#does this count as killugon

[ov-rwhelmed]

full count, a chaptered fic written by nogoodalone

chapter thirteen - extra innings (epilogue)

word count: 1,715

summary: Even now, two weeks after that regional win and one month after officially getting together, Killua enjoys that he can still have Gon sputtering and nervous if he says or does the right thing. But he doesn’t enjoy it when Gon does it back to him. (Maybe he does, a bit.) ~~~ or, finishing out the year.

a modern uni & baseball killugon au

SURPRISE!!!!!!! EPILOGUE!!!!!

[gr8stoneddragon]

How many works do you have on AO3? 46

What's your total AO3 word count? 661,297 (not including drafts or currently unpublished chapters)

What fandoms do you write for? Right now? Just YYH. But I've been wanting to write more HxH.

Top five fics by kudos:

Confession x Revelation x Satisfaction (HxH)

Tired Revenge (AtLA)

Demon in Training (YYH)

Frustration (AtLA)

Breathing Fire (YYH)

Do you respond to comments? I have been trying to be better about this more recently (since last year-ish) but now that I actually have regular weekly commenters, it can be hard haha. I've never had to deal with having so many comments before and I'm honestly so grateful. Love my readers ❤️

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? I don't usually write angst tbh, but Absent Goodbye (AtLA) is about a character death so there's that.

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? The first one that comes to mind is Confession x Revelation x Satisfaction because that one actually has an ending hahaha

Do you get hate on fics? Nah. I somehow manage to join fandoms way late, after any and all ship wars have died, or just at the right time when they are starting to get popular and people just want more content.

Do you write smut? Yup. Though I actually find explicit content a lot harder to write than fluff. Doesn't mean I wont try.

Craziest crossover: Gosh. Have I ever written a crossover fic? I don't think so. I think all the crossover stuff I've done has been strictly roleplay.

Have you ever had a fic stolen? Not that I know of

Have you ever had a fic translated? Not that I know of

Have you ever co-written a fic before? Lmao, yes. With the person who tagged me and also my husband. @sokkarang

All time favorite ship? This is an impossible question. I am currently in YYH multiship hell, but if I had to pick some top non-YYH OTPs they would probably be:

KilluGon (HxH)

NezuShi (No. 6)

Tokka (AtLA)

TaiYama (Digimon)

Drarry (HP - don't come for me, I know)

I could definitely keep going but I'll stop there.

What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? I have a really long Jet/Zuko High School AU fic that I doubt I will ever pick up again. I was so into it and had so many ideas for that fic when I was still rping in the AtLA fandom, but I've moved on for the most part and I'm not sure I could remember now what the end goal was for that fic or all the things I wanted to include. Which is sad but... it happens.

What are your writing strengths? I have been told that my character dialogue is very good, and I'm a really strong character-driven writer in general I think.

What are your writing weaknesses? Plot. Lol. Coming up with plot ideas is really difficult for me sometimes. And then when I do come up with an idea, they always seem to be novel length monstrosities. Writing one-shots, or anything I can actually finish within a week or so is just so fucking hard for me for some reason.

Thoughts on dialogue in another language? I'm always tempted to do this, but it does feel awkward at times, and as someone who is only fluent in English, I'm always afraid of getting things wrong.

First fandom you wrote in? The first fandom I wrote in was YYH, but that’s not the first fandom I published fic for. I kept a lot of my writing private for many years.

Favorite fic you’ve written? Oh lord. This is such a hard question. If we're talking fics that I wrote myself as a single author, I would have to say I'm really proud of Confession x Revelation x Satisfaction (HxH), Breathing Fire (YYH), and Shower, Interrupted (DRRR). But I am also completely obsessed with the long-running rps I have right now with people, and some of those get published on Ao3 as well.

Tagged by: @snarkyauthor

Tagging: @zuzsenpai

[trashsketch]

I have a complicated question: I used to follow this person who didn't feel comfortable drawing or writing about Killugon in a romantic way because "they're too young," and preferred to label them as queerplatonic, which is 100% valid (although I still lack more research on my side about it, I admit that). The part that seemed confusing to me and made me think is that the same person was completely okay with drawing Gon x Alluka as a romantic pair. While I don't think there's anything wrong with the latter, and people should express themselves, I wonder why 'being too young to be in love' might or might not be an obstacle depending on which pair we're talking about, even among queer fellows. Would that count as homophobic in some way, even though we're talking about the LGBT+ part of the fandom? What do you think that might cause this kind of roadblock for a pairing that is, in my opinion, far from inappropriate? Sorry for the long ask and it's okay if you don't feel comfortable on sharing your thoughts! I'd love them to be either romantic or queerplatonic in canon, though.

oh boy, I've stared at this and tried forming an answer for a couple of hours now. I had a long draft at first and everything. my one gripe with this is that I don't think this is homophobia? and even if it is homophobic....there's nothing you can do to change their mind even though i agree with you that killugon is a very innocuous ship!

for someone to say "i don't ship killugon because it doesn't sit comfortably with me because they're young" and then ship gon with alluka is more hypocritical than anything? but there could also be so many other reasons why they prefer one ship over another. We can't read minds no matter how much we try, so why do we keep trying? we can't change people's minds either, so why try to find a "roadblock"? we care a lot because that's our ship and that's okay, but there's also a myriad of other things we can do with our limited time being alive on earth. and I'd like to draw more killugon instead.

