#concurs directori

[anarchistfrogposting]

Can you give me examples of praxis, mutual aid and dual power I can do? If it helps anything, I live in Southern Sweden, but I just in general have no idea where to start.

Good question!

Just to emphasise, praxis is an action that intends to facilitate the fruition of one’s political ideals, so mutual aid, the facilitation of direct democracy and the creation of dual power are all modes of praxis. It sounds like you knew this already though.

There are loads of ways to get involved! In this post I’m going to talk about three things, namely;

1: theory

2: networking (how to meet up with other anarchists!)

3: mutual aid (the most important one)

1: Theory - Reading theory is a great way to understand what you’re doing and why you’re doing it

As I’m sure people will tell you, theory is not the be all and end all of being an anarchist. You can easily get away with being an anarchist without reading a drop of theory.

But it helps. When you’re exploring anarchism and your relationship with it, you’re probably going to have a lot of questions, and people have devoted novels and novels all to just answering those questions! Here’s a big directory of resources just for you!

If you’re looking for a good introductory book, I cannot recommend enough the ABCs of Anarchism by Alexander Berkman. It’s what got me into it. I would recommend reading some introductory stuff before you explore other important anarchists (Kropotkin, Bakunin, Goldman), since the older foundational stuff can be antiquated or difficult to read in places. Kropotkin’s Mutual Aid is a great praxis guide, though.

2: Networking - Go to local meets for anarchists in your area

Forgive me if I have this wrong, but Southern Sweden is fairly urban, right? If you live in a town or city, there’s a really good chance there’s anarchist organisations or at least mutual aid groups in your area that will hold meetings to discuss topics concerning anarchism and even leftism in general. They’ll also probably do a book club; anarchists famously love books.

(Hilariously, one factor that makes it so hard for the police to infiltrate anarchist groups is that the debate is so intense and various that they stick out like a sore thumb.)

These are the groups that Wikipedia has to offer.

I really have no idea what these guys are like; I’m from a tiny little village in the UK. It’s worth looking about. Anarchists tend to put up flyers for the organisations in their local area (provided they’re not super spicy lmao).

If you go to the meetups and the organisation seems like it’s got its shit together, join up! It’s a lot easier to help your community as a mutually interested collective than it is as an individual (obviously).

3: Mutual Aid - DO! MUTUAL! AID!

Many anarchists will tell you that the single most important way to get involved as an anarchist is to do mutual aid. I concur, honestly. Mutual Aid is the foundation of anarchist society. It is the sharing of resources and the collective commitment to respecting and supporting everybody you possibly can that forms the backbone of anarchist society.

Mutual aid is a form of direct action, i.e. tackling an issue by directly focusing on the material conditions that generated the issue. It relies on individuals coming together with their wider community to co-operate in order to mutually achieve a set aim.

I say this a lot! And I’ll say it again!

Mutual aid is for everyone, no matter your situation. Everybody needs help sometimes. The point is that we build networks of trust and reliability that will eventually come to fruition in full-fledged anarchist society. Given the scale of anarchist projects in western society at this point, though, many anarchists focus on specific and pressing issues in their area.

It’s important to remember that the nature of capitalism is such that almost everybody is two or three really bad months away from poverty. Capitalism hurts everyone and mutual aid is an effort to alleviate that suffering. Mutual aid is for everyone.

Here’s some examples of common mutual aid projects, taken from this article

mutual aid is various and complex, much like anarchist society.

One mutual aid group I heard about the other day is a group that helps alleviate loneliness in the elderly by visiting their homes and helping them with their groceries, etc.

mutual aid also played an important part in the Greensboro sit-ins movement and the wider struggle for civil rights in black communities in America throughout the 1950s-70s, and remains in that key role today.

It works so well for marginalised groups because it allows disempowered individuals to pool their resources in order to make a greater impact on the issue. It logically follows that it would be a huge axis of anarchist organisation.

[reneees]

Dens of devil war do’s and up do’s must be the keeping home of a Tibule.A lie smelts and becomes her,He was the stubborn key that counts and was alike the teacher-counter job.He wants the job the makes him handsome.The quality of air deepens I’m her stubborn entity called fate.An inkling subdued and harassed him.A harassed paper was a deep insight that studied me.Her papers were easy compared to the other two.A rich lie in two.A rich-deep honesty high of a courage like hers moved in mine.A mine was edged in the bank hills and was a lie-like courage that concurred faith-honesty.A snake vying was a right of the group green huing black and time-again.Whst us a directory that was engaged in lies that was that lie was the freedom of the soil the lie and was that proceeded.A lying black-truber.A faith was dying like the ember was a poet that consisted?A shy taking courage was a principle that was a lie that faith and was a stubborn faith of taste in bad men.A dying change and was a lying faith that succumbered a faith-bias was a lying-vying faith of bucket salt,The men of the summer knew to pain me with faith that was better now.A dispose in faith.The man in my dreams knows me.A stunted love of a growth hypnosis.A faith in zero-hypnosis and a courage based-love.A love based goodbye.A good-hedged goidbye.A threadbare tye.A typed faith in her handkerchief.A pine in a half-two panes.A pane of colossal mane with lies that was a courage circle.A circled faith.A faith thst was a jewellery.A documented faith in two eyes.A stubborn category that a superstar dies and takes a courage in two of the silent of premises.A refined taste in music.A ply.A gagging lie is she,is she a gag faith?A lie that courage could ever be mine.A promise and a half.A lie that gathered me a time faith and a lie that was a superstar.A superstar to due,due to the network faith that honestly watches like God.A lie to get to me.A lie-checked honing on the business.A sinister a pleasure to take care of you,A hair.of inject faith and thee something that did me lies.A lie in faith that was a lie.A lie in which subsidised faith was a government faith.A need to faith a lie that was a faithly lie.A lie faith in which she gathered.She was the subscriber of bestressed youtuber.A whole Shabang.

[nlgwj-esq]

Wednesday_25_October_AD:2023_Q1204UTC

Today me unused my motorcar. Instead I boarded route 50 bus as, I needed one loaf of Tescos toastie bread.

Me noticed citizens NOT waiting at pedestrian crossings (red symbol light & wait light), and NOT walking on footpaths.

Me received indirect verbal homophobic discrimination.

Me imagined writing to parliament about asking for consideration to have suspicious items seized from citizens who fall to show identification (following stop and search or suspected assailants). Ideally providing producer document for citizens to produce identification to collect seized items. I would think directory's containing serial numbers or smart watch pen could verify owners credentials. (Perhaps a system for mobile scanners for smart watch pen technology could allow for citizens with identification to NOT have items seized ).

Moments following my hallucination and concurring imagination, I witnessed an suspected rogue Metropolitan Police Service police male show a back hand posture and talked into a suspected 2way radio saying 'we don't want to seize citizens items..'

Momentarily dismayed, I hallucinated and imagined being empowered and authorized to seize (and then imagining me seizing (with nil intention of really seizing)) suspected rogue police male radio, handcuffs etc in same way of my imagining my request for parliamentary consideration.

Perhaps parliament could consider seizing items? Addition, meeting to consider registered managers, directors, company secretaries and other registered on public registers citizens to have powers to seize or administrator seizing from police?

Memorandum Nota Bena:

Evidently, on occasions being pedestrian me previously received glares (about what I suspect is me obedience of Highway conduct code).

Could responsible citizens: 1.encourage young and vulnerable citizens to have obedience and patience?

2.formally meet to discuss;

a) what causes rogue police

b) possibility of empowerment to registered on public registers citizens

c) locally and nationally:

i. determine if jaywalking should be punishable

ii. determine if jaywalking is related to mental health illnesses

iii. discuss incidents related to jaywalking (i.e. can and does jaywalking cause mental illness?)

[lachlanhumphrey]

123 Steps to Become a SEO Writer

I never considered myself to be an SEO writer, but with time I realised that as a writer who devotes time to writing blogs and articles, I can investigate this topic. You might now be thinking there is nothing new in it. I concur that no writer can achieve SEO success from the very first day of writing.

Now here my intention is merely to express my opinions so that a new aspirant, who has been assigned a task of producing search engine optimization (SEO) friendly content, can acquire a general notion on this specific type of writing style, instead of getting annoyed to listen to this particular word 'SEO article'.

Well, I'm going to presume that you, my reader, are already writers and are fully aware of the fact that your first responsibility as a writer is to help them understand the concept you're trying to get over.

However, I believe that there is nothing special about grammar when you start writing because English is a language that permits you to read and write in your own way while keeping simple basis things correct; if I am completely wrong then we might not hear the words like "bestest" and the like. At the same time, this is much that I can take for granted that you well, revise the writing to make it grammatically perfect.

I'll venture to aid or provide you with a few strategies to improve your writing SEO friendly once you can clearly communicate the topic to your reader:

You must first comprehend what keywords are. I won't define it here because you can learn more about it on Google than I ever could. What I'm trying to say is that you need to understand why you're selecting a keyword and what it actually means. You can never begin experimenting with given keywords if you don't understand what they mean.

If I say that knowing how to utilise keywords is the second item, then I must add that you should only use them when you can incorporate them into a meaningful statement. Never try to force a keyword into a statement if the sentence's context forbids it.

Most of the time, you try to employ them unnecessarily under the pressure of the optimizer. Your optimizer or the client must comprehend that if an article is overstuffed with keywords, good article directories—Ezine is undoubtedly one—and even the search engines will ignore it! Just 1% density is required.

Making suitable keyword placement is the very next stage. Never ever believe that inserting keywords wherever in your work and keeping a density of 1% would take care of everything for you. Thus, the challenge is not just to sate a visitor's hunger—you also need to comprehend the search spider's indexing methodology.

If not in the first line, then definitely between the first 20 and 50 lines, the keyword placement is always preferred at the beginning of the writing. If you look at the Google webmaster tool or read the primary blog posts for webmasters, you can find a guidance regarding Google's indexing procedure.

Maintaining the writing's appeal is another important consideration. You should never appear manufactured right away. You need to give your reader the impression that you are simply speaking with them. You are not trying to sell anything, offer a service, or draw attention to anything in particular.

Just demonstrate your main objective of leading the reader to your specific purpose. Until you have a related subject to educate your reader on, preaching or lecturing is a horrible idea. Always convey thought through your writing, as this will keep the audience interested.

Read More: Freelance Writing Advice: 3 Pieces of Advice on How to Find Online Writing Gigs That Pay Well

[jurnaldeoltenia]

VIDEO Sorin Cîmpeanu anunță REVOLUȚIA în învățământ: Marți începe cel mai mare concurs din istorie

VIDEO Sorin Cîmpeanu anunță REVOLUȚIA în învățământ: Marți începe cel mai mare concurs din istorie

Ministrul Educaţiei, Sorin Cîmpeanu, a declarat că marţi vor fi demarate concursurile pentru ocuparea posturilor de directori ale unităţilor de învăţământ preuniversitar, după ce a fost aprobată de Guvern o Ordonanţă de urgenţă. “Ordonanţa de urgenţă adoptată prin care se instituie măsuri aplicabile în anul universitar 2021-2022 . Au fost modificate prevederile Legii 55 şi ordonanţei de Urgenţă…

[riewritten]

21 PARALLELS

DUSK IN THE BRIGHTEST | chapter directory

erwin smith/fem!reader, erwin smith/you, no y/n | slow burn, angst, hurt/comfort, fluff & smut, mutual pining, canon AU, college/univ AU, professor erwin smith, commander erwin smith, non-linear narrative, manga spoilers

Trigger warning: canon-typical violence, graphic description, explicit sexual content, suicidal thoughts, mental health issues, trauma, implied/referenced sexual harassment, implied/referenced abuse, attempted murder, overdosing

Plot: It was always the nightmares, really. Entrapped with walls, human-eating giants, fighting through metal strings and swords – utterly violent, dreary, recurrent. But behind the blurry faces was a man with menacing blue eyes and vivid features; eventually appearing before you as your new reputable professor, Erwin Smith. Since then, the disaster had slipped beyond your subconscious. AO3

art credits to 50shadesofsparkle327!

