#deskofkelso

[deskofkelso]

What is love?

A collection of feelings from the Desk of Kelso.

Such an astounding feeling is this thing we call love. I never really knew what this experience would be like. 

It’s HARD. 

That being true it’s energizing, chancy, liberating and...I feel exposed. My guard was up and my defenses are slowly coming down. It takes work.

Nothing is easy.

All beautiful things take time. We’re connecting. We’re good right here, knowing what we desire for the future yet sitting ducks as we learn more about one another.

It’s a battlefield. 

Let love win. 

"I remember the first day I ever looked into your eyes and felt my entire world flip." - unknown

I’ve tried to fight it. I surrender. I give up the fight to remain with me and am now fighting to remain with you. 

You + Me = Us

Love is a story. It’s a never-ending journey. That is, this one right here is the journey of a lifetime.

It’s the song from Shrek. Who’s that by?

“Then I saw your face, now I’m a believer.”

It is the very thing--if anything, besides my fear of snakes--that I’ve always been afraid of.

I’ve been hurt. It took a while for me to heal.

I realize... I’m still healing.

I sometimes feel like giving up. This is worth the fight. I try to stop convincing myself to walk away. This is for me.

Love.

He sees me. Values me. Sees things in me I don’t see. Lifts me. Encourages me. Prays with me. Love me.

Despite my resistance.

I am glad I answered that DM. I’m honored to be on this journey.

You know who you are.

[deskofkelso]

Did you know there’s such a thing #WorldPsoriasisDay? I just found out! It’s never been something I’ve thought to call attention to or have a conversation about, except with my family, dermatologist and best friend. I’ve had skin challenges my entire life so, at this point, it is what it is. But that’s because my flare ups have always been fairly mild. The worst one I’ve had (knock on wood) so far was sometime last year and it left BIG evidence on my chest. This photo shows you where it starts but that’s only half the size of the scar.

What Is Psoriasis? The more complex breakdown:

“Psoriasis is an immune-mediated disease (a disease with an unclear cause that is characterized by inflammation caused by dysfunction of the immune system) that causes inflammation in the body. This occurs because the overactive immune system speeds up skin cell growth. Normal skin cells completely grow and shed (fall off) in a month. With psoriasis, skin cells do this in only three or four days. Instead of shedding, the skin cells pile up on the surface of the skin.” - National Psoriasis Foundation

Huh?? Basically, it’s when your skin cells build up more rapidly than normal and don’t shed the way they’re supposed to so they cause red (well, my skin is dark so it doesn’t show up red on me, more like discolored) patches on the skin.

3 Facts About Psoriasis:

It can show up anywhere. I’ve had it on my arms, legs, chest and scalp (scalp psoriasis is also called dermatitis and is the most frustrating for me). 

There is no cure, only treatment. Isn’t that crazy? Of all the things there’s a cause and cure for, this isn’t one. Overtime, I’ve noticed that my worst flareups are stress related. So I have to do well to manage my stress. I've also learned that what goes into my body has an effect on the intensity and frequency of my flareups, so I try to watch my diet as best I can.

It’s more common than you think. Millions of people have it -- some worse than others.

Bonus: Just like artists are sensitive about their s***, I’m sensitive about my skin, but I love the skin I’m in.

[deskofkelso]

Having just witnessed the economic power of black girl magic following The Honeypot’s recent encounter with racism, I sat down with friend and founder of Driven By Purpose apparel line, Robynn Shines, to catch up and discuss: her brand story, biggest inspirations, vision for the future, black millennial entrepreneurship and, of course, her favorite drink. Plus more! Grab your favorite cocktail and let's converse!

[deskofkelso]

#SquadGoals In The House

Black women ain't nuthin ta mess with

A group of (way more than three) wise men once said “Wu-Tang Clan ain’t nuthin ta f*** wit,” and we grabbed our pens and took notes because nobody wanted that smoke. Fast forward to 2019 when women of color took control of the House of Representatives and started shaking things up, taking on the system and holding corrupt politicians and unjust systems accountable. We ran for office, we formed allyships and got out the vote, electing one another for office. It was a realization of the power we hold. It was magical.

