#chat i was so bamboozled

[fizzy-sodapop]

so me and the va for felix were in a vc today ..

[crybaby-bkg]

I STARTED BLLK FOR OLIVER AND HES NOT EVEN IN THE FIRST SEASON??????

[thinkingaboutfilm11]

he makes me want to smash my head in a car door

[heavenbarnes]

I viscerally need older bf!Simon to help with sorting out (aka deleting) any and all unsolicited nudes you might get. I just. Constantly think abt this (not just w Simon, in general bc when I had other socials me and whoever I was w at the time would do this lol) and just.

I think he'd be so bamboozled at first esp if it was before the Nudes and Nut Videos With Sound talks.

"eugh another dick pic end me rn"

"wot"

Y'know????

It's late and I'm tired but I just. Wanted to share lol lov u Cosmos 💜💜

i can see domesticity between you and your older bf!simon where you’re both sat on the couch, he’s watching football and you’re scrolling through your phone.

he practically hears you scrunch your nose up and he’s asking “what’s wrong” in the form of a grunt as his hand rubs gentle circles into your legs resting in his lap.

“some loser sending me pictures of their penis”

that gets his attention, because he’d show you his whenever you like- why do you need pictures of someone else’s?

he silently reaches over and takes your phone from you, squinting as he looks at the photo. terrible shot, looks like the guys holding a soft little yam in his palm.

“why’d he send you that?”

you snorted, shifting your legs so you could cuddle into his side and look at it with him. right as you were about to enlighten him, another message came through.

“your turn ;)”

both you and simon shuddered at the same moment, your face turning down in a grimace. you scrolled up in the chat so he could see the deluge of messages this weirdo had sent you to no reaction.

“because i wouldn’t respond”

simon doesn’t get nudes, he doesn’t get why you’d send pictures when you could just have the real thing? but thats also what he doesn’t get.

people that send unsolicited pictures of their weird little penis can’t get the real thing.

passing the phone back to you, simon lifted his arm so he could wrap it around your waist as he pulled you in closer.

“y’could send him back one bigger n’see how he likes it”

it caught you off guard and you were in the midst of your fit of giggles before you stopped and looked up at him, starry eyed.

“wait, actually-“

[izzyspussy]

Happy birthday, friend! Hope it's a great one for you :)

Hi, Bri! Thank you, it was pretty good. I'm hungover now tho svkvddvk :/

[breedbun]

info; Ayato x male reader, subbot male reader, topdom ayato, soft dom Ayato, ftm reader, reader is a doll made by shogun. reader has ball joints+long hair. kirara is mentioned briefly.

warnings; i mean, reader is technically a sex doll? anal, oral (ayato receiving), creampie, breeding, belly bulge, cum swallowing :3 cunt is used to describe reader

desc; i used this idea for a cai chat

Ayato wasn't expecting any mail today. So when a familiar nekomata youkai comes along, dragging an enormous human-sized box, tied with ribbons and held together tape. As Kirara placed an exquisitely qualified letter in his palm, she sighs, wiping sweat off her forehead. "Mister Ayato, I'm not sure what you bought, but it's really heavy! Nonetheless, be sure to give Komaniya Express a good review." She purred, giving him a thumbs up, before prancing away shortly after.

Ayaka wasn't home. Perhaps this was her mail? But what could she have possibly bought, for it to be this big?.. Upon checking the letter, he's bamboozled at the sight of his name scribbled neatly, and clearly on the front. "From Raiden Ei, Electro Archon, God of Eternity." ...What the hell? He understands small gifts every now and then for his accomplishments as the head of the Kamisato Clan, and as the Yashiro Commissioner.. but this? This felt almost too much. Why, and when did the Raiden Shogun decide to gift him such a large present?

Besides the initial confusion, he pushes the box a little deeper into his warm-toned home, tearing open the delicate ribbons and sticky tape. The moment he got the outer packaging off, the inside of the box was a Japanese-style presentation.. with a doll inside. A lovely, youthful young man, with gorgeous hair reaching to the back of his knees. All he wore was a plain, white dress shirt, tied to the box with zipties. Stunned, perhaps even embarrassed, his face flushes a persimmon red. It takes him a moment to fully process what the hell Her Excellency has just sent him, because this was certainly not a regular gift.

It wasn't long after you woke up, and scanned your surroundings.. did he realize what you were. A doll, for his pleasure, at his disposal.

Ayato smiled, as he'd press your face further down onto his crotch. He didn't know the Raiden Shogun could make such realistic puppets, one with a warm and wet mouth, coating his cock with saliva. You obediently bobbed your head up and down, licking and sucking, looking up every few moments for Ayato's eyes to meet back with yours. Tilting your head every few minutes, you'd lick in an upwards direction, before Ayato forces you to deepthroat him again with a loud moan.

He'd cum in your mouth, sticky and white fluid spurting onto your tongue with a satisfying groan. Before you could swallow his seed, he stops you.. to tilt your head up. "Don't swallow yet, darling. Look at me, mouth open." His words do not go unnoticed. Upon opening your mouth again, the sticky liquid stretches from the roof of your mouth to your soft, wet tongue. He chuckles, though you could hear his unsteady heavy breaths under his composure.

