#didn't bother to post to FB at all

[misscrawfords]

2022 was a dumpster fire of emotional devastation and poor mental health. The bar is SO low and yet I'm struggling to imagine 2023 will be better. Looking forward to starting therapy again in a few weeks and hoping for a miracle or two!

So anyway, happy new year!!!

[littlemouserat]

.

[bugs1nmybrain]

Give Your Heart a Break - Chapter 2 Tomura Shigaraki x reader series

You can find chapter one here

Notes: So I want to clarify that in this fic, a major theme about Tomura's story is that he suffers from a lot of untreated mental illness. I'm representing him as someone who's undiagnosed Bipolar, but also experiences symptoms that boarder schizophrenia, such as the voices he hears and he'll eventually have a psychotic episode at some point in this story. I know this feeds the "Bipolar and psychotic people are evil" stereotype, but I have these mental illnesses and see Shigaraki as someone who could very much have untreated Bipolar disorder (type 1 specifically), regardless. Most anime characters aren't written to be bipolar lol but I have a list of reasons why I think he has the potential to be. Maybe I'll make a post about it someday.

Summary: Tomura is so goshdarn determined to find his lil gamestop crush and thanks to him conveniently seeing her debit card he casually stalks her on the internet

Warnings: 18+ minors don't interact, cliffhanger, mildly dark content, internet stalking, creepy Tomura, Tomura and y/n only talk over the internet in this chapter, i wrote Tomura's thoughts but it's not from his direct POV. They are highlighted in blue, like in chapter 1 Tomura hears voices and sometimes they can be nasty - they are highlighted in red, soft Shigaraki, very scott pilgrim kind of humor, edgy and derogatory humor at one point (used ironically to mock people who say them seriously), Tomura has his English dub's voice (pre Paranormal Liberation Front), not proofread yet, I wrote this while I was stoned af

Notes About Reader:

everything from chapter 1 applies

she/her pronouns

relatively active on social media but makes content private

reader is a WEIRDO

I made the reader's username mine lol

As said, she's very based off of me

reader experiences unspecified mental illness and has been to a psych ward in her past

she laughs very easily

"*your full legal name*"

Tomura considered the possibility that you may have been using someone else's card or that you didn't go by your legal name, but he was sure it was a decent place to start. His heart was racing so hard to find out who you were. He wasn't sure what struck a chord in him when he saw you. He supposed it was cuz you're pretty, but he really didn't know anything about you other than you're spooky, you like anime, and you like his hair.

He immediately started searching for your name on his phone. It wasn't hard to find your Facebook, though your privacy settings didn't let him see much other than profile pictures. You seemed somewhat outgoing from they pictures you posted. There was a directory about you online, and he guessed it was you based on your age and location (he saw your location on FB lol). Now he knew your address..

the internet is so nice to him sometimes :)

It took him a little bit of digging but he found your other socials outside of Facebook. All private, though. Fuuuck.

Fuck it, follow.

Tomura never showed his face on his socials and never ever ever put his name. You wouldn't know it was him.

"But now she has to approve it :("

*bugsinmybrain accepted your follow request*

:)))))

Tomura swore that he felt as if he had unlocked a fucking treasure chest. You were so very flashy, that's for sure. A lot of pictures of you, decorated with some cute stickers that were edited in, or surrounded by anime dudes.

"Tenko"

"Fuck off."

From what he could tell, you were a geek. Very nerdy and interested in things, though that wasn't a bother to Tomura. He was a fan of a lot of shit. You were also very pretty. He then stumbled on some posts you'd made about heroes. How you thought their system was corrupted and that they'd neglect people and dismiss those who they thought were worth sacrificing. Mmm, you're speaking his language. You didn't appear to be any kind of villain, you couldn't be so outgoing on the internet if you were, but you were certainly feisty.

He wanted to message you. He knew it would be weird and he didn't want to creep you out, but god he wanted to talk to you. He wanted to know more about you. To be honest, he really wanted you to give him your undivided feminine attention. When you spoke with him at GameStop he felt warm. Love at first sight? Possibly. Is he that much of a fool?

His social anxiety made him almost want to watch you outside your window before messaging you online anonymously. rrr.

"whatever."

him: hey, do you remember the blue haired guy from GameStop?

you didn't answer for two hours.

Tomura tried to not care if you responded or not but he was boiling hot and itching anxiously, wondering if you had actively ignored him. But you didn't unfollow or block him, he checked many times.

her: omg yea

!!!

him: is your name (y/n)? that's what your card said. sorry thats creepy af but i kinda wanted to talk to you so I looked you up.

He wasn't even attempting to not be a stalker at this point. What else was he supposed to say? There's no way to cover the fact that he has a crush on you or something.

her: yea that's me. i noticed you peaked at my name so it's ok lol. what's your name?

"fuck"

he wasn't supposed to say anything like that online. He's a piece of shit, yea, but a part of Tomura didn't want to lie.

"Tenko"

That's a name he heard often. For the last couple of years he began experiencing frequent auditory hallucinations. Hearing "Tenko" was one of them. Sometimes they'd tell him to stop or scream at him or strangely enough, they'd be calm and nurturing to him. It drove him crazy sometimes.

