#cw: dark harry potter

[ginevrapng]

harry would simply refuse to pull out. the first time you said harry didn't need to put a condom on while having sex he was in heaven. you just feel so good around him, so wet and warm, he could stay inside you all day. this is one of the reasons why he wouldn't pull out.

the main reason being though that filling you with his cum gets him hard again almost immediately. he loves watching his cum spill out of your body before he pushes it back in with his fingers, bringing you to another orgasm as he mercilessly plunges his fingers back inside you. he loves knowing that he could knock you up, creating a family with you. he's considered swapping your birth control pills with sugar pills but doesn't want to risk you finding out, he knows eventually it will happen. it will stick. until then every night he'll cum deep inside you.

[lunaslogs]

Forced to be a teenager in 2024, born to be a teenager involved in the supernatural world in the early 2010s.

This is Luna, logging off!

[ephemerasnape]

Today's the Day (Audio)

Having a "goblin friend" was bad enough. Now you'll pay the price for your alliance with Victor Rookwood. A continuation of Come to Daddy (Rookwood x MC). Gang Rape, Violence

Dark!Sebastian & Dark!Ominis x Listener/MC

"Got a thing for dark wizards, do you? I'll show you dark…"

DARK & DISTURBING THEMES

EXPLICIT AUDIO 18+

Rape / Violence / Cruelty / Noncon / Smut / F/M/M / Dirty Talk / Name Calling / Verbal & Physical Ab*se / Dead Dove Do Not Eat

Presented in collaboration with @rookwoodswife who voices listener/MC.

Part one: Come to Daddy

Check out my other audios!

[iamnmbr3]

Do you have recs for really well written dark voldemort-centric fics. can be ship or gen tho i somewhat prefer ship. I'm looking for fics with really good and powerful writing that are really good on the character and characterization and character study front and have really interesting and creative premises. i want fics that don't woobify him and are more focused on dark elements. dark or horror elements are fine. thank you. i love your recs.

Sure. These fics are all extremely well written with very interesting and creative plots and outstanding characterization and all explore/contain dark themes and/or horror elements. Blanket warning to mind the tags on all of these!

Ouroboros by Metalomagnetic (words: 258,416 | rating: E | Voldemort/Tom Riddle)

A strange man adopts Tom Riddle and it is not his father, as Tom desperately wants to believe. Stranded in the past, Voldemort once again comes to the conclusion he's the only one he truly needs.

the pleasure, the privilege by asterismal (asterisms) (Words: 19,901 | Rating: M | Voldemort/Harry Potter | CW: dark themes, horror elements)

It begins with Vernon Dursley's body, dead across the table.  In which Voldemort is dosed with amortentia, and nothing is better for it.

Omnipotent to Arms by tenrousei_kuroi (words: 6,441 | rating: E | Voldemort/Regulus | CW: dark themes, horror elements, noncon)

For the 2021 Regulus Black Fest. Prompt: The dark lord decides that the youngest Black is to be his for the night. Regulus is mortified, but saying no is hardly an option. He hopes that compliance will be enough to live another day as unharmed as possible. (You can put a dose of Bellatrix getting jealous and being another menace to Regulus or not, as well as another DE romantically interested in Regulus and potentially helping him in some way, your choice.)

Snake Charming by Blood_Stained_Fingers (words: 8,207 | rating: M | minor Harry Potter/Voldemort | CW: dark themes, horror elements)

Voldemort smiled. It was a cold, creeping thing. Truly human despite it being on a serpentine face. And it was then Harry could see the real Lord Voldemort. Not the madman throwing curses around indiscriminately, but the man who had lured legions of purebloods to his cause, Tom Riddle who had blinded all his teachers bar one. It was calculating. The long-game personified. -- Harry would never have guessed that his animagus would have been a snake. Nor the trouble it would bring when Voldemort found out. After all, who needs to kill an enemy when you can keep them?

[snake-queen7]

"I do what I want, I take what I want"

[eruscreaminginthedistance]

Lines like this are absolutely unhinged; why is The Dark Urge living out every self-insert Voldemort's daughter fanfiction with these kinds of throwaway comments

[alcoveofconcealment]

George's ear was not cut off

Sectumsempra is the spell that George was hit with. It is describe as a spell that causes hemorrhages, and, in the fight against Draco, the spell is given the visual of blood seeping through clothing. This has the implication that it not only causes the implosion of blood vessels, but that it either 1. the magic cuts through the skin to cause the implosion and/or 2. the implosion is so strong it cuts through the skin from the inside.

