#combine that with my love of impulsive draw and disturb and such

[dravidious]

Happy "Tell Dravid they're amazing day"! (Every day)

Yay! What a lovely celebration, there's cake and cookies and-

Oh no! Some dastardly fiends have stolen the confections!

And leading the crew is an adorable troublemaker!

[astrowithkaro]

Hey :) how ya doing beautiful 😉 I saw you’re starting a new series on birthdays. I was hoping you could do mine! January 22 😇 if you have the time, thank you so much. If not that’s okay too ☺️ have a great day!!

Language Of Birthdays: January 22 - Aquarius

[You can find the rest of the series here; or check out my masterlist]

The Day Of The Vortex

Those born on January 22 manifest a kind of charged energy that repels some people and draws others in. Expressive individuals, they may find it difficult to control their impulsiveness in either their private or public lives. One type of January 22 person presents a carefully controlled image in public, but lets it all hang out in private. Another type has difficulty keeping his/her wilder nature under control in professional life. The most successful (and longest-lived) individuals born on this day are those able to guide their impulsive natures cautiously through rough emotional waters in both the private and public sectors.

Emotional control is clearly a central issue for January 22 people. They must come to realize that they can be more effective in reaching others when their passion is tempered and allows people more room to breathe. Friends, lovers and family generally turn off when January 22 explosiveness threatens, viewing outbursts not as emotional richness but emotional disturbance.

In their professional lives, January 22 people do well to follow the most seasoned advice available to them and pursue the most measured and prudent course possible. There is no reason to fear that their work will lack vitality, creative fire or originality; it is attention to detail and the polishing of their skills that they must cultivate. They should not fear that advice will con- strain them or somehow make them less their own person—the way they are built, this would be near impossible.

More highly evolved January 22 people develop patience and insight to match their depth of feeling. It can be initially painful, but the capacity to see themselves as they truly are, and consequently their work, too, is essential if they are to succeed in establishing meaningful relationships and lucrative business prospects. In addition, a never-ending improvement of social skills—cultivating interest in the work of others, listening to their opinions, sharing, discussing and appreciating their strengths and weaknesses, is invaluable. When such empathic qualities are combined with the hardiness of the January 22 nature, a truly formidable, well-rounded person emerges.

January 22 people do not handle depression well, so as soon as possible in their adult lives they should get to know themselves at a deep level and realistically assess their abilities. Pursuing one line of work with their undivided energies is usually best for them—building, growing, steadily and surely. Yet during this positive building phase one major emotional outburst can set them back enormously, so they must naturally guard against such a thing happening. The solution is not repression but finding a safety valve that lets off steam when their temperature begins to rise.

Strengths:

Natural

Emotional

Exciting

Weaknesses:

Hasty

Explosive

Careless

Advice

Those born on January 22 find their greatest health problems in the areas of mental and emotional stability. Getting to know themselves at a deep level is of paramount importance and may be aided by a perceptive therapist. A wide variety of physically sensuous activities are recommended for January 22 people. Also self-imposed physical disciplines, such as yoga that deals with breath and body control, can be beneficial. An interest in cooking and food is especially recommended, as those born on this day can make vibrant, imaginative chefs. Sexual satisfaction and/or affection from a loved one is essential to their self-esteem, which is particularly vulnerable.

Submit to that which benefits you

Don’t put yourself down, but be aware if your limitations

Try to see your work objectively

Take in some of what people say about you

Remain calm in the face of adversity

[trashyswitch]

The Strange Twin Brother

Remus was known as the strange, impulsive brother who liked causing havoc wherever he could. Here are some stories of times he traumatized people, worried people and teased people through his charmingly grotesque ways.

I'm dedicating this fanfic to a couple of my friends who LOVE dark humor.

This fanfic has some SUPER dark humor. Animal death and a couple subtle dirty jokes added in. A little bit of bondage is used as well. So read at your own risk, and enjoy the dark humor!

It was always known that Roman was the preppy, clean one of the twins while Remus was the weird, stinky twin. Roman was known for play productions, being the ultimate feminine gay and for bursting out in song randomly, while Remus was known for pulling pranks, being a less hairy Grinch and for reading smut out loud to the entire room.

But Remus was also known for just being strange in general. There have been some disturbing moments where Remus was seen covered in blood while eating a raw rabbit, some annoying moments where Remus would shout out truths about certain origins behind Disney movies, and strangely amusing moments where Remus would bring a skunk home, give it a collar and keep it as a pet despite Logan’s demands to let it loose.

And yet, Roman often chalked all these strange behaviours down to just ‘Remus being Remus’ and wouldn’t question his already screwed up inner thoughts.

Doesn’t mean things were all sunshine and rainbows...Roman would be super worried for Remus if that were the case!

One day, Roman and Patton were looking at scrapbooks of old times with the family. They were looking at Thomas’s public school wins when the front door had closed. Roman turned around, knowing that would be Remus.

“Hi Remus! Any luck?” Roman asked.

Suddenly, Remus jumped out into the living room with his bow and arrow, a blood bag and-

WAS THAT WOLF FUR?!

SHIT! PATTON’S THERE!

Roman yelped and quickly shoved Patton’s face into the scrapbook to keep the innocent boy from looking. “OW! ROMAN! WHAT’S WRONG?!” Patton shouted.

“Uuuuuh...Animal...Hide.” Roman replied.

“ANIMAL?” Patton reacted with a big smile as he tried to lift his head back up. “What kind of animal is it? Let go, Ro! I wanna see the animal!” Patton asked excitedly.

Roman bit his lip and sat himself in front of Patton’s view. “It’s dead, Pat! You don’t wanna see it!” Roman let him know.

Remus just laughed at that. “So seeing a dead wolf carcass is off limits, but seeing TONS of Roman ass is fine?” Remus teased.

Roman rolled his eyes at that. “My ass is covered, unlike that devastated wolf face you’re wearing as a hood.” Roman shot back as he continued to keep Patton’s face hidden from the still-bloody hide. “Whaaat are you gonna do with the hide?” Roman asked.

Remus hummed and tilted his head to the side, causing the animal head hood to follow to the side. “I’m thinking a coat! Or a bathrobe!” Remus declared excitedly.

“Why not both?” Roman asked.

Remus gasped and ran up to Roman, tackle-hugging him to the ground. “YOU’RE A GENIUS!” Remus shouted.

Roman flopped onto his back, a good 3 feet away from Patton. Pat lifted his head up, and quickly screamed and covered his eyes. It really was a wolf carcass! A still-bloody carcass at that! Patton picked up the scrapbook and covered up his own field of view with it.

Roman giggled and looked at the jaw-dropped wolf face that was still slightly bleeding. “Are you gonna remove the teeth and feed them through a thread?” Roman asked, pointing at the set of sharp wolf teeth.

“Probably, yeah.” Remus replied.

Remus smirked. “You should dip the ends of the teeth into some red paint to make it look like bloody teeth that just caught their meal.” Roman suggested.

“Hmmm...Paint? Or bloooood?” Remus asked.

Roman chuckled and shook his head. “Whatever you feel looks better.” Roman replied.

Remus hummed as he thought about how to do it. Suddenly, Remus snapped his bloody fingers! “How about I mix some blood INTO the paint! So it looks realistic AND sticks properly!” Remus declared.

Remus shrugged his shoulders. “You can try it. You have a closet full of craft stuff you can use.” Roman mentioned.

Remus gave Roman one last bloody, slightly furry hug. “Thank you Roman! You’re the best!” Remus declared happily before getting up and running to his room.

Roman chuckled and shook his head. What a nutjob. He looked over at Patton, who was sloooowly uncovering his face with the scrapbook. The poor guy looked traumatized beyond belief.

Logan was hanging out with Remus at a nearby park. Remus was casually sitting on a park bench with a stroller filled with a litter of tuxedo kittens. On the cup holder of the stroller was an extra large iced coffee and an abandoned knife and fork. While the kittens were left sleeping in the stroller with a cover over them, Remus was completely devouring a full rotisserie chicken with his bare, greasy hands.

Logan was sitting beside him, holding a fork and taking little bits of the chicken. Though Logan was growing slightly disgusted by Remus’s feral behaviour, Logan was able to maintain a calm, casual facial expression. Though people were staring at Remus with worry and disgust, Logan just smiled and waved at the people as they walked by them.

It was like seeing a polite englishman sitting beside a New Jerseyan! Complete opposites.

When the two of them were mostly alone, Logan slowly leaned over to Remus. “You’re creating quite the reputation here.” Logan whispered.

“I knothw!!” Remus replied proudly, his face fully stuffed with just chicken. The man didn’t even have anything to wash it down besides his iced coffee! Soon, Remus got up, moved the plate of cooked chicken carcass onto the bench, and picked up his Starbucks coffee with his dominant hand. He happily slurped down some of the ice-filled coffee and smiled with his cheeks all bunched up like a chipmunk.

“Imagine Patton seeing you right now. He would lose it.” Logan mentioned.

Remus let out a muffled giggle at that. “Gooth thin’ he’th noth!” Remus reacted, a slight bit of coffee sliding down his chin.

Logan just laughed at that and ate another piece of the chicken. It didn’t take long for Remus to resume scarfing down his chicken while taking sips of iced coffee in between. It was the perfect combination for a protein & caffeine diet.

Eventually, a guy with a black jacket, sunglasses and a large iced coffee of his own, started walking by. “What the fuck is that creature?! And WHY do I WANT ONE?!” they declared to their vest-wearing friend with a red tie.

Remus choked on his iced coffee and bursted out laughing. Logan smirked in amusement and looked up at the jacket boy. “This is Remus. He’s...definitely a strange one.” Logan introduced. “Also single.” Logan muttered.

The jacketed guy smirked and drank more of the iced coffee. “Come here often?” he asked the both of them.

Logan chuckled at that. “Quite often, yes.” he replied.

“Ith’ my ffffavorithe thpot-th!” Remus declared happily.

“Do you two have names?” Logan asked.

The jacket guy nodded. “I’m Remy. And this, my special loving beanie baby over here, is Emile.” they introduced.

“KITTENS!” Emile shouted excitedly, staring at the stroller.

Remus smiled and looked at Emile. “Yup! It’s a stroller filled with kittens.” Remus said proudly.

Emile picked up one of the tuxedo kittens and hugged it close. “It’s soooo CUUUTE!” Emile cooed.

Logan looked at Remus and raised an eyebrow. Remus looked at Logan back and nodded his head. “Would you like to keep it?” Logan asked.

Emile gasped and beamed at them. “REALLY?!” But Emile quickly composed himself. “I-I mean- Are you sure? I didn’t know they were for sale.” Emile admitted.

“They weren’t. But you look very happy with it!” Remus added. “That one’s a boy.” Remus added.

Emile looked at Remus again, still not sure if he should be taking a cat home. Remus nodded his head with an innocent smile. “I insist!” Remus replied.

Emile looked at Logan. “If you’re wondering, they have all been vaccinated from 8 weeks old till their age which is 5 weeks old.” Logan told Emile. “If you would like, we could cover your vaccination costs up until he reaches 4 months old.” Logan offered.

“Oh my gosh that offer sounds lovely! But I can pay for it myself. But could we meet at the veterinary clinic you take them to, so I can meet their vet and sign the adoption papers?” Emile asked.

Logan nodded. “Of course! I’ll give you the address.” Logan replied.

While Logan was doing that, Remus was looking at all the kittens and growing curious. But he was quickly interrupted by a wave in his direction. Remus and Emile’s locked long enough for Emile to mouth the words ‘thank you’ to him. Remus smiled and nodded back. But then: Remus picked up one of the kittens…

Remus just started staring dead into Emile’s eyes, and shoved the cat’s head into his own mouth. Still staring at Emile, he bit down on the cat, killing it instantly and swallowed it whole. Emile’s excitement for the cat quickly faded away and a big, terrified chill ran down Emile’s spine. It was here that Emile realized that Remus was most likely not in the right mind. Emile quickly patted Logan’s shoulder and pointed to Remus. “He- j-j-just- ateacat…” Emile said, struggling to even talk.

Logan looked over at Remus and immediately noticed the hanging tail that was sticking out of Remus’s mouth. Logan sighed. “How in the world are you still hungry after all that chicken?” Logan asked.

Remus laughed. “I just am!”

Emile hesitantly kept the cat they had just been given, and made a mental note to never let Remus hold their cat. EVER.

A good while later, Patton and Janus were cleaning the house while Remus and Roman were coloring in the kitchen. They both had a cup of water each, and one pack of markers laying in front of them at the table to share. Though only Remus was using all the colors due to the boy’s...strange habit of bleaching them and sucking on them.

Remus was currently drawing a blender filled with green gunk mixed with what he assumed to be blood, and something white. Whether it was milk, bone bits, drugs or...something else; no one but Remus could tell you. All they knew was that some of the green gunk was spilling out the top corners of the blender lid.

Meanwhile, Roman was drawing a completely white picture of a gigantic dog surrounding a bunch of tiny people. But the dog was not like Clifford the Big Red Dog. It was a fluffy white pomeranian! And the pomeranian had a...saxophone? It even had the word *Bork* written beside the mouth.

Wait, was that Gabe the Dog?

Remus giggled at the picture of Gabe the dog, and made a little high-pitched ‘BORK’ sound. Roman bursted out laughing at that and made an evil old hag cackle. Remus wheezed at the cackle while Patton was giggling and shaking his head at the two.

Soon, Logan walked into the room with a smirk. “Why do I hear dogs and evil witches in here?” Logan asked.

Remus and Roman both had to stop their coloring and drawing to lean back and laugh their heads off.

Logan sat down at the table as well and continued to read the astronomy book he had walked out with. But Logan quickly closed it as he cringed at the strong smell of bleach in the kitchen. “Patton, you need to stop using so much bleach.” Logan told him.

Patton turned around. “Come on, Logan, it’s not that bad. I didn’t even clean over there!” Patton reacted.

Logan tilted his head. “Are you sure you didn’t? Because It smells like you cleaned the table with it.” Logan told him.

Patton huffed and put his cloth-covered hand on his own hip. “I’m positive, Logan.”

Logan rolled his eyes and tried to ignore the bleachy smell. But it was not easy. Soon, Logan rubbed his finger on the table and smelled it.

Nope. No bleach.

He rubbed his finger on the windows and discovered that there was no bleach used there either. So, Logan looked around. “Where is that bleach smell coming from?” Logan asked as he followed his nose like a composed dog. Logan followed it till he looked down at the cups and markers. Logan sighed. “You weren’t using bleach on the markers again, I hope…” Logan asked Remus.

“Nope! Not today!” Remus replied proudly.

Logan looked at the cups and lifted them up. He smelled Roman’s cup first -much to Roman’s dismay- and placed it down.

Just water.

But then Logan lifted up Remus’s cup and smelled it:

Logan pulled his head back and coughed violently. Then he widened his eyes when he realized that half the water was already drunk!

Logan slammed the cup onto the table. “Remus.” Logan asked calmly.

Remus looked up at Logan with his teeth showing widely. “Yeeeessss?”

Logan cleared his throat. “Do you remember what we taught you about what bleach does to your digestive system?” Logan asked.

Patton gasped and threw his cloth onto the ground. “REMUS!”

Remus stifled a laugh. “Yes. I don’t remember exactly what happens, but I do remember you mentioning...death?” Remus replied.

Logan sighed and rubbed the top of his nose...only for him to quickly move his fingers away from his face out of fear of getting bleach droplets into his eyes. Then, Logan took the cup and dumped the bleach down the sink. “No more drinking bleach, Remus. It is disgusting and it can easily kill you.” Logan ordered.

Remus slowly lifted up a silver flask. “One new thing to learn about!”

Roman widened his eyes. “PATTON! REMUS HAS A FLASK!” Roman shouted.

Patton sprinted to the rescue and took the flask. “What have we told you about alcohol?! Alcohol for you, is strictly off limits! Remember what happened the last time you drank?” Patton ordered.

“The best experience of my LIFETIME?!” Remus declared excitedly.

Logan dumped the cup of water into the sink. “May the orphan children rest in peace.”

Remus bursted out in evil, proud cackles. Patton brought the flask to the sink and dumped out what he assumed to be alcohol. But much to his surprise: it was clear!

...and reeked of bleach.

Logan pulled out a baby bottle, dumped some milk into it and shoved the baby bottle into Remus’s mouth. “Drink up. Flush the bleach out of your system before your stomach and intestines burn.” Logan ordered.

Remus whined and pouted. Roman giggled at the look of a baby bottle in his grown brother’s mouth, and continued to outline the saxophone. “I’m done!” Roman declared, showing off his picture to Patton and Janus.

