#caleb is jus canon autistic

[c-kiddo]

i said it before n ill say it again . .. . . but the way imogen, laudna, caleb , yasha and caduceus are so potently  autistic in different ways. .. . . .. .. thinks about it so so much 

[arodrwho]

non-exhaustive list of nd beau things:

autistic beau things:

right out the gate the most obvious thing is that fjord explicitly coaches her on social skills. like, several times. several at her own request

the How To Give Compliments lesson in particular stands out, bc she's like “wait. i sounded rude?? but i was being genuine!”, & she asks for his help practicing doing compliments right (& proceeds to do...badly); perfect example of missing social cues & struggling w/tone + facial expressions

literally the...entire aftermath of the bowl argument tbh:

explicitly asks fjord for help w/the apology bc she isn’t sure how to do it

when fjord goes “you, not good at apologizing??” she has to check if he’s joking; “you’re being facetious, aren’t you?

fjord: a great place to start w/apologies is to mention the stuff you just said beau: that i’m not good at apologies?

(a completely logical but also also very literal response)

fjord goes, “it takes a big person to apologize for something. little people are the ones that make mistakes and just let them go,” & beau’s all, “oh, like nott? a little person”; behold, another literal response

beau says “oh okay” when fjord tells her she shouldn’t smile while apologizing; seems genuinely surprised + grateful for the advice

fjord: there’s a thing called sarcasm that you ride a line with sometimes beau: okay, that’s good to know

(canonically struggles w/unintentional sarcasm, heyo)

an example of this is when she’s telling the group about what happened when she first met dairon, & they don’t really believe her bc she doesn’t sound entirely serious, even though she rly is

fjord also has to kinda talk her through that first hug w/caleb? she doesn’t know how to do it; unfamiliar & uncomfortable w/comforting folks

oh! fjord jester & nott all coach her through her awkward apology to toya

she’s generally low-empathy. like, she has to be told to apologize to toya, she struggles to understand caleb’s pov whenever they argue, she thinks jester’s genuinely happy & unbothered after the iron shepards stuff, she’s not all broken up by the dragon debacle, she affectionpunches the injured guy in felderwin, etc. etc.

on that note--she outright says that punches & the like are how she shows affection, & uhhh showing affection in unusual ways? that’s autistic.

relatedly. she seems most comfortable doing more traditional affection quietly? like, silently handing jester a tissue, waiting til jester’s asleep to tuck her in, wordlessly putting a hand on caleb’s shoulder, etc. (which isn’t necessarily autistic in itself, but is a mood for this autistic, so on the list it goes)

also like, ppl remark over & over again abt her poor social skills, particularly nott (“you think she was dropped on her head or something? she’s just very sort of...you know...”, “beau is terrible at relationships and social interactions,” [paraphrased] “you shouldn’t talk to yussa you’re abrasive and bad at this sort of thing”) and fjord (“sometimes when you compliment people it sounds like a fuckin insult,” “there’s a thing called sarcasm you ride a line with sometimes,” “[insert various bits of socialing advice here]”)

is the very first person to remark that holding + petting frumpkin, Designated Emotional Support Stim Cat, is therapeutic

on that note, again--beau has that weird characteristically autistic thing of mixing up informal & hyperformal speech? she speaks aggressively casually most of the time, but will still drop in shit like “facetious” instead of “joking,” & “therapeutic” instead of “calming,” & etc.

when she tells the truth, she’s almost invariably blunt, eg “i’m kinda concerned for your well-being--it’s fine, i’m not that concerned,” “i don’t know why i told you [i slept with dairon],” [insert literally any argument here], etc.

uhhhhhh sth abt her reaction to caduceus’s “tell the truth” thing--like, it doesn’t seem to’ve fully occurred to her before then that she could be selectively honest, or just bend the truth rather than outright lying? which strikes me as potentially autismrelated in the sense of. that’s a shade of gray, & black n white thinking is autism thing

anyway.

pocket bacon. a) doesn’t seem to realize it’s weird, & b) samefood.......

voice edges on monotone at times

just the fact she’s still wearing the cobalt vestiges early in the campaign, when she’s left the monks & hasn’t joined back up yet--sticking w/what’s familiar when it’s not necessary or even rly practical? autisti c

undercut + topknot? easy-to-take-care-of hairstyle, tie it n go

her eagerness to Get Into Sneaky Shit & quiet disappointment when she’s left out of said sneaky shit “bc it’s her whole thing” makes me think that like. that sort of espionage junk was maybe an old special interest of hers, in addition to obviously being Her Trade

big emotions that she struggles to regulate, esp. anger/frustration; has openly admitted having anger issues

relatedly she’s canonically gotten so frustrated & upset that she’s just started crying (granted it was at a broadly overwhelming moment--the succubus fight--but none of the others cried so like,)

lowkey has that “connects easier to animals than people” thing going on? is noticeably delighted every time she’s given frumpkin to hold; the very first time she holds him she’s all “he likes me :D!” --is also noticeably upset when the prof thaddeus saga goes down

lifelong struggle to make friends; never rly had them before the m9

asks a dude why he’s afraid of fire, ie why he has dissociative & nonverbal episodes whenever he burns someone to death. is then shocked that the reason is So Heavy

mmmm perseverates; eg in battles she’ll often Keep Trying To Stun over & over despite lack of success, in arguments she’ll keep hammering the same point, in General once she decides she wants to know a thing she digs & digs until she finds it out (file that under adhd as well)

