#can you do that for me ap
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a new andrew peterson album would fix me.
#andrew peterson#this is mostly a joke but also:#sir i would really appreciate it#some beautiful pastoral care through songwriting in my life rn#telling me it will be ok and reminding me that everything points to the resurrection#that everything is being made new and that Jesus is here and here and here and he loves us so much#and all the sad and desperate dark things are not the ending#and that the stories are true#can you do that for me ap#ragamusings#it's one of those 'everything hits at once' nights and i cried four separate times on my drive home#love that my drive home is long enough for that lol#the last new album was in 2018 ok i have been very patient i think but ap i would like your agent's number#bc you said you basically only make a new record when she tells you it's time
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okay so i was thinking of a joke earlier about how in DPDC Amity Park's slogan "a great place to live" is not only city propaganda but also the city lording it over the rest of America for being normal. But then I remembered that, despite how many DCU Cities with heroes in it there are, the amount of cities in America without heroes still far outnumber the amount of cities in America WITH heroes.
So I did a little digging so the joke would still land. Something most heroes have in common is that they operate in major cities. What makes a major city? I found that the general consensus is that the population is roughly over or around a million. THEN I looked up the populations of cities in the DCU that I thought of off the top of my head. So Gotham, Metropolis, Starling City, Central City, Jump City. All of them ranked up to millions in population (most of them were in the tens of millions).
Amity Park's wikipedia describes it as being similar to specifically Philadelphia, Chicago, and San Francisco.
Philadelphia's Population: 1.576 million as of 2021 Chicago's Population: 2.697 million as of 2021 San Francisco: 815,201 as of 2021
Whiiich means that Amity Park if we take that from canon, is probably a major city. There are approximately 19,000 cities in America with probably less than a hundred that are major cities. Adding the DCU major cities wouldn't skew the data too much.
Which MEANS that I can make the joke that Amity Park's "great place to live" is not only just typical city propaganda, but also its Amity Park lording it over the other major cities for being one of the only major cities that doesn't have problems bad enough to warrant a superhero or a vigilante. Cue stage left the Fentons and Phantom :)
Amity Parkers were probably SO proud that they didn't need a superhero. They didn't have to worry about things like 'world ending threats' and 'super-powered individuals' and 'staggering property damage'. And then enter Fentons.
It also could be used as an excuse for why nobody took notice to Amity Park getting ghosts if folks like me aren't huge fans of the notion of a media blackout via Tucker, Technus, or the US Government. Or if you want to keep Amity Park as its urban city self. Amity Park's news on ghosts gets drowned out in a week because there's news on more popular, well-known cities going on every other day. The shit going on in Amity Park is every other major city's regular Tuesday and it gets filtered as such.
#dp x dc#dp x dc crossover#dpxdc#dpdc#plus amity suddenly going 'we have ghosts' could be seen as a case of city-wide FOMO finally hitting so nobody believes them#and thats if the belief of ghosts not being real is as strong as it is in dp canon#the media blackout could also be /city-induced/ too#where amity parkers are so proud of being 'normal' and 'not having superheros' that many of them try and deny the existence of Phantom#and the mayor and news sources themselves just. stubbornly refuse to let news of ghosts get out to the other cities#do you know how much shit they'll get?? they'll be a laughingstock!#gothamites would never leave them alone. neither would central city or the metropolitans or starling city or--#the other big cities will make fun of them :(#my new favorite hc that stemmed from this is that every major city in the dcu is rivaling with each other#there's a lot you can experiment with this idea imo lmao#this whole post sums up my writing and thinking process pr well tbh#this stemmed because im making a childhood friends au short story doc and wanted to avoid the typical tropes about how AP went undetected#from the rest of the US. bc. im not a fan of the media blackout idea via tucker/technus/gov and i wanted to keep AP an urban city#so i had to come up with something else#hence me looking into DCU cities and how many there are and realizing that there is a decent amount of other cities other than the main#popular ones and being DELIGHTED because then i could use that as an excuse for why amity went overlooked. bc there are many cities with#heroes in it. so its not surprising if another city gets a hero TOO. plus the news also focusing on more popular heroes and cities so again#the news of amity getting a hero gets drowned out by whatever new thing the JL or someone from the JL did that week
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ok but like.......................,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,noa and mae
#to me??? THIS flavor of enemies to lovers???? yeah :)))#they're so messy <3#mae: blows up the vault with all the apes inside#also mae: soon as he unblocks me the wedding is back on#“oh but tumblr user blackstarising you can't do that that's a person and a monkey-” this is a franchise where apes can talk#and a franchise where we have had at LEAST two ape human smooches. so. let me be delusional and have this#will it be canon? doubt it! but oh how i'm Thinking#kingdom of the planet of the apes#planet of the apes
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let's talk BL manga lore; on grooming, identity, and racism
spoilers for the official captain laserhawk bl manga ofc, plus brief discussion of grooming I've refrained from speaking about it because of spoilers, but it's been well over a month and I believe that it's time to openly discuss it. if you would still like to read the manga before reading this discussion, here's the link to buy a physical copy and you can search up 'Captain Laserhawk: Crushing Love' in your digital book store for it. okay time to talk about two, basically three subjects; racism, identity, and grooming. i'm starting with the grooming first, because that's the main focus of this manga. i would have to preface this by saying i've already discussed this topic in an earlier post (albeit it is a prediction, but it is a spot on prediction.) i'll briefly elaborate on it right now with what we know.
