#cas got to be horrifying sometimes as a treat

[darkshrimpemotions]

Anyway SPN was too cowardly to actually show it but in HBO SPN we actually have to watch Sam drain and drink the NICU nurse. For like an entire episode probably.

[musicrunsthroughmysoul]

I’m in Seattle! I moved to Bainbridge Island from California last May and then in November I got an apartment in Seattle. It’s really nice, taking the ferry is EXPENSIVE. Bus is cheaper!

OH MY GOD? WE REALLY ARE NEIGHBORS. Well, kind of. I'm not in Seattle - I'm in the Greater Seattle Area. (Let it be known that I'm not sure if I capitalized that for my own amusement or because it's actually proper grammar.) Dude, I cannot believe that you moved from California to BAINBRIDGE ISLAND. LORD. I am so sorry. Although the joke there is on me because I moved from SoCal to Port Townsend when I was 7. If I'd had a choice (and not been 7) I would never have done anything like that; I would not have willingly moved from California to Washington, period. LOL I must've missed that information - why did you move from CA to WA? But, omg, I hope apartment-living in Seattle is treating you well, especially rent-wise. x_x Sometimes I think 'I could get another local job and afford to live in one of the tiniest apartments in Seattle (blessedly, by myself)' but then I realize, JUST KIDDING, WRONG - I can barely afford to pay half of my apartment's rent here and I live with my mother (who pays the other half of rent). And "here" is not even as expensive to live as in Seattle, although it's increasing all the fucking time (which is horrifying to me, because personally I actually like living here - as far as living in Washington in general goes - and I am really not sure that I would like to live in Seattle because tbh all of the possible buses to take overwhelms me every time I'm there, heh...although I would have even better access to seeing all of my favorite bands live.). But ANYWAY, YES the ferry is expensive as hell. The bus is, indeed, so much cheaper, and thankfully so is the light link rail and the Sounder. (I personally love taking the train, especially as someone who experiences motion sickness on cars and buses. I pretty much never get motion sickness on the train. Although I've never gotten motion sickness on the ferry, either, but I still prefer the train!)

I would like to ask, though...how is living in Washington for you? I hope Washington is treating you well.

[rowyn-writes]

A Mother's Love (Dean x Wife!Reader)

Warnings: Language, fluff, major angst, implications of divorce, arguing, Dean being mean to Jack

Pairings: Dean x Wife!Reader

Characters: Dean, Jack, Sam, Reader, Cas (mentioned only)

Word count: 2.7k

You threw your bag down as you entered the bunker, exhausted from your last hunt. This was one of the rare cases where you worked alone.

Sometimes you needed the time to yourself, away from all the men. Sometimes you would go hunting with Jody and Claire, but even then, those two argued like cats and dogs.

"Y/N," Jack smiled as you entered the kitchen. "How was the hunt?"

"It was pretty good, actually." You grinned as you sat across from him. "I was chasing down this werewolf in Tennessee, and it was really strange. He'd kill one person, turn the next, and repeat that cycle."

"That's. . . Weird." He furrowed his eyebrows.

"That's what I said. Well," You continued on with the story of your hunt, watching as Jack's eyes widened in amazement and awe.

"Y/N?" Dean called your name, entering the kitchen. "Hey, sweetheart. I didn't know you were home?"

You stood up, pressing a kiss to his cheek. "Sorry, babe. I got sidetracked. I was just telling Jack about my trip." You smiled, looking over at the boy. You were concerned, as the smile fell from his face and he looked away from you and Dean. "You okay, kid?"

"Yeah," He nodded, not meeting your eye. "I'll give you two some space." He mumbled as he walked out of the kitchen.

"Does he seem off to you?" You asked Dean.

"Nah, he acts like he usually does. Squirrelly and weird."

"Says the squirrel himself." You rolled your eyes. "Did something happen while I was gone?"

Dean said nothing as he looked down, an obvious indicator that he was guilty of something. "Dean," You growled lowly. "Did you say something to Jack? Something that would upset him somehow?"

When Dean didn't give you an answer, you shook your head as you follow Jack to his room.

"Jack." You called out. He seemed to be lost in thought, as he didn't react to your words. "Jack!" You said louder, causing him to turn around. There was a tiny amount of fear in his eyes. If you didn't know him, it wouldn't have affected you.

"What's wrong?" You asked softly, resting your hand on his shoulder.

"Nothing." He spoke. "Why would anything be wrong?"

"Jack, I saw how you reacted when Dean came in. You looked like a kicked puppy. Don't tell me it's nothing, kiddo."

In the time you had known Jack, you had grown to care for him deeply. You had always wanted kids, but in this life, it wasn't possible. Well, it was, but you knew you didn't want your children to do what you do. So when Jack was born, you felt extremely happy because it felt like you finally had a child. Albeit, he did look twenty.

"Dean doesn't like me very much." He admitted.

"I'm sure that's not true. . ." You argued weakly. In all honesty, you didn't think Dean liked Jack either. It's not like he was abusive, but he did treat him differently than everyone else.

"But it is, Y/N."

"How do you know, Jack? With Dean, it takes him time to warm up to people. It took him months to actually trust me. He's a cautious person."

"Did he threaten you too?" Jack asked, genuinely curious. His head was tilted to the side, his honey blonde hair falling into his eyes. He had gotten that head tilt from Cas.

"Dean. . . Threatened you?" You whispered hoarsely.

"Yes," He nodded. "He told me if I hurt you or Sam, or anyone, that he would be the one to hunt me down and kill me."

Your mouth popped open in horror. You could never imagine your sweet, loveable, goofy Dean threatening Jack. "What else did he say, Jack? Did he say anything prior to this?"

"He said that he doesn't think that I can be saved. He said that even though you and Sam think that I can, that he doesn't."

"Jack, you don't need to be saved. There is no saving to do. You are a good kid. You would never do anything to intentionally hurt anyone. I'm so sorry. I should have been there." You sigh.

"He's not wrong, Y/N. I can't be saved. What if I turn out like my father, my real father."

You frowned as you cupped his face in your hands. "Jack, you are nothing, and I mean nothing, like Lucifer. You are just like your mother. You are sweet, caring, and you are empathetic. Just like Kelly."

"You really believe that?" He whispered, tears forming in his eyes.

"No, I don't believe it, Jack. I know it. You are nothing like Lucifer. If anything, you are much more like Castiel."

"Really?" He smiled.

"Yeah," You nodded. "You see, I don't know if you know this, but Cas does this little thing where he tilts his head to the side if he doesn't understand something or if he's perplexed. And I noticed that you do the same thing." Jack's smile widened as you removed your hands from his face. "And neither of you have any knowledge of pop culture. Even though Cas was here for a lot longer than you, he never understood a single reference any of us made. Even if it was something like Scooby Doo." You giggled, feeling your throat tightening at the thought of your dead friend. "And you two state the obvious a lot. Not in a bad way, more in a comedic way. It lightens the mood nearly every time. Cas would rarely smile. When I asked him why, he would say that the world was going to hell and he didn't have anything to smile about. But when he did smile, it would make everyone else smile with him. The same goes for you. Just seeing that little toothy grin of yours makes me smile. I mean hell, you two even look a lot alike."

"Could you tell me more about him?" Jack asked.

"Of course, but I have something to take care of first. Then you and I will cuddle up and watch a movie and I'll tell you everything you want to know about Cas, okay?"

"Yeah, I'd like that." He spoke. "Before you go, could I ask you something?" You nodded. "If I were to have a mother figure, and I called her mom, do you think my mother would be upset?"

"No, sweetheart, I don't think she would be upset. I think that she would be happy that there's someone down here taking care of you and you feel comfortable enough to call them mom." You said, completely oblivious as to what Jack was suggesting.

"Then. . . Could I call you mom?"

You felt the air leave your lungs as his words hit you like a truck. Jack watched as tears welled up in your eyes. Jack was horrified; he had never meant to make you cry. "Yo-you want to call me m-mom?" You stammer.

"If you're not comfortable with it I understand. I'm sorry, Y/N, I-"

You cut him off with a tight embrace. "Of course you can call me mom." You whisper, squeezing the boy tightly.

"Why are you crying?" He questioned.

"These are happy tears, Jack. I'm not upset. It's just. . . I never thought that I would have children, but then you came along, and you gave me what I wanted. You gave me a chance to be a mother."

"Thank you for being here for me, mom."

You gave Jack a huge smile as you pulled away. "Okay," You said, putting a hand on his arm. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to deal with my ass of a husband."

---

"Dean Winchester," You boomed, roaming around the bunker in search for your husband.

"Ooooh, you're in trouble." You hear Sam snicker.

"But I didn't do anything. Wait, what day is it?" Dean asked frantically.

"April ninth." Sam quipped.

"Okay, no birthday, no anniversary, so there's that."

You entered The Dean Cave, as Dean called it, seeing red. "What the hell, Winchester." You growled. "Sam, out. Now."

"You don't have to tell me twice." Sam said, grabbing his bowl of popcorn and walking out of the room.

"Yes, darling, sweetheart, love of my life. What can I do for you?" Dean spoke sweetly, giving you those stupid, green doe eyes.

"Jack told me." You said simply. "He told me what you said to him. That if it comes down to killing him, that you would be the one to do it. That there was no saving him."

"Y/N, you have to understand where I'm coming from." He tried to reason with you. "You should have seen him. He was stabbing himself with a knife! And it closed up like it was nothing! It's not  normal. He's not normal."

"And?! None of us are normal, Dean. We've all died and came back to life. Sam didn't have a soul, he was hooked on demon blood, yet you were still there for him. You still believed in him. You died and became a demon, you bore the Mark of Cain and had a thing for God's friggin sister! And I still loved you through it. I have been brainwashed and manipulated into hurting all of you, and you still forgave me! Cas betrayed us, and we were still there for him. None of us are fucking normal! So what the hell, Dean? You're holding a grudge against Jack just because of who his dad is?"

"His father is Lucifer, Y/N!"

"Well that's stating the goddamn obvious!" You yelled.

"He could turn on us at any moment! We don't know this kid. We don't know what he can do."

"So we learn, Dean! We should help him figure out his way. Guide him in the right direction. Show him what a true, loving family looks like!"

"We are not his family, Y/N! And he's not our family. He never will be." Dean argued.

You flinched back, glaring at Dean. "How dare you! You son of a bitch! Whether you believe it or not, Jack is family. To me and to Sam. We care about him and love him!"

"He doesn't even know what love means!"

"Yes, he does! Because he feels things, Dean. He cares. He cares about all of us, including you. You know, he asked me if he could call me mom today. Did you know that? He trusts me and cares for me so much that he sees me as a mother figure."

"He's got you brainwashed, Y/N! Can't you see that?!"

"If he looked like his actual age, would you be acting like this?"

"What kind of question is that." He scoffed.

"If Jack looked four months old instead of twenty, would you still be treating him like this?" You asked steadily. Dean remained silent. "See! He is four months old, no matter how old he looks, he's still a baby."

"So, what, you want me to change his diaper or some shit?"

"No! I want you to treat him like a human being!" You yelled.

"But he's not human!"

You and Dean stood your ground, neither of you letting up. "Fine. I'm leaving then. And I'm taking Jack with me."

"No, you're not."

"Fucking watch me, Dean. I can't even look at you right now. Because you are not the man I married. That man was compassionate and caring. This one isn't. And until he comes back, I'm staying away." You cried.

Before Dean could get another word out, you left the den. You noticed that Sam was standing in the hallway, giving you a saddened look. "You're really leaving?"

"I'm sorry, Sam." You sobbed. "But I can't be around him right now. And I don't think Jack should be either. We're going to my parents house for a while. And until he gets his shit together, I'm not coming back.

"I know. I don't understand why Dean is acting like this." He mumbled.

"I don't either. It's so unlike him." You agreed.

"So what are you going to tell Jack?"

"Just that we're going to take a little road trip and visit my parents. I don't know, Sam, this whole thing is so strange to me. But I know have to go."

Sam frowned as he pulled you into a hug. "I'm really going to miss you. But you do what you need to do. And if you ever need anything, you call me, okay? I don't care what time of day it is, call me."

"I will." You squeeze Sam tightly. "Thank you for being an amazing brother and best friend." You pulled away, teary eyed as you parted from your brother in law. "I hope to be back soon."

You softly knocked on Jack's door before entering. "Hey, Jack." You smiled.

"Mom!" He said excitedly. "Are we going to watch movies now?"

"Actually, there's been a change of plans. Me and you are going on a road trip to visit my parents."

"Really? Are Sam and Dean coming with us?"

You swallowed hard, a lump forming in your throat. "No, actually. This is a trip just for us. Sam and Dean wanted to stay here just in case they find a case or something that can get Mary back from apocalypse world. So I'm going to help you pack and then we can get on the road."

---

You had sent Jack to your car, having him put everything in the trunk while you finished up things in the bunker. The last thing you grabbed was a machete that belonged to your father before he gave it to you.

"Don't go." A voice whispered. You turned to see Dean, who looked like he had been crying. "Please don't leave."

You swallowed hard, feeling tears rush to your eyes once more. "Will you accept Jack as family?"

"Y/N-" Dean said, exasperated. "He can stayed here but he's not family."

"That's not good enough, Dean. Because I know how you act around people you don't trust."

"You can't force me to trust him." Dean scoffed.

"That's not what I want. I want you to get to know him. I want you to try."

"Y/N. . . I just. . . I can't."

"I think. . . I think we need time apart." You mumbled.

"Y/N, please –"

"Only for a little bit." You assured him. "They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder, after all." You gave him a sad smile, trying to control your tears.

You turned to leave before Dean's voice stopped you. "If you leave, then we're over. That's it. Don't bother coming home."

You sighed as you looked back at Dean. You cupped his face in your hands and gave him a slow, sensual kiss. You could feel salty tears on your lips as you memorized how Dean's mouth felt against yours. It was warm and soft. You could taste the remnants whiskey on his breath.

You pulled away slightly, resting your forehead on Dean's. You felt tears streaming down your face as you looked the man you had grown to love over the past ten years. You had been through hell and back, literally. You had lost each other, fell out of love and back in love.

"This isn't goodbye, Dean." You whimpered. "I swear it isn't. I love you with every part of my soul. I'm not choosing Jack over you, okay? I just need time. I need you to wait for me."

"That's all I've ever done, Y/N." Dean shook his head. "I waited on you when you were in relationships, when you were heartbroken, when your sister died, I waited on you to love me back. I'm tired of waiting. I will always love you, and you'll always be with me. You've changed me, and I'm so thankful for it. You've made me a better man. But I can't. . . I can't keep doing this, Y/N." He whispered as he slipped off his wedding band. "This is goodbye." He set the ring in your hand, curling your fingers around it. "Goodbye, sweetheart." He gave you one final kiss. But this one was rough and full of passion. It really was goodbye.

"Dean, please." You cried. He pressed a swift kiss to the crown of your head before leaving you standing alone in the library. Sobs racked through your body as you clutched Dean's ring to your chest. "Please come back." You whispered.

You wiped your face of tears and stuck Dean's ring in your pocket. There would be time for tears later. Right now you just needed to get out of the bunker. As you looked around the library, you realized you had never felt this alone.

[ltleflrt]

So I was having a conversation on Discord about omegaverse tonight, and my brain won’t shut up about it, because as usual I come up with my arguments after the discussion is over.  I should have been asleep 3 hours ago, but it’s hot and I can’t unwind, so I’m going to stay up EVEN LATER while the a/c brings things down a few degrees, and I try to get these thoughts out of my head.

