#can’t go out because ahhhh ahhh the horrors

[aviaris]

it’s funny how strongly i feel about the changes in my self-image and gender/aesthetic goals over the years considering how little of it has ever manifested in like. anyone who actually looks at me. i still wear t-shirts and shit I got in high school except now i feel a completely different way about doing that than I did 10, 7, 3 years ago… i used to shave my head and then I grew it out and then I shaved it again but it’s *different* now. idk.

[waitimcomingtoo]

The Morning After

Pairing: Tom Holland x reader

Synopsis: no one knows you’re dating until the boys walk in on you and Tom after your first time

Requested by @iwantacertainlondonboy

Masterlist

“I’m starving.” Harry whined. “Why didn’t anyone make anything?”

“Because you divs used all the dishes and didn’t clean them.” Harrison shot back as his tummy growled.

“Well who was supposed to go grocery shopping?” Sam snapped. “You. Now, all we have is hummus and barbecue sauce.”

“The barbecue is starting to look real good.” Tuwaine mumbled.

“Let’s get Tom and Y/n and go get brunch or something.” Harrison suggested.

“They’re sleeping.” Harry whined again. “Why don’t we just go without them?”

“Because if we go without them, Tom won’t pick up the tab.” Harrison said as he tapped the side of his head.

“Smart thinking.” Sam agreed. “I’ll get Y/n.”

Sam got off the couch and made his way to your bedroom. He took a deep breath before knocking on your slightly open door.

“Y/n?” He asked softly as he pushed the door open. He tip toed into your room and gently shook the pile of blankets on your bed.

“We were all going to get some breakfast.” Ge continued in a soft tone. “Do you want to come?”

When you didn’t answer, he frowned and shook the blankets again.

“Y/n?” He asked. “Are you awake?”

Sam furrowed his eyebrows and pulled your blankets down. He saw that you weren’t in the bed and retreated back to the living room.

“She’s not in her bed guys.” Sam announced when he got back to the boys. “Did she get up already?”

“I haven’t seen her.” Tuwaine shrugged.

“Did you check on Tom?” Harrison asked.

“I was just about to.” Sam answered.

“Should we all run in there and scream?” Harry said while rubbing his hands together.

“Why would we do that?” Harrison asked.

“To piss him off.” Harry said like it was obvious.

“Yeah.” Harrison nodded in agreement. “Okay.”

The rest of the boys got up but Tuwaine stopped them before they could go through with the plan.

“We can’t do that.” Tuwaine shook his head.

“Why not?” Harry asked.

“We need him to pay.” Tuwaine reminded them.

“He’s right.” Harrison said. “I’ll go in there and wake him up.”

Harrison went ahead of the group and went into Tom’s room. When he opened the door, he saw you asleep in Tom’s bed. Even with Tom’s arms wrapped around you, it was apparent that neither of you were wearing clothes. Harrison caught sight of the splatter of hickeys covering your neck and his eyes widened. He quietly backed out of the room and went back to the boys.

“Is he awake?” Harry asked him.

“Um, see for yourself.” Harrison gestured to the door. Harry gave him a strange look before going into Tom’s room. He saw exactly what Harrison saw, also catching sight of your discarded clothes on the floor. He quickly shut the door and ran back to Harrison.

“Dude.” He said as he pointed to Tom’s room.

“I know.” Harrison nodded. Harry thought about what might have happened between the two of you and his eyes bulged.

“Dude!” He whispered harshly.

“I know!” Harrison matched his tone. “What’s going on in there?”

“What are you guys talking about?” Tuwaine asked them. They both silently pointed to Tom’s door in response. Tuwaine went into the room and came back shortly with a shocked expression.

“Dudes.” He said softly.

“We know.” Harry and Harrison said in unison.

“What’s wrong?” Sam asked. “Is he awake?”

“Uh, I wouldn’t go in there.” Harry stopped Sam before he could go into Tom’s room.

“Is he sick?” Sam wondered.

“Let’s just say, uh, the British are coming.” Harry answered.

“What?”

“I think they already came.” Harrison mumbled under his breath.

“What? What are you talking about?” Sam looked between the boys in confusion. No one wanted to be the one to tell him, so they all stepped aside and gestured to Tom’s door. Sam gave them a look before opening Tom’s door. He immediately tripped on Tom’s boxers by the door. His eyes went up the trail of clothes leading up to the bed, where he saw you and his brother tangled together. Tom stirred a little in his sleep and kissed your shoulder, making you smile in your sleep. Sam felt all the color drain from his face and before he knew it, he was screaming.

“AHHH.” He screamed, instantly waking you and Tom up. You both shot up in bed and screamed back.

“AHHHH.” You and Tom screamed in surprise.

“AHHHHH.” Sam screamed back and smacked his hands over his eyes. The rest of the boys rushed into the room when he heard the commotion.

“Whats all the screaming about?” Harry asked before his eyes fell on you.

“Woah, tiddies.” He chuckled as he pointed a finger at you. Tom quickly covered you with his hands and glared at Harry.

“Everyone out now!” Tom commanded. “We - we’re doing laundry!”

“I’m seeing an alarming lack of clothes for people doing laundry.” Harry snickered. Sam looked at him in horror for making light of the situation.

“Get out!” Tom said again. The boys scrambled to the door, knocking and tripping over each other as they went.

“Sorry!” Harry called as he shut the door behind him. You and Tom caught your breath once silence settled back into the room. You looked at each other in a panic as your heart rates returned to a steady rhythm.

“Do you think they saw us?” Tom asked you after a beat of silence. You looked at him for a long time as flashes of all the screaming played back in your mind.

“Yes, I think they saw us.” You replied.

“Oh no.” Tom groaned. “They’re gonna know.”

“Maybe not.” You shrugged helplessly. “Maybe they think we were just doing karate or something.”

“Darling, I don’t think they’re gonna think we were doing karate.” Tom chuckled as he brushed his thumb over your series of hickeys. You laughed as well as you took his hand off your shoulder and kissed the back of it.

Elsewhere, the boys were trying to process what they just witnessed in the living room.

“What just happened?” Harrison asked the group.

“They were just sleeping.” Sam said quickly. “They probably fell asleep watching a movie or something.”

“Naked though?” Tuwaine raised an eyebrow.

“I don’t think they were naked.” Sam’s eyes darted around as he lied.

“No. They were.” Harrison concurred. “I definitely saw some peen.”

“I saw boobs, so,” Harry shrugged. “I’m happy.”

“What do you think they were doing in there?” Tuwaine wondered.

“Definitely not laundry.” Harry muttered.

“Hm. Let’s think. What were two adults doing naked in a bed together?” Harrison asked sarcastically.

“Karate?” Sam suggested weakly. The rest of the boys looked at him, their silence deafening.

Back in Tom’s room, you tried to come up with a plan.

“What should we do?” You asked him. “Is it safe to go out there?”

“Let’s give them a minute to process it. I don’t want to get asked a million questions right now. I just want to stay here with you.” Tom said and he picked up your hand to hold it.

“I wanna stay here too.” You mumbled. With all the commotion of waking up, you had momentarily forgotten that you had sex for the first time last night. You leaned in to kiss him to thank him for a magical night. He immediately kissed you back, putting his hands on your face face to keep you close.

“I’m glad we did it. I’m less glad about being woken up by screams, but I’m glad it happened.” Tom chuckled as he stroked your cheek with his thumb.

“Me too.” You smiled softly. “I was really nervous, but now I’m just happy.”

“You were nervous?” Tom asked curiously.

“Yeah.” You said sheepishly. “I had no experience. I was scared I wouldn’t be any good.”

“Well, you were perfect.” He told you as he kissed your knuckles. “I’ve always thought you were perfect.”

You smiled and cupped his face to kiss him again. You kissed him multiple times before moving to press kissed all over his face.

“I’m so happy.” You beamed. “I’ve never been this happy.”

“Me either, darling.” He matched your grin. “I love you.”

You kissed him again and pulled him into a hug.

“I love you more.”

In the living room, the boys were standing around, impatiently waiting for you and Tom.

“Why haven’t they come out yet?” Sam whined as he paced around the room.

“Round two, perhaps?” Harry joked, giving Harrison a nudge.

“You seriously think they hooked up?” Harrison asked him. “That’s kinda bold for them.”

“Is it? You know how close they are.” Tuwaine shrugged. “Tom must have seduced her and lead her to his bed chambers.”

“Under our roof?” Sam gasped. “With us in the house? Those whores.”

“I mean, I personally saw this coming.” Harry raised his hand. “It was only a matter of time.”

Everyone else nodded, which caught Sam’s attention.

“You guys saw this coming?” He asked sadly.

“Yeah. It was pretty obvious they liked each other. And with all of us living together, some hanky panky is bound to happen.” Tuwaine explained. Sam stopped pacing and looked down at the ground.

“I just didn’t think she liked him back.” He mumbled.

“Maybe she doesn’t.” Harrison suggested. “Maybe she just wanted to get off and he was there.”

“I was there too.” Sam shrugged. “We all were.”

“Yeah, but, she picked him.” Harry stated. “Can’t blame her. I’d shag a superhero too if given the chance.”

“Have none of you ever heard the word “sex” before or…” Tuwaine said under his breath.

“Wait, shhh.” Harrison hushed the crowd “They’re coming.”

Tom sheepishly padded into the room, fully dressed now. His hair was sticking up in every single direction, worse then his usual bed head. His pajama shirt did little to hide the love bites on his jawline, and absolutely nothing could hide the grin on his face.

“Hello everyone.” He said, bowing a little to the crowd.

“Good morning.” Harrison smirked. “How’d you sleep?”

“Or did you not get much?” Harry quipped. Tom shot him another look and dropped his smile.

“I slept fine.” He rolled his eyes. “What did you guys see?”

“More of you than I ever wanted to.” Harry began. “But as much of her as I wanted.”

“Don’t be a div.” Tom smacked the back of his brothers head.

“You’re the div.” Harry insisted. “Who doesn’t lock the door?”

“It’s not our fault. We didn’t know it was gonna happen.” Tom replied.

“What did happen?” Sam asked wearily. Tom looked around at the group and saw everyone leaning in to find out more. He wanted to keep the sweetness of your relationship to himself for a little longer, but he knew was was caught.

“Not that it’s any of your business, but we had sex last night.” Tom said slowly. The group fell silent, then erupted into applause.

“All right.” Harrison cheered and shook Toms shoulders.

“It’s about time.” Harry clapped him on the back as well.

“Was it good?” Tuwaine inquired.

“Did she peg you?” Harry asked.

“Where is she now?” Sam spoke above the crowd.

“She’s bloody embarrassed after you all woke us up screaming.” Tom said with annoyance. “She didn’t want to come down.”

Everyone nodded, understanding where you were coming from.

Tom looked around the room before muttering, “Also, she can’t walk.”

Excited murders came from Harry, Harrison, and Tuwaine while Sam groaned.

“Oh my God.” Sam gagged. “I’m gonna be sick.”

Not wanting to hear anymore, he left the room and went to sulk in his own bedroom.

“Whats his problem?” Tom asked once his brother had left.

“Not sure.” Harry shrugged. “The rest of you are happy for you though. I don’t think any of us thought you had the balls to go for it.”

“Well I do.” Tom folded his arms. “Y/n can vouch for me.”

No one liked that joke as much as Tom did, and it showed in everyone’s faces. The room fell silent as Tom stood there, proud of what he had said.

“Don’t be gross, man.” Tuwaine mumbled.

Suddenly, you walked into the room wearing Toms shirt from the night before. You had sleep shorts sticking out under the shirt, barely hiding the hickies littered on your thighs. Tom caught sight of them and flushed, adverting his eyes to calm himself down.

“Good morning.” You said quietly. You stood next to Tom and wrapped your arm around his, feeling particularly clingy this morning.

“There she is.” Harrison clapped. “The girl of the hour.”

“How are you, beautiful?” Harry asked you. “Do you need anything? Water? Breakfast?”

“Plan B?” Harrison said in the same cheery tone.

“Shut up.” Tom snapped.

“Actually, I could use some water.” You laughed softly.

“I’ll get it!” Harry and Harrison said in unison as the ran to the kitchen. You could hear them fighting over a water bottle in the kitchen and looked to Tom for answers.

“Whats up with them?” You wondered.

“They saw your tits.” Tuwaine said timidly. “You could hit them with your car and they’d be okay with it.”

“Interesting.” You chuckled.

“Not interesting. Unacceptable.” Tom grumbled with jealously. “And I will definitely be hitting them with my car.”

“Don’t.” You rubbed his arm soothingly. “Let’s just have a nice day. No vehicular man slaughter.”

“Okay.” Tom smiled at you and kissed your forehead. At that moment, Harry and Harrison ran back into the room with water bottles in hand.

“Here you go.” Harry said as he presented you with a water bottle.

“Mines better.” Harrison smacked the bottle out of Harry’s hand and held his out. “It’s colder.”

You laughed and took Harrison’s water bottle with a grateful smile.

“Thank you.” You said before taking a long sip. You didn’t realize how dry your mouth was until you got some water.

“Do you need any?” You asked Tom, and he nodded.

“Yeah. Thanks, love.” He said before opening his mouth. You poured some water in, smiling as it ran down the love bites on his neck.

“Ew.” Harry scrunched up his nose when he saw this. You used the hem of your shirt to wipe Toms face free of water. He smiled gratefully before leaning down to kiss you.

“So, are you guys together or what?” Harry wondered. “Because if you just wanted to sleep with a Holland brother, might I suggest m-“

“Shut up.” Tom cut him off. “We’re together. We’ve been together for a few weeks now.”

“Really?” Tuwaine asked. “How come you didn’t tell us?”

“We were planning on telling you guys soon.” You said. “Just not like this.”

“None of us could have planned for this.” Tuwaine agreed.

“I’m happy for you guys though.” Harrison piped up. “I think you make a good couple.”

“Thank you.” Tom smiled proudly as he wrapped his arm around your shoulders.

“Just, you know, lock the door next time.” He continued.

“Trust me.” You sighed and patted Toms chest. “We will.”

You looked around suddenly and noticed one of your housemates was missing.

“Where’s Sam?” You wondered.

“Probably crying in the other room.” Harrison chuckled.

“Crying?” Tom furrowed his eyebrows. “Why?”

Harry and Harrison exchanged a look, neither wanted to be the one who broke the news.

“You should probably go talk to him.” Harry said. Tom looked at you curiously before nodding.

“I’ll be right back.” He told the group before leaving the room.

Tom found Sam in his bedroom, blankly staring at the wall. He shut the door behind him, making Sam jump a little.

“Mate, what’s going on with you? Is everything okay?” Tom asked. Sam looked at him for minute before looking down at his hands.

“I can’t believe you slept with Y/n.” He mumbled.

“Why?” Tom wondered. “You guys tease us all the time about how close we are. I thought you’d all see this coming.”

“I didn’t. I didn’t think you two would ever actually do something.” Sam sighed. “What even was last night? Was it a one night stand or…”

“Well, we’ve kinda been dating.” Tom said slowly. “Not for very long, though. We both agreed we wanted to be more than friends and I don’t know. Things just kinda happened from there.”

“Why didn’t you tell any of us?” Sam asked. “We live together, for Christ’s sake.”

“Because, I don’t know.” Tom shrugged. “I didn’t want anyone to know yet. It was just our little secret. Haven’t you ever had a secret?”

Sam opened his mouth and quickly shut it, feeling the irony of Tom’s question hit him. He didn’t want to lie to his brother, so he let out a sigh.

“I like her.” He said, barely audible but Tom heard.

“What?”

“That’s my secret. I like her.” Sam looked up. “I’ve liked her ever since we met. And now you…you ruined it.”

“What?” Tom repeated. “I didn’t ruin anything.”

“My older brother slept with the girl I liked.” Sam said fully. “That kinda ruins things for me, mate.”

“I slept with my girlfriend.” Tom corrected. “And it was a big deal for us, so don’t rain all over it.”

“It’s a big deal for me too.” Sam insisted. “I really liked her.”

Tom was about to raise his voice, but decided against it. He knew better than anyone that you could not help who you fell in love with. He knew that if he was in Sam’s shoes, he’d be just as upset.

“Look, I’m sorry your feelings are hurt.” Tom said as he sat down next to Sam. “I didn’t know you liked her. But you never said anything about it. How was I supposed to know?”

“Would it have changed anything if you did know?” Sam asked quietly. Tom though about it for a moment before he gave his reply.

“Honestly, no.” Tom answered. “I love her. Nothing would’ve changed my mind.”

Sam stayed silent, not happy with this answer.

“Would anything have changed your mind?” Tom asked. “Would you have stopped liking her if you knew I did as well?”

“No.” Sam realized. “I guess I wouldn’t.”

“So do you understand now?” Tom hoped. “I didn’t do this to hurt you. I love her. This was always about her.”

“I guess.” Sam huffed. “It still sucks for me, though.”

“Yeah.” Tom chuckled. “It does. But you still get to be her friend. And she still loves you. Just, you know, like a brother.”

“I wish it was different.” He mumbled. “I’ll get over it. But for now, I really wish it was different.”

Tom looked at his brother and sighed. He knew this wasn’t the kind of problem he could fix. Tom definitely wasn’t the person Sam wanted to be around right now. He patted his brothers shoulder and left the room, going to find you for help.

A few hours later, you spotted Sam sitting alone on the couch. He was staring at the wall, seemingly a little out of it.

“Hey, Sam.” You smiled at him as you took a seat next to him. He broke out of his trance to look at you, giving you a weak smile back.

“Hi.” Sam said timidly.

“What’s going on?” You asked as you pushed his shoulder playfully.

“Tom told you?” Sam knew right away.

“Yeah.” You gave him a sad smile. “He told me.”

Sam stayed quiet, feeling his cheeks flush with embarrassment. You noticed this and put a cold hand on his face.

“You know I love you, right?” You said softly. “So much, Sammy.”

Sam nodded and looked down at his clasped hands.

“But not like that?” He asked wearily. You folded your lips in and nodded a little.

“But not like that.” You repeated. He looked up, but not at you. You put your hands on top of his and gave them a gentle squeeze.

“I’m sorry.” You whispered.

“It’s not your fault.” He said. “We can’t help what we don’t feel.”

“I guess not.” You agreed. Sam nodded again, not trusting his voice enough to speak.

“For what it’s worth, you’ve always been my favorite brother.” You told him honestly. He finally looked at you and smiled a little.

“I won’t tell Harry.” He told you, assuming he meant favorite of the twins.

“Or Tom or Paddy.” You added. “It’ll be our little secret. Can you keep a secret?”

Your words caused Sam to think of all the times he wanted to tell you he liked you, but didn’t. He briefly wondered if things would be different had you known.

“Yeah.” He smiled sadly. “I can.”

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[luminnara]

hii first of all i love your blog, your writing and your style! seconddd have you seen this new theory going around that eddie might come back as a vampire bc of an existing character in dnd?? of course this got me thinking of even more possibilites with him and the lost boys ahhhh

I have definitely been seeing that and SOOOOOOOO MUCH GOOD FANART AHHH

I’m pretty sure it was Kas(?) who was resurrected in the campaign and that’s what people have been kind of playing off of. I personally don’t really think he’ll come back, BUT that does not matter for our purposes because that is our boy now and he can live on as we desire lol

I really love the idea of Eddie being resurrected or becoming a vampire/vampire adjacent monster, and being really confused and somehow ending up in Santa Carla. Maybe he starts out in the upside down, the gang saves him and brings him back to Hawkins, but he still can’t exactly…stick around. He’s still wanted for murder and there’s no way he’s getting a fair trial in a town that wanted to just kill him anyways, so maybe he just…leaves. He has big hang ups about running, but everyone convinces him that it isn’t cowardly at all to save yourself, so he just starts heading west because he’s always heard that the coast is full of little towns that are popular for runaways and criminals, and he sort of falls under that umbrella.

He travels by night, getting the hang of surviving on his own while he wishes he didn’t have to. He’s tough now, though, and as unbelievable as it is, he’s read and watched enough fantasy and horror to know what he is now. It’s easy enough to figure that he should avoid the sun and that he’s gonna need a little bit more than a burger and fries for dinner. Feeding is hard when you’re such a big softie, though, and he barely manages it, just doing the bare minimum while he makes his way to Santa Carla, California.

