#didnt live up to my previous terror

[csprslvt]

you and i, and her. pt 4

Chapter three ( see masterlist for previous chapters)

Summary: After Joel's death Ellie tries to deal with grief, anger and revenge. Reader learns that the perpetrator of Joels death is in fact her past lover Abby Anderson and reader starts a plan to find Abby before Ellie. Betrayal is indefinite but who will reader choose? Her best friend or her ex-lover?

Warnings: loss, aftermath of major character loss, angry Ellie, violence mentioned, sexual references.

When Ellie cried, not able to leave her bed plagued by dreams, re-living the site of Joel’s bloody death, you stayed by her side.

It got to the point where you never left her cabin. You'd resorted to sleeping on her floor, just so she wasn't alone. The last thing she wanted was to be alone. Sometimes she was angry, she would scream and shout and want to fight, but you knew she was just hurting. Other times she would cry and at certain points, what you considered the worst points she wouldn't talk or move at all. She would just lay in bed, staring at the ceiling.

During one of these episodes you were sitting on her bed, rubbing her shoulders and stroking her hair. She firmly pushed your hands away and sat up.

“Ellie?”

“I want to kill her.”

“Ellie, I understand but-”

“No! No, you don't, you don't know what it was like to see him like that! I cant get it out of my head, everyday all I can think of is how I wont be able to sleep, to eat, to fucking live If  I know shes out there, getting away with it.”

“Ellie,”

“Listen, if you dont support me then leave. I'll be gone tomorrow and I'll find her”

You paused.

“Ellie, I’ll always support you”

She looked into your eyes, searching to see if your words were true. 

She relaxed.

“Okay, tomorrow we are leaving. I’ll take care of getting supplies before you wake up, I won't be able to sleep anyway”

“Ellie”

You took her hands, she gave in to your touch in an instant, she reveled in it. She adored every part of you she could get, even though you hid a lot of you, she would gladly enjoy every moment she was given. 

“I just…If this will make you okay again, I'll help you. I just don't think-.”

“If you're going to tell me some bullshit about how killing her won't bring Joel back don't bother, because I know. It's not like that I just want to hurt her how she hurt me”

You sighed, still grasping Ellie’s hands.

“Okay. I'm with you”

“You’ll come with me?”

“I'd follow you anywhere.” 

Ellie nodded, “Okay, sleep, we have a long way ahead of us.”

“Do you have a lead?”

“I think so, Tommy was telling me about the WLF? Washington liberation front? They Are located in Seattle-”

Your blood ran cold, Washington, Seattle, Abby.

“Seattle.”

“That's where they're located. I'm going to find that bitch and kill everything she has. I’ll save her for last and make her suffer”

“Her?”

“Yea, it was a women, tall, blond, built like an ox” 

Oh shit

Oh fuck!

Fucking christ Abby why did you kill Joel! There has to have been a reason. With her there was always a reason no matter how little it was, there was always a reason.

But it was Joel, Joel who saved you from being killed, Joel who always did his best to help Ellie even when she didnt want him too, Joel whose past haunted him in his sleep, Joel whom you smiled at passing every morning. Joel who was such a big part of Ellie’s world.

“Are you sure it was her?”

“I watched her bring a golf club to his head, I watched her tear him apart” The expression on Ellie’s face was once filled with terror, but now it only portrayed true rage.

Your hands trembled a little bit but Ellie didn't notice, she was too caught up in her revenge plan to seem to realize your panic. And for that, you were grateful.

What would she think of you now? Knowing that you loved the perpetrator of Joel’s painful demise. What would she do if she saw that locket inside, how happy you looked hoisted on Abby’s  shoulders? How would she react if you told her the person you missed the most was the same individual that had ruthlessly murdered Joel?

“Ellie, let's just try and sleep right now. We don't know when it’ll happen again”

“I’ll try”

That night, the two of you had fallen into a restless slumber. Dreams haunted Ellie, but with you, only memories came and filled your senses with the scent of pine. 

The WLF base was cold in the winter, but you didn't mind. Half the time you were wrapped up in your girlfriend's arms and when she was out training or patrolling or doing whatever it was when she disappeared you were out training yourself.

The endless workouts kept you strong, calm, collected, and warm. It was a hobby you picked up from her, though you didn't train nearly as intensely as she did you were proud of your progress and so was she.

One day though she didn't return at her normal time, like she’d always promised. You wasted no time, grabbing your steel toe boots and shotgun, axe hanging from your bag on your side. You were determined to find her.

After all, she was all you had.

The sun went down and it got colder, but still you didn't care. Abby would never stay out this long without you. Something was off.

You kept your eyes peeling spotting a horde of infected, and your girlfriend fighting them off in the center

Breathing in, you aimed the shotgun, far enough that they wouldn't know where you came from.

The first bullet struck at the head of a runner that abby was cornered by

“Gotcha, you fucker”

Abby jumped a bit at noise, the bullet barely missed her head. She looked at the source and you waved and continued shooting from a distance, once the numbers had depleted you ran down to offer hand to hand help.

“Hey babe. Need some help?”

“Fuck. I had it handled” You plunged your axe into the skull of the infected. It made a revolting squelch you cringed a bit before moving on to another one.

“Sure looked like it”

“Oh shut up!” Abby smiled, still beating the absolute fuck out of another runner

It was kind of hot, her biceps pulsing, veins showing off, blood on her face, sweat dripping down her neck despite the cold weather.

God you have problems.

When it was all over, you had both fallen to the floor, it began to snow. You were panting and then stood up, holding your face up staring at the white sky with your tongue out.

“What the hell are you doing?” Abby questioned with a playful smirk

“Catching snowflakes!”

“That's disgusting, put your tongue away.”

You wiggled your eyebrows at Abby, a smile made its way onto your face.

“You wouldn't have said that…last night” You burst out into laughter at your own stupid joke. Abby groaned, putting her head in her hands, still a teasing smile grew on the corners of her lips.

“Can we stop with the ‘last night’ jokes?”

“ You started them?”

“Yea well i'm finishing”

“Oh yea, I bet you are” 

“Shut up… that sounds bad.”

“What's wrong with finishing?”

“Oh my god, y/n. Shut up”

“ Yes ma'am!”

You awoke in the middle of the night, surprisingly Ellie was fast asleep. You sat up in your sleeping bag, pulling your knees to your chest. Cradling yourself, rocking back and forth in an attempt to self soothe.

Ellie, your best friend was going to try to kill your girlfriend. Or rather, ex-girlfriend? You had never technically broken up, you just… got lost. Abby was somewhere, and you were determined to find her before Ellie did. You couldn't just let her die and if that made you a bad person you were okay with it. You were already a liar, a murderer, a thief, what's one more sin on your conscience?

You got up while Ellie was fast asleep. You tiptoed to the bathroom with your pack, taking off the clothes you'd borrowed from Ellie in your time there and replacing them with sturdy jorts, a belt, and a wife beater. Your belt almost resembled a tool belt, you could holster a pistol in it among other things. You’d wear steel toe boots with a pair of thin socks. You grasped at your locket.

You had to find her before Ellie did and return so she did not have a clue. You'd have to lie a lot but it wasn't the first time.

You snuck out, mindful of the creaky floorboards. Ellie was still knocked out.

Poor thing

You've never felt so conflicted before. What would you even do or say If Ellie found Abby? She wouldn't take the betrayal well; you could tell by the way she looked at you that she was attached. And in a way so were you. But Abby, at one point she was your entire world. You knew that indefinitely, you'd have to pick between the two and though Abby was once your greatest love, she killed someone Ellie adored. 

Fucking idiots.

You wandered out, in the midst of the night with a few hours of darkness left. You went back to where you'd found Ellie passed out on the floor. You felt like a shitty best friend, but you couldn't help it. It wasn't like you could let Abby die. She was strong though, very strong, she would put up a fight and that fact brought you peace. 

Eventually after some digging around in that house, you found it deserted but with things left behind. A bullet casing there, a few loose arrows but what really interested you, was a map. Abby was never really good at covering up her tracks, and she had left you a path right to her. The map was marked up with some sort of colored pencil. You held it carefully, pointing your flashlight at it.

Washington, WLF base and Patrol routes are all marked up…so is Jackson with the words “town?” written on it, you almost smiled, recognizing Abby’s handwriting like it was second nature 

You decided you'd bring the map back with you.

Doing one more look around you discovered photos, polaroids.

One of Abby and Owen, smiling.

Your expression dropped.

There's no way she's associating with him again. And if she was, it was definitely out of desperation. Whatever, you'd fix that.

[the-pan-ace-writings]

El Sin Nombre

A/N> low key struggled on this one but i actually ended up really liking it and I didnt have to combined missions so it shouldnt throw of title names lol

tw> smoking (i have fascination with shotgunning so theyre gunna do it at some point in this series just not today )

First Next Last Masterlist AO3

Two trucks rumbled to a stop in some forgotten spot in the Mexican desert, their only light was the yellow tinge from the headlights, and distantly the scraping and howling of wild dogs filled the night air. 

    Soap and Alejandro roughly handled Hassan as they pulled him from the truck, he struggled blindly against them angry sounds of protest escaped him 

   “On yer knees” Soap shoved him to the ground and Alejandro ripped the bag from his head. Badger mirrored Ghost, both standing on opposite sides of the truck watching as Graves set up a computer camera to point towards Hassan. 

   “Y’all got a clear picture?” Graves was messing with the computer screen a little longer before Badger heard an affirmative from who he presumed was the American general Shepard and Laswell. “Alright, we are live, folks” he swaggered over to where Hassan was kneeling, who looked surprisingly arrogant for being the one about to be interrogated, Badger caught the look of annoyance flash across Graves face. 

   Hassan was the first to speak, leading up towards Graves as he neared. “Do you speak Arabic?” 

   “No.”

   He didn't look surprised, “Farsi?” 

   Graves looked down at him, he had his hands gripping his vest and he stood in a way that declared bored confidence, he pressed his lips in a thin line before responding. 

   “No.”

   “Course not” he smirked “Then I'll speak your bastardized medieval English because you are all uneducated street dogs.” he looked around him as he spoke before returning to watch Graves as he took a step forwards

   “Ahh, see… were getting of to a bad start here, Hassan”

   “You are talking to a Quds Force Officer” 

   “You’re the commander of a foreign terror organization”

   “I can say the same to you.” 

   Graves took another step forwards and leered at Hassan “What’s your target. ‘Major '’' the title sounded mocking as it fell from his mouth, Hassan's face twisted slightly at the insult. 

   “What was your target when they sent missiles to my land?” 

   “Oh well, wild guess…To nail your ass”

    “So insolent and foul-mouthed. You will learn to respect me when your nation sees fire.”

   Badger was certain Hassan could feel Graves' breath as he spoke with how close he had gotten, the previous humor slipping from him to be replaced with stone. 

   “You are in bed with the cartel, Hassan. If you disappeared, no one would know where to look for the fuckin’ stain.”

   Hassan turned from him and laughed before leaning ever closer. 

   “I have no doubt you’ll take pleasure in torturing me”

   “Who’d you get American missiles from?” Soap stepped forwards towards them, a look of frustration evident. Shepherd’s voice cut in roughly from the computer screen interrupting any reply Hassan might have given. 

   “I don't care who they’re from, I wanna know where they’re going” They all looked over to the screen as he spoke. Badger thought it was odd that the General wouldn't have wanted to know where they came from, He met Ghost eyes as the general spoke trying to see if he had the same suspicion as he did. 

   The dogs started again around them, and they sounded closer than then they first pulled up. Badger looked towards the middle again, and watched Alejandro who had kept his hand firmly on Hassan shake him a little with the sounds of the dogs, he saw Soap smirk at Alejandro's movement. 

   Graves took a step back from Hassan and raised his hands up to gesture to the area around them, still plunged in darkness from cloudy night. 

   “Take a look around, Hassan.” another dog howled “now you can either become part of the food chain or you can start talking” he stepped forwards and crouched down to Hassan's level, a sarcastic smile on his face.

   “I’m a hostage here, this is illegal” Hassan spoke simply.

   Alejandro pulled him back slightly so that he could speak down to him. 

   “You’re a prisoner of war” 

   “Iran is not at war with Mexico. I've broken no laws,” he tossed his head again towards graves and looked towards where Ghost was standing besides the headlights of the truck “These men and their commanders are the law breakers”  he dropped his sight to the laptop propped up as he spoke.

   Soap stepped forwards again “You and your beloved General Ghorbrani broke every--”

   “Do not speak his name!” Hassan spit the words like venom and  moved to get up, nearly launching himself towards Soap, Alejandro roughly shoving him back into place. “You executed him and you will pay for your crimes” he reared forwards again towards Graves this time.  “Only God can help you know!” 

   Badger started to step forwards from his spot against the truck as General Shepherd's angry voice came through the laptop. 

   “I want this bastard in permanent custody or looking up at the goddamn grass” 

   “General, killing Hassan is an act of war, keeping him is illegal. Right now, he is too hot to hold.” Laswell interrupted him. 

   “Tell me you're getting something actionable, Laswell”

   “Working on it. Stand by”

   Graves snatched the laptop up from the ground, placing it on the hood of the truck, Alejandro and Soap kept Hassan in place. 

   “Actual, let me finish this.” Grave spoke slowly into the computer, Ghost turned to watch him. 

   “There is nothing I would like more.” Shepherd sounded disappointed “but Laswell’s right, without proof we need to turn him loose. See where he leads us”

   Badger barely kept his anger in control as he turned sharply to watch the laptop, stepping behind Graves to look down at the General. Soap stepped over from Hassan upon hearing, and voiced the anger that Badger felt.

   “He's right here. You can't be serious.” he growled the words out, and the look of anger worsened as Shepherd spoke again.

   “I'm afraid I am, son” Badger didn't know what it was with Americans and calling everyone son but it angered him deeply he stepped forwards to join in the protest when Ghost spoke up.

   “Did we get anything from his phone?” voice ever calm and confident, that too grated on Badgers nerves. He knew logically that they were right but after all the hell they had gone through to capture Hassan, it was almost crushing to let him go and let that all be for naught. 

   “Affirmative. We got a hit.” Laswell’s voice sounded detached from the situation. 

   “Good, Now take him back and let him go.” They all shared a look of anger before nodding towards Alejandro and Hassan. 

   Hassan was roughly treated as he was tossed back into the truck, head covered and cuffed tightly once again. Any ramblings from him were cut off fast as Badger pushed him forwards pressing his face into his knees in the truck, his hand on the back of his head tightened as he leaned down to whisper threats of violence if he spoke again. He pushed his head forwards again before letting go and settling into his seat again keeping an eye on Hassan as the long drive started once again. 

   Ghost reported that Laswell Gaz and Price were doing a recon by fire mission based on the hit that they had gotten from Hassan's phone. They could only wait for the results of their mission before they could take any more action here, or even learn if they had to continue here. 

   Badger had found his way to the rooftop of Alejandro's base. He had graciously given the visiting task force quarters in the base to clean up and rest from the chaos that was then day. Badger knew he probably should be taking this time to sleep, but he found himself unable so when he finally exhausted all the tasks to keep himself busy he found himself on the roof. 

   He was freshly showered, redid Soaps handiwork on his forehead, and neaten his braided hair back into its bun. He had a lit cigarette hanging loosely from his lips, the remaining pack of cigarettes tucked into his pants pocket, they surprisingly survived the plunge into the river to his pleasure. 

   He heard the door drop against the rock he had propped in the doorway to keep it from locking him out, looking over his shoulder he saw Soap peeking out of the frame before he settled his searching gaze on him, a small smile and he was out from the door and settling himself next to Badger as he leaded against the railing looking over the landscape. He had a mug with him. 