I was pro-omegaverse, and trying to explain why *I personally* like the genre, and why I think even with it’s problematic origins and frequently used elements, it’s still a cool genre.  I was essentially having 2 discussions, but they were both using my answers to their questions, even though I was usually addressing them 1 at a time.  That happens when you’re in a Discord chat, and I wasn’t @ing my answers to them, since we were all in the room together.  And I think that cunfuddled the discussion and my thoughts.  So here’s a breakdown.

Issue 1. Biological Essentialism is gross and rapey.

Answer:  Yes, it is.  But so what?  Some people like pure rape-fantasy.  Is it healthy?  That can be argued either way, and it definitely depends on the person writing, or the person reading.  People like gross and rapey stories to get their rocks off.  Whether we like non-con or not, rape fics should be allowed to exist because some people like it.  It doesn’t matter if I think their reasons are valid.  As long as they’re not actively trying to harm someone, let people get down and dirty with their rapey fantasies.

Also, the whole biological imperative to mate isn’t that far off from Soulmate AUs.  Truemates = Soulmates.  Whether we like Soulmate AUs or not, are we also arguing that they shouldn’t exist because they’re problematic?  No, we’re not.  Soulmate AUs are romantic for a lot of people.  Let people have their uncomplicated, fluffy, 1 Destined Love stories.

Something to keep in mind though, is that not all omegaverse fics use the true mate trope.  And quite a lot of fics have characters with a lot more self control during their mating cycles than what you’d find in the short smutty one shots.  It’s common for them to avoid each other during heats, and only share their mating cycle as an act of love, trust, and devotion.  After they’ve been dating for a while.  (I love it when the alpha brings over snacks and water for the omega, and immediately hightails it out of there once they get a whiff of their sexy love interest.  “Take care of yourself, text me when you feel better, loveyoubye! *nyoooom*”)

Issue 2. It’s transphobic.

Answer:  This one is harder to argue, because yeah.  It can be.  But so can non-omegaverse.  Transphobia is, unfortunately, everywhere.  Exploring human gender through non-human gendered beings isn’t a bad thing though.  Cis people should be allowed to explore those things too.  This is step 1 to fighting the Patriarchy.  Questioning it.  Someone may come out of the experience still cis, but they’re going to be more open minded to trans people.  Not to mention, all the trans and enby folks who probably figured themselves out through the gender exploration to be found in omegaverse.

Now, if someone’s into omegaverse and they tell you they won’t read a story about a trans character?  Red flag.

Personally, I like the gender exploration in omegaverse.  Not just in the hormonal stuff, although I do kinda love the idea of seeing cis male characters suffer cramps once a month lol... but I like the stuff about social inequality that women have to go through mapped onto a male character.

I brought this up in the chat, and my use of the term “women’s issues” raised a terfy flag I think, which upset me and made it harder to make my point.  Cuz if there’s one thing I’m not, it’s terfy.  But I do see women’s issues as also trans issues.  Trans Men are treated differently after they start to present as male.  There’s a marked difference between their treatment as a woman pre-transition, and as a man afterwards.  And they still have to be really careful about accidental pregnancy.  I cannot fathom how awful the dysphoria would be for them if they get pregnant.  Trans Women are treated horribly pre-transition if they give any hint of feminine interests.  There’s a reason “girly” is an insult, and it’s because Toxic Masculinity Is The Worst.  And then when they transition?  Hooooboy, gods bless those ladies because Trans Women are treated worse than Cis Women on the social pyramid.  And Enbies?  Oh you sweet things, how the hell do you deal with the rest of us bastards? 

When I say that I am interested in seeing the characters I like deal with women’s issues, I am talking about social inequality, not just periods and cramps (although that a little bit too, because I wish a cis man could just fucking UNDERSTAND why I need a goddamn nap okay? lol), but also sexual health rights, including birth control, including the right to choose whether or not to take hormones, the right to equal pay, the right to equal education.  Feminism, for me, includes trans and enby folks at the table. 

But anyway, the characters I like right now just happen to be men.  I see Dean as a man.  That could mean he’s a trans man too, because trans men are men, yo.  Castiel I see either as a man or non-binary.  So if I want to put them through “women’s issues”, I have to plunk them in a special universe for that.  No one is writing Matriarchy AUs, so Omegaverse it is!

(Side note: If my OTP were f/f, I’d still like omegaverse.  And I could see lots of interesting ways to use all those same tropes for 2 female presenting characters.  So it has nothing to do with genitalia.  Unless it’s smut.  But I swing all the ways, so still not an issue for me lol)

(Side note part deux: I like to read trans stories too.  They have unique things about them that cannot be found in stories about cis characters, even in omegaverse.  And when I see Dean and Cas as men or enby, I’m not putting down people who like them gender flipped.  I just see myself enjoying Trans Woman Claire dating Enby Kaia, more than I’d like to see Dean or Cas written as cis/trans-women.)

Issue 3.  Internalized misogyny!

Answer: This is an argument used against women shipping m/m in general, and has nothing to do with omegaverse.  It just so happens that omegaverse was created for m/m pairings.  But there are TONS of reasons we ship more m/m than any other pairings, ranging from those are the most interesting characters presented to us, to--yes--internalized misogyny.  But I’m tired of that one.  Internalized misogyny is rampant, and telling women that their fantasies are problematic isn’t going to cure them.  There’s better ways to go about it. 

Omegaverse now covers m/f and f/f pairings as well, sooooo... yeah, this one just doesn’t hold water like it used to.  We just need to yoink the media out of the hands of the cis-men who are mostly in charge, and make them give us more compelling women to ship.

Issue 4: That’s not how human bodies work.

Answer: They’re not human lol!  Okay but real talk here.  This issue actually sounds transphobic to me, because it strikes very close to the XX vs XY chromosomes argument.  Omegaverse characters have intersex variations.  Alpha females and Omega males can have both a penis and a vagina in some fics.  It depends on how the author wants to write it, of course.  I usually go with the (horrifying) cloaca for omega males, and the (hyena inspired) psueudo-penis for alpha females instead, but to each writer their own lol

But again... not human.  Let wet buttholes be a thing, lube is expensive and sometimes the bottle gets tangled in the sheets, and you have to stop what you’re doing to find it and... anyway, convenience in fantasy sex is nice lol

In Conclusion: 

Personally, I only like non-traditional omegaverse.  The stuff that subverts the “problematic” tropes.  I was asked what I liked about the genre, and when I explained, it devolved into discussion of the topics above.  But I think what was forgotten in that discussion, was that I kept saying I don’t like the “problematic” things.  I like flipping the tropes.  Which I like in general, when I’m looking for things to read.  I mean, how many Castiel Thinks He’s Straight fics are there?  Not many!  So I wrote one!  Because flipping tropes is my jam! 

I don’t like Soulmate AUs, but with the proper twist I can still enjoy it.  I don’t like Highschool AUs, but I’ve read some that touched me so deeply I still think of them years later.  There’s always someone subverting the tropes I don’t like and turning them into something I do like.

And yet even though I kept saying I liked the subversion of the genre, the discussion kept coming back around to the parts of omegaverse that I *don’t* like.  I will still defend anyone’s right to like the parts of it that aren’t for me though, so I argued away XD

And? Sometimes I like the dark problematic stuff when I’m in the mood to get my rocks off.  Don’t judge, you’re all a little weird in some way or another ;D

Anywho, now that I got this stuff off my chest, hopefully I can sleep.  It has also cooled down by like 4 degrees, and I no longer feel like I’m going to melt in my sleep.  Tomorrow is going to suck, because I have to get up in 5 hours.  Yay!

[all-or-nothing-baby]

Would love to see you do U with Destiel

Mini-fic prompt-fill. The letter U is "Coming Home".

@avidbkwrm For you, Spencer... here you go, my friend <3

_____________________________

The Last Time

Tags: Dean POV, Modern AU, Drug and Alcohol Misuse, Prostitution, Hurt With Comfort, Angst With A Happy Ending.

_____________________________

Getting back to his shitty apartment afterwards was always the worst part.

It wasn't the peeling wallpaper that bothered Dean. He didn't care that there were only bare floorboards splashed with spilled paint in the bathroom. Couldn’t even give a shit that the wet rot, in the corner above the sofa, was probably the cause of his perpetual cough. And yeah, okay, so he knew the fuck-ton of weed he smoked, on top of the booze, didn’t exactly help. And no, it didn’t exactly make him forget, either. But it did help him to give less of a shit about how shitty he felt.

...until the next time.

Cas was a drug. Dean had known it from the start, had known he shouldn’t get involved. Known he’d end up losing people too, if he did. And he had. But fuck, after that first time? He was hooked. A junkie. Now, he was so far fucking gone it was scary because being with Cas was better than anything Dean had ever had. And whenever Dean wasn’t tangled up in sheets and smiles, all sticky, with him? He was in hell. Especially right afterwards… the instant craving was unbearable. Still tasting his sharp citrusy taste; smelling of bubble gum and baby wipes, just like him; running his rough fingertips over the pink and tender places he'd been claimed. Yeah, Cas was the drug Dean didn’t know how to quit. And Jesus, he didn’t want to, which was worse.

Yet still, at first, he'd swear every visit was the last.

…until the next time.

Dean had lived all over, growing up. Cheap hotels and motels, trailer parks. And worse. Never knew what it was to settle and lay roots. Cas told him he'd been raised the polar opposite: huge family, a single home his whole life. Until his folks had found out he liked dicks not chicks and tried to bible-bash it outta him, quite literally. Cas had left and never contacted them again. And it turned out, being where he was now was better than being on the streets.

Really don't know why I'm telling you all this, he'd said to Dean after only the second time. Maybe it's just those kind eyes? he'd smiled. But I'm sorry, you're not paying to hear about my screwed-up life in a sob-story… want me to fuck you now, baby?

Dean had never gone with a sex worker before. Hated the idea—not for him, exactly, but for them. The idea that some people thought they were worth so little that they'd sell themselves? It horrified him. But walking out that bar that night and seeing that dark, unruly hair and those blue, blue eyes heading straight for him, coming for him...

Hey, beautiful, wanna spend the night with an angel?

No such thing, Dean had tried. But it had come out as a question, a challenge. An almost prove me wrong, please—and with a smile he couldn't have helped if he'd tried.

The man—dressed in a long coat, black boots and tight jeans; the crispest of white shirts with a low slung tie; and an eight o'clock shadow Dean instantly craved to leave a tingle on his inside thighs—had smiled back and said, that's your problem, beautiful. You have no faith.

By the time Dean had left the No-Tell room later that night—left Jimmy, as he'd called himself back then—Dean was born again. His belief suddenly so strong, he'd gone back to his apartment and goddammit he'd prayed.

But for the days that followed, the guilt was overwhelming. Dean had hoped beyond hope he'd be strong enough to stay away from the stranger he now wanted to help; to take away from this dangerous life, this mess Jimmy had gotten himself into... No. Dean told himself he wouldn't go back. It was wrong, on so many levels. Shit, he didn't even know the guy from Adam and yet, what, he wanted to save him?

Dean actually did actually managed to keep his distance, for a time. For a little while, he thought sense had won out.

...until the next time.

After that, Dean became fucking devout. Being with Jimmy—with Cas—very quickly became more than a one-sided thing… it became about not just fucking, but enjoying each other. Them tasting and devouring each other. Holding out for one another. Worshipping each other. Had the tables now turned? Was Cas really the angel he'd said he was and Dean, the sinner who needed saving? For the two hours a week that Dean could barely afford, Dean was happy. They'd often spend time just talking, tracing patterns on the others skin. As contradictory and ironic as it was, being with Cas? It honest to God felt holy. Dean was a better man when with him. Wanted to do better because of him. Felt more himself than he ever had before. And soon, inevitably, every time he'd leave Cas, it was ten times harder than the last.

...until the next time.

The night Dean saw the bruises was the night he'd started thinking seriously about it.

Doesn't usually happen, Cas had promised. Like it was nothing. Dean called bullshit, his voice tinged with anger. But he was mostly completely fucking heartbroken. He felt helpless. Dean had kissed each purpling mark with gentle lips and stroked that untamable hair for over his allotted time slot. Paid the extra. Told Cas dumb jokes that Cas laughed at regardless. They watched some TV together on Dean's phone, tied up like a pretzel.

Turned out Cas had... refused to fulfill some specific act and the disgruntled john had complained to Cas' twisted pimp, Naomi, who'd then set her muscle on him. They were supposed to just scare me a little—well, a lot, Cas had smiled sadly. Maybe swirlie me or choke me out, you know? They weren't supposed to beat him. To mark him. He'd admitted, the clients don't like that—well, most of them, anyways. Some were sicker fucks than others. After ten months, Dean knew that by now.

Soon after, Dean had started working longer shifts at the restaurant, always asking for overtime. It meant they sometimes couldn't meet, or maybe only had an hour together instead of two, what with Cas' workload being not exactly flexible. It was tough. And maybe not just on Dean? Cas almost seemed disappointed whenever Dean told him he wouldn't be seeing him as usual. Or maybe that was just wishful thinking on Dean's part. He'd thought they'd had a connection but... Dean didn't have the words to ask. So he'd just hoped Cas understood. He seemed to, mostly. But sometimes, he'd get that look in those baby-blues. The one that said, you've lost faith in me Dean. And, at one point, Dean worried this just couldn't work. That maybe he'd lost what little faith he had in himself. That Cas probably had no faith in Dean to begin with.

...until the next time.

Dean wasn't sure if it had been a slip. An accidental admission. He'd been so close, so many times, to uttering the words himself. But he'd never imagined Cas letting his guard down in that way. And honestly? Dean had stopped allowing himself to think about the possibility of it being a reality at all.

I love you Dean, Cas had whispered in a breath. And then Dean found that he couldn't breathe at all, the air in his lungs leaving in a rush. Time stopped and for a moment everything was the way it should be. Just them and this…. and then Dean realised, Cas probably just needed the money. Wanted Dean to start coming back more regularly because he always paid well. Dean treated Cas well, too. And what if the other clients were rougher, meaner? Yeah, these things. Dean knew they were the real reason Cas had said what he'd said. Not some accidental slip.

But it didn't really matter, not to Dean. He'd already made up his mind. So, he'd said nothing. Pretended he hadn't heard.

...until the next time.

Dean packed up the few things he owned. Left all the crappy furniture he'd accumulated in the equally crappy apartment he hated, got in his car and didn't look back.

They made love, because he knew it would probably be the last time. Dean savoured every second with Cas. Hoped his long licks and trembling bites, soft moans and desperate squeezes told Cas everything Dean knew he still had to say, so he wouldn't have to… but, as astute as his angel in a trench coat was, Cas couldn't read minds.

So, Dean dressed. Then, chewing at his bottom lip, emptied the bag he'd brought with him onto the bed. Cas' eyes blew wide at the sight of all the bills that spilled from Dean's largest duffle.

I can't do this, Cas, he blurted. Can't let my decisions be controlled by some high and mighty less-than-human asshole anymore. So I'm... leaving. And I ain't comin' back... and he only stopped to take a breath, steal his courage, because there was more to the speech he'd planned—but Cas cut him off there.

It's okay, I was waiting for this. Knew it was probably coming, Cas said flatly. Then he spat, but, Dean, do you really think I want your fucking money? God, I was so foolish to think that maybe you... Just, please leave, Dean. Leave and let me keep the ounce of dignity I'm managing to hang on to. Cas turned away from Dean now. Wouldn't let him see those pretty blue eyes.

Then Dean said it. Cas, I want you to come with me. Don't know where, but I wanna get you outta this.

