#complication of 'i thought you were dead but you're not and you've changed so much i have to get to know you again' | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

littlegodzilla · 2 years ago

Text

Hii!! It's my day, I'm very nervous but I hope you'll like it!!

Day 6- Holiday proposal - Daryl Dixon

Fluffy one shot

****

Daryl opens his eyes before the sun rises. He slowly sits up on the mattress and remains silent for a moment. There is still no movement in the prison. He gets up slowly, dressing, tightening the laces of his boots before picking up his crossbow and walking down the metal stairs, so subtle, so quiet it seems as if he is floating.

The morning is cold, but he doesn't mind, you are approaching winter, the weather is slowly changing, he has to be thankful they have that place when the weather changes so abruptly that they have to fight the snow and the dead. He gets on the bike, but doesn't start the engine, he doesn't want to make noise. On his way he meets Rick, who comes down from the watchtower. They greet each other with a little nod and the former sheriff approaches his friend.

"You're going back out?"

"I gotta finish it 'fore the date arrives." He shrugs.

"What do I tell him?" At the sound of your name, Daryl can't disguise a smile.

"That I'm out huntin', like always." He mumbles and Rick nods.

"You know she likes going with you, you've always gone together and now you're pushing her away..."

"I know, I've noticed she ain't happy too, but the day is comin' up and... I still gotta find some things." He tries to excuse himself, but Rick shakes his head.

"You don't have to explain yourself to me, I understand, Daryl, and it will be worth it, believe me, can you do me a favor? If you find something for Judith..."

"Of course, count on it."

They say goodbye with a gentle slap on the back and Daryl adjusts the poncho on his body. When he's far enough away, he starts the bike's engine turning into a soft purr in the distance.

You and Daryl have known each other since before the zombie pandemic. Although Daryl is two years older than you, you were in the same classroom at school. At first Dixon didn't have much confidence with anyone, always away from the crowd of classmates, wanting to be invisible, but it was complicated, Daryl was hard to ignore; not only because of his worn, dirty clothes, not to mention his skin, his body odor, he was handsome, under all that facade and that bad mood, he was attractive, his blue eyes, that curious mole on his lip. When you got close to him, things slowly changed, discovering that Daryl was a nice guy, shy, but protective, funny when he got enough confidence. You were good friends for several years at school, in high school things changed a bit, Daryl stopped showing up for classes, which started to worry you wanting to look for him and make sure he was okay. Things at home were never easy and certainly hadn't changed. The worst part was his reaction.

"What yer doin' here?" He barked at the sight of you.

"I was worried, you haven't shown up at school for days and..."

"And what ya care? It ain't yer problem that I don't go to school."

"No, but..."

"I said leave me alone!" He barked angrily.

"But Daryl, we're friends and..."

"We're ain't friends, stupid!" He pushed you away from him.

It hurt, you always thought you and Daryl were friends, that you had formed a nice bond, but apparently not.

Over time you learned that was Daryl's way of protecting himself from the world and that day he was protecting you from his family, too. Your relationship cooled, but when the dead came back to life, Daryl's old van showed up on your doorstep.

"C'mon, don't have all day!" he yelled at you and you didn't hesitate to run out.

You open your eyes as your watch alerts you that it's already morning. Yawning as you stretch out on your cot and rub your eyes trying to clear your head completely. All around you you hear noises, which tells you that the rest of the prison inhabitants are already awake. You step out of your cell after changing your clothes, your smile fading a bit as you realize Daryl is gone.

"Has he left again?" you ask Rick.

"He's out hunting..."

"Again? Without me?"

Since everything went to shit, Daryl and Merle went out of their way to teach you everything they knew about hunting and survival, you weren't a bad student, thanks to them you quickly learned how to use a bladed weapon and how to shoot. It had become almost a couple activity since you arrived at the quarry camp outside Atlanta. You and Daryl always woke up before everyone else and spent most of the morning searching for prey to feed the whole camp.

That hadn't changed, but since you arrived at the prison, Daryl had started doing things on his own, which you really don't mind, everyone needs their space, and besides you know how he is, but he had never excluded you like that, without saying anything, just disappearing for hours, sometimes even days.

"You know he tries hard, plus since Carl found that calendar, the kids are excited..." He says matter-of-factly, but you get what he's saying.

Sophia and Carl are excited about the idea of being able to have a Christmas, there in the prison, you've been doing some calculations and after a long time wandering around and after losing the farm, Christmas is near, you're safe within those walls and no one looks like they're going to want to bother you, which means you can relax.

"Do you think Daryl... is looking for something for the kids?"

"I'm sure, Carl made him a list to decorate the block." Carol laughs at the memory.

Rick nods, in fact, they've been finding things in the abandoned towns several miles outside of there, Glenn and Maggie have been helping the hunter with all that, plus finding food and milk for little Judith. What the others don't know, is that Daryl has his own plans for the day. He's only told Rick and Carol because he needs an alibi for every time he goes out in the wee hours of the morning.

Unfortunately, his escapades alone are starting to bother you a little. The last time you stopped talking it all started like this, disappearing from school. You don't want to lose him again, but you know that the hunter needs his own space to talk about these things.

Several more days pass in which Daryl comes and goes from the prison without saying much, the rest of you concentrate on keeping the place livable and at the same time you start decorating it for the Christmas days. You are all excited about it, you help each other, you prepare decorations, you plan on finding a tree to decorate, you even talk about possible gifts, not just for the kids, the inner child in each of you is excited about the idea of having Christmas again, and you all think about buying something for everyone.

"Hey..." Daryl's voice that morning startles you. He's planted in front of your cell door. "Ya gotta any plans for today?"

"Well, according to the calendar Carl found, today is Christmas Eve, so we'll finish decorating, make something for dinner, and wrap presents to leave under the tree."

"Uhm... sure."

"Why?"

"I wanna know if ya wanted to come huntin' with me...somethin' for dinner, y'know, somethin' special." He looks at you with intensity, biting his thumbnail.

Your heart starts beating rapidly in your chest, after all that time avoiding you, Daryl finally seems to remember you exist. You try to bite back the smile that wants to form on your mouth and shake your shoulders, wanting to appear calm.

"I don't know... Do you really want me to go?"

"What do ya mean?"

"All this time you've been going alone, maybe you prefer the company of nothing, to mine." You reply and hear him snort in amusement.

"Don't talk nonsense, I'll wait for ya at the entrance of the block." He tells you without further ado, leaving you alone again in your cell.

Despite your surprise you gather your things and hurry out after him. It's been a while since you've been out of the prison together and although you'd like to stay and help decorate the prison, you miss the moments alone with your boyfriend.

Because since a few months ago, specifically since you arrived at the Greene farm, your relationship became real, after everything you had fought for, after life before the apocalypse, all those feelings came up again and apparently Daryl reciprocated your feelings since you were kids, he apologized to you for how he had treated you in the past, but you had nothing to forgive.

Since then your bond has grown stronger, which makes it all the more striking that he's gone so long without even addressing you.

"Where are we going?" you ask walking right behind him.

"To hunt." He says as if it's the obvious thing to do.

"Uhm... Are you okay?"

"Sure, you?"

"Yeah, it's just... nothing, forget it." You mumble continuing to walk beside him, Daryl looks at you and wraps his arm around your waist for a moment.

"C'mon." He smiles a little and leads you through the woods.

*********

However, things don't go exactly as Daryl had planned; he was supposed to take you to the cabin, but a strong storm broke out before he could foresee it. There weren't even clouds and you had left the Prison, but now the cold is worse, the water falls incessantly on you, the air stirs your clothes, soaking the water to the bone. You should turn back, Daryl knows that, but he's not able to see beyond his nose either.

"Fuck!" He roars in frustration, you grab his hand and pull him to guide you to lean against a log.

Despite the untimeliness of the situation, there are several Walkers creeping through the woods, it's best that you're not discovered while you're trying to get home. Daryl holds your hand tighter and looks at you. He seems hesitant, he looks nervous and distressed, you want to tell him you are fine, but his hand pulls you along making you move faster through the trees until you find a cave in the hollow of a mountain. It's not very high, but it will be enough to keep the dead from being a threat.

You climb quickly to protect yourselves from the cold and rain, Daryl helps you up and rubs your arms several times to help you warm up. You smile gratefully, move further inside, making sure it's not occupied by any animals or worse and prepare a fire to get the cold out of your bodies and wet clothes. You still don't say anything, you can see that Daryl is angry, very much so, you have rarely seen him like this, frustration and his strong temper, you all know it in the group, but this is different, he has a frown on his face, he chews his lip so hard you are afraid he will hurt himself, he keeps wringing his hands, but it's not because of the cold and from time to time he mumbles something, but you don't hear what exactly.

"Daryl... Are you okay?" you try to help. "You've been weird for a while now..."

"Weird?" he huffs wryly, staring at you. His eyes have turned into two icy icebergs. "This is yer damn fault."

"My fault?" You open your eyes wide, your stomach twisting, reminding you of those days when you were kids.

"Yes!" He barks getting up from the floor, moving around the cave like a trapped animal, rubbing his hair with both hands. "This shouldn't have to happen!"

"I don't decide when it rains, you know Dixon?" you growl in annoyance and he turns on his heels to look at you.

"I'm ain't talkin' about the rain, fuck the rain!" he replies and you get up off the ground too.

"Then what's the matter, you can't just tell me it's my fault and expect me to agree with you."

"It's yer fucking fault, because I'm ain't like that." He replies at last raising his hands in a gesture of obviousness. "I don't give a shit about these things, but ya do" He keeps talking and you frown again, confused.

"What are you...?"

"Ever since ya found that fuckin' calendar, ya and the kids are like crazy for that day to come, but y'know what? It's just another fuckin' shitty fuckin' day!" He barks again, breathing hard through his nose, his chest rising and falling rapidly, his whole body is tense and his fists are clenched.

"It may be just another day, but everyone is looking forward to it, something different, a day without thinking about what's out there, a day where we can feel safe and share it all together..." You press your lips together trying not to let Daryl's words hurt. "I know that..."

"Ya dunno shit!" He cuts you off and you jump startled by his scream. "I had it all planned out! Shit, I've spent days, days! Fixing it all up for this goddamn night."

"Fixing it?" you're confused again, Daryl doesn't look angry anymore, more disappointed and sad.

"I found... a cabin, it was perfect, just needed to clean up a bit and fix some windows, get rid of the Walkers that were nearby..." He keeps talking, now he has his head down, as if he felt ashamed of what he was saying. "I wanted to get everythin' ready for the night before Christmas, Rick was helping me... I wanted it to be special..." He huffs loudly and a dry, bitter laugh escapes him. "Fuck, I even had a ring..."

Your mouth falls open in surprise, Daryl is still rambling on with his thoughts, but you feel a strange ringing in your ears, your heart is beating a mile a minute, you feel your eyes suddenly fill with tears, but you try to calm down.

"A ring?" you dare to ask. Daryl raises his head at last, to meet your gaze, shakes his shoulders and grunts.

"Yeah... I wanted it to be special, 'cause ya deserve it, for everythin' ya've been through, for everythin' ya've had to endure since ya met me."

"Daryl..."

"Ya've always been important to me, but I was terrified of what my family might do, that I might do to ya..."

"We talked about this, Daryl, I forgave you and..." You walk over to him, holding his hands, squeezing them between yours. "We're together now, you're a wonderful person, Daryl, with your stuff, like everyone else, but..."

"Wanna ya marry me." He cuts off your words all at once and you feel it hard to breathe. "I know things aren't like they used to be, that in this world it doesn't matter anymore, but..." He gasps through his mouth, his forehead rests against yours. "Wanna be yers, forever, wanna belong somewhere, to feel safe at last and... and I feel all that when I'm with ya." He confesses and your tears are uncontrollable, you hug his shoulders and stand on tiptoe to kiss him intensely, love, he holds you by the waist, reciprocating your kiss.

"I want to be yours, forever, Daryl, my heart will always belong to you and I will always be by your side, every day you come home, I will be waiting for you, because you are mine..."

"Because I am yers and yer mine..." He whispers, still your foreheads touching.

The two of you recite those words as if they were vows, as if you were already in front of an altar, it is your sincere promise, your pact that makes the union real and eternal. Daryl's arms wrap around you and embrace you once again.

"I'm sorry... I didn't mean to yell at ya, I..."

"It's okay." You shush him in a whisper, smiling, stroking his hair with infinite affection. "It's okay."

You two stay like that for a few more minutes, cuddling, enjoying each other, saying nothing, just standing there, next to the small fire. Outside the rain stops making the peace and calm around you more intense.

You wake up the next day huddled next to an almost extinct fire, the sun is shining brightly, nothing more threatening than the chirping of a cricket or bird can be heard. You look at Daryl smiling broadly, his ears have a deep red tinge to them that makes him look adorable, everything you talked about last night, everything you promised is still up in the air and now Daryl is trying to deal with it, you smile and hold his hand to get his attention.

"It's still Christmas..." You whisper looking at him intently. Daryl watches you as he bites his lip and mumbles nodding his head.

"Yeah, c'mon." He holds your hand and the two of you walk out of the cave.

You follow his footsteps through the forest, even the zombies are gone, your hands are still clasped together, your fingers intertwined and with each new step you take, your heart beats harder.

Finally you find the cabin that Daryl has been fixing up these past few days. Miraculously the bad Georgia weather hasn't brought it down. The wooden stairs are decorated with golden tinsel and some red Christmas balls, on the door is a wreath decorating it, you stand there looking sideways at your companion, who smiles coyly and wiggles his eyebrows, inviting you in. Your hands tremble as you grasp the knob and push your way in. Daryl remains behind you, silent, in fact he doesn't enter until you are in the center of the main room, your eyes scanning all around you, your mouth open in surprise. The archer smiles feeling somewhat proud but also embarrassed because he has decorated everything himself and he's not sure if it's a disaster or not.

But you still can't speak, you look around the whole place, the tree decorated with the balls, the figures, a pair of socks on the fireplace, where there is wood to enjoy a nice fire, the furniture is clean and arranged, the sofa looks comfy and warm with the blankets Daryl has left on it, there are garlands and tinsel everywhere, even on the beam above the living room there is some mistletoe hanging. You smile wide and gesture for him to come closer, when he does you wrap your arms around his shoulders and kiss him with all your might.

"I love it."

"I did what I could..." He defends himself and you shake your head.

"It's perfect."

You kiss each other slowly, enjoying the moment, Daryl pulls away from you going to find your surprise, he knows it won't be so surprising anymore, but he doesn't regret any of the things he said to you yesterday. From the drawer next to the couch he pulls out a small box to return to your side. The nervousness returns to you, but you're not the only one nervous, his hands shake as he opens the box for you to see its contents. Inside is a small handmade ring, made of wood, in the shape of a carved arrow. Again your eyes fill with tears.

"Did you make it?" you whisper in a tearful voice.

"Yes, I spent several days until I managed to give it the shape I wanted..." He confess.

You can't stop the tears as Daryl puts the ring on you and shows you that he wears a very similar one on his finger as well. Your hands intertwine again, your foreheads meet and you can almost feel your hearts beating at the same speed.

"I love you, Daryl..."

"I love you too, Mrs. Dixon."

*******

I hope you liked it!