dolph's very first day with alex was carefully calculated to where dolph would be exposed to the world, but heavily rely on alex. he is shown around to alex's friends and is able to buy his own clothes, but it is under the heavy scrutiny of alex. alex ultimately decides what dolph wears, alex decides how the day goes, alex leads dolph. even when they have a beach day, take note of how alex holds dolph, dragging him around.
even the romance and the events leading up to when alex takes dolph's virginity are calculated. note how alex grasps dolph's hand, grabbing on tight enough to almost press down on his knuckles, loosening his hand, making dolph relinquish control. the context for the fight page is that after their sweet lil beach day, alex takes dolph down an alley where alex knows that he'll come across people who aren't the fondest of him. this event was calculated, alex knew it was going to happen, and he used it to test out his new lil boytoy.
also, alex taking dolph out to fight isn't just so he can get in the pants of a barely 18 year old. while holloway notes during this flashback that adrenaline is the greatest aphrodisiac, this is a test to see how good the new weapon he picked up is. how the new boy works, to see how eden's boy robot can benefit his group, not just him. its literally in the morning panels we get where alex talks with that woman, anna. they're talking about how loaded he is with tech, and while alex does consider that, he still actively thirsts over dolph.
also im jus saying if i personally was talking with one of my greatest confidants and they refer to someone i'm thirsting over as KID, i would personally be icked out. i would have a conscious and not do some weird shit, like literally refer to dolph in passing as kid in the next page. dolph aint even the first one who alex has done this shit to, as evident by this line by one of his friends, grace.
alex is a groomer and groomed dolph, case closed.
anyways! time to get on with what i really wanted to talk about, how racism and loss of idenity ties into dolph's character!
in this manga, during pillow talk between dolph and alex, we get dolph's backstory. dolph literally has only known this man for a day and he's giving him lore because alex treats him more normal than eden did. god. ANYWAYS ENOUGH DWELLING ON DOLPH BEING A VICTIM IN ALL WAYS INCLUDING BEING ONE OF THE OXFORD STUDY, we get to know about his brief life before eden took him in.
now let me turn for a moment to the show, and how we were told about dolph's backstory. this is VASTLY different than what we got in the show, with it being implied that dolph's parents were a white prostitute and a darkskinned immigrant man. this adds onto the idea that this supposedly impoverished, crack addicted boy came into this world not as an act of love, but as a mistake. not just a mistake though, his parents are supposedly the epitome of immoral, a prostitute and a criminal. not to mention that this also ties into the idea of the uncultured brown man and pure white woman, basically a racist idea that the scary immigrants who aren't like us good white christian americans (and honestly jus any homogenous group in general, though in america its ofc more applicable to white people), are corrupting our mother marys, our women. eden takes on this perspective in order to subconsciously frame in the minds of post american viewers the idea of this man as an other that they are helping and didn't at all snatch up from his mother for child experimentation. the concept of other is something that finds it's origins in fascism, and in order to mask the presence of said fascism, someone who is seen as apart of the other is given a seat at the table with the collective us, (as in the majority, or the ones that are supposedly superior), and will ultimately serve as an example of why the other are labelled as such. i go into this more with my rayman analysis. I brought up the specific portrayal of dolph's backstory from eden's documentary to showcase how eden has manipulated the view people have of this man. eden has not only manipulated the view of the in universe audience, but eden has manipulated our view.