It’s the perfect town for a guy like him. Unfortunately, he doesn’t get a very warm welcome—the resident vampires zero in on him immediately, and they’re not too happy to see somebody hunting on their turf. Eddie, of course, has no idea how vampire society or etiquette works, and he’s just kind of got his hands up in surrender as these terrifying dudes corner him in an alley one night. They’re mostly just trying to figure out if he’s alone, where he came from, and what his vibes are like, but to Eddie, they’re almost as scary as Vecna, and it isn’t until they back off that he stops shaking.

“Whoa, dude,” the short one says, “you’re shaking like a fuckin leaf. You gotta eat soon or something??”

“Yeah, I only ever get the shakes like that if I’m fucking starving,” the taller blonde says.

“You need to feed.” The leader says. “We’ll finish this later.”

And Eddie just blinks as they lead him to the beach, and he enjoys the brutality of their hunting way more than he thought he could. That night, he finally finds a place he belongs, and a weird, fucked up family to call his own.

Alternatively:

The boys corner Eddie. They’re all fangs and snarls, intending to scare him shitless so that he never dreams of hunting in their territory, before one of them pushes past the others, lets out an annoyed sigh, and flicks his cigarette butt away.

“Eddie Munson.” He bites out. “Why the hell can’t Hawkins just stay in Hawkins, huh?”

And eddie’s eyes widen when he sees none other than Billy Hargrove, former king of Hawkins high, wearing his signature leather jacket and sporting bright yellow-orange eyes just like the others.

“You know this guy?” Paul asks, looking at Billy.

“Not really.” Billy shrugs. “But he’s not one of the annoying ones, at least.”

[chaseatinydream]

pirate king (78) || atz

You haven’t left the infirmary for a whole day.

“Ahhhh!” You shriek into your pillow for the fiftieth-something time that day, burying your face in the soft down, fingers winding into the sheets. “Ahhh!”

There’s an amused chuckle from somewhere in the room, and soft footsteps draw closer. The mattress of your bed sinks lightly from the added weight before a hand comes to rest on your head, gentle and comforting.

“What’s going on with you?” San’s light voice is full of amusement, and you peek out from under the covers to see your master sitting cross legged on your bed, teasing smile on his face. “You’ve been holed up in here for a whole day now. Don’t you think that you should go explore the town a bit before the Treasure leaves Tortuga? Did something go wrong when you tried to give Hongjoong the jacket?”

Instantly, your mouth twists into a pout and you bury your face into the pillow once more with a tiny, muffled scream. Your cheeks burn, and the image of Hongjoong looking at you with such tenderness in his eyes resurfaces at your master’s mention only serves to addle your mind further.

“Please shut up for a second, master.” You groan into the pillow, refusing to look up. San snickers, but then in the next second he gasps. “Wait, didn’t you mean to give him that handmade jacket? Did he reject it? I’ll beat up the ungrateful little bastard, why he-”

“No, no, master!” You catch his arm before he can march out of the infirmary. “He didn’t reject it, I did give it to him and he accepted it. It’s just that...” you hesitate for a moment, the words rolling about in your mouth. “It’s just that, well, captain... he...”

San stares back at you, unblinking. “He...?”

You bury your face in your hands. For some reason, the tips of your ears feel like they’re on fire. You try to speak, and the words come out a mangled mess - almost as bad as Mingi’s attempts at cooking.

“Words.” San encourages. “You know, with consonants and vowels. Using the mouth might be helpful.”

You make an unintelligible noise and launch your pillow in his direction. There’s a satisfying “oompf”, but the downside is that you’ve lost your only shield between the two of you.

San grins. “So?”

“Well,” you pause, trying to find words more eloquent within your choices and resulting with none. “He... confessed.”

Good job, Chin Hae! Your inner self cheers, full of pride. That’s was a full sentence!

Your master stills for a moment, pulling the pillow off his head. The previously amused expression he was wearing on his face morphs into one of concern as he looks at you. “Oh. Oh.”

You’re stunned for a moment, staring at your master. “I would have expected you to be a little more surprised. Do you mean you actually knew about this?”

​San’s expression softens, eyes pained, before his fingers come up to poke you in the nose. “You’d be surprised how dense you can be sometimes, Chin Hae. That’s not good for you, you know.”

Your lips purse as you pick at the ends of the threads of your blanket. “What am I supposed to do, master? Wooyoung too, both of them... I rejected them both, but still... it hurts...”

There’s a soft exhale that leaves your master, that lingers in the air, still in the silence before he speaks. “Only you can decide that for yourself, Chin Hae.” When you look up at him, he puts his hand on your head with a painfully gentle smile. “I promised to do my best to help you find a cure, but I won’t give either of us false hope - there is every possibility you might die. Since this concerns you and the two of them, you have to make the choice yourself.”

You have to make the choice yourself.

You sigh and rub at your temples, trying to resolve the onset of a headache you can already feel coming. All this thinking hurts your head. “You know, I wish you weren’t right all the time, master.”

“We all want the impossible sometimes.” San shrugs easily, his usual smirk tinged with a hint of cheekiness. You turn a glare at him, but there’s no heat to it at all - how could you? Instead, San yanks you out of the bed and you follow, a tad unwillingly.

“What are you doing?”

“Let’s go get some herbs from town,” San suggests, pulling you along with him. “A good walk about time will clear your mind, and the Treasure will be leaving Tortuga soon.”

You sigh, reluctant, but follow.

What could possibly go wrong?

>>>

The trip to town starts off fine enough.

Wooyoung whines about not being to go with the two of you - you remind him about his ban from the town due to his little hostage attempt (‘it was only one teeny tiny hostage attempt,” he protests) and the two of you set off hand in hand, chattering brightly about what you’ll find in the marketplace.

And well, apparently the Fates had been listening, because they were determined to proved you wrong.

It’s barely ten minutes into the market that you’re completely lost.

You have no idea how you ended up in this situation - quite alone, separated from San in the middle of a bustling crowd in the marketplace. The sea of people surge around you like the push and pull of an unyielding tide, and the last thing you remember is San’s hand separating from yours after a man bumped into the two of you.

You’re not too worried, you’ve come here quite a few times, enough to be rather familiar with the place. As long as you find your way to the central town square, you’ll definitely be able to navigate your way through the back alleys back to the harbour with the town square as a reference point.

That is, until you hear something.

“The Treasure is leaving the harbour soon. We should move as soon as possible.” A low mutter reaches your ears as you step into a dark alley, and the second you hear those words, you flatten yourself against the wall in shock. That definitely doesn’t sound like any of crew, you know most of their voices well enough.

“But the Pirate King is the captain of that ship.” A nervous tremble in the voice of the man’s conversation partner. He sounds reluctant, and for a moment pride wells up in your chest at the reputation your captain holds. “We can’t just attack them! We’ll die!”

What?

They’re going to do what now?

“Listen, you coward,” the man practically growls, his voice a low rumble. You shiver lightly at that, and peek around the corner. To your horror, you see a hulking, burly man with rippling muscles, tan skin decorated with swirling black lines that spiral down his chest and across his forearms. He could easily crush you under his foot. “The big bosses in the inn right now are discussing plans, big ones. The second the Treasure leaves the harbour of Tortuga, ten different ships are going to hit it all at once with everything they’ve got. There’s no way they’ll escape.”

You clap a hand over your mouth and crouch behind the brick wall again. Heart racing in your chest and cold sweat sliding down your temples, you think carefully over what you’ve heard. All thoughts of escaping immediately flee your mind. Ten ships intending to attack the Treasure?

“Pirates don’t band together, the loot split amongst them won’t be big enough.” The other man mutters, although he seems slightly more reassured. “You’re intending on fighting one of the most terrifying ships to ever sail the waters of the Caribbean!”

“Are you an idiot, or do you just not know how much the Royal Navy is offering for this capture?” The man’s voice is near maniacal with the delirium of his excitement. “They’re offering enough wealth worth an entire Spanish treasure galleon as well as pardons signed by the Queen herself. We’ll be free men, all of us. All we need to do is take down one ship.”

“What? Sounds like a load of rotten shellfish to me.” The other man snorts derisively, and your knees tremble at their words. Such a reward would surely make the Treasure the target of most ships, if not all, in the waters. “What exactly does the Royal Navy want with the Treasure? They’ve been causing less trouble than they used to ages ago.”

You know what they want.

“Some woman with a wooden hand on board, called Chin Hae or something along those lines. There are drawings of her image circulating, so we know what she looks like.” The man says roughly, and your legs nearly give out beneath you. You’ve got to run, run, but your legs won’t move. Sucking in deep breaths, you urge strength into your legs as you clamber onto your knees.

Run, run, run!

“Hmm, I heard something over there.” You immediately clamp your mouth shut, nails digging so hard into your palm you feel blood slide down your skin. Don’t make a sound, you chant in your mind, don’t even think about breathing. “Huh. Musta’ just been a bird or a rat. These alleyways are filthy.”

“Hmph. Go check anyway, it might be a street urchin or something. If anyone finds out that we were talkin’ about the plans, we’re good as dead in a ditch.” The gruffer man mutters, and you hear grumbling and footsteps drawing closer to where you’re crouched.

Your heart practically stops beating in your chest. Your hand slides into your healer’s satchel, trembling. What do you do?

“See? Absolutely nothin’, it must have been just a-”

The man rounds the corner, and in that single, desperate second, you strike.

Pulling the largest round bottomed flash that you’d just bought from the apothecary with San earlier, you smash it over the man’s head with everything you’ve got.

The man lets out a tiny scream and shattered glass flies everywhere, your eyes lock. He stumbles back, bleeding from the forehead where you’d struck him, and grabs for you again.

“That’s the girl! The woman with the wooden hand! Get her, you fool!”

At the sound of his partner’s bellow, you gasp as you see him draw his sword. The size of it along could cleave you in half across the middle. When you whirl around to flee, the scrawnier man grabs you by the back of your tunic, terrifyingly strong. “I’m not letting you go!” He swears, and you react instantly, just as Jongho had taught you all those months ago.

You shove the remains of the broken glass bottle straight into one of his eyes with all your might, and the man screams in agony, curling up on the filthy ground as crimson blood gushes down his face. The same hot, sticky blood runs over your hand and between your fingers.

You don’t have time to worry about him. You run.

“Stop right there!” You hear him pounding on a wooden door behind you as you stumble, cursing your legs. Move! “Oi, we found the girl! Get your asses out here and get her!”

You dash down the alleyways. People, people, get to where there are lots of people! Your lungs burn, and you hear angry shouting of ‘where did she go’ at your back, the voices drawing closer every second. You’re not as used to the maze of alleyways as these people are, what do you do? What if you take a wrong turn and just end up running deeper into it?

You pause for a moment at a cross section, glancing about desperately as you heave for breath. Left, or right or-

Your eyes lock on something, up!

“Sorry, coming through,” you apologise as you shove past a townsmen as you race up the stairs to the rooftops. The man shrieks at your invasion of his house, but you barely hear him. Yes! Up here, you can see the way to the harbour without the walls of the alleys in the way!

Luckily for you, the houses here are clustered and cramped together, and you leap across the roofs with relative ease - nothing compared to toeing the wildly swinging masts in the middle of a storm.

The harbour!

Your knees nearly buckle as you land hard, but you don’t have the luxury to stop and think about the pain. Picking yourself up, you run with all your might, leaping across a gap between two alleys and hear some more shouting. “She’s up there! Get onto the roofs before she gets out of the alleys!”

There’s a whistle of something sharp slicing through the air, and instantly you throw up your hands to protect your face and your neck (‘better your hands that your life,’ Jongho had told you once grimly).

There’s a heavy thunk and you stumble back at the sheer force of the blade, eyes screwed shut as you wait for the agonizing pain to come. But it doesn’t.

To your surprise, when you pull your hands away from your face, you look down to see a blade embedded in your prosthetic hand, the wood nearly split in half. You make a little amused noise, unable to keep the laugh in, half crazed with adrenaline. That hand has really bad luck when it comes to knives, wooden or not, you think.

There’s the rattle of loose stones behind you, and you whirl around to see one of your pursuers already clambering onto the roof and your heart drops into your belly. Yanking the knife from your wooden hand, you send it sailing at the man and it misses his head. Instead, it strikes his hand and the man screams in pain to clutch at it, before realising he’s still climbing and falls to the cobbles below, taking his friends down with him.

“Don’t let her get away! She’s the key to us getting rich! She’s our treasure!” One of the men from below roar, and you balk at the words, disgust pooling in the pit of your stomach. Courage surges up in you out of nowhere. “The only one who gets to call me that is Captain, you bastards!”

You don’t have the patience to see if they’ve heard. You dive for the exit out of the alleyways and scramble along the shops at the docks, ducking and weaving around startled shopkeepers as you yank your hood over your head.

Can’t let them recognise you, you think frantically as you continue sprinting down the docks, chest heaving. Behind, you hear your pursuers roughly shoving the townspeople aside in their rush to get to you before you reach the Treasure. “Oi, stop right there! Stop running!”

“Do they seriously think I’ll listen to that?” You mutter under your breath, but for all your bravado, the voices are getting closer, and you’re almost dizzy with exhaustion. You look about frantically for somewhere to hide, but before you can, a hand wraps around your wrist and pulls you into a narrow alleyway behind a makeshift tent selling an assortment of mirrors, shrouded in darkness.

Thrashing, you struggle to get out of the man’s grip but it’s as firm as iron, and strangely gentle. Gentle as it may be though, you’re ready to bite your way out if need be until a mild, lilting voice touches your ears. “Hey, hey, you’re alright now. Those men are gone.”

You still, trembling. The man’s voice is soothing, but there’s something that grips your chest about it; it sounds familiar, but not quite. Unable to resist the urge, you look up to look at your saviour’s face.

A slender, handsome face, sharp nose and delicate features. But your eyes lock onto his eyes, mismatched ones, one a familiar, kind green and the other a dark, murky colour, the shade of dirty, brackish water.

Your heart drops into your chest, and instantly, every survival instinct in you screams at you to run, so loudly that your head nearly splits.

He looks like... he looks like...

He looks like your captain.

Recognition flickers across his face, and the kindness in his eyes disappear almost in the a blink. Instead, that kindness is replaced by something that looks like depraved hunger, and you feel like a prey being stared down by a predator.

Your survival instinct screams at you.

Run!

“I found you.” The man whispers, one hand coming up to touch your cheek and you recoil, heart beating unnaturally loudly in your chest. Your head feels like its about to split in half, strange, disembodied voices ringing in your skull, each louder than the other. “My treasure.”

“S-stay away from me.” You warn, one hand gripping your head as if you could physically prevent your mind from shattering. “Don’t move another inch!”

The man doesn’t seem able to hear you, taking a step closer. Power spills from him, so dark and thick it makes you gag, flinching backwards. Your back hits the wall. “I finally found you. With your power, I finally can-”

“I don’t have any power!” You shriek, trying to stay on your feet but the pain that wrecks your head threatens to bring you to your knees. There’s something growing there, too large for you to push back, as if you’re trying to hold back a storm wave with your bare hands. “I’m a normal human, just like everyone else! I just want to live a normal life!”

You are still part of the Treasure, part of my crew, one of my family. Even if you are a woman, a clay one, instead of a man of flesh, neither of those things change for me.

“Normal? No, you’re not.” The man takes another step closer, and the pain resounds throughout your entire body, so badly till your fingers are trembling. “Human? Something like you could never be. No matter how much you try, you can’t escape what you are.”

He regards you with a smile that seems almost surgical, and your heart plummets.

“You’re not even really alive.”

There’s the sound in the back of your head that sounds like tearing cloth, and your mind rents in half.

The last thing you see is a pair of vividly blue eyes in the gloom, rippling in almost liquid surface of a mirror, startlingly lifelike.

It takes a second for you to realise those are looking right back at you.

Thunder and lightning surges, wild tempests riding like wild horses bringing about the end of the word, and everything dissolves into chaos.The man from earlier seems to have vanished, of course he would, who would remain in this storm? The person in the mirror looks at you in the eye as the hurricane rages all about you. You stare, unable to move.

Who are you?

The howling of the wind and the icy blades of freezing rain don’t affect you in the least, but your limbs are leaden. The reflection in the mirror opens its mouth to speak.

They will come bearing a gift. Kill the man, and return. There is no running from me. Free us both, ****.

The one-eyed green boy smiles at you, and holds out his pinky finger.

I am you.

The storm screams overhead. Kill him, kill him, kill him, it chants.

You are me.

You crumple to your knees, and everything goes black.

Kill him.

[hollyhomburg]

@jjungcookie Ahhhh I think the ending will be drawn out, I really do want to give bily the best of happy endings, this story has such a soft middle that I think it would be impossible not to give it a good go you know?

As for Hoseok’s ex pack being connected to the mafia…I cannot answer any of the questions you have posed for it. I will say that you’re on the right track especially concerning his job working along side Yoongi.

Oh yeah definitely, I think all of the alphas are going to start frequenting jungkook’s boxing gym and taking lessons from Wonho. Ahhh I just got the idea for a sweet moment- what if in the future- the m/c really really tries her hand at self-defense lessons. And then one day she and Wonho go at it and she actually manages to beat him- do you know how proud she would be? Why is it sorta hot to imagine her and jungkook wrestling and him realizing “oh??? I actually have to try?? And claling her his little muscle puppy? Ahhhh now I really want to write that as part of the happy ending sections <3 I swear- your responses always inspire me to write little scenes.

As for the name of the assassins. I think that I might have fucked this part up a little bit- and jumped around and changed their names- its definitely something I need to keep in mind when I’m doing the secondary edits of bily in a few months. But the family only has four assassins; the snake (Jimin), the wolf (the man who was killed prior to Jin and Jimin’s shootout) and the spider- the assassin that the pack kills in this chapter. There is only one other left- ‘the bee’ who we will see in later chapters.

No one picked up on it so far, but you’ll notice in the last chapter that Jimin says “Tae, you don’t even kill spiders’ and then in this chapter- Tae ends up killing the man named the spider 😂 just a little bit of foreshadowing there. I do realize that the spider is never named in this chapter- although it is referenced in the next- so this probably has a lot to do with it 😭

I think that a lot of the time- because of my isolation as a person I worry that I’m not really writing these characters as believable. But I’m glad Hobi being ruled by his emotions kinda like- made sense. I know it’s easy to judge him when we’re not the ones in his shoes- but from my own personal experience, I think that not everyone always behaves in a level headed way during moments like this.

I totally get why you wanted to skip it. Honestly, I had a feeling that a lot of people would gloss over this chapter. There is this interesting dynamic that happens when you write a story with so many genreas- you cannot delve deep into horror without alienating the people who do not want to read horror, just like you can’t delve deep into smutt without alienating people who don’t want to read smut. You know? It’s okay if not everyone wants to read brains blowing apart late at night- I deeply understand.

As for the clean up…that is unfortunately jungkook and Yoongi’s job 😂 Jin’s and Jimin’s too. Lets just say the m/c, Tae, and Hobi aren’t exactly in one piece after this.

As for the other group too! I think seeing them adjust to this is one of the things that I had a hard time writing in the next chapter- just like this- I ended up going a little bit more of humerous route, I greatly look forward to hearing what you have to say about it next time. Thank you once again for such a stunning review of this chapter.

Before I Leave You (Pt.66)

(Omegaverse au, Mafia au, Bts x Reader)

Summary: Wolves always go for the throat, whether they’re cornered or hunting.

Tags: Blood, Guns, violence, near death experiences, everyone lives nobody dies...but someone does die this chapter, horror, non-lethal injury, talks of death and dying, a bit of body horror, Trans! tae, Tae is briefly dead named in this, implied/referenced intimate partner violence, flashbacks, brief suicidality.

W/c: 8.3k

A/N: ahhhhhh <3 we're finally ready for this part of the story <3 i wonder what your guys reactions will be, i'm really glad i decided to split this chapter into two peices! it's much cleaner this way. don't be 🥲 too mad at me.

Previous part - Masterlist - First part

(Four years prior, Hoseok)

Today is the day that Hoseok will meet his future pack, he just doesn’t know it yet.

It always feels like a bit of betrayal but the worst and best days of your life often come close together. Maybe just for contrast. A bit of good in the bad. A slice of cake in a feast of raw meat.

This starts as just another bad day in a long stretch of shitty days. The kind of days were anxiety bubbles up and how afraid you are is all you can think about. Taking one breath and then another like just staying alive means you're guaranteed to get better.

