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ranwing · 6 years

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Kadam Fic: Learning To Fly (6/?)

Title: Learning to Fly Series: A New Direction (was Season Four Remix) Pairing(s), Characters(s): Kadam, Kurt Hummel, Adam Crawford, Burt Hummel, Rachel Berry, Santana Lopez, Carmen Tibideaux, Cassandra July, Artie Abrams, Tina Cohen-Chang, Elliot “Starchild” Gilbert, Dani, Adam’s Apples, Original Characters Rating: PG13 Genre(s): canon divergence. Parts: 6/? Summary: As another school year starts at NYADA, Kurt seemed to have it all. The respect of his teachers, a group of wonderful friends and best of all, getting to live with the man that he’d come to love. So of course the universe would throw a few curve balls in his direction.

Part One, Part Two, Part Three, Part Four, Part Five

On AO3

With the end of the semester on the horizon, the students of NYADA began to work themselves into their usual early winter tizzy. There were written tests to sit for and mid-winter critiques and evaluations to endure. Days were spent in brutal practices to make sure that their skills were up to the high standards demanded or studying the finer elements of the lessons that their professors had been trying to impart on them for the better part of a semester.

The invites for the Winter Showcase were distributed and if Kurt held any real disappointment that he did not get an invite this year, it was certainly tempered by the fact of just how busy he was. With all his classes and exams he had to prepare for, plus the rehearsal schedule for Les Miz, he was rather grateful to not have another demand placed on his already strained schedule. Even Rachel had merely shrugged at not getting an invite and put her focus on preparing for her dance critique since that was still her weakest area.

The upper classmen were fortunate in some ways, Kurt considered. Despite the heavy burden of work that they had to shoulder as the semester wound down and the elevated expectations of them, he and his classmates already knew what was expected of them and had already shown that they could rise to the occasion. For the freshmen, however, it was a harsh reminder of just what they had let themselves in for by pursuing an education at this particular conservatory. It wasn’t unusual to see one of the younger students running out of a classroom in tears because they were so completely overwhelmed by what was demanded of them.

Which was the reason that he found himself in the Starbucks near school one afternoon after his last class, plying a freshman with hot chocolate and cookies and trying to help her regain her lost composure. Meredith Calvanico was a rarity in Kurt’s estimation. A voice and theater major like himself who had not been put off by the relatively low reputation of the Apples and found in their group a respite from the intense pressure that everyone at NYADA endured. She was talented, but very level-headed and didn’t use her talents to look down on others. Kurt very much appreciated her down to earth nature.

She’d been nicknamed “Merry” by the older Apples an account of her perpetually cheerful disposition and her deep love of all things Tolkien, but she wasn’t living up to her nickname at the moment. The young woman was rather distraught at how she felt her voice critique had gone and knowing Madam Tibideaux the way he’d come to, he doubted that their professor left any doubt as to her opinion of Merry’s efforts.

“I just don’t know what I’m doing wrong,” she said morosely, clutching her cup in both hands as if to comfort herself. “I’m doing everything that she’s told me to do all semester but it doesn’t seem to be working.”

“I’m sure it can’t be that bad,” Kurt said smoothly, sipping at his coffee. He was quite aware of how melodramatic theater students tended to be and it was easy to blow even the most constructive criticism well out of proportion. He certainly was guilty of that on more than a few occasions. “I know that she can be really harsh, but she’s always looking to help us be better performers.”

Merry looked up at Kurt with tears in her dark eyes. “She told me that I was wasting my time and hers. I don’t think that there’s a whole lot of room for creative interpretation there.”

Kurt was well versed in handling Rachel when she got into moods like this and had a pretty good idea of how to help Merry cut through her own hurt to see what was really going on. “What exactly did she say?” he asked kindly, knowing that the young girl very much needed to recognize what she was really being told behind the harshly worded critique. “What were you singing?”

Merry sighed and took a moment to think back. “I did ‘Always a Bridesmaid’,” she said. “I’d done it before in high school and it was always received well. I tend to better with character roles since I’m not your traditional lead type.”

Kurt frowned slightly at that self-assessment. It was true that Merry wasn’t conventionally beautiful. She was tall and gangly with a long, solemn face and tended to dress in jeans and hooded sweatshirts that wouldn’t have looked out of place in Finn’s wardrobe. She would benefit from a bit of makeup and having her dark blond hair styled in a more flattering manner than the scraggly ponytail she tended to wear it in, but he hadn’t managed to figure out a way to suggest the possibility of a makeover without insulting her. With her height and severe features, she could be a striking presence and she had a gorgeous contralto voice that would lend itself easily to a wide range of roles, both lead and supporting.

“So I did my solo and I thought I did it really well,” Merry insisted. “But Madam Tibideaux ripped into everything. She didn’t like my choice of song or my demeanor or anything. And that if I want to content myself at being nothing more than a second-tier player, there’s no need for me to attend a place like NYADA.”

The young girl looked down in her cup, completely dejected. “Maybe I’m not cut out to be here,” she said despondently. “I was shocked that I even got admitted. I mean, it was crazy that I even applied since It’s not like I ever got leads in high school so maybe they made a mistake.”

Kurt didn’t think so, but he kept that thought to himself for a moment as he considered what Merry had told him. It seemed that Merry’s experiences mirrored his own in some ways; stuck in supporting roles and never given the opportunity to shine on their own before arriving at NYADA. But whereas he had started to discover his real worth as a performer with his trial by fire audition, Merry still apparently saw herself as being only worthy of supporting roles.

Come to think of it, Kurt couldn’t remember her ever trying to take the lead during an Apples number. At first he’d thought it was because she was new and because their rehearsals had been so infrequent the past few weeks. Now he was starting to think there was a more significant reason.

“Merry, I think I get what Madam Tibideaux is driving at,” he proposed. “I know that she can sound really brutal, but you really need to pay attention to what she’s trying to tell you. I don’t think that she wasn’t saying that you don’t deserve to be at NYADA. She was saying just the opposite.”

Merry blinked back her tears. “What do you mean?” she asked. “I thought that she was pretty clear. I totally suck.”

Kurt offered her a reassuring smile. “One thing I learned here is that you need to have a really think skin, and be able to take criticism with a clear mind otherwise you’ll never survive. Are you taking dance with Ms. July?”

Merry’s nose wrinkled in distaste. “She calls me Olive Oyl.”

Kurt couldn’t help from chuckling sympathetically. “That’s not too bad. My nickname isn’t a whole lot better,” he confided. “But what does she say about your actual dancing?”

Merry shrugged offhandedly. “She’s harsh on everyone. I get complaints about my posture and balance mostly, and the fact that I’m so tall that it’s hard to find someone to partner me. Otherwise it’s a lot of nitpicking.”

Kurt nodded approvingly. “That’s good. She’ll always be extra critical about form, but if she’s not going on about you working hard and not picking up things quickly enough then you’re really doing well,” he explained. “Who she goes after the hardest are the people who don’t give her the effort regardless of their talent levels. You can be the best dancer in the world, but if you’re just coasting along she’ll happily gut you and leave you bleeding on the floor.

“Madam Tibideaux is the same in some ways, although she’s a bit more refined in how she does it,” he advised. “When I was struggling to see why I deserved to be at NYADA, she gave me a bit of tough love and explained that she picks students on the basis of the potential for growth she sees in them. Not necessarily because they were big stars in their old schools. It didn’t matter what I was before. All that mattered was that I was fulfilling her expectations and becoming what she thought I could be.”

Merry blinked in surprise at his confession. “I can’t imagine you not being a big star before NYADA,” she said softly. “When I saw you at the showcase when we were auditioning… you were amazing.”

Kurt smiled at her gently. “I was the strange gay kid with a high-pitched voice and no real formal training,” he explained. “My old show choir leader didn’t seem to know what to do with me most of the time and apparently couldn’t imagine me as a soloist. He worked out that I sounded great when I was singing with the girls, or when he wanted a brighter tone with the boys. But every time we had a show or a competition, I was in the background. That doesn’t do much for your confidence, especially when my first attempt to get into NYADA was rejected.”

Merry was silent for a few moments as she absorbed what she was being told. “I wouldn’t have thought that,” she insisted. “You’ve always struck me as being so self-assured.”

Kurt nodded. “I’m learning to be,” he corrected. Those lessons had not come easy and he wasn’t ashamed to admit, at least to himself, that he still struggled at times.

“I’m not going to lie… it’s not easy,” he admitted. “I’ve always felt like I had to fight to get any kind of positive attention and it never amounted to anything. But I had to decide that I deserved to be in the spotlight and demand it for myself. I deserve to be here and one day, I will get the kind of roles that I’ve always dreamed of.”