When afternoon came and you were mostly done for today's errands, you walked towards Erwin's office to bring some news. However, when you opened the door you saw him slouching his head on the office table, seemingly obliterated. He didn't even look up to acknowledge your presence. When you closed the door and walked to him, you rested your palm on his head. Erwin hummed and called your name tiredly, "Hello there."

You let out a small laugh, "How did you know? You didn't even turn to look." 

Now you felt the tragedy of it. It was quite bearable but still close to crying, to say the least. The vivid image of Erwin's beaten-up body made you shiver, and the yearning feeling your counterpart had throughout that moment made you sullen. Recognizing how that felt, the way you see that man as an ill-mannered scoundrel just intensified inside you. 

"Your scent." He replied groggily, still not raising his head.

My what? "How were you able to note such a thing in your mind?" 

"Habit." He barely whispered.

"Weird." You sat on the chair in front of his table and moved it so you would be much nearer to him. "Are you tired?"

"Haven't slept yet."

Your hand that rested on his head was now on the table. "Nightmares?" He hummed. "Did it get worse?" He hummed again. 

“Yeah, it’s really getting bad.” You let out a wistful smile, "Do you need time to sleep? I can go back here later–"

"No," He swiftly held your hand to stop you, still not turning his head up. "Stay here."

Your body was conflicted on how to respond; are you supposed to get flustered with that or just dwell in worry? Your previous dream is ringing inside you again. You even had urges to check inside of his shirt to see if there are wounds. Still, your mind chose the latter instead, "What can I do for you, then?"

"Your hand," He remarked, "On top of my head."

You brought it back, "This?" He concurred. You gently caressed it side by side. He sighed and mumbled a weak thanks.

"You're always giving me comfort whenever I'm the one like this." You pondered, "I'm happy you're letting me do this now."

"Never thought this alone would already feel good," He mumbled. "Should've done this before. That'd save me from lots of stress."

"Right, you're a hard-headed man." Both of you went silent for a while as you did your thing. After a while, you decided to tell him the reason why you went here. "Got to top five. I'm officially out of your class now."

Erwin finally turned his head up. He was surprised, but the way you were able to see how exhausted he really looked just made you more worried. "You did? Really?" You nodded, then he flashed you a gentle smile. "I'm glad," He cupped your cheek and weakly tapped it. "Told you I never fail with my plans." 

"I didn't see you yesterday, were you able to sleep last night somehow?"

He shook his head no, "It's my second day now."

"Hey!" You fretted, "You have to–"

"Don't worry. I'm getting sleepy now." He didn't withdraw his hand cupping your cheek. Instead, he gently caressed it with his thumb in circular motions, "Did you lock the door?"

"No, why would I?"

"Lock it."

"Why?"

"I'll be sleeping now. I don't want to be disturbed."

"Then I'll go out so you could–"

"No." He interjected, "I won't be able to sleep if you go."

This conversation gets you more and more flustered. Even if his reason might be completely harmless, your brain just continuously flashes any scenario that might instigate once the door gets locked. Still, you heaved a sigh and stood up to do it. You walked back afterward to sit again, "Done."

"Good." Erwin seemed satisfied despite tired-lidded eyes, "For sure you'll be able to keep up with what you've left when you took a gap sem. Make sure to do a great job."

"I know but I feel like you really just pushed me out of this for your convenience." 

"And you're not wrong." 

"Distasteful." You muttered and stayed silent afterward, staring randomly on the shelf beside him and trying to distinguish every book piled on it silently.

But then he called your name again so you raised your brows. "Come closer." He remarked.

"Huh?"

He just beckoned you by nodding, so you did by standing up slightly to scoot nearer, "Why?"

When the distance was only centimeters away, he clicked a sly smile and cupped your cheeks, "Waited a very long time for this," He slid one of his palms to the back of your neck and pulled you towards him until your lips met.

Oh god.

Just like that, not only did your face get hotter than it already is but the whole room itself. Your barely standing knees quickly got mushy and your heartbeat rang loudly in your ears. The overwhelming feeling made you gasp and Erwin chuckled lowly as if something sparked in him after hearing that. You didn't move yet, just feeling how warm his lips were; you thought it was perhaps his body exuding a relatively higher temperature due to exhaustion. It was soft and plump as well, and some rough patches slid your lips smoothly that you can't help but like how it feels. Most of all, you felt shivers down your body as snippets of your dream came to you – the yearning, tragedy, the need to have him – it made you sigh, cupped his cheek, and returned the gesture by moving your lips in sync. Not only did Erwin smirk, but he also pulled you harder to him and kissed you more fervently.

After a while, you felt like your mind was spinning. You pushed away to pause it, albeit with difficulty and bumped your forehead with his. Erwin seemed greatly affected by it as well – flushed cheeks, slow breaths, and lidded eyes now different from exhaustion.

You gulped your panting breaths down, "I thought you wanted to sleep."

"I realized I want this more." He said lowly, voice reverberating through your mind and making it mushier.

You mumbled, "Why did you even wait for a long time just for this?"

"I'm a coward in that world," This time, he cupped both of your cheeks to maintain the proximity and your noses bumped along the way. "Can't do something as simple as this."

"Then you should've just asked me. Considering how drawn I was to you I'd be able to do that with ease." You felt like someone was speaking on your behalf, "Don't you think so, Commander?" But the pleasure was all yours to relish.

The honorific and your sly tone made him grip on your cheeks quite tightly, "But am I too late now? Can I just have it?" His voice was almost pleading. He can't hold down any further. His tipping point broke since you came to him on your own accord; he's not even sure if it was in that world or this one.

You let out a weak giggle, "You can but you have to sleep first."

"Then make me sleep. You're the only one who could do that." Mind's in shambles, desperate, no thoughts but the urge to press your body to him in any way possible. He can never have peace again if you leave.

Luckily for him, you shot him a knowing smile, withdrew the distance, and scooted up on the table with ease so you'd be seated on it comfortably. He was quite taken aback at the gesture but still thrillingly amused. When you're settled, you lowered your head slightly and reached for his cheeks. You're the one who initiated the kiss this time around and Erwin was immediately drawn to it.

His broad hands gripped both sides of your waist then swiftly grabbed you out off the table, landing you to his lap. That's it, your body's pinned nicely to him. Erwin sighed in satisfaction. And the gasp you abruptly let out with that action was something he immediately relished for his own. He inserted his tongue and pulled your head harder towards him; and as the new feeling evoked weak moans from you, you wrapped your arms around his neck. 

It was a series of starving kisses this time around as if relinquishing something that was deprived for god knows how long. The way your tongues glided with sheer intensity, the soft nibbles up to much stronger ones that elicited sensual moans and hums, and the way both of you are pinning on each other harder and harder as if the proximity will never be enough, all of it only leads you to one conclusion: you've been aching for this since forever. You're not entirely sure how given the fact that you distinguish emotions differently in your dream and this one; but the way it quickly removed any rationality in your head and swirled your senses into oblivion, you just knew how badly you've been waiting for this.

Erwin's composure finally faltered as well. Along with the kisses that got more and more mind ruffling to handle, he slid his hands under your shirt, towards your back, and caressed it softly yet messily; just desperate to feel it as much as he could. When he sensed he was about to lose control of his actions and his hand's about to unclasp your bra, as much as he doesn't want to stop, he withdrew his grasp on your lips and peppered your face with soft kisses instead. He just knew you wouldn't want to do this in this place, and if you ever do, he's not patient enough for a quick one. This was pent-up for years. Heck, he feels like it's been tons of decades, and you're not getting it all at once in this room.

You're not entirely sure why he stopped but you quite took it well because you also felt yourself giving in to it. The agenda is to make Erwin rest, not to have him more tired by ravaging you on his desk. That's why you took pleasure in what he's doing, closed your eyes, and smiled through it.

After a while, Erwin buried his head on your neck and rested his hands on your lower back so your body would maintain pressed to him, "I'll sleep like this." He said in a muffle, the vibration and his hot breath almost tickling you.

"With me on your lap? Seriously?" You asked in disbelief. 

He hummed, his lips now resting on the skin of your neck. "I could have you like this for a whole day. It's that bad."

"It's shameful that we're doing it inside school premises."

"Fuck them." He replied. You widened your eyes and softly slapped his shoulder, "And I'm quitting. You're the only reason I'm here after all."

"If you don't like it so much then why did you enter in the first place?

"Most viable one, near to Levi's household, in line with my profession, and exactly where you are." Needless to say, you felt your heart swelling, as usual, with his reasons. As you should, a voice in you says.

"And you're quitting your job despite that? How nice it is to be a wealthy bastard."

"I'm not. Levi and our friends just stopped me from giving my stuff away," He answered, "I was planning to become a hermit."

You let out a laugh and you can feel him smile through it as well. You slid your hand on top of his head while the other one is still wrapped around his neck, "They thought you were about to kill yourself," You lamented. Still, you can feel Erwin chuckling with that so you added, "You don't?"

"That was a mess. I completely forgot they're actually a bunch of smart asses." He muttered. Despite him getting humored on that, it got you immensely rueful. With pursed lips and furrowed brows, you said. "Don't think of something like that again."

"It's an old habit, but–" He paused for a while, "I swore to myself that you'd get anything you want in this world so I guess that's enough."

"It's not about me." You quickly interjected, "Let's work around it soon."

Both of you stayed silent for a while, with his lips just gently nuzzling on your skin. The feeling makes your whole body hot if you'd be honest, but you're dead set on making him rest.

"I have to sleep now. I'll end up taking you here if I stay awake." He lowly mumbled.

"As if, you idiot. You're dead tired." 

Erwin hummed, "Really?" He languidly placed wet kisses on your neck. "You know better than to take me lightly, young lady."

You almost whimpered at the feeling but you gulped it down and released a breathy sigh instead, "Not here. This place's too uncomfy." You struggled to reply.

"Right. And your heart's beating really fast. You won't be able to take me right now." He gave the skin a chaste peck.

You slapped him on the shoulder again and sternly said, "Sleep or I'll get out of here.

He let out a low laugh and held you tighter, "Wake me up after an hour."

When the weekend came, Isabel asked you to go for another night out; this time only with the three of them. She wasn't sure if Erwin would jive in because according to her, he looked nearer to his grave recently. Nonetheless, you told her you'd drop by this evening as you have something to check on first, that something being your mother. If you were to report to the police, she could easily be branded as missing. Kuchel seems worried too, but unlike her usual caring demeanor towards your mom, she's aversive now instead. She told you that it might not be easy but you could just move to their household instead of waiting alone in that house. You have no news regarding your father as well.

Nothing significant was garnered and because of how mournful you got with today's events, you reached the place late evening already. As you leave the taxi, however, you couldn't help but scrunch your eyebrows. First off, karaoke hub isn't everyone's usual hang-out place. No one in your circle likes hearing each other's amplified shrieks in an insulated chamber. Second, it doesn't look good. Isabel texted you that she's crying already, begging you to go faster along the way.

When you called her to say you were just behind the door, it abruptly opened and she ran to you. She really was crying and she smelt dead drunk. You were more surprised entering. Furlan was curled up in the corner with hands on his ears, Levi was barely awake, and Erwin's face was laced with more dread as if his usual one can't be worse already. "Had I known you're all wasted then I wouldn't have dropped by!" You remarked in disbelief, "What am I supposed to do? Be everyone's chaperone?"

"Because I can't deal with this soberly!" Isabel tried to explain with tears, "That was the ugliest thing I heard in my entire life!" Right after that, you heard Furlan heaving a sob as well, but unlike Isabel, his face stayed down and his position didn't change.

Levi attempted to sit properly upon hearing you speak, albeit failing to do so. You thought he'd say something to you but he just grabbed the songbook and hit Erwin with it hardly. Despite the loud slap, Erwin barely opened his eyes with a groan, "I don't have," He mumbled inaudibly, "–work today."

"Stupid fucker." Levi muttered and tapped on the man's knee, "Look." He pointed at you and called your name, "Not sure, but like, is she here?" He added lazily.