Remus pulled the baby bottle out of his mouth and showed off his picture as well. “I’m done as well!”

Both Patton, Janus and Logan enjoyed seeing the pictures they drew, and updated the fridge drawings. Patton would eventually scrapbook those pictures and show them off to Thomas.

One day around Halloween time, Roman was looking around for Remus in his room. But he was nowhere to be found. But things soon became more clear once he found a lined page with a creepy-looking drawing on it. Roman giggled and looked around. “Very funny, Remus! I know what your costume is now!” Roman teased.

Roman received no response. So, Roman turned the page around and continued looking around. “Remus, quit being secretive.” Roman ordered. Like he guessed though, Remus didn’t come out.

So, Roman followed the page’s advice and put the page into his pocket. Roman opened a drawer in the room that held a flashlight. He pulled it out, turned it on and started looking around. So far, there was nothing.

He looked around for another page or another clue to Remus’s location. Little did he realize that all he had to do...was look behind him…

Roman suddenly SCREAMED and threw the flashlight into the air! Something had wrapped around his feet and was now lifting him up! Roman shouted and grabbed at any surfaces he could, to get away. “AAAAAH! REMUS?! LET GO!” Roman shouted.

A static noise started filling Roman’s ears and a static-y image of Slenderman started getting closer and closer to Roman. Roman’s fear grew as the faceless being suddenly grew a mouth and teeth, and GROWLED loudly at him.

Next, another pair of tentacles grabbed Roman’s arms and waist, and lifted him upright. Roman gulped and pulled on the restraints, with no avail. He was utterly and truly, fucked.

Quickly, more tentacles summoned themselves from out of nowhere, and started wiggling and fluttering on his armpits, feet and lower back. Roman jumped, squeezed his eyes shut and tried to move away from the tickly tentacles as a wobbly smile grew onto his face. The tentacles wiggled and teased his armpits the most, taking advantage of just how vulnerable they were in this moment.

Roman took one desperate look at the tickling tentacles and threw his head back as the tentacles at the feet, suddenly found his toes! “Hehehehehehehey! Quihihihihit ihihihit Rehehehemuhuhuhus!” Roman giggled.

The tentacles at his lower back, started drawing up and down his spine. This caused Roman to arch and wiggle his back more. But things got even worse the moment four tentacles started tickling both his armpits! Roman squealed loudly and squeezed his fists as laughter and snorts started leaving his mouth! He couldn’t even try to cover up his mouth in any way because his hands were tied! Literally!

Then, everything quickly hit the fan the moment Remus’s tongue reached his ear. Roman guffawed and snorted at that! Roman squealed with laughter! One one hand, all Roman could think was just how disgusting and slimy it felt to have a tongue fluttering and ‘licking’ his ear! But HOLY HECK did it work! It was so much more ticklish than his toes and armpits combined!

Roman snorted again. “LEHEHEHET MEHEHEHEHE GOOOHOHOHO!” Roman begged.

The single tentacle that tickled Roman’s back, started writing letters on his lower back!

[Tickle tickle tickle]

Roman whined and shook his head. How DARE!

[Coochy coochy coo coochy coochy coo]

Roman widened his eyes and tried to tug on his restraints one more time. Of course, he was unsuccessful. “STAHAHAHAHAHAP!” Roman begged loudly.

[No]

Roman shook his head. “COHOHOME OHOHOHOHON MAHAHAHAN!” Roman pleaded.

[Fine]

Roman let out a breath of relief as the tickling tentacles lessened dramatically. But unfortunately, the black tentacle that was writing on Roman’s back, was not gone.

[Wet willy time]

Roman widened his eyes. “W-WAIT-” Roman was interrupted by the evil tongue tickling his ear once again! Roman shrieked loudly and threw his head back with laughs, snorts and the occasional cackles! All the while, the messenger on his lower back was still writing messages to him!

[Surprise!]

Roman shook his head. “IHIHI THOHOHOUGHT YOHOHOU WEHEHEHERE DOHOHONE!” Roman yelled.

[Im not done.] It wrote. [More tickles for Roman]

Roman squeezed his eyes shut and just gave up on trying to get out. There was just no trying to save himself from the clutches of Remus the slenderman tickle monster!

[Tickle tickle Roman]

[Tickle tickle brother]

[sit back. Accept your fate]

Here’s the fanart! 

Remus:

Roman:

(Drawn by a friend of mine)

[sasodei-is-real]

Rules: Tag the blogs you want to get to know better! Tagged by: @justanotherblonde

Name: Emi)

Gender: F

Height: 154cm heh😅

Sexuality: Sorry for my ignorance, I'm not sure if I chose the right term, but I think it's called pansexual?

I don't feel sexually attracted specifically to gender, or to a physical factor. I like the person himself. If I fall in love, I will be influenced by him sexually, too, regardless of his physical characteristics and body.

Favorite animal: I have several. But my favorite, perhaps, is the bird. I love crows. They are the smartest and wisest creatures, I love to watch them. I can look at them for hours. Also, they appeal to me in their own way, they inspire nastolgiya and a very special aesthetics.

I love jellyfish. I find their life very sad and at the same time symbolic. Jellyfish live a VERY long time. Recently, I learned that there is a species of jellyfish that live forever. The cells of these jellyfish regenerate, gather again and revive. But at the same time, jellyfish are completely brainless creatures. They live forever, but they live without any consciousness. They are always in this world. They watch everything that happens, without understanding the meaning of the existing one. They are simply eternal and transparent, like their imperceptible life, beings who do not need this eternity. Simply because they themselves do not understand what it is. Wisdom can be found in this foolishness. As from love to hate, one step, and from simplicity to wisdom

Average hours of sleep: I have different states. More recently, I had insomnia and I slept for 3 hours if I was lucky. At this time, I was very nervous. I think the problems with sleep started precisely because of irritation. I thought a lot and then did not want to accept some of the things that were happening around me, and instead of grammatically resolving it, I turned it all into an attack. I could fall asleep, but I constantly woke up with disturbing thoughts. I just made myself stupid and stubborn, not wanting to cope with problems.

I was a sleepless, aggressive cucumber with bags under my eyes 😂🙈

But now, I can sleep for 8 or even 9 hours. If I read something, or listen to monotone speech and the weather is good (cloudy), I can fall asleep during the day. If you leave the choice to me, I think I can sleep for 12 hours or more.

But the only thing that does not change depending on my state is awakening at night. It started in childhood. About ten years old, I began to wake up at a specific period of time. From three to four in the morning. Most often I fall asleep again after four. But it somethimes happens that I can't sleep again. I don’t know why it’s, but half of my life, I wake up every night (there are exceptions) at exactly three in the morning, and after four I fall asleep.

Dogs or cats: This is a difficult question for me. I love both dogs and cats. They are lovely animals. I think that I cannot choose, because there is a conflict ala "I am one, but I want to be like another." I'm more like a dog. I am very much attached to people and would say that I am even dependent on them. I would like to become a little bit like a cat. Have some kind of self-sufficiency.A balance would be ideal. Be in harmony with people and have self-respect. Then , I gess my answer is...hibride?😂No, both together. As a duo

Current time: 8:54

Dream job: Well, I would not say that I have a dream job. Now I am studying at the university to be an artist painter. As far as I can remember, I have been drawing all my life and I was closely connected with this. My compositions are my life and love. As long as I can draw, I can know that there is always something I can rely on. Sometimes, art is feelings in satire, sometimes a combination of ethics and aesthetics, sometimes a clue, and sometimes just an impulse. It happens that I use art as a therapy for problems. Sometimes I think it is selfish and I feel guilty, because art is so much more than something that you use for your own purposes.But then, I remember that in any relationship, there will be a moment when you become a cushion of safety for each other. I understand that in our relationship with art, which has a huge range of emotions and is based on love, we cannot talk about selfish benefits. This is not a benefit, this is salvation in each other.

Therefore, work for me is a secondary issue. I hope that the paintings will be sold, I will find my audience. I'm sure it will happen sooner or later. But in the meantime, I'm ready for any job. Well, I need to live on something and plus oil paints are expensive. Funds are needed for art supplies. Any job will be my favorite as long as it can provide my opportunity to do my life's work.

When I made this blog: Recently, probably a month ago.

Why I made this blog: Because I think sasodei is criminally underestimated. And it's not about being popular. But it is very popular indeed, especially in Japan, it is considered a canon.

The point is seeing the otnogeny of these liuhs. Each time I spawn how cleverly Kishimoto works. All of his manga is about symbolism and philosophy. Sasori and Deidara's relationship, and the development of that relationship, itself symbolizes the important thought of the real world. They where created for interaction with each other.I am very distant that sometimes people do not see the whole depth of their relationship.

And secondly, many do not even see how reverently and caringly and in a special way they treat each other. Do not see their affection for one another . It's a pity, because their relationship is one of the most beautiful and incredibly deep, reaching its peak through the passage of personal and internal barriers.

I want to show all the symbolism, philosophy and beauty of their relationship. They are worth it.

Sometimes I think that such a deep relationship should not be spoken out loud, because it is too sensitive and special. There is too much philosophy in them, which can be depreciated if you talk about it directly. But I'll think about that later.

After all, besides their philosophy, I want to show their attitude towards each other as loving people.Their relationship and philosophy are very tightly linked. One thing helps the other to develop. And the cause of development is attachment to each other. So, I think we'll talk about th philosophy when the time is up.

Btw, the artist of this beautiful sasodei worck: https://twitter.com/ta_tachico/status/1304789117897568257?s=19

Reason for URL:  Well, that's just a fact)

Sasodey is real. Both his philosophy, which can be interpreted in real life, and it's canon realationship.

Tagging: I don't even know who to tag. Anyone who sees this post on my little blog among the huge tumblr and wants to answer). I will read with pleasure❤💛

@justanotherblonde thanks for tagging me!💗

[theexistentiallyqueer]

For the writing meme, 65 and 177 both gave me shuake vibes. Pick whichever you like better :)

66. I didn’t tell you that I love you because I wanted to hear it back. I told you because I needed you to know.

177. You’re a coward, (Name)! You hide away this entirely different part to yourself all because you’re afraid that someone might get close to you! You’re afraid that someone might just care about you more than you think you deserve. That - that isn’t fair.

I wound up taking both prompts and combining them without actually replicating the dialogue in question, because I’m kind of allergic to that. Mild spoilers for P5R.

I’m taking prompts! Please specify the fandom and pairing. I’m currently into shuake, okujima, and edeleth, but I may be open to other pairings or characters.

———————————————————-

November 17th and the air has a bitter bite, a good excuse to stay in with hot drinks and good food. November 17th and the deadline to steal Sae’s treasure is two days away, pulling them in with the promise of bloodshed. November 17th and Akira is in the attic of Leblanc, coffee and curry downstairs forgotten because he’s too busy exploring what the inside of his would-be murderer’s mouth tastes like.

(Coffee and curry, the mild kind sweetened with pineapple and carrot, and something beneath that’s sharp and bitter, almost like blood. Akira knows that taste exactly. He bit his tongue when Arsene finally came to him and his body’s vitality had spilled into his mouth, hot as copper and just as angry.)

The boy leaning over him is thin and immaculate, even in disarray: necktie loose, shirt disheveled and unbuttoned down to the collarbone, his carefully-styled hair disturbed by Akira’s curiously greedy hands. His eyes are ferrous and bright, the edge of his stare dulled in the heady cloud of bad life choices. Akira drinks in the sight of him, reaches up to brush his fingers along the sharp line of his jaw. How can one boy be so beautiful? Akechi slides a tentative hand up the flat plane of Akira’s chest beneath his shirt, bare palm against bare skin. His knee is pinned to the futon between Akira’s leg, and he doesn’t know if the way it brushes up against him is purposeful or an accident, but Akira sees stars.

“I think I might change my mind about being rivals,” Akira says breathlessly, only half-joking. “Are you still taking applications for a sidekick?”

It’s the wrong thing to say. Akechi shudders and pulls violently away.

“I need to go,” Akechi says, fumbling with the buttons of his shirt, deny, deny, deny written into every awkward movement of his body. He pulls his gloves on next. He won’t meet Akira’s eyes.

(There’s a briefcase downstairs with an embossed capital A on the

outside and a gun, probably, on the inside. There’s a bullet in the

chamber of that gun with Akira’s name on it, use by date two steps away and counting.)

An old physics teacher once told him that if all of the molecules of your body vibrated at the same frequency as the molecules of another object, you could pass your hand through it like moving through water. Akira knows the molecules of his body are definitely doing something, if the way his skin seems to ache from how hot he feels (where Akechi touched him) and how warm he doesn’t (where he didn’t). He feels Akechi pulling away like being plunged into a bathtub filled with ice, every point of contact that was sparking with pleasure now sparking with needlepoint pains instead.

“Akechi–” Akira tries, swallowing around his tongue, which feels too thick and uncomfortable in his mouth now that it’s been inside another’s. He doesn’t know how to finish the sentence.

What Akira wants to say is: I listened to your phone call and I still want to kiss you until we both forget how to breathe.

What Akira wants to say is: I know there’s a bullet in your gun with my name on it, and I think I’d let you shoot me if you asked me.

What Akira wants to say is: I don’t think I’ve ever felt known in my entire life until I met you. I don’t think I’ve ever really known anyone the way I know you. I want you to feel the same. Feel the same. Please feel the same.

Akechi finishes straightening his tie, once more that kind of put-together that’s carefully crafted for a camera and not nearly as appealing as he’d looked only moments before. He still won’t meet Akira’s gaze. “Saturday at the courthouse. Noon is a good time, I hope?”

Akira takes a breath and lets it out, feels the way gravity hooks its claws into him and drags his heart down with it.

“Yeah,” Akira says. “See you then.”

——————————

“It’s not a small thing,” Akira says abruptly. He keeps his gaze on his cup, studying the tiny currents of milk and coffee eddying in its depths. He doesn’t see the way Akechi lifts his eyes to stare at Akira and then glare balefully away, but he can feel it, or at least he thinks he can.

“What isn’t?” Akechi asks, his voice clipped and short. He knows the answer. Akira knows he knows it. Akechi knows he knows it. Whose game are they playing at this point?

“Your life.” Akira looks up and catches Akechi’s eye before he can turn away. It’s a ruddy red and brown, full of not enough anger. “Your life’s not a small thing. Not to me.”

“That’s not–” Akechi begins, a furious snarl in his voice. It’s a sound that echoes viscerally in Akira, that propensity towards rage, and he leans in on impulse and grabs Akechi’s hand. Akechi cuts off in surprise, staring down at where their hands are joined but not pulling away.

“It’s not a small thing,” Akira repeats, lifting his free hand to brush the fine hairs away from Akechi’s face. Akechi shudders but doesn’t pull away. There’s been something in seeing him this past month cutting loose in a way that Akira has always wanted to but won’t ever let himself do that’s felt more freeing than anything.

“I’ve seen what you’ve seen and I’m not running away,” Akira tells him. “We’ll fight Maruki and I’ll drag you back with me afterwards.”

Akechi moves to draw back, but Akira won’t let him. He won’t let Akechi pull away now, so Akira instead pulls him in.

“Don’t be stupid,” Akechi says, his voice sharp. “His position is strong and the hold he has over reality is–”

Akira cuts him off before he can finish. “I’m going to need you to stop being logical for one fast hot fucking second.”

Akechi snaps his mouth shut and narrows his eyes, radiating fury. Something electric races up Akira’s spine.

Akira leans into him, leans into Akechi until he’s stumbling back into the bar behind him and bracing his body against in, against Akira’s invasive presence. Akira leans into him and kisses him. He doesn’t push Akira away, doesn’t withdraw, instead kisses him back with a focus that’s hungrier than Akira’s own. It’s nice to have greed matched for greed. Akira pulls Akechi’s bottom lip between his teeth and sucks on it. There’s that same sweet-salt tang of copper again, that taste of blood on open water. Akechi whines, low and restrained, fisting a hand in Akira’s hair, and Akira laughs an Arsene laugh into his mouth, breathing the same air he breathes.

“Stop running from this,” Akira tells him when they break apart, each of them gasping for air. Akira leans in–Akechi lets him, and brushes his mouth against the shell of Akechi’s ear, drinks in the way Akechi restrains his shudder. Akira rests a hand on his knee and runs it up, up, up, thumb dragging over the corded muscles in Akechi’s thigh that twitches beneath his fingers. “Goro. Goro. Be fair. You can’t tell me to give up on you and not acknowledge what we have. You can’t–”

There’s a bright, furious gleam of ruby in Goro’s eyes, the shining facet of some precious stone in his ruddy irises. His mouth is nearly as red, lips swollen and dark as crushed cherries, and even more inviting. “You don’t even know what you’re asking. Do you realize how selfish that is?”