The only place to go from rock bottom is up, and hoseok's sneakers are firmly on the concrete, standing outside of the record store in the rain with no place to go.

Hoseok has been afraid for a long time. He can't really remember even if he thinks hard, the last morning he woke up not afraid.

What hoseok really needs is a day off, but he really can't fucking afford it. He can't afford anything- certainly not a one-bedroom apartment on his own. If he's really really lucky maybe he'll be able to find a closet room somewhere that will cost almost his whole paycheck. Because after today-

After today, Jung Hoseok will be homeless, packless, and alone. His pack dropped the news on him last night…or well ex-pack.

He doesn’t expect that he’ll be moving into the pack's house on this rainy day, he doesn't expect that by the end of the week, he won't be worrying about where his next meal will come from because Jin will be there with it ready. Jimin sometimes too.

He won't be worrying about where he'll sleep because the bed in their spare room that smells like tae tae tae will be his. He'll roll around in it when the door is closed, shy about it because Hoseok has never liked other alpha's scents so much before. And when he comes home and Jungkook has made a nest in it, it will feel like a bit of an impossible silver lining, a bit too much- to have an omega making him a nest, making something special just for him

It takes three weeks for Namjoon to make him a house key for himself. After he gets left outside in a very similar storm to this. The doctor will touch his cheek, thumbing at the dimples that they share. how special is it that each smile gets cradled like a crescent moon? the heavens have left imprints on both of their skin. Freckles for stars and dimples for moon's.

"I don't want you to get sick pup."

"People don't get sick from wet heads anymore hyung."

"They don't. But I want to keep you dry and comfortable in my den. i know you still want to look for apartments but...what if you didn't?"

But neither the weather nor Hoseok knows to prepare for good news. Right now the heavens open up and release its deluge, thick rain the way that only happens at the start of summer. Worms and other wriggly things crawl their way out of their holes to find a good spot to die next to Hoseok's shoes. Worn fancy sneakers that his pack-omega had gotten him a few months ago for their anniversary. They're the nicest thing he's ever owned.

His ex-pack omega.

It's hard to rewire your brain, especially for alpha's. Hoseok is a lone wolf. He hasn't been without a pack in so long, it feels weird to not have someone to call, someone he needs to trail after and cling to. He checks his phone but he doesn't have a single notification from them.

He doesn't have a single notification from anyone.

Hoseok is glad he doesn't feel his instincts as keenly as other alphas do. Otherwise, he might be inclined to gnash his teeth at the people who pass by him on their way to work, umbrellas almost bumping him, perceiving even closeness as a threat. So vulnerable without a pack (lone alphas are always the first to starve in winter).

Hoseok shivers even though its summer, he's soaked to the bone after a few minutes.

He has a key to the record store. He could go inside. Granted- he should be inside already. Opening up shop, making coffee, and letting the place warm up. But standing out in the rain feels too much like penance.

Hoseok likes the rain. The smell of it. The way it makes the whole world ache and go still. He feels every drop on his dark hair, soaking through his thin hoodie. It's cleansing almost, letting the rain soak him through.

(The end of relationships is always hard, let alone the end of abusive relationships, they’re downright terrible).

Hoseok keeps replaying their words in his head, with every slosh of a nearby car, every honk of a taxi. The stoplight red and green bleeding onto the wet concrete. Yellow flashing in contrast with hoseok's dark memories.

“You’re welcome to stay here until the lease runs out, but the four of us need to move back home. You understand Hobi don’t you? We’re just omega’s- we’re just girls- and we think this could be a clean break for all of us. We just don't want to lead you on any longer.”

The worst part is that Hobi had sort of known, had sort of already realized what was happening. he’d seen it in their looks; distant and despondent. Their touches that did not linger longer than necessary, cheeks turned as he comes in for a kiss. The phone calls hushed in the other room that cut off abruptly when he entered.

The lease on their apartment ends today. The place has already been professionally deep cleaned and Hoseok's things are packed in his car in plastic bins. He has 6 of them to his name.

He doesn’t have a place to go yet, he might just sneak into the back room at the record store and sleep there until he figures something out. Hoseok drove to work early because he didn't have another place to go.

This version of Hoseok is not the one you know, this version of Hobi is 23 and hopeless, can’t think about moving back in with his parents a city away, with nothing but a rusted-out Corolla that barely gets him to work let alone through the 200-mile trip. It will die on him in about 6 months and Namjoon will be thankful that Hoseok no longer is driving around in a deathtrap.

He hadn’t even gotten this job by himself, his pack omega- his ex-girlfriend had gotten him this job almost 4 months ago after his last one didn’t pan out. Temporary work for temporary people.

Nothing feels like his. Not his body and certainly not this job.

Hoseok hasn’t smoked in months, but something that feels an awful lot like self-disgust worms under his skin and he can’t resist. Not today of all days. Smoking is something that he doesn’t indulge in often, and hasn’t indulged in since… becoming an alpha to someone. But he guesses it doesn’t matter now without anyone to complain that they don’t like the smell.

The cigarette mixes with the smell of petrichor and Hoseok’s own acidic scent. The smell of a terrified alpha draws him more than a few looks but he pays them no mind. He's thankful for his soaking face, at least the rain keeps out the tears. Cool and soothing against his face.

Hoseok just wants- Hoseok just wants to call them. To talk to someone.

Ending relationships is always like this. You want to keep being good, keep being what they want, but that’s impossible. You can’t act or behave right and dupe someone into loving you. Sometimes the love just isn’t there. (A smaller shyer voice says it was never love at all, you can't possess love, only be given it and Hoseok feels like a cast aside possession. Love and abuse cannot coexist).

Hoseok should have known. He keeps replaying the moments in his head. He’d seen them exchanging knowing looks when they thought he wasn’t looking.He thought he was just being paranoid, until yesterday morning when they’d taken him aside.

“You knew this had to end one day Hoseok" "You knew one day we'd move on." "As much as we appreciate what you’ve done for us, we think it’s time for us to move on.”

“What do you mean? I thought we were leaving next week, you really left me with only a day to find a place to go?”

“We’re sorry Hoseok, your last rut was just too much to deal with. We think it's best if we just stay on our own. It's a clean break this way.”

"Wait, please- I love you."

"We know. We're sorry."

Hoseok is too much for anyone to deal with. He doesn’t call his friends (he hasn’t met up with any of them or returned their texts in months thanks to several pointed words from his pack omega). He doesn’t go inside yet because he deserves the rain. He sits out front of the record store, smoking a cigarette that will probably end up killing him down the line, and thinks Good.

He tells himself the irritation in his eyes is just because of the cigarette smoke blowing in his face, even though he knows it's not. He's not even inhaling right because his breaths come all hitched and pathetic. Anyone would be sad if their relationship of several years had ended. Anyone would be devastated.

Hoseok checks his phone again. Nothing.

Most people on the crowded street ignore him. Though the thick throng of people going about their business, probably going to work at their 9 to 5 jobs that pay enough to afford apartments and packmates. Hoseok is the one soul that stands stationary.

Until one, someone a few feet back stops, tipping their face through their hood to look at him. The only other person without an umbrella.

Hoseok knows his face and his name. It’s just Min Yoongi- his coworker and sort of friend who's coming in for his shift. Hoseok doesn't love Yoongi yet but they're sort of friends already. They might be better friends if Hoseok could get over his admiration and jealousy.

Yoongi has this way of quietly taking care of the people around him. He picks up Hoseok's jacket when it slides off the hook at work, asks him if he wants coffee and even pays for it when he goes to the coffee shop next door. He compliments Hoseok's music tastes when it's his turn to play something, he gives Hoseok the aux frequently in a way that feels a little bit like flirting.

The only two good things about Hoseok's job are the music and Min Yoongi.

He even laughs at Hoseok's shitty jokes when they're stacking new inventory saying cryptic things like "they can't be worse than my omega's jokes."

That's why Hoseok's jealous. Yoongi gets packmates, five of them who make him lunch even when he's only got a four-hour shift. that often linger outside to walk him home or pick him up in their shiney not new not old cars.

(Yoongi's packmates certainly have better things to do than send Yoongi to work with a second packed lunch. "Jin-hyung caught a glimpse of you through the doorway, the only thing that he hates more than Namjoon's snoring is skinny Alpha's.")

Min Yoongi has that look that people do when they're well-loved by packmates. Hair ruffled and neck dotted with bruises that might as well be mating bites for a beta. Beta's don't mate, but these ones certainly keep him close. He wears their scents like a shield. Sometimes so thick that Hoseok can't even smell any of his chocolate scent.

Right now, staring at Yoongi a few paces into the street, all Hoseok can smell is the rain.

When Hoseok had been introduced to him it had felt strange just by virtue of Yoongi's sub gender. A beta? Working somewhere so normal? Weren’t beta's supposed to be like- financial advisors or assistants to the president or something? Betas are supposed to have more important jobs than pushing vinyl and bumping Hoseok's shoulder playfully.

(Hoseok hasn’t seen it yet, the way that the owner hands over little white baggies to people who come in looking hungry for a high that cigarettes or alcohol can’t fix. Hoseok hasn’t yet realized that the record store isn't just a record store. This is just one front business of many that the family has organized across this city and the country for distribution of some of his most precious inventory). Yoongi has worked her for the last year, takes calls in the back for the family. The owner only bows to him when Hoseok's not around.

They only hired hoseok for tax purposes. Having three employees looks less suspicious than just two.

The beta looks concerned, and Hoseok knows he can’t hide the fact that he’s been crying as the beta steps up and pushes Hoseok back under the awning. Out of the rain and into the warmth of the doorway. This kind of movement would make any alpha snap, but not Hoseok. Hoseok just tucks his chin down and starts to cry.

“Oh Hoseok.” Hobi sniffles, and wipes his runny nose on his sleeve. Yoongi's hand curls against his throat, chocolate scent spiking to soothe. “You’re soaking wet."

Yoongi grabs his wrist and Hoseok almost keens at the gentle touch. Whole body shaking, shoulders curling in Yoongi's direction. Yoongi’s lips press into a thin line and then tugs him inside.

~-~

(Now, You)

You hold your breath. Still peering around the corner, watching and waiting for the man to spot you.

But he doesn't, after a breath where his soft footsteps echo, you wait, but nothing happens. You peak back around the corner.

You absorb and catalog the details as fast as you can; the black ski mask, covered by one of those traditional Korean masks, wooden with red lacquer. This one is a little different than the one that Jimin had; not twisted with thick eyebrows in a snarl. This one is white with red splotches on the cheeks, like a ghost sent down from above to rob you of your humanity.

The bulletproof vest stops at the collarbones. The gun itself is a black generic model. The long end is extra bulbous with something that might be an attached silencer. His hands covered in black nitrile gloves, leathery at first glance. There is a knife at his waist along with a barrage of other small things; rope and a knife, duct tape and handcuffs. His heavy boots look steel toed and reinforced.

The man (because it is a man you realize; tall, maybe taller than Namjoon) trains his gun at the landing on the top of the stairs. Pointing it in the direction of Hobi, Tae, and Jin’s hushed voices.

Hobi giggles and it sounds so bright. Echoing off the walls and filling the house with his musical laughter.

There is a phone cord tangled in your hands, long and white. You grip it tight.

This man might be silent but you’re quieter as you slide your bare feet across the smooth floors. Your strides are so quiet. You take one step and then another until you're behind the man, mirroring him.

You remember when Yoongi redid the floors, it was one of the few things that he did right away; before the pack came to live here (to love here). It took him weeks and weeks of sanding before he got them to his liking. Days more of brown dark stain that colored his hands ruddy until the soft matte finish stuck. Every pass with the belt sander and dirty rag a movement of love, a meditation for it.

Yoongi made every inch of this house with the same loving intent; to make it a home for all of you. a place to be safe and nurse your wounds and hearts. You won’t let it become a grave. You won’t let this person stay here and ruin it.

Most people get it wrong; In order to kill it is not a matter of elegance or effort. There is no such thing as a perfect kill either. Emotionless and analytic isn't enough and being justified only gets you halfway. There is no way to do it cleanly. People die just as they live, messy and hopeful and dirty.

Murder isn't a matter or wanting or wishing, It’s a matter of rage.

It’s always been this way. Rage has been chewing a hole through you from the moment that you pulled the trigger with Geumjae. From the moment you said ‘I do’. Rage that these violent things have been done to you, that they continue to happen, that you can’t just get away from all the hurt and trauma.

Rage has eaten you clean through to the bone. Rage has made you skinny and starving, rage has made you timid and fragile. But now you're the hungry one. Right now, only three words run through your head;

How dare she.

How dare she send this man into your house. How dare she point a gun at the upstairs, in the general direction of your nest and your packmates. The altar at which you so desperately cling to, for sweet dreams and sweeter worship (There is no deity above the god of love, not even death. Death cannot take the love from your chest, someone dying does not make you stop loving them).

How dare she even think about hurting the people you love.

There is no courage, no bravery, no thought in your head about how stupid it might be as you step closer behind the man. You are not a trained assassin. You’re just an omega.

The adrenaline rush is an old friend, a thrall both intoxicating and unnerving. Your heart beats loud in your ears. You grip the phone cord in your hands and take a quiet steadying breath. He doesn't see you, he doesn't hear you, he doesn't know that you're behind him.

Wolves always go for the throat, whether they’re cornered or hunting.

The assassin’s foot ascends the bottom step. You don’t let him get to the second before you’re moving, hurtling forward. Footsteps no longer light. Your hands go over the man’s shoulders. The cord no more than a white flash across his vision before you draw it tight across his neck.

The pain and panic are instant as you’re suddenly tethered to a six-foot-four assassin and struggling to stay on your feet as he stumbles back. You’re pulled off your feet and down the stairs, but you keep it as tight as you can and you don’t let go. Fighting to keep your makeshift garrote tight as he scrambles to get his fingers around where it digs into his skin. Spluttering loud.

The hard wire digs, cutting easily through plastic and then your skin as he tries to pull you off. You don’t let go until he backs you into the entryway wall and slams you against it with a dizzying clang of bone and body hitting something solid. Your head narrowly avoids one of the hooks that the pack hangs their coats on. An inch to the left and he'd have impaled your skull on it. An inch to the left and you'd be dead.

A single inch.

His head slams into your face, and you feel something in your nose pop, flooding your mouth with blood so thick you choke.

He slams you against the wall once, twice, and then a third time until your grip goes slack and slippery with blood. It knocks the breath out of you, and he finally throws you off. You both fall to the ground like stones. Both of you gasp and struggle for breath. At least one of your ribs it broken, but because of the adrenaline you can't even feel it.

When the man lifts his black gloves to his throat, they come away glossy with blood.

(It’s crazy how you never notice the change from the day to day, one day you are begging for a reason to hold on, a reason to live, and the next you’re fighting tooth and nail to keep going. Just about gnawing your own arm off to get out. To survive and live to see another day. Another sunrise.)

By that time the air has returned to your lungs it’s enough for you to scream. “Jin! Jin! There’s someone in the house there’s-”

You try and inhale through your nose and blood makes you choke. You push at the floor with your hands, struggling to stand, fingers slippery and tacky with your blood.

The man tries to scramble up the stairs but you latch onto his legs and make him drop. Doing everything in your power to keep him from going up to them, to your packmates. Hugging his ankle to your chest to slow him down (the same way you’ve hugged Namjoon’s arm and Yoongi’s, the way you held Hobi in the nest on the couch just a few shattered days ago).

The man turns the gun on you, pointing it to your head, you flinch, waiting for the shot-

and open them as He heaves a frustrated roar before he wheels away and turns, aiming at the top of the stairs instead of right in your face.

You could have died right then. could have and should have, but you didn’t. Your brain is too messy with adrenaline right now to make sense of it.

Why didn't he shoot?

The gun goes off, a bullet whizzing by Jin’s head. His face, scared, on the stairs flashes ever briefly. Ducking for cover just in time. The doorframe explodes in a cacophony of dark wood splitters. The doorknob sparks and bursts into a million pieces with another shot. metal clanking against the ceiling, the walls, down the stairs.

One second, you’re holding onto his heavy leather boot, and the next it’s colliding with your face and you’re out like a light.

Getting hit in your face is always such a disorientating experience. You’d never gotten used to it, even with Geumjae. Granted it’s hard to get used to the stomach-churning low vision feeling of weightlessness, like vertigo only worse.

"Hobi! don't- jesus fucking christ-"

You’re not quite sure what happens next only that you can’t see for a moment after the boot hits your face, and you take big breaths through your mouth. Blood, you taste blood. And then your vision comes back. Black spots and all and there’s Hobi’s face in front of you. No assassin, just him, helping you up from the floor. You're not on the steps anymore but at the bottom of them.

“The kitchen, the kitchen," Blood rushes over your bottom lip. Hoseok wipes it away, inhaling a jagged breath. "He’s-”

He pushes at your shoulders. “The car- get to the car.” It feels impossible. This can be happening in your house. Are you about to have a shoot-out in the street? On your quiet cul-de-sac? But then, in the corner of your vision dark movement.

You tug Hobi’s head down the second that the gun goes off- probably saving his life, definitely saving it as the bullet tears through the banister and ends in a hollow thump in the wall. he may not have shot you but he has no quams shooting at Jin and Hobi. The bullets hit the wall- Maybe 6 inches above your bent heads. Too close, close enough that Hobi trembles in your hold. And he rips something- a piece of the doorway, out of his arm with a wince before he covers your body with his own.

The volley of gunshots are so loud, so vicious as they blow things apart, tearing holes through Yoongi’s coat, the doorway, the banister, and the narrow stairway rungs. Pieces of wood hit your curled forms. Hobi shoves your head down when you try to look.

There is wetness, hot, something hot on your hands, your neck, you know it’s blood before you look. You think it’s from you until the Gunsmoke clears and you realize- fingers skimming across hoseok's forehead, a gash above his eyebrow.

A bullet graze by his hairline thats bleeding profusely. head wounds always bleed a ridiculous amount.

There are more bullets behind you but it’s just Jin returning fire.

Jin’s got Tae behind him. Her face ashy and pink from the shower and panic, her mid-length dark hair such a tangle, cowering behind his back. Jin's gun is so much louder without the silencer. Did he bring one upstairs? Or did he get it from Jimin’s stash?

Jin nearly drags Tae to the three of you, and she clings to you. Your hand finds her face. Fingers are red and bloody smudging against her cheek, blink and you're back there a million moments in the past; dotting red blush across her cheeks with a brush- your fingers- kissing it into place with your lips- painting a line of maroon across her eyelids to bring out the lighter flecks in her eyes- Watching her twirl in a red dress. Pressing your red lips against hers in a quiet dark moment in the library room. With her in Hobi's red car- Everything red.

If it starts with red, maybe it's fitting that it ends in red too.

Jin doesn’t give you time to reminisce. Pushing her shoulder down hard. His bare chest splattered with splinters from the door. Covered in wood fragments that stick to his black sweatpants and damp feet. Shouting, “All of you get down!”

You follow your pack omega’s words. Hobi and Tae With their damn alpha instincts blanket you as Jin fires again. The shots are so much louder in the small space. Another shot, another thunder strike. tae grips your wrist tight, your hands.

When you look down, they look mutilated. you can see bone in one place, deep gashes across the centre of your palms.

Your ears ring and you can't make sense of anything over the noise. Jin returns every bang with a boom of his own, bright flashes lighting up the dark staircase. Casing after casing tinkling down to the floor, rolling across the floorboards

But then, for a second- the gunfire goes quiet.

The house creeks and the three of you hold your breath. Jin's still half-concealed. The air heavy and clouded with gunsmoke and the smell of blood.

Hobi tentatively gets onto his knees and then stands when he doesn't immediately get shot at. You make a small noise in your throat, the loudest that you dare, but he’s looking after Jin, standing in the darkness, hackles raising his angry scent of burning sugar acrid in your nose. His hand slides out of yours, your blood on his palms.

And then you hear the rush of boots, echoing in the living room, near your nest- you’d never unmade it after you and Hobi fucked there. You'd been too busy taking care of Jimin. Hoseok bears his teeth.

Hobi turns, sliding out of your hands quicker than you can grab him. Quicker than you can tell him that he’s being dumb, that he’s being suicidal.

“Not my girlfriend! You asshole!”