Taglist: @phoenixblack89 @browneyes528 @lilythemadqueen @darylsgarden @thefemininemystiquee @green-eyedladywrites @hail-yourselves @ruinedbythehobbit @xxtinasxxblog @ravenwings73 @spenciepoo338 @b-tchymoon @minervadashwood @darylssluttt @let-love-bleeds-red @ravendixon @livingdeadblondequeen @bringinsexybackk69

#my stuff #norman reedus #normanreedus #daryl dixon #daryldixon #twd fanfiction #one shot #not smut #fluff #daryl fluff #daryl dixon x reader #daryl dixon x femreader #advent calendar #daryl twd

173 notes · View notes

butchdykekondraki · 11 months ago

Note

"i wish i didn't know you." as a complicated sentence. because that's not quite the exact of it - if that's a phrase people use. or maybe it is. for both of them, it would be objectively good - both of them have scars because of it. however - however. they can't just say that. no matter how much they've hated each other, no matter how much they want the other dead, they couldn't handle it. they would see the other in every single moment, their absence grating, grating, grating. the eerie silence. every expectation formed through years and years, memories stained upon eyelids, broken, twisted, soon forgotten but how could one ever forget the other? they hate it, but it takes less than a second to see how intertwined they are. killing one would be like killing the other. "i wish i didn't know you." as in i wish i didn't know just how despicable are. as in every time you smile i can taste a little bit of it on my tongue - what a life with you happy could be like. it's a lie, i know it is, every day you remind me just how impossible something like that could be, you show me the ugly truth. but every day, i see something in you, something that makes me think maybe you're worthwhile after all. i wish you were all good or all bad. i wish i didn't know you because you're a horrible person. i wish i didn't know you so you had never done anything to me. i wish i didn't know you so that i could believe in your goodness.

could there be something here? truly, for good? the thought chases me like any other words you've said to me, burrowing beneath my skin to stay there as if you want to make a home in my psyche, and if you do, well, you've succeeded. unfortunately. i wish i didn't know you so i could make you laugh without thinking about how that laugh has been corrupted before, by me. it's all like that blood spilled across my palms so many --- ago. because i can't unsee it. it haunts me, the idea of our happiness together haunts me, i hate it i hate it i hate it so much. so - i wish i didn't know you. it's not anything we can change. we're intertwined after all. stuck in the inbetween state between happiness and hatred once again, never quite one because of the other. anyway this has been me being sick abt fictional characters goodbye now

IM GOING TO DIE. WHAT THE FUCK MAN

#[ren]#WHAT THR HELLLL #XOUGHIGN UP BLOOD.OH MY GOD #FAVE #INSP #OKAY. OKAY. WHATEVER I DONT EVEN CARE. IM GOING TI THROW UP

19 notes · View notes

teamrocketmemes · 1 year ago

Text

[ TWISTED — SONG SENTENCE STARTER ]

A sentence starter with lyrics taken from all of the songs of the Starkid musical “Twisted”

Dream A Little Harder

“But today could be the day I finally make a difference.”

“Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you!”

“Where are you off to today, you no good piece of shit?”

“You've got to dream a little harder.”

“If you're good and you're attractive, no need to be proactive.”

“Good things will just happen to you!”

“She still gets blamed for all the kingdom's problems.”

“Oh, so you think you're better than me just 'cause you can read?”

“Why is everyone in the kingdom white?”

“No man who's just could ever trust a face that triggers such disgust.”

“I can't rely on looks to get me by.”

“Why am I the only one who sees things as they are?”

I Steal Everything

“That's why I came up with this brilliant scheme.”

“Fetch, you fucks!”

“For real, I'm not that picky.”

“...No more fucking raisins.”

“Besides, the economy's shit.”

“Hey man, still beats getting a job.”

“I'll steal clothing and shelter, whatever I lack.”

“Intellectual property, whatever that means.”

“This poor little orphan will steal your heart.”

Everything and More

“But it's just like... whatever.”

“You're probably thinking, "She's got everything".”

“Long as I can be sure that I'm safe and secure at the end of the day.”

“And a few dozen servants attending to me.”

“I want to live on the moon.”

“But decisions are hard and I'm being bombarded.”

“The life of a princess is fraught with complication.”

“It's enough to make me wish I were lowly and poor… But, like, with money.”

The Golden Rule

“How is it that you are so good to everyone you meet?”

“Always treat others like sisters and brothers.”

“How would you wish that he treat you if your fortunes were reversed?”

“Follow the golden rule.”

“I get back what I give!”

“My hunger blinded me and forced me to act like an animal.”

“Simple reciprocity is always our philosophy.”

The Golden Rule (Evil Reprise)

“Well, we have our own golden rule here.”

“Whoever has the gold... makes the rules.”

“I follow the golden rule.”

“It's either them or me.”

“Damn your stupid charity.”

“Follow the gold… And rule!”

A Thousand and One Nights

“I know a thousand tales to fill a thousand nights.”

“He's brilliant as he's handsome, and handsome as he's kind.”

“I want to know your story.”

“I want to know each twist and turn.”

“When it comes to stories I thought I knew them all.”

“But fate had planned an unexpected twist.”

“And found the missing part of him he didn't know he missed.”

“She is at once a comfort and a mystery.”

“I never cared for stories until you entered mine.”

“And now my only wish is that our plots may intertwine.”

“A thousand and one nights with you is not enough to spend.”

“So let's make ours a story with no end.”

If I Believed

“If I believed in wishes…”

“I'd make our troubles disappear if I believed I could.”

“But wishes are dreams, and dreams are pretend.”

“Science says you're dead and gone forever.”

“Reason says I'm talking to the air.”

“Some secret hidden part illogically insists that you are there.”

“Perhaps it's not too late to change the course of fate.”

“I must be pretty great if you believed in me.”

Orphaned At 33

“I only hope it doesn't make you like me any less.”

“I got this tragic backstory.”

“They're dead. That makes me an orphan.”

“I long to be as strong as I used to be.”

“But hey, that's just the way life is for me.”

“Since I was orphaned at 33.”

“All things considered, I think I turned out pretty good.”

“So they'll never know the pain of being orphaned at 33.”

Happy Ending

“They'll throw a parade in my honor.”

“Not that I care for glory.”

“I can't wait to be a rich dude.”

“Stealing is so much easier when you've already got tons of gold.”

“But I got my eye on what money can't buy.”

“I'll be the one who plunders her cave of wonders.”

“It puts a damper on our love if you don't have a head.”

“I wish that you could fly away.”

“I hate to see how your loneliness and your memories hurt you.”

“We'll retire to some far-off place.”

No One Remembers Achmed

“On the battlefield and off you are superior.”

“My only claim to fame is an incident involving my posterior.”

“But no one remembers [Name].”

“Say my name in these parts and you'll get a vacant stare.”

“Then they'll remember me.”

“Caked in mud or drenched in blood you smell as fresh as a flower.”

“But here the women treat me like a throwaway joke.”

“Even deities incarnate now and then can feel a little insecure.”

“You ooze sex when you flex those impeccable pecs.”

“They can't laugh when they're all dead.”

“Nevermore will they mock you [Name].”

“He fucked a tiger.”

“[Name] is a tiger fucker!”

Take Off Your Clothes

“Don't you blink or you'll miss it.”

“So many hidden messages.”

“Subtle, yet slightly lewd.”

“I feel compelled subconsciously.”

“I'm tempted to take off my clothes with you…”

“I feel free as a bird with no cage and no owner.”

“Accept the cosmic dare.”

“And show me your magic carpet.”

Twisted

“What made me think that I could get away with such a plot?”

“How does the Golden Rule apply in such a situation?”

“'Til now I've always traveled down the straight and narrow path.”

“A fellow traveler down a twisted path.”

“There are two sides to every story.”

“I was benevolent and always kept my word.”

“So he dethroned me and disowned me and on top of that rezoned me.”

“The truth and I now share a watery grave.”

“The story lingers on but the version that is drawn is twisted.”

“The pride had never seen a more progressive king than me.”

“I brought an end to what had been a senseless age-old feud.”

“Though I'd advocate for unity, I always was denounced.”

“Fortune favors the beautiful.”

“So I did what anyone would do and I organized a rescue mission.”

“And sometimes what it wants is twisted.”

“I only wished to be invited to the party.”

“It's an unfortunate situation, but you do have a choice.”

“Only memories and stories of his deeds will linger on.”

“I'll give them all the unsung antihero they deserve.”

“Who cares if no one will ever mourn me?”

“I'll be twisted, it's my turn!”

The Power in Me

“When I am lost, where will I turn?”

“You have the power to lead.”

“It's been in you all along, the power inside.”

“The source of all my hidden value is the morale you supply.”

“The power to love one another is the greatest power of all.”

“You are kind, and that's enough.”

“You're a diamond in the rough.”

“I wish you didn't have to go when our story's just begun.”

“There are some wishes I cannot grant.”

#★ mod james.#★ our memes.#sentence starters #rp meme #ask meme #inbox meme #musical memes

11 notes · View notes

mimosasondeck · 10 months ago

Text

"Hello, old regret"

A/N: This is the very first fanfic I've ever written, so I hope that all the Aeon shippers can somewhat enjoy it :) This fanfic takes place during Resident Evil 4 when Ada and Leon finally meet face to face after 6 years (This is a whole what if type of fanfic).

"You're supposed to be dead y'know. Mind telling me what you're doing right in front of me?"

"If I told you I wanted to drop by to see you, would you believe me?"

"Not in the slightest."

Ada had already known the answer before it had left Leon's lips. Regardless, she felt a twinge of pain ricochet inside her being. She knew she'd be overthinking the thrumming in her body by the time she was out of Leon's view.

September 30th, 1998. A day full of regrets.

Meeting Leon was one of them.

She should've known from the beginning the type of person Leon was, but she didn't. He was an enigma she couldn't completely piece together, with or without her spy gadgets. She felt humiliated with herself knowing that she let a stray man into her heart in an instant.

Was it the strongly emotional yet innocent look in his eyes, his determination to see justice prevail, or maybe it was the handsomely face attached to his body that enticed Ada?

She didn't know the answer to that question but decided on all three factors.

From a young age she knew that in her line of work she couldn't just be buddy buddy with every person she interacted with. She knew where to draw the line as to not let them in to what her real objectives were, and for the longest time that is what has kept her alive.

She was a liar, a manipulative one who would use her quick wit to get anything done her way in the name of getting the job done. So why, of all days, would she suddenly break from her norm to entertain the ideals of a young rookie who wanted to play the hero?

Maybe, she thought, she was getting tired of playing the same game of charades over and over. The zombie apocalypse was an overall great excuse to break said cycle.

To think that in the end she knew she'd still betray him and ended up getting hurt both emotionally and physically.

"Not in the slightest."

Ada finally snaps back from her thoughts and looks Leon over for the first time in 6 years.

In the end, she's surmised that while Leon has definitely grown as in both body and mind, he still has much more growing to do to accommodate his cerulean eyes. As she gazes into them, she can't help but miss the young rookie she met years ago. Yet how could one not change when having experienced first-hand the horrors of Raccoon City.

She notices the way Leon is looking her over. A sharp yet calculative look in his eyes catching any stray moves Ada could throw his way, but she doesn't so much as move an inch the entire time.

As they soon get ready to go their separate ways, Ada can't help but look back towards Leon from the window she's perched on and gives him a strong look of longing thinking what could've been. Before he notices her staring at him, she jumps from her spot on the windowsill and continues moving forward onto her mission.

As Leon looks up from his spot on the floor, he can't help but to think of the complicated relationship he and Ada have found themselves in. He wonders if in maybe another universe, what happened in Raccoon City could've ended differently.

'How ridiculous, that woman likes keeping her secrets deep within her.'

As he rids the thought from his head, he too marches forward in the search of the Presidents daughter. As he moves, he counts on Ada's promise of giving him the "greeting" he'd been looking for the next time they meet.

A/N: If you've made it this far thank you so much for reading :)) I'll try to write as much as possible to get a hang of it and it'd be nice if you guys could give me some constructive criticism. Again, thanks and have a lovely day <3

#resident evil 2 #resident evil 4 remake #resident evil 4 separate ways #leon s kennedy #ada wong #aeon #ada x leon

3 notes · View notes

kwkmi15 · 11 months ago

Text

January 4th, 2024

Dear 17 year old me, it's been a day ever since you just turned 17. Birthdays are supposed to be a holy day, another step to maturity, another blooming experience. So why can't you help but to feel dread, and what for?

I feel like you've been struggling with your own personality. Have you ever thought, do you really know who you are? You've been living for 17 years yet you still don't know who, or what you are. What seems to complicate you about your identity? Does the mere thoughts of mortality overweigh the joy you've always wanted to feel? People around you give pity for you after you have opened up that you've been going to a downward spiral. Just like when you were 13, just like when you were 14, just like when you were 15, just like you were 16. A circle of friends or two, a one-on-one appointment with the guidance councilor. They feel bad, yes they do. It's been months ever since you strike up a normal conversation with them, without being able to put burden on them about your pending suicidal tendencies. You've been a dead weight lately, you know? You desire for change, yet you're scared of it. You're scared of the relationships you have in reality. No one ever stays with you because you never wanted to stay.

You've been cutting and drinking lately.

You've been degrading yourself lately.

You've been acting wrong lately.

Is this the change you desire? To destroy yourself, and build yourself again? To continue this toxic cycle of you rebuilding every fiber of your being after tearing yourself apart, to tell yourself "I've killed the person that I am before". But have you ever thought, was she really dead? The girl inside you yearns for someone to embrace her and to let her cries of agony echo the soul of the world. Let her out, comfort her, let her be a child for the last time.

Sweetheart, don't grow up too fast. The world is much more cruel to an 18 year old woman than a 17 year old girl. I wish someone cards their fingers on your hair, take you in their loving embrace, and protect you from death's own embrace. Don't desire for your own death.

#dear diary #diary entry

2 notes · View notes

hanszoe · 2 days ago

Text

Levi: Were you listening, Hansi? He thinks he can do it. And it's you whose discretion it is to choose where [we] experiment.

Hansi: Ah... of course, as long as I'm living, that's... my role (lit. "duty of my role").

"role" in this case is 役目, the exact same word nde erwin uses. "as long as i'm living" was resolved in 132. the entirety of hansi's future narrative arc is summarized by this single panel.

the reason why hansi is upset i'd imagine is not just nick but this coming directly after their recontextualization that though the titans' origin is human, they are humans transformed against their will, and the entire time they have been painfully capturing and experimenting on them as if they weren't. we return to the killing of prisoners, where nick being killed is not only a near immediate parallel to themself in being the torturer and killer of the titans they captured but is once again a failure on their part to keep their prisoners safe. it completely recontextualizes their experimentation in a negative light, but also gives them an external embodiment of what they regret about their own past actions, which will become relevant in how they handle it.

Levi: Huh?

Hansi: Right now, the Garrison Regiment has deployed all troops to patrol the wall. That requires an immense amount of personnel and labor... Not only have border towns' guard become undermanned, it's almost impossible to maintain public order. With the town[s] in the state they're in right now, matters are more difficult. [We] have to reclaim wall Maria... I think that more so now than ever before. [I] want to make everyone feel safe again soon... I want to act towards a world where people can live without conflict with each other. So... I want to quickly test Eren's power [without wasting] a single moment longer. This time, let's try testing without fear. Of course hardening ability, the detailed information of titan power. [as the object of some verb]

hansi speech pattern by the way, they use conjugated verb then append object semi frequently

Hansi: In particular... if it's possible [like was said] that [Eren] controlled titans... [that's] an amazing possibility. If something like that is actually possible, it means that this situation humanity is in might be able to change! So! [We] can't take our time! We... have to act soon! But I still want Eren to stay hidden for a while...

the first time i read this dialog my impression was again how childish hansi is being. pages of this monologue that has nothing to do with what anybody asked them nor even elaborates on their own feelings that levi initially questioned. they're giving valuable information but it's in such an indirect, roundabout way. especially how they feel they need to explain this much how they do want to act to justify why they shouldn't, the psychology of it is really interesting to me.

this monologue is near identical to 126. actually it uses much stronger phrasing and emphasizes keeping eren hidden as their motive. this is of course because he is still their test subject and in a way their prisoner, but mikasa's expression lol. i think actually she understands hansi doesn't mean anything by it, but it's surprised agreement

Eren: Huh? Armin: Why... is that?