"Fuck off," He swatted Levi's hand away. "Stop downplaying my hallucinations," He gruffed. "I’m done with that phase."

"No," Levi tried to sit up properly again, barely successful but relatively better than the first try. "I don't see things, so she really might be here." But then he looked at you in confusion, "Or not?"

"I am here." You scorned and turned around the room, "How much have you all drunk? Levi doesn't even get this wasted easily!" Isabel didn't answer and when you looked at her she was already lying beside the now-closed door unconscious. Furlan’s still not moving.

Erwin, on the other hand, finally opened his eyes despite remaining slouched on the couch. He squinted his eyes at you and didn't say anything just yet, so you returned the gesture with a glare. After a while, he lazily tapped Levi. "I'm seeing her." Then rested his forearm atop his eyes with a frustrated groan, "God. I thought I was done with this." His voice was swaying.

"Huh," Levi groaned, "She's the soldier in your vision whenever you’re drunk? During college? Fuck you." He placed both of his hands to cover his face and he muffled, "Told you to stop pulling traumatic stories on me. Fuck."

The two continued mumbling incoherence towards each other and before your head throbbed at the sight, you dialed Kuchel's number. "They're drunk." You muttered in lament.

"Who's sober?" She sternly asked.

"Me."

"Levi?"

"Wasted."

"Erwin?"

"More wasted."

"Then I'm sure the two brats are as well. Tell them to not dare go home with that state. Sleep on the road and die. I'm hanging up."

"No! Furlan's quite okay yet." You interjected in panic and hurriedly went to Furlan, "Hey, your mom's on the phone." You tapped him continuously and put your phone on loudspeaker, "We have to bring everyone home safely–"

You were cut off by Furlan lifting his head, gritting his teeth, and covering his eyes as if to stop his tears. "He had one job and that is to stop." He was weeping, "I told everyone to stop but they went on. No one is taking me seriously." He sniffed, "And now I can't hear myself? What the fuck?"

Oh god. You put the phone to your ear again, "See, Kuchel." And let out a nervous laugh. "I think I can bring them home somehow– hello?" You cut yourself off as you realized you can't hear anything. When you look at your phone it was already hung up. Only a message; Leave them so they can see where they'll go with such recklessness. They're not kids anymore. Just go home and sleep. This day's already tiring to you as it is.

You heaved a tired sigh. You can't leave them like this, so you walked towards Erwin and knelt in front of him. "Wake up," You tapped on his knees.

"Levi," He tapped on the man beside him lazily. "Now I can feel her." He was befuddled.

"Follow her to the light," Levi answered faintly.

“Should I? Is that okay? We’re supposed to go to opposite paths.”

You lost your patience and stood up, grabbed his face nearer to you, and forced him to open his eyes. "Wake up. We're taking everybody home."

He looked straight at you tiredly, his eyes blinking a few times. "Oh god, here she is." He mumbled.

Levi hummed as he fully settled on the couch to sleep. "I'll clean your grave nicely."

You ignored Levi's remark and kept staring down at him, "Why did you drink this much?" You asked in worry.

Erwin blinked slowly, "We don't have an expedition tomorrow, why–"

You cut him off by gripping his face lightly, "Please cooperate. I'm tired today." You remarked sadly.

"Aw," Erwin muttered as if sympathizing, though it just sounded mocking. He wrapped his arms messily on your waist and pulled you slightly to him. "You look really hot when working but I shouldn't have piled you with a lot of work. I'm such a bad commander, no?"

This is futile, you thought, so you decided to just jive in. "You are. I almost fainted this time."

"Fuck. You did? Oh god." He was suddenly aghast and panicky and you almost laughed. You didn't think this would be entertaining to watch. "Are you angry? Planning to leave me now, perhaps? What can I do for you instead? Hm? Tell me." 

"Anything?"

"Anything my lady wants," He immediately answered despite a flailing voice. As his fingers played around your lower back in circular motions, he added. "Just so she won't leave." 

"Bring me home with you."

Erwin's lidded eyes were shot wide. He completely halted on the spot. Even his playful fingers on your back stopped. You blinked at him, waiting for a reply. After a while, he looked down, started smiling, shook his head slowly, and let out a low chuckle, "I don't want to wake up anymore." He whispered to himself yet still audible to you. You moved slightly so your face would be aligned again, "So Commander, am I allowed to go home with you?"

"What do you want to do, hm?"

"Let's see when we get there. Where are your keys?"

"Since when did my pretty soldier get this blunt? If you showed this to me way before I would've just given in, you know?"

You snorted, "Stay in the present, Commander." You tried to tap and feel his pants to find his keys somehow. You felt it in both pockets. "So where's the one for your house, left or right?"

"Right." He mumbled inaudibly with his head falling. "So, if we're gonna do, that… uh, I might do it too hard because I've been, you know, for years. But…" He clung to your waist in a last attempt to gain his balance, "I'll try my best to… uhm… make you–" Then his hands fell down, "What was that word again…" He hummed but then drifted towards unconsciousness, his head slouched on your stomach.

Just what did he think both of you would be doing? Letting out the laugh you've held back, you gently placed his head on the edge of the couch and then stared at him for a while. After seeing how deep he was sleeping already, you smiled and tapped his cheek lightly, just like how he usually does to you.

With the keys in your hands, you went to get water and sat beside Furlan. Despite him being sulky, he seemed to be the one least wasted because he’s still conscious. You tapped him, groggy but still responsive, "We'll go if you're sobered up. Can't carry them alone. You know Erwin's place, right?"

It was utterly challenging, but luckily Erwin got quite awake when you arrived so everyone managed to enter smoothly. As soon as you're all settled inside though, he immediately dropped asleep. You cleaned up for a while and saw a new being in this house. “What–” You were completely surprised when it rubbed itself and meowed on you. Surely, this one's picked up from the streets but instead of gushing to it, you stared in lament instead.

You thought you only have to see familiar people in that world. The feeling made you terribly sunken.

You woke up on the couch hearing Isabel’s rowdy voice. Opening your eyes, you felt the cat on top of you, just above the blanket, and it was purring. You didn’t get up at first, letting it rest on you.

“Where did you even get that cat?” Isabel asked with scorn from the dining table meters away from you. She seemed to not notice you already woke up.

“There are plenty of those in the uni,” Furlan interjected.

“They’re ugly.”

There, you were shot awake and sat abruptly. “But you like cats so much! Especially fluffy ones!” You interjected with quite a loud voice. They were almost taken aback at it.

“Morning.” Levi deadpanned, while Isabel raised her brows with a scowl, "Huh? Who are you pertaining to? I hate them." Ah, you realized. Lying down again, you sunk in lament.

“Your errands yesterday,” Levi remarked, “How did that go?”

"Nothing. But I tried calling her multiple times, even sent a text message." 

"Hm," Levi hummed, walking towards the couch and opening the television in front. "Then?"

"She texted me," Your eyebrows furrowed, "I was flooded with 'stop' and 'I don't want to see you. Which part did you not understand?' that kind of stuff."

“Huh!” Isabel shouted and walked towards the living room as well, sitting beside Levi on the floor.

"What did you feel about it?"

"Maybe I did something wrong, some chores I forgot, or I just expected too much."

Isabel huffed, "Pack your things and live in our house already. Left that house to rot. You don't even have good memories there."

“Hm,” You finally sat up. "Maybe she'll come back soon."

"You seem to be misunderstanding something here," Levi called your name. "You barely had a family there. Face it. And you practically lived in our house all your life. Don't even think of being shy about it."

"Hey, Levi." Isabel called him out worriedly. “Don’t say that.”

"Don't expect me to be kind on this," He flatly interjected. "You might've been too young to remember or your little mind burned it down to sheds, but back then I frequently saw you bruised or injured whenever that fucker goes home. That's why I always make you go to our house.” You really don’t remember, but for some reason, you don’t want to talk about it as well. Before you could change the topic, however, Furlan interjected. “Speaking of mom, she sounded really angry right now. And it’s late afternoon already. We left the cafe closed.”

Isabel chuckled, “Maybe I won’t come home tonight.” But Levi pulled her ears and stood up, “You might as well find another place to sleep because she’ll kick you out.” He then turned to you, “We’ll drop by your house so you could get clothes. You’re not sleeping there.”

You sat up and looked down sadly, “Thank you Levi, but I really want to wait for her. I’ll try to consider that, though.”

“You can leave her here for now,” Erwin interjected from the kitchen, “I’ll be the one to drive her home afterward.”

Levi looked at you for a reply, but you were too flushed to speak. “This guy’s really going all the way.” He muttered, and Isabel covered her mouth in shock upon realization. You gave her a sad look, “Please don’t say anything.” So she did. She just let out a snort, the snort became a laugh, then turned into a loud chortle. It went on for a while.

After preparing, Levi called for the two to buy some stuff first and then wait at the car. He fixed some things then quickly excused himself right after. Before closing the door, however, he shot you a glare, “Fix your face. You look repulsive.”

“I always look repulsive.” You nonchalantly remarked, "Take care."

"I'll try to find her as well." He flatly remarked, "Then we'll get you out of this." You smiled, nodded, then closed the door for him.

As you walked back, Erwin finally settled in the living room, seated on the floor carpet with his back leaning on the couch. “What happened?”

“Just realized something.” You remarked, sitting down on the couch just right beside him. "It's actually supposed to be a good thing so I feel strange getting sad over the fact that I hold certain memories and affection for people even if they have no recollection of it." You pondered for a while then continued, "I dreamt of this cat being Isabel's favorite, and this being died shortly after she did. I buried it beside her stone without Levi's knowledge, so I got sad that she actually hates this one now."

"I actually picked that up because of that."

You heaved a laugh, "Seriously, how often have you watched from afar?"

"You wouldn't want to know. Continue."

"And I realized yesterday night that even if Levi loved being clean, he's not overly obsessed with it and he didn't mind sleeping yesterday without washing up. I also remembered certain quirks of people I know in that place and most of it are gone now. Have you felt lonely over this before?"

"I didn't mind it that much, but I also felt quite alienated with the trivial distinctions I've noticed over them.”

You hummed in acknowledgment, "So, it was like, what is there for us if not for the memories we've been holding from that world? They all seem relatively happy, struggles existent yet bearable. Looking at them sometimes makes me feel that their lives are just too good to be true." And you sighed, "And to be honest, out of all the people I have here that I met there as well, you're the only one I can see as miserable as I am. Leaving my parents out, that is."

With that, Erwin finally scooted up on the couch. "Are you devastated by that?"

"No. I just get insecure over it and at times I tend to take them lightly whenever they tell me their struggles. I loathe catching myself doing that." It was silent afterwards, somehow understanding how raw it felt for the two of you.

After a while, you leaned toward him and he wrapped an arm around your shoulder. He pondered for a while, "It's the reason why I was eventually delighted you were the same even if I saw how bad it turned out to be for you. Quite selfish of me if I'd be honest."

"Now I'm getting more sad that you picked that habit up as well."

"Sorry." He chuckled, "Making you stay here right now was me being selfish as well." And the realization finally daunted you; both of you are finally alone. You are dead flustered again but to ease the nervousness away, you snuggled towards him. Gliding your eyes towards the place, you suddenly saw something familiar on the shelf, "Is that handkerchief mine?"

Erwin turned his eyes towards it as well, "Yeah. You dropped it when you were still avoiding me for dear life."

You turned to him in slight disbelief, "And you didn't return it?"

He flashed a guilty smile, "You can get it now."

"You already turned it into a display. Why did you fold it like a napkin?" You were almost laughing, "But you can keep it. I didn't even remember losing it."

"Okay." You went silent again.

Do I need to set a mood before an intimate moment starts? You thought to yourself. You're not usually this jittery but your mind is turning into shambles. You tried to glance at him but he's awfully chill. He's not even fazed, and he completely, naturally, welcomed your snuggle to him. After a while of pondering for another topic, you spoke again, "So do you have–"

"Can I kiss you now?"

Fuck.

You shot him a glare. Still, he looked at you innocently, his face urging but benign.