There are a ton of tiny blood vessels that go in, around, and through the ear. Some of these vessels travel around the face and neck. We know that George's ear could not be grown back due to the spell being dark magic, how far does that apply? How many of those veins got hit? How much of George's face is permanently marked?

I don't know.

But what I do know is that George's ear was not cut off.

It was blasted off painfully quick and gory

[darkharrypotter]

[steampunkserpent27]

Shame and Forgiveness

CW: Implied Self Harm, Graphic Descriptions of Injury, Hurt/Comfort, Angst around Draco's Dark Mark, Kissing/Dark Mark kissing He’d gotten off early from work, as it was the anniversary of the battle at Hogwarts, and he knew it was best to not leave Draco alone on that day. He always became quiet, too quiet. It worried him, and it was the only thing he could think about the entire time he was cleaning all of the snake’s cages. He hurried through them, knowing that Draco wouldn’t be expecting him home for another few hours yet, but he was hoping to surprise him. There didn’t seem to be much that could cheer him up on these days, but he thought if they could go out and take a walk around the pond, the change of scenery might help to keep his mind off of things. Draco always loved the pond. He’d point out all of the different ducks and fish that rose to the surface, always excited to see the wild life, always excited to learn. One time, they had seen a turtle, and Draco had talked about it for the next two hours, asking him all sorts of questions that he didn’t have the answers to. He felt like he often didn’t have answers to Draco’s questions, all he could do was be there to share the moment with him. He finally made it home and pushed the front door open. He couldn’t see Draco in the kitchen or living room, so he figured he must be in their bedroom, as that was the only other place he ever frequented. Once he’d set his bag down on the counter, he made his way towards their bedroom. The door was slightly ajar, and he could hear a soft, breathy crying from inside. His heart clenched, and he pushed the door open with the back of his hand, stepping inside. Draco froze and stared up at him, eyes wide and rosy tinted, while his cheeks were slick with tears. His arm was still suspended mid-air, partially covered with a cloth wrapping that Draco was half-way through applying. The part of his arm that was still visible was a dull, red color, with large patches of white, scalded skin that had started to peel backwards and flake away, revealing the bloody flesh beneath. Near the center of his arm, his dark mark was still visible, shining through his glossy, weeping skin. The mark had faded to an off red color over the years, but it refused to vanish entirely. The cloth bandages were starting to turn red, as they stuck and clung to his raw, blistered skin. Draco was shaking, as he averted his eyes, a sharp whimper escaping him, as if he knew he’d been caught doing something he shouldn’t. “Love.” His breath caught in his throat, as he crossed the distance between them and sat down beside him on the bed. “Shh. I’m here. Let me see, Darling, let me see.” Draco wouldn’t meet his eye, as he clenched his fingers into a fist and moved his arm over. “I’m… I’m s-sorry.” He supported his arm with one hand, making sure he wasn’t touching any of the tender areas, as he began to unwrap the bandage. “You want to tell me what happened?” He kept his voice soft, not wanting to sound accusatory or upset, as that was the last thing Draco needed right now. The skin on Draco’s arm started to tear away with the bandage, causing fresh blood to ooze up around the sores, as Draco let out a pained whine. He cursed under his breath and paused, wondering how he was going to get this off without hurting him further. Draco was pressed up against him, his breaths sharp and shallow, as he tried to hold back his sobs. “I… I just… I wanted it gone.” He glanced up at Draco, feeling his heart clenching. “Oh, Love. But it’s your skin.” He pulled his wand out, casting a non-verbal separation charm, so the bandage would loosen and fall away. Once he had a clear view of his arm without the bandage blocking everything, he started to heal all of the damage. The boils flattened and his skin returned to its normal color, as everything melded back together. Draco still wasn’t looking at him, although his quiet sobs had died down some. 