The world is a dizzying cacophony of gunpowder, pain, bullets, and shouting. Jin yells Hoseok’s name. But the alpha heads after the assassin regardless of your cries. Jin narrowly keeps him from running headlong into no mans land. the open area by the door that would leave Hoseok a sitting duck.

Tae’s standing up on unsteady legs as you all spill out of the stairs into the narrow hall. Out from her hiding place cowering behind the banister. Your attention isn’t on her it’s on Hobi. Neither you nor Jin are looking at her. You’re running after him on shaky legs. Jin holds you both back, trying to corrall you. The air is cloudy with Gunsmoke, hazy and heavy. Her eyes are wide and pretty like dark marbles as she watches Hobi.

They’re just as pretty when the gun presses to the back of her head.

Everyone turns and goes still. The man has Tae in his arms, hand in her hair making her neck arch. The gun pressed to her jaw. Finger on the trigger.

Her body trembles and she doesn’t turn, frozen still in fear a shallow whine building in her throat.Jin has the gun trained on the man faster than you can make to step in Tae’s direction. But it’s no use.

He must have gone around, run through the livingroom through your pantry. A similar path that you took to surprise him. He must know the floor plan of the house, must have studied it to prevent situations like this. You have no upper hand here with tae in his arms.

Tae’s mouth is buttony and parted, but it settles into a resigned line.

Jin’s never been a good enough shot- not for one like this, even barely 10 feet away. He might hit Tae. Shaky, Jin takes his finger off the trigger and stoops down to put the gun on the floor. His other hand is up, already surrendering when the man jerks Tae's head back by her hair. Rougher than he needs to be.

“Don’t shoot her, please don’t shoot- please.”

The man juts his chin at the gun on the floor. “Kick it away now, be a good omega.” Jin grits his teeth but does as he says.

The man’s voice is rough as gravel. Dignified, but with no obvious accent. Not the quiet cadence that you’ve come to expect from the family. Neither posh nor lowbrow. Something in between. Flat and monotone. You're sure that you've never heard his voice before.

“I have to admit, your file said you’d be resistant, but it said nothing about you being dumb as fuck and a poor shot to boot.”

Jin licks his lips and bares his teeth, “Put that gun back in my hand and then say it again.” The masked man cocks his head to the side and then shrugs as if Jin's fury doesn't mean anything to him.

But He’s bleeding, it trails down to the floor so the words can't be genuine. It's a small wound, a graze on his right thigh. Red bright and hot that drips in onto the floor from his pant leg.

His hand tightens in Tae’s hair. “Line up against the wall. Now. Or I’ll blow her brains out in front of you."

You move first, eyes trained on Tae. But he snaps, eyes unreadable behind that mask, “No- not you. I’m not here to kill you.”

He tosses something to Jin and he catches it. Handcuffs that jingle and clink. Your foot hits an errant bullet with a similar tinkle. “Handcuff Jin to the stairs Hoseok.”

Your names, he knows your names. Your mind races over every detail, every moment trying to piece together a way to get out of this. a way to save them.

“Why are you doing this?” Hobi’s trembling, shaking. “Did Jimin-”

“Jiminie did nothing.” The man croons dragging the barrel of the gun down Tae’s cheek leaving a dark smudge in its wake. It's red on her face, the barrel must still be hot, your blood crusty around her lips.

“Honestly though, you should know he was a shit assassin. Truly piss poor even by industry standards. They always threw him the easiest kills."

The three of you are quiet, if he was hoping to elicit a reaction or more of a fight You don’t give him the satisfaction. Although jin grits his teeth, gnashing anger and an omega's feral instinct to protect their pups.

You step forward hands open, barely two steps from Tae. If you can just get to her maybe you can-

“Please- please don’t kill them."

He cocks his head at you, and you can hear the grin in his voice. “Oh no, you misunderstand me I’m not going to do any of it.”

He taps Tae’s head once again with the gun and Tae starts to truly struggle. You tremble in fury and horror as you realize what he means with a sickening lurch in your stomach.

“This is how it’s going to work Y/n” You still at the sound of your name. “Taehyung here is going to shoot Jin and Hoseok. And then once we’re sure they’re good and dead, I’ll kill her.” He tosses you another pair of handcuffs, these ones are meant for you.

You take one step closer; Jin's gun is between your feet now. But you couldn't pick it up or else he'd shoot Tae. Time, you just need a minute to figure out what to do. How to get them out of this.

Yourself now, that's a different story. If you where in Tae's position you'd turn your face to the side and bite the mans hand.

“And what about me then? If they're all dead what’s to stop me from fighting?” he seems to consider it only briefly, the gun in his hand tilting so that you can see the dark oval where the bullet will come out, where it will rocket through Tae's skull and take all the little worlds she dreams of, all her poems and words and make them nothing.

“You think you're so precious? I’ll just kill you.” he says it like it's nothing. like you're nothing. He nods to the others, appealing to them and not you. “What do you want? All four of you to die? Or just three? What will hurt Namjoon the least? Do you think Yoongi will survive loosing his mate? What do you think Jinnie?”

You think of Yoongi's mating mark, the spot on his hip where your small curved semi-circles sit. You think of them turning black- a brand of a dead mate. You think of Hobi's eyes opening and never closing again. You think of Jungkook nesting without Jin and you. Of Namjoon holding out his hand and having no one to take it without Jin there.

You won't let any of this happen.

The others shoot each other unsure glances but you shake your head. you shake your head because earlier on the step, the man didn't take the easy shot, the easy kill.

If he really had orders to kill you, he would have done it then.

you step forward and shake your head. “I don’t believe you. I know your orders are to take me. That’s what all of this is about isn’t it?” The man doesn’t drop his weapon. Just presses it tighter to Tae’s jaw.

“Handcuff Jin now Hobi. Or else I’ll-”

You see the darkness settle in Jin’s eyes and before you know it he's turning to you, eyes flat. Endless in their darkness, the way they might if-

You don't let yourself consider it. You won't let it get to that point.

“Pup-”

You guess it does make sense, having you kill each other as opposed to the assassin doing the dirty work and implicating Moonbyul. If you really are on that ‘no kill list’ like Yoongi said at the hospital, having you take out each other is the only logical course of action. Once Tae kills Jin and Hobi, she'll be free game. This is the only way retribution won’t fall back on her. This is so similar to what she tried and failed to do with Jimin and Jin. This is a second attempt.

Only-

Only this time, you have a bargaining chip.

You step forward, in front of Hobi and Jin, blocking them from his line of sight. Barely a pace in front of Tae, but from the way he tightens his grip on her you know that you can go no further.

“You can take me; I’ll go with you. Willingly.”

Jin makes a noise in his throat and tries to move, but dares not when the man tightens his grip on Tae’s hair hard enough to rip a bit of it out.

“That’s what she wants, isn’t it? If you just let them live I’ll go with you.”

The man is silent for a second. Hobi trembles and so does Jin. For a second, you truly think that he’s going to take the bait.

But the mask is directed towards the floor, then back up at you. “Those aren’t my orders.” His finger is on the trigger so close to Tae’s head. “Now cuff him, I don’t want Jinnie getting any ideas.”

Hobi’s hands are shaking as he unwillingly shackles Jin to the steps as slowly as he can. He's buying time too. Every second and every heartbeat is precious. Both ends loop around a single rung and click closed. The rung itself is a little loose from a bullet that blew it apart near the bottom, it’s got to be the loosest one. Hobi turns, and you see the pre-meditation in his eyes; he chose that one so that Jin could still get free if he tried hard enough.

Everyone is trying. Everyone is defiant. The quirk of Jin's eyes as he settles, staring with rage at the man, his voice a quiet croon when he says what might very well be the last words he ever speaks.

“Tae you can close your eyes honey, it’s okay.”

"No I can't" She struggles harder against his hold, but it only gets her part of her hair pulled out with how rough the man jerks her, tears clouding her vision. "I can't- don't- please-"

Tae's soul has always been butterfly soft and flower tender. She's not made for this. She's not made for murder or pain or anything that lacks softness. She's never been a killer; Jimin was always that side of their coin. Saint and sinner.

Your body goes cold and for a second, you think you just might pass out, especially when Hoseok grips your wrist. One final squeeze in what can only be goodbye before he steps away and in front of jin. Hair puffed up. Jin is lowering his eyes and no no no.

No.

Tae is staring at you, eyes wide and scared, but you watch in total powerlessness as her eyebrows lower. You see the moment Tae thinks it. Eyes meeting yours, lips mouthing something that you can’t read. Maybe I’m sorry no.

I love you. Sorry.

The truth is that Jimin drilled this with her years ago before she left for college and he couldn’t follow. When Jimin first realized that for the first time in their lives she’d be without him as a constant protector. Delicate delicate Tae with her delicate pink soul. So vulnerable to the world and all its wickedness.

Tae didn't confront him about it until the nightmares were waking him up regularly. They were simple nightmares back then; images of Tae hurt and mugged. Tae beaten and left in an alleyway. Tae stalked through the night. Simple, but enough to keep him awake. Enough to torture him in his wakon hours as well as the nighttime.

If Jimin saw her now he'd pull the heavens down and demand something truly awful in exchange. He'd take one of the knives from the kitchen and gut him from belly button to addams apple. He'd eviscerate him- and Namjoon might help.

Hut there is no one here to do any of that, there is only Tae in the man's hold.

“What are you so scared of?” She’d asked one morning, trailing endless patterns on his chest in an effort to soothe him back to sleep.

“Something happening to you while I’m not there, mostly.”

“Would it make you feel better? If you taught me the basics?”

Jimin's pause is telling, more telling are his eyes, hopeful when he looks up at Tae. “Yes, it would.”

It’s been years and years since Jimin Tae have bothered to drill any self-defense sequences it at all. Since he stopped asking her to refresh the basics with him once a year just to make sure. Jimin never thought that Tae would have to use those skills. Like with most things, you just sort of hope you don't have to fight.

But Tae knows you did fight. It's written all over your bloody face and your bloody hands, tightened to fists by your side. If you fought tooth and nail to save them she should fight too.

Tae has written fight scenes like this before. If she survives the press of the gun to the back of her head, she’s gonna have one hell of a personal experience to pull from for her book. The content will be endless.

She seems to swell in the space, alpha shoulders settling back. Her mouth is moving, mouthing words her eyes on you. Just in case this is the last thing she ever does.

I’m sorry, I love you.

“Be a good boy and pick up the gun Tae.” Tae bends down, syrupy slow. Intentional with her every movement. One heartbeat. Another. Tae's fingers are maybe an inch from the gun when everything goes haywire.

When she's about halfway bent she uses her momentum to hurl her body back, slamming her head into the gun and then into the man’s face. Cracking the mask and from the sound of it, the man’s nose. Tae's almost knocks herself out with the force of her own head colliding with the man’s face.

She turns, she’s not finished, not even close. She might be a woman but she’s an alpha too. Alphas always always fight to protect their pack. She turns and swings.

And drives her elbow as hard as she can between the alpha’s legs.

Hobi can’t stop his flinch. That has to hurt.

The assassin’s gun goes flying, skittering across the dark floor and under the bookcase and Hobi ends up lunging for it. You go after it too but you end up holding Tae instead, crumpling to the floor without anything to hold her up. She’s holding the back of her head, eyes watering.

The traditional mask lyes in pieces around you, shatered by the force of tae's headbut. The man clutches his nose, features still covered by the ski mast. Growling out- "Bitch- fucking bitch! I'll kill you. I'll fucking kill all of you-"

Jin struggles yanking his cuffed hands down as hard as he can- in another minute he might get loose, but not quick enough as Hobi finds the gun and raises it. The bullet hits the molding beside your pantry, missing the man by inches as he dives away to safety. A lucky shot by any standard, let alone for a beginner. Hobi shoots off after him. knocking into the wall before he's up and chasing it.

“Are you okay, Tae, Tae- look up at me.” Tae is clutching the back of her head. Blinking rabidly. That fucking hurt even if it was worth it.

“I’m fine just-” She leans over your legs and vomits, retching loud and horrible. Concussion- she must have given herself a concussion. Namjoon told you months ago how to read the signs of them shortly after the first time Jungkook ever had a seizure in front of you.

You hold her shoulders, watching Jin try and break himself free, yanking his wrists hard enough that it has to hurt. Moving to try and help him.

And then Hobi makes a noise in the other room, a pained ghasp, A thump and then-

Tae is already up and running, stumbling into the wall. You glance at Jin. "Go- just go" Jin grinds out. But Tae has longer legs than you do even concussed.

By the kitchen, Hobi slips on a fallen tangerine. (You remember then, Yoongi clearing the table with a brush of his hands for Jimin, tossing a whole bowl of them onto the floor. Where they've stayed since then) they're fighting, the man must have managed to disarm Hobi somehow because the gun sits under one of the chairs. Both of them are fighting just beside the dining room table. Part of it splintered and broken where someone broke it.

They're grappling on the floor now. Pushing against each other trying to gain the upper hand. you've watched the alpha's wrestle before- small disputes to settle and reaffirm the hierarchy, but you've never seen hobi move like this. You watch the man grasp at his waist reaching for the knife. His hands so slick with his own blood that it clatters to the floor. Hobi may not be trained but he's a fighter too. Gnashing his teeth and growling. Reaching up into the shallow gash at the mans throat and digging in his fingers.

And then he’s got Hobi on the ground and his hands around your alpha's throat. Tae tries to get him off but he backhands her, sending her sprawling to the ground and clutching her cheek. Too dizzy to stand. Big hands that squeeze and squeeze and squeeze Hobi's narrow throat. Spit at the corner of his lips turning frothy as hoseok tries to breathe and can't.

“I didn’t come this far to get killed by a bunch of family rejects; 11 years and 1458 kills later and I will not die. Just give up already- I didn’t come this far to-”

Hobi’s face is turning purple, hands scrabbling, pushing against his face trying to get him off unsuccessfully. Dying there on the floor. Hobi is going to die right there if you don't do anything.

Jin is shouting from the other room and there is a frying pan in the kitchen. On the countertop that you snatch on your way past, winding up for it before you swing it with all your might at the man's head and-

At the end of the day, it’s hard to say exactly what kills him. Whether it's you or Tae who wields the killing blow. It’s more of a group effort between you and her.

Tae has read countless books that described love as some gentle force, but this love has not made her gentle. Tae cannot sit there on the floor and watch Hobi die. She'd do anything to protect him and the pack. She’d kill people like Minnie did, would lie just as Jin had, would have sacrificed anything- even herself just like Yoongi.

Love had always been giving in Tae's mind, and she would give countless sins and untold violence, to have this not be the last day with you and the pack.

The gun is just sitting there under the chair. tae hardly has to lean over to get it. (If she makes it out of this alive, she swears to himself that she'll finally start taking those kickboxing classes that Jungkook teaches.) Tae lifts the gun at the same moment that your hand descends with the frying pan.

Tae turns, points, aims, and fires. She doesn’t even think twice about it. The trigger goes down as easily as breathing.

Getting shot in the throat definitely distracts him enough, definitely makes him let go of Hobi, clutching at his own throat instead of his. blood rushing over his hand and down onto hobi's face. So much that it almost splashes.

And then the frying pan hits his head with a hollow final thud.

There is a placid terror in things like this, a quiet as things go and come. The thumping, the sobbing breaths you let out, the descent of your hand, beating out your terror on the body below, a vessel for all of your fear.

The handle of the frying pan is thick and heavy in your hands. You bring it down on the man’s head, the curved edge of the cast iron connects with the plate of his skull with a hollow thud. One second, he's clutching at his blown-apart throat, and the next he goes limp, blood and brain matter splatters loud and heavy along the floor. Falling on top of Hobi like a lead weight.

Hobi's brown eyes are bloodshot and red in his mouth, heaving one big breath that sends the room spinning. Sends vertigo into his veins and panic-running adrenaline. You lift your arms up again and hit him, descending again and again.

His body is still, so still. His chest gives one open shudder and then goes truly quiet. Frozen in time. You are covered in blood, in your mouth, on your hair, on the ceiling. More and more splatters as your hand goes up and then down in an endless loop.

Dark cotton soaks, matted with blood and brain matter, blurry from your tears. A bit of it hits your face, wet and stinky. People never tell you how horrible it smells when people die.

You don’t stop hitting the man, even when it's clear he's dead. Even when you glare down at him through the tears in your eyes and see half a face staring up at you. An eyeball rolls across the floor.

There are arms around you pulling you off of him eventually. Dry warm arms, big and heavenly. One wrist dangles with a pair of handcuffs as Jin yanks you back from the man. The body.

“Pup- It’s done, pup- he's gone- Stop.”

There is blood all over you. On your face, on your hands, around the frying pan. Tae too, sitting just beside you. Half of her body splattered. Hobi's soaked with it and still struggling to breathe. But both of them, the three of them are alive.

“It’s over pup.” Jin sounds like he might be crying. Tae definitely is.

Hobi puts his head between his knees, gasping for every breath but still breathing. Tae's got him in his lap. Holding on to him as he splutters. face so soaked with blood he can't open his eyes without blinking rapidly.

It’s anything but over you think as you let go of the handle of the frying pan.

It clatters to the ground with a bloody and final thunk.

~-~

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~-~

Notes:

if the beginning of the chapter feels weird/different in terms of narration that is because it was mostly written 3+ years ago and my writing style has changed alot! kinda crazy! hopefully people will just attribute it to hoseok's internal monologue. it might be meandering but i kept reminding myself that this is hoseok at his lowest you know?

One thing i want you guys to realize is that the m/c may not be smart, but holy fuck can she take a beating and still get up.

Gun shoot outs are uniquely hard to write because like, just bang and it's done right? idk why part of this writing just felt so tedious usually i love writing stuff like this :(

hobi calls the m/c his girlfriend 🥺 did you guys notice???? he's such a cute pup charecter.

i have more notes for this chapter BUT i can't share them until the next one is out because it involves hobi's secret.

i hope you guys see like- how good the m/c actually is at the crime and thinking on her feet shit- i think that this chapter above all others shows her street smarts. she knows to keep the guy talking and distracted- i think it compliments her similarities to jimin and jin like. the trio of them are very capable people you know? vs hobi who just headlong rushes the assassin and fucks shit up. i'm not saying it's his fault- he does the best that he can in this chapter.

I'm trying to pull from my actual knowledge of how guns work but fun fact, silencers are still fucking loud, like still so loud that you need ear protection. and even blank bullets can still cause serious injury at close range.

I'm again at the stage where i can't tell if the gun shooting scene is clunky and too predictable or if it's actually as creepy as i've made it out to be.

This is one of those situations- the bargaining for each others lives, that i've actually never had to handle. it's actually pretty unusual for me to write about things that i haven't experienced in some way shape or form.

i've only written a few scenes in my life that have made me wonder like "huh- i wonder if people might actually think that i've seen a dead body, been around a dead body, or killed someone before?" and ngl, the scene with the assassin dying is one that makes me wonder that... i promise i just have a scarily vivid imagination.

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 272: (Directed by Michael Bay)

Previously on BnHA: The My Child Soldiers Academia arc finally started to live up to its name as Tokoyami became the first (but I assure you not the last) victim of traumatic mental scarring courtesy of Horikoshi’s sick games! So he and Dark Shadow showed up to stop Dabi from murdering Hawks and were all “please don’t kill our mentor.” Dabi was all “AH BUT YOUR MENTOR KILLED SOMEONE ELSE, AND ISN’T THAT JUST LIKE THE HEROES THOUGH, THEIR HANDS ARE SO STAINED WITH BLOOD” and then he tried to set both of them on fire several times in succession. Hawks was all “Tokoyami just run away while he’s in the middle of his five-hour sermon” and so they tried but Dabi followed them! But then Geten was all “ALL RIGHT EVERYONE... CHILL” and fucking froze everything for no discernible reason, and Tokoyami fled the building with an unconscious Hawks in tow as the battle raged on. The chapter then ended with Gigantomachia being all “I smell my master!” and standing up, hahaha oh fuck.