sometimes overshares w/strangers w/out realizing she’s overshared; eg “yeah my parents named me beau because they always wanted a son,” said to bo like 30 seconds after meeting him

is shouty when they first meet keg & then apologizes for it & says “i’m trying to work on the manners thing”

the “long may he rein” bit at molly’s grave was echolalia

ok SO we all know traci is beau’s straightsona yes? but i hereby propose..........she is Also beau’s ntsona (sociable, bubbly, polite, uses more variation wrt tone of voice,,,)

when she touches the little window thing in halas’s study & pulls jester along with her, she’s like “ahhh! my actions have consequences that affect other people!!!” & that. is what we here in this house call an Autistic Mood (specifically a low-empathy autistic mood)

“is it wrong for me to feel okay when everyone else feels really bad” is Also an autistic mood (of the same variety)

she’s a great negotiator in terms of like. tactical shit? but when it comes to fuckin--emotional mediation stuff, she rly struggles. see: when she tries to mediate between nott & caleb in the apothecary basement (trips over her words & trails off, doesn’t seem to know what else to do/say)

canonically hates the color yellow. consider: is bc sensory bad

makes name puns. i’ve not met an autistic yet who didn’t love puns

seems surprised that no one else caught that her name is beau & she fights w/a bo staff--the redundancy is obvious to her, so surely it must be to everyone else aswell?? (what do u mEAN no????)

OH. when beau says to jester “i mean...you could watch if u wanted” re: her hypothetically kissing dairon & then is like “...would that make you uncomfortable? --nevermind” that’s. autism; foot in mouth not realizing how other ppl will feel

misses.....unstated implications. like down in the sewer w/the drow, they decide to just leave the dude & the beacon behind & beau’s like “we’re letting him leave without it?” & the others are like. we’re leaving both we don’t know if he’ll take it [wonk] not our problem, & she’s again like “but he won’t take it?” until fjord translates & goes “yes, he’s taking it”

she’s like “caleb u can just get a new fuckign jacket, god” but does she get herself a new one?? no. she jus adds a new lining to the monk robes she’s already got & calls it good, like a goddamn Dweeb

also when her arm wraps got burned off she immediately went to replace them; i'm betting she just Feels Weird w/out them bc Is Different, + that they provide some nice pressure times

also after the yussa encounter she says “ i could barely speak i could barely get words out,” which like. semiverbal..........

in ep 57 she said the “sensory overload” words, so mark that down for a phrase she is readily familiar with

adhd beau things:

first thing’s first she’s got hella rsd

snaps at caleb when she feels he’s rejecting her friendship, snaps at dairon mid-lecture “you fucking left”, is upset when prof thaddeus doesn’t return, is hurt when she’s not invited to break into avantika’s room, is hurt when nott criticizes her ppl skills, is hurt when caleb doesn’t believe she told yussa the truth, in general reacts strongly & defensively to even lighthearted criticism (eg, “fuck you molly!”), etc.

cannot cope with boredom, eg when she has to sit & read in the library she’s pissed & agitated & hates it the Entire Time, does wild shit when cooped up, gets snappy, etc.

by contrast though she’s able to read out loud for hours while walking through the tunnels, w/no such complaints; easier to do typically-mind-numbingly-boring task when there’s other input involved (sound of own voice, walking, others’ reactions)? sounds adhd to me my dudes

further cemented by the fact that she uhhhhhh fuckin loves the martial arts part of the monk dealio bc that involves Physical Activity & is sth she’s Personally Interested in, & so it gives her the sweet sweet dopamine

the time she sits & meditates for 5 minutes at the beach in nicodranas is noted as the longest she’s ever managed to meditate before; this nerd canonically Cannot sit still

impulsive oversharing as noted earlier

blurts things out & then retracts them shortly after, eg “you could watch if u wanted”, the comment abt being concerned that jester only eats pastries, like 70% of her arguments w/people she ends up going “ah fuck, i can’t believe i’ve done this,,”

big emotions as noted earlier; trouble w/frustration in particular is v adhd

perseverating as noted earlier; overlaps w/hyperfocus

after the dragon fight she says that she feels most comfortable when everything’s going to shit; that adhd brain thrives on chaos & adrenaline & as such is often real good in a crisis

disorganized (she keeps bacon. in her pockets. organized ppl do not, generally speaking, keep bacon in their pockets) (i have uhhh other thoughts on beau keeping bacon in her pockets also, but those are perhaps for another time)

mmm. “looks like i put makeup on 3 days ago & i’m like ‘it’s still holding up, it’s fine’”; s’the aesthetic, sure, but consider also: exec dys

sometimes conflict-seeking; understimmed adhd brain needs the Activity Juice & if conflict is an easy + familiar way to get it...well then So Be It

(is also related to rsd in the way of like. coping. fuck it ppl are gonna hate & reject me anyways i might as well have it be on my own goddang terms)

gets real annoyed w/caleb for telling the hour every time down in the tunnels; Too Much Of The Same Thing, Boring, Brain Needs Newness, This Reminds Me We’re Stuck Down Here & There Is No Newness, A g h

mm. a fairly adhd narrative jus in the fact that she’s had, like. several jobs rly? bounced around from thing to thing to thing. bookkeeping for her dad, then shady underground shit, then monk stuff, then striking out on her own, then adventuring, then adventuring w/monk stuff on the side. so she’s Young but boy howdy she’s tried lotsa different things

when she impulsively shares the bit abt jester naming her pets--that’sa 2-for-one impulsive & infodump

oh!! she also just. lies on impulse. like when she tells jester that she slept w/dairon? that was an impulse & she later admits she doesn’t know why she said that

