#can you tell im trying to force myself to draw

[idolomantises]

I'm not sure if anyone who owns a patreon account feels the same way but one thing about patreon i find super weird is that it really, really wants its creators to see how much money they're making.

Which i know, sounds a bit odd, but i swear, they keep reformatting the website and mobile app so you can immediately see how much money you're making (or losing) and listing off every single person that unsubs.

I started to feel this way when a few weeks ago, they started straight up forcing the scrollbar to go a little downward so you can see how much money you're making every time you logged in. They have a notifications section that tells you when people delete their patron and even if you alter it to just see something like likes or comments, it still forces you to look at the users removing their patrons.

I'm saying this because I feel like im running myself ragged trying to upload weekly and every time i do set up a proper schedule for myself, something comes up and all of a sudden my patreon it at risk and becomes a greater priority (in my case, i have a 3 week long vacation in another country and i'm unsure if i'll be able to draw over there so ive been spending the past 3 weeks just sitting and drawing, but then i got sick which added to the stress)

It sucks a lot honestly. social media in general has been so obsessed with algorithms and pushing quality over quantity. i want to produce less comics and relax a bit, but despite people saying they're perfectly fine with waiting for new art, i tend to lose a lot of patrons and followers when i take a hiatus. im just a bit tired.

[lelandmylove]

The two victims dating a cannibal who drinks chocolate milk for a living and the little sister who was forced to get along with them and watch over them while he's gone.

[spacedlexi]

trying to keep all my clemviminnie thoughts contained until i get to episode 3 but

its hard

[end-orfino]

i feel like it's such a cruel joke from God that everything that makes me better also makes me feel worse.

[virtualbeetle]

Hello there! I saw your pen sketch post, and I do love low-effort $5 crazy sketches. Are you still offering them?

Yep! I'm about to head for bed for the night but feel free to go ahead and send details for me to do them tomorrow :>

[snekdood]

my dad is so narcissistic he really thinks the problem is that he didnt get ultimate control over me and my choices and thats why im trans now and why it's bad that I am. cant be that theres any flaws with the way hes operating about all of this, surely not, surely its none of those controlling traditionalist tendencies of his

[creative-caramel-coffee]

The Spiders Sister - Chapter 2

Summary: Reader is still a little sick and staying hidden while Wanda and Natasha look after her.

TW: Sickness, asthma

Words: 2.8K

A/n: Part two!!!

It must have been a couple of hours sleep before you woke up again. Somebody was knocking on the door and for a second you panicked, still feeling awful and sleepy your mind was working though a dense fog to catch up.

When you finally managed to recall the events of earlier that morning, you felt a slight bit of relief.

“Come in.” You called, your throat scratchy and sounding like sandpaper on glass.

The door handle turned, and you prayed the girls had kept their promise to not tell the others yet.

Wanda’s face peered into the room, and she glanced around until her eyes fell on you, still holed up in bed under the sheets.

“How are you feeling?” Wanda asked as she came inside, holding a tray. She gently closed the door after her and came to sit on the bed beside you.

“A bit better than I was. But not great.” You mumbled.

“Well, if you don’t mind, Nat and I are happy to look after you until you get better. Peter’s been telling us stories about you, now he can.” She begun and you groaned. Drawing a smile from her. “All good don’t worry. He’s a good kid and it sounds like you’re a good sister. And spider-man at that.” She said with a wink, and you buried your flaming face in your hands.

Wanda carefully pried your fingers away from your blazing cheeks and smiled softly at you.

“Now, I made you some soup and Nat’s gone to steal some of Peter’s enhanced-super cold and flu medicine out of Bruce’s lab for you.” Wanda said as she set the tray down on your bedside table. “Put this under your tongue.” She said handing you a thermometer.

“I’m fine.” You said not taking from her. She raised an eyebrow in challenge. “Really. Im all good now.” You argued and she still wasn’t having it.

Using her magic wanda floated the thermometer up to hover in front of your lips. You gave her a look and opened your mouth.

She beamed at you and the thermometer positioned itself under your tongue.

“Now what?” You mumbled from behind the stick.

“Now we wait for that to beep and go from there.” Wanda said catching the drooping thermometer with her finger before it could fall from your mouth while you spoke.

After a few more seconds of Wanda fussing with the things on the tray and messaging who you assumed must be Nat on her phone, the stick beeped.

Before you had a chance to remove it yourself wanda had stolen from your lips and was closely observing the numbers on the small screen.

She hummed a low note and sent another text to Nat before placing it down on the bedside table.

“Well?” You asked trying not to pout about feeling left out.

“102.3 still a fever.” Wanda said before standing and heading to the door to open it.

Natasha stepped into the room with three bottles of medicine in her arms.

She came over and took a seat next to wanda who had sat back on the bed like before.

She handed the bottles to wanda who looked at the labels and began taking out pills from two of the bottles and measuring out a red liquid from the other.

“Oh, hell nah.” You said. “I am not drinking that.”

Nat raised an eyebrow. “You will be.” She said and you frowned, slouching down and glaring at her which only seemed to make her smirk grow larger.

Wanda finished measuring it all out and handed you the two pills and a glass of water.

“What is this?” You asked.

“Fever reducers and cold and flu meds that were made for peter.” Wanda said and you nodded and took them.

Then wanda held out the small medicine cup of red liquid.

“Nope.” You said pursing your lips. “Not happening.”

“If you don’t take this, I’ll force feed you it myself.” Wanda said and you glared at each other for a second before swiping it out of her hands.

“Fine.” You grumbled and wanda beamed at you.

“Good girl.” She said and you defiantly did not feel your stomach flip at those two words.

However, Natasha seemed to smirk to herself about something while wanda busied herself with the soup.

You took the medicine like a shot and scrunched up your nose after.

“Why is it sweet?” You asked smacking your lips together.

“Peter’s a baby when it comes to gross cough syrup, so he requested it taste like cotton candy.” Nat said and you rolled your eyes.

“Of course he did.” You mumbled.

Before you could find further reason to complain Nat plucked the cup from your hands and wanda set the tray on your lap, fussing over the pillows behind you that were keeping you propped up against the bedhead.

You eyed the tray closely. There was a bowl of thick orange soup with a blob of white sprinkle with small green herbs. Along with a soup spoon and napkin.

“Um? What kind of soup is it?” You asked.

“Pumpkin soup with sour cream and chives.” Wanda said. “It’s an old family recipe from my childhood.” She said seeming to lose her smile for a fraction of a second before it came back.