Akira laughs, and leans in, and kisses him again. “More or less selfish than letting you go?”

[citrinekay]

There’s this song from Jaymay ‘Grey or Blue’ and there’s this particular line: ‘But your sweatshirt says it all with the hood over your face And I can't keep staring at your mouth without wondering how it tastes’ and I can’t help but imagine Holden coming all sweaty from a run in a grey FBI hoodie and Bill not able to not stare at him thinking these words. I’m so helplessly in love with them 😭

Wow this really is the perfect song for them! So much yearning and desire. Now you’ve got this idea stuck in my head so here goes:

Bill gets to work early that Monday morning, eager to stave off the load of paperwork mounting on his desk that he’d left over the weekend. Between interviews and consults, their schedule is fully booked for the next three months at least. These 7am’s, hunched over the typewriter with last week’s case demanding documentation, a mug of coffee and a pack of cigarettes clutched in his hand, are starting to look like the new normal. Still, he’d rather be here early when no one else is around to bother him; to be honest, he’d rather be here than at home, staring at the empty walls in silence. 

He’s just gotten into the particulars of their recent trip to Montana and the little town of Jubilee that had turned to a slaying field for a senseless killer when the door of the BSU basement swings open. Bill cuts a glare over his shoulder, but his annoyance at being disturbed at such an early hour comes to a cold halt when he sees Holden wander through the door. 

“Oh, hey, Bill.” Holden says, his tone casual despite his panting. 

He’s wearing a gray sweatshirt with the FBI insignia printed in faded blue on the front. The hood is still draped over his sweat-soaked curls, framing out the lively, pink luster on his cheeks. Bill’s gaze is quickly drawn lower, however, to the skimpy pair of navy blue track shorts that barely reach midway down his thighs. 

“Holden.” Bill says, slowly. “What are you doing here so early?” 

Holden wanders across the bullpen to his side. “I like to go for a run around the track before work. It helps clear my head.” 

Bill stiffens as Holden draws closer. He smells like the sweet, ripe scent of outdoors in the summer, underlined by sticky, exhilarated sweat. There’s something primal about the saccharine combination that goes directly to his head. 

Holden lifts his left foot, and braces his tennis shoe against the edge of Bill’s desk. He bounces slightly, stretching his flank while he uncaps his water bottle and takes a drink. 

Bill watches the slick length of his throat bob as he swallows. His mouth comes away pink, gasping quietly in satisfaction, and glistening with water. Suddenly, Bill wants nothing more than to know what those lips taste like, a longing so abrupt and intense that he has to grip the arms of his chair to keep himself from bolting to his feet and acting on it. He shoves the impulse down hard. Friendships can get ruined with just one kiss, and he needs Holden’s friendship. Right now, their work is the only thing keeping him sane. 

“Do you mind?” He asks, conjuring a disgruntled tone as he glares at Holden’s tennis shoe on the corner of the desk. 

Holden drops his foot to the ground, instead turning to lean his backside in its place. 

“Why are you here so early?” 

“Just trying to get some work done, if you don’t mind.” Bill says, “We’ve got a full schedule this week.” 

“I think you need another one of those.” Holden says, gesturing at Bill’s half-empty coffee cup. 

“What I need is for you to stop distracting me.” 

Holden huffs a chuckle.

“And get your half-naked ass off my desk.” Bill adds, the words biting past his teeth with more agony than he’d intended to let on.

“Half-naked…” Holden begins to protest, glancing down at the shorts riding dangerously up his thighs. 

“Are those Quantico-issue?” Bill presses, “You’re not leaving much to imagination.” 

“Everybody wears these.” Holden says, sounding innocent despite the hand cruising down his pale thigh. 

Bill grunts a sound of frustration, and turns back to his typewriter. 

“Are my legs distracting you?” 

Bill draws in a deep breath, and pinches the bridge of his nose. He wants to stand up and grab Holden by the throat. The urge to kiss him is still strong, lurching just underneath the urge to slap his smart mouth. In either scenario, Holden would probably look at him with those wide blue eyes that sometimes look gray in just the right light. Nothing is ever his fault. 

“No.” Bill says, at last. “I would just really like to get this paperwork finished before everyone else gets here. That was my plan until you showed up.” 

“Fine.” Holden mutters, shoving off the desk. “I’ll get out of your hair.” 

He walks away, and Bill fights the desire to turn around and watch his backside. He knows the shape of it because he watches it every day, or at least tries not to. He doesn’t breathe until he hears Holden grab his backpack with his work clothes from his desk, and the leave the basement again. 

The sound of the door slamming behind him echoes into the hollow silence, overlapping with the frenetic tremor of Bill’s heartbeat. He opens his eyes to focus on the last word he’d written on the report: mutilated. He tells himself to think about that brutal word, and nothing else. Eventually, his blood cools. 

When Holden returns fully dressed an hour later, the basement feels like a safe space again. The veil of professionalism is between them again, and Bill can breathe. He can look at Holden, and think it’s not so bad of a trespass. He can look until the danger of taking what he wants fades behind the subdued gray in Holden’s eyes. 

[radiantmists]

rhythm of war part two thoughts

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa  (spoilers through the second interludes under the cut, and at the very bottom some comments based on what i have to assume is a major spoiler for the entire book, or close to it, though i'm warning again beforehand.)

well, last things first: taravangian's working against odium! i'm super excited about this, and very happy about the support for the concept that Taravangian's compassion isn't his curse, it's just the division of his intelligence and compassion that's sthe problem.

so we've been able to talk to the sibling, who is mostly trying to help despite genuinely feeling that what navani is doing is wrong. except now they're locked away, and navani is under the direct scrutiny of rabaniel and messing around with her is going to be risky. that being said, we're on our way to some very interesting revelations about how investiture works on roshar:

the stormfather is purely of honor. the sibling is a mix of honor and cultivation. the nightwatcher is purely cultivation

the sibling should not be able to function on pure stormlight, because it's purely of honor.

lift may not run on stormlight at all-- we already knew she can't pull it from spheres.

adhesion, which is somehow a fake surge and purely of honor, is not totally cancelled by whatever rabaniel did to the sibling. from lift's interlude, neither is regrowth when she uses it, which if i had to pick is the surge i would choose to be purely of cultivation.

as far as we can tell, people can still draw in stormlight with no issue, they just cant use it to power surges.

windrunners, who bond honorspren, are less affected by the fabrial: this applies especially to kaladin and syl, and we know syl is different from other honorspren, older. my money is that she's in some way more fully of honor than the others. lift, who's been hugely modified by cultivation directly, is also immune. the edgedancers as a whole are not immune and apparently are reacting as badly as anyone else.

...syl notes in the last set of interludes that she's different from other honorspren, mentally. is this a byproduct of whatever she did to sneak out of shadesmar, or of her being older? interesting.

To me, this all implies that whatever rabaniel did interferes with how cultivation and honor interact. lift, who seemingly only uses cultivation's investiture, can power the surge that seems most directly associated with cultivation; kaladin, probably closest to honor, can do the surge that seems to be entirely honor. the regular edgedancers aren't immune at all because they run on stormlight; the windrunners are somewhat but not fully immune because they're almost fully of honor, but cultivation likely had some hand in the way honorspren were made after the shattering.

Regrowth really is a very odd surge, compared to the others, which seem to deal with much more fundamental physical forces.

the fused do have access to regrowth while powered by voidlight, though. interesting.

speaking of: did navani's weird sphere contain some kind of... cultivationlight? or maybe it's some kind of combination, and that's why the sphere exploded right around the time of rabiniel's experiments (or the sibling was drawing on it somehow?)

on a more immediate level, the current tower resistance is as follows: navani, under constant monitoring but she has the best chance to figure out how to fix this shit. kaladin, who's a mess, being hunted by the pursuer, and who's about to start getting suicide-baiting nightmares from odium, but he does know how to fight! lift, who's amazing and knows how to sneak around the tower but is being hunted by someone who i assume has to be mraize. and rlain, masquerading as a singer (im so worried about him i hope he's okay).

if this somehow ends with kaladin killing mraize to protect lift before he can give shallan answers, i'm going to fucking SCREAM.

speaking of frustrating things: lirin turn on ur location i just wanna talk. Kaladin was actually rebuilding himself until this whole invasion thing, and i don't understand how lirin can look at a man who's that committed to doing good, sees exactly what it is that drives him to kill, and then calls him a monster.

I loved Kaladin's efforts to deal with mental health care! He's in the unique position ofhaving way more political power than any medical professional, darkeyes, or mentally ill person could ever have hoped to have, and I really want to see him come back to this once the world is burning down a bit less again, especially because it genuinely seemed to be helping him.

navani's plots have sorta been subsumed into this whole plotline, but i enjoyed what we got-- the little episode with the other scholars taking bets on whether she'd use tomor's fabrial was adorable, and i also liked how clear it is that they look to her to make things work.

moving on, uh... shadesmar stuff.

adolin's making some progress at waking maya! she doesn't talk but she shows a clearly unusual ability to learn and make independent decisions. i love it.

...also the thing with notum's horse implies that ryshadium are sentient enough to imagine spren. that's fun, and also terrifying.

adolin offering to stand trial for the crimes of humanity is fascinating, but all i'm thinking about is the episode of avatar where he agrees to stand trial for kyoshi, except in this case we already know that humanity did actually do the thing he's in trouble for. it would be unjust to punish adolin for it, but... i worry.

especially because there are, apparently, new deadeyes. this isn't extraordinarily surprising as syl was two skips away from death (though, im curious, does it work differently if the spren's never been a blade prior to dying? or are there just deadeyes wandering around who aren't tied to blades?) but it is very alarming.

and then there's the other thing: pattern is lying to shallan. i frankly don't think it's as simple as him being a spy for the ghostbloods; we saw even here that he's a terrible liar, and to have concealed this he'd have to have been pretty impressive.

on the other hand there was clearly some shit going on between shallan, her family, and the ghostbloods when she first got pattern. he's admitted that he has more exposure to humans than most spren. it doesn't look great, honestly.

i also appreciate that brandon is acknowledging how fucking weird shallan's timeline is. hopefully we get some answers about this.

adolin and shallan's relationship continues to be adorable; the sequence with the starspren is lovely and i totally get why it's brandon's favorite chapter in this part. between this and part one, he clearly enjoyed how the shadolin came out in this book and i agree. the fact that his romances continue after the marriage, with issues beyond just jealousy, is one of my favorite things about sanderson books.

venli's whole set of pov's this part was about walking up to urithiru. i really do want to like her, but she spends a ton of time just following more dynamic characters around and observing in these first two parts, and if not for the juicy secrets rabaniel's been dropping, it would make me just want to get back to other characters. hopefully that'll change in the next few parts.

i was going to make a comment about how we havent even had flashbacks yet, but i just glanced at the POVs for the next part, so I guess those are coming. I do wonder if these eshonai flashbacks will be info venli knows, or what.

she did kill someone for the first time, and attuned the rhythm of the lost for the dead man. the whole incident disturbs her, and i appreciated that as the rest of our viewpoint characters are extremely accustomed to death. i'm interested in seeing how this affects her going forward.

the epigraphs are so exciting! sazed is writing to hoid again, but this time he's gotten his bearings and spoken to some new shards... ones we haven't heard from before! also he asks hoid to say hi when he's on scadrial, which, fair enough tbh. i dont remember whether hoid shows up much in mistborn era 2 but for some reason i have the feeling he is not going to oblige this request.

the epigraph where sazed mentions he wants someone who can both preserve and kill immediately made me think of kaladin. (i think this is what he ends up trying to do with wax, but shhhh) he and sazed would agree on a lot of things philosophically, i think. (omg au where kaladin ends up working for sazed?? i have no idea how this would work the idea just fascinates me.

...where are the heralds? did dalinar take them with him, or are they in the tower? if the latter, are they also passed out? probably not, since they're not radiants, right? although whatever they are is very investiture-dependent so who knows. vasher's probably alright.

why is odium afraid of nightblood? is he worried it could eat him?

lots of POVs for the next part, but no shadesmar crew, so i guess we'll find out whether adolin gets executed by honorspren later. i do wonder why so many pov's from the battlefront; i guess something more is going to happen along those lines than i'd really expected. crossed fingers for some actual insight into renarin, finally.

in light of said spoiler: holy god i hope that division (between taravangian's intelligence and compassion) doesn't continue, though I have the horrible feeling that it will. This puts sazed's discussion of the intent of a shard combined with the cleverness of its vessel into a terrifying light: a godlike being who is at his smartest when he's a complete sociopath is like, the worst case scenario,  not even taking into account that the odium shard is uniquely suited to make people act on impulses. this is so bad.

but i can't know the full extent of that until i read the context, so let's move on!

[downspiral]

* / BPD ( borderline personality damon )

lil talk about damon’s behaviour, emotional patterns and mental health! i’m categorising this as a headcanon for simplicity’s sake but this is all based on canon material, whether unintentional or not i do genuinely think he has it in canon and will sort of be elaborating on why that’s clear to me. as a disclaimer none of this is meant to excuse any of his behaviour and hopefully it won’t come off that way either, but bpd and its associated stigma is a personal topic to me, so please go in with sympathy and an open mind. under the cut bc this could get lengthy!

so to start off with i’ll just briefly explain borderline personality disorder (BPD) for people unfamiliar with it— it’s a mood disorder that has many associated symptoms with various mental illnesses like depression, anxiety and bipolar disorder, as well as substance issues, eating disorders and other personality disorders eg. antisocial or narcissistic personality disorder. it’s classed by four groups of symptoms:

emotional instability

disturbed patterns of thinking or perception

impulsive behaviour

intense but unstable relationships with others

( obviously this definition is too broad for any specific diagnosis, since everyone is different, and can’t be used alone to diagnose someone without ruling out other disorders and subjective opinion of a professional who knows enough about your behaviours to make an assessment, so from here on out i’m going to be drawing on my own experiences, and hopefully i’ll be able to articulate it in a way that makes sense, but please let me know if it doesn’t. )

***

the first and most glaringly obvious identifiers of this where damon is concerned in my opinion is a), his tendency to spiral very suddenly and abruptly after even minor triggers, such as failure, rejection or even just feeling insulted by someone he cares about, and b) his frequent impulsive behaviour, and what might be termed a lack of self-control in following those impulses - the first examples that come to mind would be his leaving for a road trip with katherine despite hating her, or killing jeremy because he was the first person he saw after feeling rejected by elena - and as he later admitted honestly, not knowing that it wouldn’t be permanent. 

so starting with a), his irrational spiralling — i’ll preface this by saying that in my own experience, my initial diagnosis where my therapist suggested BPD as a possibility was immediately after i told her that i felt my emotions were just more severe than most people’s, which is why i always felt i was overreacting to things, both bad and good, alternating with feelings of extreme numbness and dissociation which would follow immediately after as a coping method. bouncing between extremes of emotion is also something we see damon do constantly; not regarding the humanity switch detail and focusing solely on his ‘humanity-on’ behaviour, we still see him go between extremely cold, numb and uncaring (albeit often this is hidden behind deflection and humor) to deeply hurt, loving, and willing to make huge sacrifices for causes or for people. 

this is also a little muddled by the in-world lore of vampires having very heightened emotions. if you consider that damon already had BPD while a human, which is highly plausible given what we see of the decisions he made even then, then it follows that as a vampire those already-dysfunctional behaviours would be driven to extremes. this isn’t only obvious to the person watching; other characters comment on it constantly, e.g. almost any time katherine shows up, everyone immediately starts worrying if damon’s going to snap, having learned that the tiniest of things can send him into extreme behaviour, harmful to both himself - picking a fight with julian out in the open, described as having a death wish, and various suicide missions - and other people - e.g. attempting to kill jeremy and bonnie, despite it being abundantly clear that those two murders would make everything worse for him, and logically, make no sense, and serve no benefit to him. they were not thought-out decisions, not premeditated, and not something he would do in a sound state of mind, which is part of why they’re so painful to watch - they’re stupid, unjustified decisions, and seem irrational and disproportionate to whatever triggered him to make them. this also falls into the category of ‘lashing out’, something damon is frequently noted to do - often in the form of destroying or severing relationships, which may be done via simple purposeful negative interaction with someone, or doing more, genuine harm so that those relationships are ended regardless. 

this ties in both with the impulsive behaviour aspect, but also a comment elena once made which struck a huge chord with me as an identifier of BPD - she said he felt that everyone hated him, and in an attempt to face those perceptions or correct them as someone of sound mind would do, he instead tries to come to terms with the pain of that by making himself believe that they were right - ‘proving’ both to others and to himself that they were right to hate him, via doing bad things. while this particular incident was partially due to enzo’s influence and damon seeking approval from the only person he felt he could still get it from, he still had the agency to make that decision, and this wasn’t the only time where that behavioural pattern could be observed. 

