#cleaned not organized. so like. deep clean vacuum but all my stuff that was on the floor is in a pile somewhere

[ilostyou]

someone deep cleaned my room today and it’s making my eye twitch a little

[gothicprep]

I know it’s sort of gauche to comment on how other people organize stuff like domestic division of labor in their marriages, but whenever social media shows me little vignettes of how other couples manage this stuff, I don’t know how to process it. the calculus obviously changes when you have children, but it’s the tone that weirds me out.

personally, I don’t see cooking as a chore. I like doing it. i like doing something sort of mindless when I’m stressed. and between my wife and me, I have significantly better knife skills than she does. so I’m much faster at it.

she’s like my opposite when it comes to deep-ish cleans. i personally find it unpleasant. she’ll just put her headphones on and rock out with her headphones on while she’s vacuuming and making sure the toilet isn’t radioactive. can’t relate, although it’s probably a similar feeling to what I get when I have a stressful day and go all o-ren ishii on an innocent onion.

stuff like “who puts the laundry away” is sort of circumstance dependent. depends on which one of us is more swamped with work related things.

I think many long term relationships have a similar vibe. but it’s the aggressively type-a stuff I find so off-putting. i get the overwhelming feeling that when you have this sort of rigidity in your partnership, it’s going to leave you ill-prepared for situations where your partner genuinely needs your help. it might be something like a nasty depressive episode. it might be something like a recovery period from a medical procedure, or god forbid, an illness. especially in the context of a marriage, you need to have the breathing room that allows you to adjust for these possibilities.

maybe I’m overthinking it, but stuff like this doesn’t translate to “happy marriage” to me. It’s more like watching the beginning phases of One of Those divorces where people are fighting over silverware and shit.

[billetwoes]

The Boring Introductory Stuff (and the interesting...) Billet Woes Part 2

Disclaimer: This is my first attempt at fanfic. Constructive criticism is always appreciated, rudeness is not.

Word Count: 5,537

So, you had finally met your assigned guest and...so far, so good! However, he thinks that you are uneasy around him. What are you (or what is he) going to do about it?

Yep, this is the boring introductory part with lots of planning, but there's also a lot of food :D I hope you enjoy!

****************

In the following days, you had prepared yourself and your place for your guest. Your contact information was stored in a secure database at the Outworld Investigation Agency, and always with consent, was given to the Clans/Agencies of future guest. In your case, you were contacted by the wife of the Shirai Ryu’s Grandmaster, Harumi, via encrypted e-mail two days after Lord Liu Kang paid you a visit. You were informed that you will be billeting one of their warriors.

As Lord Liu Kang had mentioned, it is estimated he would be staying for a month. He will be arriving in exactly one week from today and you are instructed to meet him at a specific muster point; the date, time, and address where you will be picking him up were provided in the email.

You asked if there are any allergies to food and cats that you need to be aware of, as you suddenly thought that you had nobody who be willing to look after your kitties for a month. She denied any food and cat allergies. You thanked Harumi for the information.

At work, you had requested for a few Fridays off, two of which were granted for the last two weeks,

including the Mondays for those weeks to boot. This would give you time to catch up on orders and time

for cleaning. It was a good thing that your workplace was unionized so that any vacation days taken were

paid. You used a personal time off day towards the day that you are to pick up your guest.

You are a planner and a perfectionist, even though you hate that term and tend to interpret that as a slight when being called one to your face.

The longer of your two couches can be unfolded and made into a guest bed and you had sets of clean

bedding and a down duvet ready. You also deep cleaned both the guest bathroom and your

bathroom.

You had a pad of paper in front of you and began to list all the food and toiletry items. Once that is done, you began to meal plan for 3-weeks worth of food most with simple enough recipes or one that you can quickly assemble and throw in the slow cooker or oven to do the work for you. The rest of the days you reserve for taking your guest out to good restaurants in your city with a few of your close and trusted friends, if the circumstance permits it. You didn’t know what his shift or days will look like, but you want to have Plans A-Z just to be as flexible as you can.

While you were cleaning the apartment and your Roomba was doing its daily job, the kitties were staring at you with interested and curious eyes while meowing loudly and nearly making you trip a few times. They can sense a change in your behavior and energy while moving and rearranging things and vacuuming their cat trees and dusted the cat shelves that decorated the living room walls. Luckily, you don’t have to move the kitties’ litter box, as you had the large robot kitty litter box that the girls share with no issues, and it is in your bathroom. You made a point to install a cat flap on your bedroom door and were willing to pay to replace the door if you decide to move somewhere else.

You made a Costco run for the first week of your guest’s stay with you during the weekend. Once you got home and organized the snacks and fruits in baskets and set them on the island counter in the middle of your kitchen so that they are easily accessible and put away the meats and vegetables in the fridge and freezer, which you have deep cleaned a couple days prior.

You did all this while juggling your job, pushing out orders from your small business, and looking after the kitties. Once a hard day’s work is done, you went through your nighttime rituals and hit the sack.

All night, you heard the never-ending flapping of plastic as the kitties were going in and out of the cat door and pawing at each other by pushing the plastic door repeatedly. You had wondered whether you made a mistake with that modification while resisting the urge to scream at the cats.

The day arrived when you are to pick up your guest. You are to meet outside an abandoned building in an industrial area at 4 pm. You were glad that you had the day off so that you are relatively relaxed and had lots of time to grab a coffee from Tim Horton’s. When you arrived there, you droved into a parking lot where there was a group of around 20 people with Lord Liu Kang. Also, there were two ladies. The first one wore a black trench coat with her hair in a neat ponytail and comfortable flat leather boots. She also had what looked like a sheathed katana strapped to her back. The second lady wore what looked like a black leather vest with a wide belt with pink and white garments underneath the leather vest. Her boots and fingerless leather gloves also matched the color scheme of her clothing, and her hair had small side braids that were tied up into a high ponytail.

As you parked in a stall, you and a few other billet hosts walked towards the group, some with their children, and once everybody was present, Liu Kang raised his hands to get everybody’s attention. The crowd of people shushed each other, and all turned their eyes towards the Fire God.

“Good afternoon, everybody. Thank you for coming here today,” he began, “Most of all, we are grateful for your dedication to look after our warriors and protectors. You honor all of us.”

He then turned to the first lady in the trench coat and motioned to her, “This is Harumi, the co-leader of the Shirai Ryu.”

She nodded solemnly and addressed the hosts, “We are truly grateful for supporting our warriors. Your roles are of the utmost importance. As you have been informed, there is a suspicious area with a portal appearing and disappearing identified outside of your city that needs to be monitored for threats. We suspect that this portal is from Outworld, but it could be from the Netherrealm or the Chaos Realm. Constable Li Mei from the Sun Doh District of Outworld is working with us to investigate this anomaly.” She gestured towards the second lady.

The second lady stepped forward, “We suspect that one of our generals named Shao is responsible for this, as he is guilty of insurrection against our kingdom. There have been talks and rumors in our realm about a group of rebels under this general to invade your realm. I give you my word that I will not rest until all threats are neutralized.”

There were concerned and slightly panicked murmurs in among the billet hosts. You listened attentively with held breath, which you only let out now. Many people asked questions and raised concerns. Fortunately so far, this was the only one known to date and nothing of concern by way of a serious threat has arose.

Harumi stepped forward to speak, “Your willingness to aid us by opening your doors to our warriors that are strategically close to this area makes it convenient for us to respond to any emergencies. Be assured that you are far enough that you are safe. Should any of you be endangered, our warriors will protect you.”