Dean knew he had to do more. Say more. Cas needed the words neither had really spoken; had rarely been said to either of them. Hell, Dean needed to say them just as much.

Not able to look directly at the man who meant everything to him—too scared, too cowardly—Dean said, I love you, Cas. Like nothing else. And I know you only said it to me 'cause you thought you had to... but it's okay. I don't mind that you don't. I just wanna… I gotta help you be safe, man. Away from here. Please let me. Then you can go wherever you like, do whatever you wanna and I'll—

A small sob cut Dean's speech short. He looked up at Cas as, terrified his words had maybe had the opposite effect. But Cas flew at Dean, threw arms around Dean's neck and held onto him, speaking quiet yes, yes, yeses, into the shoulder of Dean's leather jacket.

They left via the fire escape.

...it was the last time.

Dean drove them into and through the night, Cas gripping his free hand tightly, not letting go. Not even once.

After two more days on the road, when they were about to leave the state, Dean asked Cas, where to?

Cas said, take me home.

Unsure of what it meant but sure about this—about them—Dean asked, where is home, sweetheart? because he knew he'd do whatever it took to be with this man.

Cas looked out of the window for a moment and smiled. Then, laughing gently, he looked back at Dean and told him, anywhere you take me, baby.

[pirate-and-soldier]

Deathcaster Forked Me Up (SPOILERS)

SO

DEATHCASTER WAS AWESOME AND WACKY AND SO GOOD BUT IM STILL SITTING HERE STARING AT THE WALL WAITING TO SEE IF SOME DISAPPEARING INK WILL MAGICALLY RESURFACE AND TELL ME WHAT THE F HAPPENED WITH EVERYONE ELSE—

Dont get me wrong, I absolutely L O V E this series and every book but like there seem to be a lot of loopholes and loose ends?? Did anyone else catch them? Or did I just completely skip over some important parts??

I literally read this in a little over 24 hours after getting this. I would’ve finished it yesterday had I gotten it earlier than 4:30 in the afternoon, but still.

WE GOT 647 PAGES OF AWESOMENESS I WANNA SCREAM RIGHT NOW

I’ll admit, I was kinda hoping for a bit more between Evan and Destin, considering that they both spend a LOT of time thinking about each other. I’m happy they got a reuninion, and that they were able to form an actual relationship and are planning to rule the Desert Coast together, but like—can I get a scene where they actually talk some stuff out? Before Destin was forcbly taken back to Arden by his father, he told/showed Evan that he thought he was a monster and believed it through and through. Evan told him that he wasn’t a monster and tried to convince him to see that. Yet we see no evidence whatsoever of them taking the time to talk about both that and other past things.

What happened to Destin’s mother, too? In the beginning just before General Karn is killed by his own son, Destin tells him that he can’t get revenge on his mother just because she birthed Destin because she was dead. We see a few lines here and there saying that it might be true but throughout what Deathcaster, that’s the only thing I saw that might have verified it. How did she die? And why? Why did Destin choose to tell his father that when all he wanted was for her to pay for having Destin anyway? What happened to the Destin’s extended family who were shown in the list of characters for the Shattered Realms series?

Honestly, though it may seem like I’m not happy about the conclusion, there are a lot of things that I really enjoyed. The humor was on point for me, I loved the characters, new and old, there were many surprising plot points, THERE WERE DRAGONS, we got to see the ship Evan and Destin repaired together, Destiny, Han is not fully gone and neither is Raisa, my favorite couples all ended up together happily, Destin and Evan were able to make peace, Evan, Breon, and Jenna found out who their family really is, the enemy spies were filtered out of court, and many more.

One thing that surprised and had me cackling was the fact that they had an actual exorcism. I WAS NOT EXPECTING THAT. Especially not at 1:30am. I’m not disgusted or horrified, I just find it funny how this series, which has never had anything even remotely related to something like that, had an actual exorcism in the final book. Though, looking back on the fact that Han was thought to have been possessed by demons when he still had yet to be born, and the fact that the Church of Saint Malthus had a much larger role in the second series than the last, with the addition of demons—actual demons, not the things that most southerners believed to have been demons—were set loose in Ragmarket to find Han in the very first book of this universe, this shouldn’t have surprised me that much.

Before anything else, I wanna discuss the fact that WTF MELLONY WAS BEHIND THE MURDERS??? I mean, of course other people were involved, BUT WHAT??? I know she was jealous about the fact that Raisa came back before Mellony could be crowned queen in the previous series, but honestly I thought that had been long forgotten and over with. I never suspected her for a second. That might have been why she was a go-to for people who could have done it; she had motive, reason, means, and since she tried in the past but was thought to have let it go to let her sister rule, she was virtually the perfect choice. Although I realize this, it still has me reeling over the fact that she was the one who actually did it.

I was disappointed to see that Han only showed up in tiny bits after Ash went to Aediion and saw him again. He didn’t go into the amulet for several years just to hang around and just pass on teeny tiny bits of advice. No, he went because he wanted to help his children in any way he could, meeting with them in Aediion, telling them about things they should be wary of, and overall just trying to connect with them again, to soend time with them even outside the grave. He wanted to see them and Raisa again, as many times as he could. Han was—is, still—my favorite character from the Secen Realms. His cunning and sharp willed personality was such a wonderful thing to read through. His little tidbits and slang words were so funny, and his humor, though sometimes dark or deprecating, always sent me into fits of laughter, no matter how many times I read them. He was charming, both to the other characters and the readers, making everyone fall in love with who he was. At times it felt like he was an actual person rather than a book character. Chima put all that beautiful work inti such a strong, relatable character—and then didn’t use him much in the rest of the series. I know his death was meant to be a catalyst for Ash and Lyss and many others, but when I learned that he could be in the amulet I though we would see more of him. Was his absense just because there was already so much going on in the book that it just wasn’t an inportant thing to address? Or was he, sadly, just such a small little part of that series that he wasn’t that important to the plot?

Like I said, there were other things that made me really happy with how the book was written. I loved the addition of the dragon hatchlings and the bonds they formed with the other characters. They might have been added a little last-minute, but I think they were a wonderful addition to the story, and they were certainly tied tightly with the string in which the rest of the plot was woven. Evan, though he started out with little knowledge on how he should actually treat dragons, ended up forming a bond with one of the dragons named Splinter who had a deformed wing, either because of past injury or a birth defect. He even took a page out of Destin’s book in order to make a little prosthetic so Splinter could fly again. The others also formed a close connection to the dragons. Poor Cas though, losing a large portion of his sight. At least he has Jenna to help guide him.

Hal, when he became king, was so awkward and jerky in that role that I couldn’t help but laugh. His brother was right, though, on how the role of king would be better in his hands than anyone else in the empire. He made an excellent king, and had great moments and made admittedly stupid yet wise decisions, like teaming up with Lyss in order to trick the empress. I really loved his role in the book.

I have much more to say about this series, but I won’t make this too long. If you’re interested in this series or the universe or anything, come and talk to me!!! Please!! I need every last fan of this series to talk to because honestly I could go on about this forever.

[dimples-of-discontent]

Love, Necromancy, Cocks, and the Reanimated Corpse of Compulsory Heterosexuality: Watching Notes for 14x06

Oh my goodness this episode was pure fucking delight!! Is there a member of the NextGen writers’ room who isn’t binging wall-to-wall fanfic as inspiration? I mean, this even began as a library AU for crying out loud! I love these people and I love what they’re doing and they managed to do something I thought was impossible...not mind that this is our third episode in a row without Cas. We even got a nice lil’ shoutout to meta writers as Sam illustrated for Charlie why she was like the flyman and she gently insisted that, although Sam did have a point, she was not, to be clear, actually the same as flyman. (This will not stop me from proceeding with my flyman-type readings though. But thanks, Yockey!)

So obviously this was an episode about love and....love as we could tell from the tagline, “the things we do for love” and the title, “Optimism.” I’m sorry to say, though, that I ended up feeling that both those things were a setup for some very dark times indeed that are a-comin’! *rocks chair* *sips moonshine* We just learned from the PR that 14x08 will be an episode in which Cas makes an “enormous sacrifice.” And, well, there are only a few options for that at this point. I’ll talk more about it in a sec, but I think “the things we do for love” is pretty clear foreshadowing of not precisely what he’ll do but why he’ll do it. 

So anyway, here are some bullet-point-type rambles about things I noticed immediately post-episode. If I have time I might get to expand on them but, the way my time has been lately, it’s a lot more likely that they’ll stay rambly and informal. Still, feel free to pick up and toss around/expand on whatever appeals!

Necromancers - it’s not real love if it’s dead: I reblogged the lovely @mittensmorgul already being smart as usual about the connection between this and last season’s Yockey treat “Various and Sundry Villains” but I thought of it the moment I saw Harper because she looked so very much like the Plum sisters--you remember, the codependent ladies who put a love spell on Dean to steal a book and then tried to raise their mom from the dead only to have it lead to their demise at each other’s hands. Harper mentions that she’s from a long line of necromancers and, well, seems pretty plausible to me. Where the Plum sisters brought back their mom, though, Harper is looking to bring back her man (or men, if Jack is her next target) to stay with her forever. 

Just as the Plum sisters showed an unhealthy model of parent-child and sibling-sibling relationships that was allegorically appropriate to the Winchesters, Harper shows an unhealthy model of what a relationship is or could be. The Plums were unwilling to let their dead mother (or each other) go, clinging with slavish devotion to the idea of getting her, and their normal life, back. Instead of having real relationships, they cast love spells and sacrificed men (read: any possibility of a non-familial partner) to sustain it. Harper may have had a good enough relationship with Vance to start, who knows?, but she was unwilling to let him go in much the same way the Plums couldn’t let their mother die. He wanted to leave the town that she was tied to because of her family and her family business (necromancy). And instead of adhering to the idea that if you love something you should let it go she killed him and brought him back to participate in a kind of love that literally fed on other people to keep it going. Harper kept him against his will, forcing him to fit into her life in a way that required sacrificing innocent lives and kept her from being able to move on.

In both cases? It’s not love if it’s dead. Let it go.

My boyfriend’s back and you’re gonna be in trouble: Anyone else remember that uber-terrible 90s movie where a girl’s boyfriend came back as a zombie? No? I didn’t see it, but I recall seeing the preview in a theater and that it had a scene where they were making out and his ear fell off and it HORRIFIED me since I’d barely even heard of making out at that point. Anyway, I bet you anything Steve Yockey saw that movie which was called “my boyfriend’s back.” Harper has too many interested men, actually, which is the source of her ���terrible luck” and being “perpetually single.” So, just to be clear, someone who says she’s “perpetually single” (and ready to mingle?) and has “terrible luck” with relationships is actually in a secret long-term relationship with her first love who she killed (all relationships have their issues!) and brought back from the dead as a supernatural creature who is terribly possessive of her. She wasn’t just single with terrible luck she actually had her boyfriend back!

Now, it’s not a 1-to-1 Destiel parallel and I’m not saying it is. This isn’t a flyman situation. But it’s suggestive of it anyway because all Harper’s “bad luck” with romance actually has a pretty simple explanation. She’s already in a relationship. So, uh, Dean you having some trouble there? Not finding any relationships that will stick? People you show affection for maybe keep dying? Try this explanation on for size. 

Like a romance novel: Again, I’m not suggesting this is all 1-to-1. But following up on these other two points I’d like to point out how Harper and Vance are stereotypical of a certain kind of “first love”. They met in high school. He was a football player she was the prom queen everything was going great. Then he wanted to leave and expand their lives and she wanted to keep everything the same. So she killed him. To keep everything the same. To combat change and the unfamiliar. So that instead what she got was the familiar, reanimated and always consuming everyone around her, living when it manifestly shouldn’t. They��re a romance novel gone wrong. A heterosexual romance novel gone wrong. Because Vance, “Archie,” is a certain kind of all-American guy. 

And if you think there wasn’t some kind of symbolic resonance to the reanimated corpse of All-American masculinity beating Dean up after he got clobbered with a shelf full or romance novels, well, think again. And then Vance just...decided Dean wasn’t a threat. He just walks off and leaves him and we’re left going ??? until we learn that he’s after Jack and that, because he sees Jack as a more viable romantic threat than Dean, he needs to pursue him. Dean was judged by the specter of toxic masculinity (or compulsory heterosexuality) and found wanting. That’s kind of big, guys.

Dick’s diner (love them, uh, Roosters): You guys, the monster knew that even sweet lil’ cinnamon roll Jack is more heterosexual than Dean is right now. Jack’s the one asking (repeatedly) about sex and Dean’s the one (repeatedly) not talking about it. He’s all business with the waitress, even when she tells Jack that “sometimes you just have the sex,” and even though he’s spouting a lot of wisdom about love (as someone who has obviously read one billion romance novels for “research purposes”) he’s not saying anything about what women want in the bedroom (or wherever else they want it). Even the diner, canonically the site of all Dean’s hookups with a no-bullshit waitress who explicitly mentions sex is filled with cocks. Just...cocks everywhere. And, yeah, Dean’s going to touch some of those cocks. He can’t really help it when they’re just everywhere. And he’s NOT going to make any time for a classic diner hookup. He’s just...gonna keep staring at those cocks. (I know they are about Richard Speight directing--and certainly the diner name is a reference to that--but there is no way it’s not also about cocks. And also I make no apologies for my sense of humor here. Cocks are funny and they’ll always be funny. The end.)

Let’s give ‘em something to talk about....how about love? Whew! You know who wants to talk about love? Dean Winchester. Kudos to Jensen because I felt that any conversation that had the L-word going on was heavy with Things Unsaid. Dean distracting Zombie Archie by trying to talk to him about what love really is but stopping short just after saying “that’s not what love is...c’mon, think about it” but before saying what it was instead? Dean saying that people do a lot crazier things for love (see my long crack rant about just what those kind of things might be DEAN)? I was legitimately kind of prepared for Jack to ask Dean a question about love and Dean to give a revealing answer that allowed Jack to serve as a GA proxy and go “Holy shit! You love Castiel!”. 

But hey, next week they’re apparently going to road trip to Vegas and Jack is going to drive the Impala (BEFORE CAS??? BLASPHEMY!!) so maybe there’s still going to be some time to callback to Sam’s Vegas wedding and how you know you want to marry someone. 

My apologies to Sam and Charlie, whose plotline I did very much enjoy, but I’ve tired myself out. This was pure joy and I feel happy and well fed and, well, optimistic...which can only mean dark times to come because nothing good ever happens on SPN. Take care, lovelies, and stay away from necromancy!

[a-mountain-ash]

Old Man and Grumpy Cat

Here’s for you @ladystiltskin67! I hope you’re still continuing to feel better and that this gives you a couple good smiles <3

"Hey Dean?" Sam asked as he walked into the reading room. He sounded a little sheepish despite clearly trying very hard not to and Dean cringed as he waited for what came next. "I have to go on a trip with Cas and Jack for a couple of days, so uhh, Claire's going to be visiting while we're gone."

That was worse than Dean had been expecting.

"Babysitting, you mean." His voice sounds angry, he knows it, but he can't control it. He can't seem to get anything right these days. Forgets to turn the stove off when he's done cooking. Mixes the lights with the darks and turns all their white shirts dingy grey. Screams himself awake in the middle of the night because of his nightmares. Cries when he can't figure out what kind of coat he needs to wear for the weather.

Dean isn't upset Sam thinks he needs a guardian. He's upset Sam won't call it what it is and he's upset it's going to be Claire doing it. Claire is- Claire is- Well, she might as well be his daughter, and he's too young to already be needing her help like this. He could accept help from Donna or even Alex, but not Claire.