You nodded. “Thank you. You really didn’t have to go to all the effort wanda.”

She just shrugged. “Its kind of what we do around here.”

“Look after each other, she means.” Nat clarified and you nodded and brought a spoonful of soup to your lips.

It was warm and tasted amazing. You hummed in delight at the taste and Wanda beamed.

“This is really good.” You said taking another spoonful of it.

“I’m glad you like it.” Wanda said.

“So, where’s peter?” You asked, striking up conversation.

“May took him home. Nat managed to convince her that you were fine staying here with us. We are happy to have you and if you like that could be a more permanent offer depending on what the team has to say.” Wanda said and you choked on your soup.

Coughing, you felt Natasha’s strong hands pound your back to help you breathe.

Once the fit had subsided you blinked at wanda who was looking at you with concern in her eyes. You waved her off.

“I’m all good.” You begun but she handed you the glass of water anyways.

“Small sips.” She instructed and you nodded and drank some of it slowly.

“Sorry.” You apologised. “I just wasn’t expecting that.” You mumbled, cheeks warm.

“No need to apologise I probably should have waited until you weren’t eating.” Wanda said and you laughed.

“But in all seriousness… you guys want me here? Like … on the team?” You asked and Nat looked at Wanda before nodding.

“We would need to have Fury sign off. Steve and Tony will have to agree as well, but theres not denying you would be a valuable asset to the team.” Nat begun. “I’m planning on holding a meeting with the team when your up to it. But until then I want you to rest and get better. It’s important you put your best foot forward when starting off with the team.” Nat said and Wanda nodded.

“You’ll do great. The team will love you.” Wanda agreed, throwing in her own two cents to Nat’s speech.

“So, Nat how did you manage to sneak in and out of Bruce’s lab and find peters meds?” Wanda asked with the grin that Natasha returned.

As Nat launched into her story, which included a cabinet of medicine labelled spider-baby, a banner-stark debate over what atom is the best and lastly her spy skills.

By now everyone had gotten themselves comfortable on the bed. You were sat against the headboard with wanda on your left and Natasha on your right.

The king bed managed to squeeze all of you in and left ample room for more space.

As Nat continued her story you found yourself listing to one side. Your eyes drifting half shut as the exhaustion rolled over you.

Blinking harshly, you tried to stay awake until a soft hand guided your head to something soft that smelt like strawberries and vanilla.

You decided to forgo fighting sleep for any longer and left yourself drift off.

Natasha grinned at Wanda who was stroking your hair as you laid on her shoulder asleep.

It was an adorable sight and Nat may or may not have taken a photo of all three of you together with you asleep in the middle.

After the two listened to your slightly wheezy breathing and elected to let you sleep for now and to monitor your breathing, Wanda put on a sit-com on the Tv on a low volume as her and Nat settled in.

Over the course of the afternoon Wanda and Nat kept a close eye on you as you slept. Listening to the wheeze in your exhale and making sure it didn’t get worse or require your asthma inhaler.

Once or twice when Wanda checked your temperature with her hand against your forehead you nuzzled into her palm, still sleeping which warmed the witch's heart

You were adorable in her eyes and the glint in Natasha’s said she felt the same way.

At one point your powers began acting up as Wanda wanted to get up for some water and she found herself stuck to you.

She had looked lost and slightly bewildered while Nat giggled and helped her pry you off her.

“Tony says peter does the same thing when he’s sick. They can’t control it.” Nat had explained to Wanda in a hushed and slightly amused whisper so as not to wake you.

Finally at around five in the evening Wanda decided she needed to get up and cook dinner.

As she slid out of bed you began to wiggle a bit, seeking the warmth that had been there moments ago as you had been tucked into her side.

Wanda watched like a deer in headlights to see if you would wake up.

Instead, you simply rolled over and latched onto Natasha leg. Clinging to it like a baby sloth cuddling its mama.

Natasha had looked surprised almost shocked at the turn of events and Wanda hid a giggle behind her hand at Nat’s comical expression before she schooled her features.

It took a lot to surprise Natasha, but you had managed to do it within only knowing her for two days.

Wanda silently slipped out the door as Natasha looked down at you with a peaceful smile.

No longer paying attention to the Tv she was gazing down at you as she gently traced a pattern on your arm.

Despite having only known you for two days, Wanda and Natasha had found themselves almost entranced by you. From the way your nose scrunched up when you smiled to the way it twitched like a bunny before you sneezed.

Peter had kept telling them stories about you and your escapades as spider-man that had often landed him in trouble with Tony.

Wanda and Natasha had found all the walls they had spent years building over their scarred hearts to have melted in the presence of your sunny disposition, even if it was buried under a little sickness at the moment.

Wanda wanted to learn more about you, she always loved stories as a child, but you seemed like the best novel she may ever get the chance to read. And she wanted nothing more than to write the rest of your chapters together. She would be willing to bleed the ink from her own body to write your happily ever after together on the same page. To exist in a world of you and her. To add to the ecosystem that fed her soul. Because she always felt she had room for more un her heart. She had felt love like this before, once before, and it was double as she had laid in the bed with the both of you.

Natasha dreamed of finding someone that felt like home. After so long running from false families and a broken childhood, she wanted nothing more than to curl up and relax with someone that made her feel safe. Someone that made her feel the same way you do when you drink hot chocolate while watching the snow drift down on a winter wonderland. You were the home she was looking for. The way your heart touched hers, reached for her like a magnet was something she rarely felt. Something she had only ever felt once before. With another redhead who lived in the tower.

Wanda finished making dinner at around six. Before calling the team, she plated up three dishes of food and left the kitchen.

Only once she was safely clear and, in the lift, did she tell Jarvis to alert the team for dinner.

When Wanda stepped back into your room the first thing, she noticed was the concern on Natashas face.

Many may see the black widow as a cold heartless woman, yet that was just her persona in front of the cameras.

Sure, she was hard to crack open at first, but it seems she had taken a liking to you almost immediately.

Behind closed doors Natasha was quite a sweet and caring person for those she loved, showing her affection in indirect manners such as little gifts and cracking jokes at just the right time.

As wanda approached the bed she begun to realise why Nat was worried.

Your breathing which they had been monitoring had grown more wheezy.

Nat looked up from where she had been studying your face to look at wanda.

“I wasn’t sure if I should let her sleep or wake her to use her inhaler.” Nat said.

“No, you did the right thing. We have to wake her up for dinner now anyway, so we’ll have her use it now.” Wanda said with a small smile.