“On behalf of Outworld, we are in your debt,” Li Mei said gratefully, “Harumi and I will not be joining you, as we have to attend to matters concerning our clan and people.”

The billet hosts, including yourself, nodded in support and expressed heartfelt gratitude for the warriors, and they returned the gesture.

“And now, we will begin assigning your warriors to you,” Liu Kang announced, “Harumi and Li Mei will separate in to two groups. Once your name is called, please step forward.

On queue, the Outworlders, who were dressed in their traditional garb grouped together behind Li Mei and the Shirai Ryu, who were dressed in t-shirts, zip up hoodies, leggings, dark washed jeans and sneakers. One by one, Harumi and Li Mei took turns calling names and people stepped forward to be paired with their guests. Greetings and handshakes were exchanged, and smaller groups began to walk away towards cars as pleasantries and excited chatter from children faded.

“Y/N,” Harumi called.

You stepped forward and walked towards her.

“Tomas,” she called turning to her left.

A tall man carrying a couple of medium sized duffel bags stepped forward. His hair was gray, which surprised you, but you did your best to keep a pleasant expression. Is that his natural hair color? The next thing you noticed was his demeanor. He wore a serious expression on his face and his piercing silver-gray eyes had an intense look. There ere a couple of scars above his left eyes and his eyebrows were shaved, at least you though they were, in such a way that made him look intimidating. The image of a rattlesnake came to mind because its top eyelids were slanted above it eyes that made them look perpetually angry and mean all the time.

“Y/N, this is Tomas,” she gestured towards the man, “also known as Smoke. He is our second in command. I trust that he is in your capable hands.”

‘Smoke’ in reference to his grayness??

“I will do my best,” you replied humbly, nodding then turning to Tomas, “Hello, Tomas.” You shook his hand.

He smiled and shook it back, “Hello Y/N. Thank you for having me.” He sounded friendly(!) which kind of threw you off guard.

“Oh, you’re welcome,” you replied, letting go.

“I will take my leave, Harumi,” He bowed respectfully.

Harumi nodded, “Stay safe, both of you.”

You both walked towards your car.

“Is this your first time in Canada?” You asked starting a conversation.

“No, it isn’t,” he replied, “I’ve been billeted before in Quebec and the Yukon. This is my first time in Alberta.”

“Welcome to Alberta! Have you eaten, by the way?” You asked him, wanting to make sure he’s comfortable.

“No, not yet” he replied.

“Would you like to go grab a bite first? We can discuss the details when we get home,” you offered, “Do you have a preference?”

“Whatever you recommend, I’d love to try the food here,” he replied happily, smiling, “Thank you!”

“Alright, then! I’ll take you to one of my favorite spots,” You started the ignition and set up Google maps and entered the address of one of your local favorites, which is a French-Scandinavian style restaurant. The Elder Gods forbid that you get lost on your way out of this deserted location and spend time driving around in circles. Though friendly enough, the mental image of a happy rattlesnake in Peter Parker’s voice made you laugh internally.

Your dinner was light-hearted enough and you kept conversations casual and asked each other surface-level questions about each other. He touched on his experiences with the Shirai Ryu and his relationship with Harumi and her husband, Grandmaster Scorpion. Turns out, he was his adopted brother.

“Oh,” you exclaimed, “That’s something!” As if your insides weren’t chaotic enough with the knowledge that he was the second-in-command, he was THE ADOPTED BROTHER of the GRANDMASTER of the Shirai Ryu. The pressure! Before your brain had time to process that, your nervous system had decided that you’re screwed.

“What’s wrong,” he asked, looking concerned, “You look scared?”

“Uh,” you laughed nervously, “Well, I guess I’m dealing with precious cargo! Ha ha! Yeah, a little.”

“Don’t be! I’m human, like you,” he reassured, “I don’t bite.”

You nodded, still laughing nervously. Your perfectionist brain, otherwise known as the brain that took over your Asian Parents after you left them, went into hyperdrive. ‘Smile!’ ‘What are you doing?! Fix your face! You are making a bad first impression!’ ‘Say something intelligent or you will make him lose face!’ ‘He’s more important than you, watch your manners!’ For those of you who had Tiger Moms, you know the PTSD that comes from that upbringing. You raised your eyebrow while rubbing your forehead to try and soothe yourself.

“Ok,” you replied, still with an incredulous smile, mentally beating yourself with a wooden stick to get yourself to calm down, “I’m sorry. I-uh, I just got…” You feel embarrassed because you probably made a fool out of yourself.

“Wow, this duck is really good!” He praised, taking another bite of his dish. It felt like he was distracting you from your chaotic thoughts by redirecting your attention towards the food, and you were grateful for it. “I can see why you like this place. What other dishes have you had?”

“Oh,” your thoughts snapped back to the present moment, “I love their cod dish, which is unfortunately a seasonal item. I often come here for brunch, especially during weekends, so I’m more familiar with that menu. I love the Oeuf en Cocotte and their Grav Lax. If time permits, I’d love to take you here again for brunch and to other hot spots!” You had forgotten how nervous you were moments ago because any mention of food and restaurants will get you excitedly talking and making recommendations.

“I’d like that very much!” He took another appreciative bite of his food.

“I’ll stop talking now and let you eat,” you muttered, “I tend to talk a lot when I’m nervous.”

The both of you ate the rest of your meals in silence. Once your empty plates were cleared, your desserts came, which was a salted caramel chocolate cheesecake with candied pecan and toffee crumble on top with crème fraiche vanilla bean ice cream on the side and a couple of macarons. 

You paid for your dinners and drove home in a happy mood. Once both of you entered in your apartment, you introduced him to your kitties, and always the social butterfly, Minou immediately rushed to smell your guest for a couple of minutes before she decided that Tomas was worthy of being marked as a friend. She meowed, purred, and rubbed her body and head against his legs.

“Well, hello there!” Tomas smiled and greeted in a high voice that sounded like how someone would talk to a cute toddler, “You’re so friendly! I’m Tomas, your new friend!” Minou flopped on her back and exposed her belly in response.

Bijoux on the other hand, stood a few feet away staring at Tomas warily. When Tomas finally noticed her and went to introduce himself, Bijou took a couple of steps back and hissed.

“Bijoux,” you scolded in a stern tone, “Be nice!” You went to pick her up, but she bolted and hid in your room. “I’m sorry!”

“Don’t worry, I’m sure a stranger in her space must be uncomfortable for her,” he chuckled, “We have a few stray cats in our compound, so I’m familiar with their behaviour.”

You gave Tomas an orientation of your apartment, starting with the kitchen, showing him the food that he can help himself to and the appliances that he can freely use. Next was the living room, where you explained about the couch that you will unfold to make his bed; then you showed him the guest bathroom where there was a new set of toiletries and shower items, which he can choose not to use if he brought his own stuff; you showed him the closet outside the guest bathroom where he can access clean towels, and the laundry room beside it; finally, you briefly showed him the room that you have set up as a work shop and explained that you will be keeping this shut during times when you will be working on orders. You gestured to your bedroom, which you didn’t show because that is your space.

Finally, you lead him to the counter where you keep your keys on and where your landline is. You pulled open a drawer and pulled out a laminated envelope labeled “Emergency”.

“If you ever need it, there is money in here for emergencies,” you explained, “Do you have any questions?”

Tomas shook his head with an expression of approval, “So far, I have none! You really went out of your way to make sure that I’m looked after! I am impressed…and grateful.”

Humbled, you briefly bowed your head before responding, “Thank you, I appreciate the kind words. If you need anything, don’t hesitate to ask.”