"If that's what you want to call it, Dean." There's fatigue and defeat in Sam's voice and Dean knows that sound. It means he's not having the conversation. He never has the conversation. The doorbell rings. "Anyway. That's her."

Dean should stand up from his chair to go greet Claire, but his legs don't obey the order and he stays firmly rooted to the wood of his seat. She's going to wonder why he's being so rude. She's going to worry if she did something to upset him. Claire always thinks she's the one who did something wrong.

"Hey, Dean."

He turns his head to see her standing in the entryway to the reading room, leaning against the frame. She's trying not to give him a once over, he can tell, but she's not succeeding. His recovery has gnawed him away until there's not much of him there. He lies in bed too much, eats too little, and the mere thought of exercise makes his muscles yawn with fatigue. The most exercise he ever gets is when Cas manages to convince him to come grocery shopping with him.

"Hi." He wants to say more but his brain clicks to a stop. She smiles awkwardly but comes closer to stand closer to him at his table anyway. Awkward has never scared Claire away.

"Will you show me where I'll be sleeping? I wanna put my bag down."

Dean's eyes drifted down the stairs to where Sam and Cas were pretending to read in order to give Dean space. Sam's eyes were avidly glued to his screen but Dean saw Cas's flit upwards towards them just briefly. "Um. I'm not sure."  He hopes the panic in his tight features is enough to clue Cas to come over before he has to confess the whole truth: that he still gets lost among the bunker halls.

Luckily, Cas does read his expression right and he strides into the room with purpose." I can show you Claire. Dean did a lot this morning, and he's pretty tired."

Claire's eyes flicker over to him uncertainly, but his slumped shoulders and weary face must tell her all she needs. With a nod, she turns back towards the angel. "Sure, thanks Cas.

~~~~

The first night is uncomfortable. Claire doesn't know him like this and she doesn't know what she's supposed to do with him. They watch movies in his den and laugh weakly at each other's bad jokes. Dean wonders how long Sam, Cas, and Jack will be gone.

Claire makes him scrambled eggs in the morning, with shredded cheese mixed in and a pile of buttered toast on the side. She tells him he's going to eat and then they're going to go on a walk. He doesn't have the presence of mind to formulate an argument nor is he brave enough to tell her that Cas and Sam don't push him this hard. He munches on his buttery toast while she chews her eggs. There's determination in her face and he wants to let her win.

His legs almost crumble beneath him as he descends the stairs after their walk but she sticks by his side and helps him into a chair.

"Jody needed help on the stairs a lot when she broke her leg." She mutters sheepishly, as though she needs a reason for knowing how to care for him.

Sweat on his forehead and neck cools as he sits and catches his breath. Not five minutes later she returns with a tall glass of water and a plate topped with a sliced apple and peanut butter for dipping.

"Eat." She says and he does. It's surprisingly easy letting her care for him, he decides. She nurtures without fanfare, provides without commanding. He wants to let her take care of him, because he can feel that she wants to do it for him. Family isn't about one person always caring for the others, he realizes in that moment as he takes a bite of peanut butter apple.

"Do you remember what you felt like, after Castiel left you?" It takes him a whole two minutes of silent apple eating to plan out the sentence, but it comes out all in the right order.

Claire looks at him in surprise, but a soft smile quickly lifts the corners of her mouth slightly. "I was young, but that's a hard thing to forget. Cas, uh, wasn't as kind back then. When he first had to get in, he literally told me I had to say 'yes' or I was going to die."

Dean raises his eyebrows in surprise at that. The Cas of old had certainly been ruthless, but using that tack on a kid still seemed a little brutal.

“I mean, he was right. I would have died if I hadn’t let him in. I was so mad when my dad took him back. I would have gladly kept him if it had meant my dad could live, but…”

She trails off and Dean watches the sadness take over her eyes while guilt squirms in his gut. Her words seem to confirm what he’s feared and his voice trembles as he asks.

“Are you angry at your dad, for saying ‘yes’?”

Claire looks at him with sympathy in her face. She knows what he’s thinking.

“They’re not angry at you, Dean.”

“But you just said that you-“

“They probably are angry, but not with you. Not really. This whole situation just…sucks. When my dad disappeared, of course I was angry at him, as much as a little kid can be. I had no way to know why he was gone. When I finally learned, a whole year later, it definitely helped ease some of that anger, but I was still hurt, you know?" Dean's not certain he really understands the distinction. To him, anger is just a form of hurt and therefore they're one and the same. He grimaces in confusion.

Claire purses her lips in thought before speaking again. "Think of it this way. When you found out Castiel had said 'yes' to Lucifer, were you mad at him?" Dean shakes his head. "But you were still upset, right? Because you'd lost him and he'd opened up a possibility to being lost forever. That must have been a little painful?"

He thinks about that time, almost three years ago now. Sam had been ready to say 'yes' to Lucifer and then Cas had done it instead. Losing him like that had been horrifying, but Dean had understood why he did it and never begrudged him for it.

"I get it." He said. He isn't sure how to word his next question. He hadn't ever planned on putting his feelings to voice, but he thinks he should, and so he tries. "But, if they're not angry with me, why are they treating me like being with me is so- so- so bad?"

"Do you remember how angry I was at Castiel when we met again all those years later?" Again, Dean nods. "Part of that was me just being angry at Castiel, but I wasn't really all that mad at him. But he was a completely different being using my dad's face. Having to see him- interact with him- was so painful. Every once in a while he'd show up and just for this split second, I would forget and think my dad was back, and then I would remember. I never got to bury my dad, or cremate him, or anything. I see his face everyday and have to remind myself it's not him in there."

The hurt in her voice is apparent in the way her breath wavers and pauses and suddenly Dean is struck by the enormity of Claire's heart. Despite the hurt and pain that he inadvertently caused her, Claire not only forgave Castiel but came to love him, all as he wears the body of the man he took from her. As he sits in awe of this realization he simultaneously fears the implication of her words.

"I'm not a different person, though, Claire. I'm still me. Just…" He flaps his arms up beside him before letting them land limply back in his lap with a soft thwup. "Not quite all here."

"Well, have you talked to them?"

Dean looks at her blankly. "About what?"

A massive groan of frustration bursts forth from her lips and it's so perfectly Claire that Dean thinks he can see the her that he knew a few years ago, before Jody took her in. Despite the serious subject, he chuckles a little, and it feels good, like warmth seeping through his chest.

"Anything, Dean! How you're feeling, what you need from them, what they need from you. Do you ever try to even do anything fun?"

He thinks about it and realizes the answer is pretty depressing. "We watch TV together. Sometimes Cas and I go on walks."

"Uh-uh. Not gonna cut it. Come on, we're going on an errand."

Dean looks up at her as she stands abruptly from the table. "Where we goin'?"

"To buy some games."

~~~~

Three hours later she helps him back down the bunker stairs with one hand on his arm and the other on a giant bag of board games. Some are classics that he remembers from trips to Bobby's, but others are completely foreign to him. They decide to play Monopoly that night, because it's simple and familiar and he's tired. The next day they play Clue, and the next, Claire teaches him Settlers of Catan. She smokes him but it doesn't matter.

On the fourth day, they're fighting through another game of Catan when they hear Cas, Sam, and Jack head down the steps. Dean is wrapped up in his biggest blanket against the bunker chill and chuckling at Claire's chagrinned frown at having lost a shot at some prime territory.

"Hey guys." Sam greets them as he reaches the bottom of the stairs. He looks grateful and vaguely confused.

"Hey, Sammy. Good trip?"

"Uh, yeah. It was good."

"What're you two playing?" Cas asks as he drifts over to wrap Dean's blanket tighter around his shoulders.

"A strategy game I bought you  guys. But Dean's smoking me, so we can play something else, if you all wanna join in."

"That sounds fun!" Jack answers with a smile. He and Claire still haven't had much chance to get to know one another, but they get along well. Part of Dean is sure Claire wishes she'd had the chance to have younger siblings sometimes.

"Let's play Apples to Apples." He chimes in. "We need more people for that one."

They spend the evening around the war table eating pizza and sharing tentative smiles. It's a good start.

[thessalian]

Thess vs Endlessly Screaming

I need a cure for that feeling where you constantly want to scream. I mean, I seriously need that in my life right now. Because ... you know, I can take a lot? But after awhile, shit starts piling up.

Work shit? No problem on its own. I mean, I’ve been working as a secretary for over twenty years, mostly temp jobs. If I couldn’t take criminal stupidity, an increased workload created by the laziness of others, and a substantial amount of verbal abuse, I would be dead or insane by now. Still, there’s regular day-to-day stress, and then there’s knowing that I’m going to be more or less alone in a department with significant clinic management issues over the Christmas holidays. Particularly when people don’t seem to understand that this particular hospital is very small and doesn’t actually have a lot of staff so we don’t just have someone who takes over for the consultant when the consultant is on holiday.

Budget issues? Also no problem. Again, agency work for a substantial percentage of my time in the workforce. I am getting very used to the issues that arise when an employment agency somehow manages to wait until you’re scraping the bottom of the attempt at a savings account before finding you a new job. I’m also used to not knowing exactly when I’m getting paid because there may be yet another paperwork issue owing to hospital staff banks making it nearly impossible to pay temp agency staff in hopes that they’ll stop hiring temp agency staff. (hint: that will never happen because hospital staff banks don’t treat their employees well enough to attract anyone above band 3) Point is that I’ve got this. I won’t starve. I have bus fare. It is not easy but it is doable. I have done it before, I will do it again.

The country in which I’m living visibly imploding? ...A little harder to cope with. I mean, the shit with Brexit and frankly the entire Conservative party is horrifying on levels I can’t even begin to describe. No one seems to be planning for the No Deal Brexit that we’re currently facing as a legitimate possibility because various people won’t budge (not that I blame the EU), and no one seems to want to take the EU up on their (frankly quite generous) statement of, “You know, you guys don’t have to do this...” No one wants a new referendum either, despite the fact that I think a lot of votes would be different and a hell of a lot more voters would come out, given that those who stayed home thinking, “No one will be stupid enough to vote for Brexit” now have absolute proof that this is not the fucking case because people are still supporting this horror because they seem to think that we still have any kind of economic power in terms of export.

Put all of those things together, though, and ... yeah, endlessly screaming on the inside. Still, I’ll be okay. I’m not going to starve because I managed my budget and, seriously, I can put together a decent meal out of basically nothing (practice makes perfect, and I’ve been doing this a long time). I have travel fare. I can survive a week. And then point 2 won’t be a problem ... right up until I have to do the last-minute Christmas shopping, anyway. But a lot of that is home-made baked goods and equally home-made soap for my stepfather. (He’s very picky about his bath products and the stuff he likes the smell of most a) is expensive and b) may be discontinued, so I’m going to make him an equivalent.)

I think I just need a way to take my mind off it for a little while. There will be video games or something. I just need to pick which one. I’m in the middle of a few playthroughs and can’t decide which one to pick up and run with. I could just do crafting runs in FFXIV, I guess. That tends to be nicely zen. I could use some zen.

Don’t mind me; I’m fine. I’m coping better than some, I know all too well (another source of financial stress is wishing to hell I could help the people who need it). Just sometimes venting helps the stress. And now I have vented and can look forward to making a rather large portion of chicken fried rice (leftovers to take to work for lunch tomorrow) and vegging with video games. And further look forward to payday, five-day weekend (even if unpaid, it’s still time off without guilt), family Christmas and taking home leftovers. Hey, I’m not a huge fan of turkey but it works fine in my ‘student Alfredo’ recipe.

Also ... I know we’re protesting Tumblr’s removing the NSFW stuff, but ... I tag it for a reason. And now there are no damn tags on the NSFW stuff and I don’t know what else to tag to flag it. So ... thanks for that.

[abovethesmokestacks]

Haunted

Title: Haunted Pairing: Bucky x reader Word count: 3.8k Spoilers: general spoilers for CA: CW Warnings: none

This is my contribution to the Halloween Writing Challenge hosted by @rotisserierogers. My prompt was “I know you, don’t I?”, and well… this is what became of it.

Do not repost my fics.

1996

There are few things as intoxicating to a ten-year-old as freedom. Or, okay, maybe a few things. But this came a close second. Or third. The point is, in your ten-year-old eyes, finally getting to go trick-or-treating without a chaperone was as close to true freedom as you could get. You’d wished for this for two years, even feeling a bit ashamed last year when you were among the few to still walk the neighbourhood accompanied by an adult. Sure, it was your older sister (and she suffered just as much, or even more if her whining was to be believed), but still. It was embarrassing.

You and your friends had planned your outfits for weeks, counted your allowances and finally gone down to the masquerade section of the supermarket, clutching your chosen costumes while your mothers shook their heads with amused smiles. Your own mother had glued sequins with such precision, you almost felt guilty about it. They were gonna come off, sooner or later, and you wouldn’t even need a tornado.

“How much did you get?”

“We should go home and change and then run back to mrs. Applebaum’s for more!”

“Trick or treat!”

The neighbourhood is teeming with kids in costumes, greedily looking into their pumpkins and cauldrons, assessing the candy they have been given. You and your friends have finished your round, your basket laden with goodies. As predicted, your shoes look a little worse for wear, apparently glue is no match for your heel clicking abilities.

“See you tomorrow?” your friends ask as you turn onto the street that will lead you home.

“If I don’t die from eating all of this!” you titter, swinging your basket and making the wrapped candy rustle.

Waving goodbye, you hurry down the street. The weather has quickly turned cold, fog billowing in from the sparse forest beyond the houses, and stubborn as you are, you’d refused the poofy jacket your mother had insisted on. Either way, home isn’t far away. The street you walk down turns off into a cul-de-sac a little ways ahead, and at the end of that cul-de-sac is your home. The street is eerily empty, not a trick-or-treater in sight. The cold creeping up your legs has shivers running up your spine, your steps quickening. You’ll never admit it, never in your life, but the quiet street with the fog-wrapped houses scares you.

He comes seemingly out of nowhere, a ghost materializing from the misty wisps clinging to the world. If it wasn’t for your shriek, he would probably have marched past you, never even sparing you a glance. Instead, he turns sharply, fixing you with eyes hidden behind pitch black goggles. Your legs won’t carry you, frozen to the ground in flats with poorly glued red sequins on them. Your cheeks that had only seconds before sported a blush brought on by the chill have now been drained of colour.

He is dangerous, that much is clear. Between the unsettling black goggles and the intimidation that oozes from him, he isn’t someone heading for a Halloween party. Letting your gaze skitter down his torso, you spy a knife strapped to his waist, black masses you think are guns. Dangerous. Seconds tick by, you are still alive. With each passing moment, you start thinking maybe you’ll make it home, maybe he won’t hurt you, maybe it’s all just-

“Беги домой, маленькая Дороти.”

His voice is rough, deep, the language sharp and oddly unfitting. When you don’t do anything, your feet still frozen to the ground, he tries motioning away from himself. It doesn’t escape you that he keeps glancing down the street, the set of his jaw like what you’ll see on your father sometimes. Stressed, but it’s laced with something else, something you can’t quite place yet. Rifling through your basket, you close your hand around a familiar shape, the wrapper crackling as you pull it out from the mass of candy.

He hesitates when you hand it to him, perhaps some part of him recognizes the gesture. You’re handing him one of your favourites, all too aware that you only have one other left. If you’re gonna get away alive, you might as well thank him. Like the people who paid the ferryman in the story from your favourite book. When he finally makes up his mind, his hand shoots out to snatch the candy from you, circling it between his fingers. The mask comes off, and somehow you expected there to be… more beneath it. A monster, something grotesque. Not this, not someone who looks so… ordinary. His teeth glint in the low light as he tears the wrapper, pulling the candy from it.