Now that everything was healed, he ran his hand over his skin, pausing over his mark. “Love. Can you look at me?” Draco gradually raised his gaze, although he looked timid and his eyes were full of shame. “I’m sorry.” “I don’t want you to be sorry. I just want you to stop hating yourself over something that you had no control over. Because it’s… It’s over, Draco. You’re not there anymore. You’re here with me, and I love you. I love all of you, and you don’t need to try and boil your skin off to get rid of it.” He brought Draco’s arm to his lips, letting them brush over his skin and linger against the outline of his mark, a silent acknowledgement of acceptance. “Please, Love. It’s just a bit of ink. You can’t let it control you anymore than it already has.” Draco’s eyes were watery, as he stared down at him. “Why?” “Don’t let it have that power anymore, Love. It’s nothing. Do you understand me? It is nothing, but a bit of ink. Don’t let it be anything more than that. Don’t give it even a moment’s thought, it doesn’t deserve that from you. Don’t let it take any more joy from you. Why should it?” He took Draco’s hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. “It’s not a reflection of who you are. It never was, and it never will be. You are so good, Draco. So, so good. And you don’t need to hurt anymore.” After a brief pause, Draco looked back down at the mark, his lower lip wobbling. “It’s just… Just an old blemish?” He sounded as if he couldn’t quite believe it. “Yes. That’s all it is now. That’s all you’re going to let it be. We’re not going to let it have any more power, are we?” Draco wiped at his eyes and sniffed loudly, before he shook his head. He leaned over and pressed a kiss against his cheek, as he took him into his arms. They both sat in silence for a long moment, while Draco curled up against him, his fingers clenched in the fabric of his shirt. Once Draco’s breathing had finally evened out, he asked him, “Would you like to have a bath? I thought we could go to the ponds later.” His eyes flicked upwards, lingering on his face, before he nodded. “I like the ponds.” “I know you do.” He unwrapped himself from Draco’s arms and got up, pressing a kiss against his head, before he made his way to the bathroom, so he could start his water.

[roguewhimsy]

WIP Tomione Fic

I’ve been writing a one shot Tomione/is there Hermione Voldemort shorthand?-fic, and I’m terrified to post it cause it’s pretty dark and possibly a little too twisted so I’m posting an excerpt here to see if I can find the courage to finish it lol.

Nothing too terrible in this excerpt tho, so should be safe with now CWs except what comes with the territory- grief, loss…some imprisonment. I’d love to know your thoughts!

It’s literally called “Oopsie!” on my drive 🤣

Here’s how it starts:

Hermione knew that something was wrong when Voldemort passed her cell and, for the first time in recent or past memory, she felt the engulfing desire to kneel before him.

The days had blended into one another as she rotted away in her prison, deep in the Ministry of Magic where she knew that she would never see the sunlight again. Days and nights blurred together surrounded by the same dark walls, steel bars, and damp floors.

When was the last time Lord Voldemort, champion of the dark against the light, had come down to her cell in the first place? Hermione couldn’t remember but she certainly did not feel compelled to kneel then. She could barely remember the last time she lifted her head from counting and recounting the stones of the floor.

She battled the urge to kneel, instead standing. Her neck felt sore as she looked up and looked dead into the chilling eyes of her captor and the man who single handedly ruined her life and the lives of everyone she loved.

Those that he’d left alive, anyway.

So she was even more surprised that he chose not to merely pass by or even leer at her from outside the cage, but with a flick of his wrist and an absentminded wave to her guard, the metal door slid open with a smooth click and he entered her tiny cell.

He was enormous and as he got closer the urge to prostrate herself before him became almost overwhelming. She bit the inside of her cheek, keeping her rooted, glaring at him under her filthy fringe.

“So stubborn,” Voldemort said with a sibilant hiss. “My little mud blood refuses her base instincts so dramatically.”

Hermione felt a shock of feeling by his perverse pet name. “I am not your mudblood,” she spat back. “I am a witch and whether you like it or not I deserve to do magic just as much as anyone else.”

“See how you tremble?” Voldemort replied instead and it was only then that Hermione saw her own limbs shaking as if she’d just gotten off a rollercoaster. “See how much you wish to bow to your master? Listen to your body, and let yourself bend to me.”

“I’ll never bow to you,” she hisses, spitting at his feet as to punctuate what she felt about such a request.

Voldemort, to her great shock, does not kill her on the spot. Instead he looks pleased, like he’s won some great prize and that prize happens to be something to do with Hermione Granger.

Which simply could not bode well.

[ficitig]

Day 21 of @hprecfest is A Thought Provoking Fic.