Hansi: That's... because the situation is more complicated than we thought.

Levi: What [the hell]... I've thought since you came here you've all looked like you're about to shit yourself. You still look like that's the case. Why possibly is it that you look that way? State the reason, Hansi

Hansi: Pastor Nick is dead.

Levi: Huh? Armin: Huh...

Hansi: This morning, within the grounds of the Trost barracks Pastor Nick was found dead. [We] don't know the cause of death, but he was killed.

Hansi: [You say] he was dead, why possibly?! Why was this place found out?! Moblit: [We] still don't know. Right now the Military Police are on the investigation.

hansi says バレる which does indeed mean "to be found out; discovered" in this case, and they're already on the defense thinking someone would have been after nick, which in their mind is the church

Hansi: Hey! Nick!!

Sannes: Hey! Are you trying to disturb the scene, Scout? Hansi: ?! Ralph: You can't just come in as you want!

Hansi: [Please] let me in! He's my friend! Sannes: No. This is our job.

Sannes: The things in the room were stolen. It's another robbery-murder. As [you should] know they're occurring like this frequently as of late.

Hansi: It can't be that... [Are you] saying that a robber went out of their way to choose a military facility to steal from?

Sannes: ...What did you say?

Hansi: Did you see his fingers?! Why are his fingernails torn off?! His face looked like it had been hit many times!! And the method of entry?! What are the cause of death and the murder weapon?!

so hansi definitely thinks still at this point the mps are supposed to be working with them to find out who it was

Hansi: ?! Sannes: Where is your assignment? Fourth section-

this particular framing of a violation of hansi's body has already occurred once with sawney. especially considering the role sannes holds to hansi thematically, i think it exists to emphasize that their enemy remains the same even if they're not just titans

Moblit: Fourth Section Commander Hansi Zoe and Fourth Section Executive Officer Moblit Berner.

moblit's position in detail, he calls himself 副長. a side story calls him ��官 which uses the same overall relative position as adjutant but 長 in his actual title means he is the "head" of this rank the way hansi is the "head" of their section, so there would be only one person assigned to this role as an executive/vice/deputy to the section commander among the other adjutants. it would make sense if nifa, abel and keiji comprise that group actually. i think it's also that moblit would take over as fourth section's commander if hansi were to leave the position. there's no exact way to translate this so i decided on "executive officer"

Sannes: With such a small organization even high ranks come off as meaningless. Scouts. What is your job?

Hansi: Huh?

Sannes: Don't you know that when you're not decreasing the number of people [by] going outside the walls, your job is to plan the next reduction of people?

i've seen this in meta, didn't know sannes ever said something like this directly. pretty amazing for him to call hansi to their face their role. of course hansi prefers not to view it this way, but here we begin sannes acting as an embodiment for both hansi's regret and their cognitive dissonance, where they have repressed the negative aspects of their role but are being directly confronted with them through him.

Sannes: How about you try living permanently outside the walls instead?

this dialog uses an いっそ ("rather", i translated it as "instead" here) and 住む ("to live" by way of making one's living) combination which i think hansi might be self-deprecatingly referencing in 126 with "ifkk"

Sannes: The tax that goes to you all being eaten [would be] saved. Ralph: Hah... Sannes: Do you get it? This isn't a titan killing a human. A human killed another human. We've performed our job on this kind of scene for tens of years. Are [you] saying you've ever had experience in finding a perpetrator from a crime scene investigation? Since you haven't even once, don't speak more than this. Don't get in our way either. Run along and go count how many titans there are or something.

Ralph: Bahah... Sannes: Oh no, I scared [you] too much... Hey there? Can you still walk?

Hansi: First Central Military Police...? Why... [would] Military Police from the royal capital [come] to this Southernmost Trost district? [I] thought [you] looked strangely old... so it's because [you're] not Military Police from this area...

Sannes: Is it really that strange? This situation where public safety has deteriorated and there aren't enough soldiers? This border town is especially important, you know. The useful soldiers unlike your washed up selves are busy right now.

Hansi: Ah... Well! Is that how it is! Maybe it's because I'm a useless soldier... I was just so shocked to meet a great soldier like yourself. Please let me shake your hand!

Sannes: Hmph...

Hansi: Is that how [it is]... [he] was caught by a robber... Nick... He must have been scared, I feel so bad... But did he even have anything to be stolen...?

Sannes: If you consider the social position of the victim, it's not strange for that to end up happening either. It's known that the iron used in the Church of the Walls' religious items is highly valuable.

Hansi: Huh?! Nick... was associated with the Church of the Walls?

Sannes: ...What are you saying Wasn't it you Survey Corps who admitted Pastor Nick to this lodging?

Hansi: Yes... it's I who invited him here. I was a personal friend of his. [It's because] [he] had lost a place to live in the unrest this time. There isn't [supposed to be] much personal use of [the] barracks, but I arranged for this room to be used [for him] until [he] could find where to stay next. But... as I knew him, he was a chair craftsman. At least I wrote that on the application form for permitted use of this room. He came here without a single bag with him after escaping safely. At least... when he came here he didn't have any clothes or religious items that appeared to be related to the Church of the Walls. I never heard anything from Nick about [him] being related to the Church of the Walls... More than anything, maybe due to the shock of being driven out by titans, Nick was in a state where he couldn't even leave this room...

Hansi: It shouldn't be possible for anyone around here to know Nick in such detail, and yet...

Sannes: You...

sannes uses a really derogatory and actually kind of antiquated pronoun here lol, it's 貴様 'kisama'. can't find any good resources on it quickly looking online unfortunately, but this is meant as really strong insult and also makes him seem old

Hansi: But That [just] means that I can't have known everything about Nick, then...

Sannes: Hey... Let go [of me]...

Hansi: Aaah, sorry! I accidentally gripped [you] too hard! Well... good luck with the matter of the investigation. ...And when the perpetrator[s] are caught Please tell those depraved evildoers thus

hansi interestingly flips explicitly to plural here with the derogatory pluralizing suffix -共. the exact word they use is 悪党, which means "[one who] belongs to/is of evil/wrong"

Hansi: There may have been righteousness and cause in this way of doing things in of itself... [I] did it under order so I myself do not bear any sin... [You] may have thought there was no other way for [reasons] along those lines... But none of that matters when it comes to me!! The evildoers will end up experiencing while alive more pain than was felt by my friend!! Ah!! (lit.) [It will be] pitiful!!

Hansi: Please tell the robber that!! Excuse us!!

Moblit: Section Commander... did they really? Hansi: Yeah... First Central Military Police Djel Sannes The skin on his knuckles was split. Nick was tortured by the First Central Military Police and killed.

Hansi: I didn't think that the Church of the Walls would leave Nick, who helped the Survey Corps, alone... So [I] hid his identity and put him in the barracks, but... To think [they'd] use soldiers to come kill him...

we return to how hansi isn't being very helpful here. i translated まさか as "to think" and in both languages i think the impression here could equally be "would that really be possible?" in a sense of "how could it be just the church of the walls". but the main feeling is that hansi can't believe it was soldiers who killed him, the people belonging to hansi's own organization and who would stay in barracks like the one they hid nick in. it's actually very much a return to sawney and bean, soldiers killing their own, except this time it wasn't a foreign agent, it was their own military.

Hansi: I was naive... The responsibility for Nick being killed lies with me.

the word hansi uses to describe themself here is 甘い, which i think is maybe more literally translated as "soft", as in they were too lenient with the measures they took, but with the contrasting sense hansi is using it in here i think "naive" is fine

Armin: [You said] it was torture... The Military Police tortured Pastor Nick... Were [they] trying to find out how much [he'd] spoken?

Levi: Seems like it... They were trying to find out if the connection between the Reiss family and the Church of the Walls had gotten out... and Eren and Historia's location.

Moblit: Of course, from the stage this morning the situation has been shared with Commander Erwin, Commander Pixis up to the entirety of the Survey Corps. The Central Military Police have instead ended up being observed by us... so [they] can't do anything too careless. Even with that said, there are many ways [they] could change shape and investigate us... Right now [we're in] a situation where [we] don't know who's an enemy.

Moblit: Even when we came here this morning, [we] divided in two and did 二重尾行 (like spying on someone who is spying someone else? lol) [We] think that this place still hasn't been discovered, but...

Levi: So... Are [you] thinking that [you] want to do Eren's experiments?... Hansi

Hansi: Ah...

Hansi: Since Eren's Titan Power became known, "something" in the capital has been desperately moving to get Eren for themself.

Hansi: But... since the unrest this time that sense of urgency has clearly changed. [They] came to enter territory with muddy feet that until this they didn't step into, and did things that may already have split the military organizations into two [factions]. And that's also in this time when everything in the walls is unstable... If [we] think normally about this situation, it would be that someone belonging to "enemies from outside the walls" like Reiner's group is definitely in the capital In other words what we should be worried about is suffering a fatal wound being stabbed in the back while our attention is focused outside the walls.

Levi: And? Do you think that we should tell [them] that we should all play nicely and have a tea party or something?

the word i translated as "play nicely" here is 大人しく, the same word that he uses in 132 to disparage hansi's desire to stay in the forest and that i've discussed at length because i've only ever seen mistranslations of it. it is the state of being quiet/obedient/behaved.

i'm immensely, unbelievably happy that hansi got back at levi for this comment in 106. (when i say things like "isayama loved them"...)

Hansi: There are still various things we can do indoors... like knitting... ...Please, just for now.

the focus here to me is 室内, "indoors". it specifically means the inside of a room, literally "room" and "inside". hansi's fear isn't some abstract thing, but that they're literally afraid to go outside.

Levi: "Just for now"? That's wrong. It's the opposite.

Levi: Do you think that they'll give up after some time? This place will be discovered at some point. [They'll] track us down so that we'll only have enough time to get away.

Levi: Hansi... You're usually a sharp-minded person. Yet you felt the responsibility for Nick being killed and are already backing down.

the phrase he uses is 逃げ腰になる, which literally means like the physical position one is in when they're ready to run away. it's used to talk about people hesitating or backing down when they shouldn't.

Levi: How many of Nick's nails were torn off?

Hansi: ...Huh?

Levi: You saw them, didn't you? How many.

Hansi: I don't know ...I could only see [them] for a moment... but All of the nails that I could see were torn off

Levi: Oh... People that talk, talk after one. But people that won't, it's the same no matter how many are torn.

Levi: Pastor Nick... I thought he was an idiot, but... It seems like [he] didn't abandon what he believed until the end.

Hansi: ...! Nick (in Hansi's memory): [Pl...ease...] God...

i interpreted the way the anime adapted this moment as hansi understanding it as what would eventually happen to them, but it seems like it is still them clearly seeing themself as nick's own torturer. his choices were to give in to them or die and his own choice was death; he only lived because hansi chose not to kill him. this entire arc is all about hansi recognizing themself in those who oppress them though shared action alone without consideration of context or ideological difference.

but hansi's genuine upset about nick and description of him as a friend who they wanted to protect seems to be because he did have an actual change of heart, he helped them after realizing it was the right thing to do, so much so that he endured horrible torture to protect them, proving to them that individual change is possible. but as the cumulation of this arc and hansi's narrative arc as a whole will prove, that fact is for some reason ultimately ignored.

Levi: If the probability that Nick didn't open his mouth wasn't high, it could be that "something" in the capital is alert to the Survey Corps having our eyes on the Reiss family Well... if you ask me, [our] plan this time [has] two [choices] Go outside before we're stabbed in the back Or exterminate the guys [who would] stab us in the back and go outside

Levi: Which one do you [think] Hansi? Go before we're stabbed?

Hansi: Both. [We'll] carry out both at the same time.

hansi remembers the glimpse they caught of nick's body here. it seems like this moment is more "external embodiment of their own regret" in regards to sannes and the rage they felt about nick's death, literally both of what levi said: nick was "stabbed in the back", he/hansi didn't take the choice that may have saved him that levi is offering them here, yet hansi is also reminded of their rage and the "exterminate them" choice sounds appealing too. it is irrefutably hypocritical in terms of contextless behavior; hansi sees an embodiment of what they regret about their past actions and instead of confronting that pushes it aside and continues to act in the way that led to that regret in the first place. which will be taken advantage of by sannes later on in this arc, and ultimately cumulate in the end of their narrative.

Levi: ...Well That's [probably] what Erwin would say...

#snk 52 #hange zoe

0 notes

stardust-in-my-mind-blog · 2 months ago

Text

complicated relationship with cruelty

when I can't say my truth because eyes have become blind to it

love is choosing to see someone and not just look at them

love is in the choosing to see them

even if you don't like what you're looking at

I was taught that to love someone you must become blind

because when you speak of the pain they are causing you

suddenly the story changes or you're punished for it

no that didn't happen and your feelings are inappropriate

do you know how often my sensitivity has been used as a weapon

that I have had to cut myself with over time until I became

a beautiful carved vessel that's useless for holding all the

emotions that I was made to feel and understand

because no one ever thought my emotions were valid

the water just leaks out of all these stab wounds

they'd have to choose to see my pain

and believe they were causing it

and who likes to believe that?

that they are hurting someone

I know that I don't

but choosing to look at the pain and bear witness to it

is how you choose to learn how to love someone

if you dismiss their pain you choose not to learn what harms them

and if you choose not to learn what harms them

then there's a really good chance you'll learn better

how to harm them over and over again

because you're choosing to not understand

I fucking hate hurting people

until I get to a point of survival and strength

when I play games my first instinct is to resource gather

find a safe hidden place to gather everything I need

so I always have a sort of fortress to return to

and remember everything I've gone through

and enjoy the sanctuary of a cultivated and nourishing peace

you can only know peace if you've accepted the chaos

that flows in paths around our bodies in the song of our blood

you can only accept the chaos if you understand what put it there

and you can only return that chaos to the sender the way it was sent

I fucking hate hurting people

hurt used to be all that I knew

it's never a gift to recieve

it's something done to you

what have you invested in my name?

did you choose to witness and love?

or did you choose to blind yourself and cause pain?

what are you receiving when the god of justice within me

opens her blue eyes after years of stormy rain?

did you draw tears from me or did you inspire smiles?

what stories will my heart tell of you

when she recalls how your presence made her beat?

what stories will my soul sing of you

when she remembers your eyes when I begged you to stop?

do you think there's any part of me that is okay

with the fact that I had to grovel for dignity?

that you thought it was okay to threaten to take my children away?

that controlling me was more important than cherishing me?

that you used every story of pain that I told you

as a blueprint to throw me back into that same trauma

and then exile me from the family we created together?