   “Get lost wandering have you?” Badger spoke over his shoulder as Soap approached, he got a simple chuckle from the man 

   “Haven't you heard those are bad for you?” Soap joked with him, he leaned heavily against the railing and looked slightly up to speak to Badger, he just shook his head and took another drag of the cigarette. 

   “Barkin’ like my sister huh?” Badger grumbled at him when he saw Soap staring at the cigarette, “whatcha got in there?” He nodded to the mug held loosely in Soap's hand. 

   “Coffee, seems like you're not the only one unable to rest tonight”  Badger watched as he took a sip of the coffee, he turned to look back out to the landscape again exhaling the smoke away from Soap. “How's your head?” 

   Badger hummed nonchalantly, “nothing too bad, you patched me up well”

   “That's good, ye came up from the water looking absolutely deadly, looked like blood pourin’ down yer face.” He took another sip from his mug and continued to chat, filling the silence of the night as Badger followed along loosely, occasionally taking another drag from his cigarette watching as he spoke. 

   He must have missed a question because now Soap had stepped a bit closer to him and was holding out his hand asking for something unknown. Badger looked down at his hand as he shook it again, “are you out?” 

   “Out of what?” Badger asked dumbly, looking back up at Soap.

   “Smokes?” He didn't seem offended that Badger had missed the question, he seemed amused actually. 

   “Right” he tried to cover his slight embarrassment with a chuckle and grabbed the pack from his pocket, and offered it to Soap who looked at the badly water damaged box and the slightly ruined cigarettes inside, his fingers brushing against his momentarily as he grabbed one out of the pack. Badger shoved them back into his pocket and looked back out off the roof, bringing his own cigarette back to his lips. 

   Soap hummed to grab his attention, and when he turned to look back over at Soap with an unlit cigarette on his lips significantly closer, he almost took a step back but was stopped by the railing. 

   “A light?” Right. He hasn't given him the lighter. 

   He went to grab his lighter from his other pocket when Soap confidently took another step into his space and touched his unlit cigarette to the nearly gone one that Badger still had between his lips. Soap had stepped into the space between his legs to do so and gripped the railing that Badger was leaning on.  He stood stock still and watched as Soap lit his cigarette, he took a step back and took a drag from it, his hand brush his hip as it fell from the spot he grabbed the railing to lean on to reach Badger. 

   Badger coughed and flushed and did his best to look unaffected from what had happened and finished his cigarette as Soap just went back to chatting like nothing had happened. After a while Soap finished his and stubbed it out on the railing before winking at him with a smile, bidding him a good rest of his night and went back into the building to presumably catch up on rest, harassing Badger being enough to tire him out. 

   He shook his head before turning in himself. 

   They stood on a rooftop a little distant from a large adobe mansion, three stories tall, a gorgeous pool and windows and arches to the nines. The sky was darkening with nightfall, lights from the neighboring homes starting to go out as the families inside started night routines. 

   “La casa de Sin Nombre?” Soap asked as he lowered his binoculars to speak with

   Alejandro, Badger was impressed with how fast Soap was learning Spanish here even though his accent did make him sound clumsy. 

   “No. One of his Lugartenientes” 

   “A cartel Lieutenant” Soap repeated with confidence, which earned him a small pat on the shoulder from Alejandro before he turned back to look at the mansion again. Graves was looking at the mansion with his own telescope as Alejandro spoke

   “My sources tell me all the VIPs in Las Almas will be there tonight, some are invited, others are, umm…”

   “Volun-told?” Graves finished for him. 

   “yes “ 

   “What's the meet about?”

   “Us. Las Almas is burning and they want to know who lit the fire” Alejandro took a step back before looking over their group again, Badger stood next to Soap overlooking the edge, Graves had stepped closer to Alejandro so that he wasn't shouting his conversation, and per usual Ghost stood back a little distant keeping an eye on the entirety of the group. He stepped forwards. 

   “Sin Nombre will be there, yeah?” 

   “No guarantees but this is our best shot” Alejandro beckoned him closer to the rest of the group, pulling them away from the ledge and into a circle.

   “Then we take it, I got enough Shadows here to take over the whole damn country” Badger looked over at Graves sharply as he spoke, something about the man Badger found unsettling, whether it was the way he insisted on business casual under his gear or the too confident way that he spoke he wouldn't be able to tell you but it set his skin crawling. 

   “I’d prefer if you didn't” Alejandro leaned forwards as he spoke clearly miffed by Graves as well. 

   “I'm Just sayin’... one house shouldn't be a problem” humor lilted his voice. 

   “We need Sin Nombre alive” Ghost reminded 

   “Well…” Graves pulled a face and looked back over at the mansion, he might have enough shadows to take the country but he's got to keep this target alive, something that maybe his band of shadows might not be great at if the hesitation meant anything. “Then we need to meet him.”

   “How?” Soap perted up at the suggestion of action, Badger looked over to the mansion again as Graves started divulging his plan.

   “Give ‘em what they want, intel.” He smirked “they wanna know who’s here. Let’s tell ‘em”

   “In person-?” Alejandro started to object

     “Correcto '' Graves' voice took on that stomach churning confidence again “get one of us inside, find the boss” shit this was a bad plan. “Roll him up.” a really bad plan. 

   “I’ll do it” He is so fucking stupid, Badger could almost scream at that stupid Scots man. He stayed silent. 

   “You go in there, and they'll kill you, hermano” 

   “I’ll take my chances.” Badger looked over to Ghost trying to see if he'd object to Soap going in. “We came here to stop a missile, let's stop it” Ghost turned from looking at Badger to focus on Soap, It only slightly settled his nerves. “I’ll offer intel for a meeting with Sin Nombre, and if he’s there, we pounce.”  He shone with confidence. 

   “Hell yeah- you've got balls, you son of a bitch” Alejandro smiled deviously and gripped Soap’s shoulder lightly. “You make it in, you'll need eyes and ears. I'll go too”

   “I'll take overwatch” Ghost broke in, "Badger you too” He nodded silently in agreement “Shadow circles the target in a helo”

   “Roger that” Graves looked over to Soap “they are going to want poof…” he ripped a badge off of his vest and handed it to Soap. “Show ‘em this” it was the shadows insignia, They bumped fist, and Graves stepped away from the group a confident ‘call me when you need me’ tossed over his shoulder as he went to collect his part of the mission.

   The rest of the team started moving and Badger paused before following, Soap noticed his unspoken hesitation and waved back for him before lightly gripping the front of his vest and tugging him along to join the rest of the team. 

   “Stones don't worry that much” Soap jokingly whispered to him before they joined and Badger grunted before brushing him off half heartedly. 

   The lights of the city filled in the night sky and dimly lit the mountains that surrounded the city of Las Almas. Badger laid prone stiffly next to Ghost who was focused on adjusting his scope in silence. 

   “Shadows on station” Graves' voice leaked from their comm units. Ghost looked over briefly to where Badger was setting himself up with the comms and binoculars, his rifle in hand reach, and nodded before speaking into the comms. 

   “Copy. All set here.” 

   “Seein’ room to set down on the roof” Graves called out, Badger looked over the roof before whispering an affirmative over the comms to Graves, looking over the building it seemed to be chalk full of armed men peering out over every possible look out. It was extremely important that none of them were caught, the likelihood of Alejandro and Soap even combined trying to fight their way out of there successfully was slim. 

   “Eyes on two, armed at the front door” Ghost whispered into the comms, the sound rumbled through Badger. 

   “Alejandro, how you doin’?” 

   “Un Vaquero, inside…” Alejandro was whispering into the comms as well, but apparently made it inside safely.

   “Goddamn, how’d you do that?” Graves sounded mildly surprised at the speed that he had gotten in.

   “Violently” humor laced his whisper. 

   Badger looked down from the Mansion towards the driveway that led up to it, he caught Soap waking up slowly, arms raised and stripped of his normal tactical gear.

   “Eyes on Soap” Badger whispered almost too quietly, he watched as he approached closer to the armed men at the gate, watched as they shot towards his feet, watched as he flinched back before stopping.

   “Visual on Soap, confirmed” Ghost spoke into his comms, Badger must have been too quiet for the comms to pick up. 

   "Moment o’ truth” The way Graves spoke smugly in his relative safety while Soap was facing a literal loaded gun made Badger's blood simmer. 

   “They see him?” Alejandro questioned as the two men patted Soap down.

   “They do now” Ghost whisper was rough, Badger almost thought he might be as miffed as he was. 

   They watched with bated breath as they held him on his knees, weapons pointed at his head as they spoke into their radio. It only took another moment before one of the gunmen took a sack from somewhere in their pockets and covered Soap's head, and roughly dragged him back to his feet, kicking them wider so that they could pat him down further.

   It looked like the cartel took the bait.

   “They’re taking him in”

   “Kid’s got sand” Graves quipped back

   “Let's hope he keeps it, yeah?” Badger let go of the breath he had be holding in a slow controlled manner, trying to settle the simmering under his skin. 

   “I hope he makes it…” Alejandro whispered back to them, that did nothing to help settle Badger. 

   They both watched as he entered the compound and passed where they could keep and eye on him, or at least until he made it to the upper levels. 

   “Alejandro, he's all yours” Badger sat up from his prone position slowly to look around them again. 

   They were tucked into a small outcropping of trees, and rough boulders similar to the ones that littered the cliffside that they sprinted down less than two days ago. Very faintly Badger could hear the clipping of the Shadows helicopter hidden among the clouds. A storm was brewing behind the mountains, and it was sure to rain here soon. 

   He settled back down to his spotter position, and went back to searching through the upper levels of the mansion and peering into any window that he could, he could feel himself fidgeting silently. 

   The minutes crawled by, ever so slowly, and no sign of Soap, and Alejandro was silent, 

   “Where the fuck are they?” Badger growled lowly, he hated with all his heart missions like this, he wasn't made for recon, and barely possessed the patients to be a spotter he was one to go into the fight and tonight there wasn't supposed to be a fight, and if there was going to be one he wasn't going to be able to join. The simmering of his blood itched his skin and a grimace started growing on his face. 

   “Be patient.” Ghost snapped at him. “Sit fuckin’ still.” Badger hadn't noticed that he was messing with his binoculars again. He looked over at Ghost after settling back down. He looked like stone, not moving in the slightest, it barely looked like he was breathing only occasionally could Badger catch the slight expand of his shoulders. He flinched slightly when Ghost turned his head suddenly to look at him. “Spottin’ or starin’ Badger?” 

   Shit. 

   “Spottin’” Badger flushed slightly as he turned back to what he was suppose to be doing. Fortunately he caught a glimpse of Soap in a large window. 

   “Ghost,” Badger whispered to the specific window that he glanced Soap in. A guard pressed him against glass on the opposite side from the window they were looking into and seemed to be patting him down once again. The guard handed him a mask and he pulled it on. 

   “Ghost, we’re in” Alejandro broke the long radio silence, Badger relaxed slightly 

   “What’ve you got?”

    “El Sin Nombre is in the penthouse. Third Floor.” Soap's voice lit up the comms,  Badger caught the slight exhale from Ghost and watched as his shoulders seemed to ease some of the tension. 

   “Elevator is a straight shot. We just need Diego’s keycard” Alejandro and Soap moved off through the mansion and they lost sight of them again. 

   “Where’s Diego?” Ghost urged them

   “The Ofrenda. Second floor”

   “You seein’ anything, Lt?” 

   “If you can scout a way to the rood, there is access to the penthouse” Ghost turned with his rifle slowly to presumably look over to the penthouse access, Badger hadn't caught the access point. 

   “I’m headed upstairs either way”

   “Cuidado, hermano. Guards find you up there- or in the garage- they’ll shoot on sight.” Alejandro warned 

   “What's in the garage?” Badger and Soap spoke at the same time. 

   “No idea, but it’s important to Diego”

   “Find El Sin Nombre and let's get this done. Out here” Ghost closed the open comms on their side and sunk deeper into his position with his rifle cradled carefully in his grip, Badger pulled his own rifle closer to him, rechecking that it was alright where it rested. 

   Soap and Alejandro moved to the complete opposite side of the roof so Badger only caught a small glimpse of either of them. Soap was wandering as inconspicuous as he could while trying to quickly find his way to the second floor. Badger caught him slinking back into the building and off of the open roof area. Soap occasionally reported when he found something particularly helpful and it was mildly comforting to hear him report when he found weapons, he wasn't unarmed anymore. 

   “I'm on the second floor.” 

   “Diego is in the Ofrenda. Its somewhere on this floor”

   They watched him dodge the sight of guards, passing slowly between windows visible to them from their outlook. He came out to a balcony tucked in a corner just barely in Badger's line of sight. He paused before ducking back into whatever room that led to the balcony.

   “Alejandro- Found Diego” he sounded slightly breathless

   “Roger that”

   There was the sound of mild scuffling coming from the comms after Soap disappeared deeper into the mansion again, but no alarms sounded and no one seemed to be alerted to whatever commotion he was causing. Badger paused as he watched Soap reappear on the balcony, he looked a little roughed up but he now had a pistol in hand, and while he couldn't see his face Badger would be money that he had the stupid lopsided grin that he'd taken to when he was about to cause problems. 

   “Things are bout ta get hot here” Soap sounded like he was grinning that's for damn sure. Badger put the binoculars down to grab purchase on his rifle, its scope was smaller and made it harder to keep an eye on Soap, Ghost Huffed alongside him as he focused on what Soap was doing.

   “A la verga! Guess we’re doing this.” 

   A single shot rang out, and for a moment nothing happened. Another breath of air and the whole compound broke into chaos. A siren sounded and men started rushing towards where Soap had launched himself through a window towards wherever he had shot. 

   “Ghost, we’re compromised!” Badger swore he heard a short burst of what could have been a chuckle from Ghost before he started firing towards any of the armed men that he could reach. 

   “Copy, covering exterior!” he paused his fire for a moment, “Badger, keep an ear out” 

   Badger made an affirmative and looked around them quickly before going back to help take out men along the roofs, Soap and Alejandro were unseen again but they could hear their clamor over the comms. 

   “Alejandro, Diego's dead” Soap emerged back into sight on the balcony, and he flashed the key card before tucking it into a pocket

   “A huevo. That's my carnal. Meet at the elevator!” Soap took off like a bat out of hell towards the insides of the building again. 

   Quickly there were no more targets for them to shoot, and they were still clear, no one had found their way up to them if they were looking. Badger had a sneaking suspicion that they might be too busy with the deadly duo that they had trapped to look out for the deadly hillside sniper. 

   The elevator seemed to interfere with the comms, their link went dead for a moment, almost long enough for Badger to call out over it to them until the clamor returned and it sounded like they breached into a room.

   “Snake cam is set, time to get PID on El Sin Nombre” Alejandro whispered over the comms

   “Lets put a face to the nameless” a pause “no fucking way” breathless. 

   “What is it?” 

   “The Sicaria I met downstairs. Valeria- Shes El Sin Nombre”

   “Valeria? Are you sure, hermano?” Badger was surprised to hear anger reaching into Alejandro's voice. 

   “Yes.” Soap confirmed again, he heard a curse over the comms and he couldn't tell who it was from, 

   “Graves, Sin Nombre is posing as a female sicaria. We’re moving in. You set?” 

   “Check” 

   “Ghost? Badger?”

   “Ready.” “we’re here” they spoke at the same time. 

   “Take her alive”

   A crashing came over the comms and then yelling as they presumably burst through a door, constant fire filled over the comms and they tracked the flashing of fire through windows keeping an eye out for anyone that burst from the penthouse. 

   “She ran out the back!” Alejandro was shouting “Don't let her escape!”

     Graves' helicopter became visible coming out from cloud cover and lowering close to the more open spaces of the roof, A door crashed open and a smaller figure rushed forwards. Fuck. it had to be her. 