“I will!” He was smiling. You had decided to sharply nudge your jerk brain to cut out the jerk-talk and your nervous system is still on amber alert. You breathed a sigh of relief, and Peter Parker rattlesnake is behaving like Minou and rolling in rainbow.

“Anyway, I want to discuss our schedules so that I can plan on accommodating you,” you gestured towards the dinner table, “Would you like something to drink?”

“I would like some tea please. I’ll try the triple berry please.” This you made for him, and you made yourself a chamomile tea. You offered cream, milk, sugar, honey, or Stevia, and he refused all of them.

You discussed how the both of you would be coordinating your schedules. As Lord Liu Kang had mentioned, both schedules were close enough, which makes it easier for you to accommodate him. The large group was broken into three smaller group that would be covering the morning, evening and night shifts. It was very important that all the warriors had time to rest, maintain their training, communicate with their superiors, and just as equally important, socialize and maintain relations with their hosts. It is also important for the hosts to be close by just in case they need to take the warriors to the site to do their jobs.

Tomas was assigned to the morning shift. You start work at 8:00 am and the morning shift started at 6:00 am. This means that you would have to get up at 4:00 am to make breakfast then take him to the site, which will take 20 minutes if there is no traffic, as per Google Maps on your laptop. That meant that you have to hit the sack at 8:00 am in order to get a full 8-hour’s worth of sleep. Once you dropped him off at the muster point, another host will take the entire morning group to the site, then you can head home to work on orders before driving to work. He ends his shift at 2:00 pm and you end your shift at 4:30 pm, which meant that he had to wait for you for 2 ½ hours. To complicate things, you didn’t know what the traffic situation was like driving to pick him up at the muster point.

You then asked him if he knew of any of his group mates that were being billeted in your city, and he knew of two. Tomas had proposed to have a Zoom call to see what their situation looked like with their hosts, which was arranged after he contacted them. While one of the hosts was in the same situation as you, the second host, a lovely lady named Lisa who appeared to be in her thirties, fortunately worked from home and can pick up the three warriors and, with consent, can bring them to a friend’s place that has a large space dedicated to workout. There, the three can train there until you and the other host get off work to pick them up at the friend’s place. This was a stroke of luck which lifted a heavy burden off your shoulders. All of you in the call exchanged contact information, got the address of the friend’s place, thank Lisa for the kind accommodation and hung up. One major problem solved.

You wouldn’t have any issues with making dinner once you get home, which lead to the next question of what his food preferences are. You were told by Harumi that he had no allergies, which he confirmed. He said that he had no preferences and would be happy to eat whatever you made. You also wanted to know what his typical meals were like (ie. How much protein, how much vegetables, what time he typically eats, etc.). He gave the basic information and told you not to worry about following the regimen to a tee.

You asked about his lunches and whether you needed to pack food for him, and it sounded like you did as there was no mention of any arrangements for lunch. Noted.

You also took account the time difference between Edmonton, your city, and Japan, which was 15 hours, so you worried about jet lag. Tomas explained the Shirai Ryu’s current situation with the Lin Kuei and how they are always on a state of being on red alert around the clock, and therefore must be ready to respond at any time, even if they must wake up in the ungodly hours of the morning. You made a comment about how exhausting this sounds, which he agreed saying it was an understatement. He reassured you that you didn’t need to worry about his sleep schedule, as he is able to adapt easily.

“So, you guys are pretty much more than first responders,” you said, shaking your head, “dealing with your personal feuds and protecting us at the same time. Thank you for your service! To say that we appreciate you would be an understatement.”

“Kind words, Y/N,” Tomas replied humbly, “And we likewise thank you for your service. We would be in a much more difficult position if it were not for what you do for us.”

The rest of the conversation involved tying up loose ends about your arrangements and during this time, Minou decided to jump on the table make friends with Tomas some more by exchanging head bonks and purrs for scratches and praises.

You offered Tomas more tea, which he accepted. Once this was done, you decided to set up his bed. You unfolded the couch, put on the bedding sheets, two pillows (you made sure to buy memory foam ones, and the down duvet, which had its own duvet covers.

It was an hour before you went to bed so you decided to lay out the ingredients for breakfast on the counter (save the eggs and bacon, because heaven forbid you inconvenience your guest with food poisoning!).

For his lunch, you made something quick, but made sure that it was as nutritious as hell, because, neurotic much? You cut some herbs and vegetables to be roasted with two chicken legs which you seasoned well and with olive oil and chicken rub. You threw that in the 400 F preheated oven for an hour. While that was in the oven, you made some pilaf which you flavoured with minced garlic, mushrooms and chicken stock. Once this was done, you scooped the piping hot rice into one side of a large two compartment container and washed the pot and some utensils. Once the chicken was done, you first scooped the roasted veggies on the other side, then the chicken legs on top of the rice and veggies. You set the lid on top but not fully covered to let steam escape so that it would cool down before you put the whole thing in the fridge. 

Boy do you have A LOT to get used to for the next month! No more being a night owl for the next month or so, and thankfully, you had a week’s practice to sleep earlier, even though you obviously needed more than that.

You noted that Tomas was observing you with a smile. Deep down, you felt scrutinize, but pushed the feeling down, as you were most likely overthinking things.

“You are taking this far too seriously, Y/N,” he chuckled, “I can see that you enjoy cooking. I am excited to try your food, it smells great!”

Maybe it’s how you’re perceiving things. On first impression, he seemed polite and friendly; in fact you felt that he was too polite that it was making you uneasy. You were a suspicious person by nature, especially when it comes due to having been surrounded by polite people in the past that showed their true colors down the road. You didn't think that he was like this, as you have just met him and so far there were no issues, so you concluded that you were overthinking things to prevent yourself from seeing him through that lens.

You shrugged it off and replied in a nonchalant tone, “I haven’t billeted one of you guys in a while, so I need to be on my A-game. I’ve been accused of being neurotic at times, but I feel it’s justified.”

“I like your attention to details and how focused you are. I’m a little concerned, as you seem…how do I say this, uneasy,” he explained, piercing eyes staring at you.

“What do you mean?” You asked, trying to hide the fact that you are due to fighting your own internal thoughts. You made yourself continue to clean to avoid his eyes, “I’m ok.”

There was an uncomfortable pause and when you raised your head, he kept his eyes on you still.

“WILL YOU STOP STARING AT ME???” You mentally screamed at him, “YOU’RE MAKING ME UNCOMFORTABLE!!”

“What?” You asked, still scrubbing the glass dish under the running water. Being stared at and scrutinized irritates you in general, and you can feel yourself starting to head there.

“I see…,” he said gingerly, followed by another silent pause, “Anyways, who was the last person you billeted?”

Saved.

“Ashrah. She’s a doll!”

“A “doll”?”

“It’s one way of saying she’s amazing with a great personality, like, she’s a peach or she’s a gem.”

Tomas nodded, “Ah, yes, she is amazing.”

You washed the rest of your dishes and cleaned up the kitchen. Once the dish with the chicken has cooled down enough, you secured the lid and placed it the fridge after asking if that amount was enough for lunch.

“Goodness, that’s plenty!” He exclaimed, eyes brightening appreciatively.

“Good.” If you had guests, you have the quirk of cooking way more food to make sure that nobody starves to death.

After cleaning the kitchen, both of you decided to call it a night. Minou did not curl up between your legs that night like she usually does, and Bijoux was still hiding under your bed with her ears flat against her head when you tried to coax her out.

******************

The next week was the week of settling into your routine. You found that getting up at 4:00 pm after being disciplined enough to sleep at 8:00 pm was no problem at all, mainly because your psyche won’t allow you to jeopardize Tomas’ mission. Negative reinforcement has usually worked when something important is involved.