“i..............wait” was a rly big deal bc beau is very Go Go Go Go GO and is not good at waiting or keeping still or controlling her impulses. iirc marisha even mentions that beau, like. is fidgety while she’s waiting so add some adhd points for that aswell

beau’s often pretty loud? am not sure she realizes this --as of episode 57 it's Explicit Canon that she is indeed not doing it intentionally, cos she says & i quote “sorry my voice just--raises sometimes,” so that's neat; canonical poor volume control

goes to caleb w/the cipher bc she feels it’ll go faster if she has help; sounds to me she’s hoping for help streamlining the Very Complex And Long And Challenging process there, which indicates she’s having trouble doing so on her own + is losing patience w/the length of the process + her own lack of progress, which indicates to me. some exec dys

[inside-aut-blog]

Autistic Caduceus Clay

slow to process conversation, especially jokes. tends to go a bit quiet as he mulls things over & then respond after the conversation has already moved on

tendency to script, especially in unfamiliar situations. e.g. when presented with something new will pretty much always say “oh, that’s nice”

tendency to repeat himself, especially in unexpected situations. e.g. when yasha tells him abt the ball lightning incident, he seems caught off-guard and says “you got a sign” and “that’s wonderful” and “congratulations” several times, despite lengthy pauses in between where he seems to be searching for something else to say

tendency to pause before he speaks, in general, either processing what’s been said or sorting out what he wants to say or needing a moment to find his voice–possibly all three

hyperempathy for plants & animals & junk

always talks to plants & animals & junk (which yes religion thing but also that’s such an autism so i’m not gonna not mention it u know)

prolly taught himself how to read ppl & junk & that’s why he’s so goddamn good at it now

samefood? no. samedrink. always with the tea

iirc it doesn’t occur to him at first that others might find dead ppl tea weird

rules are rly important to him, esp. like….manners ones. e.g. always every time he’s gotta ask permission from plants/animals/ppl for whatever the group is about to do, or at least quietly Explain whatever the group is about to do. like he’s just gotta. it’s just polite, it’s just manners, it’s just The Rules u know

can be kinda pedantic, e.g. the whole graveyard/cemetery distinction, which he politely pipes up with every time bc Actually No Sorry U See That’s Incorrect, also the time he tries to correct caleb abt sth frumpkin-related iirc

can’t remember if it’s canon but he def infodumps abt tea

hat to keep bright bright sunlight out of his eyes bc sensory bad? u betcha

alcohol is The Bad Taste

pretends to drink alcohol once to Blend In which i am going to call related to masking bc i can’t be stopped

silk shirt………..softe

very very focused once he sets his mind on sth, e.g. the excursion w/the tower, & to an extent also the thing w/jamedi (though i’ll grant that one was ofc largely bc Undead Are Unnatural And Bad And Wrong)

though on that note also–gotta bit of a strict worldview there, kinda black n white about it, & on the one hand yes religious beliefs but on the other hey also autism

kinda gives off that “of course i can lie!! i just..don’t want to…” vibe u know, like that one time when nott was like “let’s not tell anyone abt these treasures” and he’s like “???” and she’s like “or. or we can i mean” and he’s like “oh well i mean we can also do that” and she’s like “unless ur cool with not telling!!” and then tells abt half as a compromise & he automatically is like “and also [the other half]” and she’s like Fuck

readily admits to not understanding ppl when they say things that aren’t straightforward

in general kinda blunt, but like in a soft way

practical gestures like making tea & food = his go-to method of comforting ppl, & that’s a uhhhhh goddang autistic mood

raises his hand to talk sometimes, which is also a goddang autistic mood

jus generally kinda an oddball u know

[arodrwho]

it’s time....................for more autistic nott hcs:

first i’m gonna repeat some old ones just cos i got more to add t’them now

is a lil bit faceblind!

has a real hard time recognizing caleb after he shaves his beard & starts washing his face

struggles to recognize yeza at first, in the cell; can tell it’s him by his voice & his burp, but his actual face is hazy in her memory. he looks much different, she thinks (though not nearly so much as she does)--but does he actually look different? or is she just forgetting? and if so is she forgetting more than she used to? is--?

is part of why she says all goblins/firbolgs/etc. look the same. part is of course. the racism. (@nott [taliesin voice] get your shit together) but part is that she genuinely does struggle to differentiate between individual faces just in general, even w/halflings, and so--

is that the same goblin she just saw or a different goblin? hard to say. main thing she can tell abt the face is that it’s a goblin face--green, spiky, the floppy ears,,

collections? special interest.................

shiny things, pretty things, very good to collect and categorize and organize and keep Safe

also, very stimmable!

buttons in particular were an old special interest, but not asmuch anymore fjord, it’s been years fjord, you didn’t even know me when they were my special interest f j o r d

shut the fuck up fjord.

(canonically got made fun of for her collections--it already made sense for her to be furious w/fjord for his patronizing bullshit, but when y’stack that on top of A Lifetime Of Bullying well hey that’s just even worse! good job fjord! u accidentally just Right for the jugular!)

