#cheated a little and did 2 sentences instead for context purposes

[bloggerspam]

i've actually done this game before, but ive been working on my villain!jazz au and am struggling with it. posting a snippet worked last time, so here's that but smaller:

The thing is—the worst thing about all this—is that he’s had to grieve his best friend three times now. When he first became a halfa, when he got taken, when they finally saw him again.

Can you guess who's POV this is from? :)

Not gonna tag anyone bc i did this already, but here you go buddy.

Last sentence tag game

RULES: Post the last sentence you wrote (fanfic / original / anything) and tag as many people as there are words in the sentence.

Thanks for tagging me @mothboypoison!♥

“Every night he would do the same despite being tired from work and his own injuries.”

Tagging: @fyodorkitkat @frankenjoly @techni-kolor @anticidic @irritablepoe @pumpkinsinaugust and anyone who wants to♥

[thoughts-on-bangtan]

Let’s talk: RUN Episode 131

by Admin 1

I know I’ve probably said this about literally every episode but this one was so fun! Admin 2 and I were honestly laughing almost the entire time while also trying our best to follow along their “debates” and just taking in all the chaos. But, I’m getting ahead of myself.

Quick recap: in this episode we’re at the pool that belongs to the same hotel at which they had lunch at the end of the previous episode and the objective is twofold--not get wet and win a debate. That’s basically it, it’s like the mint chocolate debate episode but even more hilarious and with the addition of wet Bangtan.

Something I truly love is how it took vmin exactly 57 seconds (which includes the 18 second long intro) to find some kind of ‘reason’ to hold/shake hands behind JKs back. Because of course they did.

After the whole “mess” that ensued after the Titanic preview picture was posted yesterday, I can basically just say one thing--there was literally no need whatsoever to get all anxious and uncertain about the picture, or anything the shippers made out of it. As always the best course of action, which is the one I usually apply, is waiting until we get the full thing so we have context for what we’re shown in the picture/teaser/scene. It’s like that scene at the end of one of the ITS episodes where Jimin goes to JK to tell him about a supposed leak in his room which was taken way out of context and proportions until we got the next episode a week later and the actual events were completely different from anything and everything that was theorized. 

So, what’s the lesson? Wait until we get the full thing, dear fellow vminnies, that way we can avoid making each other anxious and unsure.

Anyway, let’s get into it by starting with the ‘warm-up’ which consisted of one-on-one “battles” where the members stood on these floating foamy mats being held by two staff members and having to make each other fall into the water by playing the hand pushing game. 

Yoongi VS Jimin -- I like how the two shortest members went against each other, which I’d assume might’ve had something to do with Yoongi’s shoulder and how chances of Jimin hurting him due to his height/size/weight were the smallest as opposed to Namjoon or even Hoseok. Maybe I’m imagining/overthinking things but it seemed like Jimin was a little hesitant/careful in how he approached the game and in the way he touched Yoongi, which honestly is very thoughtful and cute of him if that’s true, considering his shoulder and all. In the end Yoongi, after they basically goofed around more than actually tried to push each other, offers a deal of just doing it once properly, ending in both of them falling in the water since Yoongi leans forward, hugs Jimin and drags him down with him.

Tae VS Hobi -- These two might’ve been the quickest, given how Hobi said he’s scared at least three times and Tae basically use a moment to ‘attack’ where Hobi was distracted by the fact that a moment prior he thought Tae almost would’ve hit him in the face with his forehead on accident. That lucky did not happen, but Hobi did end up in the water and Tae remained on the float and completely dry.

Namjoon VS Seokjin -- Now these two, how can I put my thoughts/feelings into cohesive words and sentences instead of just a long key smash? They were hilarious, and their round definitely took the longest out of all of them, both trying to make the other fall yet simultaneously seeming like they weren’t trying all that hard since neither wanted to land in the water? After all before the game started Seokjin did complain how the RUN crew told him they wouldn’t have to get into the water. And yet, in the end, after a visible moment of contemplation, Namjoon hugs Seokjin (who hugs him back) and they fall into the water together (when I tell you how much I love them, wow).