Whatever.

him: Tenko

her: why did you want to talk to me?

him: that's an awkward question

her: why?

him: i guess it's not. you look cool and said shit about hating heroes. is that a good enough reason?

her: LMAO

i suppose

him: do you play any video games? I saw you go to the anime section...

her: i play but i'm not very good at any of them

"of course she isn't"

him: what games do you play?

her: league of legends

him: omg are you kidding me?

her: no

him: do you wanna play with me? like. right now?

her: sure??

score.

You were trash at league. But somehow it was charming seeing you try your best, though your efforts were very frugal. Normally seeing someone so bad in his game would make Tomura pissed but he gave you a pass. At the moment, he was more worried about getting to know you than the game itself. So he tried all he could to get you to talk, he loved your voice.

"I'm going to assume you're very new to this?"

"Yea."

"How new?"

"I've been playing for maybe 3 months."

"That long and you're still shit?"

"I know I suck," you say defensively. As if you could hear the things in his head.

"You kind of do, not going to lie."

It wasn't long after that you got essentially gangbanged by three enemy players with no attacks given back.

"FUCK"

The loud cussing in his headphones made Tomura jump, but he couldn't help but start to chuckle violently.

"Feisty bitch ain't she?"

"She wants to suck your cock."

"Shut up..." Tomura growled under his breath.

"Did you just tell me to shut up??" You ask, though chuckling while you did.

"What? No, no. Sometimes I just have really bad thoughts that come out of nowhere. I have to like.."

"Tell them to be quiet?"

"yup."

"I've done that. Like actually, though. I'll just start thinking of the most wacked out thing, and it comes out of no where. Sometimes I knock on my head to get rid of them, hah."

I guess a spooky looking gal like you being mentally ill wasn't a surprise to him. Your ability to relate to his situation was still comforting, though. Especially because he almost expected you to get uncomfortable when he told you about having "bad thoughts." Some girls may think a freaky looking dude like him having "bad thoughts" meant that he was some homicidal villain.

oh wait

"Really? I've had it happen to me all my life, but for the last two years I've like...heard voices, I guess? Sometimes the thoughts aren't even thoughts, they just happen. And I'll hear them, in voices that aren't mine. Also forget all of that, I'm normal and you're very bad at league."

The giggle that erupted from you shot an infestation of butterflies inside his chest. You seemed to think he was very funny, which is something that frankly turned him on. Throughout your call he was able to make you snicker from saying the dumbest shit. He prayed you weren't just faking it.

"It's ok. You'd be surprised how common that is. Doesn't make it any easier though, I'll say that," you reply, hoping to ease his nerves. You could tell even over voice call that while he spoke very easily about his hallucinations, he had a level of shame for them.

"No. It doesn't. Who made you a psychiatrist, anyways?"

"My six stays at the psych ward maybe," you retort.

"sexy."

"Excuse me, Tenko?"

Oh right. That's his name right now. Fuck, he wanted to see you in person. He felt like he'd be able to be more of an open book that way. He'd still need a story though, fake name or not. You probably thought you were just talking to some geeky gamer boy with blue hair and possible schizophrenia, but little did you know, you were talking to a facilitator of multiple acts of mid-level terrorism. Hey, but if it was all in the name of "Fuck Heroes" maybe you'd still laugh at his jokes.

"Sorry that wasn't very feminism of me was it?"

"No, it wasn't" you said as you wheezed in laughter.

"You like my edgelord jokes, don't you?"

You kept laughing, now somehow he had pulled a couple of snorts out of you too.

"fat pig."

"Want to take a trip to 2016? I bet Leafy would love to make fun of autistic 12 year old's with you."

He swore that you were probably crying from how hard you were laughing. He wished he could see you on camera right now, but hearing you blow out his ear drums with your annoying yet adorable little laugh was good enough for now.

"Am I going to have to come resuscitate you?" Tomura cackles, now feeling himself starting to laugh.

"Your voice is cute," you beam at him.

"Liar."

"I'm not!"

"Someone once told me I sound like I'm a prison bitch cuz of how hoarse my throat is."

"wow."

"Done with the jokes, got it."

"I know, right?"

"I just think it's cute, you're very expressive."

*this is Tomura right, now by the way*

"Does that mean that uh..you think I'm cute?" he pesters with the widest smile on his face, though you couldn't see.

*que jeopardy music*

Goodness, you certainly had a girlish charm with the way your mellow voice would start chirping with laughter. He didn't think flirting should've been this easy, but you were very impressionable.

"Is it ok to say yes?" you asked sheepishly over call.

"Ehehehe~!!!" Tomura squealed, mocking your giggles.

"Shut up!"

"Am I going to have to come and rescue you? You sound like you're running out of air," he asked almost genuinely, as he held back a cough.

"Do it, pussy, you won't."

"Oh really?"

"Uh-huh."

"Would you be mad at me if I told you I know where you live?"

"Excuse me?"

"Not my fault. Blame yourself for being an on-the-grid person. The internet is dangerous, didn't you know?"

"Are we officially stalker-stalkee now?" you joked.

"Yea but my hair is blue and my voice is cute so it's ok if I stalk you, right?"

"Oh my fucking god."

"So, can I come see you?"

"Huh?"

"In person. I could be there in like half an hour. You live near me."

"Tenko, it's 10pm."

"Would you get in trouble? Do you live with parents or something?"

"Yea."

"I could pick you up and we could walk back to my place."