Once he pulls you off his cock lovingly, he gently carries you up and places you on the bed as if you weighed no more than a feather. Turning you flat on your stomach, you squeak as he combs his fingers through your long, long hair. Brushing it aside, you feel his hands trail down from the sides of your waist, down to cup your ass lovingly. "Such realistic flesh. Her Excellency must've put lots of effort into crafting you for me.." He grips your ass, spreading them apart, much like one would spread a feast.

You lightly sway and kick your legs, feeling unfamiliar excitement shoot up your soft body. Originally, you knew you had to follow a set of orders, and no emotions were to get in the way of your duty as a pretty little doll. That was all cast aside, the moment Ayato lined his tip to your tight rim, unsure if he was even able to fit into your body. Your doubts were eased, the moment he'd roughly squeeze his large into your surprisingly wet cunt. You let out an embarrassing loud mewl, tears brimming your eyes as he pulls out all the way to his tip.. then slams back right in. He groans, moans, and he even throws his head back while he fucked you into his expensive pillows. Drooling all over the pillow covers, your body malfunctions as shockwaves travels up your artificial spine. Every time he'd thrust into your pussy, you can hear his chuckle and laughs in between every whimper he let out through your fucked out brain.

As your tummy rubs against the exquisitely soft mattress, you sputter out another sound while your flesh clenches down hard on his dick, squirting out all the juices you never knew you had. Ayato even took the liberty of rubbing your knees and elbows, your ball joints, as if he knew these were sensitive from the beginning. "Ah, reading that manual just to make you shiver is so satisfying.." Caressing your body, the one an Archon carved for him, as you feel that hollow feeling in your body be filled up with his load yet again. Sure, all of it would definitely spill out the moment you stood up, but it wouldn't take long before he'd fill you up again with you sprawled over his bed, bent over his desk, or even sandwiched between him and a wall.

Lots of his undone fantasies, he can finally release them all into you. No need to find a mistress any longer, no need to worry about an heir. After all,

You had the ability to carry a baby.

BAH THIS WAS SO BAD IDK???

[wormdebut]

WALK HIM LIKE A DOG

@hellion-child you did this. Inspired by this legendary post.

‘It’s not illegal to go to the dog park, just to hear hot dads say Good Girl.’

Rating: M CW: overusage of the term daddy and Eddie just being a horny bastard.

——

“You know, this is fucking insane, right?” Chrissy laughs while Eddie lounges on the park bench.

Yes. He’s aware.

He and Chrissy don’t even have a dog and yet—

“Chris. Look at all of these great pet parents, taking care of these little doggies. Look at em. Wonderful. Stunning, very normal.”

Chrissy levels him with a glare. Being on the wrong side of a Chrissy glare is a scary thing, but alas his dog park visits are worth it.

“No. Look, listen. You’ve got all of these doggy daddies taking their lovely pups out for runs and walks and what not and then daddy wraps up his run and takes the precious ones to this here dog park. Woof.”

It really was worth it to Eddie, alright? There is nothing wrong with going to a public dog park to maybe hear a hot sweaty man coo at his dog.

‘Good Boy’

‘Precious Girl’

Bark bark bark or whatever.

Would Eddie ever talk to any of them? Absolutely the fuck not, but a man could dream.

He was bummed though because none of the hot guys were out, today.

Damn.

He is busy scanning the area to see if he missed anyone, Chrissy yapping on and on about how they could just get a dog when someone slows their run to chat.

“Hi!” She says. This woman is tall, short hair messed up from running, she’s got a bright ass orange jacket on, and she is most certainly Chrissy’s type. Thats not fucking fair at all, now is it?

Chrissy’s complaining tapers off. “Hey.”

They smile at each other, and this is truly unfair, Eddie thinks. This whole dog park thing was for him and yet.

“I hope you don’t mind, but me and my best friend just moved to the area and honestly, I think you’re pretty so—I just thought I would say hi.” She hardly makes eye contact with Eddie. So it’s clear who she’s talking to.

Like recognizes like, he supposes.

He can respect the straight forwardness of it all. Chrissy is just kinda staring at her so he speaks up. “Well, I’m Eddie and this is Chrissy, and I can confidently say that she also thinks you’re pretty.”

Both woman turn to stare and him, Chrissy with big eyes and the other woman with a smirk. She speaks, “Well, it must be my lucky day.” She turns back to Chrissy, “I’m Robin.”

The two get talking and Eddie is happy for his best friend, he really is, but where are all the hot men?

He’s about ready to call it quits when he sees a fucking god, running with a ridiculously stunning dog.

Hot people own hot dogs, he supposes.

This guy is—fuck. He’s sweaty from running, and his hair is fucking gorgeous, even after activities. Thats a green flag. Eddie is just shocked.

This is the dog daddy of all dog daddies. He’s wearing tiny fucking red shorts that expose thighs for days and—

“Jesus fuckin’—see?” Eddie doesn’t even care that he is interrupting the girls conversation cause this guys is—god damn. “He could slap a collar on me and walk me like a dog.”