“We should also check her temperature and give her some more medicine.” Nat added and wanda agreed with a nod as she placed the dishes down on the desk.

Natasha gently began to rub your arm. “Y/n/n. Y/n/n wake up.” Nat said softly and after a second you batted her hand away drawing a chuckle from Wanda.

“Noooo let me sleep.” You said but Nat wasn’t having it.

You tried to pull the covers over your head but Nat held them down in place on the bed with her foot.

“Would you get up if I told you wanda made dinner?” Nat asked and wanda stifled a chuckle behind her hand as you cracked one eye open.

“Maybe.” You said and wriggled so you were sat against the headboard.

“Good. But before you get dinner its medicine time.” Nat said and you groaned in protest.

“There’s always a catch.” You grumbled and Wanda winked at you.

“For you? Always.” Wanda grinned and you gave her a half-hearted glare.

Natasha pressed your inhaler into your hand, and you simply blinked at her. “I don’t need it.” You said.

“I’m not asking again.” Nat smiled sweetly.

“Technically you didn’t ask the first time.” You said and looked at wanda for backup where she was leaning against the desk with an amused smile.

“Nope.” She said popping the p. “I can hear you wheezing from here bubs. Take it and breath like the rest of us.” She said smugly.

“Whatever.” You pouted and took the inhaler, ignoring them both and looking at a spot on the wall.

When you were done wanda patted your cheek.

“Good.” She said handing you a thermometer you took and dutifully placed under your tongue.

When it beeped Nat’s quick hands beat you to it and stole the device from your lips.

“99.8 it’s gone down.” Nat said with a smile.

“Yay.” You drawled sarcastically.

Before you could even get another word or remark in Wanda placed two tablets into your hand. “Swallow these.” She instructed and pressed a glass of water into your other hand.

You sighed and did as you were told, making both women smile at each other.

As the three of you ate you complemented Wanda’s cooking and savoured the food.

The two women chatted to you about the avengers asking any questions you had. When dinner was done, they could see you fighting to stay awake.

When do I get to meet the team?” You asked over a yawn you directed into your fist.

“Well, we’ll see how you feel in the morning and go from there.” Wanda smiled as she messed around with the pillows. “Get some sleep Y/n.” She smiled and you nodded, too tired to argue.

Settling down you were asleep before they two had left the room.

PART 3

[anonymouscheeses]

Obvious shit I noticed part 3 (spoilers for welcome to heaven)

Look at her! "Teehee"

Also she's nervous! Foreshadowing omg 🤯

STICKERS! Two pride stickers and a cute donut. Gives me an idea to draw Chaggie at a donut shop while everything is burning down <3 (I'll probably do it but if any artist wants to as well go ahead!)

*CHOKES ON COFFEE* I LOVE THEM. I'M SORRY I GET SO GIDDY WHEN THEY HAVE EVEN THE SMALLEST INTERACTION BUT UGHHH I NEED MORE, IT WILL NEVER BE ENOUGH 🙏🙏

KISSY! MWA! *SCREAMS INTO THE VOID*

Vivzie give me more, moar now. MOAR

DAMN. SHE CAN THROW- or maybe it just exaggerates the perspective in this frame but still- ZAMNNN

Cherri x Sir Pentious fans RISE UP.

I wasn't ever really a fan of it myself but I always thought it was CUTE. Like 3 seconds before this part I was already begging for them to kiss 😭

More foreshadowing!

AAAAAA CREEPY BIRD THINGS!!!

Oh wait- Sera's hot and Emily's already adorable

If heaven don't look like what this is in the show, I DONT WANT IT! (THATS A JOKE PLEASE DON'T SMITE ME)

JEALOUS GIRLFRIEND VAGGIE!! Can I just say how much I love Vaggie's face expressions? Not just here but like all the time. She's just made to be so exaggerated, out of all of them I thought it would be Charlie who would have the most dramatic faces but Vaggie wins it for me. I JUST GIGGLE SO HARD WHEN SHE LOOKS LIKE THIS BAHAHAH

Okay yeah. It's very obvious now. Vaggie is definitely an ex-exterminator. They don't close in on Charlie here so it's made to subtly nudge the attention to Vaggie. HOW DID THEY IMMEDIATELY NOTICE IT WAS HER THO??

Hot-

That's it.

SHARE THAT MOTHUSSY GIRL-

YOU'RE TELLING ME SHE GREW OUT ALL OF THAT HAIR?!? YEAH ITS BEEN A LONG TIME SINCE THEN BUT STILL AJJSJD.

But overall the design is pretty meh. I always loved the idea of short hair Vaggie and even have seen art of it but it's just yknow, alright. Reminds me of Cassandra from Tangled: the series. IM LISTENING TO ONE OF THE SONGS RIGHT NOW HELPPP

THIS SCENE HERE! WOOOOO! SO GLAD WE KNOW WHEN AND WHERE THEY FIRST MET!! Wish we got it extended tho. And also probably push it to next episode so it would have a better impact(atleast I think thats when they'll have the duet). BUT WHATEVER SOMETHING IS BETTER THAN NOTHING! or uh whatever

Vaggie must've been a bit terrified at first. The only sinner she ever sent mercy to was a child. Then to see someone who to her is an adult sinner who just looks really human, that must be crazy. BUT THEN IF SHE WAS TOLD THAT CHARLIE WAS ACTUALLY THE PRINCESS OF HELL? HOOOO, LOCK IN AND STEAL HER. THAT'S SOME WATTPAD SHIT. Also, I wonder how long Charlie thought of redeeming sinners. It would make sense to be after meeting Vaggie, since it could have been a wake up call to the fact not all sinners are bad people. Even though Vaggie isn't a sinner technically, Charlie didn't know that at the time. But maybe Charlie was always like this but just needed to meet someone who could start her dream with her. Long rant uhhh

Haha penis 🫵

SCRAP WHATEVER I SAID IN THE FIRST PART. THEY PROBABLY DO FUCK- OR DONT?? I DONT KNOW- ANYWAY LESBIAN SEX (BOTTOM TEXT). WHY DO I CARE SO MUCH??? SOMEONE PULL THE TRIGGER.

Lute looks like a basic asf anime gorl. Adam doesn't ever take his helmet off, or maybe he just can't. OH HE'S DOING THE GAY SIGN 💅💅 Very appropriate for what he's saying

Mentor, apprentice. I love that Husk is just trying to help Angel grow but isn't going to force him into it if he doesn't want to.

