#ccau azure

[flashback823]

So That’s Why Ink Has So Many Conniptions (DankCCAU Episode 1)

I’ve been having fun little chats with @writeformekitty​ and this sort of happened. To put into better understanding, we just started talking out a situation starting with how Cage Crazy AU’s reality tv theme song would go and it spawned into this monstrosity. Anyways, this was not meant to be serious writing so most of the plot skips and strange formatting is on purpose.

Cage Crazy AU belongs to @writeformekitty with inspiration from DSF that belongs to @onebizarrekai

AND NOW I INTRODUCE YOU TO EPISODE 1 OF DANK CAGE CRAZY

You turn on the television, prepared for your late Friday night tv splurge. The screen shows the opening of a strange television show. The opening was what could be considered earrape: a mixture of the screaming of the damned and My Heart Will Go On by Céline Dion played by a kazoo or something.

Scene 1:

The unseeable audience claps as the “song” fades into only the kazoo, that is now seen to be played by the dark haired Nightmare. Nightmare plays it rather well as is being cheered along by Cross who is dancing to the tune. As Nightmare’s song fades out, he takes another deep breath and starts up the song for the Wii. Now, you may be wondering where Error is at the moment. That is a simple question. He is sitting in the corner with Azure on speaker phone. Error is covering his ears and regretting every life choice he has made.

Resorting to muttering, Error wallows in his own self pity, “I’m too old for this shit.” That catches Cross’s attention and since he wasn’t going to make Nightmare stop playing the kazoo, he decided to counter the blasphemy upon the glories of kazoos, “You’re EIGHTEEN. You should be rocking to this shit.”

Shaking his head, Error continues to rethink his life choices while lowkey roasting Cross in his head, "And that's too old for this shit. I haven't passed my teen stage of life yet but that doesn’t mean I think every meme on the internet is awesome. Anyways, it’s hurting my ears and brain cells.” Cross pouts a bit, making himself look half his age. “But Nightmare plays it so well!” Nightmare, having taken notice to the situation, returned back the My Heart Will Go On and tried his best to make it more obnoxious.

“I'm going to fucking stab him, how's that for doing well?" Error rose the fist that held his phone. Nightmare made a dejected kazoo noise but continued to play, all biet quieter. This is when Azure decided to butt in. Thankfully Error’s phone had been turned on full volume so everyone in the area heard, "Hey, at least you'd be knocking out two birds with one stone! Wait... one bird and an emo prince of the night." Suddenly the door on the room slammed open and the Dank God himself walked upon the stage followed by a suffering Ink. Dream strikes the T-Pose and screams out, “O F F E N S E  T A K E N." At that exact moment, Nightmare also vocalises his disagreement with the name. By this time Ink has retreated to the sidelines with Error, the both of them dying inside and outside.

Canned laughter rings out  at the sudden appearances. Nobody seems to take notice but a extremely distressed Azure on the other end of a phone.

Scene 2:

“Hey Error, I should go. I keep hearing voices in my place,” Azure hangs up and looks around. His cameras should have picked up anyone coming in. Where the actual fuck was this laughter coming from!? He didn’t realise but he spoke his thoughts aloud and another wave of unbodied laughter erupts from the walls. Giving up, Azure turns on his heightened security system and returns his attention the the footage of the hacked camera on his computer screen. Dream had a pretty good firewall, but Azure had managed to crack it. He even got the mic to work on his end too!

Azure was not one to laugh at many things… but the image he was presented with was hilarious to say the least. The television audience catch a glimpse on the scene about to be presented to them. What appears to be a dead Ink on the ground, a yodeling Cross dancing around the kazoo master Nightmare and Error continuing to die in the corner. Scratch that, this wasn’t just funny to Azure, THIS shit is fucking hysterical.

Scene 3:

To put it lightly, what had happened in the moments Azure had looked away were quite eventful. However when the JR employees came into the room hearing shrieking, what caught their attention first (Nightmare and Cross having a dank musical duet of the century) was not the craziest thing that had gon on. The screen makes the classic rewind sound any the audience are shown what had occured.

Error and Ink were standing in their own little corner on the room. They were trying to avoid the dankness of their… companions? Ink facepalmed, groaning into his hand, “I don’t get paid enough for this.” Error turned to the last decently sane person in the room, “Do you even get paid?” Ink laughed a little before looking up, “I’m alive, aren’t I?”

“True but get this, I have to live with those two and several more like them on a daily basis. You only have one crazy boss,” Error snickered quietly, as to not allow the Meme God to hear him. It was no issue anyways because on the sheer volume of Nightmare’s kazoo and Cross’s yodeling. “Are you trying to one up me?” Ink challenged, “10 bucks says I have the shortest end on the stick.” Error shook Ink’s outstretched hand, the simple agreement turning into a complicated handshake consisting of flips and hoots.

“Why don’t you go first,” Error suggested. Ink nodded, “Alright I’ve noticed this pattern with him whenever one of these are in his presence.” Ink took out his brush and whipped up a skateboard. Error looked at it quizzically, “What are you gonna do with that?” Ink raised a hand in a signal to wait for it and approached his boss.

“Lord Dream I got something cool to show you,” Ink said to the God of the Memes. Dream raises an eyebrow and nods at him to continue. "See? It's a skateboard, I found it, and it looks nice, so I assumed you might want to tr--" Ink didn’t even get to finish the sentence. The board was slammed straight against his head and snapped in two. Dream looked down at the crumpled body on Ink, a delighted grin upon his face…. Until he saw the board.

Dream started bawling like a child any screamed, “The board broke! I want a new one NOW!”

Suddenly, servants start rushing in, asking Dream what kind of board he want, what color, any particular brand? Dream had gotten angry at the first question and had shouted at him to just get the damn board.

Error bends down to the fallen and forgotten Ink and hands him ten dollars. He was not expecting that.

Scene 4:

When the servants returned, the room hadn’t changed much except that Ink was nursing his abused head while Error pat his back. How Nightmare hadn’t lost his breath with the kazoo nobody knows for sure. Cross had consumed several glasses of mountain dew and had changed from yodeling to singing the lyrics of All Star. The servants, not being given any specific instructions had grabbed the most fitting skateboard they could find.

It was yellow on the bottom, with a purple silhouette of some bird on the back. They had thought it would be perfect for their god. Dream didn’t agree, “WHY DIDN'T YOU ASK WHETHER I WANTED A BIRD ON THERE!!!? WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO IMPLY!!??? ASK ME NEXT TIME!!!” They all sighed dejectedly and accepted the vocal punishment, they could never get him right.

Once they left, they had a small conversation. “We just can’t ever win,” employee #1 grumbled as soon as he passed through the door. A second servant elbowed him slightly, “Dream hasn’t killed us yet. That’s winning here.”

A third employee shook her head a little, “Would death be so bad? I mean, compare it to this hell! Our boss is literally an insane and powerful god who eats glitter glue!” Suddenly she was body slammed to the ground and hand covered her mouth. “Idiot, what if he heard you?”

Meanwhile, back in the room, their All Powerful God of Memes was happily eating glitterglue to the sound of Ink having the third conniption this week.

Scene 5:

Scratch Azure’s previous statements, was there any word that is stronger than hysterical!? Azure was laughing his ass off in his swivel chair, not even minding the canned laughter that harmonized with him. Now this, this is why he should hack Justice Reigns more often. Azure mused aloud whether this situation could get any better!? Turns out, it could. Nightmare produced a second kazoo while Cross pulled a trombone out of nowhere. Error, having given up on his sanity ten minutes ago, was already at the oven that was somehow in the room. Ink is already crying.