Chrissy balks. “Eddie. We are in the company of a new friend. Robin doesn’t deserves this.”

Eddie simply shrugs and Robin laughs, “No. I think it’s hilarious which guy caught your eye?”

Oh, he likes Robin. “I like her. Get her number—“ He smiles big at Chrissy, before gesturing towards the fucking Adonis in tiny little running shorts. “Anywhozle. That one, look at him. On my knees in a second.”

He ignores Chrissy’s eye roll, and watches as Robin takes in the guy, before busting out in a laugh. “Oh my god—Steve?”

Oh shit.

“I—do you—“ Abort mission. Abort abort.

“Oh yeah, remember that best friend I was telling you guys about?”

She is still laughing, and Chrissy joins her before handing Robin her phone.

Eddie feels like he just got bamboozled.

“Chrissy, babe, I’ll text you. Eddie? I’ll see what I can do.” She smiles at them both before running over to ‘Steve’ and his—their?— gorgeous dog.

“No wait I—“ Eddie tries but she’s already over with Steve who is listening intently to what Robin has to say.

Oh god, oh no. Oh god.

Chrissy is just laughing softly into her hand, which turns into full laughter quick because Steve turns to look at them, smiles and winks.

[fourthewolf]

Inky Was chatting with Chloe In alterna the first time they've ever been in the area awestruck by everything around them as the cap sat smoking some seaweed coughing loudly

So Erm... You two are partnering up for the mission right? he stands up using his bamboozler for support they whisper something into Chloes ear Dont let them outta your sight just in case they have a ... Tendency to pass out during missions because they forget their own limits so just be aware of that ok Squiddo! He grins rubbing her head teasingly clapping their hands together Well uh I suppose thats it I'll be running Com's if Anything unexpected occurs let me know I'll be watching from here ... they sit back down watching them with a tired expression

- @cuttlefish-cabin

*in octarian* yes.

[equallyshaw]

european travels | Connor Bedard x k hughes au!

↳ part of connor bedard x kailey hughes au!

@kailey.hughes: thankyou to the one's who made this trip financially possible -- wouldn't be anywhere with out yall 🫶🏻

tags: connorbedard, _quinnhughes,jackhuhges & Hughes_06

210.9k likes, 29.3k comments.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

@/lhughes_06: you are very welcome

↳ @/jackhughes: like youre the one shelling out

↳ @/_quinnhughes: wait! k told me neither one of yall were contributing..

↳ @/connorbedard: she bamboozled you guys so badly...

↳ @/lhughes_06: like you didnt know bedard

↳ @/connorbedard: found out a week before lmao

@/trevorzegras: glad to see youre milking them for everything they're worth

↳ @kailey.hughes: learned from the best 🫡

@/kent.johnson: youre making con con blush with those two pics

↳ @kailey.hughes: what can i say? hes a model

@/masonmctavish: Connor for vogue - next!

@/connorbedard: artsy gal

↳ @kailey.hughes: 😚

@madisenbedard: omg the fomo is real rn😭

↳ @kailey.hughes: next time !

↳ @/edwards.73: I want to experience a hughes euro trip

↳ @kailey.hughes: come get ur stray dog @/lhughes_06

@/alexturcotte_: where was my invite? 🥺

↳ @kailey.hughes: @/jackhughes EXPLAIN

↳ @/jackhughes: what can I say? lost in the mail.

@/nicohischier: you came all the way to europe and didn't even visit? how rude.

↳ @kailey.hughes: how rude of @/jackhughes for not putting it on the itinerary when we booked our trip

↳ @/nicohischier: oh yeah, first practice back is gonna be loads of fun

↳ @/jackhughes: LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE K

↳ liked by @kailey.hughes

@/connorbedard: kailey hughes fanpage, but whats new?

tag: kailey.hughes

198k likes, 18.6k comments.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

@kailey.hughes: ilu

↳ @/connorbedard: ilu more

↳ @kailey.hughes: not possible 🫶🏻

↳ @/adamfantilli: accept the defeat bedard

↳ @kailey.hughes: no fr

@/kent.johnson: I wish he traveled the world with me ):

↳ @kailey.hughes: didnt y'all play for team canada together? its my turn

↳ @/lhughes_06: yeah kj its our turn

↳ @kailey.hughes: BYE

↳ @/kent.johnson: BYE LITTLE HUGHES

↳ @/connorbedard: take this to the gc pls

↳ @kailey.hughes: which one??

↳ @/masonmctavish: theres multiple ?!?!

↳ @kailey.hughes: unfortunately I was added to a 'bc only' chat🙄

@/jackhughes: dont like the hand placement

↳ @/_quinnhughes: i dont like it either

↳ @kailey.hughes: omg the drama queens have arrived

@elblue6: so grateful to have you join us this trip, its great to have you apart of the family again🤍

↳ @/connorbedard: thankyou mama el! appreciate you and jim so much

↳ @kailey.hughes: im gonna cry mama

@/madisenbedard: looking like a goddess always

↳ liked by @/connorbedard.

↳ @kailey.hughes: stop thats you

↳ @madisenbedard: I wish gf

@/elblue6: italy-london trip was a success!