(bastard.)

(......can u tell that i was not satisfied w/the resolution of that particular bit of their friendship arc. like yeah their mutual teasing is better than how it Was--but he never did apologize for mocking her love of collecting things, specifically. all he did was go ‘hey wow you were real brave on the ocean’ which! shockingly! is not actually an apology!)

(BUT I DIGRESS)

raptor hands

they used to be in her pockets a lot to be less obvious but lately, since rosohna, she’s just been lettin them do their thing openly

CONFIDENCE!!

is very very good at facial expressions actually, except when she’s super stressed she second-guesses herself a ton

tends to worry that they’re negative, just, a whole lot

very black & white thinking a lot of the time

goblins are All Evil

no she can’t be veth bc she doesn’t look like veth so she’s Nott

caleb is All Good actually and has No Meaningful Flaws

this is Right and this is Wrong

ppl who abandon their families are Bad and i don’t want to go home so i must be Bad!! i’m the Worst!!

absolutely forsure will happily sing herself the same song over and over and over for upwards of an hour

only if she has no audience though! only three (3) people get to hear her sing! and she’ll be embarrassed abt it even then!!

big samefood

currently flips between bacon & rat

previously would flip between many other things! common ones included Bread, stew, bacon, sandwich

canonically drinks the exact same kind of alcohol for months on end, so do w/that what u will

absolutely hyperlexic forsure, & i will Not hear otherwise thank u very much

has she read very widely? no! but did she teach herself to read at a v young age? absolutely

Loud Sounds Good. Good Good Loud Sounds. Too Quiet Is No

little sounds SHE doesn’t controL? illegal. get them aWAY FROM HER

sense of smell? never heard of her

this has caused. a few problems in the lab. she’s had to learn 2 discern things by sight or (occasionally, when safe-ish) taste or touch, or (very occasionally) hearing (some solutions make funny crackly sounds when u shake them yeza that’s jus science) (what do u  MEAN u can’t hear the funny crackly sound it’s RIGHT THERE,)

Oh That Is A Bad Texture. Who Allowed Th A  T

taste....... too bland of tastes are not allowed. give SPICE give SOUR give FLAVORSE

does fluctuate some though so sometimes. TOO SOUR ARE U TRYING TO POISON ME >:[

also is Very good at pinpointing ingredience of weird compounds by taste alone

That Is Bright And Shiny And Good I Want The It.

the sun is sometimes an evil orb and i must stab it in the whole entire face.

veth was autistic. goblin bodye is autistic also. Autism Is Stored In The Soul, or something,

by coincidence this body had the same wiring bc i said the so

that said. absolutely some of her sensitivities changed upon changing bodies

got more intense, & got some new ones

this is for because!

burnout.

nothing 2 do with goblin, EVERYTHING to do with burnout

s-- uh. social?? u. need me to social. uhhhhhhhhh. hahahah well uh. i can certainly try?

oh i mean i can lie but can i do it convincingly?? nnnnope! so! far far better to bend the truth! or just omit it entirely!! yes

eMOTIONS ARE VERY BIG AND SUDDEN ALWAYS

why yes i WILL take my socialing cues from everyone round me & literally just kind of alwyas send right back at them what they send at me, & i WILL be thrown when they deviate from our normal patterns!!

caleb is constantly complimentary towards & defensive of me & doesn’t get Too open emotionally re: his past or anything? well! okay! i’ll do the same! ,,,wait he’s opening up abt his past & asking me abt mine?? well! uh!! weird! no thanks!

jester is Big Energy & jokes & pranking & detectivery with me? well! okay! i’ll do the same! ...oh she’s trying to get serious abt crushes & stuff? wellllll! okay! i’ll kind of play along a little & then. jOKE TIME BACK TO THE FAMILIAR THANKS!

fjord is always teasing me all the gd time? well fine! i’ll call him out for it & call him a bastard! ....wait he’s trying to? compliment me??? uhhHHHH LET’S INSULT HIM yeah that’ll work that’s better

etc. etc. etc.

jus...... real weird

as veth, apologetically weird

as nott, just. rly leans into the whole goblin thing as an excuse to be less apologetic abt her weirdness

stims by means of Chewing Things like crossbow bolts and sleeves and sometimes fingers

little routines, tiny ones, smaller than caleb’s

i will wake up caleb This way, i will put this coin in This pocket, i will run over These things in my head before i sleep

etc.

to conclude:

yes

[arodrwho]

autistic caleb hcs.........  specifically related to disordered eating.........

ok ok ok ok ok ok ok

caleb.......forgets to eat

he jus. forgets

& like even when he remembers it’s just ? effort ?