   “Down! Get down. Now!” They could faintly hear the PA system from the Helicopter from their location; they were fortunate that she ran towards their side of the mansion so that they could keep and eye on the situation. “A bullet will make you kneel.” “‘atta girl” 

   “Ground team you're clear to move in'' They could hear graves speaking from Soaps comm as he approached the now kneeling woman to take her into custody.

   “El Sin Nombre” Soap was pulling her to her feet.

   “My name is Valeria” she sounded angry, clearly. 

   “Hiding in plain sight?” 

   “Hiding?” She sounded confident for the situation that she was in. “I’m everywhere..soldier” 

   Graves stepped down from where he was perched in the Helicopter to meet the woman, Valeria. 

   “That's good. So are we. let's go” Badger could hear the smirk in his voice, one of the shadows took her from Soap and pushed her into the helicopter, she seems to pause looking back at Alejandro. 

   “Hermano…what's up?” Soap had moved next to Alejandro who seemed to still be starting into the helicopter. 

   “Valeria…I know her.”

   They both climbed into the helicopter and Ghost and Badger watched it take off towards Alejandro's base. 

   Ghost was on his feet and collected the remainder of his gear before taking off down the hill towards the transport vehicle they had to drive to here. Badger followed closely in silence, and when they got to the transport he dumped his gear settling into the passenger seat, Ghost slipped into the drivers and they started rumbling down the road. Badger took out his pack of cigarettes. 

   He brought one to his lips and lit it, taking a deep drag of it before he looked over at Ghost, who to his surprise was staring at him, or rather at the cigarette. Badger grinned sheepishly and took it from his lips to offer to Ghost, and he was just a tad more surprised when Ghost gently took it from him. Badger turned away from Ghost so that he could smoke without eyes upon his face. 

   “Thank you”

   Badger nodded silently and lit another one and closed his eyes as they drove. It was going to be another long night no doubt.

First Next Last Masterlist AO3

[vain-creature]

I hate struggling with mild prosopagnosia (face blindness)

Vent start

It makes me feel like a bad person if I don't recognize people. I only recognize people who are really distinct or I have known them for a long time.

It has caused me a number of unpleasant situation going in many ways (thinking a stranger is someone I know, thinking someone I know is a stranger, thinking someone I know is someone else etc).

It caused me great anxiety and feelings of unworthiness when I had trouble recognizing family members (esp. extended family) and attributing their names to them. I'd get really berated at and shouted at for that.

In high school in my class there were 2 girls who looked identical and for the first 2 years I only recognized them by their eyeglasses colours!!! Only in the third year I started recognizing them 'normally'.

In uni I will see a person and wonder 'do I know them?'. The worst time was when I talked to someone about a project I did in the previous year..... and they were doing the project with me, in the same group! I had no idea I ever saw them before in my life!

One time a girl, complete stranger to me, approached me, knew my name and chatted to me normally, and through the conversation I realized we share 2 not very populated classes! I felt really unfair to her, because she remembered my name and I didnt even know who she is.

I hate having trouble with recognizing characters in tv shows etc. I was recently watching a live action one and I kept messing up which character is who, after a big grand reveal of a character's identity I was like who tf is this. It's presented like a big shock.. but I have no clue who tf is this.

That's why I love stuff with big diversity! It's way easier for me to recognize characters by other stuff than their face, like body type, skin colour, hell, even hairstyles go a long way. I like it when everyone has the same outfit, which is really helpful but not very realistic for a bunch of stuff. When I was watching The Terror it was terrible to know who is who, almost everyone looked the same!!!!

This has no meaningfull message, vent over

[real-artemis]

my canon divergent street feeling fanfiction

street feeling 2: the downward spiral/alternate universe

after saving all of coventry from evil vampires churches was living it large. no weird dorks or bitchy goth vampires in his ear about “consumerism” and “time travel” no more. the guy was doing great. after getting promoted at the government he had nothing to do but be rich and sit in his mansion so he had taken up alcoholism as a honby.

he took a swig from his alchemized (he has an alchemiter like in homestuck) simpsons branded liquor. man…. this must be what it feel like to be a vampire… he thought to himself, letting the booze consume him rather than tonconsume the booze. you could say,the consumer, the vampire was really him all along.

on his super awesome rich boy couch, staring off into the void of alcoholism, churches is consumed by unimaginable horror. he is alone. frick. lanky was fine i guess but that’s his associate you gotta have some boys to hang out with you know no gang no life. no ska. no synthesizer. fucking damn it.

i should call carp, he thought.. oh wait he cannot. maybe i shouldnt have turned carp into the evil meat eater police where they would be converted into a hippie stoner for life, a punishment worse than death. the fact that theyre dead isn’t why he cant call them its that he cant bare to face the terror he created. or maybe it was the meat eater police. either way he is complacent and shameful as across every timeline.

i should call them, he said out loud despite the sentence not being in quotation marks, disregarding the previous train of thought becauuse that is alchohlohlism for you (see: roxy lalonde of homestuck fame) and he picked up his garfield telephone and dialed those fateful digits

“suhhh mane i havent heard from yew in weeeeks mane”

fuck. he forgot they turned them canadian too. this is gonna be hard.

“carp. the alcohol has turned me to a life of platonic celibacy. why hasn’t frankie called me in three weeks”

“dont swet it mane they heard about the vampire thing and fled the country mane sory”

FUCK. “but i didnt turn them in”

“yeaaaaa but they went to merica where theres more meat.” yes, he thought, because americans are obese. why hadn’t he thought of this sooner? he has to go to texas. he will find some boys there. he will find gang. there will be synthesizers of all shapes and colors.

“i have to go carp”

“what mane but we just started talking mane”

“i hate you canadian carp. i hate you so much. do you know what it means to hate? i didn’t. i thought i did. i thought i did when i rid coventry of vampires. i thought i did when i changed my name. i thought i did five minutes ago before i called you. but i didnt. i never have, not until now, not until now have i known what it means to hate. i hate you. hate. hate. i hate y”

they hung up. damn. couldnt even ask them which way texas is. from coventry its probably like diagonal left, but due to being shit face slammed out on alcohol churches does not know his left from right. but what he does know is what he must do. he must go.

churches makes a beeline out the window. FOR TEXAS, he thinks, heading straight for canada. he doesnt make it very far before falling into the river and drowning. thus was the life of churches patrick rothschild. god bless and amen. rest in peace those damn vampires rest in peace all of them. the end

i love this so much new pinned post there are tears in my eyes this is the most awesome shit ive ever read i love churches roxy lalonde alchoholism texas garfield phone i love canadian hippie stoner carp i love texas frankie i love rich boy associate lanky

[vore-scientist]

A question for Yonah: what was the cruelest/ most evil thing you’ve ever done?

I dont have a definitive answer from yonah. Yet.

This is a GREAT question so im going to give you my stream of thoughts:

The easiest answer is digested someone alive who didnt deserve it, but yonah was feeling extra nasty that day. but that's the easy way out.

I feel like Yonah has absolutely destroyed a handful of people's lives who didnt deserve it in the least. He laid a heinous curse on them that ruined their lives, their friends' lives, and their families'. I can't say he would do this without reason, but rather, his reaction to something went to far. Probably and adventurer who was too confident and brazen and really fucked up on their encounter with yonah.

Yonah's evil is very... what's the word. Limited in reach. Yonah opportunistically terrorizes individuals, he doesnt plan out evil schemes to inflict upon communities (previous residents of the tower did! they'd have plots to take over kingdoms or cities, make zombie armies out of small towns, and such)

Maybe someday I will figure out the specifics!

[frutee]

Peel commision two state solution 1937

two state solution offered where the jews get jerusalem (their historical capital) and coastline and farmlands.

the arabs reject it because they were alloted “the negev desert, which is poor for farming and sparsely populated”.

the jews agreed to this solution. the arabs rejected it.

The first proposal for the creation of Jewish and Arab states in the British Mandate of Palestine was made in the Peel Commission report of 1937, with the Mandate continuing to cover only a small area containing Jerusalem. The plan allotted the poorest lands of Palestine, including the Negev Desert, and areas that are known today as the West Bank and the Gaza Strip to the Arabs; while most of the coastline and some of Palestine's most fertile agricultural land in the Galilee were allotted to the Jews.[16] Consequently, the recommended partition proposal was rejected by the Arab community of Palestine, and was accepted by most of the Jewish leadership.[17][18]

——

UN two state solution 1948

a two state solution is then offered where the arabs get the good farmlands, get to surround jerusalem (jewish historical capital). the jews in this solution get the “the negev desert, which is poor for farming and sparsely populated”.

the jews agreed to this solution, despite getting the short end of the stick, despite not getting their capital.

the arabs argued “we are 2/3 of the population, so we should get more land, including the desert” the desert that they didnt want before and rejected the previous two state solution based on.

The proposed plan is considered to have been pro-Zionist by its detractors, with 62% of the land (mainly the sparsely populated Negev desert) allocated to the Jewish state despite the Palestinian Arab population numbering twice the Jewish population.[6] Consequently, the partition plan was accepted by Jewish Agency for Palestine and most Zionist factions.[7][5] The Arab Higher Committee, the Arab League and other Arab leaders and governments rejected it on the basis that in addition to the Arabs forming a two-thirds majority, they owned a majority of the lands.[8][9]

——-

the palestinians not only rejected the solution where they got the best land, they then proceeded to attack the jews (like they had been doing forever, since before when they had a small native jewish population and treated them as second class citizens, since before when jewish immigrants legally bought land that was for sale, since jews started living in the barren land that was given to them after ww2)

so the palestinians attacked and then so did the 5 surrounding arab nations. they all attacked israel

and so israel fights back.

and what do u do when youre attacked by people who have been violent to you since the start? do you defeat them and then say “ok that was funny, have fun being my neighbor now, bye!”

no. you dont. if a murderer comes into your house with a gang trying to kill you, you dont just kick them out of your house, YOU BUILD A FENCE.

i genuinely dont understand what these people want israel to do. just sit there and let palestinans rain rockets down onto them from the hilltops to the north?

or do they expect israel to give up ALL their land like the palestinians demand. that the jews leave their native homeland once again, maybe the 30th time in the last 4000 years.(of course some jews still stay tho, and get persecuted)

israel already is a nation of equality and equal rights. the only reason the palestinians are not allowed free crossing into and out of israel IS BECAUSE THEY KEEP TERRORIZING PEOPLE they keep shooting, killing, bombing, stabbing, raping, etc.

if that happened to you youd build a wall too!!!

also lets not forget, the jews took that barren desert, those malaria infested swamplands that the arabs rejects in the first solution, and gave to the jews in the second solution. the jews took those lands and revitalized them, made huge human advancements in water purification technology, invented drip irrigation, invented desalination, and built the land up for their people

meanwhile the palestinians take their land and instead of putting money into infrastructure and education, they put ALL their aid money into weapons, terror tunnels, rockets, etc.

there would be peace if palestine would accept that the jews have the right to some of the land as well. and that it can be shared. if they stopped attacking, israel wouldnt have to have the walls and the patrols and the firing BACK. and the search for the rocket sources etc

israel has agreed to every single ceasefire, palestine has broken every single one

israel has agreed to every single two state solution, palestine has rejected every single one

israel gives extra land to palestine asking for peace, palestine responds by sending rockets.

for you guys to not know any of this history, and to parrot the slogans made by a bloodthirsty anti-semetic peoples is insane to me. its literally the modern day equivalent of nazis. this confirms my previous thought that most people on this site would have fallen for nazi propaganda and joined the fight against the “evil jews”.

like palestine has spread and created the most antisemetic nazi rhetoric since BEFORE there were nazis (reminder some palestinian and arab leaders were FRIENDS with nazis leaders)

[clarkegriffintitties]

THIS NEW HEADER IS GIVING ME LIFEEEEE... but also all this changing is giving me whiplash

i promise this is my last one...for now

[popculturebuffet]

Darkwing Double Feature: The Quiverwing Quack and Paint Misbehavin (Paint Misbehavin Comissoned by WeirdKev27)

Greetings darkwings of the night! It’s time to return to our daring duck of mystery for a third double feature! This one’s been a longtime coming.. as in since around black friday when I did a comissions sale. As usual Kev was my only customer and he bought both Splatter Phoenix episodes... and I shamefully admit this one has sat in my queue for a while as I wanted to finish the justice ducks retrospective first, as I also wanted to cover Quiverwing Quack’s first appearance, on my own time, and I wanted to save doing any Negaduck till I got done with Justice Ducks.  And that’s where errors were made, as I PAUSED said retrospective forgetting I both had this review sitting in my queue, and that I really didnt have that much left to go on it. SO yeah this took WAY longer than I usually do for a commission, and I apologize for that and i’m happy to correct it, with this, along with the freebie I gave him at the time, coming out tommorow i’ll finally be caught up and promise this won’t happen again.  So with my needed apologizes out of the way, let’s talk about why this is a double feature. Simple: Paint Misbehavin is Quiverwing Quack, Gosalyn’s superhero alter ego’s, only other appearance on the show. It would appear in the comics.. in a fashion.. but we’ll get to that. So it dind’t feel quite right covering one without the other, especially since this version of gos is a fan faviorite of many. So does our  archer live up to the hype? Let’s get dangerous under the cut and find out. 

The Quiverwing Quack:

This.. may be the best Darkwing i’ve seen so far. There is some competition of course, but this one is easily the frontrunner. It’s hilarious, has a really great and intresting plot, few faults, and is just.. about as good as this show can get. I could end that here but I wouldn’t be doing my job if I didn’t, so let’s get into why. 

The episode starts with a fairly typical day for Darkwing: Fighting Negaduck, hilariously as always, and mocking his arch enemy for only being Public Enemy #2 behind Dr. Slug, an oft mentioned but never seen in an actual episode villian that’s apparently one of DW’s deadliest foes. So already we have a great motive for Negaduck, who usually just has the motive of “destroy darkwing’ or do evil, though to the show’s credit, just looking at the summaries for his other eps alone, they NEVER ran out of ideas for the guy or forgot he was as clever as he was ax crazy. 

But just as he’s about to beat darkwing, Gosalyn arrives with an archery set Launchpad purchased for her and easily holds him down. And rather than be greatful Drake is mad at her and feels the arrows are too dangerous which.. fair those look to be real arrows but not the time or place.  Gosalyn however is angry her dad stopped her and is chafing both under his overprotectivness and feeling this is about ego, creates her own crime fighting alter ego Quiverwing Quack, dragging Honker along as her sidekick Arrow Boy. He dosen’t WANT to get into hero work, but he’s afraid she’ll pulverize him if he dosen’t. HA HA.. GET IT.. BECAUSE SHE’S A GIRL AND IT’S NOT LIKE GIRLS CAN ABUSE BOYS HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAA

Yeah as you can tell that bit hasn’t aged well and is the one down note in an otherwise great episode. And I do mean great. Because this essential conflict works perfectly and is expertly built on what we’ve already seen of the characters. 

For starters Gosalyn forming her own hero identity feels like a natural evolution of her character. It genuinely feels that, given her love for adventure and of her dad being a superhero, that she’d take the next step in wanting to follow in her footsteps and put on her own costume eventually. Her making her OWN rather than something derivitative of darkwing also perfectly fits both her anger at her dad’s overprotectivness and her own individual nature. The costume itself is.. okay pretty simplistic, with an early green arrow style hat and some gloves and boots.. but while I didn’t like it at first It’s grown on me a bit, as I realized it feels like the kind of a costume a kid would throw together and given Gosalyn dosne’t have her dad’s backing, it makes sense the costume would be slapped together. Grante dit dosen’t explain her trick arrows, but given we’ve seen gosalyn is pretty talented and that she can easily acess Darkwing’s lair, it’s not a huge stretch to say she went into her dad’s lair while he was gone, took some suplies and made the arrows herself. 