455 likes, 89 comments.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

@/jackhughes: we know who's the fav child

↳ @/lhughes_06: and it isn't even a hughes

↳ @/_quinnhughes: nope its a bedard

↳ @kailey.hughes: then its me !

↳ @/lhughes_06: whatever you say!

@/connorbedard: thankyou for having me this trip, had an amazing time!

↳ @/elblue6: you are most welcome! now we just need @melaniebedard and @/madisenbedard to join us next time

↳ @/madisenbedard: I agree!!

↳ @melaniebedard: just tell me where and when and ill be there

↳ @/elblue6 has liked this comment

@/kimberlybrisson: looks like you had a lot of fun! PLUS all four kiddos were reunited 🥺

↳ @/elblue6: the best part 🤍

@/lhughes_06: cant believe connor got a single photo and we didn't

↳ @/jackhughes: no fr, im still salty

@/chantaltkachuk: awe we need to get the 7 of them back together!

↳ @/elblue6: we do!

@/melaniebedard: how about a vancouver trip??

↳ @/elblue6: dont have to tell me twice!

[sparklysparklingsparkles]

Ramon already chose his new parent 🥰 (RIP Spreen, Ramon moved on quick)

[Bad: "So Pac, i got a question for you. Uh- you're happy.. to be hanging out with today, aren't you?"

Pac: "Wh- uh..m yeahh, always, you know."

Bad: "Ahh, okay."

Pac: "Wh-why do you say that?"

Ramon: 'hello future dad'

Pac: Hola! *absolutely shocked and bamboozled* "Hello future dad?? WAIT WHAT??"

Pac, laughing: I'm gonna be your dad? You think so?

*Ramon nods*

Pac: "Hmmm"

Bad: "Pac uh, go, go that way for a little bit."

Pac: "Okay, sorry sorry."

Bad: "Go talk to Fit, go talk to Fit."

*Fit is chatting with Richas*

Pac: "I don't know what they're doing over there but they're definitely cooking something."]

[runawaycatwalker]

Part 29. Jumping to Convictions

< First | < Previous | Next >

Description below the cut

A swarm of magical ladybugs sweeps over Carapace’s body and unpetrifies him

A close-up of Carapace’s hands as he falls to the ground and lets out a ‘gasp!’

A close-up of Carapace’s eyes, dripping with tears.

Carapace: Adrien...?

Cut to a frazzled Rena Furtive, gripping her flute as her mind races.  Carapace lands on the roof behind her.

Rena Furtive: Is there any other plausible explanation for... that?  Was I just seeing things?  Could there have been some sort of doppelganger...?  Maybe Chat's been in hiding at Adrien's and borrowed the ring...?  Can I let myself believe he actually pulled off that insane plan to replace himself without anyone knowing...?

Carapace: Rena?

Rena jerks as she turns to see Carapace approach her with hand outstretched.

Rena Furtive: Carapace!  What—

Carapace: Did anyone come near me after I got hit by the akuma?

Rena Furtive: I don't know?  Not for sure.  After you fell to the ground, I couldn't really see you, and then the last few minutes of the battle were... distracting.

Carapace covers his mouth, eyes widening in horrified comprehension.

Rena Furtive: So the only one I saw remotely near you was Catwalker.  I think he stayed there a couple minutes before going after the akuma?

Carapace: Then that means...

Carapace pleads with clenched fists in front of him.

Carapace: I think we've been entirely wrong about Catwalker.  Rena, I heard... I don't think I'm even allowed to say what.  And maybe it was a trick, or a side effect of the akuma, or whatever, but...  I believe Catwalker is completely on our side.  I really do.

Carapace, with sad puppy dog eyes, gives a ‘nod’.  Rena looks down at her flute as it lets out a loud ‘BEEP!’

Rena Furtive: You really think we can fully trust him?  Then— Sorry, I'm getting a call from Ladybug.  I need to take this.

A holographic screen pops up from Rena’s flute, on which Cosmobug’s angry face appears.

Rena Furtive: Hey, La—

Cosmobug (over phone): I AM GOING TO MURDER CATWALKER IN HIS SLEEP!

Rena Furtive: Back up.  What happened?

Cosmobug (over phone): The Lucky Charm worked! It led me to Adrien!

Rena Furtive: Isn't that good news?

Cosmobug (over phone): It was until I turned my back for one minute and he vanished all over again!

Rena Furtive bewilderedly watches the screen as Cosmobug goes on a tirade.  Behind her, Carapace trembles as he puts everything into forcing down the immense urge to open his big mouth.

Cosmobug (over phone): And immediately afterward, I see that Catwalker used a space power up to follow me here!  I just know he hid Adrien away somewhere to keep me from helping him!

Cosmobug fumes and clenches her yo-yo hard enough that if it wasn’t magical, it would have broken into tiny pieces.

Cosmobug: This has to be the final straw!  Catwalker is officially the most malignant person I've ever met!  (Besides Shadowmoth!)  (And Gabriel Agreste!)  (And Mayu—!)

Rena Furtive (over phone): Ladybug!  Listen...

Rena holds out her hand and glances behind her shoulder.