Now, as usual, anyone who takes on the current administration is automatically an enemy of the state but, suddenly, we are witnessing a different kind of fight. Racial tensions are at an all-time high, we’re in the middle of a life-threatening, global pandemic, the economy is worse than that of the Great Recession and Black communities and communities of color are being hit the hardest. We are fighting for the soul of our nation.

We saw, in 2019, four freshman congress members told to “go back to where they came from,” and receiving death threats for using their platforms to fight for what’s right. We've seen Senator Harris on the Senate Judiciary Committee going after the corruption of the current administration. We’ve seen Auntie Maxine leading the new generation and fighting alongside us. We have seen evidence of the political power of Black women. This is our moment. 

I guess the president missed the memo and, in case anyone else needs to be reminded, Black women ain’t nuthin ta mess wit.

The Squad

We must acknowledge the force that is Black women. We are bold, unapologetic and fierce. We’ve seen from the Black women and women of color in this political fight the strength, resilience, ambition and femininity they portray while remaining dogged and taking care of business. In essence, they’re a whole mood.

These women represent me and all the brown-skinned girls who look like me. They’re a prime example of what it looks like when women of color join together to take down the patriarchy, and it’s our responsibility to have their backs.

So with these things in mind, I took it upon myself to dub our theme song “Wu-Tang Clan Ain’t Nuthin ta Mess Wit” because it takes guts to keep standing for what’s right despite persecution, whether literal or alluded. Yet, we refuse to be silenced.

The Legacy

Here’s the thing: this isn’t the first time we’ve been here. Shirley Chisolm, Angela Davis, Fannie Lou Hamer and a long list of others have been fighting for women and people of color long before some of us were born. 

​People judge our temperament, call us angry when we speak, call us nasty and attack us with racism because we fight for our families and communities, but we keep going because if we don’t stand for ourselves, no one will stand for us. The Squad, Senator Harris, Angela Rye, Auntie Maxine and the likes are on the front lines pushing for the Black woman’s agenda because, despite our political power, we remain unheard and under advocated for in policy.

“The most disrespected person in America is the Black woman. The most unprotected person in America is the Black woman. The most neglected person in America is the Black woman.” - Malcolm X

We have voting power and influence and we are not afraid to use it. We’ve seen it happen -- when we show up, we get results and, in my opinion, you can pretty much put that into any context and it’ll still apply. ​

Black women are the only racial or ethnic group with more business ownership than their male peers, according to the Federal Reserve.” - Forbes

The Boston Globe posted an article in April 2019 posing the question, “Will black women save us...again?”

My answer at the time would’ve been: we are coming up on the 100 year anniversary of the 19th amendment and, thus, the Women's Suffrage Movement -- a movement that didn’t do much, if anything, for us as women of color -- and now that folks finally see the value we add to this nation, they want us to play Captain Save ‘Em.

My answer now is an astounding yes -- well, astounding because we are making history but begrudging because it’s always up to us. But if we don’t do it, who will?

The Lesson

Women of all types can learn from what we are seeing right now. We should all be outraged that women’s rights to their bodies are being stripped away policy after policy. Many of the women’s issues that are being discussed disproportionately affect women of color. Black men and women are dying at the hands of systemic racism in healthcare and criminal justice, we are underrepresented in corporate leadership... Securing the 2020 election cannot be left only to Black women. It must take effort from all women. What is the point of feminism if it’s not intersectional?

We have to work together to demand smart policy on essential issues -- healthcare, affordable housing, immigration, LGBTQ rights and Black lives, to name a few. While folks like the squad and Harris are doing their part, we need to do ours. We should use our collective voice to press back against policies that keep women and people of color oppressed. And it’s going to take us ALL to do that.