And i’ll freely admit i’m a sucker for a good archer hero as Hawkeye is easily one of my faviroite superheroes. Which granted is a sentence I know will probably baffle anyone who hasn’t picked up a comic with clint, or has but it was written by brianmicheal bendis, as in the movies up to Endgame you could easily replace him with a block of wood with a purple h painted on it and no one would notice the difference. And other archer heroes like Arowette, Speedy, Kate Bishop, Arsenal and Green Arrow are also on the whole pretty fucking awesome, as is the Young Justice Cartoon version of Artemis and the JLU version of Green Arrow. So this was kind of a slam dunk for me and the fact Gos’ costume comes off as a combination of Hawkeye and Green Arrow, having Ollie’s hat but Clint’s purple color scheme and gloves with no sleeves aesthetic, just makes me all the more on board for this. 

What truly makes the episode though is Darkwing, whose internal conflict is masterful to watch. While his being overproective isn’t anything new to the show, this episode takes it in a more dramatic directon: While there’s still a few jokes the episode gives some very painful reasons why he’s like this: He dosen’t want to loose his baby girl, both figuratively in her growing up and becoming more self sufficent.. and literally in her dying. It’s a terror any parent faces and it makes him sympathetic: While he IS overreacting at times and would be better off training her and helping nurture her while still keeping her safe, so when she DOES run off to do her own thing she’ll be ready, you can’t blame him for not wanting that, for wanting her to just stay home, stay safe and stay ALIVE.  The comics, which i’ve read some of and will cover here at some point, make this hit HARDER as during the second arc, where we meet a bunch of Darkwing Ducks from other dimenisons.. and one of them is Quiverwing Duck. You can probably guess just by the name what happened to his Gosalyn after years and years of working together. 

So the risk .. is very real. Loosing her is VERY possible. Being a kid to teen superhero is a VERY dangerous line of work as with less experince and being a possible target if you have any mentors, and sometimes you genuinely DON’T make it. Cypher, Jason Todd Robin, Ultimate Peter Parker, Synch, Danny Chase, Kid Devil, Skin, Wallflower, Icarus, Genisis.. the list goes on, and on, and while MOST of them came back even then the ones that did didnt exactly lack in scars: Jason was never the same after the joker’s beating and Doug, Cypher, had severe trauma he never adressed. The danger Darkwing fears is VERY real.. but is a danger she faces ANYWAY by rushing in and acompanying him. The tragedy is traning her would at least give her a fighting chance as it’s clear from the above that Quiverwing Duck’s Gos died not because she wasn’t ready or because her dad din’t train her.. but because , like MOST of the heroes above.. she died a hero saving the world.  And the show recognizes this even if it doen’t mention the death because the show has to have limits and it was the early 90′s, wiht Darkwing’s fears also being that she’s growing up. He knows sh’es capable of this.. he’s just tearful she’s growing up.. and that she could be gone. It puts his overprotectiveness from other episodes in a much more understandable light, and makes it clear that while it comes from a good place it’s not really healthy: As the episode shows, Gosalyn thinks ALL he sees of her is a baby to be coddled and protected and not as her own person, and while he’s right to protect her.. he’s gone so far in it and in dismisisng her again, and again AND AGAIN, that he’s given the poor girl a complex. Leaping into danger alone isn’t the answer.. but when we get to the climax of the episode you can see why it’s gotten this bad. It’s suprisingly layred for what’s normally a pretty simple character conlficts. Here there’s no easy answer and even while by the end Darkwing’s accepted she’ll be a hero someday and both earnestly apologize, ther’es no real resolution. And sometimes.. that’s okay. It’s something they could’ve revisited had the series gone on and we did get at least one sequel episode at least and the comics do explore the issue of gosalyn being a kid hero and drake’s overprotectiness, with his issues there being why he retired and ended up badly straining his relationhip with gosalyn and ending , for a while, his friendship with launchpad and relationsihp with morgan as well as his costumed career. But obviously as I said we’ll get to that another day. But as an episode.. this one is truly excellent and one of the best the series put out, with plenty of humor but the more complicated dynamics at play BUILT on what we’ve seen before, including Gos rightfuly supsecting dakwing’s against her due to his own ego at points, are what elevate it to the series best. So how’d they follow it up?

Paint Misbehavin:

This one’s in an awkard middle place, where it’s FAR better than the previous splatter Phoenix Episode but not as good as “The Quiverwing Quack”. Still it’s a pretty fun episode all together.  So the main plot is that Darkwing and Gosalyn are at cross purposes because Darkwing is overshadowed by Gosalyn, in this case at the local comic con where Gosalyn, returning to her Quiverwing Quack guise, is the big new thing while Darkwing’s practically ignored. 

Yeah no way around it this is a rehash of “Whiffle While You Work”, same basic conflict, just with suprheroing instead of a video game. So naturally at first it annoyed me especially since they had a debate over who was better, Darkwing’s old traditional hero or Gosalyn’s new very 90′s hero. This.. goes about nowhere and is just cringe inducing for me as a comics fan, whose not against 90′s characters but acknolsges the vast majority got better LATER under new writers, with the exception of some such as superboy, steel, kyle rayner and impulse, who were fresh out of the package.  Thankfully.. the episode pushes past this and it ends up being a better version of Whiffle While You Work, as Drake isn’t as overbearingly obnoxious as he was there: Here Gosalyn is just as egotsitical, at one point trying to lead him away from a crime scene, and it’s only when they finally work as a team that they become unstoppable. It does say something though that Darkwing has genuinely grown as his objection is pure ego instead of overprotectivness like last time and he willingly lets her tag along even if he’s trying to show her up. It’s not the BEST conflict, and it ends with egos clashing, but while this part of the episode is recycled.. at least it’s recycling an episode that genuinely wasted the idea and using it better. Darkwing being jealous here is FAR more understandable as he’s been a hero far longer and while his ego is way too big for his head, it’s understandble to be a big pissy, and agian he dosen’t go nearly as far in how he treats gosalyn. He just wants to show up his own daughter and he’s shown as fully wrong for this. Not great but far better than before.  What IS great and what makes this episode fun, is Splatter Phoenix, whose even better than last time. I attribute this to the change in voice actors. While Dani Staahl was excellent.. her replacment is far better and far more notable. It’s SCTV’s andrea martin... who i’m realizing most of you have probably never heard of. 

Or know what  SCTV is. It was before both our times trust me: it was an early 80′s sketch comedy show that had a unique premise as the sketches were all programs for a fictional tv station, and there’d often be wraparounds about what was going on at the station that oftne led to sketches or impacted them: From dealing with sponser issues brought on by the Moral Majority, aliens, the russians hyjacking their signal, and forging checks from Fred Willard’s account, yes that was a plot and yes he was indeed a guest star, there was no end to the number of shenanigans in and out of program. IT was really good stuff with an all star cast: John Candy, Rick Moranis, Dave Thomas, Cathrine O’Hara, Eugene Levy, Joe Flarhety, Martin Short, and of course Martin. Even Harold Ramis was on the show for it’s first season. It was just a damn good time and if you can find the dvd’s or clips on youtube I recommend it.  My point is Martin is vastly underated and really deserves better than she’s gotten, and this eps proves it as her energy really adds to Splatter’s astetic and really fits the show like a glove and it’s a shame the show ended shortly after this episode, as it would’ve been nice to see her return in the role. But for a one shot she’s UTTERLY awesome, and Splatter gets to do far more this time as her brush has now expanded to be able to create, so we get helicopter cats, pumpkin dogs, a pink gorilla with a toaster for a head and when told superheroes always win she creates her own, absract man, with a hand for a head and a weird body and I just want to see more of him. He even skips off with Launchpad’s faivorie hero, bascally mr rodgers as a weasel, after launchpad draws the guy in. I want to see this gay couple fight crime with love and existetaalism dammit!

But yeah she’s just fun, as is her vandalism of various art works including making the dogs playing poker into skeletons.. which I now want a picture of for my room because that is nice. SHe also brings back the art shitfts from before in little ways, transforming darkwing into abstract art and to blocky art at diffrent points with her brush. And that’s what puts this episode over the other: The creativity is still there but without the whole “Honker being gaslighted” plot that I still hate to this very second, it’s allowed to be fun and fancy free and with Splatter out in the open she’s allowed to get a LOT more ambitious and thus the writers and martin get to have a LOT more fun with the gimmick. 

So while I do feel the episode’s a bit crowded, as they try to cram in both splatter phoenix and this super feud between family into the same space and both episodes would’ve been better served seperatley, i’ts so fun with clever use of the magic brush by our heroes and what not I can’t help but love it. I don’t love the climax though as splatter gets turpentine spilled on her by gosalyny and .. melts for some reason. Because she’s made of paint now even though that was never a thing before? Not to mention the fact our heroes just killed a person...

So yeah the ending’s a bit wonky but it’s a fun episode with the return of a great villian, a decent of played out main conflict and some great gags and fights in it. All in all i’m glad I got comissioned for this one and finally tackled it. Good stuff.  So that does it for this. We’ll be back to darkwing next week just in time for valentine’s day.. and back with Negaduck too. Until then it’s been a pleasure. 

[bladekindeyewear]

HS^2 bloggin’ mainline 2020-08-23

More homestuuuuuck

I’m a little tired today so I don’t expect much intelligent analysis out of myself, but if anything classpecty happens I doubt I’ll be able to help myself regardless.

oh, always

(EDITS: added note on horn colors, link to ask on potential Blood powers reference)

> CHAPTER 12. Really Convoluted Metaphorical Horseshit

cuuute

In the bowels of a different ship, at a moment in time that is not pinpointable in either direction from the previous interaction, another Dave raps quietly to himself.

another dave raps quietly to himself.  i am glad that phrase exists it brings me joy

(LATER EDIT: A friend on Discord pointed out that throughout this entire update, Karkat's horns are #FF0000 red. They were normal candy-corn colors in previous glimpses at the ship crew, though they used a dark single-color shortcut typical of old Homestuck at one point... but THIS time it stays STARK red even when we zoom in close later. Is this just artistic liberty? Did Karkat color his horns for fashion? Does this happen to red-bloods like the Sufferer after a certain age? Just how much time has actually passed, here? We might have to wait for the commentary for this one.)

KARKAT: I WAS SAYING I THOUGHT WE MIGHT GO, I DUNNO, ANYWHERE ELSE ON THE ENTIRE SHIP WHILE THE CLOTHES WERE WASHING. KARKAT: SEEING AS THIS DECREPIT MACHINE WE WERE SO BLESSEDLY PROVIDED WITH MAKES A WHIRRING SOUND SO PANCHAFINGLY ARHYTHMIC THAT IT THREATENS TO ERADICATE THE ENTIRE CONCEPT OF TEMPO FROM THE UNIVERSE.

Karkat really has chilled out hasnt he?  like this is surprisingly level for him, and that fact is hilarious.

KARKAT: AND YET SOMEHOW BASICALLY ALL THAT HAS HAPPENED SINCE WE STARTED THE LOAD IS THAT YOU’VE BEEN USING IT AS A FUCKED UP BEAT TO WHISPER TO YOURSELF ABOUT FLOWERS TO.

oh gosh that’s why he’s rapping

> ==>

DAVE: kanaya was telling me this kids story the other day about this dude who didnt cherish a flower enough until it peaced out to do flower stuff idk its not pertinent to the story DAVE: except the flower was a person DAVE: because it was a metaphor

Oh right, coming back to the Little Prince stuff I was too lazy to metaphor-deep-dive into, and literally asking the same questions we were asking about who the Little Prince’s story applies to mapped here if anyone at all, like Dirk and such, or what biases were in the retelling of it and the way Kanaya phrased it.  So now we’re practically mocking it by deep diving it here, hence the last page’s “DAVE: i was just thinking through some really convoluted metaphorical horseshit”, which means we’re both about to further explore AND shit all over the existence of this story metaphor until it doesn’t mean anything and most of the meaning we drew from it earlier is made a joke~

well, not “we”, cause I was too lazy, so... y’all

DAVE: anyway what goes down in the story is that once the flower lady is out of the picture DAVE: the main character goes around making all these connections between her and everything else in the universe until every damn thing feels like a symbol for how much he fucked up and how much he will never see her again KARKAT: THIS SEEMS PRETTY FUCKING INTENSE FOR A KID'S STORY DAVE: yea thats pretty much what i said

Oh holy shit.  That’s yet another way to put it.  Are we doing a whole moral takedown of the Light aspect today?  cause it sounds like we’re taking a dump on the Light aspect and RoboRose getting too obsessed and immersed in it, which would be excellent

DAVE: but i guess its not so much what the story was technically textually about but more like the version of it kanaya internalized and then told me when we were talkin about how she misses rose

exactly

DAVE: so like now im taking the story she told me she was projecting her feelings onto and projecting my feelings on top of that

yes absolutely, you just rephrased it a different way with that exact same bias

DAVE: this is just one big game of emotional projection telephone so feel free to go paraphrase it to roxy later and make it about whatever fuckin thing youre currently missing

perfect. i need an emoji for that Italian thing for when you pinch your thumb and forefinger together and kiss it

ah this’ll do:

its like the expression “choice” but in nonverbal form

[...] whatever fuckin thing youre currently missing KARKAT: YOUR ABILITY TO GET TO THE POINT DAVE: gotem DAVE: anyway you’re not gonna have to miss that skill of mine for long DAVE: get ready for this shit because i am about to slap you with the point so hard youll fall ass first into the washer DAVE: just scrambling around in there getting all sudsy DAVE: but your brain is gonna be so blasted from the mindfreak of a point im about to make that there wont be anything left to clean

Anytime dave is told to get to the point he is contractually obligated to spend at least 20 seconds talking about how he’ll get to the point in a way that is not getting to the point

DAVE: so its genuinely cool that kanaya can go around creating meaning that may or may not be actually present in every little thing DAVE: connecting every feeling she has to the idea of her wife existing out there DAVE: so i told her she should keep that shit up DAVE: but im having the opposite issue where im struggling to find anything to be that kind of tether because every single thing i could possibly consider about what it is were doing just reminds me of yet another thing to be afraid about

Great examples of Light being good and bad!  Attaching strands of connective meaning to everything.  --though, in Dave’s case AND Kanaya’s case you could argue it’s both bad in terms of effects.  That it’s great for Kanaya to care, but that she should be able to divest herself and live on her own terms without idealizing Rose literally everywhere she looks, personal growth which would be useful in helping bring Rose back to her in the first place.  The struggle they’re looking forward to is largely philosophical, not just physical, and until Rosebot acknowledges that she was wrong it’s not over.

DAVE: everything fuckin sucks huge cosmic donkey sack and im terrified KARKAT: OK, SO I FEEL LIKE YOU SKIPPED A COUPLE NECESSARY STEPS IN YOUR POINT CLARIFICATION PROCESS.

Pretty sure Dave was on the same page as most Epilogue and start-of-HS2 readers.  This situation is pretty bleak to dump our heroes into, no matter how much we believe will be resolved in the long run.

DAVE: ok but were you going with sweet or savory please give me that much at least KARKAT: YEAH IT WAS GOING TO BE SUNDAE-BASED. DAVE: nice KARKAT: YEAH. KARKAT: DO YOU WANNA WATCH MORE GBBO AFTER THIS? DAVE: absolutely

--ah, Great British Bake-Off, can’t say I’ve indulged

do they still have that?? did they save it from old Earth?  or did they go where unflooded Britain used to be and say hey, new show reboot

KARKAT: GREAT. ANYWAY, LIKE I WAS SAYING, FOR THE LOVE OF SWEET HUMAN CHRIST, PLEASE BACK UP TO WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU’RE ACTUALLY SCARED OF. KARKAT: ALSO COME HERE, IDIOT.

That last line is like, exactly as fucking sweet and awesome as we imagined their relationship to be.  :)

> ==>

OH MY GOD THAT’S ADORABLE

DAVE: ok yeah this is a better position to unleash all my inner fears n anxieties from

indisputably.