Rena Furtive: I was just talking to our informant.  They now believe that Catwalker is actually safe for us to trust.

Cosmobug (over phone): You can't be serious.

Rena Furtive: Completely serious.

Carapace silently looks away, his hood hiding the expression on his face.

Cosmobug (over phone): This is still the same person who couldn't stand Catwalker, right?  What could have possibly changed their mind?

Rena Furtive: I'm not sure.  They didn't think they could tell me their reasons.

Cosmobug (over phone): If they're telling you that, then they were probably blackmailed into claiming Catwalker's all sunshine and roses, so we can't trust—

Rena Furtive: I saw something too.

Rena looks out towards the city from atop the roof.

Rena Furtive: I don't think it was the same thing my informant heard.  And maybe I can't quite rule out the possibility that Catwalker tried to bamboozle us both while we believed he didn't know we were observing him.  But if even part of what we witnessed was real?  Catwalker is a far better person than any of us have given him credit for.

Rena holds up a finger thoughtfully.  In the background, Carapace looks on in bewildered ‘???’, an expression that reads ‘What on earth do you know about my best friend that I don’t???’

Cosmobug (over phone): Is this about his secret identity?  Did you recognize his face after seeing him detransform?

Rena Furtive: No, nothing like that.  I don't have a clue what his real name is.  But... I think I know a... pseudonym he used in the Ladyblog community at one point?

Cosmobug pokes toward her yo-yo screen, raising a skeptical eyebrow.

Cosmobug: Just because he acts one way online, that doesn't mean it's who he really is.

Rena Furtive (over phone): You trust Chat Noir despite knowing nothing about the life he lives outside of the mask.

Cosmobug: That's different.

Rena Furtive (over phone): It's close enough.

Rena Furtive (over phone): Close enough that I think you should give him another chance.

Cosmobug looks away, biting her thumb nervously.

Cosmobug: I don't know... there are so many unknowns... I don't think I can work with Catwalker if I have any lingering doubts about him.  It's not that I don't trust you, it's just hard to trust at all.  This all was so much easier when it was just me and Chat, and I never had to question him on anything.  I just knew.

Rena Furtive (over phone): Then talk to him.

Rena looks at her screen with optimism and encouragement.

Cosmobug (over phone): What???  I can't just 'talk to' Chat Noir!

Rena Furtive: Sure you can!  You could meet up with Chat Noir in secret!  You always do better when you have his support, so why not let him support you?  He might even have answers!

Cosmobug (over phone): But I don't have a clue where he is or how to contact him!

Rena Furtive: Didn't Catwalker tell you that he could bring Chat Noir back safely?

Cosmobug (over phone): That doesn't mean I believed him!

Rena Furtive: If anything, we've proven that Catwalker can do things without anyone noticing.

Cosmobug (over phone): Mayura noticing isn't the problem—it's Catwalker.  What he'll do to Chat Noir without anyone knowing...

Rena smiles and waves away any doubts.

Rena Furtive: I'm not saying you have to trust Catwalker without taking any precautions.  I'll stake it all out and make sure everything's safe and that no one intervenes!  All you'd need to do is make sure that the Chat Noir who shows up isn't his evil twin or something!

Cosmobug looks away in thought.

Rena Furtive (over phone): I know it seems risky, but it's worth the risk, Ladybug.  You need to see the boy who used to be your partner again.  And I'd bet anything that Chat needs to talk to you too.

Cut to Cosmobug flying towards the Eiffel Tower, from the top of a long, thin, silver rod protrudes out to the side.  At the end the rod is a black, gray, and green blob.

Catwalker is lies on the end of his baton, his belt tying his body to the rod with his arms bound behind his back.  Cosmobug hovers a few feet away from him.

Catwalker: You didn't find Adrien, I take it?

Cosmobug: No.

Catwalker: I'm sorry.  Can we talk?

Cosmobug: No.

Catwalker looks up towards her uneasily.

Catwalker: Have you decided what you're going to do with me?

Cosmobug: Send Chat Noir back.

Cosmobug, eyes shrouded, makes her demand.

Cosmobug: Midnight tonight, on the rooftop where I first told him I had feelings for another boy.  I need to talk to him in private before I decide your fate.  He'll come alone.  Tell him to not be seen.

Catwalker’s eyes shine as he tries to contain his excitement.

Catwalker: Of course.  He'll be there.

Below is the same image as above, only without text:

[hannahssimblr]

July seeps into August in a yellow haze. The heat has stupefied the village, slowing all movement, the tourists wading through the humid streets with ice creams melting down their hands, the only kind of food it feels acceptable to eat. It hasn’t rained in weeks, since that first storm of summer, and the landscape struggles. The grass in the local pitch has shrivelled, and the earth has become a powdery dust that fills the air every time our football skims it. It keeps sticking to the sun cream on our skin. Every evening I need to wash an extraordinary amount of grit, dirt and sand out of strange places, like the creases in my elbows, and the webbing between my fingers and toes.

I launch the ball down the pitch to where Jen is bouncing foot to foot near the goalpost, and wander towards the sideline to mop sweat from my brow with the t-shirt I stripped off an hour ago. 

