i am actually rlly happy. a bit stressed but v happy amazed

[kiss2012]

i actually have like um two days wherein i basically have nothing to do. and i’m not sure what to do with them. i have soooooooo many books to read but i will read them on my commute. i have sooooooooo many films to watch but i can’t decide what order i should watch them in. i have soooooooo many scraps of writing that needs to be gathered into a sensible substack post but i don’t want to start it. i have sooooooo many things i can do! not doing any of them tho. sitting here eating yogurt instead of doing them.

[cherryonigiri]

Hello could you do headcanon with Tsukki, Oikawa, Shirabu and Goshiki gf is astrology nerd?

A/N: Hi Anon! THANK YOU FOR MY FIRST ASK

Astrology (noun) the study of the movements and relative positions of celestial bodies interpreted as having an influence on human affairs and the natural world.

Oikawa Tooru:

Oikawa is the epitome of astronomy nerd, and he is over the moon (hahaha I’m so funny) when he finds out you share his love of the stars, albeit in a slightly different way

Appreciates an S/O who can name so many constellations and other celestial bodies

Probably first noticed you because you were rambling about starts—once he heard you rambling about the stars his interest was piqued

He probably ends up hanging outside your classroom during breaks and lunches to listen to you read your friend’s horoscopes and give them advice based on their star signs

When you notice Oikawa Tooru of all people lingering around all the time, you’re shocked to say the least. You approached him one lunch break and offered to read his horoscope. That was the start of your friendship (read flirtationship)

Tooru probably asked you out on the day of a significant celestial event related to romance —probably when Venus moves into its shadow (according to my questionable research this is related to changes in love/romance). He did a lot of research/late night googling to figure out what day would be perfect to ask you for a date. You find this incredibly sweet and thoughtful (Oikawa is a soft nerdy boy ok, fight me.)

100% will try to rope you into his alien obsession (much to his friends’ dismay). A chill date night involves a marathon of alien movies with questionable special effects

Will gladly take you on frequent stargazing dates and point out the constellations and other features of the night sky that you frequently obsess over

You two probably have a shared calendar on your phones with all the important celestial events marked in big bold letters. You guys have the timing down to the exact MINUTE the events start

Has gotten in trouble multiple times for rooftop dates at your place (please don’t actually go on the roof it’s dangerous)

Probably gets hooked on checking horoscope websites and will always remember to tear out or mark the weekly/monthly horoscope pages in magazines to save for you

During the supermoon triple event you guys bought a ton of snacks and food and had a midnight picnic in the park

In general two space nerds in love can never go wrong (unless you’re the volleyball team—in that case two space nerds = double the suffering, but they all still appreciate the captain’s girlfriend anyways because she makes him a lot less broody/harsh on himself and helps him focus on the brighter things in life)

Tsukishima Kei:

When you first start dating he doesn’t really know that you are into astrology—he knows you can name the zodiac constellations from memory, but he just chalks it up to you being a space nerd (which he is 100% okay with)

Later though, when he starts staying over at your place more often, he starts noticing little things, like the daily horoscope notifications on your phone and the different astrology books that are tucked into your shelves

He ends up lurking around your classroom during a break and overhears you talking about your poor horoscope reading of the day with your friends. Tsukki is a cynic, so when he first hears you talking about horoscopes with your classmates he scoffs to himself

Is confused as to why you invest so much of your time obsessing over weekly/daily horoscopes and other celestial events. He’s more of the “I’ll make things happen” kind of guy

Despite his initial doubt, he finds you super adorable whenever your rant/go tirades about astrology (he may have secretly googled information about astrology so he could talk to you about it…but no one need to know that)

He ends up also getting some kind of daily text subscription/app so he can read your daily horoscope. When you have an “unlucky” reading or some kind of not so great prediction he somehow always shows up to school with your lucky item (that he claims he “found” laying around in his house)

Ok but Tsukki rlly?? Who has a small penguin plush just “laying around.” I see you boi you are actually a little caring floofball under that sassy exterior

Whenever he has a game you always make sure to give him his lucky item for the day before he goes onto the court. He makes sure that the item is always on the bench where you can see it.

You can probably convince him to take you stargazing a few times during the school day. Just talk to him after a game — he’s all tired and will be more likely to agree ;)

Will get annoyed when the other boys on the team ask you for their horoscope — you’re his girlfriend, not the team’s astrological consultant (aka. Jealous sassy crow)

Shirabu

So he is one of the few players who didn’t get into Shiratorizawa on sports scholarship (you learn something new everyday) and has to keep up his grades in addition to being a regular

Poor boy is often swamped with work and v v stressed out with time

You try to lighten his spirits by sending fun astrology facts (ie. Did you know that those born under Taurus are expected to have a restful day today? I hope you don’t stress out too much and sleep early today!)