Merry looked uncertain, apparently understanding what he was trying to tell her but not really accepting it. Kurt knew that he would have to turn the discussion around so that she could see what he was trying to explain from her perspective.

“Tell me… if you could be cast in any role you wanted, what would it be?” he asked, giving her a reassuring smile. “Your dream role… the kind that you have to pinch yourself if you ever got it.”

Merry’s cheeks heated, as if embarrassed with herself that she had even dared to imagine this for herself. “Evita,” she murmured, looking down at her cup to avoid his stare.

He felt a smile cross his face at her confession. “Honey, that would be such a great part of you,” Kurt insisted gently. “You would be amazing in that role.”

“Are you kidding me?” Merry demanded almost angrily, as if she thought he was mocking her. “Evita is strong and glamorous and look at me! I’m ugly and….”

“You are not ugly, Merry,” Kurt said firmly. He realized that he was dealing with some pretty serious self-esteem issues and that he needed to shift tactics if he wanted Merry to change how she as seeing things. Take the focus from what she saw as her shortcomings and move them to her strengths.

“Think about who Evita was. She came from absolutely nothing. She was nobody, but became the most powerful and admired woman in Argentina strictly by strength of will,” he reminded her.

Her eyes widened in surprise as his words began to sink in. Kurt saw the shift when what he was trying to get her to see was becoming clearer and he smiled, knowing that he got her.

“Evita never let anyone or anything stand in her way,” he said, reminding her of her favorite character’s story. “All the people who looked down on her and treated her like dirt… she made herself into what she wanted to be. She made herself an actress, then the first lady, and then an icon. All the people who mocked her? They were kissing her feet by the time she was done. Not because she was the most beautiful or the most talented, but because she was smart and driven and would not let anyone or anything stop her from getting what she wanted.

“There’s a big difference between being confident and being a prima donna,” he stated. “We have to be team players and play supporting parts at times. I mean, we both know that expecting to play every lead isn’t reasonable. But there is a big difference between taking a supporting role because we know that’s the best way we can help a production and not going after a lead because we don’t think that we’re good enough. Because if we don’t believe in ourselves, no one else is going to.”

Merry looked at him carefully, mentally weighting out his words. “You really think so?” she asked.

“I know so,” he insisted. “Madam Tibideaux knows that you have it in you to be that kind of performer, which is why she’s being so hard on you. She wants you to fulfill the potential that she saw in you.”

Merry considered what he had told her, pursing her lips thoughtfully. “How do you think I can do that?”

Kurt reached out to squeeze her hand assumingly. “I think that for your next critique, you should walk in there and sing ‘Buenos Aires’ and ‘Rainbow High’. Find Evita’s strength and drive and make it your own. And start showing Madam Tibideaux that she wasn’t wrong about you.”

The young woman inhaled deeply before nodding, a slight smile starting to ease the harsh lines of her features. She really would grow into a remarkably handsome woman once she fully matured, Kurt considered. She just needed a little help to smooth the way.

“I’ll think about it,” she promised. Her brown eyes sparked with a hint of mischief as she looked at the young man who was very much her mentor in these things.

“That’s all I can ask, though I’m going to be very disappointed if you chicken out,” Kurt chuckled as he finished his coffee. His phone chimed for his attention with the tune that indicated a text message from Adam.

“Excuse me,” he requested politely as he keyed in his access code. Seeing the message brought a fond smile to his face and he quickly typed an answer before turning his attention back to Merry, who was giving him a teasing smile.

“Adam?” she guessed, giggling at the flush that colored his cheeks becomingly. At his nod, she took a last bite of cookie and got up from her seat. “I’ll take that as my cue to leave since you obviously have something else to take care of. But thanks… I really will think about what you said.”

“If you need to talk, you have my number,” he reminded Merry. “Don’t be afraid to use it.”

“I won’t,” she promised. “And I’d better head out to do some practice for my dance practical. Since apparently I’m on Ms. July’s good side and I don’t want to waste that.”

Kurt couldn’t help from laughing. “That’s a very wise thing,” he agreed, thinking back to his own critique that morning. Having Ms. July’s favor was definitely something he wanted to hang on to.

* * *

Adam looked at the laughing men around him, smiling fondly at Ifan’s ribald joke and the way Logan blushed furiously at the teasing regarding the questionable charms, not to mention virtue, of his sweetheart back home. The jokes had taken on a rather morbid tone as the wait for the final orders was coming to an end. The odds were that Logan would never see his girl again, and none of them would see their families. But they had their duty to fulfill.

They heard the whistles and orders for men to line up on the recording of the background noises playing and Adam sighed, knowing that he needed to be strong for them. Swallowing down his own fear, h got to his feet.

“All right lads, let’s get ready,” he ordered gently. The group feel silent as the moment that they’d dreaded had finally arrived. They hurried to put aside their cups and plates and gathered up their rifles, falling into formation.

“Fix bayonets,” he commanded, his voice becoming firmer as he took on his responsibility as their officer.

Adam walked by, making a quick inspection to make sure that they were ready for what faced them. He checked Conrad’s rifle, giving him and exasperated glare at seeing that his bayonet was fastened upside down.

“Billington, at the rate you’re going, I’m afraid that the only German you’re likely to kill is one that died of typus three weeks ago,” he said archly, fixing the weapon and handing it back to the young man. Given that he had been giving the young man sardonic comments like this throughout the play, it was likely to get a laugh from the audience.

But Adam tempered the moment by giving the youngest of them a reassuring clap on the shoulder to remind him that he was among friends. It was a reminder of what they all would be facing very shortly. Ifan gave him a terse smile and Logan just nodded as Adam took his place at the head of the line. As their leader, he would be the first to face the line of fire.

“It’s been good to serve with you, sir,” Logan said softly, not bothering to look at his friend least he lose what composure he was managing to hang on to. The men needed them to be strong. “Good luck up there.”

Adam reached over to grasp his arm, taking comfort that the man he’d come to trust beyond all others would be at his side. “I’ll see you up top, lad,” he promised solemnly as they waited for the final order.

Drawing his sidearm, he tucked his baton under his arm and placed the whistle placed it to his lips and he waited for the final signal. At hearing the shouts and whistles being blown, he blew it loud and piercingly. The men behind him roared as they surged forward, weapons at the ready. They froze in place at the cue where the stage lights would go dark, holding their pose until their director clapped his hands and called a halt.

Mr. Keen looked them over before giving a nod of satisfaction. “All right, everyone. I think that’s enough for today,” he granted. He looked over the group and nodded approvingly. “That was excellent and I think that it’s really coming together now. Really… good work everyone!

“Now tomorrow I want everyone to put their books away. No more falling back on them for reference.”

Adam nodded in agreement, not worried about the increase in pressure that going off book would mean for the cast. They’d been working very cleanly the past few days and very rarely needed to refer to their scripts, but it was a signal that they were edging closer to their premiere date and the demands on the cast would only increase exponentially as they moved forward. By this stage of the process he was very comfortable with his part and the cast was really starting to come together as a cohesive unit. It was time to start fine tuning the staging and character interpretations. Mr. Keen was giving them a good amount of room for them to develop their characters and Adam had some very clear ideas that he wanted to try out for Lieutenant William Strictland.

“Hey Adam… some of the guys were talking about grabbing a pint or two once we get out of here,” Logan confided as they prepared to close rehearsal for the day.

Adam couldn’t help from smiling at his fellow Brit, enjoying the sound of the familiar accent though the actor playing his Sergent was a Liverpool native in contrast to his more London-tinged cadence. “That sounds like a great idea,” he said agreeably. “Let me just check Kurt’s schedule to see what time he’s getting out.”

He checked his calendar where he’d carefully charted out Kurt’s classes and rehearsals to maximize the amount of time that they were able to spend together. The younger man was busy right now with winter critiques on top of his rehearsals and Adam didn’t want to miss out on a moment that he was able to spend with his boyfriend. He was rather pleased when he noted that this would not be one of Kurt’s late nights, but Kurt had his winter dance critique that morning so he might need a bit of comforting.

“Sorry, but Kurt’s free this evening,” he advised with sincere regret. While he enjoyed spending time with his castmates, there was nothing to keep him from Kurt.

“Oh, come on Adam,” Ifan, the sole Welshman in the cast complained. “You skipped out on the last two times.”

“I’m sorry, but I really should head home,” Adam insisted, wanting to hold firm. He enjoyed socializing with the other men in the cast, but his time with Kurt was so limited before they left to start the tour. He didn’t want to miss a single hour of time he could spend with him.