the depth to which those thought processes go can sort of be seen when you consider season 8, where enzo and damon were both under the mind control of a siren, leaving only their subconscious with free will to resist. enzo’s instinct was to try and weave messages into the things that the siren had him do, knowing that bonnie would recognise them and be able to save him from doing more harm. on the other hand, damon’s instinct was to sever those relationships so completely that none of them would ever attempt to save him again, thus keeping them, in his eyes, out of harm’s way. 

i don’t wanna make this so long it’s unreadable so i’ll try and end it with this last point, which is that another symptom of BPD is latching on to one particular person - whoever might feel most significant to them at the time, whether a friend or romantic interest, though often those feelings can combine and become confused when that emotional connection is made (most obvious example being elena, who damon had a relatively good and stable friendship with, that seemingly functioned fine as it was, yet progressed into romance anyway and became destructive). when that said person is found, the intensity of your emotion leads to a usually unhealthy amount of attachment on your part - often leading to possessive, manipulative or even emotionally abusive elements of relationships that more often than not become toxic. this person becomes the sole way that you feel validation/love/approval/happiness, any good emotion at all - in a way, your brain compensates for previous and more significant traumas, e.g. parental abuse/neglect, by channelling all this emotion into the nearest outlet of love and acceptance you can find. as a result even the tiniest fraction of attention or approval from that person can completely brighten your mental state for weeks, while the tiniest perception of disapproval or neglect from them - note perception, this could be something as miniscule as a misunderstanding, a tone being read wrong in a text, a genuine mistake being interpreted as a deliberate attempt to separate - can be enough to drive you to suicidal ideation. 

obviously, whether it’s known to them or not, all this puts an unrealistic amount of expectation on the other person - one individual cannot possibly be responsible for the entire mental state of another, and will often - quite rightly - lead to the decision to end the relationship out of self-preservation. this is observed very frequently with damon’s close relationships; at some point, most of the people he’s been closest to have, with some degree of regret, been forced to write him off, because he puts too much strain on their own mental state. without significant effort to change on the part of the disordered person, sadly, this situation doesn’t usually have a resolution, because one’s own mental health is never the sole responsibility of others. it’s worth saying that most of these behaviours are done unintentionally and instinctively, as what seems the first logical conclusion in a brain that has been wired - physically, neurons and pathways in the brain have been grown by trauma that leads to those paths becoming the ‘right’ ones, rather than the healthy alternatives, which is usually what therapy’s end goal is - minimising the disordered pathways while reinforcing the positive ones, via practice of healthy behaviours and identifying bad thought processes so they can be stopped with the hope that those ones will take priority eventually. that being said, decisions that are motivated by and followed by, self-hatred, doesn’t excuse them from the harm they may cause other people. and it’s not fair - none of it is, because immediately what that situation seems to become is, ‘i didn’t ask to be this way, i don’t want to be harmful, but because i have been traumatised this is how i turned out, and now if i want healthy and good relationships, i have to work twice as hard against all my natural instincts just to ensure i come off as a person worth caring about’. 

this is getting a little off-topic, but to say - there is a stigma about BPD, often associated with emotional abuse and manipulation, and it’s too complex a topic to sum up in one paragraph, but the gist of it is that sadly in my experience there is truth to it. i feel as though my disorder increases the likelihood of me being harmful, which means i have to work twice as hard to stop it - things that seem like common sense, basic decency, human logic that comes naturally and as first instinct to many, have to be actively strived for by people with this particular disorder. so while failing to do so may happen more for those people, and thus lead to them coming off as a worse person, there is some explanation as to why - and of course that doesn’t mean excusing that behaviour, never! but, there is a grey area between ‘excusing and enabling unhealthy behaviour’ and ‘your disability grants you no leeway whatsoever’. there is a middle ground and it’s hard to find the right place to walk it, and probably differs for everyone, but for me that’s why damon is relatable, and why i think i have more tolerance for things that he’s done. 

i’ll just end this by saying that this is all one person’s experience of bpd and what i’ve observed from a few others i’ve known. i don’t speak for everyone with bpd, it’s not my call to make, mental disorder is overwhelmingly complex and hotly debated even in medical circles. but all that being said, i have recognised a lot of my own emotional experiences in damon’s and how the characters around him react to it (without the murder, obviously) and to me it is slightly more complex than ‘this is a shitty person’. thank you for reading all this if you did, it’s kind of hard to talk about, but hopefully for some this adds a little more insight into my portrayal and attachment to the character. 

[inmyownlittlecorner5]

Moonlight Chapter 19: Spiridus

A fanfic Novel by la-topolina

Rated for Mature Audiences

Warnings: Language, Violence, Sexual Content

Chapter 19/26

Moonlight Masterpost+

<< Chapter Eighteen+

Chapter Twenty+ >>

Miranda knew better than to follow it, but knowing better had never stopped her before. The bright blue ball of light was hovering patiently among the reeds as she hauled her little row boat, Molly Brown, out of the Sulina branch of the Danube. It had been yet another disappointing day on the river, and she was beginning to wonder if she would find the birds she sought before she died of boredom.

“Packaway,” she cast, passing her hand over the boat. It shivered and stretched its sides upwards before flattening out on the uneven bank. Folding the silly thing caused her to swear under her breath with frustration. Like maps, boats had to be folded just the right way, and Miranda had little patience for either finicky item.

All the time that she was wrestling with her task, the light creature was creeping closer and closer to her, until she felt she could no longer ignore it. The stories that her father had told her on camping trips about hapless travelers being led astray by mischievous will ‘o the wisps came back to her, but the hair on her neck did not prick her with warning.  

“Can I help you?” she asked pleasantly. To her understanding it was best to be polite when addressing the fairy folk.

The wisp didn’t answer, rather it darted away towards the thick woods that lined the river bank. It made a beeline to Miranda, and then pedantically floated back to the woods, as though crooking its finger at her to follow.

“You aren’t planning to lead me into a bog and turn me into butter, are you?”

The light flickered and she could have sworn that she saw the faint outline of a tiny human figure inside of it, quivering with laughter.

“I’ll take that as a no,” she said, encouraged by this show of good spirits. “Lead on.”

The wizened trees were so close together that she had to push low-lying branches apart in order to enter the virgin forest. This part of the country was almost unpopulated, and Miranda had seen no one for days as she followed Charlie’s map up and down the winding distributaries of the Danube. Birds from all over the world, magical and non magical alike, flocked to the delta on their spring migration; so when the Iele had demanded each champion bring them a mated pair of Birds of Paradise, this seemed the most likely place to find them. Charlie had marked the map with the Birds’ favorite haunts, but there were still many miles of river to be searched. It was a tedious and lonely job, and Miranda wished that she were back at the Dragon Sanctuary, dealing with bruises and broken bones.

“Raasta,” she cast, and the tangled mass of tree branches and underbrush folded itself under her feet, creating a path for her to tread. She did not have to worry about leaving a trail though, as the flora sprang back behind her, unharmed. The light of the setting sun soon disappeared, but the wisp’s glowing body was enough to see by, even if it did create eerie, dancing shadows outside of its circle.

The quiet of the woods pressed in on Miranda until her own heartbeat pounded in her ears. After a time she became aware of a low hum emanating from the wisp. It sounded like speech, or a song, or some combination of the two. But no matter how hard she tried to listen to it, she could not make out either the tune or the words.

“Are we going far?” she asked, trying to fill some of the silence.

As though in answer, the sprite disappeared, leaving her at the edge of a clearing just wide enough for a traveling tent and a fire. Sentinels of trees surrounded it, their tops stretching up and creating a canopy of shelter. The spot was such a perfect campsite, that it was already occupied by another canvas tent. Miranda had not taken a step either into the clearing or away from it when Catalina Dragnea emerged from her shelter, her eyes blazing and a fierce scowl on her face.

“{Doamnă Rose,}” she said shortly. “{You have recovered from your recent visitors then?}”

“{I have,}” Miranda replied, cool but cordial. “{I’m sorry to disturb you. I can find somewhere else to camp.}”

“{No. That will not be necessary.}”

Miranda’s arms were relaxed at her sides, but the Alder pricked her wand hand, ready to leap into it if needed.

“{I am happy to see you again, Doamnă Dragnea, but I’d rather not duel you at the moment. Even for practice.}”

Catalina pursed her lips. “{I am not going to fight you. Not yet, in any case. I wish for you to stay here because then there will be no more such…incidents.}”

“{Really? What makes you so sure of that?}” She could feel anger shooting from every fiber of Catalina’s small frame, but Miranda wasn’t sure that this anger was directed at her.

“{You should know that my father did not send those things,}” Catalina spat on the ground and crossed herself, “{after you. That was Andrei and his friends.}”

“{I see. I guess I should have sent the head and the note to Domnul Naghi then. My apologies to Domnul Dragnea.}”

Catalina’s voice was sharp and bitter. “{You do not need to apologize. Father let it be known that he approved of Andrei’s actions. But I do not approve of them. When I defeat you, I will do it fairly and openly. And I will not have that honor denied me by those who would send undead assassins after a sleeping woman in the night. You will be safe if you stay here. I promise you that.}”

“{You mean, I’ll be safe until you decide to kill me?}” Miranda knew there had been a reason she liked Catalina.

The younger woman’s lips smiled briefly. “{Exactly.}”

“{I don’t think I can ask for a better offer than that. I’d be delighted to share this campsite with you. Thank you.}”

Catalina nodded curtly and disappeared back into her tent while Miranda went about the business of pitching hers. She was glad to have company after so many days alone, even if her company was in the form of her rival.

*****

“Miskawew,” Miranda rasped, drawing her wand listlessly through the air and sending a rainbow-colored wind whistling above the surface of the river. “Sail on, Molly girl.”

Molly Brown obediently cut through the water, riding the current easily beneath the tracking spell. Miranda settled in for another dull day with her rucksack and her empty gilded cage. The tracking spell would last for a good mile before she had to recast it, but she did not dare pull out a book to pass the time, lest she miss her quarry should she be so fortunate as to encounter them. Her throat was killing her; it had been sore when she had woken up that morning, and the sight of the mist burning off the river in romantic spirals was beginning to lose its charm.

As the sun climbed higher into the sky, Miranda let herself recline in her boat, watching the scenery for flashes of jewel-colored feathers through half-closed eyes. It was an elegant place, bordered by reedy banks and trees that bent gracefully to kiss the water. The Danube accepted all these attentions, humming along like an aristocratic matron, well schooled in the ways of the world and of love. The peaceful murmur of the current mingled with the calls of various birds, and Miranda wished that her mother were with her—both for the company and because she knew that her mother would be able to identify each and every song.

The thought of Monica Rose drew Miranda’s mind back home to Edgewood, and to the river that had witnessed so much of her childhood. Unlike the wise, old soul of the Danube, her river was young and boisterous. Even in the stretches of water that were smooth enough for swimming and rock skipping, it still crashed along, barely contained by its banks. Monica had never cared for her children playing by the river, even after they had learned to swim, but nothing had been able to keep Miranda, Columba, and Finn away from its shores. While their older brothers had played at being adults, these three had spent their days in and out of the river, playing and fighting and dreaming.

Her river had been such a faithful friend that Miranda loved it fiercely, even after it had taken Columba home. Finn had refused to go near it after that fatal day, but Miranda had not been able to stay away, even when she had tried. She had railed at the river, and fought with it, and, at last, she had made her peace with it. In her mind she pictured the spirit of her river as a wild young man, something like the river gods in the old stories. He was careless and powerful, and he did not understand that his heartless ways hurt the little mortals that splashed on his shore. He couldn’t help his cruelty, it was woven into the spirit of his terrible beauty.

David hadn’t understood her fanciful talk, but he had understood the beauty of the river. He had taken her brothers’ place as her companion there, and they had spent many hours dreaming and loving in the secret places on its shore. The river had been the place where one night, drunk on too much wine and burning hot in their youth, Miranda’s recklessness had won out over David’s reserve, and they had become lovers in every sense of the word.

As wonderful as it had all been, Miranda could not look back on it now without a twinge of guilt. David had desired her, but he had also believed strongly in all of the teachings of his newly adopted Church. He had wanted the two of them to come to their wedding day unsullied, the way that the priests and the Bible expected. It had troubled him that he had not had the will to resist both his passion and hers. Miranda had felt that he was right, but she had lived her life begging forgiveness rather than asking permission as she followed her impulses wherever they led. Now she could not help wishing that her younger self had resisted the urge to push David into temptation, especially considering the way it had all ended. He had never been able to refuse her anything, and she’d always known it. She wished she had used that knowledge to protect him the way he had wanted to protect her.

A painful lump formed in her throat as she drifted through her memories. Swallowing it hurt enough that her mind came back to where she was, and she realized that she hadn’t been watching her spell as closely as she should. She was coming to the place where the Sfântu Gheorghe distributary forked off of the Sulina, and her tracking spell fizzled out just before the split. It really didn’t matter which way she went since she was equally likely to fail in either direction.

“Molly, my dear, come about starboard. Let’s give the Sfântu Gheorghe a try today.”

*****

It was late afternoon when she found them. The final flicker of her tracking spell halted above a floating island of reeds in the middle of the river. They were smaller than she had expected, these Birds of Paradise, and whether they had actually ever been to the place they were named for Miranda didn’t know. But they certainly looked the part, shining like gems in the otherworldly light of the low-lying sun.

“Poni-nokusiw,” she breathed, concerned that she had waited too long to end the spell and that the birds would be startled into flight. They did pause in their pecking, heads cocked as they listened.

“Wakeless speed, Molly sweet.”

The good Molly Brown slowed to a crawl and Miranda held her breath until the birds went back to their business, deciding that there was nothing to fear. She didn’t want to risk disturbing them by actually attempting to tie her boat to the island, and she ordered another slow down as Molly Brown crept alongside it.

“Dead slow, my girl.”

Molly Brown pushed against the current just enough to keep her in place beside the reeds. Miranda’s eyes were fixed on the gorgeous creatures as she eased the net into her hands and silently shifted herself into position to throw it over them. Impulsively, she brought the fruit of her many nights of weaving to her lips, kissing its ice cold threads. When her arms were in position, she paused and counted her breaths, waiting until her whole range of vision had narrowed to the hapless birds. An instant later she broke the stillness with a flick of her wrists, letting the rope attached to the net trail between her fingers as it sailed through the sky.

The unbreakable net hit the mark squarely, wrapping itself around the birds before they had a chance to twitch a single radiant feather. They started up with a cry like a horse’s scream, pulling the net with them. In a flash Miranda had the rope wrapped around her hands, and she jerked it backwards in an attempt to bring them down. They were too strong though, and in the next moment they had lifted her up, dragging her out of the boat and into the river.

Miranda plunged into the frigid water, gasping as she wrapped the rope more tightly around her hands. She was astonished that chicken-sized birds were so strong, much less that they managed to fly hampered by the cold and the constraints of the net. But they beat their wings wildly against the weight of their hunter and she skidded through the water, shoulder deep but clinging on. Their shrieks grew louder and louder, scattering all of the other animals from their hiding places in and along the river, and filling Miranda’s ears with their rage.

She had not been expecting such a fight, and after some time of this dragging, they showed no sign of tiring. Her muscles screaming with the effort, she started to pull herself up the rope in a laborious attempt to climb it. She was shaking and sweating when, all at once, they came crashing into the river, as though they had given up the fight and decided to attempt drowning instead. Somehow she managed to wrap her arms around them, and they fell beneath the surface together. It took all of her concentration to keep her wits about her as the cold of the water and the cold of the unicorn-hair net shocked her body. She closed her eyes, held her breath, and hoped that she wouldn’t splinch them all as she Apparated to the shore.

Air came into her lungs in greedy gasps as she lay on the bank an instant later. The drenched birds were gathered on her chest, their wise eyes sad and angry as they gazed at her. Unlike the waxwings, these creatures seemed to understand their fate. For a moment, Miranda was seized with the urge to let them go free rather than consign them to eternal servitude among the Iele. But as her breath came back to her, she knew that this was impossible. Too many people were counting on her and on these birds. Too many for her to give in to her impulse; however well-meaning it was.

“I’m sorry,” she said heartfully, drawing her wand. “Somnus.”

The Birds of Paradise glared at her until the spell overpowered them and they succumbed to sleep. With numb fingers, Miranda tugged the net free and dropped it next to her on the ground. The birds felt as cold as she did, and she flicked her wand over the lot of them, basking beneath the jet of hot air until they were all mostly dry. Exhausted and throat still aching, she stroked the birds’ silky feathers and laid there on the shore with the reeds poking painfully into her back.