Now, dear readers, would you accept such an offer from a complete stranger at almost midnight, absolutely alone with him? After he has admitted to lowkey stalking you? You shouldn't!

However, we, the reader, are ignorant to common sense when we receive the slightest crumb of positive (?) male attention.

"Sure."

"teeheehee!!" Tomura teases. "Keep your eyes pealed, then. Thirty minutes, okay?"

"omg i guess."

"omg ok, what kind of energy drink do you like?"

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

Am I (33, f) the asshole for bringing up a childhood story that made my cousin (36, f) uncomfortable in front of others?

Obviously based on the title alone, I'm an asshole, but I think I might be justified and would like a second opinion.... thanks!

So a little back story for context....I love my cousin. I truly do. We all grew up together so all of us are more like sisters than cousins. my cousin is beautiful, loud, and boisterous. She's loves to get attention and will try to get it anywhere she can. She posts on FB multiple times a day about her job, kids, or relationship. She's the golden child and she tries her hardest to live up to that reputation. She's the type of person who will get out of her car after a good song dancing and singing at the top of her lungs, especially if there are other people around to watch her, much to her kids dismay lol. She just knows how to have a good time and I honestly love that about her. I tend to be more reserved and relaxed, so I get a kick out of our differences.

But with that, she tends to be.... disingenuous... when someone steals the spot light from her, even when it's unintentional (which is the majority of the time, like they will just be sharing a story from work or something). She will act unbothered by it, but then her attitude will totally change. she will be fake nice and then bring up something that will make the person either embarrassed or want to retreat... then go right back to being content when the attention is back on her again. She does it so often, I kind of expect it to happen every time we hang out.

So here's the part where I may be the asshole... we're at a playzone for one of our other cousins kids' birthday and we're in a good handful sized group of adults chit chatting. A few people I've never met before but she knows them and we were all getting along just fine.

People tend to naturally be drawn to me because I try to be open and get along with most people, so I've been on the receiving end of my cousin's attitude a handful of times and this was one of those times lol. I'm typically not bothered by it because I'm a pretty confident person for the most part and I know my cousin well enough not to take it personally, but this time annoyed me because this is now the 5th time she's bringing this story up. It was like she didn't get the reaction out of me that she wanted the first 4 times, so now she really needed to land it this time. So I gave her a reaction....

A few minutes before I was sharing a story that the others were impressed by, I guess, but we moved on from it and I didn't think any more of it. Then while we were all talking, I believe I excused myself because I let out a small burp. So she goes, loudly so the group can hear, "do you remember when you were 6 and you were crying to your dad because your butt was itchy and you wanted him to scratch it? I don't know why, but your burp reminded me of that". So I'm like "ok? So?" Kids cry for stupid shit all the time and I was a stupid kid lmao. So I brushed it off but she decided to keep pushing it! And was like "yeah you were crying because you didn't want to scratch your ass and you sat there crying until it went away"

I was and still am unbothered by the story she brought up but I was more than a bit annoyed that she wouldnt let it go, so without much thinking I said "no I don't remember that as clearly as you do.... But I do remember my sister slapping the fuck out of you for saying something racist (we're half Asian) and out of pocket. Then you cried to your mama then she told your mom that you were lucky that all you got was a slap to the face... do you remember that?" She went ghost white, looked around the group and said "family is funny like that, huh?"

So am I the asshole for bringing up a story that made my cousin uncomfortable?

What are these acronyms?

[genericpuff]

Hii hope im not bothering you but i saw that post you made about rs never intending for the rape subplot because she initially didn't put a trigger warning. I don't really agree with that reasoning tho because i don't think it's really a proof for that, authors often times forget to put triggers but that doesn't mean they don't recognize it for what it was. There's a horror webtoon i read where in one chapter someone gets assaulted and it's clearly shown like assault but the first version also never had a tw until people complained about it. Years ago when LO began there was less awareness for the necessity of tws so i think it was just rs not realizing she needed to put one? ofc it could rlly be retcon but i don't think her not initially putting a tw is proof of that..

Oh okay, so here's the thing, if it were just Rachel forgetting to put the trigger warning, then no, I wouldn't be so hard on her about it. I mean, I'd still be hard on her because that's a pretty bad thing to forget to do, but I wouldn't be assuming it was because she didn't know it was assault.

But it wasn't her just "forgetting" to put the trigger warning. Granted, I wasn't there personally, but according to the readers who were there at the time, she literally had her Discord explain to her why there needed to be a trigger warning for the assault episode. Not "there needs to be a trigger warning for the sake of your audience's comfort and safety" type explanation, I mean full on "there needs to be a trigger warning because that scene is assault, not just bad sex" explanation.

And honestly, the narrative that follows that scene tends to support this. From Persephone inviting Apollo into her room to try and reason with him, to the fact that she still hasn't personally addressed the assault outside of that initial Eros conversation and the one therapy episode despite that scene happening 5 years ago (but god knows we get plenty of takes from her friends who feel affected by what Apollo did, not the actual victim though) to Apollo flip-flopping between being a genuinely abusive and manipulative narcissist who does it intentionally and a flat out airheaded idiot who just doesn't have a clue. It really just feels like despite Rachel confirming it as an SA in the Eros episode back in S1, she's still treating it as a "one night stand gone sour" situation.