Several of the others made groaning noises and Adam knew that it was noticed that he wasn’t spending enough time outside of work with his castmates. He knew very well that the bonding time they spend outside of the rehearsal room was important given that they would be living in one another’s back pockets for the next few months, but he couldn’t just ditch Kurt on one of the evenings that they had together.

“Why don’t you have Kurt meet us there?” Logan suggested. “We’re not going to make it a late night.”

“That’s a good idea,” Ifan agreed. “Go on… let him know to meet us at St. Andrews.”

“Don’t be a baby,” Nialls, the other English ex-pat in the cast insisted. “My wife’s going to meet us there too. It’s about time you stopped hiding him from us.”

Morgan Fanelli, the oldest member of the cast chimed in, “We promise that we’ll be on our best behavior and won’t scare him off.”

Laughing and knowing that he was beaten, Adam got out his phone and texted Kurt.

Am being kidnapped. Want to meet at St Andrews for a pint and ransom me?

As they were getting their coats on, his phone pinged and he checked for Kurt’s answer.

Sounds like fun. You’re buying.

Relieved that his lover wasn’t put out that their plans for a quiet evening was now going to be drinks and possibly dinner at the pub, treating Kurt was the very least that he could do. His boyfriend had been working so hard lately that Adam felt a bit badly at having so much more free time. While it was nice to be flexible enough to take advantage of Kurt’s rare free time, it was showing rather starkly the shift in going from being a student to a working actor in a show.

“He’ll meet us there,” Adam informed the others, who gave a bit of a cheer that their castmate would not be ditching them yet again. “And I’m sorry… I didn’t realize that I missed so many times.”

“It’s okay,” Nialls insisted, patting Adam on the shoulder. “Cynthia’s been a marvelously good sport, but if I leave her home too often, I might not have a wife to come back to when we’re done.”

“That’s why I’m staying single,” Conrad, the youngest in the cast claimed. “No worries about leaving someone at home and I can take advantage of all the hot girls on the road.”

Logan burst out laughing at the kid’s assumption about what life in the tour might entail. “Oh, like you’re going to have a lot of time or energy to get laid that often,” he claimed. “You can tell this is going to be your first time in a touring show.”

Adam couldn’t help laughing, because it was true. Most of the time, actors in touring productions had to amuse themselves and dating between cast members wasn’t at all unusual simply because they didn’t have the time to explore other options. So long as they remained friendly even when the relationship ended, it was a lot more convenient than trying to hook up in whatever town or city they were visiting. But a straight boy like Conrad in a cast of only male players would find his options very limited.

Conrad was Kurt’s age, but he couldn’t help from feeling that Kurt was miles ahead of him as far as maturity went. He was nice enough, Adam supposed though there was no telling how Conrad would handle the realities of life on the road. Having someone to miss and come home to made the hardships worthwhile, in his estimation. He wanted to have someone to look forward to when this job was done.

They arrived at the pub, which had become their regular hang out joint since rehearsals started. Adam ordered a pint for himself and kept an eye on the door for Kurt. The conversation was easy going as they chatted about how rehearsals were progressing and their preparations for the tour. Adam was already acquainted with Niall’s wife as she had joined them on several occasions before.

He was looking forward to Kurt meeting the rest of the cast and having a chance to showing off his boyfriend a bit. The others would probably give Kurt a bit of light teasing, but he wasn’t at all worried about Kurt not being able to hold his own with the group. Kurt had always been able to give as good as he got and the men that he worked with were a good-natured lot. They wouldn’t take things too far.

Kurt arrived about a half hour after they did, looking tired but still beautiful to Adam. He swept Kurt up into his arms and gave him a warm hug. “How did it go, love?” he asked.

“Brutal,” Kurt admitted. “I need a drink desperately. What are you having?”

“Cider. It’s quite good.”

“That sounds perfect. Can you get me a glass?”

“Right away, love.”

Once Kurt had a pint in his hand and had a chance to refresh himself a bit, Adam introduced him to the other members of his cast and felt a touch of pride at the admiring glances Kurt was getting from a few of the others. Adam knew that he wasn’t the only gay or bi man in their group and he couldn’t help from preening inwardly when he saw the nods of approval and admiration that he had managed to catch someone so spectacular.

Niall’s wife quickly took possession of Kurt’s arm and drew him aside. “It’s nice to finally meet you,” she said sincerely. “I’m glad that I’m not the only plus one anymore.”

“It’s nice to meet you too. Adam’s told me a lot about the cast and I was surprised that one of them was actually married,” he chuckled, taking the barstool next to her. She was a pretty woman a few years his senior, and her auburn hair cut in a very smart pixie style that made her blue eyes look absolutely huge in her delicate heart-shaped face.

“And technically I suppose you can consider us newlyweds,” she chuckled, sipping at her ale. “We’ll actually be celebrating our first anniversary while they’re in Chicago.”

Kurt couldn’t help from wincing a bit. “Ouch,” he said sympathetically.

Cynthia just shrugged. “I knew what I was letting myself in for when we got together,” she admitted. “You don’t get involved with an actor if you prize stability.”

Kurt couldn’t argue with that assessment. He was very well aware of what his profession entailed.

Cynthia looked over to where her husband was laughing with his castmates and smiled fondly. “Neither of us expected him to have to travel so soon after our wedding, but that’s how things played out,” she said with soft resignation.

Kurt’s eyes softened in understanding. “We’re in the same boat,” he confided. “We just moved in together a few months ago.”

“Then I’m very glad to meet you,” Cynthia said sincerely. “I’m going to need someone to help keep my sanity while they’re away. And someone who understands what I’m going through.”

“Me too,” Kurt admitted. He put on a cheerful face in front of his friends but having someone who really would understand being separated from the one he loved. As much as he knew that he could depend on them, this wasn’t something that they really could understand. Finn freed Rachel before she came to New York, so they technically weren’t a couple when they broke up for good, and Santana had already broken up with Brittany when she left for college. Neither of them knew what it was like to try to maintain a relationship over distance the way he’d had.

He was fortunate, he realized. He had so many friends now, more than he could ever remember having. Old friends and new would give him the support that he needed. But catching a loving glance from bright blue eyes as Adam turned his gaze to him while laughing at a joke made by one of his castmates just reminded Kurt that the one that he wanted most would be leaving him before too long.

But not permanently, he told himself with a smile as he sipped his cider. Not forever.

He could have forever to look forward to when Adam got home.

* * *

Adam sighed as he looked about the flat. The usual clutter that was the natural result two grown men trying to live in a space that was genuinely too small for them and all of their possessions was markedly reduced over the past few weeks as he and Kurt began the process of packing up the studio. A process that had started slowly was now picking up speed with only a few short weeks before Adam was to leave for the start of his show and Kurt moving into the NYADA dorms.

Even with Christmas fast approaching, they’d done almost no decorating. Last year Adam had squeeze in a tree that was far too large for his tiny flat, and had strung up lights and decorations on every surface that he could manage. This year, the decorations were minimal, and nearly an afterthought. The tree they’d purchased was barely a meter tall, bedecked simply with a few cherished ornaments and strings of popcorn and cranberries. It was a trifle depressing.

Adam had packed away much of his clothing into their storage unit since he wouldn’t need most of it until he returned to New York. If he needed anything, he could always buy it on the road. The bookcase was empty now save for Kurt’s text books and the bust of Shakespeare that Kurt had claimed for himself.

I’ll need something to decorate my room with.

Over the past few days, Kurt had been laying claim to several select things for his dorm room to make it a bit homier. To fill it with reminders of the time they’d shared in this little flat and the time they would be enjoying in the future. He wanted the oversized fleece blanket that they liked to snuggle in while watching television together. The battered throw pillows that had been the victims of several playful pillow fights between them. The poster from the Globe Theater that had decorated Adam’s childhood bedroom.

Kurt was sporting on of his beanies at the moment, a red cap with a white band around its hem. He looked absolutely adorable as he sorted through the box of Adam’s hats, picking out a few that he wanted to keep with him.

“I want this one too,” he claimed, pulling out a cap in navy blue wool. He fingered the fabric gently, a soft smile on his face.

“You were wearing this one the day I met you,” he said with fond remembrance. “I thought that you were so handsome and I couldn’t quite figure how why this gorgeous man was trying chat me up.”

Adam smiled and sat down on the couch next to him, gently grasping the hand that clutched that silly cap. “I actually wasn’t wearing this the first time I saw you,” he corrected with a teasing glint in his eyes. “I wasn’t wearing a hat because I was dressed in my best suit and sitting in the audience at Winter Showcase, watching the most beautiful man I’d ever seen a singing his heart out. And I spent weeks afterward trying to figure out how to meet you.”