"You really don't have patience left in you, is it?" You deadpanned and sat properly again.

He slid his fingers to your face, "Told you. I've held back long enough."

"I usually don't get so lost with this kind of thing." Your cheeks were burning.

He put his finger on your chin and tipped it up gently, "Am I the only one who feels like this? Are you not holding back at all?"

Giving in, you turned to him and cupped his cheeks as well, "I only realized I did when I kissed you back then." Fixing your eyes on his lips, you slid your thumb through it almost mindlessly.

Erwin gripped your waist, "As much as I am a sucker for tease and tension, I really am on my limit now."

"Sorry," You sheepishly smiled and leaned in until your lips met. And right, he really was on his awful limit. With heat spreading under his skin, he hungrily kissed you back, letting out a weak yet satisfied sigh along the way. He laid you on the couch all the while urgently asking you to open your mouth so his tongue could enter. 

As both of you indulge at the beginning of your sweet surrenders, his large hands slid inside your shirt, one massaged your mound while the other one slid on your lower back to pull you harder, rolling his hips along the way and making you whimper in between kisses. Your sounds were insanely intoxicating to him, to say the least, that nothing would appease his mind but to make a mess out of you from all the teeming desires he’d kept for a lifetime.

You ended up pulling his hair away to pause the kiss so you could breathe from the overwhelming sensations, "Can we get this to the bed?" 

He showered your face with wet kisses. "You'll let me take care of you there? Hm?" Erwin lowly whispered and nibbled your lower ear.

"Yes," You writhed under him, breathless and hot. "Please?"

You don’t even need to beg, but he was disgustingly gratified hearing that.

previous chapter | next chapter [explicit] • [not explicit]

[outlawandlychgate]

Chapter 3-Funeral Procession of the Dead; Scene 4

Outlaw & Lychgate, pages 62-69

There was the sound of a door opening from the direction of the mansion’s entrance.

At the same time the light started to rapidly settle, until finally it had vanished without a trace.

“It…disappeared?”

Lich looked around the room.

Seth immediately thought that this was incorrect.

He could still sense Amostia. He’d simply moved to a different room.

Lich and Ron both must have sensed this.

“It seems he moved to the dining hall,” Ron murmured. “We had plans to hold Lady Banica’s funeral there. I figured that was the most suitable place for her.”

So then…he had gone to receive the coffin being brought over by the Outlaws.

“Let’s go too, Seth,” Lich declared.

“Oh, wait a moment, Lich. Over in that dining hall…Don’t you sense something else there too?”

“…Yeah. Someone else is there.”

“No, not a person. It’s not a presence so much as a distortion in the air…It might be dangerous.”

But Lich showed no sign of hesitation. “I don’t care. Whatever it is, we need to see what’s going on for ourselves.”

“I concur.”

He’d told Lich it was dangerous, but in actuality Seth had not detected any malicious intent towards them on Amostia’s end.

Well, it’s probably fine.

Ron stood up from his chair.

“In that case, I’ll lead you to the dining hall. Lady Banica will be pleased to have more mourners.

“…Thank you.”

Seth and Lich followed behind Ron to the dining hall.

.

--Soon after they entered the dining hall, Seth could see the situation inside for himself.

Not all of the Outlaws had entered the mansion. Just the number that had been carrying the coffin. The rest appeared to have been left to wait outside.

They were slowly heading deeper into the hall.

And there was—

The light that appeared to be Amostia.

And—a “gate” that looked to reach up to the dining hall’s ceiling.

“…It looks like the one that appeared in the Millennium Tree Forest,” Lich whispered, his expression that of faint surprise.

“Indeed. Though it’s much smaller than that one.”

But the inside of this gate was clearly emanating the distortion in space-time.

It was unmistakable that this led to some other world.

The Outlaws carrying the coffin were going to pass through the gate.

“—We have to stop them,” Lich said.

Ron looked at him in shock. “Don’t say something so foolish…Do you intend to interfere in Lady Banica’s funeral service?!”

“You’re the one who’s a fool. Do you honestly think that’s Lady Banica’s corpse?”

“B-but…”

When Ron was at a loss to respond, they instead heard the voice coming from the light.

“—It’s just like he says, Ron.” Ron, Seth, and Lich all turned to the light. “That body is not that of Banica Conchita.”

“…”

“I’m sorry, Ron. I lied to you.”

“Then the curse placed on me—”

“I will free the souls of the Outlaws. I have that much power to me, right now. But when it comes to you…It’d be difficult. To counter Hänsel and Gretel’s magic I would need someone who is similarly opposite to me—a ‘girl’ of creation. But…”

Seth knew well that there was no one of that nature in this world.

The Boy of the Ending and the girl of Creation—Ordinarily they were beings that were set opposite to each other.

Hänsel and Gretel.

Adam and Eve.

And Allen and Riliane.

But Seth had only been seeking the power of “destruction”.

“My father did not create for me a being that could be my big sister, or little sister.”

“That’s true, Amostia,” Seth laughed heedlessly. “But in my defense. That was right before I died from the wounds I suffered during the ‘Leviantan Catastrophe’. It took all I had to complete you, and I hadn’t the strength to make anyone el—”

“That’s a lie. You had enough time to make a red cat and go to the forest.”

“Because I thought I might be able to grant Irina the power of the ‘girl’. Though…I did fail at that.”

“That’s another lie. You’ve always been like this. All you do is lie. I’ve…never been able to tell what you’re really thinking.”

“Is that right? It was a long time ago, anyway. Frankly there’s a lot of it that I’ve just forgotten.”

“I remember. All of it. But almost all of those memories are from within the dark bottom of the earth…That too, is over.”

The light was still so dazzling, it was impossible to accurately make out Amostia’s form.

But it did appear as though there were large wings sticking out from the hazy outline of the “boy”’s back.

“I have gained wings. I’m free now. With these wings I will fly to a new world…Along with ‘her’.”

“So that’s why you tricked Ron into having this coffin brought here. It seems we’re both liars.”

Ron fell to his knees, hanging his head.

“…Are you alright, Mr. Ron?” Lich spoke up to him.

Ron shook his head a few times. “Yeah. …In truth I think I knew. I knew it was all too convenient. But even so I—”

“Well, there’s no need to get so depressed about it. I might have…some idea of how your curse could be lifted,” Lich said, and then he looked to the coffin. “But before that…Let’s do something about this.”

He slowly started to walk.

Ron no longer made any move to stop him.

The Outlaws were heading for the gate with the coffin in hand, but their pace was slow.

It appeared as though they were afraid, not knowing the nature of this gate.

“…I’ll take over from here.”

Amostia started to move.

The coffin was encased by the light, and it pulled away from the Outlaws’ hands.

“Come, let’s go together.”

The light and the coffin floated into the air, and started to head for the gate.

Lich sped up to chase after them.

But—

“…Guh.”

Right when he got close, Lich stopped.

Seth had watched all this without saying a word, but eventually he called out, “Just give up, Lich....You can’t do it.”

“But—”

“You’re afraid. Of the distortion of that gate, and Amostia’s light. You just don’t have the courage to run into the unknown.”

Amostia, still holding the coffin, had almost reached the gate.

And yet Lich’s feet could not take a step forward.

“You’ve always been like this. You were always afraid of treading on a new world. It was your critical weakness as a researcher. That’s why…you failed to your apprentice, Behemo.”

“…”

“If it weren’t for me, you wouldn’t have been able to do anything. The seed of malice that I put in you also gave you courage. But right now—"

--He had lost it again.

Right before Seth could say that, though, Amostia finally arrived at the gate.

“Well then, farewell, everyone. …Or maybe we’ll meet again somewhere, someday.”

“Wait!”

The light ignored Lich’s cry, entering the gate with the coffin.

“We’re going on a journey. No one can get in our way.”

“Tell me who’s inside that coffin!”

“…It’s a corpse. You all called her—‘Luna Hazuki’.”

“--!?”

“And to me, she is—”

The gate closed.

And then it vanished without a trace.

<<prev------directory------next>>

[galleryofunknowns]

Unknown Artist, 'Portrait of a Man', oil on canvas, late 1700s, American?, currently in the collection of the Museo Nacional Thyssen Bornemisza, Madrid, Spain.

The portrait, formerly attributed to Gilbert Stuart (b.1755 - d.1828), was previously thought to be of Hercules Posey (b.1748 - d.1812), an enslaved cook in the employ of George Washington. Below the cut is an edited version of of a Philadelphia Inquirer article written March, 2019, on the life of Hercules and the research undertaken in the portrait.

“This is very different from how Stuart would have done it,” said Dorinda Evans, a Gilbert Stuart scholar and professor emerita at Emory University, who was certain that both the painter and subject had been misidentified.

The other scholars, curators, and conservators appeared unanimous. But there was one more blockbuster twist. The hat, perceived to be a chef’s toque for as long as the painting has been known to modern viewers, was in fact not a cook’s hat at all, Evans said, but a Caribbean headdress similar to one worn by free Dominicans in the West Indies depicted in paintings by the Italian artist Agostino Brunias.

The experts’ verdict: The painting is genuine to the late 1700s, and the unknown subject was a person of noble importance. But it wasn’t painted by Stuart. And the subject wasn’t even a chef — definitively ruling out Hercules and setting in motion a cascade of implications for historians at a moment when interest in him and others enslaved by the Washingtons remains high.

In fact, the conclusions of this meeting of experts, conducted in private two years ago but made public only now, helped spur a researcher last month to discover what might in fact be a record of the elusive chef’s burial place.

That chef just wasn’t the man in this painting.

“No American cook in the colonies dressed like that,” said Evans, noting that the now-familiar chef’s toque did not appear until the 1820s. “It’s a fantasized image of what people want, because people want to have an image of Hercules. And people see the things they want to see.”

The painting, long held as a potential key to the chef’s story, turned out to be a false clue, another myth in a Washington universe full of them, “like the cherry tree and the wooden teeth,” said Mount Vernon senior curator Susan P. Schoelwer, who coordinated the study day along with associate curator Jessie MacLeod.

“There is a real possibility of a sense of loss there. It’s such a powerful portrait,” she said. “There is a real hunger for a dignified portrait of an enslaved person we can identify with as an individual. But when I weigh that against something that … really isn’t what it was supposed to be, I’m always going to opt for being a seeker after truth.”

Hercules the man was very real. He was sold to George Washington as a teenage “ferryman” in 1767 by a neighbor, John Posey, as payment for a debt. And his labors for the Washingtons were well-documented at Mount Vernon and in Philadelphia, where he was renowned for the feasts he cooked at the President’s House between 1790 and 1796. He escaped from Mount Vernon in 1797 — on George Washington’s birthday — and was never captured.

These facts, drawn from house accounts, farm logs, letters, and reminiscences, have fashioned the chef as a hero whose culinary talents earned him special privileges from the Washingtons and an income from selling kitchen scraps that afforded him a notable sartorial style. He was recalled by Washington’s stepgrandson, George Washington Parke Custis, as a “great master-spirit” in the kitchen who, after the meal, would don fine black silks and a gold-headed cane for evening promenades down High Street.

Though he was dressed stylishly, walking the streets of an abolitionist-minded city known as a haven for free blacks, Hercules was still an enslaved man — and he was eventually left in Virginia and set to hard plantation labor.

What became of Hercules after his dash for freedom has long remained a mystery. This painting, now owned by the Museo Nacional Thyssen-Bornemisza in Madrid, was long thought to be a clue.

But fundamental questions about the painting’s relationship to Hercules persisted. They were definitively dispelled in the ultraviolet light of the private study day two years ago when the painting was removed from the walls of Mount Vernon after an exhibition in preparation to be returned to Spain. Paloma Alarcó, the Thyssen-Bornemisza curator who attended, agreed to the examination (and my attendance) under the condition its results not be made public until the museum could conduct its own follow-up studies.

She said that time has now come; the museum has hit a dead end: “We are blind, we must confess. … Maybe we will never know who this guy is.”