I think the worst thing about you

is that fact that you were a shitty older brother

you bullied your younger sibling and he was a lot like me

then you treated me like the man who taught you

how to bully your mother and your younger brother

but here's the thing, adversary

I'm nothing like any of the characters in your family

I'm not even a character in mine

I don't like hurting people and I'll avoid it as much as possible

until there comes a time where I like hurting someone

were suddenly I have to start calculating the transgressions

where suddenly the right of my lips curve into a grin

as I shake off another fucking insult of my intelligence

and show you just how detached I can become

from whatever outcome comes of this brewing storm in court

and right now you can consider me completely unmoored

ruthlessness is mercy to yourself

and my grandma ruth has been dead for about seven months now

so you could say my ruthlessness has been building strength

and your depravity has only grown more sophisticated

in fact it may be very difficult to break the habits

I've been oh so patiently allowing you to routinely perform

most of your logic is built on justifying me as your enemy

and not the woman who gave years of her life willingly

to focus on raising and protecting our son

from the cycles your family taught you was love

but if it was you wouldn't have to be a different person

in public and a different kind of person at home

and I don't even recognize the mask you pretended to be

I'm sure with each silence I gave you in response to cruelty

instead of the crying and the passionate monologues

even the somewhat dramatic harks of heavenly doom

which no one can take seriously I'm obviously no angel

but if I was I could do so many things to you

instead I can only steeple my fingers in a devout prayer

for your conscious humiliation as I wipe the floor with you

and this time I'm going to like seeing your pain

to help ease all the suffering you caused me

I'll make your poison into my medicine

just because your arrogance won over your soul

I guess my type is the eldest brother

and you failed to be worthy of your purpose

and I thank every god that I talk to

that I never gave you a daughter to fuck up too

because your family really fucking sucks

when it comes to taking care of daughters

but that's okay

mine was too

0 notes

the-firebird69 · 6 months ago

Text

Are these people are very annoyed they're now messing with his phone connectivity it's not a very complicated program and they're screwing around with it and we're going to bring them down using it and were going to go after their computers. We say it because other people will and they say they're us and then we go in and we take it from all of them

-we're getting very tired of these two and they're idiot games we're bringing them down taking their entire family and clan and clones apart into little pieces and they disappear into nothingness and they're giving us lip and mouth the whole time as if they're winning we know why and we know the source it's there stashes and caches in the west and they're supposed rebel leanings when in fact they've admitted who and what they are so many times if anybody falls for it they're not us it's ridiculous and he warns us about every single thing they're doing this stupid s*** is wound up into a ball tighter than diamond he's a ridiculous loser you have no idea how a gun to use it's going to get worse and worse because we must have access and to disable devices and we're doing that now any blabbed that out so really what does he have for nothing. And yeah you're sitting there annoying us and him and his wife to get rid of you and that's what we're doing it's not fast enough for you little s***. You're not really going slow and purpose and you're just a loser and you're slower than hell and BjA makes it look like you're going fast. That is going after you and has your tunnels blocked so wondering why you're still airing so we checked in your rigging stuff so unrigging it you can play Brian because he gets in there there okay little ass show it's really a sideshow and if you knew you would not be doing it. We're going after your stashes and caches per order of these two of ours and we're taking it in the Eastern hemisphere yeah yesterday you've beaten down to about 35% of capacity and you keep saying it'll be enough so we have to go back in and your stupid face is a good doesn't help you it makes it worse, the Western hemisphere you're down and about 45% and we're still taking stuff out cuz it's underground and a lot of it so you show your face to us and we start working I'm pretty soon you'll be nobody with nothing and we're at your Tower ships again cuz the group moved off is there a fighting each other and they're trying to find us they thought it was a good idea and we're taking their ships. So far we got about 200 billion of their ships in about 100 million of yours out of we think it's 350 million. And nobody says what you said to us John evenard no one ever says it to him because they don't want to end up dead like you have and what you done a lot this is fierce they said this guy's spewing and spewing and dying and dying. And they can see the correlation a lot of them say it's 80%, something like Narendra Sharma said 100% it is just amazing and he's got a chart and graph and sees what he's saying and he's like 80% on it and you're a freaking fool but a son says at times there's some idiot doing it through him so it's probably like 60% of these idiots and the other hits are on people that actually force them to do it so he's happy about that but I detected every time sometimes I try and say it sounds like he's getting help and he says I can see that. So he says to Miranda he's going crazy with that cheese whiz it's just making up stuff but he's really say it in space. It's hard to interpret when someone's not really saying it it's a lot of times and he's admitted it's too many and this guy's getting pushed around too but he's been doing it the whole time so so this is not much you can do just accept the punishment. Now we have a lot of stuff to talk about and then messing with his phone and I don't want it and we don't have time for it and they're doing it but keep messing with a few other things too it's really pissing me off and we have to change gears here I need some returns happening and they're not to the chairs they're happy and happy a few minutes okay is it a bit to it instead of getting into it pretending you won't go so just having a look at it it's going to want them to be pre right and I get that.

-give a couple things to talk about when is the extremely bad attitude of these people have they're looking to get fired all the time and yeah we need them out of here we need them out of here right now so I'm going to get going on it

Thor Freya

We have some announcements but mostly you can wait till later in the

-they did send $100,000 out and they sent $200,000 South and they said about 20 households into the rings so far about 200,000 they sent it on and $100,000 are engaged believe with the pseudo empire and additionally the 20 households they sent out were devastated 10 of them are gone and 10 have returned saying we're screwed and they got heavy out there now and they're trying to muster people with special and they're going to go back out there in about 30 minutes in the rain

More shortly

Thor Freya

Olympus

0 notes

littlegodzilla · 2 years ago

Text

One more chapter. Thanks for rebloging, reading and commenting.

I'm really glad you all like it!

Enjoy the chapter!

*************************

Our Story.

Daryl Dixon x Wife / Daryl Dixon x Reader.

Part 12.

Masterlist.

Warnings: Slow burn. TWD violence. Death. Angst. Little drama. Hurt/Comfort.

Words: 3400.

Summary: the Governor attacks the prison, you all try to resist, Merle is dead and new people is coming to your home.

**********************

Chapter 12. Come back home.

"No, no, I said get out." You say when you see Daryl appear by the infirmary, where you've been hiding to try to calm down.

"Ain't gonna go anywhere."

"Of course not. Is this another one of your promises?" You ask acidly and he chews his lip.

"I know I shouldn't have left with Merle...I've gone back to doing the same thing I did a few years ago and..."

"I don't give a shit, Daryl, I'm not going to care about you, not anymore."

"Listen to me..."

"No, you listen to me." You cut him off again. "We're going to hang in here, because it's our place, because we've made it our home, but it's big enough that we don't need to address each other, so don't try." You make it clear to him. "Let alone having your brother here." Your voice shakes a little and you swallow trying to compose yourself. "I thought you were back to your old self... but you were right, that time when I came looking for you at your house... you've always been like that, haven't you? You've always been Merle Dixon's fucking shadow..." You shrug because he doesn't know how to respond to that, no doubt your words have hurt him more than he expected.

You throat clear and turn around to take a tally of what you still have, it's not much, in a little while you'll have to go out for new supplies.

"Sorry." He grunts again. "That's all I can say; Merle is my brother and I know he ain't the most desirable person in the world, but I changed, I'm sure he can too if given a chance." He doesn't wait for your response, he turns and walks away from the infirmary, leaving you alone.

Living together becomes complicated, Merle is still pulling a tight rope, only Daryl is calm having him there, Tyreese and Sasha have left with their group, worried about Rick's lucidity at these moments. Woodbury has gone after you guys, head on, with that huge truck full of infected, making it clear he wants you out of there, but Rick isn't going to leave that place at his mercy, he's going to fight for it and so are you.

"I'll talk to him, we'll meet, we'll put our proposals on the table and we'll see how it all works out..."

"He's not going to give up." Merle says. "He'll put on a good face and everything will look perfect, but he'll come back, and slaughter you all, they have more guns, more ammunition, you're no match."

"He won't have it so easy, if we're not going to leave here, we'll protect their walls." You say and hear how the man laughs.

"Yeah? And how do you intend to do that, beautiful?"

"You're both right, I'll go up there with some of you and the rest of you will stay here getting everything ready." Rick continues speaking.

"Well, in that case let's stick to the plan."

**************

"So you're my sister-in-law." You hear a voice behind you and you get goose bumps.

You turn slowly, behind you, leaning against the doorframe of the library, where you spend your free time consulting the medical books there, but now you're helping to pull out the tables there to reinforce the prison security, making little barricades to hide in for when the Governor and his people return.

"I'm nothing to you, Merle." You make it clear to him by shuffling the table.

"That's not true, if your sister is my brother's wife, then that makes us family." He keeps talking. "Oh no, wait, that your sister is dead...so you're my half sister-in-law?" There's acid in his voice again and you abruptly let go of the table.

"What do you want, Merle? I don't have time for you."

"Fine, I won't beat around the bush." He advances toward you, you fold your arms, defensively. "I remember you, you know, I may look like an idiot, but I'm not that much of one. You've always been after your sister and Daryl, like a little puppy looking for company, always there wanting their attention." He goes on. "Now you've got him back to yourself, don't you? It's just you now."

"What are you talking about?" you frown. "She was my sister and Daryl was my best friend, I didn't..."

"Don't play that card with me, precious, we both know you liked my brother too, that's why you were always after them."

"Of course I wasn't! I didn't feel that way about Daryl!"

"Come on, honey, you can tell me."

"I don't have anything to tell you! Daryl was my best friend, of course I loved him, but as a friend, but you corrupted him, rotted him from the inside because that's what Merle Dixon does, he destroys everything he touches!"

"Get used to the idea that it's a Dixon curse." He replies to you without taking offense.

You don't want to listen to him anymore, you stop what you're doing and walk away leaving him alone. Merle smiles crookedly now having the way clear all he has to do is go find Michonne to continue with his plan.

****************

Daryl is nervous, he has had a confusing conversation with his brother, he is not sure if he is with them or if he will leave as soon as he has the opportunity, it has always been complicated for him to read his brother's intentions.

But he just can't find him anywhere.

"Fuck, Merle." He growls at nothing.

"Where's your brother?"

Daryl turns to look at you, you're carrying your bow with you, in fact you're also carrying your knife and gun, you look like you're going out somewhere, what surprises him the most is that you're talking to him, after the argument you'd had he thought you'd never do it again.

"Dunno, I was lookin' for him, but... I think he took off."

"Not just him... Michonne's gone too." You tell him and he becomes alert.

"Do ya think he took her to the Governor?"

"To save his ass? It's possible." You shrug and he snorts.

"I'm gonna look for him. Can ya cover for me? I don't wanna anyone following me."

"You keep picking him..."

"That's not the point. That asshole is capable of killing himself doing something crazy. I'm not just going after him, I'm also going after Michonne."

"Okay, then I'm coming with you. For Michonne."

Daryl doesn't insist, you've been the one who said you didn't want anything to do with him, that you've now decided to go with him is a step, he knows you're still angry but at least you're with him. He will accept whatever you offer him. You grab your weapons and leave the prison without attracting the attention of the rest of the group. Quickly Daryl sets about tracking Merle with no problems, they have taken a car near the prison, but the marks he leaves on the bed of dead leaves is obvious, even you could track him without any problems.

"What do you think Merle wants to do with Michonne?" You speak after walking more than half the way in silence.

"I thought ya didn't wanna hear from me anymore."

"Okay." You shrug as you continue walking.

"I think Merle is trying to lead Michonne to the Governor..." He shrugs as you do. "I think he's trying to prevent a prison massacre."

"Why, no one's asked him to."

"He knows no one is very fond of him in prison, he does what he thinks is right. If something happens to him, no one will care about him..." He mutters without stopping walking.

"You do..." You look sideways at him.

"He's my brother, but my whole life he's been coming and going from my life, you know that better than anyone." He snorts shaking his head. "Still I can't abandon him to his fate." He gives you a sidelong glance. "I'm sorry..."

"You're a good person, Daryl. That's why you do those things." You try to ignore the pull in your stomach.

Your weak spot was that you could never stay mad at him for too long.

You hear footsteps nearby, you become alert and saw Michonne approaching towards your position, when she sees you she looks relieved and picks up her pace, you don't know each other too well but you can't help but give her a hug, glad she's okay.

"Where's Merle?" Daryl asks after seeing that she's okay.

"He's gone to see the Governor by himself." She mumbles. "He wanted to make a trade with me, like I had asked Rick to do, but he let go of me and went off by himself."

"Stupid lunatic." Daryl growls. "You take Michonne to the prison, I'm going to go get him."

"You're going by yourself? what if the Governor has captured him or worse?"

"I'll take care of that, you guys get to safety."

You stay silent, Michonne also seems hesitant to want to leave, but Daryl doesn't wait, he just starts walking holding his crossbow tightly against his chest. You two look at each other and start walking in the opposite direction.

"Why did he let you leave?" You want to know again.

"We were talking in the car, Daryl now has a new family, Merle is just a stone in the road, Daryl will move on, but he's stuck in his own emptiness..." she shrugs as she walks beside you.

"I guess he's trying to make things right for the first time..." You try to understand, she nods, but she doesn't look convinced either.

"Sacrificing yourself is not doing the right thing, Daryl will suffer for it."

Daryl will suffer for it.

Those words fall on you like a slab, they make you think about how long that man has been suffering, since you met, barely thirteen you, fifteen him, Dixon was happy and unhappy at the same time, you could see him when you were in the secret place, when he had your sister in his arms, smoking, just talking, you could also see him happy and calmer when he was talking to you, when the bond between the three of you was getting stronger, but then it was time to go back home, to separate until the next day and he would become silent again, his eyes would lose their sparkle and he would even tremble a little if you looked closely.

How much more did he deserve to suffer?

You stop then and look at the woman with the katana who looks confused, but immediately understands what you intend to do.

"Bring them back to the prison, back home, I'm sure we'll find a way to make it all right." She asks you and you nod before turning around and running off in search of Daryl.

****************

But you're late, as you approach the meeting place, where Rick had planned to deliver Michonne, you hear the gunshots and screams in the distance, you don't know what strategy he has followed, if he has prepared an ambush for them or he has entered there shooting left and right.

It doesn't matter, the point is that he has driven the Governor's group out of there, but Merle doesn't leave. When you arrive, panting and sweating from the run, you see Daryl on the ground, succumbed by his own pain, not far from him, Merle's body. He had turned, not only had Governor not only killed him, he had let him turn so that you could find him, so that Daryl would have to kill him himself. It's twisted and cruel. Merle will never be your favorite person, but even for you that's too much. You set your bow better and approach him slowly. You touch his back to warn him that you are there, Daryl lifts his head and, once again, accepts your embrace, snuggles against your chest, hugging you, letting the burden of his pain be less heavy now. You cradle him gently and caress his back and hair with pampering letting him calm down little by little.

"The asshole came after them all by himself... I don't know what he intended, to kill the Governor or something, but we could have done it all together... come up with some plan..." He continues mumbling leaning against your chest.

"He just wanted to do the right thing, Daryl. In a suicidal and stupid way, but he wanted to do it... to have a second chance..."

"His second chance was in prison, with all of us."

In that you have doubts, after what he did to Glenn, to Maggie, to Michonne, to everyone in general, it seems, but you don't say it out loud, Daryl would do anything for his brother to be okay, he had already proved it to you, but now there was nothing left to do. You sigh and kiss the top of his head, Daryl moves into your embrace, lifting his head, your gazes meet and you watch each other in silence, neither of you say anything, you just sit there, staring at each other, immersed in the color of each other's eyes. Daryl swallows saliva and you brush your lips with the tip of your tongue. You feel his hands tremble at your waist and you sigh, resting your forehead against his.

"Let's go home." You tell him without raising your voice. "We're not done yet, the Governor can't take our house, we have to fight."

