#crab in a kitchen

[buildingshitwithcrab]

Cincinnati Chili [edible]

Hooboy. Recently--as in, tonight--Ballistic BBQ on youtube had an episode on how to copycat Skyline coneys (chili dogs.) And gdi, I am A Chili Person now because I Have Issues with his lack of research into the subject. I had a comment written out, trying to be both CORRECTIVE yet polite, but you know what? Fuck it. I'm gonna save my long-time, hard-won experience with you fine folk, instead.

Recipe first, then notes:

For those non-fluent in Chickenscratch:

2T peanut oil (optional) 28oz tomato puree 1lb ground beef 1lb ground pork 6 cloves garlic, minced 2t cinnamon 1T cumin 2T Worcestershire 3 bay leaves (optional) 4T white vinegar 2 15oz cans kidney beans, drained & rinsed (see notes) 4T pure chili powder (see notes) 2t allspice 4T unsweetened cocoa powder 2t regular Tabasco sauce

toppings: 1 small finely chopped white onion (optional) yellow mustard (hella optional) finely shredded cheddar cheese (not optional)

Put oil into stock pot; on med heat, sweat 1/4 to 1/2 of garlic until fragrant. Add meat and cook until pink is gone, stirring thoroughly to break grounds into crumbles. No chunks. Skim away fat; does not need to be thoroughly drained unless desired (see notes.) Add puree and remainder of garlic. Stir to combine. Add liquids, stir. Add powders, through a sifter if possible. Otherwise, stir, making sure any balls of cocoa powder get broken down. If adding beans directly into chili (see notes), add them now, and stir to combine.

If eating chili right away, heat until hot, stirring fairly frequently; if making in advance, transfer to a lidded container, allow to cool, and refrigerate until needed. Flavors will develop and meld very nicely over 24 hours, but the hot, fresh chili will still be spicy and tasty.

Makes... gawd... 4-6 adult servings of chili spaghetti, or can cover about 16 hot dogs. We tend to get 2 separate meals of 3 generous adult portions & sometimes a little leftover for dip, from one batch.

(blurry 35mm photos from like 2003)

Notes:

this recipe originated from The Frugal Gourmet Cooks American; as presented here, it has inclusions from the original, and adjustments (usually omissions) I have made over 20-some years of cooking it. I cook it to eat it, not to adhere to best practices nor perfect authenticity.

peanut oil is optional if you go straight to browning the meat and then at the garlic after skimming most of the fat. It's just in the original recipe, and just for sweating the garlic. would NOT recommend subbing any oil with a distinct flavor (olive, sunflower, etc.)

I originally added the bay leaves a few times, but never really noticed them adding much to the mix. safe to omit, if you don't have any.

coneys do not really have beans, unless requested. if you're only going to use the chili on hot dogs, or just don't want them, you can choose not to use any. if you'd like smaller beans on/in coney chili, rinsed black beans work well, also. I like the beans in general, and add them in for convenience, since I'm usually going to have one meal of coneys and one of spaghetti. typically, the beans are a separate topping on the chili, and not folded into the chili itself. people from Cincinnati will judge you. I'm from Dayton, though, so I won't.

ALL Cincinnati chili comes with finely shredded cheddar (looking at YOU, Ballistic BBQ.) it's technically a garnish, but it's a big flavor component of the entire dish. you will not find store-bought cheese shredded as finely as the parlors use. this is expected, and okay.

"chili powder" in grocery stores tends to be a blend of several different spices anymore. I don't know when this happened. additional cumin, any oregano, etc. will noticeably alter this recipe's taste, and in my opinion, not in a good way. BE AWARE that grocers that have sections for Indian ingredients may have jars of "pure chili powder", but these are MUCH HOTTER than the chilis in US blends. Maybe you want that, but don't find out by accident like I did. I recommend cutting to the chase and ordering pure chili powder from MexGrocer.com. I get their California and New Mexico powders, both nice and reasonable, and combine them. one packet of each should yield enough powder for this recipe, with a little left over. a neighborhood Mexican grocery is likely to have pure powders, too, but I don't know the specific types to recommend. some of those can pretty hot by surprise, as well.

skimming the fat is up to you. if you do, your chili will be thicker and a bit brighter in spice. if you don't, it will be thinner (more like parlor chili, tbh,) and a little bit mellowed. the viscosity is the biggest difference. thicker doesn't drip off of coney as easily, but you might want thinner to soak deeper into your spaghetti. however you normally approach excess meat juices should be fine.

another spice altering aspect: you can leave out the ground pork and just use 1lb ground beef, to save money. your chili will have a slightly stronger tomato flavor, and a little more spice. you can also leave out the pork and use 2lb beef, the pork is just ~authentic~ because Cincinnati has a shitload of pork processors. you could probably sub ground turkey for the pork, as I understand it absorbs other meats' flavors, but you'd still need the beef to flavor it. another matter of personal tastes or circumstances.