The both of you went about as planned, having the first breakfast of his stay. You’ve made scrambled eggs, bacon, and banana blueberry pancakes with oats, the latter which in your opinion was ok as you normally don’t eat breakfast, let alone make it. You went overboard with the assortment of fruits, nuts, granola bars and Greek yogourt. Plus, there was an assortment of juices, milk, almond milk, oat milk, and your lactose-free milk.

You had to warn Tomas about keeping the bagels in the bread box as Bijoux, the grumpy calico, was obsessed with bagels. The two cats were kept in your workshop while you had breakfast, to their disappointment, and their miserable meows serenaded your ears, which you apologized for, assuring Tomas that you weren’t an abusive cat mom.

You cleared the table once done, reheated his lunch and packed it in an insulated lunch bag. The cats were let out once their wet food and automatic dry food feeder has been filled and had full water dishes. You drove him to the muster point.

You went about your workday and once done, you picked up Tomas from Lisa’s friends place once work was done and went home for dinner. Rinse, repeat.

The week went by smoothly with no problems (thank the gods!) and there were no complaints coming from him. Again, he remained polite and respectful.

While the weekends were more relaxing for you, as you had no work, the warriors worked 7 days a week. You hoped that they got compensated well for that, and that is also part of the reason why you always go above and beyond when you billet them.

On Sunday evening, you passed an area of the living room where Tomas was having a private phone conversation with someone; he had his back towards you.

“It has been uneventful so far, Kuai Liang. No threats yet.”

As you didn’t want to eavesdrop, you went about preparing dinner after locking the kitties in your workshop. Again, the miserable meows filled the air.

When the pot of vegetables that you had cooked in a pot filled with vegetable broth and coconut cream started to boil, you pureed the mix with your immersion blender until the pot magically turned a beautiful vibrant orange. You added more salt, sugar, cracked pepper and spices to taste until you had achieved a desired balance.  

You then proceeded to make a simple apple salad with a sweet and tart citrus vinaigrette that paired well with a large pork roast that you had in the oven, and then toasted slices of sour dough with the roasted garlic and herb compound butter that you made a few days ago. There was also gravy ready made on the stove. Since it was the fall, you wanted to make something season appropriate.

Once that was done, you set the table and started to bring out the food. While you were doing so, you overheard this:

“There have been no problems with my host so far. I have been properly spoiled with home made meals…………Well, she is nice enough, but she’s too serious. Cagey. I’ve been observing her and my first impression is that she seems uneasy around me, like she’s scared of me!” This was followed by loud laughter by the person on the other line.

You stopped moving and were taken aback.

“………Actually, in fairness to her, I do remember her reaction when I mentioned being……(more laughter on the receiving end)…....no, it’s not funny!.........What?? Since when am I intimidating??.....(……….”yeah, man!”).....I  also look too serious? It’s never my intent to…………..Cut it out! I do NOT look like a Russian villain!”

You kept moving and managed to finish setting the table and let slipped a silent stifled giggle. You couldn’t help but wanted to eavesdrop, even though you know you shouldn’t.

“I don’t know how to get her to be more comfortable around me,” Tomas hissed quietly, “…………Oh, really?..............That’s the thing, I’m not, though!” He let out an exasperated sigh, “You know what? I’m hanging up now!”

You decided to hang out in the kitchen and pretended to finish up.

There was a delightful exclamation of “Oooh! This looks amazing!” from where the dining table is.

“What would you like to drink?” You asked from behind the counter, opening the glass.

“Lemonade, please.”

You filled a tall glass with his juice of choice and you settled for a hot apple cider and took the glassed to the table.

“By the way, you don’t have to lock the cats in. I am fine with them roaming around,” he said reassuringly.

“I didn’t want them jumping on the counter while I’m making food, nor do I want them on the table while we’re eating, because, you know? Litter paws. Germs.”

“Fair enough. I feel bad for them, though.”

You began carving the pork roast while Tomas bowed his head and said, “Itadakimasu!”, and then helped himself to the salad and toast. All the while, you gave no indication that you overheard the conversation he was having with Kuai Liang, but in the back of your mind, you were dying to know what they were saying about you.

[thefanboyhub]

I said I could make an essay about why Cleaning/Organizing is one of my strongest coping skills so I am going to because I can.

(Writing and explaining myself are my other coping skills 😔)

Uhhhh TW: Trauma ✨(?)

For starters one of the things I've been forced to do since a young age— mostly due to the whole gender standards but also because of lazy fucking adults in my life— is clean. I would clean anything and everything, all they had to do was ask and I had to follow. It wasn't really that bad until after foster care. One of my mom's boyfriends at the time was a lazy piece of shit, claimed to be disabled but he wasn't, he was just extremely lazy and obese (not fat shaming but he was very clearly the unhealthy kind of fat, y'know the kind that actually does kill you) plus he didn't want to work. He'd have me and my brother do the laundry, have me clean just about everything (all at 8 years old by the way) except vacuuming because I wasn't tall enough to do it right.

That's wasn't the bad though I honestly didn't mind it unless it was a massive mess and made me wanna kill myself with how gross it was. The part that really traumatized me is a two parter and involves my oh so lovely Gran (she can fucking die and I'd be leaping with joy).

First part is the fact that if I didn't do a chore (which of course as the only "girl" and because girls "do things better than boys" I had to do the dusting, cleaning the table, vacuuming, and the bathroom I shared with my brothers, plus mopping once a month, my laundry and help my Gran do everyone else's laundry, AND CLEAN NY ENTIRE ROOM.) right or her way, I would have to redo it. I would have to redo it until I did it right. If it looked like I didn't vacuum, I was forced to revaccum the entire house again. If I didn't clean the baseboards right she would make me move everything off the walls and clean it entirely. When we had stairs, if I didn't clean them right I would have to redo them again. On top of repeating these chores over and over again I also got basically all my privileges taken: Phone, TV, Art supplies, my books a few times, going outside, and other stuff I can't remember.

Which led to the second part of this. I would clean and organize my room for fun when I had stuff taken from me. What else was I gonna do? I couldn't just sit there and daydream or sleep, I would be yelled and and grounded longer for that. So I daydreamed while I cleaned and organized my room. Sometimes I'd reorganize our kitchen and stuff, anything to be busy and not get yelled at or get brownie points so I can have something back.

This slowly became a habit for me. Grounded? Time to rearrange my stuff. Stressed? Clean the bathroom. Trying not to cry because she's right there yelling at you for attitude again for the tenth time this morning? Time to deep clean my room. Anything negative would trigger my response to clean and organize. Even if it's already clean I would clean it. It even got to the point where I clean myself too. I developed germaphobia. I was almost diagnosed by this one therapist I was forced to see at one point with OCD because of the cleaning habits. Fun times.

But some other stuff that contributed to the whole cleaning coping skills would be that it gives me control, a blank start, and physical activity. Moving furniture around, cleaning the walls (oh yeah she made me clean a wall with a toothbrush once. Halfway up the wall she let me switch to a rag so eh.) on my hands a knees scrubbing the tile floor of the kitchen. It helps me get the aggression that my mom and I worked so hard to keep under a tight hold out of my system. It makes me feel as if I have a new start when I'm in a clean space, specifically if I cleaned it. On top of that I also feel on control. The act of cleaning is controlling the environment. I have control over what I clean and how.