& u cannot say i’m projecting bc nott implies at one point that when she met caleb he was barely eating so That’s Canon Babey

anyway

basically during the years alone he ate less when he remembered to, and more just whenever he had food?

during the nott months he ate when nott ate, bc nott would remind him

during the early m9 times it was sort of more of the same, but less because--different routine w/larger group

during the later m9 times there’s a few routines he cycles through, like. eat when the others eat, eat at sunup/sundown, stuff like that

but sometimes that gets disrupted! as things do!

so how about a day where he was up to all hours the night before transcribing spells, and he forgot dinner

and then the next morning everyone skips breakfast, takes rations on the go & just Leaves where they’re at bc abruptly they got Stuff To Do

& he gets maybe a mouthful before he’s swept up in the rush

and he forgets abt lunch, they’re busy

and then it’s dinner and everyone sits to eat bc they’re starving but he’s busy setting up the alarm & the dome & then he’s summoning frumpkin again & then he’s petting frumpkin & then he’s reading probably?

and then he’s sleeping

and then the next day he doesn’t eat til noon bc he forgets breakfast

and then there’s scattered meals here & there over the next, like, week

& the m9 begin to notice, starting w/nott? & then spiraling out into beau, and then caduceus, and then yasha, and then jester, and then fjord

and then caleb

bc he doesn’t rly notice he’s not eating, it just sort of happens? bc he doesn’t feel hungry

jus doesn’t doesn’t doesn’t for ages

until, of course, he does

solely bc he’s suddenly starving & realizes like “oh that’s why i’ve been overtired & irritable & having worse braintimes than usual”

but like. noticing doesn’t automatically make him want to eat, so even once he notices it doesn’t make him eat regularly

anyway

that happens

& the m9 are like. each in their own way trying to get him to eat

so u have nott sticking meat & bits of bread & things in his pockets! bc she knows if he happens to just find food in his pockets or at his desk or on his plate or w/e, he’ll often just mindlessly eat it

u have jester going “cayyyyyleb u have to try some of this pastryy :D”

u have beau alternating between trying to ask non-abrasively if he’s okay (& failing miserably) shoving pocket bacon at him all like “fuckin eat something asshole”

u have caduceus making meals for everyone as regularly as he can bc he’s observed w/his goddang 20 wis/insight that having a sorta routine round foodtimes is Helpful to caleb, that he tends to eat more when things’re more consistent, and also occasionally just putting food in front of caleb & saying “u need to eat something”

u have yasha, like, not rly saying or doing anything in particular bc she’s awkward & doesn’t know how, but noting it quietly & keeping an eye out for if he like. faints or some shit

and u have fjord who’s like, the only other straightforward person in the bunch besides caduceus, & just openly asks, “hey u eaten anything today?”

part of caleb wants to be annoyed by all the prodding from so many people but mostly he’s like.

error 404

response not found

cos like he def 100% super does not deserve all this concern?? this is not for him, he’s a garbage person, he doesn’t deserve all these people worrying abt whether he’s okay, whether he’s taking the absolute utmost care of himself

like. he’s not gonna die, he’s not gonna be a liability to the group, he’ll eat enough to stay alive, what’s it matter, it shouldn’t matter, they shouldn’t be so worried. and yet--

in conclusion caleb maybe almost cries sometimes when this happens, but it’s super important to note that a) he doesn’t actually cry, & b) it’s obviously only bc being so hungry is making him overemotional. it doesn’t matter. it’s fine

on a different though related note!

canonically reacts real strongly to certain tastes (see: goodberry)

combined w/his canonical history of Not Eating Like He Should, feels like it’s not an unreasonable assumption 2 suggest that caleb is the sort to like. just not eat things if he dislikes them, regardless of whether or not that dislike is strong enough to merit being called Sensory Bad

if it can be avoided, that is

if there’s no other food & he’s literally starving i can see him forcing sth down, but as like. a last resort

caleb does not like sour

sour is Bad

also doesn’t like pickles, just bc i said so

i bet he’s got a snack thing he rly likes & nott tries to keep him wellstocked

i bet cad is uncannily good at avoiding the Bad Foods in the meals he makes (not infallible, but like rly weirdly good, considering caleb doesn’t remember ever saying that he doesn’t like xyz)

also i bet it’s the the the.what’s the word. the taste of foods that bothers him more often than the textures (though both are issues)

bread............safe food

in conclusion it’s late i’m sleep

[arodrwho]

critrole 2.62 lb

episode wishlist:

fjord Talks To Someone, Please; caleb & nott have an actual goddamn conversation; someone comforts nott!!!!!; caduceus lore please?? 1 tiny bit of caduceus lore; give jester some shenanigans it’s been a while since we had some good old-fashioned jester shenanigans; i want yasha to talk. i have no specific yasha wants i just want her to talk; uhh idk what i want beau to have specifically either just give her a moment pls i guess,,,

“let’s claim our room!!” our room, singular?? :D Very Good!

bunking up!! very good!!!

“i guess there ARE enough rooms here that ppl don’t have to bunk up” nooooo why did u have to point that out :(

i would like everyone to bunk up pls :(((((

“i...i don’t know know, you are with your...yeza” THAT’S SO SAD CALEB

“well yes of course” totally fair & valid but NOTT he’s SAD n UNCERTAIN why don’t u SEE THIS

“uh..uh.....” :(

if caleb ends up in the one bedroom downstairs i’m gonna like. cry

“this corner one downstairs under nott” :(((((((((

cad gets the tower!!

“but we are going to add a lab for veth” gosh. a) thinkin of ur buddy, of course, i love u, & b) is this. an attempt to give u & nott both a shared space still??