​I applaud and stan for the BIPOC women representing us. They’re the meaning of #squadgoals. They’re the meaning of #blackgirlmagic, and I challenge you to follow their lead. If the past few years are any indication of how far gone America is, we have a lot of work to do. So grab your squad and start getting involved.

post updated August 12, 2020

[deskofkelso]

Quarantine 2020: You're Still A Power Woman

Friends, I am not okay. That’s not something I’m usually open to admit because I have a serious Superwoman complex, but it’s necessary to express that now because none of us are okay. We’re shut in the house, working from home (if we have the privilege to do so) or sacrificing ourselves to go to work, we can’t visit our families and friends, the pastimes we used to enjoy are no longer available… Life has drastically changed.  Our mental health is taking a hit, the economy is on the verge of depression and the media is scaring us. Dealing with all of that and what limited power we have over the majority of these things, I am reminded of an email my mom sent me two years ago (yes, I kept it because it was that good) after a really bad breakup. Seeing as how we’re all pretty much going through a breakup with life as we knew it, I’m led to share it with you, too. Note: I’ve reframed these to fit the circumstance we’re in but they can all apply to life after lockdown.

Subject line: Tips To Reclaim Your Power

1. Are you busy for the sake of being busy so you can avoid what is truly troubling you? If so, let's unpack that.

I often hide behind my work -- if it’s not my full-time job, I’m finding a freelance project to work on, helping my friends bring their visions for things to fruition, or sitting on this board or that one not just because I haven’t learned to say “no,” but because I would rather be distracted from my issues than to face them head-on. And I can’t do that anymore. Everything is on pause. So unpack your bags, friend. I know that everyone is telling you that you need to be on your grind right now, but I’m telling you that quarantine is also a time to unpack your bags. Deal with your luggage and clean up your mental space. 

2. Is your mind cluttered? Are you self-soothing or meditating with self-sabotaging behaviors; i.e, shopping, alcohol, tv, food... etc

I love shopping. Retail therapy is an actual thing for me. I have so many clothes I can go weeks without having to do laundry. Freda -- that’s my mom’s name; Freda. She doesn’t let me call her that, but when I’m talking to my friends I tend to think I’m grown and refer to her by her name. Freda says it’s a problem that I can go so long without doing laundry, but shopping is fun. To my mom’s point, though, it’s my self-sabotaging behavior. If you’ve ever read the book Confessions of a Shopaholic, then you’ve met me before. Bad day? I’m going shopping. Bored with nothing to do? I’m on my phone shopping. It wasn’t until I realized how much money I’ve been wasting and how bad I needed it when I was in an unexpected rut, that I took time to actually reevaluate how I cope.  So I was doing so much better until...quarantine. Everyone has a sale on work-from-home clothes. Work-from-home sales weren’t even a thing before the novel coronavirus reared its ugly head. However, I’m working on reclaiming my power and trying to find other ways to deal with my boredom and cluttered mind. I started going back to yoga (virtually), meditating, praying more, reading and having DIY spa nights so that I can refocus my energy. 

3. Do you love yourself? If so, act like it. Care about your long-term spiritual, mental, physical and emotional health.

Freda said “don't let anyone put asunder what God has put together,” is not just a wedding vow. The bible says you are individually and wonderfully made, therefore, be mindful and engaged in taking care of God's artistry. Her tips:

Say positive, affirming statements to yourself.  ​ I write on my mirrors with a dry-erase marker (I got that from Being Mary Jane and her sticky notes) to remind myself of who I am and WHOSE and how dope I am when I see me. 

Take walks, do home exercises -- 30 minutes a day -- take stairs instead of elevators or park further so that you have a longer walk into wherever you’re going.

Avoid overindulging in sugary food and drink, as well as butter and fatty foods -- read labels and fill up on vegetables.  That’s especially important for us as black folks because heart disease is a big issue in our community and a part of the reason this virus is hitting our people so much harder than it is others. So even though we’re at home, we still have to watch our intake.