This fic probably won’t be most people’s cup of tea, but Anabiosis makes me feel Emotions and Think. A dark fic where Harry gets a new teacher in elementary school who takes a special interest in him. When I think of this fic, my first thoughts are about trauma, and how it makes you interact with scraps of kindness — and in the other hand, how acting kind when it isn’t common practice feels and how it’s expressed. Chapter one was incredible. Then chapter two knocked my socks off.

CW for child abuse, CSA, and heads up for MCD.

Here’s another link!

[ginevrapng]

Dark Harry smut where he fucks reader til she’s cock drunk please?

i kind of strayed away from this but here's some dark harry smut. this isn't very detailed or explicit but i couldn't think of how to make it detailed

harry overheard you today talking to ginny, "i don't know ginny, harry just hasn't been there recently. he's normally so attentive and i really don't want to complain but i feel like he doesn't want me anymore." harry clenches his fist and his jaw as he hears you doubt his love for you.

later on that night when he finds you in bed scrolling on your phone he pounces, climbing on the bed and hovering over you. "i love you so much." before you can reply harry leans down and kisses you hungrily, running his hands over your body.

caught up with harry's kisses you're barely aware that he's lifted up your shirt so he can play with your tits. he's silencing thanking you for not wearing a bra to bed. you whimper as harry pinches your nipple and he smirks.

harry's put you in a mating press and you haven't even realised until he's entering you, making you gasp at the stretch. "harry slow down, you're too big," you say breathlessly. he ignores you.

"mine. you're mine," he groans at you possessively speeding up his thrusts.

you grab hold of his arm, digging your fingernails into the skin, pain and pleasure simultaneously taking over your body. "yours," you whimper, bringing harry's body down to yours so you can kiss him. "yours," you repeat against his lips.

harry smirks, "all mine baby."

[noxtms]

so  have  yourself  a  merry  little  christmas,  now.   [  ...  ]   coming  soon. 

[ephemerasnape]

At the Mercy of Macnair (Audio) ☠️🕊 🔞

💀Poacher Stalker x You (F!Listener)

You've been caught in a bandit camp and Macnair (Poacher Stalker) has been assigned to stand watch over you.

You're bound, gagged, and helpless, but where's the fun in just leaving you be? Rape - DARK & DISTURBING THEMES!

"I'll have you squealin' like a little pig in no time."

↱ EXPLICIT AUDIO 18+

Rape / Noncon / Smut / Nonconsensual Bondage / Mild Violence / Cruelty / First Time / Loss of Virginity / Age Difference / Breeding (sort of) / No use of Y/N / No use of MC (but you are MC) / Excessive Talking During Sex 🍇 / Dirty Talk / Can you identify which lines are from the game? / Yes, I headcanon him as an ancestor of Walden Macnair / Now I want to go back and put breathing in all my audios 🙄 / Dead Dove Do Not Eat

Many thanks to @rookwoodswife for her amazing vocal contributions as usual! 🎩💜

Inspired by a fan of my work! I take your suggestions seriously. 😜

Macnair also makes an appearance in Comeuppance and Rookwood's Revenge 2, as well as Battle Royal at Horntail Hall.

More where that came from!

[splendidissimus]

August 2001 - Rowle (excerpt)

((Content warning: beating, Cruciatus torture, sleep deprivation, bondage, captivity, numb whumpee, hair pulling))

((Promptspiration: @whumptober 2023: day 11: All the lights going dark and my hope’s destroyed. / Captivity / "No one will find you." @whumppromptoftheday this "whumpee doesn't even flinch anymore" prompt ))

((Reminder that Rowle (massive blond guy, violent and reckless enough to kill other Death Eaters with friendly fire) is one of the two Death Eaters whom Voldemort forced Draco to torture for their failures; Harry saw it in a vision in DH. In this universe, Rowle in particular developed a hatred for Draco for it. A bunch of Death Eaters here recently escaped Azkaban and Rowle was sent to bring Draco back to be held prisoner with the others but decided to punish him instead.))

Genre: whump

Romance level: none

Angst level: 5/5

Draco's headspace: numb

((words: ~800))

------------------------------------

Draco woke already in pain. His head was pounding. His neck and back were just aching tightness from being bound in the same position so long. His mouth was rough and thick and dry. His eyes felt like sand when he forced them open; it didn't feel like he'd slept at all. He was lying on the cold dirt floor with a sharp pain running up his side; he supposed he'd been hit or kicked awake.