in the propaganda documentary, we are shown photos of this man being a captain, someone of relatively high rank in the military. you can't even normally earn that through having an education, you'd have to have years of experience. he's portrayed as older than he is.
another thing, dolph fans, let's be honest with ourselves; before the manga, it was not uncommon to headcanon that man as a FREAK. with both the supposed images of dolph at a nightclub and the flashback of alex and dolph meeting outside a club, it wasn't too hard to think that the hottest man alive in that show who was fully born human was a freak. a sexual deviant. someone that a christian mother would be horrified enough by that she faints. the manga however, shows us that dolph really isn't any of that. hell, he didn't even get to go to a club before he met alex. in reality, he's around 18 years and his only sexual experience is his groomer.
say that again with me, he's around 18. he's just around 18, he's a young adult, and the environment he's grown up in has stunted him by treating him as a subject, a thing, cutting him off from anything that would humanise this child by not allowing him to see his mother. hell, even his childhood best friend serves eden by being the one in his ear, having him at her beck and call all in the name of eden.
we get none of dolph's true backstory in the show for any number of reasons. maybe it's on purpose, maybe it's a result of having to possibly cut down episodes, who knows? what matters though is that this adds a layer to the core problem defining dolph's life; the perspective others have on him warping who he is.
back to the pages with dolph's memories of his mother, we see dolph as he was when he was just a boy. he's his mama's boy, her son, a child. even when eden takes him in, he stubbornly clings to that bit of him that's pure, untainted by the idea of him being an experiment, a tool. this bit of him, this hint towards who he is supposed to be as a person, is something he clings to desperately. it leads him to follow eden's orders again because they promise that they've found his mother.
and yknow what happened with who dolph was told was supposedly his mother?
she was just a random ass indian woman.
wasn't even the right woman. they just used his identity issues because he's indian, and she was indian and in a cult that eden needed to take care of.
this, while admittedly is kind of funny, (like the confusion is funny in the moment look at ts) is actually fucked up crazy racism. they literally said that this random ass woman who happened to be indian was his mother like HELL!?!??!?!?
this insane fr. lucy didn't even double check LIKE GIRL THAT'S SUPPOSED TO BE YOUR FRIEND'S MOTHER WHO HE HASNT SEEN SINCE HE WAS LIKE 6 AND YOU DIDNT EVEN DOUBLE CHECK IF SHE'S THE RIGHT PERSON?!?!?!?
moving on from that, this actually brings up a deeper layer of dolph's identity issues; the lack of cultural identity.
i want to preface this by saying that i am not entirely sure if this is the right term for this identity issue nor am i claiming to be an expert on the type of identity crisis that i am about to discuss. that being said, this specific disconnect of cultural identity that dolph has is actually reminiscent of those adopted from other countries, or transnational adoptees. there seems to be a need within these adoptees to find out more about their own heritage or their own mothers and families that they now struggle to find. while dolph does not actively go out to reconnect with his heritage, he does exhibit desires to find his birth mother. this type of identity issue seems to ask the question of 'what could I have been if...?,' and it tends to mess with the idea of the self. adoptees that struggle with this question hold a desire to go back, to almost reclaim what would have been. yes, dolph is not adopted into a family, but he is still a child under the care of eden, which became like his family, which is why i believe that this kind of identity issue could reasonably be applied to dolph. it explains why he does what he does in the manga, and how it's ultimately wrapped up by him losing this desire and moving forward. albeit he moves forward by alex instead becoming his main purpose, but this serves as the first chain of the past that he leaves behind. with this, he severs a tie that would have made him continue to be stuck under eden's control, and possibly find himself. he answers the question of what could have been with 'it doesn't matter anymore.'
but actually, he doesn't answer that question. he leaves it be.
i am reading way too into this tho lol. i would say that he doesn't explicitly say it, and that we do see a lack of dolph's past being used against him in that way because dolph has freed himself from that part, but in reality, it's because eden can't pull the same trick twice. im aware that the manga focuses HARD on dolph's grooming, but i feel like they really could have properly wrapped up dolph's identity arc with his mother if it was acknowledged at the end, but i fear we are left unsatisfied. that's one of my gripes with the manga. it gives us things that tie up loose ends, but some of these ties have entirely missed the holes they were supposed to secure. but what is done is what's done, and here we are.