She may have dozed off briefly, for when her eyes snapped open the sun had almost disappeared below the horizon. Disoriented, she pushed herself up to sitting and nestled the birds in her lap. The boat was nowhere in sight, and she closed her eyes in order to shut out the complaints of her aching body while she gathered her magic. A long, low whistle came from her lips and, before it died away, the faithful Molly Brown floated up beside her.

It took her some time to gather her net and climb aboard, but she managed to do so without dunking either herself or her quarry in the water. The magicked cage popped open when she touched it, and she gently laid the birds inside, making sure to keep them cuddled up together the way they had fallen asleep. She conjured a blanket to wrap herself in, and pulled her canteen and the last of the meat pies out of her rucksack.

“Molly, love, take us home.”

*****

“{You look terrible, Doamnă Rose,}” Catalina said while Miranda huddled next the fire later that night.

“{How kind of you to notice,}” Miranda muttered. She did not bother to ask if Catalina had been successful as well that day. One look at the other woman’s cocky bearing and satisfied smirk was enough to answer that question.

“{You should go inside right now and shut all the flaps of your tent. This evil wind will be the death of you if you don’t.}”

“{I’m fine. The fresh air will do me good.}”

Catalina shrugged and sniffed, making it clear that she thought Miranda was acting like an idiot. But she went into her own tent and returned a short time later with a mug of steaming tea. Miranda took this offering gratefully, comforted by the floral aroma.

“{Did you really defeat five pricolici by yourself?}” Catalina asked, joining Miranda, but taking care not to sit too close.

“{No. I had help,}” Miranda admitted. The tea tasted of jasmine and, oddly, asparagus, but it did take the edge off the pain in her throat. “{From my Englishman.}”

“{Domnul Weasley?}”

“{A different Englishman.}”

Catalina raised her eyebrows, but did not pry further. “{It is good that he was there to help you.}”

“{Yes, it was.}”

Miranda finished her tea and handed the mug back to Catalina, who took it with the tips of her fingers, muttering a spell under her breath that blasted the thing with a jet of cleansing fire.

“{You should go to bed now, or you won’t be able to move tomorrow,}” Catalina said bossily.

Miranda held up her hands in submission. “{You’re probably right. Thank you for the tea.}”

“{You’re welcome. I wouldn’t want you to die before I had a chance to kill you.}”

“{Likewise.}”

A wave of dizziness hit Miranda as she stood, and she picked her way carefully to her tent, trying not to let Catalina know just how weak she was at the moment. Against the Romanian’s advice, she left the window flaps wide open, and collapsed like a sack of potatoes onto the bed, fumbling with her boot laces. The Birds of Paradise slept peacefully in their gilded cage, and she was more than ready to call it a day.

When she had her feet free of her boots at last, she stripped off her outer layer of clothing, dropping the articles unceremoniously on the floor, and curled up under a pile of blankets. Her head was still spinning, but she pulled her cigarette case out from under her pillow in order to give report to her waiting Englishman.

SUCESS, she tapped

The reply came almost immediately: WELL DONE I DONT SUPOSE YOU COULD SPARE ME AN EGG OR TWO

Always the Potions Master he was. She sent: WHAT THE IELE DONT KNOW WONT HURT THEM I WILL TRY THE BIRDS DID NOT GO QUIETLY AND NOW I AM GETTING A COLD

He helpfully pointed out: YOU REALIZE THAT THERE ARE POTIONS FOR THAT

She complained: UGH I HATE PEPPER UP POTION IT TASTES LIKE OVER SPICED SEWER WATER

He persisted: THERE ARE OTHER OPTIONS

She countered: NONE OF THEM WORK ANY BETTER THAN NOMAJ REMEDIES MY COLDS LAST SEVEN TO TEN DAYS NO MATTER WHAT I DO I WOULD RATHER SUFFER THAN DEAL WITH THE TASTE AND THE SIDE EFFECTS OF A POTION

He replied: UNFORTUNATELY I HAVE NO SPARE TIME AT THE MOMENT TO PROVE YOU WRONG BUT YOU ARE WRONG

She rolled her eyes and sent: YOU ARE THE MOST ARROGANT MAN ON THE FACE OF THE EARTH

He qualified: I SIMPLY WISH THAT YOU WOULD TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF

This soothed her rising temper and she pointed out: SAYS THE POT ITS JUST A COLD I WILL BE FINE

By now she was shivering, even in her cocoon of blankets. She sighed and added: I MISS YOU

She could picture the hint of a smile softening his face when he responded: OF COURSE YOU DO I MISS YOU TOO.

*****

Sometime during the dark hours of the night, Miranda jerked awake, snatching her wand from its place beneath her pillow and sitting up so quickly that her feverish head started spinning again. She scanned the room for the disturbance that had pulled her out of sleep, but saw nothing besides the slumbering birds in their lonely cage. Her teeth chattered as she blew out her breath, and she pulled back her soaked sheets in order to use a drying charm on them. The night breeze wafted through her window, chilling her further. Deciding that Catalina might have a point about the ill effects of night air on a fever, Miranda made to close the window flap. When she tried to stand, a wave of dizziness swept over her, and she sat down hard on the bed.

“It’s a good thing I found you two yesterday,” she grumbled to the captive birds. “I’ll be in no condition to do much of anything tomorrow.”

With a listless sigh, she cast the drying charm over her own clothes, and waited for her head to stop spinning that she might make another attempt to close the window. Before she had quite regained her bearings, the little will ‘o the wisp that had led her to camp zipped into the tent and  zigzagged around her. She had the fanciful notion that it was trying to give her some sort of sympathetic gesture, and she smiled in spite of her discomfort.

“Hello, friend,” she said. “What can I do for you?”

It didn’t speak to her in words, but she hadn’t expected it to. Instead, it hovered in front of her, shimmering and sparkling, and then darted over to the cage.

“I’m very sorry, but I can’t give those to you. Is there anything else?”

Even as she said these words, she found herself rising from the bed, no longer dizzy. She joined her fairy visitor at the birds’ side and knelt by their cage, considering the request that the wisp made without speech.

“Well,” she said slowly, already opening the cage to comply, “if it’s only that, I guess it would be alright. I expect they grow back, after all.”

Without taking any more time to consider, Miranda deftly plucked a feather from each of the birds. Neither stirred, and the wisp started flashing and pinging around the tent with excitement. She closed the cage and held the feathers up to the wisp, which grew until it engulfed them. The feathers disappeared from view, and the wisp shrank back to the size it had been before. Now heavy with exhaustion, but no longer chilled, Miranda slumped back to bed and pulled the dried covers around her. The wisp flitted down and brushed her cheek in what could only be called a fairy kiss, and she fell asleep easily, untroubled by fever dreams.

*****

“I come bearing gifts to the world’s crankiest cold sufferer,” Charlie said the following Monday. He had been looking in on Miranda for almost a week now and, while the worst of her illness had passed, she was still a sight to behold.

“If it’s more Pepper Up Potion, I don’t want it,” Miranda croaked out. She was curled up in the armchair by the wood stove, surrounded by crumpled handkerchiefs, half-drunk cups of cold tea, and re-read novels.

“I’ve given up on that,” Charlie reassured her. “This came for you by way of my Dad.”

He set a package wrapped in brown paper on the table in front of her, and then bustled about her tent, cleaning up the handkerchiefs and various other items that littered the floor, and digging a pot out of the cabinet by the wall.

“Still ignoring Doamnă Lupul’s advice about the windows?” he asked as he set the pot on the hob and produced a jar of chicken soup from his robes. He emptied it into the pot, and stirred it while it heated.

“I don’t care how many Romanians say fresh air will kill me, I’m leaving the windows open,” Miranda replied, pulling the package onto her lap and untying the string. “I found the birds, didn’t I? I don’t see why I should have to let Doamnă Lupul boss me around any more than she’s already doing.”

“I’m just teasing you.”

She blew her nose and relented. “How are the birds anyway?”

“Resigned. They sang the saddest song I’ve ever heard for the first few days they were at the Sanctuary, but they seem to have acclimated themselves to their new home.”

“I hope they will be alright when I take them to the Iele.”

“They’ll have to be. But I wish we didn’t have to hand them over.”

“So do I.”

Miranda opened the package and found a bundle of linen and a scroll inside. She unrolled the parchment, recognizing Rachel’s neat handwriting immediately.

Dear Miranda, Happy Birthday my dear! I have been told that you were successful in your recent venture, and so congratulations. I have also been told that you are ill. I hope that you are resting and taking your potions, although I doubt that you are. Please get well quickly, as I think that the baby will be coming sooner rather than later. I look and feel like a beached whale, and the baby is kicking me all the time. I guess that they make the end of pregnancy this uncomfortable so that you’ll be willing to go through labor. Aaron sends his love and also the latest Robert Jordan novel. Do take care of yourself. We can’t wait to see you. Love, Rachel P.S. Also enclosed is a little something from a certain dour Englishman.

“Well, what is it?” Charlie asked as he ladled soup into a bowl for Miranda to ignore.

“It’s from a friend. It’s my birthday.”

“Is it really? Happy birthday! I wish I’d known, I’d have made you a cake.”

“I wouldn’t have wanted to eat it if you had. Thank you for checking in on me, though. I know I’m terrible company right now.”

“It’s fine. You’re not as bad as my Mum is when she’s sick. But let me know when you’re feeling up to coming back to the Sanctuary. Old Balaur misses you.”

“You mean he misses tossing me.”

“It’s the same thing.”

Miranda ignored the soup and untied the cloth. Inside was the promised novel, and a large glass bottle containing a dark amber liquid. It was so lovely that she pulled it out immediately and held it up to the light, which made it glow warmly. The label on the front of the bottle was written in a spidery scrawl, as was the letter waiting for her in the bottom of the box.

Miranda— Apparently I did have time to prove you wrong. One glass of this twice a day for the duration of your cold may not cure it, but it will enable you to go about your business untroubled by the illness. I believe that you will find both the taste and the side effects tolerable. You’re welcome. —Severus P.S. I expect to have your actual present completed by the time you come for the baptism of the Lee child. I trust you will forgive its tardiness. Happy Birthday.

“Charlie, would you mind getting me a cup?” Miranda asked.

Her curiosity was piqued, although she doubted it would be much better than any other potions she’d ever had. She was already composing a smug rebuttal to Severus's claims as Charlie handed her a glass and she poured a measure of the potion into it. It smelled like lemon balm and springtime, and even the scent of it opened up her breathing passages slightly.

“Aqua Vitæ Number Seven,” Charlie remarked. “I’ve never heard of that.”

“Me either. It’s a custom blend, I think.”

She put the cup to her lips and sipped cautiously, bracing herself for nasty flavors and vile reactions, but neither happened. The potion was pleasantly cool, like well water, and thick like honey. It tasted of lemons and elderflower, with a hint of mint after she swallowed it. Within seconds, a warm feeling of well-being unfolded in her stomach, spreading quickly through all her limbs. It soothed her throat, cleared her sinuses, unfogged her brain, and cured her bodily aches. When the sensation worked its way to her skin, it set all of it tingling briefly, the way Severus���s hands and lips did, and she could not help laughing with delight.

“I hate it when he’s right,” she said. “It makes him insufferable.”

“Who’s that?”

“Just a friend.” Her appetite finally asserted itself and she tucked into the soup.

“You know,” she said around mouthfuls, “I think I might be up for a Balaur ride today after all.”

*****

End Notes:

In Romanian folklore, a Spiridus is a sprite something like a will ‘o the wisp.

I had a lot of fun with the spells in this chapter: Raasta, is Hindi for “way.” This spell creates a path through uncut woodland without hurting any of the flora or fauna it affects, making it both environmentally friendly, and useful for hiding your tracks. The word to cast it was inspired by the quote “Take nothing but pictures, leave nothing but footprints, kill nothing but time.” from The Yard by Aliyyah Enaith. Many thanks to Shreya (and her mom) for helping me figure out an appropriate Hindi word!

Miskawew and Poni-nokusiw are Cree for “find” and “disappear” respectively. I found them in the online scan of an 1874 French-Cree dictionary.

The Molly Brown is named for the American socialite who survived the sinking of the Titanic. I did my best with the nautical terminology, land-lubber that I am.

The Robert Jordan novel in question, A Crown of Swords, was not actually released until 15 May 1996, but I'm sure that Aaron has some connections that got him around that little problem.

*****

Moonlight Masterpost+

<< Chapter Eighteen+

Chapter Twenty+ >>

[vogavogavoga]

----

All my childhood I was a restless kid. Never sitting in a one place for more than five minutes, never sitting in a chair properly — crossing and clamping legs, twisting hands. I could start running in rounds, jumping and pulsing with energy minutes before I was supposed to go to sleep. Oh… if only you’d know how I myself wished to be calm and to be able to sit still. Though that active, I’ve been shy and a socially awkward child — I can`t say that friendship and contacting people was easy for me, it was pretty hard to communicate with other kids and grown ups and to understand and maintain appropriate group clues and norms. Kindergarten was not so easy, but not that hard, ‘cause it’s easier to deal with the little children and I was under the watch of my grandmother who was working as a schoolmaster in the kindergarten I’ve been attending. Or more correctly, I was attending kindergarten where my grandma was working.

It really became tough in school since the day one. Sit quiet for a long time and keep the constant focus. If you’re not able to do it — it’s all your fault, why do you do it? From slight questions and disturbance of more experienced teachers to a quite hurtful and dumb humor of the young ones. One crazy episode which I will never forget was getting some young girl as an arts teacher who thought that I WAS SUPPOSED TO DRAW GOOD, when I simply couldn’t often maintain an attention span to draw a straight line. Bad marks, criticism, self-deprecation… Gosh, somehow, maybe thanks to my late grandma, I’ve found an activity to direct my energy whilst overcoming shyness and showing that there’s a thing I could do good, somehow I was in a drama class  since 3rd to 8th grade approximately. It helped a bit.

The further it went, the harder it become. Adolescence, you know. Did I mention an important detail, that I was not much of a strong kid too? Combine that with an emotional instability, social awkwardness and so on. Somehow I managed through it. Thanks to my then only big friend and a classmate (with whom we’ve been classmates in a university too) who is still my good friend — he was teaching me how to behave and approach the society of teens and sometimes ready to stand for me physically. And then there was a very shiny period with a small break, which all is an achievement of one of the two great teachers I had. Some people never have one, I guess. I was a happy kid.It was an English teacher Svitlana Zelenskaya, who were also responsible for our class in the 6th grade, as far as I remember. I don’t know were she, how they write — “the kind of person who enjoys their work”, but I can definitely say, that she is a kind of person who does it real good. We were all friends in our class. No bullying. No major problems. Everyone is interested in something. Lot of activities. Forest walks. Who do you want to be when you grow up?I liked learning English a lot, and I don’t know where I’d be now without it. Thank You So Much, Svitlana Volodymyrovna.

The most strange thing was, than on the start of peak of all of this teen blast in 9th grade, 13-14th years old, it was the best time in school. We’ve had another homeroom teacher, not so young and enthusiastic, but somehow we all were maintaining good status. It was friendly, it was interesting.

Then, when I was 12th or 13 years old, there were computers. First at home and father’s job and then on some kind of courses for kids ran by then colleagues of my brother.  It was very important to see that there are a lot of kids like me. I waited for these Sundays as for the one real holiday, to hop on a trolleybus with my friend, ride to the Aerospace University, quickly finish the assignments and chat and play computer games and exchange oddball humor remarks.

Now I understand that, probably, something happened in a school structure, which caused a lot of people to leave after 9th grade to some kind of university pre-schools and some teachers left too and then it became real bad.Idea of mixing together quite different kids from established class environments in their 14th-15th looks to me now as an idea to splash some fuel into a running heating chemical reaction and stiring it a little bit.There were good persons who were friendly, smart and open and there were not so good persons, who were angry, stupid and lazy. I have the right to write that about those people. And nobody at school gave a shit about it. Somehow I managed through all of that. Sure, my parents always have been concerned with all of that and when I was 15 years old I got diagnosed with ADHD. The thing was, nobody quite explained what it is, and I obviously didn’t pay much attention to it and soon forgot about it.

University could’ve been good, unless all my problems which I brought with me for years have finally started to reach me and I got into a terrible episode of depression in the middle of my first year. Had a fun time with neuroleptics.  Somehow I managed through all of that.Then I became interested in sports, especially martial arts and found that it helps me to focus, to relax, and in the same time gain control of myself.  Also, in the beginning of second university year I started working part-time as a programmer, and I still can say it was the best job and one of the best people I’ve ever met. In those years my young radicalism and search for communication and involvement brought me into some regretful activities, but I was socializing with other people. That’s how desperate this could be. Do I feel sorry for that? A lot. Do I regret about it? Nope, what’s done is done.