JK VS Jimin --Here’s where we get the Titanic moment while JK and Jimin stand on the float and are being pulled to the middle of the pool, the members immediately jumping in with Hobi going “Jack, come back” in a breathy voice while Yoongi (?) sings the melody of My Heart Will Go On and everyone is laughing. It was an absolutely hilarious and cute moment. What made me laugh the most during the whole thing were the Jimin heads used to hide whatever, which I as a joke called the “Victoria’s Secret Fantasy Bra (Head Edition)” while talking to Admin 2. During the game itself Jimin and JK are hilarious, slapping each other’s chests and trying different tricks to make the other fall, showing how amazing their core strength and balance is, but eventually Jimin shoves JKs chest and JK falls into the water, winning the game since Jimin “cheated” and thus lost.

Seokjin VS Tae -- Interesting to note is how Jimin remained in the water and close by while these two were playing. Seokjin and Tae though somehow seemed the most chaotic out of all of them, despite Seokjin offering that they should just do it in one go...which didn’t work out. They leaned into each other twice while laughing before starting to “wrestle” until Tae put his arms around Seokjin’s waist and basically threw him into the water while subsequently being pulled after him and falling in as well. Sometimes I think we forget how strong Tae is (though after his BE_log earlier today I doubt we’ll forget that again any time soon).

Once “warm-up” was done, the members were split into two groups of three while one person, the MC, sat in the middle in a glass box (though missing the front glass panel). The rules were established and we basically figured out that there are water canons in front of the seated members and a bigger one releasing water onto the member sitting in the middle. They got words and things they were not allowed to do/say since otherwise they would get splashed.

Safe to say they all fairly quickly looked even more like very wet puppies. I mean look at Yoongi and his cute curly poodle hair, adorable!

The debate portion itself was about “crunchy or soft cereal”, “eggs of peas on jjajangmyeon” and “firm or soft peaches” and truly more chaotic shouting than actually debating. The team members and the “MC” changed for each round, which lasted 11 minutes each. Who debated what was chosen by the crew (or the MC). My highlights for the cereal debate (besides Seokjin cutely complaining how he prefers his cereal soggy and Namjoon equally cutely telling him to just pretend he likes it crunchy) were Yoongi (who was team soggy cereal) and his argument that since Kendrick Lamar eats soggy cereal, that’s basically the winning argument, Namjoon arguing that since “cereal” and “crunchy” both start with a c that’s the only right answer, and Tae arguing that if you eat chocolate cereal it’ll melt and you’ll additionally get chocolate milk so obviously soggy cereal is better. The jjajangmyeon portion had discussions about prices, as well as Hobi (team peas) arguing he doesn’t like seeing animals in pain (which was quickly countered by JK saying he’d just eaten pork before the episode) and Tae generally being appalled by having to argue in favor of peas since he doesn’t like them yet used the argument that his dad likes them so if you argue against them...well. 

And finally the peaches debate had Tae and his galaxy brain using their Chilsung Cider ads as argument and how the peaches in it were firm since they bounced and thus they are better, which JK tried to counter by pointing out that those were just CGI to which Tae basically said he’s insulting their beautiful ads, how dare. I also love how Jimin, who was on Tae’s team, went along with whatever nonsense argument Tae came up with as though it was the most logical one in the world. Just lovely soulmate things, we love to see it. Speaking of nonsensical arguments, you have to give points to Namjoon for his ability to sound like he’s making perfectly sensible and logical arguments while doing, well, the exact opposite. Or Yoongi who just bs-ed his way through the entire thing while acting totally serious about it.

Can we please have a quick look at the following screenshot:

And now, can we please talk about how everyone is nicely sitting in their designated place with space between them...and then there’s vmin who are like magnets because “Space who? We don’t know her”. 

Admin 2 asked me to add their comment/thought about how it looks juuuuust a little as though vmin may or may not have been holding hands below the table, which, I mean, we’ll never know but, at this point (especially after the BE unit unboxing video) I wouldn’t even be surprised if it were true.