This is hardly the first old painting to be misidentified in the often shadowy world of art collecting. Its identification as Washington’s cook was likely added in the mid-20th century to increase the value on a work already misidentified earlier in the century as by Stuart, who famously painted the president in 1796. It remained in private hands and largely unstudied by scholars until it was sold in 1983 to Baron Thyssen-Bornemisza, whose massive collection became the museum, which simply cataloged its previously ascribed provenance as the painting arrived.

But Hercules, as one of the most visible individuals enslaved during that era, in part due to this image, carries extra cultural significance because of the growing dialogue about the founding fathers and their troubling involvement with slavery. And as I shared news of the painting’s removal from the record, it brought a mix of disappointment and resignation.

“Although we always questioned it, it’s kind of devastating to find out it’s not him,” said Erica Armstrong Dunbar, a professor of history at Rutgers University whose book, Never Caught (Atria, 2017), documents the escape of Ona Judge from the President’s House in Philadelphia, where she was enslaved alongside Hercules and seven others. “We don’t have any other such portraits of the enslaved who lived at Mount Vernon.”

On Dec. 15, 1801, Martha Washington wrote to Richard Varick, the mayor of New York City, to thank him for looking into the whereabouts of “my Old Cook Hercules. … I have been so fortunate as to engage a white cook who answers very well. I have thought about it therefore better to decline taking Hercules back.”

What Martha Washington did not mention was that she had already freed her husband’s slaves in January of that year, acting early upon a wish from George’s will with an emancipation that also applied to Hercules.

That New York correspondence has long been the last known clue to Hercules’ fate. And it’s a thread that Ganeshram and Sara Krasne, a colleague at the Westport Historical Society where the novelist is executive director, began to pursue in February with a startling new discovery — a New York City death notice that just might be him.

They looked back to John Posey, Hercules’ previous owner, for more clues. They found one. Krasne uncovered the burial record for Hercules Posey, a Virginia native born in 1748 who was listed in the 1812 city directory as a laborer who lived at 33 Orange St. and who died of consumption on May 15, 1812. He was buried at the Second African Burying Ground in Lower Manhattan — a grave that Ganeshram believes is still under the Christie Street sidewalk on the Lower East Side.

“What are the odds with all these factors — being named Hercules and Posey, being black from Virginia and more or less the same age — of it not being him?” Ganeshram said. “People chose to believe the painting was him [despite all the doubts]. I think this evidence is much stronger.”

A pair of historians agreed.

“She may really be onto something,” said Mary V. Thompson, the Mount Vernon research historian who is soon set to publish her own book on slavery at Mount Vernon. “The name, age, and birthplace information are really compelling.”

“[They] may have found the needle in the haystack,” Dunbar, the Rutgers professor and author, concurred. “I would feel totally comfortable speculating that it was him.”

And so, 222 years after Hercules’ daring escape, the great chef may have been found.

“The portrait was not Hercules, but look what popped up instead,” Dunbar said. “He’s totally not trying to go away — he wants you to know.”

“To think he was right there, and may still be, gives me chills,” Ganeshram said. “Hercules is bigger than the painting, and he always has been.”

LaBan, Craig (2019, March 1). 'George Washington's enslaved chef, who cooked in Philadelphia, disappears from painting, but may have reappeared in New York', Philadelphia Inquirer. Retrieved from https://www.inquirer.com/food/craig-laban/george-washington-slave-chef-cook-hercules-gilbert-stuart-painting-wrong-20190301.html.

[songtoyou]

Chapter Four: Mission Hills - Part Two

Would You Call That Love

Pairing: Chris Evans x Raina Morrison (OC)

Rating: PG to PG-13 (Might be 18+ for some chapters)

Description: There was always that one person Chris Evans tended to turn to when he was not in a committed relationship, Raina Morrison. He could confide in her about things going on in his life that he did not feel comfortable talking to his family or close friends about. Chris and Raina were able to establish a way to openly communicate with one another, but also being respectful of the other’s time and needs. It was the only constant “relationship” he had, but without all the nonsense of trying to build a life together. A “friends with benefits” situation. However, what happens when Chris starts rethinking his “relationship” with Raina and if either are willing to pursue something more?

Chapter Rating: 18+

Warnings: Sexual content (oral with female receiving)

Word Count: 2,934

Author’s Note: We are still in 2014. It dives deeper into Chris and Raina’s friendship and how it became sexual. The next chapter we will return to the present time. This was partially proof-read. 

Feedback is always welcomed. If you want to be tagged, please let me know.

Sadly, I do not know Chris Evans or anyone in his family and this is just a fictional take on his life. I do not permit this fic to be reposted on other platforms.  

Updated for grammar and punctuation edits.

As Raina had expected, sex with Chris was amazing. He knew exactly what to do when it came to pleasuring a woman. The fact that he could go back and forth between being soft and sensual to dominating and rough was mind-blowing. Raina was sure she had blacked out a couple of times because the orgasms were so intense. For Chris, he could not remember the last time he came so hard. He made sure to give it his all when it came to giving Raina pleasure. He was not going to half-ass anything. 

The two were in post-coital bliss—however, both knew that it would not be able to last. Neither wanted to leave the bubble they created and enter the real world. The world where they had to be mindful of how they acted around each other. The world where they were always expected to keep their guard up and be cautious. The world where everything came down to PR and playing a role the media and fans tacked them. 

“I don’t want this to end,” Chris spoke up suddenly.

Raina turned her head, so she was looking at him. “What do you mean?”

Turning on his side, Chris stared at the woman next to him. He loved her. He genuinely loved her. “This has been incredible. Part of me doesn’t want it to be a one-time thing. But the sensible part of me is scared that this might ruin our friendship.”

“It isn’t,” Raina confirmed to help put Chris at ease. She could tell his anxiety was trying to take control and make him feel guilty. “Nothing is going to come between us, Chris. Us having sex…well, I don’t know about you, but it felt natural. It felt right. There was no awkwardness. I felt safe and relaxed with you. I don’t want this to end either. However, I don’t think either of us is ready to be in a relationship. You just got out of your relationship with Minka. My breakup with Ben wasn’t that long ago either. We’re too fragile right now. Plus, after today, we both have to go back to work. We won’t have the proper foundation to really build a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship.”

“I know. You’re right. So, what do we do?”

At that moment, the two friends came up with a plan to forge ahead with a friend with benefits relationship. Both knew it was risky. However, Chris and Raina were willing to take on that risk. 

“We will have to establish some guidelines to follow. I am not going into this without any security. For example, never being judgmental can one of the guidelines, along with being open with communication,” Raina suggested. “We don’t have to have everything sorted out now. I think it would best to take this slow and make sure we have everything needed in place before we officially go forward with this notion.”

“I concur,” Chris agreed. 

“What time is it?”

Chris turned to check his phone. “A little after 3 a.m. Do you think everyone is still out partying?”

“Knowing this crew, probably,” said Raina as she got out of bed and put on a pair of boy shorts and a tank top. “I’m going to go check if Mercedes is in her room.”

When Raina left the room, Chris proceeded to look through his phone. A couple of new posts in the group text with his Avenger coworkers; all wished him a happy birthday. He replied with a quick thank you and told them he would see them all soon. 

“Her room and Tara’s room are still empty,” Raina shared as she entered the room. Looking around, she saw Chris’s clothes scattered all over the floor. “I think you should head out before they see you. I don’t…I don’t want them to know that we…I want to keep this between us.”

Chris sat up to lean his back against the headboard. He understood where Raina was coming from. “I hear ya. Don’t worry; I won’t tell Scott about tonight. I can picture him freaking out and giving me a lecture,” said Chris getting out of bed to put on his clothes.

When he was dressed, he followed Raina out of the room and to the front door. 

“What time do we need to meet up for Top Golf?” asked Chris as he leaned against the front door.

“Our reservation is at noon,” Raina reminded him. She pulled Chris in for one last hug and said, “Happy Birthday, Chris. I hope that tonight was special for you. And I mean the whole night, not just the part where we…you know.”

“Well, that part might be my favorite,” Chris declared with a cheeky grin and gave Raina a soft kiss on the lips.

“Sleep tight, Evans.”

“Nighty night, Raina.”

October 18, 2014

Four months had passed since Chris’s birthday party in Vegas. It was also the last time Chris and Raina were intimate with one another. Chris had finished filming the second Avengers movie back in August and took some time off to spend with his family. Raina was still touring around the world with her new album. After finishing up the European leg of the tour, she was in for a much-needed break. 

Before Chris and Raina were to head to China for the Mission Hill Pro-Am Golf Tournament, the singer would spend some time in Boston with Chris and his family. He picked Raina up at the airport that Saturday and headed to his mom’s house for dinner. 

“Is your mom making her spaghetti? I have been craven it so bad, you would not believe,” said Raina as Chris drove from the airport.

“Yeah, she’s got it all ready. How are you craving it? You were just in Italy?” Chris pointed out.

“Your mom’s spaghetti is just better,” declared Raina.

“That is true.” 

The drive from the airport to Lisa’s house did not take too long due to the abundance of conversations between the two friends occupying their time. Chris shared his experience at the Toronto Film Festival, where he debuted his first directorial feature film, ‘Before We Go.’ “I know my movie isn’t perfect, but I am happy with the final product. The film is supposed to be simplistic and about these two characters forming a friendship throughout the film. I…I get scared that people are going to have these high expectations and get disappointed if it doesn’t live up to them,” Chris admitted to Raina.

Raina let out a quiet sigh. She knew Chris would display his anxiety about the film. He was a perfectionist and, like most people, cared about what people thought of him and his art. 

“Chris… you’re going to have so many opportunities to show the world what you can do. You put yourself out there and stepped out of your comfort zone. Not a lot of people are willing to do that, but you did. So, stop worrying so much. Don’t read the reviews from critics. They don’t matter. All that matters is if you are happy with the end product.”

“I am! I worked fucking hard on that film. Everyone did. And I am proud of it,” said Chris as he pulled into the driveway of his mother’s house.

“Then that is all that matters,” Raina replied as she got out of the car with Chris following. “Like, seriously, if I stressed over every album review or placement on the charts, I’d never get anything accomplished. 

When Raina stepped to the front door, it flew open with Lisa standing with her arms wide open ready to embrace the younger woman and her eldest son.

“My babies!” exclaimed Lisa. She wrapped her arms around Raina in a tight hug. “Come on inside. Everyone is in the kitchen. Kids! Chris and Raina are here!” 

They could hear the sound of Miles and Ethan’s footsteps as the boys ran from the kitchen and tackled Chris to the ground. “Okay, okay. You gotta let me up, kiddos. Go tackle Raina,” Chris ordered. 

Ethan ran towards Raina for a hug. “Oh, my goodness. What happened to my little Ethan? You’re so big now,” she acknowledged as she scooped Ethan up into her arms. 

“Did you bring us presents, Auntie Rai?” Ethan boldly asked as she sat him down to then pick up Miles

“Presents? Is that all I’m good for you guys?” Raina teased. Of course, she brought presents for the kids. Raina had no siblings of her own, so she did not have any nieces or nephews spoiled. Chris was more than happy to share. 

“Come on, kids. Let’s head to the kitchen and get some ready for dinner,” Lisa instructed. 

“We’ll open presents after dinner,” said Raina as she put Miles down and walked into the kitchen. Both boys following close behind and never leaving Raina’s side. 

After being engulfed in hugs from Carly, Scott, and Shanna, the family sat down to dinner. While the surname Evans was rooted in Irish, the family was 100-percent Italian in their mannerisms: always talking with their hands, very boisterous, loud but pleasant, and happy. Their energy was infectious and endearing. 

“I can’t believe how big Stella has gotten. She was so tiny the last time I saw her,” Raina spoke to Carly while the little girl smiled and reached for food on people’s plates.

Conversations flowed, along with the wine for the adults. It was a nice setting for Chris to see. He loved his family and was grateful to have this moment with his best friend.  

When Chris and Raina left Lisa’s house, the two continued to work together to develop proper guidelines both would adhere to protect their friendship from any fallout. 

Raina opted to include that both would need to be transparent with one another. 