“Спасибо, маленькая,” he grinds out between chews, reaching out to gently push you away, pointing down the street. “Беги, пожалуйста.”

When you still don’t move, he moves to lunge at you, the movement meant to scare you. It unfreezes you, your yelp shrill in the quiet night, and you run without looking back, clutching your basket to you. Your mother says you look like you’ve seen a ghost when you stumble through the front door, tuts and chuckles when you nod mutely. He was a ghost, you tell yourself that night when you go to bed. Part of you reasons that he wasn’t real, he can’t get to you. Part of you fears he will haunt you.

Isn’t that what ghosts do?

He never comes for you. Despite the vigil you keep for the days following Halloween, you never see him again. Nothing strange happens. Your friend gets a new cat. There’s a funeral for someone one street over, your sister kisses a boy and gets mono. No ghost turns up at your window, nor anyone else’s window. Not that you actually ask, but if a strange man turned up at your window, people would know. Especially if it’s the ghost.

2014

Time passes. Days, weeks. Time flies. Months. Years. With each passing measure of time, you lose him more and more. One Halloween in college, you find yourself doing a double take when someone enters the party dressed in black. It’s some video game character, but from the corner of your eye, it could be him. You try to remember, and the vision of him is still as clear as the night you saw him, but his voice is lost. The words he spoke, foreign to your ears then, have dissolved into a muddle, distorted and weakened.

Years later you wake from a dream of sparkly shoes and a shapeless shadow, its edges flimsy as it reaches for you. Your thundering heartbeat as you jolt awake screams that you dodged some incomprehensible danger, but your mind persists that it is something familiar. There was that… man? No, a ghost? There was something that one Halloween. The image is vague, the sensation of fingers crinkling around candy wrapper and a firm push on your shoulders.

No matter, it’s been years. You’re living in the present, and the present tells you to go back to sleep because work is sure to be hell tomorrow. Never a boring day at SHIELD.

And then Captain Rogers defects.

And then the Triskellion falls.

And then you see him.

He’s all over the news, the internet, and just like that he materializes in your mind just as he was then. Black clothes, the mask, the weapons. You finally see his eyes, cold and determined, and something in you reacts violently, refuses to accept. Swallowing it down, you force yourself to think logically. It’s a memory, tainted by nostalgia, by your own insufficiency. It’s him, all of him.

But just like Halloween, he manages to slip away. One moment he is everywhere, the next there is not a peep to be heard. You scour the internet, tries to dig through the mass of files released by agent Romanov. Your world shrinks, the walls seemingly closing in as you realize the place you worked at was a front for something far more sinister. Some of the files make you sick. Some make you cry. You try cross referencing and searching for anything you could come up with. Halloween 1996. Russian attacker. It yields nothing conclusive. Russian soldier yields a few vague references to a HYDRA program, taken over by the Russians. One file is all text in Russian cyrillic, and you know Google translate enough that you won’t gain much by trying to run the entire file. You copy the title instead, pasting it into the translator.

ПРОЕКТ ЗИМНИЙ СОЛДАТ

PROJECT WINTER SOLDIER

Using that as your search term yields much of the same results, all vague, all text, all ominous in their content. It’s gonna take another two years before the name truly means something to you, to the world. For now, you ghost remains a ghost.

Present day

What remains of the Avengers, of SHIELD, has been salvaged as best anyone has managed to. It’s in shambles, but it’s something. A tentative truce has been called between the factions, lines of communication established and dutifully used as signs of good faith. You’re called back, vetted and confirmed, an… intermediary of sorts. It’s absurd, having to play go-between, but you’re happy to do it. A lot of people moved on after D.C, you almost missed your shot, but a missed bus gave you the opportunity to step up to the plate again.

A lot of your work is making arrangements. Captain Rogers and his team are still keeping their base of operations in Wakanda, and you have finally reached a stage where the plane you’re on now is headed for the wealthy nation. Stark insisted on a jet, horrified at the thought of sending you a) on a commercial flight, and b) flying coach. That alone had taken a good deal of negotiating, and for you to overcome your fear of flying.

It’s not the flying that’s got your stomach in knots now, though. It’s seeing him again. For all the mess caused in Vienna and Leipzig, it gave you a name. Bucky Barnes. The internet was full of information, part of the Captain America-exhibition at the Smithsonian dedicated to him. For decades, Sergeant James Barnes had been kept and brainwashed by HYDRA. He was your ghost, the stranger from Halloween. Captain Rogers has been loath to mention anything about Sergeant Barnes. Thoughts swirl through your head as you clutch the armrests of the leather seat, knuckles paling by the second. It’s preposterous to think he’d remember you, right? You were a kid, he was brainwashed.

Stepping off the jet in Wakanda, the heat and humidity hit you like a wall after the air conditioned flight, your skin flushing before you’ve descended the stairs. The perk of flying Stark and being received by the king of Wakanda is that you don’t have to suffer for long. In time, there will be opportunity to acclimatise, to enjoy the balmy weather. For now, a sleek town car waits, and beyond that, a meeting you have feared and expected for months.

Maybe you’re a little disappointed that there’s no sign of him when you’re brought into a conference room. The smile you give Captain Rogers is hopefully convincing enough to hide your disappointment that he and Sam Wilson, along with king T’Challa and a few guards from the Dora Milaje are the only ones present. The disappointment will just have to wait to be felt.

The king is a generous man, offering you a grand bedroom in the private section of the royal residence. You’re not due to return to New York until the day after tomorrow, and the king had graciously offered to host you while you were there. His insistence when you said you would be happy to book a hotel had rivalled that of Tony’s.

The night is humid, but mercifully cooler, a soft fog rolling in from the mountains and wrapping around the large statues situated in front of the palace. It set a chill travelling up your spine as you rifle through your luggage for something to wear. The business-like outfit lies discarded on the floor, and even though you are bone-tired, something pulls at you. Maybe it’s the fog. Maybe it’s knowing he’s here.

And maybe you pick the blue dress on purpose, takimg extra care to part your hair and make two neat braids.

If someone asks, you’re only heading to the communal kitchen for something to drink. Your footfall, though muted by the slippers on your feet, make a dull echo as you ghost down the corridors. It’s beauty beyond anything you could have dreamed of, an understated pride and majesty emanating from the rooms. You see no one, but you don’t doubt someone knows exactly where you are.

The kitchen is empty, dimly lit and open in its design. Quickly, you make a beeline for the row of fridges, opening one after the other and revelling in the cool air until you find one stocked with water bottles. Picking out two, you close the door, only to walk into what feels like a wall.

“Sorry- God, I- Are you all right?” A hand grabs you to steady you, the grip gentle and warm.

You don’t need to look up to know who you’ll see. In fact, you fight the urge to do just that, knowing that if you do, there’s no telling what will trip across your lips.

“I haven’t seen you before. Did… Are you the, uh, envoy from Stark?”

You can’t help but snort, your eyes flitting up to meet the crystalline eyes trained on you. “That sure beats go-between.”

There’s a smile teasing at the corners of his mouth, a little spark in his gaze that flicker out when his eyebrows knit together. His head cocks to one side, taking a step back to look at you. It gives you the chance to look at him, really look at him, for the first time since that Halloween. He seems… bigger. Shouldn’t he look smaller, the memories of your childhood surely having exaggerated his size.

“I’m Bucky, and…” He reaches out, his right hand coming up to twirl one of your braids around his index finger. “I… I know you, don’t I?”

I know you, don’t I?

Movement is restricted. Words well up only to die in your throat. You barely manage the small nod in confirmation, your gaze fixed on him as he tries to figure out why he knows you. Bucky lets go of your braid, his eyes drifting close, lips moving, seemingly repeating something.

“Беги домой… Беги домой…”

Bucky snaps his eyes open, lips frozen slightly parted, taking another step backwards. It almost looks like he might run, but he forces himself to approach you again, fingers trembling as they reach out to pull both braids to rest against your chest.

“You… Dorothy. You were smaller.” When you nod, he cracks into a smile that is laced with so much relief you would think his entire existence has hinged on this detail.

“You gave me candy. I don’t think- It felt like it was the first time I tasted anything that sweet. It was the first thing I ever bought myself after…” He falls quiet, but you can see where his thoughts are heading. After D.C. After the helicarriers. After the fall of SHIELD.

“I got out before the building came down,” you offer, shifting the bottles you’re holding,the condensation starting to seep through the material of your dress. “And I’m not HYDRA. I doubt anyone has been vetted more thoroughly than the few of us who came back after the Accords backfired. I’m pretty sure all the Avengers know the exact balance of my bank account and what my favourite ice cream flavour is.”

Bucky nods, quiet and polite, but you can imagine he’s not going to take your word for it. You probably wouldn’t either. It’s a bizarre situation, and you wouldn’t fault him for seeing more than coincidences in the way your life has played out.

“I thought you were a ghost, you know.” You smirk at the idea you carried with you for so many years, childishly silly now that you stand before him. “You were the strangest thing I’d ever seen, and I saw you on Halloween.”

“That was the point,” Bucky mumbles, looking down at the fingers of his metal arm, no doubt restored by king T’Challa’s skilled scientists and engineers, as they whir ever so softly before closing to a fist. “A ghost has no body, no life, no meaning beyond haunting.”

“Hey…”

“It’s fitting. Restless spirit, killing people. Just… passing through and never staying, never living.”

You want to reach out for him, but even if he is in control, you still have a healthy respect for the material of his clenched fist. “You didn’t kill me. I saw you, right? Would have been so easy to kill me, dispose of a witness.”

Bucky looks up again, brow furrowed. “You… You were a kid.”

“I saw you. You talked to me.”

“Told you to go home.”

“Exactly. I’m still here, aren’t I? And so are you. You’re not a ghost, Bucky. I walked into you, didn’t pass through you.”

It’s not like you expect to be able to solve his moral torment. You wouldn’t even know where to begin. Bucky doesn’t seem like he’s overly keen on discussing it either, whether it’s because of you or the time or both. His lips are pressed together, the metal hand still a tight fist by his side.

“I should let you… I should go back to bed,” you flounder, giving a weak smile.

Bucky hums, avoiding your gaze and stepping aside to let you exit the kitchen. Walking past him draws the urge to touch him, to comfort him to the surface again, but you don’t want to be too forward. You barely know each other. You were a kid, he was brainwashed, you gave him candy, and he-

You stop, turning around. “The candy. It was the first thing you bought after D.C?”

Bucky inhales sharply, pulled from his thoughts. “Hmm?”

“You said it felt like you’d never tasted anything as sweet and that it was the first thing you bought.”

A smile flickers across his face. “Sort of. Left the US pretty much immediately after D.C. First time I ever had money to buy myself food, I almost fainted in the candy aisle. This vivid memory of sweet and sugary pushed through. Probably looked like an idiot, buying one of each kind of candy bar, trying to find the one you gave me.”

“It was my favourite,” you remark, “still is.”

“Never found it. Got a couple that came close, but never exactly like that.” He shrugs his shoulders, relaxing his fist and shoving his hands into the pockets of his sweats. “Started thinking it was just something my mind exaggerated because of the circumstances.”

“It’s not, I can tell you that.” Your heart jumps when you catch the faint chuckle. “Okay, well… I should… go.”

“Goodnight, Dorothy.”

“Goodnight, Tin Man.”

—

He doesn’t see her for the rest of her stay, but he can tell when she’s left. Knowing now that she was real, not just a figment of his scrambled mind, her presence in the palace had set off something like a proximity radar. He respectfully kept his distance, avoided any more nightly excursions, but just knowing that she was there, real and alive after everything, had him buzzing. It vanished the second she left to fly back, finding out from overhearing a conversation between two guards. Asking Steve was out of the question.

It’s not that he doubts himself and his memory when she’s gone. Or maybe just a little. So much in there is twisted, blurred or simply existing as a carved out space he’ll never be able to fill.

Time is still strange. Some days he wakes up, unsure of the date, his view offering no clear indicators as to whether it’s spring or fall. His hand will shoot out, rifle for his phone, pressing the home button to make the screen light up with today’s time and date.

It says October now, and his body tells him it should be squirming, fighting a chill that now more than ever has him itching and crawling in his own skin. His body still remembers the cold Brooklyn winters, just as it remembers the cruel bite of cryo before his mind went black. He hasn’t felt that in months now, always waking up to a perfectly temperate room, silky sheets soft and cool underneath him and a gentle breeze weaving in past the thin curtains of his balcony. The part of him that despises the cold appreciates it, relaxes to find himself back in what has become his new normal.

Two polite knocks on the door draws his attention. Though the force behind them has changed, but Bucky lived with Steve long enough to recognize the man’s knocks. Clearing his throat, his calls out for his friend to enter, picking his sweats off the floor and pulling them on.

“Something in the mail for you. Told them I’d take it to you,” Steve tells him by way of greeting, holding up a bulky-looking package.

Apprehension shoots through Bucky’s body, tenses muscles, pulls his face into an expression that could never be mistaken as anything but suspicion. No one outside the Avengers knows he is here. None of the Avengers would send him anything.

“Hey, Buck… Buck, relax. It’s okay, it’s been scanned, it’s harmless, I promise. Nothing sinister.”

“Who is it from?” he bites out, still standing with his legs apart, ready to jump back if necessary.

“Why don’t you open it and find out?” Steve smirks, setting the package down on the small table by the door, turning on his heel to leave.

Alone again, Bucky approaches the package with suspicion. It’s been scanned, he repeats. Not a threat. Just a package. Poking it reveals it to be… pliable. Made of something rustling. Plastic? Apprehension gives way to curiosity, and he pushes the index finger of his left hand under the sealed flap, pulling to make the paper and bubble wrap underneath give way and tipping it to let the content fall into his hand.

It’s… The laughter bubbles up and out of him, blooming through his chest as letters in vivid colours proclaims it to be a family sized bag of a wrapped candy his mind remembers. Taped to it is a scrap of paper, the script hurried, ink having bled a little in a few places. Bucky tears open the bag, plucking out a piece and shedding the wrapping, biting into it while smiling down at the note.

Consider this your clock, Tin Man. Happy Halloween.

- Dorothy

@ursulaismymiddlename, @loup-malin, @bakexprayxlove, @brookebarnes, @callamint, @mrshopkirk, @hellomissmabel, @sgtbxckybxrnes, @ceebeetumbles, @thetalesofmooseandsquirrel, @lenia1d, @andhiseyesweregreen, @basicallyericharris, @thatgirlsar, @bubblebathsandsarcasm, @amrita31199, @netflixa, @erisjade, @rockintensse, @marvelrevival, @writemarvelousthings, @gallifreyansass, @allyallyally-oh, @shy2shot, @angryschnauzer, @engineeringgirlcve, @hellstempermentalangel, @whyisbuckyso, @melconnor2007, @snuggleducky, @impalaimages, @shifutheshihtzu, @superwholocknda

@avengerofyourheart, @booksandshowsandmovies-ohmy, @themcuhasruinedme, @creideamhgradochas, @feepsmoothie, @nuvoleincielo, @wellfuckbuck, @rotisserierogers, @sarahsassafras13, @romanosgirl1978, @rrwilson66

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[ramajmedia]

The Worst Thing Each Main Character From Supernatural Has Done

Over its 14 seasons, Supernatural presented us with many characters, amd it can be hard to determine the main characters aside from the brothers, Sam and Dean, Cas, and Jack. Still, there were characters that were closer to the story in recent seasons, and others that had a lasting effect on Sam and Dean, making them main characters.