At one point when Seokjin became the MC the water kept on coming and coming and the members were desperate to figure out what was the thing they were doing that caused it. Jimin thought it could be the caps that some of them wore, so without hesitation or question, he took off Tae’s cap (bless Jimin for giving us another view at wet hair Tae, truly) and then, I swear, it looks like he wanted to ruffle Tae’s hair yet just a second before making contact he stops himself and instead turns his hand in like a “I’m presenting some kind of argument” way. Adorable.

A final note goes out to the fact that they are wearing white button downs which, I mean, makes perfect sense I guess? And also how the crew gave them bathrobes so they’d stay warm, I’d assume, yet very quickly those were drenched as well thanks to the water canons so it basically defeated the purpose completely. And yet, despite all the water etc they all look fantastic.

Overall it’s a hilarious episode that’ll give your stomach muscles and lungs an amazing workout. Bangtan were their chaotic, loud, and mischievous selves and honestly, I can’t wait to see what else they’ll debate in the next episode.

[youremyonlyhope]

Thoughts on the Shadow and Bone Trilogy

I finished reading the 3rd book 2 nights ago, so I want to document my feelings. Now, I’m planning not to write a lot, but knowing me I’ll probably go on for 1000+ words. (Update: God I’m the worst, it’s 4700 words)

Also apparently yesterday was the 9th anniversary of Shadow and Bone being published, and I swear I did not do this on purpose.

Many spoilers below. And I mean for the Grishaverse in general since I’ve been spoiled for some of the other books already and mention some of those spoilers. So you’ve been warned.

I am new to the fandom. I came from the TV show, loved it, and basically a day after finishing the show I went to my bookstore and bought the first book. I only bought the first one because I wasn’t sure if I wanted to commit to reading a whole new book series or not yet. Depending on how much I liked reading the first book, I’d decide if I was gonna read the rest of the books or just wait until more seasons of the TV show came out.

Honestly, there was a point somewhere in the middle of reading Shadow and Bone where I was like “Hmm... this is fine... but I don’t know if I want to continue this.” I forget which point it was, but something about the first book didn’t completely grab me like the show did. Maybe it was the fact I knew what would happen and was catching little differences that the TV show changed. Maybe it was because I could see why people liked show Mal more than book Mal. Not sure honestly. But by the end I decided I’d buy the rest of the trilogy and finish it.

Really glad I did. I enjoyed Siege and Storm and then Ruin and Rising much more than Shadow and Bone. I especially loved Siege and Storm. I think it’s because of Nikolai.

I knew Nikolai existed because I’d seen comments about the TV show that were like “The new fans will go crazy when the love triangle becomes a square with Nikolai” but I had no context of who Nikolai was or where he came in, just that he would arrive at some point.

When Sturmhond first showed up, I instantly loved him. I think it’s because he called Alina “lovely,” which is a pet name I adore. It’s actually a pet name my mom calls me so it feels more familial to me, but reading it used in a... I don’t want to say romantic since the first time he used it, that wasn’t the main intention. But seeing “lovely” used in a sort of teasing, sort of romantic way made me literally close my book for a second and look up at my ceiling. I had to take a moment. And I thought to myself “If he continues to call her lovely I might die.” because I was shocked at how much I loved the pet name in that context. Then he continued to use it and every single time he did I would do a little gasp of happiness. The “lovely” nickname alone was almost enough to justify me continuing to read the series. I’m sure there are people out there that hate that he calls her that, but I adore it. 

I also KNEW Sturmhond had to be someone. At first I was like this guy can’t just be a one-off character, they’ll either leave the ship after a few chapters but he’ll show up again in the end, or he’s going to be an important permanent character. I had a teeny tiny little inkling that maybe this was Nikolai, but I wasn’t sure about that. Then at one point Alina narrated that Sturmhond had done more for his country than most people would assume, and I was like “That’s a REALLY interesting thing for her to think about... that HAS to be significant.” I think a chapter later Alina thought about the younger prince for some unrelated reason, and I know that was Leigh foreshadowing on purpose, but it took a few more pages after that for me to be like “Wait a second... wait a SECOND... done more for his country... we haven’t met the other prince yet.... is Sturmhond the prince!??!” So you can imagine my joy when I found out he was the prince and his name is indeed Nikolai. Honestly, shout out to the YouTube comments that only mentioned Nikolai’s name and not that he was a prince or Sturmhond because I would have been so mad if that reveal had been spoiled for me.