“Overall, we have to be honest with one another. If you or I feel like there is an issue that needs to be brought up, we have to say it. We can’t keep it inside and let it fester,” suggested Raina as she lounged on Chris’s bed in his home.

“Agree. I think we also need to include a guideline about not being judgmental. Like, if I am dating someone or if you are dating someone, neither of us can act like an asshole towards one another or the other’s partner at the time,” Chris replied with his suggestion. He had just taken a shower, so he was only wearing sweats, no shirt.

“I 100% agree,” Raina nodded. “I would like to include that we are open about what is considered off-limits and what is acceptable when it comes to our preferences and likes during sex. I don’t mind being adventurous,” she added suggestively.

Chris let out a boisterous laugh. “I always knew you were a big slut,” he teased.

“Well, you are a slut too, sweetie. But that is okay. I’m not judging you,” joked Raina. She always loved riling Chris up a bit.

“What have you done that is out of the box, sexually?” Chris asked. He desperately wanted to know. It was not like he and Raina had never talked about sex. In fact, he tended to be incredibly open with Raina when it came to talking about sex. She was willing to share her sexual history with him. 

“I really don’t mind giving up control to my partner. But I can be dominant if need be. I’ve told you all this before,” Raina admitted honestly. She knew she could trust Chris to keep her secrets. She had no shame in telling him her sexual fantasies. “What do you provide especially for your…concubines?”

“Concubines? Throwing out the big words, are we.” 

“You’re one to talk, Mr. I-Incorporate-SAT-Words-In-Every-One-Of-My-Sentences. Tell me, do you have a world of the day calendar posted next to your bed? You make sure to check every day, Mr. Thesaurus?” kidded Raina. “No, but seriously, what are holding back from me, Mr. Evans?” she asked while climbing on top of Chris’s lap. It did not take long for Raina to begin grinding against him while trailing kisses up his neck to ear.

“You really do love taking control, don’t you, little girl,” Chris pointed out as he rubbed his hands over Raina’s ass. “But here is something you don’t quite get…” he said and immediately flipped Raina onto her back. 

With Chris hovering over Raina, he took her hands and put them above her head. “I like to be in control,” he declared and captured her lips with his. “Let me show what I can provide you. Don’t move those hands, now,” Chris instructed and began taking off Raina’s leggings and underwear. 

Chris was not going to rush this, but instead, was willing to be patient and prolong providing Raina pleasure for as long as possible. When it came to giving a woman head, Chris was a pro. However, with Raina, this was more intimate and would take their friend with benefits agreement to a whole other level. He teased her clit, then would trail kisses up and down her inner thighs. 

When he finally began using his tongue, Raina jerked and gasped. “Oh my God! That feels so good.” Chris had to hold Raina down by putting one of his large hands on her stomach. It took all of Raina’s self-control to keep her hands put and not grab Chris’s hair. 

“I need to come!” Raina shouted after Chris inserted a finger and began pumping in and out of her. 

“So soon,” he teased and continued pumping, this time adding another finger. “Nah, not yet, sweetheart. I’m not quite done tasting you.”

October 21, 2014

It was sad saying goodbye to the Evans clan, especially when they began crying. He was worried that Chris and Raina would not be around to trick or treat with him. 

“Hey buddy, I will be back before then to celebrate Halloween together. I promise we will go trick or treating,” Chris consoled his youngest nephew.

“Can Raina come with us?” the little boy asked.

“Heck yeah, I’m coming tricking or treating with you guys,” confirmed Raina, to which Miles replied happily by jumping for joy and hugging her tightly. 

The flight from Boston to Dongguan, China, for the Mission Hills Golf Club Tournament was thirty-five hours, including two layovers, one at JFK Airport and another at Heathrow. Raina was happy not to have to take the trip alone. She and Chris were accommodated with first-class tickets, so traveling the long distance came with perks.

“Hey, thanks for agreeing to stay a little longer in Boston for Halloween. The kids really adore you. I know you must have planned on seeing your dad while you got some time off,” Chris uttered as he got comfortable in his plane seat. They finally boarded the plane on their second layover.

“It’s no problem. I talk to my dad all of the time, so he’s doing alright,” said Raina and added, “He has actually…began dating again.”

Chris already knew this as George had asked him for dating advice. George had asked Chris not to mentioned it to Raina as he worried it would upset his daughter. Chris understood and kept his mouth shut. 

“I mean…that is a good thing…right? He’s getting back out there…moving on…healing… that’s good. You’re good with it, right?” Chris rambled on nervously. The last thing he wanted for Raina to be upset or in a bad mood for the duration of their trip.

“It’s weird. The whole thing is weird. I don’t really want to talk about it. I shouldn’t have brought it up. I gotta use the bathroom,” mumbled Raina and got up from her seat.

“Raina, don’t be upset,” Chris interjected.

“I’m not upset. I really do have to use the bathroom because I drank all that water during the last layover,” she said, making her way to the bathroom.

As Chris waited for Raina to return, he asked one of the flight attendants for a Dirty Shirley, his travel companion’s favorite drink, and Stella Artois for himself, along with some snacks. He also pulled out his laptop and looked through his movie library to see what would be good to watch. Chris ended up choosing one of his favorite Disney movies, Robin Hood, which was also one of Raina’s favorites. 

When Raina returned to her seat, she saw the set-up Chris and was given her Dirty Shirley. The deliciously sweet drink definitely helped lift her spirits. 

“We have about eighteen hours until we land in China, let’s just get drunk and watch Disney movies for the time being,” Chris suggested, and he raised his beer to toast with Raina. 

“You’re such a sweetheart, Evans. I can’t deal with you sometimes.”

The two friends drank and ate some snacks while making it through three movies before eventually falling asleep. When the plane finally landed in Dongguan, China, both were ready to put on their “game face” for the week. It was business as usual with PR events and gatherings. 

Chris and Raina were not worried about rumors spreading within their respective fandoms about the two being at the same event; they were used to it by now. During the actual Mission Hills golf tournament, Raina and Chris would purposely stand close to one another or walk side-by-side with their arms around each other at parties. Both knew they were playing with fire, but in the end, Chris and Raina were having fun and enjoying being with one another.

They were two touchy-feely friends on the surface, but behind closed doors, they were so much more.

[coldfuryllama]

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[jurnaldeoltenia]

Iustin Dumitrescu ,Subprefectul Judetului Dolj : Normalitatea ne șochează!

Iustin Dumitrescu ,Subprefectul Judetului Dolj : Normalitatea ne șochează!

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[riewritten]

10 UNDER THE RAIN

DUSK IN THE BRIGHTEST | chapter directory

erwin smith/fem!reader, erwin smith/you, no y/n | slow burn, angst, hurt/comfort, fluff & smut, mutual pining, canon AU, college/univ AU, professor erwin smith, commander erwin smith, non-linear narrative, manga spoilers

Trigger warning: canon-typical violence, graphic description, explicit sexual content, suicidal thoughts, mental health issues, trauma, implied/referenced sexual harassment, implied/referenced abuse, attempted murder, overdosing

Plot: It was always the nightmares, really. Entrapped with walls, human-eating giants, fighting through metal strings and swords – utterly violent, dreary, recurrent. But behind the blurry faces was a man with menacing blue eyes and vivid features; eventually appearing before you as your new reputable professor, Erwin Smith. Since then, the disaster had slipped beyond your subconscious. AO3

When Erwin noticed you were finally attending his classes continuously, despite it being a very trivial matter, you were sure you saw the satisfaction on his face. He’s got that subtle wry smile he's shown you back at the balcony whenever he spots you in the room before the lesson. It's as if reminding you through his own silent ways that he won the bargain. You noticed it the most during your third one, the only time you could be allowed to drop but decided to not push for it anyway.

The extra class sessions that were supposedly by group became one-on-one instead due to your absences and he indeed made sure to not go easy on you so you could realize the consequences of ghosting it. During these times, he never bothered to hide his amusement whenever you got too absorbed with it, perhaps making fun of you brightens up his mood. With all the huffs you kept to yourself during your sessions so he wouldn't get too humored at the situation at hand, you finally got to keep up with your classmates. Still not enough to not need the extra sessions at all but fast and remarkable progress regardless after being dead set on leaving his class.

"Here," He returned your papers which you examined with confusion because of how many notes he had written on them, all telling you to revise. This is the third time he's given it to you like this.

"But this version was perfectly scored by my classmates," You mumbled to yourself.

"Not all of your classmates are writing majors." He remarked.

"I used this piece on another major as well and got a perfect score." You weakly replied, still dejected.

"Not all of your professors are on my standards." Your mouth hung open in repulsion while he released a small chuckle at your disappointment. Arrogance aside, Historia indeed did her research on how good this man is. Now you completely understand your classmates' frustration because they genuinely thought this course would be easy.

"I might as well publish it if you keep on bringing this back to me."

"I'd like to see how it turns out."

"Completely bad not until you mark it perfect." You deadpanned.

"Right." He concurred wryly. "Though I gotta admit you're slightly better than people in your college."

"As I should. I’m delayed and quite older than everyone after all.”

"Not your batchmates, but all of the students taking the same degree as you. Including your seniors." He pondered. "I completely understand now why the faculty is so serious in considering you."

"Well, you don't seem to believe it that much after mercilessly bringing back this poor project for the third time.”

"Which is lucky. Half of your classmates have been revising it for the fifth time." You looked at him in disbelief. When he says he has high standards, just how high? "Such excellence when you’re that half-hearted. You’d be able to survive college with skills alone.”

"That's why when I transfer you, I expect you to understand my lack of tolerance for your half-heartedness. As I said, strength alone won't make you out alive." As if an echo, the same voice throbbed in your head, ringing almost painfully.

It’s a completely harmless banter and you’re a hundred percent sure every part of your consciousness believes so. You came to terms with the halfheartedness when he went to you that day, right?

Still, you swiftly felt your whole body drift towards the office of your squad leader, with him berating you for your lack of passion for the task. The way your muscles tensed and your breathing held back with his anger, alarming all of your senses at how awfully real it was. You can smell the moist wooden floor and the faint gas lamp. You can feel the drop of sweat from your neck towards the collar of your leather uniform. The clear but dead air, the tension, the trembling culpability – it's as if it's completely happening at this moment. 

"I'm sincerely trying to put my heart into it," You shakily responded to your squad leader in guilt.

However, the glare from him softened. Suddenly it wasn’t rage, not even authority. It was gentle, frighteningly so. "Well, it's not like you need to if you don’t feel like it. I remember telling it to you last time." He answered. Upon your confusion at the sudden toning down, the environment transitioned back to the office. You looked at him wide-eyed, utterly horrified, and released a breath quite loudly as if you’d been holding it for a while.

"Are you okay?" He remarked instant concern lacing his voice. You tried shifting your eyes away from him to quickly ground yourself, begging your muscles to conceal any tremble and extremely uncomfortable feeling.

Perhaps it isn’t linear. They have the same face and voice after all.

"I forgot to… eat before coming here, I guess."

"Really? You should've told me sooner."

"It's okay, not too hungry yet."

“You’re pale,” He stood up and went to his shelf. “I am about to dismiss you now but you have to have something first. I only have tea here, is that fine for now? When’s the last time you ate?” 

“Yeah, it's fine. Breakfast.” I was munching a sandwich on the way here.

“Here,” He gave you a hot cup of black tea, and the scent of it finally eased the tensions in your body.

“Seems like we’re both suckers for Levi’s tea,” You replied.

“That man deserves a patent.”

“Very much so,” You sipped. “What time is it?"

"7:30."

You shot him a confused look. "I didn't notice we went that long." 

"I was surprised as well. Had no idea." He replied, very flatly, not even a glint of surprise or bother.

You squinted your eyes at him, high in doubt. He didn't even look on his watch to check. "You have every idea what time it was,"

He looked at you and slightly raised his brows, concealing the smile forming on his face. "Really, I didn't."

“Explain."

He released a small chuckle, giving in. “You looked so serious in our sessions, how could I not extend my helping hand?”