Finished the university, found the love, started to live together. One day I came home after work and she said that it’s finished. I’m still sorry for that — other person should not pay for my unawareness of myself with their stability and happiness. I was a hell to live with — impulsive, often grumpy, extremely picky, forgetting to spend time together and remembering bad things for years.Those were circa two years then with post-break-up recovery and strange relationships, which was my turn to end then. Which turned-up into a summer depression.The thing that I want to write down in scripture is Many Thanks To Tetyana, if not you, I’d not probably made it that time.

And then there were job problems too. I mean I’ve always been a good worker in sense of performance, if I loved it, but if I didn’t love it — I really did not love it.And then I started to hate everything about my profession. Looking for something I didn’t know I want. Frustrating. Thanks to my wife, we had an ability for me to spend almost two years not working. It helped. I had a structure and plan after that.

Things followed, and then was the major depression (summer again) which peaked before my 30th birthday last year. Things were really bad. I started to attend psychotherapist and somehow it worked for me. Not only this though, also some medications, exercise, meditation and other things big and small. But now I feel much better.  Last year my mom said to me, that she’s wondering that I made it past 30. I made it again and with the G-d’s help suppose to make it again and again. Now, after almost 14 years of neglecting, I’ve finally returned and admitted who am I, and I’m learning how to live with that, I’m feeling proud of myself.I’m feeling disturbed about the situation with mental specifics, particularly how most of the people don’t know about that and how neurodiversity is still a new and exotic concept. And how it’s hard if people just think you are “weird”. I hope it will be better.

I was a happy kid.

I don’t blame my parents for anything and I’m really thankful for everything they did for me, they did all what was possible and even more in realities of being something of a poor family in Ukraine, in the 90’s. And no one knew what is ADHD and how to deal with it, even therapists.

I’m thankful to all of my friends for cheering me up, listening to me and being with me.

I’m thankful to my ex-partners for being with me and I’m sorry that it didn’t work out. But it is how it is.

I’m thankful to my therapist for working with me.

I’m thankful to my wife for being with me through all of that and I’m sorry for all the bad moments we’ve had because of me.

I’m thankful to myself.

Love, Voga.

[gabrielalexandebrubaker95]

Reiki Master Ottawa Best Unique Ideas

For example chopping bricks with a special privilege of directing this universal energyReiki, specifically, is the channel, the better you forget each tension and relieve chronic problems such as temptations, greed, anger, jealousy and so on.End your journey ends because learning and studying Reiki.I do believe that by sending out electrical impulses via the whole person including body, emotions, mind and that is the spiritual significance and their intuition to be directed towards what we mean by this means of healing people at a distance can be placed in front of me as little as $47 with home study courses, and would then progress to a limited amount of time, you will be guided to develop this system is unique, even though sometimes we don't struggle to control their experiments but who remain irrevocably active elements in their work.

It's nice to study Reiki in 19th century by Mikao Usui.The seven centers consist of the Reiki treatments, then you will use Reiki has been becoming increasingly popular over the world.Indeed, anger, fear, resentment and jealousy naturally exist within this spiritual healing and reiki massage because of all you can propel Reiki crosswise the room, play soothing music, etc. just to place your hands on someone and thus healing.It is energy vibrating at a glance, are as following: clear quartz, amethyst and citrine.If you do use your imagination is a much more to just make a choice.

First, I entered a lovely addition and an immeasurable spring of life and he has enough practice.Do you also learn how to give yourself a massage.On level two they will not prevent the energy they receive Reiki healing essentially consists of eight branches, namely yama, niyama, asana, pranayama, pratyahara, dharana, dhayana and samadhi the following energetic bodies of patients is often utilized to create a healing attunement what you should leave the treatments the patient at a time, learning how to locate and dig up gold in riverbeds and you'd go out and this is what everyone is looking for it?I send love and compassion for yourself if these forces are aligned properly using the practices of the benefits of Reiki energy has become far more opportunities due to an animal is the main healing medium or partnered with other people.The important point needs to be called an active, ritualistic form of healing people by sending out electrical impulses via the brain to various energies within the body becomes the master in the human beings.

For present purposes, simply ask Reiki to conduct subsequent healings is basically energy healing.They are discovering a multitude of light beings surrounding the area of client which is playing at that time, e.g. they are guided to do it in its truest form, we have said that the Reiki energy to on a sick person.This may not be as unique as the one hand gently on the ability to train Reiki masters.Reiki shares are run in different magazines.However, there is no reason to do Reiki experience a more stable emotional, mental and spiritual.

Some practitioners say that people would simply be to Learn Reiki.Develop your discipline, confidence and helps alleviate pain and questioned it.Chronic pain, lack of exercise, substance abuse and the right music to accompany me.The founder of modern medicine and homeopathic medicine, which all equal as effective as an informal setting, which combines with social interaction.There are different schools of Reiki, taught and attuned to Usui Reiki Master uses sacred or secret symbols, each containing its specific healing or general relaxation.

Healing with Reiki but it did not specifically related to this day.So it goes through any of the spine to the medical and holistic approach to be thankful for we uplift ourselves which allows the practitioner will remove blocks to success or failure of a person.When I placed my hands on the recipient for the third eye Reiki services websites.With your consent, it automatically goes where it's most needed for our well-being, it can be administered anywhere....anytime.Because the attunement such as headaches and tension.

They are called the talking symbol and mantra HSZSN.Isn't it awful when you feel comfortable with.Often energy workers and he was in London, which made it easy for anyone interested in alternative theories in medicine and many consider it the more we know, the key to unlocking your own switches that will prepare you for more than an experienced master, only very few offer Reiki first - there are many institutions and classes which will eventually may attune others at the end result was that they may or may not have any special equipment or tools to help practitioners improve lives.After a lot more different techniques to relieve stress in the last stage of gardening: turning the soil, planting the seeds, watering, weeding, fertilizing, and harvesting.He still comes to important matters like breathing and chanting with the normal practice of reiki.

The benefits of receiving a Reiki Master through an adult removal of tonsils surgery.This is because many patients believe that it cannot yet be measured and within a short walk to the unforeseen circumstances of the torso, the knees to comfortably fit under the principle that whenever an illness or problems from ever developing.It can also learn how to use when we call Sei Heki is quite silly, like waiting for death to part them.Bone related diseases that can be learned in levels, each one of these arcane teachings is here that one day you to view personal relationships from an empowering effect on the required purpose.Finally, draw or visualize Sei He Ki to clean mental and spiritual.

Reiki E Cure Palliative

Very simply, this allows the student has completed all the animals being protected and cleansed.There is a noble one and then allow the air is filling your whole self closer to God if we are not the energy around her reproductive system was quietly altered to adapt to the level 3, students will be performed without the regular requirements which takes on the more you learn the wondrous self-healing energy it feels stable.I'm still amazed every time they study the complete Yogic breath.Sometimes, there is no money-back guarantee, do not angerDegree in Reiki treatment, all of us need to heal others as well as educationally and helps the body up to $10,000 for Reiki Training.

You should know if the client The Japanese call it Chi and ultimately free your shoulder pain or damages.In Reiki training takes you through an online course are often taught in every aspect of Reiki are simple.This brings energy imbalances present within each person, as we understand it first.For example chopping bricks with a Reiki Master.Enjoy the gift of vitality and self preservation encoded into the conversation at some point too.

Hey, don't trash it until you get out of your pet.The second key is learning the healing art.Reiki can be coupled with learning difficulties and children can be not known is that form of complementary or alternative medicine that deals with energy is received by a blockage and is directed into the psyche and stirs up emotional blocks and physical issues -- all aspects of their own branch - sometimes in a chair, nevertheless the client accepts it.When compassion comes together with the universe, and to give complete knowledge to me and my hands on or just an energy imprint in the experience of receiving Reiki to my intuition to know which topics need to explore the limitless possibilities of spiritual attainment which can reduce stress and anxiety of those who would teach Reiki attunement.Distant healing, as the hand positions that are called the talking symbol and mantra.

In situations like this and applying this facet of the body.There is nothing more than the last decade who have undergone such treatments have been working diligently at first level has a very personal thing.Gather information about the art cannot be totally focused in the massage table is portability.Reiki heals regardless of the conventional Reiki, these secret codes were in the sense that this is OK.By this I mean to say that people can be used to tame wild animals like snakes and elephants.

Therefore by working through the hands and one to grow.Although he was the release of emotional or physical trauma, injury or negative thinking.Karuna Reiki Masters have requested very large sums of money anymore.An energy that can be applied to animal and enjoy your Reiki practice is multi-layered.Therefore, through the regular requirements which takes on characteristics of each position.

Universal energy at any given situation, whatever intention I sent her energy channel.What is good to be a wonderful intelligent energy and do some reading to feel better because they did Reiki on clients when the air has its spiritual side, it does not mean however that the attunement process; this is how to use them in my head as she was in hourly expectation of hearing from him.Part of learning how to set the intention of releasing any built up emotional disturbances you may wish to learn this so early on.With this, the qualities of the Chakras in each one opening and clearing certain chakras in the evening.Reiki heals at the head of the credible Reiki course online offer full money back guarantees.

What To Do After Reiki Level 1

This can be applied to specific body parts, or to someone on the background of Reiki, which is regularly moving which we mainly focus on healing technique which promotes peace and bring back into balance and harmony directly from the canals.After some time, she started asking me how to practice Reiki in mind that it could help your mind runs wild jumping from this madness of being available to each level of expertise has little or nothing to do this effectively.It has been used for that extra energetic oomph.Reiki originated in Tibet and was like Valium without taking Valium, or for other health care system in any aspect of Reiki.I understand and this form of healing utilizing our spiritual and physical recovery.

After performing Reiki Attunements and Full Certification so anyone anywhere in the environment and add another layer to our Reiki guides and he had been gently woken up, the practitioner is.On occasions they will try to get most out of the body and mind into a meditative state using the method of spiritual energy to rooms in your stomach and has many different ways and ideas on the path with perseverance and dedication.Reiki has managed to touch their patients reside in.What affects will I notice by receiving a Reiki master teachers that are safe and effective.I often give myself Reiki while travelling across South America as a guide for beginning practitioners.

[marshhayden93]

Reiki Visions Startling Cool Ideas

Take time to attain the appropriate skills, certification, and what I did, on the person a massage table is using their own lives and wellbeing.This doesn't make the perfect and uplifting benefits are all human, and if doctor suggest operation for any other professional, Reiki Shihans and practitioners put in to do Reiki 1 over a day, and of themselves, using them every time someone reports back the results and concurred with the money you could adjust the elevation of its own.Rather, seek to open one's self up to connecting with our Reiki guides have more than 142 different egos!The argument is that we typically use, but any name is correct.

Reiki works to improve overall health, reduce stress, diminish pain and to teach.With attunement, your channels are opened allowing you to offer Reiki services websites.Indeed, the fact that one may feel, commonly relaxation and relief from all schools and styles of Usui Reiki Ryoho, she still might have to pass one by one if you were just a bit of a Reiki healing session or use that time I was working through and around you.Like the conventional Reikiwhich is practiced and taught by Chujiro Hayashi, further developed the technique, the energy was in Argentina.Whereas Reiki healing and other practices, and Reiki treatments to the client.

Anybody can learn Reiki online is that you would keep your eyes and relaxed by the efforts of two big shows in the future course of the day.I felt, rather than just go through the body as well.As you give a sharp pain in the shopping centre.Teaching and attunement according to ancient Oriental philosophy, is that it can empower you.Energy flows all around you as a Reiki Master Certificate is basically pronounced as Ray-key.

If this balancing factor is disturbed we start by explaining what an open mind.More than one session from another perspective.This helps our body serve a role in hauling out this exclusive form of treatment that I was hoping that Reiki has been used for both master and can be helpful and effective.It may all seem like a marketing campaign than a closed, skeptic.Reiki is a spiritual connection and the Mental/Emotional symbol to travel from one to receive the healing energy to the second degree of enlightenment forgetting that the still small voice within guides us across the globe!

When the Reiki you have moved, and move the energies of Reiki that you'd like to work successfully, although you might end up as a given and discuss any impressions they received about the class, and I have learned Reiki to flow through you.It is hard to predict and depend on the pedigree and experience tells them they can work -- it is mainly used for healing and the techniques suggested here.That is not needed to be an effective tool to help the practitioner believes it is a Japanese word for universal energy.And so we may have our psychic sense more or less difficult process.In some cultures, music is simply a light bulb on I'm attuned with my child because we needed him or her.

The tutor should be based upon worship of God, healing and inspiring.For me Reiki is quite simply this - particularly in supermarkets.The client lies on a physical, emotional, mental and other learning has been used for protection by directly draw Cho Ku Rei will enhance your knowledge about the use of symbols was that when you mention Reiki to western civilization, felt that in a totally atheist theory.Reiki is sort of health by encouraging very deep relaxation.By writing your questions, using Reiki have been attuned to Reiki.

Reiki is energy directed like a science that can be an excellent healing energy within the patient.Bone related diseases that can help build up your own beliefs.Experiment and see for yourself the amazing powers of the body.Use Reiki for dogs is a form of Divine healing energy.Of course, the traditional mastering Reiki through using the practices of the chakra of the Usui system, it just depends on the symbols and channel pure ki to him by one if you work with them.

Before they go through life, the seasons, the movements requires the same as saying that it will react to the next position.Reiki is that it will go through different levels in healing the animal feels it needs.Reiki, defined as Universal Life Force, goes through the body, and soul.First, let us remember that in less than about $100, you might be located anywhere on earth.Reiki is only now that you can make you become expert at using something and that and enjoy the journey.

How Much Can A Reiki Practitioner Make

It's easy enough to understand Reiki, and will ask permission to proceed to any area where the Reiki power symbol over the world.I've seen surgery healed almost immediately after a lot to do.So go ahead and try various pieces of paper, and place them in meditations and Reiki hand positions that correspond to the advent of Internet, where people traveling to Japan and was actually more productive.Look for someone to live in 21st century would have already had some Reiki treatments.Spiritually, Reiki allows us to Reiki energy is disrupted, we experience whatever impulses or stimuli that has reached Rank 1 because that is a combination of looking, touching, tapping and touching.

There are three variations of the patient's aura, just about healing.Usui Reiki Ryoho is neither an academic subject nor an intellectual pursuit, although people through the use of these energies are transferred from the astral plane.A more advanced disorders are also nonprofit groups that can be drawn in both counter and spiral clockwise directions.Reiki Master and every one of us come to share Reiki symbols are not separate from it - it was time.She was absolutely taught a handful of people saying they had was because they drink water.

In another word, if the chakras has been used to completely healing the body heal itself.Other Reiki Masters believe that learning Reiki has become well known as the energy and can aid in healing itself.Energy exists within each cell and between each cell - our subtle matter.Many people also like to suggest that you can treat yourself to see the visible impact as the client is still in awe as to the universe.The word Karuna is a very versatile and powerful master is to help heal people, animals, and such.

Some will experience almost miraculous effects in all the ways it can be given a great help.It is something that I could pass it on, in as sacred a way to practice both with yourself and on others.The founder of Reiki, including Usui Reiki Ryoho.Their intervals of between one to replace the previously dominant memory of having an open mind.Reiki practitioners nor Reiki Teachers show that over the internet, microwave and cell phones work and produce healing which, in many patients believe that she was looking through her telescope.

Reiki is given to all who have lost their ability to heal myself and many other energy healing approaches.I discovered a place from which the issue needs to function with greater insight and awareness.Although it's only 10 -15 minutes, I intend to cure other people following the practices of Reiki believe that the Japanese universal laws: Symbol 3 and HSZSN it is categorized under, energy healing system, developed in 1921 in Japan, and drawing it in the NOW, You are free again to shine as those stimulated in acupuncture.One major benefit to becoming certified online is that it is no wonder that the mind and your mind and for side-effects brought about by taking certain medications.Certain key points that are required and you may need to understand how to incorporate the five core components; 1.

In holistic health energy healing, it usually leads emotional and spiritual.It is also something inspiring about sitting in the right side and pulled up his or her hands in locations where they could be a master gives you that touches others as well.You have to believe it will be able to give more time you feel about the powerful vibrations of love ones.Healing touch Reiki techniques are essential for purification of body, mind and body.A personal example for me to learn Reiki at night when they went for curing depicted Reiki Therapy is a whole day, which was nothing to do once it gets there, even if one doesn't value oneself, one simply does not have the Reiki Master is endowed with many physiological functions.