And it’s funny because while watching the show I saw Prince Vasily in the background and I was like “He’s going to be significant” and then he wasn’t in that season. But I knew a prince would come in eventually, I just guessed the wrong prince. I also gave Vasily too high expectations.

Anyway, I keep reading Siege and Storm, and I find that I’m not hating Mal. He seemed so polarizing from what I’ve seen of the fandom, so I expected to either hate him or love him, and I found I didn’t mind him. I didn’t love him, but I definitely did not hate him. He wasn’t as whiny as I expected, I understood why he was so sulky at the Little Palace. Was it a little frustrating? Yeah. Was he justified? Honestly yeah. He doesn’t feel like he belongs there. And I love Nikolai but he was half dangling his flirtations with Alina in front of Mal for fun. Yet I liked that they were still friends most of the time despite their rivalry.

I think that the ambush at the birthday dinner was REALLY well done. Idiot Vasily. God I was so angry. I didn’t see it coming but I should have known a fancy dinner party like that was wishful thinking. I got lulled into too much of a sense of security. I liked Tolya and Tamar but I don’t know how I feel about them being Sun Soldiers. When did that happen? Did I miss the foreshadowing or was that supposed to truly come out of nowhere? The ambush came out of nowhere but felt right, since I’d been sort of thinking things were going just a teeny bit too well but hoping there was still time before things would go wrong. The Tolya and Tamar betrayal (but not even a real betrayal?) felt random.

The devastation of that battle, though. That was BRUTAL. Oh my god. I’m scared to see what it will look like in season 2 because I could barely read it. It felt like every other sentence was another punch to the gut. I legit just took a minute with my hand over my heart and stare into space while I just replayed everything that went wrong in that battle again. Ugh. So horrible. I loved that that’s where the story went but ahh. It hurt.

It was like Empire Strikes Back or Avatar Book 2, everything has to go incredibly wrong and end on a VERY low note to set up the ending resolved in the next installment.

Is it bad that I sort of wanted Alina to kill the Darkling and herself right then and there in that chapel? I knew she wouldn’t since there was a whole other book for her to be the main character of, but I sort of hoped it would happen. I have thoughts about the Darkling, but I’ll save that for the end.

Onto Ruin and Rising, Genya and David are the MVPs. I love them so much. When watching the first season and reading the first book, seeing Genya side with the Darkling and betray Alina hurt so much, but I hoped that there was more to her story and that wouldn’t be the last of her. Very glad there is, even if she had to be disfigured for us to get all of it. So cruel. The Darkling really likes to do the most cruel things possible to people. More on that later.

Genya confronting the King, calling him out for raping her, rightfully blaming him for getting himself poisoned since he could have been fine if he didn’t touch her, everything about that scene was amazing. I’m so glad Nikolai sided with Genya over his (not)father. I was disgusted at the Queen siding with her husband while still being jealous of Genya when just... ah it was so messed up. And like, I can’t even really blame the Queen for that, since that’s just the story we always see in society all the time. I mean, I blame her, but it’s not unheard of. It’s exactly what you’d expect. The victim being blamed, the spouse of the rapist being mad at the victim for “seducing” him or however they want to rationalize it instead of being mad at their husband for cheating on them and raping a girl in the process. Society brainwashing women to blame other women instead of the men who are hurting both of them. Very glad Genya got her pardon. I wish Nikolai had actually put his father on trial, but I understand he didn’t want to make his position as heir to the throne even more precarious. Slightly selfish on his part, but he was also thinking of the whole country not having a leader, so I get it. The King should have been thankful he gets to be exiled (and SAFE from a war) and not put on trial.