“Yeah, I know. I am stupid for being adamant about dropping and very much deserved this. Humor yourself with my suffering.”

“Yeah, I'm doing that quite well.”

Your panic at that sudden scenario subsided, to say the least. You just need to realize from time to time that he’s different. Even though the reminder needs to be constant because you’re still highly anxious about it deep inside, it’s an improvement nonetheless. After the session, it seemed like you were the only student left so Erwin told you to wait for him as he stopped by the faculty to get his things and to inform other professors of his leave. When he went out the faculty door, he tossed a pack of bread at you, the one that always gets sold out at the cafeteria during lunch.

You nodded in gratitude. “This one’s my favorite.”

“I know. I often see you holding that whenever we cross each other.”

You looked at him with confusion and a hint of fluster. “You’re quite a sharp one. Not everyone would notice something as trivial as that.”

He didn’t respond with that, though, and upon examining his features, there’s an almost unnoticeable hint of surprise as well. As if he wasn’t supposed to let that observation out. Both of you halted at the exit door upon seeing how hard the rain was. It seems like you’d be stuck with this man longer. You sighed in lament. The desire to have some time alone and reflect on your unaddressed anxiety was shattered by the noisy drops.

Ah, I just hope he won't ask to drive me home.

"I'll drive you home." He didn't even bother to ask. "It's my fault you stayed this long after all.”

Staying with him longer would make you too flustered to even reflect on it and so you came up with a lie. "No, it's fine. I'm planning to go visit a friend tonight."

"Really? Who?"

"Isabel." I don't even know where she is right now.

"Is that so? We're just on the same route then. Hop in." Before you could come up with other excuses, he walked himself to the parking lot, telling you to wait. You ended up entering the car with a frown.

You, 7:55pm.

where are you

if you're not home pls go home

Isabel, 7:56pm.

oh naw why

[sent a selfie]

sorry (≧ڡ≦)

"Ah fuck," You huffed as soon as you saw the picture. She seemed to be in a place very far away from here, with pretty city lights below her. You never thought she'd be back outdoors this early.

"Why?" Erwin remarked, his eyes shifted to you.

"Nothing important." You bit your lip in panic. It's not like you can just jump yourself out of here. You also can't point to a stop because the rain's too hard and you don't think he'd let you out like that. You fumbled on your phone for another option.

You, 7:57pm.

hello help where are you

on my way to your house

Furlan, 7:57pm.

What happened? I'm walking back

You, 7:57pm.

how long til u get there

Furlan,7:58pm.

In 10 I guess

You, 7:59pm.

god im ssorry but can u make it in 5 it"s an emergency

Furlan, 7:59pm.

Why? Where are you? Should I just meet you halfway? Rain's quite hard

You, 8:00pm.

no im on the car :(

Furlan, 8:01pm.

Ok I'll try. Hang in there

Their place isn't too far away from here and yet the ride felt tormentingly slow. When Erwin pulled up and you rang the doorbell, you could only think of nothing but endless hoping that Furlan arrived before you. So when Levi opened the door, you moved your head everywhere to spot him. 

"Yo, Levi." Erwin greeted, and you saw Furlan in the living room, a towel atop his hair and a panting mess, you weren't able to hide your relief and perked up at him.

Levi shot a flat glare at Erwin and you, a silent question at why you’re here at the same time.

"She said she's seeing Isabel so I brought her with me." Oh no. You glanced at Erwin, horrified that you let him say it.

"Isabel's out since Monday. She won't be coming home for a while." 

"I switched up the names," You chuckled nervously. "I'm meeting Furlan."

“Really,” Levi raised his eyebrows in doubt.

Of course, they won’t buy it so you shot Furlan a stare asking for help, only for him to raise his brows at you as well. It was a sure quiet moment as they all waited for an explanation with your face flushed hot in shame; so you broke it off by begrudgingly walking towards Furlan, grabbing his hand, and walking upstairs without a word. He tried to keep silent until you were past Levi and Erwin but since you never thought of anything but withdrawing from their sight, you mindlessly entered his room which he rarely lets people in.

"You!" Furlan exclaimed as soon as you closed the door, his face in deep red. "The heck are you doing, grabbing me and entering my room like that?"

“Oh god. I'm so sorry." You heaved a defeated sigh and finally let yourself falter at the door, your knees dropped to the ground like jelly. "Erwin and I had an extra class session today and when he offered me a ride home, I tried to turn him down by lying."

"That's all?" Furlan remarked in aghast. "I thought something bad happened to you." I am in disbelief, too.

"Ugh," You curled yourself up and hugged your knees. "Sorry for being such a bother. I even let you run like that with the rain too hard."

Furlan didn't respond immediately, he just threw a blanket at your head after a while. "Don't look yet, I'll clean up first." He said, still flustered.

You maintained your position underneath until Furlan gently removed it from you. He's now sitting on the floor as well, facing your curled-up figure. "I know that's not all of it. You were terribly frightened when I first mentioned him to you. I thought you just find him intimidating but you've never been this clumsy before. Now I need to know why,"

You looked at him with your eyebrows furrowed in worry. You really don't want to be as specific as possible to him regarding this. However, if you’d put Furlan into such inconvenience, he at least deserves to know why.

"Erwin, that man— he’s been living in my nightmares even before we met." Furlan didn't move, his face laced with nothing but confusion so you continued. "I know this is hard to believe so I don't want to tell anyone about it as much as possible. I thought I could just get myself used to his presence and I've been working hard to do so, but there are frequent instances where snippets of my nightmares flash while we're together. It makes me very bothered and confused." He didn't respond again, his face not changing at all, so you inquired, "You don't believe me, do you?"

"Yeah, it’s very unlikely to believe but," The look of disbelief slowly turned into worry. "You're not the type to lie about something so serious."

You looked down in lamen, "Isabel said the same thing."

"She knew about this?"

"She knows everything about this ever since so it wasn't that hard explaining it to her. Besides, people like her and Historia are usually thrilled at the premise that they’d want to know more."

"So why didn't you tell me this," Furlan muttered in disappointment.

"Sorry." You might have a less chaotic relationship with Furlan than Isabel but you’ve been together for so long, too. "Sometimes I just tell it to some people if it's too heavy to keep for myself. Talking about it all the time is hard."

"Wel, it’s not like you’re at fault. You don’t need to apologize." He clarified. "But is it okay for you to tell me this now?"

"You should be the one I’m asking that. Everything about this would sound really ridiculous. Are you fine hearing it?"

Furlan gave you a subtle smile in assurance. "You've been in a dark place all your life because of this. Whether the reason Erwin appeared was pure coincidence or not, I just want to know about it. I mean, I'm just waiting for you to tell me about it."

So you told him everything, from the nature of the nightmares before Erwin came up to the situation right now. It was quite a long talk. When you get to the part where they appeared and died before you, you had to pause for a while. Furlan, as the understanding man that he is, assured you that you could stop if it's too heavy but you insisted.

"So that's the reason why you look very tormented all these years. It must've been so hard. You've been doing so well." He ruffled your hair.

You sniffed to avoid the small tears from slipping and laughed, "I sure am."

"A part of me thinks that maybe you just saw Erwin's face in coincidence before dreaming about him. He went to our house before."

"Isabel said the same. Erwin's quite famous as well but I didn't know he ever existed apart from his face in my nightmares. I thought he was just nothing but a fragment of my imagination. I thought it was nothing but fiction. That's what I get by all my life to survive it."

"So when you saw the three of us there…" 

"Struggling to not let the nightmares eat my consciousness has never been this hard." you fumbled mindlessly on the blanket. “Do you remember the time when I suddenly ignored Levi in high school?"

"Of course. You never became close again after all. I remember him telling us back then to stick with you more because he thought something bad happened to you." He said. Thinking about it fills you with guilt. You've been so close to Levi as a child, less doting than Isabel but still as close. Levi always treated you as part of their family so when you suddenly set a distance with him for reasons you don't know back then, you’re sure he’d noticed it the most. People kept on pressing you about it as well but you weren't able to give them any answers. Even Kuchel asked you about it because she thought her very stoic son picked a fight with you.

"It's just that back then, there was a day I woke up feeling extremely bad and when I went to your house and saw Levi, I felt very negative towards him. I don’t even know where it came from, I just felt like he did something and I hated his presence for it. Since then I had no idea how to bring back the usual me with him." You lamented.

"Do you think it has something to do with your nightmares?"

You nodded. "I think these dreams may have appeared before, not as vivid and subsequent as the recent ones but enough to exude unusual emotions. It was completely absurd to feel as if he did something bad because when that dream came clear to me recently, I just realized the version of me in my nightmare can't face him properly without thinking of Isabel's death and yours." You paused for a while to think about how regretful it was to cut a bond like that because of something so uncertain. You let out a bitter laugh, "I will feel bad about this for the rest of my life."

"It's not like he ever hated you for it. Actually, since we noticed how scared you were of Erwin, he became more attentive towards ensuring your welfare. He usually just passes us the job of looking out for you but now he keeps involving himself. When we saw you passed out on Erwin at the night out, you had no idea how pissed Levi was until he explained himself. When you called Isabel while crying so hard, it was him who initiated to go to your house. Levi hasn't changed. He's still that grumpy old man who looks out for everyone in his own ways."

Your stomach churned in further remorse. Your recent dilemma really worried a lot of people that they had to disrupt their daily work to ensure your safety. As much as you appreciate the kindest gestures, nothing comes out from that but absolute bother. If you’re really ending up like this, there has to be some progress. "Now that we talk about it, have you noticed something about Levi and Erwin recently? Like, since Erwin settled here?"

"I don't think I noticed something unusual. Since Erwin came and worked here they always come for a drink. They seem to talk a lot, but I thought it's just because they haven't met for so long."

"I see." You lamented that maybe your arising suspicion towards Levi is just you seeing things.

He pondered for a while, "Ah! I think it's quite trivial but Levi seems to be drinking a lot recently. Like, a lot. Well of course with Erwin, but apart from that he looks stressed about something and he seemed to need it to relax." You curled your eyebrows at him. Levi is really calm-headed. If his siblings get to notice that something's wrong with him, it must be that bad. "Erwin looks heavier than usual too. Last time Isabel asked Erwin why he's smoking a lot because it stinks on the balcony. Erwin laughed and apologized, he said something has been bothering him for a while so he's trying to destress."

"Furlan, what would you feel if…" You trembled at your own thoughts. "...if my nightmares were real?"

Furlan's eyes widened, perturbed. He looked down and gulped. "I would really feel bad for Levi. He doesn't deserve any of it, whether it’s real or not. Witnessing something like that would ruin him."

"It did," You gripped hard on the blanket in sheer dread but Furlan interrupted your spiraling thoughts by putting his palm on your forehead.

"Eyes here," And so you looked at him. "My hands may be quite cold from the rain, but it's warm enough to feel alive, right?" It is; your heart swelled in relief. You took glances at his features as well so you could differentiate them from his lifeless figure in that place. His grey eyes are gleaming and studying you the same way. You can see his tiny and unnoticeable freckles that you and Isabel once darkened with permanent markers back in childhood. His lips, despite being pale and straight, are as full of life as ever. He may not be smiling a lot, could be mistaken as someone similar to the grumpy Levi from afar, and he might be too serious to put up with Isabel’s rowdiness — but he's a human of his own. He's alive, very much so. There are no walls, no titans even. All the people dear to you are kept safe and free, and not even your life-long nightmare can ever change that.

"It is warm, as it always should.”

He replied with a small smile, "Yeah, as it always should."

Levi called the both of you downstairs to eat. Furlan let you regain your composure first before going down for dinner. It’s not as noisy as the previous one because the redhead is not present, but peaceful nonetheless.

"So," Levi started. "What did the two of you do upstairs?"

"Don't make it sound so weird." Furlan shot back.

"We caught up on a lot of things." You beamed.

"Well, Furlan rushed all the way here and got himself wet. Must be an important planned talk isn't it?" His voice was full of sarcasm. It quickly brought all your consciousness and embarrassment back that you stopped chewing your food and denied everyone eye contact. He damn knew it wasn't planned at all.