Rowle must have hit him, but by the time Draco was coherent enough to notice him, he was pacing the short confines of the cellar. He was thumping the side of his fist against the beam Draco had been tied to every time he passed under it, creating a distracted rhythm punctuated by the rare quiet "Fuck." 

Obviously something was wrong. It didn't seem like it was going to help Draco any, though. Nothing that made his captor angry was helpful to him, it just made his life that much less pleasant.

The cellar door was standing open, showing a patch of clear blue sky. It was a few feet of floor and then a short staircase away, and yet it no longer even registered as an escape. It was just nice that, for this moment, there was light. He distantly watched Rowle's silhouette pass in front of it. 

Rowle suddenly threw himself explosively off the beam and kicked him hard in the side, throwing him onto his back with a quiet groan. His tied arms were pinned uncomfortably under him and he twisted to his side to try to relieve the weight from his wrists. 

He saw another kick coming and he just closed his eyes to take the blow. Begging didn't help. Defiance certainly didn't help. It was too hard to even bother; he let noises of pain come as they may, without trying to control them or to give him anything. Maybe when he was done he'd just go away again…

He took a kick to the mouth and the taste of blood followed it with the pain. He coughed into the floor and spat out blood. 

Rowle went back to pacing. Maybe he was satisfied. Maybe he was just worn out enough to calm down. "They're all gone," he said, pacing back across the light of the doorway. He wasn't even really facing him — he wasn't really talking to him, he just had no one else to talk to. "Already caught and locked back up. Already. Those that aren't dead. That was the stupidest motherfucking idea, going after Harry Potter's wife…"

Draco slowly, stiffly pushed himself back to sitting. His back screamed at him for it. It was better than lying in the cold dirt, though.

Moving got Rowle's attention. He should have known better. Rowle whipped back and grabbed his hair, pulling him, staggering, up to his feet but bent backward to look up at him. He could smell rank alcohol oozing from his pores. "This is because of you — if not for you, I'd have been long gone. Out of the country."

He wouldn't have. Even Draco, even now, knew that. He could always tell when people were lying to themselves. He just wanted someone to blame, instead of his own habitually bad choices. 

It didn't seem like a good idea to point that out. 

"I'm not going back." Rowle shoved his wand into his face.

Kill the witness? Was that what he meant to do now? With his parents and Theo already killed, what did it matter? One wayward tear escaped the corner of his eye, and he couldn't move his head to wipe it on his shoulder, so he stared into the distance through Rowle instead. 

Rowle scowled and threw him down by the hair. "Crucio!" 

Draco hit the ground hard, unable to break his fall, and seized under the waves of crashing pain that pulled taut whatever muscles he had left, screaming brokenly. 

When it ended, he was curled up in the dirt, gasping for breath and holding still against the lesser pains that still wracked him. Rowle was on his way up the stairs, climbing out of the pit to leave him alone. In a few seconds he would be gone.

"It's only a matter of time," Draco croaked hoarsely. "They'll find you, too."

"You know what?" Rowle looked down at him with a snarl. "Maybe you're right. Maybe they'll find me and throw my ass back in Azkaban and throw away the key. But they'll never find you." He slammed the cellar door closed, throwing Draco back into utter darkness, and the sound of stones being summoned into place on top of it rumbled through his prison. And then it was silent.

[ellecdc]

The High Price of Family

chef!Sirius who has some explaining to do x mixologist!reader [1k words]

part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | part 4 | part 5 | part 6 | part 7

CW: fluff, one reference to having 'been inside' reader

“Red, can you tell your husband to stop being a prat?” Sirius muttered as he stalked back into the kitchen where Lily was sitting at the kitchen island “helping” Sirius cook (which translated roughly to flipping through a magazine as Sirius did all of the work but being credited for having kept him company). 

“James! Stop being a prat!” She called out easily, not bothering to look up from the celebrity gossip she was reading.

“I’m not being a prat!” James called back.

“Then stop pretending to be mad at your best mate!” She conceded, and both she and Sirius shook their heads in fond exasperation as they heard James storming towards the kitchen.

He appeared in the doorway of the kitchen with his hair a mess (not unusual), his arms crossed (somewhat unusual - he did have very nice biceps that he liked to flaunt every now-and-again), and a dark scowl on his face (very unusual). 