He loves getting these cute little texts from you—in fact he just finds your love of star signs adorable in general. You can go on for hours about the ways constellations, planets and other celestial bodies are predictors of things to come

When he is free (usually after they win a tournament) he likes to take you on stargazing dates. Sometimes you’ll also go to a temple to get your fortune told (not sure if this is zodiac/astrology based if any one can let me know that would be great)

Will ask you if he can keep both his and your lucky items on game days because having you indirectly gives him lucky (hnng I love sweet Shirabu)

Will comfort you if you have an unlucky horoscope for the day. He points out that it can’t be that bad because he can cancel out your bad luck with his good fortune

Get’s pretty annoyed when the other volleyball team guys bug you for their horoscopes. Astrology is kind of “your” thing—it’s something that you guys share together as a couple. Although he begrudgingly accepts that the team will now forever be asking you about the stars after seeing your excitement that you can talk to more people about their star signs

Doesn’t subscribe to any horoscopes or get an apps, but he knows that you’ll always forward him his horoscope for the day

Goshiki Tsutomu

Little eagle birb is confused??? What is a horoscope? What is a Leo??? What??? (This boy has no life outside of volleyball pls help him)

very very curious and will constantly ask you questions. You, of course, are more than happy to spend your dates and walks back home talking about your passion

He always walks with you to school and will always as for his daily horoscope on the way, so you make it a habit to check both your and his horoscopes everyday before breakfast

When he gets an unlucky/bad horoscope for the day, this boy gets very upset. You often have convince him that an unlucky reading doesn’t guarantee a bad day—he just has to be more careful and pay attention to what the reading said to avoid

He probably goes all out to learn more about astrology, will probably buy a bajillion astrology books, star charts, spend late nights online, get horoscope apps etc. He genuinely wants to get to know you better, including your passion for astrology

Often brags about your passion to the team, inevitably you befriend most of the team and now like every volleyball player will ask you for their daily horoscope whenever they see you

Goshiki will be super extra on game days and make everyone on the team (or at least the regulars) get their lucky item for the day. You find this endearing/entertaining (once the collection of items on the court included a pair of diving flippers, a kappa statue, a potted cactus and dried shitake mushrooms)

Overall Goshiki is an excited bf and probably becomes as much of an astrology geek as you

[fairycosmos]

+ i have a job interview tomorrow and i just cant go. its a rlly good job but i just cant. idk why. maybe its my anxiety or me sabotaging myself again. i know my mom will think im a failure. but i just want to keep studying. i want to keep trying. it just feels more important. i want to want be alive before anything else. do you think im lazy?? iknow you'll never anwser this but should i go anway? is it awful that i never had a job? i just feel like a bum. idk sorry for putting this on u.

hey. no, i dont think you’re lazy at all. quite the opposite. i admire you a lot for caring so much about your studies, for wanting to make something of yourself and for continuing to try your best even though you’re going through such a difficult time at the moment. that’s a lot easier said than done, and yet you’re still managing it, which is really fucking cool. you should be proud. and listen, i’m 18 as well, and i’ve never had a job either. it’s super, super common. it’s not like it’s easy to get a job these days, especially while you’re still studying. and just cause you’re older now doesn’t mean you’re singularly responsible for the financial situation of your family. it’s not just down to you to make money, and that’s not your sole purpose in life. also, you’re definitely accomplishing more than i am, seriously. i know the world kind of pushes the idea that you’re only worth something if you’re constantly being used, if you’re constantly providing money or results or good grades. but that’s genuinely not true. it takes years and years to come to terms with the fact that it’s not true, but it’s not. honestly, how ‘well’ you perform from a capitalistic standpoint doesn’t reflect who you are as a person. how you treat others, how you choose to experience life, your interests and your hobbies - those all say more about you than whether or not you have a job. i know you’re not going to believe me, but you being here is good enough. your presence is the most important thing.  it probably feels like i’m lying, and it will for a long time, but if you start letting that idea into your mind, you’ll begin to accept it eventually. 

your parents clearly have fucked up priorities. and i’m sorry. because you deserve so much better than that. having a bad relationship with them will always be shitty, and you’re totally allowed to feel whatever you need to feel about it. anger, sadness, bitterness, fear, guilt. process it all one day at a time. as long as you try to cope with those emotions in a healthy way (letting yourself cry, talking about it, writing about it, practicing self affirmations), then you’re doing fine. but at the same time, there comes a point where you have to realize that your family have no idea what the fuck they’re talking about. they really, really dont. if they only want to acknowledge you when you’re in a top school or when you have a great fucking job, then they dont deserve you at all. they wont even give you a chance to find your balance. seriously. they wont even cut you any slack. you owe them nothing but respect and since they dont respect you, you dont even owe them that. i dont know how else to put it but i cant stress it enough, they’re awful for making you feel so bad for no reason. i know exactly how you feel. and it’s just. like there’s no point in constantly overexerting yourself for the approval of people that are NEVER going to be satisfied. how they feel about you isn’t actually about you. it’s about them, and their own fucked up mindsets. you are not alive to serve them. you are not alive to be exactly who they want you to be, you know? this is YOUR life, not theirs. and it’s the only one you’re ever going to get. so if you have to make a few choices that disappoint them, then so be it. they’ll either get over it or fuck off, and either way you’ll be better off. it’s ok to start making choices for yourself, man. and it may take some time before you work up the courage to do so, but that’s alright too. it’s all a learning process. 

