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chrliekclly · 3 months

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it’s been 6 years exactly nd i apologize for everything about this

[tw: implied csa]

#i did not work on this fr 6 yrs obvio i jst hated what i did originally nd dropped it forever #bt like last month i thought abt it again nd realized that 6 year promise was coming up….so i debased myself #i still hate this so much :) but i forced myself to do it #rip to the 100 odd ppl who were xcited abt this when i originally posted the sneak peek #i rly wanted to try making something long but i think i shdnt do that n e more lmfaoo #thers a significant quality drop on lots of pages i never quite got around to finalizing n time. sorry. sorry sorry sorryyy #iasip #always sunny #charlie kelly #dennis reynolds #mac mcdonald #mac macdonald #charden #chardennis #trash trio #charmacden #deetress if u squint #fanart #mine #i want to xplore the chardeetress part of their hs more i rly lov that trio #also also i totally lied in the original post talking abt ‘these 3 suffering’ it was always focused on the charden trauma connection #sorry mac girlies #i hav complex feelings regarding mac's involvement n th uncle jack side of charlie's childhood #but they r not on display here #gnna hav to draw some cute bb charmac to repent and to self sooth aftr this

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poorly-drawn-mdzs · 11 months

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Mushroom body

(for @mikkeneko)

#SVSSS #shen qingqiu #mushrooms #body horror #better drawn mdzs #<-tag for higher effort art. At times like this I really wish I chose something else.#What is an October raffle for if not to end off with a little mushroomy body horror?#This one is inspired by my massive disappointment upon discovering that sqq's 'mushroom body' was just....guy shaped.#Come ON where is the fun in that? Why are we being kept from Fungi Amalgamation Monster Loving?#It's not going to stop Luo Binghe! SQQ could be a shapeless lump of slime and LBH and would still be over the moon for him.#Thank you *so* much for the prompt! I had so much fun. I love mushrooms and doing research was a delight! My citation list is long!#Broke my style a bit but I think it was a good choice. I have been trying to practice non-dot eyes more and its slowly coming along!#Also huge congrats mikkeneko for winning Twice In A Row!!#Your odds were a little over 1 in 1000! Lucky you!

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sysig · 9 months

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So much experimenting to be done, where to even start (Patreon)

#Doodles #Handplates #UT #Fellplates #Gaster #Papyrus #Sans #Mostly silliness :) Mostly :)#It's still fun to draw these two Gasters next to each other hehe ♪ Even interacting!#They're more similar than I think either of them would admit haha - ''No clearly we have very different ideals'' sure but you're both Gaster #I like the idea of classic being So Annoyed at any iteration of himself thinking positively towards humans haha #I mean it would probably hurt - that's a big piece of his trauma! - but on the surface it's just Ugh I can't believe this -.ó #I feel like they'd have a lot more common ground when it comes to their experiments tho - not a perfect Venn Diagram but enough!#Maybe even just different enough to offer a new perspective - enough to give them new ideas! Uh oh that's never a good thing lol #I do love Fell!Gaster just so pleased to be having a conversation haha so smiley - classic still not smiling but interested!#Cute face <3 #It was after making the Toriel comic that the thought Really occurred to me - like obviously I saw so I knew they were still in the gowns #But it took a bit for that to strike me as odd since I mean that's just what they wear! That's normal! For Handplates anyway #He talks a lot about isolating whatever it is in Monsters that Make Them Like That - what does that entail #Gaster no seriously what are you doing to them don't just smile actually reply #And as much as I like the boys being a bit more Fell-ish I've always been of the opinion that no matter what they're brothers!#They love each other <3 And in Fellplates they'd have to rely on each other even more than regular Underfell #If anything would cause some codependency it's the Handplates setup - no matter what version you throw at it!#They're still both delicate little things - they need each other to survive ♥ If Gaster is sometimes kind to them well...#Similar to Mercyplates but Not Quite hmmmm #At least sometimes doing cute and harmless things tho! Studies how they react to flowers and teaches them to make chains hehe ♪#There's also that Underfell thing of Sans calling UF!Papyrus ''Boss'' rather than ''Bro'' yeah? Doodling ideas around that haha #An opportunity to teach! Sans only came away with the basics tho it probably annoys Gaster lol #The idea of them doing cute harmless little things and /that/ being what gets under his skin hehehehe #And ending with a Babybones! :D Surely he'd have no problem being attached since they're meant to be good...? Surely

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candyskiez · 7 months

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I'm not a super big ekurei shipper but I have to admit the fact that Dimple can possess Reigen while he's unconscious and yet Reigen will be fully present anyway is Very compelling regardless of your explanation for it. Dimple was very specifically trying to wake Reigen up and used most of his power to do so? Hell yes, love it. Reigen being very atune to spirits because of. Well. The past four years. And going WHAT THE FUCK and waking right back up only to immediately go "oh. It's just dimple." Fascinating scene idea. Looking directly at it. So much potential for a fascinating missing scene there. Ekurei is growing on me at alarming rates. Help.