I want to have good faith in judging a stranger on the internet and just conclude that killugon just doesn't resonate with them as it does for me, and that's that! and yknow the usual, if it sucks hit da bricks! just walk out, you can leave!!! I've slammed the block button real hard on some ships or some tumblr blogs that make me feel very uncomfortable, but thankfully it is all just fiction and it's something i can actually step away from!

but I think this is something you can ask yourself about too. if you see someone say that killugon is too young to be shipped romantically, why does that not sit right with you? PERSONALLY, as a bisexual, seeing many movies show boy-girl romantic attraction while growing up have influenced me to think that it is okay to have romantic feelings as a child! so it feels like an attack on my part if someone dismisses romantic killugon and then ships romantic allugon. BUT THIS IS ONLY A FEELING! it is not an actual attack! it is only an attack if people flood my dms or inbox saying that it's wrong and with the occasional death threat!

[nebulasaurus]

What inspired your counting to 15 fic? It's heavy in religious trauma, is it based on your experiences?

‼️ Thank you for this ask, my anonymous friend! I love questions like this!!!

So, the fic is actually SUPER HEAVILY inspired by the musical works of Troye Sivan, starting with the song "Heaven."

I've loved Troye's music for a long long time but when I heard it again a few months ago, I was also trying to come up with another idea for a KilluGon fic. I scoured AO3 to see if anyone has written anything along the lines, and I saw some here and there but nothing close to what I was thinking of.

Then as I was writing I put Troye's discography on and every song had me inspired for scenes throughout the fic. I couldn't stop thinking about it.

Do I have religious trauma? Yes. Is it in the way Troye does or anyone else in this situation does? No. My religious trauma is more along the lines of anger and hatred for certain people and the church. I am a spiritual pagan now, and practicing witch!

Thank you for asking my lovely friend!

[rarepairhunter]

Hello!!!! Are we allowed to send you rarepair posts/tag you in posts about Rarepairs? :3

Hi! Sure! :) I do have a preference of reblogging a post without additional added on commentary, so I may not reblog directly from you/anyone tagging me. But I really appreciate it a lot! :)

But some disclaimer if I don’t reblog some posts even if being tagged:

It depends on if the ship in question counts as a rarepair. I kind of wished I had created some qualifications what does and does not count as a rarepair. In the past, it was more of a gut feeling. orz Like I don’t consider a ship like Sasuhina or Itasaku to be a rarepair at all. But I am more lenient on hxh ships because the hxh fandom tends to be a very non-diverse (like it’s either Killugon, leopika, hisoillu, oumugi, and occasionally pariging) so ships like Amanary I’ll still keep reblogging. So we can see when we get to said ship. :)

And I don’t reblog posts ships that involve ocs for the reason of keeping things within canon. It gets messier once you get out what’s in source material.

Anyways, thank you for asking!! In all my years of maintaining this blog, you are literally the first person who ever sent in an ask. I’ve never advertised this blog, so it’s really cool to see people interacting in any way over the years. :)

[chikahoshi]

Tagged by @nerdinsandals c:

Last song: Woosung’s cover of ILYSB by Lauv, particularly the studio version with the saxophone. c: Recently, I commissioned an artist to draw Miles and Gwen at prom, so whenever I listen to his cover, I think of them slow dancing to this song. 🥹

Currently watching: Well, I just finished Arcane recently…I want to rewatch it again, though, so does that still count? XD

Currently reading: Lots of fanfics, lol. I’m currently following two Miles/Gwen fics, and I’m also currently in the middle of reading a very beloved Killugon fic among the fandom.

Currently obsessing over: Spiderverse, lol. 🙈

Tagging @cultofpokeshipping @meztliel @ficsinhistory @elegantshadow34 @kotorjedi @iwasbored777 (if you want to, of course.^^)

[asherasgayagenda]

idk if you watched hxh but I am absolutely convinced that kohaku was obsessed with killua he saw him and went just like me fr!! (kohaai matching killugon icons on twitter)

YEAH I WATCHED HXH!! and yeah. totally. oh my god kohaku/killua comparisons I AM POSITIVELY NORMAL.

LITTLE SHELTERED ASSASSIN KIDS DOING THEIR FAMILIES DIRTY WORK with their One (1) SIBLING THAT THEY REALLY LIKE. AND KINDA STUPID ABOUT THE WORKINGS OF THE WORLD and is physically strong even though tiny and friend shaped and doesn't really show their feelings too much and gets totally embarrassed about whatever and CARES ABOUT THEIR FRIENDS SO SO SO SOSO SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

also i saw someone mention (and as much as i love kohaai, this is obvious,) hiikoha killugon. gon = hiiro in really every way it just makes SO MUCH sense. not the topic of the ask but also guy who is looking for his older familial member and comes off as dumb in every way except when it really counts and cares for their friends and is open to showing affection everywhere and !!! also very strong and does crazy things that actually work

[decembercamiecherries]

How do you think Killua would react if Illumi put a needle in Gon's head that made him forget Killua?

Oh gosh hmm….I think Killua would freak out, like he wouldn’t know what to do. He would stare at Gon for ages, internalizing all the pain and anger so Gon wouldn’t see it and also freak out. He’d probably run off somewhere to let out steam at some point. I think they would both try to find a way to get rid of the Needle, though. Gon would talk to other friends and just know that yes Killua is his friend and yes it’s his insane brother making him forget. And Gon would still like Killua right away, him forgetting Killua doesn’t change the fact that they will always get along super well.

