#discuss freely but I will turn off replies if y'all start clowning

[but-the-library-of-alexandria]

This might be controversial but I'm saying it anyway: we need to stop blaming healthcare staff for poor care even when it seems like it's genuinely their fault, because despite what it seems, 90% of the time when doctors dismiss you, nurses are rude to you, and professionals 'don't know enough' about your conditions - these things are caused by systemic issues and not personal failures. They do care, they've just been broken by the system and unfortunately - despite their best effort and then some - they don't have endless patience and smiles left in them.

Let's use an analogy more people will relate to: say you work in a restaurant. Your manager has, for some reason, booked the restaurant out at double capacity. There are people who booked weeks in advance queuing for their tables, and there are walk-ins, too; not just people looking for a nice time, but road-tripping families with hungry kids who can't find anywhere to eat, people who have been sent here because the place they booked at unexpectedly had to close. They're hungry and many are in a bad mood.

If you're good at you job, I'm sure you could manage - despite the stress and vitriol - to handle things in a friendly and apologetic way. I'm sure you'd be able to politely turn people away with recommendations on alternative places to go, apologise when you were late with meals, and still do your best to refill cups and take payments with a smile.

Imagine your manager starting booking at double-capacity every single day.

Imagine watching this become standard practice throughout the city, then the region, then the country. Nobody has anywhere else to go. Let's pretend most of these people have no kitchens and can't cook at home; you are the only source of food for these people, and they need to eat. Every day you spend 10 hours dealing with hundreds of people sobbing, fainting, wasting away in front of you, but you still only have 30 tables and 4 line cooks. Every day you go home knowing you managed to get some people fed, but others are still waiting. You had to go home knowing they might be dead by tomorrow, but if you didn't leave, you might be.

How long do you think you could stay kind? Keep smiling? Keep empathising? All of these people, you know, have every right to eat. They need it. They come here because it's where people come for food. It's your job to feed them. But how long do you think it would take for you to start feeling like people are entitled, when they raise a hand and ask for more water? They're thirsty, and they've waiting a long time. They deserve that water. But do you not think that in your head you'd be screaming, you're thirsty? I haven't had a drink in 8 hours! there's a line out the door of people collapsing from dehyrdration! You're lucky to even have a seat! Do you not think that when someone came to you and said, please, do you have a seat, I haven't eaten all day and my stomach hurts, that you would think about the chaos inside - the chaos they can't see, the starving masses they can't see, the dying and dead they can't see - and tell them to go home and deal with it? How much sympathy could you have, knowing you had barely enough food today to keep everyone in the building alive, and people are complaining that it isn't enough? You know it isn't, but all you have.

Can you image going home, opening up your phone, and seeing an internet full of people talking about how mean you are, talking about their bad experience, saying if they hate serving me so much, why do the job? Would you think of quitting? Would you think of quitting, knowing they wouldn't replace you, and then think of all the people who would be getting one less drink, one less seat at the table, think of the colleagues who'd get one less break, ten more tables to wait?

The point is, you have a right to good healthcare, and the staff trying to give it to you are just as upset that they can't. Try to have some empathy. Your health issue is probably the only one you've dealt with today; the doctor that's telling you it's probably not a big deal has probably just seen ten people with a worse problems, and that doesn't make yours matter less, but she's been given 8 hours to help 100 people and you can't blame her for lacking patience when she knows her next ten minutes could save or doom a life. The nurse that rolled his eyes when you said you were in pain has seen so much pain today. He's jaded, broken, traumatised, a shadow of the genuinely good and caring person his is at his heart. Do you think you would be kind, patient, taking your time, empathising with everyone, if you'd been through the kind of abuse and trauma they have? No offence but some of y'all can't even be kind to people talking about their problems online without telling them to stfu until palestine is free

Please can we stop blaming each other. I know how easy it is to blame the person in front of you, especially when they're rude or dismissive and when you're suffering. I'm not saying it's okay or that you should be okay with it, and I'm not claiming that there are no genuine bad eggs in medicine, but let's not have patients blaming staff and staff blaming patients. Give people grace. Let's support each other in our shared suffering instead of lashing out. The healthcare system is abusing all of us. Stand together. Support the strikes. Empathise.

(note: I am England-based, this is about the NHS but could apply to many healthcare providers. I am also not a healthcare worker, but have friends who are, so that's the peek I've had behind the curtain)