Im not a fan of huskerdust and think they'd be better friends as I can't imagine a relationship with them at all. But it's still nice and they are supportive of eachother so that's like- yknow. Basic rules. Or something like that. (HELP. I ruined it all at the last part)

I- girl- WHY IS SHE GROWLING?? GRR GRR RR (INSERT TWILIGHT SAGA HERE)

VAGGIE'S FACE. SENDS ME. WHO GAVE HER THESE OVERDRAMATIC EXPRESSIONS, I APPLAUD YOU RGAGAGA

Ooo... I didnt like this part at all... Instead of making the choice she just runs off. Then because the plot demands it, Adam says nothing. Kinda whish she atleast avoided the question, maybe in some way that would require actual thinking? For a character like Vaggie, she could choose either way and it feel like it's still her. If she chose to protect Charlie's dream, she would still be perfectly loyal to her but in the act of so would reveal a secret that could harm their relationship(which does happen at the end but that's because the plot wanted it like that). If she chose to side with Adam, she'd be hurting Charlie emotionally, sure, but it would keep a secret that could make Charlie see Vaggie less than who she is to her already(atleast what Vaggie might think would happen). Imo it should've been her deciding to protect Charlie, since it would mean she's devoted to her at all times.

ANOTHER THING! IF SHE COULDN'T MAKE THE CHOICE, THAT IS SOMETHING INTERESTING TO GO INTO. Maybe it could go deeper into how Vaggie doesn't know who she is without Charlie. So when she has a choice to make, like here, she can't do it without feeling the need to ask Charlie. BUT NOOO, YA HAD TO GO WITH THIS!! Wow. That was a long ass rant. Wtf 😭

Maybe I'm a dumbass. Maybe they'll talk about that next episode, but still, atleast touch on it a bit to not seem rushed?

Angel looking out for his kids like a mom. We always did need the motherly figure, the one closest to that being Charlie but girl needs a mother in her life too(damn, wait, I did her so dirty).

Huh, so why does it work here then? 🤨🤨 if it was said in the contract that Valentino can do whatever he wants only in the studio, then why is this the exception? 🤨🤨

Yes I'm stupid. Why do you ask? (No genuinely what's happening here)

OH ITS THE IMAGE! I really like Sera so far, hope we get more of her soon or in season 2.

Now that we know the context of this, yeah, that's fucking insane. And badass. WOMEN.

HMM. THATS STRANGE. DID YOU NOT FOR ONCE THINK THERE COULD BE A POSSIBILITY SHE MIGHT HAVE BEEN AN ANGEL? Okay I probably wouldn't either but I have an excuse, I'm an idiot. Some girl with a standing out outfit, with one eye, looks unusually human, right after/during the extermination... that's pretty solid ass proof. But I'm dumb so don't take anything i say seriously :D

Imagine this. No- shit. Just-

JUST LOOK! THEY ARE SO CUTE! EVEN THOUGH CRAZY SHIT IS HAPPENING.

*SWEATS*

Vaggie is DESPERATE. PLEADING. That's obvious yeah, but don't mind me I had nothing to say for the last 3 images I just thought they were cool

I mean. Slay I guess. 😍💅

Do all the exterminators look similar or is it just Lute and Vaggie? 🤨

Even though Vaggie and Charlie may be going through this horrible thing with a hard punch in the gut, but Vaggie is always going to comfort her and I just think that's so adorable.

Also Adam looks like a chicken hah.

Everyone fears to be like Lucifer. If they don't do bad things they believe are for the greater good and make sacrifices that put them higher than those in hell, they could themselves be fallen. It's really interesting but I don't know if it's going to be fleshed out enough with the amount of episodes left. Which also worries me about everything else that still hasn't be concluded. There's gonna be loose strings I just know it. Hopefully though they rather do that then rush everything out y'know?

I want the next episode to be mostly focused on Vaggie and Charlie's relationship and the healing of what happened. Not for the entire episode of course, it would feel drawn out if it did, but atleast address the problem for the first like I would say 10 minutes? Then the rest would focus on one or two loose threads while also having Vaggie and Charlie acting upon moving on. That's just my idea but yeah-

[paiges-1vur]

welcome to the party pt. 3… and as always enjoy loves <3

Friday 12 am

I draw in a sharp breath. I’m still very much drunk but i can tell paige has sobered up. I shift my position in between her legs trying to find comfort, but ultimately just creating friction. she leans down to my ear.

“ana.” i can feel her breathing next to my ear and its giving me the chills.

“mmhm” i sigh in response.

“dont move.” i turn my head around, confused as she says this. “dont worry baby im going to take care of you tonight.”

I feel her long slim fingers stroking my upper thigh and have to bite my lip to stop myself from making any noise. She kept doing this for another five minutes before leaning back down to my ear.

“let me take you back to my place, its to crowded in here”

“are you sure?” I ask. I dont want to be the reason she wants to go home before everyone else.

she smirks looking me in the eyes. “Unless you want everyone to see me eat you like my last meal and hear you scream my name, yes i’m sure.”

I blush and look down before she grabs me by the hand and clears her throat.

“i’m going to take ana home. she’s really tired and needs to be up early tomorrow.” (that was a lie and she knew that)

the girls turn and look at her. They all exchange looks with each other before giggling.

“I might as well sleep over at Azzi’s tonight,” Nika says winking, “but please dont be too loud, i need to sleep too.” I forgot Nika and Paige share a dorm, but i’m too drunk to care about the consequences of tonight.

Paige punches Nika in the arm telling her to shutup before saying goodbye to the other girls and walking me outside to call us an uber.

—————————

as soon as i stumble through the door of paiges apartment she grabs my shoulders, flipping me around and pinning me against the door behind me. Her right hand is on the door next to my head, and the other is tucking my hair behind my ear.

im not aware of anything im saying right now but what i am aware of is how much i need her. “paige,” i whine like a child. “pleaseee.”

she looks me in the eyes. her ice blue eyes stare into mine and her gaze makes me blush. Before i have enough time to say anything else her lips are crashing into mine. her hands find my hair around the back of my neck and she gently tugs at it. i can tell that shes impatient.

“jump.” she says grabbing my legs. i put my hands on her shoulders and jump as i straddle her front and she carries me towards her bed. i lean my head back and giggle as we walk, letting my hair flow down my back.

paige lies me down on her bed before crawling on top of me. she starts by placing hungry kisses all over my jaw and down my neck. i try my best not to moan at this while she bites and teases my sensitive skin, leaving dark marks that will last for days. While her mouth is on my neck, her hands are roaming my body, holding me in all the right places.