Anyways. This was all started because of today. I lost a friend (they aren't dead they just don't want to be friends with me anymore). I struggle with social situations and for 7 years I only had one friend and she left about a year ago. I was 15 when I finally started to have more than one friend. I've basically lost everyone at this point minus one maybe two but even then they get along better so yeah. I suck at making friends, socializing, and all that stuff. Which also means when I lose a friend it causes me great distress and makes me freak the fuck out. I started cleaning my room at 9 pm and I only got done with it at 10:23 pm so yeah. Coping skills yuh.

[anaskinnystyle]

Some tips to not binge !!💘

(i guess you could say tips?)

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Feel your collarbones, feel the bones. if your not showing yet, tighten up your chest/shoulders and feel them. that, right there, is a reason to not binge. imagine how many more days, WEEKS until there showing more, more boney, more deep in, until your ribs are showing, your spine is showing, your shoulder bones are showing.

give it time. it’ll work.

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i personally like working out anytime i feel hungry, doing a couple sit ups or whatever or the urge to binge.

i also like cleaning my room, making my bed, vacuuming, or organizing my dresser.

taking a shower helps alottt!! TRUST.

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GROSSPO. works like a charm (for some)

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Sometimes meanspo works, i know some people think it’s cringe and stuff but it works for me. i’ve always been bullied for my weight and stuff ig that’s why i now have a ed 😍😍

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I want you to think to yourself for a minute ••••

why are you doing this?

what made you want to do this in the first place?

why did you want to fast/⭐️arve in the first place??

why did you want to lose weight.

what made you want to look thin and small and fragile and beautiful.

you’re almost there. don’t give up just because you can’t see the results yet.

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YOU got this. you only have yourself in this. DONT give up just because of something (the feeling of hunger) that last only a couple minutes. You got this lovelies :)

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i also wanted to say, i wouldn’t wish this on anybody. all body’s are beautiful, ALL. just not mine lol. and the reason i post like this, is because i know what it’s like to wake up every day and hate what you see. to envy others. it sucks and it’s draining. and knowing myself, i come up here to find tips and thin$pos, and i know others do that too and i’d be pissed off if somebody didn’t help me knowing their doing the same thing. So please

don’t report

just block.

[hiddenst0rms]

snexting huh...so tell us about a time you couldn't hold back

OMG this made me dhdvbhdfbdfhbdf. Okay. This was a few years ago. I had to deep clean a room that hadn't been cleaned in at least a decade, if not longer. I had thought it was just gonna be organizing stuff. Getting rid of stuff for donation and trash. You know, that sort of thing. What I hadn't been expecting was basically catching up on years of dusting all at once by moving around all the furniture. I'm talking caked gray dust on everything that got kicked up. Constantly vacuuming and emptying the containers.

Now I didn't think it would affect me since I'm not allergic and I was wearing a mask but pretty soon my nose started to itch. I was with people and I absolutely refused to sneeze from this in front of them. So I fought it off by sniffling as silently as I could until I had to sneeze SOOO bad and my nose was running like crazy. I basically ran to the bathroom every 10 minutes to stifle the most intense fits I have ever had in my entire life. I was pinching my nose in between blowing my nose for what felt like minutes at a time. It was so frustrating not being able to let them out, and even more frustrating because every time I got my nose under control, I immediately felt sneezy again once I returned to that room. I even volunteered to bring a very dusty picture frame to a different room bc I neeced space to clean it off, just so I could sneeze in private (yes, that task made me sneeze a bunch. Yes, they were all stifled). I was so glad to take a hot shower when I got home, yet horribly mortified by the whole ordeal.

Come to think of it - this is the third self obs I can think of that involves me sneezing from moving furniture around. This, my other post from a few days ago, and then another time I deep cleaned my bed and sneezed a bunch of times rapidly when I dropped my mattress to the box spring. Perhaps there's a trend.

[meditating-dog-lover]

Cleaning - my skin is happy

So I have a 4 day weekend, which is great because work can be exhausting. However I know my skin was going to get irritated because my house is cluttered.

I know allergens and irritants do trigger my skin. I know eczema is an inflammatory condition. So are painful menstrual cramps, which I used to struggle a lot with. Now since I started taking vitamin D and fish oil for inflammation, my cramps are much more tolerable, to the point where I feel fatigued and sleepy and some pain (I don't feel like the women running around in white pants in the commercials) but it's much better than how I felt in the past, where I would stay home from work/classes laying in bed crying. I know that if I reduced my inflammation, there is something that causes eczema and not period cramps that I haven't addressed it. And of course, allergens and irritants are definitely a trigger.

My diet has been good and I'm eating anti-inflammatory foods and I'm drinking a lot of matcha tea. I'm taking vitamin D and omega-3 fatty acids for anti-inflammatory nutrients, and spirulina (I've gotten used to the taste). I'm not eating a lot of sugar and junk. I know diet is a huge component when it comes to inflammation, but it's not 100%. Though it's definitely a huge important factor which is more important than others. In fact I might even cancel my appointment and speak to my aunt about this.

But there is most certainly an allergen component, because my skin clears up at work where there is good ventilation. My face was so red yesterday and I took an allegra pill and applied some benadryl gel to my hands, face, and neck. My mom, who also deals with bad allergies and had severe eczema when she was my age, told me that would help. This morning I woke up and spent the entire day cleaning my room. Removing a ton of clutter and stuff I do not need. Sometimes it goes way beyond just vacuuming, dusting, and running an air filter. It needs hours of decluttering. I'm so satisfied and relieved. I got rid of so much stuff I do not need. My skin feels better already. I feel like I can breathe in my room.

On top of my anti-inflammatory diet and supplementation, my next step is to declutter my house and just organize and being up to date with cleaning. This will help so much. My skin is less angry at me. So diet and decluttering are 2 main goals I want to develop for now.

Other sources of irritation are gut inflammation and toxin exposure, which is why I take the spirulina. Taking that doesn't require as much effort as cooking and buying anti-inflammatory foods and deep cleaning my house. But it is worth scheduling an appointment with my doctor to discuss all this. And how I can guarantee a healthy gut and toxin removal. Again it's as simple as finding a supplement and taking it regularly. It's not something that requires active maintenance like an anti-inflammatory diet and decluttering. Nor do I think they are as important. But it's worth asking about both.

The next step would be to do autism testing. It's quite hard to book an appointment, unfortunately. Not many offices near me offer it. But I know it will work out.

Final steps would be to consistently workout and go to a dentist with my mom.

So overall the main goals would be to stick to my anti-inflammatory diet and to declutter and clean my house regularily. Then we'll see where the next step takes me. I don't want spend a lot of time, energy, and money on seeing doctors and my mom and sister have been more helpful in many ways than doctors have been. Such as recommending an anti-inflammatory diet and how to effectively clean and manage allergies. My dad told me about intermittent fasting and may aunt about spirulina. Sometimes our loved ones know best.

It can also help to switch to less irritating cleaning and skin/hair products like soaps, cleansers, shampoos, body washes, deodorants, laundry detergents, and dish soaps. Even maybe a shower water filter attachment. This is another goal to look into and I'm not really good and finding alternatives. I'll see.

[1ndonlyhawa]

Summer Glow Up Guide

Summer vacations have started for most people, meaning it's the perfect time to start working on yourself, adopt new habits and improve your health. You guys asked me for a glow-up guide, so here we go! <3

Eating healthier, let's be real; we all know that the first step to a healthy glow is a healthy diet. Try adding some smoothies, proteins (like yogurt, chicken, tofu...), and healthy fats (avocados, nuts...) to your meals.

Skincare. Now is the perfect time to try some new products! My favorite brands are The Ordinary, La Roche Posay, Pixi, Lancome, and Neutrogena.