“You want water?” Claire O’Gorman holds her pink metal bottle to me. It jangles with the fluffy charms and beads clipped to it. I shake my head. Jen saw her kissing Shane last night at the front door before she left, so at least twenty percent of the backwash already in that water is bound to be his. I don’t tell her this, because if she doesn’t know what backwash is, I’ll have to go through the whole rigamarole of explaining it, and inevitably end up looking stupid, so I just shake my head.

“You’re running like mad out there,” she comments. “I don’t know how you’ve the strength in this weather.”

“You just endure it, I guess.”

“Hm, I couldn’t. I’m like a princess. I just really don’t like sweating and getting all out of breath. Evie is like you, though,” she adds.

I’m careful to arrange my features into a neutral expression. Claire has been hanging around with us every day for the last week, for reasons that nobody has explained to me, not that I have asked, but when I chat with her, I make sure that I never, ever bring up Evie. Teenage girls are detectives. They pick up on the tiniest facial expressions or shift in tone and use it against you.

I’ve been bamboozled before, and the last thing I need is for Claire to go home to Evie in the evenings and tell her, God forbid, that I asked a question about her. The multitudes of ways they could read into my body language makes me feel queasy. 

“Right,” I say in a bored voice, and scratch my armpit. 

“She’s always like, go go go! All the time, you know? Like playing tennis one minute, swimming the next, going on a mad run the next it’s like,” she rolls her eyes for emphasis, “take a break, girl, please, you know?”

“Mm.”

“I’ve been trying my best to convince her to come to that festival too, just to get away from the routine, but I can’t get her to give me any sort of answer about it.”

I frown. “Did you invite her to the festival?”

“Oh, was I not meant to? I kind of thought it’d be fun if she came, you know, so it’s not just me.”

“I didn’t know you were coming either.”

Her face drains. “Oh, well, Shane asked me, and I-”

“No, no, you can. Oh my God, obviously, I didn’t mean-”

“Right! Okay, of course, but like, I don’t want to impose on-”

“Just I didn’t know Evie might come, that’s all.”

“Well, yeah, I thought it’d be nice for me to have a close friend with me, but if you don’t want her to... like, she might not be able to anyway, so.”

“I don’t not want her to come.” God, why does this feel like a conversation two thirteen-year-olds would have? I swear I haven’t felt this juvenile in years, and I cringe, as though some other version of myself, the cooler Jude, is watching me engage in this conversation and groaning into his hands. Sometimes, these days, I feel like the cooler Jude is slipping through my fingers like handfuls of sand.

“She’s actually really nice,” Claire says with an edge of defensiveness. “I know she’s a bit quiet. I thought that when I met her first too, she was kind of known as the weird girl at school, but when you get to know her, she’s a really sweet person.”

“I know,” I say, my face burning. “I mean... she seems nice. I didn’t mean to imply that she isn’t. Please don’t tell her I think she’s quiet, or weird, or that I don’t want her at the festival or anything like that.”

“No, of course.”

“Because I do… like... think she’s nice, and it’d be okay if she came with us. I would even want her to, actually.” Shut up. God, please, shut the fuck up, you dickhead. 

Claire smiles and nods. 

“But don’t tell her I specifically want her to either, just… Don’t tell her anything.” Oh, line me up against a wall and shoot me, execution style. 

“I won’t.”

I bet she will. And I bet she'll tell her about about the smell of desperation off me, too.

“Turner!” Shane bellows. “What are you at? Your team mates are flailing over here.”

“Right, bye,” I tell Claire, and turn around quickly, unable to bear the embarrassment for another second. 

“Bye!”

As I walk back onto the pitch, I screw my eyes shut and thump my fist against my forehead. 

I’m toast. 

Beginning // Prev // Next

[sgiandubh]

From California to the New York island... - The 2023 edition

I will probably quickly learn not to post exceedingly allusive things when I am running out of time and yet have to jot down the lightbulb moment, lest it's gone forever.

This morning, I mentioned in my post some images that were still freshly baked and put out for consumption on the two main Mordorian news outlets. When people started to ask in droves during my coffee & lunch breaks, I knew I had to go further, despite my deep, jaded reluctance to revisit my own musings. So now, with laundry on the way (fi-nal-ly!) and a hot cocoa by my side, let's hit the road.

This time, we're going to do it with pictures. It's easier, including for the people from Pyongyang, ahem, Mordor. And the dang simplistic context allows for it: what is there to theorize when the strings are so conspicuous?

I was writing, this morning:

This is the image the Mordorian Pravdas didn't show you:

La Niña Vaquera, feeling maybe a bit shot to the curb, when clearly the whole party vibe is where (Red Dress?) Melanie, the MPC boys band and the Blonde Brigade are. Possibly in a chit-chat with somebody who is not S., classy red plastic cup in hand. I had to re-watch the snippet at least six times in a row to find her (a very taxing job, but hey, it's for the cause). Maybe talking to the somebody whose +1 she plausibly was?