Kurt smiled, nestling so closely that they could have been wearing the same shirt. “It all worked out in the end, didn’t it?” he asked. “I got NYADA and I got you.”

“I’m the fortunate one,” Adam insisted, his hand reaching up to cup the back of Kurt’s head and draw their mouths together for a lingering kiss. “I’m so glad that I worked up the courage to talk to you.”

Kurt grinned, settling happily in Adam’s arms. “I like to think we would have found each other somehow. I would have been rushing to class one day and not looking where I was going…”

“And I would have my nose in a book, oblivious to the world,” Adam added, rubbing his cheek against Kurt’s hair.

“We would have bumped into each other and I would have been stammering and embarrassed as hell,” Kurt insisted, savoring the feel of the muscular arms holding him close.

“I would have been absolutely entranced, wondering how I could not have known such a gorgeous man was attending the same school I was,” Adam swore. “And I would have asked you out right then and there and not taken no for an answer.”

Kurt craned his head about to look at Adam. “Why didn’t you just ask me out?” he asked curiously. “Why go through the whole song and dance with the Apples?”

Adam’s cheeks began to flush with color, his mouth drawing up into a rueful smile. “Well, the group did need someone with your talents, but would you believe that I was nervous about approaching you?” he admitted. “You were the toast of the Showcase and probably had people throwing themselves at you all the time.”

“Not so much,” Kurt corrected gently.

“Well, you should have,” Adam claimed. “You were beautiful and talented and I was…”

“Totally amazing and you got me to follow you,” Kurt insisted. “You made me listen to that insane performance that made me laugh more than I’d laughed in months. You have no idea how much I needed that.”

“I’m glad we were able to make you smile,” Adam said happily. “You deserve to smile all the time.”

Kurt shifted so that he was straddling Adam, able to face him directly and wrapped his arms about the older man. “You have no idea how much the past year has meant for me,” he insisted, looking into Adam’s eyes. “Being with you taught me so much. I’m always so careful and deliberate and you taught me the reward in taking chances. I’m so glad that I took a chance on you… on us.”

Adam felt the lump in his throat swell a bit at the emotion and love in Kurt’s eyes. He gently pulled the cap off Kurt’s head so he could run his fingers through the younger man’s hair. “You’ve surprised me in so many ways… and made my life so full,” he claimed without reservation. “I never knew what I was missing before I saw you that night, and I don’t know how I’ll manage without you.”

Kurt leaned in to kiss him gently, taking his time to savor the taste and feel of the man beneath him. “We’ll figure it out because the reward will be getting to be together when you get back,” he said softly. “There’s no plan B for me.”

Adam smiled, his hand gently squeezing the back of Kurts neck. “For me either, love,” he promised.

Kurt spent several long seconds staring at Adam, as if committing his features to memory so that he could hold onto them and find comfort in the months that they would be apart. The soft, sad smile on his face caused Adam’s heart to tighten in his chest, but Kurt soothed his concerns with another languid kiss.

Adam would have been content to sit there forever, holding Kurt in his arms when he heard the quiet murmur of Kurt singing very softly. Nearly humming the tune to himself, Kurt had a nearly dreamy expression on his face as he gazed at Adam.

“What are you singing there, love?” Adam asked, running his hand through Kurt’s hair.

Kurt smile, leaning in to nuzzle Adam’s throat. “Just something that came into my head,” he explained. “It just… it fit.”

Adam looked at him lovingly, not at all surprised that Kurt found a song to suit what he could not voice himself. “Sing it to me,” he requested gently. He never tired of hearing Kurt’s glorious voice.

Kurt nodded, leaning in close so that Adam could hear him, looking as vulnerable and emotionally bare as he’s ever been in his life. Adam knew that Kurt sometimes needed the cushion of a song that would allow him to express what he could never find the words to say himself.

“Have you ever fed a lover with just your hands?” Kurt breathed, singing so softly that Adam had to be as close as he could manage to hear him. “Closed your eyes and trusted, just trusted? Have you ever thrown a fistful of glitter in the air?”

He looked directly at Adam, his eyes wide and soulful and striking Adam to his core. “Have you ever looked fear in the face and said, ‘I just don’t care’?”

Adam smiled softly and rubbed his cheek against Kurt’s, savoring how the younger man’s body fit so neatly against his own. They were so well matched to one another, like two pieces of a puzzle that just clicked. Sliding neatly like a perfectly tuned lock when the right key was inserted.

“It’s only half past the point of no return,” Kurt sang gently, taking Adam’s hand and pulling it up to his mouth so that he could press a kiss to his knuckles. “The tip of the iceberg, the sun before the burn. The thunder before the lightning and the breath before the phrase… have you ever felt this way?”

Adam knew that Kurt had every reason to be fearful over what the future held for them. He’d been hurt so many times by those who’d professed to love him that it would be entirely understandable for Kurt to be mistrusting. How many times had he allowed himself to be vulnerable only to have that trust misplaced?

“Have you ever hated yourself for staring at the phone?” Kurt asked, gazing up at Adam with all of his hopes and fears in his eyes. “Your whole life waiting on the ring to prove you’re not alone.”

Once again, Adam found himself tempted to hop onto a plane and find wherever Blaine had settled and pummel him for having caused Kurt so much pain. To be so selfish and self-absorbed that he would deliberately seek to hurt the man he promised to care for and let him think that he wasn’t deserving of being loved. That if he wanted anything for himself that he shouldn’t expect to be cared for and supported.

Kurt stroked Adam’s cheek, turning his face so that he could feel Kurt’s breath on him. “Have you ever been touched so gently you had to cry?” he all but whispered. “Have you ever invited a stranger to come inside?

“It’s only half past the point of oblivion. The hourglass on the table, the walk before the run,” Kurt sang, and Adam understood of just how hard it had been for Kurt to take those first steps when they got together. To accept that another man was genuinely interested in him and was attracted to him. To truly accept that Adam was in love with him. To finally feel secure enough to admit that he could love and have that love returned. His beautiful, brave darling…

Kurt’s lips brushed against Adam’s. “The breath before the kiss, and the fear before the flames. Have you ever felt this way?”

Adam had never felt this way before. He’d felt love, been in love but never this consuming need that caused his breath to catch in his throat. He’d never known that he could feel this way about someone, but with Kurt it was so easy.

Kurt’s eyes were shimmering with unshed tears as he gazed at Adam, a soft, sad smile on his face. “Have you ever wished for an endless night?” he questioned, subtly tightening his grip on Adam, least the older man slip away from him. Neither of them wanted this moment to end. “Lassoed the moon and the stars and pulled that rope tight?”

Adam’s hands reached up to cradle Kurt’s face, drawing him close so that their foreheads touched. His fingers caressed Kurt’s cheek, trailing down the smooth line of his throat.

“Have you ever held your breath? And asked yourself if it ever gets better than tonight?”

Adam looked at Kurt, holding the younger man as if he were something precious and sacred. “It will be better, sweetheart,” he promised. “I…”

His voice trailed off, not able to find the words to express what Kurt deserved to hear. But Kurt just smiled.

“I know,” he insisted softly, kissing Adam deeply. “I know.”

So much of the future was uncertain, Adam knew. But the one thing that he was sure of was that whatever was waiting for him to face, he wanted it to be with Kurt at his side. Call him a foolish romantic, but he would do everything in his power to ensure that would happen.

“Let me take you to bed,” Adam requested softly. “Let me make love to you.” He needed to show Kurt just how important he was now that they had so little time.

Kurt smiled and carefully slid from Adam’s lap, holding out his hand so the older man could guide him to their bed. With reverent hands, Adam slowly undressed Kurt, each layer of clothing slipping to the floor until Kurt stood entirely bare before him. Slipping off his own clothing, Adam eased Kurt back onto their bed, kissing him deeply. With gentle fingers he carefully eased into Kurt’s body, savoring the gasps and shudders of the man beneath him.

When he finally slipped into Kurt’s body, Kurt’s arms and legs tightened about him to hold him close. They made love slowly, with slow rolls of his hips and gentle touches. Kurt breathed into Adam’s mouth, his breath hitching when Adam pressed deep within him. When they came, it was with a groan and a sigh of contentment.

Neither of them looked at the clock by the bedside, not wanting to see the precious seconds slipping by. They just held one another, trying to make this moment last as long as possible. Maybe if they ignored the clock long enough, time might simply stop.

* * *

“Come on!” Mei called out, leading the way. Dressed in a bright red wool coat and a Santa hat on her head, she was easy to see and made the logical choice as the Apple’s point person, least they get separated by the throngs of tourists crowding Rockefeller Center.