And David’s reaction after all of it. His love confession “I understand metal” ahhhh. I love him. He deserves the world. And Fabrikator or Tailor would be my ideal Grisha powers since imagine the incredible stuff I could sew and crochet and embroider. Amazing. I love them and I love their powers. When David ran to Genya in the chapel at the end of the second book... my heart. These two own my heart. I thought maybe the show was forcing a relationship that wasn’t really there since there wasn’t very much of them in the first book but no, it’s there and I’m here for it.

The Darkling’s attack on the Spinning Wheel. First of all, casting Zoë Wanamaker as Baghra was a stroke of genius. She matches her description perfectly, the sharp angles of her face looking simultaneously youthful yet mature, amazing. How am I going to survive watching her throw herself off of a mountain if I could barely survive reading it?

Speaking of barely surviving, the reason I could barely survive Baghra’s death was because I was BEYOND devastated over Nikolai’s transformation and couldn’t take much more on top of that. When the nichevo’ya grabbed him and flew away, my eyes widened and I had to stop myself from skipping ahead a few lines to see if he’d be ok (a bad habit I have while reading, I’ve spoiled myself so much over the course of my life this way). When we didn’t see him for pages upon pages I was freaking out. Then as he transformed, I could barely read each word. I didn’t want to. It just felt like it was getting worse and worse and worse. My jaw was permanently dropped and I was in near tears. Then when he catches up with them a day later after they escape, and he has blood on face from feeding... God. Why. Why did that have to happen to him?

Infamously, the Buffy Season 2 finale “Becoming Part 2″ made me stop watching the show for a full year. Bare with me, I have a point to bringing this up. I couldn’t go on with the show because of how devastating what happened to Angel was. I didn’t even like Angel. I hated him. With a passion. Yet when he got his soul back right as Buffy stabbed him, and they had to say goodbye, I was so devastated that I couldn’t press play on the next episode. And then I didn’t watch for a year. You can imagine my annoyance when Angel was revived like an episode later and I was quickly back to hating him. Such a waste of time for me to refuse to watch the show for a year, but I was devastated! I couldn’t go on after that!

In Doctor Who, the Season 9 episode Heaven Sent basically devastated me for the last 15 minutes straight as I watched the Twelfth Doctor get stuck in a time loop for 4 billion years, dying over and over again but somehow still persevering. Constantly grieving Clara through all of it, facing truths about himself he never thought he’d tell, more scared than he’d ever been in his life. Never before and never since has there been an episode that made me more devastated for the Doctor than the way Heaven Sent did. It was amazing but torturous to watch because I love Twelve. I felt like screaming for the entire time (and I may have actually screamed but I cannot remember).

Reading about Nikolai being transformed into that shadow/bat/volcra/creature made me feel so devastated that it was on par with Angel in Becoming and the Doctor in Heaven Sent. I’m hoping one of those two examples can make you, the person reading this, understand how I felt if you’ve watched either of those shows. But then again, if you’re reading this then you’ve read Siege and Storm so you were probably devastated over Nikolai too. However, I want to emphasize that Nikolai’s transformation goes up in my top 3 of devastating things to happen to characters and what I’m comparing it to when I say top 3.

Every single time Nikolai showed up after that, I basically wanted to scream. I was so upset. When he put the ring on her finger, while being only half human but human enough to remember Alina, I wanted to scream. When he grabbed her hand to make her try to force the darkness out of him, I wanted to scream. When he flew into the Fold to either hide away or kill himself or both because he was horrified with himself after nearly biting Alina, I wanted to scream. When he stared at a book afterwards just to look at the words because he hadn’t been able to read while transformed, I actually sobbed.

I’d been spoiled that Nikolai ends up with Zoya. I still haven’t reached that since I haven’t read the other books of the Grishaverse yet, but I know it happens. The ONLY thing that kept me from actually screaming and crying over Nikolai, was that I knew he would somehow be fixed because he’s going to end up with Zoya. I had to cling to that. I’m sort of mad I was spoiled, but also that kept me from actually crying so maybe I’m thankful. I don’t know. That was just beyond cruel... I really thought that the Darkling blinding Baghra or disfiguring Genya was cruel... that was nothing compared to what he did to Nikolai.