and another: a spoonful of sour cream on spaghetti chili will mild it down very nicely while still being delicious, if it's too spicy for someone. for coneys or a chip dip, mix your desired ratio aside in a bowl, and enjoy.

by "cocoa powder", the recipe means like Baker's Corner, Hershey's--the same stuff you'd bake with or add to hot milk, just unsweetened. Some people (BBBQ) like to make it sound fancy with "cacao", but it's just unsweetened cocoa.

salt is not included as an ingredient, because my family has cut way back on using it at all for... probably the same 20 years I've been making chili. my dad got diagnosed with high blood pressure when he retired, and to help him out, my mom and I both decided it wasn't our favorite spice in the world anyway, and started leaving it out when it's not necessary (it's necessary in baking. don't fuck too much with baking recipes.) I also find that vinegar has a lot of same zing flavor that salt does, without the salt, and this recipe has a lot of vinegar, plus salt in the Worcestershire, Tabasco, and cheese. that's plenty for us, but feel free to add salt to taste, if you'd like more.

toppings: frankly, everything but the chili itself is one. chili + cheese + hotdog = coney. chili + cheese + spaghetti = 3-way. add onion = 4-way. add beans = 5-way. the mustard is always optional, it's just very popular. I... have never gone there, and don't intend to. parlors also offer very basic cayenne hot sauces, to add heat without much flavor distraction. this is just for authenticity; hot sauce it however you like.

Cincinnati chili, itself, is not Greek--Skyline's founder is. Skyline did not invent the chili. Macedonian immigrants did. Skyline certainly added some Greek influence to their family variation, and a lot of people like it, but BBBQ did not research the history beyond Skyline as a company, and made assumptions. do not make assumptions about history a whole city has civic pride in. shit, just admit you don't know, you're just there to make some good chili dogs, and youtube commenters will fill in those gaps for you.

[crabsnpersimmons]

thanks @random-tail and @enamoredfey for the questions! i'll let Sun himself answer:

long-story short, Sun doesn’t believe he has emotions since he is a robot 😔

of course, he sees Moon and Eclipse emote all the time. he usually attributes it to Moon being a fool (believing he is something he's not) and Eclipse being manipulative (given that he was originally built for the theater)

but there is a part of him that wonders if he is missing something—he just doesn’t understand what that is

Note: i should also mention, his voice is almost completely monotone. the closet idea of a voice claim for this Sun is Greg Chun's voice for Lukas from Fire Emblem Echoes—fairly even in tone, somewhat soft

[wonderful-emoji]

i rlly hope they add lobster/crab emojis to emoji kitcehen if they havent..

[chefcarolb]

This Maryland-Style Crab Cakes recipe is a recipe handed down several generations so they’re the REAL DEAL!  Crispy on the outside and moist and flaky on the inside, they’re also freezer-friendly and easy to reheat!

https://www.fromachefskitchen.com/maryland-style-crab-cakes/

[cookinguptales]

Really torn between "this story is really important to me and I want people to read it" and "isn't one of the reasons I decided to never enter the professional publishing world because marketing myself stresses me the fuck out? and also I'm extremely bad at it??"

Things to consider as I contemplate making a post and blazing it on tumblr.

[magicalshopping]

♡ Red the Crab Utensil Rest ♡

[watchfuldeer]

i had a long and involved dream where jesse armstrong released episodes 7-8-9-10 again as an alternative ending because HBO had made him rush the first time, and it was like a mashup of every kurosawa samurai movie, the importance of being earnest, an american werewolf in london, tintin and the seven crystal balls, and arsenic and old lace. they all lived in a boarding house in new york with serial killer old ladies, and tintin. shiv made a deal with tintin’s incan mummy and died and came back to life as an immortal samurai. greg turned out to have been a radiation-immune werewolf all along and bit tom to save him after a nuclear accident they happened to experience at the nuclear power plant in westchester. instead of gojo, a group of brooklyn mobsters from the 1930s were trying to take them over, and shiv’s new skills scared them off so that kendall could be CEO in the end, and shiv could then be a ronin with no connection to the family anymore. the whole thing ended like a CW show where they were all playing infinite lawn tennis in victorian dress in a sunny english country manor heaven made just for them. critical response was good, and also tom and greg werewolfism was explicitly sexual/romantic, but i was like well i already enjoyed the original ending and this doesn’t seem much like succession anymore… but i guess it’s fine.