Today on BnHA: Well you guys are not going to believe this, but it turns out that Tomura waking up is actually a very bad thing. A “worst case scenario” if you will! Because, get this, he has a quirk that can destroy anything, which spreads from whatever he touches to fucking everything and everywhere else. Gosh, if only we’d known about this since like 35 chapters ago. If only we’d had a spy among the villains who could have warned us, and three entire months to plan our attack, and literally every single hero in Japan on call to help us when the time came. Anyway so you’re really going to be shocked by this I’m telling you, but it turns out that when a crazy powerful person who wants to destroy everything finally wakes up, he immediately starts destroying everything with his crazy power. So X-Less dies and Crust dies and everyone else runs, and meanwhile the kids, who are on the outskirts of the city finishing up the evacuation, stand there in shock as the plot rampages toward them ready to swallow them whole. The chapter ends with Deku powering up to FORTY-FIVE PERCENT YEAHHHHH, and oh shit. Finally we’re doing this.

I am not even remotely done with all the shit I’m supposed to be finishing up, but fuck it, I need a break and reading the new chapter is by far the funnest thing on my current to-do list, so!

OH SNAPS MY BOY HAS FINALLY OPENED HIS EYES

IT ONLY TOOK HIM... OKAY LOOK I’M NOT GOING TO GO BACK AND COUNT ALL OF THE CHAPTERS, BUT LET’S SAY... FIFTEEN. ...HUNDRED. CHAPTERS TO FINALLY SNAP TO IT AND COME JOIN THE PARTY. BUT IT WAS WORTH THE WAIT! PROBABLY. AHH LET’S JUST READ ON

-- ohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohm --

[puts on glasses and unfolds map while poring through a mess of scribbles on post-it notes] -- hold up, if my calculations are correct, I’m pretty sure “somewhere a bit further from the hospital” is, in fact, where a certain THREE TROUBLE-PRONE DISASTERS ARE CURRENTLY HOLED UP. AHHH

can it really be true. are we finally rejoining our protagonist and his buddy cop friends after 97 years. how will everyone react to Deku reacting to Tomura waking up ahhhh

so Burnin’ is yelling at the civilians to let them know if they have any family or friends who need assistance evacuating

god I hate the fact that this is a fucking understatement

they’re not taking any chances after Kamino and Fukuoka huh. fool them once, shame on you. fool them twice, oh shit. but there will not be a third time! no one fucking destroys three cities in the span of six months on their watch, no sirree

(ETA: ...)

lol the kids are trying to get the elderly citizens on a bus to evacuate, but a lady is trying to give them candy and Kacchan and Ochako are of two different minds on whether or not to accept

Kacchan is absolutely right about Ochako’s motivations, but in her defense, who the fuck turns down free chocolate

IIDA!!

FUCKING CHRIST JAPAN IT’S 200 YEARS IN THE FUTURE AND YOU STILL HAVEN’T SWITCHED TO DIGITAL RECORD-KEEPING? WHY IS THIS THE MOST REALISTIC THING IN THE ENTIRE MANGA TO DATE. MY GOOD SIR, IIDA IS LYING THROUGH HIS TEETH, ALL RECORDS AND BUILDINGS ABSOLUTELY CAN AND WILL BE COMPLETELY OBLITERATED IN THE CARNAGE TO COME. I’M SORRY TO BE THE ONE TO INFORM YOU OF THIS, BUT DAMN IT SOMEONE HAS TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY

(ETA: I sure hope these poor bastards had good insurance.)

also. this man here who looks like Beaker from the Muppets, who presumably has the power of Doing Anything Those Wacky Flailing Inflatable Tube Men That You See Outside Of Car Dealerships Can Do. ...yes. that’s it. that’s an intentionally incomplete sentence with a subject but no predicate. I just feel like we should all sit and stare at him for a good thirty more seconds before continuing on with our lives

OH MY GOD

THEY’RE EVACUATING THE PETS TOO AHHHH. EXCUSE ME CERTAIN SOMEONES WHO THINK ALL HEROES ARE “DIRTY.” I SEE YOUR ARGUMENTS AND RAISE YOU THIS ONE SINGLE PANEL. YEAH THAT’S RIGHT. NOW WHAT DABI. AT A LOSS FOR WORDS I SEE. YOU JUST SIT AND PONDER THAT FOR A WHILE

is... this... a space shuttle man

is this literally just a man with a Boeing for a head. FUCKING QUIRKS THOUGH!!!!! ~*~wild~*~

OH MY GOD AND WE’RE BACK

time for some HORCRUX SHENANIGANS!! IS YOUR LIGHTNING BOLT SCAR BURNING DEKU. I CAN’T BELIEVE HE WHO MUST NOT BE NAMED IS BACK AHHHH

so now he’s slightly hunching forward with his hands pressed together and Todoroki is immediately sensing that something is wrong ahhhhh

(ETA from like 5 days later: I had that as “Tokoyami” instead of “Todoroki” for the better part of a solid week you guys. SHOUTO YOU WERE GONE FOR SO LONG I FORGOT YOUR FUCKING NAME whoop.)

here come dat angst. here comes Horikoshi’s hand beckoning the trio closer and welcoming them to the pain parade ahhh. from now on that’s how I’m ending all my sentences btw. it just seems right. ahhh

OH MY LORD OH MY

ladies and gentlemen, YOU WERE SAYING DEKU DIDN’T HAVE ENOUGH CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT LATELY? HE’S NOT INTERESTING ENOUGH AS A PROTAGONIST, IS HE? well maybe that’s because Horikoshi has been saving this one juiciest of plot nuggets for a rainy day precisely like this! BRING ON THAT CHOSEN ONE ANGST AHHHHH

anyway so yes it is indeed OFA speaking to him in the form of Lil Bro a.k.a. the first user

lol I’m trying to think of commentary but it’s difficult seeing as I’M ALREADY SCROLLING DOWN TO IMPATIENTLY READ THE NEXT PAGE

lmao the fuck

okay Princess Zelda. can you get any more flowery with those descriptions though. A TRANSCENDENT BEING. A SUPERLATIVE ENTITY. A SUBLIME, PREEMINENT ORGANISM. FREED FROM ITS SHACKLES. UNFETTERED BY ALL EARTHLY LIMITATIONS

OH MY GOD

it absolutely boggles my mind that this guy is somehow still alive. ??! how many chapters and panels has it been now. he’s like the goat in the t-rex pen in fucking Jurassic Park. WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO GET EATEN ALREADY

...

do you... want a blanket. ...?

(ETA: do you ever just. wake up and you’re like “ah shit it’s cold”, and then you destroy an entire city. mm.)

do you all suppose X-Less is fully aware that he’s about to die though? he hasn’t even moved. I imagine that sitting next to Tomura actually is much like sitting next to a giant t-rex. like he has to know there is no getting out of this alive. poor guy

damn Mic isn’t even looking back he’s just running back into the main room where all the rest of them are

wow this fight is still going on

I don’t know why, I just expected it to all magically be over all of a sudden now that we have bigger things to worry about. do you guys remember when we were all worried about the High End Noumus being the biggest threat. hahahahaha

(ETA: moment of silence for ALL OF THE FUCKING HIGH ENDS lmao. that did not go how I expected that plotline to go AT ALL, but at least we got the best fucking battle in the entire manga out of it.)

jesus CHRIST ENOUGH WITH THIS

WE GET IT TOMURA IS DANGEROUS AND SCARY AND EVIL AND AWAKE!!! JUST PLEASE GET TO IT ALREADY GOD I’M BEGGING YOU

FINALLY

goddammit. my reaction to this should have been much more “!!!” and “OH SHIT”, but he dragged it out so much that my initial reaction was one more of relief than horror. maybe it’s because of the way I read the chapters, constantly pausing to do commentary as I go along, but whenever a chapter has a ton of panels of people just staring into the distance awash with dread, it really stands out to me lol. there’s only so much I can write about that kind of thing. ah well at least we’re finally getting to the action

I genuinely can’t tell if Ujiko is frightened that he’s about to be disintegrated by Tomura’s quirk, or excited that Tomura is awake

maybe both lol. well don’t worry you’re not gonna die that easily, much as you would not catch me complaining if you did

thanks Gran

lol where was all this speed throughout the rest of this arc though. “we’re only competent when the plot necessitates it” huh. is that right

oh shit it’s destroying the rest of the lab

those are all of Ujiko’s collected quirks, right? someone please tell me if this is a good or a bad thing. on the one hand if they’re all destroyed it means Tomura can’t get them and Ujiko can’t make any more Noumus. but on the other hand this means they won’t ever be able to give them back to the original users (if any of them are even still alive). and also that’s a lot of evidence that’s being wiped out as well

oh shit they didn’t know about this?!

even after Deika City, you didn’t put two and two together?? even with all of Hawk’s intel?? what the hell did you think happened there?

well this explains why everyone was so la-dee-da-no-rush about capturing him though. well that’s on you guys. next time maybe don’t waste 20 minutes uselessly battling redshirt Noumus while Mirko has to do everything herself

anyway so I feel like people other than X-Less are almost certainly going to die here, and fuck. I’m not ready for any of this

AHH THE KIDS

BIT SLOW ON THE UPTAKE THERE KACCHAN LOL. FOR A MOMENT YOU HAD ME WORRIED THERE WAS SOMEHOW A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT THREAT APPROACHING FROM THE OTHER SIDE, BEFORE YOU TURNED AROUND TO LOOK WHERE THE OTHERS WERE LOOKING

ALSO JUST A FRIENDLY REMINDER THAT SHOUTO’S DAD IS IN THAT HOSPITAL, ALONG WITH THEIR TEACHER! HERE. COME. DAT. ANGST

LOOK AT THIS CONSPICUOUSLY INTACT BUILDING AS IT STANDS THERE ALL OMINOUSLY WITH THE NEARBY BIRDS AND CRITTERS FRANTICALLY FLYING AWAY

I want to see it crumble so bad. now this is the kind of foreboding cinematic disaster movie bullshit I can get into

FFFF WHY IS THIS PANEL SO HARD TO SEE

THERE’S TOO MUCH CHAOS AND TOO MANY PEOPLE LOST AMIDST ALL THESE SHATTERING AND FALLING TUBES, BUT I NEED TO MAKE SURE EVERYONE IS SAFE AHHH

...okay so I see Ryuukyuu in the top right, and I think that’s RockLockRock on her back. Thirteen is clearly there in the bottom center, but I don’t know who that is next to them. and then of course Gran and Mic on the left. and a bunch of others spread out in various other places, but... where the hell is Aizawa??

OH THANK GOD

FUCK YOU HORIKOSHI, I KNOW FULL WELL YOU’RE NOT JUST GOING TO KILL OFF THE WORLD’S PREEMINENT DAD STRAIGHT UP OUT OF THE BLUE HERE, AND YET I STILL FELT ANXIETY AT THIS LAST PANEL. HOW DID YOU EVEN

BITCH YOU BETTER LET THE FUCK GO BEFORE I --

!!!

oh my god I gasped in real life. stop making me fear for the lives of main characters!!

he. he --. crust. he. ...

I literally stopped reading and had to stop and cover my mouth with both of my hands I’m

silence. no screaming. no flailing. no freaking out. just silence

shit. rest in peace you old sedimentary bastard. respect to you for saving the father of my children in your last fleeting moments. I still have not the slightest idea how you rose through the ranks to somehow become the sixth fucking highest rated hero (HERO BILLBOARD CHART, IS EVERYTHING ALL RIGHT. ARE YOU FEELING OKAY), but you sure did go out with style though

also this may be tacky of me to point out during such an emotionally charged moment, but one second Aizawa is wearing his goggles like normal, and the next they’re suddenly pushed up onto his forehead so we can see the anguish in his bloodshot eyes. there was no reason to do that other than angst and we all know it. so yes Shouta you dramatic bitch, I am calling you out. why Horikoshi felt he had to add to your many accumulated traumas is beyond me. you don’t deserve this and I am so, so sorry

OH GOOD I WAS JUST ABOUT TO ASK WHERE THE FUCK ENDEAVOR WAS

seeing as we just went over this with Gran, I will take the high road here and won’t ask why you’re only this fast now and couldn’t have been this useful this ages ago back before Tomura woke up. oh wait does sarcastically saying I won’t bring it up count as bringing it up. well whatever. middle road, then

sob I’m getting flashbacks to the end of Return of the Jedi when they’re all frantically flying out of the Death Star as it explodes

friendly reminder that Ryuukyuu, clearly the fastest one here despite carrying like 20 people, was number 10 in the rankings for some unknown reason. again, r.i.p. Crust you well-meaning geriatric soul

also just a stray thought, I hope it’s clear now why it was so important to give Deku those additional quirks. at a minimum he needs Blackwhip and Float just so he doesn’t instantly die the moment he’s in Tomura’s general vicinity. sob I’ve joked so much about flying quirks and here they are becoming fucking prerequisites now

anyway so Ujiko is mourning the loss of his lab, which again, good riddance mostly. but r.i.p. that evidence though

(ETA: nah the “total loss” part is referring to how the heroes fucked up so soundly and thoroughly. anyway no one would blame Mic if he accidentally dropped Ujiko in the midst of all this chaos, I’m just saying. I guess they need any intel he could still provide now more than ever though.)

OH MY GOD!!

LAUNDRY HERO WASH?! THIS SUDSY BOI CAN ACTUALLY KICK ASS WHAAAAT

oh my god oh my god it’s still spreading??!

fuck fuck fuck at this rate it’ll reach the kids

(ETA: that happened really fast actually.)

-- oh FUCK NO you had better NOT FUCKING TOUCH FUCKING PIXIE BOB, I WILL MAIL MYSELF TO JAPAN PANDEMIC OR NO PANDEMIC. DO YOU NOT SEE THE SIGN THAT SAYS “OFF-LIMITS.” RESPECT THE SIGN

SOB SHE’S SO BADASS BUT IT LOOKS LIKE IT’S STILL DISINTEGRATING FUCCCCCK. FUCK MY LIFE, FUCK EVERYTHING

AHHHHH

I can’t tell if her earthbending was able to stop it or not?? god help us all if it didn’t, I’m not even sure what else could stop it at this point

SHUT UP UJIKO!!

they really did. only to fuck it up completely at the finish line. well, the man most singularly responsible for it is dead now, again r.i.p. Crust you useless old legend

lmao despite myself

“by a miracle, or maybe through sheer will” even he acknowledges that Tomura waking up was basically complete bullshit. yes blah blah yadda yadda got zapped by some exposed wires explanation science. because we all know that getting electrocuted will fix you right up when your heart has stopped and you have completely flatlined. you can definitely trust Horikoshi on this and there’s absolutely no need to google how defibrillators actually work

also is he somehow wearing a cape now. again by a miracle or maybe through sheer will

YESSSSSSS

(ETA: one has to wonder what Ujiko’s plan was, assuming this scheme had actually played out. were they just banking on Tomura not waking up cranky and disoriented and wanting to test out his power. his quirk doesn’t exactly distinguish friend from foe here I’m just saying.)

the part of me that goes all “ooh ahh” when all the buildings explode in Independence Day is singing inside. but never fear, the rest of me is appropriately horrified though. what was that Burnin’ was saying about the city becoming a large-scale battle zone? sob

also this page sure serves as a nice refresher for exactly why Tomura Waking Up Was Bad, which was inexplicably a topic of some debate in recent weeks. yes in spite of everything the villains are still the bad guys who’d have thought. almost as if the purpose of humanizing a character is to show that they’re human, not that they’re right

WHAT’S THIS NOW???

WELL I’LL BE. IT’S BEEN AN EVENTFUL THREE MONTHS, APPARENTLY!??

HOOAHHHHHHHH

IT’S A BIRD IT’S A PLANE IT’S A BADASS OH SHIIIIITTTTTT

finally finally finally!!!!!!

THE SHIT HAS HIT THE FAN, REPEAT, THE SHIT HAS HIT THE PROVERBIAL FAN. THE PLOT IS FINALLY HAPPENING, REPEAT, THE PLOT IS FINALLY FUCKING HAPPENING AHHHHHH

and there is no one coming to save them this time. no one to arrive at the last second and say “it’s all right now because I am here.” they have to save themselves. they have to save everyone. the training wheels are finally coming off. the safety net has been removed. after 272 chapters, the story has finally reached a point where these kids, these children, who in spite of all they’ve been through have been protected and shielded from the worst of it up till now, will finally have to be the ones to save the day all on their own

and they are not ready. but also maybe they kind of are??! but they definitely are not. and oh god oh god oh god, FINALLY WE’RE REALLY DOING THIS. TIME TO FIX THE MESS THOSE SILLY GROWN-UPS MADE, CHILDREN. YOU GOT THIS

[renegadeontherunn]

This was supposed to be a comment on your space story about Sasha and eris but tumblr’s being weird so it’s an ask.

This is beautiful op. I finished this story with tears in my eyes, I love everything about it. The twist, the dawning horror beforehand, the descriptions and metaphors, this entire story is absolutely brilliant. The plot is quite simple (which, as someone who’s written a lot of short stories, I would call a point in its favour), and in a way the characters are too, neither have time for much of a personality so to say, the most unique character is the villain, but they’re all so interesting and you do a really good job of making us care about them, and giving us an interesting story through Sasha’s eyes in the short time you have.

‘And either way, it didn’t matter much. It’s NASA. They know more than she ever will.’ Oh that line is brilliant on a second reading. My absolute favourite line, though, would have to be your rather strange ending line. That in conjunction with the ship’s name, Reverie.

I can’t quite put into words what this story does to me. It’s beautiful and strange and a little bit confusing. It has a meaning that I’ll probably figure out in a few hours and come back to gush about. There’s horror on it but it’s also something about people, human or otherwise. I’m still not done thinking about this story. It’s one of those ones that takes a while to really understand. My favourite kind. Thanks for the experience and the art.

oh,,,,,my god. thank you so so much, first of all. this is one of the nicest things anyone's ever said to me, thank you so much.

I can't even tell you how much it means to me that you felt so much from my writing (my writing???? ahhhh!!!!!!) I haven't tried my hand at too much original work other than like creative writing assignments for school, and so to get such a reaction!!!! ahhh!!!! I've reread this comment at least 12 times and teared up literally every time. and thank you for commenting on the last line!! that was one of the last parts I wrote and I always labor a bit over my ending lines because I want them to pack some punch so I'm really really happy that it did!!

I was kind of basing some of this story off of this song I saw on tiktok a while ago and in one part she sings "if I had my choice again / I'd always choose human" and like. idk I haven't stopped thinking about that line for months and I really wanted this to be something about humanity a little bit so I'm so happy that that came across.

but as much brief thought as I may have put into it, you read deeper and extrapolated something really beautiful from it so thank you so much for that I really really love your view of it and going back and rereading it is really nice now because I can see what you mean and like. idk that just makes me feel so happy and gives me a little pride in my writing which is just!!!! thank you so much!!

and I'm just rambling now but I'm seriously so overwhelmed with how much this comment means to me!!!!! you are exactly what I mean when I think that humans are good at heart and wonderful beings and like. you are so wonderful thank you so so so much I'm going to keep this comment and just. read it and cry over it forever thank you

[magicofthepen]

Gallifrey Relisten: Lies

In the chaos of.....all of November....totally forgot I meant to relisten to this episode sooner! Which is odd because Series 2 is definitely one of the high points of Gallifrey for me (apparently listening to everything slowly collapse into the civil war is super engaging and interesting? idk Series 2 just does a lot of solid character work and storytelling and good narrative progression to the “ahhh everything is very bad” finale...and I’m not sure how to feel about this, given *gestures at the world these days*). But anyways, now for some thoughts on the series opener:

Fun fact: From the TV show alone, Romana I was my favorite. (This had something to do with her having more character growth in season 16 than season 17, since her early days on the TARDIS involve the “wait my academic success does not necessarily translate to the real world” realization and learning about worlds and people different from her own and growing from High-Achieving Student to Adventurer in her own right. Also I loved the grudgingly-working-together to actual-friends arc with her and the Doctor. I was a bit less interested in her character when she was just going around being a capable adventurer, although I did become invested in Romana II in her last episodes, as she quietly grapples with the issue of what she wants to do next in life and eventually chooses to go off on her own. Also to be fair, I appreciate the fun times of Season 17 a lot more now because Romana being happy and having a good time traveling around the universe? What a concept.) 

All this to say: me on my first listen of Gallifrey was very excited about Romana I being in this episode. And even though it’s not quite as much of a !!!!! thing for me these days (the Gallifrey audios have long since solidified Romana II as my favorite), I do love the (sort of) multi-Romana interaction that happens in this one.

Brax essentially going “yeah the education system is supposed to be shitty and take an emotional toll on you” sir.