Paige looks up at me to see my head thrown back. She smirks, “Don’t hold back baby, i want to hear you beg for me to fuck you”

I release my lip from in between my teeth, as she gets back to work biting and kissing my skin. she has moved down to my collarbone bone and chest, and her hands are grazing over my sensitive nipples through my top. i whine at the sensitivity and she stops for a second. her hands move to start taking my shirt off, unclipping it from the front.

As she peels it off and throws it to the floor she exhales loudly.

“Holy shit Ana.” she comes up to my face. Leaning into my ear she says, “Your such a bad girl, not wearing anything under your top. Did you do that on purpose?” she pauses before asking, “Do you want me to fuck you like the little slut you are?”

I nod, not being able to look her in the eyes. She grabs my chin and forces me to look at her face.

“I need to hear your fucking voice.” She says aggressively.

“Please paige!” I whine.

“Please what?” she taunts.

“Please fuck me!” I scream impatiently, feeling a mix of pleasure and irritation.

“I dont know,” she trails off, “your being kind of… bratty.” She stops to think to herself “Now i can fix that, but your going to have to listen to me and do as i say.”

“Okay. i understand.” I respond melting right under her.

she flashes me a smile that gives me chills. “Good. Now open your mouth.”

I don’t ask questions, and open my mouth waiting to see what she does. she leans down and spits into my mouth, her saliva coating my tongue. She reaches her hand up and brings it to my mouth.

“suck.” she commands.

I close my lips around her fingers and take them in my mouth. I swirl my tongue around them fully coating their full length in a mixture of her saliva and mine. Before taking her fingers out of my mouth the pushes them down my throat even farther, making me gag. My eyes water and i choke and cough on her fingers.

Seeing her on top of me, face weighted with pleasure made me even wetter then i was before.

She moves down my body and finds herself in between my legs. she takes her knee and spreads them open even more. My skirt gets in the way, and in response Paige rips it off of me with her bare hands.

“Ill buy you a new one,” she says carelessly when she sees i’m upset its on the floor in shreds. “One that doesnt show your whole fucking ass.” her tone changes, and she begins yelling at me. “All the guys were staring at your ass tonight, and i wanted to punch them in the face for even laying their eyes on you.” She gets angry and rips my underwear off, the same way as the skirt. She throws the small shreds of fabric to the floor before diving in between my legs.

She kisses up and down my inner thighs and i moan as her lips move closer to where i ache for her the most. She sits up and spits on my already dripping pussy.

“Paige” I moan out as i feel her saliva lubricate my core. I’m already dripping all over the sheets, anticipating her touch. She licks up my folds making my eyes roll back. I cant help but moan her name as she continues to roll her tongue up to my clit, sucking it in between her teeth.

"Paige!" I scream out again, the sound being borderline pornographic. Im done being patient. "Fuck.. please baby!"

My brain goes fuzzy as i feel her tongue dipping in and out of me, her wet fingers focused on my clit that aches from overstimulation. I cant think straight and Im seeing stars, so overwhelmed with pleasure. she watches me fall apart slowly under her touch.

"Oh my God... im so close baby, please let me have it" I beg through tear stained eyes, my hands glued to the sheets, gripping them until my knuckles turn white.

My legs start to shake uncontrollably, and right before im about to fall apart all over her perfect face i feel her mouth detach from under me.

"What the fuck Pai-" She looks up at me with dark eyes, pupils dilated, looking at me as if i was her last meal. A shiver runs down my spine because the longer she looks at me, the more i feel like her prey. Her face glistens with my juices as she flashes me a grin, so secretive it makes my stomach churn.

She looks over my body taking taking a shakey breath before wiping her chin with the back of her hand and licking her lips. She crawls up the whole length of my body not breaking eye contact once. Fucking me with her eyes, before tilting her head to the side and leaning into my ear.

"Do you want to play a game?" she whispers into the shell of my ear. Fuck. I cant take this anymore and my eyes start to well up with more tears.

My breathing increases, my chest heaving up and down as she moves her lips closer to my ear.

"I promise i can make you feel good baby." she pleads. with all the air i have left i inhale sharply. "thats all i want need. to hear you screaming for me." shes still in my ear, floating just above the most sensitive spot on my neck, that burns for the touch of her lips.

"Mhm" I finally manage to mutter out a response in approval to her request, finally finding air to breathe in her small room, that seems to disappear when shes on top of me. I can practically feel her lips curl into a devilish smirk. She knows she won, and now she gets to have her cake and eat it too.

Sorry for not posting these past couple of days guys. School is now over and i promise i will start posting (and maybe writing?) more. Im so so sorry to leave u hanging on a cliffhanger, but i felt like the chapter was getting too long. Let me know if y’all liked this chapter because there will most likely be a part 4.

[ganondoodle]

i have seen people talk about how hard it is to draw anything if you have aphantasia (which is good to talk about and true and valid and also intersting to read and this post isnt to devalue that, two things can coexist etc etc)

i personally struggle with the opposite; i have incredible imagination, i'd say it's my best and only "inate talent", (this is not a brag ..) all stories i think about are movies, i can stop them, change camera angle and poses, rotate ever object however i want, place lighting sound and voices, even styles, i switch from ghibli to botw to fortiches style, even into the style of a comic i recently read which wasnt even animated, the only thing that only works half the time is music-

and that all might sound fantastic, but its a mess, it goes too fast and too quickly, things never play out one way, theres interruption, involuntarily sudden changes to other subjects, i feel like struggling to keep an angry horse on one path, it makes me waste HOURS each day just reversing and redoing a scene like im a movie director wizard in my head, theres no ONE finished version, it changes everytime yet i go back over and over again to make it better, i forget most of it within a few hours anyway; even IRL when someone tells me about a memory and they are not sure if i was with them during it once they start to explain trying to make me remember it instead i will imagine it, in the end i wont be sure if i actually remembered or if i just imagined it too real, it scares me how much i forget and cant remember only for my mind to make shit up, makign me doubt my own memory (its weird how it works, i have horrible geographical memory, when i drive somwhere i have known my entire life i need to remember the path to it by imagining driving it, i remember significant things but not the path to them or how they connect or in what order, i have to go through it in my head every single time)