DAVE: those times its like my mouth was saying words about the situation wherein our friends are AWOL and maybe dead but my brain wasnt fully letting me experience the emotion that goes along with them DAVE: man its like i cant even start genuinely thinking about how afraid i actually am for rose and john without my brain flippin its wad and whiting out DAVE: like haha fuck i hope theyre ok DAVE: now i better make a fuckin joke before i succumb to the gaping mouth of despair waiting for me to fall in it as soon as i look down and acknowledge that its there ogling how juicy my ass looks as it trembles with terror

I really hope that the writers of HS2 know full well that this feeling? the one Dave is describing here? is what many of us who got way overinvested in the well-being of Homestuck’s surviving characters felt reading the Epilogues and Homestuck^2.  So I really hope they’re working through it in a way that will result in a preponderance of GOOD THINGS happening and hope-filled situations.  Cause that “can’t even think about X” feeling is too familiar, and if they understand it as well as it LOOKS like they’re getting to, I’d really like them to give us a helping hand healing.

I think that’s what they’re going for?  Seems hopeful for me to think so, but they HAVE been doing better as HS2 has been going forward, from an emotional standpoint anyway; definitely better than the Epilogues.  And I’ve worked through some of that stuff with the help of that, because it’s MUCH easier nowadays to think about Homestuck without my gut clenching.

DAVE: i guess im just fucked up about how to worry about dirk and be angry at him at the same time DAVE: because if i get as unholy pissed at him as i sometimes wanna be i also gotta admit to myself that maybe i coulda done something different there

Mhmm, Karkat’s potentially a pretty good person to speak with here since he’s done so much work trying not to feel responsible for everything that’s ever gone wrong.

DAVE: also like DAVE: and this by the way adds a whole other layer of guilt on there that i dont really know how to fuckin reckon with but DAVE: even with all the shit hes pulled and the fact that we are more or less heading toward having to take him down DAVE: whatever that is gonna mean and whether or not he planned it like that DAVE: i just DAVE: me and him had come so far with each other and it was really cool for a while to have him and i DAVE: ugh DAVE: i dont WANT to hate him

Yeah, Dirk and Jane’s heel-turns were really shitty for anyone who was a fan of them in the fanbase, as well.

KARKAT: WELL THEN QUIT FUCKING PICKING AT THE SEAM ON MY SHORTS AND SPIT IT OUT. THEY'RE BARELY HANGING ON TO THE DEFINITION OF "SHORTS" AS IT IS.

That is an adorably real boyfriend-laying-in-boyfriend’s-lap thing to do

DAVE: the part i mentioned before about how we really have no goddamn clue how long this trip is even gonna take DAVE: i cant help but feel like its barely getting revved up DAVE: and for me and roxy and jade and callie and kan thats normal shit at best and boring at worst but we all have our immortality to thank for that DAVE: we can just dick around in space for near-eternity waiting to catch up to our friends who may or may not be our enemies now and itll be fine DAVE: i mean no itll be categorically miserable DAVE: but well survive it KARKAT: HOLD THE FUCK ON. DAVE: but you KARKAT: DAVE. DAVE: no lemme say this

Oh god damnit.  Karkat’s limited lifespan.  As if we hadn’t ALREADY covered a nauseatingly extensive gamut of disheartening topics of conversation.  We really have to confront every shred of misery in their past, present and future one after the other after the other in the Epilogues and HS2, don’t we?  >:(

I guess it had to be discussed, though.

DAVE: we dont talk about it much and i got shit to say about it DAVE: its not like i never thought about how youre mortal before but i just thought wed be able to figure it out before it mattered DAVE: come up with some kind of plan DAVE: i was just distracted being happy with you i fucking guess and so i didnt think up a way to fix it DAVE: and now thanks to dirk we have to work it out right the fuck now DAVE: because i cant spend this trip just sitting around watching you get old and die

Jesus.  I mean, WE know(?) that it’s not gonna be THAT many years, but THEY don’t know that.

Unless it really IS going to be that many years and HS2 is going to shamelessly take a fucking sledgehammer to our feelings for no goddamn good reason.  Which it won’t!  Right???  >:T

> ==>

Dishwasher ding

> Dave: Grapple with the clean, soggy consequences of the passage of time.

Hey, don’t make it a metaphor here. --though, fuck.  I suppose we are dealing with everyones dirty laundry.  God damnit.  SURE, deal with it all story but then GET IT OUT OF THE WAY AND PUT SOME SERIOUS FUN AND LAUGHS IN HERE so we don’t feel like we’re wading through an entire garbage dump!!!  *click*

Karkat’s eyebrows-only mouthless frown is really cute.

> ==>

okay Karkat explain the nope you’re lodging

> ==>

*put*

> ==>

*foot*

> ==>

DAVE: ok go on

I mean I at least appreciate the time investment in adorable boyfriends.  That’s definitely something of SOME good value they’re giving us in exchange for this misery

> ==>

That Karkat image makes me wanna do that red-shaky-gif-thing with it

KARKAT: IT'S NOT LIKE I'M NEW TO THE PARTICULAR MOOBEAST WRANGLING EVENT OF SOMEONE I PREVIOUSLY LOVED BRUTALLY TURNING ON ME AND LEAVING ME TO TRY AND CRAM MY FEELINGS ABOUT THE SITUATION BACK TOGETHER ALL ON MY OWN.

True

KARKAT: HE DID THAT ON HIS OWN. AND WE MADE THE CHOICE TO GO AFTER HIM ON OUR OWN.

Yes, and you’ll possibly convince him more of that over time, though not in this short conversation

KARKAT: I WAS FOLLOWING YOUR LITTLE TRAIL OF COOKIE CRUMB FEARS UNTIL IT LEAD TO THE BIG SNACK FINALE OF WORRY ABOUT MY FRAGILE MORTAL MEATSACK. KARKAT: IF I HAVE SOMEHOW NOT BEEN CLEAR ABOUT THIS WITH YOU YET, LET ME GO AHEAD AND RECTIFY THE SITUATION RIGHT THE FUCK NOW. KARKAT: HANGING OUT WITH YOU ON THIS LONG TRIP TO WHO THE SHITTING FUCK KNOWS WHERE IS QUITE LITERALLY THE HAPPIEST I HAVE EVER BEEN IN MY ENTIRE MEAGER EXISTENCE. KARKAT: I'M SO ABSOLUTELY BLISSED THE FUCK OUT OF MY MIND TO BE ABLE TO LOOK AT YOUR STUPID IMMORTALLY SMOOTH HUMAN FACE SKIN EVERY DAY AND NOT HAVE A COMPLEX ABOUT IT.

D’AWWW

And with that darkly angry expression too, that’s PERFECT

I mean it’s true.  What exactly would they be doing DIFFERENTLY on Earth C other than enjoying each other like this?  It’s pretty fucking great.

...hm.  Isn’t this journey-not-the-destination stuff pretty Breathy?  Karkat’s proving more balanced by the moment.

KARKAT: AND I'LL BE STRAIGHT WITH YOU. IT'S NOT LIKE I HAVEN'T BEEN EXPERIENCING SOME COMPLICATED GUILT, MYSELF. KARKAT: THE FACT THAT I'M HAVING THE TIME OF MY LIFE JUST FUCKING CHILLAXING AND BEING IN LOVE IN SPACE IS A CLEARLY INCONGRUOUS WITH THE REASON I'M ACTUALLY HERE CHILLAXING TO BEGIN WITH, AND I'M NOT LETTING MYSELF FORGET THAT, EITHER.

Pff.  He feels guilty for ENJOYING IT so much.  <3

KARKAT: BUT I RESENT THE IMPLICATION THAT MY HAPPINESS IS REGISTERING FOR YOU AS YOU HAVING TO JUST "SIT AROUND AND WATCH ME GET OLD," BECAUSE I KNOW YOU KNOW IT'S MORE THAN THAT.

I’m glad Karkat knows that DAVE knows somewhere in him that it’s more than that, because yeah, if Karkat thought he DIDN’T know that at some level that’d be a reason to take MUCH MORE SERIOUS offense.

KARKAT: LIKE, JESUS, DAVE. YOU KNOW I'M AFRAID FOR YOU, TOO, RIGHT? KARKAT: OR DID YOU FORGET THE WHOLE HEROIC DEATH THING? KARKAT: I WORRY ABOUT LOSING YOU FAIRLY FUCKING REGULARLY.

Hah!!!  Point taken.  Karkat must view Dave as practically more fragile than HIM.

KARKAT: ONE: WE'VE BEEN THROUGH SO MUCH HELLACIOUS PANWARPING TRAUMA THAT I REFUSE TO NOT ENJOY THIS SHIT WHEN I FINALLY FUCKING GET IT, NO MATTER HOW LONG IT MAY OR MAY NOT LAST. KARKAT: TWO: IT'S NOT LIKE WE'RE DOING NOTHING. WE’RE MOVING. WE’RE WORKING. WE’RE HEADED SPECIFICALLY TO A PLACE WHERE WE WILL UNDOUBTLEDLY ENDURE YET MORE FUCKING HELLACIOUS PANWARPING TRAUMA. KARKAT: AND THREE: WE'RE DOING THAT BECAUSE WE HAVE FRIENDS WHO WE CARE ABOUT THAT NEED US. THAT IS OUR FOCUS, HERE. NOT OUR FEAR. IT'S ABOUT THE PEOPLE WE HAVE TO SAVE. KARKAT: SO DON'T FUCKING WORRY ABOUT ME, DAVE. I'M FINE.

Okay, this is great and wholesome.  I am now retroactively GLAD that this topic got brought up.  :)

> ==>

Dave is still afraid. There is a part of him that will always be, he thinks. He has accepted this about himself. There is another feeling coursing through him too, though. It’s something he's felt before, though never quite so intensely. He looks up at Karkat and understands, viscerally, the simple power his words have. They pump through Dave’s own body, alive and warm and true.

He wonders if Karkat realizes it, or if he’s just, as always, saying what he feels as he feels it. Dave doesn’t attempt to dissect it further. There will be time for that later.

Every really loving moment like this is sort of undercut by the fact that it’s also, in some senses, part of alt!Calliope’s narration and, by extension, her fanfiction.

EDIT 2: There's also either a hint to potential Blood powers or even an explicit Blood power use here that I didn't recognize. I'm leaning towards it's-laying-the-groundwork-for-future-use-of-Blood-powers-but-isnt-magical-in-this-case.

> ==>

Smooooch!

That was nice.  Still gonna wait on doing any commentary til next time or a Bonus update or two, cause I’m beat.  See y’all next time!

[thewolfisapartofmysoul]

Hey lovelies,

I wrote a Dewey Finn/reader fanfic again.

Bare with me... its LONG. Also angst ahead, followed by our fluffy rock-god, who is too sweet for this world 😍.

The reader has a panic-attack and dewey is there to save the day.

Hope you enjoy. 💕 Lots of love.

High anxiety.

You sat on the floor of your living room. Shaking. Breathing heavily, said breath squeeking with each breath as you inhaled. Dread and panic settling in your chest as you wrapped your arms around yourself in an attempt to get your shit together. You felt your breaths getting shorter. Havier. And you felt the panic in your chest rising.

It had been a while since your last panic attack. A part of you was glad that your boyfriend wasnt home right now. It would be pathetic if Dewey saw you like this. Another part of you however, was getting even more fear since he wasnt home with you.

You knew Dewey for years, and since the years of friendship you two had shared, before tumbling into a relationship, he knew just what to do to help you calm down during said panic attacks.

You felt your heart clenching at the thought of him helping you each time you suffered like this, feeling even more helpless since he wasnt home with you.

Between shallow squeeking breaths and your racing heartbeat you sobbed. Tears streaming down your face in sheer panic. Feeling incredibly alone and scared you hyperventilated even more. Knowing it would be a while untill Dewey would come home, since it was only 12am. And he had to teach the kids untill 3.

"Wel... fuck fuck fuckerdy fuck..."

You felt so stupid, worthless, scared, sad and really REALLY anxious. You closed your eyes and pulled your knees towards your chest, as a pile of panic on the floor. Still crying and hyperventilating you managed to grab your phone as you texted Dewey, with shaking hands typing the message: 'panic' as you struggled to send the message through your blurred vision if tears and shaking nerves.

"Please read my text. Please read my text. I need you Dew-drop."

-----

Dewey drove so fast he just knew he was gonna get in trouble for it. However, he didn't have a single fuck to give right now. When he saw your text he practically ran out the classroom, shouting to the kids he had to go home and tell summer to get miss Mullens in the meantime.

Dewey's mind was clouded with worry as he raced home to you.

He was glad that you thought about texting him before your attack got worse... if you waited too long doing he knew you wouldnt be capable of doing so. He anxiously watched the time... still 3 more minutes. He hoped you were doing okay...

-----

It felt like you were sitting on the floor for hours. Sobbing violently, now full on hyperventilating. Your face wet from the tears. Your vision blurry from the tears and the hyperventilating was starting to make you see black spots everywhere you looked.

At this the heaviness of your chest only grew, and you felt your panic starting to rise even more.

You closed your eyes, pulling your head between your knees in a last attempt to make yourself calmer. The only thought repeating in your brain was: "deweydeweydeweydewey..."

As you sat at the floor, in full on panic mode you didnt realise Dewey rushing through the front door, his eyes growing wild in terror as he saw your helpless form sitting on the floor. He had to remind himself to breath calmly himself... deciding that he needed to be calm and assuring in this situation. Instead of stressing his ass off. He ran a hand trough his hair, collecting himself for your sake, as he walked calmly towards you.

Your had eyes still closed tightly, clinging your own knees so hard it turned your knuckels white, with your head still pressed firmly between them. Blocking the outside world. Your breathing was a mess, squeeking and uneven and all over the place.

Dewey was slowly coming closer to you, his worry grew each time you took in a high pitched fast breath. He was calculating every step he made towards you, the last thing he wanted was to scare you even more.

He figured sneaking up at you like this wouldnt do you any good, but you haven't seen or heard him approach you yet. So he decided that the first thing to do was to make you notice that he was there with you, that you didnt had to face this alone.

He started crouching down so he was leveling with you as he slowly started to hum a song.

Through your ragged short breaths you distantly heard someting, something other than your own sobs. Your ears perked up slightly, trying to focus on the sound instead of the feeling of panic that was heavy in your chest. You slowly started to recognise the song that you heard. It was the first song that Dewey ever played for you on his guitar.

You opened your eyes, your head hesitantly moving up. Anxiety and panic still as heavy as your breathing.

You looked upward and saw the concerned face of Dewey. Your Dewey. Your breath still squeaking, it took you a lot of efford to focus on him. But just seeing Dewey grounded you a bit.

He spoke with the softest calmest voice he could manage: "Hey sweetheart, you back with me? Keep your eyes on me, okay love? Can you do that for me? Just look at me and focus on my voice. Your doing great. Your gonna be fine sweetheart. Im here with you, your not alone."

You conintued to look at him. Relieved that Dewey was with you now.

"Thats it love. Keep those pretty eyes on me. I am gonna move closer to you, is that okay?" It took you all your willpower to nod once. He smiled at that, glad you showed him you heard him.

He scooted closer to you, as he kept lulling in his soft voice: "thats it sweetheart. Your doing great y/n, just focus on my voice. Keep looking at me sweetheart.

As he reached the point across you he carefully touched your knees, making sure you were okay with him doing so. Holding intense eye contact to notice the slightest bit of worry on your face as he touched you.The said worry on your face never came.

Still hyperventilating you noticed his hand laying sofly on your knee. He was still staring intently at you, his eyes were calm and assuring. He asked: "is this okay love? Is it okay if i touch you?" Again it took you all the willpower you had to nod at him. He smiled a bit at that. He knew from previous attacks that telling you what he was doing helped you with your anxiety.