“if there’s like a fire or something” “i can handle that” a) he is not gonna be dissuaded from this shared space, & b) in the context of fire trauma (even tho his trigger specifically is burning ppl to death & not jus generally ) i’m havin 1 emotion

“i wanna check for vibes” “d-detect vibes?” “detect vibes” incredible. i love it.

yasha is such a dork, i love her

caleb is scratching his arms, he’s an anxious one

CADUCEUS WHY ur gonna KILL ur TOWER

when u fuckin said PUT DOWN ROOTS u goddamn motherFUCKER

oh okay the tower is like, fine then

lmao frumpkin immediately climbs the tree

“i have a few needs and growing things in some sunlight is one of them” gosh

“don’t have a lot of needs, this is one of them” gosh x2

i love the whole. war room/happy room deal, that’s funny, that’s good

i love these guys

jester’s gonna make MURALS

“i’m going to paint like a field of wildflowers on her wall” THAT’S SO SWEET

i’m SQUISHING my FACE

“is it dry?” “NO. don’t touch it yet” “okay” “but once it’s dry you can go over and touch it ALL YOU WANT”

“i go and--i put the bed--” yasha i love. you.

I’M SO DELIGHTED

“it won’t help” “i know”

eyyyyyy teleportation spell!!

“will it be like that all the time” “ya i think that’s how trees work” fjord oh my god

oHHHH nat20!! fjuckin nice fjord

“i dunno if u’ve heard, but beau snores like a sonuva bitch. that’s canon” fucking incredible

“i’ve got a few people i need to corner, specifically” oh HELL yeah

“i don’t know if you noticed but i’ve been here the whole time” “that’s fine, i don’t mind” on the one hand Very Sweet but on the other i get the vibe that caleb wanted to talk to nott PRIVATELy

please for the love of fuck can he talk to nott privately

“oh. you two are dangerous together” :D

caleb looks kind of nervous ? which thing are you going to talk abt

YES THE LETTER

from CALIANNA i thought it would be from her mom that’s like even MORE SWEET

oh shitfuc k

“it is. it is from the soltryce academy. it seems official” ohhhhh no

“we’ll kill the owner, burn down her establishment” incredible

“i have friends” i’m emotions

oh ur buggin beau now

“stop snoring and open the door” “i was napping u bitch” god i love,

“i think you may have graduated ahead of time beauregard” “yeah” hoo boy

“are you in love with nott?” oh my GOD, beau “um, i’m not” “you’re sure?” “very sure”

“you are tuned into a specific frequency that is not my frequency--this is not a good conversation” [whispers] aro caleb.....

“i knew that’d get him out of my room” incredible.

beep beep yasha wants! some magic bracers!

oof, spensive

“caleb takes notes” god i love u caleb

the autistic caleb & beau is real strong in this episode

+5 more for autistic beau

fuckin niiiiice

up to 3 spell levels!!! of dunamantic magic!!!!!

i’m YELLIN

“would u like a closer look at the tree”

“caduceus calls it a white xhorhassian” BEAU WHY. “mildly racist but--” BEAU.

“why have you been talking to us with a fake accent for months” oh snap!

so that was a whole-ass conversation!!

godDANG

“my how the tables have turned” i CACKLED

weasel..nest........

is taliesin okay

i think laura broke him

he’s said ow like 3 times now she rly did break him

i’m giggling

poor fjord tho

oh shit invisible dude

“i gave it to caleb, anything i have is caleb’s” gosh

lmao they’re going w/xhorhaus

MT HOME

liam o’brien how dare you

please give to me the That though

wow i’ve not been yelling much this 2nd half

anyways SHAKA S  T E

ooo scrying

oh FUCK yeah beau

oh SHIT WHAT

CALEB?????

oh hot dang

we’re gonna leave off here i can’t believe we gotta wait whole damn week

hot dang!! beau!!!

hhhhhhhhhhooooooooooooo doodleys

[arodrwho]

incomplete list of autistic caduceus things:

slow to process conversation, especially jokes. tends to go a bit quiet as he mulls things over & then respond after the conversation has already moved on

tendency to script, especially in unfamiliar situations. e.g. when presented with something new will pretty much always say “oh, that’s nice”

tendency to repeat himself, especially in unexpected situations. e.g. when yasha tells him abt the ball lightning incident, he seems caught off-guard and says “you got a sign” and “that’s wonderful” and “congratulations” several times, despite lengthy pauses in between where he seems to be searching for something else to say

tendency to pause before he speaks, in general, either processing what’s been said or sorting out what he wants to say or needing a moment to find his voice--possibly all three

hyperempathy for plants & animals & junk

always talks to plants & animals & junk (which yes religion thing but also that’s such an autism so i’m not gonna not mention it u know)

prolly taught himself how to read ppl & junk & that’s why he’s so goddamn good at it now

samefood? no. samedrink. always with the tea

iirc it doesn’t occur to him at first that others might find dead ppl tea weird

rules are rly important to him, esp. like....manners ones. e.g. always every time he’s gotta ask permission from plants/animals/ppl for whatever the group is about to do, or at least quietly Explain whatever the group is about to do. like he’s just gotta. it’s just polite, it’s just manners, it’s just The Rules u know

can be kinda pedantic, e.g. the whole graveyard/cemetery distinction, which he politely pipes up with every time bc Actually No Sorry U See That’s Incorrect, also the time he tries to correct caleb abt sth frumpkin-related iirc

can’t remember if it’s canon but he def infodumps abt tea

hat to keep bright bright sunlight out of his eyes bc sensory bad? u betcha

alcohol is The Bad Taste

pretends to drink alcohol once to Blend In which i am going to call related to masking bc i can’t be stopped