“Yeah, it is." Furlan annoyingly replied. "I forgot about it so I ended up rushing home. Stop making it a big deal." You finally gulped down your food in relief for the backup. The two ended up bantering for the rest of the dinner.

"Now," Levi shot Erwin and you a tired scowl. "Enough dilly-dallying in this house. It's almost ten. Go home." Guilty as you are, you slowly picked your things up.

Furlan called your name, though. "What we had earlier must've tired you a lot. Can't you just spend the night here? Isabel brought her entire bedding with her but you can have one in my room." You were about to smile and assure him it was no big deal but when the two gentlemen flashed him a look of horror, you realized how weird it might have sounded.

You tried to clarify. "I don't think he meant–"

"The what?" Levi grimaced at Furlan.

"No, he just meant–" You tried again but was cut off by Furlan quickly realizing it and losing his composure.

He shouted in retaliation. "I don't mean that—"

"Don't mean what? Tiring her down in your bedroom and inviting her to sleep in front of us? Really? I thought you've grown enough to know such matters should be asked in private."

"Seriously, no—" 

“And when I thought highly of you, Furlan.” This time, Erwin was the one to cut you off.

"He didn't mean anything bad!" You finally cut them off yourself. "I had a hard a hard time earlier and—”

“He gave you a hard time?” Levi was almost too surprised then turned to Furlan. “But you’ve been so gentle to her all this time.”

Furlan can’t even look at you anymore.

Even before you could say anything in his defense, Erwin called your name as he picked his things up. "It's getting late. I have early morning classes. Come on now." 

They said their goodbyes when the two of you settled inside the car. Furlan was waving sadly, feeling bad at making things awkward, so you pushed the car window button and let your head out. "Thank you, Furlan, really." You beamed at him. "You genuinely helped me tonight."

"As I always should." He referenced your exchange of assurances earlier.

You flashed him a grin. "Yeah, as you always should!" and pushed the window close again.

Erwin and you remained silent afterward. You tried not to look at him at first but the silence got quite unnerving. You almost flinched in your seat upon turning your head because his stare was fixated on you all this time.

"What," You muttered with wide eyes.

"Seatbelt."

"Ah, yeah, sorry." You panicky moved your hands. "I'm sorry we ended up so late. I shouldn't have bothered you like this— oh," you realized you cannot move the belt at all, and so slowly turned your head towards him again with furrowed brows. "I think it's stuck."

"Really," He didn't waste any time and moved towards you to fix it, causing the side of his face in proximity more than comfortable to handle. You ended up holding your breath at the sudden distance and since staring directly at his face was too overwhelming, you just looked down.

"It really is." He remarked as he fumbled on the belt.

"Oh?" You replied. "I'm sorry, did I get it stuck?"

His eyes shifted towards you as he continued moving his hands on it. "Did you?" He asked, the baritone, the very close distance, and his hot breath had you frozen on the spot.

"I did? Sorry if I did?"

He hummed, still not breaking eye contact but not stopping his fumble on the belt either. "You're sorry?"

"Yeah? For getting the belt stuck?"

"Just that?"

"Uh—" You curled your eyebrows and held your breath further despite feeling it run out. "Sorry for getting us this late?"

"And?" He prompted. And what? 

You couldn’t hold it further so you inhaled, only to get way more flustered not because of this position but because he smelled really good. Every protest your mind is trying to come up with this position was all replaced by shame.

"And for all the things I should be sorry for tonight…?" You mumbled slowly.

The way he stopped fumbling the belt but maintained the distance and eye contact flustered you to no end. Your thought process has completely thrown off, nothing but pathetic admittance that his scent was the sweetest thing you have smelled in a while and it's making you want to indulge in it until you sleep shamelessly in this car.

"Are there more…?" You inquired weakly. He shot you a sweet smile before withdrawing the distance, with his hand swiftly fastening your belt along the way.

"I'm kidding. It's not stuck." He started the engine.

"It's not?" You almost shrieked. His smile turned wry. "It's seriously not stuck?" You repeated as you glared at him in disbelief.

"At least you can take your sorry back."

Your thought process knocking itself off, the mind ruffling distance, the breath you held back, all of those for what? "You brought me in so much worry only to bring my sorry back?"

"You could bring my gratitude as well for humoring me tonight."

"You have no idea how much I held myself from saying how extremely annoying you are tonight."

He released a small laugh. "I'm glad for you finally letting that out."

"You're unbelievable." You puffed and turned your head on the windows instead to hide how flustered you’re being at this conversation. You’re thankful it got silent after that. You almost ask if he knew where he’s going until you remembered this isn’t the first time he's bringing you home.

After a few turns, he spoke again, "You lied about meeting Isabel tonight." and he said it so casually. You tensed in your seat.

"I didn't. I just got the name wrong."

"You discovered Isabel's not around so you asked for Furlan's help instead." He ignored your answer. "And he saved you at the last minute."

"Wrong. Furlan clarified this already."

"I figured the reason you lied to me was to turn me down nicely from bringing you home, but we ended up here instead." You gulped down, getting uncomfortable with this talk. "Am I right?"

"Stop teasing me now." You retorted in annoyance.

He heaved a small chuckle. "But you know I'm not teasing you. I don’t mind if it’s true."

"Where is this conversation going?" You faced him with a slight glare. You know you don't have to be annoyed but he shouldn't linger around if he aims to reprimand you for lying.

"I don't intend to step on your boundaries but I'm fully aware of your measures to avoid me since I set foot here." He answered gently and your glare was replaced with shock. "That said, you don't have any responsibility to clarify yourself or answer my questions. I can acknowledge this conversation didn't happen if you want me to."

You straightened yourself and turned on the window again. "Go on."

"Was your avoidance related to the time when you fainted during our first class?"

You clenched a hand then, wondering how much this man knows about the matter. You also thought if this is the moment you’ll be getting your answers as well. You haven't prepared yourself for this, not at all, but if things are going this way, playing games and feigning ignorance would be tiring. 

"It may be hard to believe but," you gulped down in an attempt to hide every fear that might seep from you. "After passing out like that, the nightmares had become horrifyingly vivid. It got more understandable, subsequent even. All those after you came so when I'm with you I always struggle in keeping myself sane." You said, saving the part where he's a prominent figure of the nightmare itself. You figured you don't have much strength to say that yet.

"Hm," Erwin acknowledged. "When did your nightmares start?"

"Since childhood."

"What were the nightmares like?"

"Violent. The setting's not changing at all."

"At all? You've been dreaming of nothing but that?"

"I have other dreams from time to time but it's rare. There are also instances when I don't remember what I dreamt of, I just know it's about that because I woke up feeling horrible and nauseous."

"Would you mind expounding about the nightmares? What's it all about?"

"I—" You tried, you really did but a lump in your throat suddenly stopped you. You tried to calm yourself down by heaving a sigh but to no avail. You tried swallowing down only to have it back with more intensity. You can almost feel your body going on full alert as if this is a life and death moment. The breaths are getting ragged, and your heart is beating faster.

"Hm?" He hummed, encouraging you to answer. When he glanced at you, though, he finally realized what was up. “You don’t have to force yourself if you can’t.”

“No,” You shakily said, eyes down the ground. “I-I could.”

“Breathe properly first then think again.”

And so you pondered on it. You feel like if you tell this man beside you about this, everything in this world would crumble down into nothingness. The dust, the air, the people, their desires, and their fears – all of it are going to be replaced with a life entrapped with walls and giants. And this gentle, gentle man whose scent can be deemed intoxicating, his playful and subtle smiles, his sly remarks and actions, his hair sided neatly, and the glasses that he wears on a few occasions standing as the final touch to his nobleness — all of him would be replaced with grim emptiness, with death, and with utter desperation to change your lives — and you don't want that. You want him to stay as someone whose smile can be easily reached and even if it can be terribly annoying, you want him to continue being the person who can be humored with simple and stupid things. You can say all of this to anyone if you want to, to a stranger even, but saying it to him would mean the most because his counterpart, the Scouting Regiment soldier Erwin Smith, was the center of your life in that world. He's the one you hated the most, the one you’re forcibly drawn to, the one who introduced you to a literal hell, and the one you had to understand the most so you could embody the will of your brother.

"I'm not ready to say everything yet." You trembled. "I'm afraid I'd finally lose myself and that world would take over me. It would replace the world I'm in."

"But it won't. It can never replace this world."

You finally sighed down, "As annoying as you can be and as worse my life can ever be, I want everyone to stay this way; humored and indulged with the simplest things."

You turned to him again and saw a small smile as he turned into another road. Despite the subtlety of his expression, his eyes were wistful and poignant. It's the very same face that flashed in your dream as he apologized for what happened, how he won't hesitate to pay for his sins — that dream you wish to have again. 

"Erwin," You absentmindedly remarked. He raised his brows at the loss of honorifics, and you were quite surprised as well that you released a snort, "Oh no. Spare me on this one."

"As if I heard you address me properly since I came here." He tutted wryly. "Continue."

In an attempt to brush away the heavy thoughts, you asked. "If there's another world existing than this one, would you believe it?"

"I believe there is."

"How so?"

He looked at you then. "If a world constantly shows itself before you, don't you think it's just like any other being begging to be recognized?"

You widened your eyes and stiffened in your seat. "How do you know…"

"Just a story prompt." He cut you off. "Can you write it for me?"

"Oh," Your body untensed and a sigh followed. "I'm not sure I can do that."

"But you already did with your dream about the three."

"It's just a small fragment, not enough for that story prompt."

"That's why I'm asking you to do it on a wider premise. Remember when you told me you felt better writing it? That's because you're setting that nightmare free by acknowledging its existence."

"I don't remember acknowledging its existence."

"You already did. To write how that nightmare affected you is one part." You raised your brows at him, asking to expound. He pushed the gear lever before continuing. "Affection, positive or not, is always evoked by something existent. Whether you see it as a real thing or not, the fact that it made you feel something means that it exists."

You weren't able to reply and pondered how he was right. You were able to live with these nightmares by denying their existence. Your objective was to disregard and deem it as nothing. That's what everyone tells you to do as well and now that you think of it, it’s the same reason why you end up terribly ruined whenever it comes in its full form.

But Erwin, the very man heavily present in that world, is telling you to acknowledge its being. With that realization and the way he agreed to your question earlier, you confirmed that he knows something. You’re not ready to know how much and are so thankful he’s not pressing it on you, but the way you’re having a logical person say that there’s something beyond this world so easily encourages you to do the same.

"So, can you write it?"

"I don't–" You were about to say you don't want to but halted yourself as he made sense and it'd be a waste to just disregard it. You've been looking for a way to move forward after all. "I don't know yet, but I'll think about it."

"Make sure to think about it seriously since I'm the one who asked for it."

You huffed at the remark. "Yeah, you can be quiet now. Don't make me think otherwise."

He really did and so you subtly smiled in satisfaction. Upon looking out the window, you realized that this is the time of the day when you get afraid to death because sleep might be another day outside the walls. Erwin made another turn and you realized you’ll be reaching your house soon.

He called your name again so you turned your head at him quickly. "What about this," He started as he pulled on the gear lever. "Tell me all about your dreams," He made the last turn on your street. "And I'll tell you mine."

As if it's a terrifying spell, time stopped before you. The only ones that continued to move were you and him. It’s as if a primal fear struck you right after he dropped the last syllable of his remark. You thought he could bring this to you slowly, and deep inside you still genuinely hope he wasn’t having the exact same thing happening to you. He had it. Oh god. He really had it, a voice in your head screamed. Coming to terms with whatever he knows went back to square one just like that.

He turned at you casually, gently, as if he didn't say something so horrifying. "We're here," Erwin said, and with his ever tranquil voice and figure, he called your name again. "I wish you a good sleep without nightmares tonight."

previous chapter | next chapter

thank you again, @temariskadi! :D

saw this after publishing this chapter and realized that i somewhat characterized erwin like this. definitely one of the rarest moments where i feel thankful for my imagination.

[doorcomma4]

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