Feed your mind and spirit.

4. Pray and read your bible every day. Your power comes from the word of God -- the more you read it, the stronger you become.

This is facts, ya’ll. We’d be here forever if I went through all the reasons why but it makes me feel so much better when I spend time with God. And, because he’s so down-to-earth (no pun intended because He literally came to Earth…), I can have plain conversations with him and talk to Him about how I’m feeling without having to sound like I’m the intercessor at church who knows all the big words and can make you shout. We just talk. The same way I’m talking to you. I lay all my cares on Him and He helps me deal. I mean... He probably thinks I’m crazy, but He loves me for who I am.

5. Share ideas

If you’ve found a fun way to virtually connect with your people, let someone else know. If you have this whole work-from-home situation down to a science, or this is your norm, share it with the masses. We’re all trying something new here, so sharing is caring.

If you just edited another #dontrushchallenge video with your friends...save it. I’m #dontrushchallenged out by now. 

Here’s what I’m enjoying: 

I joined a Facebook group with nearly 400 of my fellow wine-loving sorors across the country and we have virtual meetups where we talk about all things wine and get to know each other. 

Zoom brunch and happy hour is a vibe right now. Several restaurants are still open and offering curbside pickup and delivery. Order in advance and go pick up what you need to get into brunch with your peeps.

FaceTime with my family is always fun. Between my niece singing songs trying to figure out how you got inside the phone and my parents getting introduced to all this new video chat technology, it’s quite fun to watch.

If you haven’t been to Club Quarantine with DJ D-Nice, you’re missing out. I’ve been several times and I’m always running into my favorite celebrities. I saw Michelle Obama a couple of times. She kicks it.

6. Think about the advice you would give the 18 to 20-year-old you. If your best friend came to you with the same challenges you are personally experiencing, what advice would you give her? Listen to the wiser you so you don't make the same mistakes.

Here’s what I would tell me if I were 18 to 20 in quarantine: 

He’s bored, sis. After lockdown is over he’ll be back to normal. Right now, he’s forced to sit with himself and think about how you could’ve been Quarantine Bae until he messed up. Now, he’s just going down the line trying to see which one of us is going to entertain his shenanigans. Don’t fall for it.

Words for my bestie:

As young professionals, we’re at the peak social era of our lives. We didn’t know what we were going to do with ourselves in the house for what will be three months, but we’re figuring it out. It doesn’t have to be the end of the world. Have a positive outlook and think of things you can do to keep your creativity alive. Ask yourself what you want to come out of this pandemic with -- a new skill, a new vision, a new motivation to do something good in the world? Whatever it is, use this time to work on you for you -- not you for them. Be still if you need to and embrace peace. This is your time. Use it how you best see fit.

[deskofkelso]

We took an "L" when we lost Nip but, in my opinion, we can recover. Here's are a few ways we can continue the marathon.

[deskofkelso]

I'm beginning a new chapter, I'm going to turn 30 this year and I'm excited and looking forward to it. I think last year was great in that it was the first time in a long time I stopped putting pressure on myself to please everyone, to stop comparing myself to this list according to society and live and love as freely as I please... or not because, remember, I'm a whole mood all by myself. It's totally up to me. I have that power. I do what I want, when I want and if I don't want to... I won't. 

[deskofkelso]

Nola Darling is back and as beautiful as ever. Season 2 of She's Gotta Have It showed her growth as she came into her own as a woman, artist and lover. Nola is my mirror. She's yours. Navigate our parallels in my review of Spike Lee's latest joint.

[deskofkelso]

Black women retell stories of the most awkward microaggressions they’ve encountered at work. In my opinion, the root of most of these offenses comes from the simple fact that though legal segregation may have ended decades ago, our lives are still primarily segregated. Most of the uncultured members of the human population that try us on a daily don’t have Black friends to help educate them.