And we've seen her apply this same type of flippant "haha they just don't get along!" mindset to other characters who have been abusive to each other, such as Hades and Demeter (I'm still looking for the screenshot but there IS one out there of a fan in the FB group who theorized that Hades and Demeter had a romantic past only for Rachel to respond that they're "like coworkers at the staff party who can't get along", and yes, this was recent enough for us to be aware of what Hades actually did to Demeter) and also Hades and Minthe who we DO have a screenshot for:

(that top one aged like milk, oof)

Rachel has a bad habit of not putting trigger warnings even today, and it doesn't seem to be out of simple "forgetting", she legit just doesn't seem to understand why people ask for the trigger warnings that they do in the first place. She can't seem to conceptualize these types of topics outside of her own extremely limited perceptions. Sometimes she fixes it like with the Demeter "intervention" episode (Episode 230) other times she just leaves it as is despite it DESPERATELY needing a trigger warning like the Hera and Kronos flashback sequence in Episode 233.

This is the same person who didn't think sexism was "that bad" until she saw how her audience treated characters like Demeter... but she's literally the one instigating that behavior by constantly making her female characters the butt of abuse and mockery.

"I feel like female characters in general, people will be a little harsher on them and sometimes way harsher on them, and I used to be like.. before I started writing the story and like making a story I was like yeah, sexism is not that bad, and [now] I was like oh it's bad. It's quite bad [laughs], so like, I don't know, I feel like the female characters in the story don't get so much of a pass. But this isn't consistent across the board, it's not all the time"

It wouldn't be right of me to outright say that Rachel hasn't experienced any hardship in her life, but the fact that she seems this blind to violence towards women in any capacity definitely says a lot.

Anyways, that got really off topic so I'm hoping that answered your question. My belief in Rachel not knowing it was assault goes a lot further than just a forgotten trigger warning amounting to a brief "oopsie". And while I get the point of what you're saying about awareness around trigger warnings, I disagree that the awareness wasn't there, this was 2018 and trigger warnings aren't a new concept in media, they just went by another name until recently - viewer discretion is advised.

That said, if anyone who was there wants to speak up on the trigger warning incident, please, I'd welcome it. Bring me all the deets.

[compassionatereminders]

giiiiiiirl

i also only use tumblr

i deleted fb years ago, i used to have all kinds of social media but tumblr feels like home to me

and no one bothers me here like on fb i understand that some people want to have it to keep in touch with friends or family but i was so sick of my old classmates "spying" on me, classmates that never liked me came into my inbox because i didn't post anything on fb and they were curious about my life (they were those kind of girls who only wanted info so they could talk shit)

also my ex boyfriend was harassing me, told his friends to harass me etc.

here no one knows who i am

even if i post a selfie people thati dislike don't even use tumblr or they used it ages ago and they haven't been using it for like 8, 9 years now

when did you make tumblr? i assume this is not your first tumblr? or is it? i made an acc here in 2008. but i made 4 new blogs since then. one 2008, 2011, 2014 and my current one in 2015.

Yeah for me Facebook is still useful because I'm interested in political activism and it's a neat way to keep track of various events and organizations and new as well as old acquaintances, but I haven't actually posted or scrolled on Facebook since like. 2012 or something. Which is approximately when I made my first blog on tumblr! (not this one)

[fbwzoo]

I can't share the 30-some pictures I did with my FB post, going from last December to this December. So I'll just use this one - which I just took after a quick harness training session in which she bounced across half the couch to meet me & wagged for the first 15 seconds, and before she made me put my phone down for a bout of snuggle scritches. 😭🥰

This is such a long post, I'm going to put it under a cut. But today is the 1 year anniversary of Emma coming home to us, and I am FULL of emotions over this little dog. So if you want to read my rambling & think with me how far my baby has come in a year.... read on!

One year of my Emma. 💙💜 I didn't really expect to love this dog so much, velcro dog and all. She is definitively My Dog, and I never had a choice in the matter. I think that was just gonna happen, ever since I first saw her adoption post 1 year & 9 months ago. Every time I saw her posted again, I wanted her. It was meant to be! 🥰

And now I look back on the year & think about it all. We changed a bunch of things in our household for this little dog, and all year, we kept adjusting & improving where it was needed for her & the other animals. I love my family so much, and I'm so grateful to have found these other people who love animals & are so willing to adapt as needed for their happiness too. Everyone in the house agreed to take on a project dog, and everyone stepped up to help her settle in.

It's weird too, bc it often doesn't feel like we've DONE that much. But when I tell someone new about her, or spell it out for myself, I'm reminded that we've done the work, even if it mostly didn't seem like work. And we gave her what we knew we absolutely could, what she needed most - time and space. We went at her pace, let her lead us, and it's been truly amazing to watch her over this year.

Emma has gone from being very worried to terrified about any & all human movements, unable to be pet or touched, quick to be on guard at any small change in position. Terrified of loud noises and too much activity. Barking at Joel to try and make him go away. Pottying in the house on pee pads because outside is scary. Only laying in a lap if the lap was covered with a blanket.

All of that.... to a dog that spends 98% of her time relaxed, happy, and ready to be involved. She greets us with alert barks instead of guarding barks, tail wags, bouncing, and licks (okay, mostly me for some of that but still). Everyone in the house has been able to pet her. She actively loves to be pet by Jack in bed & me anywhere when she wants snuggles. She plays with her dog siblings and with me. She discovered the joys of yard zoomies early on & never looked back - she potty trained faster and better than Spring!