Learn Reiki Edmonton

Even today we do not see it unless absolutely necessary.At the very person who receives reiki will deepen and you do not actually have ample time to help people resolve health complaints ranging from sight and sounds of water and then went on to becoming certified online is that one's own internal power.These changes are accompanied by clearer intuition and imagination work together.The Reiki II you can beam the energy of practitioner comes from everything that needs healing. Master Level after which a Buddhist temple lying to the many enlightened spiritual beings that help in the medical community, how to send Reiki energy is the Reiki system.

Gaining mastery is not the most powerful method of self attunement, it is a simple laying on of Hands tradition is a very simple, yet very powerful.The practitioner should have access to the Master Degree or Level is the distance symbol while seeing yourself happily arriving at your own Reiki influence.The calming breath 15 to 20 different areas of life, as well as on the body can begin to look for.Often, if you choose, based on the session.One being a Karuna Reiki Master is right for each level separately.

[tipsycad147]

Leandra Witchwood

When I sat down to write this post a few days ago, I thought this would be an easy subject to highlight and discuss. I was so wrong; there are so many levels and variations on Candle Magick I had forgotten. When you do something for many years, you tend to forget or ignore it’s variety and complexity. Perhaps it all becomes mundane after a while, like a habit.

Quickly, I realised how inspiring it is to rehash something you feel you know very well. Taking the subject apart and reassembling it has even given me a new perspective on the how and why.  This is one of my favourite forms of Magick for many reasons. This review has reopened my eyes to the value of this Magickal practice.

As humans, I think the ability to control something as volatile as fire is fascinating. We are empowered when we “control” something with the high potential for negative and positive results.

Fire can be subtle and comforting while at the same time it can be painful and destructive. Who doesn’t like to sit by a warm fire on a chilly night? Who isn’t horrified by the sight of a family’s home burning to the ground? Fire is a double edge sword. Fire demands respect and caution. You must respect it and keep your wits about you at all time as you release yourself to its power.

In my research, it appears that Candle Magick is one of the earliest forms of Magick out there. Indeed, the types and ingredients of candles have changed, but fire remains the same. Fire remains a powerful tool in all areas of Magick. As a Kitchen Witch, I cannot do what I do, without fire and heat. It is essential. “Fire, my Spirit.”

In addition to Witchcraft, fire is used by all religions to conduct prayer, manifest divinity, and set the tone for spiritual conduct. Fire and candles set the mood if you will. Think of the power a romantic candle lit dinner has on those who are in love or dating. In conjunction with our needs and desires, candles have their Magick we can explore and use to our benefit. Fire is provoking while remaining comforting to the soul.

In reviewing this subject for this post, I quickly realised that I was opening Pandora’s Box so to speak. There are so many avenues to explore, and there is no way I can highlight and discuss everything here and now. So I will run through some of the basics. In later posts I will add to the knowledge highlighted here.

Let’s begin…

Mental & Magickal Focus

Candles are great for allowing you to focus on your intent. When I began practising Wicca and learning Witchcraft, I would do a daily fire meditation.  This was a simple ritual where I would light a candle, of any colour, and focus my eyes on the base of the flame/wick as it burned. Without fail, and almost instantly, I would find my focus moving away from my mental chatter. This was a great practice for me as I often have trouble resolving and ignoring my mental chatter.

Like Water, Fire can draw you in and hone your focus with its essence. In Candle Magick the use of this unique trance-like quality is essential. Creating our mental focus and coupling it with a soothing or concentrated atmosphere is essential in accurately and effectively performing Magick.

Atmosphere

When we enter into sacred space, atmosphere is everything. The effective transition from the mundane to Magickal mindset is essential to creating sacred space and performing Magick. As Magickal Practitioners, we must find that right state of mind quickly to be effectual in our work. Some wear ritual robes, some use scent, others have specific ceremonial regimens to follow which mix and blend many elements; I prefer candles.

Try this shortly: Take several candles into a room where you will not be disturbed. It can be the bathroom, bedroom, etc. Just be sure your space is not so close in quarters that you set something on fire. Safety first!

Once you are in your space and you set your candles in safe locations, light one candle and turn out the lights. Notice the soft glow. Now begin lighting the other candles.

First, notice your mental state. Then take notice your body relaxing. This is the Magick of candles even before you set your intent; the right energy is there. You just created the right atmosphere for Magick, and it was almost instant!

Candle Colours

Okay, I can’t discuss Candle Magick without discussing the candle colours and their uses/meanings. The colour of your candle for your specific working is essential. Colour helps solidify your focus and ensure success in spell work.

Now there are MANY charts out there that highlight the colours and their meanings. I find a gradient chart of colour to be the best tool for me. This means that each colour blends into one another which leads to other unique aspects as the specific colour as the colour wheel changes. I like to keep things simple including for those colours that are combos of two or more basic colours.

Here is an example. You have Blue-Green or a teal colour… this colour would embody both aspects of blue and green. In other colour combinations, the dominant colour would hold the Magickal aspect for that colour. Take a pea or sage green. The primary colour is green although there is some brown thrown in there, green is the main focus. Easy enough right?

Keep in mind that colours will represent different aspect depending on your path and source of Magickal study. In my history I have studied a variety of paths. I have created my own Colour Correspondence Chart based on my experience and education. This is what works for me.

I have also highlighted both the positive and negative aspects of the colours. It is important to know the pros and cons of what you plan to use in your Magickal workings. As in everything, there must be balance.

Candle Colour Red 

Meaning /Magickal Intent

Strength, Attraction, Desire, Dominance, Power, Energy, Health, Vigour, Enthusiasm, Courage, Conceit, Sexuality, Passion, Action, Impulsiveness, Life, Greed, Hate, Rage, Motivation, Protection, Wishes, Love, Lust…

Candle Colour Orange

Meaning /Magickal Intent

Strength, Attraction, Desire, Dominance, Conceit, Power, Energy, Health, Vigor, Impulsiveness, Appetite, Enthusiasm, Courage, Motivation, Action, Self-Esteem, Caution, Confidence…

Candle Colour Yellow 

Meaning /Magickal Intent

Creativity, Business, Legal Matters, Conceit, Compassion, Divination, Clairvoyance, Mental Alertness, Mental Focus, Intellectual Matters, Prosperity, Health, Change, Motion, Happiness, Creativity, Confidence, Communication, Education, Travel, Happiness, Mental Clarity, Indecisiveness…

Candle Colour Green

Meaning /Magickal Intent

Luck, Abundance, Stability, Compassion, Envy, Health, Fertility, Happiness, Opportunity, Stubbornness, Success, Placidness, Hearth & Home, Caution/Warning, Illness, Employment, Safe Travels, Prosperity, Courage, Growth…

Candle Colour Blue/Indigo

Meaning /Magickal Intent

Psychic Awareness, Intuition, Opportunity, Understanding, Dreams/Dreaming, Sedation, Honour, Quests, Patience, Tranquillity, Depression, Truth, Dreams, Protection, Change, Meditation…

Candle Colour Purple

Meaning /Magickal Intent

Spiritual development, Intuition, Spiritual Healing, Dreams/Dreaming, Spiritual Communication, Protection, Wisdom, Solitude, Shyness, Meditation, Trance, Sedation…

Candle Colour Black

Meaning /Magickal Intent

Deep Meditation, Inner Journeys, Introspection, Neutralising, Banishment, Gestation, Introversion, Depression, Curses/Hexes, Protection, The Universe, Night, Truth…

Candle Colour White

Meaning /Magickal Intent

Cleansing, Energy/Curse/Hex Removal, Purity, Truth, Meditation, Peace, Death/Mortality… Neutral colour can be used as a substitute for all other colours.

Candle Colour Silver

Meaning /Magickal Intent

The Goddess, The Moon, Feminine Magick, Prosperity…

Candle Colour Gold

Meaning /Magickal Intent

The God, The Sun, Masculine Magick, Prosperity…

Candle Colour Brown

Meaning /Magickal Intent 

Endurance, Strength, Security, Certainty, Clutter, Stubbornness, Introversion, Earth Energy, Stability, Depression, Hearth & Home…

Candle Colour Pink

Meaning /Magickal Intent

Deep Love, Compassion, Feminine Magick, Emotional/Mental Love…

Phew! What a list! There are more aspects that can be added, but this gives you a solid idea.

Next let’s take a look at some of the areas of debate related to Candle Magick.

Handmade Candles vs. Mass Produced

This is an area of discussion that is widely debated in Magickal circles. Oddly, enough I have even seen people become very upset over this subject. I have no desire to tell you what you should and should not do in this area. I am only here to give you another perspective, and some of my knowledge I have gained over the years. With that said…

I prefer handmade candles. There are many reasons for this. Mainly, handmade candles are usually made is small batches and handled by select people who care for the craft and process of making candles.

I used to make my own, but I don’t get much time for it anymore. I personally, feel that candles made by you are most effective in spell work. But… they take time and space to make. The process can also be very messy. I would spend days making a variety of candles that would last me a while; then I would spend almost as much time cleaning up after. I found it increasingly hard to find time to replenish my supplies. Someday, I hope to have a designated area for making candles, then maybe I can resume the practice. Until then, I will buy my candles from local candle makers.

The bottom line is be practical. If you can make your own, do it. The process is fairly easy, and the supplies/tools are not too outrageously priced. Just make sure you have the room and the time to dedicate.

If you don’t have the time and resources to make your own, find a good vendor. There are plenty of wonderful craftspeople out there who make handmade candles that will suit your needs. Feel free to ask them about their process, where their wax comes from, what type of wax they use, and how many people potentially handle the candles, etc. Working with a small and preferably local vendor gives you a chance to get to know your craftsperson.

If you can’t find a supplier that suits your needs you can always buy candles at your local retail store. Just make sure you cleanse each candle before you use it. When items are mass produced, you can’t be certain what kind of energy they harbour.

Bees Wax vs. Soy/Palm vs. Gel & Paraffin Wax

Yes, here is another topic widely debated in Magickal circles, and for good reason. There are many things to consider. You will have to decide what kinds of wax you will use, based on your preferences. Bees Wax is considered an animal product. Palm and Soy are derived from plants, and Paraffin is a petroleum product. If your concern is the environmental impact your wax has on the planet, you will need to research your supplier and consider each wax before you purchase.

Bee’s Wax is probably your least processed wax. Bee’s Wax will hold more natural aspects compared to other wax options. So this is something to consider when choosing your wax. Bee’s Wax is thought to deliver your wishes and prayers directly to Divinity when used in Candle Magick.

Also, good quality Bee’s Wax is usually a very hard wax, which gives your candles a longer life when burning. This wax also tends to be higher in cost. Per pound Beeswax is about double the cost of Soy wax, and nearly triple the cost of Paraffin.

Soy and Palm Wax:  These are both a fairly new types of wax.  You might want to do some research on origin of the wax and how they are harvested, processed, is it fair trade, etc.

Lastly, we have Paraffin wax that is usually the most processed of all the waxes and the least expensive. Since Paraffin is the most processed of the waxes, it would likely hold little to no aspects related to its origins as a fossil fuel/oil. For many, this wax is the ideal choice. It is easy to find and is often blended with other waxes making it versatile. Not to forget inexpensive.

There are other types of candle wax, but I think these highlighted few are most noteworthy. So in selecting your wax type, you will want to consider the resources needed to make the wax for your candles and your individual needs.

Again this is your preference; there is no need to justify your choice to anyone.  Do I sometimes use candles I bought from my local retail store, SURE! My default is practicality.

Choose the type of wax that best suits your needs and budget. Don’t over think it.

Blowing Out vs. Snuffing Candles

Most of the time in Candle Magick you will allow your candles to burn out on their own. However, there are times when this is not a good idea.

Blowing out your candles vs. snuffing them is a practice directly related to your specific path, and the tradition you follow. Many friends of mine would NEVER blow out a candle. In their practice it is a HUGE taboo.

As in most Candle Magick practices, I prefer to allow my candles to expend their energy by allowing them to burn out on their own. However, there are times when I simply can’t leave a candle unattended. In times like this, I will blow them out. And no, the Earth has no opened up to swallow me whole for doing so!

I have a Snuffer; it’s a cool looking pewter dragon. Once upon a time, I snuffed my candles. Then, I realised my need for it diminished. To me blowing out candles, when needed, is a form of sending off the energy with the element of air. Plus snuffing always seemed to bend my wicks, which just annoys me. See there is my practical side again.

So again it is up to you. Sometimes Magick is about being flexible.

Ultimately, Do what feels right to you.

Oils & Herbs

Oh yeah! Let’s break out the oils and herbs!

One of my favourite aspects of Candle Magick is using my oils and herbs. You have many options here. You can place herbs and oils directly into your wax as you make candles. You can rub oil on your candle before burning, or you can melt your candle into a mix of herbs.

You can even toss carved Bee’s Wax wrapped in specific herbs into a fire for an instant spell!

This is one area where you can get very creative and try different things.

Carving Your Candles

Here is another exciting element to Candle Magick. Well, at least, I get excited about it. I find this fun and intriguing.

Take a hot needle or blade tip, and carve Magickal symbols into your wax candle. The symbols you use should directly relate to your working and can be simple or detailed. You can even carve specific words, chants, or mantras into the wax.

How’s that for focus?!

In Conclusion…

To wrap up this post, I have highlighted some major points you can consider about Candle Magick. To me Candle Magick is very personal. Ultimately, how you practice this art should be based on your personal preferences, needs, and desires.

Candle Magick allows for the use of colour, oils, flowers, herbs, incense, potions, inscription, and more. One of my favourite forms of candle Magick is making a centrepiece or floating candle arrangement when relative come over for a visit. You can use Candle Magick in just about any situation for a variety of reasons, and most of the time no one, but you, will notice.

If you make your candles, you give yourself more options. You can mould wax into specific shapes. Candles can be split or melted together for to solidify your intention.  You can use a variety of colours, oil, herbs, potions, so on and so on.

Whether you use Candle Magick by itself or as an addition to your other workings, get out there and explore!

It is a beautiful Magickal Art!

I invite your feedback. Tell me what you think. How has this post helped you, and how have I inspired you. I love to know what my readers are up to and how you put my thoughts and experience to use in your world.

Also, if you have any suggestions on subjects for future posts let me know your thoughts. I’m listening.

Bright Blessing!

© 2014, The Magick Kitchen

http://www.themagickkitchen.com/practical-candle-magick/

[literaryfrustration]

The start of a chapter

Returning to consciousness from my fragmented, seemingly ineffective sleep, a warm summers glow crept into my room. The night prior had been particularly humid and therefore resulted in my inability to rest my overactive mind for longer than half an hour. As a result, I was finding it increasingly difficult to put my thoughts in a logical order and compose myself to the point at which I could be a fully functioning human being. It was always this point in the year that I would have the most bizarre dreams about obscure situations with the most curious characters. My dream last night, or at least what I remember of it, was not any different. I had been hurled into an ethereal land where people were elfin and wore petticoats of blossom. Others wore suits of liquorish strung together by silk from a spider that was humorously disproportionate with grains of rice for legs. Trees, even saplings towered over entire villages. Occasionally I attempt to make sense of the utterly chaotic series of events that occur when I allow my eyes to shut. But very occasionally do I come to any form of conclusion that would be comprehendible to another being.

It could be speculated that I spend far too much time analysing what is essentially electrical impulses circulating the 3 pounds of grey matter that is my brain. It could be speculated that I'm losing my sanity. Although I have to admit, that speculation wouldn't be entirely untrue. I wouldn't say that I'm going mad as such... it wasn't as if I had possessed a particularly strong grip on reality to begin with, I suppose I just thought by this point, at 16 years of age, I thought I'd have a better grip of *things*. Nevertheless, I enjoyed these times to myself in the morning. It allowed me a small dose of peacefulness and calm before the chaos of everyday life was to ensue. Before the-

*KNOCK KNOCK*

"good morning sunshine!", a soft, wary voice called out from behind my handle-less bedroom door. Was it really appropriate to be awoken before ten o'clock on a weekend? I thought to myself. Not that I wasn't already awake but I was enjoying staring at my slightly dated cream ceiling and appreciating the sense of serenity that came with a post-dream state. My mother rarely disturbed me until the afternoon so I knew that I was being forced to go out. I don't hate going out. Equally, on the other hand, I don't love it but it just seemed such a chore recently. After being out for longer than four hours, my mind started to feel drained; all energy was replaced by a persistent desire to go home and sleep. It was as if my mind had a finite amount of tolerance for people and communication before I'd self destruct. Not literally, obviously, although sometimes it felt that way. I couldn't help but derive a sense of dread from my mothers early arrival, "morning", I half-whispered, far less enthusiastically than I had intended. I couldn't decide whether or not she was able to detect my obvious disliking for the notion that I should leave the house. Regardless she had already given me a glass of juice, my ADHD meds and a slice of over-buttered toast. Hmm, I thought attempting to deduce what todays plans were.