silk shirt...........softe

very very focused once he sets his mind on sth, e.g. the excursion w/the tower, & to an extent also the thing w/jamedi (though i’ll grant that one was ofc largely bc Undead Are Unnatural And Bad And Wrong)

though on that note also--gotta bit of a strict worldview there, kinda black n white about it, & on the one hand yes religious beliefs but on the other hey also autism

kinda gives off that “of course i can lie!! i just..don’t want to...” vibe u know, like that one time when nott was like “let’s not tell anyone abt these treasures” and he’s like “???” and she’s like “or. or we can i mean” and he’s like “oh well i mean we can also do that” and she’s like “unless ur cool with not telling!!” and then tells abt half as a compromise & he automatically is like “and also [the other half]” and she’s like Fuck

readily admits to not understanding ppl when they say things that aren’t straightforward

in general kinda blunt, but like in a soft way

practical gestures like making tea & food = his go-to method of comforting ppl, & that’s a uhhhhh goddang autistic mood

raises his hand to talk sometimes, which is also a goddang autistic mood

jus generally kinda an oddball u know

inconclusion

yes

[arodrwho]

character things i’m generally weak for that apply to 1 caleb widogast:

tragic backstory

canonical mental illness

bonus points for casual matter-of-fact self-loathing & overwhelming guilt

double bonus points for canonical anxiety

triple bonus points for canonical dissociation

Big Ol Goddamn Nerd In Every Sense Of The Word

bonus points for specifically flavor of would marry a book

double bonus points for speedreading

wizard!!

low-empathy!

Very Protective And Supportive Friend

autistic

grew up fairly poor

seems ace

very weird

walking disaster+

????????

inconclusion Yes

character things i’m generally weak for that apply to 1 nott the brave:

tragic backstory

small!!!!!!!

anxious!!

mmmmm on that note possessed of at least 1 big ol phobia for Mystery Reasons (no particular reason at all? jus plain ol fear of drowning? trauma? Who Knows!!)

Very Protective And Supportive Friend

very weird

bonus points for nd vibes

pointysharp gremlin creature

bonus points for heart of gold

name puns!!

Very Big Fuckign Dork Nerd

technically also casual matter-of-fact self-loathing, but my feels re: that are much more complicated than “oh hell yeah, it’s Projection Time” so it feels. odd to list it here u know. but also odd to leave it off the list bc then Technically Incomplete, so. here it be

Cool Layered Clothe (for unfortunate reasons yes but. layer..........)

big emotions??

??????????????

inconclusion YEs

bonus caleb things i love a lot:

has cat!!

book holsters!!!!!!!

dirty & stinky for a Long Time!!

he friendship w/nott

silent fuck-you gestures? like. smearing mud down his face that one time

goes to smut shop not for smut but in hopes of secret random spellbooks?? what a loser

bonus nott things i love a lot:

itchytwitchy fingers.........!!

best detective.......terrible detective..............best detective

collects things!!!!!!!

somehow simultaneously quietly the mom friend and very very loudly the mom friend

weird creepy mask! weird creepy gloves! weird!!!!

she friendship w/caleb

green...........

to conclude they’re both so good i love them so much

[inside-aut-blog]

Autistic Beau (Critical Role)

right out the gate the most obvious thing is that fjord explicitly coaches her on social skills. like, several times. several at her own request

the How To Give Compliments lesson in particular stands out, bc she’s like “wait. i sounded rude?? but i was being genuine!”, & she asks for his help practicing doing compliments right (& proceeds to do…badly); perfect example of missing social cues & struggling w/tone + facial expressions

literally the…entire aftermath of the bowl argument tbh:

explicitly asks fjord for help w/the apology bc she isn’t sure how to do it

when fjord goes “you, not good at apologizing??” she has to check if he’s joking; “you’re being facetious, aren’t you?

fjord: a great place to start w/apologies is to mention the stuff you just said beau: that i’m not good at apologies?

(a completely logical but also also very literalresponse)

fjord goes, “it takes a big person to apologize for something. little people are the ones that make mistakes and just let them go,” & beau’s all, “oh, like nott? a little person”; behold, another literal response

beau says “oh okay” when fjord tells her she shouldn’t smile while apologizing; seems genuinely surprised + grateful for the advice

fjord: there’s a thing called sarcasm that you ride a line with sometimes beau: okay, that’s good to know

(canonically struggles w/unintentional sarcasm, heyo)

an example of this is when she’s telling the group about what happened when she first met dairon, & they don’t really believe her bc she doesn’t sound entirely serious, even though she rly is

fjord also has to kinda talk her through that first hug w/caleb? she doesn’t know how to do it; unfamiliar & uncomfortable w/comforting folks

oh! fjord jester & nott all coach her through her awkward apology to toya

she’s generally low-empathy. like, she has to be told to apologize to toya, she struggles to understand caleb’s pov whenever they argue, she thinks jester’s genuinely happy & unbothered after the iron shepards stuff, she’s not all broken up by the dragon debacle, she affectionpunches the injured guy in felderwin, etc. etc.

on that note–she outright says that punches & the like are how she shows affection, & uhhh showing affection in unusual ways? that’s autistic.