"Yes... let's go home."

On the way to the prison none of you say anything, silence is your ally, Daryl needs to recompose himself, after losing Merle he needs his own time to mourn, to say goodbye for good, to get used to the idea that this time, he won't come back, that it's not one of those times when he disappears and after a few months, he comes back. Not anymore.

For your part you feel your skin bristle, it bothers you, you don't know exactly what feeling it is that envelops you right now. It hurts you to see Daryl like this, you're still upset because he keeps making the wrong choices, to your way of thinking, but now you can't hold it against him, he's lost his brother, the last thing that tied him to his family aside from his own last name, he's the only Dixon alive, you want to give him his time to get back to his old self, but you feel a horrible 'I told you so' scratching at your throat. It's frustrating how easily he manages to get on your nerves, since you've met again, you're on constant alert to know where he is and how he's doing and you feel stupid for it. Daryl knows how to take care of himself, fuck, so much better than you, so much better than all of you and yet you feel entitled to berate him and get mad at him like he's a child. You have to stop doing that, it's not healthy and you know it.

When you arrive at the prison everyone is glad to see you again, the absence of the eldest Dixon is obvious, some give their condolences to Daryl, but he just shakes his head.

"What are we going to do?"

"What are we going to do? Fight." You say utterly convinced.

"We can't fight an entire town, we need to take everything we can and get out of here."

"We can't leave, this place is ours, we fought for it." Rick is on your side and that relieves you.

"Rick, I trusted you to save my daughters, but this is too much, I'm not going to put them in danger for this place." Hershel refuses.

"We will not lose our home, we have fought and lost much to have it. But we will act with our heads, we will come up with a plan to make it all work out."

You have no time to lose, you don't know how long it will take for the Governor to arrive with his people, with his soldiers. You quickly gather everything, finish setting up the barricades, prepare everything, leave the most open and easily accessible areas protected, gather food, weapons, all your things, take Judith away from all the action, you don't want to have to lament unnecessary losses because of a mistake.

It's all risky and you know you'll have to do a lot of cleaning up in there afterwards, but you're relieved to know that you're not leaving that place, that you're not running away.

"Are you okay?" you reach out to Daryl, touching his arm.

"Sure, I have to be..." He nods and looks at you. "I guess I should apologize to you again."

"No, I'm sorry... I shouldn't have yelled at you like that, I had no right..." You sigh and rub your arms. "But I'm glad you're here again, despite everything and... I'm sorry, for Merle..."

"Nah, don't do that, it's not necessary." He shakes his body and taps you on the shoulder. "Come on, we need to finish up and leave before they start arriving."

You don't respond, the conversation ends there, each of you leaving through different doors to finish as soon as possible.

You are outside the prison walls before the Governor shows up, he is carrying several truckloads of his people, they all look ready for anything, there are women and children too, he has taken with him every person capable of carrying a weapon, it shows how nervous and desperate he looks. You don't understand why, you are not a threat, if he had let Maggie and Glenn go without harming them, they would each go on with their lives as if nothing, but apparently he is not willing to have neighbors.

When they start to enter the perimeter you move towards them, your idea is to ambush them and also to find some unpleasant surprises inside the place that is already waiting for them. Your intention is not to turn everything into a massacre, besides they themselves will clean the whole area of infected, taking away your work.

Soon you begin to hear gunshots and screams inside, you place yourselves in the strategic areas that Rick has selected for each one, when you see people coming out you begin to shoot in a threatening way, you do not shoot anyone in particular, only those who turn to respond to your shots, but you are only threatening them to leave. The last to leave is the Governor.

The prison is still yours, you have managed to get them out of your home. You are happy and excited, but it doesn't mean it's all over. The children return along with Hershel and Beth. Rick still thinks you should go to Woodbury, make sure the Governor isn't out to hurt you again, the idea is to drive your cars after them to further intimidate them. Before you leave, you bring your stuff back inside the pavilion, fix the fence closest to the building plus you take out the bodies of the infected and some woodbury men who will no longer return home to make a pile in the garden and burn them, also to prevent more Walkers from arriving.

After that you get out of there, you don't go too far either, on the way to Woodbury you discover the cars and trucks on the road, abandoned. You stand on guard looking around you, there are Walkers and soldiers everywhere, not all of them have been bitten, others have been executed, friendly fire itself has taken them down.

"What happened here?" you ask and a scream escapes you, frightened, as a woman hits the glass of one of the trucks.

"Help me, please." You gasp as you open the door and she slowly steps out. "He went crazy, he started shooting at all of us..." She says, her voice breaking with tears.

"Where is he now?" she asks, Rick.

"I don't know... but the people of Woodbury are in danger..."

"Rick... we should go help them, we don't know what he would be capable of doing, he's resentful..."

"Yes, we will go there, we will help those who want to come with us..."

"Thank you very much..." Whispers the woman grateful for your help in spite of everything.

The prison is big enough for everyone.

To be Continued...

Hope you liked it!

See you in the next stories!!

Taglist: @green-eyedladywrites @minervadashwood @livingdeadblondequeen @bringinsexybackk69 @phoenixblack89

38 notes · View notes

antoniorhinothethird · 1 year ago

Text

I don't feel any sympathy for Chris.

No matter what.

The way he talked to his wife's best friend in their own bed, their own house, doesn't really scream, misunderstanding and complicated feelings. He didn't care for his wife, even way before that when he was neglecting her when she just wanted to love him and take care of him. He disrespected her name and her whole being as a person.

He didn't feel any remorse. Even as she was lying there in the hospital bed close to lifeless, he still felt like he had control over her, like he's her dog that needs to respect him and come when told to. Even calling the baby "it". He felt bad that she's like that now, but he doesn't think it's his fault. He still thinks what he did was right, that it was 'not that bad'. That it was something they can come back from. He doesn't really feel bad, if he did he wouldn't let his temper lead his words.

And lol, the fucking jealousy. He still can't grasp that what he did was way way worse, that he deserves the first prize from satan himself, and that he doesn't have the right now.

Yeah he's a human I get it, he's imperfect. But he doesn't deserve sympathy. Much like the murderers and rapists who act on their fantasies and urges. (maybe a bit extreme, but there's a reason why adultery is illegal in most countries and is one of the 10 commandments.)

He conceded his right to any empathy the moment he acted on his sinful thoughts instead of confiding in his wife whatever it is he thinks is missing or needs to be fixed.

And lol he wants the guys to still respect him after that. Lol delusional mf.

Can we please not give him a redemption arc? Can we just please finally see him suffer? Alone? Or be miserable with his side piece?

He got mc by manipulating Bin, disparaging him, just so he can steal mc from him. And I just can't look past that.

No matter how "happy" they were at the beginning of their relationship and marriage, it doesn't amount to anything, when that is how they began and this is how they ended.

Maybe he can change in the future, yes. But he needs to stay as far away from his ex-wife and his "members" now and everyday after. He can grow and mature alone or with someone else. But he needs to stop asking for sympathy and a chance.

Lol yes, I am very triggered.

Once you've been cheated on, that shit never leaves you until you die. You would never heal. Even if eventually after years of pain, hurt, self hating, trust issues, insecurities and the edge between hoping to get healed or hoping to just end it to finally be cured, you do manage to forgive that person, the damage and the scar would never go away.

Great for you, if you're not like me and you managed to pick yourself up and be better because of the cheating, but a lot of us are not as lucky.

Add the death of your supposed first child that you've been trying for two years to have.... I'd be good as dead.

Maybe when I finally see Chan repent in the future, suffer and finally admit to everything that he did without trying to justify it or making himself the victim, maybe, maybe i'd feel bad for him then. But right now..

Hard naur..

Lol you broke me. Thanks. 👌

I'm in paintballs without the tballs. 💔

"I Can't Lose You" Part 6

Warnings: Aftermath of a miscarriage, descriptions of grief due to losing a baby, Angry Everyone, Death is mentioned, Wanting Death, Shock, Grief, PTSD Flashback, Panic, there is a parallel to a person jumping off a bridge (NOT ACTUALLY)

Pairing: Bangchan x Reader

Characters: Stray Kids, Reader

A/N: Ok if you read the above, you'll notice that anger is in the warnings. This is the first half of a chapter that had me crying as I wrote it. This is something that you all need to take into consideration... I LOVE YOU GUYS AND I AM SORRY IN ADVANCE ONCE AGAIN. My asks are always open for you guys to vent about this one.

Also remember, this is a fanfic. All of the boys are so sweet IRL.

Stray Kids! Masterlist

Overall Masterlist

Previously:

He was mad at himself at those thoughts, Chris was so clearly into you so he used Bin’s insecurities against him… and it had worked. He thought about how all of this wouldn’t have happened and you and him would be happy together. That’s all he ever wanted for you. That was why he let you go in the first place. He wanted you to be happy.

After about half an hour of hushed talking, while Bin kept you relaxed, a set of footsteps walked down the hall. Just hearing them, Bin’s ears perked up. They had an authority to them, almost pompous in nature. Commanding… he knows those steps.

Now:

The minute Minho saw who it was entering the room his whole body went rigid, his hands in fists at his side as he got up and used his body to block whoever it was. He motioned for the boys to get closer to the bed. All of them standing, ready to jump.

“Just let me talk to her,” Bin’s vision started getting blurry, on the verge of blacking out with rage. He looked down to you, very unbothered by the sudden voice that assaulted the tranquility of the room. The first tranquil moment you've had in months. Months of your husband hiding and sneaking. And months of you planning and working excitedly making every detail perfect.

Bin made a split-second decision to lightly cover your ear that wasn't to his chest. Trying to prolong the inevitable.

Next up was Han as he said in a hushed tone, “she’s finally asleep. You are not coming in this room, Chris.” His tone was dark and that one sentence rolled off of his tongue like a warning.

“She’s my wife. I am going to see her whether you like it or not.” He sounded annoyed. Like this was an inconvenience. Bin did everything in the book to calm his heart, which was starting to spike at just hearing his voice.

Bin went on an internal tirade, how dare he come here? Killing your child wasn't enough? Making you so stressed out that you almost bled to death wasn't enough? Ripping your heart out and trampling it… not enough for him? NOOO let's show up when it's convenient, when no one expects it, playing the 'husband' card. When Bin knew he CLEARLY gave up that title already.

Especially when you did everything to be available for him. When he started to pull away you came to Bin and Han in tears, not knowing what to do. You love him so much that you actively went to find out what it was. Was it your weight? Did you talk too much or not enough? Did you ask for too much? Did you seem too boring? He has already been enough of a plague on your life already.

Minho giggled darkly, “You really want to die today, huh? Did you not hear Han, she’s resting. Now go away.”

“Not until I see her.” His voice raised slightly. The bite in his voice made Minho want to strangle him, to be honest. He doesn’t have any entitlement to you. Especially after what he’s done. As far as what Minho thinks, Chris was never your husband. No husband neglects their wife. No husband makes their wife lay awake at night, worried about if he had eaten or not, or if she’d even see him when she woke up.

That was enough for you to stir on Bin’s chest. Bin had to think quickly as he said "It's okay, go to sleep, Angel. I'm here," in the most delicate whisper. That was enough to knock you out again, humming against his chest.

Chris pulled back the curtain, even though Han and Minho tried their best to get him away. At that point, I.N, who was the closest to Chan, blocked him from your bedside.

“Get away from her.” He whispered, “She’s too fragile right now.”

Chris just looked at I.N. and said, “No one is keeping me from my wife, you’re lucky I even went along with it for this long. I’m not going to wake her.”

The venom in Chan's voice made the hair on Bin’s neck and arms raise. Not out of fear, no he could snap Chris in half if he was pissed off enough. His hair raised out of anger and knowing he couldn't do anything about it. The fact that Chan had the audacity to come into that room after what he did, knowing that you are fragile. That you barely made it out, and even now, you aren’t completely out. Yet there he was trying to force himself in. Like he had a right to be there, even though he was the one that caused it.

I.N looked at Han and Han signaled him to let it go.

Han knew that he was right, none of them had spousal rights. So technically Chris can kick them out, especially because she is still so weak, she can’t fend for herself or be able to sternly say ‘get out’ to her husband, not without consequences. They had no other choice.

Bin looked at Chan as he took a seat next to the bed, taking in your sleeping form. His heart was breaking at seeing how weak you looked. Your cheeks were slightly sunken in and your face was completely pale. The dark circles dominated your eyes, making your face look more like a mummy as opposed to a living breathing person. He looked at your arm with a blood bag hooked to it. When he looked up at Bin he could see that it took everything in Bin’s body not to kill him.

Bin just mouthed to him, “What the fuck are you doing here, get out.” The more that he looked at Chan the more he wanted to rip him apart. He looked well rested, smelled like he showered, hell he even did his hair. That pissed Changbin off. You’d think that he would at least look more disheveled. Given, he could see that he did look worried and sad. He didn’t look guilty.

Chris just ignored him and kept looking at you. Chris was transfixed on you. He was even more transfixed by your hold on Changbin. You looked like you were cuddling your favorite teddy bear. He remembered the last time you held him like that. Yesterday morning, when he came home to sleep for two hours, the minute the bed dipped you subconsciously reached for him, and he slightly rolled his eyes as he succumbed to his fate, smile on his face. You sighed so happily, you mumbled, ‘Mhmm missed you, love you,’ as you kissed his bare chest, and just like you’re positioned now, you were asleep. Now seeing you holding Bin like that makes jealousy more prominent in his mind.

It makes him sick to think about all of this as he plays with his wedding ring, thinking about not feeling you again, your hugs, your breath on his skin. The moans that’d he pull out of you, soothing his soul. The looks that’d make his heart stop. The giggle that’d be forced out even if you were mad. Not having the feeling of your skin on his, these thoughts make him want to die. He’s trying to actively ignore it. He’s trying to ignore the fact that he did something so disgusting, so unforgivable that he lost you. For him, it’s easier to be angry, angry and convinced that you’ll come back. That’s why he is doing what he is doing. That’s why he walked with bravado into that room.

He went to put some hair behind your ear just to have some contact and I.N’s hand flew out and wrapped his hand around his wrist. His jaw set. Bin wanted to do the exact same but it’d jolt you.

I.N. growled “No.. touching… get out of the room,” his brows furrowed, his usually soft eyes looking more like a piercing gaze.

Being the maknae, he has never challenged Chan before… At all. There’s a good reason as to why he is challenging him right now. Innah has always felt like he was awkward. He didn’t really know where he belonged in the team. Yes, he has a good voice and yes he’s good with choreography but he never really hung out with people other than Seungmin and Felix.

You being the person you are, you figured it out. He was watching one day, just seeing all of the members interacting, some of the older ones trying to bring him into the fold but it seemed ingenuine to him. Like he was the little brother that had to be included or Dad would get mad. You truly found the things that he loved interesting, really talked to him, and made him feel safe and welcomed.

There was one particularly hard night for him. Nothing went right that day and he was tired, frustrated, and needed to feel safe. He didn’t know where to go or who to go to. So he called you without knowing why. You picked up and the minute he heard your voice he started crying. You ran to his dorm. No one else was home, and of course, Chan was nowhere in sight. So you stood with him, talked, and cooked a midnight dinner with him. Got him to laugh, you both passed out on the couch after watching some anime.

After that night that no one knows about except the boys in the Danceracha house, I.N. was just like Hyunjin, except he’d do drive-by hugs, sometimes just falling on you giggling and looking for hugs and head scratches, like the fox he is. There were other times when he would just stand behind you, put his chin on the top of your head and say, “What are we doing here Y/N/N…. I am BORED” as he’d flop on you, “Let’s get Ramyeon.” You’d laugh and say, “How about this… you get through today… and Ramyeon’s on me.” He still smiles at those memories.