tl;dr, dolph was groomed by alex. dolph's identity has also been warped by eden heavily, by how they dehumanised him as a child to be a weapon internally, to how he's shown to the public to be a case that they've saved, and yet he still becomes something that is "disgraceful." textbook example of this poor boy that we have saved that is actually jus like all the others that we know. dolph also suffers under similar identity issues as adopted children do, and this specific issue of his is let go in order to allow him to begin moving on and finding himself.
as always, im open to discussion and critique! my askbox is open as well if you want me to yap abt smth else in the show :P
#cw: grooming#captain laserhawk#dolph laserhawk#character analysis#analysis#admittedly rushed through the grooming analysis but its like.#read the manga#literally jus read the manga#its spelt out for us#i might honestly do something with the sexualisation of dolph next#its been bugging me lol#like that man could be in ym ap classes with me#hes literally my age#anyways this is a long analysis lol#long ass yap session#i have a lot of thoughts abt this manga can you tell#also sorry this isn't as clean as my other analyses are#its a ramblely one
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Can we please see more of burnt out AP student kirby. Reminds me of highschool lol
return of burnt out AP student kirby :]
(also gentle reminder to pls credit me if using my art as pfp or banner!)
#lets go burnt out ap student kirby!!! you can do it!!!!#this is me projecting 100%#high school is a bitch#thankfully its gotten a bit better since the last one but still#kirby series#kirby#copy abilities#veves ultra cool art
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Blast Off! Performed live in San Diego last fall! 🫶
#weezer#rivers cuomo#songs from the black hole#sftbh#i forced my boyfriend to record this becuSe i’m quite short so i couldn’t see right#i’m just so small and petite!!!! >.<#brian bell#patrick wilson#scott shriner#anyways#i got no 1 agnetha listener on airbuds. she’s one of the singers from ABBA#im a big abba fan too! i was wondering what kinda music you guys listen to#i like laufey tons; she interacted with me once on twitter and it’s my greatest feat#UVE BEEN A FAN SINCE 2020 🙄#tch…. posers.#o ya! back to school starting soon too#i’m taking 5 ap classes; seminar; apush; apes#and ap pre clac and ap physics#i wasn’t gonna do APES originally but i kinda have to bc i have no other options :( i like computer science so i wanted to do that but the#class was full; it’s okay though since i can do it next year !#not end of the world :3 but !!!! also$!!! i’m taking my permit test today#retake cuz i kinda had a panic attack the first time😭 i felt like i was gonna die.#it’s okay! i’m amazing. and im gonna do great on it
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my number 1 way of overcoming my own social anxiety is to do things to assuage OTHER people's social anxiety. it makes me like extrovert passing and it makes other people a lot more comfortable around you bc they feel seen and included without having to ask. it can even create a situation where you become the defacto shepard of the group bc shy people will follow u like a little flock of sheep not having a clue you're ALSO scared to be here lolol
#you can also find specifically other wall flowers and open with hey im too shy to be out there do you wanna talk?#'thats scary' just imagine if someone did it to you tho. you would be like oh thank god someone to stand with me#apes together strong etc
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you wanna know what??
I am
TIRED
of overmasculinized werewolves!!!!
I WANNA SEE A
WEREWOLF
WALKING AROUND IN A CVNTY LITTLE OUTFIT!!! WALKING THE STREETS!!!! DISEMBOWELING CREATURES!!!!
I WANNA SEE WEREWOLVES COVERED IN BLOOD AND GORE WHILE WEARING A SHORT SKIRT AND CROPTOP WITH HELLO KITTY ON IT!!!!
I WANNA SEE A WEREWOLF WALKING AROUND IN COTTAGE AND FAIRY AND PRINCESS CORE OUTFITS!!!!!! WITH A DEAD MANGLED RABBIT IN ITS MOUTH!!!!
AND MAKE THE WEREWOLF
D I S G U S T I N G ! ! !