FYI, S never looked at her, never touched her, never engaged with her. Not even when she took her artillery sightseeing, while they were cheering with rapture, shot glasses in hand:

Red arrow is BBC, aka La Niña Vaquera. S is offscreen, to the left, looking at who I think is Duncan Millership (blue arrow), who also was with S at the Sasnak City event, and introduced by him as his new manager. @rosfrank confirmed this morning, in one of the comment threads:

So, rather inconclusive, eh?

With KE/Cucumber Yoga Chick out of the building with a bang, we had to somehow be led further on the Breadcrumb Trail, so serviceable *urv obliged and posted the infamous Shutters Pic I also mentioned and described. If you want to see it, park your drones in her backyard: I am not going to post it, because she arrowed it and the least thing I want is to have Ye Auld Wraith (or anyone, for that matter) on my back stat.

To make it clear: would it be for the first time in the history of mankind when a groupie checks in at the same hotel? But hey, let's be pessimistic for once and suppose she's the new Calendar Girl (based on what, I wonder). She went there, took the pic, leaked it and au revoir, les enfants. Fair's fair, for the Banana Boat Day-oh experience.

And then, we have the 'Fan Pic' who bamboozled the tired, weary masses, courtesy of the other Mordorian, CNN-style, news outlet. This I can post: I stole it from @bat-cat-reader and she never minds.

Conveniently, the woman who posted this very clear latergram does not comment. You bet she doesn't. So, I draw some arrows: let's see where they take us.

The hair is not right, as compared to Banana Boat Day-oh:

What do we say? One inch? One inch and a half longer? Three days later? I should pray for the same to happen to my waistline, but the other way round, then.

And then, also: where is...

Yeah: where's the scar, Sir?

Do you see it? I almost broke my nose and I haven't.

Irrespective of what Mordorian media reported, that is not an MPC rucksack, in the picture.

This is an MPC black rucksack:

Featuring this very peculiar fastening system:

The bag in the picture above has a different one and no visible beige reinforcements:

Maybe the MPC bag line did not exist on the surface of this planet when the pic was taken? Maybe he used a different bag (but we know he travels with those, nowadays) ? At any rate, that is not an MPC one.

And because the third time is always a charm, the Water Bottle. Also suggested (less insistently, though) as belonging to the MPC line.

This is an MPC Peaker water bottle:

With this type of bore:

The one in the picture is, again, different, IMHO, even if the image is very blurry:

I wanted to round this up with a bang and identify the damn logo, because I think it might provide very useful clues. I tried, damn I did, but was unsuccessful. I leave this to better sleuths than I.

Until further evidence, I stand on a very reserved ground concerning BBC. There is still absolutely nothing to write home about. But sure, go ahead and make up your own mind. By all means and I mean it. And sorry for the length of it, of course.

[edited for the fourth arrow]

Fuck, I forgot The Vest.

Weather forecast for yesterday, in Santa Monica, Ca.:

Why the vest on the same man who wrote in Waypoints:

Flying somewhere, perhaps?

[streaminn]

Hey hope you're doing well. I know it isn't a proper au yet but I was wondering if you could expand some more on the time travel au where Enid goes back to save Wednesday but something is wrong? Maybe we could see what is odd to her as it seems to be Wednesday who is acting different. The last post made it seem like Wednesday was slightly more affectionate with enid but enid didn't quite register it

Wednesday doesn't exactly touch enid! but she's definitely hovering around alot more, just a single easy grasp away

Yoko's been acting pretty weird too, a glint in her eyes when they all meet at the quad like usual. Which is.. huh?

wait a sec, have they all sat in the quad before?

Enid doesn't exactly.. remember

But the trio begin to walk to class with Enid chats up to her vampire friend, still stuck in the high of succeeding. So she's buzzing with excitement and giving a sheepish laugh when Wednesday grasps at her tie to fix it moments before they enter, scowling about what is up with you today?

Enid shrugs, a smile still on her face. "Can't a girl be happy?" she pouts and she blinks when Wednesday's face twitches.

Wednesday smooths the tie before tucking it into Enid's vest, not answering.

"She got you there, Addams," Yoko drawls before patting at the wolf's back. "we'll be here when class ends, nid!"

Enid stares, do they not have class together? "oh okay!" she gives a wave before entering. Not needing to look twice to see that it was a class about lycan history. Huh, no wonder they didn't have class together.

The class is loud like always and Enid zooms towards her seat in the middle. As she settles, the hairs on her skin rises and she looks up with a curious look.

A few students she doesn't remember loom over her. "Didn't expect you to come in so confident sinclair."

Enid's face scrunches at those words, her smile wilting for a moment at the toxicity. Was she going deaf or did that sound like a threat?

"Guess being the freak's bitch does that to someone huh?" another sneers and immediately Enid's lips dropped. "ofcourse being someone's pet would give you some backbone."

They cackle and Enid is left wondering why no one was saying a thing.

Did this-

What?

She was baffled, confused and quite frankly, bamboozled. The day was going so well and now she feels like she's in some kind of prank because there is no way someone would say this in school of all places.

"What did you just say?" She wonders, picking at her ear. No, surely she was hearing things. There was no way someone decided to be so brazen as to call Wednesday a freak. What were they, the normies of jericho?