by far the worst part though is that extreme disconnect between whats in my mind and what i can do, just because i can imagine things like that doesnt mean i can draw it (god i WISH), nothing i have ever drawn is how it was in my head, the few things you get to see are the ones i won the fight against myself with to keep going and say 'good enough' at some point the speed is a problem too, the things playing in my head, sometimes even multiple at the same time, play like, again, a movie, whatever im trying to draw is rarely ONE thing, its a whole scene that plays over and over, i want to draw it all but it wont work bc my mind is too fast and i am too slow, it makes me try to skip ahead and get things done as fast as possible, it NEVER works (also too much, theres so many things in my head, i have almost the entirety of the totk rewrite in my head already, novels worth of lore and story for my other projects, its overwhelming how much is in there that i cannot get out and on paper)

its why comics take me so long to make, why detailed paintings are so rare, its the rare times i can force myself to try and tune out my mind and just work on what is in front of me, usually works for a few hours .. if i can manage to reach that sort of focus at all, its why basic sketches of characters are so much easier to do bc i dont have to fight as hard to just draw a character doing nothing- as soon as i want to make it a sketch page of things and scenes the movies are back and are there to haunt me until i cry and give up after hours of trying to keep up with my mind that i will never be able to catch up to (and this is only about drawing .. )

i know skill and speed increase over time, but i wont ever get to where my mind is, its always ahead and trying to skip and jump towards it only makes me stumble and fall flat on my face- maybe its ADHD, maybe its the autism, maybe its the depression, maybe its just me, maybe its just all of that

what im trying to say is, head full, too much thought, too fast, never able to translate it into viewable things in the way and speed as my head works, i explode

[wasyago]

recks au is a big thing, much bigger than we probably can imagine. don't pressure yourself to do more than you can, we're all humans here, after all! :P

im really glad that even tho a lot of time has passed, the au is still alive, im glad to hear more about it, even in simple low-quality (if the wasyago themselves can even produce 'low-quality' anything..) sketches teehee

take care, dude! once again. dont pressure urself, lots of hugs*

this u ฅ⁠^⁠•⁠ﻌ⁠•⁠^⁠ฅ

oh thank you qwqqq this means a lot

genuinely, drawing scar today was like a breath of fresh air, like returning to your home after being away for a long time, that sort of thing. i love recks au so much, and i don't say it enough but im very grateful that you guys love it as well, i don't think recks au would've ever become anything if not thanks for your support

don't know about low-quality hdgbdbs, though i've been scrolling through the recks au folder looking at old stuff and god... things used to be much simpler... but i do want to maybe tell more info through just text and maybe graphs and stuff, to stop forcing myself to try and do everything through comic (since im not drawing any of the comics i just stress about it). i dont know where that idea even came from, looking at how the au started it was all infographics and doodles and text, why did i start pressuring myself i have no idea. i really like the infographics too, i think they play into the whole vibe of the more technological setting. man.

so yeah, not promising anything, but hopefully recks au will appear more often. i still have a lot of old drawings that have never seen the light of day to post, and characters to introduce and rambles to ramble, so who knows what will happen (but hopefully at least something will indeed happen)

now to just figure out how to do it.........

[ilov3pedr0p4scal]

not me waking up and the first thing I see is this 😭

co - star apparently knows what im being up to lately 😭 and im definitely taking this as an advice that literally everyone has heard before here.

Shifters here always tell us that we have to see beyond 3D and accept that we already have it, it may seem “silly” and you can say “girl, I literally can’t see that so it’s not real” it may seem like that if you have that mindset, where is that mindset going to take you? Nowhere, it’s better to join the wave and end up in a new place you weren’t before than to stay in the same place forever and not doing anything about it.

Yesterday all day I was repeating a lot of affirmations to myself, “im shifting” “i will shift tonight, not tomorrow, not in two days, tonight”, and I was like that all day. I set a five minute timer and affirmed like a robot, even though it may seem forced it works, while I was washing the dishes I affirmed, and today I did something different than others, I wrote in my shifting journal my “first” day there (which is literally not true because that is my reality and I have been there for ages, but whatever), I wrote down the sounds, the sensations, what I saw first, what I did after that, what I had for breakfast, etc. everything in the present as if it was already there, after that genuinely something changed, my perspective, a million things changed, for the first time I was too sure that I would achieve it (of course I can) I kept repeating affirmations, listening to subliminals, watching stories here on tumblr, and drawing in my diary about it, it also helped me visualize.

night came and i already knew what was going to happen, (i prefer to try shifting at night simply because it is more comfortable for me) i was so excited that my reality would finally arrive, it would arrive after many years of being trapped in this reality that is not for me. so i listened to this subliminal that i found in a post here, and i got into a comfortable position, i listened to it and i am not kidding you, within a few minutes my body was numb, i was affirming and affirming, i was imagining my reality, how it would look when i arrived and what i would do, and for the first time in 4 years of trying, i know i was there for at least a second, and it may seem like nothing to you, but to me it was a big deal, I WAS THERE! my position changed and I saw the place where I would wake up and next to me i see my boyfriend, I always tried to be calm and not let my emotions consume me, after that I kept repeating and affirming, until I was asleep. I had previously set an alarm to try to enter the void state in case I fell asleep, and OMG the alarm went off and I turned it off and went to sleep 😭, I wish it was a joke but oh well, IT LITERALLY SAID ON THE SCREEN “GO TO VOID STATE!” and I was like goodnight bitch, but whatever.

I know it may seem like another post from the bunch you see here that tells you the same thing over and over and over again, but if it's always the same it's because it works. Now I know these things and I know what worked for me, and the next time I go to my reality I know I'll wake up there and not here. If you've been trying for years like me, but you never take the time to informed yourself or looked within yourself for what method you liked and just do the fucking raven method or something because "there's no time" girl, believe me that even if you can do shifting without being knowing as such, sometimes knowing a little more doesn't hurt and more so if you've tried for as long as I have. Thank god I found the shifting community here which is a thousand times better than others, thanks to the creators for sharing. I've never been so sure of something in my life, and I know that I'll get to where I belong soon. 🤍

Didn’t realize how long that was lol, but i just wanted to share my story for the people here who may find this kind of thing hard to believe. its real if you make it real, dont let the tiny voice in your head tell you other wise, punch it in the face i mean, imagine that you are pushing that thing in the face, for me it works doing that lol.

hope this may help someone, and have a great day and shift! 🤍

[peppizza-au]

Ok, if you don't feel like drawing your story, you can always put it in text form. we won't be mad. i just want to know what happens next

hey, i understand if you didnt mean anything malicious, but please dont do this, guys. even if i change to an easier format, im still not obligated to give you guys content, and ive currently been exhausted with work and other personal projects. i may get it again at some point, but i currently have no motivation to update this blog specifically, and i heavily struggle with motivation already. i honestly thought itd be a miracle if i even got halfway through this story before losing my drive, but i wanted to try anyway.

forcing myself to create for an optional project i started for fun purely to meet demand isnt healthy for me, will result in a dramatic drop in quality for updates, and possibly ruin the story i want to tell. an unfinished story is better than a rushed and half-hearted one.

it really warms my heart how many people love this blog, and im not exaggerating when i say i read and appreciate every single ask (that isnt blatantly mean-spirited). but im a human, not a machine. if peppizza doesnt continue, its for a good reason. if peppizza does continue, it will continue with time. please think before sending asks like this, even though im pretty sure it wasnt intended to be impatient or inconsiderate, it absolutely comes off that way.

thats all for now, thank you for reading.