Onto something a little lighter. I’m not entirely sure how I feel about Mal being an amplifier. I’d gotten spoiled that he wasn’t normal, but I thought maybe he was just a Grisha. Or actually, I had a mini theory brewing that everyone is a spectrum of Grisha to non-Grisha but most people just fall on the extremes of the spectrum, so I thought Mal was maybe in-between. This theory is also because of Inej and Jesper being in the Netflix series and I know Jesper’s probably Grisha or something from spoilers and the “What are you? You’re a-” line in the show, but Inej has to be pretty special too. So I was thinking maybe Inej and Mal both fall somewhere in the middle, with some subtle Grisha-like powers but not completely Grisha or otkazat’sya. But nope. Mal’s an amplifier. The verdict isn’t out yet for Inej, but I bought Six of Crows and Crooked Kingdom today so we’ll see if my theory holds.

I feel like the Mal amplifier thing was foreshadowed a decent amount. I’d been VERY confused by their little spark at the Little Palace. I don’t know if amplifier crossed my mind or not in that moment. I can’t remember. When Alina’s explaining it to herself in the end like “he kissed me and we found the stag, he held me and we found the dragon” I was like ok it all makes sense. But at the same time, I almost felt like I was being told it made sense by the book. I don’t know. I got over that pretty quickly and accepted it since that meant the Firebird got to live. Hearing that the Firebird basically created Ravka made me really hope they’d find a way to not kill it. The stag dying? Eh, that sucks but oh well. The dragon dying? Also sucks, especially if it really was a cursed prince, but oh well. Ok neither of those are “oh wells” but I’m just saying not on the same level. The Firebird felt more special, an integral part of Ravkan history, so I really didn’t want it to die. Even if I felt a little iffy about the amplifier being Mal, I was relieved that it meant the Firebird could live.

OH and I was SO RELIEVED that it meant Alina was not related to the Darkling. Those few chapters where she was like “Am I a Morozova?... Are we... cousins...?” I was like dear god please no I got enough of this from Game of Thrones. But I knew deep down she had to be wrong since so much of the fandom ships them, and this fandom seems more sensible than the Game of Thrones fandom when it comes to ships, so I was pretty sure they weren’t related. But I didn’t want to completely believe it until they figured out Mal was the amplifier and descendant not Alina. Thank god.

Another iffy thing was that everyone and their mother got sun powers at the end. I mean, I like that it meant Alina was no longer alone, making the Darkling the only person of his kind after Baghra dies. I like that, in a poetic way, it means that Ravkans (plural) destroyed the Fold after the Fold tried to destroy Ravka instead of just one lone person. I’m not sure I liked Alina losing her powers completely, that made me really sad. Basically, everyone getting powers felt like it came out of nowhere. I’ll probably have to reread parts of the first book when we first hear about the amplifiers and what Morozova was trying to do in order to see if that was foreshadowed or not. Alina killing the Darkling in a simple way of stabbing him with the help of her residual shadow powers was great though. I was sad when he died but not as sad as I thought I’d be, but also at the same time sadder than I thought I’d be. That makes no sense, I know. Like I said, I have Thoughts about the Darkling.

Mal being revived was slightly iffy, but the whole “two lives, normal and amplifier” works I guess. I knew he’d probably come back to life but wasn’t completely sure until it happened.

If you noticed I haven’t written much about Alina, I’ve noticed that too. I’d heard people complain that Alina’s just sort of someone that things happen to, she doesn’t really make things happen. I have to agree. Basically everything she does is reactionary, she doesn’t take much action until the very end when she’s all but forced to. It does look like they’re trying to do more with Alina in the show, like making it her choice to go into the Fold and causing the death of her cartographer friends instead of just being assigned to go there. Oh and of course having Alina initiate the kiss with the Darkling instead of him just suddenly kissing her in the book. So yeah, I guess I’ll have my final verdict on Alina once the show finishes because it looks like they’re trying to fix some things. Basically, right now Alina is like the perfect YA protagonist that readers can self-insert into, vague enough for someone to go “hey that’s me” but she can’t really stand on her own until the end of the trilogy.