So of course, I.N. would fight King Kong if he had to if it meant protecting you.

Now, seeing Jeongin doing this, standing up to Chan, just to protect you, his Noona, made everyone that wasn’t Chan smile.

Chan stood up to his full height and said, “I just want to be here for her,” with a tight lip at the challenge of the maknae of his team. Chan can’t take the disrespect anymore. Even though he knows that he more than deserves to be treated like this and worse, he is still in that limbo of trying to convince himself that this didn’t actually happen or worse, that he can fix it.

Bin felt your grip tighten on him…

You said to yourself that you didn’t just hear that voice. You squeezed your eyes shut as you wiggled up a bit to bury your face into Bin's neck. You didn’t want the boys to see you cry.

The cologne you just smelled when you were on Bin's chest, that was Chan’s cologne. The voice you just heard, that was Chan’s voice. There was a war going on in your head. Do you talk to him? Can you talk to him? What do you say? What does HE have to say?

“Y/N?” Chan said as his body snapped to you. Seeing you now burrowed into Bin’s neck and chest.

It made the jealousy that he had before start to boil. That’s his wife, after all. Chan was your safety. He was the one you run to, not Changbin, of all people. Why does he fit so well next to you? Why does the feeling of you slipping away elicit anger at others, not himself? Why did he see you buried in Bin’s neck and not his own? It felt to him like someone was touching his favorite toy without permission. Why did she go to Bin for comfort and not him?

“Y/N, Baby?” He asked a little louder…

“Stop calling me that,” you responded to him, muffled by Bin’s neck as you cried in your own dark cocoon, that was what you imagined when in Bin’s neck. Surrounded by him, he’d never let anyone near close. He was your safety bubble.

Bin just moved his hand up to pet your hair back as you fought with yourself.

The only one who knew you were crying was Bin, who felt your tears on his neck. They felt like acid on his skin, he could feel the pain through them, the fear, the rejection, the grief. He hated seeing or feeling you cry. The fact that you were comfortable enough to trust him with your fragility was the only solace in this for him. He knew that no one could protect you more than he could. That’s exactly what he’s going to do, protect you.

“I’ve got you,” He whispered as he turned his face into you, trying to hide as much of your face as he could, to give you more shelter to cry in. He hated that you had to go through this. You would think that for even one second his bonehead bandmate would put his own ego aside for just one fucking day to give you the room you desperately needed. It’s not even like he could make the excuse of thinking that you are going through it alone. It’s clear that you aren’t, Bin always took care of you. Sometimes Chan thought that it was the perfect deal for himself. He was married to you, so obviously you wouldn’t betray him, and Bin was so in love with you that he’d move Heaven and Earth for you. So Chan being distracted was never the issue, Bin was always there. In his head Bin was like a Knight protecting the Queen in a chess game. The king doesn’t have to worry about the Queen.

Bin’s tone with you was gentle,“You tell me to get him out and that’s exactly what we’re going to do.” His face read danger, eyes never leaving Chris.

You really didn’t know what to do. You are at a loss really. You just got about half an hour in nearly 30+ hours of being awake. One thing you do know is that you are feeling your pain uptick at the thought of leaving Bin’s neck.

“Please, let me talk to you,” Chris pleaded with you. He tried to touch you.

Jeongin stopped him again, gripping his wrist. His grip was bruising in strength this time, “She did not say you could touch her. So you are keeping your hand to yourself. Either that or I rip it off, understand?”

Bin’s jaw was tight, if Chris made one more move, Bin was going to gently switch out with Seungmin, just to murder Chris, then switch out again so you could sleep, very simple.

“At least let me see your face, Baby,” Chris said as he yanked his hand from I.N’s grip.

Then you spoke again… your tone now carrying an authoritative air, “I told you not to call me that fucking name. I heard it enough when you were fucking her in our bed. Take that name and shove it, Chris.”

“As for seeing my face, you don’t deserve to see it after what you did to me. Neither of you deserve to see my face.”

“Give us the room,” Chan ordered. He was doing his best to keep his composure and to try to gauge how much control he lost of the group. He is very much aware of the fact that the power dynamic has changed. Chan knows that they don’t even respect him, let alone trust him. Another thing that he knows is that he would feel the same way.

He’s also embarrassed, not at what he’s done but at the fact that his members found out. The fact that he was caught with his pants down, both literally and figuratively. The fact that his members watched him do something so amoral was something that he was pissed off about. Not as much at the fact that he had no moral compass, but it was the fact that they reacted the way they did. They screamed at him, Chris, Bang Chan, their elder. They challenged his authority left and right. The fact that they’re rebelling only added fuel to the fire. He wanted, needed to get control back.

As far as he was concerned, this was all something that he could come back from. You love him, right? So obviously you’ll come back. You sunk 5 years into him, of course you’ll be back. There was far too many decent memories for you to check out now. You’re hurt, demoralized, angry, yes. However, knowing the peacekeeper you are, you’ll be back, he knows it. Why can’t they see that, why can’t they fight for him just as hard as they are fighting for you. Why can’t they get their noses out of his marriage and watch some K-Drama like they always do instead of driving a wedge further in between himself and his wife.

The frustration alone made him want to lose his composure. Everyone has their role, that is something he is an avid believer in. To you, Chan is the protector, he’s the one to chase all the bad things away, he is your husband. Changbin is your friend, nothing more. So it drove Chan crazy to see you relax in Bin’s arms.

He felt like Bin had no business in a bed with you. It being completely lost on him that he did the same thing, but worse with his wife’s best friend. Bin is not there to sexually gratify you, he is there to hold whatever’s left of you together.

Bin is trying desperately to reassure you, to look at all of your broken pieces and help you, to let you know that he won’t let Chris close enough to hurt you again.

When Chris ordered everyone to give him the room, not one person moved a muscle. All they did was look at you, waiting for an answer.

Bin whispered to you, “Do you want us to leave?” Internally he was praying that you wouldn’t want him to go. He as well as the rest of the boys don’t trust Chris as far as they can throw him.

You shook your head, “Can’t take it.” You knew that there would be no way that you could have this conversation alone, you’d be right back to square one. If you were honest there isn’t a way you can see this going well. You are still really weak. You can’t do much of anything at all yet, even needing help shifting in your own bed. Not to mention the person who did it to you is demanding an audience with you like you didn’t just go through a near-death experience and is barking orders at your boys. You couldn’t even scream at him for that.

Bin looked at the boys and said, “We aren’t going anywhere, Y/N’s orders.”

With that all of the boys had a seat, smiles on their faces as if to say try us, we dare you.

Chan’s face turned hard at that. It was worse than he thought… Not only did he lose control, he handed all of it over to you on a silver platter. Chan is an A personality type. He is very particular, one of those places he’s particular about is that he is the Alpha. He is the leader, the spearhead. So for everyone to do this, made him not only mad, but scared. He isn’t used to not being in control. That made his tone harsh as he barked,“Look, I know that you are in pain and I know that you don’t even want to see me right now, but we need to talk in private.”

Immediately I.N. bristled and took a step to him, Minho getting up and claiming the bottom half of the bed, looming on the post of it, glaring at Chan.

Felix growled, “Watch your tone, you aren’t the one calling the shots, Chris.” as he bore daggers into Chris’ forehead, standing at the ready.

You didn’t respond and Chan said something that made your blood boil,something he knew you couldn’t ignore, “It was mine too.”

It..IT?! Your heart cracked again as you left your cocoon, “IT?!” You raised your voice. You winced at the pain the movement caused. “MY child was not an IT… THEY WERE HERE CHRIS.” You grabbed your stomach, feeling your diaphragm scream at you to be quiet, your abdominals agreeing full-heartedly. “YOU gave up ANY parentage by fucking someone else when we were trying to have a baby for TWO FUCKING YEARS!”

“WHAT?!” Han exclaimed. Han started to see red, yet again… Han thought to himself, They were trying to have a baby for 2 years?!. Han looked briefly at everyone else, their faces set in the same murderous stare that resided on Han.

Meanwhile, Bin didn’t let that sink in, he was too busy noticing you started looking slightly confused and woozy. Whatever little color you had was turning more grey by the second.

“Y/N you need to breathe,” Bin tried to remind you. He tried his best to guide you back down but you weren't having it. Your anger taking control. He had a sinking feeling as his own heartrate picked up.

You thought for a few minutes and said, “I still can’t believe it, you know? It’s like last night was a horrible nightmare but, the pain, the blood… It really happened. My baby is really gone.” A stray tear ran down your face, “I don’t want to believe it. It hurts too much. But my body knows. It feels different. I don’t know what to do with that. I don’t… I can’t…” Bin was watching your heart rate, the last time you tried to revisit this, you had to be sedated and apparently, Han is thinking the same thing. He looked at the monitors and got a bad feeling.

“I just wanted to surprise you, to show you how much I love you! To let you know that I am there for you and you repay me by emotionally cheating on me with my BEST FRIEND for a YEAR and physically cheating for two whole months?! NOW YOU WANT A PRIVATE CONVERSATION?! How is this for a private conversation.” You felt your body starting to fail again. The rage coursing through you is the only thing keeping you aware of your surroundings.

Chan went to look away, he couldn’t see you hurting this much. He couldn’t come to the realization that he did this to you. You screamed with what little energy you had , “LOOK AT ME YOU FUCKING COWARD!” as you held your stomach, trying to control the new waves of pain.

When he looked at you, you said, “Here’s a little private conversation for you. I’m granting your wish. You said to her ‘I can’t wait to leave her’... Guess what?” You gritted out, “I’m leaving you!” you started spiraling back into what happened not even a full 24 hours ago at repeating his sentence back to him. Hearing those same words in your head, seeing the blood, the reality of it once again slamming into you like it did before.

The minute that that last sentence left your lips, the world slowed down for Chris. He saw everything, the wedding, the laughs you both had. Even the simple things like how whenever he got up, which was always well before you woke up; he’d stare at you, brushing your cheekbones with his knuckles. Watching your peaceful form and marveling at how effortlessly gorgeous you are. Now as he watches you, seeing the shreds of you that were left, he had a realization. He realized all at once that the person he loves and has always loved is dead. She’s dead, along with his child, because of him.

You started staring off tears freely falling, “I just want my baby… Bin, I want my baby.”

Your heart rate started climbing fast as you stared at your lap, seeing blood that wasn’t there anymore, then blinking and it disappearing, your face began to show distress, as tears started falling, and your mouth opened letting out rapid puffs of air. Bin looked at Han and yelled at him, "Get the nurses, go!" The next second Han ran out the door as the alarms went off on the monitors.

Bin looked at you and said, “Hey look at me, stay here with me, Angel.” Then he looked at Minho and said, “Clear the room. Get Chan out of her NOW!” Minho immediately started getting everyone up and out of the room as fast as possible.

Chris slowly backed up until he hit the wall,everything moving in slow motion. He looked at the monitor, seeing your ungodly fast heart rate. The fact that you could die right now from a heart attack made him want to collapse to his knees and start praying. Chris was watching how Bin handled you, tears were starting to sting in his eyes. He was shaking, feeling the gold of his wedding band as he watched a man who was so much more than he could be. How delicate he was with you. Why did I do this?

He was staring at your face, he could see it, the heartbreak. He wanted to help, to take all of it back. Flashes of memories flickered in his mind. All of the opportunities he had to be with you but chose not to. All of the times that you would try to save him from himself, even if it was as simple as reminding him to eat. He’d yell at you and tell you that he was a grown up. I’m not grown. You’d remind him to get up and stretch, to be present in the now. You always tried to connect to him, always tried to soothe him, always tried to bridge the gap he put in between the both of you. His heart felt like lead, sinking further. His voice, his legs, his body didn’t move. It was Innah who dragged him out of the room by the collar.

Bin looked back at you, “Y/N…” He could see, you were completely dissociated.

You weren’t responding to him at all, eyes glazed over as your heart rate kept climbing, you were glancing around, clearly confused. What he didn’t know is that you felt everything at once. You could hear him like he was underwater. Your vision was blurry, and you really couldn’t feel anything aside from the pain in your chest at the thought of anything, because you felt guilty.

“Angel, look at me, try to breathe for me. Come back to me.”

“They should be here, not me. My baby didn’t deserve that Binnie. I want to hold my baby!” You screamed, “I want to take them a bath, feed them, I want my Baby.”

Bin realized then that it’s the reality that’s so painful. Everything that was around you reminded you of the fact that you were living and your child wasn’t. He could see the pain on your face as he gently held your face, trying to get through to you. “I know you want to hold your baby, I want that too. I want that so badly but I can’t give you your baby, that can’t happen. No one can bring your baby back, Angel.” Tears were rolling down his face at seeing you like this. Your eyes were constantly searching as more tears fell from them, he tried to wipe the tears away as fast as they rolled down your cheeks.

Bin got behind you, caging you with his arms and chest. He pulled you flush to his chest and ran his hands up and down your arms as he slowly rocked you. He was trying to provide enough stimulation to get you back to being able to self-regulate. You were only getting worse as he watched helplessly. He tilted your head back to see you spiraling further down, “Binnie help me. I want my baby please.” You just wanted to let it consume you already.

You quaked as you wished out loud, screaming without even knowing it, “Please, just let me die, let me go, I want my Baby.” You knew it was the pain, but at this point, not having your child was worse than death. You screamed without fighting anymore. Sometimes the seconds would stretch as you screamed till no air was left to make a noise. Those sobs made you feel like your chest was in a car crusher. You couldn’t stop them no matter how hard you tried, but in your mind, there was no point in stopping them.

Changbin’s blood ran cold hearing you say that, feeling as if he got dunked in an ice bath. He choked on his own breath as he did his best to try to get his own voice to work. You may not want to be here right now, but he’s going to make sure that you make it. He looked into your eyes and they were completely dilated, you just lay on Bin’s chest as you made the decision. You were done fighting, the pain was too much. Bin felt it, he could feel the fight leave you as you went limp, crying.

He knows this feeling… this was the same feeling that he felt when you were losing consciousness. His gaze snapped to your eyes, no fight, no struggle. You looked like you were calling out to Death. You wanted it so badly. What was worse was that Death was answering, he could feel it in the room. Cold, dark, and looming.

His body went into overdrive, the shock melting into panic. He wasn’t going to let Death take you, “Han hurry up, she's slipping!” He screamed at the door. His scream didn’t sound like him. The sound akin to a bystander watching a loved one jump from a bridge. Watching the body disappear all because of one step. He couldn’t wouldn’t let you fall. He screamed as if he dove for your hand, the same hand that fits so perfectly in his, as you threatened to disappear over the ledge of that bridge.

Bin got closer to your ear, so you could hear him better, “Please don’t say that. I know it hurts, just stay with me, hold on. I’m here. Stay with me. You can’t leave me here, please.” Changbin tilted your head, so you could hear his heartbeat. Subconsciously thinking, If you go I go. He gently wrapped his arm across your breastbone, trying to provide some soothing pressure to your chest. His hand resting on your opposite arm, rubbing the meat of it in a soothing pattern. His other hand was petting your hair. The hold he had you in gave you someone to hold on to. As soon as his forearm rested you wrapped your hands around it, grabbing his hand as you dangled on the ledge.

