#cains brain

[mypersonalgoblincave]

Not platonic or romantic but a secret third thing... (Narrative foils for eachother)

[mypersonalgoblincave]

There's a fuckin, unicorn one in my area.

Let me find a photo rq

OK NOT MY PHOTO But that. Those are everywhere in my city.

how to explain to non-americans that the better call saul ads aren’t exaggerated for comedic effect they are super normie

[thefriendlyneighborhoodace]

sometimes i think about how funny it would be if bruce had a slight english accent as a result of alfred being the only adult in his life for most of his formative years. that or he just says british slang instead of english.

this either drives his children insane, or they think it’s the most hilarious thing ever.

__________________________

Bruce: Can you pass the chips?

Dick: Sure, B. *passes over the potato chips*

Bruce: No, the chips.

Dick: ???? … yeah? here?

Bruce: NO! THE CHIPS! *gesturing wildly for the french fries*

Damian: Father, are you having a stroke?

———

Batman: Alright, this mission is very important. It is imperative that everything goes to schedule. (shh-edule)

*red robin and red hood snicker*

Batman: *glare* As I was saying, it all must go to shh-edule…

RR & RH : *uproariously laughter *

Batman: *harsher glare* Is something funny?

RR: Oh nothing, B, don’t worry.

RH: Absolutely nothing wrong, “left-tenant”

RR & RH: *dying of laughter *

———

Bruce: *reaching the end of a long rant about responsibility and making sure you are keeping yourself and others safe* And what do you have to say for yourself??

Duke: … You sound like Alfred…

Bruce: *horrified look over coming him* … what

Cass: *furious nodding*

*Some time later, after B has been fished out of Gotham Harbor, which he jumped into after declaring that he “couldn’t turn into his father”*

Alfred: *reaching the end of a long rant about responsibility and making sure you are keeping yourself and others safe* And what do you have to say for yourself??

Bruce: *white as a sheet* … Sorry Alfie…

*Steph is heard furiously cackling in the background*

_______________________

anyways i just thought this was fun

[le-poofe]

Smoochie woochie 💋✨ (his words, not mine)

[squishykitty825]

It’s one of those “someone broke into your house/apartment and the object to your immediate left is your weapon, how are you doing?” But it’s the batkids at Jason’s apartment…

Dick: *instantly snatches a book* I knew these would be useful somehow

Steph: *holding a pair of chopsticks, a dumpling in her mouth* sphay bfackf pfool

Duke: *holding the TV remote* This is going to do absolutely nothing but it’s all I’ve got

Damian: *holding out a very confused Alfred the cat* You are not an object, but you are a better option than the pillow

Cass: *sees Damian’s use of Alfred and drags Tim out in front of her* Sorry brother

Tim: *upset at being used as a meat shield, but also still holding onto a blanket* Why me?!

Barbara: *holding a can of mace* A blanket Tim? Really?

Jason: *pulls a bazooka out of the couch cushions* Say hello to my little friend

Bruce: *standing awkwardly in the doorway, spare key in hand, staring at his kids like wtf* Uh… I brought food

[mypersonalgoblincave]

Two of my ex girlfriends came out as non-binary shortly after dating me

As a lesbian, it’s happened twice already that one “guy” stands out to me and I think “huh maybe they’re kinda cute and interesting, I wanna get to know them” and then I get to know them better and it’s a closeted trans girl who I somehow sniffed with my little nonbinary lesbian nose

[ashoss]

they should be wearing a "get along shirt"

nemesis siblings for my pjo au :D (they cant stand eachother) ((jk theyre besties)

[laroserie]

i love the idea of joining the batfam by dating bruce, but can you imagine how awkward it must be ?

like you are dating bruce, you most probably know he is batman (he couldn't date seriously someone and never tell them) which is like a huge thing, you probably knew each others for at least 5 years and dated for at least 2 before you even step foot in his house and even then ! you still have never meet any of his adopted kids, he always has a way of avoiding The meeting.