it seems like your anxiety/depression is the real crux of all of this, though. it’s really worrying, what you said in your other ask. my heart dropped reading it. if you dont confront that issue then you wont like it anywhere, because you wont like being yourself. whether you get a great job, or make a shit ton of money, or continue to study. whatever path you take, you’ll only be truly comfortable if you make your mental health a priority. you have to take it seriously. it’s okay to put yourself first, before the people around you, before school and work. because struggling with a mental illness is one of the most difficult things in the world. and you dont have to beg anyone to understand that. are you currently on any medication, or seeing a therapist or some sort of counselor? if you are, is it possible for you to ask for additional support? and if you haven’t spoken to anyone, is than an option for you? even if you just begin by talking to your usual doctor, to see if he/she can refer you to someone? if you’re worried about money, there are low cost/free options, too. it’s just that, suicidal thoughts are not something you just have to ‘put up with.’ and they’re certainly not something you have to deal with alone. others have been exactly where you are, others understand more than you realize. you dont have to hurt yourself outwardly to show that you’re hurting inwardly, alright? if you believe anything i say, believe that. your life is so precious and rare and significant, man. and where you’re at right now truly isn’t where you’re always going to be. you’re not trapped, you have a choice to make. making the conscious effort to seek help, to admit that you need some guidance, will make a massive difference in your perception of everything. if you work closely with a professional, then you’ll be able to create a care plan for yourself, you’ll be able to learn how to incorporate healthy coping mechanisms into your life, you’ll be able to find the root causes of why you feel the way you do. you’ll be able to talk openly about your family, and the way they make you feel, and your worries about the future. all of that will make the pain manageable. there is treatment available. it wont be an instant improvement, but reaching out is a wonderful place to start. your mental health is just as important as your physical health. and of course, there will always be a part of your mind that tries to talk you out of it. there’ll always be that moment of anxiety/fear, when you dont know what you’re doing. but you need to try to look past that, and to have a bit of empathy for your future self. temporary feelings should never stop you from getting the care that you need. so even if you just begin by calling a hotline to see what they think you should do next, then that’s still something to be v proud of.

i know it’s hard. i get it. i understand more than i can put into words. and i know that asking for help is a massive step. i’m not saying you have to make any big decisions right now. i’m just asking you to consider it, consider yourself for once in your life. i know there are days where you feel like living like this isn’t worth it at all. you dont want to live like this anymore, right? and you dont have to, but killing yourself wont solve anything. it’s ok to feel like giving up sometimes. as long as you know the difference between having a thought, and actually acting on it. you dont have to lean into the pain, you can just let it wash over you. your mental illnesses and your family and all of the bullshit is stopping you from seeing how wonderful and worthy you are, how much life still has to offer you. there’s so much you haven’t experienced. there is so much happiness waiting in the future. it won’t be constant, but it’ll become a theme in your life. you have all of the time in the world to figure things out. this is the exact age that you’re supposed to be confused and lost, and to not know what to do. you don’t have to have everything worked out right now. you’re doing so much better than you think you are, i promise. the only thing you have to worry about is taking care of yourself. that’s the only thing that’s truly in your control. you can create a better environment for yourself. you can create a life that you dont want to escape from, and that’s what you truly need. not to die but to re-envision your own existence. it’s healthy to do that from time to time. 

as a sidenote, it’s completely up to you whether or not you go to the job interview. there’s no pressure, there’s no wrong answer. but i just hope you know it’s okay to take things at your own pace, regardless of what your dumb ass family has to say. i think the smartest move for you to make is to put all of your energy into reaching out for help. continue to study, just put it on the back burner for now. continue to look for a job (tho i think smth part time is realistically a better option for you), but dont put all of your self worth into it. more than anything, this is a transitional period in your life. it’s the stepping stone between here and there. uncertainty is to be expected, anxiety is to be expected, but that doesn’t mean you have to handle it all on your own. i believe with all of my heart that you’re going to be okay. you said ‘i want to be alive before anything else.’ you should always hold onto that. you’re so fucking capable, and you’re so much stronger than you realize, dude. i’m not bullshitting. i’m being straight up. keep taking it one day at a time. if that feels like too much, one hour at a time. even getting through one minute at a time is something to celebrate. look at the next 24 hours of your life, and see what you can do in that time to help yourself - fuck everything else. i’m always here if you need a friend, or if you want to talk about this properly. i’m sorry i couldn’t be of more help. if you ever need anyone, hmu. if you think you’re going to do something, hmu. and please stick around. you’re not going to regret it.

http://ibpf.org/resource/list-international-suicide-hotlines