Dewey very gently moved his other hand on your knee too. And started to move them up and down in a soothing way. All the while speaking: "Your doing great sweetheart. Im here with you. Just focus on the sound of my voice, keep your pretty eyes on me and feel my hands on your knees. Your gonna be okay. Breath with me love. Breath in. Breath out. Thats it, your rocking it. In with me. Out with me..."

You breathed in and out with dewey together. You felt the fog in your mind clearing at his voice and the pressure on your chest was becoming less heavy with each stroke on your knee. Your breathing gently slowing down bit by bit.

Dewey noticed this and beamed at you, moving closer untill he could properly hold you.

The sight alone made your heart flutter, and you managed to smile a tiny smile back at him, as you welcomed his embrace. Still unable to move you two sat on the floor for a while. Dewey proceeded to guide your breathing and his voice and presence literally banned your anxiety slowly. "Thats it love. In.... Out.... in.... out...."

As minutes had passed and your breathing was back to normal you managed to scoot even closer to him, cuddling in his safe embrace.

He hold you tight in his arms, humming as he did so. You sighed, as he rocked your body back and forward... his voice humming your thoughts away. You were surrounded by the comfort and love Dewey provided. You inhaled deeply trough your nose, the scent of dewey making you feel safe. He smelled like cinnamon, coffee, and a little bit of sweat combined with... tea tree oil...? He must have used your shampoo this morning. You couldnt supress a smile creeping up your face. Gosh, you loved that man.

Dewey noticed your slight smile appearing, followed by some tears rolling down your cheeck. Your emotions crashing in with full force, you just realized Dewey had come home early... just because you had a stupid panic attack. You mumbled in the crook of his neck: "im sorry Dew... im so sorry..."

Deweys mind worked fast at this. The chance of you panicking again closing in, and he knew he had to stop it. Fast.

You were in the middle of mumbling apologies as you felt a hand stroking your hair, and calloused fingers wiping your tears away as Dewey pecked every inch of your tear-stained face. He tried to speak while kissing you: "sweetheart *kiss* not *kiss* your *kiss* fault *kiss*...."

You chuckled at his attempt to kiss and talk at the same time. His scruff tickeling your face with each kiss.

He pulled away from pecking your face slighty to look you in the eyes and stroke your cheeck as he spoke:

"Y/n... love... dont say that. Its okay. Im here. I always will be here. Its not your fault, you did a good job texting me before it got worse. Your doing great. Your gonna be okay now. I love you SO much..." To prove his piont he kissed your nose.

You nodded. Smiling and knowing you had the BEST boyfriend ever.

He pulled you even closer to him, you were almost sitting on his lap now. His strong arms holding onto your waist, as he lulled in your ear:

"Should i draw you a bath, love? It might be good for your tense muscles... I'll even put your favorite oil in it for you..." he sing-songed the last scentence and you snorted at that.

He chuckled as well, glad he'd made you laugh.

You felt him moving to get up, but you tensed at this whispering: "Dew...."

His hand now slowly moving his way across your belly as he replied: "hmmm?"

You whispered with a shaky voice: "would you... do you mind... uhm..."

Deweys thumb moved tiny circles around your belly button as he kissed your neck softly: "I'm coming with you if you like that... you don't have to be alone now... no worries, okay?"

You nodded again. Dewey helped you on your feet and held your hand as you two walked the stairs.

You stripped down your clothes as Dewey prepared the perfect bath for you both. He slipped in first, and you rested against his torso in the tub. His chin resting on your head, and his armes wrapped around your waist. You felt the falling and rising of his chest behind you calming you even more. You closed your eyes, reveling in the moment before you broke the silence: "Thankyou Dewey.... i love you"

After pressing a kiss on the top of your hair he replied: "Anytime sweetheart, i love you too."

You shifted lightly is his grasp, turning so you were with your head on his chest now, his grip around you never leaving. He started to comb his hands trough your hair while humming softly into your ear.

And at that moment, you felt calm and safe in Dewey's embrace.

[witchcraft-in-wonderland]

The Prince and The Baker (Pt.3)

-------------------------

It seemed like hours before he finally gave up on searching and went back upstairs, that was the only door that didnt seem to change. Patton was already safely tucked into bed. Virgil wrapped some bandages around his injuries and went to his own room to sleep.

The next day he woke up to pure bliss, no work to do, but the smell of fresh bread still lingering throughout the house.

"I'm gonna go on a walk ok Patton?" Virgil said, ruffling his brother's hair on his way out the door.

It took all of five minutes for a normal walk to become a game of hide and seek. It seemed that the guards from the previous day had decided to stick around for a little while. Virgil kept his hood up and kept closer to the shade of the trees.

This plan had worked well, until one of the guards had grabbed him by the arm.

"Where's your brother," they said, clearly unconcerned with the terror in Virgil's eyes.

"We already said no to your offer, it's none of your business where he is," Virgil said, he was contemplating spitting in the guard's face and making a break for it.

"The prince says he wants you two specifically. I legally cant leave town until you agree," the guard said again, half pleading.

"I cant leave town either, sorry to disappoint but you'll have to tell the prince he has to come here if he wants to but from us," the words felt like poison in his mouth. Telling a prince and not just any prince, but a fairly attractive prince to bend to the will of a lowly baker, felt almost wrong. But the guard simply nodded and walked away.

Virgil tried to continue his walk as if nothing had happened, but he heard the fast approaching steps of horses and it seemed as though he'd frozen in his tracks.

"Why cant you leave town?" said the voice of Prince Roman, Virgil felt as if he'd melt right then and there, like dough in the prince's hands.

"Its. . . personal, nothing that would matter to someone as important as you," Virgil muttered, turning his head to face away from the prince.

Roman placed his hand under Virgil's chin and lifted it up to face him, the sight of Roman's eyes on him was almost to much to bare.

"If something's preventing one of my subjects from living a better life, I want to help, no matter what my title is," he said, brushing his thumb against Virgil's cheek.

Virgil felt his face flush hotter than the garden benches in summer.

"Well. . . if you really want to, I suppose I could show you- back at the shop," Virgil said, averting his eyes and shrugging slightly.

"I think that sounds like a wonderful idea," Roman said, taking his hand away from Virgil's face. He'd hesitated, which sent Virgil's head running wild with theories.

Is he toying with me? No no princes wouldnt do that

Does he like me? No, I'm a baker, that's impossible

Roman seemed to notice this, the smile crossing his face curved slightly into a smirk.

"Well come on then, let's get a move on," said Roman. Virgil merely nodded and began walking back to the bakery.

When they arrived Virgil explained the situation to Patton, who agreed that it was perhaps the best course of action they could take.

"So, what is it that's keeping you from leaving?" said Roman.

Virgil cleared his throat before starting to speak.

"Its a long story, it starts with my mother, see, Patton and I are only half siblings, so Patton doesnt have this problem, but my mother was sort of a. . . different breed of selkie, instead of coats, we're given necklaces at birth, which transform us into sort of. . . patronus-like creatures, based on what our inner animal is from birth, the necklaces function the same as coats, you take the necklace, you have the changeling, and you can control how far they can go, I met a boy who I thought I could trust with it, he'd only said he wanted to look at it, the next thing I knew I was blacked out on the floor, and then Patton was screaming about the necklace missing and the boy having disappeared," Virgil stumbled through the wording, almost as if he wished he could take it back.

Roman stood there for a moment, eyes flitting between the two of them.

"I think. . . I know someone who can help, but it'll take me a few days to get there, can you handle it?" he said, looking pointedly at Virgil. Virgil nodded and looked at Patton, who copied the gesture almost exactly.

As he watched Roman leave Virgil couldmt help the feeling of ecstasy building in his chest, he let out a small squeal and jumped between his feet a few times. Patton's grin seemed to widen into an almost chesire-like smile.

"You're going to get the necklace back, I know it, he's a good man Virgil, we're going to get through this," Patton said, wrapping his arms around Virgil in one of the tightest bear hugs he'd received in his life.

"I know. . . that's what I'm worried about," Virgil said, wistfully staring out of the window, the smile crossing his face twitching ever so slightly.

----------------------------------------------

Tag List:

@official-lucifers-child

@oceanart123

@youtuberswithalex

@spooky-scary-virgil

@misunderstoodshadowling

@i-need-you-buddy

[alexanderpusheen]

what frustrates me the most abt this china narrative is that the US created al qaeda and ISIS, those groups are recruiting and causing terrorism in xinjiang, china has been trying to handle the situation with re-education programs often suggested by westerners, and its still being treated as this major human rights violation. there are actually dozens of countries with several robust anti radicalization programs that are just as strict, like singapore, colombia, yemen, bangladesh, saudi arabia, and indonesia. this paper ive linked to was even funded by the DHS so like...why has detaining someone and basically reverse brainwashing them out of being a terrorist been so acceptable for so long but now its an issue? 

if you take issue with chinas program, you have to prove its somehow exceptional to these other programs. since we really dont have any way of knowing what is truth or reality thanks to the enormous disinformation campaign going on, you fucking cant. we dont even know what the programs entail because even googling it gets you exclusively hyperbolic concentration camp accusations. 

what i will say is that relations between the han majority and the uyghur minority have been strained since at least the 80s. link is the notoriously conservative and pro US intervention human rights watch, so dont say im using pro commie sources or anything. every time i do any bit of research on this i seem to find an attempt from major news outlets in the early to mid 2000s or late 20-teens to prove this all started or became dramatically worse now, but things have always been tense. and its not really a surprise that things really got bad after the collapse of the soviet union, an event that was geographically close to china and the xinjiang region and also just like, a fucking major global event in general.

what i find to be very odd is just how dramatically the narrative has changed. the diplomat, one of my favorite periodicals, went from taking very nuanced and balanced positions on xinjiang that i almost completely agreed with to being just as aggressive as outlets like the BBC and CNN in the span of five years. they have eleven pages worth of articles on xinjiang, mostly covering the terrorism and beijings response (which i agree is too harsh) and xinjiang muslims’ relationships to the greater muslim world. 

an example is how this article talks about the conflict at the time which warns of escalating violence as a result of han chauvinism and beijing being unable to deal with the extremism holistically. it points out how there were uyghurs captured among taliban ranks in afghanistan and how many might have even been working with ISIL.

The threat will not be an existential one to the Chinese state, as most Uighurs would prefer a peaceful accommodation. But even if only 1 percent of Uighurs hold extreme views, there are 10 million in Xinjiang and even for a state security apparatus as formidable as China’s, 100,000 or more angry people present a tough challenge.

i think its totally right that china does not allow people in that area to have cars, woodcutting tools, and amonium nitrate (which is used in bombs) is very strictly regulated. i completely agree that this is not how you combat terrorism. most people do not want war and broadly punishing these people is itself a human rights violation that went unnoticed until now.

however, in that same year, the diplomat also published this article about the infamous turkestan islamic party. members of TIP are like, literal jihadists lmfao.

TIP fighters call on the world’s Muslims to join the jihad against Western countries in internet videos. Perhaps most worringly for China, the TIP believes that Muslims may fight locally using various means instead of coming to Syria and Iraq to conduct a “holy war” against the “infidel” Western regimes.  

yeah i definitely want to hear more about what these guys have to say. the article is really good because i think it highly illustrates just how dangerous these people are. theyve killed hundreds of people across china and want to establish a fascist religious state in xinjiang. while the article speaks for itself, i believe the last paragraph really highlights why china is being singled out whereas countries like france and canada are considered allies to muslims for whatever reason:

However, as experience has shown, China takes a passive position in the struggle against global Islamic jihad in Syria and Iraq. Beijing has not sent its troops to the Middle East to fight ISIS and has instead confined itself to diplomatic support for Russia and the United States. The Chinese government uses the attacks of Islamic jihadists to persuade Western countries to support Beijing’s position on Xinjiang and turn a blind eye when the freedom and rights of Uyghurs are harshly suppressed by Chinese security forces. Therefore, China is not perceived by the West as a reliable partner in the fight against terrorism. [emphasis mine]

im just a little surprised to see that a lot of these violent attacks from extremists throughout the years have targeted not just han chinese but also other uyghurs. in the west people do not typically sympathize with terrorists as freedom fighters, even on the left, because we know that no matter how angry or how seemingly justified the violence might seem, terrorism is unacceptable and it grossly misrepresents islam. it is a fascist act because those terrorists often follow an extremely right wing version of islam. also, we know that those who carry out terrorist attacks even outside of the west are middle class and professionals in some way, not poor and marginalized people. the level of nuance afforded to terrorists outside of xinjiang is pretty staggering. 

yet in china, there seems to be this excitement than they are killing chinese people, even if some of those chinese are other uyghers or otherwise muslims. those who carry out attacks in xinjiang dont get any nuance or analysis because theyre justified.

ive referenced the diplomat earlier but this article from 2013 says it perfectly: Call Tiananmen Attack What It Was: Terrorism. except terrorism is bad. and the west wants you to support the uyghurs. and make no mistake, they do not want you to support the millions of uyghurs who want to live peacefully, free of any repression, american or chinese. they want you to support the jihadists randomly blowing up chinese and tourists alike because you are meant to sympathize with their plight.

terrorism isnt something to be romantacized or cheered on. it is something someone or someones do when they feel they have no other option. people do not want to kill even those they feel they have every right to because thats a line you cant uncross. murder changes you, justified or not. see the last chapter of wretched of the earth for this.

terrorism is great, however, for destabilizing a region or a country, and xinjiang is resource-rich. establishing a US-friendly regime, no matter how good they are on human rights, is the goal. the US does not care about muslims. they do not care about human rights. china, also, does not really seem to care about muslims or human rights either. but we’ve seen this since vietnam, and the US has learned since vietnam. the vietnamese were sympathetic. they were minding their business. 

after vietnam, merely being communist isnt enough to warrant invasion. theyre killing their own people. nevermind that bolsonaro kills his own people and no one wants to invade (yet--biden has mention sanctions wrt us which is scary but again, thats got everything to do with making sure latin america is loyal to the west, not HR offenses). korea, although it was before vietnam, was less publicized and learning from vietnam gave the US a valuable lesson: always blame the victim. and thus, the US blames the victims of its violence. even if its ‘justified’, even if its ‘true,’ as was the case with saddam hussein, invading and occupying was the nightmare no one but the imperialists anticipated. because they dont broadcast what occupying forces do to the occupied. i am old enough to remember abu ghraib. have it seared in my memory forever. you perhaps are also old enough to remember, but also think millions of abu ghraibs and guantanamo bays are always worth it, always justified. 

i know people arent going to read this and remind me really rudely that they didnt read it but i want to really emphasize how one of imperialism and colonialisms features is ethnic and racial separatism. how the rwandan genocide couldnt have happened without previous belgian and french rule. how yugoslavia wouldve remained a single country had it not been for NATO. i think its easy to diminish the role of the colonizer in all of this, but it is actually one of its goals: divide and conquer. exacerbate the existing conflicts to the point of genocide. 

and if the west succeeds in balkanizing china, you will get more racism rather than less. you will see more violence against muslim minorities rather than less. they will feel less empowered rather than more. china has to learn that they are also to blame in a way that will be catastrophic for over a billion people. han chauvinism and outright racism must be addressed beyond window dressing.

wrapping up, china is in the wrong here. what theyre doing is racist and humiliating a population that has to be empowered. and the one child rule, even for the han majority, is imo fucking evil lol like sorry tankie tumblr im tankie too but i cannot for the life of me accept that as a good thing.... but i also dont buy the accusations of genocide, because even tho a lot of these articles are kind of glossing over it, china is trying to handle the terrorism in the region. imo theyre feeding into it by getting more han in the area, but also having more han but forcing them to take worse jobs would be a show of good will. idk, this situation is extremely complex and frankly, most uyghers do not want secession. 

i also take extreme issue with people saying that adrian zenz is somehow reliable. not only is he a nazi crackpot, hes also literally the only source for almost all of what we know about this in the west. that is not how you do journalism. i dont understand how people are saying ‘yeah hes an extremely fascist grifter but also i believe him because hes anti communist and also anti china’. thats also not really the point? the point is that hes also the ONLY SOURCE on almost all of this, which is alarming. 

i also find it very startling that in order to keep interest in the story, every few weeks the US has to remind people that the chinese are also doing what the US is doing to women in its own camps. forget that the US is separating minors from parents (since 2008). forget that the US is sterilizing women en masse (since 2017). forget that the US is raping women at the border (since there was a border). forget the US even has camps because now they arent even called that anymore. this is not that ‘you can be angry at two things at once’ but a clearly cynical attempt to get its citizens to forget that the US is detaining, deporting, sterilizing, and raping, and gassing non US nationals. 

they are not ‘your own people.’ they are me. the other. i am an immigrant to the US, currently in my country of birth, so i am the other to you, the american. the chinese are doing the evil crime of killing their own. but the americans could never kill their own because they dont consider black americans to be their own. latin american nationals are not their own. bombing millions globally is not their own. thats always justifiable. there is clearly an element of racism in how these crimes are perceived as more or less evil.

the way immigrants and black americans are brutalized in the US is almost naturalized. like its the way things are supposed to be. you can live with that. its upsetting that you have to hear about antiblackness and the like but you know thats just how life is. you dont necessarily call for the US to be sanctioned or bombed by other countries because you believe in the inherent goodness of white america. but countries like china and iran and north korea deserve to be starved and killed for their crimes. and you can never say ‘maybe bombing and starving a country isnt the answer’ because it means you agree with it. you can never say ‘this is clearly propaganda to make me hate another race so much’ because it means youre a genocide denier. im sorry, but again, i remember iraq in 2003, i remember libya in 2011. i dont buy it.

finally, theres been a lot of attacks on asian people in the US lately and if you cannot see the violent way the US talks about china the country and how that influences people to harm asians within the US then idk what else to tell you. people will really believe this shit and say the chinese are all blood thirsty islamaphobes and thus need to be harmed. ‘im not like that! i defend my asian friends from racism!’ thats nice and all but idk how spreading some sinophobic propaganda designed by the US to make you support some kind of violence against one billion chinese people isnt inherently racist. also its unhelpful because sanctions dont really solve problems. but ive spoken too much.