[imperhine-deactivated20241019]

trying my hand at casual pieces of writing instead of forcing myself to sit down and write thousands of words. here's aurora with fem!reader who's never received oral. obvious nsft under the cut. implied poly!ghouls because i couldn't help myself. 500-ish words not proofread because im asleep

"not even by the others, you're kidding me?" aurora says, exaggerating her shock by placing a manicured hand over her chest.

"certainly not." you say, eyebrows furrowed. the two of you are in silk and satin nightgowns, drinking rosé and giggling. somehow, the ghoulette made you agree to play truth or dare with you.

"it's an experience, that's for sure. pretty hot, i'd say." she says teasingly as she moves closer to your face. you can smell her sweet, hot breath fanning against your skin. "knowing that makes me want to let you experience it, can't believe that i'm your first time." she giggles, expression turning lustful. "i'm glad i got to you before the others did."

your face turns red, and the next string of events fall like dominoes. it was slow and sensual, and your desperation almost wishes that she'd speed up a little. but no, aurora takes her time with you. her caresses made you shiver, her lips pressing kisses against your neck left you feeling lightheaded. she catches your mouth in a hot and open kiss, gently biting on your lower lip as she pulls away.

she hikes your robe up, drawing shapes on your thighs. you get the urge to close your legs, as her mouth gets closer to your core. but aurora has a firm grip, keeping you open for her. she tells you how pretty you look, asks you how your folds are already glossy when she hasn't even got a taste of you. your hands runs through her hair and holds her horns, earning a satisfied hum from her.

her tongue licks up your pussy, making you slip a gasp from the new sensation. the tip of her tongue dips into you, and you wonder how aurora gets this precise. a thought flashes into your mind, how her mouth flicks up against cirrus while she sat on her. how she would spend so long between cumulus' thighs, worshipping every part of her and spreading her sweet nectar on her tongue. but you snap back to reality as she alternates between flattening her tongue and diving in deeper. you're stuck between closing your eyes and keeping them open to watch her eat you out like a starved woman.

you fully lose control when she wraps her lips around your clit, two fingers pumping in and out of you. the noises she makes against you sound so filthy, her eyes looking up at you. a few more moments, and you finish with a drawn out moan. aurora doesn't fully stop, slowing down to help you ride that wave of pleasure a little longer.

she sits back up, licking her lips and taking her time to admire the mess she's made out of you. "gorgeous. and you taste just as sweet as i imagined." she says, smiling softly at you. she moves to tackle you down on the bed playfully, tail swishing behind her. "now, are you tired out? because i'm up to more fun if you'd want it."

[useless-pvppy]

Hewooo this will be da official intro post to my lil blog here so hav fun reading and getting to know me woof! ૮⍝• ᴥ •⍝ა

Introduction💛:

Name: Pup! or Puppy! or mutt! or whatever you wanna call me woof! ૮ ˶´ ᵕˋ ˶ა

Pronouns: He/It only!!!!! no they/them!! no fem pronouns!!!

Age: 20+ ! yey!

Sexuality: uhhhm this one's a weird one, definitely aro, sexuality wise i dunno rly!! as long as u can fuck me, w a strap or w ur own thing then im down! woof! probably leaning more towards mlm tho but once again, whatever works!

Bottom only! maybeeee switch but Im still figuring that one out so for now sub only too ૮u ﻌ u ა

Pre-t sadge but we keep barking wauf

also im a furry but i suck and havent made a fursona yet but whatev!!! still a furry wauf wauf

Stuffs I like ૮₍ ´ ꒳ `₎ა♡ (to be updated? I forget many things all da time sowy):

petplay/puppyplay ofc, collars/leashes, being tied up, somno, cnc, dubcon, knives, marking, tentacles, piss, hypno, breeding, age gaps, age play, corruption, edging, basically full control over me i like that yeppers, degrading, humiliation, praise, plushie humping!, being cut And cutting others!!! if im obsessed w u i wanna cut u up all cute!!!, gags, overstim, size diff.., cockwarming.., stalking! monsterfucking:>, fauxcest + theres pwobably more i forgor, feel free to ask me!!

Stuffs I don't like ૮ – ﻌ–ა :

foodplay is big yucky for me, degrading if its directed at my body is big no am insecure TwT, scat yucky, any form of forced fem or detrans/misgendering thing is a no.. if i wanna wear a skirt and be cute i will but dont call me girly names!!!!!, pregnancy yucky...

uhmm honestly theres not many things I wouldnt at least try once so yeah once again be normal and ask if ya arent sure!!!!! ill more than likely answer nodders :3

DNI: general dni yakno the drill, sexist, racist, homophobic, transphobic, zionist, maga dumb fucks gtfo!!, under 18/ageless blogs pls leave! (as long as u state youre over 18 somewhere its okie, no need to be specific just pls dont be a child!!!!!), antis, ppl who cant differentiate fiction/fantasy from reality! hetero men!sorry but am not a girl so i dont want u interacting if u view me as one!!!

thats about it for dni! if you dont like smth on my blog feel free to leave wauf! if you think im morally bad bcoz of da stuffs i like thats ur opinion but i dont care so dont tell me! just leave ^-^

wauf im super-duper bad at introductions so am not even rly sure what else to add >~< iguessss general just stuffs about me? i like video games altho most of da games i like i never played coz ive never had a laptop or pc for them, am still just using my roomie's stuff TwT, i draw sometimes which is very epic very cool wauf! also i bark a lot in text and type weirdge sorry!!! alsoalso i luv horror stuffs and scary stuff!!! horror games r superduper my favourite but i do scare easily but that doesnt matter!!! i also like cute stuff like sanrio stuffs and plushies and cute clothes and sharkies!!!! ya ya! I call myself emo so thats what i am i guess!!

also for rulez and stuff on what u can send as asks!!!! well i dunno! whatever ya want! be horny or just talk to me about whatever wauf!! beware if u make me flustered and horny enough times i might become obsessed w u and I'll wanna stalk u and cut u so !!! beware of weirdo puppy here!!

alsoalso im pretty shy at first, and uh in general honestly, and pretty bad at this whole human interaction stuff (im a puppy !!! how would i kno how to talk to you humans >~<) if we arent mutuals u cant dm me sowy!