RELATED: 5 Ways Supernatural Has Aged Poorly (And 5 Ways It's Timeless)

That said, all of these characters have performed good deeds (yes, even Ruby and Lucifer), and all of these characters have done horrible things (yes, even and especially, Dean and Sam). Even the angels are tainted in Supernatural. 

13 Lucifer: Stealing His Son's Power

We would expect everything that Lucifer did to be bad, so it is hard to choose the worst. Could it be when he tortured Sam? Could it be when he killed Cas? When he brutally killed Rowena? Or when he treated Crowley, literally like a dog? Then, there were all the angels he eviscerated. All these and more are horrible, but the worst thing he ever did was stealing Jack's (his son) grace. It had seemed that he was interested in his son, but his son was just another way to get power.

12 Lucifer's Human Vessel, Nick: Dooming His Wife

When Lucifer leaves Nick's body, Nick comes back.  First, he begins to search for a way to avenge his family, his wife, and child who had been murdered. He kills people and demons to do this, sometimes innocent people, but this isn't his worst thing.

Finally, he goes back into his old house, and there he sees his wife's ghost. She tells him that she's trapped in the house due to the unfinished business of her murder and his path with Lucifer. She begs him, "Reject Lucifer right now. If you do, I can leave. I can find peace." Nick won't do it, turning his back on his wife.

11 John Winchester: Getting Jo's Dad Killed

Normally, we would say that John's worst thing was how he raised his boys, but his teachings made them into men who can save the world. If he hadn't given them the tough love and the field experience with hunts, they might very well have turned out like their half-brother, Adam, first killed by a standard ghoul.

RELATED: Supernatural is Finally Bringing Adam Back 

On top of hist list of worsts is getting Jo's dad killed. From what Ellen, Jo's mother, says, her husband went on a hunt with John, and John used him as bait and left him. Ultimately, this left Jo without a father, and Ellen without a husband.

10 Rowena: Attack Dog Spell

When we are introduced to Rowena in the series, we see a quirky red-haired witch intent on creating her own coven. While she's powerful, the Grand Coven rejected Rowena for her odd and often extreme ways. At first, she seems decent, rescuing two prostitutes and wanting to introduce them to power. However, when threatened, she uses one as a prop for her escape. She turns the woman into an attack dog, who quickly bleeds out after the spell runs its course.

9 Crowley: Killing Those Sam and Dean Had Saved Before

Since we like Crowley in the later seasons and consider him more of an ally to Sam and Dean, we forget that he started out as a big bad. In Season 8, he threatens to kill someone they had previously saved until they stop the trials. One of his victims is Sarah Blake, a charismatic side character we met and loved in Season 1. Had Sam met her at a different time (he was still grieving Jess), they might have become an item. Horrified, Sam has to watch Sarah killed despite all the wards and protections he and Dean put up to try to protect her from Crowley.

8 Chuck/God: Bringing The Dark Spirits

Chuck/God has been mainly a side character even though he is the mastermind behind it all. In Season 14, he tries to manipulate Sam and Dean into killing Jack. Sam notices how Chuck watches with glee as Dean almost kills Jack. In the end, Chuck kills Jack. Sam and Dean discover that Chuck has been playing their lives for entertainment all this time. Angry with the brothers, Chuck decides to bring back all the dark spirits they vanquished over the seasons, even back as far as Season 1. He's decided to end this world and to make that ending painful and tragic.

7 Ruby: Using Sam to Bring Lucifer

Ruby seems the anomaly, a demon with a heart of gold. She trains Sam to take down Lilith, feeding him demon blood to make him more powerful.

RELATED: Supernatural The 10 Strongest Female Leads

In the end, she wanted Sam to kill Lilith because she knew that Lilith was the last seal needed to be broken in order to bring Lucifer into this world. She played all sides convincingly, betraying both brothers in the end, who had come to trust her.

6 Bobby: Becoming a Vengeful Spirit

After Bobby dies, his spirit stays attached to his whiskey flask, which Dean keeps in his honor. Initially a helpful entity, Bobby points out research that helps the brothers in their demon hunting. However, he starts to develop into a vengeful spirit, like the ones that they all have vanquished before. Right now, he is still Bobby, but Sam and Dean realize that he won't be for long if he doesn't cross over.

5 Mary Winchester: Killing American Hunters

The British Men of Letters recognize Mary as the perfect tool for them to get rid of the American Hunters. Not only is Mary a good and strong hunter, but she is also trusted by the other hunters. This means that when she shows up at the doorstep, they will let her in. While Mary was brainwashed to do this, she still did it, and she effectively whipped out many hunters and allies.

4 Jack: Killing Mary Winchester

While Dean feared Jack from the start since he was the son of Lucifer, Jack initially is good. When he has his powers, he saves people constantly and sees Dean, Sam, and Cas as his idols. Even when his powers are taken away and he becomes fully human, he still puts his life on the line to help others.

RELATED: Supernatural 10 Times the Show Broke Our Hearts

But a soulless Jack is different. It's not that he is bad, it's that he doesn't feel morality. He kills Mary because he wants her to stop talking. He didn't intend to kill her, and he even tries to bring her back. However, he can't, and Mary remains dead.

3 Cas: Tries to Become God

Season 7 Cas takes in souls, making him more powerful. He becomes full of ego and power. This leads him to kill the angels and people that don't support him. He becomes dangerous in his own idea of right and wrong, believing that he must rule with a firm fist. Later, he does sacrifice himself (luckily, he survives), but for much of Season 7, he is the villain.

2 Dean: Kills Amy Pond in Front of Her Son

Early Dean had a strong sense of right and wrong, seeing the world only in black and white. When he finds out that Amy (a kitsune) was killing to help her sick son (another kitsune), he sees her as evil and without much hesitation, kills her. She had been a friend of Sam's when they were teens, and she saved Sam. She lived her life trying to live off dead blood, until her son got sick. Sam tells Dean to let her go, as she stopped killing and won't again. Dean goes anyway and kills her in front of her young son.

1 Sam: Kills Dean's Daughter and Feels No Remorse

Dean has a one night stand with an Amazon woman (though he doesn't know that she is an Amazon at the time). This results in her conceiving a child, who grows to be a 16-year old girl in only a few days. As part of her initiation, she must kill her father. Sam stops her by killing her. While this is bad, what is worse is that he tells Dean that Dean went soft by not doing it himself.

Adding one more thing to our favorite brothers, they also left Adam, their half-brother, behind.

NEXT: Supernatural 10 Reasons Why God/Chuck Is The True Villain of the Series

source https://screenrant.com/supernatural-main-characters-worst-things-done/

[tinkdw]

Sam & his view of Dean

I’ve been having some thoughts and conversations about Sam’s view of Dean recently with Dean’s facade coming heavily into play in the narrative this season and thinking back over the seasons and some of my struggles with how I have perceived Sam in the past. 

I feel like this season is addressing this head on and I applaud this, it’s actually very refreshing and freeing to not have to keep my negative thoughts on some of Sam's behaviour to myself as it’s clear that this is how it was supposed to be perceived as it is now brought to the forefront of the story in order to be overturned as Sam is led to realise some things...

Continuing under the cut as this post got a long longer than I intended...

I’ve struggled with what I’ve sometimes perceived to be Sam’s selfishness, his acute self assurance and belief that he can outsmart Dean, that Dean is his kind of irritating but endearing older brother who he rolls his eyes at, while also behaving like a child and treating Dean like his parent figure, rebelling because “you just don’t understand!”, specifically with Ruby and Lucifer, being jealous of Benny and Cas etc etc. These are not constant - they seem to rear their heads when needed for the narrative, but they are recurring...

Disclaimer: I LOVE SAM! He has a million AMAZING qualities that I’m just not going to address in this particular post as they’re not overly key to my point, I'm just noting down some thoughts I have around this more ‘negative’ side and here I’m going to explain why I think these are not all Sam’s fault OK :)

While there are clearly parts of Dean that are not so glorious and these aspects of Sam are what I think endear a lot of Dean girls to Dean because despite all this Dean still puts him first and doesn't really call Sam out on his selfishness, jealousy and (negative) self assurance which does come out quite consistently and leads to bad things for both of them (Ruby s4, Benny s8, Lucifer s11). 

I personally particularly struggled with Sam’s attitude towards Dean early on in season 8 and his jealousy of Benny (and ongoing of Cas), I’ve heard rumours that even Jared asked what the hell was happening with Sam in season 8 so I don’t think I’m alone in this.

So yes, sometimes I don’t like how Sam acts towards Dean, kind of like the stereotypical only child (I am an only child, I know what the stereotype is, it’s constantly thrown in my face as a ooooh but you don’t ACT like an only child! pffff). 

However as much as Sam can learn to do better with regards to Dean it is also now up to Dean to be less of an enabler for Sam, to let him grow up and stop trying to protect him, even from himself and even from Dean himself, to actually sit him down and discuss these things and show him that he is his own person and who he is. This is something that happens in film/tv particularly in single parent families (I cannot speak for real life myself, so I’m just referencing stories), where the parent puts the child first before themselves and represses their own desires and needs, leading to not only issues for themselves but also for the child. 

As always so much can be said for a good conversation in this show.

This all fits into what we are seeing this season with Dean letting down his walls, while Sam seems so confused by this - he doesn’t really know Dean, he has taken performing!Dean quite literally for so long and this is both their fault, although I don’t really see it as fault but as a result of really freaking horrifying childhood circustances for both of them. 

There are many instances which show Sam and Dean’s relationship in this parent-child light but it seems even more obvious this season, with 12x11 being very much focused on a child like losing their parent theme rather than an equal-level sibling relationship and the repeated references to Sam thinking about seeing Dean naked much more child-parent than sibling reminiscent.

Sam didn't know that Dean is scared of flying, that he likes Vonnegut and romantic fantasy films and Dr Sexy. He’s surprised when Dean turns out to love a clean and tidy home, can be a great cook when given the tools, when he reveals he loves Dory and..... so many things.

His view of Dean is warped to the point that just this season he seems to really believe he can convincingly lie to Dean and befuddle him with computer babble when in the first episode of the season we were given clear exposition that Dean is more than capable. There is so much exposition of 'real Dean' and how Sam doesn't see it, it's clear to me that it is an important factor in the season...

When Sam says in 12x11 that seeing Dean becoming not himself might be worse than seeing him dying… please. This is who Dean is without the baggage and a large part of that baggage is Sam (through little fault of Sam’s... yes he could have tried harder to actively try not to treat Dean like a parent and get to know him as a person but I will not hold it against him due to their awful circumstances). 

The fact though that Sam does by the end of the episode acknowledge that this Dean seemed happier is telling.

So I think this will play a big factor in their dynamic moving forwards with Dean now appearing to want to move on from this dynamic, appearing happy with separate rooms in 12x16, having private conversations with Cas, allowing Cas to do the leg work on finding Sam in 12x01-02 - this is a huge deal in letting go of some of that codependency and after red meat letting go of some of that toxic side of their relationship.

They need to have this conversation, Dean needs to talk to Sam not as a child but as an adult and Sam needs to allow Dean to be his brother and peer and not a parent. (I think @godshipsit alluded to this in a way today with a series of posts about Sam and Dean’s codependency, so it’s a running theme this season that many of us are hoping to see culminate soon as the narrative seems to be leading up to addressing this).

Sam is not stupid and he is sympathetic, I do believe he might balk at first out of surprise (as it’s clear so far in the past and this season he has been surprised at the ‘real Dean’ he’s seen coming forwards) but in the end he will understand and be happy for Dean as he loves him and is a supportive and caring brother when he can be and isn’t put by himself and Dean in the position of the child.

I do think these aspects of their personalities are part of the show on purpose and we can see in season 12 how it is being addressed which is exciting for both characters’ development :)

[15001700tt]

Descendants of the Moon

Confessions and Background Checks

Descendants of the Moon Masterlist

Tag list: @chastja  @multi-fan-trash @serpentityx @syublush @laadychat @whoissheff Dm me if you want to be on the tag list!

Word Count: 4,036

Key: Italics- things that happened in the drama but do not old any importance to the story line

Key: Bold- Dialogue said in the Drama

Episode 7:

Mo Yeon came running in, she looked horrified, Yoo Ji couldn't believe that she had recorded her will and forgot about it. She grabbed her phone and yanked it off the aux, but the damage was already done. She fled the scene, it was hysterical. Daniel chuckled and looked at Gwang Nam and Yoo Ji with mirth playing around in his eyes.

“ Music really changes a lot of things, ” he told him, Shi Jin smiled back at him.

“ I seem to be in the center of that change, ” Shi Jin chuckled, he looked to the side at the window and strolled to the window before jumping out of it dashingly.

Yoo Ji’s mouth opened in shock, they were on the second floor, she went to the window with Daniel both looking at each other with disbelief. Yoo Ji looked back at Gwang Nam who was shaking his head grinning.

“ He has to teach me how to do that ” Yoo Ji looked determined, Gwang Nam looked at her with amusement.

“He can’t, it’s only for the Alpha team to use when pursuing romance” he winked. Daniel chuckled.

“You know how to do that?” Yoo Ji wasn’t totally surprised but she had to admit that impressed her and made her more attracted to this man.

“Come on, I have to go collect my money” Gwang Nam beckoned Yoo Ji over.

“You bet on their relationship?” Yoo Ji smirked. He nodded explaining that Woo Geun said that she would reject Shi Jin once again.

“I did too with Chi Hoon and nurse Choi,” she admitted, taking his hand so they could go collect their money. Daniel laughed, shaking his head at the two of them.

“Sergeant Choi! You owe me money!” Gwang Nam hollered at the man, he was with Cheol Ho.

“ Then do we now have to call Dr. Kang; sister-in-law? ”  Cheol Ho asked. Woo Geun looked at him with annoyance as he brought out his wallet.

“They haven’t gotten married yet when they do, I’ll make you a bet then” Yoo Ji butted in from behind Gwang Nam. Woo Geun groaned and glared at her.

“ Personally, I don't like Dr. Kang. ” he sighed, taking his hand back without giving Gwang Nam the money.

“ What do you mean? ” Gwang Nam and Yoo Ji asked at the same time.

“ She's a doctor who makes a lot of money, and her face is pretty, too. ” Gwang Nam chuckled, Yoo Ji raised an eyebrow at him.

“Now that you say that, maybe I should’ve married her '' Yoo Ji joked. Gwang Nam chuckled, kissing her forehead.

“Omo! You guys are together?” Cheol Ho’s eyes were wide while Woo Geun rolled his eyes with a scowl on his face.

“What’s wrong Snoopy, you don’t like your sisters-in-law?” Yoo Ji bantered, watching Woo Geun sarcastically smile at her.

“ That’s why I don't like her, why would a pretty woman who makes a lot of money date a soldier? ” Woo Geun countered Gwang Nam’s statement.

“He’s handsome and he’s well mannered and comes from a good family, what more does a girl want” Yoo Ji scoffed at Woo Geun’s suspiciousness. She rolled her eyes, what she said was a joke, but it seemed like he was taking it seriously.

“They have great chemistry, Captain Yoo seems to really like her, why are you getting your panties in a twist?” Yoo Ji asked curiosity nipping at her. She knew he was married, but that’s all she got, sometimes this whole Alpha team was very frustrating when it comes to willingly giving out information.

“ Imagine if she knew what we did. Then it's "get reassigned to another troop" or "quit being in the army " Cheol Ho slapped his arm, Woo Geun started cursing. Gwang Nam took on a serious look, he quickly turned to Yoo Ji, who looked like she just got the best present ever; information.

