#close contact... seeeing them say that gave me fucking anxiety i

[yutadori]

okay vent time because im like really upset about this right now i guess but i cant believe it’s been eight months since lockdown like march seems SO Fucking far away i almost cant believe it happened and also that So much time has passed like. it’s almost been a year. a whole year. since everything has changed so drastically like so much has happened in this span of time yet i can barely remember any of it like. everyday feels the same, i’ve stayed inside my house almost everyday since march, i’ve literally gone out less than ten times and most of them were for doctor appointments

like. i miss just idling around in stores or just anywhere outside. i miss walking and looking up at the sky and seeing the moon ohhh my god i miss the moon so fucking bad can you believe i forgot that i used to even look up at it like. what the fuck. looking up at the moon and seeing it even when the sun is out, and then seeing how bright it is when the sun has set like god. and i just miss being able to see my friends whenever i wanted, like getting messages from friends saying that they want to go to x or y place and then planning a day, and then excitedly getting ready to meet up!! and walking over to their houses and just thinking about all the things we’re gonna do that day!! going to my friend’s house and being greeted by her and her cat!!! getting take out at my friend’s house and eating together and talking about random things or watching anime 

like!!! i miss going outside so bad like. i miss grocery shopping so much like i’ve had 5+ grocery shopping dreams since march . ive only gone to the store two times since the beginning of april and i just.... miss it so much.... i really miss the freedom of being able to go outside safely without worrying about every little thing like it’s so bad and honestly just better for me to stay inside because i get so panicked and worried, i hate it!!!! and i feel so bad being so reliant on my mom and brother to get things for me like i used to do a lot of things on my own, whether it be going places or getting myself something to eat or buying things i need. i rarely asked for their help but now whenever they go out i ask them if they can get me something wherever they’re at and they dont really say anything about it but i feel so BAD about it

like!!! im glad i can stay home and be okay but im really getting tired of staying home everyday and each day being pretty much the same. and also my family gives me a bit of a hard time about staying home and it’s like !! i know . i know. i feel . i dont like it either and i wish i could go out like they do (they dont go anywhere like . irresponsible) but i cant, i really cant. like i wish i could go see at least one friend and maybe hang out at a park with them from a distance but my anxiety is so bad, the thought of one of us possibly infecting each other always crosses my mind and i Cant risk it for either of us. like im so tired. and i feel like it’s even more difficult to get through it each day because like... we dont know when this is going to be over. if there was Some How a way to know, i feel like that would make it slightly more bearable but just . agh . im so tired....... MAN