I wont giv you my discord or any other social media right away!! im too paranoid and shy for that sorta stuff so i gotta proper trust u! or u gotta catch me be real desperate but we will see iguess! also wont send u nudes! i never even taken any so no chance youd get one!

my shyness also comes from da fact im very inexperienced in everything ever so like...yeah...cbfnhfdnbfndbg IDK!!!! WHATEVR!!! IM BAD AT TALKIN ABOUT THIS STUFF!!! WHATEVR!!! teach me mayb 👉👈

alsoalso im!..okay i cry Very easily if i start getting embarrassed i start tearing up and the more u tease me about it the more I'll cry.. i can't help it and i can't control it i jus cry rly easily (⁠╥⁠﹏⁠╥⁠)

very veryvery autistically obsessed w my soulmate!!! coz yes i do hav one!!! this blog is for funsies and to be horny w other horny folks but at da end of da day most of my brain and thoughts r occupied by one person only wauf!! once again am aro and shes aro too so what we hav is special!!! more than romantic nd more than platonic iss secret third thing which is primal obsession w one another!!! theyre my owner and i am theirz das how it workz!!! I feel like i should mention dis jus in case anyone tries for anythin long term over here! sorry not gonn happen! wauf💛 ehhmmvnv probably shouldve mentioned dis sooner but am bad at realisin non aro folk might try for things nd also wasn sure how she'd feel about it nd i kept forgettin to ask but whatev now u know!! will be usin #catto posts for posts that remind me of him or posts i make about her wauf!

Okie thats all!!! i think!! im tryna figure out how im gonna tag stuff so for now #pupper rambles for my text posts, #pupper pics for pics of me :3c, #pupper answers for answered asks!

Send asks!! talk to me pwease!!! giv me attention!! woof!!

-Pup ♡ ૮₍˶Ó﹏Ò ˶₎ა

[leftclown]

So now I'm gonna move on and actually describe an experience I have had as a trans man who is currently detransitioned due to financial status. This experience involves both misogyny and transphobia, and I'm not really here to debate weather or not I Can experience these things, instead I'm just going to share it.

So I guess somewhat important context to this is that I am rather feminine by appearence. If you encountered me in the wild you'd think I was the hoodie and cookie monster pajama girl from high school. My partner, also not currently receiving gender affirming care passes a bit better than me. He at the very least gives people pause or incites confusion. Usually, though, people just assume he's a young man.

I was going to get a state ID because I had moved recently to another state. My ID from my previous state had my gender marked as M because I went through the due process to get that done. New home state has a policy that if youre from out of state you have to get your ID processed at the police station. My partner is also trans and had gone a week prior to get his done, and they had respected his ID's gender marker, moving all of his information from the out of state record.

I go in and of course I am marked F, so upon reviewing it I said thats incorrect, because my ID says M. We go back and forth and I eventually produce my partner's ID and say "you did it for him just last week". Big mistake on my part because I'm honestly still learning how not to give people like this the benefit of the doubt. Regardless, they go to their manager to figure out what to do.

A few minutes later I am called alone into the managers office. Here's a shortlist of this meeting;

-Thet confiscated my partners ID without him present

-Told me my due process didn't matter, that I can only change it if I had a letter saying I had already had SRS.

-Took my previous ID and voided it so I couldn't change my birth certificate

-Made me submit my ID as F

-Tell me my partner has to come in to correct his to F as well

This all happens very quickly, and I try to advocate for myself and lose. By the end of it, I am crying a bit and I mutter to myself "This is fucking insane".

This is the part that really fucked me up.

The manager stepped forward toward me, holding her hands in that defensive position, the one cops to do say 'I'm calm but prepared to use force', you know where they tilt their hips forward and rest their hands on the front of their belt. She tells me "I understand you're upset, but there is no swearing in here."

I am a nearly 30 year old MAN. And she is trying to tell me not to swear like I'm some teenager giving her lip.

"I'm not from here, this is just how I talk" I say, not yet realizing that she is trying to instigate. She prods this issue again, trying to detract me, trying to get me to cuss more. Trying to rile me up. I become quiet and still, thank them for their time and leave. She called me Sweetheart as I left.

And there is nothing I can do in this situation. Im dealing with cops in a red state. There's nothing I can do but cave to the authority because my plans are bigger than this. Because to further advocate is to put myself in danger and she made that very clear by drawing a line at me swearing. So I submit.

Submitting in a situation like this feels like your power is being taken from you. Like they are physically removing something from your arms and trying to get it back would be a major risk. It's not just that someone is stepping on me, it's that theyre telling me politely to get on the ground so I can be stepped on. It felt especially oppressive in this scenario, but it always feels like this. In the workplace, in social group, in family, a trans man is the least respectable thing you can be because not only are you a woman, but you're a crazy, damaged woman and if you're me you get ire for being a waste of a pretty face.

There's always a timeline too, it can be long or short but it always goes like this; People receive me initially with feigned tolerance and some mild comparisons to my partner's masculinity. Then they start poking and pushing and trying to see if I'm really a trans man in ways they think is subtle but to me is very unsubtle. Eventually, when they've disrespected me to the point of reacting emotionally, they act like they've gotten their gotcha moment because I've displayed the Ultimate Thing that makes you Not A Man: Tears. Most of them don't even need to get to there to conclude I'm a trender because well if I'm already almost 30 and haven't transitioned, I must not want it bad enough.

I'm sharing this story not just because it displays the intersections of being a trans man, how hard it is to obtain respect and how fragile that respect is, but also because I know there are guys out there who are like me. I see you, you with the puffy lips and round hips, you who can't transition right now, you who feels like he's waiting for a some day, for a time when it's just okay to exist out there and be treated with the basic fucking dignity of telling someone "Hi, I'm Dave" and having them reply without looking at your tits first. Who has beat himself up in the quiet hours for years for being too emotional, too feminine, feeling assaulted by the way the world wants to commodify your body and demonize your mind. You deserve to be seen and respected.