[theconfusedartist]

more hunty hunty meta ooh!

anyways, I just finished the greed island arc again (but this time it was the 1999 ver.) and I just realized the whole ‘only killua can hold it’ was a lot different than I remember people talking about it here. 

like, maybe it’s just the 1999 ver., but it’s really obvious that Gon feels terrible that he’s making Killua hold the ball. He won’t look anyone in the eyes the entire time that Tszgerra was telling him that Killua was injured, he wouldn’t take a ‘win’ he wanted absolute defeat, but not for himself. Which, the first time watching it, I didn’t really get it, but watching it again, I kinda understood why he was so mad and wanted a real ‘win’ against Razor. 

He was pissed off because Razor nearly killed Killua. Like, it wasn’t even subtext, or something vaguely hinted at, Gon gets up after taking that fucking METEOR to the face and hands, he’s got a concussion most likely as he’s pissed off to all hell and he’s literally not listening to anything that anyone is telling him. 

Bisky says, don’t kill yourself, don’t overdo it, then asks him what 2+2 is. Like while it does give a bit of humor to this otherwise really serious scene, it really does hit home the point that I’m trying to get at, as he just kept saying ‘yeah’ over and over again to what Bisky was saying and didn’t say ‘osu’ until she said to play as hard as he could even if it meant risking his life. 

Gon gets over to Hisoka and Killua and the first thing he says is that they have to defeat him completely because if Killua had dodged to the right, he would’ve been killed. I didn’t really see the whole issue in the 2011 ver. as it seems less about Killua and more being personally offended and determined to win the game, but in the 1999 ver., Gon had a chance to take the easy route (luckily for them they didn’t they would be dead, but at the time they didn’t even know that Genthuru was the bomber) but didn’t because he wanted to enjoy the game that his dad made with his best friend. 

Even though he was training with Bisky, often put his life on the line in the training, as well as going through that exhaustive process, Gon still wasn’t worried about the whole ‘needing to beat the game as fast as possible’. Gon and Killua saw they were weak and decided to improve on that, which lead to Bisky, which lead to training, to getting stronger, and getting to Razor. Up until this point, I don’t think Gon was taking this game ‘seriously’, in the sense he wasn’t trying to mine up for the spell cards, but just wanted to have a fun time with his friends, and the fight with Razor was really the first time that was threatened. Or second time, as they didn’t know what spell cards were the first time around and thought that Killua was going to die due to the spell card that he had cast on him. 

Up until then, while Gon was (understandably) upset about the mass murder that happened because of Genthuru, he wasn’t going out of his way to deal with it. With Killua’s hands getting trashed and him nearly dying if just out of chance, this little nice time that Gon decided to have with Killua was threatened, just like the first time Killua had a spell cast on him. 

And just like the first time, Gon was fucking pissed, and he gets just as angry this time around. But Gon, doesn’t seem to have very good situational skills, which is most likely due to the fact that he certainly has a concussion, so he just defaulted to what he thought was the most pressing thing at the moment: which he thought was avenging Killua. 

Yeah, Killua wasn’t dead, but that was something just due to chance, Gon wasn’t angry about getting shot into the wall and cracking the cement, but at the thought that Killua might have gotten seriously hurt or injured is just enough to send him over the edge to pushing and pushing for a perfect win, because he wants to beat him down for nearly getting Killua killed with that ball. 

When Tszegerra comes over to tell Gon that Killua’s hands are beaten to hell and back, Gon is very adamant about not looking at any of the people around him, he stares blankly at the wall, refuses to say anything or acknowledge what people are saying right up until the point that Killua gets into his view and keeps telling him over and over that he can do it. 

This isn’t the first time that Gon has went to crazy lengths before and Killua seems to make that protective rage spark to wild levels. And in Killua’s case, this is something that he already knows. How? Heaven’s Arena. When going against Gido and Rehevelt (look I don’t know how to spell it, and they aren’t really all that noteworthy that I care to look them up either, so take the chair guy’s badly put name as just an aside as this is something I’m writing at like 6 am) Gon uses hatsu to deflect the tops and Killua notes that this was a psychological tactic to terrify Gido. Gon gets Gido on the ground and as the man is staring up at him, begging for his life, Gon ignores that and punches Gido while he’s down on the ground as hard as he can without nen and without aiming to really kill him either. He ends the fight saying that Gido better not ever try something like that again or he’ll do even worse. 

Killua is noticeably pleased about it lol, not the major point, but they were in key enough that Killua can tell Gon is legit angry at the three of them and was going out of his way to kick their ass. I just wanted to point out the fact that at Heaven’s Arena, they were both on the same wavelength, whereas here, in the Greed Island arc, they aren’t since Killua personally isn’t slighted at the fact that Razor nearly killed him, but Gon is and while Killua understands this, there is a reason that he’s the cool headed one, after all, he’s not emotionally mature enough to be able to tell Gon that this isn’t something that they have to beat Razor at. Why? Because Gon is angry for Killua’s sake. He’s furious for Killua’s sake, and that’s why he’s willing to go so far. Not because Razor is a real person, not because he wants to play a game and win, but because Killua nearly died and to Gon that is something that he feels he needs to avenge. And when the last time Killua really had someone willing to go to bat for him? 

Killua expresses that to Illumi all he wants to do is be a normal kid and be friends with Gon, but he doesn’t really get to do anything about it when Illumi uses his nen on him to get him to go back home. Killua fully expects to stay locked up within his family’s estate and for everything to go back to the way they were before he ran away, but Gon comes back. Gon feels that he has worth, that he’s worth the risk, that going through all this is absolutely worth is because it’s for Killua, and Gon makes sure over and over again to show Killua (both with words and his actions) that Killua is a special person to Gon, someone he’s willing to fight and die for, if need be, and obviously one of the closest people to his heart. 