[chuuyanakaahara]

chuuya at 18 after the first soukoku break-up: [ burns his apartment (and the surrounding apartments!) to a husk of metal and wood with nothing left behind ]

chuuya at 22 after the next soukoku break-up: im going to make my fucking kitchen themed after SEAFOOD. and there's nothing you can do about it

[abalone-n-seashells]

Went crabbing in Yorktown, Va 🦀

Found lots of interesting creatures like a seahorse, blue crabs and spider crabs, a flying fish 🐟, and a beautiful view ❤️

[businesscatfelix]

redraw of this awesome meme @exnaab made about me while i was streaming (while extremely zooted) today

[poisonheadcrabsalesman]

Listening to the System Collapse audiobook makes me realize how much ART is in Kingfisher. And also how I should make it meaner

[buildingshitwithcrab]

Taco Bell Creamy Jalapeno/Quesadilla Sauce Copycat [Edible]

I don't have any photos to go along with this post, but the topic came up among some ShiftyThrifting discussion, and perhaps it's time that I share my 15-20 years of field study with the world. I don't have any family anecdotes filler, either, but I will include some notes after the recipe, directly related to its production. Please read the whole post before beginning.

This recipe makes A LOT of sauce at once. Like, you know a large pickle jar on the middle shelves, before you get to the giant sizes at the bottom? That big of a jar full (28-32 ounces?) It is 8x the ingredients called for in the foundation recipe, because frankly, I've learned the hard way that I will use it all. Halve or quarter these amounts, if you don't want to commit to that much sauce on your first endeavor.

Ingredients: 1 c mayonnaise* 1 c sour cream* 5 T pickled jalapenos, diced or sliced** 5 T brine from pickled jalapenos** 3 t sugar*** 4 t paprika (mild, for accuracy) 4 t cumin 1 t cayenne 1 t garlic powder 1/4 t salt***

*keep cold until ready to add **16 teaspoons, by recipe; 5 T is the same amount, with less scooping ***have more available, for personal preference

Special Equipment: blender, stand or immersion whisk

Procedure: 1. Into blender jar or container compatible with your immersion blender, place jalapenos and brine. Blend until as smooth as you can get it, more or less a puree. Transfer into a large mixing bowl, preferably with a pour spout, for later ease.

2. To jalapeno puree, add all dry ingredients and whisk together.

3. Add but DO NOT MIX YET cold mayonnaise and sour cream.

4. SLOWLY and steadily, whisk thick ingredients into puree, scraping sides as needed. Do not over-mix. As soon as there's a consistent light orange color, it's good to stop.

5. Pour into large, clean jar with lid, and seal. Must be refrigerated, and should keep for about two weeks. Shake well before each use. Ready to eat at completion, although the flavor is best if left to sit and chill for at least 12 hours; 24 is better.

NOTES:

Over-mixing will lead to a thinner final sauce, greatly reducing the creaminess. Taco Bell is probably using some stabilizers like xanthum gum to keep the sauce held together from factory to shipping to prep. Patience and care in mixing, as well as adding the creams cold and last, are the most important lessons I've learned, over the years.

If you'd prefer or it's what you have, you can split the sour cream to 50/50 with plain Greek yogurt. It alters the taste very slightly, but still remains very close to original. All Greek yogurt may alter it more, but I haven't tried that as yet.

As someone with soy sensitivity, I have tried soy-free mayonnaise before, but it is noticeably different in the final flavor. I do not recommend.

I have tried making a batch with all sour cream once, very early on, and it just did not taste right. You need the mayonnaise, for authenticity. If you're okay with the result being a bit off in order to go mayo-free or soy-free, go for it, it just won't be as close of a duplicate.

I reduce sugar and salt amounts for personal preference and family needs, and I have done so here. I... forget what the original amounts for them were, at this point. If you need more salt or sugar, please add it! TB is no doubt adding more than I do here, but do bear in mind that the jalapenos & brine will have a good deal of salt already.

Testing the spiced puree for salt & sugar levels isn't going to be helpful. It's much more potent before the creams are added, and it is best to combine everything before tasting for salt and sugar levels.

The spiced puree, without creams, would probably make a good overnight marinade and grilling sauce, but I haven't tried that yet.

A food processor is not going to get the jalapenos pieces as fine as they need to be for a TB-comparable result. If you're fine with it being a little less smooth, however, you may certainly try one, if you don't have a blender.

If you do not cook often, be aware that there are mild and hot paprikas, and TB is using the mild.

I do not recall the blog where I found the foundation recipe. I only remember that the lady who posted it had two sons who were nuts about the real sauce, so she came up with a home version that they liked. I, a lifelong huge pain in the ass for accuracy, tried that recipe and while it was good, my own mania for perfect quesadilla sauce at home knew there had to be ways to make it greater. I still do not consider my recipe today to be a perfect match, but I do feel it's close enough that if TB were to discontinue the sauce tomorrow, I'd be pissed but I'd survive, giving them the finger every time I satisfied a craving for a quesadilla at home.

[niyana-the-ambiguous-mobian]

I love how they’re advertising dancing crab stickers on the store and rather than have it shown on a book, a cup, a phone case or something you would use in a everyday circumstance, they just have them shown on a fuckn fire extinguisher XD

[wonderful-emoji]

[qu1nby]

a fun fact about me is that I am absolutely terrified of Japanese spider crabs even though I will probably never ever see one irl

[timmurleyart]

Crab shack on the pier. 🦀🐟(unique silkscreen on paper)🦀