#i am TIRED of seeing all these manly man werewolves that are all copy and paste white boys#I am TIRED of seeing all these woman werewolves being butch and masculine(also mostly white) or submissive!!!#I WANNA SEE SOME PLUS-SIZE WEREWOLVES I WANNA SEE SOME BLACK ASIAN LATINO MIDDLE EASTERN NON WHITE WEREWOLVES!!!!! THAT ARNT F3TIZIED!!!!!#I WANNA SEE A G I R L WEREWOLF THATS INTO “G I R L Y” THINGS!!!!! LET THE WEREWOLF BE A SLVT!!!!!#LET THE WEREWOLF BE IN THE TRADITIONAL CLOTHING OF ITS CULTURE!!!!#AND RIP AND TEAR AND MAUL AND CRY IN THE MORNING AFTER DOING ALL OF IT!!!! RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#no but fr can we werewolf fans like. actually sit down and reflect on the inherent misogyny of werewolves??? ESPECIALLY IN MEDIA#like. almost EVERY. SINGLE. WEREWOLF. in movies and shows and stuff are always a buff white man with anger and trust issues#and on the rare occasion that there *is* a woman werewolf shes always either over masculine or “weaker” than the “stronger alpha male” were#olf and only seen as a mate. AND shes always “calmer” and “maternal” and “calms the alpha male down🥺🥺”.AND she never has an actually good#werewolf form its always either wolf tail and ears or full wolf. or if it *is* actually a decent werewolf her transformation is offscreen.#like whyyyyyyyyyyyyy are people so scared to make women go ape shit?????? werewolves are NOT pretty creatures!!!! STOP MAKING THEM PRETTY!!#(lmao jk we know why they're so scared hashtag male gaze)#like yes. werewolves ARE pretty but not in the “dog show 30k$ poodle” kind of way i see some people making them(not that that's bad tho)#AND ALSO LIKE. ARE WE JUST GOING TO PRETEND WEREWOLVES LITERALLY WEREN'T MADE FOR WOMEN AND MINORITIES???#like. once a month someone turns into a raging bloodthirsty unstoppable beast driven by the moon and instincts with an insatiable hunger an#need to hide away from people due to them wanting to kill you or fearing you simply because you're a werewolf. they don't know you. they ju#t see you as a creature that might hurt them. constantly being hunted down to be killed simply for existing.#WHAT PART OF THAT SCREAMS: “ah yes. White man.”#IK theres going be people(men and pick mes) that see this post and think “this bitch is overreacting” and tbh idc.the girls who get it get#the girls who dont dont.#anyways shout out to Ginger Snaps trick or treat and every other piece of media or fan piece with disgusting non-f3tiszied woman/poc werewo#i love yall#*smooch smooch*#Werewolves#Werewolf#Lycanthrope#Lycanthropy#Werewolf AU#Yeah. Im tagging that too. I see yall.
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language learning revelation i had
#me understanding 5 words in a 20 minute podcast episode: :D :D :D :D#me understanding enough of a podcast episode to be super aware of every word i dont know: :( :( :( :( :(#this is why the b1-b2 plateau is a thing#youre like in the 25-75% range there i think#which is THE MOST ANNOYING#with french i think ive just passed 75 so its fun again#im at like 80 i think#with arabic im at like 1 so its suuuper fun#it's avictory if i can figure out the TOPIC of ap odcast episode#bc like i cant read the titles fhkjghjgkhg#with french i could at least tell the topic from the title but i cant read the titles#so when i figure out what theyre talking about it's like holy shit#and i get like 20 minutes to try and do that#tunisian ones are fun bc they put in a lot of french words#so those are fairly easy to figure out#but also means i catch more and im doing 2 langauges at once so it doesnt take away from the fun#i explained to my dad yesterday my method of just listening to podcasts and trying to understand Anything. ANything At All#and he was like you have a lot of patience#but honestly i think it's the best way to learn#when you really want to know what something is saying and you have no other way to find out but to listen or read it#and like. figure it out#its my favourite way#and at the end the graph flattens out bc like it gets boring again right#this is why we start learning new languages when we plateau#bc we miss the fun
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Testament getting freed from justice’s control then unknowingly latching onto her daughter as their new reason to live is 1 of the funniest things thats ever happened to a character. They had no idea. Clueless
#i like to think they kinda knew something was up but they chose not to think about it.#when they first kinda. feel dizzy’s presence. in x drama cd. they sound scared.#of course in that moment they are also worried about a child’s safety but yeah. theyre a little freaked out#testament’s. hear me out. testament’s judgment story mode ending implies theyve talked to dizzy about what happened with them and justice.#thats interesting. thats really interesting. testament why cant you be the main character ao that kind of thing can happen on screen more.#okay. thats all. think about testament with me. smiles at you in the way that apes do as a sign of aggression.#the kat goes meow#gg
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kate! this may be a weird question but how did you decide you wanted to do law and which law school to go to? im so confused with what i want to do and would appreciate any advice ❤️