Meditation, 5-10 minutes in the morning, is enough; it helps you to focus, calm down and be mindful. You can find guided meditation videos on youtube.

New Hairstyle, get a new haircut, and try some new styles! (inspo on my Pinterest)

Journaling, I started journaling not too long ago and love it! It helps me plan my day and get things out of my mind.

Haircare, get a trim, and say bye to your split ends! you can also try some new products; I personally like Lush and Olaplex. (let me know if you want a long hair guide <3)

Practise your make-up skills! Something that helped me improve was practising right before I shower, so I can just wash it off!

Deep cleaning rooms, vacuum, clean your windows, empty your trash, and so on...

Get a manicure, I'm personally a long acrylics type of girl, but even if that's not your thing, a simple manicure makes a HUGE difference. Clean nails are a must!!

Drinking more, I probably don't have to tell you that, lol.

Self-tan contour, not having to wear make-up is such a flex so let's just fake that make-up-less beauty by contouring with self-tanner ;)

New outfits that fit, it's time to get some new stuff that makes you feel beautiful and confident!

Exercising and getting toned feels awesome! try some youtube workouts; my favourites are from Daisy Keech, she's so sweet <3

New jewellery, get some cute signature pieces; you can also look for some unique pieces while on vacation and keep them as memories.

Fresh Instagram feed, go and take some pictures! You can look for inspiration on my Pinterest; I have a board called 'Pictures to recreate' that might be helpful!

Find a signature scent; this is something fun you can do with your friends! Go to Sephora and just try perfumes until you find one that fits you.

Sleep schedule, even though it's tempting to stay up late, now is the perfect time to fix your sleep schedule.

Go out every day, go for a walk, listen to a podcast, take some pictures, you know it...

Read more; it really calms your mind and helps you relax.

Facemasks, I do face masks at least twice a week

Be nicer

Down below I also listed some 'Challenge Days' that you can try when you don't have anything planned and don't want to waste your day!

•┈••✦ Self-care-day  ✦••┈•

meditate + exercise

bubble bath

exfoliate

shave (if you like)

hair care

skincare (morning + evening)

try the self-tan contour

get your nails done

lotion

healthy meals

don't skip breakfast (My favourite meal!)

read Something

call a friend

go on a walk + listen to music or a podcast

track your water intake

go to sleep early

•┈••✦ Deep clean day ✦••┈•

throw away everything that doesn't fit you anymore

throw away old makeup (IT CAN EXPIRE)

change your bed sheets

vacuumed the floor

clean your windows

clean every surface

empty your trash

re-organize your closet

do your laundry

clean all your shoes

delete all the apps you don't use

clean your camera roll

get a carpet cleaner and clean your carpets

wash all your pillowcases

[forzalife]

Single Mom on NYE

What do you do on New Year's Eve? Do you get ready and go to a party? Do you dress up? Do you cook?

As the clock ticks down to midnight on New Year's Eve, the prospect of spending the evening at home paints a picture of warmth, reflection, and connection. For many, it's a deliberate choice to bid farewell to the old year and welcome the new one in the embrace of familiar surroundings.

Imagine a cozy living room decorated with twinkling lights and gold glitter decorations. The scent of a homemade meal or special New Year's Eve cookies and cookies wafts through the air, creating a sense of anticipation and celebration. Perhaps there's a playlist of favorite songs playing softly in the background, setting the mood for the evening.

All that stuff sounds so magical...however, that is not what is going down in my house. My son is jumping on the couch watching cartoons, while I bake more blueberry muffins. There are NO board games laid out or soft music playing. The only anticipation I have is putting my son to bed after a bit of the war zone of fireworks outside. My house is filled with the smell of Lysol and baked goods. Take a deep breath...take it all in.

The beauty of celebrating at home lies in the simplicity and authenticity of the experience. It's a chance to set intentions for the coming year, express gratitude for the moments passed, and create a sense of renewal within the comfort of one's own space.

(Peep the can of mixed greens in the background.)

Picture this...I put my son to bed. He is asleep in my bed so I can sleep through the night. #Win I have swept the kitchen, living room, office, hallway, entrance and my son's room. Now to spray and mop the entire house. The toys are picked up, the rugs have been vacuumed and the trash is outside. Don't forget, I washed all the dishes (the dishwasher is broken.) The muffins are baked and while you were at it, you managed to bake two dozen cookies. (Who are you feeding lady? You are single.) It's me, just over achieving over here.

Growing up in my superstitious household we had to do a number of things. All the Christmas décor had to be put up and stored away. The clothes had to be washed and the whole house cleaned. In our house it was bad luck to keep Christmas out after January 1. Also, you were forbidden to wash or dry clothes on New Year's Day. If so, you would run the risk of 'washing someone out' of the family. My family says, What you do on New Year's Day is how you will spend the rest of the year. So, if you are working, then working. Relaxing and enjoying family, then relaxing and enjoying the fam.

Now that I am in my forties, I don't believe all that stuff, however old habits die hard. I did take down the Christmas decorations, downsized them, organized them and labeled the storage bins. Again, its me being extra over here. I did take about three days to slowly get the house a little cleaner. I did wait to put my son to bed to get the floor completely clean. I wanted it to be clean at least six to eight hours before getting dirty again, even it was while we slept. There is nothing like coming home or waking up to a clean space.

Now, whether it's a lively countdown with confetti and cheers or a quiet moment of reflection under the stars, New Year's Eve at home embodies the spirit of embracing the future while cherishing the present—a meaningful transition from one year to the next within the sanctuary of home can be peaceful.

While I am grateful for 2023 and ready for 2024. The anxiety and anticipation for the New Year is a bit to take in. I am grateful for my son, my therapy, my therapist, my business and what the Lord has done and is going to do this New Year.

What are you grateful for? What do you look forward to in the New Year?

[shojoboy]

i feel like i cant keep living like this. i feel like i have to get rid of my cats. this would suck so bad especially with rippy because shes my angel but i feel like im going insane. it was 95 degrees this weekend and i didnt get any cleaning done because of the heat and the house is a hovel. it look like it hasnt been cleaned in years. caked in absolute filth. i dont know what im doing. wrong. i cant live like this. i have to spend all my days off cleaning and priorotizing the house and after a whole day of cleaning its disgusting immediately. the next day its disgusting. i clean the litter boxes and one of them immexdiately shits or pisses in front of me. the house is falling apart and its badly made so the filth gets in the cracks between things and in the floor and the walls and i cant clean it and i know its there. and it makes me want to puke. right now i need to do the dishes deep clean at least one bathroom vacuum and mop and do all my laundry. and then after that i should clean the fridge honestly and organize all my things which are strewn about and zetas stuff thats strewn about. its so much and i just worked all day and it feels futile + my executive functioning is shit. zeta is useless. they only clean if i directly tell them to and give them exact instructions and theyre never here cuz theyre always out HAVING FUN or GETTING EXERCISE meanwhile i cant think about myself at all becuas ei need to prioritize my work the house and the cats. and i have no friends. and even i did i couldnt go out because im TIRED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[ginkgoleaves]

It's already been 3 weeks since I've been at my parents and time has passed by super quick. I only have 1.5 week left.

These are the things I still gotta finish before leaving -

Clean fridge

Recorganize kitchen cabinets

Deep clean oven - low priority

Clean up the backyard a bit, mow , prune some bushes.

Organize patio

Wash living room rug

Organize the closet in my room - low priority

Collect allll the vases and big bowla my mother has collected and think of something to do with them - idk why she has so many...