"I called you the freak's bi-" Enid's hand shot out, tightly grasping their tie and bringing them close as she stood up. Her chair screeched and the class falls silent.

"say it again," she warns.

A teeth bared into a grin was their answer. "The freak's bitc-"

The sickening crunch of someone's nose was Enid's reply to that. A smile tugging at her lips as she lets go, watching as they stumble back with a string of curses. Blood pooled and spilled inbetween their fingers, it has Enid far too aware of her sharp teeth.

Her head throbbed.

Wednesday has called her thickheaded before but Enid's sure that Wednesday didn't expect her to see it as a good thing.

[i-rate-horse-games]

rating Star Stable Online

Star Stable Online is a MMORPG! its plot seems to get pretty wild!

upon discovering that Fish was an option in the drop down name creators, i cackled with joy. this is Rusty Fishfish and Futurefish

our goal in this world was to become Fish. one glorious leap into the ocean showed us that it would be harder than anticipated, due to having taken a ‘dangerous’ fall. luckily it doesn’t seem like horses can be injured, even though the screen flashes red if you trip while jumping. 

i joined right after the new character models became available. i think they’re pretty neat! some of the body types looked androgynous to me, but the game calls you a girl regardless. but you can still buy facial hair in the shop!

the world is a nice size! it’s scaled small enough that you feel like you’re going places even when your horse is physically moving a little slow, and the world is big enough that there’s plenty to explore while still being small enough that you see other players going about their lives pretty frequently. 

speaking of other players! shout out to @ro-sso for warning me to never open the global chat. i did! i asked how to get hay after very rapidly forgetting what i had just learned. three people told me it grew on a farm. i said Ok. when i did find the hay (in a shop) i told the chat i had been betrayed and bamboozled and they said “BAHAHAHAHAHA”. later i used the Say chat to ask for help finding a championship that was starting soon, and everyone nearby was very helpful. you win some you lose some

quests seem to be the biggest part of the game! they’re how you get player and horse exp and level up and get better stats for competing. a lot of the quests i did felt very tedious. lots of riding back and forth and delivering messages and so forth. the worst ones involved herding horses that kept splitting into smaller groups and running around a mall doing errands for a sketchy guy. my favorite quests were the ones where i got to open my backpack and drag a tool onto something, which felt like playing Nancy Drew. there was also one where we got to follow the visible smell of pumpkin pie on a trail to a little cottage, and it was nighttime so there were cricket sounds as well!

there’s so much love and soul packed into this world! there’s a pony who was elected mayor! there’s a pirate themed race that has music just similar enough to the Pirates of the Carribean music to remind you of it while also remaining distinct! there’s a riding club that “wears pink and not only on wednesdays.”! there’s a girl with a pet owl named Toby who says “Even though he blathers about it, Toby loves bugs.” there’s vague sounds of people talking in areas with lots of NPCs! there’s a kid with a hot air balloon who takes you up to the cloud kingdom! he has a pet frog who can ride on your head! there’s an emo electric violinist who was really funny! you can get a kitten for your saddlebag! the music is pretty decent!

the clothes very strongly remind me of being 12. something about the slightly awkward way the clothes fit is nostalgic. there were also lots of flower crowns for the summer solstice!

a huge point for this game is that it has its own pride festival!

there’s just something about going to a new place and seeing rainbow flags everywhere, especially after the horrors of horse isle 3. i hear this game also has canon lesbian characters! this does make it even funnier that all players are assigned Cowgirl at login

the one thing that really surprised me is that if you play without a membership, you are apparently trapped in a demo version, and the rest of the game is locked behind a paywall. this sprang up on me after i started running out of quests. the game told me to level up to unlock more main quests, but the only way to get player exp was to do quests, and i pretty much ran out. this concept is really foreign to me, since every game like this that i’ve played before, the membership made your life much easier and more posh, but free players could still get a lot out of the game. games like club penguin, pixie hollow, animal jam, etc. it’s only about $5 a month, though, with a permanent membership option for over 50 dollars. i have not purchased it, but if I ever do, i will update my rating. :)

while googling the above problem to figure out what was going on, i learned that there's no level cap and there's seasonal events that give EXP, so even if you've finished the whole game, there can still be players more powerful than you with better stats dominating the competition. that seems ! a little rough! they also said that after you beat the game, there's not much left to do. hopefully the fun part is the journey and not the destination!

all in all, though, we did it. we became Fish.

and that makes it all worth it.

i’m rating Star Stable Online 4.5 out of 5 stars!

★★★★✬

please feel free to submit horse games or ask me to reevaluate! next up is Alicia Online!

[galactic-knightmare]

Undertale Discord!

*-slides in on a block of cheese and starts talking like a sleezy carsalesman-* Ayyyyy there! Ya'll like Puns, Memes, Japes, and Bamboozlement?

How about Undertale and Deltrarune in all its Pixelated meme glory? Or even the fanart and fanfics? Well, have I got the Discord Server for you! Introducing, the Ketchup Cult!

We're a bit small so far, but hopin' we'll get some more Pun-lovers in here! anyway, adios!

(Don't worry its not all Sans LMAO)