“What does the Alpha team do exactly, Sergeant Choi?” Yoo Ji asked with a sweet smile on her face.

“ It's frustrating. So frustrating. ” he cursed again as he left, he gave Gwang Nam a pointed look before he walked away though. Yoo Ji caught it, it meant; don’t reveal anything or we all die. Yoo Ji decided that she will just let it go but keep the information to herself. She quickly asked Gwang Nam another question.

“ What is Sergeant Choi's wife like? ” she made eye contact with the tall man, he gave her a small smile appreciating her dropping the subject.

“ Just like Dr. Kang. She makes a lot of money, and she's pretty, ” he responded, Cheol Ho and Yoo Ji nodded her head, and there must be some marital problems then.

“Wait… Sergeant Choi didn't give us the 20,000 won before he left.” Cheol Ho tilted his head, Gwang Nam totally forgot about it, he turned around and yelled out, “ Aish, stop right there!. ”

Yoo Ji shook her head with a smile, she decided to go hang out with Mo Yeon, she’s probably hiding from everyone right now. She made her way to the Medi-cube but she found Mo Yeon just hiding behind the door. Gwang Nam was walking with Woo Geun, it seemed like they resolved their bet. She went to stand behind her when she found Myung Ju already standing there. She smiled, her two friends were not on good terms but they were getting there.

“ What are you doing? ” Myung Ju asked with her arms crossed and an amused smile on her lips.

“ I am not doing anything, ” Mo Yeon denied.

“ You were doing something ”

“ It looked just like you were avoiding people because you're embarrassed. ” Myun Ju tilted her head.

“Move on” Mo Yeon rolled her eyes.

“ You have guts, To think about dating the Special Forces Alpha Team Captain. ”

“ First Lieutenant Yoon, let me ask you something. ” Mo Yeon asked. Myung Ju nodded.

“ For you, Lieutenant, the work that your boyfriend does…it doesn't bother you? ” Mo Yeon wondered out loud. Yoo Ji didn't know that this was her thought process about the situation, she thought that Mo Yeon was playing hard to get because of her experience with men so far.

“ Will he get hurt? Will he disappear? Are you not scared of those things? ”

“It just seems like Sergeant Seo does the same line of work as Captain Yoo” Mo Yeon explained.

“ To be precise, using various land, water, and air routes to penetrate behind enemy lines, ”

“ Reconnaissance of guerrilla warfare, intelligence gathering, hostage rescue operation, destruction of key military facilities, ” she continued, “ persuasion to surrender, etc. are assignments they carry out while using their lives as collateral. ”

“But more than anything, I am more afraid of being separated from him, I am just glad that we’re under the same sky” she paused, and smiled at Mo Yeon, “Simply I am blinded by love.”

“Wow, I never thought I’d hear those words from you” Yoo Ji revealed her hiding spot behind the two girls.

“Yoo Ji!” Mo Yeon yelped.

“Mun Yoo Ji, it seems like all three of us are involved with the Alpha team,” Myung Ju hinted. With everything going on, Yoo Ji forgot to tell them that she might be going out with Gwang Nam, but even then ‘going out’ isn't even the right term to whatever they have going on. Yoo Ji doesn't know where things will go from now but she doubts it’s going to be easy.

“I wouldn't call it that ” Yoo Ji shrugged.

“We’re getting to know each other, I am still in the dark about too many things” Yoo Ji admitted.

“And you might never know anything, it's part of the package” Mo Yeon added.

“We’ll see about that,” Yoo Ji murmured but nodded at her. Myung Ju shook her head.

“Mo Yeon and her dilemma of how much danger they will be in and Yoo Ji’s need for information, why can't you just be happy?” Myung Ju didn't wait for their response, she walked away.

“How dare she?” Mo Yeon scoffed.

“She's right you know? We’re too demanding” Yoo Ji sarcastically let out.

-Next Morning-

The cries of the soldier in the early morning woke up Yoo Ji, she checked the clock and it was 5 o’clock. She thought might as well get up, and besides, she hasn't seen the ‘White Doves’ in a long time. She got out of her bunker and found the girls already assembled in front of the gates.

“ I'm teary from seeing this again. ” Nurse Choi said with a dreamy sigh.

“ It seems like we've come back to normal life. ” she continued.

“Good morning, don't you guys have to get washed up?” Yoo Ji teased as she jokingly shoved Min Ji aside and stood next to them so that she could see them too, finally rounding around the corner, muscles, and chests glistening with sweat.

“ It's nice that the symbols of a normal life are muscles and abs. ” Mo Yeon responded.

“ This must be a symbol of peace. ” Nurse Ha joined them, she was the only one who was actually washing up, she had her toothbrush in her mouth.

“ Looks like they are Urk's white doves ” Mo Yeon sighed.

“Don't you have a meeting with the U.N.?” Min Ji asked Mo Yeon, who in return nodded but didn't pay attention to her.

“I’ll just be late” she waved off.

Min Ji looked at Yoo Ji with mischief. “ Isn’t that Captain Yoo ?” she called out.

Mo Yeon didn't even hesitate; she just started running, and unintentionally running and disrupting the white doves marching. Yoo Ji laughed.

“How can someone be so gullible?” she shook her head.

“Nurse Choi?” Nurse Ha said with a serious tone.

“Yes”

“ Do people really kiss in between their work and personal life like that? ” she scowled.

“If they have time, yes” Yoo Ji answered, knowing that Min Ji won’t reply. Yoo Ji bid them goodbye and went to find Ye Hwa so that she can borrow her car to go to town, it was so hectic the last couple of days, but Yoo Ji still had a job and that was to get as much information on anyone and anything. She was told that Ye Hwa was treating Ki Bum and the soldiers in their bunkers.

“Ye Hwa I need your ca- well if this isn't a sight” Yoo Ji smirked.

“Yoo Ji!” Gwang Nam said with surprise, a second ago his face was buried in a textbook.

“What are you guys doing?” Yoo Ji tried to contain her laughter. All the soldiers present had needles in their back, probably a stress-relieving method, but Gwang Nam and Ki Bum had textbooks open and Gwang Nam was quizzing Ki Bum. Ye Hwa collapsed the book onto Ki Bum’s face.

“ You're going to take the high school graduation equivalency test? ” she asked as she stuck another needle into his back. Yoo Ji winced, she disliked needles, but if the situation rose she’d be able to use them but they still made her uncomfortable.

“ Yes, a man should at least be a high school graduate. ”

“You’re a nurse that can do acupuncture, so you must have graduated from a college”

“No, I didn't, my father was a doctor of oriental medicine and I just roughly copy what he does.” Ye Hwa answered bluntly, that put all the boys on edge. They all got up.

“I think I am fine” Ki Bum moved to get up, but Ye Hwa hit him.

“One wrong move and all your nerves will be messed up.” she snapped at him, all the men relaxed back on the bed but were still tense. Gwang Nam covered his face, Yoo Ji grinned at Ye Hwa.

“I need your car” she laughed when Ki Bum who was in confusion. Ye Hwa threw her the keys.

“Where are you going?” Gwang Nam asked.

“I actually have a job, I have to go to the bar to collect information from drunk patrons” she winked at him and skipped out.

“She’s so weird” one of the soldiers let out.

“Who goes to the bar to find information?” Ki Bum questioned lifting his head, Ye Hwa pushed it back down.

“Mun Yoo Ji is one of the best in her field, she was able to find Kim Hoon Jae” Ye Hwa answered him.

“The famous serial killer?!” Ki Bum’s muffled voice.

“How?”

“She was able to retrace his medical records but that's not how she caught him” Ye Hwa answered.

“She was able to find him because he was a regular at this one bar.”

“Aish that could be all luck, you can't find someone through medical records and hanging out in a bar that they visited.” a soldier scoffed.  

“Kim Hoon Jae had Hodgkin's lymphoma, so he couldn't drink, the bar she hung out in was the only one in the area with two separate bars, one for alcoholic drinks and the other for virgin drinks.” she refuted.

“How do you even know that?” Gwang Nam asked, he was in shock, Yoo Ji was totally famous and badass.

“I was there when someone made the mistake and underestimated Yoo Ji, so I got suspicious and looked her up” she responded, focusing on taking out the needles.

Yoo Ji was at the base, she was following a lead on an arms dealer. He was well hidden, but Yoo Ji can get him. She was distracted though, she was thinking about what Myung Ju said to her and Mo Yeon. Yoo Ji wondered whether Mo Yeon will take Myung Ju’s advice or not and whether she will too.

“Mun Yoo Ji?” the soldier snapped her from her train of thoughts.

“Yes?” she responded, he handed her the folder that she requested. She smiled at him.

“Greet the Lieutenant Colonel for me?” she winked, knowing that the man will be infuriated.

She went back to the Urk base where Ye Hwa was waiting for her car.

“Thanks” Yoo Ji nodded at her as she was leaving.

“You might want to go talk to Gwang Nam, he’s pretty flabbergasted.” Ye Hwa commented.

“Why?” Yoo Ji narrowed her eyes.

“He knows about your involvement with the Kim Hoon Jae case”

“You told him” Yoo Ji wasn't surprised, she knew he would find out sooner or later but she didn't think it was going to be this soon. Yoo Ji sighed, she can’t keep her past in the dark any longer but she can at least still try to. Ye Hwa nodded at her.

Yoo Ji made her way to the common room to find Gwang Nam, but instead, she stumbled onto an amazing sight.

“ I have to go prepare a roll call for the soldiers. ” Shi Jin told Mo Yeon very stiffly, he didn’t seem angry, more awkward. Yoo Ji hid behind the door, her eyes shifted to Mo Yeon, who looked also awkward. Did something happen between them? Yoo Ji thought.

“ I have to go check on the patients, ” Mo Yeon said with a curt nod. A second of tension passed before Shi Jin saluted.

“ Power of unity. ” Yoo Ji wanted to burst out laughing. But her eyes widened when both of them turned around and had hay on their backs. She walked in but so did Doctor Song and Nurse Ha. all three of them looked at each other.

“ She’ll be really embarrassed later ” Nurse Ha saif shaking her head.

“ He must’ve been really happy earlier, ” Doctor Song said mischievously.

“He’s probably still in a good mood, Mo Yeon won’t talk about it for sure. I’ll go get the details for Captain Yoo” Yoo Ji decided with herself out loud. Nurse Ha took her by the shoulders and directed her outside.

“Stop sticking your nose in other people’s business and do something else” she shooed her away.

“You’re right I should go find First Sergeant Lim and find a haystack to roll in,” she winked before leaving Sang Hyun laughing and Nurse Ha glowering at her.

A while later Manager Jin rolls up to the Medi Cube and starts complaining about his neck hurting. Yoo Ji was around because she was helping Nurse Choi, she couldn't find Gwang Nam, she guessed he’s probably doing rounds. He’ll come to her when he's free.

“What's going on?” Myung Ju asked.

Manager Jin goes on a rant about how he needs to go back to Seoul, and that they shouldn’t dismiss him so quickly.

“ You wench, you think you're all that because you wear a uniform and because of your rank. I should just...! ” he raised his hand as if to hit her, but before he could even finish his sentence, Dae young grasped him from the back of his collar.

“ Come out, continue with your work ” he gritted his teeth. Yoo Ji couldn't walk out and follow them.

The next morning was the day that half of the medical team would leave. Chi Hoon was missing and they couldn't find him. Gwang Nam watched Manager Jin as he sat in what was supposed to be Chi Hoon’s seat.

“You think he threatened him?” Yoo Ji wondered.

“Sergeant Seo would’ve found out” he assured her but there was a suspicious tone as he talked. He didn't believe it either.

Around 7 o’clock in the evening, Dae Young checks the weaponry to make sure none of the weapons aren’t missing, and Gwang Nam decides to join him.

“Where are you guys going?” Yoo Ji asked the two soldiers.

“We’re going to the weaponry” Dae Young responded, Gwang Nam facepalmed and shook his head

“You shouldn’t have said that” he murmured to his superior. Dae Young looked confused.

“I wanna come with you,” Yoo Ji said excitedly.

“It's restricted to the general public,” Sergeant Seo responded with his usual blank face. Yoo Ji told him to wait a moment and got out a piece of paper and handed it to him.

“I do what I want” he read out loud, he looked amused but Gwang Nam looked exasperated.

“How many do you have of these?” Gwang Nam asked.

“A lot” she cryptically responded, Dae Young, looked at Gwang Nam, and raised an eyebrow.

“This is the fifth time she pulls out one of these,” Gwang Nam explains as he looked at Yoo Ji with a defeated sigh.

“She can come but she can't touch anything, and you can't tell anyone or we’re all fucked, okay?” he sternly told them. Yoo Ji fist-pumped the air.

“It always works!”

They made their way to the armory and Dae Young started checking the guns and ammo. He looked at an empty slot and sighed.

“I’ll be right back Shi Jin’s gun is gone, and I know he has it”

“Ooh! Look at all the pretties!” Yoo Ji let out.

“Can you please stop talking about assault rifles the same way you talk about shoes?”  Gwang Nam let out an amused chuckle. She looked at their options, although limited still impressive.

“You guys sure have a lot of assault rifles for a unit that specializes in hostage rescue” Yoo Ji commented offhandedly. Gwang Nam did a double-take, how did she know about that? Did one of the boys let it slip, did he let it slip? He doubts it. He didn't let his face betray his emotions.

“Why didn't you mention that you were the one that found the serial killer Kim Hoon Jae?”

“I didn't think that my boyfriend would want to know that over my favorite color” Yoo Ji teased, but she was avoiding the subject. She really hoped he dropped it.

“I thought we already established that we’re not normal, therefore favorite colors aren’t found by asking but by observing which rifle you looked at the most.” he said jokingly but pointing at a Daewoo K2 assault rifle.

“Ha! You’re wrong” Yoo Ji cackled and pointed at an ADS amphibious rifle.

“Damn, I thought I got it for real this time” Gwang Nam grinned.

“ Harry Potter transmitting. Wolf, do you copy? ” Cheol Ho’s voice came through Gwang Nam’s radio transmitter.

“ Wolf transmitting. What is it? ” Dae Young responded

“ Yellow Tiger is scheduled to arrive tomorrow afternoon. ” Cheol Ho informed him. Gwang Nam’s eyes widened.

“Who is it?” Yoo Ji asked although she guessed it's probably the Lieutenant Colonel or the Commander.

“It's the Commander's call sign” he answered.

-in the Next Day-

Captain Yoo gave a small speech on how they will clean up the whole place ‘like they always do’ for when the commander arrives.

But Woo Geun arrived with the news that the Commander’s visit is canceled and that he’s expected to go greet him with the head surgeon.

“ Deputy Commander and Army Surgeon Yoon are also getting ready. ” Woo Geun added.

Yoo Ji looked at all the soldiers working hard, she admired their perseverance, even when it came to chores. She chuckled.

“I hope you weren't admiring our soldiers,” Gwang Nam said from behind her.

“If I was, would you turn into a jealous boyfriend?” Yoo Ji teased.

“Can't be a jealous boyfriend if I don't know the most basic information about my girlfriend, can I?” Gwang Nam countered. They had a stare off for a few more seconds before Dae Young came and broke it off. It seemed he was back from the meeting with the commander.

“Captain Yoo and Doctor Kang went to a village to check on children, they think they have the measles,” he informed Gwang Nam. he nodded and gave Yoo Ji one last glance before leaving with Dae Young to the main room to start communications in case they needed backup.

“I wish he would stop asking about that,” Yoo Ji groaned slumping against the wall.

“What’s wrong?” Woo Geun asked as he passed her, “trouble in paradise?” he smirked. Yoo Ji rolled her eyes in annoyance.