#mp100 #mp100 spoilers #theyre so INTERESTING augh!!!#i want to study them under a microscope #ekurei #they were using all their energy to go save mob and it makes me insane #dimple literally says its taking my all just to exist #reigen was Near Death #they were single minded with the goal of saving mob. im insane over it #what happened in that gap of time there. what did they say. how did reigen react. how did dimple react to finding reigen like this.#how did dimple come back in that speciifc moment #i need to know EVERYTHING #this can also be platonic. ekurei is just the target audience #they love the weird kid they adopted so much! argh!#i read a very good fic where they were at odds so much but were both kn the agreement of “mob came first”#like that was a line and everything #dimple somehow isnt dead dimple just found reigen without shoes on NEAR death but that doesnt matter right now. their kid is in danger.#thats their priority #theyre so INTERESTING! augh!

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veronicaphoenix · 4 months

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Shoutout to whoever lives in that flat for having a cardboard cutout of shirtless Sebastian Stan on the balcony 🤭

#what were the odds of me coming across this in a city so big 😂#I’m still laughing #Sebastian Stan #please

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deoidesign · 3 months

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hi, I remembered about the ask about the vampire abilities (time travel, walking in the sun, compulsion) and I need to ask, what are the werewolf abilities?

and Steve own abilities since he can become a giant werebat and being the most convincing conman

Hi there!

So, werewolves can shapeshift into canines of course. But they also heal faster than humans, are stronger than humans, and they have a generally better sense of smell and hearing!

I also like to think they can see in the dark pretty well, too.

Steve specifically has... Well, his stuff is kind of messy. Werewolves and their relation to the moon and its cycle combined with vampires relationship to time led him to being unable to control his time travel, and instead it's forced around the cycle of the moon. This sort of goes with everything. He doesn't need blood to do things, but the werebat is insatiably hungry. It's extremely powerful, but uncontrollable. He doesn't need permission to enter a residence, but he also is incapable of compelling people.

The sort of thematic representation of this is all about his general place in the story as someone who has absolutely no choice, and that frustration of your agency being taken from you.

Him being a 'convincing conman' is a survival tactic, to be honest. It can make the difference between eating and not. With his only real benefit from all this supernatural upheaval being heightened senses, he's just become really observational and is able to read a room and adapt to it immediately. It's about the only thing that's kept him alive, besides the werebat... so really, it's the only thing that's kept the werebat out.

Some of this is admittedly getting into spoiler territory, though, but I do intend to canonize some things! I'm happy to delve more into the specifics once it's happened :)

#this makes no sense HAHAHAHA #if I were to get into each individual ability it's...#kind of handwavy #the most important thing to me is that it enhances the themes #Steve is someone with no choice but to do things that are 'wrong'#he HAS to steal he HAS to break and enter or whatever he HAS to lie #if he doesnt he WILL die #and he tries to do these things with as much of his morals intact as he can #like it's necessary for him. he's been thrown into random places in random time periods with 0 help repeatedly for a YEAR...#if he doesnt con his way into a meal and a place to stay sometimes. he's not gonna make it! its just how it works #hes a guy who has picked up a lot of odd jobs and gotten into a lot of really rough situations #so. yeah #I also dont really like to think of him as a con man to be honest #he's not conning people out of their money really #he's not coming up with ruses #it's not like... scams...#it's like lying that he's a movie extra so he can stay in a hotel when there's a film going on in the area #so it's different. TO ME #he's never gonna be calling an old lady telling her that he needs 100 dollars in itunes giftcards lol #THATS scams THATS conning #anyways #I feel strongly about him #obviously LOL #asks #anon #steve #time and time again stuff #lore #idk what I tag this shit man I forget everything

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spacelazarwolf · 1 year

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always wild to get the most horrifically transphobic comments from someone then check their profile to see they have “she/they” in their bio.