I did love her ending though. I went into the tag today (well yesterday) and saw a bunch of crazy discourse, so I will not be delving into that anytime soon, but I saw a post that complained about her ending being like she’s a housewife and so out of character. I don’t think so. She spends the whole series wanting to find somewhere to belong and the only thing in the world that makes her feel at home is being with Mal. So together, she and Mal create a home for orphans like them, so at least these children don’t have to feel as alone as they did. So these children can feel loved and like they belong somewhere. I am making myself emotional just typing this. I know that there’s a joke that in Hamilton when Eliza’s like “Can I show you what I’m proudest of? The orphanage.” that everyone just sobs their eyes out during. Well, that was nearly me reading the After. The moment I realized they reopened the orphanage and were running it in their way, I let out a sob. I think that ending was perfect. Simplifying it to just her being a housewife is insulting. She never wanted the farm that Mal wanted when they were younger, and that’s not what they ended up with. They’re running an orphanage together and that’s a lot of work. She’s also getting to paint all over the walls and be artistic like she did as a cartographer (I assume this is why the show had her drawing and doodling so much at the start, to make her art a bigger part of her character when the end comes). I loved that it was mundane in comparison to everything else that happened to her. Honestly, my favorite thing after characters go through crazy stuff is for them to have mundane simple endings, and this was that type of ending in the best way because Alina’s helping prevent others from feeling as lonely as she did while also living a simpler life again. My heart was so fully of happiness.

Speaking of crying. One of the other times I sobbed was when Harshaw died. Actually through most of that final chapter I was letting out quiet sobs (it was 2am) and trying not to let tears fall (maybe 1 or 2 escaped). When we first met Oncat, I said to myself that if that cat dies that I would kill someone, and honestly I think having Oncat’s owner Harshaw die was worse. The same thing happened to me when Dumbledore died, I didn’t cry over him, I cried because of Fawkes’ sad song he sang now that he no longer had an owner. I cry more thinking of the lonely animals left behind than the people themselves dying.

Sergei’s betrayal felt personal to me because of what happened when the caves collapsed. The rest of the crew climbing and digging for Sergei and Stigg, finding them with their heart rates lowered by Sergei in an attempt to survive until help arrived, Stigg saying he wasn’t sure they’d come for them, and Harshaw replying that they didn’t think the rest cared enough to save them... It hurt me. I hated that Stigg, Harshaw, and probably Sergei to an extent felt that way. So Stergei still betraying them after seeing that Alina and everyone did care made me so mad. And Stigg and Harshaw both dying hit me so hard. I really had hoped that Stigg got out of the Spinning Wheel and reading that he didn’t made me let out another sob.

Ok more sobs. Misha’s existence tugged at my heart strings in general over the two books he was in. I was horrified that I, like Alina, didn’t consider him when Nikolai took him along with Baghra to safety. Him letting Baghra go to the Darkling killed me. The entire time he was with the rest of the team running in the mountains caused me so much anxiety since he’s such a little boy in a dangerous situation. When he was making a cake while Alina was recovering and telling her to make the icing, I wanted to cry. When she and Mal basically adopted him and he was at their wedding, I let out a sob. That little boy owned my heart. Nikolai and Alina’s last conversation also made me let out a sob. The end where they burned the Darkling and Ruby’s bodies and Alina was the only one to say “Aleksander” also got a small sob out of me.

I’m at 3,300 words. Been typing for 2 hours, it’s almost 1am. Might as well keep going at this point!

What do I think of the love square? Well. Watching the show, I was total here for Darklina despite the toxicity because of the poetry of them being the only ones like each other and that the Darkling will just wait for however long it takes for her to go to him. It’s messed up I know, but I blame Ben Barnes. Reading the books, I get Malina and why it’s endgame and why it’s right. I’m shocked by the number of people who say they completely hate Malina in the books and love it in the show, since I think the relationship’s set up pretty well in the books and I literally sobbed over their wedding and their orphanage. So I’m fine with Malina.