“I am not pretending.” He hissed, his stormy gaze flitting between Lily and Sirius before Regulus and Remus entered the kitchen and each took a seat at the table. 

“Do you know what he has me saved as in his phone? Hm? His honorary brother and best friend with whom he has lived for much of his life? James. Fleamont. Potter.” James announced severely, emphasising each part of his name by hitting the side of his open right hand against the flattened palm of his left. “He government named me, Lils! Even Remus is at least only Remus J Lupin, but nooo, I get the full legal name.” 

“I think that’s perfectly acceptable.” Regulus offered primly. “It is your name, isn’t it?” 

Remus snorted a laugh before pressing a kiss to his boyfriend’s head. “You two are so weird.”

“It is weird!” James shrilled. 

“What do you have me saved as, Sirius?” Lily asked then; Sirius smirked.

“Lily Evans.”

A horrified sound came from the general direction of James as he stared at his best mate with a look of horror and betrayal, his arms falling uselessly to his sides. 

“But we’ve been married for fifteen years!” 

“And I’ve had Lily saved in my phone for seventeen.” Sirius responded simply. 

“This is absurd!”

“Why are you so bent out of shape about Sirius’ contact list?” Remus asked finally as Harry walked into the kitchen; hovering over Sirius as he dodged Sirius’ half-assed attempts at keeping him from stealing “tests” of his dinner. 

“Oh, dad’s miffed because he saw what Sirius has his new girlfriend saved as in his phone.” 

Remus let out a hum of understanding as Regulus let out a rather inelegant snort. “What’s the future Mrs. Black saved as?” He taunted, earning him a glare from his older brother.

“Y/N martini glass emoji.” James announced dramatically. 

Sirius continued cooking as Remus, Regulus, and Lily all stared at him in silence before Lily finally broke it with an “awe”.

“No! Not ‘awe’!” James shrilled.

“Oh come on, James. You’re only mad because Harry got to meet her first.” Remus placated, causing James to harrumph as he sat dejectedly beside his wife. 

“S’not fair.” He grumbled at the same time Regulus asked Harry what you were like. 

“Oh, she’s hot.” Harry offered quickly around a mouthful of stolen food, earning him an ‘oi!’ from his godfather. 

“Don’t objectify her like that!” He defended quickly, earning him a bemused look from his godson. 

“But…she is?” He asked.

Sirius blinked owlishly at Harry before turning back to his food. “Well, yes, but-”

“When do the rest of us get to meet her, then?” Regulus interrupted.

“Never.” Sirius muttered.

“And why not!?” James beseeched. 

“Because you’re horribly embarrassing and dramatic!” Sirius volleyed, turning towards his best friend and gesturing at him vaguely as if to say ‘see? Case in point’.

“Well that’s not fair.” Regulus pouted at the same time Remus let out a conceding ‘yeah, that’s fair’. 

“So what? You’re just going to meet the love of your life and never introduce her to your family?” Lily teased, causing Sirius to groan and let his shoulders fall. 

“That had sort of been the plan, yeah.” 

“Tough.” Regulus spat.

“You should host a party, Sirius; have us all over to meet her.” Remus offered.

“Fat chance.” 

“What about my birthday, then?” Regulus chimed in.

Sirius turned to look at his brother sceptically. “What about your birthday?” 

“Perhaps I host a party at our place.” 

“Perhaps you do…” Sirius continued.

“Perhaps you bring a plus one.” 

“Perhaps I don’t.”

“Perhaps,” Regulus continued, “that’s what I want for my birthday.” 

Remus nodded gravely at that. “That’s actually exactly what Regulus wants for his birthday, Sirius. He’d asked me for it first but it's not exactly something I can get for him.”

“Yeah, that’s what I want for Regulus’ birthday too.” James added quickly. 

“You don’t get anything for Regulus’ birthday.” Sirius sneered at him. 

“Yes, well,” Regulus started - clearly quite chuffed with what he considered a victory - as he stood to join Harry in stealing food directly from Sirius’ pan, “I do hope neither of you have plans next weekend, because I’m expecting both of you there.”

Sirius sighed and stepped away from the stove as he told the gremlins to ‘have at ‘er’ before grabbing his phone from the kitchen island and opening up your messages.