The fight with Razor only takes what was there before and amplifies it to a whole nother level. Because this isn’t the first time that Gon’s ‘avenged’ Killua before. Attacking Illumi after the hunter exam for making him feel terrible, then to get the information of where Killua was to take him back, at Heaven’s Arena, doesn’t even give Rehevelt the benefit of a fight, that was a straight ass whooping. Why? Because he shocked Killua with one million watts. It’s something I don’t really see talked about here very often, but I remember seeing one post talking about the fact that Gon did what he did to Rehevelt as payback. 

Gon doesn’t punch or try to do the usual fight thing, he grabs a stone from the ring, grabs Rehevelt, then makes him think that he’s going to shock him with the same one million volts. In the 1999 ver., he even goes so far to make sound effects which (while fucking hilarious to hear Gon’s dubbed voice go ‘zapzapzapzapzap’) is wild because he wanted Rehevelt to go through the same pain that he put Killua through. But Gon’s a nice kid, he doesn’t like killing people. So, he does the next best thing! Makes them think and truly believe they’re about to die. 

This bit with Razor was something that was just building, and after going to Whale Island with Killua, through Heaven’s Arena, and then the months on Greed Island have only made Gon and Killua more fond of each other, to the point that where Gon was willing to let someone go with terrible mental scars, now he has to beat this one dude because he nearly killed someone precious to him, and that person only survived on chance. 

And Killua knows this. He absolutely knows this. He hides his hands and keeps them out of sight, makes sure Gon isn’t thinking about how bruised up his fingers are and puts them in his pockets to make sure he doesn’t see them. And when Gon even has the idea that Killua shouldn’t be the one holding the ball, when Gon for once looks like he’s about to give way to reason and logic rather than determination and stubbornness, Killua goes right in front of him, where he can’t avoid him, and says that he can do this. That he can take it one more time.

Gon knew that Killua’s hands were messed up, but the thing is, Gon wants to avenge Killua, that no longer matters when Killua goes to Gon and tells him to trust in him and believe him when he says that he can hold onto the ball just one more time to win. Gon trusts Killua, with his life and basically everything else (save for more emotional matters, but that doesn’t come into play nearly as much until the CA arc, getting off topic here, excuse me) so hearing Killua give him the go ahead is all he needs to be as reckless as he needs to be. Why? Because Killua is his precious person, who was nearly killed, in trying to avenge him, he’s hurting him worse and worse with every single attempt to make ‘right’ what’s wrong, and Killua isn’t telling him that he should stop, in fact he’s urging Gon on to believe and trust in him, and Gon makes it clear to Killua, the only reason he can do this is because it’s him. He make sure that Killua knows he’s important to him and that he’s going to trust and believe in him, because he’s important to him and he’s not going to second guess him, not when he believes in him so passionately. 

Both characters could’ve avoided these injuries and issues, but they’re both 13ish at this point, Gon is concussed and Killua wants to go along with what Gon wants because Gon is consistently trying to tell him (with words and actions) that Killua is important to him and that he’s apart of his life. 

That’s why he goes ahead with that final blow. And in wanting to avenge Killua, he puts him at more risk as he’s no longer able to defend himself, and Killua who wants the confirmation that he’s important to Gon and a large part of his life, is absolutely willing to go down that path with him because Gon is a special person to him as well.

tl;dr: Gon and Killua are both incredibly important to one another and it’s their own personal flaws that end up getting the other hurt or leading to misunderstandings, despite their best interests and affections that are close to their hearts. 

[katoarika]

I have a feeling that we get to see Gon/killugon reunion in chapter 396.

EDIT: actually, I got the chapter number wrong. I thought Togashi was sharing the beginning of ch396 and discussing the following four chapters when, in reality, he shared the beginning of ch397 and counted ch397 as one of the four chapters. However, this does not change the fact that ch397 will probably continue the PT flashback.

-Togashi came back with page 6 of chapter 396.

And it makes sense that after a long hiatus, he returns with a sketch of Gon/Killugon comeback chapter.

-This chapter includes trees and maybe a foxbear, so we are probably on whale island.

-As @buzzykrueger also said, in Gon x Killua PV:

[seikyoko]

About the Killua and Gon apology scene (and Gon’s self harm tendencies)

So I was thinking about the missing killugon apology scene and why we didn't see it, a lot of people theorized that the apology scene was ideed very touching and must have happened off-screen because we’ll get a moving flashback to it later, and it would be quite cute if that was the case but

After some mulling over I realized I disagreed with that and it was probably because that apology doesn't count/fail to adress the point/was unsatisfying.

Now bear with me, I'm not gonna go off on a ''Gon is evil/an abuser/should prostrate himself on his knees for being a traumatized 12/14yo on a war'' tangent, I'm even writing as we speak a whole ass meta (1) defending his honor and stating that the gon hate is stupid, heck, I don't even want him to feel guilty about anything, that would kind of defeat the point of what I'm saying here

(1) I know I kinda already wrote a sort of meta about it, but looking back on it that meta really is incomplete and kind of misses the point and is even stupid on some points but I’m not beating myself up too much over this, I was 19 when I wrote it, pratically a newborn, a baby and I am planning on replacing it with a better one, now back to the topic

Now, Ging is honestly a garbage man and I don't like saying that, but I really liked  his quote about the way to apologize to friends (demonstrated later by Killua to Nanika)

« There are rules when apologizing to a friend, know what they are ? You promise you'll do things differently next time, and then you keep that promise no matter what !  »

Kind of splendid advice, one that I'm really fond of and I'm definitely stealing it if I have to write a fanfic or something, but going back to the topic

Gon did hurt Killua deeply in the CA arc (again non maliciously, I’m not mad about him for that), and Gon does feel bad about it, but as he is now, he's not in a state where he can promise to do better and keep that promise, if only because he completely missed the point, he still thinks he did bad because he said rude things to Killua during the lowest moment in his life, and that's not even what Killua was sad about

Now, what was Killua truly upset about in that arc ?