“Binnie it hurts, pleaseee. Help me, it hurtss.” You sobbed, your voice cracking and breaking, a mirror of your soul. Bin continued to slowly rock you, “I know Angel, I know I want to take it away. Just hold on for me. Hold on to me.” He had no idea how he was able to be calm for you. A part of him knew that he needed to. He was not going to collapse so you could face all of this on your own. He refused. He needed to fight for you, and he would, for eternity if he had to.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Want More?? Tell Me So!

Want to join the Chaos Express? Shoot me an ask and consider it done!

STAY KIDS CHAOS EXPRESS 🚂❤️❤️

@Fuckthinking, @feybin, @1-800-shedevil, @channiesbakery, @channieswhore, @hwangswhore, @seungminhour, @skzms, @angstraykids, @roseykat, @seventeenytiny, @dreaming-medium, @thunderous-wolf, @hanjsquokka, @moonjxsung, @diddybok, @fics-lovebot, @seungminssangel, @straykeedz, @straykeedz-recs, @tasteracha, @ven-fic-recs, @euphoric-univers, @camilagonzalex, @juskz, @antoniorhinothethird, @mariteez, @armystay89, @i-like-nougat, @yeonjunsfox,

@laylasbunbunny,@uwuitsjungwoo, @3racha-soup, @bandolls, @bomi-ja, @skzfairyyyf8te, @3rachababygirl, @symptoms-of-moonlight, @hiddlestandom , @stay-fr0sty-r0yal-milk-tea, @8rach4, @bear8585, @tenshimara, @galamxy, @fairlylilo , @skzms

#stray kids x female reader #stray kids fanfic #stray kids x reader #stray kids angst #stray kids imagines #bang chan x y/n #bang chan x reader #changbin x reader #skz angst #skz imagines #skz x reader #PTSD Flashback #Grief #Wanting Death #Shock #Death is mentioned #descriptions of grief due to losing a baby #Aftermath of a miscarriage

391 notes · View notes

bored-storyteller · 3 years ago

Text

Hi little lily~

Thank you for your request ❤️ since there is already a request for Dazai, I chose Fyodor 💜

I hope you like it! Fyodor is really a complicated character, who knows if I'm reading him correctly (I couldn't do something really fluff 👉👈).

Bungou Stray Dogs - Fydor Dostoevsky x Reader - Hot Chocolate

Not even you are aware of what courage you have dressed up for such a bold move.

That strange man sits there, all alone, his long-empty cup of tea in front of him and his head lost in thoughts unknown to you. He's charming, attractive you might say, albeit not in the conventional way. You can swear he's unlike any people you've ever met; he is different in a special and terrible way.

Yet seeing him there, dressed in light-colored, sitting in silence with an empty face makes you think of a sad angel of death.

You decided to ignore the alarm in your head and approached him with the freshly ordered cup of hot chocolate in your hands. You may regret approaching him, but you would certainly regret not having done so.

You hold the heated ceramic as if there was the life that you want to offer to that unusual melancholy figure, while trying to attract his attention without disturbing him too much.

"Umh ... sorry, I ..."

His eyes nail you, they freeze the blood in your veins as if they were the very source of winter. You have never seen eyes like this; the purple of his irises is dull and cold, but at the same time it burns and kills. You have not noticed that you have stopped breathing, or that you have stopped talking, as you look at him as motionless as a deer stuck in front of the predator.

"Yes?" Maybe he's tired of waiting, or maybe you're just making a fool of yourself.

"Here ... this ..." you place the chocolate on the table in front of him, you do it with slow gestures, as if you were walking on a glass ready to break.

He observes your offer passively, the back of his hand casually brushes his chin and then those tremendous pupils are on you again: "I didn't order it."

"Oh ... yes I know ..." you swallow, as if you were afraid of getting the wrong answer "... it's an offer from me."

He still peers at you, he peers into you as if he not only wanted, but he could bare your soul. He looks at the environment around you, looks at the dense dark substance, and again at your eyes. He seems to think, and at the same time you feel like you are looking at an ice statue.

"Why?"

His question is logical and natural, yet it seems to you the most difficult question in this world. You feel like the innocent who must be cleared in front of the judge.

"You don't have to accept it ..." you manage to mutter "but if it can please you, please accept it."

The man of silence doesn’t stop looking at you, investigating you, judging you.

Then, suddenly, with a gentle movement of his hand, he brings the hot cup to his pale lips, taking a sip of the warm drink.

"It's sweet ..." he whispers, looking for a moment at the intense color of the liquid "I must seem extremely rude, sit down, please."

You hesitate, not really knowing if it's a wise choice. How can it be so important to decide whether or not to sit in front of that man?

"I insist." He continues. His voice is not bad, on the contrary, he wraps it in a patina of kindness that however makes you shiver. But you can't disobey him.

You sit in front of him, barely thanking him, as his gaze moves away from you. You look at his raven hair that lightly indulges every movement of his head, under the ushanka hat he wears. He must be beautiful under the moonlight, you think. A world-weary angel of death, apathetic traveling through the wastelands of the dead.

"Tell me, why?" He asks you again with empty notes that are lost in the air in front of you.

And not out of affection but out of punishment, you tell the truth: "You seemed sad to me."

"Sad?" The fleeting light that illuminates your gaze when it returns to you again can be as surprised as it may not be at all, yet there has been a change "I'm not sad."

"Oh sorry…"

"It doesn’t matter." He cuts you off, and now his expression is different. Under tired eyes, his lips are curled in a soft, gentle smile. Gentle enough to hurt, kind enough to be evil.

"A pure heart that cares for its neighbor, how wonderful." You cannot respond to his melodious voice as much as it is dissonant with the rest of the world.

His hands wrap the cup of chocolate, squeeze it delicately, suddenly covering the atmosphere with a veil of sacredness.

"To your soul." He says he, as he lifts the drink towards you, never letting that delicate smile fall, which opens up to become an unhealthy cut on his face.

He drinks it, all of it. And as you watch him drink, you feel as if he is not drinking what you have offered him, but your very essence, and you don't understand if you fear it or if you want to.

"Thank you, little mouse." He murmurs to you, and he's standing in front of you without you even noticing.

His hand rises, touches you sweet, almost loving, he rests on your forehead and his thumb and little finger caress your temples. Oh, his hands are so cold.

You don't dare blink, because you have the distinct feeling that if you close your eyes you may never open them again. But before you can feel the creepy, inexplicable terror that is building within you, his touch moves to your cheek, rubbing it lovingly, and his voice blows beside your ear.

"Let's meet again."

#bungou stray dogs #fyodor dostoyevsky bsd #bungo stray dogs #fyodor dostoyevsky x reader #fyodor x reader #bungo stray dogs x reader #fyodor bungou stray dogs #fyodor bsd #one shot #anon request

166 notes · View notes

breadknight-likes-things · 2 years ago

Text

The Old World: Stonetalon Mountains

(Bear with me on my attempt at an audio transcription here, I've never been talented with audio, but I thought it might be fun, and add a little atmosphere to these posts if it all works out well.) Cataclysm changed a lot about quite a few of the zones in World of Warcraft, but the level of those changes were rarely equal. In terms of zones that were actually physically changed, two stand out to me most of all: one being the famous separation of The Barrens, the other being Stonetalon Mountains. Much as every World of Warcraft player loves to talk about The Barrens, I love talking about Stonetalon even more.

If you've played World of Warcraft post Cataclysm, you might remember Stonetalon Mountains as a pretty....intense zone. It's torn apart by war, the whole of Windshear Crag is a desolate field (okay, so maybe not everything is different.), the storyline is a tense plot about war crimes, and the zone feels like a fairly open place, ripe to explore in any direction. In it's original incarnation? It wasn't really any of those things, hell, it was downright restrictive, in a way I find endlessly relaxing. It's funny to write out, because it almost sounds crazy, but to navigate Stonetalon Mountains feels, to me, to walk uphill. I mean that in a very pleasant sense, of course. Before the updates opened the map up and allowed Old World flying, Stonetalon is largely one of the most singularly linear zones in the entirety of Azeroth. Sure, there's open areas, but the paths to those areas feel like narrow mountain paths that are really only there to guide people to one place (Incredibly, a few weeks ago I discovered there's a direct path from Sun Rock Retreat to the Charred Vale over a mountain peak....I have been playing this game for 16 years!). As a result, in feels like one of the more guided tours of a zone that existed in WoW at it's first launch. Especially if you were playing Horde, and had just come in from the notoriously wide open Barrens, scouring every tent for Mankirk's Wife and decimating the local Zhevra population. Now, I mentioned earlier that I find this zone relaxing, and that aforementioned narrow design is a big part of this. There's really nothing complicated about classic Stonetalon. Whether you're being sent to deal with the Venture Company in Windshear Crag, harassing the druids of Stonetalon Peak, or asked to trudge through the Charred Vale to kill god knows how many Harpies, you're really just going in one of four directions: Up, Down, Left, or Right. The linearity lends a specificity to it all, and most importantly, allows the places you're funneled into as a result to have loads and loads of personality and beautiful scenery.

Take Mirkfallon Lake, for example. Such a small place, but with the help of a small handful of quests, a story all it's own. Just from looking at it we can ascertain that it's seen better days. It's dingy shoreline and abundance of dead trees attesting. Even so, our quest there is one of rebirth, life still clings on, and we need to borrow some of it for a sub-zone that's in even worse shape. The Charred Vale, of course, is a nightmare. It's full of harpies, everything is on fire, smoke is clouding the air, and you're going to pull that Harpy trying to get to that tin vein, no matter how sneaky you think your being. Even still, like Mirkfallon Lake, life is still clinging to this place, and your quests there are a micro story about the hope that one day it might return in force. Meanwhile, Windshear Crag and Stonetalon Peak tell a dueling tale of respect for nature, and utter contempt for it. Windshear Crag has been damn near depleted. Even the mighty waterfall overlooking the zone is being exploited by the Venture Company at this point. In Stonetalon Peak, meanwhile, it looks as if Nature hasn't been touched for thousands of years. Ironically, as a member of the Horde, I was simultaneously sent to Windshear Crag to protect natural beauty, and to Stonetalon Peak to fill the people doing the same thing full of arrows, nobody's perfect.

Before I wrap up, I have to talk one last place in particular: Sun Rock Retreat. No joke, as a kid, when I read the name of this settlement, I assumed it was a luxury spa. I mean why wouldn't it be? Doesn't that name just sound like a place where you can lay in the sun on a big stone slab, maybe take a dip in a pond? Even past my misconception on the many meanings the word "Retreat" can have, it's still one of my favorite towns in the game. It's tucked away and it has an eclectic mix of NPC's to meet. If you've never been there, well, I recommend going at least once. Even just to pretend you're going to a spa.

Or just to alternatively save/destroy nature. Really depends on your point of view.

16 notes · View notes

sorry-i-ship-drarry · 3 years ago

Text

31. Would you come back to me?

Prompt used- doing a pinky promise. This post have been inspired by one of @drarry-is-my-therapy recent reblog and one of @fqirycircle drawing, which is absolutely amazing. TW- ANGST | HURT/COMFORT | Harry's heart had always belonged to the boy by the lake.

" dad" Albus said as he watched his father cleaning off the used utensils

" yea " harry replied looking over his shoulder to his son sitting behind the kitchen table.

" I- I was talking with mom the other day and she told me something " Albus nervously said

" oh yeah, what'd she tell ?" Harry chuckled

" why you guy's really separated " Albus replied. Harry stopped dead for a moment looking blankly at the utensils until he resumed washing, not replying anything yet.

Once done, harry wiped off his hands over his apron, handing Albus the cold coffee he had just brewed, taking one for himself, he sat down in front of Albus with a curious smile.

" so what'd she tell you ?"

" well- she doesn't want me talking to you about these things but I- think I'm big enough to know these things now, don't you think ?" He nervously asked once again.

" well- albus I think you are " harry gave albus a friendly frown and with that Albus immediately loosened up, giving harry a genuine smile.

" so what did she tell you ?" He asked once again pointing Albus to drink his cold coffee.

" well- she told me- that you guys didn't love each other " Albus said

" I do love your mom Albus-"

" just not the same way, right ?" Albus asked. Biting the inside of his cheek harry deliberated whether he should actually let Albus know or not, until he did, knowing if he were where Albus was, he'd want to know too.

Harry nodded hesitantly.

" but you guys seemed to love each other so much? Like all the things you did, I mean i don't get it how could you just fall out of love you know ?" Albus asked a little irritated by the fact that his parents had actually fallen out of love. Harry is suddenly strongly reminded of a very Vivid situation, the situation he'd been so familiar with.

" Albus- I think what you're trying to say is that we Always cared for each other. We often confuse love with care. At much later part of our marriage, before separation we had almost forgotten what was it like to love each other and simply cared for one another" harry explained.

Albus clenched looking at his father, " so you're saying one day we eventually fall out of love ?"

" what- no- Albus, no that's not what happened- hell " harry immediately responded.

" then what happened ?" Albus aggressively asked

" it's- it's just more complicated than it seems Albus but I want you to know that love is real, alright. Just because your parents didn't work out doesn't mean love cannot exists, look at your uncle Ron and aunt Hermione, I've rarely ever seen love like that and hell I can't even tell you how much time they had spent crushing desperately over each other for years. We're sorry- really for setting such a bad example but we're not perfect, nobody is. It's simply is we couldn't make it work and we regret it " harry sighed pushing his hair back from falling over his face.

Albus shoulder slumped down a bits, staring at the water ring on his coaster absent mindedly.

" just say it albus. Don't keep it in " harry encouraged knowing his son was deliberating about saying something.

Albus looked up at harry strangely, a look he had never looked at him with ever before, " she said- that you- you've never truly loved her. She said even though you loved her but a part of your heart Always belonged to someone else "

And everything stopped. Harry's breath caught in his throat, his hand stilled in the air, even his hair on his forehead became still. He was shook Ginny had told him something like that. It wasn't as if harry wasn't ever prepared for such conversations but the way it had twisted into something, it was unpredictable and he found it hard to focus on one thing.

" is it true dad ? That you loved someone else too ?" Albus contemplated nervously.

Harry looked up at albus, not realising when had he ever leant down and cleared his throat to gain his voice back.

" I never cheated alb-"

" I know. She knows that but she says she knew that you Always have loved Someone else too " Albus bit his lip nervously hoping he hadn't offended harry by saying something so personal.

" i- I never thought she'd actually tell you this" harry eyes widened in surprise as he cleared his throat once again.

" w- I shouldn't have bought this up- this is just-"

" hey hey, it's fine- you said you're big enough to know these things now- well then " harry interjected nervously " she's right. I- my heart as she put it, one part of it has always belonged to someone else " harry sighed closing his eyes, glimpsing back in his memories of that one Particular person.

" oh- who ?" He asked curiously

Harry raised his eyebrows, chuckling nervously, not believing it even for a second that he is infact about have this conversation.

" someone" he finally replied.

And with that harry is brought back into his memories from years ago, that one person's laughter resonating in his head, that one smile which was only reserved for him, that voice which echoed in his head every night, as if it was calling harry to it but just as he reached the bottom, there would be another bottom and he would be stuck. Everyday. And as harry started to finally tell Albus about his first love, he flows into his memory of the last day of 5th year after harry had recently lost Sirius and was extremely vulnerable, around the black lake away from everyone, in just his own little bubble with him.

The lake reflected with the red and yellow light of the dropping sun from across the mountain and a faint breeze drying Harry's face covered with tears. He has someone's arms around his shoulder, cooing him, reminding him one day everything would finally be fine but he didn't had it in him to even understand what he was saying. He was crying, heavily breathing because of the heart clenching pain, the void in his heart which had finally filled had now grown bigger, how was anything ever supposed to be fine..