#and it’s so weird bc they always come from this odd place of being defensive of womanhood #like in a very te/rfy way #like ‘well you’re a MAN now so you couldn’t POSSIBLY understand what us FEMMES go through’#like bestie that was literally me a year ago #i fully do understand #it feels very ‘silence gender traitor’#and like #idk how to say this in a less abrasive way #but changing your pronouns or being nonbinary doesn’t mean you can’t be transphobic #bc in the past few weeks i’ve experienced a WEIRD amount of transphobia from non transitioning nonbinary people #who just REFUSE to get that our experiences are different #or who look down on me for making the ‘wrong’ choice in my transition #and like obviously not all nonbinary ppl are like this #but a lot of non transitioning ppl who were afab tend to be vulnerable to falling for te/rf rhetoric #just by virtue of their life experiences and which communities they often start out in #and like this is obviously part of a larger conversation abt ra/df/rn rhetoric in queer spaces #but it’s just one of those things i wish i could talk abt without ppl immediately jumping to conclusions abt my views

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theres-whump-in-that-nebula · 8 days

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Interesting. Don’t necessarily think I’m autistic but I have more going on than just ADHD and I’m not sure what that is.

#I’m not even sure if the ADHD is actually ADHD either or if it’s just technology addiction #Gonna get a REAL neuropsych evaluation at some point out of sheer curiosity as to what the fuck is wrong with me #I relate to a lot of autistic things and I relate to a lot of ADHD things; but I don’t entirely relate to the majority of either population #and I don’t relate to people with both enough to think I have both #I’ve begun treating myself as if I am autistic just for Kicks and using things that help them and it’s helping in some ways #but I know it’s probably not autism because even though I struggle socially; it’s not because of the same reasons #I understand social cues; I was only accidentally perceived as rude as a kid (and most kids are kind of blunt)#(Mostly a moderate amount of “Stop correcting me! It’s disrespectful!” from my parents)#And nowadays because of how much psychology and acting I study; I can perceive shrimp social cues #And I’m purposefully doing all the right things but it still feels like I fail social interactions because of my lack of assertiveness #which I KNOW come from being raised in a cult #so perhaps my odd social behavior is from CPTSD from being raised in a puritan doomsday cult as an only child #Because I was NOT introverted or sensitive to others as a child #I did not have routines as a child and the ones I did have were for fun and did not distress me if I strayed from them #But now I need structure as an adult because I don’t know what else to do with myself if I have nowhere to be #But at the same time everyone feels worse when they have no routine or expectations #And is it actually inattentive ADHD or severe derealization and an itch to do as many things as possible #because I spent my childhood being raised in a boring doomsday cult by disabled older parents who couldn’t physically do much?#(And I don’t fault my parents for being disabled but I do fault them for the whole doomsday cult thing)#So I spent my whole childhood doing mentally tedious things when really I’m more wired for physically spontaneous things #Because I was not allowed to walk around the neighborhood alone until I was sixteen #And I couldn’t hang out with friends I wanted to hang out with because they were bad association #So of course I got really good at drawing even though I don’t even like drawing that much #Of course I got really good at writing even though I don’t like writing that much #Now that I don’t need to escape from anything I find I actually hate drawing and writing because it’s such a chore #they make my heart rate accelerate in a way I don’t like to feel #(I hate writing less than drawing)

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aroaessidhe · 28 days

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2024 reads / storygraph

The Loudest Silence

YA contemporary

a newly Deaf-Hard of hearing girl moves across the country and starts a new school, struggling with navigating her disability and love for singing and lost friendships - determined to not make any new friends for the year she’s in Florida

and a boy struggling with family expectations and anxiety, after being made the fútbal captain even though he secretly ways to be on broadway, who quickly befriends her