The annual trip to see the Christmas Tree on the last night of finals was an Apple tradition dating back to when Adam had first founded the group and no Apple, old or new, would think about missing it. It was one of the rare opportunities that poor theater students had to enjoy something in the city that didn’t cost anything. They might not have the luxury of being able to enjoy many of the theater and holiday festivals that the city had to offer, but this was something that they could take advantage of.

Now that they were done with finals and their winter critiques, it was the last gathering of the Apples before the dispersed for the long winter break. And for everyone but Kurt, it was their last opportunity for them to see Adam before he left for his tour, giving the gettogether a somewhat bittersweet feel. They wanted to celebrate their friendships that they had built and being able to celebrate the successes of those who were moving on in their adult lives.

The evening started with dinner at an inexpensive Vietnamese restaurant near the school, where bowls of steaming pho prepared them to face the chilly night. Then they started their procession to appraise the holiday department store windows and holiday lights, passionately debating the merit of their favorites as if life depended upon it in between singing rounds of Christmas songs to an appreciative albeit fleeting audience. By the time they finally arrived at Rockefeller Center, their feet were sore and they were feeling the effects of the cold but none of them were in a rush for the evening to end.

Kurt grinned and tugged on Adam’s hand, dragging him along in his wake as he nimbly dodged a family of tourists who were too busy looking up to get out of their way. “Having fun?” he asked, his eyes sparkling impishly as he pulled Adam along. He was impeccably turned out in his stylish pea coat, but added a touch of whimsy by wearing a pair of reindeer antlers on his head.

“Of course, darling,” Adam laughed, letting Kurt drag him about and making sure that his Santa hat didn’t fall off. He was more than happy to tag along while the youngsters enjoyed the holiday festivities. They’d all been working so hard at school and now could finally let loose just a bit.

They found a precious open space where they had a clear view of the immense Norwegian Fir bedecked with thousands of colored lights and crowned with a crystal star. Kurt felt himself grinning and letting Adam pull him into a tight hug from behind, sharing body warmth. About them, delicate snowflakes began to fall, dusting their hair. It was an almost picture-perfect evening.

Jill looked over to the two of them and couldn’t help from grinning. “Do you think you guys can keep your hands off one another? Just for a little bit?” she asked teasingly.

Kurt laughed, kissing Adam quickly. “We have a little surprise for you,” he advised his boyfriend with a mischievous glint in his eyes.

“Oh dear… am I in trouble?” Adam asked as Kurt nudged him towards a bench where he dusted off the snow so Adam could sit.

“Not at all,” Corrine assured him, looking absolutely winsome in her patchwork coat and her red curls peeking out from beneath her knit cap. She took Kurt’s arm and pulled him over to where the others were standing so that Adam could see the tree behind them.

Jules cleared his throat to and gave their founder a fond smile. “Adam, the Apples wouldn’t exist if it weren’t for you. You gave us a space where we could experiment and grow both as singers and in our chosen fields. We became stronger and more confident because of the friendships that we made here.”

Mei nodded in agreement. “You’re about to set out on the most amazing adventure,” she stated. “But we wanted to make sure that we sent you off properly. And that you know that you will always a part of the Apples, no matter where your career takes you.”

Mitchel grinned widely. “We love you, man,” he insisted, following by a chorus of affirmations from the rest of the group.

The men fell into formation behind the woman of the group, humming to provide the opening for the girls to begin to sing.

“I don’t want a lot for Christmas,” they crooned gently, their voices smooth and flowing. “There is just one thing I need. I don’t care about the presents underneath the Christmas tree. I just want you for my own. More than you will ever know. Make my wish come true. All I want for Christmas is you!”

Kurt took a place at the front, alongside Mei ane Corrine, taking over the lead. “I don’t want a lot for Christmas,” he sang brightly, using his higher register to provide a bright counterpoint to the other men. “There is just one thing I need. And I don’t care about the presents underneath the Christmas tree.”

Mei and Corrine danced about him, their voices rising to harmonize with him. “I don’t need to hang my stocking, there upon the fireplace,” the trio sang. “Santa Claus won’t make me happy with a toy on Christmas day.”

The group then joined in, following the simple choreography that had obviously been worked out in advance and left Adam to watch, smiling like a fool. “I just want you for my own. More than you could ever know,” they caroled, the singers with lower ranges supporting the ones with higher voices. “Make my wish come true! All I want for Christmas is you!”

Adam couldn’t help from noticing that the group was gaining an audience, with tourists and sightseers gathering around to watch the free show. He clapped his hands happily, watching as his Apples spun about in the lightly falling snow.

He couldn’t help from wondering how long they’d been working on this because it clearly was too well organized and thought out, what with the deliberate choreography and the way their voices harmonized. It was entertaining and glorious and Adam laughed with delight at watching his friends perform for him.

Kurt pivoted to take the lead again, his eyes shining with love as all of the girls joined in to support him while the boys provided the lower counterpoints. “Oh, all the lights are shining, so brightly everywhere,” Kurt sang, leading off the girls who provided the bright harmonies. “And the sound of children’s laughter fills the air. And everyone is singing, I hear those sleigh bells ringing.

“Santa, won’t you bring me the one I really need?” Kurt asked, giving Mei and then Corrine a spin. “Won’t you bring my baby to me?”

The entire group then fell into full voice, focusing on Adam. “Oh, I don’t want a lot for Christmas, that’s all I’m asking for,” they sang, coming to dance around the bench where Adam was sitting. Mitchel’s curls were flying wildly and Jules looked absolute absurd raising both hands in metal devil’s horns while wearing what had to be one of the ugliest Christmas jumpers Adam had ever seen. Mei was swinging her skirts around her legs while Jill, Corrine and Tommy spun about like children in the show. The younger singers seemed to be doing something that looked like a cross between a Bunny Hop and the Macarana and it was insane and wonderful. At the center was Kurt, leading the group and providing an eye of calm for their chaotic storm.

“Oh, I don’t want a lot of Christmas. This is all I’m asking for,” Kurt sang, allowing the rest of the group to provide the harmonies and counterpoints. “I just want to see my baby standing right outside my door.”

The Apples gathered about Kurt, their voices falling into line. They reined in the joyous chaos and brought the focus to the man that they were singing to. “Oh, I just want you for my own, more than you will ever know! Make my wish come true…. Baby, all I want for Christmas is….

“You!” they proclaimed loudly, dancing about Adam’s bench. Kurt jumped into Adam’s lap and kissed him soundly while the group finished with a flourish of jazz hands.

The crowd that had gathered to watch the performance cheered loudly and applauded and the Apples accepted their regards with bashful aplomb. When Kurt rose from Adam’s lap and pulled him to his feet, the crowd cheered louder, clapping and whistling. A few of the Apples bowed while the others ducked away, giggling.

“Come on, you lot,” Adam commanded happily, taking on the role of the Apple’s leader for one last time. “Let’s give them something to remember us by. Something suitably Appleish.”

The group cheers and quickly huddled to pick their song, the choice bringing laughs as they fell into position and stuck exaggerated poses that earned amused chuckles from their audience who waited to see what they would do next. Adam stepped to the front with a rakish grin and placed his hands on his hips.

“Are you hanging up a stocking on your wall?” he asked the appreciative crowd. “It’s that time that every Santa has a ball!”

“Does he ride a red nosed reindeer?” Jules joined in, giving Kurt a playful and rather meaningful nudge. “Does he turn up on his sleigh? Do all the fairies keep him sober for a day?”

“So here it is, Merry Christmas!” the whole group sang. “Everybody’s having fun! Look to the future now. It’s only just begun!”

Corrine gave a twirl to the front and sang out, “Are you waiting for the family to arrive? Are you sure you got the room to spare inside?”

Kurt stepped forward, smiling impishly and looking like the elf who’d get sent to detention. “Does your granny always tell ya that the old songs are the best? Then she’s up and rock n’ rollin’ with the rest?”

Mei all but jumped into Kurt’s arms as the entire group began to dance about, leaping on and off benches to the delight of the crowd watching them. “So here it is, Merry Christmas! Everybody’s having fun! Look to the future now. It’s only just begun!”

Adam pulled Kurt away from the girls and wrapped his arm about the younger man’s shoulder to hold him close. “Are you hanging up a stocking on your wall?” they sang together, trying hard not to laugh in delight. “Are you hoping that the snow will start to fall?”

Mitchel, Jules and Tommy leaned in to join them. “Do you ride on down the hillside in a buggy you have made?” they caroled together. “When you land upon your head then you’ve been Slade.”