[biancamichellee]

Growth <3

I’ve just been reflecting on my life on Earth lately and I am completely IN SHOCK at how much i have grown spiritually and mentally in this lifetime. YEARS ago, I left my most traumatic relationship ever. I mean, so traumatic, i almost ended my own life. I just wanted the pain to end, I didnt feel any comfort or support in anybody so I just wanted to be free and leave this earth. I look back and think, “HOW could I allow such hatred into my life?” “How could I be so stupid and blinded by love?” These questions are so unfair. and unfair to myself. I cant blame myself for allowing so much hate and emotional abuse into my life, because I was so young and naive. I 100% did not know any better. Especially since this was my first trial of “real love.” Also, there was no “real love” that was portrayed in my life, or at least i felt like it. I never felt like I saw relationships around me as romantic, genuine love. I saw divorce, and cheating and lies and at the youngest age, this is what I assumed was love. I truly did not know any better and thats nobodys fault. SOO much trauma as a young child, how could you know any better? So, to think that what I was getting myself into was love, is completely genuine. I thought this was love. I believed that what I had with this person was love. and for the most part, it was. We BOTH were young and infatuated. We wanted love so bad, that us being together was just perfect. I wanted to “fix” him, and he wanted to be loved by someone, it was (back then) the perfect match. It was honestly, the most karmic relationship ever lol. I feel like we were most definitely karmic soulmates in previous lifetimes, and fortunately in this lifetime it was the lifespan that healed both of us. I can finally speak up about this without crying hurt tears and I can finally talk about my pain without feeling sadness. I loved so hard, and I believe there was so much love at one point, on both ends. Something in the Universe thought it was the perfect time to start the healing process of this karmic relationship. We both switched up on each other. It was honestly, the most brutal time of my life. i mean, there was already trauma on both ends prior to our relationship, but this was the worst on my side at least. The emotional, the physical and the mental abuse was outrageous. I still can’t believe some of the ways i endured the abuse and how I felt like nobody or nothing could stop this. I remember vividly calling someone for help and them talking but I could not hear a thing. It was like I was LITERALLY screaming for help and nobody could hear me and I couldn’t hear them. it was a bubble of terror. I now feel like me calling people for help and nobody physically helping me was a test of my strength and a battle that I needed to fight within myself. I know that I had to go through this fight alone. Sometimes, I still feel like i am fighting this spiritual journey alone and i feel crazy. Actually, honestly I think I am still alone in this journey. I know I have souls traveling with me and every physical body I meet on earth is a part of my journey (which is another topic for another day) but I still feel so lonely lol. BUT ANYWAYS. All the signs that got me to this point, all the rollercoaster emotions and situations that I have been through to get to this freedom feeling, has been fucking rough. It’s so funny how the Universe works. I literally was thinking about someone and then I found them on social media and got to another person and another person and got to the destination that I feel the Universe wanted me to get to. I peeped and, prior to today, I most likely would have been hurt and crying and depressed and moody and pissed off at the world. But today, today on January 16, 2021... 6 YEARS LATER, i am finally content. I saw what I saw and i feel so much healing and happiness. I mean, GENUINE FUCKING HAPPINESS. i am still in shock, which is why im writing about it now. its so fucking funny how things worked out. and then to put the cherry on top, before all this happened on social media, i woke up at 2 am with “No Tears Left To Cry” by Ariana Grande stuck in my fucking head when i woke up and i mean this song was playing repeatedly HEAVILY in my head when i woke up. I feel like my spirit guides were in my head playing this multiple times and wanted me to wake up to experience what im feeling right now. I am so fucking grateful. I am so so happy that i experienced what ive experience, let alone it was the worst days of my life. But my spiritual body knew this was going to happen before i was even born, so its like im finally coming to realization that I was supposed to live this journey on earth in order to heal and fix the karmic cycle of this soul relationship. I truly feel like I wont see this person’s soul in a new lifetime. I believe that we are healed, well i am. I cant speak for anybody other than myself and I feel like I AM FINALLY HEALED from this relationship. I have been through so much fucking hell and demons from this in the physical form. I genuinely locked up my higher self and spiritual body for so fucking long and I won’t ever do that again. I feel like I came to earth to heal and to be free from karmic cycles in my future and I am breaking generational curses. I am successful. I am courageous, I am brave and happy. i am beautiful and loved. I am LOVE. I love and am open to love. I am wealthy and abundant. I am genuine and loving. I am so fucking grateful and happy and growing and learning and healing. I am healed from this 6 year long journey of karmic love. I mean even after being with this karmic lover, I was with terrible trashy people and that is because I didnt know love anymore, I didnt know how to love myself and I FINALLY can say that I love myself so much more now that I can see the red flags. Dont get me wrong though, I still sometimes want to settle because I feel like my soul wants to love someone again, but I KNOW that the beautiful universe will bring me someone when the time is right. Until further notice, self love is my main focus. And honestly, i’ve never loved myself more. I am still learning to love myself fully and slowly killing my ego body. But I am healing and I am loving more and I feel so grateful. Im so thankful. still in shock, i’ll probably be back for more conversation. LOL i love you B <3 

[always-the-cleric]

Cordelia x Reader - Why Would you? Part 3 -THE FINAL ONE-

finally gonna finish this fic, sorry for not doing it sooner, the inspiration just didnt strike me as much, but then I got a request to continue, so I’m gonna :)) also be ready for a really long chapter my dudes

links to the previous parts: 

PART ONE: https://mattie-hawkins.tumblr.com/post/183650829502/cordelia-x-reader-why-would-you-part-1

PART TWO:  https://mattie-hawkins.tumblr.com/post/183921585657/cordelia-x-reader-why-would-you-part-2

You leg burned like hell and your eyes watered as the adrenaline of the moment wore off and the pain properly settled in. Fuck him. Fuck Hank and his little witch hunter buddies. Fuck all of them. And finally, fuck this entire fucking world.

The silver in the cuffs made you unable to do anything about them, and the burn wound from the acid was starting to infect ever so slowly. Of course, they left it out in the open as they laughed at you and taunted you with questions about the academy and about Cordelia.

Cordelia... Would she be missing you by now? Or would she just, you know, forget about you. She had done that for seven years. That’s what it had felt like at least. With these men talking into you whilst you were hurting, whilst you felt scared and naked without any magic to keep you safe. You didn’t even have the simple pleasure of having your cat close to you. You missed all simple comforts and your mind turned dark.

She could live without you for seven years and only looked for you once she needed it. Not because she just wanted to see you again, but because she had needed help. Was that all you were good for? Helping her when she needed it, and after that you went back to being as bad as trash ready to be thrown out.

“Nobody’s coming to save you are they? They’ve all forgotten about the little wicked witch of the woods haven’t they?” Hank said. He had returned to the little prison cell they had locked you in. You didn’t even remember how long he had been gone for. 

It had felt like ages, but also just like a few short minutes. You knew how your mind could wander to dark places, and you hated the fact that they were using this against you. It was working though. You hadn’t even felt this low when your heart was breaking as you watched the love of your life get married to the piece of trash standing in front of you.

Instead of verbally replying to him though, you just spit on his shoes and lookes away from him. Not giving him the satisfaction to see you breaking from the inside. Crumbling to dust.

He let out a growl and reached for something a man had come to hand him. Before you could even be afraid of what he was handed there was a scorching pain on your shoulder and it dripped down your arm. You made a sound that was so inhumane, even you doubted where it came from.

The pain was searing and you were trembling. How long had you been here for? The wound on your leg was infected now. Hank was laughing, so were some other people. You mind was becoming a jumble. You couldn’t really make out much through the pain.

Were you getting delirious? It felt like the room was slowly spinning, it was thankfully empty now though. That, or your equilibrium was severely off-kilter at the moment. Maybe it was from the fever. Your leg was definitely and properly infected now. Somehow you heard familiar voices near. They sounded so near that they must be whispering in your ear, but when you looked around, no one was there.

It felt like an eternity down here. you felt sweat dripping down your neck and your face. Some antibiotics was what you desperately needed, but of course no help was granted. 

Hank came in again. His laughter seemed faint. You squinted your eyes at the figures that entered behind him. They looked like Cordelia and maybe some other witches. But, the voices were laughing at you. Was Cordelia cruel enough to do this? No. She made mistakes and wasn’t perfect, but heartless wasn’t something you could ever describe Cordelia as.

You struggled to keep your eyes open at all. The fever and pain were really getting to you.

They were murmuring something. Was it Hank? Was it someone else? you couldn’t make out the voice anymore. How long had it been now? Weeks? or maybe just a few days and you were really losing it.

You woke up to the sounds of violence. You heard gunshots, you were sure of it. Then you heard a panicked Hank enter your prison cell. You opened your eyes and looked him in the eye. “They’re coming for me, aren’t they? Cordelia choose me over you. And you fucking lost. She’s mine.”

You didn’t know where that confidence suddenly came from. Perhaps because freedom was close enough that you could taste it on your lips. You would finally see your Cordelia again. She was coming for you with a vengeance by the sound of it. 

“But will she still want you when she sees what you’ve become?” He sneered at you and then trows that last bit of acid he had in store for your torture at your eyes and your whole world becomes pain.

The freedom that felt so close had now evaporated and pain had taken its place. Pain and an immense darkness that would be there forever. Your eyes burnt by the acid.

Cordelia broke into the cell to find you screaming in pain, with Hank laughing like a maniac. Madison made quick work of him. The only sound coming from him was his dead body hitting the floor.

Cordelia tried to talk to you, but all you could register was the pain that felt it was still eating away at your face. 

Cordelia, Madison, Zoe, Queenie and Mallory looked at each other in horror at you. You leg and arm swollen with infections, and your face freshly eaten away at by the acid. 

After that it became a blur for you. You felt Cordelia lifting you in her arms, but you missed the worried glances at the amount of weight you had lost. You felt yourself being transported to some other place, but you didn’t notice it was the academy. 

All the girls that had been busy around the academy had frozen at the sight of their Supreme in tears with you, beaten and battered, in her arms. The other witches that had helped in your rescue had taken in upon themselves to calm all the girls and explain the situation, whilst Mallory and Misty followed Cordelia up the stairs and to the master bedroom, Cordelia’s room.

Misty had brought her special mud and slathered it unto the wounds on your leg and arm. Your eyes were more difficult. The spells Mallory and Cordelia were trying weren’t working. There still seemed to be traces of silver inside of you that prevented any magic from helping you.

When you woke up and opened your eyes, the world was still dark. panic flooded your system, as you feared you were still held captive. You wildly felt around you to become familiar with where you were and hit something soft and warm.

Cordelia gasped as she felt your hand hit her thigh as she had been sitting next to you, watching over you.

“You’re up!” She said happily and she carefully went to hold your hand.

“We had feared you might not wake up.” She softly whispered, her voice seemed filled with sorrow and pain. And perhaps a little guilt as well. Guilt because of the fact that she could have prevented this if she had been more careful. 

“Where am I?” You asked tentatively. You still didn’t trust this. It could be possible that the fever was feeding you this as an elaborate fever dream.

“You’re at the academy. You’re safe now, I promise.”

“Just like you promised we’d be best friends and that we’d be there for each other?” You shot back before you could think it through. You were hurt and bitter and you didn’t know if you could trust anyone anymore.

“I know I made mistakes, and I know that it will take a long while before I can ever have your trust again, but we could start here. With you letting me help you through this.” Cordelia sounded defeated. her tone made you frown and even though you couldn’t see you eyes looked in her direction, always searching, but never finding.

It broke Cordelia’s heart to see your once stunning eyes, turned milky white.

“If you were really trying to help me, you would help me see again. You’re the supreme, right? Shouldn’t you have already come up with a fix for this?” You know you sounded petty and hurt. It was just, you were hurting. You didn’t feel at home here anymore. Cordelia didn’t feel like home right now.

“We are trying our bests. I know it all sounds like a lot of empty promises, but we are going to fix this. For now, I hope this helps a little at least.” She said and then you felt to warm familiar touch of Pandora against you. Her ugly little paws pressing down on your stomach as she settled herself there.

A small smile tugged at your lips. At least now you had something that reminded you of home. She still smelled like all the spices of your little cabin. Your hands trembled as you held her close to you.

It took a total of six whole weeks before they figured out you still had traces of silver in you which had halted you from healing. When Cordelia had gotten rid of it, the wounds on your leg and arm had healed amazingly well with the help of Misty’s mud. 

You and Cordelia had discussed a lot in those weeks. She had told you about the terror she had felt for the two weeks that she couldn’t find you. You had told her about the torture. About your own doubts that had flared up and the taunts of those men that didnt help.

She still didn’t have your complete trust, but she was slowly but surely winning it back.

Another four weeks passed when Cordelia enthusiastically burst into the room you two had now been sharing, since you still weren’t very mobile. 

“I’ve got it!” She almost yelled and sat down next to you as she grabbed your hand. A move that was now familiar again to the both of you. 

Pandora looked a bit annoyed at the disturbance of being jostled awake when she was calmly sleeping on your stomach, but she soon settled back onto your stomach again. 

“Got what, Delia?” You asked softly, scared of the answer. Was she going to give you false hope or was she actually going to deliver on her promise to finally make this all all right?

instead of an answer, she smeared something the smelt awful on your face, ad confidently said a spell. She repeated it multiple times, all the while ignoring the questions you were asking her.

After a little while of chanting, she wiped the stuff away with a wet cloth and told you to open your eyes. You held them tightly shut and shook your head. What if you couldn’t see and your hopes would just be crushed?

Then you felt Cordelia softly caress your cheek with her thumb.