bi & aroace-coded MCs

#The Loudest Silence #aroaessidhe 2024 reads #hm this was okay! it’s a sweet and light YA contemporary focusing on friendship and disability.#It’s a little cheesy; and I liked the immediate easy friendship (well; after a few false starts) and how welcoming Hayden's #friend group/family were. I like how they all jumped to learning/practicing ASL.#I liked how Casey was dealing with her newfound Deafness with a lot of positivity - the main frustrations being how other people treat her #but there’s also the underlying isolation and grief. At the same time it didn't go as deep as it could have with that?#The friendship is central to the story - but honestly I feel like Casey and Hayden’s relationship doesn’t develop past ‘they’re friends now #[continues other subplots] - it ends up being a bit telling not showing their friendship. And then she gets a love interest.#I feel like if you’re centering your book on being a platonic love story - rare in YA! - giving one a love interest kinda goes against #what’s supposed to be unique about it? Like it wasn’t overwhelming and I thought it was sweet actually; I just didn’t come here for that.#I always find it a little odd when YA contemporary books don’t explicitly name their aroace characters as aroace -#obviously I prefer an exploration of experiences to just using the word and nothing else; but in this genre; why not both?#considering various other identity labels are used and discussed there were various points where it felt like it was walking circles #around where it would be obvious to say “no I’m aroace” lmao?#And there’s a point where Casey mentions seeing an ace sticker on his guitar - the only reason it wasn’t an aroace sticker is bc #that would have ruined the minor subplot of her assuming he’s gay/dating his other friend. It felt like a slightly odd way to mention it?#but also I guess I appreciate it being evident throughout but also being a non-issue plot wise - while there’s a couple of moments #of people making romantic assumptions about them;for the most part it’s just treated normally for a boy & girl to be friends (as it should!#It does get points for mentioning people watching by conan grey LMAO (not that it really explores him feeling that way specifically;#but I mean same lol)#Overall plot-wise - there were kind of a lot of things going on and it petered out a bit? I wanted some more depth in some areas.#Also I feel like some of the references seemed out of date for current teens haha.#i do love the love for unusual pets (hairless cat and iguana)#aroace books #bisexual books

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jrueships · 2 months

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r u the grew up poor never being able to buy the little things in life u always wanted as a kid so now u buy whatever little thing u want as an adult and struggle with saving for the big mandatory thing,

or the grew up poor never being able to buy the little things in life u always wanted as a kid so now u just never buy anything small bcs u had to learn to live without it and constantly try to save for the next big thing in 500 yrs

#everyones been asking what i wanted for my bday and i always say nothing #like i hate the feeling of getting somebody smthing just to get them smthing like personally #it needs to come from the heart for me. if it's for smthing big like a bday #now like getting someone a coffee judt to get them one on a random day is dif bcs it's just smthin random on a random day i can understand #but idk like as a kid into adulthood the only bday my relatives / guardians have ever celebrated was my adopted brother's n my dad's #the dad bcs hes a hyperconservative dictator lol n the older adopted bro is cus hes got higher needs #so everybody gets more money taking care of him n stuff so u gotta act like u care abt him according to the guardians #but like i never even knew bdays were that big to people. like i mean i know OTHER PEOPLES bdays are big to them #i find ppl who rlly love their bdays to be rlly cute. like i dont think theyre selfish or make fun of em cus theyre judt having fun #n like u only get one x yr bday so have fun with it!!#but for ME? my bday was never anything special n i dont think it is now #everybody feels bad or smthing for me or for not getting me nothing today but it's like?? this is the norm??? im cool with it #ive been thinking abt other stuff like i just dont have time to think abt the pleasures rn. i have to double on the pain or smthing #like my friends always laugh abt how i dont drink coffee/tea or alcohol bcs u cant be in the medical field without a lil smn smn #& it's like idk ! i like ppl that do do that kinda stuff but like! i never grew up with that & it just feels odd to do it now kinda thing #idk im very cheap but also i will use the fact that im cheap on the small stuff to justify wanting to make a big purchase #i have a weird relationship with buying things for myself vs for others like 4 others i will buy watever u want bro #sugar papi ted #hey heres this idk insert raccoon bracelet bcs u like raccoons n love wearing bracelets so i thot of u n bought it #but if i buy smthing for me it has to have a dual purpose or smthing #i got to have a free dessert today n chose the churros over the tres leches cake slicr cus u can judt make the cake #but i dont own a deep fryer so i cant make churros n storebought churros just arent the same #like im just always idk comparing or needing to know the use of things yanno #if i do smthing. i have to see it thru. & it has to have multi purpose #i mean just look at my username jrue ships or jrue's hips like #im unwell when it comes to that #idk is anyone else like this #anyways yea this whole new thing of getting stuff on one day is hard for me like it just never matches up with my time #of course ill see stuff id like to have but like. ill just make myself forget it n by the time stuff like this rolls up it's like idk #i COULD get a new laptop but i got one that works just fine. i got an ipad on its last legs but can i still turn it on? alright

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steakout-05 · 4 months

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hot take: Skibidi Toilet (as in the og series and not the stupid exploitative content farm shit) isn't even as bad as people say it is. like yeah it's definitely silly and nonsensical, and maybe super young kids shouldn't exactly be watching it, but can you really say that the insanity of Skibidi Toilet isn't at all similar to the types of Gmod videos we used to watch when we were kids and teenagers? are we seriously trying to act like our own nonsensical Source Engine shitposting from way back in 2007 is somehow better than the more modern shitposting of Skibidi Toilet? or are we just deeming anything liked by kids as "cringe" now. cause that's what it seems like.