“I am not xenophobic” — Oh yeah, this scene is Narvin at his most unlikeable. “I’m not being bigoted, I’m just trying to protect Gallifrey, the fact that I assume that people who aren’t from here inherently can’t be trusted, and also go on about how they’re too loud and disruptive and don’t belong is definitely not a bigoted worldview nope.” Yikes. Very glad he’s going to see the error of his ways. 

The Narvin and Darkel rant session does actually do a good job at explaining what’s been happening and establishing the primary conflict of the series while not feeling like it exists solely to be an info dump to catch up the listener. Like, it’s definitely a setup scene, but it is an interesting setup scene. 

“But she is my President, and it’s my job to ensure that she gets what she wants and needs, efficiently and without question. Well, too many questions anyway.” Okay this moment and Darkel and Wynter’s conversation later about Narvin’s weakness (“Loyalty. An unswerving loyalty to his office and his precious CIA. And above all, loyalty to his president.” “He despises President Romana!” “Oh yes, of course. But it’s the position, not the person, he places that trust in.”) are really setting up some key Narvin Character Theses that we’re going to see play out this series (and also that the narrative is going to push in really interesting ways later on..... “position not the person”.....just you wait....) 

Darkel and Narvin being indignant that Romana changed the law is just....hilarious in a kind of horrifying way? Oh no, the President worked with the legislative body to actually get a law passed. The horror.

“She has a temper. And a very long memory.” This is definitely about the CIA trying to overthrow her in Neverland but uhhh also it’s about Etra Prime and the Powers That Be on Gallifrey never making a serious effort to save her (at least from her perspective). 

Yeah Darkel as antagonist is a bit abrupt (not that I particularly mind, she’s a good enough “love to hate” character that her not being set up as an antagonist from Series 1 doesn’t really bother me). But yeah, not sure what was going on behind the scenes, but it doesn’t seem like in Series 1 the plan was for her to be the primary Series 2-3 antagonist.  

Darkel to Narvin: “You will let me know when you’ve decided.” Ooh yeah, this moment is quite a good setup of Narvin’s arc throughout this series — he has to decide where his loyalties truly lie. 

Wynter is really interesting as far as character dynamics go, because he breaks the whole “Romana and Leela are the youngest people in the room” vibe — and it is just really interesting to see Romana interacting with this quite young Time Lord and specifically compare/contrasting it to how she interacts with young Time Lords in the later series when she’s older and a bit more emotionally mature and has more of the “mentor figure” vibes. (There isn’t really a conclusion to this thought, it’s more of a “huh, I’m thinking about this now” thing.)

“It’s been seven weeks, Andred. It’s hardly a lifetime.” Romana: please you have not been in a cell for that long, calm down.

“I thought you two were friends.” “A president of the High Council of Gallifrey cannot allow herself the luxury of friends.” Ahhhh, where it begins!! I’m extremely weak for the arc of Romana opening herself up to friendship and love, what of it. 

Honestly, Andred’s politics have always been very confusing to me? And it probably doesn’t help that the show is all “he’s fully Andred now” but also “he lived as Torvald a long time and that’s still influencing him.” Like both of those things can be true, but it’s a bit unclear what Andred’s true priorities and motivations really are right then — and honestly, it just comes off like his primarily desire is to be useful to someone, and be granted some form of autonomy/power/respect in return (aka he doesn’t have any real clear principles that are motivating him). Also complaining about Romana opening Gallifrey up to aliens is such a bad look dude. 

Romana to Andred: “I control your future. I control whether you have one.” Umm???? The foreshadowing?????

Andred, no. Andred, the free time pun was too much.

“I wish I had databanks. With a flick of a switch I could turn myself off, become unaware of all that has happened.” Leela ahhhhhhhhhh. (The desire to give Leela all the hugs and emotional support is very very high throughout these next couple seasons especially.....her mental health is in such a rough place ahhhh.) 

Andred regenerated “nearly six months ago” and it’s been six and a half (or seven, depending on which character is speaking) weeks since A Blind Eye, which took place an unspecified amount of time after The Inquiry, which took place two weeks after Square One...(don’t mind me, just taking some notes on the timeline math...) 

I believe a couple times in the Gallifrey audios, they reference the position of “Vice President,” which is very weird because that doesn’t seem to be a position that exists?? Chancellor is definitely seen as the #2 spot?? Idk what’s going on here. 

“You are appreciated, highly regarded, and were I to lose you I would be...disappointed.” Romana, you started strong and then you got a bit emotionally repressed there. 

“Torvald was a fool, but he was my fool.” .....I am not saying anything.....I will not be commenting on the Narvin and Andred scene......I just.......you know. There are some fics you cannot unread. 

Romana does really trust Brax here, doesn’t she. And she really doesn’t trust easily post-Etra Prime, so this is a big deal — making it all the rougher when she (in the short term) finds out he meddled with her memories and (in the long term) has to deal with him doing things like temporarily betraying her for the greater good of protecting her while not explaining at all what’s really going on. 

Okay, yes the whole pearl-clutching about Romana changing the laws is kinda silly and horrifying in a “how dysfunctional is your society if passing one (1) law is drastic change??” way, but also the flip side of this, aka “we thought these things were entrenched as norms in our society and would not change and then here comes along one president who’s trying to undo all of these things and threaten the whole system”.....y’all that hits differently now in the month November in the year 2020. In the Gallifrey audios the context is different — they are for sure overreacting to Romana’s very mild idea of “perhaps....we could change some things about society” but the way they talk about her political changes in the episode — feels a bit too close to home!

Romana’s voice right when she sees Leela....she missed her.....

Pandora being the “first female president” is a very weird and very unnecessary bit of misogyny? Ah yes, we must specify that this ancient president of Gallifrey who was wildly power-hungry and cruel and went too far and almost ruined everything Gallifrey had built was a woman?? Why was that bit of dialogue needed?? Tbh early Gallifrey does have a problem in general with characters played by women tending to be power-hungry....which is partly down to the fact that they have so so few women in the cast in general, it’s Romana, Leela, and Villains, mostly. (The lack of women in the supporting cast in early Gallifrey is going to be an ongoing complaint.) 

“You should not be afraid of your feelings, K9.” / “Yes, thank you, if we can move on from the emotional support group session.” Pffffff

I do choose to ignore the implication that Romana returned to Gallifrey and became President because of the subconscious influence of Pandora/the Imperiatrix Imprimatur nudging her towards power. Tbh it’s simply not interesting to me to have such a pivotal character choice reduced to genetic/subconscious manipulation. Yes, Romana ended her TV run insisting she didn’t want to go back to Gallifrey (and even staying in another universe to avoid it), and yes, it creates this initial emotional dissonance suddenly jumping to stories where she’s President of Gallifrey. But I already did the headcanon work before I jumped into Big Finish to make it work for me, I didn’t need this weirdness.

Elaborating on this a bit more: There is something interesting to me about a person who left home and slowly ended up rejecting the narrow worldview she grew up with, cutting herself free from the place she was born — and then eventually choosing to return because she genuinely wanted to make that messed-up world better and believed she could. And it also creates a really interesting contrast with the Doctor: two Time Lords who came to realize that Gallifrey was pretty terrible actually, and one of them kept running away from it and rejecting Time Lord society, and the other came back and said maybe I can change things. Because both are understandable and complicated reactions to have to a messed-up home world, and there are different ways of trying to do good. And regardless of how her choices turned out, I always liked the idea that it was Romana’s own choice that brought her to Gallifrey again, and I don’t think Pandora needed to be shoehorned in to explain her actions.  

Okay, I want to hear the follow up where Leela insists Romana tell the whole Key to Time story after hearing all of these random out of context bits and pieces. 

Why does Brax admit to breaking the Laws of Time? The fact that he’s in contact with his past/future selves isn’t actually relevant to what he needs to tell Narvin? He literally could have just said that he hypnotized Romana, without mentioning that it was his future self who did it? (Also, it’s implied in this one that he pushes for Romana to use the mind wipe on Narvin because he wants the memory of that reveal erased, but somehow that’s the one thing that Narvin keeps because he uses that information against Brax later? Aka: how did Narvin remember that Brax told him this?)  

And final thought: general internal monologue during this episode is just: Pandora arc Pandora arc Pandora arc here we go!! Because the Lies through Warfare run is really one of the more interesting bits of Gallifrey for me (Imperiatrix specifically ranks very high on my favorite episodes list), and I’m excited to be re-listening to/thinking about/hearing other people talk about these episodes!

Next Episode Reaction: Spirit

Previous Episode Reaction: A Blind Eye

[insane4fandoms]

AHHH AHHHH AHHH

AAAAAHHHHH

BRO I WAS VIBRATING WITH EXCITEMENT I WAS SO HAPPY OF COURSE I GOT AMAZING THINGS TO SAY

First off, When the label of the pouch with the organs, I was like “Imagine Caliban slurping it out of the pouch like a capri-sun, while Ness watched in horror.

My thoughts of Caliban having Ness grab the white pouch was “BRO WAS FUCKING WITH HIM?? 😭” and then I was like I would’ve done the same just to mess with people if I was a cannibal lmao.

Yo man, I also had an elementary school teacher like Ness’s way back then. He was a little coo coo crazy, and rants about sexuality being the cause of lack of veggies because get this: if you like “man meat”, you never had a broccoli in your life, which in turn made your love for meat into like men or women 😨 like WHAT WE’RE CHILDREN-?! (He got fired of course)

In a way I feel Caliban about meat (regular animal meat of course) bro is just a passionate chef like me and is picky on where to find the good quality of meat fr fr

In my opinion, I see Caliban’s and Ness’s dynamic as older rebellious cousin and the younger cousin who has a heart attack on seeing the older cousin smoke lmao. (It’s me I’m the younger cousin lmao)

I got chills when they drove into the neighborhood, and slowly parking away from Mike’s and Abby’s house I was getting ready for shit to go down.

The fact Ness said “our home” I was going to ascend above I love him so.

The idea of Mike going out of his way in oiling the door hinges because it was bothering Ness makes me happy, he’s so in love (so in love he confuses a child murderer with his boyfriend lol)

Honestly the image of Madpat just looming over a sleeping smile while muttering something and fiddling with a knife would make me just go 🧍🏽welp time to burn this place to the ground and never look back.

THEYRE BACK TOGETHER MY BABIES ARE BACK TOGETHER AUUGH I LOVE THEM SO MUCH RRRRAAHAHAGAGHAHAGAHGH

Did Madpat just… jump through the window instead of through the back door? 💀 bro I know he can be unhinged, but come on bro 😔

The immediate thought of Caliban hiding in the shadows in the air between narrows walls was that one meme photo of the little rat holding onto for dear life away from cats (I can’t find the photo for the life of me but I know it exists out there)

Why you have to take him away from Mike, Caliban 😭 they just want to stay together (I have a slight wish on Mike figuring out what’s happening so I might add that)

AHHHH it’s going to the exact place where it all started WOOOOHHHH, how will things go down??? Pray the coworkers at Sparky’s won’t die by seeing a man in a blood covered bear onesie sprinting their way in top speed

I have a slightly funny scene in the comic to draw that involves B plot (Jack and Abby) so be prepared mwhahaha 😈

Sorry if this was late than the last post, but it was a good reason (there isn’t Lmao). But here we are with the comic portion of my and @wouldntyou-liketoknow’s little collab of writing and drawing. @crazy-obsessed-enby @iswmperson @lexusinsannus

Abby is truly a smart kid, and picks up dangerous situations quickly when, especially when it comes to her brother. Unfortunately, that caused more problems to not only the Schmidts, but “Ness” as well, who isn’t really handling things well. Good things she’s able to make friends everywhere, so she isn’t alone of saving Mike and “Ness”.

Mike, take the hint and find out soon that he isn’t him, and save your family. (Also SURPRISE Jack is here too)

[syncogon]

sad only 480p version this time, and delayed. oh well, temptation too strong, and clips on the weibo looked promising, so let’s go

mjy sighhh i guess he’s just dumb not malicious but man

“the truth isn’t important” glasses shing. oh wow that hair swish tho that was like unnecessarily well animated hahaha

iiiii just want jhx to tell off yy!! i think that’d be great, what a faceslap! also wtf is this thing? iron supplements?? a spray? icy-hot? 铁打损伤喷雾?? god i spent like five minutes trying to mouse-trace those characters and i still don’t know if this is supposed to be significant or if it’s just significant that jhx caught yy doing shady shit 

anyway given music / context it seems jhx is annoyed at what yy is doing? so yay friggin finally. “our classes aren’t at nanhua” nice 

“xu-da” vs “xu-ge” hmm. anyway jhx don’t fall for the lies. jhx is like sx, annoying and chuuni but probably isn’t as obnoxiously awful as he first appears... probably.... maybe. 

goddd sucks that the full version of this op is kinda weird, because i LOVE this op so much like holy crap. jiyi bei yingfu huanxing.... 

man now im like stressed about the yf at the airport scene. trailer showed an airport. what’s gonna happennn

this exchange about dd feels so weird like it sounds like ctg is trying to explain they’re not in any pre-relationship or smth but maggie is like “i don’t mind” in a way that makes it sound like she wouldn’t mind if they’re together? what??? but whatever

ok i really enjoy this cr/yf dynamic. like i feel like it’s a bit ooc and yf as portrayed here is maybe too far on the acquiescence but also it’s really funny and sparks joy for me so i’ll buy it. i’m happy to see like established relationship stuff i think bc i generally don’t in the stuff i watch. speaking of which i’m super glad that they didn’t make the awful dumb move of trying to insert like Another wack love triangle drama dynamic thing in this like the fans want yecong and tianmai!!

wowwww it’s so nice how supportive cr is being tho like i love to see it!

handholding!! soft!! nice inversion of the earlier part where cr is bandaging his fingers. but like -

WHY DOES SHE HAVE MARKS/CALLUSES ON HER THUMB AND NOT HER PINKY??? like ok i have not played ukelele but i sure have my own share of stringed instrument finger calluses and you don’t?? press on the string with your thumb???

still, they’re trying, it’s a cute detail, i appreciate it. i liked that one wwgk review i watched yesterday that pointed out s1 was like a coming of age story disguised as a music story, whereas s2 is like a real music story.... 

wait this is incredibly cute wtf. oh my god. 

YF SIGHED/FACEPALMED AT THAT? COME ON!! WTF THAT’S SO RUDE? THAT WAS ACTUALLY LIKE PRETTY GOOD?? AND SHE DID THIS JUST FOR YOU? like maybe not performance ready but bro she’s learned for two days!! also holy shit the strumming animation is really good for smth like this im impressed! that reminds me of the like actually legit violin animation they showed in the trailer yo im so ready 

like i totally understand the frustration (damn, maggie’s face... 3 free performances? really?) but also i feel SO BAD FOR CR HERE this is so awkward oh my godddd at least ctg like tries to apologize to her (and cr’s reaction to this whole thing is also v solid, good for her) but still like damn 

aww ahh man im glad maggie still like! supports encourages cr here! that’s also char dev being able to like get past her own complicated emotions at least for this sort of gesture 

awwww i also like seeing maggie’s coping, the happiness philosophy i always thought that was super interesting. she’s a great char! and i think running is good

animators animate a girl running normally challenge

oh nice you have to walk a bit after sprinting, good

the train track scenes are so pretty wahhh 

does... does the track just end there? what

the ~significance~ of maggie now sharing this piece of her that used to be a yf thing, with ctg 

also excellent bgm - oh omg it’s og soul link remix!!! 

“i don’t want you to go” 

MY GOD HE’S FINALLY MAKING A REAL MOVE. and one based in real friendship. GOD FUCKING FINALLY CTG AAAAAA she’s cryyying man this exchange is also pretty cute ngl 

i can’t believe they figured this out a full 4 episodes before the finale 

this is so pretty here wahhhhhh i wanna ss the whole thing in 1080p 

awhhhhhh

they never released pink twilight shanghai!! i want this ver!!! 

aww yayyy open still cheering her on - YF BE NICE TO YOUR GF COME ON

haha this is like reverse of cr tutoring him - WAIT YEAH YF YOU WERE A SHITTY ASS STUDENT COMPARED TO HER BE EXTRA NICE 

also remixed dream i dig it! sounds like new lyrics? 

julliard hahahaha

dong dong goddess

HAHAHA did dd just steal ctg’s fries

ctg: expressing some deep thoughts

me: just watching dd

“forever confident, forever happy” 

wait sooooooo are they a thing now or what did that count as a confession

“and qing’er is finally here” WHAT’S THE TEAAAAA WE STILL DON’T REALLY KNOW

“im a guitarist this is fine” YOU GO DD I LOVE YOU 

BEACH EPISODE BEACH EPISODE BEACH EPISODE 

omg oyzq. you’d think they were trying to extort a confession from him. what the hell is this instrument he said what is a xiao 箫. A WOODEN FLUTE? YOOO THAT’S COOL my god PLEASE let us get some kickass trad/modern fusion music im so ready 

“i trust ouyang” ahhh double char surnames are cool

HAHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA WHAT THE FUCK

“because i’m about to have surgery on my knee” REALLY? REALLY? IS THIS REALLY HOW YOU’RE GOING TO JUSTIFY ALL THIS? FOLKS I AM LOSING MY SHIT I HAVEN’T LAUGHED OUT LOUD LIKE THIS IN SO LONG

ok this is interesting tho he’s not a dick for the hell of it it’s out of desperation or smth. but like half a year, oh no, what a horror. (i’m fresh out of hb feels ok you shaddap // tho i can also imagine the knife, like in lotus bloom, where they didn’t think szp’s injury was permanent). tho i do also like the “then we’ll be seniors we won’t have time to perform” but also that’s just a reminder that all of these ppl are like frigging 16 year olds and i still cannot take this seriously

i like “i didn’t expect, that i couldn’t give you the confidence to win”. god im so glad this confrontation is happening. man this feels like a wrap up already are they really spending all 3 last episodes on the competition? what’s the story gonna be? 

feel like he’d be less ugly with hairstyle that looked more consistently like this. anyway sucks that both of them are so ugly otherwise there’s some nice sun/moon (+stars?) imagery you can get going here

GROUP CHAT GROUP CHAT GROUP CHAT 

pretty! i wanna save this hq

it’s this bgm!!! godd i just want this track so bad

an empty beach?? in china near shanghai??? 

anyway ahhh it’s the iconic beach shot! i like how the promo ver cuts out dd lmfao

wow nine episodes in and cookie finally gets a character moment??? cookieeeeeeee i missed you

ok i can’t ship them he calls her shifu but also THIS IS SUCH A CUTE FRIENDSHIP calling every day 10 minutes?? wow!! i love dongdong and i love cookie. also this hits different in covid times “no one says that we can’t be friends because of distance” 

oh i guess they are pushing this as a ship. meh.

wahhhhh. need this hq then i have more propic material. 

HE HAS COVID 

ah lang is VIBING oh to be the ah lang of my own life. parasurfing. walking into poles. 

wow this is so modern! the red bag thing! wow i do love this show flexing the modern-ness 

this is the mercedes benz arena im SURE of it ahhhh holy crap this crowd. oh to be in a crowd without mask

IT’S THIS DUDE AGAIN like the trailer spoiled this but if i found out this right here right now i would’ve lost my shit my god hahhaah

im like torn about how i feel about cr’s dress like idk if it fits her well even if it’s pretty

:<

oh im scared i hope this doesn’t become embarrassing 

:0

OMG THEY INCLUDED PENCIL SKETCH OF THAT S1 SCENE. HAHAHA. char growth yayyyyy

ok anyway im happy!! spent like an hour watching this or something lmao but good times!! much better than last ep HAHA yayyy im so glad we’re finally at the comp and lots of these little things have been tied up now im ready for new song drops!!!

[yszarin]

see below for thoughts on The Sick Village

- and straight in with the statement this week! and I can hear a dog! and ducks! I hope they’re okay. dogs and ducks deserve good things.

- “rancid yellow, corpse-fat white, dull angry purple of a fresh bruise” thank you, I have been looking for three colours for the Corruption, these do seem quite appropriate. 

- ah, a local village for local people. very interesting to see xenophobia brought into the Corruption, I don’t think we’ve seen that before? but I suppose it does go well for this kind of thing, the revulsion combined with the sense of love and belonging but also leveraged against those who they’ve decided don’t. 