nice try feds
#i kinda of knew i wanted to do law. i was v good a legal studies in hs. i was v good at English. i took AP english.#so the stars kinda aligned for me. i also associated law with these romantic and unrealistic conceptions which helped me really work for it#as for law school- NICE TRY FEDS (sorry bb im not comfortable disclosing which uni im a student of while im still studying#totes not anything on your part- there are just a lot of weirdos online and i think its bad online hygiene to do that lmAO#though i will say this: when i got my offers it was between the uni im attending and the university of st andrews.#i am still v much obsessed with st andrews and i hope i can do post grad there one day. the 2 major problems were:#st andrews doesnt actually have law. i was gonna do international relations then law- thats how bad i wanted it lol#anyway the real roadblock was that my mother spends like 8 months of the year in the UK and thats too fucking close to Scotland#and bb kate would have killed herself etc.#you just need to find the middle ground between what you love and what youre good at
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honestly the only character customization option that matters to me in games is whether or not they let you be nonbinary. and also the hair
#if it's a game made after 2015 and it makes you choose between male or female and/or has male or female-exclusive hairstyles you've lost me#concerned ape please let me be nby in 1.6. please#i hear about how you can customize your character's d/ck in bg3 and it's like i do not care. can i have PRONOUNS.#yeah i'm censoring that word. i'm not 100% sure if it'll get p/rnbots coming after me i'm not taking any chances
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one of my fav things ab bein’ back on tumblr is that i don’t have to type so sTIFFLY i can be whimsical ! and silly ? with my punctuations and cApitilozation and i can TYPO AND ITS FINE
#AP style you can kiss my ASS#@my stylebook i still love u baby ill see u in the morning#but rn im gonna be reckless wit it#takin my freedom where i can get it#that’s it that’s all#Makes Me FEEL AliVe#Grammarly you can get fucked too just while i’m airing grievances#i guess i should mention i work as a proofreader so all i do is make things proper#work has. been hell lately okay listen#so many magazine spreads#i love my job b thankful grateful etc#but press week almost did me iN THIS TIME#jane if you see this NO you didn’t it’s already embrassing enough that you know i thirst over drew starkey#spare me some dignity bitch
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Richard Papens fatal flaw is a morbid longing for the picturesque at all cost and mine is sampling distributions in AP Statistics
#I got a 6% on my unit test#pls#you guys help#I can’t do math#quotes#the secret history#donna tartt#richard papen#nobody can help me now#wish me luck on the AP exam!#(I’m gonna drop the class)
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got so mad at my homework i accidentally snapped my pencil in half 🙁
#guys i think maybe im just not cut out for ap chem#😰😭🤨<- me trying to do chemistry math that i dont know how to do#anyway.. ill ask about it tommorow bc im done with this shit!!#i completed the other 3 hw assignments he gave us today so like. its not the biggest deal but its still annoying#i need to know how to do this shit!!#i can feel the impending 2 on the ap exam.. and thats okay (shaking)#this is what happens when you take a class bc a pretty girl told you to. she sirened my ass man.
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Me: I got a 25 on the ACT!
Mom: it won't get you into BYU, especially with your math grade the way it is.
Me: I have a 3.7 GPA, and I can always retake the ACT?
Mom: you're going to need a really good admissions essay if you want to get into BYU.
Me: thanks, mom.
#25 without even studying#so anyways now i don't want to tell her about my AP test score#it's a 3 which means that I passed#but at the same time#I'm always told to do better#and there's no validation there#just do better so you can get into your dream school#like mother. i'm trying!#but do you know what straight a's get me? panic attacks every time i get anything less than an A#do you want to repeat 9th grade where i was told that every second counted towards college and you'd have to hold me#as i cried at 10 pm at night because I thought I wasn't good enough#and it's taken me literal years to finally reach the conclusion that my grades aren't everything and even then i still panic#whenever i get anything less than a C#the math grade was an outlier from a set of horrible circumstances#i finished 11th with 5 A's two B's and a D and you come after me for the D#it's always 'do better; your grades suck' when I have one bad grade#i'm taking 3 AP classes next year because I want to college credit#I was on the honor roll the entirety of junior high#I'm working towards a chord at graduation#maybe one day i'll be praised for everything i've sacrificed just to be good enough#i know that I need better grades and scores for BYU#and I've literally been working my ass off to get into BYU my entire life
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