However, despite that, I think I’m team Nikolai. I really think I am. They’d be a long slow burn. I was honestly hoping that they’d get married and then see what happens from there. If she’d take Mal on as a lover or if she and Nikolai would fall in love, or even both. Arranged marriage to lovers can be similar to the fake relationship trope, especially in this case, which I cannot get enough of. So honestly, throughout the last 2 books (at least up until Nikolai’s transformation), I was really here for them getting married for political reasons and hopefully falling in love after that. I was so sad he felt the need to ask Alina if they were friends or just allies, and glad she said “We ARE friends.” I loved their friendship and I wish it could have been more, but I’m also very ok with just their friendship.

Speaking of Nikolai. I really don’t think I’d like this series as much as I do if he wasn’t there. This guy’s range... the fact that he’s like 5 different characters and different versions of himself for the first few chapters we know him depending on who he’s with. He was so charming but also scary but also very sweet sometimes and annoying other times. He had moments of subtle vulnerability and moments where he completely just broke apart (like flying into the Fold). Basically, I know that probably as I type this (if not right now then very soon) that they are in the process of casting Nikolai for season 2. Whoever plays him is going to have some GIGANTIC shoes to fill. That is going to be a beast of a part of play. I don’t want to say I’ll be judging the actor, but I’ll be judging the actor. I’ll be rooting for them to do well, but I’ll have some high standards. The second he says “lovely” that will probably be when I decide if he’s a good Nikolai or not. I’m not entirely sure how I want Nikolai to say “lovely” but I’ll know it when I hear it whether or not it’s right. It could be very condescending, but there needs to be something genuine behind it. Very tough balance. I really want them to find a good Nikolai who will do him justice because he’s definitely my favorite character of the series.

And onto the Darkling. Finally. I really think the Darkling is lucky he’s being played by Ben Barnes. I have to agree with all the posts and comments I’ve seen, I hate book Darkling and adore show Darkling. Book Darkling has his moments, there’s no denying he loved Ravka and loved the Grisha and wanted what he thought was best for them. I cannot fault him for that. I think he also did love Alina, but maybe like 75% of that love was for the idea of her and like 25% for herself. Or maybe 66% and 33%. And the way that the power corrupted him... I felt so sad when Baghra realized there was no redemption for him. She held out hope for hundreds of years. It didn’t happen.

But I definitely can see that Ben did his research when playing the Darkling. He said he’d been pulling from later books for inspiration, and I think I could pinpoint some of those spots. One moment in particular, that when I read it I had to put down my book and stare at a wall, was when Alina visited the Darkling and admitted that she wanted to see him. The Darkling’s shocked reaction felt exactly like something Ben was trying to, for lack of better word, summon when playing the Darkling. The Darkling has his moments of “maybe he’s not that bad a guy” but like... he’s evil. Can’t deny it. Ben Barnes is pretty, which makes it easier to love the Darkling, but he’s evil. Gotta remind myself of that. Very easy to remember when reading the book, hard to remember when watching the show...

But the horrified screams he let out as he realized Alina lost her powers and he was completely and utterly alone really broke my heart. Even despite all the horrible things he’d done, I felt so bad for him in that moment. He was like Alina and Mal, and I guess Morozova too, just wanting to find others like him, a place where he belongs. His death scene broke my heart, which means I won’t be able to handle it in the show. I think I have more feelings about the Darkling, but I can’t put it into words. He’s very complicated.

Welp. It’s almost 2am. I wrote 4700+ words in 3 hours. I’m gonna probably proofread this and post it in the morning.

I really enjoyed this series and I’m excited to see it continue to be adapted to screen. I hope they do it justice, but they’ve already done a very good job so far. I was shocked by how accurate Shadow and Bone was to season 1, and how any changes made perfect sense.

Now onto Six of Crows.

Honestly, I hope Mal and Alina don’t show up in the other books because I really feel like that ending was the perfect end for them. I don’t want it ruined by them showing up again. I’m sad, but I’m ready to say goodbye to them.