1)Because he wanted to be included in the revenge against Pitou, not mainly because of Kite but because he wanted Gon's problems to be his problems and he placed most if not all of his self-worth onto being useful to Gon

2)because of Gon's excessive self-harm tendencies and the fact that he LITERALLY COMMITED SUICIDE

Now I honestly don't thinks the first one needs to be adressed or apologized about because it's honestly more of a Killua problem than anything else, and despite the fact that I understand why he thinks like that (fuck you Zoldyck family) and can't blame him for that, he need some serious therapy and snaps out of that way of thinking because it's unhealthy and he did take the codependency thing too far. I do think he'll get better but that meta's not about this

Also promising to do differently about that is no solution because the fight against Pitou was absolutely a suicide mission (and Gon knew that) and like someone else said in a post I can’t find, there is no reality where Gon would have allowed Killua to come in here with him because Killua, being one of the most if not the most important person in Gon’s life, isn't allowed to die in his(Gon’s) mind and I doubt that will ever change

(and that's not even listing all the times in the Zoldyck family arc or the Riehvelt fight where he was angry about attempts on Killua's wellbeing other than his life)

and honestly I wouldn't call it positive character development if Gon was like ''Oh yeah I'm gonna involve Killua in my suicide mission and get him 100% killed''. So let’s forget about the first point already

It also hurts Killua because because of that he felt that he was not as important in Gon’s life because of the before rejection, but honestly, Gon make it crystal clear that he cares about Killua quite a lot so yeah, still not a point of his apology

Now, onto point 2, it absolutely needs to be adressed, Gon can't continue like this, I'm not saying there's anything evil about it or that he's a bad person but he absolutely got it way too far, like the Pitou thing can be handwaved as the literal lowest moment in his life and in order to defeat Pitou, but what the fuck did getting beat up and aiming for his face to be punched by puppet!Kite accomplish ? It can also be somewhat explained by his desire to atone, if you absolutely have to justify it, but that isn't even the dumbest and most self-harmy thing he did

Remember the fight against Hanzo ? When he stubbornly continued the match even though he knew Hanzo was way out of his league as an opponent, when he let himself be tortured, let Hanzo break his arms, was like ''okay do it'' when Hanzo threatened to cut off his legs if he didn't give up, he was still like 'nope I won't !' and refused to give up, looks, there was no stake in this fight, he could have simply given up, excluding Hanzo, he still had four fights he could try, I'm not sure about Pokkle's power level but he would have been infinitely easier to fight against than against Hanzo, and I bet he could have defeated the old man with a ponytail/Leorio, whoever it ended up being, Even if all that failed he could have always waited one (1) year to retry the exams while training before it, it wouldn't have been a big deal, he was 11 he still had his whole life before him to find his dad, There was absolutely no reason to keep getting tortured, getting his arm broken (Hanzo even warned him before that), and risk getting his legs cut off and become disabled for life, he just felt stubborn about it,there was literally no other reason, that kid makes me want to tear my hair out in worry and he's fictional so I can't even begin to imagine how it must be for other HxH's characters,

There was also his first fight in heaven arena where he battled in a state of zetsu against a more experienced opponent with nen and he could have been disabled for life like others nenless contestants before him and he was quite lucky to just end up with just a broken arm that ended up healing completly, was it necessary ? Again no, even if fighting with nen wasn't cutting it he could have just surrendered with pretty much no consequences

There was also the fight against Genthru, ooh I have a lot of opinions about that fight, he didn't have to go through any of this,using Killua's strategy would have landed him with bruises and I think he bled from his mouth but that would have been it, But no, because of his pride/stubborness/whatever it was, he sacrified one whole hand and kinda the other too to land a hit on Genthru and give him a scare, heck he only used 30% of his aura on his other wrist so for all he knew he could have been sacrifying both hands and been unable to pick up a card from his book and thus unable to carry out the strategy, and Genthru would have simply killed him in a terribly painful way, again, I can't emphasize how unnecessary the whole thing was, was it worth it ? No,

That boy will continue harming himself and sacrifice literal limbs of his for petty reasons regardless of the consequences, and for what ? He can't keep jajankening his limbs off like this, he even said during Pitou's fight that he was glad he lost his arm . Most HxH fans have theorised it's because of his abandonment issues from Ging, whether that’s true or not is up for debate and not the subject of this meta

But regardless of the reason, he can't continue like this, he is being an active danger to himself and his mental state can't be good if he's still like that. For both his own sake and the sake of everyone who care about him (and I don't just mean Killua), he has to stop.

Leorio was absolutely devastated during the election arc, Killua was horrified/worried beyond words during Gon-san vs Pitou and when he saw the state of Gon's body after it, they probably called Mito since he's 12/14 and she was his guardian and he was at death's door and she was probably devastated too, also a lot of other people (Hanzo, Melody, Bisky, Palm, Ikalgo etc) were worried for him

You'd think that after sobering up from his fight with Pitou he'd be at least a little better about this, but one of his first sentences upon waking up was that he was still blaming himself and that he should have died instead of Kite.