The entire group fell in around them, their faces bright with cheer as the audience clapped with them. “So here it is, Merry Christmas!” they all but yelled, delighted when some of the audience began to join in. “Everybody’s having fun! Look to the future now. It’s only just begun!”

Kurt turned in Adam’s arms, looking into his eyes as the rest of their group caroused about them. “Look to the future now… it’s only just begun,” he sang softly, the meaning clear in his eyes. His cheeks were rosy from the cold and if Adam weren’t already stupid in love with him already, he would have fallen for him right there.

He nodded, blinking away the tears that suddenly tried to make an appearance. “It’s only just begun,” he promised, touching his forehead to Kurt’s and barely hearing the cheers and applause around them.

They were so lost in one another that they didn’t notice that their audience was drifting away to enjoy the other sights of Rockefeller Center. Mei finally gave them both a pat on the shoulder to get their attention.

“Come on,” she urged, giving them a playful smile. “I’m freezing and would love some hot chocolate.”

Adam took Kurt’s hand in his and felt the younger man’s chilled fingers. “I think that sounds like a wonderful idea, sweetheart, he said to Mei. “Why don’t you round up the others? Kurt and I are…”

“We’re just going to enjoy the tree for a bit more,” Kurt inserted, giving Adam a meaningful smile.

“Take all the time you need,” Tommy urged them, putting his arms about Corrine and Jill and drawing them away to give them a bit of space. The various Apples stepped back to watch the skaters on the ice rink and let their former leader and friend have their privacy.

Adam smiled and pulled Kurt under his arms and savored his presence. Together they walked the perimeter of the plaza, talking quietly and laughing at the small jokes that they made to each other. They arrived at the base of the Christmas tree, looking up at the bright lights and savoring another special moment that they would be mentally cataloging away to get them through the coming weeks.

Kurt looked up at Adam, enjoying the way the colored lights seemed to set Adam’s blond curls aglow. “We shouldn’t abandon the others for too long,” he said with playful reluctance. “And I could use something warm to drink.”

Adam bent to give him a quick kiss. “Let’s get back,” he suggested. In truth, all he wanted to do was run of with Kurt and find some private place to be together. But their friends didn’t deserve to have him sneaking off on them. And they deserved to have a little bit of time with him before he left. “We can go to that market that we saw earlier.”

“That sounds like a great idea, Kurt said agreeably. He let Adam lead him to where the other Apples were holding court and gathered up the group.

“Come on, you reprobates,” Adam commanded cheerfully, keeping Kurt under his arm comfortably. “Let’s go get something to warm us up.”

The group cheered happily and fell into step behind them, chattering cheerfully as they followed Kurt and Adam down the street. Their evening might be drawing to a close but no one was in any great rush to head home. In the coming days, most of them would be leaving for home to spend time with their families before having to face the spring semester. For now, they could laugh and play and cherish the time spent with friends. Tomorrow would take care of itself.

* * *

“I don’t know, Rachel. Let me talk to Adam about it,” Kurt all but pleaded, rubbing his eyes tiredly. Even over the phone, Rachel’s persistence was getting on his nerves. “We were planning on a quiet night together.”

“I know you were, but we really want to see him before he leaves,” Rachel insisted. “It doesn’t have to be for the whole night… we’ve already got a table reserved at Callbacks and everyone is bailing on us.”

Kurt sighed, wishing that he had the resolve to stand his ground, but he was tired from packing and feeling emotionally drained as the final countdown to Adam’s departure had official begun. Most of Kurt’s possession had already been moved into his dorm room and their apartment was looking very bare and sterile. He was doing his best to keep a cheerful demeanor around Adam and he just wasn’t up to handling Rachel’s demands at the moment.

He knew that she wasn’t going out of her way to be difficult. Most of their classmates, including Artie and Tina, had already left New York to take advantage of the school winter breaks to visit with their families. Kurt had been looking forward to having some peace before Adam left. He felt badly for being annoyed that Rachel and Santana had elected to stay in the city and had been keeping his distance the past few days so he could devote his focus on Adam and what time they had left to spend together.

“Elliot has a gig with his cabaret so he won’t be joining s, and Dani wants to go see him perform. She won’t be coming by until later,” Rachel explained patiently. “We already paid for the tickets so there’s no problem there. Come on… it’ll be a nice night out.”

“It’s an open bar,” Santana added, chiming into the call. “And dinner.”

“Please, Kurt,” Rachel beseeched.

Kurt looked over to Adam, who was folding laundry on the couch and gave his boyfriend a curious glance.

“Rachel reserved a table at Callbacks for tomorrow night,” he explained softly. “They’d like us to join the for a little while.”

Adam frowned a bit in obvious disappointment, having looked forward to a quiet night with just the two of them seeing the new year in. “I suppose it can’t hurt,” he said with a trace of reluctance. “A few hours won’t be so bad, I guess.”

Kurt smiled thankfully, grateful that his boyfriend was so willing to be flexible and allowing him to avoid offending his friends. “I’ll make it up to you,” he promised, picking up his phone again.

“All right… we’ll come for a little bit,” he said, not hiding that this was an imposition on them. “But just for a little while. We’ll have a drink or two, but then we’re leaving.”

“That’s wonderful!” Rachel cheered, forcing Kurt to pull the phone from his ear least he be deafened. “We’re going to get there around eight. See you tomorrow!”

Kurt hung up with a sigh. “I’m sorry,” he said sincerely to Adam. He hadn’t missed the disappointment in his boyfriend’s expression with the sudden change in their plans. “We don’t need to go for too long. Just an hour or two and then we can come home and spend our night the way we want to.”

Adam forced a smile onto his face, not wanting Kurt to feel badly just because he was in a bit of a snit. “It’s fine, sweetheart,” he assured his lover. “In fact, it’ll probably do us a bit of good to get out and not be rattling about an empty flat.”

Kurt nodded, looking about the room that was nearly bare, stripped of all the elements that had made it first Adam’s home and then his as well. Now it was just a set of rooms that they were sleeping in. A basic hotel would offer more warmth than their apartment did at the moment.

There was no question that the two of them had been isolating themselves somewhat. Partly because so many of their friends had left for the holidays, but it was also by their own preference. With just a few days left to spend together, they were determined to squeeze out every second that they could. Shutting out their friends was an understandable but unintended result.

Kurt nodded, letting Adam pull him into a warm hug. He wanted to focus on the feeling of the strong arms wrapped around him and not how little time they really had left.

“It’ll be fun, darling,” Adam insisted, a bit more joy in his voice now that their plans were confirmed. “I’m rather looking forward ot it now.”

Kurt smiled, turning his head so that he could kiss the nearest body part of Adam’s, which turned out to be his forearm. “Me too.”

Admittedly, as reluctant as he’d been Kurt felt much better about things as he dressed for their night out. It was probably a good thing to be socializing and getting out, Kurt considered, and not just sitting at home feeling maudlin. He’d found something stylish enough for the evening that he hadn’t packed away yet and got himself showered and shaved so that he was fit to be seen in public.

Adam’s wardrobe was very limited since nearly everything he had was either in storage or packed in suitcases for his travels, but he had a suit that he had packed for press appearances and any formal events that might come up while he was on his tour. Kurt had always liked how Ada looked in the charcoal grey pinstripe that was saved from being too severe for the occasion by the absence of a tie and the red shirt he wore with it.

“You look so handsome,” Kurt mused, reaching out to fix Adam’s pocket square.

“And you are gorgeous,” Adam assured Kurt with a smile. He took the younger man’s hand in his, giving it a reassuring squeeze. “It’s funny, but would you believe that I’m actually glad that we’re doing this?”

Kurt cocked an eyebrow curiously. “You are?”

Adam smiled ruefully and nodded. “I know we just wanted to spent tonight together, but I think that going out is going to be good for us.”

“I’m starting to think so too,” Kurt agreed. He realized that he very much needed the distraction that going out might provide, otherwise he would probably be in tears long before midnight. He needed a little bit of time to think about something else and to actually enjoy the time they had left. Adam didn’t deserve to have him being a weepy mess all the time.

Callbacks was already very crowded by the time they arrived, filled to capacity with happy couples and groups looking forward to a wonderful evening. Adam brought their coats to the check room while Kurt scanned the packed club for Rachel and Santana. With so many people laughing and drinking, spotting the two girls was going to be a challenge. Getting out his phone, he sent Rachel a quick text to let her know they’d arrived and to find out where their table was. She quickly responded that she would come get them.

Adam returned and placed his hand gently on Kurt’s arm. “Any sign of them?” he asked.

Kurt shook his head. “No, but Rachel should be here in a second.” He held up his phone meaningfully.