of course - you know who his kids are, bruce is ... literally the it guy of gotham, you very much know the names and faces of his family - but that's it (now if you know their vigilantes identities is different story)

the question is, are they aware of your existence ? (of course alfred is aware; that out of the question, he followed to development of yours and bruce relationship from a to z)

going more for a no, not at the start, bruce has this clumsy dumb bilionaire personality but he probably could not like for you to receive media attention because he doesn't wish for your privacy to be intruded upon because you are dating (now there may have been one instance where the paparazzi took a picture of you and him together, but they could only see you from the back, or your face wasn't visible for whatever reason). they probably learnt about your existence very late into your relationship with bruce, and it's surely by accident, like, one of them see a message from you to bruce (and it's something probably something very cheesy) when he left it somewhere by inadvertence. and depending on who see that, they either fully open bruce's phone (sorry but they all know his phone password, bruce isn't aware of that tho) and read your conversation or they find some others way to have access to his messages with you (that isn't so blatant).

they for sure, do an 'emergency' meeting about it (dick and damian were the two that really wanted to do one, the rest probably don't care that much at that time, they probably think you are just the fling of the month for bruce - well usually the fling of the month is not that ... cheesy with him ? in their messages, and the conversations aren't usually that long ... nor do they go back that much. but whatever ! they do suddenly notice that it's been a while, since, well the last fling of the month of bruce but, it must just be a coincidence) which end up with them keeping tabs on you, just in case

now, you meeting them could happen in two way

either they are the one to meet you first - they don't want to wait for bruce to formally introduce you to them - or them to you. the one that 'lead' this is for sure damian, he is determinate to find out your intention with his father (and fight you), dick will lie and say he is just there to make sure everything go 'well' but he is just genuinely very curious about you and the fact that you are dating bruce - this can go for most of them, tho cass and tim are probably the one that are the most reticent to meeting you ? but nevertheless, they still are here, because they for sure won't let damian and dick have all the 'fun'. now jason, is probably also coming for the shit and giggle.

or you meeting them could happen because of bruce - deciding that it's finally time you meet his kids, so he invite all of them to dinner telling them he was someone he wants them to meet, and telling you explicitly that he wants you to meet his family (and the people that are part of his family but aren't family family) - of course, he could talk about it with you first, he could never force you into that. the meet - dinner, probably do not go in the way bruce hoped for it to go (but truth be told, he wasn't expecting it to go the way he wished it did). it's not awful, nothing bad happen. it's just awkward. one of them (probably jason) let slip that they already knew about you - damian make it very clear that he doesn't accept you (and dick has to try to diffuse the situation and tell you that damian is just joking - damian is not joking and he gives a death glare to dick), tim probably do not say anything of half of the dinner before asking you a weird question about something he should have no information about (like what's up with one of your weird habit / quirk), cass is just silent - she assess you for the entirety of the dinner (she conclude by the end of it that you quite a nice person and that she likes you quite a bit), duke is very kind and is very polite with you (he is a bit apprehensive and isn't sure why he is there but he figures it's because bruce wanted to have at least one regular person treating you normally - dick is too ... enthusiastic for that role)

at the end of said dinner, when bruce is driving you home, it's probably the most silent ride home you have ever experienced. until you burst out laughing - the dinner was probably the funniest shit you experienced. it felt like it came straight out of a shitty tv show with 14 seasons. sure it was very much awkward but still funny ! you reassure bruce that it was fine, though you could have liked a warning.

and ... you can add a yandere twist on it, and i love yandere so ... . some of them (tim and cass and probably dick) could start developing yandere tendencies when they learn of your existence ( and keep 'tab on you' aka stalks you and learn everything they can about you ), the others (damian and jason + eventually steph and duke even though they are probably some of waaay lesser yandere-y yandere) could start becoming like that after they finally meet you in person. damian could be the one to take the most or less time to become attach on you, it depend, but he could go thru a big phase of 'i refuse for you to replace talia, my mother, therefor i will despite your entire existence' but if you try to get closer to him, this phase will end very soon and his barrier melt away, if you want to let him take his time to accept you, the result will be the same but damian will try to make up for the time he hated you.

and of course, yandere bruce could be so happy for you to like / get to know and get closer to his family, and that's one more way he can tie you to him !