So during his time before he reunites with Killua and the others, I want him to go through some serious introspection and/or see a therapist or at least a decent HxH adult like Wing or Melody (sadly she's on the murder boat but there are probably others like her I hope), and I want him to decide to stop on the self-harm and the absence of self-preservation, and not just for others but for himself too.

So I think the real 'apology' hasn't happened yet, and that it won't be with sorrys or ''I blame myself'' or “I’m such a bad person” and after the timeskip he'll tell Killua (and probably Leorio at least and maybe his other friends) that he understand what he did was unhealthy, and that he'll be careful with his life and wellbeing this time and he'll keep definitely keep this promise

[ov-rwhelmed]

mixed media, a chaptered fic written by nogoodalone

chapter nine

word count: 2,198

summary: Looking for any sort of distraction and holding the pillow just a bit tighter against his body, he digs around the couch for his phone, hoping it’s not dead. When he does find it and sees the notifications waiting for him, he wishes it was. ~~~ or, coming to realizations.

a modern art uni killugon au | for the 2024hxhbb

chapter nine 😈

@hxhbigbang24 @hunterxhunterbb

[iamwhelmed]

Killugon Dancing With Our Hands Tied by Taylor Swift.

Now, songfic isn't usually good fic, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't enjoy the idea of Killua getting into some lyrical and singing work on the road with Alluka, since he has no reason not to.

And Gon? Hearing Killua say "I loved you in secret, first sight yeah we love without reaaon. Oh, only twelve years old. Oh, how were you to know? My, my love, I've been frozen deep blue but you painted me golden, oh and you held me close. Oh, how was I to know?... I knew there was no one in the world who could take it, I had a bad feeling."

Because this song is a goodbye. This song is I loved you and I have lost you, I wanted to hold on longer. This song is I knew all along we'd fall apart and I ignored it because you promised me forever.

And that would hurt Gon like nothing else. Gon knows he's hurt Killua, right? But he doesn't know how badly. Now, he does.

Also don't forget Don't Blame Me and So It Goes because Killua 100% would write both "My name is whatever you decide, and I'm just gonna call you mine." and "You did a number on me, but honestly baby who's counting? I did a number on you, but honestly baby who's counting?"

[sourlemonsodass]

ok so finally... time to write down some of my thoughts on HxH characters! I'm in the middle of chimera ants arc so I haven't seen every character yet (and don't want to see Ging fuck him)

feel free to make your own!!! you can tag me i'll love to read your thoughts :] HxH is one of my favorite animes ever!

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* Hunter x Hunter *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

✧ favorite characters: Illumi, Kurapika, Killua and Kaito!

✧ least fave character: that rude guy from the Hunter exam... don't even remember his name

✧ 5 fave ships: Hisoillu, Killugon, Leopika, Uvoshal and... think that's about it?

✧ character i find most attractive: Kaito and Illumi....... also Chrollo when his hair is not soaked in gel?? i look at his face and just feel like telling him to go fuck himself

✧ character i would marry: marry is a strong word but i'd go in a date with Kurapika.... transmascs unite we'd get along well

✧ character i'd be bff with: Kaito sounds like a really interesting person to talk to (I love biology ok) and also Kurapika!

✧ random thought: the chimera ants are so interesting I don't know why the fandom just care about the royal guard??? Leol, Cheetu, Meleoron, Colt, Ikalgo.... all very cool guys I'm loving this arc

✧ unpopular opinion: Hisoka should be held accountable for his weird behaviour towards children....

✧ canon otp: Does Hisoillu counts? asajshjahs also I think Killua really have feelings for Gon so Killugon too

✧ uncanon otp: Leopika.....

✧ most badass: Kaito be real cool w his scythe

✧ pairing i don't like: Machi and Hisoka?? Machi is a mean lesbian let her be

✧ character i feel the writers screwed up: I wouldn't say screwed up but I wish Kaito would.. be alive for longer idk?? I really like him as a character and he had a lot of potential. I feel like they buildt him only to show Pitou's strenght and that's not fair >:( he was so cool

✧ favorite friendship: Gon and Killua! they're the cutest imo, they are so fond on each other and grew so much together! they're a perfect duo and I simply love how close they get and how truthful is their friendship

[reeeyachi]

Title: Eight

Prompt: “I thought that it was worth it, to let myself just disappear.” Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Angst Setting: School AU Characters: Gon, Killua Requested by: @attack-on-bocchan

Words: 1,632

A/N: Mental health awareness month in here is coming up and I’ve been wanting to publish something to contribute to this. I’ve added trigger warnings in the tags, fyi. This piece holds so much meaning for me. I hope you’ll appreciate it. :’)

Disclaimer: I haven’t been reading killugon fics lately, so please don’t come at me if you think this is a rip-off of any existing killugon angst fic. (uwu)

–

He always found him at the rooftop after school.

The boy with an iridescent cloud as hair and insipid sapphires as eyes, gazing into the nearing sunset as his feet swayed midair, arms curled to the metal railing of the ledge where he had positioned himself to park. His usual spot. The spot where Gon had never seen anyone come near to, let alone loiter in, even at peak hours when it was empty.

Empty.

He wondered why, out of all the times he had visited that part of the building, he would only see the boy when his chest felt the most hollow, when his skull felt the most chaotic, when his limbs felt the most frail, and when his spirit felt the most insecure.

He wondered how, even as he looked the other way, or tiptoed to the other side, even as words dissolved in his throat, the constant need to end his turmoil by floating with the wind dissipates at the sight of him—serene, peaceful him, with airstream reeling between the strands of his hair and puffing it in all the right places. It felt like warm sand under Gon’s bare feet. It felt like home, comfortable, accepting of his weak self.