- looked up the jackalberry tree, and according to wikipedia, the wood is almost impervious to termite damage, and the roots are consumed to purge parasites. so that’s interesting. 

- ooof, the self-peeling is quite an image. it’s just a lot. wow.  

- ahhhh and now the bloom, Jonny’s descriptions are just amazing. I’m loving how he’s just getting to have fun with the horrors now, and the Corruption has always been so gloriously squicky. 

- “your guidebook” :D

- “it isn’t for us” is very interesting - I’ve seen some people around who are interested as to what’ll happen when they reach powers like the Lonely, that have left some pretty deep wounds in them, but this attitude to the Corruption, when Jon literally had Prentiss’ worms in him, makes me wonder if those won’t be for them either?

- argh, the mystery of what Martin’s middle name replaced with possibly an even worse one, what did he tell Jon his middle name was and why? 

- good news on Basira! and ahhh she thinks she’s going to kill Daisy. also Jon’s feelings towards Daisy - my heart, I love their friendship so much. I hope she can be saved, but I don’t expect it, I don’t expect it for any of them. 

- so presumably we can’t see Melanie because she specifically yeeted herself away from the Eye, and we can’t see Georgie because she has no fear left for any of the powers. interested to see how this informs their situation.

- ooooh Annabelle! and calling Martin specifically - she has taken measures to avoid being in Jon’s presence before. perhaps she doesn’t want to be compelled, though you’d think if anyone could make Jon not compel them it would be her.

- well, they probably need to be banished to a new space then, since I don’t think that “we just kill all the people” is an option. unless we can take all the people to a new space instead. wonder what it’s like on the other side of Hill Top Road.

- Hi Helen! :D oh these interactions are wonderful. and ahhhh give me answers on what exactly happened with Tim and Martin and Helen in the corridors please one day not necessarily now I just need them.

- Jon you have been adorable, remember when you were petting the Admiral? that was great

- anyway, that’s two down and twelve to go, assuming that we aren’t counting the Extinction. I’d love some more colours if we could get those, I’m having difficulty picking some out for the Stranger.

[12redsky34]

4 and 13 for tsbtq, please! 💙

Hello Kat! Thanks for the ask!! 💖💖💖

4.  What’s your favorite line of dialogue?

Oooh this is a tough one. Lemme scour through some of the chapters real quick... Hmm... Ahhhh in typical me fashion I cannot just pick one line of purely dialogue so have an entire segment instead xD But from what I’ve written so far, this is probably one of my favourite parts if only because I’m proud of myself for the emotion I managed to convey:

"I'm scared." He almost can't make out the words, but he hears them all the same and lets his eyes slide closed with a heavy feeling in his heart.

"I know." He rumbles quietly.

"I want mom."

"I know."

"Everything hurts."

For some reason, that more than anything makes Shouta's chest ache. Izuku’s still only nine, he has no reason to see or experience horrors like this so soon. Not for the first time, he blames himself - if only he'd been there faster, he could have stopped Salamander before any of this happened - but he knows, logically, he did what he could. He swallows thickly and gives Izuku's trembling shoulder a light squeeze, mirroring what Hizashi had done for himself earlier.

"I know."

Other than that, I’m also just generally proud of my execution of banter, lol. I’ve been having a lot of fun with those.

13.  What music did you listen to, if any, to get in the mood for writing this story? Or if you didn’t listen to anything, what do you think readers should listen to to accompany us while reading?

Ahhh to be honest the things I listen to fluctuate from day to day. I do however have a few suggestions for songs I think link pretty well to the fic, so I’ll share those!

Made for the Battle, by UNSECRET X GAITS - This one is sort of a general theme for Izuku, not to mention just a good song in general!

Gaze, by Unlike Pluto - Some of you may know I am basically obsessed with this man’s music, but I listened to Gaze in particular a few times and went “... This is... Pretty fitting for this story’s eventual Tododeku...” so here ya go!

[dxmagedrose]

GET TO KNOW THE BLOGGER!

Tagged by: my lover @hammurabicomplex​ I’m tagging: anyone and everyone who wants to pick this one up! share with the class if you feel like it! tag me in it!!

PRESENTING. RANDOM DEEP DIVE WITH INDIGO-MUN AT 2AM ;

FIRST NAME Good fucking question… It’s (sort-of) currently Dylann! I was Kieran before that, though; it’s still used as one of my first names and I’m not used to Dylann quite yet bc I’ve just started using it. 

Indigo is one of my middle names though, and I’ve used it as an online handle elsewhere forever so I use it here now!  [ Fun etymology facts: Dylan(n) is a mythology name generally meaning “born of the wave” (aspiring diver & a water witch at heart). Kieran means “little dark one” bc of my love for horror, && I chose Indigo bc as a kid to be it was neither boy (blue) or purple (girl) and was both and neither as well as my absolute favorite color as this vibrant ass mystical color. ]

STRANGE FACT ABOUT YOURSELF hmmmmm…. I’m a horror lover at heart, so as a child (I wanna say 12), I was walking through an antique store (I have a few cool finds, I considered putting my other one as the fact tbh) and I turned the corner and I saw these two dolls staring back at me at the foot of the stairs of this antique building. my blood froze, and i felt my stomach drop. i got actual, physical goosebumps stumbling across these two creepy dolls staring back at me in the corner, and i couldn’t leave the store without them. perhaps the little painted porcelain boy would be somewhat spooky by himself if it wasn’t for the terrifying lidded gaze of the porcelain girl with the hairline fractures and slightly open lips. i cant look at her. i dont really find dolls scary, I like to find the spookier ones ones, and she makes me paranoid as hell. i keep her face covered and her up in my closet except for when i bring her out to show her off proudly as the spookiest thing I have but……. i dont really collect dolls anymore.  even thinking about her brings a fearful tear to my eye.  i don’t like to think about her for very long, but that’s why I’m so fucking proud to own her. ( YES — I’m THAT white person in the horror film )

TOP THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU FIND ATTRACTIVE ON A PERSON hhhhh a beardy jawline, high cheekbones, crooked canine teeth >:3c

A FOOD YOU COULD EAT FOREVER AND NOT GET BORED OF b.l.t.’s with avocado. ahhhh. my mouth is watering just thinking about it, oh my god. just a bit of salt and pepper???

A FOOD YOU HATE barbecue anything, i hate the taste of bbq sauce, you keep your nasty black goo to yourselves at the grill. twice in my life i have presented with barbecue pizza and both times i cried literal tears. why would you do such a horrible thing to a person? what kind of a monster are you? how do you sleep at night?!

GUILTY PLEASURE the sims. constantly. always. i’ve sunk thousands of hours into my households. oh also uhhhhhh i run two 80s horror blogs, one being a shitpost blog with occasional art of mine and one gremlin fanfic ship blog for horrible, terrible self indulgent fanfics i’ll get the courage to finish writing & post so i can be cancelled on tumblr for at some point. NO, i won’t link them. as i pretend they’re even all that hard to find, within a day i was found on both by someone i admire here a lot :’) ilu bby thnk u eternally for supporting ur local horrifying dumbass wtf

WHAT DO YOU SLEEP IN the same clothes i’ve been wearing all day usually, my sweats & long sleeve raglans or my hoodies. i like being cozy day & and out. and ugh. efoort. just throw me in a blanket in a cool room and im out.

SERIOUS RELATIONSHIPS OR FLINGS serious relationships with some openness or poly. i wish i could fling! just not exactly easy for demisexual autistics lmao.

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN THE PAST AND CHANGE ONE THING ABOUT YOUR LIFE, WOULD YOU AND WHAT WOULD IT BE I think I would be adopted by my grandma as a kid. It would save me some trauma but mostly I think it would get my autism diagnosed way earlier and save me angsting all these years of wondering why & thinking it’s my fault I’m struggling so much and so loud and affectionate and different in a world that i didnt fit in the same way. 

ARE YOU AN AFFECTIONATE PERSON when i get drunk i text people how much they mean to me in my life. does that answer your question? ahhh. i’m sometimes a cuddle monster with friends, i message people with long texts about how much they mean to me, but I sometimes really don’t like to be touched at all. 

A MOVIE YOU COULD WATCH OVER AND OVER AGAIN FLYPAPER.  F L Y P A P E R.  FLYPAPER.  FLY, and, I can’t stress this enough, fucking PAPER. ( Though also Whole Nine Yards and both Re-Animator & Bride ). I have watched Flypaper already like, 5 times this week and I’m still not done, and the other movies have been on repeat for days in this household within the last year. In the past it has also been Donnie Darko & the new Nightmare on Elm Street.  roast me.

FAVORITE BOOK White Fang by Jack London. Have I actually ever finished it? No. Do I still own a copy I’ve had since childhood thru multiple dogs eating it, taking it to and from school, and highlighting and circling all the best parts of chapter one ever since I was a kid and it was too hard of a book for me to read? You bet your ass. If I ever need inspiration I just reread chapter 1. Although one of my other favorites was Broken Monsters by Lauren Beukes. But White Fang is like, a weirdly personal text. We stan London’s writing in this household.

YOU HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO KEEP ANY ANIMAL AS A PET, WHAT DO YOU CHOOSE FENNEC FOX!! I used to daydream about having my own named Shiloh when I was a lil kid. they’re adorable little things and i am obsessed. i mean, gimme any fox and im happy, marble foxes, red foxes… but I was obsessed with fennec foxes. Also tbh ferrets. I want a ferret.

TOP FIVE FICTIONAL SHIPS [IF YOU ARE AN RP BLOG, YOU CAN USE YOUR OWN SHIPS AS WELL] Rosa & @ninetyscnds‘s Luke, Rosa & @iimpulsivity is already screaming my name, Rosa & Constantine, Jesse & Andrea from Breaking Bad, and the joker and harley of 80s sci-fi Dan & Herbert from Re-Ani.  I am but a simple opossum. 

PIE OR CAKE Pie! I’ll take both pumpkin & melty apple over cake. also, cheesecake is more pie than cake soooo, pie wins.

FAVORITE SCENT my dogs / my blanket. :’)  It’s the most grounding smell in the world. 

CELEBRITY CRUSH oliver jackson-cohen, i’m fucking GAY and im angry about it. there i was, minding my own business, and i saw that asshole in a certain SHIRTLESS GIF and it AWOKE SOMETHING IN ME. dont talk to me about it, holy shit im obsessed with beardy men now god fuckkdafjaask i hate him why did he make me this gay i was perfectly fine being into girls but NOOOOOO him and his dumb hairy chest and sweet rugged face and I——  I also am obsessed with the archaeologist & television personality Josh Gates and may or may not be considering making a fan blog for him bc idk if my anthropology docuseries host is Dad or Daddy but i love him lots

IF YOU COULD TRAVEL ANYWHERE, WHERE WOULD YOU GO I would go on a dive with anthropologists and archaeologists doing fieldwork research in the ancient cenotes of the Yucatán Peninsula. My actual dream job, catch me crying & fantasizing about being underwater documenting Mayan skulls given as offerings. Fuckkkk, I love anthropology so much!!  take me anywhere in the world to immerse myself into culture & archaeology.

INTROVERT OR EXTROVERT Introvert. I have a real life friend I see roughly once a month, and that’s it. Plenty of online relationships, I’m chatty, message me all day every day. but i dont do people well.

DO YOU SCARE EASILY I used to! Really bad. I don’t as much anymore. I do get paranoia a lot still. Having therapists telling you that the FBI could be outside your house watching you through your windows will kind of nervous. ( no google results for: yes hello fbi i am a writer please dont put me on watchlists i just have research i need to do for this idea im working on, would you like to try again? ) I have nightmares nightly but not they never make me afraid, they just make me feel like crap. jumpscares and loud noises and seeing people reaching into their pockets dont set off as many brain alarms anymore tho!! progress haha.

IPHONE OR ANDROID I like my android better bc of capabilities but meh

DO YOU PLAY ANY VIDEO GAMES My mom, her husband & I play COD for family game night, and Silent Hill is my life’s blood. I’ve sunken hours into Sims & Skyrim, and Norman Jayden from Heavy Rain is my #1 fictional character in existence, why do i love the druggie babies

DREAM JOB Oh… You’re asking me to pick? I’d love to be an anthropologist doing work out in the field. Underwater archaeology is peak, but I’m also heavily considering being a body recovery diver or police diver. I’d love to see myself in uniform someday, if possible. Just the thought makes me teary eyed & proud.

WHAT WOULD YOU DO WITH A MILLION DOLLARS fund my person creative & educational endeavors. get myself a spooky ass abandoned house to make my own home to create in, and travel to the world’s best dive sites. just live a mild life of education, creation & exploration. that’s the dream TM.

FICTIONAL CHARACTER YOU HATE dr. hill is a gross and whiny lil bitch this post brought to u by the miskatonic crew, how is everyone here an even worse bad guy than herbert west precious dan excluded talk shit get hit tho john winchester from spn and both walter white & todd from breaking bad are all in my crew of hated characters. i jusT…   the reani novel is difficult to read because i have to deal with this old sack of shit.

FANDOM THAT YOU WERE ONCE A PART OF BUT AREN’T ANY LONGER Supernatural :-)

… AND THIS CONCLUDES A DEEP DIVE WITH INDIGO!! //

[binniesthighs]

RO!!!!! hello hello i’ve missed ya🥺sorry for always sending a message and then going mia, life has been hectic!🥺how have you been ro? all well i hope?💞but yes i love my new nickname! sweet saturn is so cute🥰and ahhhh hello stranger....💕i read the new chapter and AHHHHHHHH. RO! MY HEART!!! how are you gonna set us up with all that fluff and then hit us with that angst at the end😭💔but maybe i love the suffering😔i was yelling internally when i read how reader was going to his apartment and the path seemed so familiar i was like no.... she’s going to jisung huh... and then the END😭😭😭😭😭😭😭like noooooooo hello stranger binnie doesn’t deserve this😔but... i am very intrigued on where this is heading hehe. and jisung seemed like a mess omg i’m so curious to see how he’s holding up and find out Why he was crying the other day😳with this chapter and the last you can just sense how much thought and care you put into this series! it feels very personal too so i’m grateful that you’re willing to share such an open and personal story too🥰because sometimes i’m like ahhh reader why are you self sabotaging! but then i realize how if i was in the same position i would totally feel the same way too😣i think i remembered you saying there’s only two parts left? so i’m excited to see how everything unfolds🥰and i peeped at your new chan x bodyguard reader au... i’m excited to read it later today👀i’m pretty fit so this au??? love it! and your upcoming 8 levels of hell fic? hello?😳mixing smut with horror elements honestly? love that idea ro! you’re so creative💞i hope you have a great weekend ro🥰 -🪐

sweet 🪐!! Don’t ya apologize for going mia cutie, we’ve all got life stuff and that’s what’s most important! I love talking to ya when you have the time, hehe you and all the anons you’re not obligated to talk to me at all, kay? When life gets a lil busy, remember that I’m still thinking of ya and hoping that all is well!! 💕💕I love you all so much!!

And yes the new chapter....aka the PAIN chapter ahhhhh angst is so like bakxbakajsv to write but also...do I love it??? Yes 😂 (oh my god I apologize but we are still not out of the woods yet ahhhh) also not me loving you all yelling over the update too aHA 🙈 and jisung at the end....there’s a couple scenes coming up that I’ve had planned FORVER and they’re finally gonna come to fruition!! I’m so excited!! 😝 Also you are certainly right, HS binnie does not deserve this 😂I feel pain myself putting him through this lollll

also thank you too for saying thank you to me for sharing 🥺🥺this whole fic has been like one big healing and lovefest for me and a way to process things in a way that makes sense and that I hope it can be something for others to relate to and heal with as well!! self sabotage is something that is so easy to do, but above all I wanted to convey that there is light and there is love and that you do deserve it even if it is hard to accept at first.

I can’t wait to write more in the future as well with my new pieces!! I hope to write more and more exciting stuff for you all that gives ya the fuzzies and the hornies!! 🥰🥰 call me babydoll is gonna be so FKN fun and eight levels will most likely earn me a one way ticket to horny jail buuuut that’s okay 😂

I hope ya take care too sweets!! Have a lovely weekend!! 💗

[maiji]

Process and wip images for A House That Holds Long Limbs (Part 4)

Previous process and wip documentation: Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3

Read the pages for part 4 here (full complete version will be linked from YYH North Bound master post)

This is a rare glimpse into how I tackle action scenes!! It’s rare because I rarely do it. Action is honestly one of the hardest things for me to draw, and as I’m sure I’ve said here many times before, I have the utmost respect for shounen manga artists whose works are steeped in them. It’s a really impressive skill to be able to do it well - to create a cinematic, dynamic sense of motion that doesn’t dissolve into visual confusion and incomprehensibleness.

This was as interesting for me to document my thought process as it hopefully is for you to read and discover what the heck was going on in my head (a big honking mess, that’s what). There was much screaming and crying while working on this hahaha.

Aside from Hokushin’s beautiful face (lmao), Part 4 is packed with things I don’t usually draw. Specifically: action, things taking place in the dark, and corpses. For things taking place in the dark, I heavily referenced the dark room rounds from the tournament for Genkai’s successor in volume 4, because it involves action and Togashi used practically zero screentones in it and I didn’t want to either. For the dead rokurokubi, I looked up photos of skulls and drew on my memory of various horror comics I’ve read, like Kurosagi Corpse Delivery Service. (At one point I also googled photos of rotting skulls, but TBH I didn’t really want to spend a lot of time looking at detailed photographic references of corpse and decomposing bodies for obvious reasons, especially as I usually work on these comics late at night before I go to bed. The last thing I need is for images to get stuck in my brain when I’m sleeping.)

The rest of this post focuses mainly on action and redrawing things.

Script

The original script for this section actually ran a little further in the story than what’s shown here, but in order to convey the sequence effectively, I ended up stretching a number of key moments out and have booted the later ones to be completed for Part 5.

Thumbnails

In the thumbnails above, you’ll notice quite a few are redraws of the same page as I struggle - pages 31-33 repeat immediately in the rows after, page 37 was attempted three times, etc.

Page count growth

A script of 8 pages turned into 10 pages at the thumbnail stage, and then ultimately netted out at 12 pages in the final version that was posted. As you can see, effective action sequences generally take me more pages than I think they will. With an exception (documented below).

Thumbnailing/storyboarding things out should theoretically minimize the page count creep! But because I tend to treat my thumbnails as such a loose stage (to avoid later disappointment when I can’t recreate it as nicely in the final page), I rush through them. Unfortunately, action sequences require me to think a lot more carefully through the scene as a director - staging the shot and the experience of the motion and coordinating people’s limbs and all the items in the scene more carefully and whatnot than, say, just a couple of heads talking. So inevitably, when I rush to get ahead to the finished pages, that’s when I realize it doesn’t flow as well as I was imagining (or not really imagining it).

As a result, the actual “live” pages turn into constant mental checks and runthroughs of the panels, realizing it’s not flowing as well as I’d like, and restarting. By restarting I mean mentally reenvisioning the sequence, sometimes quickly doodling alternate thumbnails (I didn’t bother in this case, so I have no alternate examples from after I started redrawing), and erasing and redrawing and adding pages. I guess I could probably avoid this if I just stop and put more time into thinking through the thumbnails… but it seems like I end up revising no matter what. So, constant juggling forever.

The evolution of the key action sequence

In my head, the main sequence was:

Hokushin lands.

He gets up and feels something in the dark.

He discovers the rokurokubi corpse.

He turns around to discover a swarm of hands in the dark!

Ahhh hands!! Ahhhh!!

Then he gets sealed and stringed up. End action sequence, back to people standing - or hanging out, I guess - and talking.

I roughed out my panels and pencils for all the pages following my thumbnails instead of doing one page at a time, because I’m impatient and also tend to think of all the pages as a wholistic narrative and then drilling down to the details on each page (big to small perspective).

As I went back over each page and detailing the base pencil art more, I began noticing more issues with the flow of the action and the pagination. Things started really shifting and changing at point 4. Here’s essentially how my thinking played out as I drew:

He turns around to discover a swarm of hands in the dark! - WAIT he just sees the corpse and then turns around? I should have him sense something is behind him first to get you more into his head and experience. OK, insert another panel of him sensing and whatever. THEN he can turn around. This is also good because I can erase the panel where he’s turning around and give the first panel a bit more room so I can draw more of his body in the first one and make his startled falling back motion a bit clearer.