also the whole "Skibidi Toilet Syndrome" thing is really stupid and is literally just describing kids reenacting stuff they like on the internet which is a completely normal thing for kids to do. i used to reenact Viva Reverie's old MLP toy horse nonsense videos back when their channel was still called "IMATOONLINK" because they were funny as hell. kids acting out their favourite medias isn't new and it isn't suddenly a bad thing or a "syndrome" when it's something that's generally considered to be "cringe" on the internet. you guys are just mean.

#skibidi toilet #cringe culture unfortunately never went away. it just has a different coat of paint now.#people trying to pathologise their kids reenacting and doing their little skibidi cosplays as a ''syndrome'' will never not be funny to me #better go ahead and classify every slightly weird thing kids do as a syndrome because that is literally just normal kid behaviour #kids always incorporate a bit of their own experiences and the stuff they like into play. i did it all the time when i was a kid.#if i were a kid today would me reenacting mlp scenes word for word with my toys be considered a ''syndrome''? yeah i don't think so #so why is it suddenly a syndrome when kids reenact those silly gmod videos they watch online through play? hm?#is it actually an illness or do you just find it ''cringe''?#i think the double standards of the internet when it comes to what kids like are so fucking stupid #stop trying to act like your bizarre tf2 gmod videos are somehow better than the og skibidi series because i promise you they are not.#you're likely just clouded by nostalgia and being gatekeepy for no reason. let kids enjoy stuff and stop bashing it just because-#-''ohhh its so cringggeee'' when you used to watch the exact same type of shit when you were a kid.#i personally will always prefer ''Heavy's Odd Fastfood Experience'' to skibidi toilet but i don't bash the latter because it-#-doesn't bother me in any way and i don't care if kids like it. it's not evil or bad. it's just different.#anyway rant over gmod videos go hard and cringe will be dead someday #i will keep killing cringe until it's nothing but a tiny lil red stain on the floor

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megumi-fm · 3 months

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#so i accompanied my mom to pick my sis from school today right #and I was in the car and we were on the way home and someone called out my name on the road like super loudly #so I stopped and turned back and it was my childhood friend?? who i last met EIGHTEEN YEARS AGO??? in a different country??#yeah we reconnected a little before the pandemic and we used to chat a lot but #we'd never been in the same place at the same time. so weird #and now. what are the fucking odds.#he's moved to my city and his office is really close to my house so he'd come to check out a co-living space on my street #if i hadn't gone with mom or if he hadn't reached my road by then or if he was just on the opposite side of the street we wouldn't have met #and. it's literally only been hours since he landed here. crazy #eighteen fucking years. and we're practically neighbours now #i mean. for the next sixteen days till i move to another country again aka the place where he and I met #fate is so fucking funny sometimes #megumi in the tags #megumi.fm

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keeps-ache · 6 months

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i don't wanna take over the world, it sounds like a lot. but you know, laying siege to a golf course sounds really nice sometimes

#just me hi #i'm giggling thinking about it hfbvhs #you can use the sandbanks for cover and if you plan far enough ahead you can start farming around those little ponds #and you can steal golf balls :D and use them as currency ?? or just collect them :3 #and you could use the tennis ball guns to shoot the balls at people of course!! and you're supplied with sticks when you get there !! free #weaponry !! :D #and if you can hold out for long enough you could start planting rose and blackberry bushes in places they wouldn't look #why? bc roses Always Come Back #and blackberries will take a minute but who can get mad at a blackberry bush !! nature's surprise :D #oh and of course you could have a noble steed too (golf cart) !! :DD #and you could make the building a castle #and make a little gnome town in the fields once the battle is over #OH you could build a miniature golf in and around the town too :D for the funsies #/places are very cool i like places #could some be used better? oh yea for sure #i have dreams for abandoned malls hfvbs - some of my favorite places ever #that's one big odd thing i want. to have a mall to live in hfhs :3 #is it a lot of space ? ye. but it's also SOO much space.. the possibilities !!#//anyway i Need to go for a walk in a city sometime soon lol #i miss the riverwalk aaa #GASP campus martius during the winter. my dearest #i didn't realize the threshold for being a city was so low lmao ?? like man these are just big towns what is this hfvbsh #//but aside from the city pining MAN #i got to drive earlier today ('got to' they put me in the seat and it wasn't very fun hfvbshf) and oooohhh #you know that feeling on a roadtrip when it's all worth it for just a little while.maybe when you broke over the top of a hill or looked up #from whatever you were doing to find a storm ahead and the rear lights of the cars seemed to blink in agreement with how gorgeous it all is #just that hfbsh :3 #i like places a lot. sobs [<- crying candy hearts]#//okey i'm goin to go do my somethings now hfvhs :3 :D #music and caffeine are SO good ehehhehghhg [slinkies away so fast]