" we need to end this " harry abruptly said

" what ?" He asked confused by Harry's sudden outrage with something complete nuisance.

" we can't- I can't keep doing this " harry replied numbly

" wha- why not ?" He asked furrowing his eyebrows, feeling slightly hurt by such abysmal suggestion.

" don't you see, I lose everyone one day and I- I can't- I don't want to deliberately lose you " harry replied looking at him.

He frowned " you're not losing me harry-"

" then will I not ?" They had never talked about future, only because it remained so uncertain that they hated the idea of future

" no- you will not " he replied

" and you are absolutely 100 percent sure ? Isn't there a possibility someone would find out about us and it'll spread like a wildfire and everyone would desperately try to separate us !" Harry exclaimed

" okay harry- first calm down. Nobody have found out about us in the last one year, it seems highly unlikely someone would-"

" voldemort knows " and suddenly both of their breaths came to a halt. One word and everything they owned collapsed onto the ground as if it was the fragile chandelier hanging on the top of a broken roof.

" how-"

" he can see in my head. We can't keep doing this-"

" then we fight-"

" I'll fight- can you ?"

And there was silence. He wanted to respond that he would but he didn't trust the world, even if he trusted himself. He hated the world. He was weak, fragile and in a fight against the world, he knew he'd always lose, over and over.

" we are on opposite sides of war. Voldemort's came out. He'll be rebuilding his army. Everything is going to change. Even us" harry tried to explain without wanting to break down. This was the first time harry after sirius had sensibly talked but it was self preservation speaking for him, he couldn't afford to lose someone he really loves, once again. For once he wanted to protect his heart, he couldn't roll it over his sleeves when his sleeves were covered with thorns. It would be a death call and he couldn't give in, just yet.

" you and I- people like us don't belong together. The world will never understand us and this is the first fight we'd lose. I want this but it's going to be difficult. We can't be together as Long as we are on opposite sides-"

"Then I'll be on your side- "

" you are " harry responded giving a weak smile

" but I belong on the other side" he replied looking far ahead over the lake as if the realisation had finally dawned upon him. Something he had always known but had now slapped him right in the face.

"yes " harry replied looking at him, Saving in his memories the last time what he really looked like, his smile, his long lashes, his crooked nose, his pale skin, his tinted cheeks, his soft ears, his soft hair, his storm filled eyes, his pink plumped lips he had kissed so often. Saving it away for one day what it would look like in a pensieve.

" we knew what we were getting into but we took the risk nevertheless. It was a deranged path and we knew it from the beginning " harry softly said clutching other man's fingers with his own.

He didn't reply, he just longingly stared at the waters, as if he was remembering them not harry.

" so we give up ?" He finally asked turning to harry with unseen part of his face wet with tears. Harry reached forward wiping away his tear but they didn't stop, they only flooded more with Harry's touch.

" no, we- we promise to come back once again after all this is over" harry smiled softly.

" and you believe there will be coming back after all ? What if one of us- dies " he hesitated In fear of only imagining it.

Harry started at him knowing it was one of the possibilities but wasn't ready for such thing. It was a huge possibility that one day harry might lose " I have hope for us " harry suddenly spoke out loud. The thoughts In his mind had unknowningly reached his lips and there wasn't a going back from that.

The other man stared at harry long enough, he too concealing this part of him for that one day they'd meet again.

" promise me then if we make it through, we'll come back to each other " he asked, his voice sounding not more than a quivering sound.

" I promise that If I make it through one day, we'll meet again and come back to each other" harry replied

" pinky promise ?" He smiled.

Harry chuckled, then nodded

" do you promise ?"

" I promise "

" what happened then ? How'd you wind up with mom ?" Albus asked curiously, a faint yellow light from the evening bouncing over his brunette head.

" did he- die ?" Albus asked almost heart broken

" what- no " harry chuckled

" then what happened ?" Albus asked again

" he- broke the promise. We belonged to someone else much before we could've even belonged to each other. When I met him after the war and his probation, he had changed completely " harry replied reminiscing about the specific day

" then didn't you ever ask him again ?" Albus asked almost jumping off his chair.

Harry gave a small smile " I couldn't "

" but why- what if he had still loved you ?" Albus asked

" as I said he was completely changed. He wasn't the man I fell in love with. He never asked either. It died out over time. Besides I'm pretty sure he had already forgotten about it. Also I think he was engaged by the time we met again, it didn't make sense" harry replied

" then didn't you ever like try to stop his wedding like In those romantic comedies mum watches ?" Albus asked excitedly

Harry laughed picking up their glasses and going over to the sink " she's always loved them. You've got to stop watching them if that's what you're cooking in your head Albus. Real love Is different than what they show, it's not just one fight and making it up. Its so much efforts, fights, pain, drama and so many other things"

" but If it's the right person, it'd never feel like that would it ? If you really love someone then those fights wouldn't be so bad or there wouldn't be pain or drama. It'd be a happy relationship, wouldn't it ?" And in that small sentence albus has unknowningly managed to define true love.

Harry looked at his now grown up son, crossing his arms smiling impressively. And nodded.

Albus sighed in relief, slumping down in his chair. Harry quizzically analysed Albus until his expressions changed to sometimes brief.

" who is it?" Harry asked knowingly

" what?" Albus blushed

" who's this person you're suddenly relating everything to ?" Harry teased poking Albus Playfully.

" there is no one dad" Albus blushed embarassed, jumping off the chair, taking a few steps back.

" come on- I told you my story. I atleast deserve to know who it is " harry smirked crossing his arms in front of him

Albus sighed rolling his eyes" he's from school"

" ooh, someone from school. Like father like son" harry teased

" dadd " Albus whined blushing

" okay- fine, fine. Who is it then ?" Harry asked giving up with the teasing.

" it doesn't matter, he doesn't like me " Albus sighed crossing his arms in front of him in disappointment.

Harry carefully analysed Albus's face again, remembering exactly the same way he felt "it's the Malfoy kid, isn't it ?"

Albus's eyes suddenly shot up in surprise.

" how did you-"

" you're my son. Of course I'd know" harry sighed uncrossing his arms and stepping forward and placing them in the kitchen table, leaning forward.

" don't make the same mistakes I did. Ask him out. Write to him maybe. I'm sure he'd agree " harry suggested.

" mistake ? What mistake did you make ?" Albus asked curiously.

Harry gave him a firm smile before he putting his hands away from the table to his sides " it's a story for some other day, your mom is gonna be here to pick you up in an hour. Do your stuff and we'll talk about it next week? What say ?"

Albus frowned before letting go and nodding.

" one last question dad "

" shoot" harry said as he started washing those used cups again

" did you ever love mom as much as you loved that someone ?"

Harry smiled this time not stopping " I- love like that happened only once. I loved your mom a different way. I loved him a different way "

" but who'd you love more then?"

Harry turned around to see Albus standing there leaning over the kitchen table curiously " I will not answer that. Now enough with my love life. Go do your homework " harry said a little sternly in his father like adamant voice.

Sighing Albus gave up.

" okay, just one question, I promise " Albus plead again. Harry sighed before nodding.

" if now he came back in your life and asks you for a second chance, would you go back to him ?"

Harry smiled Shaking his head" yes- yes I would "

The next week when Albus came back for the stay, he seemed far excited than anything else. As soon as Ginny had left, Albus squealed.

" whoa there squirrel, what's got your knickers in a twist ?" Harry chuckled

" I've got an invitation. Can we please go to scropius's place. He offered for a while. I'll promise we can come back and do homework, he really wants me to see his collections. Can we please dad, please ?" Albus gave harry his puppy eyes in desperation..

Harry sighed before nodding.

" for an hour.. "

And with that after an hour, they flooed to scropius's place. The Malfoy manor.

They were recieved with a rather very pleasant place. It was no longer a dark, submerged place, it had been refurbished with mostly white and brown. It seemed like an entirely new place. Not one part of Malfoy manor looked like what it did ages ago ,and yet harry liked it better. It was welcoming. And just then he walked in, with scropius.

" potter "

" Malfoy" harry sternly nodded at Draco, losing himself again in that brief reminiscents of the past. He hadn't changed even a little bit as he remembered him from the day by the lake, yet everything had changed. Everything.

" we're gonna go " Albus didn't even wait and ran off with scropius, leaving harry and draco alone, both staring at each other thinking how the other had forgotten of the promise..

( I've really been writing shit lately. Anyways hope you liked this one, I'd been very excited for this one but It haven't turned out as good as I wanted to, so .. )

Requests open

Part 2 & 3

Day 30- scared, potter | Day 32- reasons not to be in love with Draco malfoy by Harry

174 notes · View notes

dinosaurtsukki · 3 years ago

Text

solitude | fyodor dostoevsky x gn!reader

part 3 of broken, continuation of savior

summary: for the first time in a long time, you're free of fyodor with him in prison. however, you find yourself wondering if this is what you truly want

word count: 1.1k words

contains: stockholm syndrome-ish (depending how you look at it), slight manipulation

anon: Hi ! First, I hope that you’re okay, I wanted to tell you that your work is soooo great, I really support you. Then I wanted to ask you if you could write a part 3 of « broken ». I really loved « broken » and « savior », you are very talented.

a/n: ahh i'm so flattered but thank you !! broken was actually my first fyodor fic so i'm surprised people like it and asked for a sequel. i was kind of on the fence with how to end this series because y/n and fyodor's dynamic is a bit complicated but i hope it came across here!

you're loathe to admit it, but every time you heard a doorbell ring or a knocking on the door, you hope that it's fyodor finally returning home.

it had been more than two weeks since fyodor had enacted his master plan using cannibalism to get the port mafia and armed detective agency to turn against each other. you weren't completely privy to all the details of fyodor's plan or the bigger organization he was working for, but he did let you know that being sent to jail was a part of it.

"you're free to use this space, especially since the special division and armed detective agency are cracking down on the rats of the house of the dead," fyodor told you one night.

"is that so?" you raised an eyebrow at him. "i see you're playing favorites then."

"you've only noticed my favoritism now?" fyodor chuckled. you found it almost funny in hindsight how your relationship had evolved from him manipulating you to playful banter between the two of you.

"you won't be seeing me for a long time," he hummed, absentmindedly twirling a piece of your hair with his index finger. it had become a habit of his that you didn't find entirely unwelcome. "should i leave you a little souvenir so you don't miss me?"

"you're already leaving me your place," you scoffed, waving a hand at him. "that's enough. i have to lay low for the next couple of weeks too."

"that would be advisable," fyodor nodded, letting go of your hair and sitting a little farther from you on the sofa. you hated that you almost wanted to move a little closer. "i've made sure to take care of my tracks. they shouldn't inspect this place."

"alright," you said, paused, before adding "thank you."

the next morning, he was gone before you even woke up. aside from the emptiness of the apartment, you were left with an ambiguously melancholic feeling.

now, he was gone and you had more than enough room to breathe. if you wanted to, you could even finally run away after making sure the coast was clear. but you had already established a while ago that there was more benefit to you staying with fyodor.

maybe the decision you were grappling with was whether or not you actually missed fyodor.

'impossible,' you thought, physically shaking your head as if trying to correct yourself. and despite what you told yourself, there could only be one explanation as to why you frequented fyodor's study so much and took care to wipe his cello case clean every night.

in fact, you began staying in the study more often each day. the desk was as neat as fyodor had left it with his laptop and several files and books stacked neatly on the table. one book in particular, caught your eye.

"the complete collection of t.s. eliot poems," you read aloud. suddenly, you remembered one of the first time you and fyodor had talked in the library, back when you were just a college student and he was just a handsome stranger.

of course, you could tell that the placement of this book could only be deliberate. "of course you'd leave something for me," you spoke out loud, as if he could hear. carefully, you opened the book and found a space neatly cut into the middle of the pages and a flash drive embedded inside.

...

"well, if this isn't quite ironic."

fyodor doesn't look surprised at all to see you standing in front of his jail cell. in fact, it looks as if he had been patiently waiting for you all this time. and that's because he has.

"you couldn't have left your escape plans in a more obvious place?" you sighed at him.

"but that was obvious," fyodor blinked innocently at you. "i knew you would find it at the right time."

did he know you'd be spending most of your time in his study? it was embarrassing to be known that well but you read intently through the plans he had encoded in the flash drive. you couldn't believe what fyodor was asking of you this time because surely he overestimated your abilities.

"couldn't you have asked someone else, someone more capable, to do this for you?" you asked him.

"what for? i have complete confidence in you," fyodor smiled. he was dressed in the white clothes all the other prisoners wore. you could tell that he had lost quite a bit of weight due to his stay and both of his hands were cuffed. and yet, he looked absolutely delighted at seeing you.

and that gave you a deep sense of satisfaction.

you pressed a hand to the bulletproof glass of his jail cell. "remember that night? when you broke me out of jail?"

"of course i do," fyodor hummed, leaning back and closing his eyes as he savored the memory. "that was sloppy work on your part. anyone could tell that you had an ulterior motive to get yourself caught."

"yeah, yeah. i'm aware," you rolled your eyes.

"ah, but look at you now," fyodor cocked his head. 'you've changed,' was on the tip of his tongue and you could only agree. even if fyodor wrote up the plans for his escape, you were still the one who snuck into the facility and incapacitated more than a few security guards to break him out.

who would have thought this is where you'd end up?

you keyed in the passcode on the door before stepping inside the jail cell. fyodor held his cuffed wrists out to you and you sighed and crouched down in front of him.

"you couldn't have at least picked the lock on your cuffs?"

"i'd rather you do it for me," fyodor smiled at you.

you didn't even need to be told twice. he was the one who had taught you this skill after all and your fingers worked quickly at the lock. of course, you were aware of fyodor intently staring at you and the way his fingers brushed at the inside of your wrist. finally, the lock clicked open and his metal cuffs fell away.

"finally. they tightened those a bit too much," fyodor sighed, rubbing the red marks on his wrists.

"you must have said something to offend them, like always," you emphasized.

"how was i to know they were going to be offended?" he scoffed as the two of you practically strolled out of the jail cell and into the hallway. "i assume you've been enjoying your time alone at the apartment."

"the silence was definitely a plus. although admittedly..." you trailed off and caught fyodor's glance. "i do miss the sound of your playing."

"is that so?" he chuckled amusedly and flexed his wrists. "i'm out of practice but, i think i can arrange something for you when we get home."

you nodded with a bemused smile on your face. "when we get home."

▸ 🎕 ┈┈┈┈ 🎕 ┈┈┈┈ 🎕 ┈┈┈┈ 🎕 ┈┈┈┈ 🎕 ◂

taglist (check out my post for details on being part of my taglist): @kiyoobi @atsumusdomain @laure-chan @goodfoodxoxoxo @guardianangelswings @kei-ya @loisuke @whootwhoot @liz-multifandom-hotel @kac-chowsballs @violentfarewll @fyoyacanruinmylifethanks @nightmare-light @miyakiyo0mi @whorefordazai @rirk-ke @cross-crye @alohablue @duhsies @alittlesimp @bsdparadise @fyodorscello @sage-brick

#bungou stray dogs #bsd #bungou stray dogs x reader #bsd x reader #fyodor dostoevsky #fyodor dostoyevsky x reader #fyodor x reader #fyodor #bsd fyodor dostoevsky #bsd fyodor #bungou stray dogs fic #bsd fic #bungou stray dogs one-shot #bsd one-shot #bungou stray dogs imagine #bsd imagine

91 notes · View notes