It would feel okay to fail.

It would feel right to cry.

Weak.

Why did he have to be one? Was he born with a feeble mind?

It wasn’t like this when he was younger. He wasn’t like this six months ago before he moved from Whale Island to Padokea to live with his dad. He was always precise. He always learned how to deliver, enthused about things he had no prior knowledge of, always moved by how bugs grow and how trees reproduce, always embarked on a commission with bloomed flesh and a sparkly-white beam. Wonder and imagination found a home above his head, lightbulb never running out of energy, bright and buoyant, excited and optimistic. Aunt Mito and Grandma Abe always smiled in his presence. Birds happily sung on his windowsill at dawn. Plants thrived with his touch.

It was magic—his gift, his talent. Gon always thought that he was born to discover the world and everything that lived in it. He found a reason to step forward, to understand and connect with nature, embodying the bliss it was feeding him with, and determined to share the same level of happiness he always felt, delighted to be able to shed his rays after a snowstorm. Happy. In awe. Skipping heartbeats.

Purpose.

How could he now reduce himself to a speck of dust? How could he not remember the last time someone greeted him a good morning in the hallways? How could he not paint his classmates’ canvasses the colors of the rainbow with his sunlit eyes? How could these people be so distant and opaque? How could he not feel like he didn’t belong in his father’s house? His bones had felt hollow; his drive entropic.

He wasn’t like this.

He never had this unending storm cloud hanging heavily from his shoulders.

He had never been in this limitless void inside his head.

Empty.

Weak.

Does anybody want him around? Does anybody even want to be his friend?

“Are you gonna jump?”

Friend.

Gon realized that he was spiraling into the deleterious cave that had inevitably formed in his core, for his head spun back into that afternoon reality when he heard an unfamiliar voice. Jump? He caught his breath and clutched the buttons of his uniform over his quavering chest. His heart did, he figured, up and down the trampoline until his glimmering russets met the sea.

It stopped.

“Why are you always crying?” the boy mumbled curiously, brows meeting at the bridge of his nose as he shifted his weight on the ledge to face Gon.

Eight—the number of times he saw him at that exact same spot, the number of times he had helplessly sprinted to the rooftop to clear his head and gasp for air. But not once did they speak. Not once did their eyes meet. Was Gon imagining things? Did he finally fall into the rabbit hole of pure murk, and now dreaming of what could have been?

In response to the question, Gon touched his own cheeks. Wet. He blinked. A sniffle. Was he crying? He turned around and wiped his eyes with his sleeve, flustered beyond comparison, embarrassed to be revealing his inner flaw to a stranger. “Sorry,” he said as he tried to line up his thoughts, pulses hammering in his temples. He shouldn’t be crying. No, he shouldn’t allow himself to. His dad said so himself.

Man up.

“What for?” The boy’s tone was casual and closer.

Gon reckoned he had walked towards him. Probably. He missed the scene, though, for he had to force composure onto himself before deciding to turn back around. He should appear presentable, at least, and offer an amicable greeting. That was the first time they would be introduced. That was the first time someone from school had approached him.

The first time someone initiated a conversation with him in that sad town.

Is he even worth this boy’s time?

“For bothering you, if I did,” Gon answered, gaze darting repeatedly from the floor to his face, bashfully, apologetically. He didn’t mean to disturb his silence. He didn’t mean to be a nuisance. He thought of retreating down the stairs to go home. Forcibly, he tugged the corners of his lips for a blank smile, a smile that disappeared in a millisecond. “Sorry, I—”

“I’ve been seeing you here a lot,” the boy interjected, shrugging, ushering. “Always crying, looking like you’re gonna jump. Just now, you almost did.”

Embarrassing.

“Why?”

Gon hesitated, ashamed. He didn’t even know what it was that he was doing. He didn’t even think of what he was going to do before he attempted to do it. All he knew was that he wanted to fly away—far, far away from that place. “I thought that it was worth it… to let myself just disappear.”

A pause.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

His eyes finally rested on his, reading it, searching for signs of pretense. It must be the way he blinked, or the way his pupils moved as the seconds ticked longer, because he couldn’t find any; he couldn’t determine if he was kidding. Since when did he start to question other people’s intentions?

Don’t trust anybody.

But he wanted to. He couldn’t understand why, but the stillness in the air offered warmth he somehow knew could only be possible with this boy’s company. He didn’t want it to end. He didn’t want him to go.

Should he?

Gon breathed in, bracing himself to speak before thinking of what he was going to say. Should he? “Why are you—” No. He stopped himself, scared of a negative reception that could feasibly be caused by his careless mind. He had to do it right the first time. It was a chance of a lifetime. “Sorry—”

“Stooop it,” the boy grumbled sternly, holding up a palm to Gon’s face before tucking it in his pocket. “Stop apologizing. You didn’t even do anything wrong.” He held on to the gaze for a few seconds—four, five, six—stepped backwards and propped himself on a nearby pipe chase—seven, eight—until his features softened and he let out a smile.

A smile.

Gon had to look around to check if there was anyone near, anyone that could possibly be the recipient of that smile. He had to blink a few times before he could assent to the moment.

When was the last time someone made him feel like he was deserving of such greeting? Could his dad’s sardonic smirks count? No, he never felt like smiling back at those. For one thing, he felt like pointing a loaded gun to his head, bullets in another, an endless barrage. But this boy’s smile felt different. It made him think of the clear blue sky and dancing Hummingbirds, of full-bloomed irises and white roses in a summer garden. These, he thought and realized, these made him want to smile in return. So, he did, and it was easily followed by laughter, warm, joyous and sanguine.