relatedly. she seems most comfortable doing more traditional affection quietly? like, silently handing jester a tissue, waiting til jester’s asleep to tuck her in, wordlessly putting a hand on caleb’s shoulder, etc. (which isn’t necessarily autistic in itself, but is a mood for this autistic, so on the list it goes)

also like, ppl remark over & over again abt her poor social skills, particularly nott (“you think she was dropped on her head or something? she’s just very sort of…you know…”, “beau is terrible at relationships and social interactions,” [paraphrased] “you shouldn’t talk to yussa you’re abrasive and bad at this sort of thing”) and fjord (“sometimes when you compliment people it sounds like a fuckin insult,” “there’s a thing called sarcasm you ride a line with sometimes,” “[insert various bits of socialing advice here]”)

is the very first person to remark that holding + petting frumpkin, Designated Emotional Support Stim Cat, is therapeutic

on that note, again–beau has that weird characteristically autistic thing of mixing up informal & hyperformal speech? she speaks aggressively casually most of the time, but will still drop in shit like “facetious” instead of “joking,” & “therapeutic” instead of “calming,” & etc.

when she tells the truth, she’s almost invariably blunt, eg “i’m kinda concerned for your well-being–it’s fine, i’m not that concerned,” “i don’t know why i told you [i slept with dairon],” [insert literally any argument here], etc.

uhhhhhh sth abt her reaction to caduceus’s “tell the truth” thing–like, it doesn’t seem to’ve fully occurred to her before then that she could be selectively honest, or just bend the truth rather than outright lying? which strikes me as potentially autismrelated in the sense of. that’s a shade of gray, & black n white thinking is autism thing

anyway.

pocket bacon. a) doesn’t seem to realize it’s weird, & b) samefood…….

voice edges on monotone at times

just the fact she’s still wearing the cobalt vestiges early in the campaign, when she’s left the monks & hasn’t joined back up yet–sticking w/what’s familiar when it’s not necessary or even rly practical? autisti c

undercut + topknot? easy-to-take-care-of hairstyle, tie it n go

her eagerness to Get Into Sneaky Shit & quiet disappointment when she’s left out of said sneaky shit “bc it’s her whole thing” makes me think that like. that sort of espionage junk was maybe an old special interest of hers, in addition to obviously being Her Trade

big emotions that she struggles to regulate, esp. anger/frustration; has openly admitted having anger issues

relatedly she’s canonically gotten so frustrated & upset that she’s just started crying (granted it was at a broadly overwhelming moment–the succubus fight–but none of the others cried so like,)

lowkey has that “connects easier to animals than people” thing going on? is noticeably delighted every time she’s given frumpkin to hold; the very first time she holds him she’s all “he likes me :D!” –is also noticeably upset when the prof thaddeus saga goes down

lifelong struggle to make friends; never rly had them before the m9

asks a dude why he’s afraid of fire, ie why he has dissociative & nonverbal episodes whenever he burns someone to death. is then shocked that the reason is So Heavy

mmmm perseverates; eg in battles she’ll often Keep Trying To Stun over & over despite lack of success, in arguments she’ll keep hammering the same point, in General once she decides she wants to know a thing she digs & digs until she finds it out (file that under adhd as well)

sometimes overshares w/strangers w/out realizing she’s overshared; eg “yeah my parents named me beau because they always wanted a son,” said to bo like 30 seconds after meeting him

is shouty when they first meet keg & then apologizes for it & says “i’m trying to work on the manners thing”

the “long may he rein” bit at molly’s grave was echolalia

ok SO we all know traci is beau’s straightsona yes? but i hereby propose……….she is Also beau’s ntsona (sociable, bubbly, polite, uses more variation wrt tone of voice,,,)

when she touches the little window thing in halas’s study & pulls jester along with her, she’s like “ahhh! my actions have consequences that affect other people!!!” & that. is what we here in this house call an Autistic Mood (specifically a low-empathy autistic mood)

“is it wrong for me to feel okay when everyone else feels really bad” is Also an autistic mood (of the same variety)

she’s a great negotiator in terms of like. tactical shit? but when it comes to fuckin–emotional mediation stuff, she rly struggles. see: when she tries to mediate between nott & caleb in the apothecary basement (trips over her words & trails off, doesn’t seem to know what else to do/say)

canonically hates the color yellow. consider: is bc sensory bad

makes name puns. i’ve not met an autistic yet who didn’t love puns

seems surprised that no one else caught that her name is beau & she fights w/a bo staff–the redundancy is obvious to her, so surely it must be to everyone else aswell?? (what do u mEAN no????)

OH. when beau says to jester “i mean…you could watch if u wanted” re: her hypothetically kissing dairon & then is like “…would that make you uncomfortable? –nevermind” that’s. autism; foot in mouth not realizing how other ppl will feel

misses…..unstated implications. like down in the sewer w/the drow, they decide to just leave the dude & the beacon behind & beau’s like “we’re letting him leave without it?” & the others are like. we’re leaving both we don’t know if he’ll take it [wonk] not our problem, & she’s again like “but he won’t take it?” until fjord translates & goes “yes, he’s taking it”

she’s like “caleb u can just get a new fuckign jacket, god” but does she get herself a new one?? no. she jus adds a new lining to the monk robes she’s already got & calls it good, like a goddamn Dweeb

also when her arm wraps got burned off she immediately went to replace them; i’m betting she just Feels Weird w/out them bc Is Different, + that they provide some nice pressure times

also after the yussa encounter she says “ i could barely speak i could barely get words out,” which like. semiverbal……….

in ep 57 she said the “sensory overload” words, so mark that down for a phrase she is readily familiar with