“Please, trust me. This will work. Just open those beautiful eyes for me.” She whispered in your ear, and she pressed a soft kiss just under it. It sent shivers down your spine, and ever so carefully you opened your eyes.

It took a few blinks to adjust to the sudden stream of light and colours, but when you realised you could see the massive smile Cordelia had on her face, you finally, after all those weeks, properly smiled back at her.

“It worked. It actually worked!” You cried out. You were so overcome with happiness and you pulled Cordelia in for a celebratory kiss before you knew what you were doing.

Before you could pull away out of embarrassment however, she held you close and kissed you back.

“I told you, you can trust me. I will always have your back.” She said breathlessly when she broke the kiss. 

“I trust you.”

[thrallsnpuppets]

Im going to rant because my games are updating

Facebook is currently drowned in 9/11 memorial posts. Fact.

Out of all of them, only one frustrated and enraged me. I know she wasnt doing it intentionally. Shes a bleeding heart artist and a natural poet so her lamentations are well considered. As she is a professional in her field, i regard her words with an unusual weight and consideration.

Her post spoke of how she lives in the DC area and how those shooting years ago effected her sense of safety and has since then felt like a target. Her sense of unsafe enviroment increased with the amount of supposed safe areas being shot up by mass shooters. Understandably, her emotions aren't up for argument.

She went on to describe a more 'innocent time'. "Would there ever be a gentle time again not steeped in violence?"

Privilage. Ignorance. Out of touch. Blind.

I myself became filled with unbecoming grievances and frustration for this woman that i hold in such high regard.

Perhaps its a generational difference or maybe her life was mostly pleasurable and filled with contentment. I can stipulate over age differences and culture to consider her point of view but i think it more has to do with her individual experience in contrast to what the rest of the world endured in her youth.

I was in 3rd grade, around 9 years old, when i watched the towers collapse on live television. I lived in southern california where the time differs by several hours so when new york was experiencing mass casualities, i was still wearing my pjs and eating cereal having only been awake for maybe 20 minutes.

And at 9 years old, i had already expirenced a wide variety of life altering events in the form of near fatal episodes of chronic illness so my exchange with death and life was ...different.

I knew, as i sat there watching the plane smash into the side of the skyscraper that i had infact watched people die as my cereal grew soggy. To my 9 year old traumatised brain a sense of dread and numbness overwhelmed me.

I didnt know what it meant for the future and 17 years later... Well look around. That sense of dread had been vindicated and my numbness has protected me.

My friend, the woman i had formerly mentioned, is yes a Boomer. She was one of my moms friends back in 80s and had dated my uncle before he married his second wife. But they all grew up with eachother.

Watching her contend with her innocence shatter upon concrete was like watching ribbons of tape scream out of the vhs player. Frames of long past images spill out onto the floor and become exposed to the elements thus ruined for all future use.

I dont think she and many other Boomers understand that the life they grew up were films orchestrated and produced to mascaraed what happens behind the scenes. And the recent exposure in the form of internet and real time media has forgotten what "be kind and rewind" actually means.

People have always been cruel. People have been dying in mass and filmed since cameras became wide spread. Mass murder and shootings are glorified in spaghetti westerns with gruff vaqueros and the "savages".

The silver screen painted a silver lining that out shined the abhorrent conditions and treatment people were subjected to.

Perhaps i am looking at it wrong. "Its entertainment". I should "get over it" and "stop overreacting". Snowflake.

Whatever...

I cant see what you see. I see women beaten and raped by their friends and spouses. I see children slaughtered and hung. I see indigenous people dying by the millions for just living in their ancestral home.

I cant rewind the tape and watch it with a rose colored lense and think "How quaint. How charming. What good ol'times."

For me, the horror is on repeat playing the frames increasingly faster like a .gif depicting world events. I cant rewind to the part i like, the playthrough has a life of its own and continues its series of images whether i look at it or not.

Does innocent times equate to ignorant times?

I cant remember a time of peace and inncence. My childhood was the wrought with the feelings of powerlessness, vulnerability, futility, disease, and suffering.

I cant rewind. It would only depict the time where i was voiceless to the terror and cowering from the awful din.

I want to meet this festering beast head on. I cant pan for the pearls of lost youth.

This is a live stream. This is online play through. It has constant evolving form and innumerable amount of players.

Rewinding is obsolete. There isnt even a pause button. There is only forward towards the hordes with whatever experience we all brought from previous encounters.

For us, it wasnt an "innocent time" it was the fucking tutorial.

[thanksfornothinguselessreptile]

A Shifting World Chapter 4: Goodbyes and Departures

First Chapter

<– Previous

Work Summary: Things have been going great since Hiccup and Toothless have defeated the Red Death. He has his father’s approval, a group of friends his own age, and is leading the integration of dragons and the Vikings of Berk. When neighboring tribes call together a meeting to discuss rumors of Vikings riding dragons, however, Stoick decides to keep their alliance with dragons under wraps. Hiccup must decide whether he should listen to his father or seek to teach the other Vikings of the archipelago the truths about dragons.

AO3

Rating: T

Characters: Hiccup, Toothless, Astrid, Stoick, Fishlegs, Ruffnut, Tuffnut, Snotlout

Pairings: Minor Hiccup x Astrid

Chapter Summary: Hiccup makes a promise to his best friend. Meanwhile, the twins are the twins and Mildew is Mildew.

Chapter Warnings: Discussions of death and murder, food mention

“You guys are all so lucky,” Tuffnut said as he shook his head at the nearest ship. “You all get to go to the Thing and we don’t.”

“I’d kill for the opportunity to go.” The scariest thing about that statement, Hiccup decided, was that Ruffnut sounded like she genuinely meant it. “The Thing is the prime pranking opportunity, and none of you are going to take advantage of it!”

“We’ll keep that in mind, I promise,” Hiccup said. He found himself regretting that the twins wouldn’t be coming along, even if it cut down the risk of other tribes declaring war on Berk due to missing beards and painted helmets.

Still, with a whole village to terrorize and no one else in their friend group around to entertain them or hold them back, Hiccup was sure that the missed opportunity would soon be a long distant regret.

Luckily enough for Hiccup, if not for Berk, it turned out that many of his friends were coming along, too. Astrid’s mother, Phlegma, was among the Berk Council, as was Spitelout, Snotlout’s father; both had decided their children ought to come along and get a better understanding of the other tribes. Fishlegs, while he had a mother aboard their ship as a sailor, had been chosen to come because Stoick believed he could have potential as a future ambassador of Berk.

Beyond them, all of the Berk Council were going as well. Well, all except for one, who was heading this way with a frown.

Hiccup was suddenly very aware that the twins had seemed to have vanished into thin air. They must’ve pranked Gobber somewhat recently, then.

“Ah, Toothless, there you are!” Gobber said as he wagged the wooden hand cutout attached to his prosthetic arm attachment as he prepared a lecture. “Remember that you aren’t going on this trip, you sneaky reptile.”

Toothless grumbled in irritation and glanced over at Hiccup as if asking him to reverse the decision.

“Sorry, bud,” he said instead, and gave Toothless an apologetic smile. “You know that Dad would kill me if I smuggled you aboard.” And anyways, even if he did go through with showing the other tribes that dragons weren’t inherently violent and were actually amazing, intelligent beings who were willing to live in peace if humans were, he wanted Toothless here, safe, if things went wrong. Again.

Toothless snorted and shook his head, his pupils narrowing slightly.

“Don’t worry, bud, it won’t be for forever.” If Gobber wasn’t there, Hiccup would have told him he’d try and make it so he could go to the next one, too. However, Gobber was still there, listening. He wouldn’t exactly be the sort that would keep quiet if Hiccup started making plans to go against his father’s and chief’s wishes behind his back.

“Yes,” Toothless said with a disgruntled huff.  

Hiccup could understand why. He wasn’t too happy about having to leave his best friend either.

Anything else he had to say, however, was swallowed up by a loud yell several feet away.

“I’m telling you, Stoick, this must be a sign from the gods to give up this unholy alliance with the beasts.” Hiccup had heard that voice enough times since after the Battle of the Red Death that he frowned and prepared to sigh with exasperation even before properly recognizing its owner.

Just as there were dragons too affected by the years of conflict to want to move onto Berk, there were Vikings who resisted the peace with the dragons with their heels dug into the ground. But where dragons were happy enough to avoid Berk, Mildew had decided to make his “opinion” everyone’s problem.

And especially Hiccup’s and Stoick’s.

“If the other tribes catch wind of us ‘befriending’ these monsters–” Mildew swung his staff straight toward a nearby Monstrous Nightmare who’d just dropped off a pallet of supply crates tied into groups with fishnet, ignoring their filthy look “–then we might as well kiss our lives goodbye!”

Stoick, half turned toward Mildew and half toward the freshly delivered stack of supplies, rubbed at his head in a way that told Hiccup that he was sensing an oncoming headache. “You’ve already brought this up. For sixteen Gripe Days in a row.”

“And you wouldn’t listen!” Hiccup winced as the vibrations of the resulting slam of the staff end into the wooden dock made their way up his prosthesis. “But now that the other tribes have come knocking, maybe you’ll finally care!”

Stoick cast Mildew a glare so sharp Hiccup almost expected to result in Mildew bursting into flames without a dragon’s intervention. Unfortunately for all of Berk, it didn’t. “Enough, Mildew. I am sticking to the answer I’ve given you every time before. We are not driving the dragons away.”

Mildew’s voice dropped just a fraction, and turned even more bitter and accusing. “Is it something you’re willing to bet the whole village’s lives on?”

“I assure you,” Stoick said, his voice unyielding, “I have the village’s best interests on my mind. And, like it or not, that includes yours.”

“Besides,” Gobber said, walking from beside Hiccup up to Mildew, “is right before Stoick’s about to leave to ensure we continue living in peace really the time to bring this up? Especially since he heard it before?”

Mildew snorted, sounding for all the world like a particularly stubborn sheep not unlike the one that often followed him around.

“I thought so. Now I suggest you go back and tend to your cabbages, unless you want to help load up the ship.” Gobber used his hand prosthesis to gesture at the supplies.

With one last scowl and “Don’t tell me I didn’t warn you,” Mildew stormed off the docks, staff tapping each wooden board along the way.

“Thanks, Gobber,” Stoick said, sounding more relieved than he’d been since the announcement of the Thing.

Gobber shrugged. “Eh, I’ll just add it to list of stuff you’ll owe me for while you’re gone.” He shuddered overdramatically. “Including the Gripe Days you’ll be missing. Not looking forward to those, I’m telling you!”

Stoick laughed and shook his head. “It makes dealing with the other chiefs seem like a picnic.”

Hiccup and Toothless walked toward them. “Can’t you do something about his attitude problem?”

Stoick frowned and sighed. “He gets under my skin as much as yours, son, but I’m afraid I can’t.”

“What does he have against them, anyways?” He leaned over to pat Toothless’s side, to calm himself and his dragon. “They hardly attacked his farm.” Cabbage, to no one’s surprise, was hardly a dragon’s preferred delicacy. In fact, they seemed to avoid them more often than most other crops.

Gobber and Stoick shared a solemn look.

“You see, years ago he set his farm up there,” Gobber said, sounding like he was getting into a long story that had no happy ending. “No one particularly minded, given he was always that… well, Mildewy, for the lack of a better word.” He shrugged. “And he married a woman who was just as grumpy as he was, and they had kids who took after the both of them.”

If Gobber and Stoick hadn’t looked so serious, Hiccup would’ve shuddered at the thought of a family of Mildews.

“They all seemed happy, though, and they kept mostly to themselves, so everything was fine.” Stoick shook his head. “And then, one day, his wife and children were picking up supplies in town when a dragon raid hit.”

“It was the worst in decades.” Gobber bit his lip. “Our best could hardly keep up defending the town from the dragons.” He sighed and shook his head. “By the time dawn came and they retreated, so many had died, even those who hadn’t fought.”

“Including Mildew’s family.” Hiccup never thought he’d feel anything regarding sympathy for the man, but then again he’d always summed his irritability up to stubbornness beyond the usual Viking levels.

“And that wasn’t the end of it.” Stoick’s tone caused Hiccup to brace himself. “Mildew somehow got it into his head that we let them die intentionally because no one liked them.”

“Well, no one did like them,” Gobber jumped in with a conciliatory tone. “But no one hated them that much,” he added when Stoick glared at him.

“Everyone kind of understood that it was mostly the grief talking, and things kind of died down after a while.” Stoick stroked his beard. “And eventually he ended up taking another wife.”

“And that’s when a dragon came to his farm and burnt it to a crisp.” Gobber shook his head. “Mildew escaped. Not his wife.”

“And after he got over that, he married another woman. She was from the Northlander Tribe, I believe.” He glanced at Gobber as if to confirm.

Gobber nodded. “Aye. And I bet you can get what happened to her.”

Hiccup’s stomach clenched. “I’m guessing not a peaceful death by old age.”

“After that, he became obsessed with killing dragons.” Stoick stroked his beard, lost in thought.

“Not himself, of course.” Gobber shrugged a single shoulder. “Let’s just say he chose to keep a farm far from the raids for a reason. But he bought dragon parts off those who did kill them. Bones, scales, heads, the lot.”

Toothless made a nervous sound, and Hiccup reached over to scratch him under the ears in an attempt at reassurance. “Don’t worry, bud. No one’s getting your head.”

“He was always advocating for crueler ways of killing them off entirely, not just driving them off our land for good.” Stoick frowned. “In any case, any intention he had of making his peace with them died with his wives and children.”

“But now we can make sure that no one else has to go through that.” Hiccup knew that losing family to dragons hurt; he’d lost his own mother to a dragon when he was a baby, and that had definitely stung after finding out that it was the Red Death’s fault. Still, he couldn’t imagine preferring being at war with dragons to the peace they had now over it.

“I know, and I wouldn’t change it for the world.” Stoick placed a hand on Hiccup’s shoulder, being careful not to knock him over. “However, he’s been bitter since the day he was born, and circumstances only made him worse. When you’re chief, you’ll have to deal with worse than the likes of him.”

Hiccup resisted the urge to roll his eyes. “Encouraging pep talk, Dad.”

Stoick shook his head and laughed, and the somber tone the conversation had taken seemed to disperse like that. “Next time, I’ll let it surprise you.” He glanced around the docks and the ship, scanning everything. “Well, it looks to me like we’re just about ready to set out here. You get on the ship and I’ll get the loose ends tied up.” With that, he walked off.

Hiccup turned back to Toothless. “Well, I guess it’s time to say goodbye, bud.”

Toothless warbled in a very unenthusiastic tone.

“I promise I’ll be back, with a whole new bunch of stories to tell you.” A gathering of Viking chiefs was certainly never boring, as Stoick had often been inclined to share. “I’m sure you will too, since the twins are staying behind.”

At that, Toothless snorted and rolled his eyes.

Hiccup couldn’t help but smile at that. “You never know, you might have too much fun watching them get in trouble to even notice I’m gone.”

Toothless snorted and shook his head. He didn’t sound particularly convinced.

“It’s just for a few weeks, I promise.” Hiccup held out an open hand. Toothless stared at it and hesitated, then leaned his head over until his nose met Hiccup’s palm.  “Take care while I’m gone.” He let himself give his best friend a crooked, mischievous smile and wagged a finger at him in warning. “And no helping Ruff and Tuff with their pranks, alright?”

Toothless seemed to raise the draconic equivalent of an eyebrow, but nodded. “Yes.”

With that, Hiccup forced himself up the gangplank and looked for a place to sit. It was going to be a long journey.

So this is probably the last chapter I’m posting to Tumblr before the Log Off Protest. While the next chapter will likely be published on AO3 around the same time next week, I won’t crosspost it to Tumblr until the protest is over and I log back in. After that, crossposting should continue as usual. Thank you!

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