“I get why your call sign is Snoopy, you can’t help it” she retorted.

“Ya! I was trying to be nice, but you should know this” he pointedly held her gaze.

“Do not jeopardize First Sergeant Lim because of your need for information”

“Why does everyone keep on telling me that? I know when to stop” she gritted her teeth. She glared at him.

“I don’t know what your problem with Mo Yeon and I is but you should really get over it” she snapped at him leaving him, heading towards her bunker. She was done with people for today.

As she passed the common room she looked at the cabinet and brought the bottle of whiskey she was hiding in the back of the shelf.

“Where did you get that?” Doctor Song’s voice startled her.

“I was hiding it for a bad day, and it seems that it's today” she grunted at him.

“Alcohol is not the answer” he reprimanded.

“Look, alcohol is the only constant in my life” Yoo Ji responded waving her hand at him and leaving.

“God, I should tell Sergeant Lim about her alcohol problem,” he said, shaking his head.

-In the main room-

“Can you track my location?” Captain Yoo’s voice came through the walkie talkie

“Snoopy transmitting” Woo Geun answered, “There’s no known village where they’re at”

“Get hold of Doctor Daniel” Dae Young instructed him. Once he arrived, they informed him of the situation.

“This is a phantom village,” Doctor Daniel said.

Dae Young called Shi Jin and told him the information that Doctor Daniel gave them.

“ He said that there are instances where all of the kids in the entire village are traded as a part of gang deals. ” Dae Young explained to the captain.

“ They are always on the move so that is why it is called the Phantom Village. ” he continued. Captain Shi Jin was further away from Doctor Kang and the children, his eyes were drawn to a car making its way towards the village, David Agus had the window rolled and was looking out, he didn't seem to notice Shi Jin watching him.

“The house owner has arrived, speed things up” Shi Jin urgently told Dae Young. Dae Young barely got out a reply when the line went dead. Dae Young sighed, it seems that Captain Yoo and Doctor Kang were in trouble once again.

[wingsoverbros]

"There’s Something About Mary - She may have developed freezer-burn" or "my thoughts on SPN 12.21"

For previous episodes: 12.01 - 12.02 - 12.03 - 12.04 - 12.05 - 12.06 - 12.07 - 12.08 - 12.09 - 12.10 - 12.11 - 12.12 - 12.13 - 12.14 - 12.15 - 12.16 - 12.17 - 12.18 - 12.19 - 12.20

Now, on to Supernatural 12.21 - "There’s Something About Mary"

It's amazing that last episode, I was complaining about the ruin of a pair of lovely characters in an otherwise well-written episode, and wondering if they were killed by the show-runners orders. This episode, we lost another lovey character in a horrific way, but this episode was not so well written. I think we've got our answer.

In an attempt to stay positive about *something*, I'm going to divide this up and cover the good and bad elements separately. First, we'll get the bad things out of the way. (It's a Buckleming episode, so obviously, the bad was very, very visible.)

The episode decided to start out upsetting us all as soon as possible. In under then 5 minutes, the opening scene of the show consisted entirely of the fridging of one of the best minority characters the show has come up with in years, a deaf lady hunter that fans adopted immediately as a favorite, solely so that Sam would have something to angst over throughout the episode. She didn't even have the dignity of having any lines. And she was killed by something that she wouldn't have any defenses against, or warnings about. How the hell would a deaf hunter track or defend against an invisible dog? And that wasn't even the worst part of how Eileen (and several other female characters) were treated in this episode.

One of the things that rather irritated me was the line that appeared part of the way through the episode, when the brothers received a letter from the now-deceased Eileen. She asked to stay with the guys for a bit, while using the line "I don't want to be girly.." Excuse me? Since when is being "girly" something to be excused? I know quite a few women that love being quite feminine and could still hand you your ass on a silver platter. Why is being "girly" a problem? Guys pride themselves on being "Masculine" and they (usually) don't get harassed about it like women do the last few years. What is it about the current social environment where being a girl (and being proud of it) is such a bad thing? Have people become so threatened by the "different from you" that it must now be punished however and wherever possible, even in our entertainment, consciously or not?

Maybe it's an issue with the writers being older? My mom is close in age to the lady writer of the episode and she didn't even notice the line until I pointed it out. She grew up in California in the age of the late 60s gender wars, when being feminine was the status quo and being a tomboy or downplaying femininity seems to have been preferred for the cool, edgy young people. If she didn't notice the issue there, then I'm not surprised Buckleming didn't notice. I guess it's hard for some to adjust to the modern "I'm whatever I want to be, and I'm still kick-ass awesome" mentality.

This show has always been a bit "anti-other" (usually monsters), but it's been getting better over the last few years. We really don't need it to go backwards into the misogynistic past again, not when it's been doing so well with getting over itself about diversity in race and orientation in the hunting community. Become better, Supernatural, not worse. And if you need to shed a writing duo (and possibly a show-runner) to do so, so be it.

This show has a problem with removing the agency of female characters over the years, and I was not pleased to see the return of that particular issue. Over the years, some particularly strong female characters have found themselves being controlled by various men, a subject that has some fairly distasteful implications for the view of how strong female characters should be treated. Bela back in season 3, for example, frequently bested the guys. The result? Not only was she frequently insulted and abused by Dean (and served as a sex object by both guys *and* the writers), but she was controlled by the demons. To add insult to injury, she was given a last-minute background of parental sex abuse.

That could have been overlooked as just a complicated character choice if it weren't for the fact that for years after that, most of the strong female supporting characters have suffered similar fates. Ellen and Jo were blown to kingdom come to get them out of the way. Lisa was not only shipped off to Michigan, but she was rewritten from the laid-back yoga instructor into a bit of anti-Sam harpy before finally getting the rest of the characters literally erased from her consciousness. Anna was tortured into becoming the terminator and set on fire by the biggest male figure (outside of Chuck) in the series. Pamela Barnes and Sarah Blake were both fridged to provide Sam chances to navel-gaze and threaten the bad guys, which is a better end result then we got from Meg's fridging. Charlie was tortured to death in a bathtub by a friend of the Nazis. Hannah got turned into a kabob to upset Cas. Rowena has spent about half of her time on screen in chains at the hands of both bad *and good* characters. Alicia was gutted last episode.

Even the bad guys have this issue. Compare Metatron's season 9 incarceration end with Naomi's season 8 "drill to the head" ending. She wasn't a good guy, but if Metatron deserved a chance to redeem himself, so did Naomi. At least the next female big bad, Amara, made it out alive, even if she was repeatedly beaten up in the process.

At this point, the only female characters we have left that qualify as strong characters are Mary, Jody, Donna, Claire, Alex, Rowena and maybe a few MotWs (mainly, Kate and Bess.) And all of these are currently under threat.

The loss of agency by Mary is troubling because of this. The complete and total brainwashing is something I thought I'd never see again after Anna died. It's horrifying, watching a character as strong and iconic as Mary Campbell Winchester being turned into a remote-controlled toy by a male character so stereotypical 1940s-60s British that I half expect him to start narrating a WW2-era safety film sometimes. "This is Mary. She might look nice, but she could be a plot from the enemy. Here's what could happen if you touch her. *flash to slides of diseased body parts*"

It doesn't help that he's treated the other female characters he's been in contact with horribly. The character is a slime-ball, one with clearly inappropriate intentions with the brainwashed Mary, and watching him control her is really creeping me out. I wouldn't have been surprised if the writers (especially this pair) had attempted to write in a "dubious consent" scene involving Ketch and the brainwashed Mary. They've already set-up the background for it (another reason why I disliked that particular story thread.)

I honestly hope it's Mary herself that kills Ketch now. The only hope for redeeming the story-line and regaining her agency is Mary breaking the brainwashing and slaughtering Ketch, especially if he's threatening her sons at the time.

This season has a thing for repeating past plot elements. In most of the episodes, this has come off as essentially a call-back to previous seasons. This episode, though, it's  been less of a call-back and more of a simple "copy-and-paste" due to a lack of good ideas. The big one was Crowley's "death" in this episode. It was an almost exact duplicate of the death scene in the opening of season 11, but this time, it was even more obvious that he didn't die. It makes me wonder about Lucifer's intelligence levels. Lucifer is still an angel, and Cas has shown that they have heightened scenes, plus Luci had a physical connection to Crowley's vessel. You can't tell me that he wouldn't have felt Crowley smoke out of his vessel. Hell, he should have at least heard it, or heard/smelled the rat.

Kudos on the new vessel choice, though, even if it's very temporary. Crowley is indeed a perfect rat.

It's interesting that Luci didn't know about Dagon. Isn't he supposed to be powerful and highly intelligent? Why didn't he didn't do a welfare check, to at least threaten a bit? He know she was facing the Winchesters and Cas. Given their track records with monsters, he'd have done a check.

Luci isn't the only one that dropped a few common sense points. Why have they dumbed down of Winchesters this year? The Men of Letters have marched into the Bunker repeatedly over the last year, and the Winchesters know the MoL have access to military technology. They also know the MoL don't trust the US hunters and wants to control them, that they have a hate-on for some of them, a few of the MoL that they dealt well with have gone away and the rest wanted info on the hunting community, and that they don't particularly like that the guys have made their home in a MoL property. Knowing all of this, it never occurred to them to even look for bugs? I'm not a particularly paranoid person, but that's one of the things I'd have done first. The one they found in the Bunker isn't exactly small. On top of that, the guys have experience with being bugged before. In season 5, they learn that Crowley had bugged them a while before. You'd think they'd learn.

I'm astounded by the hypocrisy of the MoL. They spend all season bitching at the Winchesters for working with friendly monsters, demons and witches to stop the bigger bad guys from accomplishing their end goals, while they  simultaneously work with the exact same bad guys to achieve nothing more then personal control over the world at large. They could care less about stopping the monsters. Considering they're human themselves (presumably), that makes them worse then both the Winchesters and allies *and* the monsters they look down on.

In the same vein, I wonder about their sanity levels. No group that advances the ranks by killing off your competition is even remotely sane. I also still wonder how they avoid gaining unwanted attention. Hunters try to avoid killing each other, working together to minimize casualties, yet still end up attracting the attention of all branches of law enforcement. How do the MoL avoid it if they actively murder each other? Their body counts must be astronomical. And how do they keep the ranks filled? There can't be that many crazy people in Great Britain. If this is how they do things, all their enemies would have to do to take them out is spread a few rumors and the MoL will eat themselves alive.

This episode, they also seem to be falling to poor writing stereotypes, as well. Lady Toni decided to respond to capture by giving them a long Monologue of Doom, telling them the plan of the MoL, including who they were targeting. It's a wonder the Mol succeed at anything. I was actually surprised when Ketch didn't come out twirling the ends on a Snidely Whiplash-esque villainous mustache.

And speaking of the end of that episode... They're sealing a pair of people famous for their ability to outlast *everything* and always escape, even if they have to die first, in a Bunker they've lived in for 4 years to die, complete with the walking and talking means to find out all your secrets. Be sure that walking encyclopedia has a grudge against you as well, especially if she has a reason to really want to survive. (Buckleming clearly forgot she has a son. I wonder if the rest forgot as well?) The MoL have clearly discovered a sure-fire means of achieving your own longevity. (Ketch is a colossal idiot)

Now, the guys haven't exactly been the smartest this season, but when they inevitably get out of the bunker, they should definitely institute a series of changes:

1) kill *all* the MOL. 2) change the effing locks (there's *got* to be a way to do that.) 3)change the bunker programing to cut it off from outside control.

For that matter, the Bunker was designed to be a safe-house for the study of magic items. That assumes that they'd realize that someday, they might be under siege from outside by someone powerful wanting what was inside. What kind of bunker doesn't have a kill switch on the inside to prevent exterior control? Or at the very least, an escape hatch in case of emergencies? Were the 1930s MOLs insane? Dim?

Could have done without the Lion King moment at the end there. Why put that in?

Well, now that I've frustrated myself, it's time to try to talk about the good of the episode.

I like that Jody is tied into the hunter network, and knows enough to know Sam would want to know about Eileen. She seems to have taken over the place that Bobby once had, a thing that I think he'd probably be at least a little amused by, considering that he was interested in her back in season 6 and 7. I just hope she has a better ending (and as long of a series run, frankly.)

What do you want to bet that dog whistle scene with lady Toni comes back to bite Ketch in the ass later? God, I hope so. Even if I do hope Mary kills him, I'd love for that dog whistle thing bit to come into the end result.

The guys did show a bit of intelligence in an otherwise frustrating episode by leading the MoL goons into a trap. I also liked that Sam was  holding a gun on Toni, with that stone-cold expression on his face. It was clear that he still holds a bit of a grudge about that kidnap-and-torture sequence at the beginning of the year.

Surprisingly for this pair, there was no noticeable No Homo moment for Dean. There was a moment that could, with some thought, encourage the Bi Dean and Destiel camps. After he and Toni smacked each other around (including a near-knee to his groin), he joked to Toni "you keep that up, we're gonna have to start dating." Now, he could have meant the contact with his junk, but considering how fast that flew by, I'd like to think he meant the beating. It'd make sense, as for Dean, violent fighting and flirting seem to often occupy the same scenes. And Cas gets into fights with Dean on more then one occasion. It probably means nothing, but I do love the thought.

I love how protective Dean is. Toni tried to taunt the guys by telling them how Mary was sleeping with Ketch. Dean didn't take it well (anyone get the impression that deep in his soul, that boy is a romantic at heart? And definitely a Mama’s boy.) It's a good thing for Toni that Sam stopped Dean from crawling into the back seat to throttle her. (I also enjoyed Sam's slightly nauseated expression. Nobody likes to think of their parents sleeping with people. Especially not people who aren't the other parent.)

Morgan Shepard's expression in the control scenes was very well done. You can definitely see Crowley's panic at the (to him) unforeseen events, and his resignation when he realizes he can't do anything. The writing may be sub-par on this show sometimes, but at least the acting is top notch. (I was surprised when he did make it out of the episode, though, even if the rat bit was rather clumsily telegraphed. I've been expecting Crowley's death for a while now, since he's up against Lucifer. But who knows, there's still two episodes left. Maybe Luci will go instead.)

Not much good, eh? Well, I tried. Instead, have a number of neutral observations, to wind down:

"Rule of thumb. If you think we killed someone, we probably did." - Toni. A good rule to have about anyone in this show, really. Including the writers.

Crowley called Castiel "The Winchesters love slave". He's just jealous.

Mary didn't know about John mistreating/neglecting the guys as kids? I guess they hid that, and she didn't pick up anything from the journal and stories. That's gonna be an interesting discussion later.

The Crowley puppetry scene was fun, but I doubt Crowley would be that slow to understand normally.

Dean did nothing but head-shots on the MoL minions, and didn't even blink. He's 1) got fabulous aim, and 2) clearly no longer cares about killing people if they're trying to hurt him.

Mary's brainwashing is gonna make Dean's abandonment issues and guilt trips worse. Next episode is going to be angsty.

I'm not feeling real optimistic about the finale after this episode. This one had the same issues with character mistreatment in the plot as the last episode, but didn't have the saving grace of being well-written. Hopefully, it's better then the last two, plot-wise, and infinitely better then this one writing-wise. Either way, it's over for the year on Thursday. Buckle your safety belts, cross your fingers, and ready the shock blankets and your choice in comforting refreshments.

2 episodes left, back to back on May 18.

Due to the final night being 2 episodes long, I may have to take longer to write and post, or divide the review in half. Either way, I'll make a note of it on this tumblr (here) and my twitter page.

Stay tuned.