HANDS!! AHHH HANDS!! - Wait, I have hands coming from BEHIND him and don’t effectively show that before they just appear to grab his hair. Which I suppose they do, but when I review panel flow it seems jarring, like a poorly directed cut and something was missing. Let’s try adding some hands behind him in the panel where he looks shocked. Never mind, this looks dumb and he looks dumb and basically seems even more like an afterthought. Ooh, better idea: let’s have him dodge the first wave of hands. That’ll be kinda cool and more interesting. And then he can land and be like OH SHIT MORE HANDS FROM EVERY DIRECTION

Ahhh hands!! Ahhhh!! - Hmm, maybe I should add a page here to better capture his dodge sequence. So the panels will be hands, dodge, and then the next page is he lands, then he realizes there are more hands behind him. How crouched down should he be? I guess in the later pages I basically drew him in a practically fully upright position… eh.. Working this out...

*starts drawing extra page* … Mmm, thinking about this again, no. It stretches things out too much. Now it feels like he lands, the new page adds an extra pause that could be interpreted unconsciously as he thinks he’s ok, then he gets attacked by hands from behind. But that’s ridiculous because he’s a rokurokubi, he KNOWS the hands can come back around or whatever, and he’s a good and cautious fighter, the extra pause doesn’t seem to fit. Thinking this through, basically I need it to feel faster - he lands (typed “he hands” there first time around haha), and he doesn’t have a chance to react again before it turns out hands are coming from all directions. So, I’ll keep it to the one original page and draw the reaction to the sound of the hands coming from everywhere. Done. (one of the few instances where I reduce page count in an action sequence)

Oh yeah, I forgot about his arms and legs getting sealed. Er, add another page. OK done.

For comparison, below are photos of the pencils for pages 35 and 36 before the above process:

... and after:

Redraws

I generally try to avoid redrawing an entire image/page from scratch if I don’t have to.  Even if I don’t like the overall drawing, I’m still terrified of effing up the parts that turned out OK the first time around. However, sometimes you gotta know when to cut your losses and start anew and save yourself time and grief (I’m definitely still learning how to know lol). I do have a few strategies to ease my mind - I often take photos of something before I proceed to the next step or change direction (which is where many of these wip photos come from). This helps calm me down because at least now I have a reference for what it was before I took the leap of faith to move forward. Another option is to just leave it and draw on a completely new blank page.

Page 37, where Hokushin is getting his head pulled back by the hands, was an incredibly rare instance of the pencils for a page turning out almost exactly how I wanted on the first try, so I was loathe to redraw or adjust it. This means I basically forced myself to shuffle things before and after to accommodate not having to change it.

On the flipside, page 40, where the shot backs away so you can see Hokushin tied up with the hands, is one I full-on redrew from scratch. I was having a hard time with his pose and how all the hands were wrapped around him and how everything was actually working. I wasn’t happy with the drawing the first time around, but inked it anyways to see if I would like it better the next morning (sometimes this works, to wait and look at it with a distanced frame of mind). Spoiler, I didn’t lol. However, the process of inking the entire thing helped me better hone in on what parts I liked and didn’t like, so when I sketched it out again I was better able to adjust.

This photo shows the original (with the words REDRAW :/ at the bottom), a sketch I did trying to figure out his posture and where all the hands were/how the wrapping actually worked, and then the pencils of the redraw.

Final miscellaneous things

The end page of Part 4 is once again a last minute addition that resulted because I was facing a blank page (again!) after adding the page where Hokushin gets his arms and legs sealed. I changed the spoken line multiple times. First it was a line that’s been pushed to the upcoming part 5, then it was the “You certainly found my “treasure room” quickly” (that’s on the previous page). In the end, I just wrote a completely new line for it. It seemed to work better with the panel and closing off this part at a good point.

Last but not least, I somehow broke my pen inking this part lmao. Fortunately it’s a Muji pen so I only broke the tip off the cartridge somehow, probably in my intense scribbling/shading at some point. It’s not super clear in the photo but if you look closely at the point you’ll see this thin line coming out of the tip of the pen - it was this metal filament that basically scratched the paper without any ink coming out. I had to make an emergency run to two Mujis, neither of which had the black refills, so I ended up just buying two pens with similar thicknesses. Worst case scenario, I would have just inked with my blue cartridge, since the scanning would turn everything black and white anyways... the original pages would have just looked weird.

Phew! Hopefully it worked out and isn’t a totally incoherent mess!

[dachi-chan25]

IT (1986)

What is it about? The Losers Club, a group of 7 kids that in different ways are outsiders among the other children in the little town of Derry must come back 27 years after defeating their worst fears embodied in a evil alien entity that has preyed on this small Maine town and its recidents since the dawn of time. Thoughts: - I have read this book a gazillion times and it’s my favorite Stephen King book of all time (though that may change once I finish this challenge, but only time will tell) everytime I read through its pages is like reuniting with an old dear friend, because most of the characters (read: the Losers Club) are just that for me, I read this book for the first time when I was 15 after growing up with the 90’s miniseries, and I loved it, that feeling hasn’t changed with the years and well I want to elaborate a bit on what I love about this book. - Derry’s history: One of the reasons this book is so damn big is that it delves on the history of this little town called Derry, of course this is to help the reader understand just for how long and how big is IT’s influence on the town, but I just found it so fascinating, I’ve always loved history, and this book just reaaaally fullfiled my needs in that aspect, the town’s history is full of gruesome events but it’s very intresting and through all the same. -Loser’s Club: I love this kids, we are introduced to them little by little through different POV’s and god, I just really like the diversity and complexity in them: a kid with a stutter, an asthmatic that is really a kid heavily manipulated by his overprotective mother, an overweight, a jewish with OCD, a girl victim of physical/emotional parental abuse, the class clown that most likely has ADHD, the only black boy in town… And what I love the most is that they are NOT defined by that, sure,that is how the world sees them but they are so much more than that and together they find their true identities: Stuttering Bill be comes the Leader, Asthmatic Eddie becomes the Compass, Fat Ben becomes the Constructor, Jewish Stan becomes the Logic, Poor Beverly becomes the Shooter, Trashmouth Richie becomes the Weapon (his voces physically hurt IT), Black Mike becomes the Historian. As well as the belonging and friendship they had never had before, their relationship is strong and beautiful, as a reader you will most often find some of yourself in them and even if you don’t you love them all the same for their flaws and virtues. -IT: I read somewhere that a story is only as great as its villian and in IT’s case that I think is only fitting, thus my love for is evil entity, because IT is really a big represantation of violence not necessarily(The Bradley Gang Shooting was afterall motivated by the Derry townsfolk rightgeousness) but mostly evil, IT transforms into awfull gruesome monsters yet his most terrifying act is the influence it helds on the people inhabiting Derry, on taking the violent nature of some people (Derry’s White Decency League, Eddie Corcoran stepfather’s, Alvin Marsh, Butch and Henry Bowers…) and exploit it for its own gain, IT is scary for it’s power, for the fact that one can really comprehend it’s magitude, and when we finally get to get inside it’s head we find something more akin to a beast, hungry and vengeful, he had turned lazy because he already had in Derry a comfortable feeding place and now wants to kill the Loser’s Club because for the first time in its long existance IT feels fear! and how wonderful is that? a group of scared isolated kids find strenght in each other to rid their Town and follow kids of this entity, even if they are afraid themselves, and they succeed in frightening a creature that literally feeds of fear. -The portrayal of the timelines and gruesome subjects: The 1950 are not usted only for aesthetics or praised as the “good old times” King shows a very gritty reality showcasing the racism (very prominent in Mike’s storyline), sexism, homophobia, domestic violence, anti-semitism,and it goes further yet showing that 27 years later these things haven’t changed and IT uses them for it’s benefit. The book doesn’t shy away from any of these things and often it is very hard to read through them but as well I think is important to read them to gain concience,they are not presented as good or romantiziced in any from or way, nor should they ever be (dude the anti-semitism in Patricia Uris’s POV is something that will open your eyes in many ways if you are not jewish, and the Black Spot story will horrify you but also help you understand it was not only the South of USA and the KKK that spread hate and horror for PoC people) this things are meant to horrify you thus I feel it would be a disservice not to read them (though I can understand if anyone simply can’t). -The bittersweet ending: Really heart breaking that after reuniting with the people they could really be themselves with the Loser’s Club are meant to not remember each other ( SPOILERS AHEAD DO NOT READ IF YOU DON’T WANNA SPOIL PART OF THE ENDING OF THE BOOK: as a side note and I do not mean this as hate to the ship or anything but a real doubt I have can anyone explain to me why is everyone saying/asuming Ben and Beverly did end up together?, I mean going by the 90’s miniseries sure, but in the book Mike only says she is going to Nebraska with Ben and then back to Chicago with Kay and that he thinks they are/will be having sex, but also later we find that even if they are in the same Town Mike and Bill have begun to forget each other and it’s heavily implied the same will happen with them all? and that is a very Stephen King thing to do I mean most of the book couples I’ve read from him have similar bittersweet endings so… Pls someone explain) I just always about cry about the End and you know the THING that happens with two of the losers. But also I am a ho for this kind of bittersweet stuff so of course I love it. -Richie and Beverly’s friendship: Listen I LIVE for them, of course I just about adore every Loser’s friendship (Bill/Eddie, Richie/Stan, Richie/Eddie, Richie/Bill, Mike/Ben, Stan/Bev duuuude everyone is amazing) but this two just about make me crazy about them, tbh I kinda lowkey ship them in a platonic kinda way, and I was endlessly frustrated by the lack of scenes between them in the 90’s miniseries after I read the book cuz booooy, the yo-yo scene is so goddamned amazing, Richie being the first POV in which Bev is mentioned and he reminds her through the lyric of a song, his Humphrey Bogart voice he does when speaking with her, how much he respects her, also Miss Sca'lett!!!, not to mention that sweet ass scene they have in the book “22/11/63” where Bev is teaching Richie how to swing for a school talent show, ahhhh Imma stop right there cuz I am fangirling waaaay to much and probably y'all think I am wierd for liking such an unpopular thing. -There is just one thing I always felt was completely unecessary to add and was gross to read (you already know what I am talking about and if not I’m not gonna spoil you/gross you out), I have read of course why SK did it but I still think he should have looked for another way to make the Losers enter adulthood : / Movie/TV Adaptations: There are 2: The ABC’s 1990 miniseries “IT” and the 2017 movie by Andy Muschietti “IT (chapter 1)” of course it has been already confirmed there is going to be another movie for the Second part but I will not to go too much into it now. 1990: The opinions on this one are very polarized, some love it with a passion, some hate it… I actually love it, and by that I do not mean is a perfect adaptation, but it was such an integral part of my childhood and family life that it would be impossible for me to hate it, and I feel most people are terribly unfair with it, because it is not a Bad adaptation like let’s say Kubrick’s Shining (yaa I’m going there) it had a lot of limitations in budget and technology and still managed to capture some of the best parts of the book (the Loser’s friendship mainly, it was beautiful) of course it wasn’t gorey or violent but in it’s time it was scary as hell, which beings me to Tim Curry’s performance as Pennywise that became so iconic people automatically recognize the clown’s design, for fuck’s sake Pennywise became one of the most iconic monsters of that time and terrorized an entire generation of kids and adults alike, of course it has it’s faults (the adult’s part wasn’t great, tho the scene with Bev in Mrs. Kersh house was great, and the ending was bound to be confusing af to people that didn’t read the book) but overall it was a good atempt and it already has a place in pop culture and the hearts of many horror fans. 2017: Oh boy I was really looking forward to this one since they anounced it was going to be a thing (ahhh remember the time Will Poulter and Cary Fukunaga were our only hope?) and just had the chance to see it today, because a lot of awful things happened in my country (I am mexican btw) and yeah, so I left the theater with a very pleasant sensation IT 2017 is a great movie and I LOVED it, the acting was GREAT everyone did amazing, Georgie’s death scene was simply amazing and so sad, the projector scene was wow, lots of winks to book readers like the turtle and Eddie Corcoran’s missing pamphlet, Bev’s bathroom scene, the rock fight!!!,Eddie changing Loser to Lover is iconic, some of Richie’s one-liners were amazing, Pennywise dance pfffftt, Ben was adorable with his crush and love of New Kids on the Block, the Losers,“they’re Gazebos they’re bullshit!” iconic, mainly I feel it captured the general feeling of the book however that does not mean I didn’t had some issues with it as well, first thing that bothered me a LOT is the treatment to Mike Hanlon, excuse the fuck out of me but no, they took his thing (history of Derry) and gave it to Ben (also Ben not constructing things like ??? Could have been a perfect chance to have him build lego stuff but k) where is my beautiful spring loving child?? I just couldn’t find any single trait on his character apart from the wierd sheep thing and his parents, which takes me to another issue why is every adult on Derry so shitty? Like yeah there was a lot of shady awful stuff in the book but there were also ok people namely Mrs. Starret (the librarian, that is so unnecesarily creppy? Wierd? In the movie), Richie’s parents (his dad is hillarious), Mike’s parents they are the best tbh, Mr Keene (ok this one is a sarcastic asshole but he did try to help Eddie instead of letting him keep on believing he was sick to keep selling stuff, and also was never a wierd pervert), Mr. Nell (dude I would have killed to hear Richie doing the Irish Cop voice), the Tracker Brothers (boy Eddie looking longingly at the baseball diamond would have been 10/10, my boy loved sports)… thing is the Losers did love Derry and some parts of their childhood in it and that’s were the nostalgia hits on part two, Stan well I loved they delved more onto his jewishness (a thing not much touched in the book because Stan’s family is not very strictly religious) but was very side lined as well ( in my opinion that part about Richie being scared shitless and Bill punches him would have fit Stan better, also almost all of the Losers got closure (Bev rebelled against her father, Ben kissed Beverly and she got to find out he was the one who wrote the haiku, Bill got to talk with Georgie kind of?, Mike stepped up against Henry, Eddie confronted his mother,Richie let go of his fear to kill the fucking clown…) yet Stan doesn’t I just think it would have been nice to have him iniciate the pact as he did on the book and also his bird book????, the slut shaming and over sexualization of Beverly (I won’t even go into how much it broke my heart to see/hear Richie saying all that stuff about her like no, he respected her a lot thx) just why change the white trash problem to a slut shaming thing???(also while his dad did not beat her in this movie he was so much more GROSS than in the 90’s) I am however not bothered by the ‘Kiss of Life’ trope nor do I think she was reduced to a damsel in distress if anything she was the bravest of them all, also some things not really bothered me but made me wonder what will happen in Chapter 2 namely wft is gonna happen with Henry is he alive?? Same for Bev’s dad what happened there? Is he alive? Is he dead? Though of course we will get answers in chapter 2 I was just like wow how is this gonna pan out. Basically an amazing movie I was not disappointed at all and I would love to watch it again but as an adaptation I think I would still love to see a longish miniseries covering more of Derry’s history and the kid’s personalities/misadventures (of course I do not want THAT scene to be in any adaptation ever) but generally covering more book stuff. but hey all this is just my humble opinion and I admit I adore the book, though I am not closed off to changes just those things kinda made me go hmmmmmm…. Quotes: Stan: “Every- thing’s a lot tougher when it’s for real. That’s when you choke. When it’s for real.” “He wanted to tell them that those dead boys who had lurched and shambled their way down the spiral staircase had done something worse than frighten him: they had offended him.” Bill: “If fiction and politics ever really do become interchangeable, I’m going to kill myself, because I won’t know what else to do. You see, politics always change. Stories never do” “Silver flew and Stuttering Bill Denbrough flew with him; their gantry-like shadow fled behind them. They raced down Up-Mile Hill together; the playing cards roared. Bill’s feet found the pedals again and he began to pump, wanting to go even faster, wanting to reach some hypothetical speed — not of sound but of memory — and crash through the pain barrier.” Richie:“Now he had to go back to being himself, and that was hard — it got harder to do that every year. It was easier to be brave when you were someone else.” “He knew a great deal of the Bible already, and he knew the Bible believed in all sorts of weird stuff. According to the Bible, God Himself was at least one-third Ghost, and that was just the beginning. You could tell the Bible believed in demons, because Jesus threw a bunch of them out of this guy. Real chuckalicious ones, too. When Jesus asked the guy who had them what his name was, the demons answered and told Him to go join the Foreign Legion. Or something like that” (#make chuckalicious happen 2k17) Ben: “Maybe that’s why God made us kids first and built us close to the ground, because He knows you got to fall down a lot and bleed a lot before you learn that one simple lesson. You pay for what you get, you own what you pay for … and sooner or later whatever you own comes back home to you.” “A child blind from birth doesn’t even know he’s blind until someone tells him. Even then he has only the most academic idea of what blindness is; only the formerly sighted have a real grip on the thing. Ben Hanscom had no sense of being lonely because he had never been anything but. If the condition had been new, or more localized, he might have understood, but loneliness both encompassed his life and overreached it. It simply was.” Eddie: “Sometimes home is where the heart is, Eddie thought randomly, I believe that. Old Bobby Frost said home’s the place where, when you go there they have to take you in. Unfortunately, it’s also the place where, once you’re in there, they don’t ever want to let you out.” “Maybe, he thought, there aren’t any such things as good friends or bad friends - maybe there are just friends, people who stand by you when you’re hurt and who help you feel not so lonely. Maybe they’re always worth being scared for, and hoping for, and living for. Maybe worth dying for too, if that’s what has to be. No good friends. No bad friends. Only people you want, need to be with; people who build their houses in your heart.” Mike: “Haunted, haunting, haunt.Often visited by ghosts or spirits, as in the pipes under the sink; to appear or recur often, as every twenty-five, twenty-six, or twenty-seven years; a feeding place for animals, as in the cases of George Denbrough, Adrian Mellon, Betty Ripsom, the Albrecht girl, the Johnson boy.A feeding place for animals. Yes, that’s the one that haunts me.” “But Mike enjoyed most of the places in Derry his father sent or took him to, and by the time Mike was ten Will had succeeded in conveying his own interest in the layers of Derry’s history to his son. Sometimes, as when he had been trailing his fingers over the slightly pebbled surface of the stand in which the Memorial Park birdbath was set, or when he had squatted down to look more closely at the trolley tracks which grooved Mont Street in the Old Cape, he would be struck by a profound sense of time … time as something real, as something that had unseen weight” Bev: “oh shapes of men, sometimes seen as day closed down, sometimes seen across Watertower Square in the noonlight of a clear windy autumn day, shapes of men, rules of men, desires of men: or Tom, so like her father when he took off his shirt and stood slightly slumped in front of the bathroom mirror to shave. Shapes of men.” ‘Is it because I’m a girl?’[…] she exploded.‘Well, fuck you!’ She whirled around to look at the others, and they flinched from her gaze,so hot it was nearly radioactive. 'Fuck all of you if you think the same thing!’ She turned back to Bill and began to talk fast, rapping him with words. 'This is something more than some diddlyshit kid’s game like tag or guns or hide-and-go-seek, and you know it, Bill. We’re supposed to do this. That’s part of it. And you’re not going to cut me out just because I’m a girl.“ Adding this one cuz I love how stupidly cute it is and cuz that Richie is such a charmer XD (wot-wot?) ”[…]'Oh dear, am I being asked out on a date?’ For a moment Richie was uncharacteristically flustered. He actually felt a blush rising in his cheeks. He had made the offer in a perfectly natural way, just as he had made it to Ben … except hadn’t he said something to Ben about owesies? Yes. But he hadn’t said anything about owesies to Beverly. Richie suddenly felt a bit weird. He had dropped his eyes, retreating from her amused glance, and realized now that her skirt had ridden up a bit when she shifted forward to drop the ice-cream cone in the litter barrel, and he could see her knees. He raised his eyes but that was no help; now he was looking at the beginning swells of her bosoms. Richie, as he usually did in such moments of confusion, took refuge in absurdity. 'Yes! A date!’ he screamed, throwing himself on his knees before her and holding his clasped hands up. 'Please come! Please come! I shall ruddy kill meself if you say no, ay-wot? Wot-wot?’ 'Oh, Richie, you’re such a fuzzbrain,’ she said, giggling again … but weren’t her cheeks also a trifle flushed? If so, it made her look prettier than ever. 'Get up before you get arrested.’“

Next Book: “The Eyes of the Dragon”