Help my brother figure out his student loan stuff for college

Get blood work done myself and see my doctor

Put things up for sale on FB marketplace

I got a new mower and weed wacker on a really good deal so I'm excited to use those. I also got a Dyson vaccum for alot less than orginal which I think is a good purchase but my mum still wants a robot vacuum and idk how I feel about those.

I'm cleaning the kitchen currently at 1am because I got a burst of energy and motivation.

I also wanna get more plants for the house but my mum is like "nah I can't take care any more" when we barely have like 5 houseplants.

My brother has his driving test tomorrow. It's such a big deal. I'm so nervous for him. I hope all goes well.

Anyways I wish adults had summer vacations... We deserve it more than the kids tbh.

[glittergutts]

3 hours and 2.5 bags of trash later, under my bed is finally cleaned, vacuumed, and organized.

These crazy deep cleaning projects pump me up so much that it feels like drugs, which as a recovering addict, I really really enjoy life's highs because it doesn't happen often.

I have a stack of books to move out of my room and then my room will be fucking spotless. Which means I'll be buying paint as soon as we have the money for it.

I'm so excited to be remodeling my room with Chris because we've been had a lot of fun getting everything ready.

Now I just need to scrub the empty aquariums so I can put them and all their stuff out of my hallway and into the garage. Then I can chil for a little bit. I worked hard today, it was super emotional seeing the ultrasound of my twins </3 I had a good cry and moved it to a safe place because it's all I have of the baby I lost.

The other day I found some stickers with my grandma's address from when I was probably 5 or younger and that made me cry too.

Seeing all these things is really heavy and hard but it feels good to be feeling something...I cried because my life is so beautiful and it's flying by so fast.

[lightbehindthecloudz]

Now that I've moved partially into my new place, I can finally get to business doing my favorite thing on Earth: deep cleaning filthy things and finding places to put my stuff in spaces that don't have many surfaces. I'm kidding, I hate this. I'm so tired of it. I'm hell bent on executing my plan to become financially independent and move on to some sort of space that I own, that no one else has already fucked up, that I don't have to spend precious life energy cleaning. It's just endless. I seriously am stuck in a loop. Clean, set up, organize, fine tune, reorganize, clean again, rearrange, de-clutter, re-arrange again, clean again, and no matter what I do, it's always a mess. There's always a mess. But at least I want there to be a home for the mess, so it's a mess that can be put away. Right now there's nowhere to put the mess because there is no furniture or storage. So all of my stuff is in the floor or the bed.

The stuff part isn't even the most annoying aspect of moving in here. This place is filthy. Certified Class AAA Filthy. Can't perform basic domestic tasks without deep cleaning something. The microwave, fridge, dishwasher, stove, drawersx and cupboards can't be used until they're cleaned. They are filthy. Unusabky filthy. Can't use the back yard, can't wash laundry, can't place a single item on the garage floor. Because it's so filthy. The washing machine has caked on gunk, there are hard water deposits on all the sinks, the downstairs bathroom is saturated in human piss. The sink is also cracked.

I did degrease and vacuum part of the garage floor, and I vacuumed and hosed down the back yard. But I'm just one person and literally every single millimeter of this place has to be cleaned. The ceiling fans are furry, the blinds are more dust than plastic. The air filter in the hallway 😱😱😱. Even the floorboards are fucked up, and there are a lot of gaps, and in the gaps is all sorts of who the fuck knows what. The closet carpet is dark, dark brown. The walls, the floorboards, the door jams, everything. Water damage in the cupboards.

The toilet seat is cracked...

There's so much soap scum in the shower door it's like it's frosted glass.

All I want to do is live a life where I'm not fucking living in fucking filth anymore. For fucks sake. I'll get there.

[meditating-dog-lover]

Eczema update 03/14

So my allergy patch test showed up as negative. I did not react to any of the patches, at least not strongly. I still have to wait until tomorrow just in case anything may develop, but it seems like this isn't the cause of my eczema. But the test was definitely worth taking.

I got the results for my food sensitivity test back and it was inaccurate. It says I'm sensitive to gluten, egg white, and cow milk. But I do not react or experience inflamed skin when consuming these, and I know gluten, dairy and eggs are common triggers for some people. While I do get inflammation after eating certain foods, like tomatoes, I doubt it is the ultimate root cause because I've eaten these foods in the past with no issues.

I take vitamin D and omega 3 fatty acids, which are key anti-inflammatory nutrients that can help with eczema and most people are deficient in, but I'm not seeing a huge change unfortunately. I got the air purifier and its built-in sensor says the air quality in our house is clean. But our house is dusty and finding ways to effectively deep clean it while making it fun and not boring should be necessary. I vacuumed a lot over the weekend, the next step is to clean tables and counters and to clean my car.

My hands are red, inflamed, and dry. They are more red than the rest of my arm and the color shade and texture and dryness is different as well. I have a spot on my neck and by my left collarbone. I have redness around my mouth and cheilitis. Thankfully it is looking slightly better today and is less inflamed. But it still needs some time to heal of course. Perhaps the liver detox supplement is helping? Though it's too early to tell, I need maybe 1-2 months.

This got worse since I got back from Cyprus.

I can narrow this down to 2 things - gut health and detoxing. I vacuumed the house, cleaned the vents, ordered an air purifier, and started taking liver detox supplements. My patch test was negative and my food sensitivity test was inaccurate. Vitamin D, zinc, and omega 3 fatty acids did not sufficiently help me, though flaxseed helps to an extent for sure.

I have a phone call with a functional doctor next week and we can go over some solutions and tests related to gut health and detoxing. I've heard of many people who cleared their eczema through detoxing. When I say gut health, I don't really mean probiotics. I mean that the gut, just like the liver, lungs, and kidneys, is a detoxing organ and can accumulate junk and toxins and pathogens from some of the stuff we eat and swallow every day. So a safe yet effective detoxification method can help get rid of these triggers and can clean the gut. Probiotics/adding good bacteria to a compromised gut isn't going to solve it. The solution is to detox the gut. Same thing with the liver, which is why I'm taking milk thistle and dandelion.

I just started Anthony William's book "Cleanse to Heal" where he talks about detoxification that is useful for those with autoimmune conditions, which he states is due to the abundance of pathogens (like viruses and harmful bacteria) and toxins (like heavy metals and pesticides). All of us are exposed to environmental toxins and pathogens on a daily basis, and for some people this can cause irritation and even autoimmunity. I started the book today and I'm already on Chapter 7, and it's almost 600 pages long. I haven't gotten to the cleansing chapter yet, but I'll get there tomorrow as it's 2 chapters ahead from where I currently am. He is a fan of juicing, especially celery juice. I made some on Sunday and hated the taste. But if there is some healthy juice or tea I can prepare that can help with the cleansing process along with the dandelion and milk thistle, then I'll give it a shot. Of course I don't want to overdo it. I am drinking herbal hibiscus tea at work, but I'm drinking it because I like the taste and it helps me relax as I read, not to "cleanse'. I don't know if that's making any difference.

To tame the itching for now, I ordered an anti-inflammatory cream from Amazon that has very good reviews (Eau Thermale Avène XeraCalm A.D Lipid-Replenishing Cream). I put some flaxseed oil and steroids on my hands this morning. I put steroids on because I cannot put up with the discomfort and redness anymore. But applying an anti-inflammatory topical can help because I've been using petroleum jelly all this time and it's not necessarily anti-inflammatory.

In the healing journey at the very least I can apply an anti-inflammatory topical, but not a steroid of course. It's the only anti-inflammatory I have that isn't drying and doesn't leave a white cast (like zinc oxide does, even though it's harmless). Topicals would give some immediate relief as I'm healing and recovering slowly internally. And it's fine to use topicals, I just don't believe it is the only solution (again eczema isn't skin deep, it should also be treated internally) and believe it should not be a steroid.