She knows and likes our household routines. She LOVES food, and it's the quickest way to her heart! 😂 But she's learned some manners too, like not snatching food with any opportunity! She's gotten more comfortable being on the floor. She still likes to chew more than our other two, and has gotten really great at managing big emotions by redirecting to a Benebone!

We're not the best at active training, but even so, she makes us & me look good! She's interested now, when the treats come out, and wants to see what to do to get some. She interacts with new objects, she is doing great with harness training.

She has opinions now!!! And she will tell you!!! Especially if they involve dinner time! 😂 I still can't believe she demand barks now, and it's been too cute for us to bother stopping for the most part.

I've thought about goals for her over the next year, and I definitely have some big ones. Continue harness training until I can put it fully on her & take it off. Leash skills & comfort with them. All of that slowly, so slowly leading up to trips out of the house - to do vet happy visits, check out some SniffSpots, and go visit her sister at foster mom's house. I also want to introduce some pattern games to help with all of that.

And we plan to start having people over to the house again! Not sure how often or how many, and we may have to alter pace based on how she does. But she's so often surprised us with her resilience, so I think we'll do okay! (And obviously all visitors will be required to follow rules around my pup, or face the mama bear wrath 😂)

But mostly....I just can't wait for another year with this extremely sweet, loving, exuberant little dog that is working so hard to find her confidence. We're all so very proud of Emma, and love her so much. 💜💙

I also included a thank you to both rescues & Emma's foster mom, for all of their time, work, and hoops to ensure that Emma would be safe. They genuinely gave us all the information we needed to make sure we were prepared, and I am even more grateful for that after seeing how rare our experience is in my fearful dogs group.

[loveislandthegame]

thoughts on todays volume! we're not even halfway through the season and i'm already over it . i'm lowkey struggling to write these posts 😭

first up is excess baggage, where we get another glimpse into our forced backstory: MC didn't go to her season's afterparty, and later on it's revealed that finn was the host (i'm just like, why the hell has he been a host twice? what was he even doing in love island australia? but FB is putting zero thought into writing these seasons, so i should just put zero thought into analysing them)

like i've said before, it wouldn't be a LITG challenge without some bullshit. they decided to make finn's baggage "saying that MC is the sexiest love island star," that's great for people romancing him, but i was just grossed out 🫠 unfortunately it only gets worse from here

melissa and henri got dumped . at least it wasn't natasha or kelly, though kelly suddenly no longer cares about my MC, so it seems like that chat with melissa did lock in one wlw LI

kelly and finn get everyone together to play one of those guessing games, idk what it's actually called. but more importantly, tf is wrong with these people ? you weren't thinking that MC would be tired of everyone and their mother constantly bringing up the guy she was with for two weeks? at this point i wouldn't be surprised if they revealed that MC and stefan were engaged or some shit

side note, lyle's evening outfit looks beyond ridiculous but i kinda love that (tbh it looks like some shit tyler the creator would wear)

MC gets a note inviting her to the pool, i thought it was gonna be chen or maybe natasha, turns out it's fucking finn. we should've had the option to cuss him out 👹 (and a scene like this should've only been triggered if you're on his route, but FB cannot be bothered to branch, we're forced into this for the ridiculous drama/cliffhanger later)

i cant lie, this was freakin adorable, i would be a little tempted if i wasn't focused on natasha ... and if he didn't dump my ozzy route s6 MC for ivy 😫 (side note: with the amount of times he's been calling the other guys attractive...it goes without saying that straight dudes can compliment each other, but idk, make him bi/pan you cowards)

we barely had time with natasha this volume, so i had the gem scene date with her. cuteeee

i didn't screenshot it and i'm too lazy to go back for it, but she said something about us being in the hideaway together. (if you didn't see my other post, i did want to go with her but stuck with chen because i thought it'd be too awkward) i don't know what's up with all the glitches, i hope it doesn't cause issues later on, like in a movie night or some shit 😭

we return from our dates, and shocker, finn's note has kelly fighting with kat. i just hope we can clear everything up immediately, i'll be so damn mad if they drag this out for the whole volume 🤦🏽‍♀️

[yazthebookish]

Since they brought the situation out in public and the victim in it is being villanized, let me give a better clarification and an HONEST one on what actually happened on Facebook because no shit I got dragged into drama whenever it's about a ship.

Someone (who is a Gwynriel/Elucien) made a Gwynriel post on a neutral SJM group and posted my pro-Gwynriel graphics, and I was aware of the post because someone @ me. I didn't dwell much because I'm not that active on Facebook so from the day before I had no clue what went down.

The next day (Tuesday) I got a DM about a shitshow that happened because of that post and I was somehow dragged into it and what I saw made me extremely mad more for what OP was subjected to.

Turns out OP was engaging with an Elriel, that Elriel said they're up for a polite discussion on why they think Gwynriel isn't happening and OP kindly said they don't mind and the entire discussion was respectful and ended on good terms.

Unfortunately, they did not come in good faith as they claimed.

Turns out, the same "polite" Elriel was sharing screenshots of the entire thread on their private Elriel FB group at the same time with the "polite" Elriel and her friends mocking OP and agreeing to go over the OP's post to harass her and my name was brought up because I made those graphics (and they can't help themselves where I'm concerned, as usual).