[sittingonstandby]

Something about Cassandra Cain’s complete disregard for a civilian identity. Her identity being Batgirl first and Cass second. Being the daughter of Batman and Oracle first and foremost, but being the daughter of Bruce Wayne and Barbara Gordon separately and secondly. She chooses to call herself the daughter of Batman and she chooses to say that Oracle was like a mother.

I can’t even have coherent thoughts about it without getting physically ill.

[mypersonalgoblincave]

I hear this but I honestly don't think it's antisemitism or Islamophobia. It's just shit that meat eaters do. I'm vegetarian (for non religious reasons) and have a laundry list of identical experiences. I have been for my whole life.

My whole family constantly complains about how hard I am to cook for. First time I ate meat my grandma snuck me ham by calling it "pink cheese". My boyfriends mom has offered me soup with "just a little bit of sausage in it".

It comes from a place of ignorance. And a lot of meat eaters think it's funny. That's the real reason. Most people who enjoy eating meat can't wrap their heads around why somone would willingly give up something they so enjoy.

This also applies to people who drink vs people who don't, gluten free people, vegans, and anything else that strays from the norm.

I wish I'd made it clearer when I make this post but shit like that is super common.

Every Jew has had someone "joke"/threaten/say they were gonna sneak pork into our food. Every single Jewish person, who keeps Kosher or not has had someone say something about giving us bacon or whatever without us knowing

I've had people passive aggressively ask if I wanted any bacon or ham and literally wave it at me while speaking.

I can't count the number of times that the first question out of someone's mouth when they learn I am Jewish is "but do you eat bacon" "have you ever tried bacon?" "what about ham?" "do you want to try bacon?(as in right now this very minute 30 seconds into knowing me)"

Countless Jews have spoken to the person in charge of an event, weeks or even months in advance about their Kosher needs, been assured up down and sideways that those needs will be met to show up and find no Kosher option.

and finally SO! many Jews do indeed have a story of being tricked into eating something not Kosher, and most commonly something pork related.

like this is one of the most common antisemitic micro (and not so micro) aggressions Jews face and is one of the reasons lots of Jews don't keep Kosher, they can't trust even (so-called) friends to have even baseline respect or to learn anything about Kosher.

[mypersonalgoblincave]

Oh fuck they're after meee

[welcometogrouchland]

♫ I do what I want/Crying in the bleachers and I said it was fun/I don't need anything from anyone ♫

(ID in Alt) you guys ever think about your own posts and get upset?? Anyway Damian Wayne I love you I'm so sorry your life is like that

[leadmetothegardenbetty]

ethel cain was so real for writing "I wanna, uh, him in the back of his mom's Mercury / he looks like he works with his hands, and smells like Marlboro Reds / it makes me so, uh, and I can't get enough of it" abt kyle gallner (no need to fact check that!)

[mypersonalgoblincave]

Ok so, I never "practiced kissing" but my current relationship started with joke kissing... so where do I fall on this...

ok how many of you actually practiced kissing at sleepovers (middle/hs)

well. im having a bit of a "perhaps my experiences are not universal" moment on the dash tonight.

[wellfine]

I mowed him sorry (← guy who thinks buzzed heads are handsome)

[iamespecter]

I'M SO SORRY I'M CURRENTLY TAKING A DAY OFF TO REST MY BONES BUT I HAD TO GET THIS OUT OF MY HEAD AS FAST AS POSSIBLE SO I CAN WORK NORMALLY ON MY COMMS TOMORROW--