I am mentally all over the place now and am frustrated and annoyed. But like I did last year, I will heal myself again and again. I've never gotten my detoxing and gut health professionally evaluated. So when I do, I feel like it can offer some useful insight. And I'm exposed to stuff all the time, in my car, walking outside, in my house, the foods I eat even if they're healthy, the water I drink, filling gas, etc... I absolutely cannot avoid any of these, but I can find ways to take a break and cleanse effectively.

And I may end up spending a lot of money on this, but it is worth it in the end because I don't believe a single cent I spend on my health and wellbeing is a waste (except for the food sensitivity tests, boo).

I'll do what I can now, clean the house, avoid tomatoes (temporary goal until the inflammation is tamed), take the detox supplement, use my air purifier, use an anti-inflammatory topical (non-steroid), meet with the doctor, maybe drink some juice along with the liver detox supplement, etc... Even though I don't want to overwhelm myself with supplements.

But detoxing can help definitely, though it takes time. And I'll get my gut health evaluated to see if I a absolutely need something like l-glutamine in case there are signs of leaky gut (this can also contribute to eczema because loose gaps in the gut lining can allow pathogens and toxins to enter the bloodstream and create inflammation and autoimmunity). I doubt I have any gut problems though, it anything I barely experience gastrointestinal discomfort. So I'm assuming I just need a detox boost. I'll see what the doctor recommends.

[thea-dacity]

Thinking about the last time that she had a flounce of this variety, which was last September (2022). Like she's always simmering but it usually takes something that I said in passing to someone else to get her to snap like this and I know its always something like... she's been talking to her mother, or one of B's moms said something, or something just hasn't been going right for some reason and she needs to make us feel bad about doing normal things.

On this instance of last September, it was because I had said to B that we apologize in advance if we seem to be hogging the playstation in the coming month because Genshin was having a major map update and we might need to be reminded that the outside world exists.

It was a lighthearted conversation between me and B about our various videogame habits because like... they also hog the consoles from time to time so we're all very aware of our faults.

The next morning at... 4am, because she gets the insomnia bad, A tells us through the chat that if we were TRULY sorry for hogging HER playstation (it was a gift from B, and we were given permission to use it within reason) then we would help her out with the chores in the house because she's the ONLY person doing housework.

September is my busy season at work. I am working almost 40 hours and I drive 300 miles a week, but I still find time to be home to make dinner, shop groceries, plan meals, do dishes. B works 40 hours a week all year round and sometimes does dishes, but also feeds and entertains the animals, and probably a few other things. Girlfriend... could be better about doing chores but like... we all could be.

A DOES do most of the housework, but she also finds chores that I've never really considered to be done as frequently as they are. Like, for example, she's the only one that comes from a house with smokers and none of us smoke. So I don't consider washing the walls, couch covers, and deep vacuuming to be a weekly thing. And no one told us that these things needed to be done at the specifications she wanted.

So how... was I supposed to know that this needed to be done? And I think it wears on B a lot, too. Because they're autistic, and they don't really pick up on context and they don't really catch social cues and A is from a very... Southern-style upbringing where you don't ask things, you imply that you want them.

And that does not WORK in a house full of autistics. (Personal diagnosis pending, but Girlfriend went to a wedding in my family and... uhh... I trust her judgement when she says my whole family is autistic.)

So we went back and forth with her about what we could do to lighten her load and Girlfriend asked for a list of chores and how often they needed to be done.

It was a... very long list, which included 'organize the garage- pack two boxes a month.' Again- my stuff is what keeps getting shoved in there because it doesn't fit her perfect idea of what a house should look like. So i'm supposed to organize the shit that she shoves around in there. And 'clean the cat tree' which is one of those things where if they were OUR animals we would absolutely be doing this.

Also, why do I need to be organizing the garage? Are we expecting company in there? Is there an inspection I don't know about? Most of the mess in there is unprocessed boxes from amazon and chewy purchases.

But I'm focusing on the wrong thing here.

Remember: the trigger here was that I took a preemptive measure to make sure we weren't hogging a shared item.

I'm getting my ass reamed for being courteous. And the reason she gave was that because I apologized to B instead of A. Because its HER playstation.

The point of this rant other than to blow off some steam is that this particular outburst resembles the one we just had about the car. And in trying to find a common trigger, one of them might be talking to her partner about house matters.

Which I realize is ridiculous. Because how am I supposed to do things like... plan meals and figure out schedules if I can't ask the ONE person in the house that doesn't have a completely open schedule?

I'm trying not to armchair because I'd hate it if I was the shoe was on the other foot. But if I was gonna pick a reason, I'd say it comes down to not feeling like she has total control of the household.

Which is again ridiculous because its four goddamn adults. Adults are gonna make plans without you, and I've been the one in charge of meal planning for the past three years because she dropped the ball on it for three months and I just took charge because someone had to.

But it does make sense that its about control. She does this with B's personal relationships, too. Like anytime B goes to hang out with friends A sulks the whole evening. Like B always extends the offer to her, especially on holiday- like she's been invited to passover every year but she only went once (though... that's religious trauma and she's ... uh... she's got some misconceptions about judaism and has said some.... things that make me wonder if she hasn't quite shaken her mom's antisemitism) But no matter how many times B tries to let her into her social and family circles she refuses and then spends the whole night salty that her partner is out doing something without her.

Sorry, it got away from me again.

But yeah, control. I think the problem is a lack of control. And unfortunately, I don't have a solution to that other than to quit lying to her therapist. (the walls are thin and I can hear everything.)

Anyway, sorry. I finally have like a little bit of freedom to talk about this and its turning into verbal diarrhea.

[toxickittenjen]

10 tips for cleaning a messy room during/after a depressive episode...

1. Set a realistic time goal for completion. I set a goal to have it cleaned by the end of the week. That way I could take my time and not put too much pressure on myself to get it done in a short amount of time

2. Get bins or bags to sort things into. I had a trash bag, a donation bag, a dirty clothes bag, a clean clothes bag, and a knickknack/"TF is this" bag. It really helped keep me organized so I wasn't just moving piles from one place to another.

3. Use the pomodoro method. Set a timer for 30 mins, put on some hype music and start at one corner and work your way to the opposite corner. Throw things into the bags as you work your way down. Rest for at least 15 mins then start the timer again.You can also put on a timer and just pick up clothes or just pick up trash for 30 mins.

4. When bags get full, move them out of your line of sight so you can see the progress being made. I put mine in the hallway

5. Find a body-double friend. I call my girl Tamika and we talk shit for a good hour or so as I clean. The cleaning becomes mindless and I forget I'm actually doing it.

6. Once things are off the ground, pick a bag and get to folding and hanging. I folded a bunch of clothes, put the hanging stuff to the side then put everything up. This also helped me get rid of things Gia and I can no longer fit and helped me bag up summer clothes for storage.

7. Put the donation bags in the damn car, not the trunk, but where you can see them. Some folks say throw them away, I can't do that as someone who lives off hand me downs and donations for Gia.

8. Sort the "TF is this stuff" bag and really ask yourself if you actually need to keep it. Put all the yes stuff up immediately. Everything else...toss it.

9. Put on clean bed linens, vacuum, and light a candle. I also cleansed the air with a lavender/rosemary wand. (Make sure you open a window...iykyk)

10. Sit down, take some deep breaths, and bask in your hard work.

Anymore tips y'all can give someone struggling would be greatly appreciated! Let's help each remove the stigma of depression by talking about it openly.