Adam grinned broadly. “You are so clever,” he praised, giving his lover a gentle peck on the cheek. “If it had been up to me, we’d have been wandering about like two idiots until we’d wasted the whole night.”

“Which is why we leave finding my crazy friends to me,” Kurt teased.

Rachel made her way to them, carefully pushing her way through the crowd before rushing up to throw her arms about Kurt. Despite his previous irritation with her demands, Kurt pulled her into a hug and was admittedly glad to see her.

“I’m so glad we convinced you two to come out of hiding!” she exclaimed as she took both of them in tow. The young woman looked absolutely stunning in her ruby red dress, her hair pinned up into a neat chignon.

Kurt felt himself smiling and for the first time in a few days, it didn’t feel at all forced. “I’ll admit it,” he acquiesced graciously. “We both needed to get out for a little bit.”

Adam nodded in agreement, waving to Santana when the other girl came into view. “Yes, we did,” he agreed, looking more relaxed than Kurt had seen him in the past few days. It was clear that Adam needed this outing as much as Kurt did.

The girls had managed to get a table where they would have a good view of the stage and just far enough from where the buffet was set up so that they wouldn’t be disturbed by other celebrating attendees. Kurt was pleased to see that rather than the usual single piano, there was a jazz quartette playing that night.

Rachel saw that the musicians had sparked Kurt’s interest and nodded enthusiastically. “I know… it’s going to be nice to have some proper accompaniment,” she claimed. She gave him an arch stare. “You are planning to sing, aren’t you?”

Before Kurt could answer, Santana gave them a knowing smirk. “Well… look who finally came up for air,” she teased.

Adam smiled at her fondly. “Hello, gorgeous,” he greeted, admiring the way the silver beaded dress showcased her figure and complexion. “And I do apologize for keeping Kurt from you.”

Santana snorted indignantly. “Oh sure,” she mocked playfully. “I mean, what would Hummel rather be doing? Hanging out and listening to our latest dramas, or getting banged like a screen door in a hurricane?”

Kurt felt his cheeks burning since he couldn’t actually deny that he and Adam had been having a lot more sex lately. “We’re not just having sex,” he grumbled, tempted to shove a napkin into Santana’s mouth.

The young woman barked out a laugh. “Oh please… like you’re not riding Adam like a Kentucky Derby longshot every chance you get.”

Adam couldn’t help from laughing, his cheeks bright red because just a few hours ago, Kurt had been doing just that. “How about I get us something to drink? Red wine for you, sweetheart?”

“Yes, and cyanide for La Chupacabra here,” Kurt answered, giving Santana a sour look. He did not drag himself out of their bed for this kind of abuse. Adam just chucked and gave Kurt a quick kiss before heading for the bar.

“Santana, be nice,” Rachel admonished with a sly twinkle in her dark eyes.

Kurt looked at her in surprise, pleased that she recognized just how difficult this whole thing was for him to deal with. “Thank you, Rachel,” he said sincerely.

“After all, we know that Kurt doesn’t bottom all the time,” Rachel added with a giggle.

Kurt turned a surprised and irritated glare to her, ready to give her a sharp retort when Adam returned. The older man handed him his glass of wine and took the chair next to him.

“Everything all right, sweetheart?” he asked, seeing that Kurt’s hackles were up.

“Just Rachel and Santana being Rachel and Santana,” Kurt answered, giving the girls an annoyed stare. The two of them just laughed, enjoying their moment of teasing their old friend.

“Berry, did you ever think that we’d get to tease Hummel here about his exceedingly active sex life?” Santana asked, sipping at her cocktail. “Whatever happened to our sweet little baby gay?”

“Do I really need to go into the details?” Kurt asked ironically, arching a perfectly groomed eyebrow. “We’re not kids anymore.”

“We know,” Rachel said soothingly, patting her friend’s hand. “We just wanted to keep things as normal as possible. I mean, it’s not like we don’t joke about on another’s personal lives all the time.”

Kurt’s gaze softened and he took a sip of his wine. He couldn’t deny that he had certainly given both of them just as much ribbing about their love lives as they’d given him. He knew that he was being a bit oversensitive and forced himself to relax, recognizing that they weren’t being malicious.

And to be honest, he really needed that bit of normalcy right now. It was a good thing that they weren’t treating him with kid gloves or expecting him to start crying at the drop of a hat. Getting out tonight probably was going to do both Adam and he a great deal of good. More good than sitting home in a nearly empty apartment and dwelling what the next few days would hold.

“It’s okay,” he granted, giving both of them a reassuring smile. “And I do appreciate you two dragging us out tonight.”

Rachel smiled and reached out to take her friend’s hand. “I’m glad. We really do want to spend some time with both of you.”

“Yeah, Hummel,” Santana added. “No fair of you keeping Rob Roy here from us.”

“Rob Roy was Scottish,” Kurt corrected.

“I do have some Scot in me, love,” Adam inserted. “On my dad’s side.”

Kurt’s eyes brightened. “Does that mean I’ll get to see you in a kilt again someday? Because your legs…”

Santana rolled her eyes dramatically. “Oh God… they’re getting all moony on us again. Let’s get something to eat before I totally lose my appetite.”

The buffet was better than expected, with a nice assortment of hot and cold offerings and the four of them relaxed into the evening, laughing and talking about anything other than Adam’s imminent departure. Kurt felt it easier to focus on the festive atmosphere and the pleasure of having several of those that he was closest to close at hand. He let himself relax and enjoy the wine, music and company, the moment that he was dreading not seeming so ominous at the moment. And he no longer felt the urge to rush out quite so fast.

It was always a pleasure to listen to the various people who braved facing the audience to perform. It was always easy to pick out the trained performers, but Kurt enjoyed seeing average people giving it their best as well. It was worth the pitchy parts and cracked notes to see the absolute joy on someone’s face as they sang a favorite to the cheers of their friends and loved ones.

When a young man who gave an imperfect but passionate performance to his girlfriend finished his song, Rachel grabbed Kurt’s hand and pulled him to his feet. “Come on!” she urged playfully. “We haven’t sung together in ages.”

Kurt just smiled tolerantly and followed her up to the musicians.

Adam watched the pair with amusement as the musicians began to play the opening notes of one of Rachel’s favorite duets. Listening to the two of them sing together was always a pleasure and he never thought that they sounded so well together as they did now. They had chosen to sing “Let’s Call The Whole Thing Off” in a way that was playful and joyous and very fitting with the celebration and he was content to sit back and watch them having their fun with the light hearted performance. It was nice to see them just singing for the sheer enjoyment of it and Kurt looked relaxed and happy.

Santana leaned over to him, her slender hand touching his. “How is he holding up?” she asked quietly so that she wouldn’t disturb the other party goers.

Adam considered the question carefully before answering. “There are good days and not so good days,” he said, not wanting to give her a blithe answer. She would see right through that. “We’re managing as best we can.”

She nodded, turning he gaze to her friend who looked pretty happy at the moment. But then, Kurt was always happiest when singing. Or with Adam, she realized.

“I just wanted to let you know that I’ll be there for him,” she promised. “I’ll make sure he takes care of himself and doesn’t just do school and get all boring.”

Adam smiled appreciatively, squeezing her hand. For someone with such an acid tongue, Santana really did care about the few that she allowed behind her walls. “Thank you,” he said sincerely. “I know that you and Rachel will watch out for him. That does put my mind at ease a great deal.”

“Well, just make sure that you don’t do something stupid the way the Grease Stain did,” she warned only partly playfully. “Because if Hummel doesn’t gut you, I will.”

He looked at her, seeing the spark in her eye that warned that she was serious. It wasn’t a threat; it was a promise of what she would do if he even thought of betraying Kurt. And it gratified Adam that Kurt had people around him that were so protective of him.

“That won’t ever happen,” he promised sincerely. “I haven’t even looked at another man since I met Kurt. He’s it for me.”

“Just so long as we understand one another,” she granted with a smile that was all sharp teeth.

Adam chuckled at how Santana had to cloak her love for her friends with a predator’s threats. She was definitely someone that he didn’t want to cross, because she would destroy him and not lose a second’s sleep.

Kurt and Rachel finished to appreciative applause and returned to their table all smiles and laughs. Adam got up to hold out Rachel’s chair like a gentleman so she could sit.

“That was wonderful, you two,” he complimented, kissing Kurt on the cheek. “Did you have fun, darling?”

Kurt nodded, his eyes shining with the pleasure that he always found with performing. “I did,” he admitted.

Adam motioned to Kurt to sit down. “I’ll be back in just a minute,” he assured the younger man. “Wait here for me.” Kissing Kurt again, he hurried over to the band before someone else could jump in ahead of him and spoil what he had in mind.