Mind you all of this is against ONE person.

A mutual sent me screenshots I don't know who originally got them but OP was made aware that she was being mocked in their own group and the admins of the neutral SJM group were made aware by OP by providing evidence and kicked out the person sharing screenshots because they manipulated OP and such actions make these spaces unsafe for anyone.

So before you twist a situation you got yourselves into, have some accountability for your actions. I don't agree with someone lurking in spaces that are not theirs (because why bother?) or maybe it was the only person with a shred of decency who thought what was done in that group was not right (since they advertise their group all across Facebook not everyone will agree with their actions as OP knows a lot of people in SJM FB groups).

They're more mad about being called out and held accountable than they are about implications of their actions because despite all of this, they thought they did nothing wrong and tried to twist the narrative.

That's the last time I speak on it but it's only fair to Kelsey who was the real victim in this entire situation and did nothing but to trust in an Elriel who claimed to have come in good faith. I leave it up to Kelsey if she wants to share proof if they'll claim these are all lies. I hope you do better. You never do but I hope you reconsider that one day truly I won't wish harm on another human being over fiction.

[jezawitha-z]

Mukha lang akong jowang jowa sa mga shared post ko sa fb but the truth is, I'm scared to be in a relationship again. I don't know if until when but I know only time can tell. I don't want to be so attach to anyone anymore. I'm still scared. I just don't want to fall inlove. Not this time, not in the next coming yrs(maybe).

Well, it doesn't mean na hindi pa ako naka move on. Halos lahat naman sila sinasabi sakin na oo hindi talaga madali given na 8 years din kami.

Naka move on na ako because I need to and it didn't bother me anymore. Natatawa nalang din ako kapag naththrowback sa group of friends yung memories namin. We both deserve to be happy after all.

I know na yung iba kapag nalaman nilang galing ka sa long term relationship, ekis na agad. Haha! So sino nalang magmamahal samin? So magiging leftover nalang kami forevs? Hahahaha eme. Self love nalang talaga muna.

Ofcourse ayoko naman tuluyang isara yung pinto and if someone will genuinely wants to be– or has clear intention, why not?!

I'm a little bit worried na if time will come, baka I'll just tend to push someone away. Pero siguro kapag nangyari yun, baka hindi pa talaga yun yung right time.

Di ko alam, pero parang ayoko na talaga. Kung may titibag sa pagiging independent ko, malay natin. Hahahaha hayyss.

[korva-the-raven]

Went outside after midnight and was gifted with a really cool experience.

Spotted one of these beauties pollinating my Jasmine bush, a White lined Sphinx moth...

I had no idea they pollinated at night, though moths like these are more diurnal or crepuscular. So my mind is kinda fucking blown right now lol.

I was on the porch and saw like a big moth flutter around the jasmine bush, so I went over to check it out and hello big beautiful moth totally acting like a humming bird after midnight. Pretty fucking magical.

I didn't get a picture, because my phone was dead, but that fine, because I often just hold still and enjoy magical moments like this without bothering with my phone. So I used an internet pic.

And, it was especially nice, because I had just read a bit about "glimmers" on a random mental heath FB post. I think glimmers is an awesome concept, they happen to me frequently, so it was nice to be greeted by a midnight glimmer.

I'm also a deep believer in faeries and fae folk, so this random encounter with a the moth felt magical and very fae.

Additionally, I a HUGE bug nerd, so it was double lucky and a double glimmer.

So, on one hand my mind was exploding because super cool moth and on the other my mind was wispering...*it's a faerie..*

This all happend because I was supposed to be going to bed, but was giving my old lady cat cuddles (her name is Goblin) until my phone died. Then went outside and was giving Miss Kitty (a stray that adopted us and is currently enjoying the summer nights) some cuddles when I spotted the moth.

So, be nice to kitties, they are magical as fuck.

[prettyboykatsuki]

sae has weirdly been my fav blorbo for a long time but when considering his type I've come to realise that he probably wouldn't be into nerdy or not conventionally pretty girls. + I don't think that sae is the type to commit at all like. he's just there to fuck around and then leave and if anything the fb trope would be more fitting for his character (imo). and everytime I read fluff about him it's just so ooc to me I can't help it 😭 I mean he does have a lot of toxic traits and could be considered 'a horrible person' but yea idk you always have this deep analysis of characters I was wonder what you'd think about sae and this topic specifically haha hope I didn't bother

i disagree with this characterization of him for a lot of reason

i don't pay a lot of attention to what the fanon interpretation of sae is and im sure this aligns with his image but i dont personally think that this assessment of his character makes a lot of sense. i do understand where it comes from though !!!

i believe that a lot of this miscommunication of his characterization stems from his relationship to rin, but i've broken that down as to why i don't think sae hates rin. in fact in his own way i think he views his own harsh behavior as a way to shield rin from reality (though it had the opposite of his intended affect) i also don't believe that sae is a vapid or shallow player off-field, and that's largely in contrast to his personality before he left for spain and after.

sae is always viewed to be cold, blunt, and serious but he is also deeply affectionate of rin in their adolescence. his major change happens while we're overseas and while we don't know yet what happened specifically - it's clear to me that something borderline traumatic happened. this type of change of character through rigorous training happens to kunigami through the wildcard system and this type of betrayal that leads to betterment is a theme in bluelock as well (i.e. nagireo)

im of the belief that saes arrogance and crass way of speaking developed largely as a defense mechanism as his goal of being a striker was shattered through playing in spain. in the same way kunigami views being a "hero" through soccer as a stupid ideal post wildcard.