When was the last time he laughed like this?

Is this okay?

��There,” the boy said in between his own sweet cackles, harmonizing with Gon’s in perfect tune. “That’s better.”

They kept it in sync for a while, filling the air with music, and suddenly, it was bright and void of gloom. It felt like magic, and Gon was enjoying the thrill as an audience. For once, he didn’t have to rethink about his position. For once, he didn’t have to follow the noises in his head. For once, he wanted to continue existing and be someone’s friend.

His heart pleaded despite his newfound paradise.

Please.

“I have a feeling that you feel alone,” the boy began as he relaxed in his seat.

Yes. So, please be…

“And trust me, jumping off the rooftop is not a good solution.”

Please let me be your…

“Believe me, I’ve tried, and I’ve never felt so alone ever since.”

Let me be your friend.

“So, if you’re feeling alone, just come up here. Or call my name, and I’ll come to you. I’m Killua.”

Gon’s eyes glittered at this discovery. “Killua,” he repeated as it multiplied inside his head. He would remember it every waking day and keep it in his heart forever. He would incessantly hold on to it if he couldn’t hold on to anything anymore. “I’m Gon.”

“Gon,” Killua echoed, along with an easy smile that made the wind waltz smoothly in the spaces between them. “Don’t disappear.”

[orange-plum]

OK, after yesterday’s episode, watching the SK8 community react, and giving myself some time to get my thoughts together, I think I’ve come to a conclusion in my head about Renga mainly, and SK8 as a whole.

I agree with the community. I think SK8 is a canonically LGBTQ+ show. There are enough scenes to blatantly show this. I know sports anime’s tend to queerbait a lot and make relationships seem more intimate with men than other shows, but still. Even by sports anime standards, SK8 does seem to take it a bit further than just “see what you want”. There are canonically queer characters we follow, and the shots/visuals of some character dynamics are intrinsically queer coded. So with that I can agree.

As for Renga . . . I can somewhat agree/disagree with the community. And while their reunion scene has gay implications, I can’t say I am 100% on board with what I see a lot of the community celebrating. The overall message of what I’ve been seeing is “It’s a confession. You don’t have to explicitly kiss or say I love you to be in love and confess. If this was a man and a woman, you would’ve eaten that up as romantic.”

Yeah, I def agree with that overall as a statement. Langa, at the very least, came out on the show. And the way he describes his heart racing with Reki, that he loved snowboarding because he loved his dad, and he loves skating cuz he loves Reki, he’s at least part of the canon queerness of SK8. But Reki, IMO, from what I’ve seen, hasn’t given me a big inclination that he’s pan/bi/gay or whatever he is. We know he likes girls because he’s expressed it in the show, but I haven’t seen any inclination for boys.

And yeah, I’m a big Renga shipper, but I don’t just want to project onto the show my wishes, or see what I want to see by doing mental gymnastics. I really want to look at it and say to myself “Is this character queer coded?” Him blushing because Langa showered him with praise isn’t the same. Lots of people, especially people with low self-esteem (as Reki had been going through) get embarrassed when thrown compliments. I do see potential for Reki to be a “gay” character, but at the moment, I feel myself flashing back on Killua and Gon from HxH.

Not to get crazy into that but Killua is a canonically gay character in HxH, and it’s heavily done in such a manner that he doesn’t even have to explicitly say it for the audience to know. Togashi did a great job with him. And while I ship Killugon, and Gon has the capacity to be a “gay” character, I was never given any blatant implication that he harbors any romantic feelings for Killua. Gon’s love for Killua is just love. I’m not even sure if Gon can experience romantic love, but that’s a whole other can of worms.

My POINT is that while it isn’t necessary for Langa and Reki to kiss or say the words “I like you” for the audience to feel if they do or not, I don’t want to KEEP settling for this narrative in gay media. In a world where it is soooo hard to find explicitly gay canon confirming stories, I think it is necessary to get more confirmation. At least until gay content is so normalized and accessible. It’s super important IMO at the beginning to start pushing for the explicit proof. No wiggle room for people to take away LGBTQ+ voices for their stories, for people to dismiss “gay” characters, to downplay our stories and say “they’re just friends, you’re just pushing shipping” to people who consume this stuff. It sucks to even have this debate anymore when a story is clearly ours.

So, while IDK if I’d say SK8 is queerbaiting, I def feel a certain kinda way with being satisfied with stories being told with implied confirmation instead of visual or verbal. I don’t want to settle for crumbs anymore or the bare minimum. It’s 2021, even a lot of children’s animated shows are finding a way to kiss and say I love you or even going so far as to say “I’m gay.” I’m not going to shit on SK8 for that, because it is a good queer coded show with some canonically LGBTQ+ characters/scenes.

But I won’t lie if I say that I just wish they would push it farther if that’s the narrative they want. There are so few anime out there for gay people with explicit confirmation that isn’t fetishized. You can probably count on both hands the amount of anime that does that (GL is different, rn I’m talking about BL). So I’m not completely with the community on this. Until there are a lot more stories for LGBTQ+ where you don’t have to question if this character/relationship is canonically gay or not, I’m not gonna be completely satisfied with saying “I want to skate with you forever” essentially.

IDK that’s just my take on it.

TL;DR: I appreciate that Renga seems at the very least semi-canon, but I’m not happy with series not taking the plunge and showing us explicit canon gay confirmation, when we live in a world where so few things in media (at least with anime) exist. It just seems like a half-celebration in my heart, at least.