Once he conferred with the band and they’d agreed on the arrangement, Adam took his place at the microphone. “Good evening all,” he said carefully. “I thank you in advance for your indulgence, because this is a very important night for me and someone very special. Sometimes you can never find the right words to say what you really feel, so I hope that he understands just what he means to me.”

Nodding to the musicians, the pianist began to play softly. Adam inhaled deeply, steadying his nerves and closing his eyes to center himself. He hoped that Kurt would grasp what he was trying to express. He wasn’t as gifted a singer as Kurt was, but Kurt deserved his best effort.

“I sit and wait,” he sang softly. “Does an angel contemplate my fate? And do they know? The places we go when we’re grey and old? ‘Cos I have been told that salvation lets their wings unfold.

“So when I’m lying in my bed, thoughts running through my head…. And I feel that love is dead…. I’m loving angels instead.”

Adam knew that he couldn’t avoid hurting Kurt. This separation was going to be difficult and painful for the both of them, and he knew that there would be moments when both of them might ask if it was worth it. He wanted Kurt to see that he was determined to see this through.

“And through it all, he offers me protection,” Adam proclaimed, wanting the world to see how much Kurt had brought into his life. “A lot of love and affection, whether I’m right or wrong.”

Kurt had stood at his side when Adam had been questioning his future, giving him love and support and keeping him focused on building their future. He knew that he wasn’t the strongest person in the world and the unwavering support from Kurt over the past months had done more than anything else to keep his spirit from failing.

He looked to Kurt, hoping that the younger man understood how much he meant to Adam. “And down the waterfall… wherever it may take me, I know that life won’t break me,” Adam affirmed confidently. He knew that he could shoulder any hardship so long as Kurt was at his side. “When I come to call, he won’t forsake me. I’m loving angels instead.”

There were times when Kurt did sometimes seem too good to be true, with his generous heart and brilliant spirit. And Adam wondered what he’d done in this or any past life to deserve having such a remarkable creature gracing his life.

“When I’m feeling weak, and my pain walks down a one way street,” Adam sang, thinking back to the past months. The worries that he had about his future had been so difficult to move past and he couldn’t help from wondering if he would have just given up if Kurt had not been there to encourage him. “I look above, and I know I’ll always be blessed with love.

“And as the feeling grows… he breathes flesh to my bones. And when love is dead, I’m loving angels instead.”

Kurt made him want to be a better man. A stronger person, and to build the kind of life that Kurt deserved. He would work hard to be successful and be the kind of partner that Kurt needed him to be. He wanted to build a life with Kurt, to have the privilege of watching him mature and grow. To see him complain about the fine lines that would appear about his eyes and the grey that would touch his temples. He wanted it all.

Adam smiled at his lover and saw the tears that Kurt was fighting back. Kurt felt so much and so deeply and expressed it with every fiber of his being. His beautiful boy would learn that he had nothing to fear when it came to Adam, because Adam had everything to fight for. A life with the man he loved. There was nothing that he’d allow to stand in the way of that.

“And through it all, he offers me protection,” Adam proclaimed, wanting the entire world to know what Kurt meant to him. “A lot of love and affection, whether I’m right or wrong.

“And down the waterfall, wherever it may take me,” Adam insisted. “I know that life won’t break me. When I come to call, he won’t forsake me. I’m loving angels instead.”

The audience applauded and there were whistles and cheers of appreciation but the only regard that Adam wanted was from Kurt. His lover had risen from his seat and wasn’t trying to hide his emotions. Tears were shining in Kurt’s eyes and his mouth was drawn into a wide grin.

“You are insane,” Kurt complained, pulling Adam into his arms. “Absolutely mad.”

“Mad about you, sweetheart,” Adam insisted, looking down into that beautiful face. “And I meant every word I just sang there.”

“If you two get any sweeter, I am going to vomit. Right here,” Santana warned, resting her chin in her hand. “And I certainly haven’t had enough to drink for that yet.”

Kurt looked to his friends, seeing the amused look on Rachel’s face and Santana’s tarter expression. He looked back to Adam. “Want to get out of here?” he asked.

Adam nodded. “Let’s celebrate tonight the way we wanted to.”

Kurt turned to Rachel and Santana and made their apologies. “I think that we’re going to head out now,” he explained. “We need to have some time to ourselves tonight.”

Rachel gave a dramatic sigh, shrugging her shoulders. “I suppose that’s okay,” she granted with feigned reluctance. “It’s not like the two of you are going to do anything but stare into each other’s eyes all night.”

Kurt smiled thankfully and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek. “I’ll give you a call next year,” he teased.

“Oh, go on, you two,” Santana sniped as she studied her manicure, looking totally bored but Kurt knew it was an act.

Adam bent to give Santana a quick kiss and didn’t miss the way her eyes softened. “Goodnight, gorgeous,” he said gently.

She nodded, and Adam thought that he detected a flash of sadness in her gaze. “Good luck on your tour,” she wished and Adam kissed her cheek again.

“I’ll call you from the road,” he promised, gathering Kurt under his arm. He wanted to get home as quickly as possible.

They hurried out to get their coats and find a cab. There was a bottle of champagne waiting in the refrigerator to toast in the new year and some precious hours to spend together. Neither of them wanted to waste a single one of them.

* * *

Kurt and Adam arrived at the rehearsal building early in the morning to meet the bus that would be carrying the company to Boston for the first stage of their tour. Kurt huddled in his coat as he watched Adam stow his suitcases in the luggage hold, holding on to Adam’s backpack for him.

Around him, other members of the cast were making their own goodbyes to friends and family who’d come to see them off. He saw Nialls and Cynthia making their own farewells, both of them shedding tears and holding one another closely. Kurt blinked back his own tears, finding no comfort in that they weren’t the only couple facing separation.

Once Adam’s bags were taken care of, he returned to Kurt and accepted his backpack back. “Thanks, love,” he said gently, slinging the pack over his shoulder.

“I packed some snacks for you,” Kurt said. “And a few bottles of water.”

“Thank you, darling. I’m sure we’re going to stop for food at some point on the road,” Adam reminded him.

“I know… but I don’t you to be hungry,” Kurt insisted. He just needed to do something.

“What time does your flight get in?” Adam asked.

“If there are no delays, I should be landing at around two,” Kurt confirmed. “I’m renting a car and will meet Dad and Carole in Lima.”

Adam nodded, glad that Kurt was taking some time to go home before the semester began. Having some time to spend with his family would provide a good distraction and keep him from dwelling too much on them being apart.

“You’ll call me when you land?” Adam requested, taking Kurt’s gloved hands in his.

Kurt nodded. “And you’ll call me when you get to Boston?”

“I will,” Adam assured him.

The other actors began to board the bus and Adam inhaled deeply, knowing that the moment they’d been looking forward to and dreading had arrived.

“You’d better get going, or they might leave without you,” Kurt said, his voice growing hoarse.

Adam nodded, pulling Kurt into his arms. Their kiss tasted of salt.

“I’m not saying goodbye,” Adam insisted ardently. “Because this isn’t goodbye. I’m going to see you soon.”

Kurt nodded, blinking back tears. “You are going to be so amazing,” he affirmed confidently. “And I am so proud of you.”

Adam smiled sadly, pulling Kurt in for one last lingering embrace. “You take care of yourself,” he urged.

“I will,” Kurt promised. Biting his lip to keep from openly crying, he nudged Adam toward the bus door.

Kurt watched as Adam climbed into the bus and through the windows, saw him take his seat. Adam turned to look at him again, holding up his hand against the window and mouthed something to Kurt.

I love you.

Kurt sniffled and nodded, letting Adam know that he understood. He stayed until the bus pulled away and headed down the street, carrying Adam towards his future. Feeling like he was missing a limb or some vital organ, Kurt forced himself to turn and face his own.

* * *

Songs used::

Kurt's song: "Glitter In The Air" - P!nk

Songs with the Apples: "All I Want For Christmas Is You" - Mariah Carey "Merry Xmas Everybody" - Slade

Adam's song "Angels" - Robbie Williams

**A/N**

I've tried very hard not to re-use songs that had been performed on Glee, but there are a number of songs that I felt were poorly used and had little connection with the story lines or were performed by the wrong singers (*coughRachelBlainecough*). "Glitter In The Air" is one such song. I've always found it to be one of the most beautiful songs about throwing caution to the wind for love and it became a throwaway solo for Rachel. I feel absolutely no guilt about re purposing it in a more appropriate manner and with a singer who would do it justice.

#kadam fic #kurt hummel #adam crawford #rachel berry #santana lopez #adam's apples #nyada students #not blaine or klaine friendly #learning to fly

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