sae is a normal guy outside of soccer. he even says that one of his major flaws is that he's pretty clueless about everything other than soccer. his least favorite food is fries, not because he hates the taste but because he can't have them because of his nutrition restrictions. his 'fetish' is ass because he thinks it can show what kind of an athlete someone is. all somewhat silly and ultimately regular things

all that being said - i don't think sae is a shallow person. i think he thinks very deeply and logically about a lot of things and he is indefinitely arrogant, but not shallow which is why i think it wouldn't make sense for him to judge on appearance. it'd be more accurate to assume that he's sort of dense and doesn't pay attention to people who aren't in his immediate circle. the assumption that he would make judgements on your appearance if you're just a regular joe-schmo doesn't quite connect to me. he's not insecure enough to do that.

on the issue of commitment - my only opinion is that sae is a character who values independence of sense of individualism in his partners. anyone with a strong sense of self is someone he is drawn to. this is why he likes isagi and shidou and often reprimands rin because he lacks a sense of selfhood and self confidence. rin only realizes that post the u20 match.

my point being that i think sae can and will commit to somebody but there's a lot more factors for a character like him that others like isagi or chigiri or kunigami who are naturally emotionally in tune with you.

sae isn't and will never be a 'romantic' person in the traditional sense to me but i don't think it means he's incapable of love or commitment. he has a hard time communicating verbally and saying things to your face but he remembers everything you said from your last conversation and pay attention to your hobbies. if you argue, you'll always find a vase of flowers in your kitchen with a note but you always have to call first. he's not Good about the emotional aspect because even if he puts in a lot of effort - it's never going to come naturally to him

BUT that also means if you're able to meet him half-way he's a committed and decent lover to you. he tries really hard to be and it takes some patience because he's sometimes too logical and hurts your feelings but he's there where it matters etc.

this is an essay SORRY KFDHJKSD. ive spent a lot of time thinking about him and giving him depth. and im not defending him necessarily because he is a massive douchebag for a lot of your early relationship. just not for shallow or petty reasons. simply bad at coping with his emotions and expressing himself because he's very prideful

[yuzuyoon]

https://www.tumblr.com/yuzuyoon/758178958334427136/did-you-saw-the-rumor-going-around-about-jks-new?source=share

Idk about the latto collab but i also saw that rumour, some pop sider acct popped on my tl for the first time cause someone rted it, i even saw an acct claims to be army (looks more like jk solo) under it (that's a small acct still but is always ready up on pjms' ass, so how wondered how they ended up under tea acct lol). The tweet said new jungkook music is coming and from comments i got to know that there's one single from him and one western collab from him is coming. So yeah.

Anyways, hope it's not now and will be later cause isn't there some jin music coming and he said he's waiting cause there's jimin's album n all? His album was predicted to be released in nov-dec something.

It's not like we can't compete with jjks Cause I'm pretty sure jm's solo fb is bigger but jk does have token stanner and more than ANYTHING like the only problem here is the comapny cause they're capable of giving jungkook too much and doing shit Sherlock for jm. So the only one who can make difference in jm's and jk's records is that ass company. So yes do stream everyone.

the thing that bothers me so much about these bts solo eras is just the sheer amount that we're getting. if bts were artists that didn't share the same fanbase like they do it wouldn't be so tiring to get release after release over the course of just two and a half years. a part of me is happy for all the releases because i was so worried about losing interest in the group over the hiatus and this is keeping me interested, but also its just annoying to get new content every day. give us time to digest before putting out more

i really dont get why people trust these insider accounts. they act like they're taylor nation for taylor swift where the team actually works for her even though they're a fanbase account. sometimes insiders get legit info, but its always a bit sketch how. they're leaking info at the root and its a bit scary, tbh

anyways i really want jimin to pull a blackpink and end his solo contract so he can remain as a bts member but have control over his own career. i have a post cooking in my head about company reliance vs self sufficiency as kpop artists and i feel like jimin would thrive like crazy if he could actually be in control of everything

[sweaterkittensahoy]

The unquestionable inspiration for the reason I crochet with the sort of ferocity I do is Josi Hannon Madera, whom I met on livejournal in the absolutely wild crochet community that lived there.

I found out this week that she died in mid-April. Complications of Covid on her very immuno-compromised body.

You might know the name and be thinking "Oh, god, I remember her. What a bitch."

She would LOVE to know she bothered you that much. She'd have laughed. She always laughed about that. She knew who she was and what she wanted and made no bones about it. But not in a "better than you," sort of way. In a "I know my worth and fuck you" sort of way, you know?

In my earliest days of figuring out how fucked up my family was, Josi acted as the occasional bullshit-cutter. She'd call me out when I was being too mean or too harsh--to myself or other people (even if it was people I THOUGHT she should dislike because I did). For all the reputation she got in crochet circles for being a bitch, the truth was, she wasn't. If you asked for honest feedback, she gave it. In detail. And offered suggestions.

Now, if you showed up to talk shit about her patterns, she'd lay you out. She knew how good her work was. She wouldn't coddle you if you tried to say it sucked or was too hard or wasn't well explained or didn't fit right.