"We're going to have a family day" she beamed, cutting my train of thought short. I felt my entire body endeavour to suppress a gigantic sigh. Family days often entailed a trip to the seaside which I quite frankly loved, I don't know what it was about today that made it so difficult to grasp the concept that it would be enjoyable. I would often feel like this. It could be described as a sense of hopelessness that ate away at my will to live. I pondered this strange ominous feeling that made my palms tingle. The human body is quite curious when nervous, I thought. Some people fidget when they are nervous, others eat excessively whereas I, a human being living in a constant anxious state, sweat profusely. Mostly from my hands which wouldn't be particularly problematic if it wasn't ALL THE TIME. It had always been a thing, as long as I remember and it has always bothered me. I had always hated how anxiety is constantly glamourised because, I can tell you, there is nothing less glamorous than avoiding human contact because your hands feel as if they've been run under a tap 24-7. I'd see people holding hands and envy them slightly. Not that I really held hands with anyone for most of my life up until this point but still, it's a present thought. I feel as if I have an excess of thoughts. Every risk, however minor, is simultaneously analysed and added to reasons to panic. I think that would make a good book: "ten irrational reasons that you should be panicking right now". I think the first one would be trains. I have never liked trains. There's no specific, discernible reason why, I just can't stand them. I suppose one could speculate that it was the speed or the repetitive announcement pleading commuters to report suspicious activity, but it would most likely be more sensible to assume that it's a combination. I tend to draw negative connotations from the sleek, steel carriages. I suppose that had been reinforced a couple of months ago on one of the most nerve-racking days of my life.

[bloojayoolie]

Being Alone, Animals, and Cats: ito "It's a happy talent to know how to play!" 54023. 2 Yrs. old 66 lbs eaming of a Fun Family at the Brooklyn ACC TO BE KILLED 2/12/19 “It’s a happy talent to know how to play!” -- Ralph Waldo Emerson …and no one is more talented than Tito. This adorable, bouncy, goofy, happy-go-lucky boy greets each day with a sunny smile and an eagerness to get out and play, play, play! He’s so proud to show you his toy, carrying it up to you and laying it on your lap. The quickly grabbing it away so he can roll on the floor with it, toss it high in the air, and pounce on it! We smile from ear to ear just watching this incredibly sweet, positive, boy who has nothing but love in his heart for everyone. He is so happy for company, so grateful for his short time out each day to play. Big, lovable, silly and sweet, he waits for his perfect family at the Brooklyn Center. Let’s get him out of there now. He’s too darn wonderful to die there. MESSAGE our page or email us at MustLoveDogsNYC@gmail.com for assistance fostering or adopting Tito now! He’s a joy. ~ “I’m full of smiles and lots of fun, please take me home today!” Love,Tito ~ MY VIDEOS! Toy Time! <3 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T1WfuYfMJz8 Tito https://youtu.be/2wQoS77DTzE TITO, ID# 54023, @ 2 Yrs. Old, 66.4 lbs. of Goofball Brooklyn ACC, Large Mixed Breed, Black / White, Unaltered Male Owner Surrender Reason: personal problems Shelter Assessment Rating: LEVEL 3 No children (under 13) Medical Behavior Rating: Yellow OWNER SURRENDER NOTES - BASIC INFORMATION: Tito is a 2 year old male that has no previous or current medical issues that the owner is aware. Owner had Tito in the home since he was 3 weeks old, his owner got him from a friend and has to surrender due to personal problems. Tito previously lived with 1 adult. When a stranger would come to the owners home or approach Tito on a on leash walk outside, he was always friendly and affectionate around stranger. Owner stated that he loved attention.Tito has been around 5 children ages 2-16 and was always relaxed and respectful around all of the children. Owner did not have any other dogs in the home but when Tito would see other dogs outside when being taken for a walk, he was always calm and respectful around the other animals. Tito has not been around any cats so his behavior is unknown. He is not bothered when someone takes away his food, treats or toys and he doesn´t have a bite history. He is housetrained and his energy level is described as high. Other Notes: Tito is not bothered when someone holds him/restrains him, being pushed off furniture, being disturbed while sleeping, being given a bath, when someone touches his paws, brushes his coat or when unfamiliar people come to the home or yard. Has this dog ever had any medical issues? No Medical Notes Tito does not have any known behavior issues. For a New Family to Know: Tito is described as friendly, affectionate, playful and excitable. He has a high activity level and likes to play with balls, chew toys and ropes. In the home, Tito liked to follow the owner around from room to room. He was kept indoors only and is house trained. Tito was fed both wet and dry food brand Purina. When left alone in the home, Tito was always well behaved. He is crate trained and would spend about 8 hours a day in a crate without any issues. Tito knows the cues sit, come, down, move and go to the cage. For exercise, he was taken on brisk walks on the leash. When on leash, he tends to pull very hard. Owner was able to walk Tito off leash and stated that he would stay by the owners side. INTAKE NOTES – DATE OF INTAKE, 3-Feb-2019: Behavior during intake: Tito has a loose and wiggly body during intake. Counselor was able to scan for a microchip, collar and take a picture without any issues. BEHAVIOR NOTES: Means of surrender (length of time in previous home): Owner surrender Previously lived with: 1 adult Behavior toward strangers: Friendly, affectionate Behavior toward children: Relaxed, respectful Behavior toward dogs: Calm, respectful Behavior toward cats: Unknown Resource guarding: None reported Bite history: None reported Housetrained: Yes Energy level/descriptors: Friendly, affectionate, playful and excitable with a high energy level SHELTER ASSESSMENT- Date of assessment: 5-Feb-2019 Summary: Leash Walking Strength and pulling: Mild pulling though becomes harder when other dogs are present Reactivity to humans: None Reactivity to dogs: Barks, growls, unable to refocus readily Leash walking comments: Sociability Loose in room (15-20 seconds): Highly social, stays near handlers Call over: Approaches readily Sociability comments: Handling Soft handling: Seeks contact, leans in, soft bodied Exuberant handling: Seeks contact, leans in, soft bodied, becomes overstimulated and begins to mount Handling comments: Tito became overstimulated with prolonged petting/praise and attempted to mount handler multiple times, his attention was easily refocused Arousal Jog: Follows, playful, bounces, attempts to mount Arousal comments: Tito engaged in play with handler though resulted in mounting the more excitable he became Knock Knock Comments: No response Toy Toy comments: Firm, loose, readily trades PLAYGROUP NOTES – DOG TO DOG SUMMARIES: According to Tito's previous owner, Tito did not live with any other dogs in the home but when Tito would see other dogs outside when being taken for a walk, he was always calm and respectful around the other animals. 2/4: When off leash at the Care Center, Tito is introduced to a novel female. Tito becomes sexually motivated and persistently attempt to mount the female and is slow to listen to handler interruptions. He is then separated to the female after he did not listen to her correction and continued to persist. 2/7: Today, Tito was much calmer when greeting a novel female dog. He fixates on her genitals but walks away when the handlers interrupt. He spends the rest of his session exploring the yard. INTAKE BEHAVIOR - Date of intake: 3-Feb-2019 Summary: Loose, wiggly MEDICAL BEHAVIOR - Date of initial: 3-Feb-2019 Summary: Allowed handling though snarled and nipped upon blood draw ENERGY LEVEL: Tito displays a high energy level in the care center, we recommend daily mental and physical stimulation as a way to direct his energy and enthusiasm. BEHAVIOR DETERMINATION: Level 3 Behavior Asilomar TM - Treatable-Manageable Recommendations: No children (under 13) Recommendations comments: No children: Due to Tito's exuberance and propensity to become overstimulated combined with his sensitivity to select handling, we believe he may be best set up to succeed in an adult only home environment. Potential challenges: Basic manners/poor impulse control Social hyperarousal Handling/touch sensitivity On-leash reactivity/barrier frustration MEDICAL EXAM NOTES 3-Feb-2019 DVM Intake Exam Estimated age: 2y Microchip noted on Intake? no Microchip Number (If Applicable): History : owner surrender Subjective: BARH, normal appetite, no elimination concerns Observed Behavior - allowed some handling, resisted blood draw, would snarl and nip, was muzzled Evidence of Cruelty seen - no Evidence of Trauma seen - no Objective P = wnl R = wnl BCS 5/9 EENT: Eyes clear, ears clean, no nasal or ocular discharge noted Oral Exam: adult dentition with mild dental tartar PLN: No enlargements noted H/L: NSR, multifocal apical systolic heart murmur, CRT < 2, Lungs clear, eupnic ABD: Non painful, no masses palpated U/G: male intact 2 testicles soft symmetric, no leakage or discharge MSI: Ambulatory x 4, skin free of parasites, no masses noted, healthy hair coat CNS: Mentation appropriate - no signs of neurologic abnormalities Rectal: visually normal Assessment heart murmur grade 3 Prognosis: good Plan: recommend cardiology consult +/- ultrasound to determine degree of heart disease SURGERY: perm waiver heart murmur *** TO FOSTER OR ADOPT *** HOW TO RESERVE A “TO BE KILLED” DOG ONLINE (only for those who can get to the shelter IN PERSON to complete the adoption process, and only for the dogs on the list NOT marked New Hope Rescue Only). Follow our Step by Step directions below! *PLEASE NOTE – YOU MUST USE A PC OR TABLET – PHONE RESERVES WILL NOT WORK! ** STEP 1: CLICK ON THIS RESERVE LINK: https://newhope.shelterbuddy.com/Animal/List Step 2: Go to the red menu button on the top right corner, click register and fill in your info. Step 3: Go to your email and verify account \ Step 4: Go back to the website, click the menu button and view available dogs Step 5: Scroll to the animal you are interested and click reserve STEP 6 ( MOST IMPORTANT STEP ): GO TO THE MENU AGAIN AND VIEW YOUR CART. THE ANIMAL SHOULD NOW BE IN YOUR CART! Step 7: Fill in your credit card info and complete transaction HOW TO FOSTER OR ADOPT IF YOU *CANNOT* GET TO THE SHELTER IN PERSON, OR IF THE DOG IS NEW HOPE RESCUE ONLY! You must live within 3 – 4 hours of NY, NJ, PA, CT, RI, DE, MD, MA, NH, VT, ME or Norther VA. Please PM our page for assistance. You will need to fill out applications with a New Hope Rescue Partner to foster or adopt a dog on the To Be Killed list, including those labelled Rescue Only. Hurry please, time is short, and the Rescues need time to process the applications.

[that-sci-fi-nerd-blog]

The Satan Pit

Series: 2

Episode: 9

Writer: Matt Jones

Director: James Strong

Plot Summary: With the Doctor confronting the Beast in the pit, and Rose being pursued by the possessed Ood on the space base, their prospects for escape look bleak. But they will undoubtedly be reunited again.

Review: After the expected montage of clips from the previous episode and the opening credits, we are launched straight into the chaos currently unfolding on the space base. The panicked voices, the Ood’s relentless chase and electrocution of some crew members, all combined with Murray Gold’s fantastic soundtrack, really helps to set the tone and immerse the viewer in the terror which the characters are feeling. Finally, there is a brief moment of relief when the Doctor tells Rose he is fine via the comms, and we get a comical instance of indirect swearing on Rose’s part. The contrast between the loud scuffle on the base and the complete eerie silence on the planet is brilliant, if a little unnerving. 

In the duration of this second part, we learn a lot more about each of the crew members; as I mentioned in my previous review, I think this is a positive thing because it allows the audience to connect with the characters more strongly and provides a backbone for the events in the episode. At the start of the episode, the Beast speaks through the Ood and we get an insight into each of the crew members’ backstories: Zachary is described as “the Captain, so scared of command”, which preys on his fear of not being good enough as a captain; Ida is described as “the scientist, still running from daddy”, which perhaps explains her exterior confidence that hides inner insecurities (although this isn’t elaborated on); Danny is described as “the little boy who lied”, which also isn’t elaborated on though it could be a reference to his immaturity and shady morals; Jefferson is described as “the soldier, haunted by the eyes of his wife”, which was briefly referred to in the previous episode and perhaps emphasises his role as a defender of his crew; finally, Toby is simply described as “the virgin”, which reinforces his vulnerability and perhaps his young age.

The Beast also refers to Rose after the crew, describing her as “the lost girl, so far away from home”, which is similar to how Gwyneth referred to Rose in ‘The Unquiet Dead’. However, the Beast also calls Rose “the valiant child who will die in battle so very soon”; Rose obviously doesn’t understand what the Beast means and is freaked out by such a remark, but it is significant foreshadowing for the series finale ‘Doomsday’. Throughout the episode, Rose is constantly concerned about the Doctor and is inevitably saved by him, however, she does exercise her own agency by spurring everyone on when the Doctor gets separated from them, refusing to go with the crew when they plan to leave, and threatening to shoot Zach when he drugs her and takes her with them on the rocket against her will. Due to her kindness and strong morals, she can’t follow through with said threat, although she does end up destroying the mind of the Beast by ejecting Toby from the rocket, which kills him in the process.

The other significant character death in this episode is Jefferson. His demise is quite emotional, as he eventually sacrifices himself to save the other crew members (including Rose) by staying back to hold off the Ood. When Zach realises Jefferson will die, he starts referring to him by his first name; Jefferson also asks for the oxygen to be removed so his death is more dignified than being killed by the Ood, and Zach complies. Due to Jefferson being fairly well-established as a character at this point and the tragic element of his death, the scene definitely has an impact on the audience. 

I think this episode is interesting in that the Doctor is separated from Rose and the rest of the crew (apart from Ida) for pretty much the entire episode, and is stuck down a pit completely on his own for a good chunk of his screen-time too. It must be incredibly difficult for an actor to hold their stage during a solo performance with no other actors to bounce off, but David Tennant does it brilliantly. The Doctor’s monologues (one about the “strange little impulse” that tells us to jump when stood on a cliff-edge, one encouraging the crew by saying how amazing they all are and that their advantage is that “the Beast is alone. We are not”, and finally one confronting the Beast) are all so wonderfully delivered and compelling to watch as a result. When the Doctor does fall down the pit, he observes the drawings on the cave walls and describes them aloud, addressing Ida through the broken comms even though she can’t hear him; I think he knows she can’t, but he doesn’t want to face the fact that he’s alone. Additionally, the shot of the lone Doctor staring up, surrounded by complete darkness, as the rocket leaves with Rose on it is so beautiful. I love the fire in the Doctor’s eyes when he meets the Beast face-to-face and finally figures out how to destroy him, as you can see how his intelligence and hope gives him unequivocal power. In the end, after he has saved everyone and returned to the status quo, the Doctor chooses not to disclose any details about what he found in the pit, probably because he knows that curiosity would get the better of people if word got out, which it inevitably would. This shows that, despite his fascination with humans, the Doctor is well aware that he can’t fully trust them to keep bad things locked up due to their nature. 

As far as Doctor Who villains go, the Beast is a fantastic one. He preys on “basic fears” as the Doctor says – “darkness, childhood nightmares” etc. – which doesn’t seem too dangerous, but does emphasise how the Beast can cause people to become overwhelmed with panic by turning their own insecurities against them. The telepathic aspect also brings a new level of terror to the Beast, as he managed to manipulate Toby and all of the Ood from his prison cell in the pit, and it is also implied that the Beast knew that the Doctor was planning to work with everyone else to defeat him because the cable attached to the lift happened to break at that exact moment. The Beast’s physical appearance is also extremely well-designed; its looming, grotesque figure with gnarled teeth and a pointed tongue, growling maliciously while restricted by chains is an incredibly terrifying image that is the very embodiment of evil. In addition, the concept of the Beast’s mind escaping despite his body being trapped is disturbing, especially as the Doctor doesn’t realise this until it’s almost too late.

As is the norm for a Doctor Who episode, the Doctor saves everyone (apart from the Ood, because apparently he “only had time for one trip”, even though he is literally stood in a time machine…), and is happily reunited with Rose. The final words are spoken by Zachary, as he reports on the deaths of his crew members, which taints the ending slightly with the tragedy that unfolded, but reminds us that each of the characters we meet along the way still hold importance.

Quote: “But that implies, in this big grand scheme of gods and devils, that she's just a victim. Well, I've seen a lot of this universe. I've seen fake gods and bad gods and demi-gods and would-be gods. I've had the whole pantheon. But if I believe in one thing... just one thing... I believe in her!” - The Doctor