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forcebookish · 11 months

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i feel very blessed to have made so many kind friends in the forcebook fandom considering that i'm in fact a huge meanie

#i have discarded three posts about the ofs fandom that were just... mean lol #this is only semi-related but there's a blog who seems to be lurking/trying to get at me #and normally i'd block them but i kinda wanna see what they do next #because it's just odd behavior like i don't know what their goal is so it's just coming across as funny to me #i'm just like ''huh? ok... do u think u did something there?''#oh see that's me being mean lol #but that's why it's funny! like it's so easy to piss me off lmao but they just can't seem to do it? if that's even what they want?#like what was the point mary jfdlsdjg #fb

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teaandinanity · 8 months

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It continues to give me the warm fuzzies that basically every person at work has said they'll miss me. And it's not really utility, even if I'm useful; I am not in a critical position. There are many people who can do the things I do, even if the majority are less experienced. I'm not management, or a lynchpin, just a long-time worker bee.

But people like me, and I just handled a Crisis Situation well enough that the AD took the time to personally thank me, and my manager was like 'not only am I willing to be a reference you can use my personal phone number if that's easier' and even some of the newest additions said they're going to miss me on desk, and I just.

I love my job and my coworkers and it's really nice that the people there know it and love me back.

#I told mom about Crisis Situation #and tonight when dad got home she was like COME IN AND TELL YOUR DAD #and then both of them were like WHEN COMPANY COMES NEXT WEEK TELL THEM TOO #haha #I mean dad did follow it up with 'no you may not drive across the country alone we will figure something out'#I'm gonna work on him about it we tried the thing where all of us are in one vehicle #Tuesday screamed the whole time and mom wanted to kill her and also me #I shall remind him of that #I think he will probably come around #if I could convince someone to come with I would probably make it an actual road trip #'come to TX for the eclipse!'#'we will drive through the deep south and hit some Neat Shit and then go up the coast!'#like you could make that a fun drive #I'm not gonna do the long version if I'm solo tho bc my parents are convinced I will be murdered #which is silly; I have not infrequently been in Situations and strangers have been kind #also the odds of getting strangermurdered for no damn reason are SO low #and the incentives to murder Me Specifically are also very low #and if a white cishet-passing woman dies 90% of the time it's a romantic partner and I'm aroace so like #I really wonder what they're imagining is gonna happen #babble tea (blacklist this for less chatter)#tea writes tag novels

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cherrysnax · 6 months

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havin the weirdest crisis of my life

#this is like. did related so im gonna sound completely uh #what’s the word. odd and shit for a sec okay? okay #so I’ve been here. hi im cheri silver yknow me for about 20 years total but jay used to front for years when we were in middle school #im not the. original host I guess but I’ve been around since #we were in the early single digits and never left #so im the host right? I existed to go thru the Trauma #but. it’s been my life for so long. my parents don’t know Her #they’ve only known me #but like. we’re finally starting to let go of that trauma #errr not let go but make peace with it. and we’ve been holding onto it for so long. I’ve been holding on to it for so long #but.. who am I without it? like yes that’s my trauma but also. is my purpose over?? is that why we haven’t been able to draw?#I’ve been the host for 20 years this is my life #my friends my gf my life my hobbies it’s mine not anyone else’s #I let others take the wheel when I can’t (or they forcibly do it for me) and jays been gone for like 3 years he only came back because I’ve #been being traumatized everyday recently. but like. will I have to go too??#reintergration is not really our goal. never has been but like #if we do. will I be here or will She come back? we’ve had false alarms before but it’s mostly been decided that it’s my front my life #maybe im just triggered all the time and that’s why I feel extra out of it #less myself #New Traumas are happening to us everyday #but yeah. I dont talk abt this aspect of my life much but it’s so scary to think about #I’ll talk to Chevy when they get off of work tomorrow abt it if it’s still like. freaking me out #I am me. we are a bunch of niggas but I am me.#did niggas when the identity disorder makes them dissociate smh #😫

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