When I was getting frustrated with the available patterns for big tits 20 years ago, it was Josi's work I looked at to figure out how to make shit that could fit. When I made a terrible sweater freehand, she offered tips. When I made a slightly less terrible sweater on try two, she cheered me on.

We lost touch for awhile when LJ had its final meltdown, and then out of the blue on FB one day, there she was. DMing me to ask if I wanted to be friends. She was glad to find me, she said. Glad to reconnect. Was I still crocheting? I was floored. Josi wasn't stingy with friendship or care, but to have her see me after a period and go, "Oh, yeah, Gayle!" it just meant a lot.

When I told her I was still crocheting and even making cosplays to boot, she was so excited. "I remember watching you make that same sweater over and over until you got it right," she told me. "You've always been a designer."

Our last conversation was about crochet. She posted about her best-known pattern (and one of the only ones you can get) the Spiderweb Skirt. I told her, knowing she'd get a kick out of it, that I was about to make it again. It was the first "big" pattern I ever took on, way back when. I have the photo to prove it (it's shorter than in the pattern photo because I was still living in tight gauge junction):

"What yarn are you going to use?" she asked.

"Knitpicks Shine." I named it because it was one of ones recommended, and I do like it quite a lot.

She rejected it outright. It was too heavy, she said. Wouldn't work up right. Why'd I pick it? I told her what I just said; it's recommended.

"Oh, is this the Craftzine version?"

Yup.

"They chose those yarns. Not me. I'm working with a yarn that'll require you to shimmy to get into it, but it'll twirl great."

It's Valley Yarn Levertt. I'm going to make it in Leaf, as it's as close to a neon as they have, and I know Josi would have loved it.

[bedbugbiting]

I wrote a post about an acquaintance who has constant drama with other people, and I made it private because I felt it was negative and mean. The gist was that she started a FB Messenger conversation with me, but then when I didn't reply fast enough she made all these overwrought assumptions about how she was bothering me or how I was offended by something, when honestly, FB Messenger is just a bad way to contact me. Anyway, I told her that I rarely use Messenger outside of FB and that I'm not on FB much at all, so I didn't see her messages, and she continued these over-the-top apologies for "bothering" me. I told her that she hadn't bothered me. Well, she sent me another message and it didn't even sound like it needed a response. I didn't really have anything to say and I don't know what she expected. Not even an hour later, she sent me guilt-tripping messages saying "FB and Messenger are separate, so no response is a response. If you reached out to me, I would be there for you."

Sorry, I didn't realize that I'm supposed to stare at my screen all day and respond to every single sentence fragment immediately. Unfortunately, I told her what I thought of all that.

[havinganormalone]

It's been six months. And still today I was blindsided by grief out of nowhere and started sobbing. I just wish I had known it was coming. I wish he hadn't been in pain. I wish I could have done something so he wasn't so scared. I wish I had been able to hug him one last time while he was still lucid and awake. I thought maybe the doctor could fix him. He was so scared and he didn't want to go and he dug his heels in and he was looking at me for reassurance but I thought maybe if the doctor could get him back there fast enough they could fix him so I told them to take him and I didn't pause to hug him or tell him it would be okay and then he was dead. I mean not right away, he was fine once they got him on oxygen, he wasn't suffering, but he was on so many painkillers I don't know if he even recognized me. I got to say goodbye but I didn't get to say goodbye the way I wanted to. I thought it would be a hug and him leaning against me and sort of nudging his nose into the crook of my neck like he did because he actually liked to be hugged sometimes. But it was him sprawled on a couch and breathing through a funnel and not really too alert of what was going on. He didn't seem too stressed at the end but my parents didn't even bother to stay and later when my partner asked me if it bothered me that my parents just peaced out and didn't stick around to see if I needed any support afterwards and until they asked I didn't realize that yeah actually it did bother me a lot but I've come to sort of expect that from my parents. And I'm fine I've been fine and recovering and the grief isn't so bad but today I was listening to the new Last Week Tonight about the death sentence and John Oliver mentioned how this one method had been discontinued in dogs because the dogs showed stress and pain and it got me thinking about him dying all over again. He was my best friend. The night before he died I looked at him and I knew. I knew the next time he got sick he would be too old and frail to survive and I held him and petted him and loved him and a week before he died I was thinking about how good my life was going and I posted to FB about how I wished my life could stay this good forever because I knew something was coming. I knew nothing good could last. But why did it have to be him? Why couldn't it have been some other disaster? I bought him sushi. He loved sushi. It was his favorite. I had always anticipated that to be his last meal. I called my partner from the vet sobbing and asking them to bring me some sushi for him and they did but then that bastard didn't even WANT any. He was too sick to eat. I think the last thing he ate was that morning when I made myself a lox bagel and I let him have a piece of the salmon left over, just him, not his baby sister, because she's just a baby and he loves salmon it's his favorite and he was old and probably going to die soon anyways so I thought "What's a little favoritism for an old man?" And that was his last meal. So I guess in a roundabout way he did get his favorite food as his last meal. But it's never on my terms, and the uncertainty is what makes it so hard to stand. Because at the end of the day you realize you don't actually get to choose anything, you're just sort of hoping things keep working out, that you have to believe in a universe where once in a while you get lucky and give your dog his favorite last meal on accident, and it's hard to believe in a world that will be that kind a second time.